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Hi friends... When SSRI's came into my life, they saved me. Through most of my life (teens and twenties) I had successfully lived with my mental health struggles using tools such as exercise, time outdoors, and an ever changing and stimulating lifestyle as one has during this time of their life. When I moved in my early 30s, completely upending my life as I had never lived anywhere else, I was no longer able to deal with the depths my depression took me to. After failing to find relief from Wellbutrin, I reluctantly decided to try Lexapro. It truly saved me when I was at my lowest point until then. I knew about some of the side effects, weight gain, lower libido, which is why I hesitated. But, as I was no longer functioning, something needed to change. And, it did. What I did not know, was how horrific it was going to be to try to get back off of this drug. I understand myself better now, and I've created an environment in my life that should help me to thrive. But then there is this drug. It is like a veil. More subtle than the depression was, but still something that keeps me from living fully. It keeps me from feeling fully. In 2019, I was ready to come off of the drug. With a new psychiatrist (not the one who initially prescribed SSRI to me), I expressed that I was ready to come off of Lexapro. She told me to cut the dose in half for a few weeks, then in half again, then for a few more weeks, then I would be off the medication. After 5 days at half dose, I was having flu-like symptoms, crying whenever I moved more intensely than a walk, not sleeping....it was too much. I told my doctor and she said to go back to the full dose and we could try again slower at a later time. Then, she retired, and I moved to help my Mom go through cancer treatment. Not a good time to remove your antidepressant. In April 2023, my Mom went into remission, I had the best job, I lived in a place that was good for my soul, and I had so much support around me that I was ready to try again. I did not have a new doctor by now to support me, but I had learned the first time that I needed to slow the tapering process down. I thought I could do it. I reduced my dose by only 25% for 2 weeks, then again to half dose for 1 day. After not sleeping for 4 consecutive nights in a row in addition to the previous WD symptoms I had the first time, I went back to full dose. I was angry and sad. I felt like I had no control and my inability to come off the drug made me want to come off it even more. Why don't doctors tell you about this before they put you on it???? Yes, I've gained weight, my sex life has suffered, but not being able to stop taking this little pill is appalling. I didn't sign up to be dependent on a life-numbing drug for my entire lifetime!@@ My Mom did pass away this last year. The last thing I've needed since April is to take away this crutch when my heart has been more broken than it ever has before. But I am healing, and I think part of that healing process is to take back full ownership and control over my mind and body by getting off Lexapro. I have a two new doctors who are going to support me through this, and I have this site!!! I am so incredibly thankful for the resources and stories about people's journeys going through the same process I will. Thank you all SO MUCH for this site. My new doctors have prescribed me some additional psychoactive drugs to support this process: Lamotrigine and Bupropion. I am taking these to help alleviate WD symptoms from tapering off Lexapro, but I am very anxious about becoming dependent on these as well. My goal is to come off all psychoactive drugs to see where I am in navigating my mental health without chemical support. We will see...

Hey everyone! I just recently found this site and I think I'm starting to finally have some answers. I was on antidepressants for about 10 years and then went cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant last year February 2023. I was fine for a while when I was pregnant, but then one day I started having major panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. I thought at first it was due to the pregnancy and the hormones and added stress so I just wrote it off as so. I was also having trouble sleeping with sensitivity to light and sound and waking up every couple of hours or so, which I also attributed to the pregnancy. I had my baby in November 2023 and have had worsening symptoms. Of course, anxiety and depression can come postpartum and so I attributed all of my issues to this and just to the general stress of having the baby and being new at parenting. But now, it is starting to feel like there is something more than just postpartum depression and anxiety. I have been having severe panic attacks and have trouble dealing with my emotions. When I get overwhelmed, my mind just shuts down and doesn't know how to comprehend thoughts or emotions. Could this be linked to a long-term withdrawal from my antidepressants? And if so, is there anything I can do?

Orignal full title before shortening: 2 Months of lowest dose Mirtazapine, sufferin now for over 2,5 months of withdrawal I would set my signature up properly, but I just can't remember anything. Remeron/Mirtazapine withdrawal still leaves me with such a messed up memory that remembering only 2 things at a time causes me great problems. I can't tell which month I took my Effoxor back then, I'm not even sure about the year. Though I keep great track of the Remeron withdrawal, so at least I can tell that. If you don't want to read the whole story, I categorized the "drug" part in the Drugs section below. There is still some life story though. For the start, I'm currently 18 years old and a female. I was twice in mental hospitals seeking help for a problem that was solved with - you won't believe me - one sentence by my mom. One sentence just cured my whole condition. It may sound incredibly ridiculous, but seriously all of this that you'll read wouldn't have happened if somebody told me this one sentence at the very beginning. And I'm incredibly mad because of this, as I suffered and endured so much pain through the years because everybody was so desperate to prove that I had depression. At 13 years old I had a panic attack caused by a certain phobia which I mistook for suicidal thoughts. I admitted myself to a mental hospital to stay safe, as I was greatly scared that I would harm or kill myself. I spend there 1,5 months and they diagnosed PCOS-Syndrome (hormone problems) and "mild depression". They said I should spend more time with peers, as seemingly it was caused by having an inactive social life (I was quite the outsider at school and would remain. Not because I was shy or something, I was just always such an emotional-artist personality and had interest in completely other things than others my age, so I couldn't connect. Famous people or make-up didn't bother me at all.) On the contraceptive I felt much better, though it made me sleepy, but I needed, need and will probably always need it for without it my body completely breaks down, as the hormone imbalance is severe (more on that later). The phobia-episodes stayed away, emerging randomly for a few minutes sometimes but very rare, until age 15. I think the episode lasted there for half a year and little longer? They acted like panic attacks, up to 3-4 times a day and some days I was free from it. But I endured it, and though it may sound scary, looking back it actually wasn't so bad as I made it out to be when I went through it. At age 13 the panic attacks were much more rarer, you'll see why. So when I had those panic attacks, and I wondered why they were there, they seemed to have no cause, I blamed it on the contraceptives. So I was switched to another one, but I got very irritable on it and punched a wall for the first time ever in my life (I'm quite the peaceful person). The gynecologist didn't want to switch me on another contraceptive (as she was paid by this certain brand to only sell this one - literally posters of this contraceptive brand and calendars and cards everywhere in her place), so I stopped taking it. After few months, not many, my body began breaking down. I was dizzy most of the time, nauseated, I was constantly, literally constantly hungry, didn't have appetite though for anything, I was so fatigued I would sleep literally nearly the whole day, couldn't go to school, couldn't do anything really, and had quite the anhedonia. That was the worst, the anhedonia. Hormones can really, really do lots. Didn't have period for the whole year of no pill either. When my panic episodes (that I always called mistakenly suicidal episodes), returned I seeked help again desperately - and was admitted to a mental hospital again which mas psychosomatic in kind and didn't treat cases like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. 4,5 months there and no improvement, in fact, I got worse there. The therapist there was also a complete idiot and made just everything worse. He blamed my condition on the family (he'd wish he'd have such a deep bond with his mother), he blamed it on literally everything and called it "depression" all the time, though at the end of 4,5 months they still had no diagnosis because I literally did all paper tests they had and in all of them came out a very low scale of depression. They couldn't identify the cause at all. At first they thought Cyclothymia, then bipolar II, then depression, then this, then that, 4,5 months later we haven't got anywhere. Funny thing is, the therapist wasn't even fully licenced yet. He attended "further education" about psychotherapy. He barely knew anything. The psychiatrists there neither, because they told that "hormones can't do such a thing". Haha. I can attest they really, really do. I should have noticed he was not alright in the head after a few weeks when he told me I had sexual problems because I wasn't interested in sex enough. "Normally, people your age try around their sexuality with friends or so..." no thank you, I'll have my dignity. Next, I had an "oversensitive mother". She "worried too much." Who wouldn't about their child that has been unwell so long? "Normally people your age should go partying at night, and your mother doesn't let you..." first, I don't want to go thank you, second, yes, partying until 01:00 am somewhere in somewhere seems very safe and plausible. But my father who didn't care about me my whole life is the best one! The therapist tried to get me away more from my mother so I would get closer to my father and forgive him for not knowing "how to be a father", which I didn't do which again frustrated my therapist, and with every session he grew more frustrated that he couldn't manipulate me. Everything I spoke about in therapy I told my parents (especially mom), and everything that she spoke about with him in visits she told me. My therapist said he can't do proper therapy with me if I tell everything my parents. He sees a lack of "privacy" in this family. Everyone should have "secrets". What was unnormal to him is that we only have locks on bathrooms and on no other door. "I should be able to lock my door", he said. Which, if he really thinks I have depression, is the most stupid thing you can say. I won't even mentoin the documents I got when I got out of the hospital that he wrote, seriously you wouldn't believe what is written on it. -------------------- Drugs So after 4,5 months of no getting better, no improvement but worsening, they placed me on 37.5mg Effoxor which I responded to extremely quickly and really, really well. Within a few hours nearly my whole condition was gone. Even they were surprised that it acted so quickly, and that already the first one suited me so well, as usually people have to try around to find one that is good for them. Whether placebo or not, it did the thing it was supposed to do - so well that pharma companies could show me as an example of "miracle drugs". (I'm very sensitive to medications/caffeine etc., so I'm not surprised that a low dose works so strong on me). I had also very few side effects. I was placed a few days later on 75mg, and then my whole condition was gone. When I asked if antidepressants really numb feelings, the lead doctor said "no, the depression does that." Tells about everything you have to know about him. On my last visit to my therapist I told him they did nothing, only the drugs helped me. That he didn't like of course and in the documents I was counterargumentet that I "eagerly took part in all of their offered therapies". Yes, it was so boring there that I attended even courses that others couldn't go to and I went in their place instead. If we hadn't any courses - music, physiotherapy - I would take hour long walks with the others because else I woulg go crazy sitting there and doing nearly nothing. They wanted to keep me longer there, but I said "no", as fast as possible out of this place, they were all not alright in the head. And I got really fast out because my mother stormed in and shoved such arguments up their faces, especially my therapist, that he started shuddering. The locks, the "sexual problems", she had no mercy with words. Twenty minutes later I was out. A very few months later we went to another gynecologist, who is a fantastic one. There the PCOS syndrome was diagnosed again, and I was put on contraceptives again (my third) - I responded very well to this one. Unlike the first one, which was good too, this one didn't make me sleepy and I can function to this day without midday sleeps, which I needed on the first one. After half year of Effoxor I had to see my psychiatrist again, as the longer I was on the pill, the greater the "freezing headache" and numbing of the antidepressant came to light. Theory I strongly believe in, again THEORY - this was because the more I gained hormonal balance, the greater the serotonine etc. production functioned again and my body functioned more normally again - meaning, I didn't need the effoxor anymore and it started doing a little more harm than good now. So I was put off it, I was told to taper, but stupid me wanted so badly the numbing to go away that I did cold turkey. And compared to other cold turkeys I read, this one wasn't so bad. Dizziness, very strong headache, a bit of vomiting, that's all. On the second or third day though I took a 37.5mg pill again and tapered this time, opening the capsule and putting the little tablets out of it until only one of the little was inside. Then I had a week or two of mild withdrawal and it was over. As I said, poster girl for pharma with this drug. This year, 2022, on February my "suicidal episode" came back - and it didn't came back like before - this time it hit, at the same time, with such a panic attack that I hyperventilated so badly I got severe twitches and my eyes rolled up and teeth shuddered etc. an ambulance had to be called. They knew it was hyperventilating and I was calmed down with reduced breathing, because too much oxygen. It worked. But now I was left with such anxiety that I became extremely sleep deprived. When I visited my psychiatrist again (I had to wait 2 days for the emergency visit to him), he wasn't able to offer much help besides "taking up an antidepressant again". I said no, no antidepressants anymore. I asked for sleeping aid, so I would get a bit of rest after being much sleep deprived for two-three days. So he gave me a sleeping pill. Without telling me it's an antidepressant. Later I found out it is an antidepressant. Thank you very much. So I was given Remeron/Mirtazapine 7.5mg. When I started it, I became greatly suicidal, with urges to kill my myself and immense hopelesness that was drug-induced. During this time I seriously thought about assisted suicide (and still a bit traumatized because of it, as I never, never had before sucidal thoughts - the suicidal episodes were mistaken, I'll explain later.) I wanted to stop it after two days, but my mom said they need a bit of time to settle and then it'll get better. And it did, the suicidality vanished. I slept much more on it, not very much as since years I had disrupted sleeping, but this time only once a night and I fell asleep quite fast after that. Now, what is important to mentoin as it happened during the taking of mirtazapine, and I had one of those "suicidal episodes" my mom told me - this was the one sentence that cured me - "that it seems like I'm not depressed or anything, but scared." Boom. Done. It all went away. As I googled later, I found out what I had all the time was "Suicidal OCD - an intense fear of suicide and intrusive thoughts about suicide which leave the individual disturbed and distressed." This was also why the episodes got more intense and frequent in time - the more I was scared of it, the more intense it became. When I was distracted, it wasn't there. I remember when blood was taken from me it would disappear for a while, I remember the more hopeful I was the more it disappeared. All in my head. Ones own head, illusion can cause such suffering... fascinating. And indeed, the second I realized this was only a fear and not actual suicidal thoughts, all disappeared. And didn't come back. A few weeks later I would know the difference between this and actual sucidal thoughts. I was very alright on Mirtazapine, had feelings and so on, was myself pretty much. Problem was, the longer I took it the more paranoid-anxious I became (along with more and more damaged short-term memory), which would make me stop it after 2 months - and also by another event. I took CBD oil (I consulted it of course with my psychiatrist first), for it to help me further as maybe this would help my sleeping problems and I could get off mirtazapine. And I took the two together, and mirtazapine didn't react well to it. Got extremely anxious and with semi-suicidal feelings, kind of like when I first took it but half so bad- so I stopped the oil after three days of no improvement, but fast forward a half week later and the symptoms don't go away. So I had to stop taking mirtazapine, on 4th April. At first I became a bit hypomanic, my senses were sharp as never before, adrenal-like, nothing negative much. It went away after two days and was replaced by huge anxiety. It was lowering continuously over the course of one month, and I thought "not so bad", at the end, at first it was bad, but it was going away. 6th of May, it hit, and it hit really, really hard. I never felt this suicidal, it was like when I started taking it but 3x worse. It was accompanied by dizziness, intense nausea, extreme brain fog, anxiety, memory was non-existent, hopelessness rose to 900%, apathy, no feelings. Half of the day I thought about suicide and the other half of the day I was flat, kind of existing. The suicidality was intense, I could think about nothing else - it was nothing like the OCD I had, now I could really, really distinguish between illusion and actual suicidal thoughts. I felt, and still feel such regret of ever taking any antidepressant, I never was so scared about my future before, never regretted something so much. After one, two weeks it started gradually falling and the suicidality went kind of away, along with nausea, etc. What was left was the brain frog, numbness, impaired memory. But it got better over time, and I knew from the beginning it was withdrawal else I would probably have got psychotic about this. Now, a few days ago, second wave hit. Suicidality (but half so bad this time), now I have weird skin sensations sometimes, still much numb (I can cry very well though, I just don't feel the sadness, but the feelings are still there, hidden somewhere.) Brain fog, short-term memory still doesn't exist. Again, intense regret, I'm still so scared it won't end or I will suffer permanent damage, even though it was just 2 months and the lowest dose. What is optimistic though, for the first time since these 2.5 months I responded emotionally to music which opened a window, and I was cycling recently between withdrawal-window-withdrawal. But the fear of no end and permanent damage is still there, and thinking only about the slightest good memory from childhood makes me tip over into intense crying, as I'm so afraid that I lost now everything. There are so many things I still want to do, finish school, a good university etc., and I will only be able to forgive myself and forget if it all ends well, with as little damage as possible. Reassurement of "it was only such a short time, such a low dose, it won't damage you..." leaves me only with a bit of hope. In the past month I read so much about neuroplasticity and learned so much about the true face of psychiatry (especially through "Anatomy of an Epidemic"), and it left me in bewilderment and anger. Had I knew, then I would have never taken it. Never, no matter what and I never will take anything of it ever again. I only found about long-term use damage, so I guess from 2 months and lowest dose I will recover? I found in the Anatomy book that for antipsychotics, the rule is 2 months recovery for 1 month use, and only at the period of over a year or so it might cause permanent damage. I hope it is better for antidepressants, especially since I read so many horror stories I cried about with immense fear, and many I read with hope who came off after 20 years of various antidepressants and recovered well to 100% themselves. Often the knowledge about neuroplasticity, neurogenesis and success stories keep me sane. Incredible what 2 month use of the lowest dose can cause. If it shall end in 5 months, I will endure. I'm extremely endurable, all my life I've proven it. But there is this uncertainity, and it won't let me sleep at times.

Hello- as my topic title shows, I have been on anti-depressants for 24 years (20mgs Lexepro, 175 mgs Wellbutrin). It is hard to face. After the birth of my first son, I began having acute anxiety. When I told my gynecologist he told me it was common after giving birth because of hormonal changes. In such cases, he recommends about six months of medication to help with the symptoms and recommended a psychiatrist that he works with for patients such as me. I'm sure none of you are surprised to know that, as is all too common, I never got off the drugs for very long. Each time withdrawel symptoms were interpreted as my illness returning. My mother suffered from anxiety and depression all her sad life, so it wasn't hard to believe that I was ill. Yet, I still tried a few times to stop the drugs. Interestingly, once it became clear how difficult it was to get off the drugs, I knew with certainty that I needed to stop taking them. I Thought I would put if off until I was retired, so I would have less stress, etc. to deal with the WD, but when I learned about the10% taper it gave me hope that I can be AD free by my 60th birthday! I will start with the Lexepro. Getting myself a scale and using a spreadsheet to calculate the decreases. I'm getting my yoga and walking on, and continuing meditation for success! I'm so glad to have this site for reference, information and support!

Hi everybody, posting this here in hopes of some help with taking next steps. I was on 20mg/day escitalopram (aka lexapro/cipralex) for 3 years due to crippling anxiety that came out of nowhere (never had anxiety before), and despite taking good care of myself (sleep habits, nutritious diet, regular exercise, strong social relationships, etc), it persisted. So after 6 months, I decided to take the drug route. I didn’t notice any improvement with 10mg after a couple weeks so we upped it to 20mg (should’ve given 10mg more time). My anxiety was brought under control without any serious side effects at first. After being on it for 1-2 years, I started to notice that I was always pretty tired and increasingly apathetic despite my good lifestyle practices and having always been an energetic and motivated person. By the end of the 3rd year, I was exhausted all the time with no motivation/enthusiasm, brain fog, and would literally need a nap 3 hours after waking up from 10hrs of sleep (caffeine/stimulants didn’t make a difference). A hard workout (I am a bodybuilder (no steroids tho)) would leave me crushed for several days, like a constant hangover. I was just chronically exhausted and lethargic and, possibly by extension of that or as a separate issue, depressed and unmotivated. I did a 4-week taper from 20mg to 0mg without any issues at each reduction, spending several days at each dose to make sure I was stable before reducing again. I now know that was way too quick of a taper, but I didn’t have any adverse reactions to dose reductions, even after going down to 0mg, and my energy/mood seemed to improve at first. It has now been 7+ months since my last dose because I thought it was just a matter of time/toughing it out after you got all the way off. To make matters worse, my last doses were 10mg that I was alternating with 0mg, which I now know I shouldn’t have done. The only acute withdrawal symptom I had was some manageable vertigo, but the protracted withdrawal symptoms have been hell. Despite great life circumstances and maintaining a good quality diet, sleep habits, and exercise routine, I am now almost always: exhausted, sad/depressed, lethargic, spacey, unenthusiastic, apathetic/anhedonic, irritable, moody, and sometimes anxious (though not nearly as bad as the original anxiety that I started taking the SSRI for). I don’t really enjoy doing much of anything any more and I feel like I could sleep forever. I’m lucky to work a job that is flexible, so I don’t need to set an alarm usually and typically get 9-10hrs of sleep. I still wake up tired every day and often need naps despite never being a nap person before. My sleep quality is good (no insomnia really) My life is falling apart. I’m familiar with the waves and windows, and I’ve experienced one 2-week window, and the very rare goodish day here and there, during that 7-month period, but most days are crap . I have been tracking my mood/energy every day in a spreadsheet for last 3 months, and although I THINK I am doing a bit better now than I was during the first few months, it’s almost negligible, with awful days and chronic exhaustion still being the norm. Given that I am 7+ months in, I don’t want to quit while being so “far along”, and I know that reinstatement is less likely to work now or may even have adverse effects (kindling), but I am starting to consider getting back on a very small dose (<1mg?) to get stable again before executing a proper taper in hopes of avoiding continued PWS. I’m 25 and I’ve basically lost the last 2 years of my life, which I know is nothing compared to some of the experiences on this site, but I’m hoping to get some guidance or input here since my doctor is pretty out of the loop on SSRI PWS (his suggestion was to start taking wellbutrin/buproprion, which I would rather not gamble with). It seems to me that I’m basically deciding between the risk of reinstatement resetting my withdrawal progress and not working/making things worse OR toughing it out for who knows how long, maybe forever, and possibly getting new, even worse, withdrawal symptoms as I know there is a possibility of experiencing new withdrawal symptoms many months down the road. Some context notes: I am still able to consume most supplements (other than 5-HTP and melatonin) without any obvious adverse effects (for example, caffeine/pre-workout and nicotine gum/Zyn seem to be fine, although they aren’t as effective as they used to be) and I still lift weights very intensely since time away from training doesn't seem to help.Point being, I haven’t really been able to identify any trends as far as diet, supplementation, lifestyle habits, etc. causing waves, but perhaps it’s because I’ve been constant with everything. I also tried magic mushrooms (2g) and it had no effect acutely, although the following weeks were slightly better, that could’ve just been a natural “window”. Any insight would be greatly appreciated as I am feeling hopeless.

Hello to everybody! I am very grateful to get an opportunity to write my story in this forum, I am from Germany and in our country those severe problems with antidepressants withdrawals have not yet become very aware to the public, nor the prescribing doctors. It is really a tragedy! The tapering strips method, which seems to me being used successfully in England, the USA, the Netherlands aso, is almost still unknown in Germany. And in the meantime, I think, if I would have already known, more than a year ago, what I know now, all the knowledge, that I achieved, I would probably not be in such an unbearable and suffering situation, than I am still now, since the whole year 2022. Here in Germany is absolutely no help if such problems occur, after the withdrawal of Psychopharmaka, this is my sadest experience, and many others are in the same situation 😢 I can also read this in all the stories of the German Facebook groups who are having this title: withdrawal of psychopharmaka/Antidepressants. Nobody cares, nobody knows, nobody seems to be interested. And there are a lot of predjudices, there is very often totally lack of knowledge of these kind of drugs. The majority of the doctors are denying this very long lasting withdrawal symptoms, most of them still maintain, it doesn’t exist! And all they say, if you are refusing to Antidepressiva, there is nothing we can do! They don’t care about the side effects and all the other terrible and dangerous things in connection with the drug use. And because my side effects, which were getting stronger especially over the last years, I decided to quit with it, a very long time, I was not aware at all, that the problems which occured, the terrible Tinnitus, the Brain Zaps, the abnormal excitements, the sweating excavations, the furious extreme outbreaks of rages, insomnia, regular daily daily bouts of fatigue with leaden tiredness and then later being overactive again. For years I only functioned and lived in a bubble, and I was emotionally numb. It is more than a year ago that I stopped taking the drug, and unfortunately I reduced the dose to fast. According to my psychiatrists advice, I reduced the dose within only 5 weeks from 20 mg to O; which means 5 mg less per week, and this after my longtime experience of using Lexapro since 2004. How could I ever have been so stupid! If my beloved mom would still be alive, I probably would not have been so naiv, but since then I am traumatized forever, because of the circumstances of her death almost 3 years ago. In the End of January, 2022 I was finished with my reduction. And since the whole last year, I really go through hell until nowadays and I never ever felt so bad, since my withdrawal I never had experienced such horrible feelings and symptoms before! And my doctor\ psychiatrist still doesn’t believe, that all the symptoms I still have, are caused from the withdrawal of the drug. He maintains, that after a year, this cannot be. Even though I gave him really a lot of Information about the facts, he is still questioning it! 😢 Initially, after stopping, I had severe flu-like symptoms, severe nausea for months, loss of appetite, electric shock-like sensations in my head and other parts of my body, movement disorders, visual disturbances, severe muscle cramps. All of this has now subsided, within a year. But delayed, a permanent physical weakness has developed, especially noticeable in the arms and unbearable anxiety, heavily heart palpitations, plus severe dizziness, difficulty concentrating, brain fog**, a feeling of total insensibility, fatique, hopelessness and joylessness, cognitive disorder. A permanent state of chronic loss of appetite has also remained. And a permanent feeling of Unreality, very hard to describe, there are feelings of derealization I never had in my mind, and nobody understands, I hardly can explain. There are no spontaneous emotions anymore, I can't decide for anything, not even for the simplest things, I think back and forth forever, plus strong tinnitus, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, I live only in the past, have a strong longing for earlier times. My only emotional reaction and emotion is actually only sadness, a melancholy and sadness deeply anchored in me, which is a constant companion. Already when I wake up in the morning, I always experience this terrible indescribable feeling, which restricts my everyday life so massively, I am already on sick leave for most of the year and also have great fear for my existence, great fear for the future. I don't know how much longer I can endure this condition, I have been trying for months to achieve relief by taking various dietary supplements and phytopharmaceuticals, i.e. only herbal remedies, and have already spent a lot of money, in vain. Unfortunately, my health insurance does not cover orthomolecular and holistic medicine, only these expensive antidepressants, which have been prescribed for years, which are covered by the german health insurance. I am not able to smile or laugh, no joyful emotions, I can’t listen to music anymore but I love music!😢 My prescribing doctor believes my withdrawal symptoms, but says, this is only a reaction of my body, which means, that my depression is back. Well, the depression was always my company, since my youth, it never disappeared! He says, that I would feel so bad, because I refused to take another drug, and recommended Sertralin, in the meantime he recommended Agomelatine, that I also refused to take. Since a year he did absolutely nothing to help me with my severe symptoms. I was the one, who started to research in the internet, and I found a lot of information there. And thank God there a few people in Germany who are very busy and concerned about the problems which occur after the drug withdrawal, like Peter Lehmann, Peter Ansari, and some others. They were publishing very good books about this case. I learned a lot about my symptoms and why they excist. The majority of the doctors are denying this very long lasting withdrawal symptoms, most of them still maintain, it doesn’t exist! And they say, if you are refusing to Antidepressiva, there is nothing we can do! They don’t care about the side effects and all the other terrible and dangerous things in connection with the drug use. And the main question is also: Is it ever possible to reinstate the drug with the tapering method even only with small doses after more than a year after quitting with this SSRI? Or better through the liquid formula with a special syringe? But this method is still very unusal to be practiced in Germany and I would have to order the strips from the Netherlands. There is only one pharmacy who produces them, I found out. I am very afraid to reinstate even a low dose of Lexapro again, because I already tried it last June 2022 with a short period of taking another drug called Brintellix/Vortioxetin, which is said to be similar to the drug Cipralex/Lexapro/Escitalopram. My doctor only precribed it because it was my suggestion, the drug is not available in Germany anymore and my pharmacy had to order it from Switzerland. And the all the symptoms got worse and I was lying in bed again with flu like symptoms including shivering in hot summer. I am quite sure now, the dose was much to high for being used as reinstating drug, it was 10 mg, than i reduced myself to 5 mg. But what shall I do? I can´t live with this terrible symptoms anymore, I fear, they last longer, perhaps for years, I can´t bear that anymore. If I would know, that I will feel better in the near future, sometimes this year, but everything seems so uncertain and my anxiety kills me. The heavily heart palpations, this terrific bodily weakness in my arms and this dizziness, this very difficult concentration even for the simplest things, and all that, It is so frustrating! I am crying every single day. And I have great fear for my income, what will happen to me, if I can´t work anymore? Thank you for your consideration and your attention of my story. Best wishes to all of you who read this!

Hello! Here is my story: Started taking Lexapro in 2012 and it really helped me to function in life during a stressful time. Decided to go off Lexapro in 2017. It was a fast taper, and I ultimately ended up staying at 5mg. Acute withdrawal symptoms were brain zaps, agitation, anxiety but they subsided after the first month, and over the course of the next 6-8 months, I slept a lot. I planned to ultimately finish the withdrawal process in the future. October 2020, I started putting a withdrawal plan together. Instead, I ended up going CT on Nov. 1 when I had a dental surgery and infection. This was an impulsive decision and a poor one. I thought that I just needed to get through the first month and then I would be okay. November 25, 2020, I got vertigo out of the blue and fainted/threw up. I thought this might have something to do with the withdrawal, so I kind of freaked out and took 2.5mgs of Lexapro. This knocked me out for 24-48 hours (headache/body aches/dizziness) and I stayed in bed. Everything checked out okay with the Doctor and when I asked if this was related to the Lexapro withdrawal, she said no, told me to throw away the pills. I received a diagnosis of Benign Positional Vertigo and was given a maneuver to do. The dizziness cleared up, it lasted 2-3 weeks Late December, work was stressful. I didn't eat really well and ended up with hives. I was taking Benadryl on and off. I took Allegra one day. There was one night the last week of the year where I didn't sleep at all and this was strange for me. Work stress seemed to be getting to me, but I pushed through. January 4, I started what was to be a month long meditation retreat at home, but something went wrong. I wasn't sleeping well, I was pushing myself, I had a lot of fear and resistance. I was crying uncontrollably. I was spinning out. By the end of the week, I decided to stop the retreat and now I'm in a very strange place. I'm super alert, anxious, fearful, tightness in my chest and I am not sleeping for more than 30 minutes at a time. I can't seem to calm down and I am not functioning well. I can't even imagine going back to work like this. Have an appointment with my Dr. tomorrow, and will try to possibly see a psychiatrist. My question - at just over 2 months out, do I try to reinstate at a very low dose of Lexapro, or should I try the sister drug Celexa (I think that is it)? I'm worried about how to present to my Doctor. I am trying to make the best of this, but am really very scared. Thank you for your time, Crochet

Hi people, I am kind of desperate as I feel really weird for the last week or so and it is not the anxiety or the depression that I started the antidepressants for (at least this is how I perceive it). As you can see in the signature, there were a lot of changes and adjustments since I started the antidepressants. My current doc (will have a meeting with her on Wednesday) recommended to go up to 150mg of zoloft and so I did, in December. But by the end of December I started to feel super anxious again and upon google research (doc not available during the holidays), I decided by myself to drop back to 125. A week after that I started to feel really good, maybe best I've been since I started the medication. It lasted about until around 20th of January when I started to feel another increase in anxiety. Contacted the doc and she recommended another drop, to 100 mg. About 5 days later I started to feel a bit better, but only for 2-3 days. Then the weirdness started. I now have a feeling that I haven't had before (of course, I might perceive it like that since the mix of depression and anxiety with OCD and health anxiety on top is a BOMB cocktail), like I am not the same anymore, a dreamlike feeling, a bit dissociative, a bit emotionally numb, a bit of confusion, ability to focus on something dropped a bit etc. Feels a bit like the derealization I had when I felt into depression, back in summer 2023, but without that severe depression. I fear that my brain got permanently "damaged" (a bit illogical, I know, but the fear is there) from all these meds and adjustments. I feel this new state to be even scarier than the anxiety attacks I was having in Autumn (at least I was feeling better after an attack, for the rest of the day, optimistic and hopeful) because I am in it the whole day, with minor ups and downs. Can I actually feel this way because of the last drop in dosage? If so, why I haven't feel this way when I dropped from 150 to 125? Lately I was thinking that upping the escitalopram dosage from 10 to 20 mg, back in September (I had a rough week right after I returned from holiday, anxiety was through the roof the week before I went up on 20 mg) was a mistake and maybe I just had to push through and stay on 10mg. I have the feeling that I have been overmedicated since then. I actually dropped back to 10mg mid Novemeber (and then switched to zoloft) after I complained several times to my doc that I started to feel a bit weird, mood shifts during the day, like feeling great in the first half and like **** in the afternoon. Also, I am seriously thinking in the last few days to start weaning off the poison, because I started to believe these meds are actually doing more wrong than good (of course, these words may come out just because I feel super off lately) I appreciate your thoughts and advice. Thanks!

Here is my story. As an adolescent and college student, I suffered from anxiety and in particular social anxiety. I finally sought psychiatric treatment in senior year of college (year 2014) as I also started getting major depressive symptoms and was prescribed Zoloft (at 100 mg for 7 years, then tapered to 50 mg for the remaining time I was on it; I did not take any breaks, was always on it during this time; mainly had some sexual side effects, a bit of emotional blunting, but overall really manageable from side effect standpoint, nothing major). It was highly effective at treating the physical feelings of anxiety and healed me mentally as well, slowly improving and lowering social anxiety and my depressive symptoms. In late July of 2023, while on 50mg I decided I was in a good place and found a few of the side effects annoying, and (unfortunately) self-tapered off the 50 mg (50 to 25 to 12.5 over around 6 weeks) by mid-September. As I tapered, I felt no increase in anxiety or depression (and had not been feeling these in a significant way for a long time – in fact I was the happiest I had probably ever been in my whole life, which is what prompted me to think I did not need the Zoloft any more), or any of the symptoms I took it for the in the first place, and experienced minimal ‘discontinuation’ symptoms as well. Then, about 6 weeks after stopping, in mid-November I had several things pop up at the time I did not recognize as relapse/discontinuation, but almost certainly were (GI distress, nausea, constipation) – these were separate ‘episodes’ that occurred, and there was spacing in between them. December 10 is when the true full relapse began: I woke up in the middle of the night feeling uneasy, with chills, got bad night sleep / struggled to get back to sleep, following night at girlfriend’s had panic attack come out of nowhere- chills, shivering, feeling anxious not self, thought I was going to die- walked around and talked it out, died down in 20-30min… but for rest of night felt uneasy, struggled to sleep / got a bad night sleep. Following day woke up feeling full anxiety in chest, shoulders (adrenaline type feeling) and had racing/worrying thoughts, told primary care provider they refilled Zoloft 25 mg. I took the Zoloft 25 mg had a strong reaction (this was ~2.5 months after my last dose of 12.5mg), both positive in sense it did calm me down but with strong side effects (tingling, no libido, strange sensations (I experienced lower libido, but nothing like the strange sensations when on it before)—like an electric shock in lower body mostly, i.e., what I now know to be the ‘kindling’ effect and you can’t argue against this because human beings can’t natural produce electric shock sensations internally even as a manifestation of anxiety), deterring me from wanting to take it again, still got pretty poor sleep that night but not horrible. Did not take Zoloft Wednesday because concerned about side effects, still felt anxious / off and got poor night’s sleep again. I met with primary care thursday, at doctor’s office Thursday had a panic attack that did die down, they referred me to psychiatrist. On Friday took 12.5 mg Zoloft since they said it wouldn’t make a difference either way at that dose and felt more relaxed but again had weird side effects. The next day I started to feel weird, and took 12.5mg to take the edge off (in retrospect, not how Zoloft to be used but I was in an irrational, anxious state), made me feel calmer but still got a bad sleep. Sunday morning felt very off, like panic building so took 25 mg Zoloft initially calmer but panic attack did not stop ended up going to ER, had elevated BP/HR otherwise fine, and gave me low dose of lorazepam, talked it out, calmed down. Also trazodone for sleep, ended up sleeping very well that night for whatever reason. The next day felt a bit weird but also a bit recovered, around noon felt growing depression feeling so took 25mg Zoloft, then that night really struggled to get sleep, next morning also feeling off, had panic attack, ended up calling 911 evaluated in ambulance, just elevated HR and BP, calmed down, flew home that day (took Zoloft 25mg at noon because could feel growing depression feeling again). Had another panic attack and went to the ER one more time (this was last day I took Zoloft 25mg). I then started on my newly found psychiatrist’s (yea… unfortunately did not have one for a while) plan of 0.5mg/night clonazepam and 150mg Wellbutrin (since starting the 0.5mg clonazepam, no true panic attacks have occurred), unfortunately even with taking the Wellbutrin in the morning, I got no sleep that night (got hypnic jerks that kept me awake), told me psychiatrist, he told me to stop and we’d re-evaluate in a few days. Then following two nights no sleep, the psychiatrist kind of gave up on me, so then took a few days to find a new provider. Who started me on 5mg Lexapro (and continue 0.5mg/night clonazepam) – the main side effects were getting no sleep (down from 5-6 hours previous two nights) both nights I tried it and constipation (but other than that nothing bad). I took a break for a day and re-tried in the morning, then was able to get some sleep. Over a 5-week period, I vamped up from 5 to 7.5 to 10mg/morning Lexapro, and tapered down to 0.25mg/night clonazepam (tapered down regardless of impact on sleep because I did not want to become dependent). Since starting the Lexapro, there has been continued improvement in daily functioning, reduction in anxiety (in particular better control over thoughts), mood (continues to improve actually – in many ways getting back to old self despite being sleep deprived); I continue to feel I am approaching ‘normal’ / being myself more. However, there is still something major that is very off: I do not feel exhaustion/tiredness (OR anywhere near as much like **** as I should after a poor night’s sleep, I am also strangely am able to focus better and in a better mood than I’d be under normal circumstances) during the day (or a very limited amount of it), and continue to get poor night’s sleeps (I have not taken a single nap or dosed off at all since December 10… I even took 5mg ambien in the middle of the day (long story) and that failed to make me fall asleep). It is often challenging for me to both fall asleep, and guaranteed I will wake up at least 1-2 times throughout the night (and sometimes during these instances I cannot get back to sleep), and I can never sleep in past 7am. The worst nights are usually 1.5-2.5 hours, the better ones are in the 4.5-6 hour range (I had a streak of 0 hour sleep for 3 nights in a row after going down from .5 to .25mg Klonopin too early, then went back to 0.5mg and made taper more gradual). I have had several nights of 7-8 hour sleeps, but with only a few exceptions these have always been after taking a sleeping drug (and always the 0.25mg Klonopin as well). During the nights, I will sometimes wake up with a faster heartrate, night sweats, urinate frequently, when trying to fall asleep I have experienced minor hypnic jerks (though a lot less bad than the ones after taking the Wellbutrin) – a lot of these have admittedly declined in frequency (and some I think have been in reaction to taking certain sleep meds the night prior, e.g., Mirtazapine), but nonetheless my average amount of sleep has not improved that much, still waking up often and not getting very many hours (interestingly I also pretty much always remember my dreams). For awareness, I have tried Ambien (just 5mg) which did not work at getting me to sleep (did make me extremely drowsy though.. also felt depressed/anxious like 5-6 hours of taking it), Trazodone (25-100mg, it was effective, but started realizing it might be causing tachycardia and made me act weird in the mornings so stopped taking it), Mirtazapine (~4mg, probably the best sleep I’ve had during the whole experience slightly over 8 hours only woke up once, obviously made me extremely drowsy, but the next morning was a zombie, then in the afternoon started experiencing hypersensitivity and getting jolts of anxiety in reaction to things like dogs barking while on a walk), Lunesta (1mg – was effective 6-7 hours helped with falling and staying asleep, but did some GI distress, and felt causing some sort of mini-withdrawal since on the Klonopin / not advisable to take z-drug with benzo), and Hydroxyzine (25-75mg – this has been effective, I think become a bit less effective over time but still helpful, some side effects getting better, notable so want to avoid taking every night); for supplements I take 2mg melatonin, 300mg magnesium, vitamin D3, I try going to bed at consistent time, go on daily 30+ minute walks, employ diaphragmatic breathing, though admittedly have more to learn on sleep hygiene. All of this said, I would love to hear people’s thoughts on the following (and I am going to an online forum because I have brought some of this up to supposedly highly qualified Ivy League-trained psychiatrists who won’t really know what to do). (1) Is there any possibility I did not give re-trying Zoloft a proper chance, and getting back on it at some TBD dosage is my only chance to get back to normal? When I took it initially it did feel weird, but all of the effects I’d be willing to put up with if I got back to feeling normally and being able to sleep properly again (even though as I took it later in the week I noticed most decline in intensity). Additionally I took it incorrectly, starting on a Tuesday at 25mg, then taking 12.5mg on Friday, then 12.5mg Saturday, then 25mg for just a few more days before stopping. You may think, why on earth would he get back on that he still had panic attacks on them (and yes, they were potentially worse because I took it, but I took it improperly, which likely completely threw off my brain). In comparison to Lexapro, when I first took it it did not interfere with sleep like Lexapro did (two nights in a row with no sleep, and still after 5 weeks on Lexapro I am getting poor sleep, though some components may be improving). It did have a calming effect, did have a somewhat numbing effect and made me feel better than I should have (given the overtiredness), but still that was early days and towards the end 4th day or so of using that became less the case. a. I read in some cases if you react strongly to the initial dosage that is “kindling” and does not mean the drug will not work, but just you are extra sensitive to it. My brain clearly grew dependent on Zoloft over the 9+ years I was on it and may need the drug to get back to normal. I had not taken it long enough the second time (only 4-5 days) to tell if it could properly reduce anxiety, rebalance my brain so I could sleep properly. When I was having the panic attacks while taking it, it had not been long enough to prevent them (would take weeks…), I was also not eating nearly enough (something I realized during my final ER visit when I horsed down a bunch of mediocre hospital food). b. If I were to switch I am pretty sure I’d need to cross taper with Lexapro, because going to 0 on an SSRI I don’t think would be good for me at this point, in particular combining the withdrawal with the sleep deprivation. It would probably be wise to start with a very low amount of Zoloft (like 1 mg?) to minimize any risk of Serotonin Syndrome. c. While I don’t think they take a nuanced approach, and lack a sophisticated enough understanding of SSRIs, have been advised against this by several doctors. (2) Does it make sense to stick with Lexapro, at least for several more weeks, potentially at a higher dose. I am not concerned about the constipation, but obviously if it makes sleep worse that’s a no go. I have noticed continued improvements shifts to normality while on it just not the desired improvement on sleep. In some ways I am happier on it than I was on Zoloft, but still not the sleep improvement—and sleep is huge foe me. If I were to increase the dose I would start going from 10mg to 12.5mg. My GI system seems to be improving (gets less irritated after meals, getting more of real appetite/feeling hunger) a. The recent psychiatrist I saw recommend I try increasing the dose of Lexapro and see how it goes over the next month. (3) Could it make sense to try an alternative SSRI, such as Prozac or Celexa? The key here would be getting brain back to a state where I could sleep. Or a different antidepressant class, but those are second line and known for even worse side effects. (4) Some may say the Klonopin, especially in the context of tapering, is hurting sleep (which it probably is but I doubt that severely given I have held at .25mg for 3 weeks), and right now I am still suffering from the bad sleep deprivation, have lost 15 pounds – suffering through potential benzo withdrawal might not be something I can handle now. I have no desire to ever take a dose higher than 0.25mg, and eventually 100% want off of it, preferably as soon as possible. (5) In terms of other treatment options for the insomnia, I have not yet tried Seroquel but have reservations given I already have not had the best experiences with Trazodone and Mirtazapine – if I were to try Seroquel maybe like ¼ or ½ the usual starting dose of 25mg… Would rather try one of the alternative treatments, CBD/cannabis if those really do sometimes work. a. I have heard CBT-I, ketamine infusions, psilocybin microdose, CBD, cannabis, maybe be helpful – would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on any of these or other treatments

Hello,this is my story (sorry for my English), Currently suffering a lot and don't have a good supporting system,I feel so alone and lost and don't know if this nightmare will ever end, any help appreciated. 01/2017-12/2022 ~6 Years on Generic Lexapro (5mg-20mg) because of repeataive panic attacks and anxiety that lead to depression.No idea about withdrawal,dr just said that it will be easy to stop them just like I started them .Just I have to do it slowly when I see myself better.My tapering was not tapering as i read here ,I consider it cold turkey because of wrong directionns of docs. I went from 20mg to 5mg in a short time(4-5 month) and and then 0mg. Withdrawal symptoms: 01/23-04/23 Low mood , anxiety at times, high energy, feeling uncomfortable some times.I was feeling that something is not going very well and something is coming but no idea that was from withdrawl as I thought this poison was already out of my system as I was told by doctors. 04/23-07/23 Lot more stress and anxiety, shortness of breath, higher heart rate, balance problem showed, several panic attacks, difficulties focusing, lower productivity at work as my cognitive skills started to go down,pssd.(Thought just ws high stress and anxiety who caused this maybe need some rest ,still no idea about withdrawal.) 07/23-31/09/23 The terror just started,all the above symptoms but in much more extreme which gradually worsened(I took maca for pssd for 4 days in the beginning of 07/23 possibly worsened my symptoms or just what came was supposed to happen ).In the beginning I couldn't talk , couldn't find the easiest words tos say to complete sentences.My cognitive skills just faded away (I was able to understand that because I used to be a good student at uni so I had great pc skills and was a smart guy high grades ) but my mind just stopped to cooperate.All of this gave me a lot ,a lot of stress I thought I was going insane and I just couldn't accept this.I stopped my work temporary for a month because I thought I need some rest because of anxiety i had and I just needed some rest but the worse was coming.My balance problems worsned a lot more ,and just one day I started to have a headache in back of my head ,It was like someone was burning my brain inside.Then everything went worse i started to have headaches in every part of my head , sometimes feel like there is missing part of my brain ,and i feel that parts of my brain are missing sometimes,Very sensitive to louds and sounds in general cand handle everyday sounds I feel paralyzed ,not able to communicate for a long time or focusing in the words someone says ro me because headache starts and just cant handle (it is like it triggers stressors and if i continue to hear or focus in conversations after the pain this goes me to a panic attack )The same happens if i see a vidio for lot of minutes ,feell like my brain is very sensitive maybe due to the fact that i had so much stress about what was happening.I found about this group accidentally as I was in 2psy docs who suggested that i had relapsing and wante ro give me cocktail of other drugs . I suspected that and started the searching on internet.In the beginning i found a group of pssd because this is a problem I have since my CT,and wanted to know about these other drugs they prescribed me ,then I saw @pugsuccess story which lead me to this amazing forum.And reading here about symptoms and everything about withdrawals things started to make sense ,but I was in shock (I found SA0 12/09/23).I didn't started to get these drugs they prescribed me but Im suffering a lot these days.Worth to mention that when my headache started I had a lot of pain on my brain (I thought I was going insane minute to minute )and I wa unable to tolerate it.My family went me In ER and they gave me sth no idea what it was however they told me to take Lyrica(pregbalin) and see how things will go.I took lyrica next day (50mg) and it helped me a lot to be honest my pain reduced and since then I continue it ,but im afraid as it is also addictive and dont know really in this moment it helps or puts more fuel to the fire,but im afraid to take it off because the terror I saw when i went in ER was out of this world.I don't work anymore as I am not able to concentrate on pc and my cognitive impairment is very low . I live with my family this moment as not able to take care by myself but they don't understand me they think that everything is just in my head and they expectthis to pass day by day putting some sort of pressure on me ,also my friends dont understand me,thay just have not ever heard about everything i say so doesn't make sanse ,Im not not able to seee them a lot because I cant handle conversation for lots o minutes with pepople it trigers me that pain in my head .I don't know what to do anymore,I cant go back to ssri the stole my feelings for years ,but im suffering a lot now and 2 month ( 9 months off srri).Apart from the fact that i dont function normally because of my brain I also have lots of stress daily which also cause high heart rate . My worts days are usually I'm bedridden and just a step away to go in ER(lot of pain inside in my soul like is screaming so loudly but only me can hear it , fatigue,not able to communicate, sensitive to light and sound,and dont know if i will make next hour or not).It goes after 6-7 hours some times takes all day and night but freaks me out.Some moments of the day I feel ok but ar less than the waves. My sleep is (4-5 hours per night) except from some days that I was no able to sleep at all .Try to eat 3xday even though some days i don't have appetite.Exerxice whenever Im able and not beddriden usually (30 -50min biking ride or walking/jogging ~8000steps )5/7 days a week . Im trying to fight this but in we deepest waves i feel so bad ,so weak and not imaggine to tolerate this for much time .I don't know if anything i said makes any sense because my symptoms are a little different from others with lexapro.I just want to ask the moderators if is a good idea to continue with lyrica or not? And what is the best thing to do when acute withdrawal hits because I cannot know if there will be strongers acute waves than these who passed just in case to be prepared.Would be a good idea any benzo or any other way either way? Any support and suggestions appreciated. #Thank you for reading my story.🙂

Hi guys I tapered Cipralex 10mg to 0.00625mg over 2 years, Everything goes nice until I smoke weed which I thought is a medicine to heal, From that day onwards I got Akathisia then healed after 10 months and I got depression, Awful Mornings, Insomnia, Racing Thoughts, Fear of abandoned, Visual Snow, feels like always high. I got Patterns like Awful Mornings and Depressive Evenings. Note. I takes Propranolol 5mg for Akathisia and I still continue the med, If I Stop the med my feel like always high become worse and Heart palpitate, But Most of Symptoms heals day by day Thank God for Healing me. But I can't tolerate somes supplement like fish oil which could tolerate in Cipralex taper. I can't even tolerate Pepper in food. I introduce myself what are the things I do and I don't in me.

Hello. I’m a 31 year old female. Straight, single, no kids. From California. I am alcohol-free since 1/1/18 and don’t smoke or use drugs. I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2001, depression in 2013, and have had moderate to severe emetophobia for as long as I can remember (this contributes to most of my anxiety). My first time being prescribed an antidepressant was at age 12. I was on a low dose of Paxil CR after being hospitalized for mysterious ailments that turned out to be anxiety-related. I’m not sure but I think I was on that med approximately six months. I don’t remember having any issues coming off it. In my last year of college (2013), at age 23, I started experiencing a worsening of anxiety and depression symptoms and ended up back on Paxil. Between then and early 2016 I was on and off Paxil, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin. I gained a lot of weight from the SSRIs which started negatively affecting my health. I was able to get off the combo I was taking (Paxil and Wellbutrin) in 2015(?) with tolerable and brief withdrawal symptoms, and was having great success managing my life with healthy habits and talk therapy. That all came crashing down when I decided to buy my first house. (A decision I now regret!) The stress of it all made me start having panic attacks at work so I decided to go back on medication. I started with Zoloft but the second time around it gave me terrible side effects. Next was Prozac which was just a week of misery. So I finally tried Lexapro. It worked. But over the course of the next several years I gained even more weight, and along with unhealthy lifestyle choices, ended up with a type 2 diabetes diagnosis. Along with the type 2 diabetes, my absolute worst struggle is fatigue. I have low energy every single day of my life. It got so bad that I was almost fired from my job for excessive tardiness; I’d sleep though alarms. I actually ended up quitting that job and selling my house because my mental and physical health were sinking to their lowest. I spent over six months on disability and moved back in with my parents. I eventually started working part time. And now I’m back to working full time and recently moved alone in a nice rented apartment. The constant, everyday, debilitating fatigue is still there. I tried everything to remedy it, even had a sleep study done. Nothing. The sleep doctor said that SSRIs can disrupt sleep patterns. So through process of elimination I’ve come to the conclusion that my chronic fatigue is because of the Lexapro. Between that, no sex drive (and thus being single for the past 7 years), and the metabolic issues, I’m determined to get off it. Which brings me here. I first tried getting off my 15mg/day dose in summer 2019. I took the bad advice from a homeopathic doctor to taper down 5mg every two weeks. It was hell and even after stretching that out a bit, I had to go back to the full 15 and eventually 20mg dose after six weeks. I’m now on my second attempt to taper. I easily got back down to 15mg in January 2020. In October 2020 I talked to my psych NP (who’s been managing my medication for several years now) and she prescribe me liquid Lexapro so I can start a slower taper this time. I started off going down 1mg each week, sometimes two weeks if needed. I didn’t have too many issues. The main symptoms were fatigue, nausea, dizziness/lightheadedness, and brain zaps. January 22, 2021 I got down to 3mg and that’s where I still am because for some reason I’ve been smacked on my a** with symptoms. I’m experiencing all the physical symptoms above, but worse; now along with crying jags, derealization, irritability, intrusive thoughts, and depressive mood. They’re not constant but they’re enough to really mess up my life right now. (Pandemic burn out is definitely a contributing factor as well.) So I’m here on this site to navigate this last leg of my taper. Feel free to drop a comment, give advice, ask a question, or just say hi. I’m using this site mostly on my phone so I’ll do my best to figure it out and add my signature line ASAP.

( mod note, mmt) Ewa's Introduction topic is here: Ewa;Cymbalta 60 mg coldturkey My name is Ewa, I’m 49 years young and I have recovered from the voyage to hell that was initiated by cold turkey from 20 years of antidepressants use. In the title SHE is my daughter (now 12 years old) my first and main reason to stay here, second is my husband Eric who was my caregiver and was there for me unwaveringly, third information about withdrawal from this website (was my first website I found when looking for answers) and others like it, success stories of people who came through victorious, and relentless search for truth. On February 2018 I cold turkey from 60mg of Cymbalta (December 2017 I turned 44 years old) almost instantly I was in altered state of consciousness (in medical community labeled as mania, I dislike their terminology but I will use it here in parenthesis) had out of body experiences and visions (not hallucinations) one of them was my mothers trauma I didn’t know about. I was in trans like state very euphoric, didn’t need much sleep, had diarrhea for about one month, metallic taste in my mouth, could not eat meat and other foods. I was functioning but in different way. Gradually I was coming down from euphoria, it took 8 months and one day it was clear to me that I was very much different in past months (I had that awareness during but was not afraid of it) also I started to feel internal vibration that I thought was anxiety (never had anxiety before in my life). In the end of August 2018 I went back on 60 mg Cymbalta plus 0.5 mg Ativan (first time in my life I was put on benzodiazepine), two weeks into being back on drugs I became suicidal. Every two months I was in hospital changed the antidepressant Ativan stayed the same 0.5 mg twice a day or as needed. My condition was worsening and in January 2019 I did ketamine which put me further down the hell. By this time my diagnosis changed from depression (my original sign 😉) to treatment resistant depression, all they have left for me was ECT, I had 8 sessions in total and after last one as I was walking out of hospital (for my last two sessions I was outpatient, for so called maintenance sessions) I heard just a whisper of my own soul “Ewa you have to find your own way out of here, if you stay,there will be no coming back”, by this time I was a shell of my former self, a mare shadow of a human being, that upon waking from last ECT had to guess what year it was, I was successful in this but the president of USA in 2019 was still Obama.As soon as I got home I went on internet and found this website, my search for my own way out of hell has begun. At that time I was on Zoloft and Ativan, I decided to cold turkey again (two months taper) and in May 2019 my drug free life has begun. The level of suffering has intensified greatly and stayed the same for two years. I did not have windows not even one. I had severe insomnia, slept 2 or 3 or 0 hours, anhedonia, depersonalization, déréalisation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation and urges, memory loss, cognition loss, complete loss of appetite, my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat and it was two bites at the time, I didn’t shower for weeks only when I was on my period (I never lost my menstruations still have it now), all consuming terror was always there, didn’t brush my teeth (had to have 3 crowns last year), I had light sensitivity sunny days in summer where extra torture, sounds sensitivity (I love music but in that state was torture), my whole body was stiff like I was log of wood very hard wood. Adrenaline rushes like toxic waves through my body, Agoraphobia ( was mostly bad bound), apathy, confusion, crying it was more wailing like a caged animal I became. Inner trembling, lethargy, complete loss of libido, during my very short sleep I manage to have nightmares. Tinnitus was not severe and it went away after about one year. January 3 2020 I wrote this “All I want is to be able to be a mother and wife again ! I love Chloe and Eric so much” at that time I had all the symptoms I listed above. Also I have to add that during my altered state of consciousness (mania) April 2018 I had breast lift surgery(it was scheduled in 2017), day after walking up the stairs I heard myself saying “it is not normal to cut healthy body” , this procedure so accepted and even praised by our sick society is a band aid in form of self mutation to secure love and approval of others behind which is a very deep pain. I had infection and was put on very strong antibiotics, further destroying my got. (I have to go to my appointment now second part of my root canal treatment, I will continue later on today, I will submit this now because I don’t know how to save this and don’t want to loose it 😊) Thank you to my father Jan whom I love deeply, it was from his life journey and strength I drew inspiration to go on.

Hello, im confused about what to post and where. So please bare with me. Im 41 years old, female and have been on quetiapine and escitalopram for 12 years or so . I have been skipping doses of the lexapro for the last year. I naively thought this was ok to do. My anxiety, panic and ocd has been incredibly bad i assumed it was just my illness getting worse( bpd, adhd, anxiety, ocd, ptsd) the meds no longer working . At their peak i was taking 20 mg escitalopram and 75 quetipaine. but naturally tapered over the years. I thought they were working but now im convinced they are making me worse. Im worried i have kindled myself from skipping doses of lexapro. As i said i have been stable on 25 mg of quetiapine that i take regualry but for over a year have been skipping doses of 10 mg of lexapro, i may only take 3 tablets a week. I had the realisation i wanted to come of the meds starting with the lexapro, i went on holiday recently ( 2 weeks ago) and took 1 , 10 mg pill in 8 days I Was feeling sick so the next week took 5 mg only 3 days a week and found this site. Ive since realised skipping doses was a terrible thing to do. i have now decided to take 5 mg every of the lexapro every day . The sickness and headache subsided but im feeling high as a kite And manic. im not sure what to do im trying to find a psychiatrist but its taking ages. Please advise 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hello everybody. I was referred to this forum after trying to find answers about my problem on other websites for almost a year now. To somewhat quickly sum up my story. I was put on psych meds at 16 after a breakdown related to OCD. I am not sure how long I have been on Lexapro, but probably since around 2013/2014. I first started taking psych meds at 16. I was dealing with a bad APRN (who I saw for years but became worse and worse over time) who had me on 30mg of Lexapro for at least 2 to 3 years. I cannot remember how long I was on 20mg before that, and for how long. I apologize. I couldn't get a refill due to problems with my computer for an online meeting, they didn't give me enough to taper off safely (didn't even tell me to taper off or warn me about withdrawal symptoms), so I ended up having a breakdown about 3 months later, but not any cognitive issues at all. I was very paranoid and anxious, but my memory was fine along with my memory and ability to talk eloquently. I was put back on 10mg of Lexapro about 2ish weeks after the incident. I remember having a dull pain at the very top of my head for a little bit, and since that week, I've had breathing problems, sinus issues such as dryness and pain (watery mucus too, now my sinuses feel very dry recently), memory loss, brain fog, fatigue, dry mouth, chest pains, face/neck pains and a warm/tingling feeling on the left side of my face (sometimes numbness too), vomiting, throbbing headaches, high blood pressure (this has mainly gone away I think, could have been from withdrawal) jaw stiffness (my teeth would clench subconsciously while awake, that's gone away) and ear ringing. I also now have sleep apnea. I had to immediately stop taking it again due to these issues, I lasted about a week on the new dosage. It almost feels like I had a TBI without having a TBI. I don't know if the SSRI caused it or the stress of the breakdown (was put on a psych hold) and personal family problems such as my mom getting sick with cancer that eventually killed her caused it, or both. I've been feeling like this for about 10ish months now and it's not getting any better. I have sexual dysfunction problems, emotionally I feel numb, and when I try to think deeply it feels like my brain is a stalling car. My memory is also as bad as ever, and the neck/face problems are still here, I can feel them as I'm typing this. It also feels like when I speak to people, my mouth is speaking faster than my brain can think. This is something very new, and it causes me to stutter/not talk as eloquently as I used to. I used to be very well spoken and now that's gone. I can recall events in my life/childhood, but now I can no longer remember specifics of the events, such as words said. It's very odd. I've had CT/MRI scans done of my brain and neither showed real problems. I'm seeing my PCP in September because my problems are getting worse, and I'm supposed to see a neurologist in November, and I'm thinking of asking for a qEEG, SPECT, and a nerve conduction study. I'd just like some advice on what to do to feel better. Not sure if my APRN is liable for the damage done to be or not, either, but this isn't a legal forum, so I'm not expecting any advice on that front. My former APRN, who I had gone to for years, slowly became worse and worse, and got angry at my mom at times for scheduling my appointments with my APRN. When I saw my APRN again after my breakdown/psych hold, she didn't seem to care about me going off 30mg cold turkey, her not telling me to taper off of it or warning me about the problems etc. She just put me back on 10mg, and when I had to stop taking it due to my side effects, she refused to help me any further, saying she would only see me if I saw a therapist, and even when I did, she refused to talk to me about my problems because "legally I [The APRN] can't because [The APRN] doesn't see me as a client anymore". She's the one who won't see me anymore, so I don't get it at all. She was very cold and uncaring about my mom getting sick and dying of cancer, only saying "getting a job helps with anxiety" and "Medicaid is hard to get on". It's so horribly depressing to feel like you've lost what made you, you. My memory is awful, my emotions are all over the place, I stutter sometimes now when I never used to, my cognitive thinking is awful. My voice actually sounds different to me. I don't know what's going on. My personality feels so neutered. I just want some help to get a definite answer on what's causing all of this.

Hi I was prescribed Paroxetine and Lexapro for over 10 years for my depression and anxiety. Tbh I was prescribed an array of medications by my first doctor who seemed hell bent on throwing them at me like tic tacs. After still having suicidal idealtion, endless crying spells, depression and anxiety another medication was added to the growing list...Zoloft. I had a severe reaction and had to stop it in a day. It traumatised me so much, I didn't resume my Lexapro medication. I went on with my life and for the first month I was fine and didn't really notice the absence of Lexapro in my life. But then I was struck down with anxiety and depression and tried to go back on my 5mg of Lexapro but got an allergic reaction from being off them for a month. I have been put on St. John's Wort and I'm trying to hold on but I'm losing all hope as I see my life collapse before my eyes. I'm physically getting worse and feel so physically weak and nauseated. I have brain zaps and tingles. I can't eat or exercise and feel that my life is over. It's absolutely terrifying. I fear becoming homeless because I need a job and money for essentials. I miss the person I used to be and never felt so alone in my life. There's no one that seems to understand and no support network in Australia. I know I didn't taper slowly enough and it would of been wise to do it slower. But unfortunately I tried to restart using Lexapro and had severe allergic reactions. We also don't have it in liquid form in Australia for a 10 percent tapering reduction. I now live all alone with no partner or support network. I'm 49 years old and feel that my life is over. Living with no hope, physical and mental symptoms, suicidal idealation, loneliness and despair coupled with financial stress makes me feel as though I just can't make it through this. I'm starting to lose all hope.

I have waited a long time to post this. Am unused to confiding personal stuff, have difficulty connecting with people and also my memory of things is muddled. This is a truncated version of my experience with anti-depressants (AD) over 6 years plus currently 2 and half years of withdrawal. Beginning Started experiencing debilitating anxiety and depression in my late teens. I found myself becoming a recluse in my thirties. For a few years I went weeks without venturing out of the house. When I did, I got out in the early hours to get some exercise. And that was it. During this time an unfortunate incident happened and I came into possession of Lexapro which was prescribed for someone else and one day I started taking it. In short, Lexapro saved me. I felt different. I managed to go out to places I normally hate/fear. I didn't feel anxious when I was around people. It was a miraculous thing. I felt calm. I could concentrate. I could be at ease. I could do things for myself and my family again. I could live life again. During my years on Lexapro I still experienced some periods of depression, anxiety and anhedonia though it's not on the same level as before meds and after it. Even though it seems the beneficial effects became weaker overtime, overall Lexapro worked well for me. I don't regret taking it and if given a choice to go back in time I would still have taken it as there was just no way out. Decision to stop Since I had improved I felt there was hope that I could live without it. I weighed the pros and cons of continuing on this med. I worried about the instability of my sources and the possible side effects of continuing long term. I mentioned I wasn't prescribed them so I bought more from online pharmacies. You may wonder why I did not go the formal way instead. I have issues with seeking help and with people in general. If I could do it by myself I would. Only my partner knows about my condition. I tried a few times to stop but finally succeeded on my last try at end of 2020. Maintained an erratic approach to tapering. Besides tapering dosages I used methods like alternate days and going without till withdrawal symptoms start showing. I jumped off at 1.25mg as it was the smallest dosage I could feasibly obtain (I now know there's a way to obtain even smaller dosages from this board). In estimate I really tapered off in a few months time. Withdrawal Emotional aspects are the hardest to bear. Beginning I felt a lot of anger and irritation. Sudden bouts of rage or getting extremely emotional and teary. Daily sudden waking with a lot of anxiety or waking up and experiencing dystalgia. Constantly feeling tired, stressed out and overwhelmed. Constantly on the edge of breaking down. For periods I would experience depersonalisation-derealisation and persistent dystalgia (a term invented on this board on obsessing about the passage of time and the past). I find myself obsessing over things and thoughts which were easier to let go of when I was on AD. Also obsessed with issues of death, mortality and suicide. I still experience all these in phases currently and had been constantly down in 2022/23 with weeks long of deep depression and despair. There's the constant uncertainty and doubt, especially so during a wave, which is often. Is it a relapse? Can I really overcome the withdrawal? How long is this going to go on? Will I ever heal? Why am I putting myself through this? Whenever I get really bad I start wondering about going back on. The idea of having to one day go through withdrawal all over again stops me fantasising about this option. The other option is to stay on it forever which I just can't see myself in. Another thing that adds to the uncertainty is I don't really have an old functioning image of myself to fall-back on. I can't go back to the old me. Physical symptoms Worsening eyesight, being unable to focus on near objects (could be because I am getting older but the development coincided with my withdrawal), halo effect around light sources, blurry eyes, light sensitivity and worsened night vision. More than half of my hair had turned grey to this ordeal (people had commented on this). Nerve pain in the left hip that mostly went away followed now by stiff and painful neck. I still experience random mild brain zaps though infrequently. Recent months developed constant tinnitus which I think is due to the overwhelming stress withdrawal has on my mind and body and is an added agony. I feel easily tired and overwhelmed. I am devastated by what is happening to me. I feel like I have aged 10 years in these 2 years of withdrawal with no end in sight. Brain fog, unable to concentrate and think and erratic moods have seriously impacted my ability to function. I am struggling almost everyday to do even simple things. In my messed up mind I feel like this is a manifestation of "there's no free lunch ever". The suffering and damage I am experiencing now is payback for the good Lexapro had brought me. I just hope that 6 good years will not translate into an equivalent of 6 years of agony. Though what I have typed above are mostly bleak, there are times when I am better. My mood varies throughout the day. It's true that when we are in a wave we feel we have always been like this and will always stay like this. I try to remind myself of this. That things can change and they will change. I feel my symptoms had somewhat stabilised. Most days my struggle is with depression, anxiety, restlessness, feeling lost, becoming overwhelmed and fatigued easily. I have found a lot of reassurance in this forum knowing that I am not alone in what I am going through and seeing others give names and descriptions to what I am experiencing. Much thanks to everyone here. ----------------- During my period on Lexapro I experimented with other psych drugs (Celexa, Fluvoxamine, Bupropion) for short periods. None of them had the same effect as Lexapro and I had no problem getting off them. I also used Prozac (sporadically to help cushion withdrawal symptoms) and St John's wort (March-April 2021) to help me wean off Supplements I take (not regularly) - fish oil, inositol (in small doses as it causes GI issues), magnesium, lutein, iron, Vit b complex, Sam-e. Supplements I have tried - 5-htp, L-theanine, Gaba, L-tyrosine, Ashwagandha. For me the ideal is not having to take any supplements at all. ----------------- Things I do to help myself I try to meditate and do MBCT (mindfulness based cognitive therapy) combined with TDCS/TACS (Transcranial direct current stimulation/ Transcranial alternating current stimulation) but hasn't been consistent due to periods of deep depression where basic things like getting up and self hygiene is impossible. It's a tedious cycle of falling off the wagon and having to climb back on, over and over. TDCS seemed to help at the very beginning. Meditation seems beneficial whenever I am able to get to it but it needs to be practised long term consistently to see any real changes. Whenever I fall into a depressive cycle (can happen anytime and without triggers) I haven't found anything that can really pull me out or shorten the cycle or ideally prevent me from falling into it in the first place. I try with supplements that are recommended like fish oil and magnesium but don't know if they help. I try to do things like walk or cycle when I am better. I don't follow any specific diets. I take alcohol sometimes when it gets too much to help with situation that elicits stress and anxiety. I know this is frowned upon here but it's something to help myself cope. Otherwise I stay away from alcohol. Additional note on alcohol: when I was taking Lexapro I drank more often. And It seems alcohol has a different effect on me now. -------------------- What I need I need to develop new skills that can help me cope with life stresses. Life only gets harder as I get older. I am pretty critical of myself and I need to show myself more compassion and forgiveness and not be so serious about this life. I also need to be more consistent in my efforts to help myself and in the supplements I take. I tend to shift and change my mind often and quickly. -------------------- About my eyesight Went for a check-up as I experienced halo around light sources pretty significantly a few months deep into withdrawal. The optometrist mentioned the optic nerve was slightly enlarged and asked me about familial history for glaucoma but with more tests she confirmed my eyes were fine. I know that there are studies showing SSRIs may affect vision.

Hello y'all! I'm a 24 years old med student from Europe and I took Escitalopram three years ago for anxiety and OCD. It exacerbatet the problems and led to PSSD. To counter the PSSD i recently took Trazodone and then Bupropion and after the bupropion i had a major crash and developed a blank mind, brainfog, complete emotional numbness as well as full body numbness. After two months I had windows where I felt almost back to normal until I crashed another time and now everything is even worse. What gives me a bit of hope is the fact that after this huge crash I had also some windows, but I also am in despair because I crashed after the drug witdrawal and I read the stories of Sofa and Totenkopf who never really recovered. What is now very bad is the fact that i cannot sleep at all. Like my mind is so blank that i just exist in a constant state of nothingness and I cant fall asleep at all. I slept about 1 hour in the last three days. I am super afraid that i die because I may be not able to fall asleep ever again. Thank you for your help! Taurus

Hi. I am Attila from Hungary! This will be my question: Shall i wait for improvement or can i start to decrease the doses? Sorry for my bad english.

I find the greatest irony in all of this is that I didn't experience clinical depression until I was in medical school. I still have some regret over pushing myself and being so ambitious. I know I've got a victim mentality going on and it'll be apparent in the summary below. I'm trying to change my narrative but it's a process. Fall 2013 - first diagnosed with adjustment disorder, not sure what diagnoses I actually got next but pretty sure it all neatly fit into major depressive disorder successfully treated with therapy, group therapy/support groups, daily exercise, acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, meditation, leave of absence from school, spending time with family and friends naively assumed that it was just a one-time thing and that depression does not necessarily have to be "chronic" Fall 2017 - started feeling poorly and knew I didn't have time for self-care when working 12+ hours/day and wanted to keep chugging along in my medical career and at least get a license to practice so only solution seemed to be drugs started on zoloft but experienced bad side effects so switched to lexapro 10mg and started therapy again, even took time off work for an intensive month of therapy Spring 2018 - decided to leave my toxic medical training program and put in my letter stating I'd be resigning after completing this first year of training, felt immensely better but waited a few weeks to make sure it wasn't a temporary relief before approaching my psychiatrist to wean off medication he agreed it seemed like a situational depression and we tapered off somewhat rapidly, had occasional dizziness but mostly when descending stairs in the hospital Fall 2018 - expected to feel so happy after quitting that position but immediately fell into a very deep and the deepest at that point in my life, depression really didn't want to be on medication again, continued therapy, tried to go on runs a doctor I was shadowing and hoping to work with noticed something was off and gave me a sample of the latest antidepressant which he took himself and thought was great; I tried it but had nausea/vomiting each time so only took it for a few days; might have had some dry heaving afterwards too went back to psychiatrist to restart on lexapro and we upped it to 20mg pretty fast since my depression was so severe saw PCP who could manage this as well and wanted to taper but he didn't recommend it; I went against medical advice (yup, docs really do make the worst patients ) and waited for a few months, then planned a really slow taper myself while acquiring healthier habits like exercising again and eating a more plant-based diet; finally off of it completely in February/March 2020 May 2020 - I think that's when I started stressing again and in July/August, I hit what is now my worst level of depression. I've never had so many and such intense suicidal thoughts. This is the first time I've planned and even attempted. Each time, there was still an essence in me that wanted me to live so here I am. I've also been experiencing a high level of anxiety and what felt like a slow long burning panic attack and panic attacks. I've never had any of this before. I started seeing a new therapist who at first suggested and then strongly urged me to go back on lexapro. I luckily had 1 more refill left on the medication so I didn't have to find a new doctor as I just moved to a new area. Placebo effect or perhaps being back on an SSRI which the body was so used to must be strong because I felt better the first day after I took my first pill. It's still been hard but a lot better too. I've created and been able to stick to a system of getting out of bed and exercising. This time, I've kept more detailed track of my medication and tonight should be day 20 of taking it. I have a pretty immediate question though. I read through the post on whether now is a good time to taper or not and I'm undecided on where I fit. While I am going through a tough transition right now, underemployed and currently interviewing for a better job that will certainly bring back some small level of PTSD since there will be some medical practice involved, I also am "young" in starting this new trial of lexapro so I want to quit while I'm "ahead." I am hopeful I will get this new job and even if I don't, either way will be stressful because I'll either have to learn a new position or I'll have to apply for more jobs (each job search and application leads me to panic attacks and shutting down completely). Perhaps it's better I stay on the medication so I don't even have to worry about withdrawing/relapsing again. Ugh, I'm so confused and lost. I hate this and I feel like ever since I started on medications, I've lost my previous ability level to cope. It's like my emotional pain threshold is lower. Perhaps it's because I have a diagnosis to fall back on and instead of seeing things as just another life stressor or bump in the road, I'm conditioned to see it as another relapse. I don't know. Frustrated and annoyed and hate meds.

Hi folks, First of all I'm new to this site, so feel free to tell me I'm in the wrong area or redirect me.. But here's my story... I currently have what I think is severe anhedonia. Last July, I was a bit depressed (I stress a bit, not majorly).......doctor gave me lexapro 10. After taking this, I vomited on the first night and developed sleep problems. Later in the week, I was given 25 seroquel which apparently would help balance out adverse effects of lexapro.......by the end of the week, I wasn't sleeping and I was suicidal. I subsequently was admitted to hospital. In hospital, I got more and more meds thrown at me and my mid august I was on 125 seroquel, 30 mirtazapine, 20 lexapro, 20 Olanzapine/Zyprexa....My main problem was the medication ripped my stomach apart.....the docs didn't believe me and just gave me more and more meds. I left hospital anyway on the concoction I mentioned.....I spent the following four months on these meds. During those four months, I felt no emotion whatsever, nothing. I felt suicidal, and that I would never recover. I had no desire to do anything. I just stayed in bed until late in the day, even though my sleep did not feel like real sleep. By mid November, i realised that the medication was messing me up, I demanded that I gradually come off everything. On that day, the doctor dropped the mirtazapine, and cut everything else in half. There was a quick taper, maybe too quick, and by christmas eve I was off everything. There were brief windows of emotion during the taper but still 95% anhedonia. Days after I went off everything....I cried for the first time in six months.....days later I laughed for the first time in months... I'm now 6 weeks off everything, I had huge headaches up unitl last week. My stomach started to improve after going off everything and is on the mend. However, I'm still worried about emotions/desires/thoughts etc.....over the last six weeks....I've had maybe 5 occassions where I felt strong positive emotions...and maybe 3 times where I've been sad/angry to the point of proper crying. outside of those 8 occassions, there's still an awful amount of flat feeling, apathy etc... I'm worried and wonder how long or if I will recover at all. Feedback welcome!!

Hi everyone, I was first prescribed SSRIs at a very young age—somewhere around 10 years old (around 2005-2008)—due to temper tantrums as a boy. It started with Fluvoxamine. I was on that for at least 10 years, with dose increases at various points, ending at 150mg. In 2022, I tried to quit cold turkey. Crashed hugely about 3 months in. Headaches, bouts of intense crying/laughing, sweating, feeling “out of it.” My doctor put me on 10mg of Lexapro. I stabilized after maybe a month and took it consistently since then. Now, end of September 2023, wanting to get off the meds, my doctor recommended a 2 week taper at half dose (5mg). After 2 weeks, stop, he said. I felt good during the 2 weeks of 5mg. Then sometime during the 3rd week it hit me; anxiety, cold shivers and chills, nausea, couldn’t get out of bed, complete lack of energy, arms and legs feel heavy, shakiness, poor balance, muscle weakness, confusion, inability to focus, feeling “out of it,” light headed, out of breathe. Desperate for relief, I got back on the 10mg Lexapro. I’ve been back on for just over 2 weeks now. The worst of the symptoms are gone but I still feel light headed/“out of it” and still have pretty bad anxiety, especially in the morning when it’s borderline debilitating. Has anyone experienced this? Will I find resolve soon? Any advice?

In May 2023 i stopped taking 5mg Cipralex (which is the uk brand name of Lexapro). I was taking it for 3 months. Here i am, 8 months on having experienced so many withdrawal symptoms. The first few months consisted of panic upon wakening in the morning, burning brain and heightened anxiety. These have all resolved. Most concerning to me, which started in the first few weeks of stopping was my sex drive just turned off. I woke up one morning and it was gone. That part of my body felt disconnected from the rest of me. Over time i am seeing improvements in this area. I am getting windows of being interested in sex where i am getting aroused. At the beginning it was only aroused when touched but i’m noticing i’m getting aroused by simply looking at my partner. But then a wave hits and i’m right back to feeling completely detached from that part of my body again. During a wave i also feel detached from the world. I believe depersonalisation and anhedonia are the terms to sum up how i feel. Its not nice. I understand these symptoms would be classed as PSSD. Ive read some not so pleasant things about this condition which scares me and i find the very fear of it makes it worse and takes me off any track of recovery. I’m in a wave right now, which has probably driven me to write this post. I am constantly thinking if i should reinstate a low dose of the drug as i’m mainly in a wave and finding it so difficult. I have the liquid version so could easily get the low dose (0.5mg). I tried 1mg 5 months ago, panicked, and stopped. But looking back at that day, i went for a walk, i had lots of conversation, colours seemed brighter somehow and i felt like i was coming back to the person i knew. It wasnt all perfect, i felt dizzy, my sleel that night was broken but looking back it was the panic that stopped me from continuing. I wonder if anyone can help me in this decision? To reinstate at 0.5mg or to continue this journey? In summary, i’m 8 months on from a cold turkey stop, my symptoms are brain fog, fatigue, symptoms of post ssri sexual dysfunction, but they do seem to lessen at times. I’m just finding this journey so hard and its getting me very low. Thank you for taking the time to read this post and i wish you all the best in your journeys.

Short Story After 6 months of being on 3 SSRIs and 1 SNRI, tapered from Pristiq for 1 week by cutting 50 mg pill in half. After being stuck in hypomanic like anxiety state for 6 months since i got off, seeking help on next move - small dosage reinstatement, go along with bispurone suggestion from doc, or other? I recognize reinstatement after such long time is contentious. Current Symptoms Anxiety (maybe hypomanic?), switching from distractibility to hyperfocus, brainfog, difficulty organizing thoughts, planning, lack of drive, motivation and sex drive. In the 6 months since i am off meds I had under a 7 days (total) where i felt present, calm, w/ reset nervous system - after a rare moment i was tired enough to nap. The rest of the time I was in an agitated, restlessness nervous state with distorted perception of time (highly accelerated). The higher stress, excitement, or other trigger like intense work session, the stronger the symptoms, which without significant rest, can lead to greater distress and extreme brain fog. Long Story I'm in my early 40s. My depression flared up after end of a long-term relationship. Pandemic isolation happened shortly after. The immense stressors during this period caused bad anxiety. I asked for anxiety meds but scored high for depression so I agreed to anti-depressants. Cycled through celexa, lexapro, zoloft and ending with pristiq; all helped anxiety with mixed sideffects, such as removed drive and motivation, which specifically remained after the meds. My pristiq taper - was told to half my 50 mg dose for a week and get off. I was not dissuaded from my suggestion of cutting my 50mg pill in half - i now know that was bad. In weeks and months since (total 6 months now), I am unable to sustain cognitive performance w/o causing aroused state from which i find almost impossible to return from. In fact a lot symptoms and triggers to a varying degree, except for the risky behavior, look like hypomania. It started during the weeks after taper, with a hyper arousal, over-productive brain. I never experienced something like that before and no bipolar history in me and family. Psychiatrist's response is that its likely anxiety. Strange, as I never got so anxious I could not calm down before from stimuli of social night out with friends, working with a coworker, from an angry conversation, or even intense workout session. In the early months of withdrawal, any sort of excitement/stress lead to insomnia, short term memory loss, or even disorientation in navigation (new to me) and I'm frightened to see time and my life passing so fast. I'm unable to perform at any decent rate at work (work as engineer) so much I'm considering quitting or taking sabbatical if they'd allow me. I seem to have lost whatever drive i still had left before i got on the drugs. Sleep stabilized in last 2 months. Most recently once or twice, I reached tired state and got a nap (common in the before-times). This caused me to finally leave my 'hypomania'/hightened anxiety state, felt present, 'reset' back to normal and thought creatively, calmly for rest of day. Since i left the drugs 6 months ago though, I didn't experience more than 5-6 (individual) days like that. Question I don't know if this is hypomania or just a level of anxiety i haven't experienced or heard of before. I read that although people may get hypomania when getting on these drugs or upping the dosage, in rarer cases its possible to get it when stopping. Given the slow rate of improvement, distress, mental performance at work, and inability to consistently get off feeling anxious state or slow down perception of time (despite doing supplementation, meditation, regular exercise), I'm debating either to go on anti-anxiety med like bispurone psychiatrist suggested, or try small dosage reinstatement to abate some symptoms. Highly appreciate any suggestions, comments. Thank you

I have been on Lexapro going on seven weeks. I took it for a nervous system out of balance. The med gave me horrible side effects. If I want to start a taper, I need to go the 10% decrease?