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I am an almost 30 year old wife and mom of 2 beautiful kiddos. I stumbled across this website while trying to figure out if the current issues I have been having were from tapering off of Zoloft in November 2017. I started SSRI's (Paxil) at 11 years when diagnosed with OCD tendencies. (recurring thoughts, perfection/control issues). Switched to Celexa after weight gain issues after starting Paxil. Had issues with body image and eating (over eating and restriction). I started restricting heavily and binging and purging at 20 years old and was switched to Prozac. I also was on adderall for ADHD in my early 20's for a brief period. (I was mostly concerned about not being able to concentrate, brain fog, and irritability). I was diagnosed as anorexic with bulimic tendencies at inpatient care for eating disorder at 24 (2012). Had a couple of relapses after inpatient, but then became pregnant in 2013 and haven't relapsed since. I switched to Zoloft (100 mg) during early pregnancy (2013). In Summer of 2017 I realized that my medication didn't seem to be helping me at all anymore. I suffered from insomnia, irritability, fatigue, and brain fog. I decided to taper from the 100mg of Zoloft I was on. I dropped to 75 mg for a month, then 50 mg for a month, 25 mg for a month, and have been medication free as of November 2017!!! I had no withdrawal symptoms, but still had irritability, insomnia, fatigue, and brain fog. In February 2018 I started getting super itchy at night. I would get hives and I couldn't fall asleep. It was maddening!!! I switched laundry detergents, made sure I used fragrance free soap. I took all the normal precautions for skin issues and nothing helped. I tried relaxing through the issues and it has helped the itching, but I have developed Dermatographia (skin writing). I will get hive like marks where clothes rubs or any extra stimulation has occured on my skin (for example: if I carry a bag, I get tons of hive like marks where the bag was resting in the exact shape of the bag handles) Skin issues seem to occur more in the evening hours, but still can happen during the day, usually more mild. I do sometimes get a burning/tingly sensation in areas (usually hands or feet), but that goes away rather quickly. In April 2018, I started a new job and have had less issues with insomnia. Just a random night here and there where it is difficult to sleep, but I work a 12 hour rotation on first shift and have 2 young children, so that could very well play into that 😉 I also started having recurring stomach issues. Lots of gas/bloating. Sometimes it is super painful. I get so bloated at times I look like I'm in early pregnancy! It is usually more painful during the evening hours. I have diarrhea/loose stools every day. I do follow a balanced Vegan diet (dairy and egg introlerances) and I am very active, but it has never seemed to be an issue before. The fatigue just has me constantly feeling like I want to take a nap and thinking of picking up my 30 pound toddler or walking up a flight of stairs just exhausts me. It's hard to even push my kids on the swings. My last period was March 5th and I have never been this late (NOT pregnant.... husband has a vasectomy and I took 5 tests 😆) I am unsure of whether this is a result of being off of SSRI's or if it is a different health issue. It is driving me crazy trying to figure it out!!! I just want to enjoy my time with my family and function properly. I have a doctor appointment in June for a pap and to talk about my symptoms, but wanted to see if anyone else has went through something similar (and I honestly think the doctor may tell me I'm crazy-- lol). 💜a7xbabydoll 2000 - Paxil A few months later - Celexa 2010 - Prozac 2012 - Brief period of Adderall 2013 - Zoloft (100 mg) 8/2017 - 75 mg, 9/2017 - 50 mg, 10/2017 - 25 mg November 2017 - MED FREE!!!

After close to 18 months on Citalopram, I decided to wean off the medication in August as I ascribed a feeling of mental numbness to the drug. The first week off I felt fine. Weeks 2-4 were hellish as I experienced strange tingling sensations, insomnia, depersonalisation and extreme periods of agitation. However, after close to six weeks off the drug, I still don’t feel like myself. I’m apathetic. My concentration is non-existent despite taking medication for ADHD. My brain is extremely foggy, and I don’t feel connnected to myself or those around me. Whilst I didn’t quite adhere to my discontinuation plan and admittedly weaned off Citalopram far too quickly, I didn’t expect to feel so utterly lost in myself after almost six weeks off the med. My doctor is in the process of conferring with a psychologist with regards to taking a different medication for anxiety but I’m reluctant to go back on an SSRI. Unfortunately I don’t know if I’m still struggling with SSRI withdrawal syndrome or if it’s a resurfacing of depression and/or a high level of anxiety. I’d be interested to know if anyone else has experienced similar difficulties after discontinuing an anti-depressant and what helped you in your respective recoveries. Thanks.

Hi, guys. My depression started over 15 years ago and I came to the point when I wanted to end up my life, but I've failed. So my journey from one shrink to another began. I've found a good one when my depression was at my worse. I wasn't happy about taking any medications, because the lack of knowledge in psychiatry field (I'm a nurse with some practice in mental facilities as well and I'm not happy about the things I've seen there nor the general thinking from many doctors and other medical stuff. I was also amazed about the lack of knowledge and common sense in them as well). My depression was so bad that I gave up and started using paroxetine. I had some side effects, but withdrawal after few months was much worse. The vertigo and headaches were horrible. And depression was still there in it's best. I was then on few other SSRI and SNRI, none of them worked (fluoxetine, paroxetine, sertraline, escitalopram, tianeptine, venlafaxine, duloxetine), but all of them gave me their own special withdrawal symptoms. At least I knew I wasn't getting sugar pills. In the meantime I also developed panic attacks and severe anxiety. After few years I suggested switcing to bupropion and I was getting better for the first time. I was also taking clonazepam the whole time. I'm feeling fine for over 4 years now but I had to wait with taper due to some other pain related medical condition. I was adviced to start taper clonazepam first (I started taper 4 months ago). What a mistake! I was on 2mg daily and managed to taper to 1mg. Than I suggested my GP and shrink to taper bupropion as well, because it was making taper heavier and none of them were happy with my suggestion. I have my GP on my side now after seeing me in really bad condition a couple of times. Right now I'm taking 0,875mg of clonazepam and 300mg of gabapentin (started a week ago and I'm not on final dose which will be around 600-900mg) because of my pain related condition. It also helps with the withdrawal. I'm well aware that it has a WD of it's own, it's a risk I'm willing to pay considering the current options. I took my last dose of bupropion today and I will give myself a little brake until the end of this month. In january I'll continue to taper clonazepam. I'm not a native english speaker and I appologize for potential weird (ab)use of grammar. I'm sure you've seen worse due to my current taper I'm also not very good with words.

Hey everyone! I really need some answers because I've looked everywhere to try and find one answer which can relate to my question but sadly to no avail. I was on 20mg Cipralex for 7 years due to general anxiety disorder. I was feeling better last year so decided this year in February I would start tapering and weaning off. It all went great until roughly 7 weeks ago when I went from 5mg to 2.5mg. Withdrawal has hit me hard and I have been off work since then. My question is basically, after now 7 weeks is it safe to go back up to 5mg from 2.5? I felt fine on 5mg hence me wanting to move back up to it. And how long will it take for the WD symptoms to go away or just for me to feel better cos currently I'm just having a hard time functioning. I'm afraid of everything basically. Thank you for any reply

I am finding it more and more aggravating every time I read the words, "Depression is a highly treatable illness." It's simplistic and misleading. Professionals hardly spend time with the patients who supposedly have this so-called "highly treatable illness." Anyway, it's not just one illness; it's a lot more complicated than that. This comment convinces people that they are not entering very dangerous territory when they agree to the designation of "depressed patient." I guess I'm just looking back to when this all started for me and the fact that I wasn't presented with alternatives to mood and brain altering chemicals. I took the rose-covered path, and now I am paying a high price. I don't feel angry at the people who tried to help me and believed in what they were doing, but I do feel angry--just trying not to turn it inward and trying to look forward to a better future.

Hello, I stumbled onto this forum because I wanted to do more research about the Road Back Program ... I am certainly glad that I did! Here's a little background about my history and my current state: I have had clinical depression since college. I struggled with taking anti-depressants and finally gave in around 2013 (and by "gave in" I mean taking my prescribed anti-depressant consistently). Needless to say, it's been about 5 years that I've been on Lexapro. I am currently unemployed at the moment. I do not believe that this is a trigger as I didn't really like my former place of employment anyway. My depression symptoms have started to manifest again; I suspect that these symptoms are due to a build-up of Lexapro within my system. The self-proclaimed morning person that I would normally claim to be has disappeared. My mornings are filled with anxiety, suicidal thoughts...and my afternoons are filled with minimal focus on getting basic tasks done. I'm fortunate that I am in a time and space where I can look at getting off Lexapro. I do think my body has built up a tolerance to it; however, I am terrified of going on another medication. I know that I have caught my depression symptoms early ... instead of ignoring them like I did the last time I had a serious depressive episode. For me, when I am depressed I experience the following symptoms: Excessive sleeping (15 hours or more) Little to no eating No libido Every day tasks seem like gargantuan hurdles Little to no motivation to do things I enjoy Isolate from friends and family I am about to lose my insurance coverage, so I will be going to a local mental health clinic in my area. My hope is that the psychiatrist understands that I want to get off of and stay off of an anti-depressant and make lifestyle changes. I have not had good experiences with psychiatrists in the past few years. I am looking for advice about vitamin supplements and withdrawal from Lexapro. I've already read some of the threads on that specific drug...I am looking forward to learning and sharing from this community.

Hello, I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety and prescribed 200mg sertraline at age 15. I took it with few side-effects for 6 years until a psychiatrist advised me to try getting off of it, citing the poorly-understood long term effects of the drug, especially on those who begin taking it while young. I waited several months until I felt stable, then reduced from the 200mg to 0 in several weeks. I had no serious side effects at the time. Within several months, I felt more intense emotions again, including happiness, but also sadness at realizing how my numbed mind had allowed me to stay in unhealthy, unfulfilling relationships/jobs. I began to wake up with intense panic, and had chronic swelling and pain in my jaw. 8 months after going off sertraline, the chronic pain intensified and did not respond to painkillers. I began experiencing extreme fatigue, dizziness, difficulty concentrating, and flashbacks to traumatic experiences. After many months of inconclusive doctors' appointments, a rheumatologist diagnosed me with Sjogren's Syndrome, although I have no dryness symptoms and am much younger than most people with the disease. I began to have daily panic attacks, increased fatigue, and disorientation. I went back on sertraline in 2017 and took about 4 weeks to get up to the 200mg dose. Since starting the sertraline again, I have remained fatigued, have occasional panic attacks, intense periods of depression/anxiety, and many difficult physical symptoms (body aches, nerve pain, tingling, rash, bowel issues). I decided last week to begin tapering, but to go slowly this time and learn more about the process. I joined this forum to share what I know in case it's helpful, and to add another voice to these shared experiences of living on and off of psychoactive drugs. Best wishes, Alice

just signed up. information and advice is overwhelming!!!! I can only take in some information at t time. I can't believe this isn't more common knowledge. it is a horrible existence. but God is good and He heals. *1991-2003: 12 years on increasing amounts of Prozac, then *2003-2013: 10 years on increasing amounts of Effexor alchohol abuse issues throughout along with nicotine addiction *2013: pscychMD guided 5 month taper from 300MG to zero Effexor while quitting alcohol and nicotine at about the same time ( awful process , so painful and scary)Dr had me adding prozac to reduce the "discontinuation side effects" *then November 2013, not on anything... ------Bad bad bad ( probably and unknowingly, tapered way way way too fast and unknowingly into some Med PAWS and paws from alcohol ( 8 months without etoh at this time, 4 years now ) * Ran to psychMD and he put me on Latuda then Brintellix ( now called trintellix) *4 months later those about killed me and landed me 3 days in the hospital and then in intensive treatment for depression/anxiety for 5 months. During that time they tried different things too fast and furious with a lot of bad reactions to stuff. Chemical Assaults!!!! this included seroquel, Depakote Summer 2014 finishing up intensive treatment ("pills and skills" what a crock...): I ended up on a cocktail of xoloft, Wellbutrin and elavil. I didn't need more drugs. I was suffering from protracted w/d and chemical assault shock/ptsd. the medical community has no idea. they say "your mental illness is chronic and progressive so you have to manage it continually with drug additions/changes". you can't make this stuff up for a horror movie. *At this time (summer of 2014) I was diagnosed with MS (significant brain lesions and positive other tests for MS) and told I had to go off Humira. I had been on Humira or Enbrel for 13 years, as well as anti inflammatories for arthritis. I stopped these. One year later I started a 4 month taper of these psych drugs. This was way too fast and probably caused more damage/ptsd March 2017: Now I am 14 months total medicine free and dealing with recovery from the damage caused by the actions above. I don't know what is what in terms of cause and effect. I only know that it has been and continues to be awful. a hellish relentless anguish of a myriad of symptoms, an awful existence...after having lost my marriage, family, career possibilities, life...other than faith...I still have my faith in Jesus Christ and God's promises of who HE is, what He's like, and who I am. God Loves me and has taken and continues to take care of me in miraculous ways... He just hasn't healed me fully yet. Is it MS? Immune dysfunction? ANS dysfunction? Damage while taking medicines and self medicating with alcohol ? PAWS from alcohol? PAWS from psych drugs? Chicken, egg or road? It amazes me how after not being on meds for a while, we can suddenly get drastically worse with new or worsening symptoms. 25 years of pschych drug chemical assault and 2 way too abrupt tapers have left me in this state. not to mention MS. Such a mess. Hell on earth. Anguish. So many symptoms.

Hi. I feel very weak emotionally. Slightest things get to my heart. I dream ( nightmares) about my childhood and some times wakeup in tears. Smallest of argruements with my partner causes me extreme anxiety. A feeling of worthlessness n so much tears. Doc told me to take zaptra 12.5 been almost a year now. But still i have horrible mood swings. Sweats in sleep. Fear.. i tried aura cleansing meditation. Joined art of living, yoga. But yet, smallest of things trigger extreme emotions.

Hi All I'm relieved to find a forum out there that fits my situation. The doctors say withdrawal symptoms should stop a month or two after stopping ssri's but I think they are wrong and I'm sure many of you agree. Thanks for listening to my story, I'll try to keep it brief. 13 years ago at age 25 my anxiety got the better of me I developed social phobia in the form of constant blushing and shaking when interacting with people. It psychologically crippled me. I lost my job and could barely leave my house. I left it a year before I went to a doctor by which time I was a complete mess. The doc prescribed me 20mg citalopram and that drug worked wonders! It stopped me blushing 95% of the time and meant I could lead a normal life again plus it made me cheerful and carefree. Amazing! But, every time I tried to come off it my blushing would return so I ended up staying on it for 11 years. I didn't really have any side effects until after 8 years when I started getting tinnitus and night sweats. These got worse and worse, I would lay in bed with my ears ringing so loud it was like I'd been to a nightclub! And the night sweats became unbearable, I would wake up 4 times a night soaked to the skin, freezing cold, need to change my clothes, bedding, take a shower I got so tired from bad sleep. So I went to doc and she put me on beta blockers which are working great and I don't need to take them that often as my blushing is nowhere near as bad now I'm 38. Great news BUT the side effects/withdrawal of coming off citalopram has been sooooo tough. Ive been off 8 months now. For the first 3 months I was so depressed, I wanted to cry all day and even felt suicidal at times. For the second 3 months I had terrible anxiety and would get to almost having panic attacks. For the last 2 months I feel a little better but have little interest in people, people just get on my nerves and I feel distant from everyone, I have a 'don't care' attitude and my marriage is suffering because of it as I'm moody and quick to anger Plus throughout the 8 months I still have those damn night sweats combined with bad insomnia! It's been 8 months but I still wake up soaked to the skin and even when I'm not sweating I just can't sleep! I don't know how I'm functioning normally as I slept better when my kids were newborns!! Some nights I just lay in bed with my eyes shut but awake for hours and hours looking at the clock every so often and thinking 'I can't believe it's 4:30am, I havent slept yet and I need to get up for work at 7am!' Has anyone else been in this situation? How long do the sweats last? My doc says they should have gone after a month or so and has booked me blood tests to check for early menopause, but I know it's due to citalopram use. How about the insomnia? Have I somehow damaged my nervous system and it's going to take years to repair itself, if ever?? I'd never have stayed on citalopram that long if I'd known it's legacy would be so long lasting. Thank you for reading my history. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling like I am 'surviving' antidepressants. I have no one to talk to as I'm a private person and none of my friends know about my history and my husband lost interest a long time ago. Any advice is welcome xxx

Hi, I am 55 and have had several episodes of major depression. Two of them were treated with Effexor XL. The first time (16 years ago), I came off without problems. I didn't even realize that there could be problems. About 2 years ago I went back on due to a very stressful time that I couldn't solve with my usual coping skills. I tried to wean off last summer and had significant neurological symptoms. I thought I was either going crazy or had a brain tumor. It took me almost a week to think that it might be withdrawal symptoms. (Thanks internet.) I went back on and the symptoms went away quickly. When I told my doctor, he said 'Why do you want to wean off? Why not just relax and be happy?' Sigh. I have been afraid to try again until I found this forum. I am also nervous to try at this time of year because my symptoms are always worse in the fall/winter which is approaching, but I realize this is going to have to be a very long, slow process. I have some hope now that I can do this.

I have developed PGAD 8 times in my life while on a variety of antidepressants (Prozac, Zoloft, Pristiq, Lexapro, Seroquel, Lamotrigine, and most recently Amitryptiline). On Prozac it was severe and lasted 2 years. The other times it went away within days/weeks of stopping the drugs. I’ve currently had a mild case caused by Amytripline for 3 weeks now. I stopped the drug two weeks after starting it as soon as I felt the pgad begin. I am worried this time it won’t go away which is terrifying because there isn’t really a successful treatment for it. This is my fear every time I get it. My issue is that I have severe depression, anxiety and depersonalization disorder and feel I cannot get better without psych meds. Each time I try a new psych med it either gives me PGAD or doesn’t help my depression/anxiety. I am at a loss for what to do. I have an amazing life that I can’t enjoy and since I can’t seem to tolerate any drugs even a partial recovery seems hopeless. Any advice would be appreciated! Not sure what to do anymore.

How should I go about tapering off Effexor when I'm already unstable / Effexor is making things worse? Ive never felt as bad in my life as I have while on Effexor - I'm very anxious and depressed all of the time. I was on 75mg (4 weeks) with no improvement so of course doc upped my dose to 150mg (5 weeks now) which has been terrible. I heard "it gets worse before it gets better" but I have had zero improvement with no signs of improving and worse depression/anxiety. I don't believe this is the drug for me and I want to taper off but I'm not mentally well. I understand then 10% method but I feel since I'm having such a bad reaction, is that worthy of a faster taper? Ive been on for a little over two months, my taper will be longer than my time on? Just ready to quit ths the drug that has done absolutely nothing and has made me feel worse. I'm on 200mg Trazodone for sleep - but that is a battle I will tackle when stable off Effexor for a long time. Sleep for me must be preserved during this time.

Last summer, after I quit the last antidepressant (after 7 years of antidepressants and anxiolytics) under the guidance of my former psychiatrist, I started rapidly to develop old and new symptoms. I tried to resist but in two months time I fell into the abyss of withdrawal, without knowing what was happening to me. I went back to my psychiatrist who not only did not recognize or mention the withdrawal status, but prescribed new drugs that didn't help and made things worse, like paroxetine. I was lost and fearfully sick, I lost 3 kilos in one week, then I contacted another psychiatrist who still didn't say a word about withrdrawal but prescribed benzodiazepines that immediately reduced the symptoms. Then he added two antidepressants and diagnosed "major depression, relapse". I was in shock. I tried to explain that my initial and main problem were anxiety and panic but he said thet it was all part of the depressive state. As soon as we tried to reduce anxiolytics the symptoms burst out again. That's when something clicked in my head. I searched the Internet for weeks to find someone who could help me out of the maze, and fortunately I did. Now I'm following a program to eliminate antidepressants under strict medical a psychological control, and I feel confident. Psychiatrists in Italy never talk about the risk of withdrawal symptoms, turning people into lifetime patients. I was lucky enough, being a psychologist and speaking English to be able to find the help I needed, but most people go on taking more and more drugs that work less and less. The site people can refer to in Italy is: https://www.smettereglipsicofarmaci.unifi.it/index.php (University of Florence).

I can't remember ever being happy. I never felt like I fit in and relationships were hard to foster. I felt like an outcast, drawing on my musical and visual influences to drive home that point. Listening to Blind Melon I had my first suicide attempt. After that in 2008 I was put on 20mg of Prozac (medicine is right but dose could have been a little higher, it was a long time ago). From there I stayed on Prozac until 2010 and stayed medication free until my anxiety became so crippling that I couldn't walk in a gym around acquaintances in 2012. Then, I was put on Bupropion which was a huge failure and then Paxil, which I stuck with Until 2014 before it's effects dwindled. During that time my depression became unbearable and I couldn't be by myself without crying. I had to leave school my senior year for 3 months and reset everything, return to therapy and look for a new medication. Eventually mid-way through my freshman year of college at the I was given cymbalta at the end of 2014. i thought I finally found it. While there was ups and downs the cymbalta helped tremendously, I almost went off pills completely near the end of 2016, and then extra stresses forced me to try extra Wellbutrin with a cymbalta dose increase. This was a disaster and caused a breakdown and second suicide attempt which landed me in the hospital. The doctor switched me to 75 mg Effexor and it did ok for awhile but my anxiety was through the roof. After two months it was too much and my doc added 300mg gabapentin 3x a day. This is kind of worked for a month and a half before I started to lose my energy, have the racing beating down thoughts and the loss of interest again. Last month the doc tried upping my Effexor to 100 with disasterous results. Now I feel stuck. Its not normal to wake up with no energy and a loss of interest in anything. Have i I been on pills too long? Do I need to take SSRIs or Tricyclate? Tricyclate deal with atypical depression, which fits well due to my inconsistent mood and spiraling ups and downs. Im not bi polar, but one doc said I have characteristics of personality disorder, which would explain the "high" highs and "low" lows. I just need help. Im a semester away from graduating and I don't want to take a pause right before the finish line. I'm a leader in most of my major studies clubs and a well-liked person on campus living in one of the most popular houses at school. Why am I so sad? I just need advice. Get on new pills, get off pills, what pills worked well temporarily. At this point, I just want to get by. Please help me.

Hi Everyone. I am obviously new to this forum, and this is also my very first post on any forum on the internet, so it will be very interesting for me. I have suffered with bouts of depression for a long time, but they have gotten worse over the years. I don't think the anti-depressants have helped me at all. At the start of this year i decided i had enough of being on medication, i had been on fluoxetine for a period of 3.5 years, and had steadily deteriorated over that time. It changed me profoundly, i became more depressed, more agressive in my arrogance which affected my relationships, i put on weight even though i eat very healthily, i lacked the ability to get pleasure from many things, and said no, more and more to other people as i new i would not enjoy the activities suggested. As i had been on antidepressants twice before, i new the gp prescribed way of come off them and in my arrogance, did it without the aid of my gp. Through my history with gp's i had a different one every time due to staff turnover at my local surgery, this did not help me, and i feel i did not receive the support i needed, i was never once advised about the dangers of long term usage, and was fobbed off whenever i suggested any of my side effects were due to the medication. So, having only just found this forum, i can see that i may have tapered my medication in much too short a time. At that particular time i was going through a rough patch anyway, so couldn't clearly see how good or bad i was doing at each reduction in dosage. Over this year my depression has become worse than i have ever experienced, and i also am suffering from severe anhedonia. Inability to make decisions has been a major problem, and also believing that what i had was not what i wanted, and that i wanted something else has been a problem, as when i get that other thing, it is not what i imagined it to be. Subsequently, i have lost my beautiful, amazing long term partner through it. I struggle to spend time with anyone, as i don't feel anything while with them. I was working on a house renovation with my partners support, and now i am truly on my own trying to work everyday through the tears. So i have a few questions that if anyone would care to give any input/advice on it would be most appreciated. My last dosage was early april this year, now bearing in mind i tapered so quickly, would i benefit from going back on the meds and tapering more slowly, or as i have been free of the meds for 7/8 months, should i just ride it out hoping that things will improve soon? As my current situation is feelings of great loss, and loneliness, are the daily bouts of crying etc. (Which i know are normal reactions) an indication that i am starting to feel things again, and my anhedonia is lifting, or could i still be feeling this way while still being anhedonic in general? Over this year i have been fluctuating between bouts of severe depression and bouts of severe anhedonia, is this normal? Have people experienced anhedonia while on medication, as i believe during the last year and half of being on the meds i have been anhedonic? This is evidenced by that fact that my father was diagnosed with cancer during that time (he has thankfully recovered fully) and i felt very little. I obviously wanted him to live longer because i love him dearly, but i experienced no worry, and actually felt irritable at times that there was extra help required of myself, in terms of taking him to the hospital etc. When i realised i was so apathetic about the situation i felt disgusted with myself obviously. I realise this is a relatively long post, but as it is my first ever post, i am not sure how to do this type of thing, and the protocols required. I have read the posting advice, but if the moderators feel there is too much or too little, or other information required please let me know and i will alter the post if required. This is a dreadful time for me as i see it can be for others, and the fact that i have found this site and see how others are going through similar things and some recovering, it brings me hope. Presently i feel life is very strange. Thanks all. September 2004 - July 2006 - Ecitalopram 20mg. July 2006 - September 2006 - Tapered to nothing. July 2008 - April 2009 - Citalopram 20mg. April 2009 - June 2009 - Tapered to nothing. October 2012 - Started 20mg Fluoxetine. March 2013 - Increased to 40mg Fluoxetine. February 2016 - April 2016 - Tapered to nothing.

Hello All, I'm new here and am looking for some help. I've suffered from major depressive disorder my entirelife. My depression is a fairly constant part of my life with brief windows of freedom from it. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder also, and at that time decided to try medication. I've tried multiple antidepressants and NONE OF THEM HAVE HELPED. I don't remember the first few I tried, but I tried paxil for a month, gave me my first panic attacks ever, then I switched to zoloft, which made me so tired I couldn't function, and then I came to effexor. I was on Effexor for 6 months, but all it did was numb my anxiety, and did nothing for my depression. So, I've been off effexor for a month now. I didn't tapper off too well. Was on a 70mg dose(I'm very sensitive to medication that was a very high dose for me) and in the span of two weeks kept cut down the dose/stopped. I couldn't take it though, the drug made me so sick everyday for 6 months, it was horrible. Now my depression is in full swing and I don't care about anything. I'm a full time grad student in a studio art program and since getting off effexor I can't make anything, I'm too depressed, I don't want to do anything and have been isolating in my room, sleeping up to 15 hours a day, just excessive depression symptoms. I'm afraid to go to a therapist/psych because all they ever want to do is give me meds and they don't work for me! Not a single one has helped. Has anyone else experienced that? No med working? and could anyone give me advice about stopping antidepressants and depression symptoms? It's been about a month so idk if I should introduce a little bit of effexor back in or not? I tried to do 15mg a while ago and it made me sick and very sleepy like when i was taking my full 70mg. Should I just ride out this depression and hope for the best? I hate antidepressants, they really have been a horrible part of my life. Any info/help greatly appreciated here. xo, vi

Hey all, I have read a lot about people being put on meds unnecessarily and having to spend years dealing with the issues that the medication caused. It really is horrible to hear how common this is and I hope all of you find peace on your journey, wherever you're at. I was placed on medication, however, due to the onset of very severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and subsequent depression. The thing is, I always had a tendency towards intrusive thoughts and obsessional fears that disturbed me greatly. It wasn't until I was 16 that one particular fear emerged and destroyed my life pretty quickly. I don't blame the doctor for putting me on medication at the time, to be fair, I was an absolute non-functioning mess. Medication (SSRI's), at that point, saved my life - it completely altered my way of thinking so that I was more clear headed, had less anxiety and was able to actually be positive. Of course, it didn't cure it completely (I still had very unhealthy coping mechanisms and some trauma from my initial breakdown that kept me fearful) but it gave my life back to a large degree, and I had very little physical side effects other than some weight gain and excess sweating, which was a small price to pay for my sanity. It doesn't help that my family have a long history of mental illness on both sides. I also later discovered that relatives I never grew up with had the same type of OCD (Pure-O), and that it was a huge factor in my father's suicide. I guess what I'm asking is, how did you deal with withdrawal on top of the original issue, if there was one? How did you retrain your beliefs after being told for years that 'you have a chronic mental illness and need to be medicated for life'? I should also mention that prior to stopping Prozac I was stable on a medium dose for 2 years mainly due to huge lifestyle changes and developing a dedicated meditation practice. This led to a significant 'awakening' of sorts that is ongoing, which is why I decided it was time to begin withdrawal. Would love to hear any insights or stories from you. Many thanks

Hi all, I've been on and off Citalapram for the last 9 years. Its a 10mg dose and I am desperate to be rid of them. I am worried about how long this is going to take me due to how long I have been on them. Also? The sode effects and how long they will take to go. What to expect etc

Hi everyone. In July I finished a 1-year slow taper of Cymbalta. I was prescribed it for depression and chronic pain. I decided after being on antidepressants for more than 25 years, and dealing with horrendous side effects, that I wanted to go off of them. I initially tapered per doctor’s orders, stepping down in 10-mg increments every 2 weeks from 60 mg to 30 mg, which was too rapid. Then I found advice to do no more than 10% reductions a minimum of 2 weeks at a time. That’s what I did for a year. I dealt with bad withdrawal during the taper. Brain zaps, anxiety, sweating, cognitive issues, etc. Now, more than 5 months have passed and I still suffer from depression and anxiety, and I’ve gotten back chronic neck pain. I’m going to counseling but it’s having minimal effect. I’m also seeing a functional medicine doctor and doing all I can to heal without drugs. However, I feel utterly hopeless and broken. Can I be relatively mentally healthy eventually? Or am I doomed to requiring antidepressants? Every day is so difficult. I’m barely able to take care of myself and do my job. Thank you, ”Hurting”

Hello all, I have been taking sertraline for some years now for clinical depression. When I started to quit smoking, I took a course of Zyban for 4 months. I felt better almost immediately as the anti depressant effects of the drug made me feel sunnier. When the drug ran out, I felt awful and tried to get it again, but in Australia, it can't be prescribed twice within a year period. After a couple of years I had it prescribed again. I ran out a few days ago, and feel anxious and upset. I hadn't been told about tapering off the drug, but as I was loathe to give it up, I took 150 per day instead of 300 to make it last longer. I previously asked a doctor to prescribe me Zyban instead of Sertraline but he said no. Zyban wasn't for anti depressant use. I'm scared I'll get suicidal again which I haven't been for about a year. Has anyone successfully swapped sertraline for Wellbutrin?

Hi Everyone, I’m a male in early 40s from Europe (Sorry for my English - it is not my native language), father of two wonderful children and married with loving wife. On year 2012 I started with generic escitalopram 10mg due to depression (lack of energy, motivation and loss of interest into the things I used to enjoy). Felt better and stopped taking them after about 10 months (two-week tapper). Had some anxiety, but that was all. After a few months, I slowly relapsed back to initial down filling. Reinstated 10mg of escitalopram, felt better and stopped (two week tapper) again after 18 months. That time I experienced more severe symptoms like anxiety, panic, fear, severe depression so I freaked up and reinstated. Felt better again, but this time continued with treatment for two years. I again felt ok and had much more energy but I also noticed emotional numbness, and that was the main reason I stopped taking ADs again after two years. This time I tapered 25% every three weeks and took last quarter of a pill in the end of January 2017. After a few days, I started to experience strange insomnia (on average I only slept 2-3 hours per night) but I was still full of energy and happy. All this changed suddenly after one month when I was introduced to the withdrawal hell that was severe beyond something I could ever imagine. Severe depression attacks mixed with panic and fear, severe insomnia, blurred vision, eye floaters, muscle twitches, constant nausea, diarrhea, weight loss, depersonalization-derealization, concentration problems, brain fog… This mixed symptoms eased a little after 2 months and I felt a little better for 2-3 weeks. After that, symptoms gradually worsened again. This time the biggest issue was crippling depression and anhedonia, but it was still mixing with other symptoms, but other symptoms was not so extreme anymore and also now I manage to sleep 6 hours per night mostly. However, depression is really bad right now and I’m really scared that I’m relapsing again with stronger than pretreatment depression. The only positive thing is, that last two months I started to experience some short windows (a few minutes to max a few hours) long windows when I suddenly fill great, optimistic and when I am able to experience emotions in such intensity that it makes me cry. This happens every few days, but then I get hit again with severe depression and tension which I think it gets deeper and deeper. Right now, I have filling that this moments of joy are only some interferences between relapsing to depression. I’m really scared right now and so tired of constant struggle to stay alive and try to function as much as possible, to be a father, husband and to somehow function in my job. I’m so afraid of relapse and I want my emotions back so much!

I had been on Effexor XR for fifteen years before making the decision to get off this terrible drug. My concern is that I waited too long. I was tired of the feelings if I missed a dose, the sexual side effects and the general lack of emotions. Had I know how difficult and painful this journey was going to be I would have stayed on the poison just to avoid all of the difficulty. In the beginning of coming off the drug I had all the symptoms others have described. The crying, the brain zaps, the panic attacks at night all were just the tip of the iceberg with coming off. I unfortunately came off too fast. I did the standard weaning described by my doctor from 150, 75 to 37.5. What I should have done was to open the capsules and count the beads. I also should have lengthened the time between each drop in dose. I would say after 3 months in I had it beat, I felt litter but that was short lived. I then began my journey of trying to find other alternatives. I tried Accupunture, Counseling, LDA therapy, NAC, Inositol, heavy doses of vitamin D, magnesium, zinc, omega fish oil, restore, brain octane...... I then , after 9 months off Effexor, decided to try Prozac in order to cope with life. Everything has become insurmountable and my thoughts are all negative. I have never been so pessimist as I am right now. Now only to I judge myself against all others, I internally do the same with my children and their accomplishments. Nothing is ever good enough. I feel perhaps that Effexor has damaged me somehow. My once optimistic trial and error ways have turned to a pessimistic future. My next journey is to try CBD in the hopes that I can return to some normal aspect off life. I welcome all comments, ideas, stories or pep talks to get me through!

i became very ill last fall of 2014. I was separated and had 2 children. No support whatsoever from my ex husband. I had to babysit to earn extra money, I was extremely stressed out and I began to drink Monster caffeine drinks and also a lot of coffee each day to keep me going. I always had trouble sleeping but due to my separation and other factors, I could only sleep a few hours per night. I eventually had a psychotic (manic) episode which landed me in the psychiatrist hospital. I had never been been mentally ill in my life. I was 27 at the time of my hospitalization. I was prescribed lithium 1,200 mg per day and zyprexa 20 mg. per day. The psychiatrist never looked at the cause of the psychosis ( caffeine overload) and told me I was bipolar 1 and I would need medication for the rest of my life. I hated both medications and they made me feel horrible. Once symptom I began to develop while on the zyprexa was I felt no pleasure and was extremely bored. I was released from the hospital after a 1 month and 1/2 stay. Soon after, I quit taking all medications cold turkey. ( I was never told no to do so). I had no clue of the dangers of doing such. I almost lost my mind. So I went back on both medications for about 2 weeks, then I quit taking zyprexa becauseI gained 20 pounds in 3 weeks and felt awful. Three days after I quit the zyprexa, I began to experience terrible withdrawals symptoms. I have been off zyprexa for almost four months now and it's been pure hell. A lot of the physical withdrawal symptoms have gone; howvever, I ended up getting rebound depression from stopping the zyprexa cold turkey and I have anhedonia as a main symptom which is really really difficult for me to cope with. I have lost the pleasure that I once had when I was not sick. I cannot feel and pleasure in life and I feel that the drug has ruined me for ever. Every day is a constant struggle as I wake up in the morning and realize that I am not getting better. I fear that my brain was damaged. I have 2 young children who are being taken care of by my mother because I have lost all motivation as well. I find through my endless searches on the internet that there are not many people who have fully recovered from anhedonia. I do not want to see any doctors concerning this because I know they will just tell me that I am going through depression again because I quit taking the medication and they will tell me to back back on them. I began to experience loss of pleasure and extreme boredom while on zyprexa. I have also tapered my lithium down from 1,200 mg to 300 mg. I am scared to taper more at this point. I hope I can receive some help and support through people on this site that have been through this and hopefully they can offer some hope for me.

Cheers, everyone First – english is not my native language, so forgive me, if it's a bit clumsy. Second – this story may be long. I feel like sharing, yet I'll try to make it short. Everything began 11 years ago, when – after a great deal of trauma – I was diagnosed with obssesive compulsion disorder. Diagnosis itself felt wright – my fears, obssesions and rituals were getting stronger every day. Soon, I was beginning to lost it. Psychiatrist prescripted SSRI meds – sertraline, to be specific. It was pain. I reached the dose of 120 mg a day, as she ordered – I wasn't sleeping whole nights, wasn't eating almost anything (but still got fat) and my feelings and emotions were lost completely – what was left of me was a complete cyborg. Inabillity to sleep and eat made me going mad, my shrink, however, didn't see any problem. After a half a year, I showed her my middle finger and cease the treatment. I felt great for about a year – then obssesion came back, stronger than ever. This time, a proffesor psychiatrist came with paroxetine. Let me make this clear – paroxetine did help me. My obssesions were gone. I became calm, reasonable, able to deal with emotions like grief or anger quickly. In time, however, I grew more and more disturbed about the therapy. I mean – what about my personality? Which part of that is artificial? What kind of person would I be without drugs? Why other people mostly seem a bother to me and why I lost any kind of interest in any kind of love life? Why I'm getting more and more surly and bitter? My proffesor answers were another drugs only, to which I refused. This year, when six years of paroxetine were coming to pass, I withdraw it. I thought reducing the dose slowly will do. At first, I felt better. Everything was so vivid, so lively; I was becoming nicer to people. All this didin't last long, though. At first, I became nervous. Everything started to seem difficult, I felt like I had to much to attend to. That deepend into depression so deep, I quickly started to think about suicide, which eventually made me to come back to my treatment. This time, side effects decided to say hi. Afer two days on one pill, I suddenly started to run around house in cricle with suicide thoughts so intense, it was like someone grabbed me, shaking my arms and screaming „Do it! Do it! Do it!” I almost tried. I made it through next few days on benzodiazepine. Then, paroxetine kicked in without any more events. I've put myself together, yet I was confused – I mean, what the hell happened? I've never had such depression, where did it come from? My main problem were obssesions. I started to wonder – what if paroxetine actually did all this and now I'm allowing fox to guard henhouse? My decision to have a closer look on this brought me to book „Deadly Medicine and Organised Denial” by prof. Peter Gøtzsche (to those who haven't read it already – it's a book everyone should read). I read that paroxetine – and other SSRI meds – actually cause depression which shows up in the withdrawal syndrome due to disrupting brain biochemistry and that withdrawing after more than few weeks of treatment can be very hard. Sudden suicide thoughts, according to this book, are quite popular side effects of paroxetine syndrome. So many people, I was thinking. So many people did commit suicide, many of them slaughtered their families first. I was furious and quite dispaired, feeling like I'm gonna claw my doctor's eyes out. Who the hell allowed this **** to be on market? Why my god damn shrink is keeping my on this crap for years? I've felt like a freaking junkie. On the other hand though – after I calmed down – I've felt some kind of new strenght. Withdrawing became my top priority. I'm now aware what happened and what is next. I know it may be hard, but I'm not losing optimism, until I still have at least some part of my brain intact (and liver, and kidneys, et cetera...). Like I said, I got this site address from prof. Gøtzsche and here I am. On the next appointment, I'm gonna have a little chit-chat with my doctor. If he won't be willing to assist me on my way to withdrawal, I'll find a doctor who will. I've already reduced the dose from 40 to 30 mg and I'm aiming to reduce it more to 20 mg (this is by approval from my current doctor). And then... well. No matter how much time will it take, I'm gonna be free one day. (Anyone who thinks deserves beer after reading all this, leave me a note ).