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  1. 2010- Two years of severe headaches. Bad vision in one eye. Muscle pains. The doctors did not say anything. 2012- anxiety appeared. the first drug sertaline - a paradoxical reaction. I got depression, ss thoughts and other bad symptoms. 2012- 2016 paroxetine - - I tappered slowly, but I did not know yet that it should be stopped more slowly. 3 months without paroxetine and withdrawal syndrome appeared. Return to the drug worsened the matter. I crashed. Bridge with fluoxetine. A year passed. at the end of September 2016 I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. I did test in two different laboratories. 08/08/2016-now fluoxetin 20 mg 01/05/2016- now- triticco / trazadone 75 mg clonozepam - 04.03.2017. from 20.11.2017 I started tapper from 0.5 to 0.125 mg- when I got some relief from Lyme treatment. Now I am treated with ILADS ( Lyme and bartonella) and also tapper psycho drags. I want to not rule out the syndrome and stop the drugs safely. I am asking for support and exchange of experience, especially people who suffer from Lyme disease. I need to make plan. How to discontinue: clonazepam 0,125 mg, fluoxetine 20 mg and trazadon 75 mg How I feel now: Antibiotics have sustained discomfort from the urinary tract and improved the results of cytology. I have more windows, but I still experience strong hits of depression and pain in small joints, a specially neck. Through complicated diagnostics of Lyme disease and the syndrome, I do not know which symptoms are from what. Thank you for your attention, sorry for mistakes.
  2. Hi All Just wanted to say thank you this website has saved my life and now that I'm able to join after months of struggle. I have been on quite a few drugs over the years mainly benzo's and paroxetine. I was prescribed 2mg rivotrol or clonazepam for sleep 2015 - 2020 and in 2020 got covid and later suffered covid fog which I release now was WD. Was prescribed 2020 for a 6 month period Propranolol (can't remember dose) Clonazpem 2mg Xanax 2mg (I think) Prednisone 10 tablets a day ( Weaned of reducing buy 2 tablets a day) Paroxetine 10mg. 2020 - 2023 Aug 19 Cold Turkey Paroxetine 10mg Clonazepam 2mg - 4mg 2022 March - 2023 March Ritalin I stabilized after the supposed covid fog was 5- 6 months of absolute hell. And then functioned ok for a year and a half , then things starting getting bad. I think leading up to the Ritalin, I look back now and think it was medically induced Hypomania. As people said I talked alot which I did and then by mid 2023 I was mostly in hyper mania states and especially that last 2 months before I was forced to stop cold turkey as I admitted myself to a rehab for 28 days. Where I suffered withdrawal for 2 weeks. I started working after and after 6 weeks of the cold turkey I've been in WD , December 2023 was absolute hell almost no sleep, debilitating anxiety and depression, panic attacks , brain zaps from sound ( they were worse after a few days of cold turkey) still here tho, lights sensitivity, and lots of fog can't see how I wil ever enjoy life again things I once enjoyed etc Can't even watch TV I mostly live in my head. I'm not functioning and haven't been since the withdrawals kicked in. I believe I've come along way as I have some days where it's bearable and some evenings which I feel almost normal. In December I was suicidal 95% of the time. I have very bad mornings which I believe are because of increased cortisol. Feels now like I'm in 75% wave and 20% bearable window and 5% or less when I might just feel like myself. Although to survive this I've had to not trust my thoughts (especially since being manic last year where I did crazy things) and my intrusive thoughts have been so negative and debilitating the only way it's to say it not me. The bearable windows are mostly in states of Anhedonia or Apathy, which to be honest I'm still suicidal as I do not want to continue living like this not to mention all my family and friends think I went to rehab for drugs which I used every odd weekend think they just assume the worst as being hypomanic they would have to I guess. I honestly don't won't to continue to live like this, I know there are so many worse cases on this forum and I'm only 4 months in. I also know it's too late to reinstate and of the hell I've been through I know its not the right way. I've been taking Magnesium and Omega 3 which I assume is helping as December was harder and I have glimmers of hope here and there not for long. Still sleep between 3 - 4 hours a night waking up every hour. In December used urinate 12 plus times a night now maybe 4- 5 times. I have alot more to discuss and hopefully get some advice even tho I kind of gather that nothing can be done but exist and wait it out. Kind of just existing at this stage mostly on this website and bubble pop in my phone. Thanks all I'm in a bit of brain fog now so hope that makes sense. Also I gather I need to do my drug signature ?
  3. It has been a year since I got off Lexapro. I am now completely healed without symptoms. I think this would be a good time for me to share my success story with you. (Link to my intro topic: BellaC: tapering Lexapro / escitalopram) Background: 33 years old female, I took 20mg SSRI Escitalopram (Brand name: Lexapro) from 2010-2017. I started tapering in June 2017 after family doctor's advice. Taper timeline: 2017 June -2022 March (I posted a very detailed timeline & symptoms at the very end of this post, for those who are interested) Taper strategy: usually 10% taper each time, reach stability before further tapering. Taper method: 1. Cut & weight pill with digital scale; 2. homemade liquid solution (w/ syringe) when the dosage is low. Pattern of recovery: For each taper, I usually held 4 weeks (sometimes 8 weeks) for the symptoms to subside. In the early stage, I experienced more somatic symptoms (physiological discomfort) than psychological symptoms; as the dosage got lower, it was the other way around-psychological symptoms became dominant. After I completely stopped the medication, it took about 6 months (plus a lot of inner work) for the symptoms to dissolve. It has been a year and I am completely healed! Drug free and symptom free! Things that helped me heal & what I learned from the experience: Tapering method: 10% taper is good. You can adjust later depending on how your body reacts, but always start slow and go steady. Observe and listen to your body. Know when to pause, when to re-evaluate, when to ask for help. Trust yourself but never do this alone. Mindset: This is a huge one. Here is my philosophy that worked well: symptoms are temporary, change is happening daily, so go slow and steady. Don’t taper for the sake of taper. Before anything else, make sure you are a functional person for the loads of life responsibilities you have (home, work, school, relationship etc.). Either adjust the speed of taper, or adjust the loads of your life responsibilities. The whole purpose of taper, is to function better and to live a more meaningful life, which may or may not be a pain-free life. Taper for a “meaningful life”, not a “pain free life”. Rational expectations: You will have symptoms, your body will feel uncomfortable, your mood will swing, and symptoms will not disappear quickly but will go away eventually. Irrational expectations or being emotionally unprepared increase the likelihood of failure. Supplement: fish oil, I cannot comment on how much it helped but this was what I took. Coping: exercise (walking, running), meditation, talk to my support network, inform and update people around me of my tapering & ask them to monitor/support me. Have hope & be patient: Trust neuroplasticity. I do believe that the brain is a consistently changing organ. With time and new coping skills, it heals. Get emotional support: Talk about your decision with people you can trust and check in with them regularly. Do the inner work: If you take drugs for mood disorders (nonpsychotic type) such as depression/anxiety or trauma/stress related disorders, know that the symptoms are likely to return and stay as you taper. Because those traumas have not been worked on yet. It's hard work to step into the storm, but it's absolutely necessary and liberating once you go through it. The body and mind store the trauma, they are stuck energy in you. Once you are brave enough and are ready to release it, do the inner work by looking for resources that are accessible to you. Whether it's therapist, church/spiritual guides, or books/videos, go find them or they will find you in the right time. Don't just listen/read, practice what you've learned. Here are some resources that helped me tremendously: [Book] Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body, by Peter A. Levine (highly recommend if you have pain/somatic symptoms) [Book/Audiobook] The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle [Book/Audiobook] Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises from the Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle [Youtube] Eckhart Tolle's teaching on his Youtube channel [Book/Audiobook] Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You, by Matt Kahn [Biblical Canon] Holy Bible Final words Whenever you are, you are exactly where you need to be on your journey. Don't indulge on the past or project to the further. Focus on each step in front of you. Have faith. I am so thankful for this site (and mediators) that provided so many valuable information. I want to do the same to help, support and cheer for your journey. If you have any questions, feel free to drop a comment below. --------------------------------------------------------Detailed timeline & sx-------------------------------------------------------------- Lexapro 20mg: 2010-2017 (I was doing fine for those years) PCP recommended tapering in June 2017 Tapering instructed by PCP: 20mg & 10mg every other day: 6/2017-12/2017, No sx 10mg: 12/2017-2/2018, Anxiety and hormone imbalance Restated 15mg: 2/2018-7/12/2018, No Sx Self Tapering: ---------digital scale weighing method below----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2018 15mg & 12.5mg every other day:7/12- 8/8, No sx 12.5mg : 8/9- 8/28: palpitation, brain fog, diarrhea, dreams, obsessive thought. Subsided on 8/29. 11.2mg: 9/14 -10/12: mild sx. Subsided by 9/27/2018. 10.2mg: 10/13 - 11/7: lethargy, mild shoulder pain. Subsided in 2 wks. 9.2mg: 11/7- 12/10: no sx 2019 8.4mg: 12/11/18- 1/7/19: mild sx. Subsided in 3 days. 7.3mg: 1/8-1/26/: no sx 6.6mg: 1/27-2/25: pain, palpitation, anxiety. Subsided in 1 wk. 5.67mg(15% cut): 2/26-3/26: dreams, pain, palpitation. Subsided in 2 wks. 5mg: 3/26-4/25: no sx. 4.1mg: 4/26-5/19: slight palpitation, gone by 5/8. 3.4mg:5/20-6/23: no sx 2.8mg:6/24-7/21: palpitation, anxiety and dreams. subsided after 2 wks. 2.45mg:7/22-8/18: slight palpitation, down mood, gone by 1st week; diarrhea daily. subsided after 3 wks. 2.1mg:8/19-9/18: slight palpitation, dreams, constipation. gone by 3rd wk. 1.69mg: 9/19-10/16: slight WD sx. 1.38mg: 10/17-11/18: anxiety, depression sx. gone by 4th week. 1.17mg: 11/19-12/16: 2nd week-somatic pain, anxiety, diarrhea, better by 3rd wk. 2020 (new year yay!) 0.92mg: 12/17/2019-1/26/2020: holding, has been 6 wks: somatic pain, down mood, dream, some diarrhea. 0.76mg: 1/27-3/1: somatic pain, palpitation in first 2 wks, diarrhea in 3rd wk, gone by 4th week. 0.65mg: 3/2-3/28: I did not track sx 0.55mg: 3/29-5/5: I did not track sx 0.46mg:5/6-6/3: overall mood is a little low, sad and pessimistic sometimes, sensitive towards stress. stabilized after 4wks. 0.38mg: 6/4-7/19: depressed mood, sensitive towards loud sound, improved after 1 month 0.31mg:7/20-8/23:depressed mood initially, sensitive towards loud sound, improved after 1 month 0.23mg: 8/24-10/4: depressed, somatic pain, less , social, easily cry, low motivation. got better after almost 2 months! --------- Homemade liquid solution below------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 0.15mg :10/5-11/5: pain in shoulder, depressed, gone after 1st week. 0.13mg:11/6/20- 12/7/20: depressed. stable after 1 month. 2021 (new year yay!) 0.11mg: 12/8/20-1/3/21:depressed, pain in shoulder, ease after 1 month. 0.097mg: 1/4/21-3/7/21: depressed, anxiety, mood swing, pain in shoulder. improved after 2 mons. 0.084mg: 3/8/21-5/9/21: increased anxiety, shoulder pain, difficulty concentration, negative thinking pattern. improved after 2mons. 0.071mg: 5/10/21-9/30/21: increased anxiety, shoulder pain, difficulty concentration, negative thinking, lack of motivation. Improved after doing Somatic Experiencing exercises after the book Healing Trauma by Peter Levine 0.064mg:10/1/21- 11/1/21: No sx, minimal pain 0.051mg:11/2/21-1/9/22: anxiety, shoulder pain, low motivation. ease after 2 months. 2022 (new year yay!) 0.032mg: 1/8/22-2/28/22: palpitation, pain in shoulder, ease after 1 month. 0.016mg: 3/1/22-3/10/22: anxiety, palpitation. 0 mg: 3/11/22 (jumped off!): anxiety ( palpitation, irritability, panic), mood swing, pain in shoulders, low motivation, difficulty concentrating, slow mental processing, difficulty falling asleep, nightmares.
  4. Hi.. About year ago October 2020 I joined uni I had a lot of stress and chronic diarrhea for months with severe physical symptoms which did not go with physiological med... I went to a doctor in may 2021 ,he gave me cipralex 10mg.. And I was supposed to take it for a months as he said.. He gave me buspar too, the first day I took cipralex I feel like iam not normal but I thought itis a fatigue or just we can stay up in the morning not in the mood.. Until one of my friends said why you are like that?? I was laughing at everything.. I thought it was something like cocaiine! I cannot even describe the feeling.. I continued until the third day then I closed it on the fourth.. This day I got a bad headache then I had uterus bleeding for about 20 days.. I went to a phaychologiat and I had sessions I thought that my sudden confident was from the sessions but after some months I recognised that I cannot feel I cannot even concentrate or feel iam very numbed.. I went to another psychologist this months she said work ve emotional numbness and adhd.. And she wants to give me stimulants.. I need your help I cannot think anymore.. And if I told anyone that this symptoms are from med they do not believe me cause the med need month to work iam now 21 sep 2021 and I cannot feel anymore or just focus u feel like iam not real or iam dreaming just a bad feeling... Sorry for any mistake iam not English
  5. See this post regarding mouthguard issues - cleanliness ________________________________________________ Hi there, all through my withdrawal my right ear has felt blocked,although is actually isnt so my doc says, but since last October i feel like my ears have both become a lot worse, constant pressure/pain in both. Today it is driving me insane as the pain is in my ears, head,jaw and gums. Ok so iv had allergies all my life ie hay fever and cat allergies but can never remember it affecting my ears like this so im not sure if seasonal allergies are to blame, but then again it was snowing this winter and they were bad then too. This comes and goes but seems to be pretty persistent for the last 9 months now and it isn't shifting. Does anyone else suffer badly with their ears? i know the blocked feeling is common in withdrawal but not sure if many have the pressure?
  6. So may of 2022 I started my SSRI journey I had bad anxiety and my doctor recommended I take Zoloft. I listened and started with a low dose I completely forget what dose I took but I know I had a terrible reaction to it I lasted like 2 months and then got switched to lexapro. Once I was in lexapro I went from 2.5mg to 10mg wayyyy to fast my psychiatrist was terrible and I got so so many side effects from 10mg so she had me taper off within a month from 10mg-0mg and I had every side effect in the book, you name it I had it. (Brain Zaps were the worst). She then switched me to buspar 5mg 3 times a day and man I could only last 9 days on it. It gave such bad intrusive thoughts it was scary. So I decided to get back on lexapro in January of 2023 and go super slow like start with 2.5 mg and I knew I was sensitive because 2.5 gave me side effects so I started slowly upping my dose and the intrusive thoughts got worse, blurry vision, urge to cry daily, dizzy, and after about 5 months in it I became numb. Nothing would give me anxiety but also nothing would give me excitement. So I started tapering very very slow I went from 5mg to 2.5mg to 1.25mg and then 1.25mg every other day and it was definitely a better taper from last time because I got no brain zaps so far. So currently I’m almost 4 weeks in off of lexapro and man this is hard. I’ve technically been on meds for 1 year just not consistently so I do understand that it will take awhile to heal but man these side effects are weird. I don’t feel happy but I don’t feel sad it is such a weird feeling. I have days where I feel amazing like back to normal and then the next day sucks. Just feels like my motivation is low right now and excitement, I thought that would come back after almost 4 weeks off the pill. Another big thing is the insomnia it is so hard to stay asleep at night. It’s like I have an urge to cry but can’t. just wanted to know if these side effects are common with someone who’s been on ssris for a year
  7. Free from Zoloft and Benzos After 25+ Years of Use One-year post taper “success story” – http://survivingantidepressants.org Elbee (male) - August 27, 2020 At the time of this success story post, I have passed the one-year mark (15+ months) living drug-free. I am speaking to you from “the other side” of hell to let you know I made it through the nightmare of psychiatric drug withdrawal -- and so can you. I want to start by saying that everyone’s withdrawal from psychiatric drugs is going to differ – no two paths are the same. While there will be commonalities in what we each experience, there will also be differences. I also believe that none of us are uniquely or irreparably “broken,” and that each of us can find a path to living much fuller, healthier lives in greater freedom. To be clear, I had doubts throughout this process . . . believing that somehow, I was MORE “broken,” and that I wouldn’t find my way out of the darkness. But the natural, innate healing power we each possess is profoundly AWESOME, and it quietly, patiently works in the background in each of our lives. . . even if we can’t see it, and even if we don’t trust it. For me, the psychiatric drug withdrawal / tapering process turned out to be an invitation to learn how to live my life differently. It became clear to me in this journey that I could never go back to some idealized place I vaguely imagined myself clinging to . . . I could only move forward to somewhere I had not yet been. I need to be honest: It is still hard to revisit and write about just how painful this drug withdrawal process was. Now that I’m feeling so much better, a part of me wants to forget the whole ordeal . . . as if looking in a rear-view mirror, driving ever-further away. And the reality is that this rear-view mirror perspective is very much real -- I’m SO grateful not to be suffocating in such intense pain anymore! But it is also true I will carry the scars of this experience with me for the rest of my life. It is clear to me now that some of me died through this drug withdrawal process. It is also true that the most precious parts of me came back to life. And I am still healing. I was very much disabled through the most intensive parts of the drug taper. I was on these psych drugs for panic attacks, anxiety, and depression my entire adult life, over 25 years. Additionally, I was drinking alcohol abusively, and relying on multiple pots of coffee and a pack of cigarettes to get me through each day. Even before I had decided to get off the meds, I was utterly exhausted most of the time, barely functional, and unconsciously stumbling through life like a zombie. I knew I had to fundamentally change how I was living. The first step in my detox efforts was to quit alcohol in April of 2014, 30 years after taking my first drink as a kid. Thankfully, I was able to release alcohol from my life relatively easily. Whatever boost alcohol had given me previously was gone, and it was clear to me as a 44 year old man that the devastating hangovers I experienced were getting more difficult. Then, over that following summer and under doctor supervision, I “tapered” entirely off both the Lorazepam and Zoloft that I had been taking for 24 years. I experienced tons of anxiety in the process, but I did it, and after the 4-month ordeal, I thought I was in the clear. Unfortunately, about six weeks after taking my last dose of Zoloft, what I now know to be protracted withdrawal hit, and my life spun into a depth of hell that words cannot describe. Instead of re-instating the same drugs I had been taking, the doctors took me on an 8-month “trial-and-error” roller coaster ride of psychiatric drug experimentation. I finally ended up on higher doses of the drugs I had originally quit, plus Remeron added in for good measure. Through all of this, I landed in a very bad place – exhausted, functionally disabled, unable to work, and unsure what to do next. I had some savings in the bank I could live on for a few years, so I decided to “hole up” to do a new taper, following the much slower tapering protocol of the SurvivingAntidepressants.org website. But my savings were limited, so I used the 10% reduction protocol as a baseline, and pushed the taper as fast as I could without killing myself in the process. I’m not sure I would suggest this approach to anyone else, but in my situation, that’s what I did. Note: I’m going to refrain from listing out all the symptomatic horrors I experienced (there were many) as I write this success story. Here is the link, if you’re interested, to my introductory thread which details my four-year psychiatric drug withdrawal process: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/11862-%E2%98%BC-elbee-25-years-of-meds/ And I want to take a moment here to say how incredibly grateful I am to @Altostrata, @Shep @brassmonkey, @bubble, @apace41, @Gridley, @Rhiannon (her writings), @JanCarol, @KarenB, @ChessieCat, @Petunia, @scallywag and all the folks at SurvivingAntidepressants.org who helped save my life. I also came across Robert Whitaker’s book, Anatomy of an Epidemic around the same time I found this site, and from these resources, I knew I had stumbled into truth. It became clear to me that so much of what the mainstream medical establishment had told me about these drugs, and about my so-called “chemical imbalance,” was false -- I had been lied to. SurvivingAntidepressants.org helped me anchor into this truth and set me on a new course. THANK YOU! With these new resources, I came to understand that getting off the drugs wasn’t just a simple matter of refraining from ingesting chemicals, or even about waiting for those chemicals to dissipate out of my body. I learned that my brain had restructured itself around the presence of the drugs all these years and that by removing the drugs, my brain would have to, very slowly, restructure itself again to a healthy state. The metaphor of a plant (my brain) growing on a trellis (the drugs) for support is so profound to me. How can I expect to abruptly rip out the trellis and think that it won’t damage the plant in devastating ways? This metaphor was such a clear illustration to me of how a neuroplastic human brain builds tolerance, and how we can so easily become entangled in the physiological mechanisms of addiction. And to be very clear, our brains develop tolerance to psychiatric drugs just like they do street drugs, and the mechanics of addiction and withdrawal in each are the same. Gaining this knowledge and allowing it to sink in was probably one of the most important early milestones in my healing process. In preparing for writing this success story, I re-read my entire introductory thread. Several pivotal posts stood out to me as other milestones in my healing process, and while this testimonial might go long, I think it could be useful to touch on some of them . . . In my very first post, I am already talking about the value of meditation. Sitting with myself quietly and focusing on my breath helped me slow down my mind and learn to relax. As I continued with the practice, though, I began experiencing periods of discomfort. I had initially taken the psychiatric drugs to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings, and as I practiced meditating space was again created for those feelings to arise. Learning to slowly sit with and tolerate whatever thoughts and feelings arose began to nullify my need to run away, and therefore, lesson my urge to drug the discomfort. Meditation became a cornerstone of my self-care practice, and self-care is what I ultimately found to replace the drugs. Next milestone -- about a year later, I wrote an entry about a decision I was struggling with on whether to consult with a renowned psychiatrist. A relative was able to get me an appointment for a psychiatric medication evaluation from a “leader in the field” (at the bargain price of $2,000). Looking back, it was then I decided I no longer believed in the efficacy of psychiatric drugs, nor the system that deals in them. I wrote: Next, in the summer of 2016, still early in my tapering and recovery process, I went on a 111-day, 9,000-mile solo road trip across the U.S. In retrospect, I was probably looking for something “out there” that was missing “in here.” I did a four-day vision fast in the wilderness, hiked a 14,000-foot mountain, roamed Death Valley, did a week-long silent meditation retreat, camped under redwoods, hiked numerous National Parks, etc. Was it really a good idea to take this pilgrimage in such a compromised state? I can’t say for sure, but it’s what I did, and I think it cracked through defenses that needed to open. In the Hoh Forest of Olympic National Park in Washington state, I experienced a release of emotions like I had never felt before. It was in that moment I finally realized that releasing stored emotional blockages could ease my anxiety: Another milestone: Upon returning home to Florida later that fall, I dove more deeply into my involvement with the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) 12-Step program. In conjunction with doing EMDR with a skilled, compassionate trauma therapist, ACA helped me crack through layers of protective childhood denial that I had carried into adulthood. Some people advise NOT deliberately digging into the unconscious too much while going through psychiatric drug withdrawal, but my path has been that of heavy digging. I accepted living in a disabled state for a period of time and felt that if I was going to get off these drugs, I needed to address what drove me to take them in the first place. By early summer of 2017, my commitment to this recovery approach had strengthened. Along with addressing the trauma associated with childhood family dysfunction, I opened another door . . . into the shame and terror I experienced hiding as a closeted young gay boy and gay teen. I had initially come out 25 years earlier at age 20 (the same time I started taking the psych drugs), but that was only part of my truth I was hiding. The secrets of my sexual orientation were built upon the secrets of having grown up in family dysfunction: Homophobia turned out to be compounding trauma, and I had been living in a closet within a closet. I had more inner work to do. Perhaps one of my most significant milestones was realizing how important it was for me to take the lead in my healing, and how easily I had deferred to the “expertise of authorities” in my life. By June of 2017, I had navigated my way off the benzos completely, and I recognized the importance of building an internal sense of trust – connecting with my more authentic self to discover a new inner compass. Despite appearing outwardly confident most of my life, inner trust was something I lacked. By allowing myself to fully feel, I had opened to recognizing my own authentic needs, to directly and respectfully communicating my needs, and to setting healthy limits and boundaries. By learning these important skills that I had missed earlier in life, I discovered greater internal trust with myself, and greater discernment in trusting others. By January of 2018, I had another important insight: I more fully recognized I was going through an internal chemical withdrawal process in addition to detoxing from the drugs I was ingesting. Behavioral (or process) compulsions and addictions all have physiological and neurological correlates, and I had been heavily “dosing” throughout my life using my own “internal drug store.” This realization profoundly shifted my perspective on my psychiatric drug withdrawal process, seeing it in a more comprehensive context. A lot of my recovery has involved working with an “inner critic” that had been driving me most of my life, born and sustained from a lack of unconditional love. Ironically, this harshness was so pervasive that I had never consciously known it was there. My inner critic constantly pushed me into the extremes of all-nothing thinking. Again, meditative practices more than anything helped me identify this was going on, and ACA reparenting (inner child work) has allowed me to soften it. By the end of 2018, I started discovering something that had evaded me my whole life – moderation, and a general sense of “OK-ness.” By April 2019, I had found a new pace in life to accompany my new inner compass, and I was nearing the full completion of my psychiatric drug taper. I was one-year benzo-free at this point, and at times, I was overwhelmed with heights of new sensations and emotions. I was feeling things I hadn’t experienced since I was a teenager because I had been drugged my entire adult life. It was overpowering in many ways, but I was so grateful to be “awakening” to a much more fully human life. On April 28, 2019, I was finally free from Zoloft, and my psychiatric drug taper was complete. I had found a way out of the darkness, and I had survived. I couldn’t remember having ever felt so alive. So, while this isn’t my entire recovery story, I’m fulfilling my promise to report back and share my continuing journey with others. Where do things stand today, 15 months after taking a psychiatric drug for the last time ever? No need to panic. I’m not experiencing depersonalization, derealization (DP/DR), or panic attacks in frightening ways. I do still feel what I might call different states of consciousness, but often there is a positive, expansive quality to these experiences. Perhaps some might call this bliss? I haven’t really found ways to talk about it yet clearly, but I don’t experience panic attacks in the ways I used to. I still have fears of them returning, but less so with time. I also get “eerie” feelings now and again, but I have found ways to work with that when it happens, and it doesn’t usually last long. Scariest weirdness has ceased. Most of the “unexplainable” adverse reactions I experienced don’t happen anymore. I would get terrible flu-like symptoms for days at a time . . . hot flashes and chills, body aches, cramps, twitches, headaches, fogginess and disorientation, exhaustion, etc. Sometimes my heart would start racing for no apparent reason, or I would have trouble breathing. I had chronic digestion issues. I had intense agoraphobia, even paranoia at times. I had problems making the simplest decisions. All of this, for the most part, has subsided. Consistent rest. My sleep has changed dramatically, and I’m so grateful. I have struggled with sleep my entire life . . . unable to fall asleep at night and feeling anxious and “hungover” with crippling anxiety each morning. For as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to sleep “normally” from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. and wake-up feeling well-rested. Today, more times than not, my sleep resembles very much what I used to wish for. I wrote an entry summarizing what I’ve done to address my sleep issues here. Keep gently working with triggers. I still have intense anxiety at times and find myself in hypervigilant states. I’ve come to understand this as a trauma response, and I can usually identify what has triggered me and/or how my inner critic has become activated. I’ve developed self-care routines that help to reduce these reactions, and that help me come out of this state much more quickly and easily. Some old wounds have healed permanently – some things that used to trigger me no longer do. AND I want to emphasize there are days now, thankfully, I live virtually anxiety-free. Self-care (reparenting) is my new drug. I had SO much resistance to doing self-care my whole life (for many reasons I won’t get into here). And by self-care, I don’t mean treating myself to a spa day (though that probably doesn’t hurt). I mean the day-in and day-out routines of physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually tending to myself like I’m the most precious being in the world. Self-care is what got me to where I am today, and it will be the practice of my lifetime. Don’t overdo it. As my life continues to get fuller, I can easily start “checking-out” again. If I stay dissociated for too long, I will pay for it. If I overcommit while on autopilot, I will have adverse reactions when I reconnect with myself. If I try to shortcut too much on the self-care, I will most definitely feel it, and I will struggle. Moving forward, I have to be very careful not to take on too much too quickly, and simply take next best steps. The worst is over. I’ve come to accept that I will never know how much of the excruciating symptoms I experienced these past years were due directly to the psychiatric drug withdrawal, versus how much was due to all the “inner work” I was doing. What I can say is that the symptoms from folks going through psychiatric drug withdrawal and folks doing inner transformative (trauma) work tend to be very much the same. It’s uncanny really, and I can’t explain it. But these two processes seem to very much mirror each other. What I can say is that while there will still be “windows and waves” as my brain keeps healing, and while I still have more “inner work” to do, I’m confident the heaviest lifting for me is done now. Perhaps most indicative of the healing I’ve experienced, I’m feeling well enough now that I’m back in school earning a Master’s in Social Work (MSW) – I’m going to become a therapist. While I’m a bit uneasy stepping towards healthcare systems that betrayed me so deeply, I also feel this is how I can be of most benefit. I’ve come to fully believe that my wounds are intrinsically linked to my gifts, and as I continue to heal my wounds, my gifts will become increasingly available. I’ve been doing volunteer work for some time now, which has helped me to “move back out into the world,” and I hope to transition into paid work soon. I’ve been meeting with people in support capacities, and I envision “coaching” people at some point until I more formally earn my credentials. I plan to be very open about my history with psychiatric drugs, as well as my recovery process. I journaled extensively all throughout my recovery process, and perhaps I will share the “long version” of my story in the future (yes, this is the short version). For now, writing this success story is an important next step in my “coming out.” Thank you for witnessing my healing. Elbee-Success-Story_Free from Zoloft and Benzos After 25 years on them.pdf
  8. Hello, I am 21 yrs old, Female from Chile, and I am diagnosed with OCD. Last year I had a mental health crisis and I was put on medication for the first time, in June I started taking fluoxetine, and since that moment I started feeling like things ¨didnt feel the same¨, maybe also my ocd contributed to it. But since that moment, I started trying to find a solution for this issue, you can imagine how much I´ve spent scrolling on reddit just to find people with the same. It is hard to put it in words what is off , but I´ll try to explain my issues the best I can, and I really hope if you could share your similar experiences. Since taking the ssri, it was like my perception of the environment wasnt the same. I became obsessed with how my perception and things feel. With time I started feeling like seeing drawings didnt feel the same, also the sensations of things like a cold day, rain, etc . Also I had this sensation of a constant discomfort. For example it was so hard to feel visual stimuli in my retina, colours, lights, etc didnt feel the same, I felt like it was hard to feel visual pleasure in my eyes. Also being in places like the mall, outside on the street didnt feel the same, for example I remember that I used to feel very stimulated. Something felt off in my perception while taking the medicine, maybe you can relate. The important thing that is currently going on right now is that Like five weeks ago I stopped cold turkey, because I thought that it could be anhedonia caused by the medication. I went from 10mg to zero.And as weeks went by I felt good, but a week ago I started feeling too bad, I felt nervous and all that stuff, I also had a lot of nightmares. It probably its because the drug finally left my body, and I entered withdrawal, I should have tapered instead. And also I felt like my old perception (from before the medication)came back in an enhanced way, but I am not liking it because it is very overwhelming and I am feeling very scared right now, but I've felt more connected to my environment and the people around me, I missed the emotional connection, but cognitively I am not feeling as productive as how I was with medication. Five days ago I also started taking the medicine again in order to get the perception from the medication back. I went to the mall and I can swear it feels like another experience to be in there.Also I need to be productive for university. It's like both perceptions have their pros and cons. I still have no effect yet from the medication and it probably is because it needs time to get back to it's old levels in my blood. I haven't talked about this with my provider yet and also I left my therapist because it wasn't helping me and both of them never took me seriously when I was talking that maybe the medication is bothering me, and also when I told them about the perception issue they didn't take me seriously. They'll never blame the medication. I mean if it is not the medication, then how is there so much people on the internet having these side effects? What do you guys think about all of this? Have you had issues with perception and medication before? I'd be very thankful if you could share your experiences with me, because I don't want to feel alone in this. I'll be updating once I start feeling better. Thank you and in advance and thanks for reading.💙
  9. Hello everyone and thank you for this amazing forum - it has given me a lot of information in these few days while preparing the life-changing events. I’ve been mentally ill basically my whole life. I have a trauma background and at very young age I started to dissociate. At the age of 13 I got diagnosed with severe psychotic depression and got hospitalized for the first time. My diagnoses have evolved and changed throughout the years and nowadays my main issues are unspecified dissociative disorder, PTSD, OCD and anxiety disorder. I have not been depressed or psychotic for years. I’m 27 now, almost 28. My medication has always been the same. We found a great combinaton right away. It was 2008 or 2009 when I started with fluexetine which was soon paired with extended release quetiapine. My dose is Seronil 40mg in the mornings and Seroquel XR 400mg in the evenings. I take Opamox 12.5mg ever now and then when I’m dealing with intense anxiety. Never longer than a week. Fluexetine (Seronil) has stabilizing effect on me, I have nothing bad to say about it. I don’t remember having problems with starting the meds and if I ever forgot to take them, I only felt slightly restless but always took the meds normally next morning. I’m planning to get rid of them eventually but since they are also good for OCD, I will keep them with me a bit longer. Quetiapine (Seroquel XR)… oh boy. Well, I have to admit it did my life A LOT easier back in teenage years when I was really depressed and suicidal. It practically saved my life. The relief didn’t come without horrible symptoms, tho. I remember being really tired for weeks after starting and only slept at home. The most noticeable effect of quetiapine is fatigue and really helps me sleep, but it also limits my life alot. I can’t stay up late because I need to make sure to take them at 10pm at latest or else the effect continues to the next day and makes me feel hangovery. I also absolutely hate the munchies it gives me after few hours and I eat too much, which has led to obesity. Overall quetiapine has way more downsides than benefits and I don’t need it anymore since I don’t suffer from conditions it was originally prescribed for. I have been thinking getting off meds for few years but now I’m finally in a situation to actually do so. My life is pretty stable, I have weekly therapy and I have learned to handle myself very well over these 15 years. I don’t use alcohol or drugs. I consume caffeine on daily basis as coffee, tea or energy drinks. Mostly coffee, I love it. I exercise regularly at the gym or going for long walks. I visited the doctor and he approved. The plan was to reduce Seroquel XR from 400mg to 200mg and it felt okay to me, but I thank myself for questioning everything and opened Google after. That way I found this forum and your experiences, decided to make an account and join the crew! I found information no one has ever told me before and honestly I’m scared now. I grew up with SSRI and antipsychotic drugs and I have no idea how much they have permanently altered my brain. I know it’s possible to fully recover, you guys have proven that to me, but it shocks me how lightly this topic is discussed by the healthcare professionals. So, next day I called back to my doctor and asked his permission to start tapering from 350mg (50mg is the smallest amount available here) and he agreed, tho he said there is no reason to drop it only 50mg at a time, I have Opamox for withdrawal. I disagree. The withdrawal could be anything and I don’t want to risk my health more than I already have. I want to see that day where I’m 100% clean from meds and living my best life. TLDR; I’m 27 years old and having mental disorders but they do not need medical help anymore (expect my OCD). I have been on quetiapine and fluexetine for 14 years and decided to get off quetiapine first. Starting tapering Seroquel XR 400mg with 50mg, so I’m taking 350mg for two weeks, possibly longer. I’m afraid of withdrawal but aware and motivated. I’m sober, I exercise regularly but I drink coffee daily. Tonight is the first lower dose, 350mg. It’s about 10am here now where I live and I’m taking the pills around 7-9pm. I hope I get some sleep at night.
  10. My story is one of life changes that I'd rather not have happened. In late 2022, I was hospitalized after having an extremely potent panic attack. After many tests and being watched over by nurses for 3 days. They sent me home. Unfortunately, the home I'd wanted to come back to was gone. The root of the panic attack was the separation of myself and my partner at the time. The turmoil of our fighting and multiple other life upsets had gotten my medicine dosages off. Double dosing some days not taking anything other days. (I've got ADHD, so I can never remember to take my medication, I traditionally keep track of this with a pill calendar but all the chaos causes me to neglect this practice) My medical cocktail was that of Lexapro 20mg and Adderall 25mg XR. After the event, I elected to stop taking everything, down to abstaining from Caffeine or any other sort of altering substance. For the first few weeks, it was fine, During this time I was busy packing my things and moving out of our then home. I moved back home to my father's in eastern Kentucky. The withdrawals began shortly after the dust settled from my moving, I am not a man that is easily made to fret or fluster. but I say without doubt these first days were the most terrifying thing that I have ever experienced. Full-blown panic attacks, brain fog, and depersonalization are the chief symptoms. All of this was made obviously worse by the emotional whirlwind of moving to a new state far from everyone or anything I'd held dear. I even attempted to reintroduce medication to make things calm down, but medications only exacerbated the problem. It is only through the love of my father that I sit here and am able to type these things to you. I at times felt nearly infantile. Just shaking, my heart racing filled with the most primal panic. The worst part was that there were no thoughts with this panic that I could steer elsewhere. just raw pure panic response. I am now 7 months out from the initial stoppage of my medication...and the waters are still choppy. We had a mild winter but I suffer from SAD, so cold days are like a reset back to the initial horror show. Warm days are far better and I am able to work on projects and feel like a human being. I am still having anxiety, tinnitus, Depersonalization, brain fog, and nausea. I am thankful that I am at least not having the brain zaps. Now that you know the bad I can tell the good. I am going to therapy regularly. My therapist has essentially let out a long sigh and told me to hang on for dear life and that I am handling this rather bad hand with admirable fortitude. I've also got a doctor that I see for my medical needs, She's continued my Adderal prescriptions, I am not taking it at present because of its effect on anxiety. Once things stabilize more I'll give it another go. I attempted a dose at the beginning of this...and it was like being held over the mouth of hell itself with my eyes taped open....So I am in no rush to step into that ring again. I recently adopted a rescue dog to help me feel better. Her name is sweet pea and she's the glue that's holding my psyche together... taking care of her grounds me enough to take care of myself. She's also a motivation to get out of bed and do things when I don't feel like I could else wise. Her licks and squeaks often pull me out of the fog. It feels like a drowning man being pulled onto a rock. I just sputter and cough and hold on to her for dear life. I've also been journaling, mostly positive affirmations that I can go back and read when things are rough. I've been combating the isolation of living far from all my social circles by using things like Discord to make friends. It's a welcome distraction from everything. We socialize and play games together regularly. I've been working on a garden here, I always have a huge garden. It's been my exercise to help things along. The cold days have been a set back with that. but the forcast shows warmer days ahead. This is a small twinkle of hope that helps. I know that I have many miles to walk before the ground is even beneath my feet again...but I am still walking forward even though I may stumble.
  11. This is less of a question and more of a place for conversation and sharing experiences. This site has helped me understand and apply words to things Ive been experiencing. One of those things is 'waves and windows'. Something that has confused me for a while is how my issues manifest when coming off SSRIs. In the past my depression would come in episodes that would last a couple weeks, be gone for a month or so, and rince and repeat. Ever since starting meds really, but specifically since starting SSRIs in June last year, they've really complicated that pattern. But it's still been very pattern based. When under the effects of SSRIs, I'm consistently anhedonic. And when off of an SSRI, like nov/feb while switching from lexapro to prozac, or in the last couple months I've been off prozac, it's quite up and down, compared to a long up and semi-long down like my depression manifests on its own. I wouldn't put myself in the category of manic whatsoever, or emotionally unstable (partially because the anhedonia is always there) but I'll have moments where I'm feeling almost normal, at least it feels like it compared to my depression, and the next day very depressed. So the main reason I'm making this post is, I've noticed these waves and windows have a distinct pattern of their own. At the start after quitting prozac, and I remember it being like this in the med switch last year (it was better then though), it would be 2 days of feeling very depressed (my withdrawals have always been like my original issues of depression/anxiety rather than physical), and 1 and a half or 2 days of feeling a bit better. Very consistent to the point I could look at my week and think "great, these two days I have to do X will be waves". It usually shifts, for example right now the pattern is each day is bad but the night times are a bit better. My windows still aren't great, but they're some relief. In terms of quality of life, it still feels like the negatives outweigh the positives, with also how crushing the waves are to windows, but I'm grateful I can have some relief fairly regularly. I don't think I could cope like the people who deal with long periods with no windows. So yeah, it's just interesting how consistent and pattern based waves and windows are. Before finding out this is how withdrawal usually manifests, I'd constantly question if it was a conditions based thing. Like if the good would always follow the bad because my standards of 'good' would lower; and the bad would follow the good because I'd become more sensitive to 'bad'. Questioning what it means and ruminating over expectations drive me mad. So yeah, curious what members of this site have to say about the patterns of waves and windows.
  12. Hi SA-members, One of the biggest and certainly the most serious German broadcaster, ARD, has just released a new and very interesting documentary about the use of and withdrawal from antidepressants. It features heavy hitters such as Prof. Tom Bschor (he is held in very high regard among GP's and psychiatrists in the German speaking world). Michael P. Hengartner is also participating. The documentary is called 'Tabletten gegen Depressionen – helfen Antidepressiva?' [Pills to fight depression - do antidepressants help?]. It is very critical of the current use of ADs. It will cause quite a stir I believe. The video is available to watch on Youtube with auto generated subtitles. Youtube: Tablets against depression - do antidepressants help? - ARD 12.09.2022 You can click on the CC for closed captions. Click the cog and click on Subtitles and then choose auto translation and then select the language. This is the original site: Watch it here: https://www.daserste.de/information/reportage-dokumentation/dokus/videos/tabletten-gegen-depressionen-helfen-antidepressiva-video100.html
  13. Hi all, I started prozac 20mg around June last year (2022). By November I decided to come off them as I didn't feel myself, I was getting irritated very often and angry very easily. Over the next month or so I experienced lots of "brain zaps" and aches and pains. The majority of these things have passed but what is really bothering me now...is COLD FEET! I'm getting obsessed over having bad circulation and keep constantly checking my nail bed on my toes with the nail blanch test. Which is OK and within normal ranges as long as the surrounding environment isn't too cold. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and is it a withdrawal symptom? And if so does it have a name? My feet seem to be cold during the day, they can be warmed up through blankets and exercise but it is driving me crazy. I also have very sweaty feet when it gets to night time. I was experiencing night sweats the last week or so but that seems to have calmed down. Now im just left with really cold, icey feet. Is this something anyone else has experienced? I'm really worrying. Thanks Pete.
  14. I've been on SSRIs (first paxil, then prozac) for 20 years now, and over that time I've had 2 persistent, untreatable nerve injuries, and a bizarre twitch that happens in my thigh. All of these have defied exhaustive attempts at medical diagnosis or treatment; they have just been called neurological issues of unknown origin. After exploring every conceivable option in standard medicine, alternative medicine, multiple surgeries, and every type of treatment I can possibly think of, I've started wondering if the issues could be caused by the long-term usage of SSRIs. Have anyone else experienced bizarre, untreatable chronic pain issues that were caused by their SSRI usage? Or has anyone here encountered such information online? I'm wondering if this is something I should pursue. thanks, Bart
  15. I am about 2 years since taking fluoxetine. I still have quite a few symptoms persisting. I tried taking benedryl the other night. My tinnitus went through the roof and I feel like I am back in the first year of withdrawals were I never get sleep ques. Has anyone else had these symptoms when taking benedryl in withdrawals?
  16. Hi, all-- I am so grateful to have found this site. It is helpful to know that I'm not alone. This is my first post, I will try my best to be succinct. I'm a 42 y/o female. I've been on Zoloft for 12 years, anywhere from 50mg daily to 175mg. I'd say my average over the years is probably around 125mg daily. My signature has a breakdown of my history. I've also taken klonopin during this time, but I take it PRN as I have never agreed with the doc suggestions to take this med multiple times daily. So in terms of my average klonopin dosing, during acute anxiety or hospitalization I take it multiple times daily but otherwise I take it maybe once or twice a month (more or less). My pills are 0.5, but I have a sensitive system so I take one quarter of that or maybe a half. A full pill usually means I am heading into a major depressive episode or something pretty difficult is going on. I smoked marijuana for about 7 years, but had to stop that in July 2020 due to cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS). Lastly, I began a magnesium supplement around July 2020, and it has greatly helped with daily anxiety. The difference has been pronounced for me. For the past five/six years or so, I noticed that I occasionally got facial tics when I wake up in the morning. They were small, brief, and random, usually my jaw jiggling or shutting, or my eyes shutting closed due to my cheeks lifting. I thought it might be the Zoloft, but I didn't look into it too much. Well, now I've looked into it and I'm terrified. For the past 6 months, I'd say, the tics have started to happen during the course of the day and not just when I wake up in the morning. A couple of days ago, I was lying in bed and my throat/esophagus just started twitching up and down a few times-- that one was scary. I have an HMO, so I am in the process of seeking out a holistic psychiatrist on my own. I've seen the list on this site, that's been very helpful! I have a few questions for anyone that can help: In your experience, is it okay to have a long-distance psych? Does it make a difference? I'd rather see someone who knows what they're doing and is far, far away than someone close by who doesn't know or believe in patient-centered care. How might this hamper care? Do the TD symptoms indicate that I should follow a quicker taper? Or is this a matter of doing the 10% and then waiting/hoping that TD symptoms don't get worse? Can klonopin cause TD? I haven't seen anything about this, but I'd love to hear others' experiences. I will ask my psych the same thing, but are there any supplements that folks here recommend to help with the taper? I've tried tapering once before back in 2011-2013 (I thought I was tapering slowly, but given the info we have now I can see I was most definitely not going slowly. I was also following bad advice about taking my SSRI "every other day" to even out the amount of med in my bloodstream), and had what I now recognize to be an acute and quickly-manifesting depressive episode as a result of withdrawal. I understand that everyone's body is different, but any experiences with supplements is very welcome. Of course I am impatient to get off of this drug which could now be causing me a lot of harm. I have done loads and loads of work with therapists on my PTSD and depression, but the Zoloft did help me with that at the beginning, very much. I have so many conflicting feelings, but fear overrides them all because I would very much love to retain my ability to swallow and chew voluntarily (the cosmetic fears are also there, but to a lesser degree). I am a Buddhist and humanist and practice daily in one way or another, but as I'm sure many of us know a strong depression can and will obliterate reason, faith, belief, you name it. Thankfully I have a wife who shares my beliefs, and she is a rock. Thank you so much for any help. I am terrified of this journey, but I am very heartened that at least I have others to share it with.
  17. Hello! New here. Reddit thought this would be a more supportive place for me. I’ve been on escitalopram (brand cipralex) equivalent to Americas lexapro, for 12 years. Cipralex History Started: 2009 -2012 Reason: University, panic attacks *successfully provided relief* Stopping Attempt #1 Cold-Turkey: December 2012 Reason: never intended to be on this long-term *no serotonin withdrawal symptoms, no relapse of anxiety or depression* felt normal! Started: 2014 February Reason: back in University second semester of grad school panic attacks relapse. In abusive relationship from 2014-2018. *successful no panic attacks * Supports in 2019: Therapy Financially stable Friend/family support Going to gym/exercising Eating healthy Stopping attempt #2 taper: January 2019 Reason: in a very healthy and stable place in life- No anxiety/depression or panic attacks. Never wanted to be on SSRI this long. I decided to taper instead of cold turkey because my doctor recommended it. 6 months post-breakup from ex. Schedule: January 2019: 20mg February 2019: 15 mg March 2019: 10 mg April 2019: 5 mg *went to the emergency department and was diagnosed with serotonin withdrawal. Symptoms that brought me to the emergency department include: dizziness, feeling “drunk”, blurred vision or shaky vision, light headed. Doctor advised to go back onto 10 mg. Gave up on taper went back to 10mg. I went to the hospital because I thought something was seriously wrong with me because the first time when I did cold turkey I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms. First time learning about serotonin withdrawal. Also important to note that there were no emotional withdrawal symptoms during this time. *unsuccessful * Increased dose: July 2020 Reason: increased dose to 20mg during pandemic panic attacks relapse. Dosage increase didn’t prevent attacks. *I participated in EMDR therapy which helped my panic attacks stop* Supports in 2022: Continued therapy Breath work Yoga Journaling Financially stable healthy romantic relationship Friend/family support Eating healthy: increased animal protein, added fermented foods (kefir, sauerkraut). Limited processed/sugar foods. Naturopathic doctor supplements: vitamin d, b complex, lavender oil, NAC, l-theanine, lemon balm tea, nettle tea, magnesium. * these are medical recommendations specific to me based on my test results * also based on supporting detox from SSRI. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is sit in the morning sun and drink water before making breakfast. I also go for walks Meditation Stopping attempt #3 taper: Reason: I want to get pregnant and off this medication in general. Schedule: January 2022: 20mg February 2022: 17.5 mg March 2022: 15 mg April 2022: 12.5 mg May 2022: 10 mg June 2022: 10 mg July 2022: 7.5 mg August 2022: 5mg - 2.5mg September 1 2022: ended * I ended the taper at 2.5mg because the symptoms that I experienced back in April 2019 hit me* Current symptoms of withdrawal: 1. A “drunk” feeling, fishbowl?, dizziness, light headed, vision blurring/shaking when I look around. I have not lost my balance or got nauseated or anything like that, I just feel kind of disoriented and like I’m intoxicated simply trying to walk around my house. This is severe, I cannot drive. 2. migraines and headaches 3. My moods have definitely been crazy during the eight -month taper down— frequent/ explosive rage (not normal for me pre-ssri or while on ssri), frequent irritability, sadness upon waking. These symptoms suck but nothing is as bad as the physical symptoms listed in #1. Regarding pregnancy: physicians, psychiatrist and fertility doctor all said to me it’s “safe” to get pregnant on cipralex— The doctors said that the reason they tell women to stay on this medication during pregnancy is because; if your anxiety or depression is so bad that the risk to your mental well-being is high and the medication risk to the baby is low, it’s about cost benefit. The pharmaceutical packaging that comes with my perception states differently. ”It may harm an unborn baby. Also, babies born to mothers who have used this drug during the last three months of pregnancy may rarely develop withdrawal symptoms such as feeding and breathing difficulties, seizures, muscle stiffness, or constant crying”. And I can say that my anxiety and depression is not bad enough to risk any of those things to an innocent baby, it is extremely important to me to part ways with this drug. I’m not looking for anyone to try to change my mind on this point. Concerns: Some people on Reddit suggested that I tapered too quickly. The liquid form of escitalopram is not available in Canada. I also feel in disbelief that if I had of done it any slower that it wouldn’t still result in what I’m experiencing now once I got to zero. I’ve read that serotonin withdrawal can last months (upwards of six months to a year) for this “drunk-like” feeling to resolve. I am blessed in that I was able to afford to take the month off work September 2022 to try to deal with some of this serotonin withdrawal but now I’m scared a month won’t be enough. I’m feeling devastated about the information I’m reading online about ssri brain damage, it’s hard to know what’s true there’s so much conflicting information. Regarding psychiatry: Psychiatry was also completely useless at giving any kind of advice for serotonin withdrawal. Psychiatrists idea of help was to use Abilify to cope with serotonin withdrawal symptoms. Abilify is a whole other animal in my opinion. I am 100% against using another “pharmaceutical“ to cope with my withdrawal symptoms. I have tried to be as inclusive as possible of my history, experience and efforts towards healing. My main concern presently is the severity of the physical withdrawal symptoms I am experiencing.
  18. Hello! After months/year of trying to figure out whats wrong with me, i finally bumped across this web page and now it all makes sense. I have some questions that I would desperately like to have an answer for and I hope you can help because I feel hopeless. Let me give my intro first. I am male, born in 87'. Zoloft 50mg December 2005 - November 2006 (11 months) When I was 18 I had severe panic attacks and experienced depersonalization. I believe this was all related to stress I was going thru at a time. Doctors of course never heard of derealization and said I was depressed and gave me Zoloft 50mg. I can really say it helped at the time because in few months time I was feeling better. I dont remember much from that time because it was 17 years ago but I remember quitting it cold turkey after as doctors said and I know I didnt have and big withdrawal symptoms. Only a week of brain zaps and dizziness and I was ok after that. Zoloft 50mg- June 2009- December 2010 (18 months) Few years later, when I was 22, same thing happened again. I had panic attacks,waves of depression and derealization again and doctors gave me zoloft once more. At the time I was also smoking weed so it might have induced all that anxiety. It also helped me again in getting out of this mess. I was really at low bottom unitil I started taking those pills. I couldnt get out of the house because of anxiety, I couldnt eat, I lost 14 kilos in 3 months time. I dropped out of college... So zoloft really lifted my spirits and got me back on track. I was taking it for around a year and a half before I felt I dont need it any more and I did some sort of quick taper and went off. Believe me, no one ever told me about tapering. Doctors told me that if I feel ok, I can just stop taking it further. I remember having few withdrawal symptoms as brain zaps,dizziness,mild anxiety and concentration/cognitive problems but it all went away,one by one, in couple of months time. But one thing persisted after all others, it was lowered libido and slighty lower concentration. It wasnt like I didnt have libido at all but it was lowered like for about 50%. Drug-free (9 years) After that, when I was 24 I started going out every weekend and started drinking a lot of alcohol, doing cocaine,generally I started having time of my life in terms of partyjing. And it went on all the way until recently. Each weekend full of cocaine and alcohol. And adding in benzos at the end of party night to ease my cocaine crashes here and then. In all my life I have been professional hockey player and also having a 9 to 5 job besides that. Zoloft 25/50mg - June 2019-March 2021 (20 months) In January of 2019 I decided I it was enough and I needed to change my lifestyle. So I abruptly stopped all partying and dedicated myself to total training regime and eating healthy food and concentrating on work. And I started to feel great! I met I girl, who is my fiancee now, and fel in love for the first time since high school. I was on top of the world. But it only lasted for a couple of months. Then anxiety and depression waves started to take me over. I didnt know why that happened. I was assured that I had to feel good because now I started living a healthier drug-free life for the first time in almost a decade. I ignored it in hope it would all go away but it didnt. It was getting worse. It was probably some form of PAWS after stopping taking cocaine and alcohol every few days. But it didnt realise that at a time. Each of having those symptoms left me miserable. Also, my libido and concentration, which never returned to 100% after quitting zoloft in 2010. were even more affected. I was at a highly responsible managerial position job, having my hockey career at its peak, having a girl I was in love with and having to pay for mortgage. So I just couldnt let myself sink to the dark again like I did in 2009. and risking loosing all of those things. And with everyday symptoms getting worse, it was evident I was getting closer to that. So I decided to take zoloft once again in June 2019. I started at 25mg(splitting 50mg pills at half). And symptoms kinda went away. Also, my libido returned. Also, my concentraion returned. I was so happy. It was for first time in almost a decade my penis felt totally connected to my mind. And my mind was working brilliantly. I felt like I was a supercomputer. I could remember anything and was able to solve all the mind challenging obstacles. But it lasted only for about month or so. After that i started having anxiety and panics again... So i lifted a dose to 50mg(whole pill) and that eased anxiety for me. I stayed on 50mg for few months when anxiety returned again. I didnt know what to think. I said myself if I keep lifting a dose like this i might end up on 200mg in few months time and I dont want that. So maybe this pills are causing me anxiety I tought. So I cut the dose to 25mg again. And felt anxiety weaken shortly after that. Great I tought. But again in few weeks it returned, so I lifted up to 50mg again and it eased anxiety again. So I was going back and forth fluctuating between 25 and 50mg. I was generally listening to my mind and body and adjusting dose regarding to my anxiety levels. Sometimes it meant staying on single dose for months and sometimes it meant only for days or so. It all lasted until November 2020 when couldnt feel benefits anymore. Its not just that i couldnt feel the benefits, my mental health deteriorated a lot graduately. I started to feel down, ruminating, no libido, hostile towards my fiance and family, aversion to work, social anxiety, low energy etc... At that time I felt like I have to quit Zoloft but I was scared it would only make things worse. So I hanged on for a couple more months until I decided to get off it for good in March 2021. I tapered by listening to my mind and body as I didnt know any other way. So from 50mg at a time i cut to 25 for few weeks. After I felt no physical symptoms (mental symptoms were already there for some time), I missed a dose for a few days. After 3 days I felt dizziness and took 25mg again. Those symptoms went away immediately. Then I was not taking for 5 days and dizziness came back. Then I took 25mg again. Symptoms went away again. Then they came back after 7 days. I took 25mg again. After that dizziness never returned and I never took pill again. So I started psychoanalitic therapy in May. At that time I didnt know all those symptoms were from withdrawal syndrome. So I drinked alcohol to give me relief and took cocaine for few times. I only recently, few weeks ago, found out that all of my symptoms are from Withdrawal syndrome. After that conclusion, I never drank alcohol or took any drugs again. I know now that I have to stay away from those thing in order to have some hope in recovery. So now I am in a state in which I have this symptoms: -mood swings -DP/DR -high agitation which turns into anger and hostility which wont go away so quickly -Anxiety attacks -Extreme nostalgia (one of most common symptoms), I even feel nostalgia for yesterday! Even nothing good happened yesterday! -Depression waves -Low libido -No self esteem -Non stop overanalysing every move I make and every tought i have -Anhedonia -Food cravings. I gain 10 kilos in one year -Hostility towards work, I hate going to my workplace and find no interest in job I do -Identity loss- maybe the worst symptom of all... I really dont know how to deal with that and that produces low self esteem. -Feeling so low when I see others enjoying life and having interests and passions... - I think everyone is better then me -oversleeping It is interesting that my concentration is now way better then it was before i started taking zoloft. Even now after I quit taking it. It seems it improved permanently by taking zoloft. I have NO psychical symptoms. Only mental this is how i feel: In 65% of time I feel , i like to call it, LOW NEUTRAL. It means I have all those symptoms from list above but they are something I can live with. It means I can work and do all the stuff I need to do. (Is this WD Normal as you call it?) In 25% of time I feel extreme anxiety or depression which are overwhelming and paralyzing. Although they dont stop me from working and going about my day, those emotions are so extreme I sometimes get dhiarrea of it. In 7% of time I feel good. Like I am 95% back to my normal self again. in 3% of time I feel 100% normal and those moments are so nice and they keep me going all this time. They are my fuel. When I dont see reason to live I remember those few nice moments/days which I had. Are these waves and windows which i described? Right now I feel depressed for last 2 weeks. I have trouble getting out of bad and I eat a lot. In the morning its worst and gets better towards end of the day. Please answer these questions for me, I feel desperate: 1. Can I develop some other mental illness out of this? 2. Do I have to cut alcohol out for the rest of my life? I sometimes want to drink so hard to give me a relief... 3. Are all of these emotions which come to me out of the blue (agitaion,anxiety,depression, feeling of no self worth etc..) something which I havent dealt with earlier in my life so they are coming back now or its just a reaction to brain healing and triggering them randomly? 4. Will psychotherapy help or is it just a waste of money? 5. Does this affect my genes and seamen? My fiancee and I want to have children and when I have some of my good days and libido I wonder if we can try to make baby? 6. Is it normal that I didn't feel alcohol? 7. Does it matter that I already came of Zoloft twice in my life before? I know about kindling effect and wonder if it is going to make it harder this time or should I think that my brain already knows this situation and how to repair so it will repair more easily? 8. Each time I have Waves, they tend to get even worse. And windows tend to get even happier. Is that normal? Why is this so? 9. THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: Should I reinstate? I mean I didnt feel any benefits of pill (except for first few months), so would that be a good idea? Its been 7 months since I last took pill 10. Have my healing process started or the worst is yet to come? Thank you in advance for your time. I really hope to answers to my questions. Sorry for my english, its not my first language. I have already read this: Instructions: Withdrawal History Signature Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms what-is-withdrawal-syndrome The only supplements which SA recommends are Magnesium and Omega-3 Fish Oil . Tips for Tapering Zoloft The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization
  19. I was taking venlor xr 37.5 mg (venlafaxine) for 1.5 years since 2019. (every alternate day) for Vertiginous migraine. Then stopped it in October2021 due to Covid. Post Covid for 9 months I was absolutely fine and had no symptoms. Then Vertiginous Migraine started again in June 2022 – My symptoms were :- Swaying – unstable Light, sound and motion sensitivity Slight headache Then the neurologists / Psychiatrists tried the below medicines since June 2022:- All these made me worse and now I am sensitive to medicines specially drowsy medicines. June Venlor XR 37.5 mg (Venlafaxine extended release) - 2 tablets July Pexep CR 12.5 mg (Paraxetine prolonged release)-1 tablet Omnacortil 20 mg (Prodnisolone dispersable)-1 tablet Vertin 8 mg-2 tablets Sibelium 5 mg- half tablet August Venlor XR 37.5 mg (Venlafaxine extended release)-1 tablet Restyl 0.25 mg (Alprazolam)- half tablet -2 days Valparin 200 mg- (sodium valproate)-1 tablet Dilo DX syrup (Chlorpheniramine maleate with Dextromethorphan hydrobromide)- 5 ML for cough Lecope AD ( Levocetrizine , phenylephrine and ambroxol)- 1 tablet for sore throat September Provanol 20 MG – Half ( Propranolol hydrochloride tablets IP)- half tablet Nexito 5 mg (escitalopram )- half tablet Provanol 10 MG – ( Propranolol hydrochloride tablets IP)- half tablet-2 days. Rejunex CD 3 (Vitamin) – 1 tablet Folinext (Folic Acid and methylcobalamin) 1 tablet. Homeopathy medicines. Oct 1st- taken clonozopam -0.25Mg - only 2 tablets and stopped I am currently only taking :- 1) Thyroxine Sodium Tablets IP – 100 mcg (every morning empty stomach) for thyroid. 2) Allegra M (Fexofenadine hydrochloride and montelukast tablets) for Allergic rhinitis & hives. (Taking half tablet every alternate day since 2019.) After the list of medications tried on me above now my symptoms have completely changed to the following below: Current symptoms are:- 1) Body jerks -fingers, arms & legs- awake and sleeping 2) involuntary muscle twitches. 3) Movement is jerky while I try to do things normally because of body jerks. 4) Brain shaking -back of the head vibrates continuously, going down to neck and upper back 5) Internal shaking – trembling-hands and legs 6) Pulsating sensation going down from the back of the brain to the rectum area to the legs. 7) Numbness and tingling-arms and legs -awake and sleeping. 😎 Swaying -feeling unstable while walking & talking. 9) Unable to sit – restless and weird sensation in the arms 10) Muscle pain. 11) Racing heartbeat when at rest. 12) Glass breaking sound in ears while swallowing which also causes headaches. 13) Motion, light and sound sensitive 14) Confusion. Plz help me I can’t bear the current symptoms and no medication is helping me , what medication should I take next so the above symptoms go away ??
  20. So I’ve been on SSRIs for years. For several years I was on 50mg of paroxetine. This last week I dropped from 10mg to 5mg. But now I’m experiencing Diplopia. I went to get my eyes checked out and was told I have 20/20 vision and pretty much perfect eyes. Any one else experience this?
  21. Hey everyone, Just thought i'd post this topic on this board.... I've heard talk from various people assuming that adverse reactions from SSRIs whilst still a teenager, or being put on SSRIs as a teen (or even child) puts them in a worse position than if their brain was fully developed. This was my first instinct when i joined these forums last year, however everyone everywhere kept talking about how young people always heal better, faster, etc that being young is an advantage. People always say "don't do drugs kids" because "your brain is still developing"... Well what does that even mean? What are the potential consequences of doing said drugs when your brain is "still developing" ? Are these consequences more persistent or brain-altering? I was always lead to believe that you can't permanently change your brain, especially when you're a kid because its so plastic and malleable. So what's the deal? if one has been prescribed an SSRI under the age of 18, and they had an adverse reaction from going on or had protracted withdrawal after coming off (all before turning 18) - do they have the same chances of recovering than someone who went on at an older age. I've heard that teens have a higher chance of adverse reaction - and we all hear about the school shootings/suicides, etc - but if these kids were to get off the drugs - would they all recover back to normal? This is kind of bothering me since i went on celexa at 14 and a half... Although i haven't been the same since (just turned 18 now, 3 and a half years later) i initially didn't notice much of a difference until like 2 years later when i got off zoloft (thats when everything came crashing down - at 16). I'm wondering will i ever "feel" the way i used too... emotionally, physically, etc... I'm so sick of this PSSD and anhedonia and all the other symptoms. I'm 19 months out still waiting to see some significant improvements.. I dont care how long it takes ... I just really need to know i will recover at least 50% I know no one will have the perfect answer since nobody knows for sure... But if anyone can share positive stories or experiences or even positive information in general that would be great.
  22. Mod Note: See the following links which may help you to distinguish if it is withdrawal or relapse: This post and this one, distinguishing withdrawal from relapse ______________________________________________________________________________________________ I was just wondering as I am 6 years off and still suffering from horrible symptoms when is it time to say "this cannot be still withdrawl"? Howmuch longer with this repair work take or is this as good as it gets for me.
  23. Hey everyone, i’m new to the website.I’m so glad i’ve found it now that i’m ready to taper. I’m sorry if i’m posting in the wrong topic. I’m being prescribed citalopram 20mg around 7months ago and i’m now ready to taper off as i feel theyhave already stopped working, and i want to do it with the 10% method. I’m currently taking tablets of 20mg(weight 0.18 g). Would it be better/easier switching to the liquid or i can make it with the tablet?should i crash it or dilute it in water? Did anyone experience bad withdrawals even using this method? Thank you so much for your help🙂
  24. I suffer from mental and emotional dullness after using depression and delirium medications, so that I used intermittently and for a short period of time, ecitalopram and arpiprazole. I do not feel the same as my previous feelings. Please help me from someone who has experience on how to get rid of these symptoms, especially the problem of concentration and forgetfulness. Thank you very much.
  25. Hi all, I am a 29 years old female working full time in the mental health field in USA. I started Lexapro/escitalopram 20mg back in 2010 for panic attack, moderate anxiety and mild depression when I was 21 years old. It initially helped me lift my mood and get rid of somatic symptoms. I have been maintaining 20mg for 7 years without much side effects. And I still have regular emotions when situations raise. In 2017, my PCP suggest lowering the dosage since my life is stable and I have more life experiences after these years. By the way, lexapro is the only medication I take; I have overall good health and live a healthy lifestyle (low sugar diet, exercise, no alcohol or smoking, supportive friends & families). Here is a history: 2010-2017: 20mg daily. Did fine for those years without much symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Family doctor recommended tapering in June 2017 Below is tapering instructed by doctor 6/2017 - 12/2017: 20mg & 10mg every other day, No WD symptoms 12/2017 - 2/2018: 10mg daily, Anxiety and hormone imbalance 2/2018 - 7/12/2018: Restated 15mg daily, No WD symptoms --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Below is tapering by myself 7/12/2018 - 8/8/2018: 15mg & 12.5mg every other day alternate, No WD symptoms 8/9/2018 - current: 12.5mg daily, experiencing managable WD symptoms: palpitation, brain fog/tightness, diarrhea(stopped on 8/23/18, back to normal bowel movement), dreams, mild obsessive thought. No mood disturbance. I am waiting for current symptoms to subside, and I will use a slower tapering schedule -10% after this. OTHER INFO: Tapering method: cut pills and weigh using digital scale Supplement: fish oil Coping: exercise, meditation, talk to my support network, inform and update people around me of my tapering & ask them to monitor me. Mindset: symptoms are temporary, change is happening everyday, slow and steady. I am happy to find this place where we can share recovery stories and support. Life is a long journey, let's take little step everyday Here is a sheet I use to track symptoms using 0-10 scales.
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