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  1. I stopped mirtazapine 5 and a half weeks ago. I had to get off because mirtazapine was making me worse. I didn't really taper. Most of the time I was taking 7.5 mg. then 15mg for a couple weeks and 30 mg a few dsys. It did not get really bad until about the 3rd week. A few days ago I was feeling better but today I feel awful . The symptoms are not specific except for the excessive tiredness. Will this ever end? Need motivation.
  2. I have been taking Trazadone since January 2014. I started with .75 Traz and have been slowly tapering the past six months. I am now down to .38 Traz after making a cut 2 nights ago from .45 Traz.. I take it at night to sleep along with 7.5 Remeron. I have been doing well with sleeping on the .45 which I have been holding the past 2 months. Last night my sleep was very light and fitful after the cut. I doubt I got that much sleep. Also, this October I will be on year off Ambien 10 mg. I am looking for some encouragement from folks who have been down this road before with Trazadone. Any success stories out there? How did you feel along the way with tapering? How was your sleep? How did you feel one week off Traz, three weeks off, a month off?
  3. Hello everyone i’m a 26 years old male. End of 2017 the doctor give me mirtazapine because I was sleeping very bad for over a year. She said it wasn’t addictive and if I dont like it I can stop anytime. I never had depression or anxiety in my life the only thing was the lack of sleep. I started it in december 2017 at 15mgs in the evening. The first day I take it I got some kind of panic attack I couldnt think, everthing feels strange and my hands were tingling. I went back and asked if it was the medicine but she thinks it was just a panic attack because of the lack of sleep. I stop taking it for a couple of days. Then I started it again because the doctor assured it wasnt the medicine. When I started again the only thing I noticed when I took them are some kind of brain zaps and restless legs. But that did go away after a few weeks. Everything went good after that for 4 months,I sleep during that 4 months the only side effects i noticed were that I eat a lot and sometimes I got the tingling in my hand and feet. After the 4 months I became very scared because I was just sitting at home and out of nowhere I getting very scared and noticed that what I now know getting intrusive thoughts. I never had them in my live. Then I started googling and find out I wasnt the only one who has problems with this drug. I was so scared that I decided to quit the drugs so I went to the doctor again. This was around March 2018. She tould me to take 7,5mg for 3 weeks and after that 3,75mg for 3 weeks and then quit. When I jumped to 7,5 mg I felt great for a few weeks then I go to the 3,75mg and felt terrible I couldnt function at all I was very tired and even watching television became to much. I couldnt eat,sleep and noticed I get tinnitus and my ears got very sensitive to sounds. I hold it for a couple of weeks but then I cant take it anymore so I went back to 7,5mg and felt relief after three days. That worked for a couple of weeks but after that I noticed the intrusive thoughts are back and they would get worse. After that I googled the whole day and became obsessed about the withdrawal. I hold at the 7,5mg for a couple of months because I was to scared to decrease. Sometimes I felt good but most of the time I felt realy bad and scared that I never get better. In July of this year I decided to taper because the symptoms get very bad again. I went to the doctor and asked for the liquid mirtazapine and she agreed. At the moment I am doing a four month taper, every 2 weeks I am going to drop 1mg and at the moment Im at 4,5mg. I know it is way too fast but I never stabilize on a dose and Im already sick all the time. At this moment my symptoms are: Racing thoughts Tinnitus Nausea cant eat much losing weight. Obsessive about withdrawing Some kind of brain zaps/tension in head. Muscle twitching I get some sleep I think 4 or 5 hours but some days i dont sleep at all. I follow some topics here about mirtazapine for a while and I know it is a very bad drug.
  4. Hello, I am 68 and this is my first experience with antidepressants. I began having severe stomach pain summer 2020 and lost 20 pounds. A gastroenterologist prescribed 7.5mg of Buspirone taken 2x/day. Because I was depressed about my stomach issues, my family insisted I see a psychiatrist who prescribed 7.5mg of Mirtazapine 1x/day. I began taking both about the same time in early December. In addition I began taking Hcl with pepsin for the stomach issues. My stomach issues have resolved and I have gained 6 pounds. But the drugs make me so lethargic and fuzzy brained. At first the Mirtazapine helped with sleep but now I frequently sleep very little, often less than 2 hours a night. I have decided to taper off the Mirtazapine and have just started with a 10% drop begun 5 days ago. I have felt ok so far just a little nausea. I need encouragement and ideas for sleep please as well as for my journey. I currently take 400mg of magnesium glycinate (100mg in the morning, 300 mg before bed), do restorative yoga before bed, do guided meditation, and meet with a therapist. Can’t take melatonin, gives me diarrhea. Also my gastroenterologist told me to get off the Mirtazapine but he thinks it can be done in 2 weeks. I am very frightened and anxious about the whole thing.
  5. Good morning. I have spent the last week stalking this website and thought how wonderful it was to have such a support system. So here I am. As you will see, I haven’t been on mirtazapine for very long. I was desperate at the time and needed relief like many of you have stated. I still wasn’t feeling great when upping the dose to 11.25 mg but refused to go any higher. I started seeing a functional doctor back in Aug and it turns out, I have an over active thyroid which has pooped out my adrenals. So here begins the healing process. I was put on wholefood supplements. Meaning, each ingredient has come from a whole food source. I have been off refined sugar, junk food for 3 and half months. The withdrawals from that was fun! I have been feeling better, ups and downs but I felt like I needed to be off mirtazapine in order to heal properly. If that makes sense. Knowing to decrease slowly I thought that 16% would be a good start. Nope. Within 4 days I went into withdrawals. Anxiety through the roof, nauseous and upset stomach. I immediately took my original dose and have been doing that for 6 days. I am still not 100% and I just feel exhausted, sick to my stomach in the mornings. It comes and goes. Appetite way down and little waves of anxiety. I am looking for support during my process. My husband is sweet but hearing “it will get better soon” is not helpful. I practice mindful meditation, yoga, journaling. My head is in the right space, but my body is rebellious. Can is take longer than a week for your body to build up to the dose you reinstated? I’m assuming so as every body is different but it just feels nice to hear it. To conclude this novel. Once I stabilize, my functional doctor will guide me with a taper where we will start at 2.5%. I’m thinking after the holidays so my body has time to be still. Any advice will be great. I would also like to journal my way through this here in hopes to help not only myself but others as well.
  6. Hello. I used antidepressants before and quit cold Turkey, as you might see from my history, lexapro. While on them I got visual snow but it was very very mild, and it knocked my IQ points down, at its worst it gave me nocturnal insomnia while I was on it and made me sleep during the day. quitting cold turkey fixed all the problems within 15 days. No withdrawals from that. My problem is, I got floxed 4 months ago due to fluoroquinolone antibiotic usage (ofloxacin). In case you don't know it has the same effects on your brain as benzo/antidepressant/antipsycotic withdrawal. It knocks all the gaba a receptors out of balance, leading to the buildup of excess glutamate and this knocks other receptors out of balance tooi leading to excitotoxicity. I got hit with crippling insomnia. Didn't sleep for ten or so days, took unisom, passiflora etc, nothing worked. I found the floxies forum (Thinking in retrospect this was a mistake), they recommended mirtazapine. Went to the psychiatrist, he perscribed me with it without me mentioning anything about it. So I took it, 15mgs. Didn't work. A few days later took 7.5mgs, it would work... gave me like 6 hours. I noticed mild ringing tinnitus in left ear, didn't tie it to mirtazapine at first because the antibiotics I took gives you tinnitus as well. The T went away in two days. I made my first fatal mistake around this part. Mirt would only work on 3 consecutive nights. On Night 4 I'd have to switch to unisom for 3 nights to get any sleep at all. So I rotated the meds. Over time the left ear and a little bit later the right ear got blocked and hissing came in. Along with tensor tympani syndrome (fluttering in ear drums). It was a 1-2/10 in intensity. Meds would stop working completely on day 42. took atarax which bumped the T to a 7 for 3 hours. Took unisom 7 days later, did the same thing, but worse.. Around this time I was able to sleep on my own, no meds, no night sweats or panic attacks, no nightmares for 18 days. Got 4-5 hours in fragments. I was getting better. Hissing was dying down, ears were getting unblocked. Day 62. I woke up to a ringing 10/10 tinnitus in the middle of my brain, towards the right. After that day my brain got electrified. Don't know if it was due to antibiotics or WD from mirtazapine. Didn't know WD was a thing at that point. Couldn't sleep that night so I took Mirt again. Took it on and off going forward. Over time sleep got worse, started having other CNS symptoms, sweating, night sweats, vivid dreams came back, tension headaches, suicidal thoughts etc. They were GONE for months. Hyperacusis and dysacusis started, hyperacusis was gone in the first month too... After a real long time, like 50 more days later, I was sure mirtazapine was giving me all these issues. Doing some research led me to this site. What happened was there was an electrical storm in my brain for a long time and it was getting worse and worse. Electricty was literally moving inside my brain from one spot to another in the bed. This was very different than brain zaps. No other floxie described their tinnitus like this so I knew mirtazapine gave me that. Went on tinnitus forums only to find others with same issues. Dropped the devil's pills, the electrical sensations are totally gone, I haven't gotten daily fleeting t for one week, sleep is bad but I can sleep better now compared to the time I was on them (funny). But I'm left with a myriad of other issues... -I don't feel tired or sleepy since I quit the pills. -Insomnia (No deep sleep, can't sleep more than 5 hours, always in blocks, sometimes with night sweats and dreams which are lessening day by day since I'm off M) -Tinnitus (I have no hearing loss on left ear and 15db loss in right ear, otherwise my hearing is like a 2 year old baby's, the left side of my brain is buzzing, and inside my left ear has electrical type of buzzing) -Hyperacusis -Dysacusis (Hearing is fine but occasionally I would get an electrical filter over sounds) -Floaters (Started a day after M, but since antibiotics also cause it, never tied it to M) -Some Afterimages when I look at a light source. -Tension headaches/pressure/vibrations in brain/ears. some tingling in head. All in all, I took M on 60 nights over a course of 3.5 months. What am I looking at here in your opinion? My main worry is the ear related stuff, Since I don't have hearing loss and my hair cells are healthy, do you think this buzzing and electrical sensations would go away over time, along with hyperacusis? I don't hear the T outside, it RAMPS UP in silence though. On tinnitus forums, most people with buzzing healed within two years. I need some soothing words guys... this is my main problem and if it goes away, I'd consider myself pretty much recovered even though I have many otehr issues. I can deal with insomnia and other stuff. But still wondering how long it would take for me to be able to regain the ability to take naps.
  7. Hi I am new to this forum and this is my first post . I am currently on 30mg mirtazapine and 200mg of pregablin , I have been on these mess for about 3 to 4 months . I have just cut my mirtazapine from 30mg to 15mg and in the space of 4 days I have have horrible side effects , anxiety through the roof , shaking , lack of appetite poor sleep crying spells and the general feeling of feeling crap . The reason I have started to withdraw from the mirtazapine is that after 3 months I feel no benefit only get awfull side effects . No help with my anxiety and depression if anything it's made me more depressed . I have gone through withdrawing from Effexor and that was really tough , however just the drop for a few days of the mirtazapine has left me crushed , my doctor told me that mirtazapine was a easy drug to withdraw from , but after 4 days it has left me house bound . Has anyone got any idea on how I get through this or any experience in mirtazapine withdrawals
  8. I started Mirtazapine 7.5 mg last year around February due to sleep issues. This dose didn't help me, and after 2 weeks I increased to 15 mg and after a month to 30 mg. However, it didn't help. So it was mid-September 2023 that I started to taper off from 30 mg to 15 mg, and was on 15 mg for 2 weeks. Being so naive about the consequences of Mirtazapine, I fast-tapered, and on the 10th of November 2023, I reduced my taper from 7.5 mg to 3.75 mg. Two days after that I lost my libido and sexual function. From the 10th of November to 14 December 2023, I was on 3.75 mg. 1. It was the 14 of December, and based on someone's advice I up-dosed to 6 mg from 3.7, for 5 days. 2. I tapered back to 4 mg till the 5th of January from 6 mg, as somebody else told me I would inflict more harm to my neurons. It means I was on varying doses from 6 to 4 for 20 days. 3. it was 12th of January that I regained all my sexual activity and libido, it normal as before. 4. By the 5th of February 2024, I tapered to 3.5 mg. 5. I again gradually lost all my libido and sexual function by Med February, and by now I have zero libido and erection. No morning, night or daily erection, my penis is shrunken and atrophied. Based on the above information, did an up-dose of 20 days help me regain my sexual function? Or it was a window from withdrawals? 1. Should I increase my dose back to 7.5 or 6 mg to regain my sexual life? 2. Should stay at the same dose of 3.5 mg and wait? 3. Should I stop altogether cold turkey 4. Or I should gradually increase the dose? PLEASE HELP me Thanks
  9. Hi this is my first post, I ct of mirtazapine 10 months ago as per doctors recommendations and since then have been experiencing severe muscle weakness, spasms and knots. I believe my history will be included in the signature of this post? I’ve been trying all the recommended treatments like magnesium, heat etc which helps only a bit. Hoping to get help with the following questions: I’m still taking 25 mg sertraline, which I was taking before the mirtazapine, and did not experience the muscle issues. However, with my CNS kindled could the sertraline be contributing to the spasms? My understanding of mirtazapine is it hits +25 receptors so would anyone know which ones in particular could have been adversely affected to cause the muscle issues, ie histamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine, etc? Not sure if other medications are ever recommended but wondering about the use of a muscle relaxant or other drug that could help relax the muscles without causing further damage to my CNS. Any other supplements and/or diet recommendations such as low histamine or low glutamate?
  10. First time. Sorry if im not doing this right. So all the drugs ive been prescribed over the years have been for insomnia or for restless legs caused by the antidepressants given to me for insomnia. About a year ago i did a sleep study and was told i have mild sleep apnea and that it could be causing my insomnia. Unfortunately i haven’t been able to sleep with cpap machine. Since the sleep study ive lost 25lbs. After i lost the first 15 my sleep started to get a little better so i started tapering Amitriptyline. From Januaury-late June 2023 I tapered from 50mg down to 10mg just by eye balling it and cutting off gradually bigger pieces. I felt it everytime i cut back further. After 2-3 days i get very irritable, then some flu like symptoms and after about a week the anxiety kicks in. The lower i get the longer it lasts. My last successful taper was last June. I went from taking 12.5mg(half of a 25mg tablet) down to a 10mg tablet. After about a week i had severe anxiety. Its a horrible anxiety that i can feel physically in my upper stomach lower chest area. It took about 2 weeks before it started to go away. Since i got down to 10mg ive tried to go lower 3 times but had to go back to 10mg because i dont seem to be recovering. Ive also been struggling with insomnia ever since I hit 10mg. Before I hit 10mg i was able to taper without it affecting my sleep. When i got to 10mg i bought a scale to help taper more accurately. This is where i ran into trouble. The pills i take are 10mg tablets with a pink coating on it. But they weigh anywhere from 61mg up to 67mg. I Dont know if its the coating thats off or the medicine. After my 1st attempt to taper down from 10mg i wasnt recovering so after 1 month i went back to 10mg. I wasnt sure if it was the medicine thats off in the pills so for a couple weeks i took only pills that weighed between 63-64mg and i leveled out. I did the same thing the 2nd time around but it took about 3 weeks. But this last time ive been just mixing it up taking pills of all different weights 61-67mg. Its been 5 weeks today and although my symptoms have improved im still have a little bit of that sick anxiety feeling off and on threw out the day and trouble sleeping. I dont know if its just taking longer to level out cause of some sort of kindling effect or if its because the medicine is off in these pills. Was wondering if anyone had insight on this. I decided i wont be using the scale in the future since the weight of the pills off by as much as 10%. I bought a medicine bottle, some oral syringe adapters and a 10ml oral syringe. My plan is to use 100ml of water so that every 10ml equals 1 mg. Im just waiting to feel 100% before moving forward. Im very nervous about switching to a liquid. Just looking for advice and support. Again if anyone has any insight as to why i havent leveled out all the way after 5 weeks i would appreciate it. Thank You.
  11. Hi Everyone, I am just going to jump right into this. I developed anxiety 4 years ago after having several life crisis in a months time. My mom was diagnosed w Dementia. My little sister was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma.A childhood friend died in his sleep from heart failure. I tipped over from the stress. I went to my GP and she started throwing AD's at me to help silence the anxiety. The AD's only made me worse. I went to the ER one night after experiencing my first panic attack The ER Dr gave me a script for Ativan. I took it for four weeks and then stopped because I was feeling much better. A few days later my world turned on it's axis. I didn't know what was happening. My anxiety was worse, I was pacing, heart racing, Panic attacks daily.... I went to my GP and she said I needed to see a Psychiatrist. To get in to see anyone was 3 months. I started to spiral. I had no idea I was in withdrawal! I ended up in the hospital to get help for my anxiety. I was put on Effexor (75mg)and Klonopin (.25mg). I stabilized and was sent home. I did really well on Effexor. After 4 months on Klonopin I started to slowly taper off. I tapered over 3 months. The taper went pretty well. I was cutting and weighing my pills. 8 months after that I felt good and talked to my Psychiatrist about tapering off of the Effexor. She strongly recommended to go slow and we did. I tapered for almost 7 months. To be honest, the Klonopin was easier to come off of than the Effexor. She put me on Prozac before my last cut of Effexor. Tapered off of the Prozac over 3/ months. I still had some anxiety but it was tolerable. It felt AMAZING to be free of AD'S and the Benzo....then COVID hit and my mom passed away. Anxiety came back w a vengeance. I ended up back in the hospital after a very bad reaction to Zoloft. My new psychiatrist kept telling me to "push through," the first 3 months. I was back on Klonopin but now it was.50mg twice a day.The hospital took me cold turkey off of Zoloft and started me on Remeron and Trazadone. The next day they added clonidine. The klonodine didn't agree w my system at all and I was taken off of that in two days. They released me from the hospital 5 days later. I lasted two weeks on Remeron. I was so disoriented, confused, high anxiety and felt like I could become violent on them so they weaned me off of that over 4 days and put me back on Prozac. Prozac didn't help my anxiety, I had constant headaches for months! I did get an MRI and it was normal. I started to feel more and more depressed on it. I was on Prozac for maybe two months when my psychiatrist took me off of that (tapered over 6 weeks) and put me on Lexapro. I had to have back surgery during this. I did NOT take a single pain med out of fear of making my WD worse. At first I thought the Lexapro was helping? I was still having breakthrough anxiety so he bumped it up. My Psychiatrist retired and a new woman came in to take his place until they could find a new one. She bumped my Lexapro up to 25mg when I told her I was having major anxiety rushes, my face would get bright red, I wasn't sleeping very well. That increased dosage was the worst! I was like a zombie but w heightened anxiety. I couldn't work, I would sit at my desk and space off for hours! I felt awful. So, she told me to start tapering off of the Lexapro (4 weeks total! I knew better...) and she wanted to cross taper me onto Effexor. I started that and boy....the depression was BRUTAL! I was not sleeping well, could hardly focus, anxiety was high, my legs felt like jelly, my head would burn, I felt my brain tingle all the time... I was nearing the end of my rope. I was desperate for a Psychiatrist that CARED. The interim Psych left and a new one came in. She wanted me off of the Effexor because she felt it was too hard to come off of and if it didn't work for me, I would be in for hell. I told her I was scared to switch AGAIN and she assured me that switching to Duoloxetine was it's "sister drug," and I shouldn't have an issue. I trusted her. The last 3 months have been.... (How do describe this hell?!) a daily battle to push through hell on earth. I am still working, I can still function, I take care of myself, my home, my dog. I am a divorced woman with a 22 year old son. I live by myself with my Rottweiler. Life is so friggin' hard when you are trying to get thorough this mess. I now have a WONDERFUL and caring Psychiatric nurse practitioner who truly cares. She is holding me on the last 10mg of Lexapro until the Effexor/Lexapro WD calms down...IF it calms down. I should tell you that I can't believe I have pushed through the last year. My symptoms have been Burning in my head, headaches, tingling in my head, mood fluctuations, burning on my skin, bloodshot eyes, pressure on my chest, sensitivity to heat, depression, sweat easily, joint pain, ringing in my ears, no motivation, grinding my teeth, feeling mentally off at times, at the beginning I couldn't sit still, short tempered, at times in the beginning of the Lexapro taper, I didn't want to talk at times...like I almost couldn't, buzzing in my body, feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, anxiety rushes...etc I am interested in this group for support and the combined knowledge from it's members. I know that NO ONE can tell me when this is going to end. What I am hoping is that someone can tell me what I am going through is normal for all of the med changes? I am honestly concerned if I am still having problems because of the Duoloxetine? My anxiety IS better since I have been on it. I get 8 hours of sleep. I don't drink. I don't use illegal drugs, don't smoke. I eat pretty healthy. I don't exercise. It's tough to get out for walks when you feel like hell and I guess I save my mental energy to work. I know I have rambled on. My mind feels like it's in a vice and also these drugs affect how well I put my thoughts into words. For the most part I am a happy and well adjusted person. I feel like the last few years have been stolen from me because I faithfully followed Dr's instructions and thought they knew best...I was so wrong. Thank you for your time. Blessings to all of you.
  12. i am 2 years and 4 months mitrazpine off.I feel very bad i have still big anexity.Big pain in body in muscle.thingling in fingers in teeth.I sleep 4/5 hours .I feel very depressed and hronic tired.i have adhedonia too.I last time have windows before 6 months.Any advice what to do it ❤️?
  13. Hello everyone, I guess I might be an outlier here. My journey into the hellscape of psychiatry started with an anti-emetic, metoclopramide, to which I had a terrible reaction which amounted for what I now know to be akathisia. Now I know that drug mimics or is similar to anti-psychotics. I took the drug at high doses for 20 days in December (10mg x3 day) for a nausea problem and it nearly destroyed my life. After that I took it as needed and only realized it was causing and keeping my akathisia going at the end of February. My restlessness appeared first with the typical akathisia movements only appearing after discontinuation. I was taken off the drug suddenly and my symptoms got worse after discontinuation. March and April I tried winging it without any medicine but the waves were so violent that I eventually caved and tried propranolol, didn't help. Biperiden, an anti-cholinergic, did help but had nasty side effects. Now it's May and here is the conundrum: I started tandospirone to help with anxiety a month ago. I also started on Mirtazapine recently as the propranolol doesn't help. First, 7.5mg in the evening, that was a month ago. I got a 10 day window, the best until now. Then I had a bad crisis and my psychiatrist upped my dose to 15mg. I got a nice 7 day window, then another crisis, that was a week ago. That crisis has passed. Yesterday I had a good day, today I am worse again. It is a rollercoaster. I don't know how I'm holding my job. I guess I have two questions. 1) Should I stay on the drug or not? This is something I have to decide by next Friday, that's my psych appointment day. 2) Given that I have only been on the drug around 1 month, two weeks on 7.5mg and two weeks on 15mg, would I need to taper if I chose to stop? If yes, how fast or slow would be advised? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Taking it one day at the time here. Very rough. PortugueseSea
  14. Hi all, I have come to this website fairly late (I hope) in my journey with psych meds. I no longer take anything, but 9 weeks from my last dose of Fluoxetine I am still suffering bad waves/windows. Until May of this year, I was still suffering badly with waves/windows from Diazepam withdrawal, which began properly in June 2022. I have been off work pretty much since then. Things got a good bit better between May and August, more like a higher baseline of anxiety/vulnerability to stress, rather than the waves/windows pattern. During this time, I was doing Neurofeedback and the ketogenic diet (thanks to Dr Chris Palmer's excellent book). I was able to do a speech at a family gathering, which feels unthinkable now. In June, I started tapering from Fluoxetine, 20mg (my history with which you can see in my signature), using the liquid solution, reducing by 2mg every 3 weeks. I now realise that was too fast. In mid-August I started getting waves again. I had not done nearly as much reading into SSRI withdrawals as I had with benzos, so I assumed it was the Diazepam waves coming back (which Ashton says can happen), but then at the end of August I got one of my worst waves ever for about 4 days: suicidal depression, 0hr sleep (even during worst of benzo withdrawal I could get 2-3 hours a night), tremors, agitation. At the time, I believed that was because I was given a different brand of the liquid solution - I thought maybe more of the active ingredient was getting into my system somehow, causing serotonin syndrome (because of the tremors). But now having read about the dangers of linear tapering I am guessing that it was withdrawal from Fluoxetine, and my cliff edge was around 10mg, made worse as I was/am not yet fully recovered from the Diazepam withdrawal. However, at that stage I decided to just to jump from 10mg, partly influenced by doctors who said that would be fine. I have now read about the need to do hyperbolic tapering, but I am where I am - 9 weeks off and I do not really wish to reinstate. I am having waves/windows every 3 days, which is very different from Diazepam - that was more like 3 week waves, 1 week windows - but they do seem to be just as severe, particularly the depression. I realise that I am perhaps lucky that I was on Fluoxetine rather than another SSRI (I am well over a year out from stopping Mirtazapine, so I don't think that is likely to be playing a role still). I am interested to hear any indications/opinions from folks on here as to how long it may be before the waves disappear and I return to my previous level of function. I am encouraged by the fact that although they are regular/severe, the waves do seem to have identifiable triggers rather than totally random. This is embarrassing, but I have found that one definite trigger is orgasm/ejaculation. In that process, there is a huge release of dopamine, followed by a decrease but also an increase of a hormone called prolactin which at a high enough level can cause psychosis. I am thinking my dopamine levels/receptors are just too low, because dopamine restrains prolactin production. You may ask, why not abstain? But another clear symptom of my withdrawal is uncontrollable nocturnal emissions, which I didn't even have in my teenage years - roughly once a week, followed by a 3-day wave. I did not have obvious sexual dysfunction while on Fluoxetine, but I am thinking that this symptom is some kind of rebound hypersexuality. Finally, the other clear triggers for symptoms are sweet foods and stress. Thanks for reading - I wish you all continued, and quick, healing.
  15. Hi all, I guess this is here for others to view and associate with in their own struggles and battles, and also for me to come back and check my progress as the months go by. I started sertraline 50mg in Oct 2020 after a bad mental break due to ongoing stress and I guess my already anxious personality really showed it’s face. Also added in mirtazapine 15mg in late November 2020 as my main problem was insomnia before starting either drug. You can see the rest of my drug history in my signature. Fast forward to December 2021 and I am seemingly now fighting the affects of said drugs rather than the reasons with which I originally started the medications. All the problems for which I actually started the medications are gone through my work on my mental health and a great journey of understanding. My nervous system now appears to be very unhappy from the catalogue of medication changes in the last 8 months approx. As of December 6th 2021 I am still very much struggling with the physical and mental problems caused by the drop from 75mg to 50mg on September 17 2021. This was originally done to try and aid my awful reflux and indigestion problems, but only appears to have made them worse, temporarily at least. In my bid to reach stabilisation on this dose I am reluctant to change the medication again as I know the ramifications this will have on me, but it is so incredibly hard to wear a brave face and keep going on many days at the moment due to the crippling GI issues. My goal is to reach 6 months on this dose and I am currently at 2.5. Prior to my mental breakdown I was already taking 20mg omeprazole for stomach troubles but had never experienced acid reflux until increasing sertraline from 50mg to 100mg in December of 2020 (last year). I am now on 40mg omeprazole but my GI issues are ongoing. I hope one day I will come back and read this in a different place completely. Currently it is hard to see the sun once again rising with each day that passes. I am doing at least 60 minutes of deep relaxation each day which helps force my body to relax. I have set myself a goal to do this on each day for the entirety of December. It is so demotivating when my nervous system flares up every week or 2 and my stomach and skin are upset with each time this happens. Hopefully if I remember to come back and update in a months time things have changed. For now, thanks to anyone who has read this and I wish you luck through this process. We are all so mentally strong. Erimus Symptom Tracker (Intensity /10): Indigestion/acid reflux (9/10) Anxiety waves (7/10) Shortness of breath (7/10) Tension headaches (5/10) Hot flushes/sweating (5/10) Constipation (5/10) Insomnia (3/10) Sweaty palms (4/10) Muscle tension in shoulders/neck (3/10) Inability to concentrate (5/10)
  16. I am newbie here. I have a long history with other psychotropic drugs and several DSM diagnoses over the course of my life and I am now well over 40 years of age. I won’t go into the totality of it as it would take too long and the moderators have enough to do. I just want some advice on getting off Remerone (Mirtazpine) and dealing with what I think may be ongoing withdrawal from Cymbalta which I stopped taking 2 and half years ago. My story in as brief as I can make it (not great at editing) I started to suffer with chronic back pain in 2007 when I was 36 years of age which resulted in severe insomnia and work absences and was not resolved by manual treatments or exercises. It was eventually diagnosed as fibromyalgia and I started to take 50mg Trimipramine, brand name Surmontil for sleep in 2007. By 2014 it was no longer working for the pain. I had met people on a pain management course for arthritis who were taking Cymbalta. I saw the rheumatologist about it. She said Cymbalta was good for nerve pain so I decided to give it a go as I was desperate for the pain to stop. On the first night I stopped the Surmontil I got no sleep and began in the next three days to experience severe anxiety, restlessness and insomnia. I took my first Cymbalta pill (30mg) four days after stopping the Surmontil. The back pain went away within 24 hours of taking it. I was ecstatic. However the anxiety and insomnia that started when I stopped the Surmontil got worse. For the first time in my life I got akathisia and panic attacks. I could not sit still or concentrate – I couldn’t even watch TV and I’m a big TV watcher. I walked about 12 miles a day and could not eat. I was prescribed sleeping pills but still got no sleep. I spent the night pacing around the house and lost over a stone in weight (I’m relatively slim for my age so a stone is a lot for me). After six weeks of this was I was near breaking point and saw a psychiatrist. A friend of mine had been taking Remerone (Mirtazapine) and found it wonderful for sleep. I was desperate for sleep so I asked the psychiatrist if she could prescribe me some and she gave me 30mg of it and some Rivotril and Seroquel to take as needed. To be honest I think if I hadn’t gotten the Remerone I might have gone psychotic from the lack of sleep. I got my first night’s sleep in six weeks and stabilised within a month. After two weeks I reduced the Remerone to 15mg. For the next four years I was ‘stable’ on 30mg Cymbalta and 7.5mg Remeron except for regular appalling migraines which I put down to approaching menopause. After approx. eight months the pain killing properties of the Cymbalta pooped out and I started to get pain again but it was manageable. In 2018 my blood results showed dangerously high cholesterol and liver enzyme readings. I rarely drank – maybe a glass once every six weeks. My psychiatrist said it was the Cymbalta and said I could have a drug holiday as she called it. She told me that I could stop the Cymbalta immediately as 30mg was a low dose but by this point I had finally realised from stopping the Surmontil that this would not be a good idea. I looked up the instructions on tapering on this site and some other sites and purchased the book ‘The Antidepressant Solution’ by Dr Joseph Glenmullen on withdrawal from antidepressants. I bought a milligram scale and started a journal documenting my titrations by removing a number of beads and decreasing by 10% of that reduction every two weeks. I documented my withdrawal symptoms in a journal. I started the titration on the 2nd of June 2018 and finished on the 20th February 2019. Even with extremely slow titration I began to experience insomnia, anxiety and restlessness and my mood began to drop in July 2018. I took herbal, vitamin and omega three supplements throughout but to be honest I don’t think they helped greatly. I thought once I was off the drug the side effects would dissipate completely but two weeks after my last taper they got much worse. I had constant debilitating anxiety, insomnia and began to experience regular suicidal ideation. I was unable to concentrate. I had also tapered my dose of Remeron down to 3.75mg in tandem. I had developed eczema on my hands and feet four months before I started the taper from Cymbalta and this continued unabated. The only thing that brought down the anxiety was HIIT workouts but the hip issues I had been dealing with for the previous 4 years acted up again I had to stop the classes. I started bioidentical HRT in September 2019 and though the progesterone did help with sleep a little bit it did not resolve the anxiety and suicidality. The following year 2019 I again sought psychiatric ‘help’ as I was at the end of my tether with suicidal thoughts and severe anxiety. I was told I was bipolar. I got a prescription for Lamotrigine 50mg in January 2020. I got assessed for Autism spectrum disorder as a therapist I had been attending had kept banging on about my being on the spectrum for several years. Two weeks before the lockdown occasioned by the pandemic in 2020, I got a diagnosis of ASD and was told the other diagnoses I had been given over the course of my life of borderline and bipolar disorder were probably incorrect. The local mental health clinic had shut down due to the lockdown. My anxiety was very bad and I had no other meds to ‘help’ so I started taking the Lamotrigine in June 2021 and within nine days developed a rash. I sent photos to my GP who told me to stop taking it because it could prove dangerous. I tried taking it again three weeks later – same rash. On this occasion my GP told me I could not take it again. I finally got an appointment with the Mental Health day clinic and got 150mg Seroquel. I had upped the Remeron up to 7.5mg again. After being on the Seroquel one month I developed stomach issues and was prescribed Omeprazole. I had to take laxatives and enemas for constipation. I lasted on this dose until October 2020 when I got a bowel impaction an enema did not fix which was scary. I gradually weaned the Seroquel dose down not very scientifically until December 2020 when I stopped taking it completely. I noticed that since taking the Seroquel that I had developed muscle cramps and pains in addition to the chronic pain I already had. In the last month I started doing somatic exercises which have proved quite helpful. My anxiety has continued but I have held off taking anything else like Rivotril or Lexathan which I had a small supply of as the rebound anxiety they cause is not worth it. I am 2 years and four months off the Cymbalta and am currently still on 7.5mg Remerone in tablet form. I would like to get off Remeron but accept that it might not be possible. Once I had titrated down previously to 3.75mg the weighing scale would not register any further decrease in weight and there are no chemists where I live who will liquefy the dose down. I missed the dose by two days once when I ran out once and nearly ended up in A&E with fever, vomiting and diarrhoea. My immediate concern if someone has managed to read this far is how much longer does the Cymbalta withdrawal last? And if this any way in hell that I could ever get off the Remerone? My sleep has stabilised somewhat over the last three months and I now get five/six to seven hours per night most nights. My anxiety is still very high but my living situation is very difficult and I don’t have any significant support. The pandemic removed the few support structures I did have so I think this has a bearing on things. I have found that the amino acid Lutein helped the eczema which is now (touching a lot of wood) manageable though I still can’t wear jeans because of the nickel. surviving antidepressants timeline.docx
  17. Hello, and thank you a million times for the site, I am gutted to be here. I'm so sorry I didn't fill in my history, I thought it went in the signature and didn't want to do it twice, I'm in something of a rush and feeling utterly terrible. I realized I should have but don't seem to be able to go back and fill it in. Apologies for any inconvenience. One of a thousand stupid decisions I seem to make all the time on these meds. So I'm hoping for some advice about switching. I've been on Mirtazapine for approximately 8 years and I'm reaching the point where the Gemini scales won't be accurate so I'm looking to switch. However, I switched to Prozac a couple of years ago and had a terrible time. I was manic, couldn't sleep or eat, and so went back. At the time I thought it didn't agree with me but I now realize it may have been withdrawal from the mirt that was causing the problems. I'm really sensitive, which is why I've had to change pills in the past after reactions like skin rashes so I'm worried about trying something new. I'm hoping you guys might have an idea of what I could switch to that's soluble and hopefully, easier to get off than Mirt. Also, over the 2 or 3 months I'm starting to feel depression creeping in, which I haven't had before as a withdrawal symptom, so I don't know if it's withdrawal or relapse. I can't take anything else for the depression as it'll interact so I'm thinking of going back up to 7.5 and staying there but the thought of staying on this medication makes me feel suicidal. This is complicated by the fact that I stopped drinking completely 3 weeks ago which can apparently cause depression although the depression starting earlier but it could be exacerbating it. I realize there's a chance, a good chance, that, having been on these meds for so long, and having swapped about along with being so sensitive, I might well have to stay on them forever. I'm trying to come to terms with this, but I don't want to give up giving up too easy. Many thanks again for the site, I wish I'd found you earlier, and for any advice you can offer.
  18. Hello, I came across this website through google search "vraylar" My med history can be viewed in my signature. I have been browsing this website for a while and I finally decided to register an account. I guess I feel desperate and really need some advice meanwhile waiting for a horrendously long time to see a neurologist and an ENT doctor to check what is going on and rule out other underlying situations. I was first diagnosed as bipolar back in 2018 when I was still in college by school's healthcare center's psychiatrist. We tried Abilify first, switched to Lamictal and quetiapine after intense akathisia (it went right away when I ct abilify and switched to Lamictal and quetiapine). Then quetiapine gave me stuffy noses and by the beginning of 2019 I realize these meds didn't make me feel well at all, so I did taper on my own and became med free from 2019-end of 2021. In the beginning of 2022, due to relocation to a new city, entering master program at a nice grad school, breaking up, worrying about whether I can get a job/go into a PhD, I had intense stress and caused me want to seek help from psych med again. My school referred a nurse practitioner (later found out to be irresponsible as hell) and she put me on vraylar 1.5 mg beginning 2/11. First 2 days feel ok until 2/14 I realized that feeling of "muscles bursting out of my skin" was caused by vraylar. I talked about this with the NP and she added mirtzapine on 2/25. It did not work and the NP told me to just stop both on 2/27. The rest of my med history is in my signature. The nurse practitioner is perceived as irresponsible because she dropped me immediately after I was hospitalized and disabled my account so I can't even access my medical record. My development of symptoms: 2/14 - 2/27: intense feeling of "muscles bursting out of my skin/inner vibration" and restless/akathisia 2/28 - 3/16 (after stopping vraylar and mirtazapine): continued above symptoms, and muscle twitches/faciculation appeared: sometimes my finger, legs, and arms would twitch around. When I hold objects in my hands they tremor a lot. during hospitalization: 3/17 the inner vibration alleviated during the day (might be due to trying lorazepam at night of 3/16), then came back at night in full force through out the entire hospitalization; muscle twitches spread to head. I felt my right ear had some infection and the nurse gave me some ear drops. 3/23: discharged, severe akathisia, along with all symptoms described above. 3/24 - 3/28: inner vibration/akathisia alleviated, but came back on 3/25. 3/29: inner shaking alleviated for a day, and then came back full force on 3/30. all other symptoms continued. 3/30-4/10: a period of "inner vibration alleviated for a short while and came back throughout a day." all other symptoms continued. Starting from 4/09, a "squeaky noise" joined along with feelings of flowing sand/electro current running in the back of my head. 4/11-4/18: inner shaking was replaced by "bugs crawling under skin" and the intensity varied. On 4/11, right-ear tinnitus joined. On 4/16, a loud thump can be heard in my right ear as if the muscles in my inner ear also joined the muscle twitching symptom. 4/19-4/28: "bugs crawling under skin" almost disappeared in core area and manifested more in limbs, all other symptoms continued. 4/29-5/7: every morning when I wake up I felt something exploded in my chest and made me extremely agitated. all other symptoms continued. 5/8 - 5/22: no more morning wake up explosion. The inner vibration came back in legs. Started to have very low energy since 5/8. all other symptoms continued. 5/23: woke up with the most severe electro shot/numb feelings in my limbs, as if there was no blood flowing at all. all other symptoms continued. 5/24-5/28: strong electro shot/numb feelings in arms when lying down on back, although nothing was on my arms. all other symptoms continued. 5/31: all of a sudden full body inner vibration came back this day. all other symptoms continued. 6/1 - now: no more full body inner vibration. electro shot/numb feelings mainly manifest in hands and feet. all other symptoms continued. Now I know the symptoms that still manifest are paeathesia, tinnitus and faciculation. They are still very disabling and by no means I am functioning. The faciculation has dropped from around 70 tics/hour to around 20-50 tics/hour. I am just very scared that it might be permanent and that even if I healed, all other non-psych medications that didn't give me trouble in the past would trigger all of these terrible symptoms again in the future. I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to be stimulating or make my situation worse, but nothing helps neither.
  19. I have a long history of anxiety, was on chlorpromazine and diazepam as a teenager; I'm now 67. Developed OCD in 1970s. Drug-free till 1990s. Developed CFS in 1986, OCD worsened and developed depression over the next 5 years. Prozac from 1991 till 1994, helped to some extent, then OCD worsened again. Switched to dosulepin in 1994, then to clomipramine on the advice of a clinical psychologist in July 1994. Helped a little with the OCD, but to everyone's surprise helped a lot with the CFS. Have been on clomipramine since then, doses from 25 to 125 mg - mostly between 50 and 100mg. The OCD resolved in 1997 after various non-drug therapies, but have continued with the clomipramine because it helped the CFS - usually a dose increase would help after a setback. Since about 2005 the doses my GP allowed did not help the CFS.....tried citalopram in 2007, no better and had a nasty reaction 4 weeks after stopping the clomipramine/starting citalopram - extreme anxiety and uncontrollable shaking. At the time, scared it might be serotonin syndrome - the citalopram had just started to "kick in" - but maybe it was clomipramine withdrawal. Tried dosulepin again in mid 2007 - that made me anxious and did not help the CFS, so switched back to clomipramine. I would like to reduce it.....currently having supply problems in the UK as some manufacturers have stopped producing it, and the constipation is really getting me down. I'm currently on 50mg/day, but my GP and I are talking about reducing it....not sure it's helping any more (the CFS is greatly improved these days, irrespective of clomipramine dose), and would like to find out if I can cope without it.
  20. Iv been on lorazepam from last nov til this March ..for sleep.. a private dr gave this! When he never should of..I did not know it should not be given, I reinstated it for a month as I came off it for a week and tapered off it for that one week, and experienced terrible withdrawals when I went back on it, I was taking 1mg to 2 mg… I tried switching to diazepam for 5 weeks 10mg to 3.5mg became suicidal, I was put in a mental hospital for 3 days given quetiapine once and diazepam 5 mg once …I became totally unstable after this with rocking sensations and I could not sleep and my tinnitus got so bad ! I stopped putting anything in my body…. And became totally suicidal was eratic! pacing and having no sleep, I lost a lot of weight. And my anxiety became depersonalisation and I separated from my body! I ended up not being able to eat of drink and loosing control of my bowels, I was put into another mental hospital put on risperidone at 6mg I was in a constant physcosis in the mental hospital in so much pain, praying to god! I was in there on 2 weeks I was let out and stopped for 5 days, I started it again on 3mg and became very unwell for 10 days I started loosing control of my bowels and in a lot of pain, all over my body, feeling of burning, all over my body, I became eratic and went into another mental hospital and put on quetiapine at 400mg and mitazipine at 30mg for 2months I’m in a lot of pain and in hell !!! What do I do? I can’t feel anything ! thank you emma x
  21. My story is as follows: since 2012 I was living in constant stress and had huge business and responsibilities. I started to treat my stress by drinking wine. Then I decided to quit meat, and developed anemia. Since my body was weak, I had UTI and various inflammations in kidneys and gut. I was prescribed with antibiotics for 8 months; they totally destroyed my microbiome. Occasionally I was feeling sad from time to time, and at such moments was drinking wine. I know why I started feeling sad, as I was using wine as my coping mechanism to deal with stress, and wine is a big depressant and destroys your microbiome. On 2021 I started having anxiety. I was prescribed with antipsychotic Fluanxol and diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression. After 3 days anxiety was gone. But after 3month I developed depersonalization and feeling strange like depressed and my doctor said that depression is getting worse and I need SNRI- Cymbalta( duloxetine). I became suicidal and total zombie. After 1,5month she told me to CT, and prescribed Cipralex I developed: anxiety extreme one, vomiting, diarrhea, zombie feeling. After 1,5 month she told me to CT, then I was prescribed valdoxan it did nothing to me. Then I was prescribed mirtazapine, since all the polydruging I developed real depression and anhedonia. On the top they prescribed be Prozac. On Prozac I was getting slightly better, they upped the dose after one year to 60mg and felt even better but anhedonia and dysphoria were never gone. Now I am tapering mirtazapine since 2023 April, so since April from 45mg to 15mg reached now already. All was good for 2 months( November, December) even anhedonia was gone, but I was not tapering it as I was In Bali. Now when I started tapering again in December, withdrawals started to affect me on 27 January, 3 days bad 4 days good, again 4 days bad 10 days good, now when I reached 15mg I started having panic attacks. Does it sound for you like I have bipolar? I went to new psychiatrist today as I was feeling very scared of panic attacks and he said all these med did not help you initially as you are BIPOLAR. So now he wants me to prescribe 0lanzapine for 2 months meanwhile to CT mirtazapine and Fluanxol. And then after 2 months to stop olanzapine and Prozac and start lamotrigine. I am going insane, crying nonstop. Can I be Bipolar? Or is it that withdrawals mimic some other illnesses. I don’t feel that I was bipolar before meds I was just sad- and reason was too much wine. Anxiety was as a side effect of antibiotics in 2021. Please help going insane. Also what to do I reduced mirtazapine 10% every 3 weeks, now 2 weeks past the last reduction and I am having panic attacks every day and anxiety, depersonalization. Should I wait or should I up dose? Should I slow down with my taper and do 10% every 4-6 weeks? Please help
  22. Hello everyone, This is my first post and I want to apologize for my poor English, I’m a French Canadian. I will try my best! My story started in 2007, when my GP put me on mirtazapine because I was suffering a big bout of insomnia, following a stressful year. I was a young 27 year old woman without any health issue and I was very naive at this time. I trusted my GP a lot. Big mistake! I went to see a psychologist and did some cbt. This allowed me to taper down my mirt, so after 5 months of tapering, I stopped mirtazapine. Of course, no one has told me about withdrawal syndrome, so I thought that the rebound of insomnia (from mirtazapine) was a relapse. This is where my GP decided that I had a general anxiety disorder. I was now labeled. She put me on celexa 20mg (with seroquel 25mg). 4 months later, I got pregnant, so my dear GP asked me to quit Celexa and seroquel asap. I immediately stopped seroquel and I tapered down celexa from feb 2009 and stopped it by July 2009, at 6 months of pregnancy (My GP assured me it was safe for my baby). I already had the intuition that a rapid weaning was not a good idea. I didn’t suffer any w/d symptoms at that time and finished my pregnancy in pretty good shape. Few months later, 2 months after giving birth, I had a relapse of anxiety in the form of my dear insomnia coming back. Of course, my GP wanted to put me back on AD. This is where we started to have trouble finding an AD that was working for me. Celexa wasn’t working anymore. I tried cymbalta and it wasn’t working either. I tried Paxil and it finally worked. I stayed on Paxil for four years and a half. By mid 2014, after some stressful events, I started to feel that it wasn’t working anymore. My GP asked me to quit Paxil fast then switch to mirtazapine. So I quit Paxil within 3 weeks. After the last dose, I had very hard time for the first 3 weeks. Then she put me on mirtazapine 30mg and Pristiq 50mg. I stayed on this cocktail for some years. At some point, I asked my GP if I could stop my AD, but she explained to me condescendingly that I was like a diabetic with insulin, I couldn’t live without those meds. She was destroying my self confidence. In 2018, I decided to stop Pristiq because I wanted to have only one AD to take. I taper down Pristiq , by switching to effexor, relatively slowly (but more than 10%) and stopped it by January 2019. My GP upped my dosage of mirtazapine to 45mg to compensate. This is where problems started. I didn’t feel any w/d symptoms in the beginning, but slowly, during the next months, I started to feel more and more anxiety. By May, I had a big relapse of anxiety related insomnia. I overcame my insomnia with cognitive behavioral therapy, without any meds. This gave me some confidence so I decided to wean myself of any drugs. I started a slow taper of mirtazapine . I decreased my dose by 10% each 2 weeks. In august, I reached 30mg of mirtazapine and decided to make a little break from tapering and stayed on that dose for few weeks. Unfortunately, during that break, I’ve had the biggest relapse of anxiety of ALL my life! Of course, my GP asked me to return at 45mg of mirtazapine. But it didn’t improve my mood. Since then, I’m struggling with a lot of anxiety and I’m not able to get rid of it. I’m experiencing big mood swings. Sometime I see some improvement, then the next week I fall again in a deep hole of anxiety. I don’t understand myself anymore. It’s like I’m a stranger in my own body! Worst of all, 4 weeks ago, I started to have OCD like obsessive thoughts and that’s very unusual to me, because I never had OCD before and I'm 40! I’m actually seeing a good psychologist, but even with that, I’m not able to cope. So I’m here and I really don’t know what to do. I’m very desperate because I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I have the feeling that mirtazapine is pooping out and that it causes some of my problems. Maybe I’m always on the rebound of stopping Pristiq to. Who knows! This is why I would like to stop this drug and heal myself from all this toxic stuff!! Sorry, I had a lot to say... Thank you
  23. Orignal full title before shortening: 2 Months of lowest dose Mirtazapine, sufferin now for over 2,5 months of withdrawal I would set my signature up properly, but I just can't remember anything. Remeron/Mirtazapine withdrawal still leaves me with such a messed up memory that remembering only 2 things at a time causes me great problems. I can't tell which month I took my Effoxor back then, I'm not even sure about the year. Though I keep great track of the Remeron withdrawal, so at least I can tell that. If you don't want to read the whole story, I categorized the "drug" part in the Drugs section below. There is still some life story though. For the start, I'm currently 18 years old and a female. I was twice in mental hospitals seeking help for a problem that was solved with - you won't believe me - one sentence by my mom. One sentence just cured my whole condition. It may sound incredibly ridiculous, but seriously all of this that you'll read wouldn't have happened if somebody told me this one sentence at the very beginning. And I'm incredibly mad because of this, as I suffered and endured so much pain through the years because everybody was so desperate to prove that I had depression. At 13 years old I had a panic attack caused by a certain phobia which I mistook for suicidal thoughts. I admitted myself to a mental hospital to stay safe, as I was greatly scared that I would harm or kill myself. I spend there 1,5 months and they diagnosed PCOS-Syndrome (hormone problems) and "mild depression". They said I should spend more time with peers, as seemingly it was caused by having an inactive social life (I was quite the outsider at school and would remain. Not because I was shy or something, I was just always such an emotional-artist personality and had interest in completely other things than others my age, so I couldn't connect. Famous people or make-up didn't bother me at all.) On the contraceptive I felt much better, though it made me sleepy, but I needed, need and will probably always need it for without it my body completely breaks down, as the hormone imbalance is severe (more on that later). The phobia-episodes stayed away, emerging randomly for a few minutes sometimes but very rare, until age 15. I think the episode lasted there for half a year and little longer? They acted like panic attacks, up to 3-4 times a day and some days I was free from it. But I endured it, and though it may sound scary, looking back it actually wasn't so bad as I made it out to be when I went through it. At age 13 the panic attacks were much more rarer, you'll see why. So when I had those panic attacks, and I wondered why they were there, they seemed to have no cause, I blamed it on the contraceptives. So I was switched to another one, but I got very irritable on it and punched a wall for the first time ever in my life (I'm quite the peaceful person). The gynecologist didn't want to switch me on another contraceptive (as she was paid by this certain brand to only sell this one - literally posters of this contraceptive brand and calendars and cards everywhere in her place), so I stopped taking it. After few months, not many, my body began breaking down. I was dizzy most of the time, nauseated, I was constantly, literally constantly hungry, didn't have appetite though for anything, I was so fatigued I would sleep literally nearly the whole day, couldn't go to school, couldn't do anything really, and had quite the anhedonia. That was the worst, the anhedonia. Hormones can really, really do lots. Didn't have period for the whole year of no pill either. When my panic episodes (that I always called mistakenly suicidal episodes), returned I seeked help again desperately - and was admitted to a mental hospital again which mas psychosomatic in kind and didn't treat cases like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. 4,5 months there and no improvement, in fact, I got worse there. The therapist there was also a complete idiot and made just everything worse. He blamed my condition on the family (he'd wish he'd have such a deep bond with his mother), he blamed it on literally everything and called it "depression" all the time, though at the end of 4,5 months they still had no diagnosis because I literally did all paper tests they had and in all of them came out a very low scale of depression. They couldn't identify the cause at all. At first they thought Cyclothymia, then bipolar II, then depression, then this, then that, 4,5 months later we haven't got anywhere. Funny thing is, the therapist wasn't even fully licenced yet. He attended "further education" about psychotherapy. He barely knew anything. The psychiatrists there neither, because they told that "hormones can't do such a thing". Haha. I can attest they really, really do. I should have noticed he was not alright in the head after a few weeks when he told me I had sexual problems because I wasn't interested in sex enough. "Normally, people your age try around their sexuality with friends or so..." no thank you, I'll have my dignity. Next, I had an "oversensitive mother". She "worried too much." Who wouldn't about their child that has been unwell so long? "Normally people your age should go partying at night, and your mother doesn't let you..." first, I don't want to go thank you, second, yes, partying until 01:00 am somewhere in somewhere seems very safe and plausible. But my father who didn't care about me my whole life is the best one! The therapist tried to get me away more from my mother so I would get closer to my father and forgive him for not knowing "how to be a father", which I didn't do which again frustrated my therapist, and with every session he grew more frustrated that he couldn't manipulate me. Everything I spoke about in therapy I told my parents (especially mom), and everything that she spoke about with him in visits she told me. My therapist said he can't do proper therapy with me if I tell everything my parents. He sees a lack of "privacy" in this family. Everyone should have "secrets". What was unnormal to him is that we only have locks on bathrooms and on no other door. "I should be able to lock my door", he said. Which, if he really thinks I have depression, is the most stupid thing you can say. I won't even mentoin the documents I got when I got out of the hospital that he wrote, seriously you wouldn't believe what is written on it. -------------------- Drugs So after 4,5 months of no getting better, no improvement but worsening, they placed me on 37.5mg Effoxor which I responded to extremely quickly and really, really well. Within a few hours nearly my whole condition was gone. Even they were surprised that it acted so quickly, and that already the first one suited me so well, as usually people have to try around to find one that is good for them. Whether placebo or not, it did the thing it was supposed to do - so well that pharma companies could show me as an example of "miracle drugs". (I'm very sensitive to medications/caffeine etc., so I'm not surprised that a low dose works so strong on me). I had also very few side effects. I was placed a few days later on 75mg, and then my whole condition was gone. When I asked if antidepressants really numb feelings, the lead doctor said "no, the depression does that." Tells about everything you have to know about him. On my last visit to my therapist I told him they did nothing, only the drugs helped me. That he didn't like of course and in the documents I was counterargumentet that I "eagerly took part in all of their offered therapies". Yes, it was so boring there that I attended even courses that others couldn't go to and I went in their place instead. If we hadn't any courses - music, physiotherapy - I would take hour long walks with the others because else I woulg go crazy sitting there and doing nearly nothing. They wanted to keep me longer there, but I said "no", as fast as possible out of this place, they were all not alright in the head. And I got really fast out because my mother stormed in and shoved such arguments up their faces, especially my therapist, that he started shuddering. The locks, the "sexual problems", she had no mercy with words. Twenty minutes later I was out. A very few months later we went to another gynecologist, who is a fantastic one. There the PCOS syndrome was diagnosed again, and I was put on contraceptives again (my third) - I responded very well to this one. Unlike the first one, which was good too, this one didn't make me sleepy and I can function to this day without midday sleeps, which I needed on the first one. After half year of Effoxor I had to see my psychiatrist again, as the longer I was on the pill, the greater the "freezing headache" and numbing of the antidepressant came to light. Theory I strongly believe in, again THEORY - this was because the more I gained hormonal balance, the greater the serotonine etc. production functioned again and my body functioned more normally again - meaning, I didn't need the effoxor anymore and it started doing a little more harm than good now. So I was put off it, I was told to taper, but stupid me wanted so badly the numbing to go away that I did cold turkey. And compared to other cold turkeys I read, this one wasn't so bad. Dizziness, very strong headache, a bit of vomiting, that's all. On the second or third day though I took a 37.5mg pill again and tapered this time, opening the capsule and putting the little tablets out of it until only one of the little was inside. Then I had a week or two of mild withdrawal and it was over. As I said, poster girl for pharma with this drug. This year, 2022, on February my "suicidal episode" came back - and it didn't came back like before - this time it hit, at the same time, with such a panic attack that I hyperventilated so badly I got severe twitches and my eyes rolled up and teeth shuddered etc. an ambulance had to be called. They knew it was hyperventilating and I was calmed down with reduced breathing, because too much oxygen. It worked. But now I was left with such anxiety that I became extremely sleep deprived. When I visited my psychiatrist again (I had to wait 2 days for the emergency visit to him), he wasn't able to offer much help besides "taking up an antidepressant again". I said no, no antidepressants anymore. I asked for sleeping aid, so I would get a bit of rest after being much sleep deprived for two-three days. So he gave me a sleeping pill. Without telling me it's an antidepressant. Later I found out it is an antidepressant. Thank you very much. So I was given Remeron/Mirtazapine 7.5mg. When I started it, I became greatly suicidal, with urges to kill my myself and immense hopelesness that was drug-induced. During this time I seriously thought about assisted suicide (and still a bit traumatized because of it, as I never, never had before sucidal thoughts - the suicidal episodes were mistaken, I'll explain later.) I wanted to stop it after two days, but my mom said they need a bit of time to settle and then it'll get better. And it did, the suicidality vanished. I slept much more on it, not very much as since years I had disrupted sleeping, but this time only once a night and I fell asleep quite fast after that. Now, what is important to mentoin as it happened during the taking of mirtazapine, and I had one of those "suicidal episodes" my mom told me - this was the one sentence that cured me - "that it seems like I'm not depressed or anything, but scared." Boom. Done. It all went away. As I googled later, I found out what I had all the time was "Suicidal OCD - an intense fear of suicide and intrusive thoughts about suicide which leave the individual disturbed and distressed." This was also why the episodes got more intense and frequent in time - the more I was scared of it, the more intense it became. When I was distracted, it wasn't there. I remember when blood was taken from me it would disappear for a while, I remember the more hopeful I was the more it disappeared. All in my head. Ones own head, illusion can cause such suffering... fascinating. And indeed, the second I realized this was only a fear and not actual suicidal thoughts, all disappeared. And didn't come back. A few weeks later I would know the difference between this and actual sucidal thoughts. I was very alright on Mirtazapine, had feelings and so on, was myself pretty much. Problem was, the longer I took it the more paranoid-anxious I became (along with more and more damaged short-term memory), which would make me stop it after 2 months - and also by another event. I took CBD oil (I consulted it of course with my psychiatrist first), for it to help me further as maybe this would help my sleeping problems and I could get off mirtazapine. And I took the two together, and mirtazapine didn't react well to it. Got extremely anxious and with semi-suicidal feelings, kind of like when I first took it but half so bad- so I stopped the oil after three days of no improvement, but fast forward a half week later and the symptoms don't go away. So I had to stop taking mirtazapine, on 4th April. At first I became a bit hypomanic, my senses were sharp as never before, adrenal-like, nothing negative much. It went away after two days and was replaced by huge anxiety. It was lowering continuously over the course of one month, and I thought "not so bad", at the end, at first it was bad, but it was going away. 6th of May, it hit, and it hit really, really hard. I never felt this suicidal, it was like when I started taking it but 3x worse. It was accompanied by dizziness, intense nausea, extreme brain fog, anxiety, memory was non-existent, hopelessness rose to 900%, apathy, no feelings. Half of the day I thought about suicide and the other half of the day I was flat, kind of existing. The suicidality was intense, I could think about nothing else - it was nothing like the OCD I had, now I could really, really distinguish between illusion and actual suicidal thoughts. I felt, and still feel such regret of ever taking any antidepressant, I never was so scared about my future before, never regretted something so much. After one, two weeks it started gradually falling and the suicidality went kind of away, along with nausea, etc. What was left was the brain frog, numbness, impaired memory. But it got better over time, and I knew from the beginning it was withdrawal else I would probably have got psychotic about this. Now, a few days ago, second wave hit. Suicidality (but half so bad this time), now I have weird skin sensations sometimes, still much numb (I can cry very well though, I just don't feel the sadness, but the feelings are still there, hidden somewhere.) Brain fog, short-term memory still doesn't exist. Again, intense regret, I'm still so scared it won't end or I will suffer permanent damage, even though it was just 2 months and the lowest dose. What is optimistic though, for the first time since these 2.5 months I responded emotionally to music which opened a window, and I was cycling recently between withdrawal-window-withdrawal. But the fear of no end and permanent damage is still there, and thinking only about the slightest good memory from childhood makes me tip over into intense crying, as I'm so afraid that I lost now everything. There are so many things I still want to do, finish school, a good university etc., and I will only be able to forgive myself and forget if it all ends well, with as little damage as possible. Reassurement of "it was only such a short time, such a low dose, it won't damage you..." leaves me only with a bit of hope. In the past month I read so much about neuroplasticity and learned so much about the true face of psychiatry (especially through "Anatomy of an Epidemic"), and it left me in bewilderment and anger. Had I knew, then I would have never taken it. Never, no matter what and I never will take anything of it ever again. I only found about long-term use damage, so I guess from 2 months and lowest dose I will recover? I found in the Anatomy book that for antipsychotics, the rule is 2 months recovery for 1 month use, and only at the period of over a year or so it might cause permanent damage. I hope it is better for antidepressants, especially since I read so many horror stories I cried about with immense fear, and many I read with hope who came off after 20 years of various antidepressants and recovered well to 100% themselves. Often the knowledge about neuroplasticity, neurogenesis and success stories keep me sane. Incredible what 2 month use of the lowest dose can cause. If it shall end in 5 months, I will endure. I'm extremely endurable, all my life I've proven it. But there is this uncertainity, and it won't let me sleep at times.
  24. Hi, I took Mirtazapine 15mg for 2 weeks and stopped due to severe side effects. I tried Amitriptyline 20mg, i took it for about 3 weeks but it started making me very dizzy so i stopped. Started Mirtazapine 7.5mg again as it was helping me initially for sleep, but it did not help as before so i stopped it again after 2 weeks. After all this, i came to know that these medications should be wean off or taper gradually. None of the Dr's i saw educate me about it. now i am 3 months off these medications, i get anxiety, restlessness in waves, my sleep is very broken but since last 2 weeks i feel very tired and fatigue even without doing anything. will this pass? is it the part of recovery process? Is there anything i can do about it? Any reccomendations?
  25. Hello, I had a horrific year from late 2021 to late 2022. All of this culminated in a very bad mental breakdown, and I was struggling to eat. I was prescribed 15mg of Mirtazapine in mid-November 2022. I had quite intense physical side effects for a while, mainly fatigue and very heavy, aching limbs. I took the first dose before bed and had the side effects the next day. I also had an instant loss of libido and ED. I tried to taper off the drugs in January 2022 and quickly had another breakdown after initially feeling better, no physical symptoms. I ended up being prescribed 30mg by the GP and had 3 weeks off work. I returned to work, but was still not good emotionally/mentally ie. I don't think the medication really helped. I had EMDR therapy, which helped me to get better from the traumas I had suffered, and I was doing well mentally. I spoke to my GP (regular doctor in the UK), and tapered down from 30mg over around 4 weeks and took my last dose on around the 24th/25th April. All through tapering I felt pretty great. I was going to the gym and my physical strength increased all the time back to where it was pre-drugs. My sexual side effects were rapidly diminishing and I met a wonderful young woman. On the 1st May I did a 6mile walk and went to the gym. I thought everything was going great, and I had no idea that I was going too quickly and felt better and better every day. I had no idea that symptoms could be anything other than mental/emotional and poor sleep from withdrawal. My sleep was lighter and not great, but still okay. On the 2nd May I was at work and felt very anxious and had worse brain fog throughout the day. By the end of the work day I felt terrible and thought I was just getting unwell. My boss had been unwell and I had been in close contact with him. I had awful illness from then on. "Flu-like" symptoms- found it very difficult to eat and when I could it was the plainest food possible. Intense fatigue. These were all symptoms of what my boss had been ill with. After some days, I wasn't getting better, and although I was sleeping I was experiencing common issues similar to those I have since found online ie. waking up at 3am every night, waking up each morning fairly early with a big cortisol dump/anxiety. I worked from home as best I could for three weeks, but this week I have finally had to take time off work. I have improved from the first week and a half of intense flu, and am left with mainly chronic fatigue and still have difficulty eating. I feel pretty rough from not eating much as well. I am sleeping, but still often waking up at 3am and then again at 6ish. I have days when I don't feel as bad, and then I have days where I'm totally exhausted and can barely eat, like today. Yesterday was okay. Sadly, a week ago, my erectile dysfunction also returned for the most part. I have windows of entire evenings when I feel okay. My GP's theory is that withdrawals should be mild, and that I had a viral bug at the same time as withdrawals which made it worse. I did have blood tests done on Tuesday which I am hoping to have an appointment with the GP tomorrow (Friday) to discuss. He said that reinstating seemed risky now that I'd gone so far through withdrawals and that I should just start feeling better very soon. I'm so torn as to what to do. I have improved since the earliest, very acute symptoms. I haven't had ANY relapse depression at all, I just want to be physically well like I was during/before tapering. From reading this forum, I'm around the 1-month mark where reinstatement starts to get risky. The smallest prescription dose is 3.75mg. Although the general trend is upward, I still have awful days and quite frankly unless I improve significantly I cannot return to work any time soon. I know it's somewhat unrelated, but I have a holiday in two weeks that I booked in Autumn, and although the wonderful person I've been seeing briefly is very patient and understanding, and I've seen her at times when I've been feeling okay, if I am unwell for much longer I cannot expect her to hang around as we've only recently met. I am desperate not to be so unwell anymore. I was doing so well other than physical side effects, and was living life etc. I will update tomorrow with blood test results etc. but what would people recommend? Push through or reinstate a low dose? I've ordered DAO enzymes that should arrive tomorrow. I'm intensely fatigued today so maybe a good night of sleep tonight will make tomorrow better.
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