Search the Community

Until I was 30 years old I had never put an antidepressant in my mouth. I had a normal life. I studied, graduated, dated, got married, etc., etc. Since I was a child, I've always been a little anxious/worried. When I was young, I had some difficulty sleeping. I also had gastritis due to anxiety, but nothing more than that. I never resorted to medication, even though I faced many traumas (my father's death, problems with my mother that made me move in with my grandmother, etc.). However, I started taking Lexapro 20 mg from 2010 until 2017 to treat classic depression caused by a disease that no one discovered and that made me feel a lot of pain. In 2017, after many bad episodes, notably my son's diagnosis with a serious illness, Lexapro was no longer effective. I started to feel scared, depressed, with back pain and anxious. I was afraid that my eldest son would also be diagnosed with the same disease. Now I question whether the exacerbation of these symptoms was not a result of Lexapro itself. WE WILL NEVER KNOW. The fact is that the doctor - in 2017 - switched to CYMBALTA 60 mg and I reacted VERY WELL. I even got through traumatic episodes, like the sudden death of my grandmother - which for me was everything in life, as she was the one who raised me - and everything went very well. The only annoying effect was dizziness when standing up. I actually fainted a few times because of it. In one of them I even had to get stitches in my head. Anyway, everything was going very well until the episode occurred in May/2023, in which I was fired by my friend, who suggested that I had committed a crime in 2016. After what happened, I became very depressed, I didn't want to get out of bed, a feeling of injustice, difficulty waking up, etc., but I was still able to do normal activities. Early July 2023 - when I was much better and didn't feel any of the symptoms I'm experiencing now - I went back to the doctor, who decided, don't ask me why, to increase the DUAL to 90mg. About 2 weeks after starting the new dose, the monster that now plagues my life began to be born. After seeing a news story saying that a certain person had been convicted for an event that had occurred 6 years ago even though he was innocent, I began to feel afraid that the suggestion made by the monster who fired me could come true, despite there being no factual-logical support. for that. From then on, I believe that due to the increase in medication, I began to feel anguish I had never experienced before - and which I later discovered was not that bad as I would feel much worse. But, as it was something new for me, I was very scared and, after contacting the doctor, I was prescribed Pristiq 50 + 0.25 Rexulti. I argued that I didn't want to take two medications. Because of this, she told me to just take pristiq. After about a week, I felt much better and thought everything was over. A few days later, however, the symptoms of anxiety/distress and intrusive thoughts returned. Therefore, we switched to 100 mg of pristiq associated, at my suggestion, with cannabis extract. However, the medication (Green Care 79.14 mg/ml) caused me 2 panic attacks. I was traumatized by these two events and permanently stopped taking THC. For the first time in over a decade, I had to take a Xanax to calm down. However, without any change of medication, the anxiety began to return very strongly, to the point of almost preventing normal activities from being carried out. Even so, it was possible to tolerate the symptoms with GREAT DISCOMFORT. Upon returning to the doctor's office, I reported the worsening of symptoms and the Pristiq dose was increased to 150 mg, this time associated with half a Rexulti tablet (0.25). As I was very fragile and wanted to improve, I accepted the association with the antipsychotic. About 1 week later, my symptoms improved and I thought that, this time, things would go well. After 1 or 2 weeks I felt good - although a little accelerated. However, at the end of November/2023 I started to feel very anxious, accelerated and distressed, which caused a terrible cycle of thoughts. They were very uncomfortable symptoms that were slowly destroying me. I even had a kind of panic attack, but I resisted without taking Xanax. I was anxious for almost the entire day, but I refused to speak up for fear of more problems. Mysteriously, all these symptoms diminished greatly during the night, so that, as far as possible, it was possible to sleep well, despite being very distressed during the morning and afternoon. Well, after this episode I went back to the office. Seeing my condition, the doctor decided to replace the 150 mg of Pristiq with 20 mg of Lexapro with the removal of 0.25 mg of Rexulti. In the first week after withdrawing from Pristiq, it felt like something bad had come out of me. From 11/21 until 11/28 the symptoms decreased until they almost disappeared. I was quite happy. I thought I had discovered what caused all this and that there would be a happy ending soon. But there was no time to celebrate. On 11/29/23, 8 days after withdrawing from Pristiq and starting Lexapro, the anguish returned in a brutal and overwhelming way. So great and intense that the desire to kill oneself appeared as the only option to end the suffering. I had never felt this before. Therefore, it is obvious that the medication was to blame. From 11/29 onwards, my real downfall began. Despite the ups and downs, before that, I was able to go for my daily run, work and have leisure time. From then on, no more. After 11/29 I have certainly been facing the worst phase of my life. If I weren't working remotely, I would have to take time away from activities. From that date on, I completely abandoned the faith that had helped me so much in the past and my life became a distressing struggle for survival. From being a fervent Catholic with a daily rosary, I no longer had the strength to continue. It was my wedding anniversary and I couldn't go out to dinner with my wife, just to give an example. I was completely dysfunctional. Many times I couldn't even take my children to school or go to the supermarket. He was in a daily hell that seemed to have no end other than taking his own life. The days that followed were terrible. During this period, I was forced to take xanax every day (I only took it once a day, but if I could, I would take it every 3 hours), such was the anguish. I had never felt anything close to that. Not even Doistoevksi, or perhaps only he, could faithfully describe the overwhelming feelings that invaded my soul. On December 7th, due to my terrible condition, the doctor suggested that I take ketamine sessions and add 0.5 of Rexulti to the 20mg of Lexapro. From then on I had ups and downs. After the first two ketamine sessions I thought I was cured and that everything was over. I was wrong. After a few days of improvement, I began to worsen dramatically with terrible anxiety and panic, as well as intrusive thoughts. On 1/8/24, in a new consultation, the doctor decided to maintain Lexapro 20 mg and maintain 0.5 of Rexulti. That same day, I went on vacation with my family and had the worst vacation of my life. Catastrophic thoughts accompanied me at all times. I was already waking up with a LOT of fear and panic. I spent the whole day like this, with the same thought circulating and plaguing my mind. I went to the beach with atrocious difficulty. Every 5 minutes, throughout the day and afternoon, I had to relive what happened to tell myself that there was no reason to worry, that it was just the thought of a crazy person, etc., etc., all of this surrounded by a lot of fear, anguish and panic. At night, there was a little relief and, I don't know how, I was able to sleep well. But I woke up the next day in absolute panic. It was a nightmare. Upon returning from vacation, on January 22, 2024, in complete despair, I went to another doctor. He said that I had symptoms similar to those of OCD and ordered me to keep the Lexapro, remove the 0.5 of Rexulti and take Luvox 50mg for 3 days, then switch to 100. In the first three days I noticed that the intrusive thoughts decreased. Given this, he asked to maintain the 50mg, in addition to the 20mg of Lexapro. From the fourth day onwards, however, despite the thoughts having reduced, the anguish/panic increased a lot again and came in a BRUTAL and OVERWHELMING way. I had terrible episodes for about 10 days, where I really wanted to kill myself to end the pain. I woke up with a feeling so bad I couldn't describe it. I even fainted on two occasions. I couldn't carry out everyday activities, like going to the supermarket or taking my children to play soccer. I had never felt anything like this. Doctor gave Buspirone but it was like water. Therefore, he told me to take Xanax 3x a day, in addition to the other medications. Afraid of the effects of benzos, he took xanax only when the anguish was unbearable and tried to live in anguish at all times, without respite. Then, in desperation, I asked the doctor to remove the Lexapro - because I thought it was causing the symptoms. On 02/02/2024, he ordered 5 days of Lexapro 10mg and then withdrawn, he kept 50mg of Luvox and started Elavil 25 (should go to 75 mg in 5 days) and Lithium 600 (2x of 300). The day after taking 25 mg of Amytril, on February 3, 2024, I felt better. I was very happy because I didn't wake up in a panic and I didn't feel like throwing myself out the window, something that had been with me in the last few months. But my general condition continued to be poor. From then on, very slowly, I gradually improved. It wasn't great, but I stopped wanting to die. Given the improvement, the doctor asked to keep Elavil at 25 mg. I suggested that he reduce/remove Luvox but was ignored. I thought it might have effects from completely withdrawing from Lexapro but it didn't get any worse. At an appointment on 2/22/2024 with another doctor, I was in a simply reasonable state. Still very traumatized by everything I suffered and went through, but without that anguish and panic that paralyzed me and left me wanting to die (and sometimes to kill myself, which scared me a lot). As for the thoughts that I would be reported, etc., they came many times a day, but without panic or anguish. But it was much better than my previous state. I was very happy with your new doctor's line of thinking - who also understood that most of the terrible symptoms I suffered stemmed - not from my condition - but from the medications. I reminded the doctor that I was flooded with a sea of serotonin and norepinephrine (I was prescribed an incredible 150 mg of Pristiq + 0.25 of Rexulti, then 20 mg of Lexapro + 0.5 of Rexulti, and finally 20 mg of Lexapro, + 50 mg of Luvox). One of the doctors even commented that we could increase Lexapro to 40 mg!!!! My perception is that what made me improve was Lithium. After 2 weeks of taking the mineral, I had a good improvement considering my previous condition. The effect of 25 mg Elavil was also impressive, as I took it at night and, the next morning, I didn't wake up in despair. As for Luvox, I honestly think it does me more harm than good. I remind friends who read me that I am one of the many cases in which the patient presents a small complaint and is devastated a few months later by the medications. If the medication starts to cause unwanted effects, the standard medical approach is to always increase the dose, and never take out the medication. It's insane. The new doctor ordered dozens of tests, including genetic ones, and authorized the reduction of Luxox to 25 mg. I've been on the new dose for 15 days and I'm still doing it - not very well - but simply stable. He also said that our target is to remove everything ( AMEN). He also said - unlike the previous doctor - that I don't have OCD, just a persistent intrusive thought. I remember never feeling anything like that. I never had thoughts that tormented me day and night. I remember never feeling anything like that. I never had thoughts that tormented me day and night. This is yet another indication that this all happened due to the different drugs I was put on. The thoughts that I could be accused of something - despite having done nothing - appear all the time, but without the panic like before. Today, 8/3/24, I am taking low doses of three medications: 25 mg of Elavil 25 mg of Luvox 600 mg of Lithium, The first withdrawal occurred. 15 days ago I reduced Luvox from 50 to 25. Because of all this, here I am, looking for everyone's help to, little by little and very carefully - after all, I am very traumatized by what I went through and felt - remove these medications from my life and get out of this nightmare I have been going through. Thanks and sorry for the bad english.

Short introduction, I'm pyr23 currently living in the netherlands. I've been taking medications since I was 19 and have quite a host of diagnoses. Most accurate is schizo-affective, I've been struggling this like most others here for quite a while, unfortunately after 25 years I now know it's a lifelong thing. My last try for getting in a better place involved a rediagnosis for Autism, in which it it might be possible to live with another medication structure. This didn't really work out since I'm actually way to old for that. I see that now as a midlife crisis from an old psychiatric patient. We can't all have a fast car and a young girlfriend, but we can go though another diagnosis, just for old times sake. If you're young please try and keep up and keep your meds as low as possible. For some people full recovery will be possible, and the younger you start the better your chances are. Try to make space for yourself financially with family and all other support you can find, if you're in a good place try to see what is possible.

I am dismayed when I look back at the past ten years. I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder and headed off to college with Lexapro. Ten years of therapy, several diagnoses, seventeen medications, and one intensive outpatient program later, I still feel flat inside. My therapist has been encouraging me to reconsider my medication usage - we both share the feeling that I am overmedicated and disregulated. The medications I am currently on - Wellbutrin, Lithium, Trintellix, Caplyta, Topimarate, dosages in signature - have not nudged me in one direction or another - and I strongly desire a change. There are several reasons that drove me to Surviving ADs: Accidentally overdosing on Lithium during the summer Side effects: fine tremor in hands, difficulty getting erections, very low sex drive, constant battle against dehydration, discomfort with heat It's not sustainable for me to pay over $800/month on meds until my deductible is met My psychiatrist is leaving his practice and I need to find someone else for medication management I feel like there must be more to life than the slog the past ten years have been I don't particularly mind taking 10 pills a day, getting labs done every couple of months, or having to take Tadalafil every time I want to have sex, but it has to be worth it. Taking stock of my life right now, I don't think it's worth it. I've given it a good college try, and now I'd like to get off the ride. I'd like to plan tapering off my medications (10% at a time, of course!) while staying in talk therapy, and finding a new healthcare provider. As it goes, I'm not sure how to approach a few pieces of this: I don't really have a great relationship with a doctor at the moment - would it seem adequate to find a new doctor as a prescriber? Once again, my psychiatrist is leaving the practice, so I do need a prescriber as I taper off. How does the taper conversation go with a prescriber? How does a person taper off five medications? Is there an order of operations to follow? I'm at a point in my life where I can't even remember beyond foggy details how I felt before I was taking antidepressants. Would should I expect for returning to the unmedicated LaurenceAloof?

Hello everyone, My name is Giulia, I'm Italian, I'm 35 and I was diagnosed as bipolar type 1 in 2010. After taking lithium for 10 years (Resilient 83 mg slow release ) , I started to reduce it in June 2022. My main motivation was to try to conceive a child without lithium. Over the next 10 months, I reduced the dose by 20% each month. I now understand that my reduction plan was too rapid, because after 10 months I stopped sleeping and went back into a long period of mania (3 months), hospitalised twice, followed by a long period of depression. Now I'm back on lithium, this time carborate, 400 slow-release (Theralithe 400 mg slow release) I would like to start the taper again, even though I'm afraid of reliving the mania and depression as withdrawal symptoms. Has someone had the same diagnosis and has a psichiatrist to suggest, that could follow me in the tapering? Has someone of you been pregnant after the withdrawal? If yes, how did it go? Thank you so much for your sharing!

As a 60 yo woman I took a hard look at my past life of various antidepressants since 1981 inevitably winding up with a 40 year RX drug habit, over weight and in pain. I'm active and eat health following an anti inflammatory diet w/ very little dairy or gluten and was just stuck physically. June 6th 2023 I made the decision to do a hard reset and stop My high dose Paxil and Deseryl and Xanax, not taper. As you'd expect the following week was of your typical physical drug withdrawal response, insomnia, loss of appetite, diaphorsis etc. What I didn't expect was that in the second week I started to feel an undeniable amount of strength returning, muscle coordination improvement and lack of pain. A high akin to a mushroom trip with heightened senses of pleasure, euphoria and an overwhelming sense of calm. I feel awake for the first time in decades. No unwanted thoughts or emotions, I have 40 years of coping skills and cognitive behavioral therapy in my arsenal. My gut health was the first to return to normal - there was No more bloating , constipation or abdominal pain. The chronic pain I'd been suffering with limiting my ADLs was GONE! And remains that way. I now have the flexibility of my teenage self and am back to practicing yoga on the floor with relatives ease. It's almost as if every cell in my being is undergoing a rebirth and is new again. The only side effect I have found unpleasant is scattered facial numbness which I'm hoping will ease its way back to normal as well. The 'electrical shocks' were an interesting side effect , it feels as though the nerves in my body are awaking again for the first time and I feel great. It's only been 20 days and I feel newborn and loving it... Finding this site has been a relief. There is No Support available for Antidepressant Withdrawl. It is not even discussed in the Healthcare industry. To entertain this thought process is considered non complainant , a 'behavioral' abnormality. I am in control of my mind, my body and my senses for the first time in my life ❤️

Introduction topic I promised myself that if I ever survived psychiatric drugs, I’d post a “success story” on the internet because I always found such stories encouraging to read, even if they felt like a distant dream—somewhere I could never really reach. And yet here I am—I’ve made it—and it’s “withdrawal” that now feels like the distant dream (or nightmare) from a past life. I feel it’s time then for me to share my story, albeit as a video. I didn’t expect or want to make a video but my own path to “healing” is somewhat unconventional. It goes beyond tapering, which for me was insufficient on its own. So, to really share my story, I need to provide a fair amount of background information. And, for me, this centres on how I’ve come to reframe my experience with “protracted withdrawal” into something else altogether, called The Mindbody Syndrome or TMS (a concept by the late John Sarno, a rehabilitation physician). It’s through my understanding of Sarno’s mindbody approach to chronic pain and other medically unexplainable phenomena that my years of withdrawal sensations (or TMS) finally ended. I’d note I’m not the first person to use a TMS approach for “protracted withdrawal.” Others have had success as well. I’ve communicated with some of them. It seems, therefore, that more people could benefit from knowing about this. To be clear I’m not saying this approach is necessary for anyone nor am I proclaiming a definitive explanation of “protracted withdrawal syndrome.” What I’ve done is taken a demonstrably successful approach for chronic pain of unknown origin and adapted it for withdrawal sensations that seem to go on and on for no particular reason. Given the limited scientific understanding of “withdrawal syndrome”, however, my adaptation comes with significant simplifications, speculations, and leaps that many people will reasonably see as implausible and too reductionistic. I get it. Despite this, I’ve posted this video because, well, this is my own understanding of how I resolved withdrawal sensations for myself—and, also, exact physiological details aren’t so important for a mindbody approach; it’s the broader psychological concepts that matter. And, who knows, maybe this will resonate with someone else. Regardless I hope everyone finds the best path for themselves. This is the one that worked for me. Finally, I’d just say that the following video is sort of like a self-help video as well. So for any person interested in this approach, I make suggestions based on my own experiences and interpretations, but I'm not saying what anyone should actually do or think. There are also references throughout the video so there’s lots of info and authors listed for anyone who feels so inclined to look into this beyond one random guy on the internet. Note: If you find the video too confusing or shoddily made but you’re interested in this idea, I’d suggest The Mindbody Prescription by John Sarno or The Great Pain Deception by Steve Ozanich for a better explanation of the psychology of TMS; or, if you’re interested in a more “scientific perspective”, I’d suggest Psychophysiologic Disorders by Howard Schubiner et al. (Psychophysiologic disorder is basically just another name for The Mindbody Syndrome.) Each of these books goes into medically unexplainable phenomena beyond chronic pain.

My Physiatrist wont let me taper by splitting my pills. She's having me take it every other day or every three days. I think this isn't allowing for a slow enough taper because I have already had one relapse after trying to go off.

Hi I’m mark. I spent an hour trying to make my signature , but it wouldn’t allow it because it was to long. Tried cutting it down significantly, still to long , gave up. Basically I’ve been on a million drugs on and off , and didn’t ween off any of the em correctly except lamictal and seroquil. I can make a extremely generalized timeline . Starting with cymbalta 16-17 years ago. cynbalta -2007 1 year 2012 -1 month wellbutrin-2007- a few days xanax-2012- 1mg, recreationally 10-15 doses klonopin-2013 1year .25-1mg lexapro-1-2 months 10mg topamax-2weeks small dose lamictal— 2015 7 years- doses(25-400mg) Seroquil- 2015 5 years -15-100mg ketamine-2019 -10 iv treatments gabapentin-2020- 300mg- 2 months litrhium-2020 1200mg-1 month ambien-2020 5-10 mg 3 months Propalanol-2023 10mg -2 weeks I’ve had several med trials for past 10 years trying to address symptoms that came out of nowwhere in 2013, which I now realize we’re most likely issues from taking cymbalta at an early age , not weening off then going into more rec drug use and Xanax . past ten years of my life were terrible , Constant doctors , trying meds , psych ward visits from bad reactions , not knowing what was wrong , more meds , even was convinced I had lymw and did antibiotic protocols , hyperbaric chamber , etc. also multiple shoulder surgeries from bad shoulders , one of which was a botch job and caused terrible nerve damage furthering my issues . started realizing psych drugs were the problem in late 2021. Got off everything for about a year I got hit with a severe life threatening bout of insomnia in 2022 June , and after being off of drugs for nearly a year , had to resort back to trying things , and things spiraled quickly . While I always have had the hypersensitive nervous system symptom, i I started developing this at a new level . super sensitive to sounds ( even not loud soundslike fridge clicking on, car door in distance , anything etc). Can’t watch most movies emotions trigger symptoms . Constant tinnitus . Can’t exercise , sex release , can’t go to the store without flare .) nighttime adrenal surges / jolting . even then I STILL was seeing psych and trying meds because I was not familiar with kindling . How would I know ? I was member of benzo buddies and knew something was going on drug related but was suffering and didn’t know how else to try and fix it . Then I finally learned of kindling , and found this site . I’ve been off everything for 6-7 weeks . I see people with exact symptom profiles and I see a lot of people that don’t seem to show improvement with the hyper arousal especially from sounds . ive already suffered most of my life , and it’s been ten years and I’m not even close to better , in fact way worse. I guess what I need is a success story, for people with similar countless (to long to list) drug trials , that had the hyper arousal from sounds , lights , emotions , etc and eventually showed improvement . I don’t want to break any rules by saying how I truly feel , but this basically isn’t doable . I saw one lady that said she has the auditory arousal issues seven years later .. what?????? No.. can’t, sorry, I’ve already been in hell for 10 plus years . any success stories or other who had this issue and showed improvement WOULD help. I can’t really find any though . thank you for allowing me in the group and for reading

Hello everyone, I'm confused lately on what's going on. I'll share my history first: I was on Effexor, Lithium, Klonopin and Tegretol for various times for anxiety and bipolar (although I'm not sure if I was bipolar or just developmental psychology throughout my 20's). Anyway, I came off all drugs after tapering. The klonopin was the last drug I came off back in 2012. I healed from it all around 2 years later.... Here's what's strange after all these years of feeling better, I suddenly got derealization and depersonalization again along with adrenaline and some tinnitus. I'm just curious if this is because of stress in life OR if it's a setback. Perhaps my brain was still healing on the back burner? Maybe I took something that caused me to setback or overwhelming stress: only things I can think of I took the past month was nicotine gum, collagen supplement or retinoid creme for my face. Only things I can think of. Just strange after all these years off meds and healed, a few of the symptoms come back. Don't get me wrong, I've healed myself bucket loads in 10 years, but why some of the symptoms return? Can this happen because of stress or something we took? The derealization and depersonalization are the worst: I haven't been able to feel much emotion in 2 weeks now. Just terrible stuff. Thanks, D.

Hello to all, Beginning on May 8th 2022 I was put on lithium carbonate at 600 mg. After about ten days I began to feel some debilitating side effects. These included being very slowed down cognitively, concentration and memory issues, and feeling exhausted after pushing myself to do a fraction of my usual amount of work. Two weeks in, I actually felt quite ill for about four days. During that time I could not even focus enough to drive a car properly and I felt completely drugged. This passed, though, but the other side effects stayed. A blood test done on May 25th showed lithium blood levels of 0,4 mmol/l, and on June 2nd the psychiatrist upped me to 800mg to get me into the therapeutic range. This just made the side effects worse. As the psychiatrist was not making sense of my symptoms I went to see my GP for help. He found no physical symptoms of toxicity (shaking hands, etc.), but he referred me to another psychiatrist to get a second opinion. (If it is useful, I can add that the only straight-up physical symptom I ever displayed was a friend noticing that I had become physically bright red after a two hour academic seminar I was struggling to stay focused in.) The second psychiatrist seemed a little worried, but not a lot, and told me to go back down to 600mg of lithium, which I did on June 14th. Still, I did not feel that what he told me was completely cogent either, which prompted me to get an online appointment with a psychiatrist specialized in de-prescribing. This psychiatrist was *much* clearer than the others and encouraged me to taper down completely over a month. So I progressively went from 800 mg to zero from June 14th to July 13th 2022, following the recommended steps of dose reduction. The tapering went well and the only symptom I experienced was unusual fatigue when bringing the dose down for a day or two. Yet, when I finished the taper, the side effects had not improved very much. Now it has now been almost four months and the side effects have only improved partially. On the bright side, I no longer feel like a zombie, but I am not entirely back to myself either. My social skills and instincts still feel off, for example. But what is very problematic is that my intellectual abilities have not returned enough to get back to work. I am in an academic field which requires a very high level of concentration, and I still feel out of my depth when attempting what should be normal for me. I am also only able to get a fraction of my normal quantity of work done, even when attempting easier things. I am currently on a medical leave of absence because of this. Another symptom I can add is that I react poorly to any kind of intensity while exercising, usually feeling unusually tired/off for a couple days afterwards. What I am seeking is an explanation of what happened with the lithium, so as to be able to find a prognosis. One psychiatrists told me that I am experiencing a difficult withdrawal and that all should be normal in a matter of months. Another wondered if I experienced a form of lithium toxicity, which can cause long term damage. But, to be honest, neither seemed very assured in what they were saying, nor to have much knowledge on lithium withdrawal. I am still seeking a comptent medical professional to guide me, but this is a slow process. The information I have found while doing research has sadly been quite confusing, and even contradictory sometimes. I would be grateful for any insight that this forum could provide. Simply being able to name what is going on with me would be a huge relief, as well as getting some sense on what kind of outcome I can hope for. Thanks for any insight you might be able to provide!

Hi everyone! In order to understand how i came where i am in my life, i will try to give you brief story of my life. Born if dysfuntional family with alcoholic father who was making living hell of the lives of my family and me. During one of those events i was almost killed at the age of 7. All of that lasted for 10 years. Then war broke out, years of insecurity, danger, poverty, never knowing what next day might bring. Anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, horrible self-esteem and confidence were following me throughout my life. At one point of my life, i decided to leave my homeland and look for the happiness somewhere else and i landed in Malta, tiny island in the Mediterranean. Only once i was removed from such environment i was able to focus on myself and look for help. My doctor that i met in Malta diagnosed me with cyclothimia, or bipolar disorder. I was put on lithium carbonate in july of 2018. But, for years i havent seen improvment, i was suicidal every now and then, my relationships were chaotic. Then, in 2020 i met my trauma specialized psychotherapist who told me after first season that i am having CPTSD. When i told that my pdoctor, after one low phase due to relationship issues he placee me on Lamictal in june 2020. I worked with my psychotherapist for 1,5 at the time when Lamictal dose rose again to 150mg. Since the introduction of Lamictal my life was a nightmare, but my doctor kept rising the dose, even though i told him in a few emails that i am afraid how it is affecting me, that i am highly suicidal and anxious. He told me to rise it to 200mg and never replied to my emails again. After a month and a half of that dose of 150mg I got overdosed on painkillers and ended up in the hospital. Since i was convinced that Lamictal made all of that mess, i was removed from it completely in the hospital. I was on 150mg at that point. That was the breaking point for me and thats when i decided to go off all medication. I continued with psychotherapy, changed my lifestyle, started doing brazilian jiu-jitsu,stopped abusing weed and my life changed for 180°, which was another sign that meds were doing me only bad and that i have to get off them. In September i went from 800mg of lithium to 600mg on my own. I changed my doctor eho, regardless of my whole history i told him, kept bipolar disorder diagnosis with PTSD, even though i did not have one, but reccurent traumas that lasted for more than a decade. Then i made a break until may of 2022 and my psynurse lowered it from 600 to 400mg. I got flu like symptoms, nausea, i was vomiting for 2 days, my whole body was sore. On the next check up in june of 2022 they did not want to lower my dose more, so i realize i do not have their support and that i had to do it on my own. I was on that dose for 2 months and at the mid of July i went down from 400 to 300mg and withdrawl symptoms were horrible, same flu like symptoms and such weakness in my body that i could not walk 10 meters. I had horrible nightmares for days. On 12th of August i lowered from 300mg to 200mg and even though i feel a bit down, my worst side effect are nightmares that are with me for the last 10 days. I was looking for forum like this for literally a year and i know it would be much easier for me to taper it down without a lot of trouble, but it is what it is. What should be my next step? Should i continue with 10% rule? Thank you for all of your support and time you are putting into helping.

Hello everyone. I'm Vega. I started tapering my medication earlier this year after coming to the conclusion with my doctor that they weren't doing much for me and were negatively impacting my physical health. I fully went off Seroquel over the course of a few months, which was difficult but not impossible. I'm now tapering my Lithium. I started two months ago by going from 600mg to 300mg and the withdrawal was 10 tens worse than for the Seroquel. I've had nausea, intense migraines, flu-like symptoms, memory problems, the whole thing. This is seriously one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through. My doctor agreed to taper me by 50mg next time, which I feel is encouraging. However, the symptoms from my first taper aren't fully gone yet and I don't know how long I should wait before tapering again. I have been searching for a forum like this for literal weeks and I'm overjoyed to have finally found an active forum dedicated to this topic. I'm sure all the info available on this forum will very useful to me on this awful yet necessary journey.

Hi, I'm new to this site. As far as my background, in 2018, after 25 years of taking Paxil and feeling good and stable, I decided to reduce my dose of 40 mg. down to 20 mg. over the course of three months (May-Aug) as I wanted to get rid of sexual side effects. After some back and forth with the dose, I reduced my dose to 20 mg in August and began to experience bad SSRI withdrawal and particularly intense anxiety. It got so bad I eventually ended going back up to my baseline dose of 40 mg of Paxil but it no longer was working to control my anxiety, etc. In addition, I began to experience a new cyclical mood disorder, whereby I could feel fine for several weeks or a month or more and then I would have an episode where for 7-10 days I would wake up with intense suicidal depression that would generally start lifting a few hours after waking. I have been working with a cadre of psychiatrists and other healthcare providers to get stable again, my anxiety is under control but so far nothing has worked to address this mood disorder which has been diagnosed as an atypical presentation of cyclothymia and which has been life-altering. In addition to reinstating the 40 mgs of Paxil, I am now on Seroquel (300 mg), Lamotrigine (75 mg) and recently started Lithium Carbonate (300 mg). My questions: is it possible that my attempts to go off Paxil (including some back and forth with increasing and then lowering dose) after so many years could have instigated this new mood disorder I'm dealing with?

Hi all, I've been following and reading the forums for awhile now, probably a few years when I finally decided I should sign up as I have unsuccessfully tried to taper off my meds twice in the past which lead to extremely severe withdrawal symptoms that landed me in the hospital both times I tried to taper off. The two times I've tried to taper off I knew nothing about how fast tapers can have such a strong effect on the nervous system. I basically CT off the first time because I knew next to nothing about tapering and the second time, I tapered off under the supervision of my then psychiatrist who also knew next to nothing about doing a slow taper. He had me skip doses every other day, make fast and drastic cuts, and basically CT me off of my meds- he basically had me do everything I wasn't supposed to. The 2nd CT taper made me have really SEVERE w/d symptoms to the point where I had a really bad manic episode, was in the hospital for 6 weeks, and was then given the label/diagnosis of bipolar- in which they added in Lithium 1800mg as they now considered me 'bipolar.' I was initially labeled/diagnosed with depression and only took Abilify, when I initially started taking psych meds. Fast forward- it's been 4 years since that hospitalization and I've slowly tapered off my Abilify and Lithium, am now on 5mg Abilify (Was on 10mg originally post-discharge from the hospital) and 600mg Lithium (originally was on 1800mg). I did taper off my Lithium (from 1800mg--> 600mg now), in my opinion too quickly which led me to have strong w/d symptoms for at least a year, but now my brain and NS are stabilized. I'm going to be tapering off slowly (learned SO MUCH from those past 2 traumatic CT tapers), I think first my Abilify then the Lithium. I am planning on doing a liquid taper b/c from what I've read from others in the layperson community, it is easier and more precise, especially when you are at very low doses. I have all the equipment including different size syringes. I even bought a jewelry scale and everything else for dry tapering, but I tried it but couldn't seem to understand exactly how to do it (not the best with math/being good with my hands). And liquid tapering w/ water seems to work well and be easier to control with for most people who's forums I've read on here. Just so that I can OK to go for the liquid, would anyone know if I could do a liquid taper for Abilify and Lithium using just water. I know it'll be a suspension not a solution, so I'm guessing it would be OK and from what I've read on here, but I just want to be on the safe side and really sure that I'm not going to be messing anything up w/ the liquid taper. Thanks for reading, and hoping and praying for everyone's taper to go smoothly and safe.

Hi everyone, I am excited to have this group as support as I start to get off paxil! I had a history of several debilitating depressive episodes 1996-2001. Part of the depression may have been that I was developing untreated Hashimoto's - autoimmune thyroid disease. I have not had a depressive episode since going on psych meds. I had no withdrawal symptoms from my multi year slow taper off lithium. After so many years, and given the severity and duration of my depressive episodes, I am concerned about withdrawal from paxil and would like the support of a medical professional who has successfully helped many long term uses get off paxil. Where can I find a list of vetted, recommended professionals? Thanks!

I had been on some form of anti-depressant and mood stabilizer/anti-psychotic since high school, 2002 or 2003. Initially I was put on Zoloft for depression which caused me to become "manic" which lead me to be put on Lithium, Abilify and Risperdal (not sure doses or when). Starting around 2008 I was put on Cymbalta and Lamotrigine/Lamictal. I got off the Cymbalta & Lamictal cold turkey on my own in 2011 and it resulted in brain-zaps and then a deep deep depression. I reluctantly got back on my meds. Beginning in 2020 (exact date I'm trying to find), my psychiatrist agreed to help me taper off my meds. I was able to get off the Cymbalta it seems fairly easily, which I have been off since the end of the Summer 2020. After getting off that I began tapering off the Lamictal ... I'm trying to find information on how much I lowered initially, etc., and don't have it right now. I do know I got down to 100mg by November 2020 and had to go back up to 150mg over the winter due to debilitating depression. Starting in ~March 2021 I began tapering again (again don't have exact dates/dosages as of now). I have detailed records of my tapering beginning in May 2021 when I began using the 25mg tabs to taper: 5/18/21 (May 18) - 6/13/21 (June 13): I alternated daily between 87.5 mg one day and 100 mg the next day (87.5mg/100mg/87.5/100) 6/14/21 - 6/21/21: 87.5mg each day 6/22/21 - 7/11/21: 75mg/87.5mg/75/87.5 7/12/21 - 7/26/21: 75mg each day 7/27/21 - 8/8/21: 62.5mg/75mg/62.5/75 8/9/21 - 8/30/21: 62.5mg each day 8/31/21 - 9/12/21: 50mg/62.5mg/50/62.5 9/13/21 - 9/26/21: 50 mg/day 9/27/21 - 10/10/21: 37.5mg/50mg/37.5/50 10/11/21 - 10/24/21: 37.5mg/day 10/25/21 - 11/7/21: 25mg/37.5mg/25/37.5 *On November 1, 2021, my dog and best friend of 10+ years, the Big Guy (110lb. half boxer/half mastiff), died after a brief fight with cancer... in retrospect I should have ceased tapering at this point; instead I continued my tapering in earnest and began to self medicate excessively with alcohol and cannabis 11/8/21 - 11/21/21: 25mg/day 11/22/21 - 12/5/21: 12.5mg/25mg/12.5/25 12/6/21 - 12/20/21: 12.5mg/day 12/21/21 - 12/31/21: 0mg/12.5mg/0/12.5 January 1, 2022 - Present: Off Lamicital Completely I had no idea about this site or a couple days ago. I have been realllllly struggling this whole year but especially the past couple weeks. Some days I am so depressed I can hardly get out of bed. Some days I am "functional." I have major brain fog where I can hardly think most of the time (which is not good for my job!). I can't hardly make even the most basic decision. It is bad. I am desperate. I do not know what to do. I really don't want to get back on the Rx. I'm looking for suggestions on how to cope with the withdrawal symptoms. I have been sober (no alcohol or cannabis) since January 1st as well. I workout, do Wim Hoff breathing, garden, meditate/pray and eat mostly organic. Supplements: EMPowerPlus Lighting Sticks, 5-HTP, Vitamins C, D, B-complex (6&12) & K2, Magnesium Glyinate, Kyolic Aged Garlic Extract; Just started taking St. John's Wort a couple weeks ago I don't really recall withdraw symptoms (depression) prior to my Dog being diagnosed with cancer in September 2021 (which coincides with me getting down to 50mg/day)--since he was diagnosed and then passed Nov. 1st, I have been mostly depressed. The brain fog didn't really start that I recall until ~January of this year when I was totally off -- but I could be wrong. Since November of last year, it has kind of been a blur. On another note, while not directly related to withdrawal, I am very unhappy with my current career and have been for some time. I think doing something that goes against my values and not really knowing what my purpose is has a big impact on me feeling depressed. However, right now with my brain fog and depression, I am having a really hard time doing any work whatsoever. So my purpose now is to get past these withdrawal symptoms so I can find my purpose in this world and what gift I can offer to other people. I am VERY wary of getting back on any RX and do not want to go that route if at all possible. Thank you if you read this far and I appreciate any advice on how I should proceed!! -Will

Hi, I've been medication-free for 14 years and I've just written to the psychiatrist who originally diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 in 2002 to see if I can get the diagnosis overturned because my mania was caused by sertraline. I'd be very interested to hear from other members who were never manic before being on antidepressants.

Hi. I've been on SSRI meds for a long time. I'm currently tapering from Zoloft. I'm at 26 mg. I'm reducing at 2.5% every 2-4 weeks. My CNS is a mess and I can feel every taper. I'm so tired all the time and have no energy. I'm taking cal-mag citrate, Barleans Omega fish oil, Vitamin D3/K2, and an iron supplement for anemia. Sometimes I take Coq10. I'd like to know what has helped others with the inability to focus and with fatigue.

New Member: A therapist/GP put me on Celexa in 2002 to help with occasional bouts of anger (not sadness). Then around 2014, my Celexa prescription transitioned to Lexapro/Escitalopram (20mg). This was my only prescription for many years as I was blessed with a healthy life until I decided near the beginning of 2020 to stop taking Escitalopram as I was feeling pretty good and wanted to be pharmaceutical free. Unlike myself, I didn't research the tapering process or ask for medical supervision. I took 20mg tablets when the headaches got bad. The times between headaches got further and further apart until I had not taken Escitalopram for about three-months. Then at the end of May or beginning June (2020), anxiety started to build more each day. At first I didn't understand it. Granted, this is when Covid hit and the world turned upside-down but I don't normally get too anxious about world problems. Then it hit me that this might be a reaction/withdrawal from Escitalopram. I restarted taking Escitalopram (20mg) and made a doctor's appointment. My recollection is that the anxiety was retreating for the few days I had gone back to it and I was still sleeping eight-plus hours each night. Upon my doctor's visit toward the beginning of June (2020), I told her that anxiety had kicked in a little but I was taking my Escitalopram again (I don't remember if I told her it was bringing down the anxiety). At this point she scrolled through an (Rx) app on her iPad and told me to stop taking Escitalopram and start Zoloft/Sertraline. Without questioning her I did as I was prescribed. Shortly after starting Sertraline my brain went berserk - I was getting anywhere from zero to six-hours sleep, shakes, "twitches," throbbing headaches, screaming tinnitus, severe anxiety, hours of pacing inside the house and unable to take naps. I used to be a productive person then I became a hermit rarely leaving the house. When I contacted my doctor to tell her what was going on, she seemed to minimize the urgency (my pain and agony). Usually she would just double the dosage or put me on a different prescription or tell me "she's got this." She had me take so many tests because she didn't believe it was mis-prescribing (her advice) causing the issue. She had me endure several blood tests, two CT scans (head and abdomen), a neurologist appointment (who did nothing but check if I could walk a straight line) and a hospital hosted overnight sleep study. This went on for almost five-months. I think all of the medicines can be seen somewhere on my profile. At some point, it seemed she - my general practitioner/internest - figured out that she had no idea what to do then recommended a psychiatrist to help with medicine management. He, the psychiatrist, told me stay on Escitalopram (20mg) and put me on Bupropion, Quetiapine and Lithium. At this point I'm taking four prescriptions. This is about the time my spouse found this site and learned I was not the only one going through this horrible experience. The notes and advice we found on this site seemed to make much more sense then what the doctors are/were saying or doing. At the moment, I am taking the following prescriptions: 1. Escitalopram (20mg), June 2002 - January 2020 (18-years), then back again August 2020, 2. Bupropion (300mg), Since October 2020, 3. Quetiapine (200mg), Since November 2020, 4. Lithium (300mg), Since November 2020, CURRENTLY TAPERING (down from 900mg). I want to reduce my reliance on prescription(s) as much as possible. Note that I still have the aforementioned symptoms; although, I am getting a little more sleep with a prescription (Quetiapine), that I wish to quit taking. Large parts of most days I am basically non-functional and spend time in bed with a pillow on my head. My questions include: 1. In which order should the medications be tapered? The "app" on this site wasn't much help. 2. How quickly may the medications be tapered? I see that 10% per month is common advice. Is this true for all medicines regardless of time taking? 3. Based on a few write-ups on this site, it appears going back to Escitalopram - full dosage - is "kindling" the withdrawal symptoms. So should I still slowly taper (10%) off of the Escitalopram or just get off of it quickly to stop the kindling? 4. Is there a doctor near me that has REALLY worked with someone in my predicament? My GP and Psychiatrist claimed to be experienced, but they weren't. Instead, they were experimenting with me and made it worse. 5. What should be my reaction if withdrawal or other symptoms begin - gut it out, restart the med(s) at a low dosage, high dosage, or other advice? Thank you for reading my long message and for any help you can provide.

Hi there- been on Lithium 800 mg and Mirtazipine 15mg. absolutely hideous side effects - I'm not sure from which- are forcing me - with my doc's approval - to withdraw these drugs and possibly look at alternatives. Would love to hear some of your members' feedback on this.

Hi! I am in search of some guidance... Since October I have been tapering Lithium and I am now doing fine (not whithout bumps in the road though...) For other reasons, in the last couple of months I have been seeing a GP practising alternative medicine and when I told him I was tapering lithium he gave me some advice, based on his experience with patients tapering psychiatric meds. He suggested me to take magnesium, which I was already taking, and also cannabis sativa oil (not cannabis indica). He seems to have had many patients in my conditions, but since this is quite an uncharted territory I would like to know if you see any potential negative interference with my taper. Thank you so much!

I would put information in my signature, but I can't figure out how. I have been off and on more psychiatric meds than I can count over the last 20 years. Most of them were SSRI's but a few were mood stabilizers, atypical antipsychotics, and benzodiazepines. I didn't seem to have trouble stopping or starting medications until about 3 years ago, but I didn't understand what was happening. In Sept 2020 I had a terrible experience when I reduced paxil from 5mg to 2.5mg and tried to reinstated to 5mg after 2 weeks. After 4 days of reinstating, I ended up with extreme anxiety, agitation, and suicidal thoughts. I couldn’t tolerate the 2.5mg dose anymore and would get anxiety rushes each time I took a dose so my psych NP advised me to stop and switch to very low dose Vraylar. I stayed on that until early December. I was having some intrusive thoughts on it and some thoughts of suicide so I tried to switch to Effexor which I have been on many times in the past. It did not work. I kept getting adrenaline rushes and anxiety from 1/3 of a 37.5mg pill. I only took 4 doses. It sent me into a hole it seems. It made the Vraylar not work right and I was extremely depressed and anxious and developed more intense intrusive thoughts about death, derealization, and abnormal thinking that I have never experienced. I was on a very low does so my psych NP advised me that I could just stop. That was 2 weeks ago. The intrusive thoughts, abnormal thinking, and most of the derealization have subsided. However, for the past 2 weeks I have had extreme anxiety, fear, agitation, fear of being alone, insomnia, tinging, and burning sensations on my skin, trembling, and restlessness. I feel like my nervous system is ruined. I have taken a few doses of klonipin which have helped but I know this is not a long term solution. I’m terrified and thinking about going inpatient as I don’t know what else to do. I have been laying on the couch with my husband for the last two weeks mostly feeling terrified. I can't continue this way. I know the idea here is to get off of meds, but I don't know if I can do that. Has anyone had luck going inpatient. I'm scared to go and scared not to go. I'm scared of trying a medication and scared of not. Any help is appreciated. I'll add that I am still taking trazodone 50mg-100mg to sleep as well.

Hi! I've been reading posts and discussions for a couple of weeks now, but I wasn't sure I really wanted to try again to get off my meds. I have always thought I am 'broken' and that these drugs are the only things that are keeping me together, but I am not so sure anymore. Here is my story and below I posted some questions about how to go on from here. Any suggestion and / or personal experience is welcomed! I have always been quite a sad child. In my teens and up to my early twenties I went through many typical distress-related problems (lack of selfworth and self confidence, eating disorders, drugs, staying in emotionally abusive relationships...) After a bad break-up with my then fiancee, I experienced a paralyzing and exhausting anxiety, preventing me to move, talk, breath. My GP prescribed my benzos to keep it under control and referred me to a Psychiatrist. After some weeks I received my first diagnosis from this psychiatrist: major depressive syndrome (based on a few question about my childhood/teens) and generalized anxiety disorder (based on the episode). He prescribed me antidepressants, told me to keep taking benzos before going to bed and that in a couple of years we would have started to withdraw. It was 2008 and since then I have been on various antidepressants and benzos, without ever being able to withdraw. My first (and quite naive) attempt at withdrawing was in 2009. A year after recovering from that anxiety episode, I felt very well. I graduated, landed my dream job, moved to an other city and made some new friends. I thought I didn't need my meds anymore and I started reducing them. In 4 weeks I got off paroxetine and alprazolam and not more than 8 weeks later I was devoured by anxiety about my work, could barely move, talk or eat. Sure it was a relapse of my mental illness, I resumed taking benzos and antidepressants and went back to the doctor, who told me that not everyone can get off, some people need them for the rest of their lives, like cardiopathics need cardioaspirin or diabetics insuline. After that I changed many antidepressants (paroxetine didn't seem to work anymore on me) and many psychiatrists, and tried to make peace with the fact that I may have needed my meds forever. I didn't want to risk an other break down, I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my nice job this time. In the meantime, I had an other toxic relationship and I started to work for a new company, where I felt useless and unappreciated by my bosses. I had a nervous break down (paralyzing anxiety, desire to die...) and I was hospitalized as a precaution. Weird thing: they didn't need to rise my meds, since as soon as I was hospitalized I felt so better. My psychotherapist says I just needed to give my worries and pain to someone else to handle. In a few weeks I was back to work and managed not to lose my job (even if it was definitely not fulfilling or good and was causing more harm than good). The second attempt at withdrawing was in 2019, under constant psychiatric control & advise, because my partner and I wanted to have a baby. But again, it was too fast: in less than two months I was at the minimum dose of venlafaxine and she advised me to get rid of alprazolam in one week. Also this attempt failed miserably, with me having three consecutive anxiety related break downs in the next 6 months. After the first I was back on antidepressants, sertraline this time, after the second I was prescribed also olanzapine and after the third also lithium. The psychiatrist told me they were supposed to work as 'enhancers' of the antidepressants (it looks like it is quite common here in Italy). I finally stabilized, gained 8 kg, lost any sexual desire, abandoned any idea of having children in the near future, lost my job. When I felt better, I asked for an other psychiatrist opinion and the new one told me that if I wanted children I had to either accept the risk that this meds have or try to suspend them for the first trimester. I decided for something in between: I wanted to get rid of what I perceived as the most 'toxic'ones, olanzapine and lithium. During the Italian lockdown (March) I stopped olanzapine (2.5 mq), while increasing sertraline (from 100 to 125 mg), as suggested by the doctor. I had withdrawal symptoms for two months (depersonalization, tinnitus, irritability) but I made it. I didn't worry too much because I was somehow sure that I was still overmedicated and nothing of those weird things could be a relapse. After some months of stability, 6 weeks ago I started reducing lithium (resilient 83, from one and a half tablet to one. Now I know it is too much but thais is what the psychiatrist told me to do). Not more than 3 days later I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms and I am still experiencing them. Mild anxiety, difficulty to breath, restlessness, early wake up, irritability, mild mood swings, headaches. So... how to go on from here? Since I have already reduced lithium too quickly, do you think I should wait for my withdrawal symptoms to vanish? Or I can resume tapering? I am now at 83 mg of Resilient (slow release lithium) An then there is sertraline. I am now at 125mg. What would be a reasonable time to get rid of both of them? Do you think that I should wait before having a baby? I am close to forty and I would like to be a mother, but now I am so afraid that my baby may become dependant from these drugs even before being born... If anyone has any experience about this... please share.

Hi all, I searched this site for info on seroquel and lithium but didn't find much. Basically, what I want to do is try to lower my dose of Seroquel. I'm on 300 mg and have been on this dose for 7 years. Been taking seroquel for 13 years, first 3 years on 100 mg, then 3 years on 200 mg and then 7 years on 300 mg. I'm on it for bipolar disorder. I have had two psychotic breaks. Tried to lower the dose 2 years ago by tapering 25 mg every month. When I got to 200 mg I got very depressed and had severe insomnia. The dose was increased back to 300 mg but that didn't help so I was put on 400 mg of lithium. A little over 2 months ago the lithium was upped to 600 mg. Now that I am relatively stable, I want to try to lower my seroquel dose. See how far I get. Getting off it completely is probably a dream. My question: I also want to lower the lithium dose back to 400 mg. Which drug should I taper first? I don't know if lithium is a brake or accelerator, really, because I guess it does both. I hope someone can offer me some advise.

After 24 plus years of bi-polar meds, lithium and clomipramine, which I don’t think I should ever have been on in the first place, I have finally managed to come off altogether super gradually over the last year. I have been off completely for about three months and feel much better. Except for recent and increasing episodes of acute anxiety and rages. I never had those before. Nothing like mood swings or depressions that I have ever experienced. Could this be symptoms of withdrawal? No-one in the NHS, of which I am a huge supporter, seems to know anything about withdrawal. Even the local crisis helpline. Everyone is very kind and wants you to speak to counsellors. My GP is supporting me with librium which I don’t want to use but at times have no choice (I am carer to three family members and need to be well enough myself to support them). If I know what is happening to my brain and why, and how many months or years it might take, then I will cope somehow. Not knowing what is going on is crippling. The GP will just put me back on meds which I am not doing anymore. The NHS psychiatrist will only see people now who are psychotic. Please could someone advise me?