success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

 

 

In any case, I'm doing ok. I got one of the books I ordered, on Hardwiring Happiness, great read so far, check it out if you have a chance.

 

Rick Hanson is great Catnapt.  Enjoy! 

 

He also has lots of audio books for your walks if you want.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

I ordered 3 of his books and have the meditations to change your brain audio CD in my wish list for when I have enough $$ for it

I usually order second hand books but prefer to buy CDs new, so that's why it's on the wait list.

I'm really liking Hardwiring Happiness. I also ordered Buddha's Brain and I forget what else  LOL

as well as Bouncing Back, Rewiring your brain for maximum resilience and wellbeing by Linda Graham

If you can recommend any others, that'd be wonderful.

If you can recommend any others, that'd be wonderful.

Lisa Wimberger's "Neurosculpting" is very good as well (a tad pricey though).

Best,

Andy

 

If you can recommend any others, that'd be wonderful.

 

Lisa Wimberger's "Neurosculpting" is very good as well (a tad pricey though).

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

thanks!!

oh wow, there's a whole BUNCH of them, lol

I will have to go thru and try to pick the one that might be the most helpful to me for my current circumstances.

oh that didn't take too long, it's this one:

and it comes in a used paperback for under $6, yay!!

score!!

thanks again!!

another big bonus is that now I have something interesting to do when time seems to be dragging.

the trend continues with each day better than the last.

my last wave was actually not a wave, it was probably what Claire Weekes calls "second fear". It was more of a PTSD reaction, I guess. Maybe that's what some waves are, I don't know. But if you can learn to let go of the fear (VERY hard to do, I know) I think a lot of the anxiety-ridden or fear based waves can be either eliminated or greatly reduced in severity. I don't know, it just seems to be that way for me. You mileage may vary.

I went to a mindfulness class today where the presenter/instructor did a great demo that illustrates what is meant by floating, and now I think I really get it. She also read from a book called Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach. Another book to put on my list LOL

I will be working with the books I recently got, doing "neurosculpting" and things that stimulate brain healing and help increase happiness, plus doing meditation and mindfulness, continuing with yoga and maybe even Tai Chi (went to a second class today, the instructor was less frazzled so I actually enjoyed it)  I go to a knit and crochet group and will be starting a walking group next week. And I hope to get back to my sewing- just haven't been able to focus on it lately. 

Plus I'll be trying to keep things as even and stable as I can.

for those who are curious, I guess I can tell you now, I did add a tiny bit of lamictal. and I mean TINY. I take 0.6mgs at night and 0.2 mgs when I wake up around 2 am. (the NP gave me an Rx for 5 mgs a day)

I don't sleep much more than I was before but the quality of my sleep is much better. I actually feel drowsy before I fall asleep and have that wonderful feeling of drifting off... ahhhhhhh!! plus I am not anxious when I wake up, I can lay in bed or read or watch tv, and I may even doze back off a few times, I'm not sure, til it's time to get up. I don't dread night time and I don't dread mornings. I have very little anxiety and when I do, I can handle it just fine with deep breathing, meditation or just being with the feeling in my body til it leaves. And it always does!! (leave, I mean)

so yeh, as I've been saying, healing is happening!

I just need to get out of it's way and let it happen.

Hi Catnap, how did you prepared 0.6 mg from lamictal?

 

Also did you start with exacly 0.6 or did you tried first a lower dose than that?

 

Did it work on the first dose to sleep?

hi Sertalinsomnia

first, I have to say, I do not know with any certainty that the lamictal is helping me to sleep. It may just be a coincidence, and it may be that I've slightly lowered my lexapro dose.  My recent updose did not work, so I backed down in the dose, but I made a mistake in my measuring and ended up at 0.25. However I am doing well at that dose so will stay there

I know it's not advised to do two changes at once, but it just happened.  :/

Also, the fact that I'm feeling more relaxed could be from many other factors: I am meditating, I have started a mindfulness class, I do yogo and tai chi, I do deep breathing, etc. It could also be a placebo effect of taking the tiny bit of lamictal, the lamictal itself may not be doing ANYTHING.

I have not had ANY side effects from the lamictal at all, no dizziness or nausea or anything.

You also need to know that I have taken lamictal in the past. I was on a much higher dose (at least 200mgs, probably 250, or whatever the "usual" dose is for ppl who have been labelled bipolar)

I did have some very strong side effects at those doses, esp dizziness and a spacey feeling.

for the lamictal, I put the 5mg tablet in a vial with 5mls of water, wait for it to dissolve and draw up 0.6mls (which equals 0.6mgs)

no I didn't exactly start with 0.6mgs- but I'd prefer not to share how I arrived at that dose, as it's not the recommended way to do this.

You really do NOT want to follow what I do. We are all different and what works for one of us, is not necessarily going to work for anyone else.

I would however, strongly recommend the non drug methods of dealing with anxiety and other symptoms- they do work. they aren't a miracle cure, mind you, but you can greatly reduce your amount of distress without drugs.

quick update: I went up to 1mg of lamictal last night and had my best sleep yet. No, I did not sleep any longer than usual, or maybe just a half hour longer, but the sleep was restful and good.

I did have a cortisol spike that was pretty intense, almost took my breath away, so I may  back down to 0.9 mgs tonight (I went from 0.8 to 1mg) and see if that makes a difference.

I don't often have the cortisol spikes any more but when I do, it's usually got more to do with eating past 7pm or eating something  heavy. I also have worse night sweats if I eat a lot of fatty foods the day before. (last night I was still eating at 9 pm, so the cortisol spike was probably because of that, and not the lamictal)

so, things are chugging along.

as always, remember we are all different and your mileage may vary so please don't think that lamictal would be the "cure" for your insomnia, if you're dealing with that.

I can't, even now, say for sure that it is lamictal that is helping me to sleep more deeply, there's an almost equal chance that this would have happened anyway, as part of my pattern of healing gradually over the past many months

I am still at 0.25mgs of lexapro and will be holding there for a month, then I think, if everything is going well, I will start a slow taper, going down NOT by 10% but instead this way: 0.25 to 0.24 to 0.23 to 0.22 etc til I get down to tiny tiny tiny bits

I expect this will take about 2 yrs. I don't care that it will take a long time, so long as I am able to manage the symptoms. there's no reason to rush this!!

I'll add this to my signature soon, but for now, this is a summary of what I've done with the low dose lamictal. Please note, I have taken lamictal in the past, this is not a new drug for me. Also please note that I do NOT advise that anyone else do this. In general, adding drugs during withdrawal is NOT what you want to do, if you can avoid it.

I made a decision based solely on my circumstances, yours will be VERY different.

please keep that in mind!!

3/7 took 0.2 mgs of lamictal at 10 pm, 12midnight, 2 am and 4 am for a total of 0.8 mgs (don't ask why I did it this way, I don't have an answer- taking a single dose would have made more sense,I  know, I know!!)

3/8 took 0.6mgs at 9pm and 0.2mgs at 2 am- total 0.8 mgs ((felt calmer this night and every night since))

3/9 took 0.8 mgs at 9pm and 0.2mgs at 2 am  (oops just realized this was 1mg total)

3/10 took 0.8mgs at 9 pm and none the rest of the night, woke up around 4 and didn't feel like getting up to take any more, too relaxed

3/11 took 1mg at around 9 or 10 pm- best night sleep so far, fell asleep before 11pm and woke up around 4, so that's actually an extra hour of sleep, over my normal high of 4 hrs.

I have not had any side effects from the lamictal. I plan to stay at 1mg and watch carefully for any signs of trouble as this drug MUST be dosed carefully. too little= no benefit, too much= paradoxical effects!

If I am understanding the thread about lamictal, the dose that works at one time, may indeed change over time, so I really need to be paying attention to my symptoms and be ready to adjust the dose as needed.

I do NOT recommend this for anyone else. I took a big chance trying it myself, I know this.

please do not make any decisions based on MY experience, yours most likely will NOT be the same. We are all very different people here!!

Hope the lamictal works out well for you, cat.

 

And I still think you have the cutest avatar ever!

thanks MN!!

Here's a video of two of my girls, the black one is Emma, the one who sticks her head under the water, that is PattyCake or Patty for short.

this video is from last June. Many rats are afraid of water, at least initially, but not Patty LOL

https://youtu.be/Pw78-mrv1cQ

The girls were not yet a year old in this video, now they are about 1 1/2. Rats generally only live for 2 to 3 yrs, very short lives, but they cram a LOT of living into that time.

They thoroughly enjoy every minute; I'm trying to learn that from them, to be more in the moment and to squeeze every bit of joy and wonder out of it.

here's another video of a bunch of my girls, fishing frozen veggies out of water:

https://youtu.be/xKClGDs7La0

of the girls in this video, only Patty and Emma are with me now, the other girls were already pretty old and passed away over the summer.

update- 7 days now on super low dose lamictal, it does appear to make me feel calmer and my sleep is much better, more restful. I don't sleep a lot longer, mind you, and in fact I had a short night last night (slept from like 11 to not even 2 am :/) but I'd spent yesterday doing nothing but reading, so there was no reason for me to be tired.

I generally get about 4hrs of sleep but compared to before, I seem to be sleeping deeper and feel much more rested when I wake up.

also-taking stock, one month later.

On Feb 13th, these were the symptoms I had, those with a line thru them are the ones that are gone, or have changed, as noted:

*ringing in my ears, mostly only at night or when it's quiet MOSTLY GONE

*insomnia, esp waking up after falling asleep for an initial 60 to 90 min period IMPROVED, NOW SLEEP 4HRS, occasionally more

*emotional anesthesia and some anhedonia; some mild to moderate depression

*some nasal congestion that might actually be a mild cold or allergy?

*temp disregulation, mostly I get hot flashes/night sweats, I had these before tapering so that may just be hormonal, but I also can't eat or drink anything without getting very hot afterward. SOMEWHAT IMPROVED

*dissociation (but not as often nor as severe) AT LEAST MODERATELY IMPROVED

*trouble thinking clearly, finding the right word, trouble with my memory (not as bad as before) ONLY MILD NOW

*anxiety, intrusive thoughts, mostly more depressing but sometimes also fearful, some free floating anxiety now, just MILD SHORT LIVED ANXIETY

*neuro emotions (this is more recent, don't recall having these last fall to the present)

******

new symptoms include some lack of motivation, and trouble doing things that used to be easy for me. For instance, I used to sew every day, now it takes me forever to remember the steps to take, and I get anxious about messing things up (and then, I do mess it up LOL)

I still don't feel like I'm connected to myself and my emotions, but it's not as distressing as it was in the past.

having read some great success stories lately, I know that my emotions will return eventually.

I've always been a very emotional person, I'd get really happy, almost giddy. During the years when I  was menstruating, I had a lot of trouble with PMS and irritability and mood swings, but I'm well into menopause now, and just have night sweats

I always had a really great feeling any time I accomplished something. I have always been very goal oriented, so the way I am now is very unsettling to me.

It takes me a long time to decide what to do each day, and then it takes me a long time to actually do it. I used to rush from one activity to another, and never felt like I had enough time.
now it seems like all i have is TIME! hahaha

the days are long when you don't sleep for more than 4 hrs

but I'm dealing with it. I don't like it, but I'm finding ways to accept it and to get thru.

I wish this was a more positive update. Well actually, it IS a positive update, based on the facts alone. I guess what I mean is, I wish I felt more pleased with it.

it seems ironic that I'm past the acute withdrawal and all that horrible stuff, and now I can't feel the relief that I actually have. I have relief in my thoughts, but I don't FEEL it, do you know what I mean?

update, my only current symptom is some sleep disturbance. Not going to call it insomnia because I do get some sleep, and I have even been asleep long enough to dream

currently on 10mgs of lamictal at night and 0.24mgs of lexapro in the morning.
yes, that's right, I've continued to cautiously slide down in the lex dose. it's working, so..... why not?

and yes I know, I now have a new drug that I'll need to get off of, at some point, but to finally be free of almost all symptoms, it's worth it to me.

thanks MN and Blondie

quick update, after a lot of thought, I decided to continue titrating up on the lamictal and am now at 25mgs at night.

I have finally been able to sleep, while the sleep is still broken, I actually get and *feel* tired, and fall asleep quickly. When I wake up, I just go to the bathroom, adjust the temperature, if needed and go back to bed, and fall asleep again within a half hour, I guess. I have been getting tired earlier in the evening. I went to bed around 8:30 last night, Just could not stay awake any longer. So of course, I wake up early,  but I don't feel anxious and don't feel the need to jump out of bed, etc.

I just get up when I feel like it, and start my day without that awful feeling of dread.  :)

I have had a few short episodes of intense PTSD symptoms, that I think are caused by a combination of my old traumas plus the newest trauma of the awful WD symptoms I've endured in the past 6 mos or so.

I am working on ways to deal with the PTSD and will try some therapy- if it helps, I'll stick with it. If it doesn't, I'm not the person I used to be, who just went along and didn't like to make waves or upset anyone. NOW, if something is not working out for me, I'll say so, and keep looking til I find what I need.

I am also paring back my activities. A lot of the things I've become involved in, were mostly to distract myself from WD symptoms.

some of these activities have turned out be things I truly enjoy and plan to continue. Others, not so much!! they filled time, but I find I don't care for them so much. I will probably drop tai chi (can't really afford it anyway) but I added a new exercise class that I LOVE and a new health related class that I also love.
I have a mindful living class twice a month that I also really enjoy.

I have started going back to Mass, although I actually consider myself agnostic. It's complicated and because religion is a touchy subject, I'll just leave it at that. I have found the sermons the past two weeks to be very healing for me, so I will likely continue to attend, and have joined a knit/crochet group at the church and am thinking of becoming move involved there, as well, maybe as a volunteer.

We'll see how that goes.
I definitely want to get involved in some sort of volunteer work but want to find something that best suits my interests and abilities and makes the best use of my time. I have done volunteer work in the past but the things I did weren't interesting or fulfilling.

I have resumed my former hobby of sewing, and I'm finally able to do some simple stuff, I hope to be able to work back up to more complicated things. I want to have a bag made for my yarn before the next knit/crochet group, so that's my project for today, since the group meets tomorrow afternoon! lol

so, basically, I am here: currently taking 0.24mgs of lexapro and 25mgs of lamictal and holding for now.

It's too early to say how my sleeping will go, but I don't anticipate any problems. It has gradually been improving since adding the lamtical so I am glad that I had the courage (or was it desperation? no matter lol) to try this "experiment".

I think all of life is an experiment of one kind or another, and we try to learn from each new thing.

I shared this on someone else's thread in the Success stories forum but wanted to put it here too cuz it has some bits of wisdom that I need to remember for this journey thru WD

It's about a cat I was going to foster but ended up adopting, when I discovered the shelter could not afford to treat him. (neither could I, but that's a whole different story LOL)
he was 14yrs old, mostly blind and deaf, with diabetes and failing kidneys and terribly infected teeth that made eating painful.

I got him fixed up with a lot of help from some wonderful ppl online as well as doing massive amnts of fundraising, and he lived with me for just about a year and a half before I had to let him go due a stroke.

This old fella never let anything get him down. It's very hard for a blind cat to find their way around but he just kept plodding along, never complained, and truly relished in the things that gave him pleasure: his food, his Drinkwell water fountain (diabetic cats are very thirsty cats) and his naps! oh how he loved his naps. LOL

I wrote this little poem about him.

What I learned from an old shelter cat

Keep your heart open

for when love comes you way.

Live in the moment.
Cherish every day.

Time moves only forward

and flies by so fast!

so don't carry the burdens

and wounds of the past.

Be bold and be brave

and you'll have no regrets.
But most of all,

take all the naps you can get.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I guess I share his love of naps, that I felt that needed to be added in there some way Hahahaha

That's great, Catnapt.  Good on you!  (We just adopted a 12-year old blind Yorkshire terrier.)  

That's great, Catnapt.  Good on you!  (We just adopted a 12-year old blind Yorkshire terrier.)  

congratulations on your new family member! so nice to hear of an older and differently able dog getting a good home

<3

I'm glad you have been feeling some relief with things I read back threw all of your posts , You and I sound very similar with a lot of things !  

yes I think so too, that's just one of the reasons I follow your thread so closely. I feel very invested in you doing well, as I feel we are birds of a feather, what with the WD from lexapro and also to some extent, having past traumas, although mine are very different from yours.

I know we are both going to get thru this just fine!!!

A little bump in the road for me, the past two nights I've barely slept at all.  Had a terrible headache all night last night, that finally went away about a half hour ago.

I have been sliding down in the lexapro dose, according to the dose calculator, I'd be at 0.22mgs on April 14th, down from 0.24

Rather than make the jump down from 0.24 to 0.22, I've gone down to 0.23 (the past two nights )

Could this tiny drop being causing the increase in insomnia?? my gawd this stuff is strong.

the only other thing I was thinking is that perhaps I should drop down in the lamictal, because I think I read that a headache is a sign that the dose is too high...?
I went up from 10 to 15 to  25 mgs fairly quickly, and have been at 25 for about a week. I could always mix it with water and try going down to 20mgs.

Anyone have any thoughts about this?

The other option is to just ride it out and see what happens.
I'd planned to stay at 0.23 til the 14th and then drop to 0.22, BUT it all depends on how things go

In good news, I am actually finally FEELING tired!  it's been many months since I've been able to feel tired (or much of anything, really)

I also have had what I believe are normal feelings/emotional reactions to things, and not neuro emotions.

I have been able to laugh and feel good and, when my pet rat had to be let go due to a massive tumor, I cried spontaneously. It surprised me, because it hasn't happened in so very long, but it was so good to have normal and appropriate emotions.

other than the sleep issues, I've not had any other symptoms except an occasional brief episode of anxiety that is probably more situational than due to WD (like when I was going to a new class, that sort of thing)

so that's my update, kinda boring, I know, but for WD, boring is a good thing, right?

From Post #5 in topic lamictal-lamotrigine-to-calm-post-discontinuation-withdrawal-symptoms

"Signs that you're taking too much Lamictal: Queasiness or headache (or both), sleeplessness, agitation."

H2H -- you may be barking up the wrong tree looking for a solution to insomnia in the medications. As we've mentioned before making changes can be the source of the problem. Making another change may

• help for a brief period,
• do nothing, or
• make things worse.
•  

thanks Chessie

I just realized that I added back some regular tea with caffeine and even though I never have more than one or two cups, and all before 2pm, that could be a factor as well (I got the tea on Wed)

Scallywag, I understand, but I did want to know about the headache and lamictal connection. I understand there was a lot of resistance to the idea of my starting on lamictal at all but I'm very glad I did, the difference in how I feel has been well worth the risk.

the downside of feeling so much better, almost "normal", whatever that is LOL Is that I've let my guard down and gone and had some tea w/caffeine without making a note about it, assuming it would be fine.

So today I cut out the reg tea (I have a VERY weak cup of tea, but I guess even a tiny bit may be too much) and I will hold off on  making any changes with the lamictal for now.

thanks for your input, guys.

cut back the lamictal to 20mgs, had probably my best night so far- I slept several times long enough to dream. I started off on the sofa as I usually do, and woke up to get in bed, and that is when I usually am wide awake for the rest of the night- but I went back to sleep so fast, and the next thing I knew, the sun was coming up!!

I didn't drink any tea yesterday, just the herbal stuff.

So, I am thinking that I will stay at the 20mgs of lamictal to see if that's going to work, NO more tea! the only reason I got some is because regular tea is a LOT less expensive than herbal tea :/

and I will reevaluate going down in the lexapro on the  14th, maybe it's better for me to make 5% cuts every 4 weeks.

didn't have a wonderful night last night but not too bad compared to those in the past

I am noticing an increase in anxiety during the day, that I thought was situational, but now it just seems to be more or less constant. It's a pretty low level but just enough to make doing a lot of things difficult. I will be going along and all of a sudden have this kind of mild, mini panic attack, thinking, is this a good use of my time?

I am so much more aware of the passing of time. But ironically, I have a lot more time, a lot more waking hours to fill up, so it seems pretty weird that NOW I worry about how I spend my time LOL
before I  had very short days, because I slept for more than half of each day, and I was racing to get stuff done.

I also have a touch of anhedonia, I guess. I only really enjoy spending time with other people. When I am home alone, all the things that I used to find enjoyable, my sewing, even house cleaning and re arranging things and doing stuff with and for my pet rats, these things are not all that fun for me. I remember being very happy doing them in the past and Just can't seem to get that feeling back

I rarely feel satisfied with anything I do. I don't know if this is just more of a normal way of living or...........?
I just don't know. Maybe all my reactions and feelings while being over medicated were all "over the top" kind of feelings and these are closer to what is normal?

I find things kind of er, boring and dull. I do Really enjoy being in groups of people.  LIke at the Sr center and my knit and crochet groups and If I could, I would spend all my time out doing things in a group. Even just a few people is better than being alone.

I am getting concerned that I will never be able to spend time alone the way I used to. I used to be perfectly happy to be alone 90% of the time. I do have to be at least OK with being alone, cuz there's so much of the boring things in life (errands, chores, etc ) that I need to do by myself.

meh, just having a "day"

Not a bad day, just not a very good one LOL

to think I am finding this worth kvetching about, when I was in such bad shape not that long ago, and was so grateful for the tiniest bit of improvement

you know you're well on the way to recovery when you find small things to b*tch about, eh?

pretty decent night last night, no bad dreams thankfully. I have a very stressful appt coming up tomorrow, so that may be contributing to my increase in anxiety.

In order to get my Rx'es I have to go thru a lengthy intake appt at the community mental health center, they spend about 2 hrs going thru your entire family tree and your history, etc Asking about all the traumas, etc. They tell me one woman got so upset she had a seizure- and yet they see no problem with continuing this practice which has questionable value. At the very least, why can't they spread this out over a few sessions and have someone meet with the person to help them out if they are triggered, inbetween the appts?

after this appt, I'll be assigned to a therapist (don't want one but have no choice, if you want to get  meds) and maybe some classes or a group, I don't know, plus whomever will be prescribing the lexapro and lamictal.

so the two people I've been seeing since Jan, are being replaced by two or more new people. oh joy lol

I'm hoping to get my courage up today, enough to call this agency that helps 'retired' sr citizens find volunteer jobs. I have no idea what I want to do LOL nor what I'd be good at, but I really want more places to go and things to do. There's just so many hours to fill up

I am thoroughly  enjoying the classes and such at the Sr Center but there are days or parts of days when there's nothing going on there that interests me, like today. Zumba Gold, I tried it and hated it. Some card games and bingo, dont care for those.

besides I like to feel useful/helpful. There must be some place that can use me for something lol

so far my only restrictions are that I will not work with money (the hospital needs someone in their gift shop- nope, not for me! I won't even go in there, it's full of delicate things I'm afraid I'd bump into and break lol)

and it has to be something I can walk to or take a bus to...

and nothing too physical (the soup kitchen/food pantry needs help but you need to be able to lift about 25 lbs or so, over and over again, I can't do that0

so, We'll see.

I'm glad you had a good night:-) I'm sorry about the upcoming appointment and the extra stress it's causing you. I think that it's great your looking for volunteer jobs to keep busy, I really believe that it helps with everything to keep busy..

thanks Lobster

well I'll copy and paste this from my post on your thread, as I've got to get going, busy day today lol:

Last night I slept from 10 to 5 am and only woke up ONCE to go to the bathroom and crawl into bed (started off on the sofa, I turned on the 10pm news to check the weather and don't recall seeing even the beginning of it LOL)

Next thing I knew, I was aware of dreaming and woke up with a moderate cortisol spike (probably from eating poorly yesterday, and I don't know, maybe the dreams?)

I don't want to get too excited, because I'm sure there will be set backs. As they say, 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. Maybe it'll just be one step back ;-)

did not expect to sleep that well. esp since today is probably going to be a rough one, But maybe not, maybe it will be fine. I shouldn't try to negatively predict the future, eh?

still working on overcoming the negativity bias of the brain (for more info about that, read "Hardwiring Happiness")

have a great day everyone!

thanks Lobster, I hope you enjoyed the day!

I've been having some decent days and pretty decent nights too. Not totally healed yet but seeing lots of progress. a few little waves, and pretty good sized windows

I focus on the windows and that makes them get bigger!!

what you focus on, will GROW!!

so when things are going well, savor it, remember it, burn it into your brain so that when you hit a bump in the road, you will remember, this is JUST  a bump in the road, nothing more; things were good before and they will be good again.

and even just daily life, minus the withdrawal, has it's ups and downs. I won't let the down times get ME down!!!

gah! can someone help check my maths?
 

I've been doing well, overall, but I think I may be tapering too fast, and I'm confused.

I had written down a taper schedule based on what I thought were 10% cuts or less, but I just put my dose into the "assess previous cuts" calculator (what a wonderful tool! thanks to whomever set that up!)

anyway it comes up with my tapering at above 10%

I admit, I have been sliding downward almost out of habit, as it seems that the lower I go, the better my sleep gets.
I am still on a low dose of lamictal (settled right now on 15mgs, as 20 was giving me headaches and restless nights)

I am now at 0.21mgs of lexapro

If I've gone too fast, I am thinking I should hold for a bit to let my brain catch up. Not sure how long to hold though...?

so, er, I was taking .24 as of March 17th and now, on April 12th, I'm at 0.21

I don't know how to enter a partial month into the dose calculator, but basically it's coming up that if this was April 17th instead of the 12th, I would have made a 12.5% cut instead of 10%

I must have made a mistake in my initial calculations, because the schedule I wrote down has me at 0.20 by the end of the month...?

I goofed somewhere!!

well, like I said, I'm feeling pretty good overall.
I have some transient anxiety once in a while,  most of it seems to be PTSD related. I am starting up soon with a therapist that is supposed to be trained in treating PTSD- I believe I'll be getting "Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy"

The clinician sounds nice on the phone, at least. So far, everyone I've spoken with at this community MH clinic has been impressed with the amount of work I've done on my own to address my symptoms, although I have no idea if they believe that the cause of my symptoms are WD. I don't care, I *do* have overlapping severe PTSD that has never been adequately addressed. So I am hopeful that they can help with that. They do a period of skills building before you even attempt to address traumas. That sounds like a good idea!!
It sounds like, while they still hold tight to their medical model and their bogus diagnoses, they have made some progress in some areas. They promote meditation, mindfulness, diet modifications, good sleep hygiene, etc. I am betting that they seldom get a client who is as motivated as I am to make use of this stuff, though. Nor one who has found as much on her own as I have. ;-)

I have this wonderful forum and my fellow travelers to thank for that, as well as my own strong spirit and my desire to have a healthy life.

I'm making a new adjustment here in my apt- the weather warmed up big time! so I've had the windows open, and I live near a busy intersection. That means I need to adjust to a lot of noise at night. Plus there's the BIRDS, omg are they noisy! they start up before the traffic does LOL It's been rough sleeping but I know in time I'll adjust to it.   And by then, it'll be time to put in the A/C, and I'll have to adjust to a different kind of noise, LOL

fortunately, the hum of fans and A/Cs tends to help me sleep, so I typically get my best sleep in July and August LOL

hope this finds everyone well. Keep on going forward, don't look back. It's a tough road but healing is real, it happens and it's GOOD.

I would never have believed that I'd be in this place even a couple of  months ago. So even if times are tough now, remember and hold on to this fact: it DOES GET BETTER!

you know, if I slept a little bit better than I do right now (I *think* I am sleeping about 5 hrs or so, maybe 6?) anyway, if my sleep was more normal (like, If i was aware of how long I actually slept, for example LOL why is it that in WD we can't tell if we're awake or asleep half the time?!?! what's up with that?!?!)

anyway, my point is, if it wasn't for sleep issues, I'd think I was totally healed.........

UNTIL yesterday, when I broke a tooth (or a part of a filling and part of a tooth fell out) and I went into a semi panic about it. I don't normally over react to something like this, but it felt like a major catastrophe. Well, yes, finding the money to pay to get it fixed is going to be extremely hard, but I'll manage somehow, I always do.

It was just a shock to find myself having a panic attack, almost, about it. geez, woman, get a grip!

so I guess I've got a ways to go to being fully healed. but dammit, I feel like I am soooo close!

 I only have 0.21 mgs of lexapro to go, and then the lamicital, which I think will be easy as I don't react much to even fairly large dose adjustments on that, and to be honest, I'm not even sure I need it.

I went from 5mgs to 10 to 15, jumping up to 25 and have gone back down to 20mgs, and last night, 15mgs.

I don't know that it's actually doing anything at all, but if I have a very restless night with a headache, then I drop the dose down.

I'd stop it completely but I'm afraid to rock the boat that much.

I don't know if this is a factor, but I have had seizures in the past, so to me, that means I may have some genetic reason for being able to take an anti seizure med without a lot of issues, I really don't know. I don't have epilepsy but there are several very close relatives (daughter and identical twin sister) who have had seizures as well. Just highlights how we are all different, and have to take that into account. Lamictal may be a very risky drug for some people to take; for me, I don't feel it's as risky. I feel a lot more comfortable w/ lamictal than I would with a benzo, or even an antihistamine!! 

I have decided to hold at .21 mgs for a month, and have made a big note for myself as a reminder, in case I get the urge to keep on slipping the dose down more.

I have a feeling that it would be ok to do so, since I'm doing so well, but then I remember that I've had a rocky road getting to where I am now, and maybe I should err on the side of caution.

any thoughts on this are welcomed. I have seen that some ppl have been able to go a bit faster with their taper, but it seems most of them were having bad side effects from the drug...?

I don't know if my sleep issues are side effects or WD effects, I am going to guess that they are probably WD but-

it does make me wonder, since the lower I go on the dose, the better I can sleep.

so, I'm a bit confused there.

heh.