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I have a long history of anxiety, was on chlorpromazine and diazepam as a teenager; I'm now 67. Developed OCD in 1970s. Drug-free till 1990s. Developed CFS in 1986, OCD worsened and developed depression over the next 5 years. Prozac from 1991 till 1994, helped to some extent, then OCD worsened again. Switched to dosulepin in 1994, then to clomipramine on the advice of a clinical psychologist in July 1994. Helped a little with the OCD, but to everyone's surprise helped a lot with the CFS. Have been on clomipramine since then, doses from 25 to 125 mg - mostly between 50 and 100mg. The OCD resolved in 1997 after various non-drug therapies, but have continued with the clomipramine because it helped the CFS - usually a dose increase would help after a setback. Since about 2005 the doses my GP allowed did not help the CFS.....tried citalopram in 2007, no better and had a nasty reaction 4 weeks after stopping the clomipramine/starting citalopram - extreme anxiety and uncontrollable shaking. At the time, scared it might be serotonin syndrome - the citalopram had just started to "kick in" - but maybe it was clomipramine withdrawal. Tried dosulepin again in mid 2007 - that made me anxious and did not help the CFS, so switched back to clomipramine. I would like to reduce it.....currently having supply problems in the UK as some manufacturers have stopped producing it, and the constipation is really getting me down. I'm currently on 50mg/day, but my GP and I are talking about reducing it....not sure it's helping any more (the CFS is greatly improved these days, irrespective of clomipramine dose), and would like to find out if I can cope without it.

Iv been on lorazepam from last nov til this March ..for sleep.. a private dr gave this! When he never should of..I did not know it should not be given, I reinstated it for a month as I came off it for a week and tapered off it for that one week, and experienced terrible withdrawals when I went back on it, I was taking 1mg to 2 mg… I tried switching to diazepam for 5 weeks 10mg to 3.5mg became suicidal, I was put in a mental hospital for 3 days given quetiapine once and diazepam 5 mg once …I became totally unstable after this with rocking sensations and I could not sleep and my tinnitus got so bad ! I stopped putting anything in my body…. And became totally suicidal was eratic! pacing and having no sleep, I lost a lot of weight. And my anxiety became depersonalisation and I separated from my body! I ended up not being able to eat of drink and loosing control of my bowels, I was put into another mental hospital put on risperidone at 6mg I was in a constant physcosis in the mental hospital in so much pain, praying to god! I was in there on 2 weeks I was let out and stopped for 5 days, I started it again on 3mg and became very unwell for 10 days I started loosing control of my bowels and in a lot of pain, all over my body, feeling of burning, all over my body, I became eratic and went into another mental hospital and put on quetiapine at 400mg and mitazipine at 30mg for 2months I’m in a lot of pain and in hell !!! What do I do? I can’t feel anything ! thank you emma x

Hello everyone, This is my first post and I want to apologize for my poor English, I’m a French Canadian. I will try my best! My story started in 2007, when my GP put me on mirtazapine because I was suffering a big bout of insomnia, following a stressful year. I was a young 27 year old woman without any health issue and I was very naive at this time. I trusted my GP a lot. Big mistake! I went to see a psychologist and did some cbt. This allowed me to taper down my mirt, so after 5 months of tapering, I stopped mirtazapine. Of course, no one has told me about withdrawal syndrome, so I thought that the rebound of insomnia (from mirtazapine) was a relapse. This is where my GP decided that I had a general anxiety disorder. I was now labeled. She put me on celexa 20mg (with seroquel 25mg). 4 months later, I got pregnant, so my dear GP asked me to quit Celexa and seroquel asap. I immediately stopped seroquel and I tapered down celexa from feb 2009 and stopped it by July 2009, at 6 months of pregnancy (My GP assured me it was safe for my baby). I already had the intuition that a rapid weaning was not a good idea. I didn’t suffer any w/d symptoms at that time and finished my pregnancy in pretty good shape. Few months later, 2 months after giving birth, I had a relapse of anxiety in the form of my dear insomnia coming back. Of course, my GP wanted to put me back on AD. This is where we started to have trouble finding an AD that was working for me. Celexa wasn’t working anymore. I tried cymbalta and it wasn’t working either. I tried Paxil and it finally worked. I stayed on Paxil for four years and a half. By mid 2014, after some stressful events, I started to feel that it wasn’t working anymore. My GP asked me to quit Paxil fast then switch to mirtazapine. So I quit Paxil within 3 weeks. After the last dose, I had very hard time for the first 3 weeks. Then she put me on mirtazapine 30mg and Pristiq 50mg. I stayed on this cocktail for some years. At some point, I asked my GP if I could stop my AD, but she explained to me condescendingly that I was like a diabetic with insulin, I couldn’t live without those meds. She was destroying my self confidence. In 2018, I decided to stop Pristiq because I wanted to have only one AD to take. I taper down Pristiq , by switching to effexor, relatively slowly (but more than 10%) and stopped it by January 2019. My GP upped my dosage of mirtazapine to 45mg to compensate. This is where problems started. I didn’t feel any w/d symptoms in the beginning, but slowly, during the next months, I started to feel more and more anxiety. By May, I had a big relapse of anxiety related insomnia. I overcame my insomnia with cognitive behavioral therapy, without any meds. This gave me some confidence so I decided to wean myself of any drugs. I started a slow taper of mirtazapine . I decreased my dose by 10% each 2 weeks. In august, I reached 30mg of mirtazapine and decided to make a little break from tapering and stayed on that dose for few weeks. Unfortunately, during that break, I’ve had the biggest relapse of anxiety of ALL my life! Of course, my GP asked me to return at 45mg of mirtazapine. But it didn’t improve my mood. Since then, I’m struggling with a lot of anxiety and I’m not able to get rid of it. I’m experiencing big mood swings. Sometime I see some improvement, then the next week I fall again in a deep hole of anxiety. I don’t understand myself anymore. It’s like I’m a stranger in my own body! Worst of all, 4 weeks ago, I started to have OCD like obsessive thoughts and that’s very unusual to me, because I never had OCD before and I'm 40! I’m actually seeing a good psychologist, but even with that, I’m not able to cope. So I’m here and I really don’t know what to do. I’m very desperate because I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I have the feeling that mirtazapine is pooping out and that it causes some of my problems. Maybe I’m always on the rebound of stopping Pristiq to. Who knows! This is why I would like to stop this drug and heal myself from all this toxic stuff!! Sorry, I had a lot to say... Thank you

Orignal full title before shortening: 2 Months of lowest dose Mirtazapine, sufferin now for over 2,5 months of withdrawal I would set my signature up properly, but I just can't remember anything. Remeron/Mirtazapine withdrawal still leaves me with such a messed up memory that remembering only 2 things at a time causes me great problems. I can't tell which month I took my Effoxor back then, I'm not even sure about the year. Though I keep great track of the Remeron withdrawal, so at least I can tell that. If you don't want to read the whole story, I categorized the "drug" part in the Drugs section below. There is still some life story though. For the start, I'm currently 18 years old and a female. I was twice in mental hospitals seeking help for a problem that was solved with - you won't believe me - one sentence by my mom. One sentence just cured my whole condition. It may sound incredibly ridiculous, but seriously all of this that you'll read wouldn't have happened if somebody told me this one sentence at the very beginning. And I'm incredibly mad because of this, as I suffered and endured so much pain through the years because everybody was so desperate to prove that I had depression. At 13 years old I had a panic attack caused by a certain phobia which I mistook for suicidal thoughts. I admitted myself to a mental hospital to stay safe, as I was greatly scared that I would harm or kill myself. I spend there 1,5 months and they diagnosed PCOS-Syndrome (hormone problems) and "mild depression". They said I should spend more time with peers, as seemingly it was caused by having an inactive social life (I was quite the outsider at school and would remain. Not because I was shy or something, I was just always such an emotional-artist personality and had interest in completely other things than others my age, so I couldn't connect. Famous people or make-up didn't bother me at all.) On the contraceptive I felt much better, though it made me sleepy, but I needed, need and will probably always need it for without it my body completely breaks down, as the hormone imbalance is severe (more on that later). The phobia-episodes stayed away, emerging randomly for a few minutes sometimes but very rare, until age 15. I think the episode lasted there for half a year and little longer? They acted like panic attacks, up to 3-4 times a day and some days I was free from it. But I endured it, and though it may sound scary, looking back it actually wasn't so bad as I made it out to be when I went through it. At age 13 the panic attacks were much more rarer, you'll see why. So when I had those panic attacks, and I wondered why they were there, they seemed to have no cause, I blamed it on the contraceptives. So I was switched to another one, but I got very irritable on it and punched a wall for the first time ever in my life (I'm quite the peaceful person). The gynecologist didn't want to switch me on another contraceptive (as she was paid by this certain brand to only sell this one - literally posters of this contraceptive brand and calendars and cards everywhere in her place), so I stopped taking it. After few months, not many, my body began breaking down. I was dizzy most of the time, nauseated, I was constantly, literally constantly hungry, didn't have appetite though for anything, I was so fatigued I would sleep literally nearly the whole day, couldn't go to school, couldn't do anything really, and had quite the anhedonia. That was the worst, the anhedonia. Hormones can really, really do lots. Didn't have period for the whole year of no pill either. When my panic episodes (that I always called mistakenly suicidal episodes), returned I seeked help again desperately - and was admitted to a mental hospital again which mas psychosomatic in kind and didn't treat cases like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. 4,5 months there and no improvement, in fact, I got worse there. The therapist there was also a complete idiot and made just everything worse. He blamed my condition on the family (he'd wish he'd have such a deep bond with his mother), he blamed it on literally everything and called it "depression" all the time, though at the end of 4,5 months they still had no diagnosis because I literally did all paper tests they had and in all of them came out a very low scale of depression. They couldn't identify the cause at all. At first they thought Cyclothymia, then bipolar II, then depression, then this, then that, 4,5 months later we haven't got anywhere. Funny thing is, the therapist wasn't even fully licenced yet. He attended "further education" about psychotherapy. He barely knew anything. The psychiatrists there neither, because they told that "hormones can't do such a thing". Haha. I can attest they really, really do. I should have noticed he was not alright in the head after a few weeks when he told me I had sexual problems because I wasn't interested in sex enough. "Normally, people your age try around their sexuality with friends or so..." no thank you, I'll have my dignity. Next, I had an "oversensitive mother". She "worried too much." Who wouldn't about their child that has been unwell so long? "Normally people your age should go partying at night, and your mother doesn't let you..." first, I don't want to go thank you, second, yes, partying until 01:00 am somewhere in somewhere seems very safe and plausible. But my father who didn't care about me my whole life is the best one! The therapist tried to get me away more from my mother so I would get closer to my father and forgive him for not knowing "how to be a father", which I didn't do which again frustrated my therapist, and with every session he grew more frustrated that he couldn't manipulate me. Everything I spoke about in therapy I told my parents (especially mom), and everything that she spoke about with him in visits she told me. My therapist said he can't do proper therapy with me if I tell everything my parents. He sees a lack of "privacy" in this family. Everyone should have "secrets". What was unnormal to him is that we only have locks on bathrooms and on no other door. "I should be able to lock my door", he said. Which, if he really thinks I have depression, is the most stupid thing you can say. I won't even mentoin the documents I got when I got out of the hospital that he wrote, seriously you wouldn't believe what is written on it. -------------------- Drugs So after 4,5 months of no getting better, no improvement but worsening, they placed me on 37.5mg Effoxor which I responded to extremely quickly and really, really well. Within a few hours nearly my whole condition was gone. Even they were surprised that it acted so quickly, and that already the first one suited me so well, as usually people have to try around to find one that is good for them. Whether placebo or not, it did the thing it was supposed to do - so well that pharma companies could show me as an example of "miracle drugs". (I'm very sensitive to medications/caffeine etc., so I'm not surprised that a low dose works so strong on me). I had also very few side effects. I was placed a few days later on 75mg, and then my whole condition was gone. When I asked if antidepressants really numb feelings, the lead doctor said "no, the depression does that." Tells about everything you have to know about him. On my last visit to my therapist I told him they did nothing, only the drugs helped me. That he didn't like of course and in the documents I was counterargumentet that I "eagerly took part in all of their offered therapies". Yes, it was so boring there that I attended even courses that others couldn't go to and I went in their place instead. If we hadn't any courses - music, physiotherapy - I would take hour long walks with the others because else I woulg go crazy sitting there and doing nearly nothing. They wanted to keep me longer there, but I said "no", as fast as possible out of this place, they were all not alright in the head. And I got really fast out because my mother stormed in and shoved such arguments up their faces, especially my therapist, that he started shuddering. The locks, the "sexual problems", she had no mercy with words. Twenty minutes later I was out. A very few months later we went to another gynecologist, who is a fantastic one. There the PCOS syndrome was diagnosed again, and I was put on contraceptives again (my third) - I responded very well to this one. Unlike the first one, which was good too, this one didn't make me sleepy and I can function to this day without midday sleeps, which I needed on the first one. After half year of Effoxor I had to see my psychiatrist again, as the longer I was on the pill, the greater the "freezing headache" and numbing of the antidepressant came to light. Theory I strongly believe in, again THEORY - this was because the more I gained hormonal balance, the greater the serotonine etc. production functioned again and my body functioned more normally again - meaning, I didn't need the effoxor anymore and it started doing a little more harm than good now. So I was put off it, I was told to taper, but stupid me wanted so badly the numbing to go away that I did cold turkey. And compared to other cold turkeys I read, this one wasn't so bad. Dizziness, very strong headache, a bit of vomiting, that's all. On the second or third day though I took a 37.5mg pill again and tapered this time, opening the capsule and putting the little tablets out of it until only one of the little was inside. Then I had a week or two of mild withdrawal and it was over. As I said, poster girl for pharma with this drug. This year, 2022, on February my "suicidal episode" came back - and it didn't came back like before - this time it hit, at the same time, with such a panic attack that I hyperventilated so badly I got severe twitches and my eyes rolled up and teeth shuddered etc. an ambulance had to be called. They knew it was hyperventilating and I was calmed down with reduced breathing, because too much oxygen. It worked. But now I was left with such anxiety that I became extremely sleep deprived. When I visited my psychiatrist again (I had to wait 2 days for the emergency visit to him), he wasn't able to offer much help besides "taking up an antidepressant again". I said no, no antidepressants anymore. I asked for sleeping aid, so I would get a bit of rest after being much sleep deprived for two-three days. So he gave me a sleeping pill. Without telling me it's an antidepressant. Later I found out it is an antidepressant. Thank you very much. So I was given Remeron/Mirtazapine 7.5mg. When I started it, I became greatly suicidal, with urges to kill my myself and immense hopelesness that was drug-induced. During this time I seriously thought about assisted suicide (and still a bit traumatized because of it, as I never, never had before sucidal thoughts - the suicidal episodes were mistaken, I'll explain later.) I wanted to stop it after two days, but my mom said they need a bit of time to settle and then it'll get better. And it did, the suicidality vanished. I slept much more on it, not very much as since years I had disrupted sleeping, but this time only once a night and I fell asleep quite fast after that. Now, what is important to mentoin as it happened during the taking of mirtazapine, and I had one of those "suicidal episodes" my mom told me - this was the one sentence that cured me - "that it seems like I'm not depressed or anything, but scared." Boom. Done. It all went away. As I googled later, I found out what I had all the time was "Suicidal OCD - an intense fear of suicide and intrusive thoughts about suicide which leave the individual disturbed and distressed." This was also why the episodes got more intense and frequent in time - the more I was scared of it, the more intense it became. When I was distracted, it wasn't there. I remember when blood was taken from me it would disappear for a while, I remember the more hopeful I was the more it disappeared. All in my head. Ones own head, illusion can cause such suffering... fascinating. And indeed, the second I realized this was only a fear and not actual suicidal thoughts, all disappeared. And didn't come back. A few weeks later I would know the difference between this and actual sucidal thoughts. I was very alright on Mirtazapine, had feelings and so on, was myself pretty much. Problem was, the longer I took it the more paranoid-anxious I became (along with more and more damaged short-term memory), which would make me stop it after 2 months - and also by another event. I took CBD oil (I consulted it of course with my psychiatrist first), for it to help me further as maybe this would help my sleeping problems and I could get off mirtazapine. And I took the two together, and mirtazapine didn't react well to it. Got extremely anxious and with semi-suicidal feelings, kind of like when I first took it but half so bad- so I stopped the oil after three days of no improvement, but fast forward a half week later and the symptoms don't go away. So I had to stop taking mirtazapine, on 4th April. At first I became a bit hypomanic, my senses were sharp as never before, adrenal-like, nothing negative much. It went away after two days and was replaced by huge anxiety. It was lowering continuously over the course of one month, and I thought "not so bad", at the end, at first it was bad, but it was going away. 6th of May, it hit, and it hit really, really hard. I never felt this suicidal, it was like when I started taking it but 3x worse. It was accompanied by dizziness, intense nausea, extreme brain fog, anxiety, memory was non-existent, hopelessness rose to 900%, apathy, no feelings. Half of the day I thought about suicide and the other half of the day I was flat, kind of existing. The suicidality was intense, I could think about nothing else - it was nothing like the OCD I had, now I could really, really distinguish between illusion and actual suicidal thoughts. I felt, and still feel such regret of ever taking any antidepressant, I never was so scared about my future before, never regretted something so much. After one, two weeks it started gradually falling and the suicidality went kind of away, along with nausea, etc. What was left was the brain frog, numbness, impaired memory. But it got better over time, and I knew from the beginning it was withdrawal else I would probably have got psychotic about this. Now, a few days ago, second wave hit. Suicidality (but half so bad this time), now I have weird skin sensations sometimes, still much numb (I can cry very well though, I just don't feel the sadness, but the feelings are still there, hidden somewhere.) Brain fog, short-term memory still doesn't exist. Again, intense regret, I'm still so scared it won't end or I will suffer permanent damage, even though it was just 2 months and the lowest dose. What is optimistic though, for the first time since these 2.5 months I responded emotionally to music which opened a window, and I was cycling recently between withdrawal-window-withdrawal. But the fear of no end and permanent damage is still there, and thinking only about the slightest good memory from childhood makes me tip over into intense crying, as I'm so afraid that I lost now everything. There are so many things I still want to do, finish school, a good university etc., and I will only be able to forgive myself and forget if it all ends well, with as little damage as possible. Reassurement of "it was only such a short time, such a low dose, it won't damage you..." leaves me only with a bit of hope. In the past month I read so much about neuroplasticity and learned so much about the true face of psychiatry (especially through "Anatomy of an Epidemic"), and it left me in bewilderment and anger. Had I knew, then I would have never taken it. Never, no matter what and I never will take anything of it ever again. I only found about long-term use damage, so I guess from 2 months and lowest dose I will recover? I found in the Anatomy book that for antipsychotics, the rule is 2 months recovery for 1 month use, and only at the period of over a year or so it might cause permanent damage. I hope it is better for antidepressants, especially since I read so many horror stories I cried about with immense fear, and many I read with hope who came off after 20 years of various antidepressants and recovered well to 100% themselves. Often the knowledge about neuroplasticity, neurogenesis and success stories keep me sane. Incredible what 2 month use of the lowest dose can cause. If it shall end in 5 months, I will endure. I'm extremely endurable, all my life I've proven it. But there is this uncertainity, and it won't let me sleep at times.

Hi, I took Mirtazapine 15mg for 2 weeks and stopped due to severe side effects. I tried Amitriptyline 20mg, i took it for about 3 weeks but it started making me very dizzy so i stopped. Started Mirtazapine 7.5mg again as it was helping me initially for sleep, but it did not help as before so i stopped it again after 2 weeks. After all this, i came to know that these medications should be wean off or taper gradually. None of the Dr's i saw educate me about it. now i am 3 months off these medications, i get anxiety, restlessness in waves, my sleep is very broken but since last 2 weeks i feel very tired and fatigue even without doing anything. will this pass? is it the part of recovery process? Is there anything i can do about it? Any reccomendations?

Hi there! Need a bit of advice. My father passed away Christmas Eve :-( I have been on mirtazapine 15mg for 4 years. Since my father passed I have been experiencing a lot of strange & worrying stuff which I can only explain as withdrawal symptoms from mirtazapine. Depression - severe, insomnia, mind chatter, body buzzing, twitches, jerks of legs/arms, panick attack, anxiety etc. I went to see my doctor as my friends and family are concerned. She wants me to up my dose but am not sure i should do it. Could it make things worse? I feel upping may cause more problems. I felt sooo depressed this morning and slowly withdrawing from everybody...scared! Thanks in advance.

Dear SA team, Can you please help me/advise me regarding my issues with Mirtazapine? I was told by my psychiatrist that I simply stop taking 15mg Mirtazapine per night (I have been taking it for 18 months). He said that there shouldn't be a withdrawal period due to me also being put on Quetiapine (25mg per night) around 6 months ago. 17 days ago, I started to reduce my Mirtazapine intake from 1x 15mg tablet per night, to 1x15mg tablet every 3 nights. In the first 14 days I had horrible withdrawal symptoms including significant cognitive impairments like brain fog, dizziness, inability to think straight, forgetfulness, loss of coordination, feeling very spaced out mentally. I also found it very difficult to fall asleep, being awake until 9am on some nights. I then experienced palpitations a few nights ago around 2am which persisted all night long. Out of desperation, I took half a tablet (7.5mg Mirtazapine) at about 4am. However it seemed to do little- the palpitations persisted and I didn't fall asleep until 8am and only slept a couple of hours here and there. These palpitations stayed with me for several days. I rang my psychiatrist and he advised me to either stop taking the Mirtazapine entirely or to go back to taking it 1x15mg per night (my original dose). I came across your section on Kindling and became afraid that if I take the original dosage again, it might have a bad effect. I tired to call my psychiatrist back to ask this question, however his secretary told me that he couldn't see me until April and that he'd already advised me on this. 3 nights ago, I started taking half a tablet each night. It seemed to do nothing for the first day. However yesterday I felt calmer during the day insofar as the palpitations stopped. They did re-appear last night though. Today also the palpitations seem absent. However I have been worried by how energised and overstimulated I feel despite existing on just a couple of hours of sleep. Whilst I'm very thankful that the palpitations have relented (at least during the daytime yesterday and today) it worries me that I still feel overstimulated. Could this lead to akathisia/ mania due to taking too much (half the original dose 7.5mg)? Or is it because I'm taking too little and this is simply anxiety? Can you please recommend me a reinstatement dosing amount? I don't know what else to do right now. I am terrified of this getting worse (and potentially becoming permanent?) and am not receiving any proper help from my psychiatrist. I really don't know what to do here. I just want to know how much I should take that is a safe reinstatement amount. Is half a tablet too much? Will it lead to kindling? Or is it too little and I need to go back to the full amount to get better? Is this overstimulation a sign of kindling or is it an anxious nervous system? Mirtazapine is also a unique drug in that it functions more strongly as a sedative at lower doses and as an anti depressant in higher doses. So shouldn't the half tablet be a stronger sedative for my nervous system than the full tablet? Sorry if the information is a bit all over the place, my mind isn't coherent right now. I would greatly appreciate any advice given. Thank you very much, Brendan.

Community of Healing, hello. In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately came to the realization that pharmaceutical medications would not be the answer to my suffering. Pharmaceutical medications had been the cause of my suffering. And what my brain and body needed was support, tenderness, forgiveness, care and time... TIME... to heal. Benzodiazepines had been the first drugs I withdrew from. That was a brutal, nightmarish withdrawal, but relatively short-lived (acute @ 8 months). Tapering from Mirtazapine proved a longer journey, a much longer journey that I shared here. So this is my success story, my chapter-turning post. This is my declaration that I have been successful in tapering from medications that had deranged my nervous system to such a degree that I was scarcely able to operate in the world anymore. I took much time to make this declaration of success as I am by nature skeptical, and wanted to be sure that healing had indeed come - and come to stay. I feel that it has. I discontinued Mirtazapine, my last psychotropic medication, on June 15, 2019. There are still some echos of it that I deal with in day to day life. My issues with histamine intolerance I believe are directly attributable to Mirtazapine's affinity for histamine receptor occupancy. I manage this issue with dietary and exercise modifications as well as use of select vitamins and herbs. It is not life-deterring. It can be inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant, but it is nowhere near as debilitating as withdrawal itself had been. Despite posting this success story, I'm not going anywhere really. I am always happy to answer questions about my journey. When I was in the worst of my own withdrawal, the feedback from moderators and members of this community and elsewhere were absolute lifelines. Not that anyone could necessarily fix my problems - but I could walk away with sound, compassionate advice and if nothing else, the knowledge that my suffering had been heard, and that someone ultimately cared about me. Your suffering is heard, and someone ultimately cares about you. I want to thank @Altostrata and every moderator past and present for their kind forbearance, compassion, and dedication. I want to thank every member for their strength, endurance, bravery, and perseverance towards a healthy life free of the chemicals that have caused them harm. You all have something, many things, to be proud of. I believe in every human's potential to heal. Take your time, taper well, make the most sound choices you can, and know that healing is absolutely within your power to achieve. Hang in there, Dave

Hello Everyone! My name is Tomek, I'm 33 years old and my miserable adventure with antidepressant started 9 years ago in December 2009. My entire history with antidepressants is in my Signature. Suffice to say that I had some experience with withdrawing from many meds especially from SSRI and benzodiazepines. Xanax withdrawal. In 2014 after an accident I was very much addicted to Xanax, taking it every day. During that time I had some very unpleasant incident with this med. On one Sunday I started to feel extremely bad. From very early morning to late night I had many unpleasant symptoms like: extreme sweating (all the time I looked like I've just had a shower), muscle pain, muscle stiffness, tachycardia, extremely dry mouth and problems with my eyesight. I completely stopped taking Xanax at that moment. I was in this terrible state for the next five days. The good thing is that after this incident I practically stopped taking benzos for good. During the last 4 years, I've taken them maybe once per year and even that in very small doses. The bad thing is that since then I still have problems with my eyesight, specifically, my eyes have some strange problem with focusing on objects, like my vision becomes shaky when I try to focus my eyes. To this day I'm still not 100% sure what happened to me. Was it benzo withdrawal like my psychiatrist suggested or something else, for example, serotonin syndrome (I was on Clomipramine and Mirtazapine back then). After this incident for the next 6 months, I had a terrible anxiety almost every day. Anyway, in December 2014 I started taking Paroxetine 30mg (Seroxat) again. Since September 2014 I’m also on Mirtazapine 15mg. From 2015 to 2017 I actually felt pretty well on those meds. Even problems with my eyesight weren't very bothersome, although it never completely healed after the incident with benzos. Paroxetine withdrawal. Finally, at the end of 2017, after 3 years I decided to start withdrawing from those meds. My liver tests weren't very good so that's one of the reasons but not only. My first attempts weren’t really successful as I hesitated between 30mg and 20mg. During January 2018 I went three times between those doses. One of the reasons is that my close friend died during that time. This made me feel very depressed and anxious. I don't know if this was because of changing those doses or because I was very stressed back then but I started to feel physically ill. I was nauseous, weak, I had dizziness and photophobia. After three weeks I started to feel a little better. I decided to tamper the doses very gradually. For two weeks I was reducing from 30mg to 20mg. After that, I stopped reducing and was on 20mg for 2 months. Then again reducing from 20mg to 10mg for 2 weeks. Then 3 months on 10mg and after that reducing to 0mg for 3-4 weeks. I finally stopped taking Paroxetine in August 11th 2018r. Changing the dose slowly from 30mg to 20mg wasn't that bad. However, going from 20mg to 10mg was a whole different story. I had unpleasant brain zaps and was nauseous. The worse part was actually my mental state. I was constantly irritated, even the smallest things could make me feel angry. Never in my life felt something like that. Fortunately, after 2-3 weeks, I started to feel better. Not as good as before changing the dose but I could make through the day without hitting my desk with fists. So somewhere in the middle of July, I decided to finally go for it and try to reduce my dose to 0mg. During it, my photophobia and afterimages increased. On August 11th, 2018 was the first day since more than 3 years that I finally survived the day without Paroxetine. Since then I'm depressed almost every day, especially in the mornings, a few times I had panic attacks during the night and couldn't sleep. I'm still on Mirtazapine so that helped me with sleeping. Then fun fact though is that without Paro I managed to finally go on vacation after 5 years ;-). In the past, I always felt too lazy to go somewhere. Mirtazapine withdrawal. My next plan was to withdraw from Mirtazapine. I started reducing doses from 15 mg to something like 11mg at the end of September. At the end of October, I was on 7.5 mg for almost three weeks. Unfortunately, I started feeling worse, more often had panic attacks and my eyesight went even worse. At the beginning of November, I've returned to 15mg but that didn't help me very much. My eyes still have a problem with focusing and my vision is shaky, I'm experiencing brain zaps although they're not as strong as they were before. At this point, I'm not sure if it is a good idea to withdrawing from Mirtazapine so fast when I've just stopped taking Paroxetine like 3 months ago. On the other hand, I really want to try to get off this med. I apologize for any mistakes in this text due to my poor English.

Hello everyone, I’m so pleased to have found you all and very happy to be signed up to SA 😊 I’m here for my mum who was born in 1947 and is 76 years old. It’s taken me a while to get round to writing this, (massive), introduction, and some of the details are a little sketchy as mum’s memory of events aren’t always too clear. I really need some insight and advice so that I can help my mum so please let me give you some history and background – I’ll try to keep it brief! My mum has lived most of her life between Ireland and Scotland. I live in Scotland and, up until the end of 2013, my mum would split her time between her own home in Ireland and my home in Scotland. In 2013 she went to her doctor (GP) in Ireland and was referred to psychiatry and prescribed sertraline (50mg initially) for low mood and anxiety. Mum continued to take sertraline for the next three years (2013 – 2016) and was, at some point prescribed risperidone for 3 days but it made mum feel drowsy - we don’t know quite when or why this antipsychotic was prescribed but we are waiting to receive her medical records and should have a clearer picture then. I’m not sure after this date (2016) if there were any changes to mum’s meds but in February 2017 – May 2017, mum was admitted to the local psychiatric hospital presenting as catatonic and then delirious / psychotic. During her stay at the hospital, she was diagnosed with psychotic depression and received seven ECT sessions, her sertraline was increased to 200mg and olanzapine was introduced at 10mg twice a day (20mg in total) From 2017 – 2018 her drugs remained the same. In March 2018 mood dipped and we think her olanzapine may have been increased. In June 2019 re-admission to the psychiatric hospital was considered due to earlier catatonic symptoms reappearing. She avoided admission and recovered, her sertraline was switched to venlafaxine 150mg and then increased to 225mg. In November 2019 Mirtazapine (15mg) was added and in February 2020 pregabalin was introduced for anxiety (initially at 25mg twice a day but then upped to 50mg twice a day) As far as we are aware there were no changes to mum’s psychiatric meds until 2023. I should also add that she is on several other meds for other medical conditions – please see drug signature. Between 2014 and 2022 my mum remained in Ireland and, although she seemed well a good deal of the time, there would be periods where her mood was very low, and her anxiety really heightened. Sometimes when mum was like this the doctor would prescribe diazepam to help reduce the severe anxiety. When mum’s mood was low she would become increasingly anxious about everything and anything and, when spending time with my brother and his two younger children, she was very anxious that they would injure themselves or come to some harm. It was clear to me and my brother that this debilitating anxiety and constant worry was stopping her from being able to enjoy life and her grandchildren (she has always found most joy when being around her children and grandchildren). We could also see that mum’s physical health was deteriorating and we decided, in 2022, and with mum’s agreement, that it would be best if she permanently moved over to Scotland to be close to me so that I could support and be with her on a much more regular, daily basis. Mum’s mood and anxiety continued to fluctuate throughout 2022 and, due to other external factors, we couldn’t move her over here quite as quickly as we’d hoped. At the end of September 2022 she was, once again, in a very anxious/ catatonic state and narrowly avoided being admitted to the psychiatric hospital. She went to stay with my brother and his family for a week while we organized her coming over here. Although we’re not entirely certain, (as mum was living on her own), it does seem, prior to these more severe unwell periods, that mum was falling into a very anxious state and would stop eating, sleeping and we think perhaps stop taking her meds for maybe one or two doses. Mum was now living in Scotland with me, and her mood started to improve throughout October. She was offered a flat within the retirement housing complex, just a 10 minute walk away from me. With mum in Scotland we began to see a definite pattern to her mood - she would be well for around a month and then her mood would drop, out of nowhere and with no obvious trigger, and she would be super anxious with low mood for around 2 weeks and then would slowly start to improve again. In January 2023 I printed off a mood chart and we filled it in daily. In February 2023 mum had her first appointment with her new psychiatrist, (I have always been present during these appointments). I expressed concerns around seeing what I thought were some mild signs of tardive dyskinesia and mum was happy to start reducing her olanzapine with her psychiatrist’s support. The psychiatrist did not warn us about withdrawal effects or warn us to look out for anything and I, much to my deep regret, was completely unaware of the impact and dangers around dose changes in psychiatric drugs. Mum was on 15mg olanzapine, which was initially reduced to 10mg for 3 months, then to 7.5mg for 3 months, then to 5mg for 3 months. During the summer of 2023 mum experienced pain in her hip which her GP prescribed additional pregabalin for, increasing her daily dose of 50mg twice a day to 50mg twice a day with the addition of 100mg twice a day to help the pain (thereby taking her daily dose potentially up to 300mg). Mum did experience some dizziness around this time which we put down to the increased pregabalin dose. Throughout 2023 mum’s pattern continued in the same fashion as before and I noticed nothing untoward. Mum had an excellent October, remaining well for almost the entire month and I felt sure I was seeing a reduction in the tardive dyskinesia mouth movements. On October the 23rd mum’s olanzapine was further reduced from 5mg to 2.5mg. On the 26th of October mum was given her combined covid and flu vaccination – the very next day, (27th October,) she felt nauseous, dizzy, freezing cold and had general flu-like symptoms. After reading the patient info leaflet from the jag we assumed these symptoms were a side effect of the vaccination and didn’t for one moment consider that they could be related to the drop in her olanzapine dosage just a few days before… After 3 – 4 days she felt physically better but her mood had dipped - we weren’t surprised, she’d had a good month of feeling well and her mood was due to dip anyway, according to her pattern. Although mum had a tough week her mood seemed to be lifting and we went off to her psychiatry appointment. The psychiatrist asked mum how she was and she said she was OK and her mood was lifting – he asked her if she ever felt suicidal and she said no (she has never felt suicidal) he also asked if she suffered from SAD and she said no – she, like me, actually enjoys winter and the festive season very much. The psychiatrist told her to finish off her new 4 week prescription of olanzapine at 2.5mg and then she would be finished with olanzapine for good. That evening, around 6.30pm I said goodnight to mum, took a bag of her washing home with me that she asked me to do and said I’d see her tomorrow. I didn’t get any response from mum to my early morning text and, at 11.15am I decided to go and see where she was and what she was up to. I found mum unconscious in her living room – at some point during the night before she must have slipped into a delusional state and she had taken all of her month’s supply of tablets and all of the extra pregabalin that she had been prescribed. She also left a bizarre note about not wanting to be a big lady which made no sense. Mum was rushed by ambulance to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at a local hospital and my brother and I were told to prepare ourselves for the worst – she was not expected to survive. Remarkably, and against all the odds, my wee mum survived this terrible ordeal of which she has no memory, (she also has no memory of her stay at the psychiatric hospital in 2017 when she experienced psychosis). It was at this time that I started to become aware of the damaging effect of these drugs and I became convinced that what had happened to mum was most likely due to a too rapid reduction in her olanzapine. During her stay at hospital her psychiatrist visited her and as good as reprimanded her for trying to take her own life. She was experiencing an extremely low mood, confusion and some delirium at this time, she was also classed as an adult without capacity. Despite this, her psychiatrist decided to cold turkey her from all of her psychiatric meds (olanzapine, venlafaxine, mirtazapine and pregabalin) without discussing this with any family member. He did not believe that mum was experiencing withdrawal symptoms and said that any withdrawal symptoms would be long past by now. I was now also learning the dangers of abruptly stopping psychiatric meds and I became very worried for my mum’s health and this new course of action. After a phone call with me, the psychiatrist did agree to reinstate mum’s olanzapine at 5mg, at my request, and her venlafaxine, but only at 75mg. I was still worried and could see that mum was deteriorating – mum was transferred to the local psychiatric hospital and the new psychiatrist was not willing to consider my request of reinstating her mirtazapine and venlafaxine at 225mg but she did agree to increase her venlafaxine to 150mg. A few days later and, after seeing no improvement in mum she decided that mum was having paranoid thoughts so she increased mum’s olanzapine to 7.5mg without discussing this with me – she also suggested that if mum was to experience withdrawal symptoms, like I suggested she was, she would treat them with lorazepam! She, like the other psychiatrist did not agree that mum was experiencing withdrawal and she also said that any withdrawal would be over by now. I was upset to discover that mum’s care was in the hands of another psychiatrist who wasn’t following the NICE guidelines on withdrawing psychiatric meds and was in denial about the severity or seriousness of possible withdrawal effects. I would love nothing more than for my mum to be off all of these meds but I knew that this cold turkey method could be incredibly damaging. From the day her original psychiatrist made the decision to cold turkey her It took me a total of 18 days and a formal complaint before mum’s meds were reinstated on the 11th of December, at her previous dosage and the olanzapine reduced back to 5mg (I had great support from the mental Welfare Commission, by the way, just in case anyone else needs support). I don’t yet know if I did the right thing, but it was difficult to find advice. Within a week mum’s mood was back to being really good, her memory was dramatically improved, and all confusion was gone. She continued to improve over the next couple of weeks and was officially discharged from hospital on the 3rd of January - no one in the hospital could believe how well and quickly she had recovered. Apparently, according to one of the nurses, the average stay in the psychiatric hospital is 6 – 12 months. Mum was there for just 4 1/2 weeks and spent the best part of those caring for her fellow patients! So, we find ourselves almost back to square one. Mum came home and stayed with me from the 3rd of January 2024 until the 11th – she then went home but was, unfortunately only well for one day and night and the following day her mood dipped again – I was anxious about what had previously happened so brought her back to stay with us until her mood improved or until I had “GrannyCam” (Echo Show) installed so that I could keep a closer eye on her. Mum has only just gone back to her wee flat (29th January 2024) and she is still pretty anxious although she is improving slowly. And this is where we find ourselves. Many, many thanks for reading so far…😊 I am really hoping that I can help support mum to get her off her psychiatric meds – she and I are under no illusions and, given the dosage and time that she has been on this hellish cocktail of meds we are aware that there is an extremely long road ahead of her. I am hoping, initially, that you guys can help me specifically with the following questions: · Would you recommend that mum take her tablets at different times throughout the day (she has morning and evening meds - venlafaxine and pregabalin are taken in the morning and olanzapine, pregabalin and mirtazapine in the evening), and if so, when would you suggest? · I feel that the first drug to taper should be the remaining 5mg of Olanzapine – do you think this is right? · When do you think it would be the right time to restart the olanzapine taper? And does anyone know if I can source taper strips in the UK on the NHS? · Has anyone ever experienced these periods of wellness and then periods of low mood and severe anxiety in a pattern such as I’ve described? Could these be some kind of Waves and Windows, bearing in mind that she was experiencing them prior to starting any kind of drug reduction · What can I do to help mum with this terrible anxiety? I have very recently bought her some chelated magnesium and she has had a couple of low doses of that over the last few days (but has avoided taking them 2 hours before or after her pregabalin, as per the SA advice on magnesium) · I am obviously very worried that there may be a repeat of what happened to mum on the evening of the 9th of November given that, aside from the flu like symptoms, there wasn’t much to warn me to be on the look out for such a severe reaction. Do you think that now that I know a little about what to look out for with withdrawal symptoms I will be able to pick up on times like this should they arise in the future when mum is tapering from her meds? Any and all advice will be extremely welcome – thank you all so much in advance and my apologies for the massive essay! Chris (tine) 😊💚 x x

Moderator note: link to members-only benzo thread - Savinggrace: missed dose Hello, I have been following Surviving Antidepressants, off and on, for a few years but feel I must join now, as I could use some feedback. I have been poly-drugged for 15 years and on anti-depressants for 35 years. I am not sure how much I should write about how/why all this happened, but surely in the first decades, I just let it happen because I trusted my doctors and had no idea what I was setting myself up for. Since the internet made information so much easier to get, I have spent a lot of time learning about what these drugs have done to my brain, my body and and my life. I am joining this forum for two reasons...I am a person who has to taper extremely slowly. In fact, I just read a post of a man (2012) who planned to take 12 years to taper 25 mg. valium and I thought, "well, that sounds about right for me." On other forums, I have been almost laughed at when I admit how slow I have been, and must continue to taper. The other reason I like this forum is that it addresses the poly-drugging situation that so many of us have gotten ourselves into. This poly-drugging, in my opinion, has made everything so much more difficult. I guess there is a third reason, and that is that I have followed Rhiannon on BenzoBuddies and before that on a Yahoo group for years. She seems so rational, calm, and non-judgmental about all this. I have read many posts about not tapering from a place of feeling w/d symptoms. What if I said I have been in tolerance w/d (if that term is used here) for at least 14 years? I have not felt well, and in fact, have been quite sick all that time. About 6-7 years ago I got the courage, after tons of reading to start tapering. After making a 1 mg. cut (less than 10%) of valium, and suffering a near-seizure on the 5th day (that's what my doctor told me was happening and I believe him because 1 mg. valium relieved everything), I started tapering .5 mg/ month. (my signature will explain what happened before that) I did that for a few a year or so, but "hit the wall" so to speak, and tried .25 cuts (cut and suffer method). Very long story as short as possible, I only went from 17mg. down to 13 mg. before I was not able to cut any more and remain even remotely functional. A year or so ago, I decided if I couldn't cut valium, I would try another of my drugs. I have managed to taper 25% with small cuts and holds over a year, but again feel totally dysfunctional and unable to proceed. I think, at this point, up-dosing any of my drugs would require too big of an up-dose, and likely an unsuccessful one at that. I am holding now, but the reality is, I have many co-exisitng medical conditions, some caused by these drugs I suspect, and some not, that I really can't treat w/ meds as they interact with my psych meds and de-stabilize me immediately. I suffer a lot. I have no quality of life. I am 61. I can't go back; only forward. I am currently holding my trileptal cut to give my brain a rest. There is a lot more to share about myself but this was way too long already. How long should I hold? I feel like it will take quite some time before I feel like my brain has adjusted to this 25% cut. (done in 5-10 mg. increments, holding about a month w/ each cut) Here is my signature because I am not sure where to post it: Amitriptyline for 20 years and then remeron, 4 mg currently , ambien 10-15 mg. for 5 years and then updosed klonopin to get off ambien in 2011; klonopin 2 mg. for 10 years and then crossed over to valium 17.5 mg in 2010. 300 mg. trileptal for 13 years; tapered down to 225 in the last year. Holding on everything right now.

Please help. Very insane situation and still can’t believe this happened bc I took my K taper so carefully and knew all what to stay away from, persevered thru hell and was get myself back and functionality, love feeling and joy towards end of it. Had sleep come back to 5-6hrs taking .5mg gummy kid melatonin only after last few yrs at 0-3hrs. 4 mos off Klonopin 3 ye taper, 2 months of psych hospital hell all the med changes, 3 days into now Covid positive and all the neuro symptoms ramped up that day. Not sure if it also is Mirtazapine neurotoxicity bc I’m reacting badly after taking now…. Didn’t in psych hospital. All beta blockers trialed one time in in First psych place- early to mid Nov. I'm beyond freaking out as intense panic in gut twisting and turning having jolts in gut. This is all so so so hard. I’ve had 120+ symptoms they K taper so I’m used to persevering through hell, but had been recovering pretty well towards lower doses with anbout 10 symptoms per day varying but predictable ….all hell broke loose at .018mg. Acute was horrific stuck in dark closet for 6-8 weeks as my eyes hurt so bad and akathisia ramped up with any light. then hell began bc I had to go to ER m, ended up in 3 paych hospitals bc of SI and all hell since then. back home now, have covid day 3 that skyrocketed my synproms and now I can’t figure out what this is what’s. had covid pretty bad in Swpt 2022 but recovered in a few weeks, still on .12mg K at that point . Severe body clenching and eye pain and now now Mirtazapine is very drying and can cause eye problems and so freaking out. Had to come off 1 wk Elavil in 2021 bc of eye color changes and 6 wks of hell followed but was still on K at that point. the akathusua is my biggest hardest thing and how it affects so much. I know I made mistakes here recently and went against everything I knew not to take but I was forced to bc I they out in my IV water or forced to take tablets. I had all written out what couldn’t tKe and my family had that and we gave to hospitals and psych places and the nurses and staff intentionally wanted to screw me up more bc I was a ‘broken Betty’ with the akathisia and they didn’t get the aka. They psychologically also put me thru hell to get me to break completely…. I was terrorized. Laying still now body extreme vibration buzzing internally clenching involuntarily jolting involuntarily, This can happen with covid remeron and Klonopin but I've not had it had this severe before. I am unable to lay really. It’s like my brain is screaming inside and I want to scream running…. Again had this to a degree during K taper but not constant. Want to scrape face off, yank eyes out. During acute K I was pulling hair literally out bc aka was so so bad and pulling skin and scraping face. All stuff I couldn’t control. So heartbreaking for me bc I didn’t want to be doing it. I repeat same things over and over fast all day long. Rock at times, just disaster. I already have my body attack my thyroid with hashimotos, I'm susceptible to autoimmune issues and now all of this. My body is on fire internally 30min-2hes after taking 7.5mg Mirtazapine at 9-10pm. Body starts jolting and extreme RLS, eyeballs start shaking and try to roll back in head. Chest pain and heart pain, intense mental akathisia. Stomach rolling. At some point of fallen asleep and then awaken to nightmare and extreme panic chest. Bottom clenching pressure and internal walls on own. It's horrendous feeling. Stomach same. 97lbs. But eat The feeling your being uncomfortable tickled on bones and organs can't do anything to stop it- akathisia. Want to pull everything apart. Can't close eyes during day bc they burn and hurt so badly, pressure and akathisia behind them. Just dart open and so much burning pain and I've tried 3 eye drops types today. Can't even take 15mg armour without severe reaction when I was doing ok at 30mg. Normal amount is 75but was too stimulating initially coming off K so de said I could take lower but now TSh is a 10, yet can’t do much. Vitamin issues d is like 11 3 mo ago, b12 is under 300, I know this is horrendous souls but vitamins stimulated me and I clumsy be outside due ri eye issues. Please help with any encouragement and what talk might think about the Mirtazapine. I’m so angry I’m on this bc it’s not helping and here I persevered thru K taper whole time saying I’d never get back on anything after. they were going to do lithium at place and I said well some people have had ok time with Mirtazapine for akathisia bc I was terrified of lithium. So total of a month being on, changed bransa a week ago coming home bc didn’t know brand from hospital and my pharmacy gave what that thought . I am devastated annd have been and to survive minute to minute. This is like worst horror story I could ever imagine and my family is overwhelmed (live with brother who can’t handle much of this anymore after 3 1/2 years ) parents are a basket case and in 70s so they just can’t have all the stress I’m putting on them. I’ll try to edit with help later bc eyes are hurting so bad and body jolting about. K march 2020 after in hospital with covid type symptoms and antibiotic rash-adverse reaction. Told had severe anxiety and Gad disnt know better had never had any of anxiety in 37 yrs. .75mg tapered to .005mg in Aug 2023 Will update more later

( mod note, mmt) Ewa's Introduction topic is here: Ewa;Cymbalta 60 mg coldturkey My name is Ewa, I’m 49 years young and I have recovered from the voyage to hell that was initiated by cold turkey from 20 years of antidepressants use. In the title SHE is my daughter (now 12 years old) my first and main reason to stay here, second is my husband Eric who was my caregiver and was there for me unwaveringly, third information about withdrawal from this website (was my first website I found when looking for answers) and others like it, success stories of people who came through victorious, and relentless search for truth. On February 2018 I cold turkey from 60mg of Cymbalta (December 2017 I turned 44 years old) almost instantly I was in altered state of consciousness (in medical community labeled as mania, I dislike their terminology but I will use it here in parenthesis) had out of body experiences and visions (not hallucinations) one of them was my mothers trauma I didn’t know about. I was in trans like state very euphoric, didn’t need much sleep, had diarrhea for about one month, metallic taste in my mouth, could not eat meat and other foods. I was functioning but in different way. Gradually I was coming down from euphoria, it took 8 months and one day it was clear to me that I was very much different in past months (I had that awareness during but was not afraid of it) also I started to feel internal vibration that I thought was anxiety (never had anxiety before in my life). In the end of August 2018 I went back on 60 mg Cymbalta plus 0.5 mg Ativan (first time in my life I was put on benzodiazepine), two weeks into being back on drugs I became suicidal. Every two months I was in hospital changed the antidepressant Ativan stayed the same 0.5 mg twice a day or as needed. My condition was worsening and in January 2019 I did ketamine which put me further down the hell. By this time my diagnosis changed from depression (my original sign 😉) to treatment resistant depression, all they have left for me was ECT, I had 8 sessions in total and after last one as I was walking out of hospital (for my last two sessions I was outpatient, for so called maintenance sessions) I heard just a whisper of my own soul “Ewa you have to find your own way out of here, if you stay,there will be no coming back”, by this time I was a shell of my former self, a mare shadow of a human being, that upon waking from last ECT had to guess what year it was, I was successful in this but the president of USA in 2019 was still Obama.As soon as I got home I went on internet and found this website, my search for my own way out of hell has begun. At that time I was on Zoloft and Ativan, I decided to cold turkey again (two months taper) and in May 2019 my drug free life has begun. The level of suffering has intensified greatly and stayed the same for two years. I did not have windows not even one. I had severe insomnia, slept 2 or 3 or 0 hours, anhedonia, depersonalization, déréalisation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation and urges, memory loss, cognition loss, complete loss of appetite, my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat and it was two bites at the time, I didn’t shower for weeks only when I was on my period (I never lost my menstruations still have it now), all consuming terror was always there, didn’t brush my teeth (had to have 3 crowns last year), I had light sensitivity sunny days in summer where extra torture, sounds sensitivity (I love music but in that state was torture), my whole body was stiff like I was log of wood very hard wood. Adrenaline rushes like toxic waves through my body, Agoraphobia ( was mostly bad bound), apathy, confusion, crying it was more wailing like a caged animal I became. Inner trembling, lethargy, complete loss of libido, during my very short sleep I manage to have nightmares. Tinnitus was not severe and it went away after about one year. January 3 2020 I wrote this “All I want is to be able to be a mother and wife again ! I love Chloe and Eric so much” at that time I had all the symptoms I listed above. Also I have to add that during my altered state of consciousness (mania) April 2018 I had breast lift surgery(it was scheduled in 2017), day after walking up the stairs I heard myself saying “it is not normal to cut healthy body” , this procedure so accepted and even praised by our sick society is a band aid in form of self mutation to secure love and approval of others behind which is a very deep pain. I had infection and was put on very strong antibiotics, further destroying my got. (I have to go to my appointment now second part of my root canal treatment, I will continue later on today, I will submit this now because I don’t know how to save this and don’t want to loose it 😊) Thank you to my father Jan whom I love deeply, it was from his life journey and strength I drew inspiration to go on.

I’m not doing well at all. I feel like I’ve lost my entire life these past 7 months. I’m extremely afraid, depressed and anxious and in so much pain and discomfort on a daily basis. I am unable to work, I can’t eat, I can’t take care of my children. This pain has had a detrimental affect on my husband and children as well as it has robbed them of their mother and wife that they knew. I don’t know how I will live like this. The pain had debilitated me and has caused severe anxiety and depression. I have 3 young children who need their mom well. I don’t have any help and I’ve taken it upon myself to figure this all out. I am really praying and hoping you can help me get the right help so my kids can have their mom well again. It all started for me in June 2020 when I stopped taking an antidepressant. I had been on low dose Mirtazapine (7.5mg) For about 10 months (August 2019 - June 2020) when I decided to stop. With the advice of my doctor I weaned down for 1 week. She told me to reduce the dose to 3.75 mg for 1 week. That was it. A few weeks after stopping the Mirtazapine, I began having intense rectal/vaginal/ perineal pressure. I couldn’t pinpoint where the pain was actually coming from. I thought that it was maybe from the increased bowel movements from the withdrawal. I was having about 5-6 bowel movements a day for about a week. During this time I was also put on Amoxicillin for a possible tick bit. I was a on the Amoxicillin for 14 days. The pressure feeling eventually was less intense (it still happens) but then one day in July I felt like a had a UTI. It can only be described as a tickle down in the ******/clitoris/ urethra like the urethra was holding pee. I kept going to that bathroom and most times not much would come out and after I would pee there was a burning sensation. It was never painful when I peed, only after I urinated. It was a constant feeling like I was needing to pee. I started to notice that some times my urine stream was weaker at times, sometimes it was hard to start the stream, and that the stream was sometimes spasmodic. I immediately started researching and came across something called interstitial cystitis. I called me doctor who ordered some tests (ultrasound, X-ray, urine and swabs) and they all came back normal. I stopped eating in fear that the food would aggravate the possible IC. This did not help the pain. I am still trying to log what I eat to see if it is food related. The urologists I spoke to ran some tests and said it was too soon to come up with a diagnosis of IC and that my symptoms didn’t quite fit with the diagnosis. I went to the emergency a few times to get some help and each time I was told to take some antibiotics even though the urine results were negative. I took one round which didn’t help. I have also had vaginal swabs done to rule out any type of infection. The pain seems to get triggered first thing in the morning after I have a morning pee and bowel movement. The pain can be described as burning, raw, gnawing, throbbing, pinching. I also have a feeling of arousal that I was describing as a tickle/tingle. After that morning pee and bowel movement, the pain stays with me all day and gets more and more aggravated each time I pee, have a bowel movement, sit, and/or drive. It is an intense burning, pinching, gnawing feeling in my ******, sometimes around the entire vulva, the urethra and clitoris, but mainly high up in the ******. Because my mental health has greatly been affected, my doctor put me on Amitriptyline (5 mg/day) in August. I took this for 9 days. It did not help my mood, but in fact it made me feel more doom and gloom and didn’t help me sleep. In September, I started to have orgasms in my dream. These orgasms wake me up. Upon waking I can still feel the throbbing sensation. It feels as if the orgasm throbbing doesn’t go away. This lasts all day and it is accompanied by a burning pain that radiates my whole pelvic area. When I orgasm in my sleep the next few days are really excruciating for me with pain and throbbing discomfort in my urethra and clitoris. It’s as if the muscles are still spasming from the orgasm and I just keep having orgasms all day. The sleep orgasms happen between the hours of 4-6am, and that is usually the time I am ready to have a bowel movement. I can feel the bowel area spasming inside, which is the same feeling as when the sleep orgasms happen. I am afraid to go to sleep because I am afraid this will happen during my sleep. I do not have sex with my husband because I don’t want to be touched in that area at all. It all feels so raw and painful that being touched there is the last thing I want to do. The pain also radiates to my groin area and it can be described as a stabbing, aching pain and it can also be felt in the pubic bones. I have the arousal type feeling some days but it doesn’t make me want to masturbate or relieve myself at all. It’s more like an annoying itch or like a tickle that comes and goes. It seems to be triggered every time I have a bowel movement in the morning and then when I urinate throughout the day. I try to apply ice to relieve the pain but that doesn’t seem to help. There are times when the throbbing just happens and doesn’t stop. I do suffer from leg pain and I have been for 2 years now. It sometimes radiates to my feet. I was tracking it to see if it was related to my cycle, which it seemed to be for some time, but now I am unsure. I do get achy legs, hands, arms during the month a few times, but the doctors I saw about it 2 years ago just called it fibromyaliga. More recently when I sit on the couch with my legs out, I experience a burning sensation in my face, left leg and ankle, foot and head. It’s a tingling burning feeling. Sometimes my left foot feels cold and burning. There are times when the rectal/perineal pressure made me feel constipated and sometimes I was and sometimes I wasn’t. I tried for a while to use suppositories and laxatives to see if that would help relieve the pressure. I was seen by my GI doctor to rule this issue out and he performed a flex-sig and a pelvic MRI and the only thing he saw were internal hemorrhoids. He didn’t think that would cause this issue. I am currently using a vaginal suppository with lidocaine, a muscle relaxant and Valium. It’s only been a few weeks. I can’t really say if it’s working yet as it doesn’t provide relief from the burning and spasming during the day. I don’t take any other medications currently, because of my fear of them now and because nothing has been suggested to me yet that will alleviate all my symptoms. I am only taking natural supplements - vitamin D, B complex, Omega, Vitamin C. I work with an accupuncturist, massage therapist, osteopath, a pelvic physiotherapist and a psychotherapist. These things have not changed my level, intensity or frequency of my pain/discomfort. My pelvic physiotherapist thinks that I have a highly sensitive nervous system, from coming off the meds, and she is working with me to “retrain” the pain sensations to the brain. One pelvic physiotherapist said I have some tension in my pelvis. One doctor, after speaking with me for 10 diagnosed me with PGAD and gave me an expensive ointment, that didn’t work. One doctor I saw says he thinks I have PN on the left side from my child birth 7 years ago. Another doctor said, after doing a Tinel’s test, that it may be Pudendal nerve irritation on the right side. They have suggested a nerve block to see if the symptoms get alleviated. I am left so frustrated, confused and feeling hopeless. I keep getting passed off and I’m left to find my own help and fight for my life. I have no plan, no relief of symptoms and I am spiralling more and more into a deep dark place. I have had an extensive workup done - Flex sigmoidoscopy, pelvic MRI with contrast, head MRI, Spine MRI, sacrum MRI, hormone blood tests, vaginal swabs, urine tests, Pudendal Nerve MNR. I was told that the PN nerve MNR is not a great test as it gives a 70% false negative. Nothing seems to indicate a reason for this problem according to the doctors I have seen. The spine MRI showed - “there is narrowing of the left lateral recess with impingement of the traversing left S1 nerve root which is swollen.” Over the past 2 months I have also developed low back pain, hip, bum and sits bone pain. It is a deep ache and burning. It is also triggered after I have a bowel movement in the morning and then causes pain when I sit throughout the day. I have spent a lot of time sitting for the last 7 months because I have become so paralyzed with fear and anxiety and depression. I also have vulva stabbing/pinching pain on the left side. I’ve lost a lot of weight, my hair is falling out and I have no energy to work to take care of my kids. I’ve complete become a different person. I was never like this. I was a strong, educated woman, and a mother who was able to live a great life before all of this. I’m trying hard to believe in the mind body approach but I just don’t know if there is hope for me. I’ve read sarnos book. I’ve ordered your book. I’ve been in touch with various tms coaches to help me. Nothing is working. I feel like I’m in the fight of my life. I have to win this fight for my kids, my husband and myself so I can get my life back. I need this so badly. I pray for this daily and ask that this suffering stops because I can’t go on like this. It’s destroying my whole being, my life and my family. They mean to world to me. Mirtazapine is a motility agent - meaning it empties your stomach faster. I wonder if that has anything to do with this. I am searching and searching for answers. My family is forcing me back on an antidepressant. I don’t know what to do or which one to take. I know I need something. Any advice? Should I try the mirtazapine again??

Aka Remeron, Remeronsoltab, Avanza, Axit, Mirtabene, Mirtaz, Mirtazon, Norset, Promyrtil, Remergil, Remergon, Remeron SolTab As with other psychiatric drugs, we recommend trying a 10% taper of mirtazapine per month, based on the last dosage you took. If you get withdrawal symptoms from a 10% taper, go down by smaller amounts. See Important topics in the Tapering forum, particularly why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage A very common withdrawal problem with mirtazapine is rebound insomnia, which reinforces the need for very gradual tapering. From FDA information at http://www.drugs.com/pro/mirtazapine-tablets.html From Malhi, et al 2003 Dual-Action Antidepressants: Mechanisms of Action and Clinical Use Per http://www.drugbank.ca/drugs/DB00370, Half-life is 20-40 hours. Mirtazapine tablet dosages are 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, and 45mg. The "orally disintegrating" version melts in the mouth and is widely available as a generic or brand-name Remeron SolTabs. Reduce by splitting tablets Request that your prescription be filled with the lowest dosage tablets or combination that includes the lowest dosage and split them into quarters for the smallest decrements. (A quarter of a 7.5mg tablet would be 1.875mg.) If you are very sensitive to dosage reductions, you may wish to weigh tablet fragments, see Using a digital scale to measure doses Reduce by titrating a liquid A liquid is easier to measure in order to taper by small amounts using an oral syringe. Unfortunately, mirtazapine liquid is not widely available. In the UK, mirtazapine liquid is available from Rosemont Pharmaceuticals in Leeds. Ingredients of the liquid are here: https://www.medicines.org.uk/emc/medicine/31587. Shelf-life after being opened is 6 weeks. Ordering information is here. Make your own liquid from a tablet To taper, many people make liquids from mirtazapine tablets themselves. While water solubility of mirtazapine is "slight" according to http://www.drugbank.ca/drugs/DB00370 you can make a suspension of it yourself with a tablet and water or a pharmaceutical liquid such as Ora-Plus. See How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules (to see the links to the documents mentioned, click on the gray arrow in the upper left of the quote.) Refrigerate the DIY suspension for up to 5 days, then discard. Have a compounding pharmacy make a liquid for tapering Compounding pharmacies can make a liquid from the tablets. You will need a prescription written for the customized drug preparation. The only drawback is this can be quite expensive. While your pharmacy may say the liquid is good for a month, people have noticed potency decreases over that time: Please note the do-it-yourself liquids are kept for less than a week. Reduce by making a liquid with the "orally disintegrating" tablets You may be able to dissolve the orally disintegrating tablets ("Soltabs") in water and use an oral syringe to take a measured dosage. I couldn't find any reports of doing this but, since the orally disintegrating tablet is designed to dissolve in saliva, it seems likely to work. After making the liquid, I would take the dose immediately and discard the rest -- do not count on it keeping for any length of time. For instructions on how to make a liquid, see how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules If you do this and it works, please let us know in this topic. Using a combination of tablets or capsules and liquid Rather than switch directly to an all-liquid dose, you may wish to take part of your dose in liquid and part in lower-dose tablets or capsules, gradually converting to all liquid as you get to lower dosages. This can be very convenient and reduce any problems switching from one form of the drug to another. If your doctor prescribes liquid and tablets or capsules at the same time, most likely, he or she will have to indicate "divided doses" in the prescriptions to get the drugs covered by insurance. Cut up or crush tablets, weigh fragments or powder with a digital scale In principle, this would be a more precise way of tapering than cutting up tablets: Cut up or crush the tablet If crushed, make sure the shell fragments are evenly distributed in the powder Weigh the tablet fragments or powder for a dose with a digital scale If powder, put the powder into an empty gelatin capsule to make it easier to ingest Tapering mirtazapine and venlafaxine or "California rocket fuel" This is a combination of mirtazapine and venlafaxine (Effexor) that has some popularity among psychiatrists, but also can have dangerous side effects. If you are taking this combination, you probably will want to taper the Effexor first with the hope that the remaining mirtazapine will maintain sleep. See About going off mirtazapine plus venlafaxine (Effexor) aka "California rocket fuel"

Hello everyone. I’m an Australian living in Berlin. I have had health anxiety since I was 12, but it never really impacted my life. From the age of 23-24 I had a depressive episode, went to therapy but decided to try medication. Was prescribed 37.5mg of desvenlafaxine, I took it for 10 months and tapered off rather quickly without incident - I had no idea that antidepressants could be dangerous back then. I’m 31 now. 2021 was the hardest/worst year of my life. After working a lot throughout the pandemic, I lost my job earlier last year. I was pretty miserable but slowly picked myself up. I was a sad but totally functioning human being. Mid year, I was working on my folio and getting excited about future creative projects. Then two weeks after my second Moderna shot, I woke up in the middle of the night shaking and having waves of heat come over me. Felt really sick… it was like some intense inflammation response. Following that, I would often wake up every 10 days or so with shaking episodes. I could manage to calm myself down and go back to sleep normally. I found it weird but tried not to think about it too much. Then in late August, I began taking antibiotics for a H. Pylori infection and my life imploded. I couldn’t sleep or eat for 2 weeks and became ridiculously anxious, anxiety I’ve never experienced before. My husband didn’t know what to do and I ended up in a psych hospital despite how badly I didn’t want to be there. Despite my pleas and fears about benzo dependency, they got me dependent on lorazepam over 6.5 weeks, and I tapered off in about 5.5 weeks. Of course my worst fears became reality and I’ve been going through benzo WD. I took the last lorazepam dose 25 days ago (Which is hard for me to comprehend, I rarely even drink alcohol). I wish I had just accepted the benzo rebound insomnia and lack of appetite. I started Mirtazapine and have been on it for 2 months, I’m at 15mg now. My eyes have been weird, I’ve been getting double vision and things have just been strange. I thought it was from benzo WD but decided to get checked out today. The doctor told me my eye pressure is high, and this is a side effect from Mirta. I’m a graphic designer and my vision is so important. I desperately don’t want to lose it, I also don’t want to just CT Mirta, especially after I’m only 25 days in benzo WD. I’m so terrified, I wish I would have just accepted the benzo rebound insomnia. Now I’m scared I’m going to be sick and disabled for years. 😭 I look at photos from 5 months ago and cry. I don’t know what to do. I’m sitting in bed shaking from fear rn. Someone, please help me 😞 when I mentioned my fears to the psychiatrist, he told me to split the Mirta pill in half, but idk if that’s a good idea.

I’m unsure on the right terminology because I’m not sure what I believe anymore so please bear with me. last year after ten years on citalopram I had a sudden relapse in depression and anxiety (you could say I pooped out but who knows). The relapse has crippled me and it’s immeasurably worse than the first time around. It’s consumed me and I feel like I’ve lost my identity. Through this period the doctor changed me to sertraline and again to venlafaxine. Both of which had zero effect. I wanted to look at exploring more naturalistic remedies (not sure how appropriate it is to discuss this on this format so I will leave that there- but happy to hear people’s stories and experiences of doing that) but I’ve had a really tough Fortnight and when I went back to the docs this week he wanted me to try mirtazipine. I have taken that for two nights but after a chat with my therapist this morning who’s very critical of medications and the role of seretonin in all this I’m questioning if it’s the right thing. It’s all so hard when you are extremely desperate and just want relief really interested to hear everyone’s views and experiences

Hi, I’m 70 and have had depression and anxiety on and off for most of my life. I weaned myself off Valium in my thirties successfully. I was prescribed Citalapram 20mg 15 years ago and it works for me. In the past twelve months my mobility has not been good and I have struggled badly with depression as I have the motivation but my body says “no”. My family had to intervene to get me some help and I was prescribed Mirtazapine which helped me through a bad patch. I now would like to come off Mirtazapine as I feel tired all the time. My doctor is aware of this and told me to do it gradually, which is sensible. I’ve been checked for everything to explain my tiredness and everything is fine, so my next step is to look at the meds I take. Thank you for reading this and any advice on coming off the Mirtazapine would be gratefully received.

Hi, I'm not quite sure how to go about this as I'm not super familiar with forums. But I've been on Mirtarzapine 45mg for a couple of years now, I started taking it 5 years ago as a result of a breakdown and have been slowly increasing it. Now I feel a bit more stable in my life and 1 week ago started doing 45mg x 2 nights and 41.25mg approx (I have to cut my tablet so it's never 100% accurate) for 1 night in an alternate fashion. I've noticed I've become more anxious and started experiencing panic feelings...I don't want to give up though. I'm determined to go down to 30mg and stay on it for a while till the next drop. I'm very very afraid though. I'm a single mum with a 5 year old child so I don't want this to affect my relationship with my daughter. Any words of wisdom or support, identification, etc, would be massively appreciated.

Hi folks, First of all I'm new to this site, so feel free to tell me I'm in the wrong area or redirect me.. But here's my story... I currently have what I think is severe anhedonia. Last July, I was a bit depressed (I stress a bit, not majorly).......doctor gave me lexapro 10. After taking this, I vomited on the first night and developed sleep problems. Later in the week, I was given 25 seroquel which apparently would help balance out adverse effects of lexapro.......by the end of the week, I wasn't sleeping and I was suicidal. I subsequently was admitted to hospital. In hospital, I got more and more meds thrown at me and my mid august I was on 125 seroquel, 30 mirtazapine, 20 lexapro, 20 Olanzapine/Zyprexa....My main problem was the medication ripped my stomach apart.....the docs didn't believe me and just gave me more and more meds. I left hospital anyway on the concoction I mentioned.....I spent the following four months on these meds. During those four months, I felt no emotion whatsever, nothing. I felt suicidal, and that I would never recover. I had no desire to do anything. I just stayed in bed until late in the day, even though my sleep did not feel like real sleep. By mid November, i realised that the medication was messing me up, I demanded that I gradually come off everything. On that day, the doctor dropped the mirtazapine, and cut everything else in half. There was a quick taper, maybe too quick, and by christmas eve I was off everything. There were brief windows of emotion during the taper but still 95% anhedonia. Days after I went off everything....I cried for the first time in six months.....days later I laughed for the first time in months... I'm now 6 weeks off everything, I had huge headaches up unitl last week. My stomach started to improve after going off everything and is on the mend. However, I'm still worried about emotions/desires/thoughts etc.....over the last six weeks....I've had maybe 5 occassions where I felt strong positive emotions...and maybe 3 times where I've been sad/angry to the point of proper crying. outside of those 8 occassions, there's still an awful amount of flat feeling, apathy etc... I'm worried and wonder how long or if I will recover at all. Feedback welcome!!

I would be incredibly grateful for some advice about antidepressant withdrawal. I don't trust my doctors or psychiatrists anymore. I am 40 years old with no history of mental illness until about 11 months ago, when I began overreacting to a number of problems in my life like skin issues and threats of lawsuits, and this led to a two-month period of psychosis that gave rise to severe depression (according to the doctors here). It was very intense. I live in Frankfurt, Germany. Once I began to calm down and realize that these fears were unjustified (around February), the depression symptoms seemed to get worse, and I began to have physical problems like dizziness, vertigo, and derealization. This led me to think there was some neurological damage, and so I had an MRI and EEG done but with no findings. I began seeing a psychiatrist around this time, who gave me a prescription for Olanzapine, but I didn’t take it due to my strong aversion to pharmaceutical medication. However, by mid-March I was feeling so awful and had starting having difficulty sleeping. I could fall asleep, but I would wake up after three or four hours and couldn’t fall back asleep. I didn’t see any other option but to check into an inpatient clinic, where the doctors started me on 5mg Olanzapine and 50mg Sertraline. The Olanzapine helped me sleep, and I was hopeful that the antidepressant would begin working quickly. After a few days, the dizziness and derealization subsided. However, after about seven weeks (and increases to 100mg and 150mg), I was still feeling depressed, and the doctors switched me to Venlafaxine in late May, initially 75mg but quickly increased to 225mg. It was at this time that I left the inpatient clinic with the intent of continuing Venlafaxine at home. Occasionally I tried skipping the Olanzapine, but whenever I did I couldn’t stay asleep. And after six weeks of Venlafaxine, I felt no better and decided to discontinue (against the advice of my psychiatrist). I tapered down to 150mg to 75mg to 37.5mg over a period of 15 days (each dose for five days). I completed the taper in mid-July. I didn’t notice any withdrawal symptoms during the taper, but once I was off completely, the brain zaps, nausea, and restless legs began. But I also noticed that I no longer needed the Olanzapine to sleep well, as if the Venlafaxine had been causing the insomnia. The brain zaps were not painful and didn’t bother me too much since I was expecting them to go away soon. And after about two weeks, the zaps were hardly noticeable and I was feeling much better. I was happy about this because it was just a few days before a vacation I had planned to Florida. Throughout the entire 10-day vacation site-seeing and soaking up the sun, I hardly noticed any symptoms at all and my mood was great. It was as if I was completed cured. Unfortunately, the very day I returned to Germany at 7am from a long overnight flight (this past Sunday), I began feeling unwell again, like nauseous or a queasy feeling in my stomach and chest accompanied by low moods. I was hoping it was due to jet lag, but it’s been an entire week now and there hasn’t been any improvement. I can still sleep well fortunately but I have a pronounced feeling of being unwell most of the time and I feel very fatigued and unmotivated to do much. No dizziness, pain, or cognitive issues. Given that I felt virtually symptom-free while in vacation, are my current symptoms are more likely to be a continuation of the withdrawal or some sort of (travel-induced) depression relapse, or something else? Could I already be going through windows and waves just a month after stopping the antidepressants? Just to summarize, I was on antidepressants from mid-March to mid-July, including the two-week taper. So about eight weeks on Sertraline (mostly 100mg) followed immediately by eight weeks on Venlafaxine (mostly 225mg). I was also taking Olanzapine for most of that time, occasionally taking Pipamperone instead. Thanks in advance for the help and insight!

Link to Hibari's Success Story: hibari-polydrugged-benzos-twice-and-now-im-well Link to benzo forum thread - Hibari: Swtich from Ativan to Clonazapam Hi, I have been Remeron since April 2014 reaching a dosage between 37.50-41.25 I also have been on Lamictal since September 2014 reaching a dosage of 200mg. I began a taper of the Remeron with my psychiatrists knowlege, I think at the end of February/March? Hard to remember with my somewhat foggy brain. I am now down to 28.125-tapering at about 10% for each cut. My withdrawal has follwed a specific pattern. I make the cut, feel some nausea but okay, then after about 2-3 weeks have a crash, depression, crying, and anxiety. Then I pop through and move into a more stable period. I think I let myself stabilize for about 10 days and then make another drop. My question is about starting a slow Lamictal withdrawal at the same time. I may be overeacting but when I read about what Lamictal can do to the brain, along with other antidepressants, I want to start the taper now. I do have some professional obligations happening over the next few months but I don't want to stop my progress. I like many others I have read am very impatient about getting off these medictions. They served their purpose to help me after a long stressful period of caretaking-7 years-and then the death of my mom 2 1/2 years ago. Any thoughts or experience about taper from two drugs at the same time. Thanks. Hibari 28.125 Remeron 200mgs Lamictal

Hello, New here. My primary issue is with the rollercoaster I’ve been going through with my antidepressant, Mirtazapine: History: I’ve been on Mirtazapine for several years, very happy with the effects on my depression, appetite, sleep, and even anxiety to an extent. It’s efficacy has been consistent for me, such that over the years, I’ve only needed to increase the dose modestly once (from 15 mg to 22.5 mg, a switch made ~1 year ago). The problem: just before the holidays 2023, I unknowingly used a counterfeit THC cartridge (don’t know what it was, but it was NOT THC), which properly thrashed my mental stability. After two weeks of distress - loss of appetite, cold sweating, bouts of heart racing, feelings that there is something very wrong (which put me in the hospital on two separate occasions, with “it’s probably just bad anxiety” being the punchline in both instances) - my psychiatrist thought maybe the Mirtazapine was worsening/prolonging the problem… So he cut me off cold-turkey. Knowing how effective it’s been for me, this was utterly devastating, but I indulged it, and we explored medication to calm my anxiety which, in short, did not stick >2 days (couldn’t handle the side effects). Moreover, after ~3 days without Mirtazapine, withdrawal started setting in - I literally could not eat (threw up everything I tried) nor sleep; I was intensely uncomfortable with a host of physical symptoms. I touched base with my psychiatrist again, asserting that I was not convinced enough that the Mirtazapine was worsening things for this cold-turkey cutoff to be worthwhile. We decided to reinstate a small dose of Mirtazapine to feel things out (7.5 mg/day). I’m now on day 3 of Mirtazapine reinstatement, and this is where I need feedback/help: reinstating the Mirtazapine has helped the majority of the most pressing symptoms; I can eat again, I’m sleeping okay, cold sweats/tremors/shivers have been largely resolved. What remains is: brain zaps (very pronounced days 1 & 2) and physical “jolts,” and today, an overwhelming feeling of pressure and heat in my head just after taking half of my 7.5 mg dose for the day - this was fairly scary, though I don’t have a fever at all (though it feels like I do), so I don’t think I am in a dangerous place. Otherwise, I’m feeling okay; my head is just in profound discomfort almost constantly, and this discomfort has made my eyes a bit twitchy, also scaring me. I am absolutely torn in that I have no idea if this discomfort is a result of the Mirtazapine itself, or a continuation/evolution of withdrawal symptoms as a result of my current dose not being near that which I was on for many months (& on the other end of 3 days without entirely). This being unclear makes it really difficult to trust a further reinstatement of Mirtazapine to a place closer to my normal dose, as I’m terrified it’s going to manifest something serious physically. I don’t know how to approach this with my psychiatrist without threatening another rugpull on the Mirtazapine entirely, which I know only gets worse before it gets better (I would want to do a supervised detox if pushed this direction). I am frustrated. I thought maybe bringing back the Mirtazapine would alleviate things, but now I don’t know if it’s the problem or the problem is I’m not taking enough. Any insight/suggestions for how to approach this are much appreciated.

I'm supporting my husband in his journey withdrawing from AD and Benzos. My apologies for the length of the story but as an introduction it paints a better picture for giving advice. He is a 77 year old male in excellent physical health and until last year in good mental health. He has always been on the anxious side but it was specific to travel and feeling out of his comfort zone while away from home. He had been working with a therapist to address anxiety related to travel and felt he was getting a handle on some strategies to deal with some of his fears. In early 2022 he lost 2 very close friends within a few months. Both friends were part of a pipe band that he has been involved with for 40 years. One friend, in his mid 50's, was the pipe major and so the band became somewhat rudderless after being a going concern. He found all of this very stressful and began experiencing some anxiety any time the pipe band was part of a conversation. In early May a second band member passed away and days after his funeral we travelled from Canada to visit family in the UK. At this time he was taking Lorazepam PRN only to deal with travel anxiety e.g. while at the airport and the same on return so, very rarely. Part of our vacation included a trip to Crete with my siblings and their spouses. While in Crete he became more anxious as the days went on and one day experienced a panic attack. From then on his anxiety increased fearing this could happen again at any time. By the time we were due to fly home to Canada he was anxious every day. Upon returning home he made an appointment with his GP who suggested Wellbutrin 150mg to deal with the anxiety. After one week of steadily increasing anxiety and nausea the GP switched him to Buspar 10mg BID and recommended an appointment with a psychiatrist to review his symptoms and medication. The psychiatrist diagnosed GAD increased the dose of Buspar to 10mg TID. Two weeks into the dose increase his anxiety and nausea were increasing to a severe level and once again and he was taking .5mg Lorazepam more often, sometimes several days in a row to ease the anxiety. In consultation with his GP he decreased the Buspar back down to 10mg BID with the idea to cross taper onto Mirtazapine 30mg. All of this trial and error of medication was happening during the month of August while we were hosting 10 visitors from the UK which in itself caused significant stress and anxiety. By the end of September he had been on Mirtazapine 30 mg for about 6 weeks. He was experiencing occasional nausea and anxiety but much improved from when he started taking the medication. In the middle of October we travelled to Morocco. Travel triggered his anxiety and the Mirtazapine didn't seem to relieve it so he began to need Lorazepam again to deal with this. During our trip we both got Covid. He was not very sick and only experienced mild flu like symptoms for a few days. He began to have trouble sleeping and took Melatonin to help with this. Unfortunately, this caused bizarre nightmares. After Covid he began to experience a burning sensation across his neck and shoulders and sometimes across his chest. He began to be quite agitated, restless, and his anxiety got much worse. November and the beginning of December were relatively stable with anxiety, nausea and burning sensations occasionally but not all the time. In January his symptoms became more frequent and more intense and he talked with his GP about coming off Mirtazapine as it was definitely not helping and possibly making things worse. His Dr agreed and suggested a taper that we now know was way too fast. Coupled with the addition of Lexapro and Quetiapine as aids to withdrawal he was now dealiing with side effects from the added meds and withdrawal from the Mirtazapine all at the same time. Here is a brief summary of the meds taken: May 2022 - panic attacks and GAD. Rx Lorazepam .5 mg PRN for anxiety until March 2023 June 1 Dr prescribed Wellbutrin 150mg June 13 Dr switched Buspar 10 mg BID - Psych Increased dose to 10 mg TID Aug 9-Feb 8 Dr switched to Mirtazapine 30 mg Below is a brief timeline of the withdrawal process from the GP: Feb 9-16 Mirtazapine 15 mg, Lexapro 5 mg, Seroquel 25 mg BID Feb 16-22 Mirtazapine 15 mg, Lexapro 10 mg, Seroquel 50 mg in am, 75 mg in pm Feb 23- Mar 1 Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Lexapro 10 mg, Seroquel 50 mg in am, 75mg in pm Mar 2-16 Mirtazapine 7.5 mg Tapered Lexapro and Seroquel concurrently March 17-19, Mirtazapine 5.6 mg, Seroquel 25 mg BID March 20-26, Mirtazapine to 3.75 mg, Clonazepam 25 mg BID March 27-April 2, Clonazepam 25 mg BID April 3-May 3 Tapered Clonazepam May 3 no drugs He has not taken any medication since the beginning of May and is a little more than 7 months into withdrawal from all drugs. At this point it is impossible to know which of the drugs are causing the symptoms. He continues to suffer from insomnia and has some nights when he gets of a few hours of broken sleep and then he'll have a good night of 7 hours. He has become anxious around the amount of sleep he gets. He has developed social anxiety even to the point of visiting our children and grandchildren and suffers extreme chest tightness and anxiety at the thought of socializing. Interestingly, when he's actually visiting with people he does quite well. Likewise, he experiences the same symptoms if he needs to be in the car for longer than about 15 minutes although he is able to drive, go to the supermarket and do daily activities without too much discomfort. Sometimes he will wake and complain of "flu like" symptoms where he feels like he has a temperature but he doesn't. He has trouble with temperature regulation and is often very hot or too cold. He has experienced a couple of weeks about a month ago when his symptoms were a little less intense than they are now but just recently they seem to have ramped up once again. On a daily basis his symptoms include anxiety, chest tightness, feelings of hot and cold waves, agitation, restlessness, fear, and depression. The symptoms change in intensity throughout the day and a trigger can cause a sudden spike in intensity from mild to severe. Hi symptoms tend to get worse during the day until around dinner time then gradually subside during the evening until they are almost gone at the end of the day. We have recently sent of for some genetic testing as it would be interesting to see whether any of the medications he has taken might have been contraindicated based on his genetic profile. We're not sure what we will do with this information once it is available in the next few days. Perhaps, should he consider taking a different AD down the road, this information may serve to inform that decision. Based on his experience with ADs so far I would think this would be unlikely. However, the one thing no one can tell us is whether the symptoms he is experiencing at 7 months off a relatively low dose of Mirtazapine for a short period of time are from withdrawal or a worsening of his previous anxiety. How long do you wait in the hope that is the case? Does he look at the possibility of yet another AD? He is becoming more depressed by his constant symptoms on a daily basis. Doing nothing but waiting it out seems futile. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Hello, does anyone ever experience a lovely feeling in the brain, like a prolonged Serotonin rush when taking or withdrawing from antidepressants. I might be the exception to the rule but i almost enjoy this side effect. I often experience it after bad days, like my brain is trying to balance out the feel good hormones and is somewhat overcompensating. It's normally followed by either a feeling of recovery for a few days or tumbles into bad days immediately.