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The only way in the end that I could come off venlafaxine was to go on another drug. It has never occurred to me that I am experiencing, nearly a year later could be withdrawal. I assumed this was taken care of by the new drug. However my anxiety has never recovered and is very bad, even on escetalapram. Do I up the dose, try another drug, or is what I'm feeling a reaction to withdrawing from venlafaxine? I am wanting to taper off escetalaprin but feel very nervous as my experience with wd from venlafaxine was quite simply unbearable.

Hello, I would like to introduce myself. I need a lot of help and advice on my situation as it's somewhat complicated. I was on Cipralex for 4.5 years. It stopped working as well and I was extremely emotionally blunted so I went to a psychiatrist for help. He increased my 10 mg dose to 15 mg's. I immediately developed severe suicidal thoughts and what I now know is akathisia. I lowered the dose down to 10 again until I saw a new psychiatrist. He increased my dose to 20 mg's of Cipralex in a week. All hell broke even more loose. I believe I developed some serotonin syndrome and lowered my dose to 15 in one week and back to 10 another week. I decided after this hell that I wanted to taper off as quickly as possible. Obviously I didn't know then what I know now. I jumped off 5 mg's of Cipralex and cross tapered to 15 mg's of Mirtazapine as I had lost 25 pounds in a month and had severe akathisia. I stopped the Mirtazapine after 5 days as it was a terrifying experience. I remained medication free until after 4 weeks the akathisia creeped back in. I went back on Mirtazapine at 7.5 mg's and almost unalived myself twice. I entered inpatient care at that point and lowered my Mirtazapine to 3.75 mg's. They put me on Pregabalin(Lyrica) which I'm now off as of November 2023. I should also add I took Ativan intermittently from May-October so I was often confused on what role that played in my akathisia. I had a big 2-week window recently but I'm now in a vicious wave. I want off the Mirtazapine because I feel it's been causing my anhedonia and DP/DR. My question is should I start tapering Mirtazapine? I still have akathisia and it's not helping with anything other than increased appetite at times. Any advice is appreciated.

Hi All, I've been having an incredibly tough time with getting off Lexapro (15mg). Ended up panicking after a month of reduction (12.5mg started in April, 2023) and reinstated at my last dose (15mg May 2023). This seemed to reverse any progress I made and probably made the WD symptoms worse than before. Now I have been holding at the 15mg for over 2 months and have seen some improvement but now am starting to get worse again. Would it be worth starting a slow taper again even with some residual symptoms. The physical side effects are really affecting me. The symptoms I am most bothered by are eye related, (eye floaters, blurry vision, snow, eye discomfort, eye twitches), heightened anxiety, high blood pressure, panic attacks. Symptoms I had when switching doses and that have subsided include, dizziness, tinnitus, nausea, headaches, muscle tremors, spasms. I was stable on them for 3 years and when going down to the 12.5 within a few days all the side effects starting to hit me originally.

I've been on 20mg lexapro for 2 to 2 1/2 years. I talked to my doctor about weaning off. I went from 20mg to 15 to 10. Each drop I did for 3 months. Everything seemed OK until, At the end of my 10mg for 3 months when I was about to drop down. My insomnia started, muscle aches, flu like symptoms. so I'm staying at 10 till I level out 🙏. It's been a week and a half with insomnia, some days glimpses of sleep. If I get tired it's usually an hour or so before I get up. Also Is it normal to start withdrawal symptoms a few months after weaning down some? Will this get better? 🤔 any experience? Hope? I could really use support, Thanks

Moderator note - link to benzo forum thread - Frogie: W/D from Xanax am new here as you can see. I need help!! I'm hoping someone can help me get off 10 mg Lexapro. Every time I try to drop to even 9mg, I end up sick to my stomach. I go back up to 10mg and am still sick to my stomach. I have no other symptoms. In my profile is all my information, I don't know how to get it to the bottom of this page. I'm not very good on the computer. Sorry

Hi there! Today is the 13th day of the rest of my life! I am 27 years old and have been on 20mg escitalopram for 5 years but still cant spell it ! I just got introduced to the existential crisis that is learning that SSRIs have almost no proven efficacy and are extremely hard to withdraw from . Neat! I've been wanting to stop my meds for the last 4 years, tried twice but each time the doctors told me to quit basically CT and I had to reinstate my original dose due to withdrawal after 1 week at the lower dose. The second time I tried to supplement my tapering with mushrooms (chaga, lions mane and psylocibin) but it didn't help. I would say my withdrawal symptoms both times were 'mild' and I was luckily able to feel back to normal a few days after reinstating my original dose. Now I am tapering much slower, following the recommened 10% drop. I got a compounding pharmacy to make me a 1mg/ml suspension of escitalopram. I have been on 18mg escitalopram (15mg via pill and 3mg liquid) for almost 2 weeks now and have had no withdrawal symptoms!!!!!!!! Thank you to everyone who developed and shared this method. Thank you so so much. I thought I would be on these meds for the rest of my life after my last attempt to withdraw. Like many here, I have been doing a lot of my own research now before I started to taper again. So far I have read: Anatomy of an Epidemic-Robert Whitaker Mind Fixers-Anne Harrington The Antidepressant Solution-Joseph Glenmullen Currently reading: The Emperor's New Drugs-Irving Kirsch The Myth of the Chemical Cure-Joanna Moncrieff QUESTION: I am going to go the full month at 18mg before dropping again. My question tho is that since I have not had withdrawal symptoms with a 10% drop (so far, 2 weeks in, hoping this will stay true!) is it possible for me to try to drop a little bit more next month, say 15%? In the past when doctors dropped me 50%, I felt off but not terrible, and was able to go back to baseline of feeling fine after reinstating my previous dose. Another question is that if I feel no withdrawal now after 2 weeks at lower dose, does this bode well for that to remain to be the case?

Hello all, My name is Alex and I was prescribed 1/2 x 10mg Escitalopram (Cipralex), 0.5 x Clonazepam (Rivotril aka Klonopin) for about 5 months now, for mostly anxiety. After already 2 months I hit tolerance / dependence with Clonazepam and from that point, for the little I knew, I should have give up on it, but my psychiatrist pushed it even more from 3/4 to 1 (0.5 Clonazepam). Clonazepam is the "horror" benzo of them all, but I did not knew back then and would have been fantastic if I removed it since month 2, instead of keep it in 3 more months. Escitalopram did not help me either, as if it had did, I would not been feeling worse after 5 months, than I was in the first place before taking the medicine. I really I very sad of my decision to actually go to the psychiatrist in the first place, but I did now knew much then. As I know now, the symptoms that I had then where really easy compared to the ones I have now (after 5 months of "treatment"). But that is what usually people do, driven by fear, instead of actually be a little realist and powerful and first, at least, document yourself of what you are doing in the first place. I have found At last a life book, by Paul David and I can say it's a life saver for the anxiety suffering people out there, but I just found it 3 weeks ago, after that I decided to start tapper the benzo. All this being said I am now on this schedule of benzo withdrawal attached in the picture. Unfortunately I got to 0.3 from 0.5 in 3 weeks instead of 8 and I feel quite a lot of withdrawal symptoms ( mild depression, mild / intermediate anxiety (but much longer than before), mild headaches, dizziness, mild blurred vision. I thought as I was just 5 months on these 2 drugs would make it to a fast withdrawal, now I know it is not the case and I need to listen to my body. Will hold benzo for now at 0.3 to stabilize. The big question is : Should I start the Escitalopram taper as well ? I read a lot already on the forum and I see usually people take it 1 by 1. Of course I asked a psychiatrist of tapering both at the same time and she said if I do it slow it's ok as I did not took them for long time and the doze is quite small. But I know you guys know better and would be much appreciated if you give me a hint here. So a small taper from the 1/2 x 10 mg Escitalopram , like 10-20% each month at the same time with the benzo taper would make sense ? Of course I will try to listen to my body / brain response, but I am unsure how much time will be needed to feel the withdrawal from Escitalopram, from Clonazepam is easy, in 2-3 days you feel the "response" of the cut, because of the 18-50 hours lifetime of it. Cheers !

hello. i'm going to attempt an introduction. i reserve any possible ambition about a coherent, comprehensive history for a potential future recovery success story. i'll do what i can for now. first and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone here at SA. THANK YOU for starting this website, for contributing, for keeping it going, for sharing, for being here, for fighting the good fight. in regards to tapering safely i did not find you in time; but since i found you it has helped immeasurably. before i found SA i'd been suffering through PW and PAWS for well over 3 years with no clear understanding of what the F was happening to me. although i had a working strategy of how to approach the embodied experience i was living, it took up a lot of energy not having an official explanation. i had a kind of makeshift, workaround idea along the lines of "maybe this is latent C-PTSD that has surfaced in the wake of SSRI cessation" and "clearly my nervous system is hypersensitive and destabilized, and i am intolerant of stress, possibly also as a result of a lifetime of chronic stress and trauma", etc. somewhat luckily these working hypotheses led me to a variety of tools that were entirely applicable to dealing with withdrawal syndrome, and so, ultimately, i was practicing many of the same non-drug coping strategies that i have since seen recommended on this site. for years i was on my own and it was trial and error. the bottom line is, it has been so much better since finding SA and knowing that i'm not alone and finally figuring out, "oh, this is what's going on!" (not that one cannot have C-PTSD / chronic stress / or the like in addition to WS, but WS is certainly also its own thing in addition to whatever underlying vulnerabilities may present) anyway -- THANK YOU to everyone for everything. i am currently in my fifth year of protracted withdrawal and post-acute withdrawal syndrome following an incorrect, too-fast taper of lexapro/escitalopram that basically amounted to CT + decades' worth of going on and off dozens of different psych drugs/cocktails, incl. most recently vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine, etc. i don't have energy or access right now to write in more detail about the long and illustrious drug history and the numerous failed attempts to get out of psychiatry (it's clear to me now that i've been in protracted withdrawal with PAWS multiple times before, but at the time i didn't know what it was and when i sought help consistently received a new and more extreme diagnosis every time; it seemed, according to psychiatry, that i was getting sicker and sicker, and would get more heavily drugged each time around -- psychiatry suffers from munchhausen by proxy in its absurd closed-loop system) bottom line -- TODAY I AM DRUG-FREE. i was first committed to a psych ward as a minor (below the age of consent), that's where i was first drugged. i clearly remember being so overmedicated that my hands were shaking non-stop, i couldn't properly hold a fork to eat or a pencil/pen to write. i fainted in the shower. i knew it was the drugs, i knew they were giving me too much, i know i said as much. i have no recollection of being listened to. my first ever "psychotic episodes" also occurred during this first ever hospitalization, subsequent to which my diagnosis was augmented to include my being labeled as "psychotic". i am convinced the sensory hallucinations were caused by the drugs they were giving me. i have spent my entire adult life thus far (approx. 17 y.o. - 42 y.o.) under the influence of psychiatric drugs. WTF. although i am currently drug-free i don't consider myself out of the woods yet as i'm still very much in recovery and reeling from the extensive physiological and psychological/existential harm. i cannot even begin to really truly process that. i don't dwell on it, i try not to think about it, really, although of course the thoughts come occasionally, but for the most part i let them pass bc my thinking is currently rather unreliable and murky, colored as it is by WS (monkey mind chatter which does not allow for proper processing). maybe one day when my cognitive/emotional/spiritual/etc. capacities are healed, if it is still relevant and required, i will mourn any loss as necessary. for now i sometimes touch upon grief (primarily on behalf of our collective loss and the tragedy of psychiatric violence afflicting countless human beings and indeed our global ecosystem as a whole) but my mind is too feeble to truly grasp the staggering atrocity / swirling galaxy of bullsh*t. for the time being i'm mostly just sorta left stunned and reeling; and sometimes in a moment of clarity i feel a call to arms and long to spring into action and up onto the barricades (etc.), but i lack the abilities for any kind of follow-through, which can be distressing as i think, "i'm not doing my part to save my fellow suffererers out there!" in these moments i have to remind myself that first i have to get better, and for now i just gotta hang on to my own life raft, bc that's pretty much all i can do, and most of the time it's a tall order as is, at least for now. i have to tell myself that what i cannot currently comprehend, is not currently my job. i try to do the tasks i am able to do, that is what is for me to do here and now. for example: currently i am able to shower once a week, sometimes twice a week. i am able to do a gentle yoga session about once a week. leaving the house is very difficult, but i manage to get out about twice a week. i am able to do my own grocery shopping (usually once a week), which brings me a sense of satisfaction and purpose. i am able to cook for myself (i've been on a self-designed, tried-and-true nutritional regimen for a couple of years now, which works quite well for me); nourishing myself is a vital part of my day and one of the few ways i'm able to actively engage with life on a daily basis. there are many, many things i'm unable to do and many, many ways in which i'm functionally disabled. i don't feel like getting into that now. in this moment i'd like to focus on markers of progress. for example: here i am, writing an introduction post. i have not posted here before bc writing and verbal communication, esp. disembodied/virtual kind without being in the physical presence of the other person, is something that has been extremely difficult for me in withdrawal and continues to be very, very challenging. so this is really hard and scary right now; and at the same time it is a marker of progress that i am able to be here writing this at all, since for so long i have not been able to and now i'm giving it a try. we'll see how it goes. these days i feel like i'm in my little WS groove. doing my thing, doing the best i can. i tell myself that this too shall pass -- based on the accounts of people on this site and the many success stories, it's possible to recover and heal. i trust that this is true; which means that there's a finite number of WS days/hours/moments (that number is unknown and unknowable, i call it X). and so it follows that every single day/hour/moment of WS-related suffering is 1 down, X to go and brings me that much closer to the conclusion. this is my way of conceptualizing the unpleasantness and discomfort as healing-in-process. instead of thinking of it as "i'm still sick" (which connotates stuck-ness and static state), reminding myself "i'm continously healing" (which conveys movement and development and some notion of constructive progress). it's very, very hard. i do feel like things are getting better ... lately one of the odd things about feeling better is that the WS symptoms have decreased somewhat in intensity, and now that some of the WS symptoms are less extreme, it's as though it's less clear to me that they are indeed WS symptoms. i sometimes find myself thinking, "wait, what if this particular thing is no longer WS and now this is just 'me'?" overall i tell myself that this line of thinking is still WS, as these are "anxiety thoughts" and fear-based, and i pay them as little mind as possible. it's a strange sign of progress that as WS is gradually lessening in intensity the lines between "syndrome" and "self" seem to be blurring more and more. this is, of course, compounded by an underlying all-pervasive tension around the question, "who am i?" at this point i accept that i have no idea who i am. i don't know who i am now, i don't know who i was before, i don't know who i will be after. my sense of identity is flimsy at best, i have difficulty with any sense of continuity or understanding "me", "my life", or anything along those lines. it's okay. i'm not sure my sense of self has ever been that strong to begin with. i don't know where i'll be dumped at the end of this fun-house-mirror-lined chute of WS bizarro-world ... it's kinda funny sometimes, when i think about it. it's all so absurd. all these illusions and so many people out there running around all serious and self-important and convinced of what's "real". maybe i'll feel like that one day, who knows? ... (feel free to skip to the end of the book, eh?) anyway. i don't have much more to say for now. this is the most words i've used in any one sitting in any context possibly in years. i mostly don't like social contact due to conventions/exigencies of verbal communication (i don't mind context of shared social presence as long as there is no speaking/conversation involved) and so i spend most of my time alone. i'm actually surprised this many words have come out of me! and now i'm babbling, i've got the feeling this is all very messy. but the most important part is: ABSTRACT hello. thank you. i'm here. ain't that a trip with love, "me" 1996-2018: various polypharmacy combinations incl. SSRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzodiazepines, stimulants, etc. (approx. 30+ different drugs over the years) 2018 - inadvertently CTed lexapro/escitalopram from 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg (over the course of 6 months, and under the "supervision" of a psychiatrist whom i trusted at the time) July 2018 - 0mg lexapro/escitalopram 2017 - 2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 70mg 2020 - 2021 - tapered off of vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine from 70mg down to 0mg (gradually but unsystematically and probably too quickly) July 2021 - 0mg vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine February 2022 - 0mg - no psychopharmaceuticals - no drugs/medications of any kind supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 2mg melatonin at 9pm

Hello , I have come across your website/forum today and have been reading all sorts of posts over the last few hours. I thought Id introduce myself and share my story , will be really grateful to get some opinions. My story begins in 2016(24 y.o at the time) when I started suffering from chronic non vertigonous dizziness. After around 2 years, and countless doctor visits and investigations, the diagnosis made was PPPD and I was put on SSRIs as it was one of the recommended drugs for managing the condition. In retrospect I realise now that at the time, I was getting into a depressive episode/low mood secondary to the ongoing and seemingly incurable dizziness that I found myself struggling with at the time , an element of health anxiety probably made my symptoms worse (the low mood and the dizziness). I started taking Escitalopram around July 2018 , the dose was up titrated from 5mg slowly up to 20mg over the year. My dizziness was 90% improved and I felt great , but I also suffered from some side effects such as weight gain , fatigue , blunting of emotions , loss of libido. I successfuly tapered down 10mg over the next year and have tried to go down to 5mg once or twice but failed ( cant remember details of what made me stop at the time). In early 2023 I succesfully tapered down to 5mg and finally in August 2023 I dropped down to 2.5mg and then tapered down to 0mg over 4 weeks. Knowing what I know now I should have taken a lot more time doing that. My main concern stopping the drug was having the dizziness back and the whole PPPD condition resurfacing. However , I always wanted to stop taking SSRIs and was waiting for the right moment. I wanted to get rid of the side effects. I was hopeful and the timing felt right as life was going great. The first 4 weeks sure enough the dizziness came back , but I pushed through and it actually subsided within 6 weeks. I was happy and content that my dizziness condition seemed to be under control. Otherwise I had no acute withdrawal symptoms at all , no brain zaps , no headaches. I thought that was it and that Ive succesfully tapered off Escitalopram. At around the 10 week mark I suddenly found myself in a dark and negative emotional space and felt generaly and anxious. I would wake up early morning feeling stressed and anxious with seemingly no reason at all. Id find myself ruminating and thinking about old life events and become emotional over them, I would cry or become tearful over the most random thing I see or memory I think of. It felt like my emotions were all over the place. Old memories were resurfacing and it would feel like I am processing them for the very first time. This was entirely new and never have I ever experienced any similar emotional states. I have always been calm and level headed. I did not know what to think of it, I just knew I had to push through. Currently at around 17 weeks of 0mg. The emotional state I decsribed above is no longer the main problem , in fact it has significantly improved. However I am still struggling with early morning stress and anxiety , low mood and negative outlook on life, hopelessness, ruminating and catastrophising thoughts and made up scenarios in my head, constant low energy , want to sleep all the time. I was going mad trying to find a reason of why all of this was happening. Why am I suddenly going through what feels like a depressive episode. I did not know about protracted withdrawals. Finding this forum was like a revelation. It all clicks now. Is it worth reinstating now ? Would that be a good idea ? I would love to push through but I dont know if I have the strength to. Would appreciate hearing your thoughts and experiences.

Hi everyone, I am new to this site and am glad to have found it. Twelve years ago when I was 14 years old I was put onto Cipralex 20 mg once a day. I have been on that medication since until last month when I officially tapered off and my doctor put me on Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day. It has not been until recently that I’ve read about lasting permanent effects on personality, mood, and behaviour from being on antidepressants for so long. Especially for someone such as myself who was on it from 14 years old to 26 years old while my brain was developing. I am beyond concerned with what this may have done to me and feel helpless and unsure of what to do or where to go from here. I’m not even sure where to begin to look on this site. I have felt “monotone,” blank and emotionless for the past probably 4-5 years, which was one of the reasons I wanted to discontinue Cipralex. It’s like I can no longer feel any range of emotion. I cannot remember the last time I felt genuinely happy or genuinely sad. I used to be so energetic, bubbly, outgoing, and silly, I could light up a room and now it’s like that part of myself is gone—extinguished or muffled. I can feel nothing other than “flat” every single day. There are no ups or downs, so it’s not just anhedonia but I can’t feel sadness or anger either. I believe this is sometimes called emotional blunting? I’m wondering if this will ever go away and if I will ever feel like I did when I was 14-18 again. This emotional numbness feels like a death sentence. When I research online it says emotional blunting should be reversed once off of SSRIs but I am concerned maybe that will not be the case for me seeing as though I was on the medication for 10+ years and during critical brain development. I guess I can feel some sadness because thinking about being emotionally blunted forever makes me want to cry. I long to feel strongly about anything again. I would love to hear other’s stories about coming off of Cipralex/Lexapro/Escitalopram after 10+ years during peak developmental brain years and their experiences with managing this emotional numbness and if any sense of normalcy ever returned to them. Ideally I would like to eventually come off of Wellbutrin too. After being on Cipralex for so long and experiencing the side effects I had while on it, I’m concerned about being on any antidepressants now.

Hi all, new here. Looking forward to learning. Thank you !

Hello SA! I'm KoiGaya, living in France, where medical coverage is fantastic but doctors really don't know as much about ADs and tapering off of them. Following suicidal thoughts in 2021 due to extreme loneliness + CPTSD, I started taking escitalopram 5mg, which was then bumped to 10mg in September. I saw my psychiatrist only 4 times a year due to her belonging to the public system where it's hard to get appointments. After 2 years, I felt stable and ready enough to start tapering, but lo and behold I didn't know that a 50% taper was going to affect me so badly. When I went from 10mg to 5mg, I knew there was going to be side effects : first 2 weeks got the cocktail of drowsiness, brain zaps, vertigo, lightheadness, and of course feeling sad and depressed. It's been 30 days now since I started this 5mg, and my numbness, depression, anxiety are quite high. Became quite sensitive to sounds, and I can't handle social settings with as much energy as before. My appetite also reduced greatly. I don't know what to do except accept what's going on, but while I'm less isolated than when I started my Escitalopram journey, I am still quite lonely, and I don't have much support available (am seeing a therapist, but she went on holidays for the whole month of July and beginning of August) Currently, all I can do is acceptance and this post here helped me a bit.

Hello everyone, I was taking 20mg (max dosage) of escitalopram/Lexapro for the past 17 years, and also 25mg at night of quetiapine, however over the course of this year I developed a terrible phobia about taking medications, and therefore I stopped all my medications abruptly. Since then I have been experiencing persistent brain zaps, dizziness/off balance, feeling nauseous, I am constantly highly anxious, I am crying often, have zero appetite ( I have lost at least 1stone and 6 pounds/10kgs thus far since I stopped the medications), I struggle to sleep, and when I do I experience bad nightmares and sweats, I had seen some information online stating that in some rare cases people can actually die from stopping anti-depressants without tapering, and also that if does not kill me that I could suffer these withdrawal symptoms for many months, even years. I feel terribly ill and afraid, can someone please confirm if it is true that I can in fact die from this?, and if not how long am I likely to suffer in this state?, do symptoms peak and then decrease or do they stay as intense as this the whole time? Any thoughts and/or advice would be greatly appreciated, Thank You

Has anyone tried the above? i know of someone whose doctor had prescribed a couple of antidepressants that didnt work. He did the genetic testing for 300 dollars and then the doctor prescribed an older medicine which seems to be working. I read that here in BC the testing is expected to save 900 million dollars in medical costs because of the experimental method of finding the correct drug. I have been on cipralex for 20 years and it seems to work for me as it did for my mother coincidentally...

It is 21 months since I ceased lexapro after 29 years use following post partum depression and am currently tapering off Diazepam and Temazepam. I was starting to see some windows some 14 months after the cessation of lexapro but strangely and distressingly after 17 months went backwards with virtually no windows and numerous symptoms since including symptoms of Akathisia. I am seeing a superb psychiatrist via zoom in Brisbane who I can recommend if required who considers my situation as protracted withdrawal however I have also recently seen psychiatrists at the 1 centre in Melbourne recently who disbelieve this diagnosis and consider it agitated depression considering my worsening situation after 17 months off lexapro and are recommending commencing an anti-depressant. From all my investigations, I believe my situation is withdrawal (from lexapro and/or the benzo's) as I have many of the reported symptoms (I have tapered down to 1.25 mg and 10 mgs temazepam daily currently for 7 months now). I am starting to question the diagnosis of withdrawal now and would like a 2nd opinion from a non-pharma obsessed psychiatrist before I consider an anti-depressant. Can anyone recommend one ideally in Melbourne, Australia or otherwise anywhere in Australia? Many thanks

Hi, I’ve so desperately been awaiting the acceptance of new members. As my title states, I have accidentally kindled myself and am looking for support. I had been on Lexapro 10mg from Sept 2013 - Jan 2023. I was put on it to help my dysautonomia/POTS. It helped for a long time, but in the later years I would have break through “episodes”. Now that I know more about SSRIs from this site, I’m not sure if they were POTS related or breakthrough anxiety from getting to tolerance on the Lexapro. In 2022 I started feeling depression, which was something I had never experienced prior to being on Lexapro. I had always experienced more anxiety. I was also not as loving as I thought I should be towards my kids, so I made the decision to wean myself off in Jan 2023. I thought I had done adequate research and decided on a slow taper that lasted until April 2023, but I now know after finding this site that was still way too quick. I didn’t seem to have any immediate withdrawal symptoms. I do remember the occasional brain zap, not but they would subside before I continued to lower my dose, so I thought I was being careful. I rocked along, managing my waves of anxiety and irritability until July 2023 when the insomnia hit. At the time I was concerned I had other issues going on and didn’t realize it could be protracted withdrawal. When my old go-to’s of magnesium and ashwagandha weren’t working, and were in fact causing the opposite reaction I needed, I had no idea that the Lexapro withdrawal could be causing hypersensitivity. I worked with a naturopath (I have severe trust issues with western medicine, although I’m an RN) to try and correct any underlying problems. She suggested several supplements, which I tried. Some would work for a while and then I would become hypertensive to them or have paradoxical reactions. On Nov. 7th I accepted a full time position at the previous job I had been at and hated due to how stressful it was. The next day I was having a full on meltdown and decided I needed to get back on my Lexapro. I stupidly went to an urgent care and asked for my previous 10mg dose and they gladly gave it to me since I had tolerated it well before. On Nov. 8th I took my first dose before bed (as that’s when I used to take it) and woke up with an intense panic attack. My anxiety had intensified 10 fold the next day and I had akathisia. I decreased to 5mg for the next 3 days thinking it was too much for my system, but it was still too much for my fragile nervous system. It sent my POTS into an awful flare. I couldn’t eat without my heart rate spiking. I stopped it on Nov 12th. In those 4 days I went to a mental health nurse practitioner and she gave me vistaril for the insomnia and Xanax 0.5mg for break through panic. She also wanted to swap me to Paxil, but I was too afraid to try another SSRI. Thank God for the intuition not to try it. I took the vistaril but it made me too groggy the next day and didn’t really help with sleep. I started taking the Xanax at bedtime and it would give me about a 4 hour window of sleep. I took about 20-25 of those before I stopped and threw them away. My health anxiety was back with a vengeance. I went to a new primary doctor on Dec. 5th. He ran a whole bunch of labs that all came back normal and convinced me I really needed to be on the Lexapro. I agreed to try it back at an even lower dose and using the previous manufacture I had used in the past (part of me was convinced I hadn’t tolerated the Lexapro in Nov due to fillers in the pills). I started Lexapro 2.5mg on Dec. 5th around noon. I did ok on it for several days. I was having waves and windows of increased anxiety but was telling myself I just needed to push through it, but on Dec. 10th I determined what I was experiencing was more than just side affects. I was having an adverse reaction - increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, dilated pupils, severe anxiety, weakness. I could barely get off the couch that day. I had to go to my son’s Christmas program that night and almost couldn’t drive. I did, but probably shouldn’t have. The following day my husband and I had a long discussion and decided I needed to stop it. My last dose was on Dec. 10th. On December 12th my heart rate was in the 130s walking around (not sure if that was my POTS flare or withdrawal) and I went to see my cardiologist and was put on propranolol 20mg. Since then I’ve been in hell. My vision is blurry and I’m super sensitive to brightness. I’m dizzy most of the day. I’ve got brain fog and my brain literally hurts when trying to think and multitask. I lost about 15lbs in the time I started the Lexapro back in Nov until now due to nausea and lack of appetite. I’ve started a low histamine diet because my histamine levels are out of control and are making the anxiety worse. Sleep is not as bad as it has been, but it’s still not normal. I wake about every 1.5hrs through the night and don’t feel rested in the morning. I get severe DR/DP sometimes and it scares me to death. I’m supposed to start a new job tomorrow. During all of this I was supposed to work out a notice at my old job, but after calling in for a week I just told them I wouldn’t be able to. I’ve been off work for 3 weeks. I have to young children to care for. I’m just so scared. I don’t know what is withdrawal or what is my POTS flare anymore. I’m supposed to follow up with a dysautonomia specialist near me but I’m afraid they’ll just want to put me on more meds and my nervous system is already super sensitive. Has anyone had a similar story to mine? I haven’t come across any yet on here. I do know I’ve slowly been getting better since I stopped, so I know being off the Lexapro is the answer, but I still struggle with severe waves multiple times a day. If it weren’t for my supportive husband and the grace of God, I don’t know where I’d be. If you’ve read this far, thank you. Any advice or words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

Hello, I wanted to share my story in hopes that it may help someone else now or in the future just as many have shared their stories and helped me better understand protracted withdrawal. I began taking Citalopram in 2016 for social anxiety and depression. I was told that there was a chemical imbalance in my brain and that this drug would correct it. Initially, the drug made me extremely happy and I didn’t question it. In the next year, the efficacy of the drug wasn’t as high so my doctor switched me to Escitalopram. A few years later, I increased to 20mg. I decided to stop taking the drug because of erectile dysfunction, low libido, and emotional blunting. In my first attempt to quit in Feb of 2022, I did a fast taper, over 2 weeks roughly, down to 0mg. It was going well up until I was getting ready to start a new job in Aug of 2022. My anxiety was extremely high after a recent Fourth of July party and I began having tension headaches that wouldn’t go away. I felt like the only way to cope and make it through starting a new job was to resume taking the medication. Upon reinstatement, within 1-2 days, I felt immediate relief of the headaches and my relentless anxiety began to dissipate. I started the new job, began feeling better physically/emotionally, and comfortable with the job duties/people I was working with. In Nov of 2022, I was ready to try quitting again and this time I did it cold turkey. I was mad that I gave up so much recovery time by reinstating and wanted to get started on recovery as fast as possible irregardless of the potential withdrawal effects. My knowledge of potential length of withdrawal and severity of symptoms was sparse and I felt I could tough through it after going through it the first time. Boy was I wrong. This time was much, much different. A few days after stopping cold turkey, I was hit with what I thought was a really bad cold/flu. It was the worst sickness I had ever endured. I began to wonder if it was related to discontinuing my antidepressant so I did some research and confirmed that this was likely the case. Over the next few weeks/months, I began to not feel emotionally numb but at the consequence of debilitating anxiety, depression, and irritability. The first physical symptoms I noticed were a swollen eyelid, dry skin on eyelid, and dry lips. Two months after stopping, I began to have diarrhea with blood that wouldn’t go away. I was concerned so I saw my GP who referred me to a Gastroenterologist. They conducted a colonoscopy and found inflammation in the colon so I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I told my doctor about my history of antidepressants and thought it could be correlated to stopping my medication which increases Serotonin levels in the body. It made sense to me because Serotonin is mainly made in the gut. My doctor dismissed me and told me that I should go the Mayo Clinic for a second evaluation if I didn’t agree. They prescribed me Mesalamine to help with inflammation in the colon. I took the medication for a couple of months as I still was unsure what was happening in my body. I have now discontinued this medication because of my experience with prescriptions/side effects and I still question the validity of the diagnosis. While I was having GI issues, I was also dealing with chronic daily headaches that wouldn’t go away. This has been my most debilitating symptom and still is to date. Other notable symptoms, body aches, muscle cramps, fatigue, cognitive impairment, difficulty communicating, anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, and difficulty sleeping. I assumed the headache and GI issues were protracted withdrawal symptoms. However, I was going to bed/waking up every day with debilitating headaches and couldn’t wait to see if it resolved with time. There’s been a doubt in the back of my head saying “what if you wait years for it to subside but nothing changes.” I would kick myself knowing that I didn’t try to do what I could to help my situation and pain. These headaches are best characterized as Occiptital Neuralagia and starts at the back of the skull, radiates up to the top of the head, and also on one side of the head around the left ear and around the left eye, between eyebrows, down through cheek, and into neck. It generally is most painful behind the left ear and is a stabbing, burning, dull ache that won’t away. It tends to get worse as the day goes on. This is my experience and it could be more painful for others in other areas of the head. It took a lot of time, awareness, and understanding of the nervous system to get to this diagnosis of my headaches. Before this, I was committed to researching and looking at every possible solution to alleviate the head pain. I started with a neurologist where he took an MRI of the head which looked fine. He recommended taking an anticonvulsant to help the CNS calm down. The drug prescribed was Topamax. I researched the drug and its user reviews and just knew that this wasn’t something I was going to do. I competed a sleep study as I felt the headaches, fatigue, and cognitive impairments could be related to poor sleep. I had 10 “events” per hour which basically means your breathing stops. They diagnosed it as mild sleep apnea and prescribed a CPAP. I’m a fit, 30 year old, so it stunned me that I was being told I have sleep apnea. I tried the CPAP for over a month and saw no improvement in my headache, fatigue, brain fog, and emotional well being. I have a water damaged home so I took a Myocotoxin test to check for mold toxicity and that came back negative. Next, I visited a craniofacial specialist who specializes in TMD. I had TMJ popping, pain behind my ear, and headaches so I wanted to see if I got any relief from treatment. They gave me steroid and lidocaine injections throughout the shoulders necks and head with no relief. Additionally, I was given day and night bite splint appliances to take pressure off of the TMJ joint. I’ve worn these for a couple of months with no relief. The craniofacial specialist took a CT scan and noticed that I had a deviated septum. She referred me to an ENT for evaluation as nasal blockages can cause headaches and be a contributor towards TMD. Last week, I underwent surgery for Septoplasty, Turbinate Reduction, and Adenoidectomy. I was really hoping that this was the cause of my headaches and ear ache but so far I haven’t seen any improvement. I was in his top 10 worst septum’s operated on over his 25 years. He told me to give it a few weeks until it’s healed to see if my headaches let up. Post surgery, I had to take an antibiotic. At this point, I’m 11 months off of Escitalopram and have noticed that I have an extremely sensitive stomach. Earning processed foods, grains, dairy, sugar, and alcohol all seem to upset it. I’m still not positive if it’s due to Ulcerative Colitis or discontinuing the antidepressant. I hadn’t had any diarrhea or blood since my initial UC diagnosis in March of 2023 up until last week when I had to take the antibiotic. It brought all of those symptoms back. I’ve become a hypochondriac and just want to have control over my health but it seems I can’t. After visiting various doctors to look for answers, I continue to land back at my initial assumption which is protracted withdrawal. This is my fault for not doing my research and quitting cold turkey. I want to share my story for input from others on what they think is going on and to help others to not make the mistake I did if this is protracted withdrawal. It’s like being stuck in your worst nightmare and it doesn’t feel like reality. I wouldn’t wish this pain upon my worst enemy.

Starting Dosage: 20mg Escitalopram & 300mg Bupropion Background: I started escitalopram when I was 30 years old. A added bupropion at 35 years old. I've been on both daily for the past 15 years. I started to taper Bupropion from 300mg to 150mg 2 months ago. Then for the past three weeks I've been halving a 150mg tablet for a 75mg dose daily. Questions: I heard Bupropion would be the easiest to stop, but I definitely felt a change in my mood when I dropped the dose. Since bupropion is an extended release tablet, I was reluctant to cut the tablet, but my Psychiatrist told me it was fine for tapering. I have a few questions: Is it really ok to cut the bupropion extended release tablets? Is bupropion usually easier to stop? I'm really discouraged by the change in my mood. When does it get better? How can I use this site for encouragement and advice? It's so extensive and detailed, I struggle to use the site. I get overwhelmed. Josh - from Seattle, living in Mexico

Hello! I am 34 year old female from the US and I have been taking escitalopram (Lexapro) for 1 year and 2 months for depression and anxiety. This is the only drug I am prescribed, the only drug I am on, and I don't use alcohol or other drugs. From 25-31 or 32 I was a pretty heavy drinker. I got on Lexapro at 33 (Sept 2022) due to severe anxiety and depression. I recently signed up for health insurance, but at the time of Lexapro being prescribed (10 mg), I didn't have any and I just signed up for an app called K health that a doctor prescribes you meds through a chat ( I know right). I felt in the first few months of taking Lexapro that it helped. The anxiety was completely gone, the depression was mostly gone and it was pretty much a miracle, I was really happy. Then I realized after being on 10 mg for a while its a really large dose and makes me hyper and manic ,and needing to do something all the time, which really wasn't a terrible thing, but that isn't how I want to be. I was also overly confident and mean to other people in my life. I couldn't really settle down. So after my first few months on 10 mg I reduced the dose without telling the doctor, I tried for 7.5mg. This was probably December of 2022 At this time, I was biting off the pills into what I thought was 7.5mg. So I took this for a bit and it wasn't working for me so I upped the dose while biting off the pills into what I thought was 8.5 or 9 mg. At the time I was stupid and didn't know how inaccurate I was being. When I was taking "8.5 or 9 mg" I had some pretty good days, but also, a lot things were going right in life at the time. After a while of this, I felt too hyper and manic and restless and I knew I needed to cut back (July 2023). I got a scale and it turned out I was taking much more than what I thought I was taking. I was actually taking about 10 mg, what I was prescribed. In July I reduced to 7.5, not knowing this is a huge cut and not to do that. Anyways the whole month of July was pure hell, I could hardly get out of bed, hardly do anything but work and lay down after. I work from home too, thank God, or I would have lost my job. But this is really taxing still, when you are weaning off drugs. The worst part is the intrusive thoughts about suicide, not knowing if they are even real thoughts are just self harm OCD, not finding joy in things anymore, getting older and having relationship strain due to how poorly I act on these drugs, whether on the full dose or tapering, I have a short fuse or I can't even hardly function. FYI I eat healthy, I meal prep the whole week on Sundays, I take several vitamins and supplements including the ones I see recommended here, magnesium and fish oil, I jog on the treadmill for 1/2 hour 5 days a week. My AM cortisol is really high according to a lab test I got recently. I also have low (but not severely low)vitamin D but ok Vitamin B12. So in August I upped my dose back to 8.5 mg and felt fine for a little while and I was relieved because I thought I could start a normal taper from there. This is when I found this forum and began reading it almost every day to try and gain knowledge and encouragement. SO this comes up to .113 g on the scale due to fillers in the pills. After I stablized on the .113g, maybe a few weeks or a month, I tried out .110g and later .108 g etc, (8.3mg or so) to see if I could tolerate these reductions and there were SOME good days but they were few and far between and they really only happened when I had proper sleep. Most days I wake up dreading life because my job bores the hell out of me, I have to take lexapro in the morning which makes me hate myself, my intrusive thoughts about suicide and death and people dying come in while I work, all while having a poor short term memory,a short fuse, being inattentive, sluggish and having brain fog. I take forever to get out of bed. After a little while on .108 mg I upped back to .111mg because I can't even handle the slightest reduction. I want to be on a clear cut schedule, but I don't really understand the spreadsheets on here, and I want to talk to a doctor about the liquid form of Lexapro for an easier taper, but my insurance doesn't kick in til January, For now Im still using a scale and cutting up pills every day to make the right dose. I feel like this drug and my intrusive thoughts have completely ruined my life, also I have numb lower legs and feet and I have no clue why. I feel I am in shape and physically well but not mentally well at all and it contributes to my physical health. I need so much sleep its embarrassing, it takes me forever to want to do something, to drag myself to the grocery store, I don't really like eating, cooking, or doing much anymore. I can't go on vacations like I used to, I still force myself to though occasionally, through panic and everything. My family says I am not acting right, random people in public have asked if I am ok so I must look mental or something. Is it me or the drug? I am scared of my thoughts and scared that I can never really come off this. Any help is greatly appreciated.

I went on Lexapro 10mg in October of 2020 after having a severe panic attack (caused by marijuana) that would not leave. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and had constant OCD thoughts of breathing. After waking up the next day with the same feeling, I went to the ER and then my doctor put me on 10mg of Lexapro. Within a few days I felt even more awful, so my dr told me to go to 20mg. Slowly that worked. I can’t remember specifics but the panic attacks finally stopped months and months later. I went to therapy as well and learned some techniques. It worked really well for me for over 2 years. Then one day my sister visited and said I seemed off, almost “too chill” and numb. This opened my eyes to the (lack of) feelings I had and were overlooking. I decided in November 2022 that I would begin to taper and hopefully get off completely. I was able to manage my anxiety now and simply think away panic attacks. The ED and weight gain were HUGE factors in why I ultimately decided I wanted off. This was my taper: 20mg 11/2020 Taper started, 15mg - 11/16/22 10mg - 11/30/22 7.5mg - 1/24/22 5mg - 2/26/22 2.5 mg - 3/12/22 0 mg - 4/9/23 I felt great at 15mg. I was angry a lot though, but it felt good to feel. 10mg I felt fine as well. Around 7.5mg is where I could cry at movies again, but also when anxiety somewhat felt more real, I was in my head a lot about what I should be expecting. Read horror stories online and what not. At 0mg I felt very depressed for a couple of weeks and the depression caused anxiety. It came and went though. However 3 weeks in, my breathing OCD came back and it was very upsetting. No panic, just annoyed at the intrusive thoughts. About 2 months in panic started to show. 2.5 months in I had a couple full panic attacks and I am now every day fighting that general anxious feeling. I’m back to the feelings I had that made me take Lexapro in the first place. EVERY time I get anxious I wonder if I should start Lexapro again. Part of me wonders if I’m just a panic prone/ocd kinda person, and now that the Lexapro is out of my system my symptoms are back, or if this is also withdrawal still. I read online that symptoms get WORSE 3 months out and I am truly terrified and very close to starting Lexapro again if it gets worse than this, despite having made it almost 3 months sober from it.

Servadai's Introduction topic Hey guys! Long time no hear - my signature says I'm 3 years off but this year, on 10th of July I 'celebrated' my 5 years off of AD's. I would change my signature but I don't know how - that being said I'm loving what you did with the site. I'm going to try to write this with a bit of humour, because that is my style, so if you find it a bit 'aggressive' please know this was not my intent, and the sole purpose for writing this is because I care about all of you and empathise deeply with all of you. I know how it feels when your brain feels like it's been replaced with a piece of fried chicken (even though I'm afraid that even a fried chicken is an euphemism). My story short - I cold turkeyed 10 mgs of escitalopram (some of you may know it as Lexapro). My life completely changes shortly after and I entered what was an absolute hell for me (seriously, I'm catholic and that's what my version of hell would look like). Thankfully, I am doing a lot better now and I wanted to share a couple of things I learned along the way. I still suffer from anxiety, as I did before WD, it is worse than it was but it's nowhere near WD nightmare. I am not on any kind of medication and the only supplement I use is Omega3. Here are some of the things, and if I remember something later I will edit or write in the comments. DON'T GOOGLE STUFF. For the love of God, don't do it. If you're new here, there is plenty of sound advice in topic named 'Read this first' and in my opinion that is enough. Now when I say don't google stuff I mean don't google every symptom, every emotion, every fear and thought and overanalyse it. I promise you 99.99999 % of everything you feel and experience in WD is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Imagine your brain as a very stressed person trying to find best solutions and having to run the household (your body)... of course it's going to act wacky. It's not worth stressing it out further by reading into stuff and imagining even worse case scenarios. If you want to google kittens, puppies, babies, watch pretty youtube videos or just listen to calming music be my guest. But DON'T👏 GOOGLE 👏 YOUR 👏 SYMPTOMS 👏 TAKE IT SLOW. Your brain is working so fast your body might try to mimic that. I know my body did, and I still do it sometimes, if I'm not aware. I don't know if this happens to you but when I get stressed I breathe fast, brush my teeth fast, eat fast, comb my hair fast... as if someone put a ticking bomb on all of those things. Try to be more aware and when you notice that, take a deep breath, and start over - gently, slowly. Do everything with great care and gentleness. Your body and brain need it. When you show your brain you're not in a rush, brain will take it slowly too. I know it's a problem in WD - it feels like you have an neverending supply of adrenaline - but hey, baby steps. Try do it for 5 minutes a day. INSOMNIA. This bastard made me really mad. Sleep was the only way I could escape the WD nightmare, but it rarely came. I remember trying to fall asleep for hours, just to wake up at 4 or 5 am. not being able to fall asleep again. When I couldn't sleep, naturally, I thought about how I can't sleep. I worried and worried instead of trying to utilise that time. The best advice given to me was - if you can't fall asleep just chill. Your body will find a way to get energy from that too. Imagine you're on a beach, the sound of waves, the hot sand on your feet, warm sun, smell of salt and pine... you get it. Imagine happy (well..happyish) scenarios - I imagined what will I do after the WD is over and how I'll be able to help and understand someone. Try to occupy your thoughts as much as you can as not to fall in to the 'Oh God why can't I sleep' rabbit hole. NEURO-EMOTIONS. Don't run away from them. Don't be afraid of them. Embrace them. Cry. Scream in your pillow. Jump in utter rage. Aggressively punch the mattress. Write it down and rip the paper. Welcome your fears with open arms. Neuro emotions scared me but now I see them as a way of brain restarting itself. Like pushing random buttons to see what works and you just have to deal with it. It opened a very strong traumas for me again that antidepressants and teenage way of life buried so I had to actually face them and go through them. It was horrible, but maybe necessary? WORK OUT. Aggressive workout in the middle of WD hell? Only if you're absolutely comfortable. Otherwise, I don't recommend it. On the other hand, if you want to stay in bed all day, try to fight that urge. Try to walk at least 5 minutes (even in your small apartment, you don't have to go out), do a half a squat, lift your hands, whatever, just try to be at least little bit active. There's tons of studies that show how exercising improves mental health - there's not much to say here. CREATIVITY. At my worst I really couldn't do anything. TV was too stimulating and loud, my biggest achievement was playing Mahjong on my smartphone for 2 minutes. Everything above that and I would get extremely tired. I didn't smile, sleep, eat, I just wanted to die. Luckily, as soon as I got a bit better I've decided to do anything to not think about what I'm going through even if the bliss lasted for a second. I was baking, gardening, drawing, writing... notice how all of this is with hands. Put everything you got into feeling what you're doing with your hands. Even now when I get stressed I look around me for objects and imagine what kind of texture would they be like if I touched them. DP/DR. There are no words in human language to express how much I hated those feelings. I still do. But I've come a long way. Let's say they were at 100%. Now they're at about 50% when I'm really stressed. 20-30% in normal situations, because I still have an anxiety, and it's just a poopy symptom I have to accept. DR is actually what I'm feeling, DP was problematic, but now I can't remember when I truly had it. They don't occupy my life anymore, and I'm not so afraid of them as I was. My best advice about them would be: Don't be afraid. It feels like the world is falling apart but they're just symptoms of mental disorders and WD. They are absolutely harmless. The best you can do for yourself and your brain is to accept those feelings. Say it out loud: DP/DR I accept you. I know you're just symptoms of my brain working overtime and that's okay. I know my brain is trying its best to protect me and I am grateful for that. I accept you. If this post gives just a bit of hope or brings a bit of comfort to anyone - I'm so glad. I remember rereading the same success stories here over and over again when I was at my worst. They were literally ropes I hold on to. I know what you're going to is hard, but please, please, hold on. Living with this honestly means you're the bravest of the brave. Seriously, everyone here on this forum is one heck of a soldier. You don't even know how strong you are. I was pooping my pants when I was getting into college, I was still in WD... and next year I'm going to finish it. So please, hold on, and live day by day. There are probably more things I would write about, my faith being one of the most important things that helped me (and still does). I might write about it if anyone is interested, but I'm sorry I can only write from my religion's (catholic) perspective. So if anyone is interested let me know. I also run an IG page for catholics dealing with anxiety so if you're interested shoot me a message (I don't want to put it here because I think it would be considered a self-promo). I wanted to open that page for a year now - if you read my post, what was a comforting for me was imagining I could help someone some day who is going through the same stuff as I do. So I finally did it and honestly, it is a nice creative outlet. I have no doubt there will be some future gems from this page that were molded by suffering - Gold is purified by fire. **english is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

Hello! I'm very glad that I found this amazing site! Many-many thanks to Altostrata and other mod's! You will save lives! I'm sorry, my English is very very bad... I was badly affected by taking AD's and I need advice. Now to me 32 years old, on AD's for anxiety disorder. April 2011 - December 2011 - Paxil 20 mg, C/T December 2013 - December 2014 - Paxil 15 mg, C/T Febryary 2015 - June 2016 - citalopram 10 mg, C/T September 2016 - December 2016 - citalopram 20 mg. He stopped helping and I took escitalopram 10 mg. Escitalopram caused serotonin syndrome and akathisia in Febryary 2017 and I reduced the dose to 5 mg and in 2 weeks left completely. In 5 months from C/T escitalopram my health became very bad. And I restored 5 mg of escitalopram (July 2017), but it got worse. Twitched all the muscles, akathisia, serotonin syndrome, bleeding, extrasystole. I reduced the dose with in 1 1/2 months and left. Since then I have symptoms: - electricity in the body - akathisia (I want to burst from tension, get out ot fhe skin) - panic attack every day - loss of emotion, nothing interests - insomnia - hypersensitivity to all, to food. 30 minutes after eating, panic begins. - chills, constantly shaking - weight loss (I'm 174 sm and 53 kg) - maculopapular rash on the body. Now 9 1/2 months from the C/T escitalopram in October 2017. Everything began to deteriorate strongly at around 5 - 6 months. I have panic attack after eating and at night. I' m absolutely dysfunctional. I feel that I'm dying. My weight falls. It turned out that I have celiac disease. I observe a strict gluten-free diet of 9 months. I underwent a complete medical examination and except for celiac disease, all test were normal. Medicines for the last 2 years: 1) citalopram 20 mg - stop in December 2016 and repleced by escitalopram 2) escitalopram 10 mg - December 2016 - February 2017, then July 2017 - October 2017. 3) phenazepam (benzo) 0,25 - 0,5 mg periodically for severe anxiety. And also every day in periods from 6 to 13 Aprill and from 13 to 20 Juny 2018. Dose - 0,5 mg - 1 mg in day. Phenazepam has a long half-life, almost like diazepam. 4) Atarax - from 19 May to 12 Juny 2018 every day. Gave an increase in weigh of 1 kg. Dose - 12,5 mg in day. I also use atarax periodically from anxiety. 5) metoprolol 6,25 mg every morning from tachycardia. 6) propranolol 5 - 10 mg from panic attack. Also I tried to restore citalopram in June 2018 in a micro dose: 1 day - 0,15 mg, 2 day - 0,47 mg, 3 day - 0,7812 mg, 4 day - 1,094 mg, 5 day - 0,78125 mg, 6 day - 0,47 mg, 7 day - 0,32 mg and stopped. I was scared of the akathisia. My main problem now is akathisia and panic attack after eating, and weigh loss. I'm anorexic, I'm obsessed with my low weight. l carefully studied almost all topics on the forum, including about the weight. I think to try a lot of Atarax for 2 or 3 weeks at 12,5 mg every day. Last time it helped with weight. But Atarax affected serotonin, dopamine, histamine receptors. Thus it is a violation of natural CNS recovery. I know that the Atarax is similar to the antipsychotic (D2, 5HT-2, H-1 recept.). Atarax increases my jecking muscules and involuntary movements. But I have no choice. I tried magnesium, valerian, chamomile, fish oil. It seems to me it intensified akathisia. Also I think about micro doses of Lamictal. Can he help with akathisia and panic after eating? Also I think about gabapentin. I read the he can increase weight. I hate these drugs and do not want to take anything more, but if i do nothing I think I'm going to die from exhaustion. What should I do? Pleasе, any advice?

Hi everyone. Really glad to be here and share my story. I've been dealing with major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, attention deficit, and autism for my entire conscious life. Many of these issues took a while to get officially diagnosed (autism was the most delayed, taking a whole 24 years!) but I believe I've had all of these issues since at least 5th grade. While in the 6th grade, I was first prescribed Prozac by my GP because I showed no improvement after going to therapy. I hated it immediately because of the barrage of side effects and tried to find alternative treatments. Unfortunately, I had no luck. For the rest of my life, I was constantly hopping from one drug to the next, so many different ones that I can hardly recall them all. Among them were Wellbutrin, Paxil, Concerta, Prozac again, and most recently in my adulthood, Lexapro. I never liked the things but my doctors and parents constantly reassured me that they're miracle drugs with no downsides or drawbacks, so my issues were handwaved as not finding the right SSRI, or not taking the right dosage, or me otherwise just... doing something wrong. Nevertheless, despite their side effects, SSRIs provided me with enough mental stability for me to scrape my way through the day. At the cost of insomnia, poor quality sleep, dulled emotions, and many other side effects, I became a decently capable flesh automaton who would not enjoy life, but could at least struggle through it. This changed within the past couple years. My depression/anxiety surged back into my body in 2021 after getting a rather awful warehouse job. While I wouldn't say I was happy while unemployed, I at least had the time to distract myself and could avoid the stress of labor. Now that I was working full time in a position that offered no time off (not even holidays), I was rapidly worn down to state of complete misery. Every single day filled me with a deep, dark dread, and even on weekends all I could think about was the approaching Monday morning. So, after spending my college years unmedicated, I was re-introduced to the world of SSRIs via a 10mg prescription of Escitalopram. This didn't do much, so I was quickly bumped up to 20mg, which eventually had a moderate effect, but with more side effects than I'd ever felt before. My emotional spectrum felt like it had been flattened into a pancake, but not exactly. It was just about impossible to truly enjoy anything, yet it was rather easy to feel bad about things. If I had to quantify it, it was like my emotions spanned from 2 to 5.5 on a 10-point scale, as opposed to a range of 1 to 8 while unmedicated. I was constantly exhausted 24/7, no matter how much sleep I got, and my days were blurs of confusion and fog. This continued for 10 months. It ultimately became too difficult to determine whether I was better or worse before the drugs. So after quitting my job, I decided it was time to quit the Escitalopram as well. Due to my poor memory and lack of documentation, I can't say exactly how the tapering process went, but I know it was done linearly and fairly fast. As for withdrawal symptoms, I can recall intense brain zaps while walking my dog and inexplicable mood swings but nothing more than that. Now, since roughly last January, things have gotten strange. Despite having a comparatively stress-free day-to-day life, I found myself randomly experiencing violently intense episodes of depression that seemed unpredictable, but typically took place after dinner. What made this different from the depression I was familiar with is that sometimes, after a bowel movement, it would go away completely. Not a small sense of relief but complete and total world view shifting! I would think to myself, "life isn't worth living, I should give up," then go to the bathroom, and within 10 minutes that thought transformed into "life is beautiful and full of discovery and wonder!" If this only happened once or twice, I would have considered it a coincidence and left it at that, but it just kept happening over and over. This left me and every medical expert I went to for advice totally flabberghasted and frankly, made me feel like I was crazy. The gastro people had no clue. My therapist had no clue. My GP had no clue. It wasn't until I started seeing a psychiatrist highly interested in nutritional psychiatry and phsyiological or "unusual" causes of depression. With her help, and lots of personal research on PubMed and other medical journal sites, I eventually came up with a theory: for perhaps my entire life, but especially the past couple years, I've had some level of physiological impairment, most likely a "leaky gut," which has had a direct and increasingly profound impact on my mental state. I tested this theory by using a meal diary to identify foods that appeared to trigger symptoms in me. Gluten was the most commonly present ingredient in meals on my bad days, so I tried an exclusionary diet, removing gluten entirely. It worked. I felt far better on average and the flare-ups of depression became much less frequent. But this didn't last. Over time, I started to have more emotional issues that always occurred concurrently with some level of digestive disturbance. I tried to pin down another suspect in my diet but quickly became overwhelmed by the constant researching, doubt from my family/friends who think it's all in my head, and feeling at rock bottom on a daily basis. So, once again out of desperation, I put myself back on Escitalopram. But to my horror, this time it had less of a healing effect than ever before and my mood was slightly more muted but largely unaffected. I ended up spending my brother's entire 40th birthday party locked in a room because I couldn't bear to be around anyone. Since it was clear the medication was functionally useless for me at this point, for the hundredth time in my life, I decided to taper off of an SSRI. But this time, I tried hyperbolic tapering. The timeline was roughly as follows: 04/28/23 - Started with 10mg of Lexapro. 06/01/23 - Increased to 20mg because of no noticeable effect on depression. 07/06/23 - Made the decision to stop taking Lexapro because it wasn't helping. Started taper at 10mg. 07/19/23 - Dropped to 5mg. 08/03/23 - Dropped to 2.5mg by handcutting 5mg pills into halves with a razor blade. 08/17/23 - Dropped to 1.25mg by handcutting 5mg pills into quarters. This is where I started to wonder if my unpredictable, fluctuating moods could be tied to inaccurate doses from my cutting (i.e. taking .8mg on some days and 1.3mg on others.) 09/08/23 - Wanted to drop to ~0.6mg but the razor blade method proved too difficult for such a tiny dose so I decided to just go cold turkey since hey, it's only 1.25mg, right? HUGE MISTAKE. Within a couple days the withdrawal symptoms arrived and almost killed me. I had every physical symptom in the books for discontinuation syndrome, including but not limited to severe muscle and joint pain, massive fatigue, insomnia, constant shivering, nausea, and relentless liquid diarrhea regardless of what I had been eating. But the mental effects were so much worse. My mind became a hellish warzone full of undiluted misery, anguish, regret, and despair, corrupting every positive thought and experience. During this entire period, I had to actively fight off suicidal desires by curling up into the fetal position on my bed and clenching my fists. Despite my psychiatrist's recommendation to "push through it," after 72 hours of nonstop suffering, I tapped out and returned to the 1.25mg dose. Sure enough, the symptoms rapidly vanished within the next couple days. 9/31/23 - Stayed on 1.25mg until this point, then I changed up my method. I bought a digital scale that allowed me to measure cut pills down to ~0.6mg with decent accuracy. 10/17/23 - Cold turkey attempt #2, this time going from 0.6mg to nothing. To date, every day has been wildly unpredictable. I've had days where I feel fantastic from dawn to dusk, I've had days where I don't feel like being alive, and I've had everything in-between. Long story short, I'm still confused about what exactly is happening to me, but I have an educated guess based on all the evidence I've collected and all the research I've done. I either developed, or was born with, inflammation and/or gut issues leading to a leaky gut which worsened over my lifespan, causing increasingly severe emotional/mental problems in addition to correspondingly reduced efficacy of SSRIs. To compensate, my doctors would give me more drugs at higher doses, leading to an overload of side effects forcing me off the drug, which would then led to withdrawal symptoms combined with leaky gut issues, causing me or my doctors to convince myself to get back on the meds, restarting the cycle. But for the first time, after 30 years, I think I'm close to breaking the cycle.

What a Journey it has been... History: Start - 2 months I started Lexapro January 13th of this year due to having anxiety for nearly 10 days strait, it was a gradual build up and more than likely cannabis induced. I was scared, and desperate so decided to take Lexapro even though my wife told me not to. The first dose of only 2.5 milligrams started the nightmare to come. Within 4 hours I had heart palpitations and would break out into a sweat for what felt like no reason at all. I took a total of 4 doses of 2.5mg's until I decided to get off of the medication. Over the next 2 months I lost 20% of my body weight, extreme insomnia, bubble feeling all over my body especially my legs, resting heart rate of 80-110 for what felt like no reason at all (usually 58), massive heart palpitations to the point I could feel my pulse in my feet, Tinnitus, and many other symptoms. I thought my life was over, I was scared to talk to the doctor because she only wanted to give me more drugs. I decided to buckle down and ride it out, and put my faith into God. 3 - 4 Months Were things getting worse? I couldn't tell what was up or down, am I broken? Some days felt better, then a massive wave would swoop in. I did notice that my appetite would come and go in windows and I was able to gain some weight back. Sleep would slowly improve in this span of time however, I had to take Unisom off and on. I would get 2 nights of some type of sleep then one night of insomnia. This is when the sleep zaps started to swing in hard. As soon as I drifted off, I would get hit with what felt like lightning all over my body then go into a sweating fit, then it would follow with fear and strong palpitations. At this point I hadn't found SA so my mind was going wild, I had nothing to ground myself in and simply thought this was my life moving forward. I hard to fight hard not to think suicidal. I would just be up in the middle of the night and look at pictures of my wife and kids from the years past and think I would never feel that type of happy again. But I would pray and He would tell me to not give up, healing was coming 5 - 6 Months This is when I was able to tell myself I was getting better, I would have half days here and there and feel totally normal. In those moments I really told myself to put it into memory (see you are getting better! don't forget this moment). In those moments, when they would come, I started researching online and found this amazing site SA. I would read everything, the bad, the recoveries, the plan of a action, what Windows and Waves were, how to coach your spouse through your recover. I HAD A MAP FORWARD! I got on Magnesium that night, and had the first night of sleep without palpitations! They still came and went in the coming months, but just getting moments without them nearly brought me to tears... This was when I started to really notice improvement. God bless this site, and thank you everyone for sharing your suffering and progress 7 Months - Today Right at the 7 month mark I got a nasty wave, not nearly as bad as the worst days however, I was just getting exhausted of it coming and going. I was ready for the end, but I never gave up. I had a big vacation planned with my little family and really wanted to show them an amazing time, and this wave needed to end before we left in a few days. All I could do was wait and see. The car ride down was so hard, but I never let my family see my suffering, I had to deliver. By the grace of God, once we arrived and we ate dinner, something happened. A weight was lifted off my heart, and I felt a huge shift. I was able to let go and enjoy myself, laugh, play with the kids, smile at my wife while she was cooking dinner, and even enjoy a beer! This marked my big turning point, I wasn't 100% but a big step took place. After vacation I still had little waves here and there, but all manageable. And today I'm happy to be typing this in a great mood and symptom free! My story isn't over, I have more to go, waves will still come but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel and had to share my story. Vitamins and Supplements Magnesium (CVS Brand, 400mlg) Taurine 100mg Medication History Lexapro 2.5mlg for 4 days, then Cold Turnkey

Hi, I'm new here. I don't know where to start...I feel so hopeless and desperate. I've been on and off lexapro for 5 plus years after being diagnosed with panic disorder. Recently have come to realize that I've never given myself the chance to push through withdrawal because my GP had always assumed it was relapse. As I result she would put me back on meds, lexapro. So it's been this sort of cycle for sometime. I typically don't experience withdrawal, "relapse", symptoms till months later, 3 months or so. This time I wanna push through, but I am struggling hard. Recently divorced with two children, so the timing isn't great but when is it really? I'm here for support. I'm falling apart. I have a lot of anxiety, depression, and panic. Heart palpitations, trouble breathing, dizziness, can't sleep past 4 am, and I've lost a lot of weight. Dr. Gave me a prescription for lexapro again, 10 MG, and believes I should get back on it and try tapering later at a "better time". I fear doing this because chances are, I'm going to be back where I started, again and again. But I feel like I'm drowning...trying to cope and manage my symptoms while living a new life a single working mom. I feel like I'm constantly failing. Please help 🙏