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Hi All Just wanted to say thank you this website has saved my life and now that I'm able to join after months of struggle. I have been on quite a few drugs over the years mainly benzo's and paroxetine. I was prescribed 2mg rivotrol or clonazepam for sleep 2015 - 2020 and in 2020 got covid and later suffered covid fog which I release now was WD. Was prescribed 2020 for a 6 month period Propranolol (can't remember dose) Clonazpem 2mg Xanax 2mg (I think) Prednisone 10 tablets a day ( Weaned of reducing buy 2 tablets a day) Paroxetine 10mg. 2020 - 2023 Aug 19 Cold Turkey Paroxetine 10mg Clonazepam 2mg - 4mg 2022 March - 2023 March Ritalin I stabilized after the supposed covid fog was 5- 6 months of absolute hell. And then functioned ok for a year and a half , then things starting getting bad. I think leading up to the Ritalin, I look back now and think it was medically induced Hypomania. As people said I talked alot which I did and then by mid 2023 I was mostly in hyper mania states and especially that last 2 months before I was forced to stop cold turkey as I admitted myself to a rehab for 28 days. Where I suffered withdrawal for 2 weeks. I started working after and after 6 weeks of the cold turkey I've been in WD , December 2023 was absolute hell almost no sleep, debilitating anxiety and depression, panic attacks , brain zaps from sound ( they were worse after a few days of cold turkey) still here tho, lights sensitivity, and lots of fog can't see how I wil ever enjoy life again things I once enjoyed etc Can't even watch TV I mostly live in my head. I'm not functioning and haven't been since the withdrawals kicked in. I believe I've come along way as I have some days where it's bearable and some evenings which I feel almost normal. In December I was suicidal 95% of the time. I have very bad mornings which I believe are because of increased cortisol. Feels now like I'm in 75% wave and 20% bearable window and 5% or less when I might just feel like myself. Although to survive this I've had to not trust my thoughts (especially since being manic last year where I did crazy things) and my intrusive thoughts have been so negative and debilitating the only way it's to say it not me. The bearable windows are mostly in states of Anhedonia or Apathy, which to be honest I'm still suicidal as I do not want to continue living like this not to mention all my family and friends think I went to rehab for drugs which I used every odd weekend think they just assume the worst as being hypomanic they would have to I guess. I honestly don't won't to continue to live like this, I know there are so many worse cases on this forum and I'm only 4 months in. I also know it's too late to reinstate and of the hell I've been through I know its not the right way. I've been taking Magnesium and Omega 3 which I assume is helping as December was harder and I have glimmers of hope here and there not for long. Still sleep between 3 - 4 hours a night waking up every hour. In December used urinate 12 plus times a night now maybe 4- 5 times. I have alot more to discuss and hopefully get some advice even tho I kind of gather that nothing can be done but exist and wait it out. Kind of just existing at this stage mostly on this website and bubble pop in my phone. Thanks all I'm in a bit of brain fog now so hope that makes sense. Also I gather I need to do my drug signature ?

So may of 2022 I started my SSRI journey I had bad anxiety and my doctor recommended I take Zoloft. I listened and started with a low dose I completely forget what dose I took but I know I had a terrible reaction to it I lasted like 2 months and then got switched to lexapro. Once I was in lexapro I went from 2.5mg to 10mg wayyyy to fast my psychiatrist was terrible and I got so so many side effects from 10mg so she had me taper off within a month from 10mg-0mg and I had every side effect in the book, you name it I had it. (Brain Zaps were the worst). She then switched me to buspar 5mg 3 times a day and man I could only last 9 days on it. It gave such bad intrusive thoughts it was scary. So I decided to get back on lexapro in January of 2023 and go super slow like start with 2.5 mg and I knew I was sensitive because 2.5 gave me side effects so I started slowly upping my dose and the intrusive thoughts got worse, blurry vision, urge to cry daily, dizzy, and after about 5 months in it I became numb. Nothing would give me anxiety but also nothing would give me excitement. So I started tapering very very slow I went from 5mg to 2.5mg to 1.25mg and then 1.25mg every other day and it was definitely a better taper from last time because I got no brain zaps so far. So currently I’m almost 4 weeks in off of lexapro and man this is hard. I’ve technically been on meds for 1 year just not consistently so I do understand that it will take awhile to heal but man these side effects are weird. I don’t feel happy but I don’t feel sad it is such a weird feeling. I have days where I feel amazing like back to normal and then the next day sucks. Just feels like my motivation is low right now and excitement, I thought that would come back after almost 4 weeks off the pill. Another big thing is the insomnia it is so hard to stay asleep at night. It’s like I have an urge to cry but can’t. just wanted to know if these side effects are common with someone who’s been on ssris for a year

It has been a year since I got off Lexapro. I am now completely healed without symptoms. I think this would be a good time for me to share my success story with you. (Link to my intro topic: BellaC: tapering Lexapro / escitalopram) Background: 33 years old female, I took 20mg SSRI Escitalopram (Brand name: Lexapro) from 2010-2017. I started tapering in June 2017 after family doctor's advice. Taper timeline: 2017 June -2022 March (I posted a very detailed timeline & symptoms at the very end of this post, for those who are interested) Taper strategy: usually 10% taper each time, reach stability before further tapering. Taper method: 1. Cut & weight pill with digital scale; 2. homemade liquid solution (w/ syringe) when the dosage is low. Pattern of recovery: For each taper, I usually held 4 weeks (sometimes 8 weeks) for the symptoms to subside. In the early stage, I experienced more somatic symptoms (physiological discomfort) than psychological symptoms; as the dosage got lower, it was the other way around-psychological symptoms became dominant. After I completely stopped the medication, it took about 6 months (plus a lot of inner work) for the symptoms to dissolve. It has been a year and I am completely healed! Drug free and symptom free! Things that helped me heal & what I learned from the experience: Tapering method: 10% taper is good. You can adjust later depending on how your body reacts, but always start slow and go steady. Observe and listen to your body. Know when to pause, when to re-evaluate, when to ask for help. Trust yourself but never do this alone. Mindset: This is a huge one. Here is my philosophy that worked well: symptoms are temporary, change is happening daily, so go slow and steady. Don’t taper for the sake of taper. Before anything else, make sure you are a functional person for the loads of life responsibilities you have (home, work, school, relationship etc.). Either adjust the speed of taper, or adjust the loads of your life responsibilities. The whole purpose of taper, is to function better and to live a more meaningful life, which may or may not be a pain-free life. Taper for a “meaningful life”, not a “pain free life”. Rational expectations: You will have symptoms, your body will feel uncomfortable, your mood will swing, and symptoms will not disappear quickly but will go away eventually. Irrational expectations or being emotionally unprepared increase the likelihood of failure. Supplement: fish oil, I cannot comment on how much it helped but this was what I took. Coping: exercise (walking, running), meditation, talk to my support network, inform and update people around me of my tapering & ask them to monitor/support me. Have hope & be patient: Trust neuroplasticity. I do believe that the brain is a consistently changing organ. With time and new coping skills, it heals. Get emotional support: Talk about your decision with people you can trust and check in with them regularly. Do the inner work: If you take drugs for mood disorders (nonpsychotic type) such as depression/anxiety or trauma/stress related disorders, know that the symptoms are likely to return and stay as you taper. Because those traumas have not been worked on yet. It's hard work to step into the storm, but it's absolutely necessary and liberating once you go through it. The body and mind store the trauma, they are stuck energy in you. Once you are brave enough and are ready to release it, do the inner work by looking for resources that are accessible to you. Whether it's therapist, church/spiritual guides, or books/videos, go find them or they will find you in the right time. Don't just listen/read, practice what you've learned. Here are some resources that helped me tremendously: [Book] Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body, by Peter A. Levine (highly recommend if you have pain/somatic symptoms) [Book/Audiobook] The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle [Book/Audiobook] Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises from the Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle [Youtube] Eckhart Tolle's teaching on his Youtube channel [Book/Audiobook] Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You, by Matt Kahn [Biblical Canon] Holy Bible Final words Whenever you are, you are exactly where you need to be on your journey. Don't indulge on the past or project to the further. Focus on each step in front of you. Have faith. I am so thankful for this site (and mediators) that provided so many valuable information. I want to do the same to help, support and cheer for your journey. If you have any questions, feel free to drop a comment below. --------------------------------------------------------Detailed timeline & sx-------------------------------------------------------------- Lexapro 20mg: 2010-2017 (I was doing fine for those years) PCP recommended tapering in June 2017 Tapering instructed by PCP: 20mg & 10mg every other day: 6/2017-12/2017, No sx 10mg: 12/2017-2/2018, Anxiety and hormone imbalance Restated 15mg: 2/2018-7/12/2018, No Sx Self Tapering: ---------digital scale weighing method below----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2018 15mg & 12.5mg every other day:7/12- 8/8, No sx 12.5mg : 8/9- 8/28: palpitation, brain fog, diarrhea, dreams, obsessive thought. Subsided on 8/29. 11.2mg: 9/14 -10/12: mild sx. Subsided by 9/27/2018. 10.2mg: 10/13 - 11/7: lethargy, mild shoulder pain. Subsided in 2 wks. 9.2mg: 11/7- 12/10: no sx 2019 8.4mg: 12/11/18- 1/7/19: mild sx. Subsided in 3 days. 7.3mg: 1/8-1/26/: no sx 6.6mg: 1/27-2/25: pain, palpitation, anxiety. Subsided in 1 wk. 5.67mg(15% cut): 2/26-3/26: dreams, pain, palpitation. Subsided in 2 wks. 5mg: 3/26-4/25: no sx. 4.1mg: 4/26-5/19: slight palpitation, gone by 5/8. 3.4mg:5/20-6/23: no sx 2.8mg:6/24-7/21: palpitation, anxiety and dreams. subsided after 2 wks. 2.45mg:7/22-8/18: slight palpitation, down mood, gone by 1st week; diarrhea daily. subsided after 3 wks. 2.1mg:8/19-9/18: slight palpitation, dreams, constipation. gone by 3rd wk. 1.69mg: 9/19-10/16: slight WD sx. 1.38mg: 10/17-11/18: anxiety, depression sx. gone by 4th week. 1.17mg: 11/19-12/16: 2nd week-somatic pain, anxiety, diarrhea, better by 3rd wk. 2020 (new year yay!) 0.92mg: 12/17/2019-1/26/2020: holding, has been 6 wks: somatic pain, down mood, dream, some diarrhea. 0.76mg: 1/27-3/1: somatic pain, palpitation in first 2 wks, diarrhea in 3rd wk, gone by 4th week. 0.65mg: 3/2-3/28: I did not track sx 0.55mg: 3/29-5/5: I did not track sx 0.46mg:5/6-6/3: overall mood is a little low, sad and pessimistic sometimes, sensitive towards stress. stabilized after 4wks. 0.38mg: 6/4-7/19: depressed mood, sensitive towards loud sound, improved after 1 month 0.31mg:7/20-8/23:depressed mood initially, sensitive towards loud sound, improved after 1 month 0.23mg: 8/24-10/4: depressed, somatic pain, less , social, easily cry, low motivation. got better after almost 2 months! --------- Homemade liquid solution below------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 0.15mg :10/5-11/5: pain in shoulder, depressed, gone after 1st week. 0.13mg:11/6/20- 12/7/20: depressed. stable after 1 month. 2021 (new year yay!) 0.11mg: 12/8/20-1/3/21:depressed, pain in shoulder, ease after 1 month. 0.097mg: 1/4/21-3/7/21: depressed, anxiety, mood swing, pain in shoulder. improved after 2 mons. 0.084mg: 3/8/21-5/9/21: increased anxiety, shoulder pain, difficulty concentration, negative thinking pattern. improved after 2mons. 0.071mg: 5/10/21-9/30/21: increased anxiety, shoulder pain, difficulty concentration, negative thinking, lack of motivation. Improved after doing Somatic Experiencing exercises after the book Healing Trauma by Peter Levine 0.064mg:10/1/21- 11/1/21: No sx, minimal pain 0.051mg:11/2/21-1/9/22: anxiety, shoulder pain, low motivation. ease after 2 months. 2022 (new year yay!) 0.032mg: 1/8/22-2/28/22: palpitation, pain in shoulder, ease after 1 month. 0.016mg: 3/1/22-3/10/22: anxiety, palpitation. 0 mg: 3/11/22 (jumped off!): anxiety ( palpitation, irritability, panic), mood swing, pain in shoulders, low motivation, difficulty concentrating, slow mental processing, difficulty falling asleep, nightmares.

My story is one of life changes that I'd rather not have happened. In late 2022, I was hospitalized after having an extremely potent panic attack. After many tests and being watched over by nurses for 3 days. They sent me home. Unfortunately, the home I'd wanted to come back to was gone. The root of the panic attack was the separation of myself and my partner at the time. The turmoil of our fighting and multiple other life upsets had gotten my medicine dosages off. Double dosing some days not taking anything other days. (I've got ADHD, so I can never remember to take my medication, I traditionally keep track of this with a pill calendar but all the chaos causes me to neglect this practice) My medical cocktail was that of Lexapro 20mg and Adderall 25mg XR. After the event, I elected to stop taking everything, down to abstaining from Caffeine or any other sort of altering substance. For the first few weeks, it was fine, During this time I was busy packing my things and moving out of our then home. I moved back home to my father's in eastern Kentucky. The withdrawals began shortly after the dust settled from my moving, I am not a man that is easily made to fret or fluster. but I say without doubt these first days were the most terrifying thing that I have ever experienced. Full-blown panic attacks, brain fog, and depersonalization are the chief symptoms. All of this was made obviously worse by the emotional whirlwind of moving to a new state far from everyone or anything I'd held dear. I even attempted to reintroduce medication to make things calm down, but medications only exacerbated the problem. It is only through the love of my father that I sit here and am able to type these things to you. I at times felt nearly infantile. Just shaking, my heart racing filled with the most primal panic. The worst part was that there were no thoughts with this panic that I could steer elsewhere. just raw pure panic response. I am now 7 months out from the initial stoppage of my medication...and the waters are still choppy. We had a mild winter but I suffer from SAD, so cold days are like a reset back to the initial horror show. Warm days are far better and I am able to work on projects and feel like a human being. I am still having anxiety, tinnitus, Depersonalization, brain fog, and nausea. I am thankful that I am at least not having the brain zaps. Now that you know the bad I can tell the good. I am going to therapy regularly. My therapist has essentially let out a long sigh and told me to hang on for dear life and that I am handling this rather bad hand with admirable fortitude. I've also got a doctor that I see for my medical needs, She's continued my Adderal prescriptions, I am not taking it at present because of its effect on anxiety. Once things stabilize more I'll give it another go. I attempted a dose at the beginning of this...and it was like being held over the mouth of hell itself with my eyes taped open....So I am in no rush to step into that ring again. I recently adopted a rescue dog to help me feel better. Her name is sweet pea and she's the glue that's holding my psyche together... taking care of her grounds me enough to take care of myself. She's also a motivation to get out of bed and do things when I don't feel like I could else wise. Her licks and squeaks often pull me out of the fog. It feels like a drowning man being pulled onto a rock. I just sputter and cough and hold on to her for dear life. I've also been journaling, mostly positive affirmations that I can go back and read when things are rough. I've been combating the isolation of living far from all my social circles by using things like Discord to make friends. It's a welcome distraction from everything. We socialize and play games together regularly. I've been working on a garden here, I always have a huge garden. It's been my exercise to help things along. The cold days have been a set back with that. but the forcast shows warmer days ahead. This is a small twinkle of hope that helps. I know that I have many miles to walk before the ground is even beneath my feet again...but I am still walking forward even though I may stumble.

Hello, I am 21 yrs old, Female from Chile, and I am diagnosed with OCD. Last year I had a mental health crisis and I was put on medication for the first time, in June I started taking fluoxetine, and since that moment I started feeling like things ¨didnt feel the same¨, maybe also my ocd contributed to it. But since that moment, I started trying to find a solution for this issue, you can imagine how much I´ve spent scrolling on reddit just to find people with the same. It is hard to put it in words what is off , but I´ll try to explain my issues the best I can, and I really hope if you could share your similar experiences. Since taking the ssri, it was like my perception of the environment wasnt the same. I became obsessed with how my perception and things feel. With time I started feeling like seeing drawings didnt feel the same, also the sensations of things like a cold day, rain, etc . Also I had this sensation of a constant discomfort. For example it was so hard to feel visual stimuli in my retina, colours, lights, etc didnt feel the same, I felt like it was hard to feel visual pleasure in my eyes. Also being in places like the mall, outside on the street didnt feel the same, for example I remember that I used to feel very stimulated. Something felt off in my perception while taking the medicine, maybe you can relate. The important thing that is currently going on right now is that Like five weeks ago I stopped cold turkey, because I thought that it could be anhedonia caused by the medication. I went from 10mg to zero.And as weeks went by I felt good, but a week ago I started feeling too bad, I felt nervous and all that stuff, I also had a lot of nightmares. It probably its because the drug finally left my body, and I entered withdrawal, I should have tapered instead. And also I felt like my old perception (from before the medication)came back in an enhanced way, but I am not liking it because it is very overwhelming and I am feeling very scared right now, but I've felt more connected to my environment and the people around me, I missed the emotional connection, but cognitively I am not feeling as productive as how I was with medication. Five days ago I also started taking the medicine again in order to get the perception from the medication back. I went to the mall and I can swear it feels like another experience to be in there.Also I need to be productive for university. It's like both perceptions have their pros and cons. I still have no effect yet from the medication and it probably is because it needs time to get back to it's old levels in my blood. I haven't talked about this with my provider yet and also I left my therapist because it wasn't helping me and both of them never took me seriously when I was talking that maybe the medication is bothering me, and also when I told them about the perception issue they didn't take me seriously. They'll never blame the medication. I mean if it is not the medication, then how is there so much people on the internet having these side effects? What do you guys think about all of this? Have you had issues with perception and medication before? I'd be very thankful if you could share your experiences with me, because I don't want to feel alone in this. I'll be updating once I start feeling better. Thank you and in advance and thanks for reading.💙

This is less of a question and more of a place for conversation and sharing experiences. This site has helped me understand and apply words to things Ive been experiencing. One of those things is 'waves and windows'. Something that has confused me for a while is how my issues manifest when coming off SSRIs. In the past my depression would come in episodes that would last a couple weeks, be gone for a month or so, and rince and repeat. Ever since starting meds really, but specifically since starting SSRIs in June last year, they've really complicated that pattern. But it's still been very pattern based. When under the effects of SSRIs, I'm consistently anhedonic. And when off of an SSRI, like nov/feb while switching from lexapro to prozac, or in the last couple months I've been off prozac, it's quite up and down, compared to a long up and semi-long down like my depression manifests on its own. I wouldn't put myself in the category of manic whatsoever, or emotionally unstable (partially because the anhedonia is always there) but I'll have moments where I'm feeling almost normal, at least it feels like it compared to my depression, and the next day very depressed. So the main reason I'm making this post is, I've noticed these waves and windows have a distinct pattern of their own. At the start after quitting prozac, and I remember it being like this in the med switch last year (it was better then though), it would be 2 days of feeling very depressed (my withdrawals have always been like my original issues of depression/anxiety rather than physical), and 1 and a half or 2 days of feeling a bit better. Very consistent to the point I could look at my week and think "great, these two days I have to do X will be waves". It usually shifts, for example right now the pattern is each day is bad but the night times are a bit better. My windows still aren't great, but they're some relief. In terms of quality of life, it still feels like the negatives outweigh the positives, with also how crushing the waves are to windows, but I'm grateful I can have some relief fairly regularly. I don't think I could cope like the people who deal with long periods with no windows. So yeah, it's just interesting how consistent and pattern based waves and windows are. Before finding out this is how withdrawal usually manifests, I'd constantly question if it was a conditions based thing. Like if the good would always follow the bad because my standards of 'good' would lower; and the bad would follow the good because I'd become more sensitive to 'bad'. Questioning what it means and ruminating over expectations drive me mad. So yeah, curious what members of this site have to say about the patterns of waves and windows.

Hello everyone and thank you for this amazing forum - it has given me a lot of information in these few days while preparing the life-changing events. I’ve been mentally ill basically my whole life. I have a trauma background and at very young age I started to dissociate. At the age of 13 I got diagnosed with severe psychotic depression and got hospitalized for the first time. My diagnoses have evolved and changed throughout the years and nowadays my main issues are unspecified dissociative disorder, PTSD, OCD and anxiety disorder. I have not been depressed or psychotic for years. I’m 27 now, almost 28. My medication has always been the same. We found a great combinaton right away. It was 2008 or 2009 when I started with fluexetine which was soon paired with extended release quetiapine. My dose is Seronil 40mg in the mornings and Seroquel XR 400mg in the evenings. I take Opamox 12.5mg ever now and then when I’m dealing with intense anxiety. Never longer than a week. Fluexetine (Seronil) has stabilizing effect on me, I have nothing bad to say about it. I don’t remember having problems with starting the meds and if I ever forgot to take them, I only felt slightly restless but always took the meds normally next morning. I’m planning to get rid of them eventually but since they are also good for OCD, I will keep them with me a bit longer. Quetiapine (Seroquel XR)… oh boy. Well, I have to admit it did my life A LOT easier back in teenage years when I was really depressed and suicidal. It practically saved my life. The relief didn’t come without horrible symptoms, tho. I remember being really tired for weeks after starting and only slept at home. The most noticeable effect of quetiapine is fatigue and really helps me sleep, but it also limits my life alot. I can’t stay up late because I need to make sure to take them at 10pm at latest or else the effect continues to the next day and makes me feel hangovery. I also absolutely hate the munchies it gives me after few hours and I eat too much, which has led to obesity. Overall quetiapine has way more downsides than benefits and I don’t need it anymore since I don’t suffer from conditions it was originally prescribed for. I have been thinking getting off meds for few years but now I’m finally in a situation to actually do so. My life is pretty stable, I have weekly therapy and I have learned to handle myself very well over these 15 years. I don’t use alcohol or drugs. I consume caffeine on daily basis as coffee, tea or energy drinks. Mostly coffee, I love it. I exercise regularly at the gym or going for long walks. I visited the doctor and he approved. The plan was to reduce Seroquel XR from 400mg to 200mg and it felt okay to me, but I thank myself for questioning everything and opened Google after. That way I found this forum and your experiences, decided to make an account and join the crew! I found information no one has ever told me before and honestly I’m scared now. I grew up with SSRI and antipsychotic drugs and I have no idea how much they have permanently altered my brain. I know it’s possible to fully recover, you guys have proven that to me, but it shocks me how lightly this topic is discussed by the healthcare professionals. So, next day I called back to my doctor and asked his permission to start tapering from 350mg (50mg is the smallest amount available here) and he agreed, tho he said there is no reason to drop it only 50mg at a time, I have Opamox for withdrawal. I disagree. The withdrawal could be anything and I don’t want to risk my health more than I already have. I want to see that day where I’m 100% clean from meds and living my best life. TLDR; I’m 27 years old and having mental disorders but they do not need medical help anymore (expect my OCD). I have been on quetiapine and fluexetine for 14 years and decided to get off quetiapine first. Starting tapering Seroquel XR 400mg with 50mg, so I’m taking 350mg for two weeks, possibly longer. I’m afraid of withdrawal but aware and motivated. I’m sober, I exercise regularly but I drink coffee daily. Tonight is the first lower dose, 350mg. It’s about 10am here now where I live and I’m taking the pills around 7-9pm. I hope I get some sleep at night.

Hi all, I started prozac 20mg around June last year (2022). By November I decided to come off them as I didn't feel myself, I was getting irritated very often and angry very easily. Over the next month or so I experienced lots of "brain zaps" and aches and pains. The majority of these things have passed but what is really bothering me now...is COLD FEET! I'm getting obsessed over having bad circulation and keep constantly checking my nail bed on my toes with the nail blanch test. Which is OK and within normal ranges as long as the surrounding environment isn't too cold. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and is it a withdrawal symptom? And if so does it have a name? My feet seem to be cold during the day, they can be warmed up through blankets and exercise but it is driving me crazy. I also have very sweaty feet when it gets to night time. I was experiencing night sweats the last week or so but that seems to have calmed down. Now im just left with really cold, icey feet. Is this something anyone else has experienced? I'm really worrying. Thanks Pete.

I am about 2 years since taking fluoxetine. I still have quite a few symptoms persisting. I tried taking benedryl the other night. My tinnitus went through the roof and I feel like I am back in the first year of withdrawals were I never get sleep ques. Has anyone else had these symptoms when taking benedryl in withdrawals?

I was taking venlor xr 37.5 mg (venlafaxine) for 1.5 years since 2019. (every alternate day) for Vertiginous migraine. Then stopped it in October2021 due to Covid. Post Covid for 9 months I was absolutely fine and had no symptoms. Then Vertiginous Migraine started again in June 2022 – My symptoms were :- Swaying – unstable Light, sound and motion sensitivity Slight headache Then the neurologists / Psychiatrists tried the below medicines since June 2022:- All these made me worse and now I am sensitive to medicines specially drowsy medicines. June Venlor XR 37.5 mg (Venlafaxine extended release) - 2 tablets July Pexep CR 12.5 mg (Paraxetine prolonged release)-1 tablet Omnacortil 20 mg (Prodnisolone dispersable)-1 tablet Vertin 8 mg-2 tablets Sibelium 5 mg- half tablet August Venlor XR 37.5 mg (Venlafaxine extended release)-1 tablet Restyl 0.25 mg (Alprazolam)- half tablet -2 days Valparin 200 mg- (sodium valproate)-1 tablet Dilo DX syrup (Chlorpheniramine maleate with Dextromethorphan hydrobromide)- 5 ML for cough Lecope AD ( Levocetrizine , phenylephrine and ambroxol)- 1 tablet for sore throat September Provanol 20 MG – Half ( Propranolol hydrochloride tablets IP)- half tablet Nexito 5 mg (escitalopram )- half tablet Provanol 10 MG – ( Propranolol hydrochloride tablets IP)- half tablet-2 days. Rejunex CD 3 (Vitamin) – 1 tablet Folinext (Folic Acid and methylcobalamin) 1 tablet. Homeopathy medicines. Oct 1st- taken clonozopam -0.25Mg - only 2 tablets and stopped I am currently only taking :- 1) Thyroxine Sodium Tablets IP – 100 mcg (every morning empty stomach) for thyroid. 2) Allegra M (Fexofenadine hydrochloride and montelukast tablets) for Allergic rhinitis & hives. (Taking half tablet every alternate day since 2019.) After the list of medications tried on me above now my symptoms have completely changed to the following below: Current symptoms are:- 1) Body jerks -fingers, arms & legs- awake and sleeping 2) involuntary muscle twitches. 3) Movement is jerky while I try to do things normally because of body jerks. 4) Brain shaking -back of the head vibrates continuously, going down to neck and upper back 5) Internal shaking – trembling-hands and legs 6) Pulsating sensation going down from the back of the brain to the rectum area to the legs. 7) Numbness and tingling-arms and legs -awake and sleeping. 😎 Swaying -feeling unstable while walking & talking. 9) Unable to sit – restless and weird sensation in the arms 10) Muscle pain. 11) Racing heartbeat when at rest. 12) Glass breaking sound in ears while swallowing which also causes headaches. 13) Motion, light and sound sensitive 14) Confusion. Plz help me I can’t bear the current symptoms and no medication is helping me , what medication should I take next so the above symptoms go away ??

So I’ve been on SSRIs for years. For several years I was on 50mg of paroxetine. This last week I dropped from 10mg to 5mg. But now I’m experiencing Diplopia. I went to get my eyes checked out and was told I have 20/20 vision and pretty much perfect eyes. Any one else experience this?

Hi SA-members, One of the biggest and certainly the most serious German broadcaster, ARD, has just released a new and very interesting documentary about the use of and withdrawal from antidepressants. It features heavy hitters such as Prof. Tom Bschor (he is held in very high regard among GP's and psychiatrists in the German speaking world). Michael P. Hengartner is also participating. The documentary is called 'Tabletten gegen Depressionen – helfen Antidepressiva?' [Pills to fight depression - do antidepressants help?]. It is very critical of the current use of ADs. It will cause quite a stir I believe. The video is available to watch on Youtube with auto generated subtitles. Youtube: Tablets against depression - do antidepressants help? - ARD 12.09.2022 You can click on the CC for closed captions. Click the cog and click on Subtitles and then choose auto translation and then select the language. This is the original site: Watch it here: https://www.daserste.de/information/reportage-dokumentation/dokus/videos/tabletten-gegen-depressionen-helfen-antidepressiva-video100.html

Hello! New here. Reddit thought this would be a more supportive place for me. I’ve been on escitalopram (brand cipralex) equivalent to Americas lexapro, for 12 years. Cipralex History Started: 2009 -2012 Reason: University, panic attacks *successfully provided relief* Stopping Attempt #1 Cold-Turkey: December 2012 Reason: never intended to be on this long-term *no serotonin withdrawal symptoms, no relapse of anxiety or depression* felt normal! Started: 2014 February Reason: back in University second semester of grad school panic attacks relapse. In abusive relationship from 2014-2018. *successful no panic attacks * Supports in 2019: Therapy Financially stable Friend/family support Going to gym/exercising Eating healthy Stopping attempt #2 taper: January 2019 Reason: in a very healthy and stable place in life- No anxiety/depression or panic attacks. Never wanted to be on SSRI this long. I decided to taper instead of cold turkey because my doctor recommended it. 6 months post-breakup from ex. Schedule: January 2019: 20mg February 2019: 15 mg March 2019: 10 mg April 2019: 5 mg *went to the emergency department and was diagnosed with serotonin withdrawal. Symptoms that brought me to the emergency department include: dizziness, feeling “drunk”, blurred vision or shaky vision, light headed. Doctor advised to go back onto 10 mg. Gave up on taper went back to 10mg. I went to the hospital because I thought something was seriously wrong with me because the first time when I did cold turkey I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms. First time learning about serotonin withdrawal. Also important to note that there were no emotional withdrawal symptoms during this time. *unsuccessful * Increased dose: July 2020 Reason: increased dose to 20mg during pandemic panic attacks relapse. Dosage increase didn’t prevent attacks. *I participated in EMDR therapy which helped my panic attacks stop* Supports in 2022: Continued therapy Breath work Yoga Journaling Financially stable healthy romantic relationship Friend/family support Eating healthy: increased animal protein, added fermented foods (kefir, sauerkraut). Limited processed/sugar foods. Naturopathic doctor supplements: vitamin d, b complex, lavender oil, NAC, l-theanine, lemon balm tea, nettle tea, magnesium. * these are medical recommendations specific to me based on my test results * also based on supporting detox from SSRI. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is sit in the morning sun and drink water before making breakfast. I also go for walks Meditation Stopping attempt #3 taper: Reason: I want to get pregnant and off this medication in general. Schedule: January 2022: 20mg February 2022: 17.5 mg March 2022: 15 mg April 2022: 12.5 mg May 2022: 10 mg June 2022: 10 mg July 2022: 7.5 mg August 2022: 5mg - 2.5mg September 1 2022: ended * I ended the taper at 2.5mg because the symptoms that I experienced back in April 2019 hit me* Current symptoms of withdrawal: 1. A “drunk” feeling, fishbowl?, dizziness, light headed, vision blurring/shaking when I look around. I have not lost my balance or got nauseated or anything like that, I just feel kind of disoriented and like I’m intoxicated simply trying to walk around my house. This is severe, I cannot drive. 2. migraines and headaches 3. My moods have definitely been crazy during the eight -month taper down— frequent/ explosive rage (not normal for me pre-ssri or while on ssri), frequent irritability, sadness upon waking. These symptoms suck but nothing is as bad as the physical symptoms listed in #1. Regarding pregnancy: physicians, psychiatrist and fertility doctor all said to me it’s “safe” to get pregnant on cipralex— The doctors said that the reason they tell women to stay on this medication during pregnancy is because; if your anxiety or depression is so bad that the risk to your mental well-being is high and the medication risk to the baby is low, it’s about cost benefit. The pharmaceutical packaging that comes with my perception states differently. ”It may harm an unborn baby. Also, babies born to mothers who have used this drug during the last three months of pregnancy may rarely develop withdrawal symptoms such as feeding and breathing difficulties, seizures, muscle stiffness, or constant crying”. And I can say that my anxiety and depression is not bad enough to risk any of those things to an innocent baby, it is extremely important to me to part ways with this drug. I’m not looking for anyone to try to change my mind on this point. Concerns: Some people on Reddit suggested that I tapered too quickly. The liquid form of escitalopram is not available in Canada. I also feel in disbelief that if I had of done it any slower that it wouldn’t still result in what I’m experiencing now once I got to zero. I’ve read that serotonin withdrawal can last months (upwards of six months to a year) for this “drunk-like” feeling to resolve. I am blessed in that I was able to afford to take the month off work September 2022 to try to deal with some of this serotonin withdrawal but now I’m scared a month won’t be enough. I’m feeling devastated about the information I’m reading online about ssri brain damage, it’s hard to know what’s true there’s so much conflicting information. Regarding psychiatry: Psychiatry was also completely useless at giving any kind of advice for serotonin withdrawal. Psychiatrists idea of help was to use Abilify to cope with serotonin withdrawal symptoms. Abilify is a whole other animal in my opinion. I am 100% against using another “pharmaceutical“ to cope with my withdrawal symptoms. I have tried to be as inclusive as possible of my history, experience and efforts towards healing. My main concern presently is the severity of the physical withdrawal symptoms I am experiencing.

I suffer from mental and emotional dullness after using depression and delirium medications, so that I used intermittently and for a short period of time, ecitalopram and arpiprazole. I do not feel the same as my previous feelings. Please help me from someone who has experience on how to get rid of these symptoms, especially the problem of concentration and forgetfulness. Thank you very much.

I've been on SSRIs (first paxil, then prozac) for 20 years now, and over that time I've had 2 persistent, untreatable nerve injuries, and a bizarre twitch that happens in my thigh. All of these have defied exhaustive attempts at medical diagnosis or treatment; they have just been called neurological issues of unknown origin. After exploring every conceivable option in standard medicine, alternative medicine, multiple surgeries, and every type of treatment I can possibly think of, I've started wondering if the issues could be caused by the long-term usage of SSRIs. Have anyone else experienced bizarre, untreatable chronic pain issues that were caused by their SSRI usage? Or has anyone here encountered such information online? I'm wondering if this is something I should pursue. thanks, Bart

Hello! After months/year of trying to figure out whats wrong with me, i finally bumped across this web page and now it all makes sense. I have some questions that I would desperately like to have an answer for and I hope you can help because I feel hopeless. Let me give my intro first. I am male, born in 87'. Zoloft 50mg December 2005 - November 2006 (11 months) When I was 18 I had severe panic attacks and experienced depersonalization. I believe this was all related to stress I was going thru at a time. Doctors of course never heard of derealization and said I was depressed and gave me Zoloft 50mg. I can really say it helped at the time because in few months time I was feeling better. I dont remember much from that time because it was 17 years ago but I remember quitting it cold turkey after as doctors said and I know I didnt have and big withdrawal symptoms. Only a week of brain zaps and dizziness and I was ok after that. Zoloft 50mg- June 2009- December 2010 (18 months) Few years later, when I was 22, same thing happened again. I had panic attacks,waves of depression and derealization again and doctors gave me zoloft once more. At the time I was also smoking weed so it might have induced all that anxiety. It also helped me again in getting out of this mess. I was really at low bottom unitil I started taking those pills. I couldnt get out of the house because of anxiety, I couldnt eat, I lost 14 kilos in 3 months time. I dropped out of college... So zoloft really lifted my spirits and got me back on track. I was taking it for around a year and a half before I felt I dont need it any more and I did some sort of quick taper and went off. Believe me, no one ever told me about tapering. Doctors told me that if I feel ok, I can just stop taking it further. I remember having few withdrawal symptoms as brain zaps,dizziness,mild anxiety and concentration/cognitive problems but it all went away,one by one, in couple of months time. But one thing persisted after all others, it was lowered libido and slighty lower concentration. It wasnt like I didnt have libido at all but it was lowered like for about 50%. Drug-free (9 years) After that, when I was 24 I started going out every weekend and started drinking a lot of alcohol, doing cocaine,generally I started having time of my life in terms of partyjing. And it went on all the way until recently. Each weekend full of cocaine and alcohol. And adding in benzos at the end of party night to ease my cocaine crashes here and then. In all my life I have been professional hockey player and also having a 9 to 5 job besides that. Zoloft 25/50mg - June 2019-March 2021 (20 months) In January of 2019 I decided I it was enough and I needed to change my lifestyle. So I abruptly stopped all partying and dedicated myself to total training regime and eating healthy food and concentrating on work. And I started to feel great! I met I girl, who is my fiancee now, and fel in love for the first time since high school. I was on top of the world. But it only lasted for a couple of months. Then anxiety and depression waves started to take me over. I didnt know why that happened. I was assured that I had to feel good because now I started living a healthier drug-free life for the first time in almost a decade. I ignored it in hope it would all go away but it didnt. It was getting worse. It was probably some form of PAWS after stopping taking cocaine and alcohol every few days. But it didnt realise that at a time. Each of having those symptoms left me miserable. Also, my libido and concentration, which never returned to 100% after quitting zoloft in 2010. were even more affected. I was at a highly responsible managerial position job, having my hockey career at its peak, having a girl I was in love with and having to pay for mortgage. So I just couldnt let myself sink to the dark again like I did in 2009. and risking loosing all of those things. And with everyday symptoms getting worse, it was evident I was getting closer to that. So I decided to take zoloft once again in June 2019. I started at 25mg(splitting 50mg pills at half). And symptoms kinda went away. Also, my libido returned. Also, my concentraion returned. I was so happy. It was for first time in almost a decade my penis felt totally connected to my mind. And my mind was working brilliantly. I felt like I was a supercomputer. I could remember anything and was able to solve all the mind challenging obstacles. But it lasted only for about month or so. After that i started having anxiety and panics again... So i lifted a dose to 50mg(whole pill) and that eased anxiety for me. I stayed on 50mg for few months when anxiety returned again. I didnt know what to think. I said myself if I keep lifting a dose like this i might end up on 200mg in few months time and I dont want that. So maybe this pills are causing me anxiety I tought. So I cut the dose to 25mg again. And felt anxiety weaken shortly after that. Great I tought. But again in few weeks it returned, so I lifted up to 50mg again and it eased anxiety again. So I was going back and forth fluctuating between 25 and 50mg. I was generally listening to my mind and body and adjusting dose regarding to my anxiety levels. Sometimes it meant staying on single dose for months and sometimes it meant only for days or so. It all lasted until November 2020 when couldnt feel benefits anymore. Its not just that i couldnt feel the benefits, my mental health deteriorated a lot graduately. I started to feel down, ruminating, no libido, hostile towards my fiance and family, aversion to work, social anxiety, low energy etc... At that time I felt like I have to quit Zoloft but I was scared it would only make things worse. So I hanged on for a couple more months until I decided to get off it for good in March 2021. I tapered by listening to my mind and body as I didnt know any other way. So from 50mg at a time i cut to 25 for few weeks. After I felt no physical symptoms (mental symptoms were already there for some time), I missed a dose for a few days. After 3 days I felt dizziness and took 25mg again. Those symptoms went away immediately. Then I was not taking for 5 days and dizziness came back. Then I took 25mg again. Symptoms went away again. Then they came back after 7 days. I took 25mg again. After that dizziness never returned and I never took pill again. So I started psychoanalitic therapy in May. At that time I didnt know all those symptoms were from withdrawal syndrome. So I drinked alcohol to give me relief and took cocaine for few times. I only recently, few weeks ago, found out that all of my symptoms are from Withdrawal syndrome. After that conclusion, I never drank alcohol or took any drugs again. I know now that I have to stay away from those thing in order to have some hope in recovery. So now I am in a state in which I have this symptoms: -mood swings -DP/DR -high agitation which turns into anger and hostility which wont go away so quickly -Anxiety attacks -Extreme nostalgia (one of most common symptoms), I even feel nostalgia for yesterday! Even nothing good happened yesterday! -Depression waves -Low libido -No self esteem -Non stop overanalysing every move I make and every tought i have -Anhedonia -Food cravings. I gain 10 kilos in one year -Hostility towards work, I hate going to my workplace and find no interest in job I do -Identity loss- maybe the worst symptom of all... I really dont know how to deal with that and that produces low self esteem. -Feeling so low when I see others enjoying life and having interests and passions... - I think everyone is better then me -oversleeping It is interesting that my concentration is now way better then it was before i started taking zoloft. Even now after I quit taking it. It seems it improved permanently by taking zoloft. I have NO psychical symptoms. Only mental this is how i feel: In 65% of time I feel , i like to call it, LOW NEUTRAL. It means I have all those symptoms from list above but they are something I can live with. It means I can work and do all the stuff I need to do. (Is this WD Normal as you call it?) In 25% of time I feel extreme anxiety or depression which are overwhelming and paralyzing. Although they dont stop me from working and going about my day, those emotions are so extreme I sometimes get dhiarrea of it. In 7% of time I feel good. Like I am 95% back to my normal self again. in 3% of time I feel 100% normal and those moments are so nice and they keep me going all this time. They are my fuel. When I dont see reason to live I remember those few nice moments/days which I had. Are these waves and windows which i described? Right now I feel depressed for last 2 weeks. I have trouble getting out of bad and I eat a lot. In the morning its worst and gets better towards end of the day. Please answer these questions for me, I feel desperate: 1. Can I develop some other mental illness out of this? 2. Do I have to cut alcohol out for the rest of my life? I sometimes want to drink so hard to give me a relief... 3. Are all of these emotions which come to me out of the blue (agitaion,anxiety,depression, feeling of no self worth etc..) something which I havent dealt with earlier in my life so they are coming back now or its just a reaction to brain healing and triggering them randomly? 4. Will psychotherapy help or is it just a waste of money? 5. Does this affect my genes and seamen? My fiancee and I want to have children and when I have some of my good days and libido I wonder if we can try to make baby? 6. Is it normal that I didn't feel alcohol? 7. Does it matter that I already came of Zoloft twice in my life before? I know about kindling effect and wonder if it is going to make it harder this time or should I think that my brain already knows this situation and how to repair so it will repair more easily? 8. Each time I have Waves, they tend to get even worse. And windows tend to get even happier. Is that normal? Why is this so? 9. THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: Should I reinstate? I mean I didnt feel any benefits of pill (except for first few months), so would that be a good idea? Its been 7 months since I last took pill 10. Have my healing process started or the worst is yet to come? Thank you in advance for your time. I really hope to answers to my questions. Sorry for my english, its not my first language. I have already read this: Instructions: Withdrawal History Signature Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms what-is-withdrawal-syndrome The only supplements which SA recommends are Magnesium and Omega-3 Fish Oil . Tips for Tapering Zoloft The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Hi.. About year ago October 2020 I joined uni I had a lot of stress and chronic diarrhea for months with severe physical symptoms which did not go with physiological med... I went to a doctor in may 2021 ,he gave me cipralex 10mg.. And I was supposed to take it for a months as he said.. He gave me buspar too, the first day I took cipralex I feel like iam not normal but I thought itis a fatigue or just we can stay up in the morning not in the mood.. Until one of my friends said why you are like that?? I was laughing at everything.. I thought it was something like cocaiine! I cannot even describe the feeling.. I continued until the third day then I closed it on the fourth.. This day I got a bad headache then I had uterus bleeding for about 20 days.. I went to a phaychologiat and I had sessions I thought that my sudden confident was from the sessions but after some months I recognised that I cannot feel I cannot even concentrate or feel iam very numbed.. I went to another psychologist this months she said work ve emotional numbness and adhd.. And she wants to give me stimulants.. I need your help I cannot think anymore.. And if I told anyone that this symptoms are from med they do not believe me cause the med need month to work iam now 21 sep 2021 and I cannot feel anymore or just focus u feel like iam not real or iam dreaming just a bad feeling... Sorry for any mistake iam not English

Hello, you can call me King :). Someone from a discord server referred me to this discord server saying that you all would know what I'm going through and how i can deal with it.... So a few months back like October ish i joined an IOP program to help manage my anxiety. I had a whole group of doctors there (therapist, nurse, behavioral specialist, and a psychiatrist for medication management). Before joining this program i already had a psychiatrist who had put me on Lexapro 20mg, Gabapentin 100mg, and Intuniv 1mg (I think... i forgot the dosage for that last one if ima be honest). Anyways during my time at this IOP program that was all performed through Microsoft office the Psychiatrist took my off of all my meds, first Intuniv then gabapentin then Lexapro. The first two weren't bad as far as i could tell because I don't think they were addictive like SSRI's typically are, but then he took me off of Lexapro first cutting my 20mg dose into 10mg then a few weeks later he said i could just stop taking it all together. I didn't know any better so i just listened to the doctor but little did i know i was about to have one of the worst experiences of my life, keep in mind this was all during the end of November now. So i got off Lexapro and then i got discharged from the program because insurance didn't want to pay for it anymore. About a month later i started having horrible anxiety, TERRIBLE mood swings, nausea, bad body temp regulation, etc. Its been about 3 months now and its not as bad as it was when i first started but its still hard for me to function honestly. My anxiety is through the roof and all the progress I made during the IOP program was basically destroyed. I had my main psychiatrist call the other one that took me off the meds to chew him out and he said that it was a miscommunication and that I wasn't meant to come off of Lexapro (I found out what he told my psychiatrist last night), needless to say I am furious that hes trying to cover up for a massive error in judgement he made. Anyways I was wondering how long I should expect to be experiencing these withdrawals or any thoughts you may have? My psychiatrist wrote me a prescription for Klonopin last night so I'm hoping this will help me massively with all anxiety related issues.

So I dont know where to start, so i guess ill just jump right into it straight away. I'm a 21 year old guy and im in my 3rd year of university. I was prescribed Citalopram 10mg when i was 20 years old for anxiety. I never really had any depression or any other mental problem, apart from the anxiety, which kind of affected my life a bit. Nothing i couldnt manage, but still decided to try out SSRI's to see whether they would help. My doctor prescribed me 10mg Citalopram and it took a while for it to work, about 4 months. Honestly, i felt great after that period of time, i was still kinda myself, but without the constant worry and shortness of breath when i was in social situations, especially presentations and job interviews. Then, something went wrong. The anxiety was still under control and I felt very confident, but my emotions started becoming numb. I no longer felt happiness the same way, like i could still tell that i was happy, but it was like kinda meh happy. I stopped enjoying things i used to love, like gym, running, video games, writing music, etc. I kinda became complacent with everything, but not in a good way. I stopped striving for success, because i constantly had this fake euphoric feeling like everything is always gonna be alright, so i dont need to worry about achieving anything. Anyway, I went to my doctor again and got prescribed 20mg Citalopram after using 10mg for 6 months. That dosage didnt really do anything apart from introduce procrastination and anger. I became very snappy and always delayed everything until the last minute. (I used to be the type to finish everything on day 1 and then relax). That apathy feeling of not wanting do anything also increased. I just simply stayed patient, hoping that my brain will adjust to the new dosage. I waited 3 months and although i felt ok-ish, something felt off. Even my friends told me that i kinda became boring. I used to be this euphoric, overly excited class clown and then months later became this sleepy depressed guy. Also, got this crazy brain fog which made me really incompetent at things i used to excel at. Used to be a human calculator back in school, then after 9 months on SSRI's could barely do 7x7. My memory was impaired, libido non existent, ED, speech slur, and a bunch of other BS i never had. The worst part was that i could no longer write music. Before, i would be able to come up with lyrics in my head no problem, whereas after SSRI's, my brain was just silent, its like there was no thought processes going on in my skull anymore. Went to my doctor again, and tried a different SSRI. I got prescribed 100mg Sertaline and used that for 2 months, which kinda worked better than citalopram but when it did start working, i started experiencing withdrawals from Citalopram, which kinda oversaturated the effectiveness of this new SSRI. So I went back to doctor again and got prescribed 10mg Citalopram again, since that had the best effect on me in the first 4-6 months i started using them. Long story short, I started withdrawing due to minimising my dosage, so i kind of reached this F it moment and said "im done". I did a quick taper of 3 weeks. 2 weeks of 5mg and 1 week of 2.5 mg and i just quit. To make it clear, I did 6 months of 10mg Cit, 3 months of 20mg Cit, 2 months of 100mg Sert, and finished off with 10mg Cit again. This is where my visit to hell happened. Im going to keep this short for those who are like me and cant be bothered reading long paragraphs, so ill give you my withdrawal timeline. First 3.5 months - pure hell. Brain impairment, which included the usual things you hear. Crazy bain dog (I felt completely stupid, like an inexperienced 8 year old in a 21 year old body) All grades went down. Went from the brightest student, to an absolute abomination of a human. The worst symptom was irritability. The amount of arguments and things i broke in a span of 3.5 months is just crazy. Fought a bunch of men who tried dating my mother. Also started losing a bit of hair, which fortunately started growing back, and pretty much every other symptom you see here, like depersenalisation, dissociation, atpathy, etc. Around the 4 month mark, i started getting the windows and waves pattern. So there were days where i felt ok-ish and then other days where it was back to the pure hell experienced in the first 3.5 months. This lasted to about the month 5 month mark. Around 5 months, still windows and waves but now the windows were longer and waves shorter. Still experienced some brain fog and irritability. Around 5.75 month mark, my old personality started coming back. Irritability started vanishing. More positive outlook on life came back. IQ started increasing back up, so i no longer felt a bit daft. Actually started enjoying things again. Now, im around the 6.5 month mark, maybe 6.75 and i feel even better. I havent experienced that withdrawal feeling (YET). There are days where i feel a bit odd, like not myself but they only last a day, maximum two. To conclude, I feel like the major withdrawal symptoms are gone, because i felt good for the past month. Not a single anger outburst, or days where i have brain fog. One thing that i still struggle with is a bit of ED and low libido, but i feel like that will improve over time. I still have that voice in my head telling me that another huge wave might hit me down the line, which scares me quite a bit, but im already so far into this recovery process that i dont really give a damn. I feel like i have another 10-15% left to recover, but honeslty this will do, compared to what i've went through. Anyway, i hope this encourages some people, and helps you get through this atrocious mental state, because i feel like if the withdrawals lasted any longer, i doubt i'd still be here honeslty. I just wanted to share this for anyone losing hope like i did, when i watched a bunch of YouTube vids of people saying how their withdrawals were over after like a month, and then there was me just dying 5 months later. Ps. Ignore the horrible grammar, i was typing this super fast.

Hi. I am sheepish to share, because I am starting a process which makes me vulnerable. I have been on SSRI's since the age of 12. fluoxetine (prozac)from 12-19, and escitalopram (lexapro) from 19-current. I am in week 2 of my tapering process and decided I need a support group. I started at 20mg of lexapro and am down to 15 . I took my last 20mg dose at 6am october 14. I am trying to consume any and ALL articles, videos, stories, words of encouragement ; and tips and tricks on tapering/ withdrawal coping. I am finding immense solace in distracting myself with other peoples stories and success . I have been documenting my process as so to have record of it and to swap stories with fellow patients. Please take a moment to share any tips or tricks on sleeping during withdrawal , as I am having great trouble with this especially. I have attached my week 1 update and hope you can link me with any of your vlogs, blogs or stories so I don't have to feel as alone in this as i currently do. Thank you so much for your time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFVKDNUg4Mo&t=954s

Hello, new member here, hoping to find some wisdom and support in my post medicated life! My medication history in a nutshell: I have been on antidepressants around 15 years, most of them lived on a combination of progressive Citalopram doses (10-40 mg), Bupropion 150XR, and Lorazepam 0.5 mg for occasional anxiety management. Began taper 6-1-2020 of Citalopram, completed 8-15-2020. Went off Bupropion 10-1-2020, did not taper due to extended release and significantly lower doses not readily available. Lorazepam was not used frequently enough to require and sort of cessation plan. The Citalopram taper was rough, as usual, something I tried and failed many, many, years ago. However, I did not get brain zaps this time, I think it was due to the effect of the Bupropion, which is good as a support drug for tapering (i.e. it is used to help quit smoking). The only current medication I am taking is a 24 hour antihistamine, Zyrtec 10 mg one time a day, before bed. Why taper off, why now? I am currently unemployed, thanks to COVID, so have some time to ride this thing out and see if I can get healthy and free of the medications. I had been dealing with a lot of side effects of the drugs, kind of a laundry list of the normal side effects for these drugs, but here is a list of the primary ones I was dealing with. Kind of difficult to nail this all down, been on this stuff a LONG time. Agitation/Irritability Decrease in sexual desire or ability GI problems, constipation, semen leakage during bowel movements Dry mouth/increased thirst increase in the frequency of urination lack of emotion Tiredness/Drowsiness/lethargy/Yawning Restlessness, twitching. Weight gain Why am I here? I am off of the meds, but have dealt with a fair bit of discontinuation syndrome. Have any of you found anything that helps you get through the next few months/years after discontinuation? I am not super big on supplements, but open to logical ideas based in science or real life experience. I have a relative who takes a handful of expensive supplements daily, I am not going down that route as I don't believe in flushing expensive pee down the toilet. I currently take NOTHING other than the allergy pill. No vitamins, no caffeine, little to no alcohol, no nicotine, etc. My primary issues at present are that I am sleeping a lot, lack ambition and energy to do things even though I have the desire to work or take on projects. I do have some anxiety presently, very manageable at home but more difficult in a work environment--it is situational. Once I start on something, and I get engaged in it, I have no problem staying focused and completing it. The daily grind of just being alive and present is difficult, I have occasional, mild, suicidal thoughts such as questioning if it is all worth the effort. That said, I have never attempted suicide and would say I am at very low risk, but my mind can wander there or identify with musicians or artists who address the subject (i.e. 13 Reasons Why). What next? I have an appointment with my doctor in a few days, the first since I completed the taper, I talked it all through with her before the taper, but it went so well that I have not had intermediate appointments. Part of the reason for not having more appointments, during my taper, was the feeling that there really is nothing she can do to make it any better. The taper also went very well, in my opinion. I still feel that the doctors are limited in what support they can give you, other than going back on the meds, what are my options in seeing an MD? Some of my side effects are getting much better now, for example I noticed my dry mouth issues are gone and I have been more regular as far at GI issues!

Hi, all-- I am so grateful to have found this site. It is helpful to know that I'm not alone. This is my first post, I will try my best to be succinct. I'm a 42 y/o female. I've been on Zoloft for 12 years, anywhere from 50mg daily to 175mg. I'd say my average over the years is probably around 125mg daily. My signature has a breakdown of my history. I've also taken klonopin during this time, but I take it PRN as I have never agreed with the doc suggestions to take this med multiple times daily. So in terms of my average klonopin dosing, during acute anxiety or hospitalization I take it multiple times daily but otherwise I take it maybe once or twice a month (more or less). My pills are 0.5, but I have a sensitive system so I take one quarter of that or maybe a half. A full pill usually means I am heading into a major depressive episode or something pretty difficult is going on. I smoked marijuana for about 7 years, but had to stop that in July 2020 due to cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS). Lastly, I began a magnesium supplement around July 2020, and it has greatly helped with daily anxiety. The difference has been pronounced for me. For the past five/six years or so, I noticed that I occasionally got facial tics when I wake up in the morning. They were small, brief, and random, usually my jaw jiggling or shutting, or my eyes shutting closed due to my cheeks lifting. I thought it might be the Zoloft, but I didn't look into it too much. Well, now I've looked into it and I'm terrified. For the past 6 months, I'd say, the tics have started to happen during the course of the day and not just when I wake up in the morning. A couple of days ago, I was lying in bed and my throat/esophagus just started twitching up and down a few times-- that one was scary. I have an HMO, so I am in the process of seeking out a holistic psychiatrist on my own. I've seen the list on this site, that's been very helpful! I have a few questions for anyone that can help: In your experience, is it okay to have a long-distance psych? Does it make a difference? I'd rather see someone who knows what they're doing and is far, far away than someone close by who doesn't know or believe in patient-centered care. How might this hamper care? Do the TD symptoms indicate that I should follow a quicker taper? Or is this a matter of doing the 10% and then waiting/hoping that TD symptoms don't get worse? Can klonopin cause TD? I haven't seen anything about this, but I'd love to hear others' experiences. I will ask my psych the same thing, but are there any supplements that folks here recommend to help with the taper? I've tried tapering once before back in 2011-2013 (I thought I was tapering slowly, but given the info we have now I can see I was most definitely not going slowly. I was also following bad advice about taking my SSRI "every other day" to even out the amount of med in my bloodstream), and had what I now recognize to be an acute and quickly-manifesting depressive episode as a result of withdrawal. I understand that everyone's body is different, but any experiences with supplements is very welcome. Of course I am impatient to get off of this drug which could now be causing me a lot of harm. I have done loads and loads of work with therapists on my PTSD and depression, but the Zoloft did help me with that at the beginning, very much. I have so many conflicting feelings, but fear overrides them all because I would very much love to retain my ability to swallow and chew voluntarily (the cosmetic fears are also there, but to a lesser degree). I am a Buddhist and humanist and practice daily in one way or another, but as I'm sure many of us know a strong depression can and will obliterate reason, faith, belief, you name it. Thankfully I have a wife who shares my beliefs, and she is a rock. Thank you so much for any help. I am terrified of this journey, but I am very heartened that at least I have others to share it with.

Hi all, In 2013 I received the diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I started having therapy for the first time in my life - I was 23 then. I've been anxious through my teens and early adulthood, and also suffered from bouts of low mood, but did not think much of it - I thought it was just how I was. In 2013 because I was at a particularly bad phase in college, I went to a psychiatrist through which I started taking 20mg Lexapro (I take the generic - Escitalopram). Everything improved a lot. Anxiety greatly reduced, mood also better, more drive to do stuff. And basically no side effects. So I kept taking it religiously, and basically forgot about it. About 3 years later, it started to bug me that I was taking a drug to keep myself mentally stable. I knew nothing about how bad the withdrawals from this type of drug were, and I felt good, so I just cold turkey'd - 20 to 0. You can imagine how this goes. After some days I was hit by what I thought was the worst flu I had ever had. I could not leave bed. That was odd. Didn't think just stopping that drug would cause that, as the effect of the drug is pretty much non-noticeable (it's not like taking a benzo where you feel drowsy and so on) and you just feel pretty much like the normal you. Either way, just to be safe I went back on the 20mg and all the symptoms disappeared after some time and again I did not think much about it anymore. I think I attempted cold turkeying again after some time just to experience exactly the same symptoms. So I thought "alright, this really is the Lexapro, not a flu". From then on I started being more uncomfortable for taking the Lexapro. Here's this drug that apparently makes me feel stable, but I stop taking it and I'm completely wrecked. This doesn't feel right. So in 2018 I started a slow tapper, or at least what I considered a slow tapper. I was reducing around 2.5mg every month or every other month. I was going linearly - no percentage reduction. That was the logical thing for me to do as my doctor never told me about the liquid form of Lexapro and with the tablets available where I live it's impossible to do a precise lower division lower than 2.5mg. Throughout the tapper I felt what I now acknowledge as withdrawal symptoms, but again I did not think much of it. I was in a difficult life situation, living abroad and always extremely stressed, so I thought the life situation was what was causing that. In May 2019, I was down to already 2.5mg. Not feeling that well, but that was such a low dose that I thought it was insignificant and dropped to zero. This overlapped with a break-up and with starting a job that was really quite demanding. That's when I got into hell. I started waking up at night with panic attacks. In the morning my arms and legs were burning - I felt the anxiety burning my body. I just wanted to leave my body and my mind, that feeling was just too unbearable. Crying non-stop, huge feelings of rage - I just wanted to destroy stuff and just felt this huge urge sometimes to beat up anyone that did something even mildly annoying (and mind that I've always been quite a controled person - this was not at all me). I also had muscle spasms, couldn't digest anything properly and lost a bunch of weight. I had never been so thin in my life. That's when I started thinking I had to have something serious in my brain - I even forgot about the Lexapro then - I thought I was developing a neurological disease. This person was not me. My psychiatrist had tried to put me on other antidepressants - Fluvoxamine and Mirtazapine. None of them worked. Then I was put back on the Lexapro (only 10mg). And I wasn't seeing much improvement on my state. I started becoming suicidal. I did not want to go through the realization that I had a disease that would invalidate me for the rest of my days. I was going to doctor after doctor, doing exam after exam, and they didn't seem to find anything wrong which left me feeling even more helpless. I thought that was never going to end. I started thinking every day about suicide. That's all I thought about. I just could not bear that reality. That's when I told my parents - "I need to be checked in at the hospital. I won't last much longer like this." So I was checked in at the hospital. Even the doctors who checked me in did not believe I was in such a bad state - I guess even in that state I kept my composure. I spent 2 weeks there, in what was the most horrible experience of my life. The people there were for sure much worse than I was - most of them had even lost touch with reality. But deep down I know this was the experience I needed to snap out of it. While I was there the doctor who was supervising me increased my Lexapro dose to 20mg. I became reeeaally sleepy after that. Just as I had become the first time I went into 20mg back in 2013. By then I still did not believe I did not have a horrifying disease. It was really hard to believe this was coming just from a psychological source. And it took quite long for me to become convinced that was the case. The months right after the hospital were tough. I was sleeping a lot - around 12 hours a day. Very, very slowly things started improving. Too slowly for me to even notice a difference. But little by little I started sleeping less, recovered my appetite, some days even saw a glimpse of contentment. At some point I was feeling good more often than I was feeling bad. I started exercising every day, having psychotherapy twice a week, taking supplements, getting sun light, meditating. Everything I could do to improve, I did. Around April of this year, I was already entering a pretty stable stage. Some days I still had energy and mood breaks which I had no idea where they came from and were pretty demotivating - now I realize they are likely something akin to the "waves" that I've seen mentioned here at SA. I also still had some lingering symptoms such as some vague leg pain here and there, as well as teeth pain. But those bad days and lingering symptoms started becoming more and more rare. So for some months I was doing really good. Feeling drive and contentment with life. Optimistic. Last month I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, and as I really want to be med-free he suggested that I attempted a new reduction again. At first he suggested me to drop to 15mg, but I thought it was better to go first down to 17.5mg instead. And that's the dosage I'm at right now. The reduction was not that large, but I can for sure feel the withdrawals - even though I know the reduction was larger than the 10% recommended here at SA - my next drops I will follow that guidance. After the drop to 17.5mg, I started having more of those down days. Also the days right afterwards I had rebound anxiety, which has already disappeared. Some days my energy and mood breaks. And I'm more irritable, less drive, etc. Also those lingering pains I mentioned are back sometimes. Furthermore, I feel like I can't train at the gym at the same level I did - even though my body weight and composition is exactly the same as it was before the drop to 17.5mg, I feel significantly less strength some days. So for now I will stick with cardio. Now I know much better than I did in the past and will wait to fully stabilize from the current withdrawal until I attempt another reduction. I am also building a sauna at my place, which I have read has many benefits for mood, so that's another resource I will have to deal with the tapering process. Hope this post can be useful for someone.

Free from Zoloft and Benzos After 25+ Years of Use One-year post taper “success story” – http://survivingantidepressants.org Elbee (male) - August 27, 2020 At the time of this success story post, I have passed the one-year mark (15+ months) living drug-free. I am speaking to you from “the other side” of hell to let you know I made it through the nightmare of psychiatric drug withdrawal -- and so can you. I want to start by saying that everyone’s withdrawal from psychiatric drugs is going to differ – no two paths are the same. While there will be commonalities in what we each experience, there will also be differences. I also believe that none of us are uniquely or irreparably “broken,” and that each of us can find a path to living much fuller, healthier lives in greater freedom. To be clear, I had doubts throughout this process . . . believing that somehow, I was MORE “broken,” and that I wouldn’t find my way out of the darkness. But the natural, innate healing power we each possess is profoundly AWESOME, and it quietly, patiently works in the background in each of our lives. . . even if we can’t see it, and even if we don’t trust it. For me, the psychiatric drug withdrawal / tapering process turned out to be an invitation to learn how to live my life differently. It became clear to me in this journey that I could never go back to some idealized place I vaguely imagined myself clinging to . . . I could only move forward to somewhere I had not yet been. I need to be honest: It is still hard to revisit and write about just how painful this drug withdrawal process was. Now that I’m feeling so much better, a part of me wants to forget the whole ordeal . . . as if looking in a rear-view mirror, driving ever-further away. And the reality is that this rear-view mirror perspective is very much real -- I’m SO grateful not to be suffocating in such intense pain anymore! But it is also true I will carry the scars of this experience with me for the rest of my life. It is clear to me now that some of me died through this drug withdrawal process. It is also true that the most precious parts of me came back to life. And I am still healing. I was very much disabled through the most intensive parts of the drug taper. I was on these psych drugs for panic attacks, anxiety, and depression my entire adult life, over 25 years. Additionally, I was drinking alcohol abusively, and relying on multiple pots of coffee and a pack of cigarettes to get me through each day. Even before I had decided to get off the meds, I was utterly exhausted most of the time, barely functional, and unconsciously stumbling through life like a zombie. I knew I had to fundamentally change how I was living. The first step in my detox efforts was to quit alcohol in April of 2014, 30 years after taking my first drink as a kid. Thankfully, I was able to release alcohol from my life relatively easily. Whatever boost alcohol had given me previously was gone, and it was clear to me as a 44 year old man that the devastating hangovers I experienced were getting more difficult. Then, over that following summer and under doctor supervision, I “tapered” entirely off both the Lorazepam and Zoloft that I had been taking for 24 years. I experienced tons of anxiety in the process, but I did it, and after the 4-month ordeal, I thought I was in the clear. Unfortunately, about six weeks after taking my last dose of Zoloft, what I now know to be protracted withdrawal hit, and my life spun into a depth of hell that words cannot describe. Instead of re-instating the same drugs I had been taking, the doctors took me on an 8-month “trial-and-error” roller coaster ride of psychiatric drug experimentation. I finally ended up on higher doses of the drugs I had originally quit, plus Remeron added in for good measure. Through all of this, I landed in a very bad place – exhausted, functionally disabled, unable to work, and unsure what to do next. I had some savings in the bank I could live on for a few years, so I decided to “hole up” to do a new taper, following the much slower tapering protocol of the SurvivingAntidepressants.org website. But my savings were limited, so I used the 10% reduction protocol as a baseline, and pushed the taper as fast as I could without killing myself in the process. I’m not sure I would suggest this approach to anyone else, but in my situation, that’s what I did. Note: I’m going to refrain from listing out all the symptomatic horrors I experienced (there were many) as I write this success story. Here is the link, if you’re interested, to my introductory thread which details my four-year psychiatric drug withdrawal process: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/11862-%E2%98%BC-elbee-25-years-of-meds/ And I want to take a moment here to say how incredibly grateful I am to @Altostrata, @Shep @brassmonkey, @bubble, @apace41, @Gridley, @Rhiannon (her writings), @JanCarol, @KarenB, @ChessieCat, @Petunia, @scallywag and all the folks at SurvivingAntidepressants.org who helped save my life. I also came across Robert Whitaker’s book, Anatomy of an Epidemic around the same time I found this site, and from these resources, I knew I had stumbled into truth. It became clear to me that so much of what the mainstream medical establishment had told me about these drugs, and about my so-called “chemical imbalance,” was false -- I had been lied to. SurvivingAntidepressants.org helped me anchor into this truth and set me on a new course. THANK YOU! With these new resources, I came to understand that getting off the drugs wasn’t just a simple matter of refraining from ingesting chemicals, or even about waiting for those chemicals to dissipate out of my body. I learned that my brain had restructured itself around the presence of the drugs all these years and that by removing the drugs, my brain would have to, very slowly, restructure itself again to a healthy state. The metaphor of a plant (my brain) growing on a trellis (the drugs) for support is so profound to me. How can I expect to abruptly rip out the trellis and think that it won’t damage the plant in devastating ways? This metaphor was such a clear illustration to me of how a neuroplastic human brain builds tolerance, and how we can so easily become entangled in the physiological mechanisms of addiction. And to be very clear, our brains develop tolerance to psychiatric drugs just like they do street drugs, and the mechanics of addiction and withdrawal in each are the same. Gaining this knowledge and allowing it to sink in was probably one of the most important early milestones in my healing process. In preparing for writing this success story, I re-read my entire introductory thread. Several pivotal posts stood out to me as other milestones in my healing process, and while this testimonial might go long, I think it could be useful to touch on some of them . . . In my very first post, I am already talking about the value of meditation. Sitting with myself quietly and focusing on my breath helped me slow down my mind and learn to relax. As I continued with the practice, though, I began experiencing periods of discomfort. I had initially taken the psychiatric drugs to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings, and as I practiced meditating space was again created for those feelings to arise. Learning to slowly sit with and tolerate whatever thoughts and feelings arose began to nullify my need to run away, and therefore, lesson my urge to drug the discomfort. Meditation became a cornerstone of my self-care practice, and self-care is what I ultimately found to replace the drugs. Next milestone -- about a year later, I wrote an entry about a decision I was struggling with on whether to consult with a renowned psychiatrist. A relative was able to get me an appointment for a psychiatric medication evaluation from a “leader in the field” (at the bargain price of $2,000). Looking back, it was then I decided I no longer believed in the efficacy of psychiatric drugs, nor the system that deals in them. I wrote: Next, in the summer of 2016, still early in my tapering and recovery process, I went on a 111-day, 9,000-mile solo road trip across the U.S. In retrospect, I was probably looking for something “out there” that was missing “in here.” I did a four-day vision fast in the wilderness, hiked a 14,000-foot mountain, roamed Death Valley, did a week-long silent meditation retreat, camped under redwoods, hiked numerous National Parks, etc. Was it really a good idea to take this pilgrimage in such a compromised state? I can’t say for sure, but it’s what I did, and I think it cracked through defenses that needed to open. In the Hoh Forest of Olympic National Park in Washington state, I experienced a release of emotions like I had never felt before. It was in that moment I finally realized that releasing stored emotional blockages could ease my anxiety: Another milestone: Upon returning home to Florida later that fall, I dove more deeply into my involvement with the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) 12-Step program. In conjunction with doing EMDR with a skilled, compassionate trauma therapist, ACA helped me crack through layers of protective childhood denial that I had carried into adulthood. Some people advise NOT deliberately digging into the unconscious too much while going through psychiatric drug withdrawal, but my path has been that of heavy digging. I accepted living in a disabled state for a period of time and felt that if I was going to get off these drugs, I needed to address what drove me to take them in the first place. By early summer of 2017, my commitment to this recovery approach had strengthened. Along with addressing the trauma associated with childhood family dysfunction, I opened another door . . . into the shame and terror I experienced hiding as a closeted young gay boy and gay teen. I had initially come out 25 years earlier at age 20 (the same time I started taking the psych drugs), but that was only part of my truth I was hiding. The secrets of my sexual orientation were built upon the secrets of having grown up in family dysfunction: Homophobia turned out to be compounding trauma, and I had been living in a closet within a closet. I had more inner work to do. Perhaps one of my most significant milestones was realizing how important it was for me to take the lead in my healing, and how easily I had deferred to the “expertise of authorities” in my life. By June of 2017, I had navigated my way off the benzos completely, and I recognized the importance of building an internal sense of trust – connecting with my more authentic self to discover a new inner compass. Despite appearing outwardly confident most of my life, inner trust was something I lacked. By allowing myself to fully feel, I had opened to recognizing my own authentic needs, to directly and respectfully communicating my needs, and to setting healthy limits and boundaries. By learning these important skills that I had missed earlier in life, I discovered greater internal trust with myself, and greater discernment in trusting others. By January of 2018, I had another important insight: I more fully recognized I was going through an internal chemical withdrawal process in addition to detoxing from the drugs I was ingesting. Behavioral (or process) compulsions and addictions all have physiological and neurological correlates, and I had been heavily “dosing” throughout my life using my own “internal drug store.” This realization profoundly shifted my perspective on my psychiatric drug withdrawal process, seeing it in a more comprehensive context. A lot of my recovery has involved working with an “inner critic” that had been driving me most of my life, born and sustained from a lack of unconditional love. Ironically, this harshness was so pervasive that I had never consciously known it was there. My inner critic constantly pushed me into the extremes of all-nothing thinking. Again, meditative practices more than anything helped me identify this was going on, and ACA reparenting (inner child work) has allowed me to soften it. By the end of 2018, I started discovering something that had evaded me my whole life – moderation, and a general sense of “OK-ness.” By April 2019, I had found a new pace in life to accompany my new inner compass, and I was nearing the full completion of my psychiatric drug taper. I was one-year benzo-free at this point, and at times, I was overwhelmed with heights of new sensations and emotions. I was feeling things I hadn’t experienced since I was a teenager because I had been drugged my entire adult life. It was overpowering in many ways, but I was so grateful to be “awakening” to a much more fully human life. On April 28, 2019, I was finally free from Zoloft, and my psychiatric drug taper was complete. I had found a way out of the darkness, and I had survived. I couldn’t remember having ever felt so alive. So, while this isn’t my entire recovery story, I’m fulfilling my promise to report back and share my continuing journey with others. Where do things stand today, 15 months after taking a psychiatric drug for the last time ever? No need to panic. I’m not experiencing depersonalization, derealization (DP/DR), or panic attacks in frightening ways. I do still feel what I might call different states of consciousness, but often there is a positive, expansive quality to these experiences. Perhaps some might call this bliss? I haven’t really found ways to talk about it yet clearly, but I don’t experience panic attacks in the ways I used to. I still have fears of them returning, but less so with time. I also get “eerie” feelings now and again, but I have found ways to work with that when it happens, and it doesn’t usually last long. Scariest weirdness has ceased. Most of the “unexplainable” adverse reactions I experienced don’t happen anymore. I would get terrible flu-like symptoms for days at a time . . . hot flashes and chills, body aches, cramps, twitches, headaches, fogginess and disorientation, exhaustion, etc. Sometimes my heart would start racing for no apparent reason, or I would have trouble breathing. I had chronic digestion issues. I had intense agoraphobia, even paranoia at times. I had problems making the simplest decisions. All of this, for the most part, has subsided. Consistent rest. My sleep has changed dramatically, and I’m so grateful. I have struggled with sleep my entire life . . . unable to fall asleep at night and feeling anxious and “hungover” with crippling anxiety each morning. For as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to sleep “normally” from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. and wake-up feeling well-rested. Today, more times than not, my sleep resembles very much what I used to wish for. I wrote an entry summarizing what I’ve done to address my sleep issues here. Keep gently working with triggers. I still have intense anxiety at times and find myself in hypervigilant states. I’ve come to understand this as a trauma response, and I can usually identify what has triggered me and/or how my inner critic has become activated. I’ve developed self-care routines that help to reduce these reactions, and that help me come out of this state much more quickly and easily. Some old wounds have healed permanently – some things that used to trigger me no longer do. AND I want to emphasize there are days now, thankfully, I live virtually anxiety-free. Self-care (reparenting) is my new drug. I had SO much resistance to doing self-care my whole life (for many reasons I won’t get into here). And by self-care, I don’t mean treating myself to a spa day (though that probably doesn’t hurt). I mean the day-in and day-out routines of physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually tending to myself like I’m the most precious being in the world. Self-care is what got me to where I am today, and it will be the practice of my lifetime. Don’t overdo it. As my life continues to get fuller, I can easily start “checking-out” again. If I stay dissociated for too long, I will pay for it. If I overcommit while on autopilot, I will have adverse reactions when I reconnect with myself. If I try to shortcut too much on the self-care, I will most definitely feel it, and I will struggle. Moving forward, I have to be very careful not to take on too much too quickly, and simply take next best steps. The worst is over. I’ve come to accept that I will never know how much of the excruciating symptoms I experienced these past years were due directly to the psychiatric drug withdrawal, versus how much was due to all the “inner work” I was doing. What I can say is that the symptoms from folks going through psychiatric drug withdrawal and folks doing inner transformative (trauma) work tend to be very much the same. It’s uncanny really, and I can’t explain it. But these two processes seem to very much mirror each other. What I can say is that while there will still be “windows and waves” as my brain keeps healing, and while I still have more “inner work” to do, I’m confident the heaviest lifting for me is done now. Perhaps most indicative of the healing I’ve experienced, I’m feeling well enough now that I’m back in school earning a Master’s in Social Work (MSW) – I’m going to become a therapist. While I’m a bit uneasy stepping towards healthcare systems that betrayed me so deeply, I also feel this is how I can be of most benefit. I’ve come to fully believe that my wounds are intrinsically linked to my gifts, and as I continue to heal my wounds, my gifts will become increasingly available. I’ve been doing volunteer work for some time now, which has helped me to “move back out into the world,” and I hope to transition into paid work soon. I’ve been meeting with people in support capacities, and I envision “coaching” people at some point until I more formally earn my credentials. I plan to be very open about my history with psychiatric drugs, as well as my recovery process. I journaled extensively all throughout my recovery process, and perhaps I will share the “long version” of my story in the future (yes, this is the short version). For now, writing this success story is an important next step in my “coming out.” Thank you for witnessing my healing. Elbee-Success-Story_Free from Zoloft and Benzos After 25 years on them.pdf

Hello all, I am fairly new this forum. Im a 35 yo female living in Singapore, currently Im facing challenges on tapering off Lexapro. back story : I was prescribed a mixture of medicines in October 2017 for GAD. Back then I have never think of anything wrong with it as I trusted my psychiatrist (BIG horrible mistake). My mixture is listed below : amytriphiline 7 mg frixitas (alprazolam) 0.25 mg lexapro (cipralex) 10 mg I took it as prescribe without even knowing the dangers of coming off these devils. in April 2020, I was ready to be off this medicine because Im planning to get pregnant, I told my psychiatrist and She said I can just stop it CT. The next day I was feeling angry and easily agitated, and I feel so weak. I didnt even know that these all are withdrawal symptoms.. In early June 2020, I started to get really depressed and suicidal, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I cannot sleep anymore, I lost my appetite and I kept losing weight. I feel like dying, It was extremely horrible and I wouldnt even want to wish it on my worst enemy. I called 5 psychiatrists (the wellknown ones) and describef my symptoms, ALL of them said I was in relapse. They confidently told me it was not withdrawals. I trusted them and went back to my original psychiatrist and reinstate the whole thing. But only for 10 days I weaned off the amytripiline and alprazolam. I waited and listen to my body, I was unwell and I have this weird headache that is constantly bothering me. It was tightening my scalp. August 19, 2020 - I have commited myself to wean off the Lexapro. I was on 10 mg and my psychiatrist told me to taper off as below : 1 month : 10 mg to 7.5 mg 1 month : 7.5 mg to 5 mg 1 month : 5 mg to 2.5 mg 2.5 mg to 0 I googled and got alot of informations thus I found this site. so August 19, I cut 25% to 7,5 mg. So far I have experienced : -constant headache -sensitive to light -irritability -vertigo (this is the worst so far) -nausea -dizzyness Some days are okay but these 2 days when the vertigo hit I am practically bedbound. I read the 10% very slow taper method. But I am sad because it will take sooooo long to get rid of this poison as my time is ticking and I really want to have a baby. I am sad right now and I regretted the day I went to the psychiatrist and took their advice.. how could they do this to us.. My life is deteriorating now as I am feeling very down and confused. I dont want to struggle with these for many years as I grow older the chances of having a baby will be lessened.. please help me....