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Hey everyone, I said that once I was healed and felt back to normal again I would write a success story and I do believe that today is finally the day for it! It was a very long journey for me personally, but I know that others have been going through it for even longer. So for those of you that are still in the thick of it, I will tell you this! Keep on going and going and going!! Never ever give up! I truly do believe that everyone heals no matter how long it takes!! For some it is shorter than others, but it's coming for all of us! You can read my intro topic and see that I really didn't find this site until I was almost 8 months in deep. I was one of those who CT quit everything because nothing was working for me and I got tired of trying different things to feel better. I was extremely fortunate to meet a wonderful lady who had survived the process and she reached out to me. She was able to encourage me daily to keep going and helped me to get through the very worst of days! I was so lucky because most people do not have that support system, but it was a life saver. Some things that I learned while going through this process: 1. Stay as positive as you possibly can! I know it's hard, believe me. There were so many days I just wanted to get in a funk and stay there, but I knew how dangerous that was. If you let yourself always see the bad in things, then eventually that is all you will see! Take what is happening to you and turn it around. Find something positive in your day. When I was having the worst of symptoms, instead of feeling bad about it and moping about it, I would turn it around and tell myself that I was having a good strong day of healing! The harder the symptoms, the more healing that was taking place. I made it a positive thing!! 2. Acceptance!!! I know this one is hard!! It was for me and took me a very very long time to learn it, but once I did it made a world of difference for me. The symptoms no longer had the power over me that they once had. Yeah they were still there, but I would just acknowledge them and then move on. There was nothing I could do about them, so I just let them happen. Besides it just meant that I was doing some more healing. The sooner you can learn how to accept the process the easier the process becomes. 3. Time!!! Unfortunately in my experience I found that there are no shortcuts in this process. There is no magic pill or drug that I could take that was gonna heal me any faster. I had to be patient and wait for my brain and CNS to heal! There was no way to speed up the process or make it any easier. I just had to get through it! That was it. Time time and more time!! Each day you go through is one day closer to your ultimate healing so don't give up!! 4. Distract!!! Find something anything that you can use to distract yourself and make the time go by. For me it was long walks, paint by numbers, etchings, diamond dots, models, board games with my children!! Just anything to pass the time! The more I was able to distract myself, the more healing that was taking place without me worrying about it! When you sit around all day and don't engage your mind, it has nothing to do but ruminate on what you are thinking or experiencing. Distract!! 5. Keep track of the good days! I experienced the normal waves and windows pattern that is normal for a lot of people. I would keep a journal daily where I would write down what I was thinking, how things were going. And for me most importantly, when I was feeling good in a window, I would write about it in the journal. I would write notes to myself reminding myself that I could feel good again and that I would feel good again. That way on the hard days I could go back and see what I had written to myself to know that I was gonna be ok. And that's honestly about it! That's what worked for me! Just remember that what you are going through is temporary!! This is not the rest of your life. One day you will be healed and able to move forward with life and enjoy the days. This whole process has made me such a strong and more resilient person. Little things in life no longer really bother me and I have found I have so much more patience and understanding than I ever did before. As much as this whole thing sucked, it has made me a better person!! Just remember to keep going and going for as long as this takes!! You've got this and you know it! I will be sticking around the forums to help others. I always told myself once I made it through this I was gonna pay it forward and help others as well. Don't hesitate to reach out if needed! Ken

Hello everyone I developed an anxiety disorder during the pandemic. I didn’t know I was having anxiety at first because I never had it before so it took forever for me to actually start treating it. My anxiety was so bad it caused silent acid reflex. Anyways with time it got better naturally & then I started meditating everyday for about 3 weeks & it really got better the acid reflex was improving too. I got impatient because I wanted my life back already so I thought that taking 10mg celxa pill for a few months to finally get rid of the acid reflex would be ok. I took the pill at night time & felt calm when I woke up, I also noticed my reflex was like 95% gone which just proves it was from anxiety. Anyways later on that day I all of a sudden out of no where I got a headache, rapid heartbeat & shaky hands then I got a “s” thought ( I don’t wanna say the word) which I never had before it was like a voice in my head. I immediately threw all the medication down the drain & didn’t take another one. So I only took ONE pill. After a about a week my acid reflex came back. Since then I’ve had intrusive thoughts, ocd thoughts, brain zaps, memories of bad things that have happened, thoughts focused around violence, fear for no reason, mood swings sad for no reason, crying for no reason, extreme anxiety, frequent urinating, increase of my acid reflex, unable to sit still for long etc. This is obviously all from the pill. this is ridiculous & super scary that just one pill can cause all of this. I don’t know what to do besides wait. I do yoga every morning & breathing exercises & sometimes ride my bike. I had to quit my job. I’m only in my 20’s. Any advice or similar story is welcomed. I took the pill on April 25th so it’s been about a month now

2012-2023: 10 mg and 20 mg Citalopram. Had tried to get off, but felt weird below 10 mg every time. Then saw a YouTube video about hyperbolic taper and decided to do that. June 2023 - January 2024: 20 - 10 - 7,5 - 5 - 2,5 - 1,25 mg at random intervals. That's not good. Because I am an idiot who can't do math. 🤦 At first it was fine, finally I got below 10 mg. I didn't realise that I became more and more depressed and anxious. January 16th: Severe symptoms, almost incapable of eating, breakthrough anxiety. I had never dealt with anxiety (although in hindsight I can see that it has been increasing since the start of the pandemic, and) and didn't recognise it as such. Several visits to the doctor to figure out the stomach issue. From January 18th: Total insomnia due to nerve twitches/pangs and muscle jerks. January 22nd: Stilnoct 10 mg, then 31st: Zolpiclone 7,5 mg. Took and still tale every night, getting 4-5 hours of KO/"sleep". Because the constant nerve pangs otherwise kept me completely awake, no sleep. January 27th: Finally(!) realised Citalopram symptoms might be the cause. Reinstated 2,5 - 5 - 10 - 20 mg over the course of the next three weeks. Got Quetiapine/Seroquel, and tried for a few days. But it didn't work for the nerve pangs at all, so still awake. And very doozy for most of the day too. So stopped them after 3 days Update March 2nd: Brain zaps gone, full body chills gone. Speedily learned to accept and defuse some of the anxiety symptoms, which made them go away. But having bad sleep anxiety. The 4-5 hours of "chemical sleep" on Zolpiclone keeps me - minimally - functional. Can't work, bare mimimum home chores. This late night/morning I actually didn't have nerve pangs, but in stead was extremely restless in bed. I can't decide if it is better or worse. I decide that it is better. The nerve pangs are worse. Doctors have absolutely no suggestions for what I could get for the nerve pangs instead of Zolpiclone other than this or that sedating meds. I don't need sleeping pills, I can fall asleep just fine. It is the nerve pangs that keep me awake, like being pricked with a needle randomly all over the body. Oh, and bought a precise weight for weighing meds.

I hope you are well. I am on Escitalopram 10mg reduced overnight from 20mg. After being on this specific medication for 7 months and having been on Citalopram from the age of 22. Meaning I have been on an SSRI for 22 years. Last year after my breakdown in April (I’m actually thinking it might have been my medication stopping working that caused all this) I was put on Venlafaxine immediately without any tapering off citalopram for 2 weeks (Actually wanted to commit suicide due to that drugs side effects) I was then put on Sertraline without any tapering off Venlafaxine. That caused incredibly unpleasant side effects. In August without tapering again I was put on Escitalopram 10mg then two months later upped to 20mg to “give it a go” by psychiatrists. Not one of these medications have worked and have made me worse. Come more recently I suggested I wanted to wean off Escitalopram because I felt constantly in fight or flight. That was about a month ago. I was then prescribed buspirone 5mg x 3 a day and had my Escitalopram reduced to 10mg overnight, no tapering. A week into that regime I stopped Buspirone of my own accord and am currently on just the 10mg of Escitalopram that hadn’t been working in the first place. I actually think I’ve been withdrawing from all the antidepressants since April in some peculiar way. Since I first started antidepressants in 2002 I haven’t once had a doctor review my medication, not once have they asked me about coming off, the only time things changed is to up my medication or “give another” on a go. Today I have chronic muscle twitches, that don’t stop. My mind is clearer bizarrely and less brain fog but my physical symptoms are another matter, I’m aching considerably, I wake up shaking in the morning, and the cold makes my body shiver uncontrollably. The muscle twitches in my legs are 24 hours a day every minute. I try to go to the gym but it’s hard as my calves cramp. I have contacted a nutritionist as I’ve had dozens of blood tests thinking something must be out of sync, deficient. I’m on a good diet plan of protein and high fibre. And supplements. I currently don't know where to turn or what to do, as I am now on 10mg Escitalopram only, I don't know whether to go up gradually to try and resolve these physical constant muscle spasms/twitches even though the medication itself offered me no relief from anxiety/depression etc and actually made me 100 times worse, or to taper down. Either way I'm stuck. My body is a mess, that was once absolutely fine, it's now all over the place. Something that’s keeping me going is knowing someone is highlighting the daily struggle of these drugs and the complete disregard for the patients that are prescribed them. I hope this email reaches you all in good health.

I’m at my wit’s end here. Earlier in 2023 I was on 20mg of Citalopram after having been on them (with a brief change to Sertraline in 2020 after upping Cit to 40mg in 2019, if I remember correctly) since 2017. I was given them alongside 20mg Omeprazole for suspected anxiety-induced gastritis, which still hasn’t been confirmed. They helped me cope well enough, except for the dip that caused me to change to Sertraline. Sertraline wasn’t as effective and seemed to give me IBS. In January this year I was given 10mg Amitryptyline for painful IBS symptoms. it made me feel confused and limited my cognition and concentration, and didn’t seem to help my pain either. Meanwhile, I had decided to go off antidepressants altogether as I have now been in therapy for three years and wanted to explore my emotions properly in a safe space that I didn’t have when I started. The antidepressants had made exploring my emotions very difficult and I was under the impression that coming off would give me the space to move forward. I was instructed to taper off over three months, decreasing to 10mg, then alternating between 10 and 0 before dropping altogether. After the last decrease, I started to feel odd, but decided to persevere, not knowing any better. My appetite started to decrease and my health anxiety was increased. I thought I had breast cancer and in the first week off Citalopram entirely, I was in a massive depressive state convinced that I was dying. It gradually subsided as everything was fine health wise, so I again decided to persevere as I was desperate to feel like myself again and move forward, having felt stuck for years. I now realise that I should have reinstated at 10mg. I thought I was getting on okay, but very lethargic and my appetite was slowly decreasing, which I didn’t quite notice. Citalopram had made me voracious and almost overweight before I got that under control, so I was pleased to lose that. I was able to maintain my weight for a month or so, and thought that I was just going through the motions and must be getting better. My mood was a bit off, but there were positives coming up such as old memories and generally feeling more like myself. But I was starting to have brand new depressive thoughts creeping in, and suicidal ideations, which have never happened for me. Making my mood worse was the mental impairment caused by the Amitriptyline. I can’t work much at the best of times and do very minimal freelance work at home, and this was just making it worse, so I was desperate to get off. I had told the doctor about all of my symptoms (so so many, including no appetite, weight loss, heavy heartbeat, fatigue, weakness) and had a clear blood test come back, with a note of low iron that was just left at that. I had mentioned wanting to come off Ami and doctor told me to do it over a week, taking a pill every other day. I had a feeling this was a bad idea, but I was desperate and trusted that the doctors must know what they’re doing. I could get through the initial symptoms, but then I had another huge depressive episode, maybe even psychotic, where I was doubting my own mind and unsure of what to trust, my anxiety was huge and I had to drop everything I was doing because everything made me too afraid. I had real trouble eating after this, not wanting to eat much other than carbs and fridge snacks. This regressed into being unable to eat anything without sobbing because it made me too anxious. I am still in this place. I have continued to lose weight because I simply cannot eat enough. I have had a lump in my throat (apparent globus) since July or so, which makes swallowing extra sensitive now. I’m experiencing an intense internal electricity panic sensation, and tremors, which is increased when I try to eat, hence the sobbing. I got desperate last week and asked the doctor to increase back to 10mg Citalopram because of how hungry it had made me in the past. Instead, I now just have impossible insomnia and flare up of my gastro issues, nausea, excessive burping, early fullness, catastrophic thoughts, and complete food aversion. My sense of taste has also changed, it’s oversensitive and makes eating so so difficult. I keep descending into moments of fear that I will keep wasting away and end up in hospital and inevitably be put on more medications. I’m trying to eat more, and realise that I probably got my stomach used to too little food, but it’s incredibly tough and I’m having to rely on high calorie foods and Complan. The doctor had initially wanted to give me Mirtazipan for my appetite but I really didn’t want to be on a sedative after how Ami made me feel on it. I’m at a complete loss of what to do, I realise that my central nervous system is in complete shock and I’m so scared that this has done some real permanent damage. I’ve never felt so hopeless in my life, how am I supposed to get to sleep? I just lay awake buzzing with electricity. On the off chance i get an hour or so, I jolt back awake. Some moments I feel like I can handle this and things will slowly get better but that's quickly replaced by panic. If anyone has any advice or kind words, please please leave a comment.

Hello everyone. Recently discovered this site and would like to share my story with SSRIs. Hopefully it will help some people out with similar struggles. I grew up with a lot of anxiety all throughout my childhood but always just pushed through it. As a child I just assumed everyone feels this anxiety and they must hide it better, or be stronger pushing it away. As I got older into my late teens I realised I have a social anxiety disorder When I was 20, in my second year at university things reached a breaking point with anxiety levels. We were tasked with giving presentations to the class the following week and I got triggered so badly at the thought. I went home riddled with the most intense anxiety, feeling I would rather jump off a cliff than go through the upcoming task, more or less resigning myself to the fact that i would have to drop out of school and never have a chance to do the things I want in life. I went to my doctor who prescribed Sertraline after a very brief chat. They give me the common explanation there is a chemical imbalance in the brain and this will correct it. Cant remember the exact details of the conversation but the message I got was that this medication is perfectly safe and its no big deal taking it. Being in a lot of pain, desperate for some sort of improvement and completely trusting my doctors expertise I agreed straight away and started the medication. After that, things did stabilise enough for me to finish school, start working and slog my way through life painfully with high anxiety but now dulled enough to cope moderately. I had counselling many times (all CBT type) which helped me gain some perspective but did little to resolve my anxiety and when the next situation came up Id get as anxious as ever. After several attempts to resolve my anxiety problem through counselling, I pretty much gave up on ever getting resolution and resorted to management strategies. A few years later another doctor suggested I switch to citalopram which is better at treating anxiety. They give me their usual short confident explanation, without any warnings about side effects or in depth knowledge of the drug. Due to the sexual side effects I attempted to stop citalopram in 2018 as I thought things were going pretty well. I tapered far too quickly and went off the drug completely for 3 months. In hindsight it was a doomed attempt from the start because I hadn't found any strategy to resolve the underlying anxiety problem. So the anxiety got bad again and I reluctantly reinstated. Fast forward to Mar 2023. A new job opportunity has came up in my company and I really want to apply, but anxiety will be a major problem for me going to an interview and doing well in it. I apply anyway. Days before the interview the anxiety is starting to get very strong and persistent. In desperation I begin to research social anxiety and find EFT tapping. I try following along to a youtube video of someone tapping on accupressure points thinking this is the stupidest thing Ive seen yet, this must be a scam, I hope nobody sees me doing this crap, etc. After about 10 minutes doing this tapping I notice the anxiety level suddenly drops in intensity and at that point I started to believe that this actually works. I felt straight away that this is exactly what Ive been looking for and its going to change my life for the better in every way After that I was hooked and began to research and practice EFT daily and have being getting great results on the things that have been causing me the most misery over the years. I since learned through my research that my social anxiety is a learned condition due to negative experiences or traumas in my childhood. I would have always said my childhood was perfectly normal, nothing to see here, but looking a little more in depth, there were many subtle experiences of embarrassment and humiliation that created this habitual anxiety response in certain social situations. I would now have to disagree with my doctors "chemical imbalance" theory. My brain is and was always perfectly balanced. I was never actually depressed had any other conditons. My anxiety was purely situational and I could feel normal when I wasnt in those situations. What caused my suffering was my subconsious mind percieving threat in particular situations due to past traumas. After a few months tapping my results were great but I felt I wasnt able to truly feel the bad childhood emotiions due to the SSRIs blunting emotions so I began to taper. I tapered from 40mg, to 30mg then to 20mg then to 10mg. After each step i would feel the brain zaps etc and would allow it to settle for a few weeks before stepping down again. I went to taking 10mg every 2 days for a few weeks, then every 3 days for about a week then stopped. The first couple of weeks off were rough enough with zaps, anxiety and general lower mood and at times unexplained rage. Since march I spend at least 1 hour eft tapping per day and this habit really helped me through this period. There is an odd hellish day where it seems hopeless like I would never get my life back but this would pass quickly enough. About a month in the acute withdrawl subsided. The brain zaps faded away After this i have being having what I would call symptoms of the protracted withdrawl phase. This has largely been a feeling of pressure in my head or a headache, brain fog, tiredness all the time and limited motiviation or joy in things usually enjoyed. As expected (and what I had actually hoped for) the anxiety that the SSRIS had dulled could be felt more intensely and when doing the EFT some incredibly intense releases of emotion started happening. To me this was the healing or resolution that needed to happen, and I dont think it would have been possible on the SSRI. I am now into my 5th month off citalopram. The challenges seem to come and go like last week i felt worse than I had in recent weeks but it passed. The daily EFT practice is my go to when anything comes up. I also joined a gym last week to try and lift my mood and energy and found running along with the sauna and plunge pool (ice cold) really lifted my mood in a big way. I had been trying cold showers recently too and get a good mood boost off it. There were short periods in the last few months where I felt demoralised like I couldnt cope, but these are very short lived and pass. On a bad day I like to myself that how I feel is not a truth, just an emotion/perspective and it will pass. I also always be kind to myself after a bad day/experience and remind myself of the big picture, of all the progress ive made over months. Its so easy to get demoralised after a setback or rough patch but I guess the wisdom of being a bit older now helps me see things in a more rounded way. My younger self may have went to panic stations after a few rough days of symptoms. Currently I am doing great and well on top of the symptoms most of the time but I feel very fragile and my brain has a lot more healing ahead. I am fully confident that I will never put another SSRI in my body, thanks to making huge strides to resolving the underlying anxiety root causes. What worries me a bit reading peoples stories is the timeline for the brain to heal. It scares me to think of how much longer I might feel headaches, tiredness, sluggish generally not myself, but there is no alternative I suppose. Hopefully things wont get worse before they get better I will post a later update to my story to let you know how its going. I really hope this information helps some people on here. Id also love to hear any thoughts/advice from the group.

I have had the good fortune to confer with some of the top brain researchers in the world this past 4 years. Michael M. Merzenich who has had several PBS brain specials, Robert Sapolsky at Stanford, Daniel Amen (also many PBS brain specials) Malcom Lader in the UK and many others. Off the subject of exercise but Dr. Merzenich is considered the father of neuroplasticity research and he told me to study primates brain ability to heal they give them SSRI's then stop them. OK Exercise - none of these experts had a clue on how to heal a drug damaged brain. The one common theme was aerobic exercise. There is a great book out on this called SPARK on this. There is also the work of the Cooper Center on the benefits of aerobic exercise for anxiety and depression being better than medications. For the first 3 years I could not do any more than walk - any strenuous activity made me critically ill. I still walk a lot and more if I am in a wave (which seems to be continual) but now I have been able to do some 10 mile bike rides. Has anyone else found benefit/determent to exercise??

Hello, I just wanted to share my Citalopram story as I'm feeling terrible at the moment and just feel like I've completely ruined my body. I don't know if anyone else out there has advice or experienced something similar? I was prescribed Citalopram in February this year by my GP after experiencing a lot of anxiety. I took 10mg for 4 days but after contacting my GP when I was experiencing a lot of side effects, she upped my dose to 20mg and said it was normal to feel worse before I felt better. By this stage I was feeling pretty manic but for some reason I did what the doctor advised and upped my dose to 20mg as I thought my feelings were because I was so anxious. In hindsight I know now that it was the drug that was actually making me feel manic but I just wasn't aware of that at the time - I bought it was all me. I ended up taking Citalopram for just 7 days in the end and only stopped after a particularly bad night where I was experiencing burning all over my body and brain zaps - I knew I couldn't take it anymore. The Dr didn't want me to stop but I couldn't face taking another pill. Two days before I stopped taking it I started to experience a tremor in my arms but I thought it would wear off when I stopped the drug. Fast forward to around the 20th March having been Citalopram free for a month I began experiencing terrible, debilitating symptoms. My back & stomach is constantly pulsing - I have no idea what it is, I have pins and needles in my legs and tingling in my feet. The floor feels like it is moving when I walk and I feel very unsteady and dizzy. I feel completely detached from everything and everyone and don't even really recognise myself. Im just not interested in the things I used to be and everything is so much effort. I have major brain fog. I sleep very poorly and wake up after a couple of hours, body pulsing and unable to get to sleep. My neck tingles and I have a slight tremor in my neck/head. I never feel still or relaxed and I'm constantly on edge. My head throbs. My teeth hurt and my jaw is tight. My neck feels tight & my stomach is inflamed. Nothing I take seems to help with my symptoms. I have contacted my GP for help but they have said that it all sounds like anxiety, and have prescribed me propranolol and diazepam. They said that it is very unlikely that Citalopram has caused this but I really think it has. I've never felt like this in my life. I am finding it all so very difficult at the moment. I feel like a complete zombie and the physical symptoms are so hard to deal with. I used to be so active and now walking feels like a battle. Physically and mentally I feel completely ruined. I am so ashamed that I have done this to myself and cannot see a way out. Is there anyone out there who has experienced similar or who can offer a bit of hope? Does this get better? History: 11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg)

My journey to hell began November 21st, 2022. After suffering from a relapse in obsessive-compulsive disorder and hypochondria, I spiraled. Then on January 26th, 2023 everything imploded I started to experience insomnia for the first time ever. And insomnia that I didn’t realize existed. When I would attempt to fall asleep I would get what felt like a rush of adrenaline in between wakefulness and the first stage of sleep and I would be wired. On January 29th, 2023 I was at the end of my rope. I felt like antidepressants would be the answer since my psychologist that I’ve been seeing since 2015 had suggested them over the years. I didn’t feel the need for them until I spiraled and everything imploded. I went to a mental health clinic in the Phoenix, Arizona area called Mind 24-7 and was prescribed Paroxetine 20 mg and Trazodone 50mg. My insomnia continued until I went Mayo Clinic on January 31st there they said it was a manic episode and prescribed Trazodone 100mg. I didn’t feel safe so I voluntarily admitted myself to a behavioral hospital for 8 days. There they continued Trazodone 100mg and increased the Paroxetine to 30 mg. I was discharged on February 8th and on February 13th had a follow up with a psychiatrist. Because of the sexual side effects and emotional bluntness of Paroxetine 30mg we cross-tapered Paroxetine with Citalopram. Going from 20mg to 10mg of Paroxetine and 20mg of Citalopram. Along with Trazodone 100mg nightly. I experienced a range of side effects trying to cross taper. On the 6th week I developed severe insomnia. That even Trazodone 200mg wasn’t touching. On March 29th,2023 they told me to stop taking Citalopram 20mg cold turkey. Since then I believe I’ve been going through withdrawals from Citalopram 20mg. But I do suffer from OCD and hypochondria so I’m not sure what’s going on. My symptoms are as follows. Some will wax and wane. Insomnia; I don't even feel tired or drowsy anymore loss of appetite suicidal ideation (April 25th and 26th but around 4:00 PM on April 26th it went away like a light switch) crying spells brain fog head buzzing hypersensitive to sound when attempting to sleep sensitive to cold on my forearms hyperarousal several or one finger twitch's after gripping something a panic attack that lasted a day and a half

Hey, I am almost 20 years old and super new to the world of AD's. I know how complex they are and how unknown they are but also I am no doctor, just a student interested in the medical field and psychology. I have been reading these forms for only a few sleepless nights. Sorry for any grammar mistakes in advance. I am currently taking AD's for my anxiety, which I assume has built over the past couple of years since COVID-19. Had my first panic attack this Jan 15 of 2023 (no great changes in my life which happened around this time) which impacted my sleep. Went to the ER where they said it was a panic attack (blood work, blood pressure, etc only abnormality was slightly high WBC). The next days, I only have symptoms when I am laying down (sudden spike in increased heart rate and lightheadedness). It is very bothersome when I trying to sleep. Always happens when I am about to doze off, I begin to feel dizzy (even though my eyes are closed) and lightheaded) which immediately deletes my drowsiness from existence. Go to doctors which want to give me AD's immediately and therapy but I get suspicious about the AD's and deny them until the next day after I got another sleepless night and took them. I am prescribed 10 mg generic citalopram pill and hydroxyzine 25 mg tablet. Only took the hydroxyzine a couple times before it stopped making me drowsy. I then switched to melatonin for a few times before it made me only drowsy but couldn't sleep. Tried my best to willpower through it for about a week and a half. I was already 1 week late to school and also my job. Feel new symptoms in the day like elevated heart rate (baseline levels slowly increase as the day goes on, reset once I go to bed and rest usually around 80's to 100's RHR), chest pressure and my body reacting to anxiety more than it should (i.e im a little anxious in my head but my body is reacting as if I was super anxious like can't speak or get really sweaty lol) Average sleep was about 0-4 everyday with a couple of 6 hour sleep gaps (used to sleep 8-9 all the time I love sleep). Never had real dreams just half awake fever dreams that were stressful and thoughts but I was mostly conscious the whole time. Went to the ER a couple more times in this week and a half. On my 3rd visit, I had an xray, ultrasound, blood work, and monitored while I had a 1 hour nap. They found nothing noteworthy and my shakiness disappeared after they took blood from me. (normal WBC this time) Seeing the impact my anxiety had on my school and social life, I finally give in and take my first citalopram dose on Jan 29 @9pm (prescribed at bedtime). Jan 30th I get scared and decide to not take them. On Jan 31th I take them and decide to continue taking them to give them a chance. With every pill I feel something in my brain but it isn't a bad feeling. Feb 3rd while having covid fever, I felt my whole body change after taking my dose. I check my heart rate and it finally lowered to normal levels. I was able to sleep this night semi normally. Feel like myself again 100% until feb 6th. I continue taking my dose regularly and monitor myself. I had a MCOT monitor on during this due to my repeated ER visits. Slowly realize that even though I go to bed from 10:30 or 12, I am now semi napping until 3am where (like clockwork) I go to take a piss and then sleep like a baby (and dream) until noon in which I wake up feeling good. This is great except I have classes and meetings before noon all the time. Also I got normal side effects like gassy stomach and brain zaps but I didn't care as long as I slept. Also slight increase in laziness but I was already lazy before so it didn't change much. If I tried to wake up before noon, my body would punish me. One time I woke up at 11am and felt drowsy until 6pm. The next day I went to my psychiatrist for the first time @9am and felt like a zombie for that whole day and the next. During my visit, she said she didn't like how I was prescribed Citalopram as a starter medication because of risk of QT prolongation and at night (said no drowsiness is associated with the drug) and tells me to switch to zoloft (generic) and trazadone for sleep. Originally she thought I didn't need AD's and just needed to sleep but I said that the citalopram was working well but if I had to switch I would like to have both on hand so I don't go back to hell longer than I need to. I am prescribed sertraline generic 25 mg (1/2 pill 50 mg) @morning and trazadone 25 mg (1/2 pill 50 mg) before sleeping. I ask her if its ok to stop my citalopram without slowly tapering and she said it was fine since I was only a few weeks deep. Since I am in zombie mode, I stop citalopram cold turkey but also refrain from taking my new meds since I can sleep and am drowsy all day anyways. (technically for 3 days no meds). On feb 20 in the am morning, I am back to old habits of same old symptoms that didn't go away and came back a little bit worse. I take my trazadone and go to sleep. Wake up at noon and take my sertraline at that time consistently. Felt light headaches for the first couple of days on it. After 5 nights of trazodone, (3 great ones and 2 where I woke up at 3 am) I stop the medication because it made me super constipated and I also had diarrhea (???). On the fourth day of sertraline I notice I have anxiety trembling (which previously I only had while laying down) during the day. I try to calm myself down to no avail and choose to ignore it. My heart rate is slightly lower than normal but I think its just the zoloft doing its thing. This night I slept a beautiful 10 hours. On the fifth day the shaking is worse but now I feel my old anxiety of having to keep myself busy and productive, heart rate still slightly lower though. I try to calm down again and it doesn't work but I am not concerned since my sleep was great the other day. This night I was not so lucky. On the night of February 26th I only get 2 hours of sleep. Before I went to sleep I ate until I realized that I ate so much without feeling hungry or full. I wake up at 2 am feeling really hot and sweaty (room is like 55F tops) then I stay up until 4am tired wanting to sleep. At one point I feel like I blinked really hard and then woke up from feeling like I fell. Can't sleep so I get on my phone and do my research including finding this website. Around 8 am my mom wakes up and I go to talk to her. While she's talking to me, I begin to break down into tears and freeze up and can't talk. After a while of crying, she ends up having to feed me a banana and milk. It works and I calm down feeling like that wasn't me (I was frustrated but not to that point). I begin to wonder if it was my body reacting bad to the zoloft and so I call my psychiatrist and leave her a voicemail. I head to the ER and my psychiatrist responds to me while in the waiting room and everyone basically tells me to drop the zoloft (sertraline) and go back to the celexa(citalopram). I decide to stop cold turkey my sertraline and take my old dose of 10mg of citalopram at 3pm this time. Everyone goes to work and I am home alone. I begin to have waves of fear while reading this site and I get another panic attack. The fear was just as great as before and just as before I just wanted to die so it would end. I called a hotline they gave me which did not help at all and then called my brother which he helped me calm down. I was still shaking and my heart rate was up but I felt ok in my head. I felt like I wasn't in control of my emotions so I went to the psychiatric ER this time. I am told that the sertraline was too low to even have an effect on me and that it was probably caused by dropping the celexa without tapering. There I am given a benzo, trazadone (i think 50 mg), and a place to sleep. I think I slept around 8pm and woke up around 7am felt pretty good. However they gave me a 20mg citalopram to take at 10am even though it wasn't my right dose or time to take it. Anyways that was like today so I am pretty up to date. I still am shaking only in the left half of my body a little bit but I don't feel anxious. If I don't get a response soon I am planning to continue my citalopram 10 mg @3pm like normal. However, I do have many concerns and am hoping I still have hope for my nervous system. If it is appropriate to get these questions answered here, here they are: *what is the predicted state of my nervous system due to my mistakes? *Did I just mess up really bad and like am in the perfect situation for kindling? (reinstated to same full dose a week after dropping and then double dose the next day at different????) *Many of the supposed citalopram withdrawal symptoms happened to line up with sertraline side effects, was it a case of both occurring? *Did I mess up my nervous system by dropping all my meds cold turkey? *If the zoloft wasn't what made my anxiety worse, would it be a good idea to keep citalopram until stable and then slowly taper into sertraline to see if it doesn't force me to sleep and is better? Thank you for your time and support

I started Citalopram 20mg in January 2008 for anxiety and depression. It didnt work well so doctor updosed me to 40mg. After a month of sides i went back to 20mg. She changed me to different generics. I didnt have withdrawal or side effects on the different generics. In October 2010 a new doctor switched me to 20mg Paxil generic. In November 2011 I went onto original paxil 20mg, i had a panic attack in my sleep, but the next day i was fone. I felt really happy and everything was good. April 2012 I decided to go off paxil. I halved the dose to 10mg for 3 weeks, the next 3 weeks I skipped alternative days untill I stopped completely mid May 2012. I had the usual withdrawal symptoms, then I felt good. In July 2012 I had a breakdown. I got new symptoms and went to see the doctor. He advised I go on prozac. I started on 20mg for 4 days. I stopped on the 4th day because of start-up effects like anxiety and sedation. Doctor said ok fine, lets put you on a small dose of Cymbalta 30mg. 1st day the same as Prozac, second day all hell broke loose. Had a severe adverse reaction to the cymbalta. I had dearelization, head felt funny as if no blood was flowing to my brain, nlood pressure was low I felt like death. I found another site and they advised i go back on paxil and get stable. A week after the cymbalta incident i went back on paxil but started out on 5mg. I took it for 18 days and then stopped as it didnt work and made me confused and sedated. Now, 3 months med free I am suffering badly. My anxiety, dizziness and head symptoms are a bit better but now i am really suffering from extremely severe derealization and depersonalization. I mean extreme 24/7 and I am so so scared I messed up too badly to recover I dont think im going to recover. I am 23 years old btw. I have brain fog, dizziness, extreme fatiugue, DP/DR, apathy, anhedonia, tremors. I have lost all hope....

Good morning, I have been tapering off Citalopram for roughly two years in total. After a huge crash I recently reinstated .5 MG liquid to stabilize my nervous system. After however many months it takes to stabilize I will reconsider a taper. If for some reason in the meantime the Citalopram becomes ineffective or poops out what other medications and dosage would work to continue stabilisation? My doctor has suggested Buspar, which I'm agreeable to but would need a dose recommendation as I suspect it would be smaller than the normal starting dose. Thank you

Hey, I don't post much on here. I used to be a member on PaxilProgress. I thought I would start a topic to post some updates. I will post my original story and 3 year update below. The short version is that I took 10mg citalopram for situational depression (I had dropped out of college) for about 6 months and then I stopped. Ever since I stopped I went into hell and experienced some very debilitating symptoms. I am now just over 4 years off and I have been unable to work or live any kind of functional life during this time. In my update 1 year ago I was feeling optimistic at the time since I have been going through a little bit of a good period. Now 1 year later I feel less optimistic about my future. Since last year I have noticed very little improvement. The worst symptom for me is my inability to socialize which I fear will never recover. I always feel very withdrawn and act awkward in social situations. I have to think of what to say and try very hard to act normal. Before the drugs it just came naturally without thinking. This is a very strange symptom and I've not seen many other people mention it. It makes it very hard for me to have friendships with other people. I had a few periods early on where it went away almost completely for a week or so and it was as if someone turned a light back on in my brain. However, I have not really noticed any improvements in the past year. Something that is also very strange is that when I go into social situations for any period of time, it will trigger many symptoms and I will start to feel very bad. I wouldn't even believe it, if it wasn't happening to me but something as simple as socializing can cause physical symptoms. The symptoms generally don't come on till a few hours later. I will often notice my mood being lower than normal then I will start to feel cold and shivery and my appetite and sex drive will go down very low. In general I just feel very bad and know something is wrong. It generally takes a few days (away from social situations) before I feel back to normal. I also often get mouth ulcers. I have had about 2 or 3 a month on average for the past 4 years. They tend to go hand in hand with some pretty brutal fatigue where I just feel like I can barley lift my arms or do much of anything. Sexual function is also reduced from normal and intermittent. Sometimes my sex drive will feel close to normal but most of the time it's a little low. I have difficulty concentrating and find it hard to focus on things for any length of time. I also still have many other symptoms that come and go. I get migraines frequently, my appetite is often quite low even at the best of times, I often have digestion problems and constipation regardless of my diet. I feel like if I didn't have the social withdrawnness and symptoms triggered after a social situation then I could live a much more functional life despite the other problems. It is obvious to me that my brain is screwed up big time after going through all this for years. It's funny because I know if this had not happened to me and I was reading this then I probably wouldn't believe it was possible. I'd probably just think I am some crazy guy with social anxiety who is attributing it to drugs. I guess anyone who has been through this withdrawal knows how messed up the whole experience is. In the early period of withdrawal I read a success story by LossLeader that kept me going. He recovered after 4 and a half years. Now that I'm approaching that point I feel like perhaps these remaining symptoms are permanent. I guess I will need to hang in there for another year or two and see if things change or not. I have thought as a very last resort I may try and go back on the drug. Many of you will think that it crazy. I think it is as well. I don't even know if I would have the guts to do it. At the same time I think maybe I am just dependent on those drugs now and perhaps it would help me live a normal life for a while. I guess I would only consider that option if I knew for sure that I was never going to get any better over time and I felt like my life was still severely limited. I'll have to wait and see how things go.

Hi I started with anxiety and panic attacks almost a month ago, I had been under stress at work and had lost my appetite and considerable amount of weight, and was not sleeping. My GP prescribed Citalopram 20mg, and within a few hours of taking this I was almost crazy, pacing up and down the house, feeling I needed to get out of my own body and on day 3 started with horrible dark thoughts and images of me killing myself. Mainly the images were around knives. I must stress that prior to taking this medication I had never had a dark or suicidal thought.On day 7 of taking this drug I stopped due to the awful side affects which I now believe was Akathisia. I seen a private pysicatrist who put this down to a bad reaction with the citalopram and recommended sertraline, I waited almost two weeks before taking the sertraline as the dark thoughts still persisted, the majority of the other symptoms seems to subside. Earlier this week I started on the sertraline 25mg, once again the same symptoms have returned as in the beginning when taking the citalopram, this is only on day 2 of the sertraline. I have only recently learned about this condition but I am now going to discontinue with the sertraline given that Akathisia can last longer than the time the medication was taken. Has anyone experienced this due to the combination of these SSRI's? My GP is absolutely no help at the minute hence me having to seek help privately.

Hello everyone, I'm a 42 year old male trying to come off of citalopram. I have been on 25 mg since oktober 2016 and find it time to trying to taper. I started about 85 days ago with a 0.1 mg decrease per day tapering method so I'm down to 25-8.5 =16.5 mg/day. I work in a chemical laboratory so carefully preparing the solution/weight etc is no problem for me. I was doing fine with little side effects. I take small dose of benzo when I'm feeling tense or anxiety. After hitting 16.5 mg citalopram per day however I started to feel very sad and low so I stayed at this dosage for a little over a week now. I'm feeling extremely tired and want to cry but I can't. In the morning I too scared to get out of bed. And my thoughts are all over the place. Feel very depressed iny current holiday week... My doctor takes about 10 minutes for this problem and told me there is room for an increase to 30 mg/ day! But....I'm trying to taper down! It's like they're very willing to givee more medication but don't want to know too much about tapering or self-medicating. Their advice is always to half the dosage and see what happens. If that doesn't work go back to previous dosage and take the medication for the rest of your life. My question is: am I tapering too fast?. It is about 12.5 % per month which would be reasonable I thought. I'm reading a lot of things about people who taper a lot slower. Is there anyone with advice or experience on this. I have been on 16.5 mg for 8 days now to level out but that doesn't seem to be happening. Any help would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks Jozeff

Hello new to the group. Not the best at writing. Came off citalopram and modafinil ct about 13 months ago. Had delayed withdrawl came off end of Feb middle of April withdrawl kicked in had cardiac arrest and been living in hell ever since. I take care of my father who is a disabled Vietnam veteran and was building a self sustainable homestead. Now It takes every ounce of energy I have just to take care of myself and father. Homestead is deteriorating and nature is taking it back. I have really bad fatigue and can barley get out of bed most days. This truly is the hardest thing I've ever went through in life

I thought a very long time about writing this. I know a lot of people will read this and won't believe it. These pills have a lot of different impacts on people and for some unknown perhaps largely genetic reason I was highly susceptible to the negative effects. I pretty much had the simultaneous most extreme manifestation of every potential symptom listed on these forums at the same time. I spent all day every day for years online trying to find accounts and of course cures to what I was suffering from and have only seen about 10 accounts of people with stories of such extreme severity. Most of them are from benzodiazepines but even though I had a prescription for those I was not taking them very often. I suspect most of my damage was the product of the antidepressants I took every morning. These pills did to me things few people will tell you are even possible. I used to spend hours a day reading the posts on this forum praying one day I would be me again. It took far longer than I thought was possible but it finally happened. After the first couple years I began to think I would plateau at some slightly less agonizing state at some point and stay debilitated for the rest of my life. I was on various drugs from the time I was 10 years old. I was on lorazepam, trazadone, amitriptyline, bupropion, citalopram, propranolol, concerta, adderall. All kinds of stuff at one point or another but never all of it at once. The ones I was on for the longest time were citalopram and bupropion. I took both from ages 15 to 23. I wouldn't truly realize the havoc that these chemicals caused on my body until I came off them after college. To say my life was shattered is an understatement. I went from top of my class at a top university to absolutely debilitated. I could barely walk for years. POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING BEGIN: I had a relentless throbbing migraine for over 5 and a half years. My entire body was in constant physical pain. It felt like an electric pulsing shock that emanates from your solar plexis and up through your spinal column right into the center of your brain where it becomes a relentless migraine. The migraine felt like having my head stuck in a fishbowl full of ammonia for years on end. It felt like nails on a chalkboard up your spine. All of it throbbed with my constantly palpitating heart rate. My fitbit said my resting heart rate was 55 beats per minute which is bradycardia but they told me it was evidence of my fitness. They said it is common for athletes. I am not and have never been an athlete. While they told me this I could barely stand up. Everything was spinning as if I was drunk for years. Eating anything but particularly carbs made all my symptoms worse. My vision was so bad I was nearly blind. I had double vision, tunnel vision, blurry vision, and I couldn't focus on anything because it felt like the room was constantly spinning. They told me "a nystagmus isn't that uncommon." I was also completely night blind. Anything under broad daylight and I couldn't see a thing. You know when you go into a dimply lit room like a movie theater on a sunny day and you can't see for a few seconds until your eyes adjust? I had that for five years. My eyes just never adjusted. Apparently one of the most common symptoms of drug abuse is pupil dilation or expansion because of how they impact neurotransmitters. In addition to this I had horrible tinnitus and hearing sensitivity. The cognitive impact was overwhelming. I couldn't solve puzzles intended for toddlers. This was particularly devastating as my intellect had always been the cornerstone of my personal identity. I was always the nerd growing up. I also had a tremor that was dismissed as "jitters" or "anxiety." I would later learn this is called tardive akathisia. I also had the extreme long term sexual dysfunction that is finally recognized with SSRIs. It was like having a slab of rubber hanging from my torse. Severely numbed sensitivity and responsiveness for years. I had a lesser degree of this even while on the medication. As agonizing as all of those symptoms were, none of them were the worst. The worst was the derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked so distant and unreal that it felt like being stuck in a nightmare. I couldn't see straight. It felt like being 80% dead already and you're already most of the way unplugged from the world. Every minute of every day is a literal nightmare and you can't wake up. Like I said I knew before typing all that that most people won't believe it. Aside from the derealization the worst part is dismissive everyone was of my condition. I was certain I was about to die and everyone everywhere told me it was all in my head. To be quite frank the only reason I didn't kill myself is because I was certain I was about to die anyway. I figured it was impossible to be so dysfunctional and not be about to die. It just becomes an implicit assumption. My mind ran on an endless loop of "Oh my God this can't be real. You're about to die. This is what dying feels like. Wake up. You'll be dead soon. This can't be happening. This can't be real." At first I was terrified to die. After the first year I welcomed it. It was just so relentless. Not a single moment of relief for one second of one day. My family isn't rich but I was on my parents insurance until I was 25. In the first 2 years I saw a total of 14 different doctors in one of the most developed parts in the world. Some of them had literal Ivy League medical degrees. Out of the 14 doctors there were 3 different primary care physicians and 11 were specialists. Everyone from a neurologist and psychiatrist to cardiologist and nephrologist. I spent all day every day trying to read medical journals and scour the deepest depths of anywhere finding other cases and answers. That was how I first found this site. Of all those visits the only thing I was ever diagnosed with was "pre-diabetes" from the endocrinologist because my blood sugar swings were so extreme. I do not have a single one of any of the aforementioned symptoms today. At the time I was certain the drugs caused my condition but I wasn't sure how. Initially I thought I must have had a massive stroke. An MRI ruled this out. The neurologist actually initially suspected Multiple Sclerosis but never gave me a diagnosis for anything and finally suggested I was a hypochondriac and should see a psychiatrist. I suspected everything from a brain abscess to hepatic encephalitis. No doctor sees you for more than about 8 minutes and most of them ordered some variation of the same basic blood tests. I literally didn't have a single bodily function operating as expected and every one of them told me I was perfectly fine. I eventually started paying for tests out of pocket to test additional hypotheses. The only things that really helped were vitamins and supplements. Particularly antioxidants. What finally made me turn a corner after an agonizing half decade was taking massive doses of specific nutritional supplements. I will not name any brands to prevent being accused of being some kind of shill but I will mention general vitamins. (I have also been accused of being a scientologist whenever I mention any of this. I am not and have never been and never will be. You shouldn't be either. It is a dangerous cult that happens to discourage vulnerable people from pursuing any mental health treatments besides them including psychiatry). Massive doses of B vitamins had a tremendous impact. Make sure you consume multiple variants of B12 as some people cannot absorb the most common one. Also make sure you get B1 and B6. Vitamins C, D, K, and E also made big differences. basically make sure you take all essential vitamins and minerals. I stumbled across some fringe studies done by doctors in the 70s about reversing Tardive Dyskinesia with the mineral manganese. It worked. I cured the tinnitus with a combination of supplements called bioflavonoids. Some of these are even marketed toward tinnitus relief. Tea is full of them and also helps. Particularly organic iced green tea with a lemon in it. Something about the lemon improves the antioxidant ability apparently. Red wine is full of anxioxidants too but alcohol made all my other symptoms far worse, especially the first few years. Organic products were somehow better. Basically any kind of antioxidant helped a little and massive doses combined made the recovery pretty rapid. Niacin, turmeric, and CoQ10 also yielded extreme improvements. Apparently massive doses of Niacin can reverse drug induced schizophrenia in a subset of patients if they take it for multiple years. As much as I can't wait to put all this behind me I needed to come back here and write this. I used to read this forum for hours every day trying to find a story of someone who was as sick as I was and made a recovery. I came back to tell whoever might still be there that no matter how horrible it might feel, it isn't permanent. Somehow you're still in there. No matter how long and endless it feels. I'm definitely not saying it was worth it but I am more grateful of every moment I am not in pain than I ever thought was possible. Every single moment is a blessing I will never take for granted again. Good luck.

Hi everyone I have been reading the group posts for weeks and finally plucked up the courage to write here. It may be a bit long so I apologise. I had been on Citalopram for 10 yrs coping reasonably well but still had situational anxiety and the odd phobia but generally a happy life and work. Fast forward to last year and I was under a lot of stress trying to sort out elderly parents, hospitals, carers etc. I noticed I wasn't coping so well and getting short tempered and angry. Anyway it resulted in a doctor's trip as my Gastritis flared up and was too painful to come with. Never been that bad before. A trip to A&E with PPIs pumped into me and pain killers. Sent home with 2 different antibiotics. Was very very sick for a fortnight and couldn't eat. Gradually improved eating but had to have low fat, no gluten or acid etc due to pain. After that I had continuous adrenaline 24/7 and in constant flight or fight. Spoke to mental health nurse who upped my Citalopram to 20mg from 10mg. No improvement after 2 weeks so she added a small dose of diazepam at 2mg twice a day. Still high adrenaline and cortisol all day . Losing lots of weight and no sleep so she added promethazine for sleep. Took only 12.5mg on odd days but made my head feel weird every time I woke up. Then the nurse upped my Citalopram to 30mg but I tried a week and dropped down to 20mg as it didn't help. Little did I know what I was doing. A month later she suggested straight swap to Sertraline. I only took 12.5mg for 2 weeks but felt very poorly. Started having hallucinations and flu like symptoms and was dry heaving for days. After 2 weeks I stopped ALL my tablets!!! 4 days later I felt odd, my head was weird with lots of pressure and totally jumbled thoughts. I was given Mirtazipine and took 1 tablet only but next morning I could not move from my bed as I felt drugged. Never took another. All the while my adrenaline pumped furiously still. A few days with no drugs Im not sure how many days but I reinstated Citalopram at 2.5mg for 3 days then upped to 5mg. Have stayed on 5mg now for 3 or 4 weeks but no improvement. Then weird symptoms started and I found this site. Realising what an idiot I've been and totally overmedicated by mental health nurses. My symptoms seem to tally with so many others on here and I came to realise I was in withdrawals but not sure from what drug. Possibly them all. I'm scared to death as my brain will not sort it's feelings out. My chest feels like it's being sat on by a sumo wrestler and countless other symptoms which a lot will recognise. Currently the tension in my jaw, neck and head makes my brain shake and my thoughts get so jumbled. Along with Gastritis pain every day it's becoming such a struggle to survive this. I check this site daily for reassurance and success stories to keep my hopes up but most days I'm in terror. The worst bit for me is my brain. I can't control my thoughts and although I've never had depression I feel a sense of doom a lot and my brain switches off and goes numb. I've now got weakness to the extent of hardly putting one foot in front of the other but not every day. I've been housebound for 6months. On a rare good day I try to go out for a stroll with my partner but it's too overwhelming and I get back and my brain is scrambled. I try to keep busy indoors, I do crosswords on a good day or watch T.V but not for long as I can't concentrate. I'm now down by 4 stone in weight although I'm eating healthy at least 4 small meals a day or my gastritis hurts . I eat fresh fruit and mainly organic foods. I use Vit C and some magnesium glycinate but I can't cope with B vitamins. I drink water all day and an odd cup of earl grey decaf tea if I'm brave. I've read a lot on here and will be always grateful for finding this site or I don't think I would be here now. My quandary is whether to up my Citalopram slowly or try to taper down from 5mg. I'm not sure how I will cope with any more symptoms so may stay another couple of months on 5mg even though it's not working. I shall continue to read stories on here when my brain allows just to keep inspired. Thankyou to anyone if they've read all this. Best of luck to all of you.

Posting on behalf of my partner who I am caring for through withdrawal and tapering. He is not in a good place to be on the internet much currently but we have questions and still need support, so I am posting for him (hope that's okay). Anytime I say "we", I am referring to my partner and I as we've discussed and strategized together. Longer-form version of his drug history: 2008-2012: Fluoxetine for 4 years during high school Doesn't remember exact dose but likely 10mg Had a really easy time discontinuing in 2012 when he wanted to stop taking it. Doesn't remember if he stopped cold turkey or did any kind of taper at the time 2016: Fluoxetine 20mg for a few months, around age 21 Remember it being easy to start without bad symptoms from updosing Was experiencing sexual side effects and stopped cold turkey Remembers it being "medium" difficult to stop. Mostly some increased depression for a period after stopping, but nothing close to what he is going through right now with citalopram 2018-2020: Began citalopram 20mg for depression and anxiety after difficult life events. Wanted to avoid fluoxetine due to sexual side effects Severe depression as side effect from updosing when originally starting. Remembers it being about a month of the worst depression he had ever felt up to that point, worse than the depression that led him to take it in the first place. Then was at 20mg for a few years after stabilizing Jan - Mar 2020: Was feeling happy, wanted to discontinue citalopram. Psychiatrist said the 20mg dose was so low that he could just stop cold turkey, but that he could do a few cut and holds if he wanted to be extra cautious. After cutting to 15mg, was feeling agitated for months Mar 2020 - Jul 2023: Decided to reinstate the 20mg citalopram and micro-taper Got liquid form of citalopram and tapered from 20mg -> 5mg over a few years, with some holds along the way Mar 2023: Began feeling regularly agitated. This was around the time of an injury and some other difficult life circumstances that challenged his mental health routine, so he thought maybe he needed a higher dose. Bumped up to citalopram 7mg all at once Jul 2023: Was still feeling regularly agitated. (In retrospect, we're pretty confident the agitation beginning in mar 2023 was poop-out) Bumped up to citalopram 10mg all at once This bump up was severely destabilizing. Began experiencing panic attacks, chest pain, and higher anxiety (had never had panic attacks or chest pain from anxiety before in his life, so these were brand new as a result of the updose). Started taking hydroxyzine 25mg or 12.5mg regularly as needed to manage the heightened anxiety, and propranolol 10mg or 5mg very occasionally as needed to prevent/manage panic attacks Determined the citalopram had probably been pooping out before bumping up. Made a plan with psychiatrist to switch to fluoxetine in the short-term to get off the citalopram, and then eventually taper off the fluoxetine since he had gentler reactions to fluoxetine in the past when starting & stopping Plan was to make the switch in January 2024 - this was due to some planned life events that made it inconvenient to switch sooner, and because the poop-out symptoms seemed somewhat manageable in the short term Around November-December, the poop-out symptoms were worsening again and we determined he needed to make the switch sooner Psychiatrist was concerned about serotonin syndrome and did not want him to take fluoxetine and citalopram simultaneously. Instead they wanted him to do a clean switch, taking 10mg citalopram one day and then fully switching over to 10mg fluoxetine the next day (with 0 citalopram from that point on) Dec 21 - 25 2023: Began the "clean switch" Began feeling some moderate withdrawal symptoms after a couple of days By Dec 25 the withdrawal became severe, both physically and mentally. During a peak wave of uncontrollable shivers, headache, nausea, chest pain, insomnia, severe anxiety and depression we decided to reinstate 2mg citalopram. Within an hour of reinstating the worst of the physical symptoms had significantly lessened - especially the shivers, headache, and nausea. The anxiety and depression also lessened. Dec 26 2023 - present: Have been taking 2mg citalopram (1mg morning and 1mg nighttime), 10mg fluoxetine Taking 25mg or 12.5mg hydroxyzine as needed, generally totaling about 37.5-75mg daily depending on the day Also taking 0.125-0.5mg lorazepam occasionally as needed, not every day. Has been about a few days per week. From Dec 26-Jan 2, it seemed like things were improving. We starting tracking FINISH a few times a day and he was doing better than he had been at the peak waves before we reinstated the citalopram. But since January, most of the withdrawal symptoms have plateaued. The physical symptoms have improved a lot: headache and nausea are almost nonexistant now, and dizziness has steadied at a low-medium level. But ever since those lessened, he has been having more insomnia, and constant and severe anxiety daily, accompanied with chest pain and stomach pain, and occasionally a more severe bout of panic. This has also begun being accompanied with increasing depression, often at the same time as waves of panic or severe anxiety. The depression is increasing day by day from the despair and exhaustion from the prolonged physical and mental pain with no improvement on any of the withdrawal over the last two weeks. For the first time in his life, this has brought on questions of his will to keep on trying during his worst waves. He is running out of steam and feeling very scared and demoralized. Our immediate goal: We want to try to get him stable on 2mg citalopram in the short-to-medium term (from there, we will begin a very slow micro-taper from the citalopram, but for now we are just struggling to stabilize). This is complicated by the fact that the citalopram has been pooping out since Mar 2023, which may also be contributing to the plateau in any improvement on the withdrawal symptoms. We're trying to use strategies other than drugs as much as we can. We are both taking medical leave. We're being strict about our bedtime routine, eating extremely healthy with tons of fruits and veggies daily and little-to-no processed foods, getting out for two walks outside daily, meditating 1-2 times daily, doing yoga at home, avoiding stressful or over-stimulating activities. We are visiting his family until things improve, for extra help with care and morale. These things are making a difference, but even with them we are in the current state. We don't want to increase the citalopram any more, (a) because he seems to have a severe kindling effect from any dose changes to citalopram and (b) because it's pooping out so updosing may not do much to help anyways, even in the short-term He would like to increase his fluoxetine dose to 20mg to help stabilize, provide some relief on the sooner side for the anxiety and depression, and hopefully continue to help with some symptom relief when he eventually tapers off of citalopram. We know that he's had a gentler reaction to fluoxetine starting & stopping in the past, which we feel makes it an okay strategy for him to use as an intermediate step. We're also hoping increasing the fluoxetine can allow us to eliminate the lorazepam sooner - although he isn't taking it daily, we know it is highly habit-forming and would like to remove it before anything else. But in his current state, it's the only thing that has been able to get him through his worst waves. Our primary question-area for now (we'll probably have more later): We're trying to figure out how to updose the fluoxetine, assuming that we do. What we're considering: All-at-once updose to 20mg pros: get it over with; less time spent going through any updosing effects after getting past updosing effects, will get to any relief it provides sooner cons: could be very destabilizing updose very slowly, basically a micro-increase pros: likely less destabilizing if it ends up providing some therapeutic effect at a dose lower than 20, he could stop there at a lower dose cons: if there are still some negative effects to updosing, those would be drawn out over a long period of time likely will take longer to get a therapeutic effect from the drug to get relief from the citalopram withdrawal/poop-out. in the meantime, his anxiety and depression is already severe and worsening day by day rather than improving middle ground?? target 20mg, but updose over a few weeks by 0.5mg/day or similar pros: maybe still less destabilizing than the all at once updose? still get to some therapeutic effect sooner than the micro-increase version cons: could still end up being destabilizing, and then just prolong the destabilized period Questions: In your experience, does kindling tend to be specific per drug, or have you tended to find that when somebody develops a kindling reaction to one drug, they also begin to have kindling reactions to other psychiatric drugs including those that they haven't had severe reactions to in the past? We have read the reinstatement advice which says that increasing a dose after reinstatement should be extremely cautious and slow due to the likely kindling effect. But are there any general patterns or learnings around how best to increase dosage of a medicine in general, when not referring to a drug that you're already hypersensitive to? Any other advice on stabilizing for his particular situation?

Short Story After 6 months of being on 3 SSRIs and 1 SNRI, tapered from Pristiq for 1 week by cutting 50 mg pill in half. After being stuck in hypomanic like anxiety state for 6 months since i got off, seeking help on next move - small dosage reinstatement, go along with bispurone suggestion from doc, or other? I recognize reinstatement after such long time is contentious. Current Symptoms Anxiety (maybe hypomanic?), switching from distractibility to hyperfocus, brainfog, difficulty organizing thoughts, planning, lack of drive, motivation and sex drive. In the 6 months since i am off meds I had under a 7 days (total) where i felt present, calm, w/ reset nervous system - after a rare moment i was tired enough to nap. The rest of the time I was in an agitated, restlessness nervous state with distorted perception of time (highly accelerated). The higher stress, excitement, or other trigger like intense work session, the stronger the symptoms, which without significant rest, can lead to greater distress and extreme brain fog. Long Story I'm in my early 40s. My depression flared up after end of a long-term relationship. Pandemic isolation happened shortly after. The immense stressors during this period caused bad anxiety. I asked for anxiety meds but scored high for depression so I agreed to anti-depressants. Cycled through celexa, lexapro, zoloft and ending with pristiq; all helped anxiety with mixed sideffects, such as removed drive and motivation, which specifically remained after the meds. My pristiq taper - was told to half my 50 mg dose for a week and get off. I was not dissuaded from my suggestion of cutting my 50mg pill in half - i now know that was bad. In weeks and months since (total 6 months now), I am unable to sustain cognitive performance w/o causing aroused state from which i find almost impossible to return from. In fact a lot symptoms and triggers to a varying degree, except for the risky behavior, look like hypomania. It started during the weeks after taper, with a hyper arousal, over-productive brain. I never experienced something like that before and no bipolar history in me and family. Psychiatrist's response is that its likely anxiety. Strange, as I never got so anxious I could not calm down before from stimuli of social night out with friends, working with a coworker, from an angry conversation, or even intense workout session. In the early months of withdrawal, any sort of excitement/stress lead to insomnia, short term memory loss, or even disorientation in navigation (new to me) and I'm frightened to see time and my life passing so fast. I'm unable to perform at any decent rate at work (work as engineer) so much I'm considering quitting or taking sabbatical if they'd allow me. I seem to have lost whatever drive i still had left before i got on the drugs. Sleep stabilized in last 2 months. Most recently once or twice, I reached tired state and got a nap (common in the before-times). This caused me to finally leave my 'hypomania'/hightened anxiety state, felt present, 'reset' back to normal and thought creatively, calmly for rest of day. Since i left the drugs 6 months ago though, I didn't experience more than 5-6 (individual) days like that. Question I don't know if this is hypomania or just a level of anxiety i haven't experienced or heard of before. I read that although people may get hypomania when getting on these drugs or upping the dosage, in rarer cases its possible to get it when stopping. Given the slow rate of improvement, distress, mental performance at work, and inability to consistently get off feeling anxious state or slow down perception of time (despite doing supplementation, meditation, regular exercise), I'm debating either to go on anti-anxiety med like bispurone psychiatrist suggested, or try small dosage reinstatement to abate some symptoms. Highly appreciate any suggestions, comments. Thank you

Hi to all I'm Chuck, Italian guy of 33 years old, have PSSD after adverse reactions to Citalopram 7 drops of 3 years ago,now I'M total drug free I'm Old pp members, I hope someone remember me in these years I had some improvement better erections, more sensitivity. My story of AD and psychiatric drugs start around 2001, in my first college years I have degree in Biology and now I'm in the third year of MD school, for some months in 01/02 psichyatry put on me on Amisulpride and Seroquel, and After mutabon mite(amytryptaline) and i stay on It for 3 months, i try some SSRIs but I always vomit it at the first dose, after this evrything gos is fine, and I stay drug free for around 10 years, in december 2013 after a period of discouragement I go to psychiatric and he is prescribed me Citaloprom 10 drops, I take only 7 drops and I have horrible adverse reaction with 11 discharges of diarrhea and since I developed in PSSD. But on Monday I had a virtual colonoscopy, for rectal bleeding due to hemorrhoids, Virtual colonoscopy did not find anything abnormal, no polyps, and no cancerous lesion, the colon is perfectly clean and healthy. But the preparation for Virtual Colonoscopy was brutal, I used two laxatives , one Lovoldyl pill, and 3 glasses of Lovol ESSE (polyethylene glycol ), I think is the same product of Miralax, I had a serious adverse reaction to this product with Eighteen discharges of bloody diarrhea abdominal pain and cramps that I have and even PSSD symptoms seem worse, and despite this strong rectal bleeding due to inflamed hemorrhoids, the doctor decided to make the virtual colonoscopy, drenching with less air. Can this preparation for colonoscopy have worsened PSSD? I read that the polyethylene glycol is neurotoxic, and can damage the kidneys, I am very afraid of developing kidney damage in the future, this is possible? I'm also afraid of not being able to eat and drink as before, or develop Diverticulosis another possible side effects of colonoscopy,I have strong pangs in the stomach and burning, I have read of people after the colonoscopy for years can eat only liquid food, This screening for early detection of cancer is very barbaric, and brutal, both the classic version and virtual, it would definitely prohibited and find safer alternatives. Thx to all.

Hello, This is my introduction post where I will be sharing my drug history, experience, and goals towards a drug free life. A little about me: I am a 26 years old male with interests in animals, nutrition, fitness, socializing, movies, and other things. I have been taking citalopram for 21 years and my goal is to taper off of my current 10 mg dose down to zero. I would appreciate tapering advice from anyone with experience with successful SSRI tapering, especially citalopram. Backstory: I started medication around the time I was 5 years old, just starting kindergarten. My parents had recently gotten divorced and I was taken to a child therapist and then a pediatrician. I had a lot of tantrums as a toddler, poor eye contact, trouble making decisions, and I would frequently get in trouble at preschool. At the advice of the pediatrician I was put on 40 mg of citalopram, brand Celexa, and what seemed to be at about the same time, 60 mg of dextroamphetamine, brand ProCentra. I still would get in trouble a lot at school up until high school, but I was a very happy kid. I stayed on both of these medications at the same doses till I was 17 when I successfully requested to be taken off of some medication. I tapered off of dextroamphetamine with no trouble at all. It was a little tougher to concentrate on hw, but I didn't mind. After graduating high school and starting studies at my local community college, I decided to taper off of citalopram. As with the dextroamphetamine, I worked with my pediatrician to help me taper off of the medication. I was told this would be difficult so I tapered off between spring and summer studies. I didn't notice any negative effects all the way down to 10 mg of citalopram. I felt different being on a lower dose, but I liked how it felt. Tapering from 10 mg to zero, however, did not go well. I developed pretty unbearable irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). At this time I am starting my second year of community college and I am 19 / 20 years old. Besides having IBS, I had heightened senses, a bit of depression and anxiety, and I was less hyper and less enthusiastic. I became diet obsessed and tried to find food I could eat without getting bloated and or having digestive pain. I lied to my pediatrician and I said I was fine and decided to stayed off of the medication. I visited digestive doctors, got blood tests, and looked for diets to solve my problems. After about 6 months, I saw my general care doctor and asked to go back on citalopram at 10 mg. Before taking citalopram I requested to try a different medication, a tricyclic antidepressant. I can't remember why I thought this was a good idea. I started at a low dose and had unpleasant headaches among other weird feelings. After a month or so I decided to go back to citalopram. I believe I started with 5 mg and then worked my way up to 10 mg. I had almost constant headaches getting back on the medication, and driving felt different, possibly due to the medications effects on balance. I can't remember if I had headaches tapering off of the medication. After two to three weeks, I felt pretty good. At this time I believe I was entering my third year at my community college. I found my digestive system was generally okay if I ate whole foods and stayed away from cooking oils. My anxiety was still much more present than when I was taking 40 mg, and I didn't feel as happy. I have stayed on my 10 mg dose of citalopram since then. To help manage my anxiety, I meditate, stay physically active, eat as healthy as I can, and socialize as often as I can. There is so much misinformation out there, even in scientific research. I am not sure what to believe about the harms and benefits of antidepressants. I was for sure much happier on a higher dose, but I was also a kid when things were easier and I was still growing up, so its hard to say. These are very stressful times in the world, but there might never be a perfect time to try to taper off of the citalopram. I would appreciate any advice on tapering or any shared stories of similar experiences. Thanks for reading, VeganLife

I have bad brain fog, can’t focus, can’t remember anything, have problems falling asleep and staying asleep. I also get headaches, anxiety, digestive problems, dry mouth, neck and shoulder stiffness, crying spells, and tinnitus. I suspect a lot of these are side effects from taking Citalopram or Buspirone, or both. I have had depressions off and on since I was a teenager. 2003 I had a burnout, and started taking Lyrica for anxiety. Some years after that I got diagnosed GAD and started taking Citalopram, the doc thought my anxiety was caused by an underlying depression. 2014 I replaced Lyrica with Buspirone. I dont know if I am depressed anymore, and I still have anxiety (but less the last 3-4 years) so I am not convinced my meds are doing much. Im not seeing a psychiatrist ’cause I don’t have insurance. I get my medicine from a GM. A couple of times I tried tapering buspirone on my own (can’t remember when or how, but maybe three times the last six years), but every time it got so bad I had to start taking them again. After reading about tapering and how accelerators and brakes work, I now realize I did it wrong... My plan is to start tapering Citalopram VERY SLOWLY. If it takes years that’s fine, as long as it’s working. I’m pretty sure I will have plenty withdrawal symptoms even if I go slowly. For now I’m reading up on slow tapering, and thinking about how to do it. How much do I go down, and how often? Do I cut pieces off the tablets? I’m glad I found this forum, and any input is welcome, I know basically nothing about tapering.

Hello all, glad I was able to find this forum. I have been on citalopram for about 3-4 years now for anxiety (20 mg) and for a number of reasons have wanted to stop. About a month ago I tapered to 10 mg doses, and now for the past 3 weeks I have not taken any at all. The first 2 weeks were quite rough - had all the brain zaps, lots of muscle stiffness, very fatigued, mood swings, severe anxiety and hyper awareness of sensations in my body. Now that some of those have passed, I am still struggling with a few things and wanted to find if anyone has had similar feelings. This past week I'm finding that anytime I walk somewhere or walk upstairs that my heart beats much faster than normal and I'm also noticing more palpitations and such and it's making me scared to exercise again. Of course I am waiting for a doctor's appointment as well but would like to hear if anyone else has experienced similar heart rate "issues" after withdrawing from an SSRI too. Thanks in advance, this seems like a fantastic community

Hello, I wanted to share my story in hopes that it may help someone else now or in the future just as many have shared their stories and helped me better understand protracted withdrawal. I began taking Citalopram in 2016 for social anxiety and depression. I was told that there was a chemical imbalance in my brain and that this drug would correct it. Initially, the drug made me extremely happy and I didn’t question it. In the next year, the efficacy of the drug wasn’t as high so my doctor switched me to Escitalopram. A few years later, I increased to 20mg. I decided to stop taking the drug because of erectile dysfunction, low libido, and emotional blunting. In my first attempt to quit in Feb of 2022, I did a fast taper, over 2 weeks roughly, down to 0mg. It was going well up until I was getting ready to start a new job in Aug of 2022. My anxiety was extremely high after a recent Fourth of July party and I began having tension headaches that wouldn’t go away. I felt like the only way to cope and make it through starting a new job was to resume taking the medication. Upon reinstatement, within 1-2 days, I felt immediate relief of the headaches and my relentless anxiety began to dissipate. I started the new job, began feeling better physically/emotionally, and comfortable with the job duties/people I was working with. In Nov of 2022, I was ready to try quitting again and this time I did it cold turkey. I was mad that I gave up so much recovery time by reinstating and wanted to get started on recovery as fast as possible irregardless of the potential withdrawal effects. My knowledge of potential length of withdrawal and severity of symptoms was sparse and I felt I could tough through it after going through it the first time. Boy was I wrong. This time was much, much different. A few days after stopping cold turkey, I was hit with what I thought was a really bad cold/flu. It was the worst sickness I had ever endured. I began to wonder if it was related to discontinuing my antidepressant so I did some research and confirmed that this was likely the case. Over the next few weeks/months, I began to not feel emotionally numb but at the consequence of debilitating anxiety, depression, and irritability. The first physical symptoms I noticed were a swollen eyelid, dry skin on eyelid, and dry lips. Two months after stopping, I began to have diarrhea with blood that wouldn’t go away. I was concerned so I saw my GP who referred me to a Gastroenterologist. They conducted a colonoscopy and found inflammation in the colon so I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I told my doctor about my history of antidepressants and thought it could be correlated to stopping my medication which increases Serotonin levels in the body. It made sense to me because Serotonin is mainly made in the gut. My doctor dismissed me and told me that I should go the Mayo Clinic for a second evaluation if I didn’t agree. They prescribed me Mesalamine to help with inflammation in the colon. I took the medication for a couple of months as I still was unsure what was happening in my body. I have now discontinued this medication because of my experience with prescriptions/side effects and I still question the validity of the diagnosis. While I was having GI issues, I was also dealing with chronic daily headaches that wouldn’t go away. This has been my most debilitating symptom and still is to date. Other notable symptoms, body aches, muscle cramps, fatigue, cognitive impairment, difficulty communicating, anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, and difficulty sleeping. I assumed the headache and GI issues were protracted withdrawal symptoms. However, I was going to bed/waking up every day with debilitating headaches and couldn’t wait to see if it resolved with time. There’s been a doubt in the back of my head saying “what if you wait years for it to subside but nothing changes.” I would kick myself knowing that I didn’t try to do what I could to help my situation and pain. These headaches are best characterized as Occiptital Neuralagia and starts at the back of the skull, radiates up to the top of the head, and also on one side of the head around the left ear and around the left eye, between eyebrows, down through cheek, and into neck. It generally is most painful behind the left ear and is a stabbing, burning, dull ache that won’t away. It tends to get worse as the day goes on. This is my experience and it could be more painful for others in other areas of the head. It took a lot of time, awareness, and understanding of the nervous system to get to this diagnosis of my headaches. Before this, I was committed to researching and looking at every possible solution to alleviate the head pain. I started with a neurologist where he took an MRI of the head which looked fine. He recommended taking an anticonvulsant to help the CNS calm down. The drug prescribed was Topamax. I researched the drug and its user reviews and just knew that this wasn’t something I was going to do. I competed a sleep study as I felt the headaches, fatigue, and cognitive impairments could be related to poor sleep. I had 10 “events” per hour which basically means your breathing stops. They diagnosed it as mild sleep apnea and prescribed a CPAP. I’m a fit, 30 year old, so it stunned me that I was being told I have sleep apnea. I tried the CPAP for over a month and saw no improvement in my headache, fatigue, brain fog, and emotional well being. I have a water damaged home so I took a Myocotoxin test to check for mold toxicity and that came back negative. Next, I visited a craniofacial specialist who specializes in TMD. I had TMJ popping, pain behind my ear, and headaches so I wanted to see if I got any relief from treatment. They gave me steroid and lidocaine injections throughout the shoulders necks and head with no relief. Additionally, I was given day and night bite splint appliances to take pressure off of the TMJ joint. I’ve worn these for a couple of months with no relief. The craniofacial specialist took a CT scan and noticed that I had a deviated septum. She referred me to an ENT for evaluation as nasal blockages can cause headaches and be a contributor towards TMD. Last week, I underwent surgery for Septoplasty, Turbinate Reduction, and Adenoidectomy. I was really hoping that this was the cause of my headaches and ear ache but so far I haven’t seen any improvement. I was in his top 10 worst septum’s operated on over his 25 years. He told me to give it a few weeks until it’s healed to see if my headaches let up. Post surgery, I had to take an antibiotic. At this point, I’m 11 months off of Escitalopram and have noticed that I have an extremely sensitive stomach. Earning processed foods, grains, dairy, sugar, and alcohol all seem to upset it. I’m still not positive if it’s due to Ulcerative Colitis or discontinuing the antidepressant. I hadn’t had any diarrhea or blood since my initial UC diagnosis in March of 2023 up until last week when I had to take the antibiotic. It brought all of those symptoms back. I’ve become a hypochondriac and just want to have control over my health but it seems I can’t. After visiting various doctors to look for answers, I continue to land back at my initial assumption which is protracted withdrawal. This is my fault for not doing my research and quitting cold turkey. I want to share my story for input from others on what they think is going on and to help others to not make the mistake I did if this is protracted withdrawal. It’s like being stuck in your worst nightmare and it doesn’t feel like reality. I wouldn’t wish this pain upon my worst enemy.