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  1. Hi everyone, I told myself that if I ever make it out of this experience, I want to go back and give hope to others who are going through it. Around a year ago, I stopped setraline after a year and a half (including 8 months tapering). The weariness kicked in slowly, but I did not realize it was because of the withdrawal until I stopped it entirely. When withdrawal started, I kept telling myself to push harder, and harder as that was how I got through tough times before (mind you, I survived PTSD), but the reality was that I just couldn't. My mind started to hurt every time I try to think to an extent where I can't even string a coherent sentence together. The different thing is that during my withdrawal, nothing makes sense, not only cognitively but spiritually. Different from my trauma experience where even though flashbacks and triggers were rampant, there were parts of me that I still connected with and kept me sane, withdrawal felt like my identities and self have been stripped bare. For the following six months, I was what I could only describe as a psychotic break - it almost felt like time was slipping through my fingers, yet every hour that the clocks near my dorm chimed only reminded me of my own mortality. Yet, looking back, it was these little moments to telling myself to keep pushing forward - even though it did not make any sense at the time - that made a difference: getting up every morning despite all the odds and all the inner turmoil ravaging in the back of my head, deciding to push past the terms with every ounce of energy I have (it wasn't perfect, but hey we do what we can with what we have). These little things are pivotal moments that have allowed me to be where I am today. The progression of my withdrawals, as far as I can remember, were as followed -August 2023 (6 months after): this was when I first noticed a small glimpse of windows - a short relief here and there - that indicated that I was going to be alright. My head still hurts when I think, I still have horrible intrusive thoughts and that nothing I did make any sense -September 2023: Started my fall term junior year. I had a lot of grieves on the life path that I couldn't pursue, but I couldn't express any emotions just yet. Fall term was a leap of faith - I did not know if I would make it, but by releasing the academic pressure off my shoulder, I made it through. I was still on a full blown wave when stressed (especially during exams period or so), but deep down I had this feeling that the old me was inside, buried in some corner, but he was still there. There were moments where I did nothing but just crawled in my bed and waited out the waves, and I'm glad I allowed myself those moments. -December 2023: I had moments of doubts on whether I should come back to school. I know that school will only get harder from here, as well as many of the important life choices I will have to make, as well as the dreaded Midwest winter. Yet, I took a leap of faith to come back - and on top of the academic workload I had to manage with summer internship application (yes all of this sounds really vain but if you had asked me if I would be able to manage all of this I would have told you that you must have been crazy) -March 2024: this is truly the timepoint where I finally feel again - I feel grateful, I feel alive, I feel pain, I feel my bottled-up grieved being released (and continues to be released), but most of all, I felt a sense of deeper connection with life itself. I never thought I reached this place in my life where even though life is still a struggle at times, it is a beautiful struggle. On top of that, my constant migraines... just stopped. I'm not sure if this is it, or there will be other waves along, but I have never felt more at peace with everything. I'm not writing this piece to brag about my being able to do things during withdrawal - I think cutting yourself some slacks are necessary to your recovery and survival, something my old self would not have appreciated it. I guess what I am suggesting is that even at the darkest of time, when things felt so absurd and you couldn't think of a way forward, just keep moving, keep putting one foot in front of others, as best as you can. I remember a line from Samuel Beckett that kept me going in the darkest of time : "I can't go on. I will go on." It may not seem like it matters, but it does in retrospect. During my whole experience of withdrawal, I think one epiphany that stuck out to me the most was the paradox of things - that (metaphorical) dying is accompanied with rebirth, and birth with another dying - we are constantly going through these cycles of death and rebirth ourselves, and withdrawal being one of those dark nights of the souls. Know in your darkest of time, when you hurt the most that you are also healing, that your body is working to recalibrate your system and brings you back to homeostasis. This paradox is always at work. Of course, I know I am very lucky circumstance as so many others have taken these medications for so long, or are on a multi-drug cocktail. But just keep going, you will get there. I also want to thank the admins, and the community here for giving me hopes throughout my journey. The sense of community, as well as the success stories were lifeline that I clung onto in moments of chaos. My hopes and wishes are with you all, those who are suffering through this battles as well as those who have survived on the other sides.
  2. Hey everyone, I’ve been meaning to post here for a while. i was on zoloft from 2011, was prescribed 50mg but shortly went up to 100mg after a few months. I started to taper around April 2021 and did so over a whole year, reaching 0mg by April 2022. The withdrawals started to appear around a month later in May, it was literally hell on earth. Waking up at 05:00 every morning in an anxiety attack which would then keep me in a state of constant anxiety and depression until around 7pm where my nerves seemed to just drop from the stress and the cycle would repeat itself the morning after. This went on for about 5 months and this forum is one of the few things that kept me going, if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I was going to stand my ground until then. I could not be alone, I would use every chance I could get these 5 months to run, I ran and ran hoping it would give me some respite since my soul already felt like it was burning. I coped by talking to friends and family about what I wasgoing through, a lot, I cannot suffer in silence since it makes it infinitely worse so I felt compelled to, it helped and they were supportive. I thought that if I get even 0.5% better each day, I would get better eventually. I broke down many times crying, wanting to end it all instead of living in this hell but then there came a day where I noticed a tiny improvement and thought to myself that I could keep scaling that improvement. In September I started seeing real results and I kept taking care of myself emotionally and physically. No tobacco, drugs or alchohol at any time. Fast forward to summer of 2023 and I’m better than I ever have been. Fall 2023 and I am way better than I was on medication and genuinely happy for the first time in such a long time, and it’s all just me, no medication or SO. Hang in there, cope and strive with healthy methods and you will make it.
  3. I hope you are well. I am on Escitalopram 10mg reduced overnight from 20mg. After being on this specific medication for 7 months and having been on Citalopram from the age of 22. Meaning I have been on an SSRI for 22 years. Last year after my breakdown in April (I’m actually thinking it might have been my medication stopping working that caused all this) I was put on Venlafaxine immediately without any tapering off citalopram for 2 weeks (Actually wanted to commit suicide due to that drugs side effects) I was then put on Sertraline without any tapering off Venlafaxine. That caused incredibly unpleasant side effects. In August without tapering again I was put on Escitalopram 10mg then two months later upped to 20mg to “give it a go” by psychiatrists. Not one of these medications have worked and have made me worse. Come more recently I suggested I wanted to wean off Escitalopram because I felt constantly in fight or flight. That was about a month ago. I was then prescribed buspirone 5mg x 3 a day and had my Escitalopram reduced to 10mg overnight, no tapering. A week into that regime I stopped Buspirone of my own accord and am currently on just the 10mg of Escitalopram that hadn’t been working in the first place. I actually think I’ve been withdrawing from all the antidepressants since April in some peculiar way. Since I first started antidepressants in 2002 I haven’t once had a doctor review my medication, not once have they asked me about coming off, the only time things changed is to up my medication or “give another” on a go. Today I have chronic muscle twitches, that don’t stop. My mind is clearer bizarrely and less brain fog but my physical symptoms are another matter, I’m aching considerably, I wake up shaking in the morning, and the cold makes my body shiver uncontrollably. The muscle twitches in my legs are 24 hours a day every minute. I try to go to the gym but it’s hard as my calves cramp. I have contacted a nutritionist as I’ve had dozens of blood tests thinking something must be out of sync, deficient. I’m on a good diet plan of protein and high fibre. And supplements. I currently don't know where to turn or what to do, as I am now on 10mg Escitalopram only, I don't know whether to go up gradually to try and resolve these physical constant muscle spasms/twitches even though the medication itself offered me no relief from anxiety/depression etc and actually made me 100 times worse, or to taper down. Either way I'm stuck. My body is a mess, that was once absolutely fine, it's now all over the place. Something that’s keeping me going is knowing someone is highlighting the daily struggle of these drugs and the complete disregard for the patients that are prescribed them. I hope this email reaches you all in good health.
  4. I am tapering venlaflaxine at 5% monthly and I am at 17.50mg now. Been on antidepressant for 30 years
  5. I have been taking Zoloft for 20 years for panic disorder. I started taking it when I was 18, and tried other medications as well. Nothing worked accept Zoloft. I still have breakthrough panic attacks and anxiety sometimes, but it’s manageable. I want to get off of Zoloft, but I’m terrified of the panic coming back. I’ve tried getting off of it 4 other times, and suffered greatly for years, becoming agoraphobic for months, and not driving by myself for 6 years the first time I tried to stop, and then severe depression, with suicidal ideation, extreme panic attacks I couldn’t calm down from, and constant debilitating anxiety the other times I tried to stop. One time I was off for a year, and they came back 1,000 times worse! I’m thinking of tapering slowly this time, but terrified that the panic attacks will come back full force again, and I will have to suffer going back on the meds until they kick in again. I have two young children, and I don’t want to suffer with withdrawal symptoms. I want to be able to get off of the meds easily, and with little side effects. I’m just so scared that the panic attacks and depression will come back if I stop the meds, and I won’t know if it’s withdrawal, if it’s legitimate panic attacks. They are so severe and terrifying that I almost want to stay on the meds forever and deal with the side effects than go through life the way I’ve always felt off of them. Any tips, advice, or thoughts?
  6. Hi! Glad to have found this community. I was out on 25mg Sertraline after a stressful life phase caused burnout that ended with me at the hospital. The psychiatrist raised the dose to 50mg within two weeks of starting. After a couple of weeks of extremely weird new ‘electric’ sensations in my body that the doc assured was just my anxiety, I slowly over three months or so got used to the medication and started to feel better mentally. The life trigger that resulted in the burnout ceased being there around month 6 on Sertraline, and I worked with the psychiatrist to begin tapering as I believed then I had developed other coping strategies through therapy, exercise and mindfulness practices. I was advised to taper to 0 within two weeks, but I intuitively felt that something that took 3 months to make the effect felt is likely not going to leave my system to pre-medication days in just two weeks, and decided on what I then thought was a slow and effective taper (I unfortunately did not come across this site before my taper attempt started 😕). Tapering to 25 mg from 50 and then to 12.5 and finally 0 all happened within a span of four months, with no symptoms whatsoever during the taper. It was about three weeks after the last dose that I started feeling funny physical symptoms— brain zaps, vertigo. These slowly faded away and mental ones took over along with new physical ones— irritability, low bandwidth for stress, thoughts that get stuck on a loop. Through therapy and mindfulness practices I learnt during my time on Sertraline, I am able to cope with the mental symptoms as of now. It’s the physical ones that are bothering me and reigniting my health anxiety— would appreciate input on these— chest pains, pain along nerves in limbs and torso, getting fatigued more easily from workouts. Docs have dismissed this as anxiety related, but I was pain-free before the meds. Ugh. I read about reinstating on the site but feel like my nervous system is overreacting to everything right now, and the mental symptoms I am able to cope with so far. What worked for you to survive the physical symptoms of withdrawal? Help!
  7. The Origin Story I developed a fear of throwing up as a kid and was only comfortable throwing up around family members or at home. When I went to school, I developed this weird fear that I’d throw up at school, so for 6 hours everyday I’d be paranoid of throwing up. Eventually, I kept going to the office and saying I was sick. For about a week, this worked and I was allowed to go home, then they sort of caught on that I was not really sick. I didn’t know how to articulate myself, and after being literally disallowed to go home, I started having panic attacks, feeling trapped at school with adults that didn’t care about me/accused me of constantly “faking” my sickness. To be fair, I was, but I was definitely not faking the panic attacks and anxiety it brought me. I got prescribed 0.5mg of Lorazepam at the age of 11 and rarely used it. Even as a child, I hated the idea of taking pills. I really don’t remember if the Lorazepam really worked either, it may have “calmed” me down but the feelings of dread always still remained. Eventually, I got worse and worse and got prescribed Cyprexa in mid-2016. I took it everyday and took Lorazepam when needed, but as I said earlier, I tried to avoid the Lorazepam. The Cyprexa “didn’t work” so I got put on Sertraline in October 2016 at the age of 13 and took it for the next 7 years at ever-increasing doses. See my signature for more detail. Did this solve my agoraphobia that came from my fear of throwing up? No. Hence why I kept trying to increase my dosage. I literally stayed homebound for years. Nothing changed, if anything, it made things worse, but I knew I “had” to take it, because I was told I would need it forever. I tried stopping multiple times but would get these weird sensations in my head (which I have right now) that almost felt like my brain was shutting off. I did get brain zaps but those weren’t my main concern, although it was a weird phenomena to endure. I couldn’t bear what I assumed were withdrawal effects and assumed that getting off the pills would be hard. The pattern was simple: I’d willingly stop taking the pill and after 2 days, I’d feel great. Then day 3 came, and all the weird symptoms came pouring down on me. Then, I’d reinstate. I’d try to do this 1-2 times a year, thinking I’d be able to withstand the effects, however, I always caved, mainly because I needed to go to school. So, the depression started after multiple failed attempts to get off the drug. I felt trapped on those damn pills. I had to take them everywhere I went in fear of missing a few doses. No doubt I was completely dependent on them. Fast forward to COVID times in 2020, where I no longer needed to attend physical school. I only had one job that was incredibly part-time but stopped going because it was too much for me. Zoloft was supposed to help me, to help me get out of my room and live life, but it didn’t. I didn’t accomplish anything. Most days, I wouldn’t attend online class due to how terrible my sleep was. I literally could not sleep at proper times and opted to just sleep instead of attend. I now know that these pills aren’t really great for sleep, especially considering that I took them right before bed. Eventually my sleep got so bad, that I stopped sleeping altogether in 2021. At this point I was basically stopped attending classes altogether. I deeply regret this. Eventually, I got put on trazodone after complaining that I couldn’t sleep at night to my family doctor. It’s not that I had terrible cortisol spikes at night, I simply just couldn’t sleep. I felt dreadful but my word if I can go back to those days that would be amazing. Before, not being able to sleep for me was bad but not a terrifying experience. For the first week of trazodone, everything was fine. It was a miracle, I was actually sleeping! And then, the side-effects started. After a few weeks, I tried to sleep without the trazodone and couldn’t. I thought, “well I’ll just keep taking it, I’m sure I’ll be able to stop anyway”. In January 2022, I asked to go up to 150mg of Zoloft. Throughout the two weeks from January 6th to January 20th, I took 125mg of Zoloft then started 150mg after the two weeks were up, as directed by the doctor. After a few days of taking 150, I noticed that everything was getting worse, so I abruptly stopped taking 150 and went back to 100mg sometime in February or March 2022. It felt better, but it only went downhill from there. This is where I started to suspect that maybe increasing the amount of drugs in my system wasn’t a good idea. Eventually, I became dependent on the trazodone as well and skipping a dose would be hell on earth. I had to practically beg my parents to go to the pharmacy and refill a bottle once I finished it. I actually can’t fully describe the symptoms I felt when I tried to sleep without it. I can, however, say it was torturous. I started violently shaking once and thought I was having a seizure. My parents would often tell me to just “fall asleep” and when I said “I literally can’t you don’t understand” they’d angrily respond saying that I definitely could and would get incredibly frustrated every time I needed a refill, but man, once that drug entered my system, it was so calming, it’s like I was taking a benzo. The side-effects during the day were unbearable though, and most of my days for 2 years were waking up, being in incredible pain, and desperately waiting for nighttime so that I could take it again and sleep. I was obsessed with my sleep schedule, because I thought I needed to be. I would’ve rather dealt with the excruciating side-effects of taking the pill rather than the even worse side-effects of trying to sleep on my own. I also developed GI issues that I have to this day, rarely going to the washroom and having bloody painful stools when I do. Naturally, issues with bloating followed. I literally couldn’t nap during the day and still can’t, as I’d always inevitably get so disoriented and confused after trying, with the inevitable annoying cortisol spike, which was the scariest thing and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It was hell. This is where the dpdr really took full form. Taper Timeline I had enough of the chronic fatigue, the vivid nightmares, the inability to sleep without trazodone and the almost seizure-like shaking that came with trying to skip a dose, the derealization and the excruciating headaches that were present from the moment I woke up, so I came to the conclusion that it had to be the drugs. In late 2022, I told my doctor I wanted off. He said that they don’t usually recommend tapering during the winter and told me I had to wait until summer to start tapering. I told my doctor that I needed to stop immediately, to which he replied, “then stop taking it”. I basically had the choice of doing it on my own or waiting until the summer. At this point though, I was desperate. I needed to be off. I couldn’t bear the symptoms anymore. Firstly, I decided to just stop taking the medication and after a few days realized that doing that was a terrible idea. So, I requested lower dosages of Zoloft and started meticulously cutting the Trazodone tablets. I tapered both drugs at the same time for the span of only a few months. I regret not researching anything about withdrawal and just assumed I’d be fine if I did it this way. I decided I needed to prioritize the Zoloft first because I was told from doctors that it could inhibit sleep, so I tapered it quicker than the Trazodone. Over the course of a couple months from maybe October/November 2022 to April 2023, I went from 100mg of Zoloft to 0, decreasing by 25mg on my own volition when I felt like it was time, with my last dosage being 12.5mg. I couldn’t tell you exactly when I dropped dosages and regret not recording it, but at the time I didn’t think I needed to. When I hit 0 on Zoloft, I was at about 6.25mg of Trazodone, as I cut the tablets in half about three times. It’s amazing how easy it was to fall asleep at 6.25. It’s like I never needed 50mg in the first place. I realize that 50mg of Trazodone is considered a low dosage, but the efficacy of the drug at 6.25 seemed to be the same. I wonder why that is. Anyway, after multiple failed attempts to sleep without trazodone, with multiple bouts of inner torturous restlessness that came with trying to sleep without it, I finally got about 2 hours of sleep without it after crying myself to sleep. This was monumental for me. You have no idea how much this meant to me after not being able to sleep/nap for more than one second without the use of these damn pills. I felt I needed to stop the taper and try to sleep another night without it, and lo and behold I did. For the next few weeks I started to sleep without the trazodone. Was it restorative sleep? Was is sleep that cured the chronic fatigue that the drug gave me in the first place? No. Absolutely not. I haven’t had restorative sleep for years, but it was sleep nonetheless, and that’s what mattered to me. I felt like I needed to stop taking the trazodone in fear that I’d rely on it again, but had it with me in case I ever felt the need to take it again in sheer desperation… which I did… but only once, in June 2023, which may have screwed up everything for me and I regretted it almost immediately. You see, throughout April-June, my mindset was “well if I get extremely restless and if I’m unable to cope with the flooding of emotions that prevent me from sleeping, I’ll just pop this trazodone next to me and I’ll feel fine!” The reassurance of having these pills available helped me get through the night, but after relapsing and suffering for it, I learned a few things. 1) these pills really are a massive problem and 2) I had to eliminate the mindset of thinking of trazodone as a drug I could just take if incredibly desperate. So, from June 2023 until now I can call myself drug-free. What an incredible accomplishment. Except, what I failed to realize and what I’ve now come to realize is that I tapered incredibly quickly, especially for someone who was influenced under some kind of drug from age 11-20 and that it wasn’t going to be clean sailing. Withdrawal Timeline Late 2022 - April 2023: While tapering the drugs, I felt so incredibly bad but kept going because I thought that this is what I needed to do. Restless 24/7, incredibly derealized, bedbound, frightened of just about anything, couldn’t really walk, talk etc. This was particularly the case when I was close to the finish. March - April was just terrible. It was all a blur honestly and I felt like I was taking even more drugs rather than decreasing. April 2023 - June 2023: Neuroemotions, restlessness, derealization, bad intrusive thoughts, and more, but those were the main debilitating ones. The neuroemotions as I’ve come to recognize it as was awful. Truly awful. I still deal with them to this day, and maybe some of what I’m feeling is warranted, but from the span of two months I basically regarded myself as a man unworthy of living. Essentially, every bad thing I ever did was at the forefront of my mind and I couldn’t deal with it. Telling me “you’re a good person!” was something I simply couldn’t accept. I was drugged for half my life and I have no idea what part these drugs played regarding my actions. I stayed in my room all day during this period, didn’t want to talk to anyone and just wanted to distract myself on my phone and hoped I’d eventually get though it. I never had time to create a sense of “self” because I was always regulated under these drugs that, while a bit helpful, never ever solved the root problem. Zoloft quelled my anxiety but never entirely, and made things worse every year. I’d get an increase of dosage and things would get better, until they didn’t. I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed to create a new sense of self after these drugs. The fatigue was still awful, the headaches less so, but I felt dead, and didn’t value myself at all. June 2023 - August 2023 It begins. I felt like a prisoner in my own mind and I took Zoloft. I couldn’t sleep, obviously, so I popped the Trazodone as well and slept. And when I woke up, I felt like I was back to square one. I had the biggest headache and I was more fatigued than ever with thoughts racing faster than ever before. I then thought to myself, “never again.” So, for the next few sleepless nights I was determined to not, at any circumstance, pop those pills. I felt probably the worst in those 2 days of not sleeping. If this was months earlier, I would’ve popped the pills no question. It was hard, but I eventually slept again without taking the pills and slowly recovered from the torture that I inflicted on myself. The derealization remained, as did the chronic fatigue and hate for myself. For those months, I had to come to terms with the fact that I actually had to deal with these emotions naturally and that pills cannot ever be the long-term answer. The fact is, humans were never meant to be chemically regulated, and having been medicated for so long, I had to realize that life is so much more than just shutting up and taking pills, thinking that it’ll solve all my problems. I remained bedridden, still hating myself. In late August, I had a horrible relapse of not being able to sleep for even a second, which happens more frequently than I’d like. Once in a while, my body would just refuse to sleep, and the first instance of that happened here. It was gruelling and I felt like that was it for me. I felt more disconnected than ever but eventually found sleep after about 40 hours. September 2023 Probably the best month I’ve had in years. I actually had motivation. I still hated myself, but it went from a 10/10 self-hatred to maybe an 8/10 self-hatred. I exercised, went on walks, started to pay attention to what I was eating but remained unsocial. I just wanted to be alone and do all these things. I’d spend more time in the sun before the cold weather started to come, and thought I was making progress. I slept for 9 hours everyday and although I still had derealization and often woke up sort of disoriented and sometimes confused, I had hope that I was recovering. I mean, come on! 9 hours of sometimes uninterrupted sleep? That was a great accomplishment to me. I haven’t had that in years. The sleep wasn’t really restorative but for the first time in my life I had hope. I started to try to wake up earlier because I felt that 9 hours was a long time, and tried to set alarms for 8 hours. This was incredibly stupid. If you’re in a similar state, don’t try to get complacent. Listen to your body. If it needs to sleep for 9 hours, LET IT. Then, it all began. October 2023 - Now Hell. This is where I felt like withdrawal truly began. After bouts of barely sleeping, my mood declined and declined. Derealization hit an all-time high. The back of my head was on fire and the worst was yet to come. Firstly, my appetite became non-existent. I couldn’t eat much, and if I did, I had to deal with the nausea that would ensue shortly after. I even threw up once, which for me is rare nowadays as my previous fear of throwing up made me sort of learn how to suppress throwing up, even when incredibly nauseous. When I throw up, something is horribly wrong. Visual misperception started, vivid hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations, traumatizing sleep paralysis and what would be considered symptoms of “bi-polar” started to begin. Intense mood swings, breakdowns, feeling different everyday, feeling “wrong”, akathisia that’s way more pronounced when waking up or trying to sleep, inner restlessness that is impossible to get rid of, visual snow, closed-eye visuals sometimes resembling what I’d consider what would happen if I took small doses of LSD, after-images, double vision, grainy vision, blobs of colour throughout my vision, visual distortions, and trouble focusing on things with eyes. Most of these visual symptoms were exacerbated 7 months after the last dose. Is this normal? Is it normal for new weird symptoms to develop even months after stopping? This is why I’m sceptical this is all related to withdrawal, but then I ponder whether these debilitating symptoms would be present if I never took the pills, especially Trazodone, in the first place. I’m also inclined to believe this is related to withdrawal is because Trazodone really ruined me. I seriously couldn’t tolerate that drug yet I took it for almost 2 years. I figured that there’s no way that the damage done by that stupid drug would take a short time to correct. I also deal with tinnitus, weird sensations in my brain (I can’t even describe them, it feels so weird and sometimes painful) orthostatic hypotension (which probably resulted from these drugs in the first place, I had a problem with this my entire life and apparently it’s a side-effect), even worse sleep than before, the furthest disconnection from reality ever, short-term memory problems, anhedonia, extreme malaise, muscle pains, hyper-vigilantism, light sensitivity, tremor in the head and arms, the list goes on. Some days I’d cry in despair due to how utterly braindead and disconnected I feel. Every time I wake up, it takes me a few hours to go from completely disconnected to incredibly disconnected, which seems the same but there is a difference. Before Christmas of 2023, I went to the hospital to tell them what has been going on. Much of my visual symptoms weren’t really prevalent at this time. I couldn’t really speak so I wrote everything down for them to read. As I’ve never really been thorough with my symptoms to doctors throughout the years, because I hated the idea of opening up to anyone, I wrote this massive essay about the complete timeline of my symptoms. The doctor looked at it for about ten seconds and prescribed me Mirtazapine 7.5mg. Now look, forgive me if found that a little sketchy. I waited hours in the hospital, basically spending the entire time listing everything I’ve ever gone through to eliminate ANY POSSIBLE CHANCE OF CONFUSION (mainly because I had enough of constantly going to doctors throughout the years and just wanted answers once and for all), they spent about 10 seconds reading it and prescribed me medication. They were actually going to perscribe me Lexapro again, but I told them I had trouble sleeping (something they would’ve known if they read the whole paragraph) and they instantly changed their mind and gave me Mirtazapine. At this point I’m very skeptical and confused. Did I really need to sedate myself again and end these months of progress without medication? Something felt off. At this point I was also on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist that lasted months, and the appointment finally came in the beginning of January, and through this live chat, I saw a psychiatrist. I explained my problems to him and got prescribed a different medication: Prozac. I never told them about the hospital visit, because I didn’t want that to influence what they were going to give/tell me. I then asked the psychiatrist something patients probably rarely ever ask them: “how exactly do these meds actually work?” I’m sure you can guess their response. He told me I had this chemical imbalance, something I was told all those years ago, and that these pills work by correcting the balance. I knew by now that this explanation was utter nonsense. If chemical imbalances were solely the issue then I’m sure these pills would work like magic and this forum wouldn’t exist. They don’t. Not at all. If only psychiatrists actually were honest. I’m longing for the day that I ask that question and they respond with “I have no idea”, because that’s literally the only correct answer. Nobody knows how these pills work, they just do for some people and don’t for others. Remember, without these supposed mental illnesses, these psychiatrists are jobless. That’s something to keep in mind. They have an incentive to lie to patients and lead them down a rabbit hole of polypharmacy. It’s actually disgraceful. I knew everything was a sham after I got prescribed that Prozac. I knew that maybe something else was going on with me. That’s when I had the thought that maybe these pills were the problem all this time. I began to start researching about what happened to people after they stopped taking their antidepressants, and everything seemed to make sense. As a person who tends to be very skeptical (which was definitely brought on with my experiences with psychiatry and pharmacology), I wasn’t really sure whether to believe I was in “antidepressant withdrawal.” My whole life I was told I was mentally ill by doctors, so who am I to go against their word. I even went to a doctor shortly after and got told I had ADHD. What? You’re telling me this whole time THAT was the issue? It didn’t make sense. I got prescribed Vyvanse and told that it was utterly ridiculous that it was withdrawal and told that “even the most avid of heroin addicts feel better after 7 days off.” This remark truly confused me. Surely that isn’t the case. This is where my trust levels went to an all-time low. I was suddenly put into this hellish wave of a plethora of symptoms, and was prescribed 3 different medications from 3 different doctors in the span of a month. Something was off, so I kept doing my own research to rule out all possibilities. I then found this website and spent hours looking at other people’s stories and figured that this must be what I’m going through. Sure, I was an anxious mess before taking pills, then again I was 11 and a highly sensitive and fearful child. Sure, I had problems regulating those emotions, but sometimes I wonder if I could’ve just outgrown it. I didn’t hate my life as a child necessarily because I had friends and lived normally at times. Literally the only issue was that I got incredibly agoraphobic and was reluctant the leave the house and my parents as a child. Going to school sucked, but at home I would be left to my own devices, frying my brain playing video games, which I attribute to my attention span issues. I literally lived online, depressed, on pills that never helped in the long run. I had symptoms resembling OCD but they didn’t really consume me the way it did after taking pills and after going off. Ask anyone I know and they’ll tell you I was a very joyful child who loved humour and loved doing any activity I could, despite the fears that I had. I truly believe that I could’ve conquered this with proper guidance as a child. Some children are just sensitive and scared. Sometimes they’re like that for no obvious or “logical” reason and sometimes because they’re confused about living in this world they never asked to live in, but they do and that’s a beautiful thing. Everyday is a struggle. Some days I’m convinced I’m dying and others I’m convinced there’s healing to be done. Some days I read the horror stories and immediately catastrophize and some days I read success stories and get that extra bit of motivation. There’s no telling where I’ll be in a couple months but I cannot let these pharmaceutical companies win, so I don’t know. I just hope to get to a point where I can tackle my crippling agoraphobia once and for all, without the use of chemicals which never really helped in the first place. I have to believe that after these hellish, torturous symptoms subside, I can tackle life with a different perspective and get help the proper way. I see people recover from what I’ve had as a child all the time, and I have to believe that I can too. I never lived my life. Ever. My life has been me just existing, never doing anything of note. I’m 20 and sometimes feel like my life is already over. But it can’t be. There has to be some life in me, some life I never got to live under the influence of drugs. I see all these stories of people being drugged their whole lives find actual purpose, and I got to believe that my life has one too. The Present So yeah, I’m currently feeling dreadful, the worst I’ve ever felt. I don’t know who I truly am and when I remember events from the past I find it hard to believe that yes, that was indeed my life. I’m in constant pain, similar to the type of sensations I felt when originally trying to withdraw from the medication, but with even more vigour. I can barely speak and I’m constantly uncomfortable. I look like I’m high all the time. The visual symptoms are the worst, it fuels my dpdr to an even more unthinkably unbearable state, not to mention the tinnitus. I find it really hard to suppress my screen time due to not wanting to be alone with my own thoughts. I realize that I need to eventually push myself to stop looking at screens all day, but usually when I do, the day that follows is absolutely horrific, and all my symptoms return with a vengeance. This has happened every time I try to detox from my phone. There are some days where my symptoms go from a 10/10 to a 7/10, where I still mainly feel terrible but not in hell. Originally, I didn’t think this was related to “windows and waves” but I realized that windows don’t mean the complete elimination of all symptoms, but rather a time where the symptoms become more tolerable. In fact, the physical symptoms remain the same and sometimes new ones form, but there are some days where I’m just inexplicably able to tolerate it more, and some days where I simply can’t. Am I 100% convinced all of this is withdrawal? Not entirely, but that’s why I’m here. I’m here to learn, mainly out of despair. I know I’m an anxious person, but this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. As soon as I stopped taking the meds, everything and I mean EVERYTHING got worse. There must be a correlation, right?
  8. Hi! I used to be on 50mg zoloft, and started to tapper down 10% every four weeks, and when it came to 6 mg I tried to go to zero. Didnt work, got a LOT of strong symptoms. I went on it again and have taken a quarter of an 25mg. And this tablets have no score in it for splitting. This I have been taking for about a year. So I have alfeady been through a shakey period with no concistansy, and symtpoms a long the way. However, I stopped taking it two weeks ago, and havent got too mutch symptoms. I have a hedaiche, nightmares, anger and sadness, a bit anxiety and strange feelings in my eyes. So what do you think? Should I prepare for worse or stronger symptoms or is this ”it”? Because this ”it” I can handle, Im so used to this that it feels normal. For someone that felt good and then got all my symtoms at once would feel a lot different I think. best reguards, Rebecca
  9. Hi people, I am kind of desperate as I feel really weird for the last week or so and it is not the anxiety or the depression that I started the antidepressants for (at least this is how I perceive it). As you can see in the signature, there were a lot of changes and adjustments since I started the antidepressants. My current doc (will have a meeting with her on Wednesday) recommended to go up to 150mg of zoloft and so I did, in December. But by the end of December I started to feel super anxious again and upon google research (doc not available during the holidays), I decided by myself to drop back to 125. A week after that I started to feel really good, maybe best I've been since I started the medication. It lasted about until around 20th of January when I started to feel another increase in anxiety. Contacted the doc and she recommended another drop, to 100 mg. About 5 days later I started to feel a bit better, but only for 2-3 days. Then the weirdness started. I now have a feeling that I haven't had before (of course, I might perceive it like that since the mix of depression and anxiety with OCD and health anxiety on top is a BOMB cocktail), like I am not the same anymore, a dreamlike feeling, a bit dissociative, a bit emotionally numb, a bit of confusion, ability to focus on something dropped a bit etc. Feels a bit like the derealization I had when I felt into depression, back in summer 2023, but without that severe depression. I fear that my brain got permanently "damaged" (a bit illogical, I know, but the fear is there) from all these meds and adjustments. I feel this new state to be even scarier than the anxiety attacks I was having in Autumn (at least I was feeling better after an attack, for the rest of the day, optimistic and hopeful) because I am in it the whole day, with minor ups and downs. Can I actually feel this way because of the last drop in dosage? If so, why I haven't feel this way when I dropped from 150 to 125? Lately I was thinking that upping the escitalopram dosage from 10 to 20 mg, back in September (I had a rough week right after I returned from holiday, anxiety was through the roof the week before I went up on 20 mg) was a mistake and maybe I just had to push through and stay on 10mg. I have the feeling that I have been overmedicated since then. I actually dropped back to 10mg mid Novemeber (and then switched to zoloft) after I complained several times to my doc that I started to feel a bit weird, mood shifts during the day, like feeling great in the first half and like **** in the afternoon. Also, I am seriously thinking in the last few days to start weaning off the poison, because I started to believe these meds are actually doing more wrong than good (of course, these words may come out just because I feel super off lately) I appreciate your thoughts and advice. Thanks!
  10. I am going through withdrawal from setraline zoloft used for 22 years, have tried to quit but failed, hope to find help here and help others Haven't drank alcohol in 2 years, haven't had a problem with alcohol like that but drank too much when I did. Going to a psychologist Have not used other drugs only zoloft. When I took zoloft my highest dose was 100mg, withdrawal was if I remember 6 weeks 50mg and 25mg 4 weeks if I remember correctly I have made a suspension of 2.5 months with the end of the last tablet of 25mg 2023-11-06 But now I have severe anxiety and compulsive behavior. Have I made too short a delay? Anyone have any tips on how I should do it? Thanks have nice day
  11. My story in a nutshell: Always been anxious but got really bad in 2015 Went to see the doctor and was told I didn't have depression but had GAD Was prescribed Sertraline and GP told me coming off them meant “mild to no symptoms” Started 50mg Sertraline 1 Jan 2016 but also quit coffee and alcohol at the same time Brother on 200mg told me you feel better after six weeks Had blurred vision, dry mouth and increased appetite but was otherwise fine (but still anxious) Six weeks to the day (more on this later) I felt more relaxed, clear-headed and less anxious Decided to come off after nine months as to me medicine is a last resort and I felt okay Tapered off over three months Withdrawal started and it was indescribably bad — I can barely even put it into words Went on for a while and I went back to the doctors, was dismissively told it would right itself and that I could always go back on them if I wanted to Didn't have many people to speak to about it but those I did said it was my depression coming back and I need to go back on the meds I knew it wasn't as how I was feeling was an order of magnitude worse than I'd ever felt in my life the the most depression I'd had before that was likely dysthymia as I was always functioning and never missed any work from it (interestingly I don't think the NHS recognise dysthymia and I was never diagnosed with it but in hindsight while not feeling hopeless or worthless I likely have had anhedonia for a lot of my adult life) I suffered alone for about 7–8 months, easily the worst I have never felt in my life: hopeless, worthless and angry in a way that is so extreme as to be difficult to describe After about 8 months it eased up Still with anhedonia I would function okay for a few weeks then my emotions would fall off a cliff and it'd be like being in mini withdrawal for about a week, passive suicidal ideation This went on for 6+ years while I tried to explore alternative methods of recovery (exercise, supplements, etc) As well as this cycle I get constant nose bleeds in my right nostril, I get hand tremors (never had them before Sertraline) if I am stressed and sometimes my memory and thinking goes haywire (not blackouts but difficulty forming and retaining memories even though my recall and clarity of thinking was good before, e.g. once when stressed, I forgot which side of the road cars travelled on and found myself unable to remember quite recent conversations) Exercise and eating well (esp. cutting out sugar) helped but life was still a slog Kind of got sick of fighting this thing about a year ago and had a bit of a breakdown and realised I was on a continuum of passive to active suicidal ideation Hit rock bottom and swore to myself I would never act on intrusive thoughts and started fighting back with renewed vigor Slowly improved through supplements, light therapy, cold shower, lots of exercise and a particularly the Human Givens approach — basically it shows that your thinking affects your sleep and your sleep quality determines your mental state A couple of months later I started taking Moringa powder and within a week the “blackness” had gone (not sure how/why but it is rich in tryptophan) After about a month of taking Moringa I actually started to feel happy; after an 8 year battle, I'd finally beaten this thing However… All was good for a few months until some things in life went badly all in a row and my stress levels ramped up and I've had a few bad months. I am being asked to look at medication by my family but this time a different SSRI. It seems crazy to me given what I've been through but I have promised to at least look at other SSRIs, hence this post. Here are my questions: How different are SSRIs? Can any of the more well-informed members here take a look at my history and let me know what taking a different SSRI might look like? Fluoxetine (Prozac) looks like it is less likely to cause withdrawal symptoms but I've also read if you have had suicidal ideation before it can make that worse. Am I likely to have the same experience coming off any SSRI? I can't imagine being on them life as a) it doesn't address anything and b) I have heard they stop working eventually. I am also very concerned about the data surrounding them, particularly the lack of evidence for the chemical imbalance theory and their ineffectiveness in mild to moderate depression. I know SSRIs work as a placebo for some. I found it suspicious that I started feeling the benefits on the exact day my brother said they'd start working. Almost like my brain expected it. And if I ever got serious side effects like I had before…I honestly don't know what I'd do. And finally, the irony of having had to deal with all this depression simply because I took an antidepressant is not lost of me.
  12. I am a 70 year old man who has been on Zoloft for about 25 years and wants out . I take 100mg daily and I do not trust my current medical practioner to help me to finally get clean.
  13. Hi folks, TLDR: Too fast taper off 50mg Zoloft July/August 2023; withdrawal became intense in Nov 2023 and continues to today. Wedding is in early May so stress isn't stopping. Should I reinstate or keep going? Ok so, I've been creeping on the site here for a couple weeks, and was very excited when February 1st rolled around so I could register myself. I'd love to hear any advice or input on my situation. I've summarized my med history in my signature but here's the full story of where I'm at: In 2010 I started having panic attacks during sophomore year of college. These panic attacks were coupled with anxiety and severe gastric distress so I ended up dropping about 10 pounds and going to a Gastroenterologist because I thought I had IBS. The doc informed me it was not IBS, but that I had anxiety, and he prescribed me 20mg of Celexa which I began taking in November 2010. I also did exposure therapy through the university, and was diagnosed with panic disorder. With the medicine, my symptoms got better and I finished college in 2013 thinking "if it ain't broke don't fix it". In 2014 I made a random med change from Celexa to Lexapro, I don't think I had a real reason other than maybe thought I had gained weight from the Celexa so I switched? I continued on with 20mg Lexapro from 2014 until February/March of 2020. At that time, I was in really wonderful and healthy relationship, had just received a new job offer and felt really stable and content in my life. I hadn't had a panic attack in years and had always wanted to stop taking the meds, so with the help of a NP at a psych office, I weaned (far too quickly), taking 10 mg for 2-3 weeks, and then 5 or so every other day till I was at 0mg in the end of April 2020. Withdrawal aside, there were a lot of reasons this was stupid and I was ill prepared but I didn't realize that at the time. From May-July 2020 I experienced flu like symptoms, a plethora of brain zaps, SI, and some of the worst anxiety and depression I've ever experienced, much worse than my original condition. With no end to the pandemic in sight, and thinking it was just me, and I couldn't handle life without an SSRI, I went back to my NP at the psych office and reinstated with 50mg of Zoloft. We chose Zoloft because the physical symptoms of withdrawal from the lexapro were so bad she thought I might react better to the Zoloft instead. Ok, so I took 50 mg of Zoloft from July 2020 to June of 2023. The entire time I was on it I knew I wanted to try weaning again but wanted to take steps to make sure I was in a better place. I began heavily limiting my alcohol, caffeine, and sugar intake (things that were very high during the first attempt), made a lot of progress in therapy, got off of hormonal birth control, and started seeing a functional medicine doctor (FMD) to test my hormones and make sure those were as stable as they could be since we suspected I deal with PMDD. I worked with both my FMD and my GP to get a taper schedule together, and I thought I was doing it much slower than the first time. I tapered to 25mg during July 2023, and immediately had so much more energy and emotion than I had had for the last 12+ years. I cried a lot and often out of no where, but that and energy seemed to be the only side effects I noticed. In August 2023 I took 12.5mg daily for ~ 2 weeks, and then 12.5mg every other day for ~2 weeks after that. During this time I was also in the thick of training for a marathon, so I was running around 30 miles a week, the sun was out, I wasn't really drinking and life felt pretty manageable! After talking to some folks I really trust, I also had begun micro dosing ~125mg Psilocybin for a few days a week (~July-January) to help bridge the gap of coming off the Zoloft. I had some possible mild akathisia during this time, but I thought it was just from the running, and I also would get really nervous and have gastric distress before I went out on runs, but again - I thought it seemed normal to have a little panic before running 15+ miles 🤷‍♀️. I completed the marathon in the first week of October and slowly started consuming a bit more alcohol here and there, I don't think I ever actually got drunk at any point, but maybe 3ish drinks in a night every couple of weekends max. End of October /beginning of November 2023 was around when the anxiety and insomnia started. Which then after a trip to Mexico for a wedding, and drinking ~1 drink a night for the week + more the wedding weekend, I felt like I completely regressed with my anxiety and depression symptoms. Everything "came back" like it had in 2020 with a vengeance, I was 10x more anxious, suddenly depressed, incredibly irritable and annoyed by my partner, living in a pit of comparison, going through awful waves of gastric distress and nausea, crying all the time (though that had been there since tapering started), could get 0 pleasure, excitement or hope out of life and waking up with panic out of nowhere at 4 and 5 in the morning. This continued in what I called a "roller coaster" (waves/windows) From Nov 2023 to now. I didn't realize this was still withdrawals or that it even could be until the middle of January when I found this group by way of another facebook group I'm in and felt like it was an answered prayer. Just even to have a name to put to what I was experiencing, and seeing so many other people share the same issues I was experiencing. The constant crying, the waves and windows of anxiety and depression etc. I couldn't believe we all had been given such short taper plans by doctors, and was kicking myself for not finding out about this hyperbolic taper concept earlier, but alas... So! What I'm seeking is advice. My partner and I are getting married in early May 2024, and I am terrified of being in this depressed/agitated state (where often he is getting the brunt of my mood) on our wedding day. Stress isn't really able to be lowered at this time, with the wedding coming up, being understaffed at work, and us moving states this summer. My partner is incredibly understanding and supportive, and I've taken steps from what I've learned here to lower the stress on my CNS as much as possible: I'm not drinking or indulging in THC, I stopped the micro dosing mid January, I try to get 8-9 hrs of sleep every night, I exercise daily, take morning walks, eat a whole foods diet, go to therapy weekly, meditate and breathe daily, do cold exposure 4x a week, you name it I'm probably doing it. I track my waves and windows, but at this rate I don't see an end to them in the near future. I'm around 5 months into 0mg, should I reinstate at .5mg Zoloft and see if that curbs my waves and windows or just continue to push through? Thank you so much for reading, any advice is appreciated and valued!
  14. Hello all, I have been reading this site for awhile but recently decided to join. Please forgive me for any misspellings or anything poorly written as my brain is not what it once was as a result of these drugs. Even finding the motivation to write this post took me multiple days. My parents were very pro-medication at a young age, I developed OCD around age 10 and took Zoloft for approximately 2 years as I was told I needed it to get better. I was also on Ritalin from age 5-13. I went through most of high school and college unmedicated, until the end of college around age 21 deciding to seek out adderall again as my grades were starting to take a hit. I also had a breakup at the time and a doctor put me on 40mg fluoxetine (prozac). I wasn't even that sad but he said it would help take the edge off. I didn't think twice about this drug after taking it, and somehow ended up taking it for the following 10 years. Fast forward to age 31 (about 1.5 years ago) Things were going incredibly well in my life, recently married, job going well, driven and enjoying life, and I looked at my pill one day and thought, Why am I still taking this? I learned about the long half life of this drug and since I was told 10mg was the lowest dose, I asked my doc to change to 10mg which he did without a real question. I went from 40 to 20 to 10 in about a month, and then started taking the 10 every other day, every third day, every 4 days, and so on, until I got to one pill every two weeks. Since this was the minimum dose, I figured this was the most drawn out "taper" possible. I took my last pill somewhere around October of 2022 and oddly enough, the 2-3 weeks that followed were incredible. Life was brighter than it had ever been, I was happy and motivated to take my life to even another level i had not yet experienced. About one month off the drug, I started to notice some very strange effects. My body and mind did not feel right. I had extreme mood swings and fatigue, complete loss of libido that has never returned, and other symptoms. I got my testosterone tested and it was very low, in the first percentile for my age. Health is my biggest passion and I had done nothing to cause this, I had continued my extremely healthy eating, active lifestyle, great sleep etc so I found this very odd. I eventually went back on the drug for approximately 1.5 months to see if it helped with my issues and libido (and I had genital numbness), but it didn't seem to make any meaningful difference (I also dont think I tried it long enough) so I did the same "taper" again around Feb of 2023. Looking back my taper was probably more of a cold turkey than a taper, given my last dose was still a full dose (10mg). My testosterone level started to improve, but not without a ton of other symptoms coming and going over time. Whole body pains, cognitive issues, weird mental issues like extreme difficulty making decisions among other things. This has been an ever evolving range of symptoms, with some things sticking around changing in severity and others coming and going. My current symptoms which have been around for quite some time are an extreme lack of motivation and a strong sense of apathy. This is also accompanied by severe anhedonia. Every simple task has become difficult, and I often feel like I am stuck in the mud with the way I interact with the world in my new state. I struggle to work my job in whhich I have been a high performer for many years, and I require a lot of daily assistance from my wife and father. I feel like a burden on those around me, I am no longer the same person and I keep desperately searching and trying to find that person again. I have considered a reinstatement, but do not want to slow down my recovery - but at this point I am getting kind of desperate for some relief. It is hard to say if I have experienced any real windows, but I guess things are changing, even if not for the better, which signals something is going on in my body. I continue to care for my body in every way imaginable from a great diet, sleep, exercise. However I am sure there are other things I could be focusing on to heal more quickly. Open to any and all suggestions or advice. Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this.
  15. Hello, Please can you provide some advice, I am reluctant to follow advice received off of my GP to lower to 25mg for two weeks then stop upon carrying out a lot of research. I have been looking at the hyperbolic taper and the 10% method, which is more effective and could you recommend an example tapering schedule based on being on sertraline 50mg for 3.5 months and best way to carry it out? Will enquire about liquid solution availability at next appt next week to discuss again, currently only have access to 50mg tablets that can be split in 2 (two 25mg halves if split) Started due to an anxiety episode which was getting no better, now on sertraline have been at pre-anxiety levels for quite some time and looking to taper off as agreed with doc. Also weening off omeprazole 20mg for another week, unsure if this will make a difference. Many Thanks.
  16. Hello there. I am a totally blind, partially deaf, autistic man aged 47 with childhood and recent Trauma I have experienced frequent gaslighting, and extreme mental bullying over the years. I left school at the end of 1994, and lived with my parents until I was 42 years old. Just before turning 21, I had reached a stage, where I had been on no medication for 6 years after coming off beta blockers in 1991. Well 1997 came along, and we were in the middle of a long lasting heatwave, which didn't help. I was even doing regular workouts at the Gym. I suddenly started developing this irrational fear of the unknown and became very clingy, bombarded with negative thoughts, such as people close to me dying, time accelerating, wishing I could go back to when I was little and things were more sure and safe, feeling like things were unstable and out of control ETC. The feelings became worse over the next month or so, and my local doctor put me on Diazepam, with instructions to take it at night, but not to take it for more than 2 weeks. He referred me to a psychologist, who I thought was a godsend.... at first. After a month of talk therapy, he put me on 50 mg of Zoloft. The first day I took it, it gave me insomnia and I developed tremors in my arms and legs for a couple of days. I could feel my brain being rewired, and I began to feel better by the second or 3rd week, and i also started to sleep better. Fast forward to 6 months later and the shrink tells me I can stop taking it, this is around October of 1997, he said nothing about tapering off. Well, within 3 months, come mid January 1998, I began to get the jitters again and before I knew it, I'd hit rock bottom. I was put back on Zoloft again, 50MG, but was told to stay on it for 12 months. New year's eve arrives, and I stop the medication as per his instructions, and wouldn't you know it? there came another relapse. I crashed hard, and my parents could only watch as I became a quivering, crying mess, so I saw the shrink for the last time, and he told me to get back on it, but the dosage had to be increased to 75mg, because it had stopped working at the old dosage. I was extremely angry that he had put me through 2 relapses, I felt like a lab rat that had been experimented on! 24 years later, I've now started learning about natural treatments such as herbs and vitamins and nutrition and am all too aware of the powers that be wanting us to stay sick and addicted to their poisonous chemicals, I am still, however, stuck on my 75MG regimen and I am too scared to even begin a slow withdrawal after what happened last time. If I want to taper off, I will have to do it over a period of years. I would like to take some pointers on here as to how I should go about it. I'm thinking of alternating between one day on 75MG and one day on 50mg for a month, then 2 days on 50mg for a month, then 3 days, 4 days, ETC, until I am back taking my old dose of 50mg. Then slowly work my way down to 25 MG, and eventually nothing. Do you think that would work?
  17. Hello, first, I want to emphasize that English is not my native language. A brief overview of my medical history: Since the age of 21, I have had depressive episodes treated with Seroxat and Zoloft. Between these episodes, several years could pass. I easily stopped taking the antidepressants, even though I didn't gradually reduce the doses. Due to mild depression, in September 2021, I asked my psychiatrist to prescribe me an antidepressant again. After just two weeks, I felt better, my energy returned, and the depressive thoughts disappeared. I wasn't aware that the antidepressant had actually triggered hypomania. In March 2023, I stopped taking the antidepressant again. In May, the depression returned with full force. I went back to the psychiatrist and told them about the hypomania. She prescribed Zoloft (50mg), lamotrigine (50mg), and olanzapine (5mg) for sleep, even though I didn't have sleep problems at that time. My condition didn't improve; in fact, I felt like I had lost myself, my emotions, and the will to live. I also experienced a rapid heart rate. The diagnosis of bipolar 2 was not confirmed. My psychiatrist even claims that I don't have bipolar disorder. I suspect that olanzapine is the main "culprit," which is why I tried to stop taking it CT. Immediately, insomnia appeared, and I had to restart taking it. That's when I started researching how to safely taper off this drug and found this website. Since September, I have been gradually reducing the dose of the medication every 3 weeks. At first, it was more than 10%, so now I'm at a dose of 1.125mg since January 10th. I usually notice withdrawal symptoms after about 6-7 days. Initially, I had nausea, diarrhea, difficulty sleeping, anhedonia, and depression. The nausea and diarrhea are now tolerable, and I think kefir has helped me the most. My sleep is between 4 and 8 hours. It's hard for me that my emotions have dulled. For a while, I couldn't even cry. I have managed to do so twice in the meantime. As contradictory as it may sound, I was happy that I could cry. I live in constant fear of how intense the withdrawal symptoms will be. On this difficult path of getting off olanzapine, I would like to hear about experiences. With a reduction in dose, under the condition that the dose is reduced by 10% from the last dose, do the symptoms become milder? Will my emotions at least return a little during the reduction? Will I be a little happier? Is it possible that Zoloft is not working because I'm taking olanzapine? Regarding a potential bipolar disorder, I am going through real agony. I constantly question the last 27 years - have I ever been hypomanic without realizing it? Was the hypomania caused by Seroxat really bipolar disorder? Will I have to take medication for the rest of my life? I have lost trust in psychiatrists. I feel lonely, ashamed, and I'm not even able to talk to my husband, sister, or mom about what I'm currently going through. My husband doesn't even know how olanzapine affects me or that I'm trying to get off it. By the way, as I write this, I'm crying, which I suppose is good. I wonder what I have done so wrong to go through what I'm going now and if I will ever be the way I used to be.
  18. I have been successfully tapering off of 50mg Zoloft for 6 months now. Managed to go down by 20% every couple of months without side-effects and am now down to 20.5 mg. However, this is the second time now I have tried to go down to my next step 16.4 and both times I've had to go back up because of the side-effects. I seem to have gotten stuck; I've been on the 20.5 dose twice as long as any previous level. Has anyone else experienced this? Do I just need to wait longer, do I need to try going down a smaller percentage?
  19. Hello, This is my first post on this forum after lurking for a couple years while tapering off of Zoloft, starting at age 20. I thought I had the taper under control for most of that time, but all the changes seem to have caught up with me. I am feeling skeptical that this is going to pass and that I will ever be able to get off of this medication. Anxiety, panic attacks, and physical disorientation and discomfort have kept me effectively homebound for a few months now, with no sign of cessation; it is discomfort far greater than I have ever experienced in my life. My sleep is often interrupted, and sometimes I am awake for up to 40 hours at a time due to physical stress. I cannot walk around my neighbourhood, let alone take the bus, go to the store, or participate in work or school; I can do very little physical activity at home, and have to be extremely cautious with my dietary choices. I am currently taking no supplements, but I am considering trying L-Theanine or Taurine, which I understand to be neuroprotective. Gabapentin seemingly helped me through medication changes in the past before, but I am skeptical of adding a new drug into the mix. My doctor had been helpful with the taper, but suddenly changed her tune after I was finally honest about the problems I was having, and is now of the opinion that I need to be on this drug forever (her words), completely disregarding the fact that many of my symptoms are purely physical and could not be explained by my "original condition" (as she maintains is the case.) Additionally, I have been adamant that going back on medication is not an option; Zoloft caused me to uncontrollably engage in extremely self-destructive and reckless behaviour (drinking by myself until passing out, sleeping with strangers using no protection, reckless driving); prior to taking medication, I was a quiet, introverted guy who liked gaming and fantasy literature, and had neither taken a sip of alcohol nor intended to. I also believe it is responsible for a sudden complete and unprecedented shift in sexuality (from heterosexuality to homosexuality) and strong gender dysphoria. I do not know which mechanism of the drug could have caused this, but there is no other suitable explanation, as these acquired traits have both completely subsided, directly synchronous with my taper. When I told my doctor that the medication had these effects on me, she prescribed me Seroquel (which I am, of course, not taking); despite my calm demeanour over the phone, she clearly thinks that I am delusional. I certainly learned my lesson through this, and will no longer say any more than is necessary to avoid seeming belligerent. Out of all the people in my life, only my mother and my girlfriend believe me that Zoloft caused me to have this dramatic personality shift that endangered my life, and they are both very supportive of me in general. My father, who is currently financially supporting me, albeit reluctantly, is of the same mind as my doctor; he believes that I have a genetic defect and must be medicated permanently. Overall, however, he has been surprisingly tolerant, and I have a safe place to live where my needs are being taken care of. I have undergone thorough medical examination, and have been determined to be in good physical health, aside from a recent POTS diagnosis that I believe is a result of my taper and is causing many of my symptoms. To sum everything up: I am trapped in a world of discomfort, and have no idea what my next steps should be. Any help at all is appreciated. I am only a young guy, and the future is not looking bright right now. I am really scared that I have damaged my body and brain beyond repair both by taking the medication for so long at such a high dose and in tapering improperly. Having said that, I am feeling much more like myself, and I know that I am on the right track. P.S. I apologize if any part of my post violates content guidelines. I was aiming for as much clarity as possible but any offending parts can certainly be removed.
  20. Hello, just a little history about me I’m a 39 year old female who’s always had a bit of OCD/anxiety but never medicated. Around 6 years ago in 2018 my daughter was battling an illness that required my full attention/support so in order to cope with all the worry, anxiety I was prescribed 50mg of Setraline. I was on and off it over the years with no issues to deal with my daughter’s illness. Then in December 2020 I Cold Turkeyd Setraline and did fine for 4 months til I started having intrusive thoughts( which I didn’t know what these were) enough to freak me out and reinstated 50 mg of Zoloft in May 2021 just fine with no side effects. I stayed on this dose for over 2 years straight with no skipping. Fast forward to August 2023 I was in a better place mentally and my daughters illness was better so I decided to tapper on my doctors order to take 25mg of Setraline instead of 50mg for a few weeks. So I began to tapper in August breaking my 50mg pill in half. I never dealt with major withdraw symptoms or new what they were til these past few months have been hell. I started the crying non stop, lashing out, constipation, acid reflux, loss of appetite, urine issues as if I had a UTI, food sensitivity, AND WORST OF ALL A FULL BLOWN PANIC ATTACK. I called my dr and asked her what this was as I never experienced this before. It had been roughly 11 weeks of tapering from August to October so she advised me to go back to the original dose of 50mg ON OCTOBER 21, 2023. And that’s when I became worse. Two days later after updosing my Setraline to 50mg I was nauseous all day/vomiting , no appetite, trouble sleeping. This continued for 6 weeks when I was so dehydrated and my brain was not functioning correctly I went to the ER November 23 and told them what happened with the increase they said withdraw symptoms don’t last this long and it’s probably gastritis. So my husband told me to stop the increase and stay on 25mg of Sertraline since my dr was on Thanksgiving break. It’s been 45 days since I last changed my dosage back to 25mg of Setraline and have been feeling pretty awful: wake up with the cortisol spike/ anxiety in the morning running through my arms, Insomnia/broken sleep( wake up few times in the night), no appetite, depressed, OCD intrusive thoughts, panicky, nausea, sad/crying non stop, thoughts of death, tremors and back pain issues. I did cut out processed meats, fast food, caffeine, dairy and eating clean. What’s scaring me the most is this dark/doom symptom I’m having like there’s no point to live and I’m never been suicidal in the past just anxious person who worries a lot, but recently been feeling depressed. I truly want off this drug but want to know if what I’m doing in terms of dosage was the correct choice or should I have stayed on 50mg back in November and stabilized. PLEASE HELP ME Started my menstrual cycle 3 days early this month, today being day #1 and feeling depressed and down like I have no reason to live. I hate feeling like this I have 4 little kids who need their mother. Current medication: 25mg of Setraline magnesium citrate vitamin D 50 thousand( dangerously low) 2mg of melatonin My history *November 2018-2020 on and off 50 mg of Setraline (never experienced severe withdrawal) Cold Turkey Setraline December 2020 did fine for 4 months til I started having intrusive thought freaked out and started 50 mg of Setraline in May 2021 *May2021- August 2023 50 mg of Setraline *August 2023 25 mg of Setraline Didn’t know there was a such thing as severe withdrawal symptoms *First Noticed severe withdraw symptoms late October Loss of Appetite, anxiety attacks (never had these ) freaked out tried to reinstate at 50 mg for 6 weeks had more nausea, acid reflux vomiting, and insomnia throughout the 6 weeks so I went back to 25mg Sertraline . *Late December 2023 intrusive thoughts emerged.
  21. Hi, I’m new here. 👋 I’m surprised of having such strong withdrawal symptoms going down just 1% from 57,5 mg to 57 mg of Zoloft, starting yesterday. High anxiety, agitation and headache. Could stopping Lamictal 4 weeks ago affect the Zoloft withdrawal (I only took 25 mg of Lamictal for 19 days)? I’ve been on Zoloft for more than 20 years. I made a MRI and it showed I’ve had minor strokes effecting parts of the prefrontal cortex which my psychiatrist says can explain my sensitivity. Any thoughts are welcomed!
  22. Hi there, so I'm not new to Zoloft, been taking 50 mg (1 pill) for 10 years from age 17-27. I'm 42 now. I don't really remember how I tapered back then, as far as I remember one day I realized that I do not need it anymore and gradually within months I decreased by a quarter pill, the stopped with no issues. I can't remember if I stopped from a quarter pill (12,5 mg) or went down to 1/8 pill (6,25 mg), but probably from a quarter pill. I had a few brain zaps maybe the first few days, but that's all I remember. I was not new to brain zaps, if I did not take my daily dose on time in the morning, I also got them. Originally I started taking it for social integration issues and mild ticks. I was absolutely drug free for 15 years, had no anxiety or depression issues. I also have an active social life, although being an introverted type I tend to have fewer friends but they are really close. I also have a daily and really good connection with my family. I have to admit, I live a stress free life, no job for 6 years, no girlfriend for 8 years. I know it's not normal, but I was okay with it and it might have been only because I'm really lazy. When I had a job I was working at a multinational company and was quite successful, promoted twice within 3 years but I did not find myself comfortable in the last position, got mild anxiety and ticks again and quit. Never really found the balance between work and life. So in the last 15 years I was perfectly fine, no anxiety or depression, except a little bit when I left my job. I admit, my life is far from perfect, but I was okay with it. I did the El Camino pilgrimage this year the second time, the first time I did was a big milestone in my life, I changed job after that and lost a lot of weight, I was really obese. This year I had the same aim, to lose weight (got obese again) & and to change my lifestyle and find a new job. This year I was really unlucky and got Covid after two weeks on the El Camino, rested a week but was able to continue and successfully finished it. Back home, I had a really good friendship for 4 years with one of my neighbour. She is much older than me. She has a lovely personality, the always happy type. We were kinda soulmates since his husband died 4 years ago, that's when I got to know her. We were really close, was always able to talk about anything and we talked & met every day. On the Camino I thought a lot about, why not extend our friendship a little bit with some extra benefits. I know we never thought of each other like that, but I know she likes me a lot, me too, so shy not. At first she refused my approach, I got her too sudden. I asked for a few weeks break so I can process the refusal which she took very heavily. I promised that we will not lose each other, I just need a little time. After 3 weeks (in which she wrote me every day, even though I asked her to give me time), I contacted her again and everything seemed to be normal, soulmates again. I just needed time to process the refusal, but did not have anxiety or anything like that. But as we became friends again (was really strange at the first few times), we started talking a lot again and we both fell in love with each other. Unexpected twist, ha? Unfortunately we both talked about our past and she did a little bit too much. As it turned out, she had quite a colourful sex life when she was young and she shared too much details. I probably have a mild retroactive jealousy OCD, because of a childhood trauma when my father almost left my mother for another woman & also because of my own similar trauma at age 25 when it turned out that the girl who I thought was the love my life slept with half of my friends. She defended that "we were on a break" at the times and now she only wants me, but I was never able to forgive her and broke up after a year or so. So back to the present. Probably all together because my convenient lifestyle seemed to change drastically, the fear if our new romantic connection will ruin our soulmate thing with my neighbour, the burden that we can't act as a couple as she is much older than me, and she telling too much about her past got me a nice breakdown. I only experienced a breakdown like this, when I got to know slowly about my ex love of my life missteps. That only lasted for 2 weeks, at the time I was still on Zoloft though. This time I was almost not able to eat for 2-3 days and had really high anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist who put me on 3 x 0,25 mg Xanax. That corrected me in about a week, but we had a few jealousy fights which always set me back to high anxiety. Very interestingly, usually only the mornings were really bad, by the evening I was the loving guy I wanted to be. But the jealousy fights always set me back really hard. At the same time I was really angry with myself, as the stories she told me was like 20-30 years ago, they still bothered me. Now I know that this is a kind of OCD, best treated with ERP and I probably will be able to get through it. It was just these stories were new to me, also probably mixed with a little Madonna-***** complex. I was able to guess that she likes sex (that's why I tried her the first time), so that was not a surprise for me, but hearing some exact stories was still too much. On my last setback to anxiety I go so desperate, that I decided to start Zoloft again. I started with only half a pill (25 mg) and took it for 11 days. From the 3rd to 9th day I felt like salad/zombie. I had diarrhea and felt like I'm out of my body. Had insomnia, woke up like 4-5 times & night sweats. I also reacted really harsh to any emotions. I did not leave my flat and only felt apathy. I think this was the time when my soulmate realized that I have a real problem. By the 11th day my side effects kinda faded, but I also felt totally emotionally numb and & light depression, apathy. This was on Christmas day, I just had the strength to visit my family. Retroactive jealousy also disappeared, but also the love. I felt nothing. This is when I decided that this is not for me. I'm a very emotional person with high empathy, I don't want to lose it. Also this is when I found your page and decided that antidepressants are just not worth it. The next five days I took only a quarter pill, then stopped. After the dose reduction I got mild anxiety the first 3 days, then nothing. Still in apathy though, almost no kraft to do anything during the day. Now I'm on my 6th day of not taking Zoloft and it seems something started. I got stomach ache, mild anxiety and still in apathy. I'm still taking the 3 x 0,25 mg Xanax (2 months now), will taper that only after everything okay with Zoloft. And of course I will taper much slower than Zoloft, although I hope 2-3 months is not a long time & my dose is really low. I took the Zoloft tapering advice from Adele Framer: https://www.quora.com/I-have-stopped-taking-50mg-of-sertraline-after-10-days-will-I-get-any-withdrawal-symptoms Sorry if this got a little long, it felt good to write it down. My family knows about my 'drug' situation and they are supportive but I did not tell them about my new romantic relationship. She is also supportive, but does not really understand what I'm going through. She just wants back my old myself, but understands I need time. Got a few questions: 1, What are the chances that the stomach ache, mild anxiety & apathy are Zoloft withdrawal effects? Although I had apathy since I started it. I took Zoloft for 16 days altogether, 11 days half pill, 5 days quarter pill. This is my 6th day of not taking it at all, so 5 half life times past. I want to avoid reinstating Zoloft at all cost. 2, What are the chances that when I started Zoloft, from the 3rd to 9th day feeling like a zombie/salad was an Adverse Reaction? Do we have an estimate around how many ppl are affected by this in percentage? Although, I took Zoloft before, that was a long time ago, my body is older now. 3, If you have any other insight or advice on my situation, I would be grateful.
  23. I have had long covid for two years. Struggled with neurological issues such as severe racing thoughts with Songs in my head and migraines daily with feeling like I'm concussied all the time visual snow syndrome and tons of visual issues plus much more. started Zoloft in February 2022 to see if it would help with racing thoughts. I tried to push through the initial side effects and give it time because everyone said it takes time.. I started to get tons of symptoms on this drug such as worse ocd and racing thoughts and tics and Anhedonia. I started tapering and tried to cut in half and had a severe reaction. I felt like I was going insane for a week whole body burning I could not stop thinking about it. I've had body burning with long covid but this is much worse like my whole body and mind felt insane and on fire. I finally got the liquid and started coming down. A few times I think I've definitely gone too quickly. I'm now at 7.4mg and struggling so bad I just want this drug out of me. Everytime I go down it's awful and now I'm scared it's forever cause I stopped tapering for a month and still had the symptoms. Tapering symptoms that are the worst consist of anhedonia and feeling like I don't love my cats or daughter even tho I know I do. Insane racing thoughts and ruminating. I think about every action I do like oh the way I talked to that person was weird or the way I'm driving is weird. I also get those days where I almost take myself to the hospital as I feel I wanna jump out of my skin. The ruminating thoughts are so bad and so are the insane feeling. I think about my symptoms 24/7 because they are there constantly. I feel like I'm going psychotic and no doctor will help me or even understands. I think long covid made my nervous system sensitized and I may have done it way worse with Zoloft. Please tell me what I can do to help or if anybody has experienced anything similar. I'm feeling suicidal
  24. Hi everyone, My name is Audrey and I’m currently in month 9 of protracted withdrawal from stopping 12.5 mgs of sertraline cold turkey for a panic disorder. I’ve been using this forum for months as support to check symptoms/giving me peace of mind and it’s been a god send. I took sertraline on and off for 3 years. I currently am suffering with every symptom imaginable still - some days better than others. Lots of Dysautonomia, heat intolerance, sleep issues, anxiety, POTS symptoms, pounding heart, you name it. I was a hypochondriac before withdrawal happened so this time has not been kind to my nervous system. I know one day I will heal but sometimes it’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m 30 and feel like I could be 75+ some days. Here’s to a healing year in 2024!
  25. kerid

    Kerid

    May 2024 be a year of healing! At the end of April 2023 I had a total knee replacement. 10 weeks later out of the blue came adrenaline surges. I did not understand what was happening to me. My stomach shut down and I couldn't sleep from all the surges. When I reflect I think I was in a very sensitive state from being on an antibiotic and aspirin and nsaids for 10 weeks. I have always had a difficult time with meds. I went to my doctor and she put me on Zoloft to increase my serotonin. I was reluctant but trusted the doctor. After 13 days I was lying on my couch a human zombie. I didn't want to die but if I did I was ok with it. I had so many side effects. My doctor wanted me to push through but I said no. I did not know anything about tapering so in 5 more days I was in WD. Though I didn't know it. I had some ok days then the adrenaline surges and insomnia and intrusive thoughts hit me. I ended up in a facility because I was scared and thought I needed a new med. They put me on effexor. Then I descended into the darkest pit. After 19 days I got out and my new doctor had me do a quick 8 day taper. During the taper/ CT I found myself in the worst mental state of my life. I was scared of everything but knew I would not go on another med. I found SA and the success stories have been a life line. I knew nothing about this only that a friend had been through something similar and made it through. I cannot believe what my body and mind have endured the last 4 months. I came here because I need some peer support. My husband has been a rock telling me I will heal everytime the depression crashes over me and I have a hard time believing this is my life. Which is almost every day. I have had a few days where who I am is stronger than the symptoms and I can feel a little hope. Usually in the evenings there is a break. Only had a few minutes/ hours where I felt almost myself. I'm looking for positive support where we can commiserate but ultimately there is a building up of each other. I am trying to accept this healing and would like to make a friend or two that gets it. I still have some very debilitating days. My belief in God and my husband have held me when I wanted to let go. I will add a signature but I need to go through my journals which triggers. Wishing and wanting for everyone peace and love and healing!
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