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SkyBlue: Paxil taper


SkyBlue

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Awww, thanks Brass and Karen! ! ! ! :) 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Pasting something I wrote in Shep's thread, for reference:

 

I love meditation. I've been doing it for quite some time, long before tapering and withdrawal. I do a very simple meditation I learned in the book 8 Minute Meditation. Very simple: you just set a timer for 8 minutes and shut your eyes. There's no special cushion, no doing it right or wrong, just doing it. Some days will be clearer than others. 

 

One thing meditation has taught me is about resistance. As much as I love meditating, I resist it every, every time. Not just sometimes but every single time (!!!). I don't have enough time, I'll do it later, etc etc etc. It must be some kind of mindfulness exercise in itself, because now, every time I feel the resistance I don't try to figure it out, I don't try to convince myself; I just do it anyway and of course feel great after. 

 

I do find that in my worst withdrawal moments I don't meditate because my "withdrawal mind" is unbearable at those moments, but I've been mediating so long that I don't worry about getting back to it--I know I will.

 

I also like finding guided meditations on You Tube. 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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Sky -

hoping on late to your story (as I am a newcomer to this site) but we have a ton of similarities (mainly being on Paxil, but also tapering too fast) so I had some questions for you...

 

1) at what point did you stop your original fast taper? What were the symptoms? Did you ever updose again, or just hold? 

2) Are you still on the Zoloft? 

2002-2003 25mg Paxil CR due to PTSD and severe anxiety. 2005-2016 25mg Paxil CR due to resurgence of panic attacks and severe anxiety.

Started tapering late summer 2016.

Aug 2016 - 25mg CR immediate cut to 12.5mg CR, then held 4-5 months 

Jan 2017 - 12.5mg (CR) to 12.5mg (non CR), then after a week.

Jan/Feb 2017 - 12.5mg (non CR) taper down 2.5mg/week (1.25mg every 3-4 days), and felt no symptoms at all until debilitating withdrawal effects at 1.25mg, so immediately went back up to last stable dose of 2.5mg.

Held at 2.5mg. Experienced mild/moderate anxiety waves, brain zaps, lightheadedness, feeling fuzzy, cortisol spikes, burning/prickling skin and lots of anxious energy.

Tried Omega 3s for two days and experienced debilitating anxiety and depression (+urgent care visit), so stopped that 2/19. 

Mar 12 2017 - Switched to half liquid/half pill, had a minor spike in anxiety but it faded over a couple days

Mar 19 2017 - Switched to full liquid - 2.5mg/1.25ml - experienced a spike 7-8 days in, but stabilized over next week. Another awful spike over 4/12-4/16 due to inadvertently eating a ton of flax seed, but two amazing normal weeks followed that.

Tapering off liquid - 3/19 - 2.5mg, 4/30 - 2.25mg, 5/29 - 2.02mg, (weekend of depression around 7/2), 7/24 - 1.82mg, 9/4 - 1.64mg, slow taper (.04mg/wk) until .025ml liquid (0.50mg) last dose on 8/8/18, plus melatonin almost every night. Also daily mindfulness, CB therapy, exercise, and positive self talk. 1/2 lorazepam in emergencies (not since Sept 2017). Battle random nights of insomnia, and difficulty falling/staying asleep, lapses in focus, obsessive thought.

A/O Aug 9. 2018 - PAXIL FREE.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Kate, 

Thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. However I do believe there is hope, especially if we are willing to be patient.

 

It does sound like our stories are very similar. 

 

I started the fast-taper (I didn't know that's what it was) in summer of 2015. I went from 20 to 10 to 5. I paused that to try to regain some stability. I then continued "tapering" from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 to 1.6 in winter of 2015. I also went up on Zoloft in there (and am still on it) because I didn't know that the awful way I felt was withdrawal -- I was made to understand that it was my "original condition" (aaaaaaiiii!!!!!!). In February 2016 I found this site. I realized that I had been "tapering" way too fast. In the last year, I've done what we call the Brassmonkey slide, named after our group member Brassmonkey, who came up with it. It involves tapering at about 2% at a time (everyone will be different). 

 

My worst symptoms have been feeling suicidal (was never suicidal before or on Paxil); extreme rage bordering on violence; depersonalization/feeling like I was in a dream; not being able to think; nausea. 

 

I did not ever updose; I have done a LOT of holds, even when everything in me is screaming to just get off the stuff already. For me, one of the biggest (self-imposed) stressors is the timeline -- how long has this taken, and will it take, and should I be tougher (no--it's a central nervous system thing) and am I imagining how bad it is (nope--these are very very real iatrogenic injuries that I and all of us are enduring). 

 

I'd be happy to answer any other questions, either here or I will try to stop by your thread as well. I'm glad you found us here! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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Hi Kate, 

Thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. However I do believe there is hope, especially if we are willing to be patient.

 

It does sound like our stories are very similar. 

 

I started the fast-taper (I didn't know that's what it was) in summer of 2015. I went from 20 to 10 to 5. I paused that to try to regain some stability. I then continued "tapering" from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 to 1.6 in winter of 2015. I also went up on Zoloft in there (and am still on it) because I didn't know that the awful way I felt was withdrawal -- I was made to understand that it was my "original condition" (aaaaaaiiii!!!!!!). In February 2016 I found this site. I realized that I had been "tapering" way too fast. In the last year, I've done what we call the Brassmonkey slide, named after our group member Brassmonkey, who came up with it. It involves tapering at about 2% at a time (everyone will be different). 

 

My worst symptoms have been feeling suicidal (was never suicidal before or on Paxil); extreme rage bordering on violence; depersonalization/feeling like I was in a dream; not being able to think; nausea. 

 

I did not ever updose; I have done a LOT of holds, even when everything in me is screaming to just get off the stuff already. For me, one of the biggest (self-imposed) stressors is the timeline -- how long has this taken, and will it take, and should I be tougher (no--it's a central nervous system thing) and am I imagining how bad it is (nope--these are very very real iatrogenic injuries that I and all of us are enduring). 

 

I'd be happy to answer any other questions, either here or I will try to stop by your thread as well. I'm glad you found us here! 

Thank you so much for your answers! So even through your worst symptoms, you always held? Wow, you are freaking TOUGH! And it always balanced out eventually? What was the longest period of time it took for you to stabilize?

 

I am so happy you found a method that works for you! One day we will both be free from this! 

2002-2003 25mg Paxil CR due to PTSD and severe anxiety. 2005-2016 25mg Paxil CR due to resurgence of panic attacks and severe anxiety.

Started tapering late summer 2016.

Aug 2016 - 25mg CR immediate cut to 12.5mg CR, then held 4-5 months 

Jan 2017 - 12.5mg (CR) to 12.5mg (non CR), then after a week.

Jan/Feb 2017 - 12.5mg (non CR) taper down 2.5mg/week (1.25mg every 3-4 days), and felt no symptoms at all until debilitating withdrawal effects at 1.25mg, so immediately went back up to last stable dose of 2.5mg.

Held at 2.5mg. Experienced mild/moderate anxiety waves, brain zaps, lightheadedness, feeling fuzzy, cortisol spikes, burning/prickling skin and lots of anxious energy.

Tried Omega 3s for two days and experienced debilitating anxiety and depression (+urgent care visit), so stopped that 2/19. 

Mar 12 2017 - Switched to half liquid/half pill, had a minor spike in anxiety but it faded over a couple days

Mar 19 2017 - Switched to full liquid - 2.5mg/1.25ml - experienced a spike 7-8 days in, but stabilized over next week. Another awful spike over 4/12-4/16 due to inadvertently eating a ton of flax seed, but two amazing normal weeks followed that.

Tapering off liquid - 3/19 - 2.5mg, 4/30 - 2.25mg, 5/29 - 2.02mg, (weekend of depression around 7/2), 7/24 - 1.82mg, 9/4 - 1.64mg, slow taper (.04mg/wk) until .025ml liquid (0.50mg) last dose on 8/8/18, plus melatonin almost every night. Also daily mindfulness, CB therapy, exercise, and positive self talk. 1/2 lorazepam in emergencies (not since Sept 2017). Battle random nights of insomnia, and difficulty falling/staying asleep, lapses in focus, obsessive thought.

A/O Aug 9. 2018 - PAXIL FREE.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Kate, 

 

Thanks for your kind words! I'm taking a screen shot to add to my things to look at on a tough day. Although there is no shame in updosing or any of that. 

 

It's hard to say the longest it's taken to stabilize. When I missed a dose last January or Feb sometime, it was weeks of dp/dr for hours a day, along with sleeping any of the time I didn't need to be somewhere. 

 

Yes, someday we will be freeeeeeeeeeee! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi wonderful friends,

 

Today feels like a challenge. Yesterday too. I'm having all these thoughts like, "Will it even be worth it, going through all this stuff?" I hope that again in the future I will feel without a doubt that life is worthwhile. Of course, challenging sometimes, but worth it. 

 

I'm doing a lot of deep work in therapy. I am doing EMDR which is amaaaaaaazing. I always thought it was for things like violence or horrific accidents. But it can be used for many things. Had a session this week that brought up stuff from decades ago. Trying to be gentle with myself as far as maybe I'm going to be off-kilter, tired, and processing sooooo much stuff (the brain keeps processing memories throughout the week between EMDR sessions). Can I give myself the same compassion as I would a dear friend? Huh. Still working on that. 

 

One of the EMDR resources is putting things (distressing thoughts, memories) in an imaginary container to work on during therapy. It is a way of setting things aside until it is more ideal to work on them. Today I'm putting in my container my concern that "Will this all be worth it? There is no guarantee, and that scares me."

 

Love to all.

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks for sharing your experiences with EMDR, SkyBlue. Sounds like you are finding some powerful non-drug techniques for getting through this. Wonderful to read about.  :)

 

 

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Thanks Shep! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi friends, 

 

Happy St. Patty's Day!

 

After a drop from .88 to .86, I experienced several days of dp/dr. This cleared. 

 

The intrusive, false-suicidal thoughts have persisted for a few days each month. It's incredibly frightening and strange, since no matter how depressed I was before Paxil or on Paxil or during "poop-out," I never, ever felt suicidal for one second. My therapist agrees that it sounds like this is clearly not just "my baseline" or some kind of "underlying condition" (Note to self: if it started on a dime with withdrawal, it's not me, it's the iatrogenic injuries from psych meds and can and will be healed.) As always I am safe. Continuing self-care which includes acupuncture, exercise, being social at times, and getting rest.

 

March 3 I went from .86 to .84…. Last night, March 16, went from .84 to .82. 

 

The windows are getting better and better. I've had at least four withdrawal-symptom-free days in March so far. If you're reading this and barely hanging on…. HANG ON!!!!!! 

 

Current mood… Hopeful! <3 <3

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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:D  :D  :D  :D so glad to hear it!!!!

Sep '18 - became pregnant  in late August, then on 9/5 insomnia/anxiety went THROUGH the roof. I tried a lot of things but here is what is current: 

Paroxetine: 6.2mg (began 9/5/18, and there was a new manufacturer of which I just found out 2 days ago) during the day

Olanzapine 7.5mg at night

Ambien: 5-10mg at night

Xanex: 5-10mg at night

Fish Oil: for prenatal things

 

  • Aug '18: Paroxetine 6.6mg, (30mg thyroid hormone, fish oil, vit D3, SBI protect, probiotic. Following AIP diet)
  • Mar '16: began taper from 20mg. Decreasing .75mg or less each month or more. Sporadically used Ambien &/or Trazodone for insomnia. 
  •  Sep'15: tried to come off slower. Used fish oil, vit D3, and regular exercise/healthy diet to assist. (Taper sched= 18mg for 60days, 15mg for 60d, 10mg for 30d, 8mg for 30d) At my 3rd week of 8mg in Nov '15, insomnia and panic attacks began. Back up to 20mg after a month of horrible withdrawal. 
  • Oct'12-Sep'15: 20mg Paxil
  • Sep'12: 1st attempt to get off, naively tried cold turkey per Dr. suggestion. Couldn't work for 2 months. Another Doc upped dose to 20mg.
  • Jun '09-Aug '12: 10mg Paxil for severe insomnia due to anxiety. Also took Ambien/Trazodone for sleep.  Other meds taken sporadically: Ativan, Abilify, Xyrem 

 

My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness. 

 

 

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Hi Skyblue,

I just st wanted to say hi, I too have been on Paxil for a long time and have had lots of failed attempts. I'm starting my journey again and only doing 2% drops every 6 weeks.

You are a very strong person to endure what your been though and I admire you for that. I hope one day we will all be off these terrible drugs. Take care xxx

1995 started Paxil 20mg slowly increasing to 50mg until 2014

-2014 I decided to tapper myself not knowing how too and crashed , DR added 50mg Seraquel

-2015 tried tapering again and crashed

 

Started Tapering Both drugs at the same time 6% per month doing daily micro-taper 

Guided by Mark Horowitz

24/09/23  14.47mg Seroquel.  16.19mg Paxil 

27/11/23.  12.13mg. Seroquel.   13.85mg Paxil

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

The windows are getting better and better. I've had at least four withdrawal-symptom-free days in March so far. If you're reading this and barely hanging on…. HANG ON!!!!!! 

 

Current mood… Hopeful! <3 <3

 

 

Beautiful update, SkyBlue. You are encouraging others with your story, it has a strong vibe of resilience and hope.   :)

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear Meg, Cheeky and Shep, thank you very much for your kind words!!

 

The past couple of days have been difficult with dp/dr and hopelessness/ "false" suicidal ideation.

Yesterday (Sat) I wasn't able to really do anything due to dp/dr and feeling intoxicated. Did watch

the state girls' high school championships which was able to distract me a bit on and off,

and it was sunny out, so those are a couple of good things.

 

Hope and love to all! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi all...

 

I'm finally feeling better after an intense 8 days with severe hopelessness and daily suicidal feelings. . . I never had this kind of suicidal thoughts before withdrawal . . . This time I did confide in two family members (they know I get depressed, but I never let them know how bad it is because I didn't want to worry them -- this time it was so bad, I didn't worry about worrying them.) I didn't have a "plan" but as a safety measure didn't allow myself to be alone for those eight days. I think it's really bad in our society that you have to be honest about suicidal feelings, but have to be very careful sharing those feelings because you can easily be hospitalized and drugged.  

 

I didn't feel good enough to come write here when I felt that way, and now that I feel better I don't want to think about it!!!!!!  :blink: However just wanted to say hi and that I'm still here. Hoping it's a good day--for me and all of you too. 

 

As I feel better I also plan to be more open about SSRI withdrawal in real life. I'll figure out what that means for me, but a) there is no shame in this -- it's something that's happened to us -- and B) people need to know about it. These drugs are powerful and addictive and should be approached with the same kind of caution as any highly addictive hardcore medicine. I know I'm preaching to the choir that these shouldn't be given out like candy. Okay I'm started to spiral so going to get back to my day. <3

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Glad you are feeling better SkyBlue, looking back on a bad wave is like remembering a nightmare but it is over now and I hope you have a lovely long window.  :)

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you so much, sweetheart! <3 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi, SkyBlue.

 

I'm very happy to read you're coming out of that dark place. 

 

Do lots of self care and nurture your nervous system. Sometimes experiences like this can leave you a bit hollowed out for awhile, so please draw on the many non-drug coping skills you've been working on. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you so much, dear Shep, as always. <3 I like the phrase "hollowed out" -- it describes it perfectly. So important to be gentle with ourselves! I'm learning. 

 

One theme for me in withdrawal (in life, really) is pressure on myself. When will I heal? ? When will I get fully back to life? Change of seasons is a trigger for me to feel pressure, and with spring here, I'm very grateful for the beautiful weather but it also brings up those pressure feelings. Trying to focus on the beautiful weather instead!!  <3

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi everyone, I am in need of support today. I am safe and not in danger. I am having a lot of suicidal ideation which I am fighting. I'm fighting it and it's just exhausting. This isn't anything new; I just don't always post here. I have all the crisis lines with me. Going out and doing things; not staying alone. I made myself a list of all the times I've felt this way and then felt better-- so I can look at it during these times and see I've been here before. The tricky thing is that I'm up to my ears with coping strategies that I use all the time in withdrawal -- when it gets like this, nothing feels good, and so much of my beautiful life doesn't seem worth it. My life has always felt worth it. I know this isn't a crisis line and I am not in imminent danger at all. I know ppl here care about me and so any kind words are appreciated. 

 

I hope for a future where I never have these kinds of thoughts anymore.

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Wise of you to post SkyBlue.  ((((hugs))))

 

When I was concerned about myself, I made a phone list of people I could call and/or stay with if things got bad. Knowing that I had a list of names with phone numbers was a relief. 

 

I too hope for a future where you never have these thoughts again.  Please take good care of your lovely, kind self.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Change of seasons is a trigger for me to feel pressure, and with spring here, I'm very grateful for the beautiful weather but it also brings up those pressure feelings. Trying to focus on the beautiful weather instead!!  <3

 

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. 

 

Here's an idea - are you able to take short walks in the beautiful spring weather? Perhaps take your cell phone with you to take pictures.

 

Perhaps work on a scrap book of pictures of nature that you find. You can even find free programs online to make a scrapbook with your photography. 

 

I'm just trying to think of something that you could focus on to get you out of the dark headspace you're in. I use music that way and find videos and sounds that "speak" to me and set up bookmarks and organize them. I have playlists for every mood I could possibly be in. It's difficult when you're in the storm, but once you get started with this type of project, it gets easier to use it as a healthy distraction.

 

Are there flowers and trees where you live? Birds and insects? All of these things make great pictures and a way of holding onto healthier thought-streams. And it's a way of grounding in nature and getting a bit of sunlight in the spring weather. 

 

And then you have reminder - you can sort through your beautiful pictures of nature when you're back inside. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. I hope these dark thoughts pass soon. 

 

 

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Thank you dear Scallywag and Shep. I will write more tomorrow in response to your great ideas, but for now wanted to let you know I received and appreciate your messages and thoughts. I made it through the day. Each day is a victory. These really aren't "my" thoughts and I try to use mindfulness to separate "me" from my "withdrawal mind." In my actual life (outside of withdrawal mind), I have a lot to live for. It just gets all covered up. All this fighting and mindfulness and trying today -- all worth it-- has been exhausting. Going to bed now  -_- Thanks again.  :wub:

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi all, 

 

The suicidal feelings passed after Saturday. In retrospect I was exhausted, which may not have caused the suicidality but certainly didn't help it. When I was able to come home for the evening and rest, I felt almost immediately better. Not 100%, but better and able to be alone. (Side note: I really enjoy solitude normally).

 

Sorry I didn't check in yesterday -- ended up working, which turned out to be good. It's enough of a distraction/challenge/social interaction to be good, and not too much during withdrawal when we are so easily overwhelmed.

 

Scallywag -- I love your idea about the list of contacts. I've done the same-- I have a list of people who I've checked with that I can reach out in difficult moments. I've found the difficult part is actually doing it (I don't want to "bother" people or bring them down or make them feel responsible for my feelings), but I've been doing that and it does help. Nobody's ever made me feel bad for reaching out. So I did that on Saturday and a couple friends chimed in and reminded me I always get better. 

 

Shep -- I appreciate the idea about the photography, especially with nature coming back to life in spring. I like the idea of online scrapbooks for photos. Last weekend when I was also feeling this way, I forced myself to go to a local nature center. I mostly just felt hopeless ("these are all beautiful things that I used to like… now I feel nothing and everything good is in the past"), but I kept putting one foot in front of the other, "riding the wave," so to speak. Even though the beautiful nature around didn't sink in, it was good and important that I went there. 

 

Thanks again for being there for me. <3 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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Hi SkyBlue -

 

Stopping by to say hi and see how you are doing . I just read through your thread and wow you are one strong person. You sound positive and determined even in the midst of a crisis . This is truly admirable . I too battle in my head with thoughts such as 'how long will this last' and feeling bad about myself . But I try to remember the good days I havr and that it is possible to be medication free and live a life where you can feel things and be yourself instead of a drugged person . I also have to remember to be gentle with myself and not to expect much I do the best I can .

 

It is great you implement non drug techniques such as meditation. Every night before bed I listed to a quick meditation. Sometimes I fall asleep sometimes I can't even concentrate but I do it anyways . It is also great you can be open with your family and have a list of contacts with you . That should be comforting .

 

I also want to say that I remember when I was being switched from one SSRI to another for a few days I had very negative scary thoughts and I was terrified . I lived by myself in another state with no family around or friends . I went to my shrink and told her how I am scared I might do something and she said sometimes that happens and that people that are scarred they will do something will actually never do it . Such a crazy explanation but I did believe her . And after educating myself reading online I found out that it could be meds and not me . Anyways sorry I am rambling a bit out of it today . I just wanted to encourage you to be strong and that these negative thoughts are not you. You have been on medication for such a long time it will be a process to heal but it will happen . This is what I tell myself . 9 years on lexapro I can't expect to be cured in 3 months .

 

Hope you are having an okay day

 

Positive thoughts your way

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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Hi Skyblue--  I'm so glad those nasty feelings cleared up and you're feeling better.

 

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

 

Brass

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you so much, Blondie and Brassmonkey! Sorry to be so late in responding. 

 

Blondie, thanks so much for reading through my thread and also for your kind words.

I do think it absolutely makes a difference to know that the thoughts are not "me."

 

I have two new items for my WD toolkit. These are for withdrawal-induced rage.

 

One is a water bottle with magnesium powder already mixed in, that I can take in case of rage emergency.

The other is a jar of water with epsom salts already dissolved in it. I can soak a washcloth in the solution and wrap it around my arm (if I'm at home). Kind of like a portable epsom bath.

 

This will be handy because when my nerves get so jangly, coordination becomes difficult, even opening bottles, etc. without spilling things and making the rage worse.

 

The idea is to get the magnesium in as fast as possible to calm down the visceral (not psychological) rage that crops up.  :wub:

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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I love the idea of the rage-liquid!

 

Oh my goodness, I remember one night in the midst of WD - I think it was the sudden drop from 10mg to 5mg - and the trigger was my husband not coming home in time (yes sad but true!) and I was so enraged that to cope - I googled something like 'most rage filled songs ever written' and listened to them on the headphones at full volumn while I cleaned the house like a mad woman - titles included such heavy metal gems as 'everyone is a  **** ******** ***** and I hate them all' type thing until finally - 3 hours later - I was calm and exhausted.  It was so scary and disturbing and thank God I was alone! The apex of WD was terrifying for me as well :(

 

I think your bottle of mag sounds wonderful and I'm glad you've got it at the ready xxx

 

Drug history

  • 20mg paxil in 2001 - 4 months use  
  • 20mg paxil in 2003 - 2 months use 
  • 20mg paxil in 2008 - 8 years continuous

Withdrawal history:

  • March 2014 - disastrous alternate day taper
  • Jan 2015 - 15mg to 10mg. Disaster
  • Sept 2015 -  10mg to 5mg. Disaster. Reinstated to 6mg. Relief
  • Oct 2015 - started slow 10% taper 
  • Oct 2016 - at 4mg- stop taking paxil (not recommended)

 

I'm not a medical professional. Seek advice from a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Oh, Molly, what a story! I can totally sympathize. <3 

 

Thanks for the kind words! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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Hi SkyBlue,

 

Stopping by to see how you are doing

 

Hope all is well

 

Xoxo

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Blondiee dear, so kind of you to stop by. I appreciate it! <3

 

Doing okay. Still here! Dealing with continuing suicidal ideation off and on. Wed last week I was very, very, very low and had to reach out, use my strategies, stayed safe, whew. Made it. The next day I woke up totally fine and could never imagine feeling suicidal, ever. It's absolutely hormones and absolutely caused by withdrawal. Nothing happened to make me suicidal and nothing happened to make it go away. I thank God that I am so supported, both here and in "real" life. The days when I feel good or even neutral are so wonderful. 

 

Hope you are doing well. 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

SkyBlue, that is an excellent example of how hormones and withdrawal can cause these kind of dark feelings and thoughts. Nothing external changed, so it's completely chemical. 

 

Once you frame it that way, it's easier to see these dark thoughts as strangers passing by - just let them pass without engaging in them, a chance to practice mindfulness.

 

I'm glad you have such good support in real life. Keep moving forward and eventually, you'll be way past those thoughts and onto a brighter path. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks so much, Shep. <3 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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SkyBlue - I am here for you if you need to talk to someone ❤️ It is mind blowing what these medications can do . You are so strong and can get through this . You gor this girl !

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks Blondiee. <3 I will definitely take you up on that! 

 

Today is a hard day. Geeeeeez, on Tuesday and Wed., I felt so good and I'd forgotten I could feel that good. No anxiety! No depression (well, very little). Amazing. I did some exercise classes. I felt really present with people.

 

Yesterday I was somewhat leery because I had a new mood every 14 seconds. That's not usual for me. 

 

Today, bam! Hopeless. Suicidal because everything that has given my life meaning, I don't really care about. And only horribleness waits for me. Can I make it through this day? I've made it through tons of days like this before. What's concerning me now is… why? Why continue to go through this torture? I will continue to go through it. But it's so tiring. And exhausting. And I hate it. 

 

What I'm doing/working on (and I work on these things in between the suicidal times): 

 

- a card with people's names on it who have said I can contact them.

- a card with the dates on it of days when I've made it through the suicidal thoughts and have been so glad that I hung on. 

It's a card that says, "Glad I hung on!~" at the top, then all of the dates. 

 

Any positive thoughts, words appreciated. I have plenty of strategies and meditations and mindfulness etc. Right now I just need to remember to breathe, and get through this (lost) day.

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Update: After work I went for a walk by the river (even though there would be "no point" to it). It did shift me a teeeeeeny bit.

And I got a half-caf latte at a coffee shop and came home. Later I'm going to go to a yoga class w a friend and also take a walk. This all sounds amazing and I sure wish/hope my sweet brain and hormones would/will let me enjoy it! ! ! ! ! ! ! At the same time not putting pressure on myself.

 

It is sooooo sunny here (I'm in Minneapolis area). I know that we have to be patient w ourselves but I just don't want to lose any more time. However I am going to make it through this day.

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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