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Hello everyone. TW // mention of suicide I realized I should finally find a community that has experience or knows some of the issues I am facing because at this point I feel like I do not know what to do. I started out on lexapro 10mg in December of 2022 for anxiety primarily focused on my health during the last week or so of the year. After about 3 weeks I really started to feel agitation and complications with the 10mg, so my PCP had me move down to 5mg. Within the next week the agitation returned and eventually there were impulses of suicide following it. I'll keep this brief and not talk much about it, but for about 3-4 days I was having to rely on my girlfriend to monitor my ADHD meds and stay with her for fear of dying if I didn't. Immediately after these events I have stopped taking any AD since. I am still on my ADHD medicine but I do not know how much that is contributing to this situation(5mg dexmethylphenidate, two tablets each morning[a 10mg capsule was bad but 2 5mg tablets was better]). I am halfway through March now and I am starting to get a lot of physical heaviness, general daily stress, low level agitation and an overall uncomfortable feeling. I don't feel like there is anything I can properly enjoy. Also, I am a recently converted Christian as of July but I am really feeling some kind of spiritual pushback from everything and I feel like my withdrawals are part of it. I feel strain on my relationship with my girlfriend, I feel disconnected from everything, and mostly I don't feel like anything I do is actually correct or validated on a subconscious level. I don't feel like I should be alive, essentially. But not in a suicidal way. More of a "I am not supposed to be making any active decision in my life, no matter how small" kind of way. Kind of a depersonalization. I finally registered for this site in hopes to actually be able to find proper resources on how to battle these withdrawals. I do not know what else I am supposed to put in this introduction so I will leave it at that. I am grateful for this website and everyone involved with the maintenance of it. Thank you. bjmn0104

I was on various SSRI's off and on (mostly on, as every time I stopped I ended up in the hospital) for the last 25 years, for various diagnoses of major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and OCD. This last time, I see now that I tapered way too fast, though under the direction of a Dr., off of 20mg Lexapro over approximately 4 months. But, due to some bad side effects that I experienced while on SSRI's, I am absolutely unwilling to go back on and do a proper taper. The side effects were themselves anxiety-inducing so I don't see them as the "lesser of two evils". My last dose of the Lexapro was about 4 weeks ago. I am suffering from SEVERE anxiety which is causing (I think?) my most distressing symptom - insomnia. I am able to go to sleep at bedtime because I am exhausted, around 10pm, but I will invariably wake up a couple hours later. At that point, my anxiety over not being able to go back to sleep, causes me to (surprise) not be able to go back to sleep. During these long hours my anxiety is so horrible that I consider going to the hospital, which in my logical mind I understand will only make things worse. They will take me in, make me stay for at least 3 days, give me meds I don't want, and this will probably cause me to lose my job. These thoughts go through my mind and cause my anxiety to get even worse. I'll be shaking, sweating, trembling, going to the bathroom repeatedly, basically in no shape to get back to sleep. At this point I feel a surge of adrenaline when I even *think* about sleep, even during the day. I have started taking magnesium glycinate but obviously not with great results yet. Is there any hope for me?

Hello, I have been on paroxetine for 7 years,have tried many times to go off but unsuccessfully. Finally on 7 th year i lowered my dose from 20 mg to 10 mg. After panic attacked and insomnia appeared on my trip few months later I took 20 mg while I was on a trip and lowered it again on 10 mg.Due to some medical conditions that I suspected that are cause of paroxetine,I lowered the dose to 0 in maybe two months,way too fast. I was okeish for about two months ( I had all of the symptoms of wd but I fought with it ) and I compelety crushed this February . Tinitus and never ending insomnia are the worse. I started to Google and found all the posts about some neurological damage From this drug which made my anxiety worse. Doctor gave me lorazepam to sleep. My question is ,should I go back to 10 mg and taper more slowly? Am I in a risk of neurological damage From tapering too fast ? Is this tinitus permanent? How long wd simptoms approximately last ? I see I am in risk of developing tolerance to lorazepam since I have been using it two weeks for sleep. My doctor's don't know anything since one wants to put me on mirtazapine and other on Prozac. I am so worried and feeling alone in all this.

Hello all, I’m new here. If I tapered off too quickly last time I took escitolopram will my brain never fully regrow itself back to normal? I read the article on this site regarding the importance of tapering off properly and what antidepressants really do to your brain.. I was put on 10mg of escitolopram 6 years ago and cold turkey went off maybe a little less than a year. As you can imagine I fell into a horrible depression due to this. Went back on 10mg of the same medicine 6 months later and it helped until it stopped working about a year later and it was causing low sex drive, emotional numbness etc.. I ended up tapering off of those much to quickly and I was wondering if there is hope for my brain? I have never been a person with a temper and after quitting escitolopram the second time I had an intense rage ignite inside of me and it has weighed me and my whole life down, my husband included. I was sunshine and rainbows when we met and that was very much so my personality for most of my life. I struggled with depression and a very mild anxiety but I didn’t take antidepressants until I was in an abusive relationship and needed something to “fix me” (obviously it was the relationship causing these problems) though medicating was not the answer it did help in the time being. I have always been extremely sensitive to medication, that’s why I never went on more than the 10mg of escitolopram. Moral of the story, I am suffering with postpartum depression badly and I went back onto them again for four days before finding out I’m pregnant recently and went straight off because I don’t want to poison this baby. I read about regrowing your brain and now I’m curious if I’ve messed mine up beyond fixing? Has my brain been regrowing? I feel my anger has gotten less but still there and a constant battle to keep in check. I just want to know if there is hope that my brain will go back to its normal healthy functions again.. Thank you for reading and God bless.

Hello everyone, I’m a 25 year old male from Texas. My journey started January 2016, when I experienced a panic attack (that appeared to come out of the blue) on my way to visit my sister while I was riding a bus. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I felt like I was about to pass out. From that day on, I started to have panic attacks that would last all day for several days. I wasn’t sure what was going on so I asked my mom to take me to the doctor. The doctor said I was having panic attacks and also anxiety. He prescribed me a Mexican medication named Adepsique (I live in a border town and decided to go there since health care is way cheaper there than in the US). I took that medication for around 6 months and started to have suicidal ideation and just felt in a low mood most of the time. I attributed those symptoms to the medication and “tapered” off it fairly quick. Once I was fully off it, I started to have unbearable insomnia/anxiety and wasn’t able to sleep for about two days. I felt like I was going crazy so I asked my mom if she could take me to an actual psychiatrist and she obliged. The psychiatrist prescribed me 10 mg of escitalopram and 2.5 mg of olanzapine. I don’t really feel like it helped that much but I felt better on it. I decided I didn’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life so I decided to start tapering it off. I might’ve tapered too quickly off it but I was just anxious to get off those medications. I don’t really remember how long the taper lasted but I was off both medications by the last week of April 2018. I dealt with several withdrawal symptoms such as suicidal thoughts, anxiety, mild motion sickness, insomnia, irritably, aggression and intrusive thoughts. That lasted most of 2018. Around October of that year, I started dealing with IBS-like symptoms such as stomach pain, frequent gas, constant bowel movements and urgent bowel movements. Most of my other withdrawal symptoms have been reduced but I’m still stuck with the IBS issues to this day. Although I’ve been suffering for these last couple of years, I’ve felt like I’ve grown a lot as a person. I have changed my diet to a whole-foods plant based diet, I exercise daily, and do things I wouldn’t have thought I would do when I was younger. Sorry if this post is too long.

Hello, I am Adriana and I am 32 years old. It all started with severe headaches almost 10 years ago. I have been taking Cipralex 5 mg/day, Lamictal 100 mg/day, and Xanax 3 mg/day for almost 4 months ( November 2022). The major issue is that I have been trying different antidepressants for 4-5 years, anxiolytics, and other pills ( Depakine, Carbamazepine, Gabapentine, Painkillers...etc). My headaches started suddenly and they were severe, I lost a lot of weight and was tired all the time. At the hospital, the doctors treated me for migraines after a series of investigations ( I was diagnosed wrong with multiple sclerosis), seeing that the pain did not disappear, I started to be afraid that I have a disease that the doctors could not find, I had to resign from my job. After 3 months of searching for a disease, I still felt horrible: headaches, laying in bed all day, being afraid of death, of going out, and feeling extremely tired. Then my parents decided it was time to go to a psychiatrist. I was first prescribed Cipralex 10 mg/day and Bromazepan when needed. Then the panic attacks appeared, also the majority of side effects: trembling, insomnia, nausea, and so on. After a week the doctor decided to give me Rivotril and sleeping pills to counterattack the side effects. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the exact amount of Rivotril given, but it was a small dose. But it did not go well as the doctor promised, and after 2 months I was the same. She changed the treatment with another antidepressant, and it began to be frustrating so I decided to find someone "better". The next doctor gave me Anxiar ( when needed and) Carbamazepine along with Cipralex. My headaches started to be even worse. I started to take strong painkillers, I could not sleep at all during the night. I was treated for sinusitis too. I started going to a psychologist, I explained the whole situation and he sent me with the MRI to a neurologist to check if it is neurocysticercosis. I started to be more and more afraid. For almost 4 years I have been prescribed all types of antidepressants and anxiolytics, painkillers, sleeping pills, and so on. I had lots of ups and downs but the headaches didn't go away. The doctors started to check if I had: epilepsy, Lyme disease, neurocysticercosis, encephalitis, and meningitis, so I spent a lot of time in hospitals. Then I found a psychiatrist that prescribed me Paroxetine 20 mg/ day and Xanax 0,25 mg/ 3 times per day. After a month I started to feel a bit better, I was working and having a "life" again. Then the tolerance to Xanax appeared. I started to take more and more. The maximum amount given by the doctor was 4 mg/ day, but being an addict at that time I went to another doctor to prescribe me more pills. In 2 years I reached a maximum dose of 9-10 mg per day. For me, they were like an escape from all the things I felt: panic attacks, headaches, insomnia. After a while, they did not work anymore, so I started to withdraw them alone, along with the antidepressant. In 2 weeks I removed them completely and in a few days, I got to the hospital for weaning. In the hospital, they made some analyses and I was suspected of pituitary adenoma, this was the moment when I started to be nervous and to have breakdowns. After multiple investigations, it turned out to be a false alarm. My psychiatrist increased the dose of Paroxetine to 40 mg/day and gave me only 4 mg of Xanax. I had more pills so I took 7 mg, then 6 mg of Xanax per day. I have to write an entire novel to explain everything: how I felt, how I was treated, my breakdowns, my ups, and downs, investigations, etc. 2 years ago I started to decrease the amount of Xanax from 6 mg to 3.5 mg/day today. My psychiatrist suggested multiple times hospitalization to withdraw all the pills, specifically Xanax, but I was too afraid to do it and also the conditions in the hospital are horrible. Although I repeat myself, the headaches were severe, they still are. When the breakdowns were worse and more often, I found another psychiatrist. After so many years of taking Paroxetine, I had to withdraw it in 2 weeks, so I could get back on Cipralex, but I mentioned that it caused me in the past severe anxiety, suicidal thoughts, no friends, no job, and no relationships. I was lying in bed all day watching movies, tv series, eating, sleeping, and gaining weight, feeling horrible, miserable, a shadow, a victim, I did not want to live anymore, but paradoxically I am afraid of death. I forgot to mention that I have 5 years of taking almost every day Paracetamol. Additionally, I was prescribed Lamictal, from 25 mg/ day to 100 mg/ day, and 3 mg/ day of Xanax. I have been diagnosed with sinusitis and it needs surgery, so I hope some of the pain will go away. I am supposed to increase the dose of Lamictal, but I am having a rash, and puffy, red, itchy eyes. I need help, I need advice. I do not know what I have to do, withdraw all the pills or just some of them. Taking them is not the solution after so many years. Maybe some of you had a similar situation and can help me. Thank you a lot!

Hi everyone , quick overview of my history 1) took Lexapro 20-25 mg from Oct 2019 - March 2020 - subsequently cold turkeyed off of it because I didn’t know better - consequently developed akathasia 2) took Paxil (can’t remember dose) from June 2021 - Oct 2021 - this is where the real nightmare started , I developed PSSD and wanted off as soon as possible - subsequently cold turkeyed off of this I found this website in Nov 2022 after suffering for a long time and not knowing what was causing my issues . I decided to play smart guy and try and treat my nervous system with Ketamine and later Psilocybin . While giving me incredible insight and healing into the original causes of my trauma and anxiety/ depression , they (specifically psilocybin , ketamine actually seemed to help albeit only temporarily) caused my nervous system to be more jacked up, and my akathasia to become worse . Which leads me to today , I’m jacked up as all belief, can’t sleep , in pain and frankly having lots of suicidal ideation (no plan on actually acting because I want to stay and fight my ass off ) So this leads me to my question , Do I reinstate Lexapro and take the time to do a proper taper ? I obviously don’t want to make things worse , but God I am jacked up and feel like I’m on the verge of losing my job which I actually like doing . thanks , snowguy34

Hi, I've been on SSRI's now for about 20 years except for a few years in the middle. First it was Prozac with BuSpar, and over the last 10 years Paxil with Klonopin. I'm in search of who I am off of these meds, and I'm sick of the side-effects (mainly sexual side effects of Paxil for me). I successfully tapered off of Klonopin over 1 year from 0.5 mg (finished that in May of '16), and I've been tapering off of Paxil for the last year and a half from 30 mg. to my current dose of 10 mg. This is my second deliberate attempt to get off of SSRI's. The first attempt was done very quickly in 2012 (over about a month) and it was a disastrous fall into extreme anxiety resulting in voluntary hospitalization for five nights in a locked unit. In 2014 I was switched from Paxil to a different drug altogether (Lamictal), and that was also a terrible event because the doctor had me go off of the Paxil too quickly, resulting in a quick descent into anxiety, then the worst soul-crushing depression I've ever experienced. I was out of work for 5 weeks. I'm happy to share more details later, but for now I'll focus on the here and now. So back to the current withdrawal attempt. I was down to 10 mg of Paxil in November, 2017, and I told my psychiatrist that I wanted to continue the slow taper. He prescribed liquid Paxil at the equivalent of 9 mg for 2 weeks, then 8 mg, but when I went to pick it up I was told it would be over $150. Yikes! The pharmacist recommended I look into having it compounded elsewhere to save money. After searching for a compounding facility, calling my doc and writing him a letter, I finally got the prescription for a compounded version of Paroxetine for $70 / month, plus $5 shipping. A couple weeks later it arrived, and I was very happy to continue my slow, controlled taper. That was around Dec. 22, 2017. That's when things went wrong. After a couple days I started feeling a bit cantankerous, fidgety, and my appetite increased. I had just re-started working out, and this adrenaline rush fueled my anger and appetite. You know that feeling when you've run out of fuel and you've got that hungry, angry feeling inside? I was feeling like this almost all the time. About five days after starting the compounded Paxil I had an incident at work where I lost my temper. I apologized and things smoothed over, but I'm pretty convinced that something wasn't right with the compounded medication. Maybe it was measured wrong; maybe the bitter cold affected it in shipping. I don't know, but I strongly doubt it was 9 mg. Paxil. So I went back to the 10 mg., and that's when I've been on for the last 5 nights. But my mind and body are both very much off-kilter. My anxiety's increased and the insatiable hunger continues. I have a high-metabolism which is even higher under this stress, so I can't seem to satiate my appetite. I'm hoping that after a few more days things will even out, and I plan on staying at 10 mg. for at least a couple weeks before I start a taper again. I've since picked up the prescription for the liquid Paxil; I decided that when I continue the taper, I want to make sure I'm very confident of the accuracy of the medication. I don't trust the compounded version now. Thanks for reading. Any encouragement would be much appreciated as I re-stabilize.

Hello thank you for allowing me to join. I’ve been polydruged for more than 25 years for depression, anxiety, insomnia after my companion was killed. Instead of allowing me to mourn properly they just kept throwing drugs at me. I have been able to taper stop most medication’s, but unsuccessful stopping benzos. After 30+ years on benzodiazepines began tapering and started having grand-mal seizures. If I go below 1 mg of KLO I become bedridden catatonic and have seizures. Prescriber says I need to be on benzos for life -new doctor says BS. I need to come off because they’re linked to dementia. I’m now experiencing tolerance withdrawals and severe memory problems;senior citizen. I have tried liquid and dry micro, tapering unsuccessfully of benzos. I have the Ashton manual, but have trouble converting to V AL .Thank you for your time.

This link is to an interview with The Deputy Director for Safety at the FDA's Division of Psychiatry Products. The FDA's stance is that they determine efficacy but safety is subjective and is largely up to doctor and patient to determine for themselves based on individual circumstances. He went on to state that it is up to the patient to thoroughly research each drug for themselves and that informed consent is basically up to the patient. That pretty much says it all. It also goes on to discuss what is lacking in the studies and the FDA's official response is that their data on withdrawal and long term effects is seriously lacking and needs improvement but that it is very hard to do all of that which is why it doesn't get done. It also states that the drug companies tend to prefer a certain level of ambiguity when it comes to safety. WTH??? 🤬 https://www.theinnercompass.org/blog/are-psychiatric-medications-safe-fdas-answer-may-surprise-you

More main stream studies are coming out showing that alternative non drug techniques are just as effective if not more effective than medication. The system is starting to catch on. Finally. Change is coming 😉✌️😺😺😺 https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/mindfulness-exercises-can-be-as-effective-as-anxiety-drugs-study-shows/ar-AA16E4ma

Hi everyone. first off all i want to say how strong and brave all of you are to be dealing with these nightmare drugs... i have been on and off of these psychiatric drugs,for 5 years. specifically srris (prozac + zoloft) wellbutrin + gabapentin, abilify, and now currently taking lamictal (150 mg.) i am 36 weeks pregnant and terrified of the near future and as i haven't really been able to fully enjoy my pregnancy. or most of my youth... i don't even know what i am thinking or doing. i feel really alone. the reason of going on these meds was from dealing with depression + anxiety most of my life, and bpd + ptsd from abusive narcissistic parents. i attempted suicide right before. took about 50 pills. i had a very dysfunctional family. i am 22 now. i feel lost, most days i feel empty ,hopeless. i don't go out of my house, besides grocery shopping. i have no friends. maybe 1 but i barely ever see her , i have a social phobia ever since starting and withdrawing from these drugs. i developed major anhedonia from stopping the prozac + zoloft. even though i took one of the lowest doses possible. i had only been on these for 9 months or less. i remember stopping, as i was sick of depending on these. they told me they werent addicting and i could stop anytime,they told me nobody has ever had these symptoms, they lookde at me like i was crazy. made me feel isolated. i regret going cold turkey.. i remember being manic on them. severe anxiety, hallucinations insomnia, crawling sensations brain zaps major anhedonia, memory loss, etc. i hadn't been myself since. i was grieving my old self, it is one of the worst things you could ever experience. i didnt even know was possible. but here we are... anyways, i have been off the prozac + zoloft for almost 6 years now and wouldnt ever touch those things again. i took abilify for only a few weeks. amitryptiline once or twice. ambien, once. ativan only for a week. ive been off the gabapentin for almsot 3 years now. i tapered that one. after going off cold turkey off the srris, i went on wellbutrin and took that for 3 years, and gabapentin for 2 years. i went off the wellbutrin for a year, then went back on, which i regret once again. i took the wellbutrin for 9 months then stopped, again,to get pregnant at 150 mg. then went back on... at 8 weeks pregnant for about a month. then stopped. then started a drug called lamictal , i am now at 150 mg. i am just over all of this and wish to be drug free, but it seems impossible at this point and afraid ill never recover completely. i am afraid of experiencing anhedonia memory loss as i did before with the srris + wellbutrin. i have sever memroy loss. i feel like i cant even keep up with a conversation because my mind goes blank.. i have depersonalization now. i just dont want to accept this is the end, this is it,,. it can't be. but how is this any way to live? how am i supposed to raise a child into this world.. it all seems unfair and i feel like an absolute idiot for getting pregnant, i thought it was meant to be at the time, but im second guessing it all now. im very afraid. do you think i could stop the lamictal and get back to my old self one day? ive thought about natural holistic alternatives such as turmeric + lions mane, ginger + l theanine, magnesium, ashwaghanda rhodiola + brahmi + holy basil + cacao coffee, etc. and some work but i dont know if i should continue taking after the pregnancy and just rely on these. i dont want to exist if this is truly how life is.. i wish i never took these awful drugs. i feel its the worst thing that i could have ever done, i want my old life back even if it was so painful. atleast then i still felt alive in a sense. thank you all, i wish you all the best in your recorvery + healing journeys.

Many people experience overpowering or disturbing emotions while tapering and as part of withdrawal syndrome. Many of the symptoms of withdrawal syndrome arise from autonomic nervous system dysfunction. The distressed nervous system itself can generate intense uncomfortable feelings -- see Neuro emotions The best way to treat this is to help your nervous system to repair itself, to return to its "factory-installed" state. Recovery from withdrawal syndrome is gradual, inconsistent, and can take a long time. In the meantime, you can help your nervous system heal by using non-drug techniques to lessen your anxiety about your condition, deal with long-standing emotional issues, and cope with symptoms. You may also get anxious or depressed about having odd symptoms because you have beliefs that add to your distress, such as a feeling of helplessness or being a failure. Or, you may feel strong emotions as the drugs no longer mask underlying emotional pain. Read these non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms for ideas that may aid your recovery. Whether they are "neuro-emotions" caused by neurological upset, distress arising from your situation, or a natural disposition towards worrying, anxiety, pessimism, or self-sabotage, learning techniques to manage them will benefit you throughout your life. __________________________________________________ WITHDRAWAL-RELATED EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take? "Is it always going to be like this?" The importance of recognizing you're feeling good Creating a new self after withdrawal What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like? Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement _______________________________________ UNUSUAL AND OVERPOWERING EMOTIONS Neuro-emotion Deep emotional pain and crying spells, spontaneous weeping Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism Coping with irritation, anger, and rage Sudden fear, terror, panic, or anxiety from withdrawal Ways to cope with daily anxiety Rebuilding self-confidence, accepting anxiety Dealing With Emotional Spirals Techniques for Managing an Adverse Drug Reaction or Cold Turkey Withdrawal Withdrawal causing intrusive or repetitive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic? Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD: Repetitive, intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal __________________________________________________ MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system Mindfulness and Acceptance Good links for anxiety/worry Inhabiting our bodies in meditation http://wp.me/p5nnb-aSX Meditation can heal the brain which can heal the mind and body Mindfulness, Meditation, and Prayer after Brain Injury Pranayama Breathing for Anxiety and Depression __________________________________________________ FORGIVING YOURSELF Blaming yourself for mistakes? Try this. Shame, guilt, and self-criticism __________________________________________________ HELP YOURSELF BY HELPING OTHERS The Magic of Helping Others __________________________________________________ PSYCHOTHERAPEUTIC TECHNIQUES Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression, or withdrawal symptoms Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Radical Acceptance The Dr. Claire Weekes method of recovering from a sensitized nervous system Relaxation exercises, guided meditations, calming videos, sleep hypnosis "Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms Behavioral Activation Therapy: Getting out and doing things helps depression "Forest bathing" reduces cortisol, aids mood, immune system EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Neuroplasticity and limbic retraining Reframe stress to become more resilient Art Therapy Journaling / Journalling / Writing Therapy / Therapeutic Writing Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep Music Therapy / Music for Wellness and Healing

Hi, Im Claire from Irland . My Dr. put me on depacote/ Epilim 3 weeks ago. Its not the right med , side effects wise. He said I can simply stop ( 500mg) I just wanted to double check with you guys because a couple of days ago I took 300 and two days later I had anxiety all day. Thanks in advance.

My journey to be off psych drugs I always took my medication without thinking really. I had a psychotic episode (due to insomnia, stress, and anxiety most likely) after Christmas in 2007. I was 13. I had been taking Lexapro for a few months. My M.D. prescribed it for me. I don't quite remember why. I think I might probably have been depressed and anxious. I only now realize that taking the Lexapro could very well have caused the insomnia and resultant delusions. Anyway, I had a breakdown. I was seen by a psych. She (Dr. S.) prescribed Lamotrigine. It seemed to quell the delusions. I was back at school, medicated and delusion free. Over the years I developed fatigue, irritability, and apathy. I kept taking the drugs. For fatigue, I was prescribed Bupropion (Wellbutrin). I can't remember if it helped or not. I did develop hypomanic episodes at some point which further supported my bipolar 2 diagnosis. I would also have bouts of depression. Not the crying kind. Just apathy and mild anhedonia. I say mild because I still did some things I loved such as piano, art, singing. I did eventually lose my passion for art though. It showed up now and then sometimes. I always was told by my mother "It will get better", and "It won't always be this way." It didnt comfort me much. Though, looking back, it did get better. Eventually. It took around a decade. But I'm not off meds yet. I moved with my parents to a smaller comfy house in 2014 and joined our local Orthodox Church, met some loving, supportive people and made a really good friend. It did get better. But I still didn't know that there was an alternative for taking medication. I took my meds. I needed them. Or I thought I did. So did my mother. Now, my mother really has been with me all way. She's taking psych drugs too since I was in first grade for depression and anxiety. I went to 2 mental institutes. Thankfully never the hospital psych ward. I know a lot of you on here have been. From what I hear it's not fun and can be traumatic. I remember the people I met at the institutes. Broken, struggling people trying to get by and looking for a little hope. I connected with them. I still miss them and hope they're still fighting. I have a long story so I'll cut it up some in chunks. This is my first post. I'll write later about my experience at college (traumatic) and other things. I have some funny memories too so I'll put those in there as well. Don't give up! Anyone's welcome to share their experiences and stories too. -StillSinging

Hello everyone, I can’t begin to express how much I appreciate all of you for sharing your story and struggle/successes. I recently quit sertraline 50 mg CT as I was misinformed by my psychiatrist that the amount of time I tapered for would not have any effect on me and was not important. It’s been a month and a week since I stopped the medication and my withdrawal symptoms are taking over my life. I have intense anxiety, an inability to tolerate anything other than laying down and resting without triggering my nervous system to react with panic. I wake up with intense heart palpitations everyday and that triggers a vicious cycle of anxiety for the duration of my waking hours. I am wondering if it’s worth it to go back on sertraline to try to manage my symptoms and to do a sloooow taper instead of what I did. I am really not a fan of the idea of returning to a drug that was harmful to me but I am at risk of losing my livelihood/relationships/etc. what is everyone’s take on this? thank you in advance for your input!

Original topic title: 17 years of antidepressants, 2 failed quitting attempts, on number 3 Hey everyone! I'm Lyudik; I'm so glad to have found a community of others in my shoes, because I don't know anyone personally in a similar position, and I'm feeling pretty isolated in this experience. I started Effexor XR in sophomore year of high school (2004) for intense anxiety (and subsequent depression). It worked well, without side effects. Near the end of senior year (2007), I wanted to start the next chapter of my life off meds, so I tapered with the help of my psychiatrist. Things were pretty stable that summer, but all hell broke loose when fall semester of college started. The stress of the transition brought the anxiety roaring back (but I didn't really notice other withdrawal-like symptoms). So I started back on Effexor (early 2008). Again, it helped me. By fall 2013, I had had years of therapy under my belt, and I wanted to try going off again. Same story. This time, my psychiatrist put me on Lexapro, 15 mg (early 2014). I've been on Lexapro since then (doing well), and decided I wanted to try going off again in 2021. Only this time I would go reaaally slow. I decreased to 10 mg in June 2021 and then to 5 mg in March 2022. This was before I found this forum, so I didn't realize that making big dose jumps (cutting it by half in March) was not advisable, even if the time between adjustments was long. With the first decrease in June 2021, I noticed an uptick in anxiety after about a month, but nothing unmanageable. But with the March adjustment, things have definitely gotten harder emotionally. Anxiety, feeling like every day at work is a battle for survival, just feeling overwhelmed by life. But it didn't happen immediately. This took weeks/months to develop. I've always assumed that my spirals after tapering were relapse (because I don't have other obvious symptoms, and anxiety was the primary issue). But now I realize that my first two tapers were way too fast. With this last one, I'm not sure... I think the dose jumps have been too fast, but the anxiety didn't come on immediately afterwards. I would be grateful for any input on that question. The other question is what to do about the awful feelings I'm experiencing now. I think I want to try reinstating, but to what dose? Should I go back to 10 mg (the dose prior to the last reduction?) And then how long should I stay there before trying to go back down again? Also, on a practical note, how do people usually cut their pills? Kitchen knife? Is there a technique to keep them from crumbling? Thanks for your feedback ❤️

HI, I found this site while searching around on Google in an attempt to figure out what could be going on with my brain right now. Quick summary: Most of last year, I'd been experiencing some fairly annoying anxiety - mainly situational type anxiety, like having to sit for prolonged periods of time on an airplane, or the dentist's chair. Long car rides were pretty awful. I finally decided to do something about it, met with a therapist, who pretty quickly recommended medication. So I met with a nurse practitioner, who initially prescribed Hydroxyzine. I did notice some reduction in anxiety, but it was extremely short-lived, and then the 'rebound' anxiety was nuts! Took it off & on for 1-2 weeks, but was not impressed. So next I was prescribed Zoloft. I was told it would take weeks to notice anything, but I felt the drug almost immediately, like the 2nd day. At first, it wasn't bad - my thoughts calmed significantly, and I remember thinking 'ahhh, this is what it feels like to have a quiet mind'. But by day 5, I was having nightly panic attacks, which I had never had before in my life. It scared the crap out of me, and I was told to stop taking them. So then I was prescribed Ativan. I took it fairly regularly (4-5 times/week), for about 3-4 weeks. I don't know what's up with my wiring, but I did not feel much relief from it. I always hear stories about how great benzos are for lowering panic/anxiety, but I just felt weird (and not in a good way). The odd thing though, is that even though I did not feel much relief after taking a dose, the rebound anxiety was insane. It's like I could physically feel the stuff leaving my body, and this indescribable terror/dread would creep in. So I was told to stop taking that as well. A few days after stopping the Ativan, everything went really bad. It felt like floodgates were released in my brain, and those gates had been holding back every horrible feeling imaginable, but couldn't hold on any more. It really was like a gushing of complete terror. I'm kind of freaking myself out just typing about it. Since then, it's been pretty much like that constantly, with not much let up (about 3 month). I will occasionally get a day that gives me hope, but it is quickly replaced with another dark run of days. It's getting to be unbearable, so I guess that leads to my questions: 1. Is it really the meds that caused all this? I only took them for a short amount of time - it doesn't seem possible that they could have done so much damage in such a short amount of time. 2. What should I do now? Should I attempt some other medication, but at a much lower dose? I don't really want to, but this feeling is unbearable. My dr. has mentioned gabapentin, and Trintellix. But I'm hesitant. 3. What about other non-medication options, like TMS? Anyone had success with that? Anyway, this is getting long and rambling. Thank you in advance for any advice. I look forward to reading other's suggestions.

Hey everyone, My name is Abby and I have been off Prozac for 3.5 months now. I'm currently experiencing intense withdrawal and the return of mental states I never thought I'd have to experience again, and I would really like to connect with others who are going through similar during this long, difficult process. Background info: I always had tendencies towards anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (the Pure-Obsessional variety) since childhood. At 16 these symptoms very rapidly became so severe my whole life fell apart within a matter of days (Going on the contraceptive pill at this time may have been a contributing factor). I didn't have a full breakdown until I was 18, at which point I was taken to the doctor, put on Sertraline, and referred to psychiatry. The following 8 years consisted of several psychiatric admissions, different drugs including clomipramine, seroquel, mirtazipine, prozac, and possibly a few others for shorter periods. I lost pretty much everything, my obsessional fears were so strong that I attempted suicide more than once, developed a bad cocaine/mephadrone habit, was a constant worry to my family. There were times, however, where the medication would help a lot. At 60mg of Prozac I went through some periods of being functional - I went to work, got into a relationship etc. These were a great relief but I can't say I was truly happy as the fears were never properly dealt with. My last hospital admission was in 2014 when I was 24. I had attempted to come off medication as I believed I had to deal with the underlying problems, and I hated the weight gain side effects. Looking back, this was doomed to fail as I was still using cocaine regularly, drinking a lot, and didn't have any proper support mechanisms in place. I was fine for 6 months then crashed, was borderline psychotic with the OCD symptoms, depressed and anxious beyond belief and desperately wanted to die (and believed I deserved to). I was in a psych ward for just over 2 months before new meds kicked in - clompipramine and (randomly, I don't know why) Epilum, as I was told it 'balanced moods'. A year later I went back on to old faithful Prozac and also came off the contraceptive pill. I had always been told the same about it, that it leveled out moods, and don;t think it's a coincidence that my symptoms became much more manageable a few months after stopping it. I then managed to stay at 40mg for 2 years and my life changed drastically for the better. to myself and everyone around me it was like a miraculous recovery - I stopped taking drugs, began volunteering at a Buddhist meditation centre, got my dream job, published a novel, did newspaper interviews about my experiences, ...I pretty much had my dream life. It was like being reborn after thinking everything was all over...forever. It was in January 2017 that I decided to gradually wean off Prozac. Over the following 10 months I reduced until stopping completely in October. In these past 2 years I have done extensive mind training and spiritual exploration, which has probably been the main factor in this recovery. My life is pretty much dedicated to this practice now - I still volunteer at the meditation centre, go on meditation retreats throughout the year, and have also completed a Reiki Mastership. It was always potentially on the cards after exploring my mind with psychedelic drugs in the past, doing past life regressions and also taking Ayahuasca twice in ceremonies. It was around the time of the reiki mastership that I was weaning off the last of the Prozac. Things became challenging - but at first I welcomed it. I was in a strong place mentally, and my mental health hadn't plagued me intensely for a few years. I was made aware that the Reiki energy can churn things up to be healed, but I think that the combination of this, a massive flare up of a back issue that left me not able to walk for weeks, family pressures and intensive mind exploration during retreat that has led me to my current situation. Since December just passed things have been incredibly difficult. I have experienced a return of old OCD obsessions, to the point where I've had panic attacks for days that made my vision blur, heavy depression, crying all the time, existential fears and experiences which medically would look similar to psychosis (although I believe that term can pathologize important and natural inner processes), identity confusion etc. I knew it would be hard, I just never expected to feel this level of horror ever again. Having said that, I know things are different this time round - I have a level of insight gained through spiritual practice that is keeping me going. Energetically, I'm aware that I am creating this reality on various levels, and that I need to relax as much as possible to allow it to pass through the way it's supposed to. I'm no stranger to facing the darkest parts of the psyche, but it's still terrifying and I'm struggling to cope day to day. To make matters worse, my Mum has gone abroad for cancer treatment and I'm now caring for my little brother and sister 4 days a week which is incredibly stressful (I'm used to having my own space and being able to retreat when I need to). My CBT therapist has discharged me as she feels I cannot engage with therapy under this amount of stress, but encouraged me to come back when my Mum gets back. To be fair, she never taught me anything I didn't naturally learn in meditation and I was only seeing her regularly to comply with services. I have however started going for reiki treatments with the person who facilitated the course I was on last year - he is exceptionally intuitive, knowledgeable and takes an all round, individual approach. One session with him last week was worth a year of 'traditional' therapy. So I'm hoping that continuing with this will help. Anyway, sorry for the essay. I don't have many people to talk to about all this. It's also weird for me to ask for help now as I haven't needed it in so long - I'm usually now the one that helps everyone else. It's a scary and heartbreaking thing to go back to a place you thought you'd left long in the past, but I do believe deep down that I have done so in order to face my demons fully and emerge stronger in the long run. Thank you if you made it this far, I'm looking forward to connecting with others on this site. You are all incredibly strong to be doing what you're doing, no matter what stage you're at. Much love x

I had sporadic anxiety issues as a teen, maybe even panic episodes, but I didn’t attribute them to a disorder (I’d never heard of such a thing at that time). I just figured I was an ‘anxious person.’ In my early 30s, sometime after my wife and I had our first child, I began having panic attacks at night. I didn’t know what they were and my fear exacerbated the problem. Panic attacks began happening during work, waiting in lines, at theaters, in my car. Eventually, I started reading books about anxiety, saw my doctor, and then started counseling. I got lots of great non-med help, but still felt like my daily life was a fight from morning to night, so I finally accepted that I needed to try medication. I started on Zoloft and was on that for a few years, maybe 5 or 6. Then I switched, with my doctor’s suggestion to Paxil, which I was on for about 7 years. I don’t know my dosage history anymore, but for the last many years I was taking 10mg a day (half a pill). I can’t remember why I made the switch. Over this time anxiety got better. The daily fight dwindled to weekly and then occasionally and I even forgot it was an issue for periods of time, though I would be reminded when I had to be up in front of people, which my job requires. With my wife’s encouragement, I decided to try to wean off Paxil and, with my doctor’s direction, did so over the course of one and half months from November to December 2019. And...everything seemed great for 4-5 months. I couldn’t believe it. I felt just like I had felt under medication-no big issue at all with anxiety (and now I didn’t have any of those pesky side effects from the meds!). But in May 2020 (about 4-5 months after I weaned off the meds) i started waking up feeling anxious-pit in the stomach, like one feels when going to give a speech. There was no ‘thought’ or actual life worry-I just felt anxious every morning. I hadn’t had that experience since I was a teen/early 20 year old. I am 45 right now. Now I wake up nearly every morning at 3:30-4:30am and cannot get back to sleep, no matter how long I lay there. I either wake with the anxiety in my stomach or, if it’s not there right away, it comes on by the time I get up. That anxious stomach feeling can go all the way until 9-11am, sometimes longer, though it eventually is gone by midday. But even though it is gone by midday, it has triggered my body and mind and I feel so susceptible to anxiety throughout my work day that I feel I have come full circle once more and am seeing every work day as a fight just to make it to the end of the day. It’s so exhausted and I feel so helpless and worry that it won’t change. The Lord is my strength and He has helped me get through, but I hope, and it’s why I came to this site, that He may have taken me to this forum to get some insight here.

Hi. I'm new in this forum so, Im not sure what I can write about and such. Are there any rules? If so it would be helpful. Now that is out of the way, I'd like to share my thoughts and experience of having tourette's syndrome and psycholotropic drugs use including my experience with heroin to which I have successfully stopped using in 1996. So in 1996 I went to a rehabilitation center. After a month of being off heroin, my tourette's disorder started to appear. For three years of using Opiates my Tourette's was gone. I actually didn't know I had Tourette's till I was 21. The sad truth is, I was put on other drugs because the rehabilitation center didn't know what to do about my Tourette's so the councilor assigned to me called a doctor to see me. That's when I started taking antidepressants for the first time in my life. I had no problem getting clean from heroin, but the antidepressants + benzo related drugs , prescribed from doctors is worse. 2014 I suffered a nervous breakdown. My Mother gave me some of her pills, said that they were "natural" and I was desperate. So I took them. I wanted to get off them since I started. It took me three years to except I had any condition. In denial no drug worked for me. As soon as I excepted my situation, the drugs started working. Now I want to get off everything. I want to sleep a natural sleep. I know how depressed I can get. I tried to commit suicide four times. I hope this is interesting for readers. I wish to contribute to others in any way I can through my own experience.

Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - Blondiee1915: Xanax taper. Need help Hi all . I was on SSRI for 9 years (mostly lexapro) with some small breaks in between. I withdrew fully (don't believe I did it slowly) in July and now 3 months later I am experiencing intense symptoms that became disabling at times . I was initially prescribed lexapro in college for panic attacks and general anxiety . Physical symptoms compared to emotional were not bad for me at all . Now 3 months later my fatigue intensified. I am constantly exhausted no matter how much I sleep . I feel detached and disconnected. I am also indifferent and not emotional (example I don't want to be intimate) the most annoying thing is dizziness and the feeling of disbalance I wonder if it will ever go away . At times I wonder if I should go back on drugs but in all honestly they didn't really help me I just get like a zombie. If anyone can share their experience coming off lexapro, similar symptoms and if gets better . Thank you so much ❤️

Original title: desperate for help coming off mirtazapine I can't live like this it's killing me I've been on Mirtazapine 15g for 4 weeks for chronic anxiety that came out of blue. I'm getting awful headaches and eye aches, restless legs, muscles twitches but the worst thing is I've developed chronic insomnia after 10.days of being on it. No sleep at all night or day. I'm tired constant adrenaline surges won't let me sleep. Being parched up with sleeping pills. Never taken any pills in my life. How safely do i come off this? Thanks so much xx

Here are a few articles on the mechanisms of stress and anxiety and how to cope. One is a survivalist website. It may actually be the most useful one to read as it goes over dealing with extremely adverse situations that you wouldn't encounter in every day life, kind of like withdrawal in a way. https://prepperswill.com/psychology-of-survival-and-coping-with-stress/ https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/impairs-communication https://www.theguardian.com/education/2015/nov/21/how-anxiety-scrambles-your-brain-and-makes-it-hard-to-learn https://www.wellandgood.com/anxiety-stress-decision-making/

I use to be able to meditate so easily. However once I took the pill, I delveloped the ocd & intrusive thoughts symptoms that can’t be controlled. So when I meditate I’m left alone with those thoughts & it causes me more anxiety unfortunately. Has anyone else experienced this?? It was curing my anxiety now I don’t know what to do to replace it