Search the Community

hello, so about 5 years ago i was taking bath salts(stupid, i know), a lot of bath salts, and i developed a symptom like bulging eyes which destroyed my life this symptom lasted for one month but already i developed an obsession with how my eyes looked to other people which is still present in my life so i got depressed and isolated still obsessing over my eyes so what to do next? with my mother persisting in going to get help i ended in a psychiatric hospital, after 5 minutes of describing the symptoms and telling the cause (bath salts) to the psy I've got my identity and the sentence, I've got BDD, body dysmorphic disorder and the sentence was 2 zoloft in the morning 1 solian(antipsychotic) in the evening we all know whats coming next, after months on this treatment I've got worse, another diagnose, bi-polar - 2 zoloft + 3 norset + 1 abylyfy + 1 solian and an extra 4 serestra and that went for 5 years which comes with psychotic episodes, attempted suicides, forced psy hospitals stays, violent behavior, unable to form thoughts and without emotions, drug use, drinking and in the process i lost my soul and after only two years I've started hearing voices, pretty scary, but i was afraid talking with my psy because of another diagnose which all know that they say is for life, schizophrenia. And after all the suffering caused by this treatment they wanted to give me more powerful dosages I'm not going in to the details, i don't want to remember, it's hard not trusting your doctor, thinking is the devil, which he is imo. It's pretty hard for me to get off this drugs because I'm being forced in to the treatment and watched every day, there are nurses which came every day to give me the meds because of my attempted suicides, so they give me a glass of water and watch me if i swallow the meds , pretty scary, i know. The doctor it's convinced that i need the treatment all my life because of my behavior. So how i came off without anyone knowing? One night (of many) without sleep i went on YouTube watching movies reviews and by divine luck I've come across a video about big pharma an psychiatric drugs which changed everything and going deep into the subject i discovered the truth, which at the time seemed fantastic and scary. I mean you think all the time that your doctor wants to help you and has years of studying this thing in school and there is the ''science'' to back all this, come on! it's a doctor, a psychiatrist, he must know things, no? and suddenly you see the other face of the coin and here comes the rage. It's hard for me to tamper because i don't have the drugs, they give me the drugs, so my only option it's going cold turkey, made them think that i swallowed the drugs, hiding them in my hand. So now I'm two weeks in cold turkey, trying to stay ''normal'' for family and doctors not to give away that you are in withdrawal, it's pretty hard. I'm going trough hell here and it's been only two weeks. I've been searching for information all this time, when I'm not in severe depression. I've found 5-htp which I'm on for 3 days now and it's good, placebo? i will take everything which will help me I've found meditation which make sense for me, but to try to concentrate on your breath for 5 minutes right now seems pretty hard, reading books on the subject helps me, I'm gonna do everything that i can to stay off the meds even if i need to die in the process.

I'm shaking as I write this. Long story short, went on antidepressants about 9 years ago for disthymia, GAD, and Panic Disorder. Started on Lexapro. It worked fairly well and had no startup side effects. PDoc added Welbutrin. It worked well too. Switched from Lexapro to another SSRI briefly without problems. Switched to Zoloft and stayed on it for about 8 years. Smooth sailing aside from the sexual side effects, which caused me (stupidly) to quit cold turkey in November of 2016. From then to January 2017 I felt fine except for brain zaps. Those eventually went away and haven't returned. February 2017 I started getting weird chest tightness and heaviness, accompanied by a stinging in the mouth and tongue. Had EKG, echo, chest xray, all fine. Saw a new PDoc on March 3rd who said chest symptoms were anxiety and put me on Trintellix and Klonopin. Was hesitant to start these drugs so I waited awhile. Took a friend's 0.25 Xanax on occasion during March to combat relatively mild anxiety from chest symptoms. Anxiety was getting worse so I decided to try the Klons. Was prescribed 0.5 to 1 every night before bed. Started doing that about March 16 with varied results. One day it seemed to work like a charm while the next day not at all, or even seemed to make anxiety worse. March 24 decided to try the Trintellix. March 25, 26 went by without side effects then BAM on March 27 I began what I can only describe as an unending and unrelenting panic attack that has only ceased briefly a few times since. I kept taking it anyway until March 29 when I called PDoc who told me to stop taking it and take something else. I told him F that, I want to go back to Zoloft and Welbutrin, at least I know that works. Been taking the Zoloft and Welbutrin since then. Saturday April 1st, 10:00pm I took 0.5 Clonazepam and fell asleep for 4 hours. Sunday April 2 2:00am awoke in a state of severe anxiety, about a 9.5/10, worse than I had ever felt. 5:00am went to the ER. 9:00am given Ativan at ER. Did not help. Voluntarily admitted to psych ER. In holding area until 11:00pm then transported by ambulance to a psych ward an hour away. Psych ward was a nightmare and drove my anxiety even higher which I didn't think was even possible. Monday April 3 evening, anxiety at 9.5. Blood pressure 177 systolic. Nurse gives 0.5 Xanax. Blood pressure drops to normal. Anxiety drops to 7.5. An hour later, anxiety up to 10!!! Nerves feel like they're on fire, heart pounding fast, muscles very weak, brain feels like it's being electrocuted. Given Hydroxyzine. An hour later, still 10. Given 2mg Xanax and wheelchaired back to room, or rather empty jail cell. Passed out. Tuesday April 4 awoke feeling drugged and anxiety at 5. Discharged at 1pm. Anxiety drops to 3. Arrive home, anxiety drops to 2. I was hopeful that the nightmare was over. Nope. Yesterday Wednesday April 5 morning, anxiety at 3. By noon anxiety climbed to 7. Is fluctuating between 5 and 7. Called PDoc in a panic. PDoc says keep taking Zoloft and Welbutrin and also prescribes Neurontin and Valium to be taken 3x per day, 2x dosage at bedtime. Picked up scripts that evening and took the bedtime dose. About a half hour later started feeling weird but good. Didn't last long though. Had a rough night. Today April 6 morning I felt very weird, but not in a good way. Tremors in my facial muscles, derealization, slow thinking. Looked up Neurontin on the Internet and learned how bad it is. Decided not to take morning dose and called PDoc and left message. I did take the morning Valium though, and that helped for a few hours. Took the afternoon Valium and it seemed to increase my anxiety and make me dizzy. PDoc hasn't called back. This is HELL. There's no end to my anxiety attack. I cannot function. I'm going to lose my job, my health insurance. Please tell me there's an end to this suffering. Please give me some hope. Some advice. What is happening to me? Is my life over?

I'm a 54 year old female that has been on Cymbalta for about 7 years. I started at 120 mgs. and that was lowered to 90 mgs. because it raised my blood pressure. I stayed on 90 mgs. for quite a while. Last fall I stupidly stopped taking this drug because I didn't think it was working. I didn't know the dangers of cold turkey. I reinstated it 2 months after being off it. I'm now on 60 mgs. I take 30 mgs. 2 x a day. I've been back on it for 4 months trying to reinstate past the 2-3 week reinstatement time frame. I feel that the Cymbalta is no longer working. I have a lot of anxiety and feeling nausea. And diarrhea. I do also take a benzo. I just don't know what to do now. I can't cold turkey it again but I'm not feeling good. I need help! Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Hi all I need advice please on how to move forward due to being cold turkeyed off all medication. I have tried to reinstate olanzapine 5mg but feel so much worse and been refered to gp and been advised medication wont help.Psychiatrists have advised it all psychological after 4 years of medication roulette and various diagnoses. My brain and central nervous system are a total mess and im severely debilitated. I have put in my drug record to the best of my knowledge the last 5 years are a blur! Im at the point where im now scared to take anymore meds and just try to survive. Thanks Beyond help

in 2014 I got off all SSRI's after being on them intermittently for 20 years. I was probably on them half of the time. In 2013 I went on Trazodone for 3 years for insomnia. Started on 200mg and went down to 100 over the first year. I did not take it daily as my doc said it was not an SSRI so I should take it as needed. I would take it 4-5 nights a week and take Sominex on weekends. I tried to taper down to 75mg but couldn't function at work the next day so I held at 100mg. In Mid June I took a month off from work and decided to bite the metaphorical bullet and stop Trazodone cold turkey. I know it was a bad idea, but I needed a med free month to establish a sleep pattern. It worked but I'm paying for it as I knew I would. Dealing with weird pains in my chest and back, mostly esophageal pain. My personality has definitely changed, but it changed before I got off Trazodone which is one of the reasons I got off, just seems worse now. The other expected side effects showed up, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. I'm able to handle all of these because I am FINALLY sleeping med free for the first time in years, I was just wondering if anyone else had gone cold turkey from 100mg and how long until I start feeling like myself again. Thanks in advance. And yes I know cold turkey was a bad idea but under the circumstances it was the best choice.

Hi everyone, My shrink recently did not get my Lamotrigine refill to me on time, so I was forced to suddenly stop taking it for 6 days. It messed me up a bit, but not too much. I decided I was going to begin tapering off the Sertraline and Lamotrigine (all info in signature). More recently, she did not get my Diazepam refill to me on time, so I was again forced to go cold turkey, but this time on a benzo. After feeling like total crap for the first 2 days or so, I began to feel better, so I decided to continue the cold turkey of the diazepam. i am 6 days in and the severity and number of withdrawal symptoms are growing. I want to continue and be done with it. It's awful, but not unbearable. Hopefully it won't get to that. I understand that Diazepam (Valium) has a long elimination half-life and that the worse may be yet to come seeing that the w/d peak at about 2 weeks. Still, i want to keep going. I am at a place in my life where I am able to stay home, and ride it out. I know i need a new shrink and i should be doing this under medical supervision. I know this was probably not the most ideal decision. However, it is what it is. I wanted to begin tapering down anyway since my sleeping had stabilized for long enough and this was supported by my therapist (psychologist), but since the 2 "hiccups" with the shrink (total negligence, really) I decided I would bite the bullet and take the plunge with all my meds. I am fully aware that you guys are not medical professionals. I came here to get some support and advice, and to hear your thoughts and experiences to help me get through this. Real stories from real people are so much more valuable than a medical professional's opinion, who very likely has no idea what we're going through. I know going cold turkey is not recommended but what's done is done. For the record the meds are Sertraline (Zoloft SSRI), Lamotrigine (Lamictal - mood stabilizer), Oxcarbazepine (Trilpetal - anticonvulsant) and Diazepam (Valium - benzodiazepine). Thank you

Hello Everyone, I am Pug and this is my story: I found this forum on 12-31-2014 and I wrote, but did not post, this about me piece on 01-12-2015: Greetings Everyone, First I would like to say that I have nothing but respect for the immense courage and strength of everyone who is sharing here, and it is a testament to the best of what makes us human, and is very powerful. Second, I think that the human body, mind, and spirit are incredibly resilient and capable of amazing displays of recovery and healing. I keep the above thoughts in mind as I wade through the haze of withdrawal this is my life currently. My suffering is nothing compared to so many of you here that I hesitate to even add my story. But, I figure that the more people that speak up and document what they are experiencing, the better the chance that this movement will continue to shed light on these very dangerous substances. A quick history to explain my situation: I started on Zoloft in the early 90's for anxiety and depression; by my primary care physician. He did not direct me to seek any counseling or psychiatric care, he just said to take the medication. My condition improved, whether due to the medication or due to time passing, but I did not question anything and dutifully stated on the medication. I was put on 50 mg and was cycled between 50 and 100 mg depending on how I was feeling. I did not understand that I could quit the medication and did not know I had other options. I felt alone with no one to talk to about my situation, so I was a good patient and took my medicine (if only the internet was around back then). I suffered all of the common side effects of Zoloft which made being on the medication as bad as being off of it. Fast forward 20 some years to March 2014 and I am still dutifully taking my medication, my health is poor; I am obese, sleep very poorly, suffer minimized libido, feel totally flat emotionally, and just accept that this is my lot in life. I get a new primary care physician and she suggests that I try coming off of the medication; (I was thought, "what? I can stop taking it? That is ok? ) She said I could taper or go cold turkey, so knowing no better I went cold turkey and that is when the rollercoaster of withdrawal and misery started. During the next 5 months I hung on although I had no idea what withdrawal was, thinking that maybe it was the return of my symptoms. During that 5 months I had several personal life changing events happen and by the August 2014 I was in bad shape and sure that depression and anxiety had returned full force. My primary care physician put me on Prozac 20 mg and things got even worse as the restart was absolute living hell. I have no idea how I managed to keep a job, care for myself, or stay alive because it was truly nasty. If not for family I would have been doomed. I rode out the restart and after a couple months started to get a bit of relief. That lasted a few weeks and then out of the blue it all went bad and I either had a reaction to the Prozac or it pooped out, as I was immediately plunged back into start up symptoms that were complete hell. I called my new primary care physician but they could not see me for two weeks and I was advised to go to immediate care/emergency. My state of mind was very bad, so I just decided to quit once again cold turkey and forget the doctors. I am now 1.5 months out from stopping cold turkey and I am once again suffering. I found this forum a few weeks back and it has been a life saver, and I really mean that. Discovering my symptoms were not unusual: Insomnia, night terrors, waking up with suicidal thoughts, hot and cold body fluctuation, burning skin, tinnitus, brain zaps, anhedonia, mood swings, extreme fatigue, extreme agitation, hopelessness, lack of mental clarity, poor decision making, and lack of motivation just to name a few. Without this forum I would not know that it is the withdrawal from the medication that is causing all of this, and that I am not relapsing or going insane. What a tremendous benefit to know that I am still somewhere under all these symptoms, and that I can hope of recovery. I have been working hard to help myself, I am practicing mindfulness/meditation, started seeing a psychologist, stopped watching TV, avoid listening to the news or reading the newspaper, read uplifting stories and articles, eat healthy and exercise as much as I can; connect with family, and read the success stories here and elsewhere. It has all added up to helping me make it through the hell that is withdrawal, and that is hopefully leading to recovery. I have somehow managed to stay alive, keep a job, and for the most part appear to be a functioning human as far as most people know. I even sometimes have a little hope. I would not choose this for my worst enemy, that would be too cruel. I don't know any way to get out of this other than to just go through it. Thank you for listening.

Hi All, I am 32 year-old who just passed ten years of being off SSRI's. While I no longer have any desire to return to them, the past decade has been mixed, with a low-grade depression nearly constant. I've worked with multiple therapists, used supplements, etc., and while I feel stable and am basically functional, I also feel like only a shred of my former self. I'm wondering if there are any others out there like me: - I took SSRIs for about 10 years, from around age 12-22. - My response was positive for about 7 years, but then I developed depression around age 19. - I spent about 3 years from 19-22 on major doses of SSRIs trying to tamp down the depression, but nothing consistently worked. - I quit cold turkey in 2007. Feelings were first very acute, but then became really muted. Of course I worried then as now about permanent damage. The fact of depression emerging while under treatment, and my condition basically becoming treatment-resistant scares the you know what out of me. (Tardive dysphoria?). Basically, I've been managing the specter of permanent damage since I got off. While I remain optimistic that things are not completely hopeless, I also have to be honest about the fact that I still feel unwhole.

Hello to my fellow SSRIs survivors out there! It's been one hell of a ride for all of us, hasn't it? The good news is that the healing does happen. I'm one of you - many years spent on the drugs and then after going off of those experiencing the protracted WD-syndrome. I've been off of SSRIs for more than two years now - the improvement is undeniable, yet many symptoms are still present. Judging by the progress so far, though, the healing willl eventually take place. Good luck to everybody!

Need some advice. Was given 15 milligrams Zyprexa in the hospital for anxiety and depression. Been on 15 milligrams for one month. Stopped taking it because of restless legs and now my anxiety is back very high. Should I have tapered off after only being on 4 One month. Is this just my withdrawal or original anxiety returning. My doctor wasn't much help he basically just said that I could have anxiety again after stopping the medication but did not tell me that I needed to taper from it. Also taking Prozac for a past 5 weeks 20 milligrams a day. And two milligrams clonazepam.

I took Wellbutrin XL for eleven years. The first couple of years at 150 mg, then up to 300 mg. About 5 years ago, 1/2 of a 2 mg Abilify every 3 days was added to the mix. I actually felt fine on the meds for the most part. I briefly went off of the Wellbutrin about 6 or 7 years ago, and then went right back on because I felt like crap. I'm actually only off the drugs now because my insurance changed, and I couldn't afford the drugs out of pocket. So when I ran out, I (FOOLISHLY) quit taking them. Cold turkey. I actually still have some of the Abilify, but I didn't want to take it without the Wellbutrin. It's been about 5 long weeks, but I no longer feel like I'm living underwater. However, I still have days or stretches of the day where I have brain fog, low motivation, and anhedonia. I know I should have tapered, but I didn't. The first two weeks, I ate like a pig--totally uncontrollable, especially at night--and felt like I was in molasses. I gained weight, which has become a problem. I've never had a weight problem my entire life, and then the last 3 years, I've gained 30 lbs. Then, I started taking L-Dopa and Tyrosine, which I think helped. But now, I'm looking to rebalance my brain without more brain altering substances that leave me dependent. For the past week (on tyrosine only, decided to take a break from the L-dopa), I've been unexpectedly tearful at certain moments, which I hadn't experienced since the year after my mother died (6 years ago). These have been prompted by real emotional situations (one friend's father died and we were commiserating about losing parents; another friend's dog died and one of my dogs died a year ago December). I'm realizing that I've been partially blunted by medication for so long, I'm not sure who I am emotionally or how who I am right now will shift as my brain continues to reboot. Right now, I'm trying to focus on eating a really healthy diet and weaning off of sugar and flour. I'm still drinking alcohol, which is my next thing to try to eliminate as I try to get my brain to function "normally" and to lose weight. I fear I may have monkeyed terribly with how my brain functioned and that I may not be able to get back to the way I was 10-12 years ago, which was going through some depression, but otherwise functioning well with eating, weight, motivation, exercise, etc.

Hello all, Wow am I grateful to find this resource. Thank you all for being here. I abruptly ceased my lexapro (40mg) about three weeks ago. I know I should have tapered but I did not. I felt confident as I rode the first week of headaches out and things were okay. Week 2 was all about nausea, anxiety, dizziness and week three was similar but morning sickness vitamins helped eased my nausea. I have windows - sometimes they're almost a whole day, or half a day, and the more frequent they occur the more I start to believe I can push through this. I'm so grateful for these moments. The hard parts though...they're hard. I cried at work (never usually a crier) because I just didn't know when this will stop and if I can put up with it. The fact I don't know how long it will take makes it challenging. I read 2-3 weeks on science sites but the reality here is SO varied. And symptoms come back?? I thought once the nausea was gone that was it. I have a phobia of vomit (emetophobia) so naturally am sensitive to body signals, and easily distressed. My management? Initially medication (Valium, beta blockers, vitamins) but I want to use them less and I'm keeping hydrated, rested, nourishing myself with good food. I'm doing lots of relaxation, deep breathing because I feel anxiety is the root of all this. Lots of cognitive work and trying to "accept" the symptoms instead of struggle. I guess being here I'm struck by the enormity of the fact nobody knows when this will end, not even a rough idea, and that scares me. (Additional: I do have doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist and social supports to help me through). Thank you for reading. I welcome any dialogue!

Started Zoloft in January (Sertraline) dr had me split 50mg pill for week and take 25 then up to 50mg after 7days I has terrible dizziness for four weeks. Dr told me to go back down to half a pill.25mg I've been doing that for 7months. Needles to say I don't feel like the meds helped. Always felt off numb. Gi issues. Anxiety worse. Heart palps. Dr said since I was on a low dose it was ok to stop. I'm three weeks in cold turkey. Pins and needles I'm weak,flu like symptoms, the dizziness is dibilitating. I feel like something is terribly wrong. I still have to work and take care of two kitties. Is this common what I'm going through?