Search the Community

Hello all, I've been lurking for over 2 years and finally figured out how to post. This website helped me tremendously while tapering off citalopram. It was honestly the most horrifying and devastating thing I have ever gone through. Almost 2 years out and I'm still suffering with insomnia, mood instability, anxiety and agoraphobia. I started tapering Trazodone about 2 months ago and currently my life is a burning hell. I lost most of my support system while withdrawing off of ciralopram (Father, partner, 2 friends, had to give up my dog and was fired from my job) because my symptoms made me insufferable in their eyes so they all just abandoned me to fend for myself even though it's impossible for me to function. I started tapering the Trazodone because it makes me feel like garbage and does nothing for my insomnia. I've been trying to do a 5% taper every 2 weeks but it's difficult as I am dry cutting. Currently I have not slept more than 3-4 hours in 3 days and I had to take the day off of work. The torture I've been experiencing from brain meds has made me question my will to live on many, many occasions. Is there any hope? Is there any point to keep going? I don't see it getting better, my life was destroyed 2 years ago and I never recovered. I can't eat, sleep or go to the bathroom properly. I just don't feel like it's worth the fight anymore. Any advice is greatly appreciated. 2004-2022 Citalopram 20mg - 1 year taper 2014-2022 150-300mg Wellbutrin - Cold turkey Trazodone: 2014-present tapering 10% per month

Hi all, I'm 43 and in the UK. Glad to have found this forum. I came across it as feeling desperate due to the debilitating nausea I've been experiencing, both from trying to start SSRI's and now trying to taper of them. I was doing ok, mental health wise until some repeated traumas happened over the last few years (I also separated from my long term partner which added to things) and have struggled with PTSD symptoms and depression. I've experienced the side effects of starting and stopping SSRI's before so was reluctant to go on them again, but I became exhausted by the relentless PTSD symptoms which didn't subside by trying other things. So I succumbed and since November last year had been trying to go ON Escitalipram. The side effects of starting Escitalipram been horrendous - namely the very high level of nausea and struggling to eat (I've also lost a lot of weight over the last 5 months and was already naturally slim). I got up to 8mg using the drops and pretty much every step of the way I've felt very poorly with the nausea. Im not noticing any other side effects. I've now decided to taper off as 1. the sickness side effects are too debilitating, 2. I don't want the damaging to effects of SSRI's, 3. I'm not sure how much they are helping my mental health anyway ( it's hard to tell as feeling so physically ill all the time is getting me down). One week ago, I dropped from 8mg to 7mg and peak nausea has set in. My plan is to slowly taper, 1 mg at a time. I've only been on it 5 months but I know it's going to be hell coming off it. I guess I'm wondering what others experience of nausea, weight loss and no appetite is and any advice would be appreciated? I feel I'm doing what I can. Going for walks, getting rest. I'm trying to eat little and often even though I feel i'm forcing myself. Things like snacking on little bits like snacking on nuts, cheese, good bread, boiled eggs, bananas. I need to be able to function as I'm a single mum and have to work (although I'm lucky as run my own business from home which isn't too full on). The worst is having to shop and cook for the kids whilst I feel like this. Just the thought of food turns my stomach. I don't know if there's anything else I can do to relieve the nausea and feel relatively normal again, so at least I can eat ok? Is it worth asking the doctors to prescribe something else? An anti emetic maybe? When I was pregnant I had hyperemesis and the only antiemetic that gave me slight relief was ondansetron, but I think this interacts with SSRI's so not sure if it's a good idea? To add, I started Trazadone at night a couple of months ago (100mg) mostly for sleep, to help with the panic attacks I was waking up with. I do want to continue with this as I don't seem to have any side effects with it and I am sleeping better. The dose I'm on is not the therapeutic dose for depression and anxiety, but it is definitely helping me sleep. I wondered if it would be a good idea to increase the Trazadone slightly whilst tapering off the Escitalipram? Thanks all for your time.x

Early 2016 -Started fluoxetine 10 mg Late 2016 -increased to 20 mg Aug 2022 -Increased to 40 mg when hormonal birth control caused a worsening of depression. The higher dose significantly improved my mood. Jan 27, 2024 -Stopped hormonal birth control. Immediately started experiencing adverse activating effects from fluoxetine: heart palpitations, anxiety, total insomnia. Feb 24 -Started taper. Dropped by 10 mg at doctor’s recommendation (taking 30 mg). Adverse reaction began to resolve first week, though insomnia remained. March 1 -Started 12.5 mg trazodone to help with insomnia. Finally able to sleep March 6 -Onset of intense withdrawal symptoms. Restlessness, debilitating anxiety, feelings of doom and dread, agitation. Prescribed limited supply of lorazepam, took .125-.5 mg as needed (March 6, 8, and 10). By the 11th I was feeling a bit better, and withdrawal symptoms continued to gradually stabilize over the next couple weeks. I did my research and resolved to continue my taper at a much slower pace. March 19 -diagnosed with mild sleep apnea following a sleep study taken during my bout of insomnia March 23 -27.5 mg fluoxetine. Depressed and sensitive right away, though difficult to tell if from withdrawal or PMS, as my period started March 26. Mood eventually stabilized. April 3 -6.25 mg trazodone, slept without difficulty. Over the next couple days alternated between feeling hypersensitive and emotionally numb. April 6 -0 mg trazodone, slept without difficulty April 7 -flare-up of withdrawal symptoms: akathisia, intense anxiety and dread. Symptoms resolved with 0.125 mg lorazepam. Planning to reinstate trazodone tonight, as I’m assuming that’s what caused the flare. I’d neglected to think of the trazodone as an antidepressant! I am already chronically ill, so I am having to manage additional symptoms on top of withdrawal symptoms. I have been diagnosed with chronic migraine, POTS, and Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. My recent diagnosis of obstructive sleep apnea was a surprise, as I am young and slim— turns out my hypermobility puts me at a higher risk. But I’m hopeful that treating my sleep apnea will take care of many disabling symptoms I had previously associated with my migraines: poor memory, brain fog, fatigue, and never feeling well-rested even after regularly getting 10+ hours of sleep. I will be getting a CPAP machine this week. It may take some getting used to but ultimately I should be getting much better quality sleep and years of damage might be reversed. My question is, do I need to put my taper on pause while acclimating to the CPAP? I recognize that my nervous system is in a hypersensitive state and worry that any change, even a positive change like this, may disrupt things. I just don’t know to approach my other health problems in the context of tapering.

The Origin Story I developed a fear of throwing up as a kid and was only comfortable throwing up around family members or at home. When I went to school, I developed this weird fear that I’d throw up at school, so for 6 hours everyday I’d be paranoid of throwing up. Eventually, I kept going to the office and saying I was sick. For about a week, this worked and I was allowed to go home, then they sort of caught on that I was not really sick. I didn’t know how to articulate myself, and after being literally disallowed to go home, I started having panic attacks, feeling trapped at school with adults that didn’t care about me/accused me of constantly “faking” my sickness. To be fair, I was, but I was definitely not faking the panic attacks and anxiety it brought me. I got prescribed 0.5mg of Lorazepam at the age of 11 and rarely used it. Even as a child, I hated the idea of taking pills. I really don’t remember if the Lorazepam really worked either, it may have “calmed” me down but the feelings of dread always still remained. Eventually, I got worse and worse and got prescribed Cyprexa in mid-2016. I took it everyday and took Lorazepam when needed, but as I said earlier, I tried to avoid the Lorazepam. The Cyprexa “didn’t work” so I got put on Sertraline in October 2016 at the age of 13 and took it for the next 7 years at ever-increasing doses. See my signature for more detail. Did this solve my agoraphobia that came from my fear of throwing up? No. Hence why I kept trying to increase my dosage. I literally stayed homebound for years. Nothing changed, if anything, it made things worse, but I knew I “had” to take it, because I was told I would need it forever. I tried stopping multiple times but would get these weird sensations in my head (which I have right now) that almost felt like my brain was shutting off. I did get brain zaps but those weren’t my main concern, although it was a weird phenomena to endure. I couldn’t bear what I assumed were withdrawal effects and assumed that getting off the pills would be hard. The pattern was simple: I’d willingly stop taking the pill and after 2 days, I’d feel great. Then day 3 came, and all the weird symptoms came pouring down on me. Then, I’d reinstate. I’d try to do this 1-2 times a year, thinking I’d be able to withstand the effects, however, I always caved, mainly because I needed to go to school. So, the depression started after multiple failed attempts to get off the drug. I felt trapped on those damn pills. I had to take them everywhere I went in fear of missing a few doses. No doubt I was completely dependent on them. Fast forward to COVID times in 2020, where I no longer needed to attend physical school. I only had one job that was incredibly part-time but stopped going because it was too much for me. Zoloft was supposed to help me, to help me get out of my room and live life, but it didn’t. I didn’t accomplish anything. Most days, I wouldn’t attend online class due to how terrible my sleep was. I literally could not sleep at proper times and opted to just sleep instead of attend. I now know that these pills aren’t really great for sleep, especially considering that I took them right before bed. Eventually my sleep got so bad, that I stopped sleeping altogether in 2021. At this point I was basically stopped attending classes altogether. I deeply regret this. Eventually, I got put on trazodone after complaining that I couldn’t sleep at night to my family doctor. It’s not that I had terrible cortisol spikes at night, I simply just couldn’t sleep. I felt dreadful but my word if I can go back to those days that would be amazing. Before, not being able to sleep for me was bad but not a terrifying experience. For the first week of trazodone, everything was fine. It was a miracle, I was actually sleeping! And then, the side-effects started. After a few weeks, I tried to sleep without the trazodone and couldn’t. I thought, “well I’ll just keep taking it, I’m sure I’ll be able to stop anyway”. In January 2022, I asked to go up to 150mg of Zoloft. Throughout the two weeks from January 6th to January 20th, I took 125mg of Zoloft then started 150mg after the two weeks were up, as directed by the doctor. After a few days of taking 150, I noticed that everything was getting worse, so I abruptly stopped taking 150 and went back to 100mg sometime in February or March 2022. It felt better, but it only went downhill from there. This is where I started to suspect that maybe increasing the amount of drugs in my system wasn’t a good idea. Eventually, I became dependent on the trazodone as well and skipping a dose would be hell on earth. I had to practically beg my parents to go to the pharmacy and refill a bottle once I finished it. I actually can’t fully describe the symptoms I felt when I tried to sleep without it. I can, however, say it was torturous. I started violently shaking once and thought I was having a seizure. My parents would often tell me to just “fall asleep” and when I said “I literally can’t you don’t understand” they’d angrily respond saying that I definitely could and would get incredibly frustrated every time I needed a refill, but man, once that drug entered my system, it was so calming, it’s like I was taking a benzo. The side-effects during the day were unbearable though, and most of my days for 2 years were waking up, being in incredible pain, and desperately waiting for nighttime so that I could take it again and sleep. I was obsessed with my sleep schedule, because I thought I needed to be. I would’ve rather dealt with the excruciating side-effects of taking the pill rather than the even worse side-effects of trying to sleep on my own. I also developed GI issues that I have to this day, rarely going to the washroom and having bloody painful stools when I do. Naturally, issues with bloating followed. I literally couldn’t nap during the day and still can’t, as I’d always inevitably get so disoriented and confused after trying, with the inevitable annoying cortisol spike, which was the scariest thing and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It was hell. This is where the dpdr really took full form. Taper Timeline I had enough of the chronic fatigue, the vivid nightmares, the inability to sleep without trazodone and the almost seizure-like shaking that came with trying to skip a dose, the derealization and the excruciating headaches that were present from the moment I woke up, so I came to the conclusion that it had to be the drugs. In late 2022, I told my doctor I wanted off. He said that they don’t usually recommend tapering during the winter and told me I had to wait until summer to start tapering. I told my doctor that I needed to stop immediately, to which he replied, “then stop taking it”. I basically had the choice of doing it on my own or waiting until the summer. At this point though, I was desperate. I needed to be off. I couldn’t bear the symptoms anymore. Firstly, I decided to just stop taking the medication and after a few days realized that doing that was a terrible idea. So, I requested lower dosages of Zoloft and started meticulously cutting the Trazodone tablets. I tapered both drugs at the same time for the span of only a few months. I regret not researching anything about withdrawal and just assumed I’d be fine if I did it this way. I decided I needed to prioritize the Zoloft first because I was told from doctors that it could inhibit sleep, so I tapered it quicker than the Trazodone. Over the course of a couple months from maybe October/November 2022 to April 2023, I went from 100mg of Zoloft to 0, decreasing by 25mg on my own volition when I felt like it was time, with my last dosage being 12.5mg. I couldn’t tell you exactly when I dropped dosages and regret not recording it, but at the time I didn’t think I needed to. When I hit 0 on Zoloft, I was at about 6.25mg of Trazodone, as I cut the tablets in half about three times. It’s amazing how easy it was to fall asleep at 6.25. It’s like I never needed 50mg in the first place. I realize that 50mg of Trazodone is considered a low dosage, but the efficacy of the drug at 6.25 seemed to be the same. I wonder why that is. Anyway, after multiple failed attempts to sleep without trazodone, with multiple bouts of inner torturous restlessness that came with trying to sleep without it, I finally got about 2 hours of sleep without it after crying myself to sleep. This was monumental for me. You have no idea how much this meant to me after not being able to sleep/nap for more than one second without the use of these damn pills. I felt I needed to stop the taper and try to sleep another night without it, and lo and behold I did. For the next few weeks I started to sleep without the trazodone. Was it restorative sleep? Was is sleep that cured the chronic fatigue that the drug gave me in the first place? No. Absolutely not. I haven’t had restorative sleep for years, but it was sleep nonetheless, and that’s what mattered to me. I felt like I needed to stop taking the trazodone in fear that I’d rely on it again, but had it with me in case I ever felt the need to take it again in sheer desperation… which I did… but only once, in June 2023, which may have screwed up everything for me and I regretted it almost immediately. You see, throughout April-June, my mindset was “well if I get extremely restless and if I’m unable to cope with the flooding of emotions that prevent me from sleeping, I’ll just pop this trazodone next to me and I’ll feel fine!” The reassurance of having these pills available helped me get through the night, but after relapsing and suffering for it, I learned a few things. 1) these pills really are a massive problem and 2) I had to eliminate the mindset of thinking of trazodone as a drug I could just take if incredibly desperate. So, from June 2023 until now I can call myself drug-free. What an incredible accomplishment. Except, what I failed to realize and what I’ve now come to realize is that I tapered incredibly quickly, especially for someone who was influenced under some kind of drug from age 11-20 and that it wasn’t going to be clean sailing. Withdrawal Timeline Late 2022 - April 2023: While tapering the drugs, I felt so incredibly bad but kept going because I thought that this is what I needed to do. Restless 24/7, incredibly derealized, bedbound, frightened of just about anything, couldn’t really walk, talk etc. This was particularly the case when I was close to the finish. March - April was just terrible. It was all a blur honestly and I felt like I was taking even more drugs rather than decreasing. April 2023 - June 2023: Neuroemotions, restlessness, derealization, bad intrusive thoughts, and more, but those were the main debilitating ones. The neuroemotions as I’ve come to recognize it as was awful. Truly awful. I still deal with them to this day, and maybe some of what I’m feeling is warranted, but from the span of two months I basically regarded myself as a man unworthy of living. Essentially, every bad thing I ever did was at the forefront of my mind and I couldn’t deal with it. Telling me “you’re a good person!” was something I simply couldn’t accept. I was drugged for half my life and I have no idea what part these drugs played regarding my actions. I stayed in my room all day during this period, didn’t want to talk to anyone and just wanted to distract myself on my phone and hoped I’d eventually get though it. I never had time to create a sense of “self” because I was always regulated under these drugs that, while a bit helpful, never ever solved the root problem. Zoloft quelled my anxiety but never entirely, and made things worse every year. I’d get an increase of dosage and things would get better, until they didn’t. I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed to create a new sense of self after these drugs. The fatigue was still awful, the headaches less so, but I felt dead, and didn’t value myself at all. June 2023 - August 2023 It begins. I felt like a prisoner in my own mind and I took Zoloft. I couldn’t sleep, obviously, so I popped the Trazodone as well and slept. And when I woke up, I felt like I was back to square one. I had the biggest headache and I was more fatigued than ever with thoughts racing faster than ever before. I then thought to myself, “never again.” So, for the next few sleepless nights I was determined to not, at any circumstance, pop those pills. I felt probably the worst in those 2 days of not sleeping. If this was months earlier, I would’ve popped the pills no question. It was hard, but I eventually slept again without taking the pills and slowly recovered from the torture that I inflicted on myself. The derealization remained, as did the chronic fatigue and hate for myself. For those months, I had to come to terms with the fact that I actually had to deal with these emotions naturally and that pills cannot ever be the long-term answer. The fact is, humans were never meant to be chemically regulated, and having been medicated for so long, I had to realize that life is so much more than just shutting up and taking pills, thinking that it’ll solve all my problems. I remained bedridden, still hating myself. In late August, I had a horrible relapse of not being able to sleep for even a second, which happens more frequently than I’d like. Once in a while, my body would just refuse to sleep, and the first instance of that happened here. It was gruelling and I felt like that was it for me. I felt more disconnected than ever but eventually found sleep after about 40 hours. September 2023 Probably the best month I’ve had in years. I actually had motivation. I still hated myself, but it went from a 10/10 self-hatred to maybe an 8/10 self-hatred. I exercised, went on walks, started to pay attention to what I was eating but remained unsocial. I just wanted to be alone and do all these things. I’d spend more time in the sun before the cold weather started to come, and thought I was making progress. I slept for 9 hours everyday and although I still had derealization and often woke up sort of disoriented and sometimes confused, I had hope that I was recovering. I mean, come on! 9 hours of sometimes uninterrupted sleep? That was a great accomplishment to me. I haven’t had that in years. The sleep wasn’t really restorative but for the first time in my life I had hope. I started to try to wake up earlier because I felt that 9 hours was a long time, and tried to set alarms for 8 hours. This was incredibly stupid. If you’re in a similar state, don’t try to get complacent. Listen to your body. If it needs to sleep for 9 hours, LET IT. Then, it all began. October 2023 - Now Hell. This is where I felt like withdrawal truly began. After bouts of barely sleeping, my mood declined and declined. Derealization hit an all-time high. The back of my head was on fire and the worst was yet to come. Firstly, my appetite became non-existent. I couldn’t eat much, and if I did, I had to deal with the nausea that would ensue shortly after. I even threw up once, which for me is rare nowadays as my previous fear of throwing up made me sort of learn how to suppress throwing up, even when incredibly nauseous. When I throw up, something is horribly wrong. Visual misperception started, vivid hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations, traumatizing sleep paralysis and what would be considered symptoms of “bi-polar” started to begin. Intense mood swings, breakdowns, feeling different everyday, feeling “wrong”, akathisia that’s way more pronounced when waking up or trying to sleep, inner restlessness that is impossible to get rid of, visual snow, closed-eye visuals sometimes resembling what I’d consider what would happen if I took small doses of LSD, after-images, double vision, grainy vision, blobs of colour throughout my vision, visual distortions, and trouble focusing on things with eyes. Most of these visual symptoms were exacerbated 7 months after the last dose. Is this normal? Is it normal for new weird symptoms to develop even months after stopping? This is why I’m sceptical this is all related to withdrawal, but then I ponder whether these debilitating symptoms would be present if I never took the pills, especially Trazodone, in the first place. I’m also inclined to believe this is related to withdrawal is because Trazodone really ruined me. I seriously couldn’t tolerate that drug yet I took it for almost 2 years. I figured that there’s no way that the damage done by that stupid drug would take a short time to correct. I also deal with tinnitus, weird sensations in my brain (I can’t even describe them, it feels so weird and sometimes painful) orthostatic hypotension (which probably resulted from these drugs in the first place, I had a problem with this my entire life and apparently it’s a side-effect), even worse sleep than before, the furthest disconnection from reality ever, short-term memory problems, anhedonia, extreme malaise, muscle pains, hyper-vigilantism, light sensitivity, tremor in the head and arms, the list goes on. Some days I’d cry in despair due to how utterly braindead and disconnected I feel. Every time I wake up, it takes me a few hours to go from completely disconnected to incredibly disconnected, which seems the same but there is a difference. Before Christmas of 2023, I went to the hospital to tell them what has been going on. Much of my visual symptoms weren’t really prevalent at this time. I couldn’t really speak so I wrote everything down for them to read. As I’ve never really been thorough with my symptoms to doctors throughout the years, because I hated the idea of opening up to anyone, I wrote this massive essay about the complete timeline of my symptoms. The doctor looked at it for about ten seconds and prescribed me Mirtazapine 7.5mg. Now look, forgive me if found that a little sketchy. I waited hours in the hospital, basically spending the entire time listing everything I’ve ever gone through to eliminate ANY POSSIBLE CHANCE OF CONFUSION (mainly because I had enough of constantly going to doctors throughout the years and just wanted answers once and for all), they spent about 10 seconds reading it and prescribed me medication. They were actually going to perscribe me Lexapro again, but I told them I had trouble sleeping (something they would’ve known if they read the whole paragraph) and they instantly changed their mind and gave me Mirtazapine. At this point I’m very skeptical and confused. Did I really need to sedate myself again and end these months of progress without medication? Something felt off. At this point I was also on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist that lasted months, and the appointment finally came in the beginning of January, and through this live chat, I saw a psychiatrist. I explained my problems to him and got prescribed a different medication: Prozac. I never told them about the hospital visit, because I didn’t want that to influence what they were going to give/tell me. I then asked the psychiatrist something patients probably rarely ever ask them: “how exactly do these meds actually work?” I’m sure you can guess their response. He told me I had this chemical imbalance, something I was told all those years ago, and that these pills work by correcting the balance. I knew by now that this explanation was utter nonsense. If chemical imbalances were solely the issue then I’m sure these pills would work like magic and this forum wouldn’t exist. They don’t. Not at all. If only psychiatrists actually were honest. I’m longing for the day that I ask that question and they respond with “I have no idea”, because that’s literally the only correct answer. Nobody knows how these pills work, they just do for some people and don’t for others. Remember, without these supposed mental illnesses, these psychiatrists are jobless. That’s something to keep in mind. They have an incentive to lie to patients and lead them down a rabbit hole of polypharmacy. It’s actually disgraceful. I knew everything was a sham after I got prescribed that Prozac. I knew that maybe something else was going on with me. That’s when I had the thought that maybe these pills were the problem all this time. I began to start researching about what happened to people after they stopped taking their antidepressants, and everything seemed to make sense. As a person who tends to be very skeptical (which was definitely brought on with my experiences with psychiatry and pharmacology), I wasn’t really sure whether to believe I was in “antidepressant withdrawal.” My whole life I was told I was mentally ill by doctors, so who am I to go against their word. I even went to a doctor shortly after and got told I had ADHD. What? You’re telling me this whole time THAT was the issue? It didn’t make sense. I got prescribed Vyvanse and told that it was utterly ridiculous that it was withdrawal and told that “even the most avid of heroin addicts feel better after 7 days off.” This remark truly confused me. Surely that isn’t the case. This is where my trust levels went to an all-time low. I was suddenly put into this hellish wave of a plethora of symptoms, and was prescribed 3 different medications from 3 different doctors in the span of a month. Something was off, so I kept doing my own research to rule out all possibilities. I then found this website and spent hours looking at other people’s stories and figured that this must be what I’m going through. Sure, I was an anxious mess before taking pills, then again I was 11 and a highly sensitive and fearful child. Sure, I had problems regulating those emotions, but sometimes I wonder if I could’ve just outgrown it. I didn’t hate my life as a child necessarily because I had friends and lived normally at times. Literally the only issue was that I got incredibly agoraphobic and was reluctant the leave the house and my parents as a child. Going to school sucked, but at home I would be left to my own devices, frying my brain playing video games, which I attribute to my attention span issues. I literally lived online, depressed, on pills that never helped in the long run. I had symptoms resembling OCD but they didn’t really consume me the way it did after taking pills and after going off. Ask anyone I know and they’ll tell you I was a very joyful child who loved humour and loved doing any activity I could, despite the fears that I had. I truly believe that I could’ve conquered this with proper guidance as a child. Some children are just sensitive and scared. Sometimes they’re like that for no obvious or “logical” reason and sometimes because they’re confused about living in this world they never asked to live in, but they do and that’s a beautiful thing. Everyday is a struggle. Some days I’m convinced I’m dying and others I’m convinced there’s healing to be done. Some days I read the horror stories and immediately catastrophize and some days I read success stories and get that extra bit of motivation. There’s no telling where I’ll be in a couple months but I cannot let these pharmaceutical companies win, so I don’t know. I just hope to get to a point where I can tackle my crippling agoraphobia once and for all, without the use of chemicals which never really helped in the first place. I have to believe that after these hellish, torturous symptoms subside, I can tackle life with a different perspective and get help the proper way. I see people recover from what I’ve had as a child all the time, and I have to believe that I can too. I never lived my life. Ever. My life has been me just existing, never doing anything of note. I’m 20 and sometimes feel like my life is already over. But it can’t be. There has to be some life in me, some life I never got to live under the influence of drugs. I see all these stories of people being drugged their whole lives find actual purpose, and I got to believe that my life has one too. The Present So yeah, I’m currently feeling dreadful, the worst I’ve ever felt. I don’t know who I truly am and when I remember events from the past I find it hard to believe that yes, that was indeed my life. I’m in constant pain, similar to the type of sensations I felt when originally trying to withdraw from the medication, but with even more vigour. I can barely speak and I’m constantly uncomfortable. I look like I’m high all the time. The visual symptoms are the worst, it fuels my dpdr to an even more unthinkably unbearable state, not to mention the tinnitus. I find it really hard to suppress my screen time due to not wanting to be alone with my own thoughts. I realize that I need to eventually push myself to stop looking at screens all day, but usually when I do, the day that follows is absolutely horrific, and all my symptoms return with a vengeance. This has happened every time I try to detox from my phone. There are some days where my symptoms go from a 10/10 to a 7/10, where I still mainly feel terrible but not in hell. Originally, I didn’t think this was related to “windows and waves” but I realized that windows don’t mean the complete elimination of all symptoms, but rather a time where the symptoms become more tolerable. In fact, the physical symptoms remain the same and sometimes new ones form, but there are some days where I’m just inexplicably able to tolerate it more, and some days where I simply can’t. Am I 100% convinced all of this is withdrawal? Not entirely, but that’s why I’m here. I’m here to learn, mainly out of despair. I know I’m an anxious person, but this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. As soon as I stopped taking the meds, everything and I mean EVERYTHING got worse. There must be a correlation, right?

Hello, I’m new to this forum, looking for some advice / insight. I had a bad COVID infection back in July of 2023 that created sleep disturbances and neurological symptoms that lead me down the road of psychotropic drugs. 2 short stints with Klonopin (shy of 3 weeks) and Valium (about 3 weeks), both at low doses and eventually Trazodone for insomnia that I’ve been on for 4 months everyday at varying doses but generally 100mg the vast majority of nights. I have been off of benzos since November 21st 2023. While it’s possible I could still be experiencing withdrawal on that end, I’m beginning to become suspicious that my problems are more tied to the nightly use of Trazodone. It’s extremely hard to unpack what is what but ever since I started this medication, I’ve had a rash on my face, have a persistent stuffy nose, feel depressed all the time, and rapid cycle in a very consistent pattern between depression and feeling VERY stimulated, the point of masking the depression and feeling like a “rush” of chemicals is coursing through my brain. On paper it might sound manic, but it’s not euphoric at all. It’s terrifying and it’s usually accompanied by severe anxiety, stiff muscles, joint pain and transient itching, pins and needles all over my body. There’s also the element of stress / trauma being in this state for so long that I’m also having difficulty unpacking how much that is adding to these mood swings. Long story short, I’m starting to think I’m having an adverse reaction / possibly even an allergy to Trazodone. Also, I can fall asleep now without this drug but I still take it for fear of withdrawal. Problem is, I feel so awful on this drug already, I’m starting to wonder if this is a case that warrants immediate discontinuation? I feel like the drug I’ve been dependent on for sleep is poisoning me, daily. So what’s the best path? Keep poisoning myself with a slow taper? Or stop?

I have severe GAD diagnosed in early 2018. After trying to manage it on my own for a couple of months I finally asked my dr for an anti anxiety medication. she put me on 75 mg of Effexor, and I started taking it on May 2019. It worked incredibly. in February 2023, my main stressor for anxiety got resolved and wanting to get pregnant soon I decided to taper. I tapered from March 2023 - June 2023 using the bead counting method with my drs instructions. At first I thought I got away with it but I was wrong. Just like many others of us I developed severe insomnia and haven’t been able to shake it off to this date. I reached back out to my dr and worked with a psychiatrist both of whom agreed I benefit from sleeping meds. I tried taking 25 mg of Vistaril and while that worked okay, it made me very groggy the next day. Then my psych decided to switch me to Trazadone 25 mg and that worked ok. Today, I have not been able to sleep at all and it’s too late to take anything. I’ve taken the day off from work and made an appointment with my dr to talk about potentially reinstating — Effexor is not safe during pregnancy so maybe something else. I just don’t feel good in general and am feeling like I’m suffering more than I need to and need something to give. thanks in advance for welcoming me to the community, we’ll get through this!

I am on 30mg mirtazapine and 50mg trazodone for 3 months. I would like to taper but not stable enough. I have been through hell with valium, hopefully this shows in my signature although I can't see it here. I am still not functioning and suffering beyond words. As I write this horrible painful jabs of anxiety stab up my arms and throat. If I wait to heal, and do a long slow taper, will the ad withdrawal be okay? Does ad withdrawal cause anxiety that makes you call out, rock, suffer pain, be unable to function? I have been on the mirt 3 months. I imagine I need to wait another 3-6 months before starting to taper? I do not care about having anxious thoughts. I do not care about brain fog or suffering depression. I need the physical anxiety feelings of pain in throat and chest, painful surges up body and arms, gone. I want to be able to sit back on my sofa and watch tv. I am worried I am too traumatised to recover. I have suffered for over a year with internal aka, writhing around, pulling hair, banging head, unable to breathe, crawling around, violent shaking of every body part...now I am 6 months off the valium and these most serious symptoms have stopped, but still have the painful surges and the painful throat and chest tightness. I was only getting 2 hours sleep until the mirtazapine. I now get 4-6 hours sleep. I don't know how much longer the drug will keep working for this. I worry I will need to kill myself every day, as my "life" is intolerable.

Please forgive my poor English.I took trazodone for 2.5years and stopped 2 years before.Now my symptoms are :I can’t feel pleasure when rubbing my glans penis,as well as when ejaculating，I have muted orgasm. Besides,I also feel painful tightness at my occiput and upper jaw.However,my libido or sexual desire is normal, and I can have good erection .Can anyone here give me some advice? Thanks a lot.

I have had an adverse reaction to trazadone and Buspar while I was withdrawing from diazpam and it ended up with adverse reaction and neurotoxicity I've had a test that shows the neurons death/ loss. If there's anyone here with severe brain damage that's left disabled you can try to contact me.

I recently completed a 14-month taper off of 30 mg of Flurazepam in July 2023 (after more than 10 years of use) and did a quick taper off of 6.25 mg of Ambien in October 2023 (after 6 months of use). I started taking 125 mg of Trazadone to help me sleep during my Flurazepam taper. I’ve been on Trazadone for 3 years and I’d like to taper it because it’s doing nothing for sleep. It’s like an empty pill that I keep taking because if I stop taking it, I’m immediately back into sleepless nights. I need some semblance of sleep to work and support my family. I am desperately hoping to get my natural sleep back after tapering Ambien and Flurazepam this year. Is Trazadone holding back my sleep? It should be helping it but I think I’ve built a tolerance to it, plus I’m likely in benzo induced insomnia. Does anyone have any experience with being trazadone tolerance? How hard was it to taper off of trazadone?

Hi all, I have come to this website fairly late (I hope) in my journey with psych meds. I no longer take anything, but 9 weeks from my last dose of Fluoxetine I am still suffering bad waves/windows. Until May of this year, I was still suffering badly with waves/windows from Diazepam withdrawal, which began properly in June 2022. I have been off work pretty much since then. Things got a good bit better between May and August, more like a higher baseline of anxiety/vulnerability to stress, rather than the waves/windows pattern. During this time, I was doing Neurofeedback and the ketogenic diet (thanks to Dr Chris Palmer's excellent book). I was able to do a speech at a family gathering, which feels unthinkable now. In June, I started tapering from Fluoxetine, 20mg (my history with which you can see in my signature), using the liquid solution, reducing by 2mg every 3 weeks. I now realise that was too fast. In mid-August I started getting waves again. I had not done nearly as much reading into SSRI withdrawals as I had with benzos, so I assumed it was the Diazepam waves coming back (which Ashton says can happen), but then at the end of August I got one of my worst waves ever for about 4 days: suicidal depression, 0hr sleep (even during worst of benzo withdrawal I could get 2-3 hours a night), tremors, agitation. At the time, I believed that was because I was given a different brand of the liquid solution - I thought maybe more of the active ingredient was getting into my system somehow, causing serotonin syndrome (because of the tremors). But now having read about the dangers of linear tapering I am guessing that it was withdrawal from Fluoxetine, and my cliff edge was around 10mg, made worse as I was/am not yet fully recovered from the Diazepam withdrawal. However, at that stage I decided to just to jump from 10mg, partly influenced by doctors who said that would be fine. I have now read about the need to do hyperbolic tapering, but I am where I am - 9 weeks off and I do not really wish to reinstate. I am having waves/windows every 3 days, which is very different from Diazepam - that was more like 3 week waves, 1 week windows - but they do seem to be just as severe, particularly the depression. I realise that I am perhaps lucky that I was on Fluoxetine rather than another SSRI (I am well over a year out from stopping Mirtazapine, so I don't think that is likely to be playing a role still). I am interested to hear any indications/opinions from folks on here as to how long it may be before the waves disappear and I return to my previous level of function. I am encouraged by the fact that although they are regular/severe, the waves do seem to have identifiable triggers rather than totally random. This is embarrassing, but I have found that one definite trigger is orgasm/ejaculation. In that process, there is a huge release of dopamine, followed by a decrease but also an increase of a hormone called prolactin which at a high enough level can cause psychosis. I am thinking my dopamine levels/receptors are just too low, because dopamine restrains prolactin production. You may ask, why not abstain? But another clear symptom of my withdrawal is uncontrollable nocturnal emissions, which I didn't even have in my teenage years - roughly once a week, followed by a 3-day wave. I did not have obvious sexual dysfunction while on Fluoxetine, but I am thinking that this symptom is some kind of rebound hypersexuality. Finally, the other clear triggers for symptoms are sweet foods and stress. Thanks for reading - I wish you all continued, and quick, healing.

Hi, is there someone I can message or speak to who can help me with a tapering schedule and who can try help me figure out what's going on with me?

Hi all, In mid July of 2022 I went cold turkey from duloxetine 60mg + bupropion 150mg SR. I went through complete hell with huge changes in my life (living situation, loss of friends who left the city, new job) and had a had time separating those stressors with withdrawal. My life was upside down and I went back on duloxetine 30mg in mid October 2022, along with Trazodone 12.5mg for sleep. I got through it, but continued to have deep underlying stress from opening a new business. Upon reflection I am not sure if I ever recovered from that withdrawal/cold turkey situation. In mid August of this summer, regrettably I went cold turkey again from the duloxetine. I think a couple weeks later I stopped taking the Trazodone because it was making me too tired. I am currently on week 10 of cold turkey, and suffering. My symptoms are increasing. I thought I was just stressed and anxious from my work, but it hit me this week that I'm going through withdrawal. This whole time I've had a hard time separating normal stress/tension due to life from withdrawal and it has come crashing down on me that what I'm going through is not normal stress. I thought I was just anxious and stressed from life and work. I used to love sleeping in (probably because I was too tired from the damn drugs) and relishing in my dreams. Now I wake up without an alarm and am gripped with tension and pins and needles and a flush of cortisol that feels like poison in my body. I am extremely tense in my body. Prickling. Burning. Like hot poison is settling into my stomach. It feels like I am plugged into a socket getting electrocuted. My nerves are frayed, singed, and burning. My jaw is clenched. My heart is beating. The past few days for the first time in this withdrawal cycle I've experienced vertigo, dizziness. I cannot cope with stressful situations - they throw me over the edge and into the fire and it takes days to recover and unclench from an intolerable level to the barely tolerable level I'm at now. I can't make decisions and am gripped by fear and confusion. My work for my business is suffering. I have a wonderful opportunity in my lap and I'm worried that I'm destroying what's right in front of me. I cannot calm down or relax. I am beating myself up hard for doing this to myself, AGAIN. But I can't go back. I can only cope with what is happening now. I thought I could tough it out and wait it out since it's been 10 weeks. But I'm starting to realize that is foolish and it doesn't have to be this way. I don't want to feel like this any longer and I don't want it to get any worse. I was recommended to start at 10mg of duloxetine over at Cymbalta Hurts Worse. Any insight or offering would be so appreciated. I get overwhelmed by the severity, complexity, and depth of this situation. I don't know if I ever healed from the original cold turkey jump off in July 2022. I don't know if I'm impacted still more than a year later by going cold turkey off Wellbutrin and not reinstating. I don't know if I'm impacted by going cold turkey off Traz too. I'm confused and devastated. I am very scared that I damaged my body permanently. I am very scared that this is going to last much longer. I have a psychiatrist who I like for her talk therapy but she clearly doesn't know what to do in this situation. She thought I was just stressed too and thought that I should be in the clear 2-3 weeks after stopping. I do not blame her but the system. Any hope that this is going to get better, any insight that I didn't ruin my body and mind for the foreseeable future. I am not suicidal, I want to live, but the way I feel now makes me understand why people would want to end it. Any insight on how to reinstate or re-stabilize. I want to feel better. Thank you all for your work here. This is an amazing place and it helps to know I am not alone.

Hi Everyone, I’ve been on Bupropion 300xl since beginning of 2019 so almost 5 years. I also was taking Trazodone 50mg nightly for sleep and dropped to 25mg for a month or so then discontinuing it around June 2023. I also discontinued Losartan a blood pressure med around the same time. The doctor said my blood pressure was doing great and I could come off if, I wanted to. Around July 2023, I started to experience anxiety creeping in slowly due to a trigger thought from my past. I let it manifest and get bigger and bigger day by day until I went in full panic mode. It got so bad I went to VA hospital where I get care and they gave me Hydroxyzine for anxiety and panic attacks. I took it but it really didn’t help the anxiety was too strong at this point. I wasn’t sleeping very good. Had a couple more panic attacks. I then went back to the VA and saw mental health provider who told the Bupropion was causing the anxiety. He dropped me from 300xl to 150mg (75 ir X 2 a day).and started buspar 5mg morning and 5mg night. This was 21 Sep 23. I take the bupropion at 6am and 2pm. I also had a blood panel, thyroid test, and ekg to rule those out for the anxiety. All came back normal. I also started therapy. I stopped taking the buspar after a week. Didn’t really feel it was doing anything and made me feel weird. The anxiety has been debilitating at times it seems to be getting better slowly day by day. I’ve never had it this extreme in my 47 years. I’m retired from the Navy after 20 years and have had some stressful situations but this has really got me. I went back and saw mental health twice saying this a rough ride not being able to sleep a full night and the anxiety. They gave me rameron 30mg to take at night. I took it one time and then didn’t take it again. Didn’t want to get started on something else and the side effects of weight gain not worth it to me. Also tried Trazodone again 100mg just to see if I could get some relief made me too groggy and didn’t really help same with Hydroxyzine 25mg. I just feel off, tired, irritable, frustrated, depression and anxiety comes and goes. Sometimes I have passing suicidal thoughts but would never act on them and I share this with my wife just so she knows what’s going through my head. They definitely scare me. Definitely affects your quality of life. I guess I just deal with it now. It’s no where near like before or at panic level. Oh and they want to put me on Prozac now. I haven’t touched it yet. I mentioned my sister is on it with good results so they feel that would be a good fit. I think I was dropped too fast on the bupropion and I’m feeling the withdrawal. It’s been five weeks now and just wanted to see what everyone’s input on this is. I want to try and be done with these meds and go natural. I don’t want to introduce more stuff that I’ll have to come off of. The biggest thing I’m dealing with is anxiety and poor sleep. I’ve looked at the taper schedule and guess I’m beyond the taper from 300xl spot. What are your recommendations at this point? I think it was odd I was dropped to 75ir x 2 a day. Any recommendations to ease the burden? Many Thanks!

Hi, my name is Bjorn, I've been a long time reader of this website since my problems with AD withdrawal I experience(d) and decided to sign up for an account to make a post about myself and to maybe get some input from other members about my situation. For whole my life (39 years old now) I've never had any mental problems, I always was a strong person who went through bad periods without any problems, till in 2018 my mother-in-law died very suddenly. I lost every sense of being, got anxiety, felt wrong aswell physical as emotional and didn't knew what happened. Naturally, I got my doctor involved, had some bloodwork done and my wife insisted that they also looked at my testosterone levels. When the blood work returned, most of it was fine, but my testosterone levels were indeed way off, like below half what was minimally recommended for a healthy male person. So then the whole story began, doctor told me that it was possible because of the stressfull and emotional period I was going through that a depression set in which made those T levels completely tank, so the solution was, AD's. He put me on 5 mg escitalopram and 25 mg trazodone to help with insomnia (which I developed in that period of high stress). It took a while for everything to lighten up a bit and after several months I was fairly functional, but I started getting heartflutters/heart skipping beats which made me scared, so for which I decided to stop the AD's. I did (no taper, completely CT) and for a while it went good, till after several months I started feeling depressed again and the doctor advised me to reinstate the 5 mg escitalopram again, which I reluctantly did. Took a while again to get "normal" again and I kept taking the AD from about mid 2019 till beginning of 2022 at which point i had enough of all the AD taking and talked to my doctor about quitting, on which he replied to start taking one day on and one day off (very bad move with escitalopram because the half life of the drug made it so i was acutally creating a WD every other day.) till I decided myself to quit the AD completely and go through what was to come. I expected the WD and with my quitting in 2019 I already experienced the brain zaps (which I actually didn't find that big of a bother the 2nd time because I knew what it was and I realised WD was ongoing). After a while the brainzapping stopped and I felt pretty ok, had a little relapse of WD around the end of 2022 (around the 10 month mark) for which I contacted my doctor again, who of course tried to get me on the AD again and I said "NOPE, I need to get through this without any drugs to get better myself" and after about 2 weeks it mostly resolved and I was able to do what needed to be done again, like work, relationship etc. Which I also should mention, related to the low testosterone levels, I went to see doctors about that too and after many tests the conclusion was that I have secondary hypogonadism, so they started me on a topical gel of administering testosterone every morning which helped in getting my T levels back to where they should and I also asked to go on Tadalafil 5 mg daily for PSSD which also developed because of the AD. PSSD also solved itself, but if it's because of the Tadalfil or my raised T levels, I don't know. What I also take is daily magnesium because I know it helps with general health and I know this site "recommends" it for people with PAWS alongside omega 3, but that's something I don't take (yet). Back to now, so since the end of 2022 till about 3-4 weeks ago I felt "normal", had no problems or none which I can really think of, but 3 - 4 weeks ago I woke up from my sleep having shortness of breath, feeling panicky, went back to sleep but started to think about it a got a bit scared. Also my daughter, who's 15 years old, started having some puberty problems which caused some serious fights at home, both affecting me and my wife pretty bad mentally and as of last week I feel like **** again. Insomnia, globus feeling (tension around my throat), very emotional, anxiety, panic attacks, the whole lot. I'm feeling very dreadful at the moment. The globus feeling has gone away a bit, it's not constantly there anymore, but everything is making me very scared. I wake up very often during sleep (if i can sleep that is) with my heart racing, shortness of breath, feeling panicky. Had my bloodwork done again last week, but everything turned out fine, even cortisol levels, which i expected to be high, but they were normal. Doctor prescribed me Sulpiride, to take a quarter of a pill (which comes down to 50mg) to alleviate symptoms, but I'm very reluctant to do so because I know it can have severe adverse reactions and I don't want to add any side effects of that antipsychotic to what i'm already feeling. Any advice on this, someone? I'm aware of the windows and waves pattern, is it possible that I'm in a wave now? This would be the 20 month mark of being of any AD, so I would thin if it's a wave that it wouldn't be so bad, but this one is very bad. Sorry to make this story so long, I could make it longer but I just wanted to write down what's happening to me just to see if I would get a reply and maybe even a reply which could calm me down a bit. Greetings.

Hello, First of all, I'm incredibly grateful for this site as it has really helped me to navigate my process of attempting to go off both Zoloft and Trazadone. Before recent taper I was on an SSRI (and briefly an SSNRI) for over 22 years in total. I titrated down off Zoloft over a 5 month period (starting dose 50mg). It was challenging but I was able to manage (I'm aware that I may have done this too quickly). About two weeks after my last dose of Zoloft 6/19/23 (I used liquid to go down to 1mg before discontinuing) I began experiencing GI distress that has been persistent since (daily diarrhea, nausea, stomach pain). For the past four weeks I've been experiencing tachycardia, arrhythmia, dizziness, some issues with breath, significant anxiety, and panic symptoms (which are not a typical manifestation of my anxiety). This is complicated by the fact that I (most likely prematurely) started titrating down off of Trazadone. I've been taking 100mg for a few years nightly for perimenopausal sleep issues. Some of the more intense heart rhythm issues and anxiety started up after I lowered my Trazdone dose (I did not use the 10% rule and went down 1/4 which I now realize was too quickly and I had not given my nervous system to adjust to being off Zoloft). Because I did these changes close together it's hard for me to have a sense of what is happening. I do believe I'm having protracted withdrawal symptoms from Zoloft the are probably being compounded by adding the Trazadone taper. So, my main question here is about whether or not reinstatement of a low dose of Zoloft (even 1mg) might be advised based on these symptoms and the amount of difficulty they are causing me. Or would it make more sense for me to go back up to 100mg Trazadone (from 75 - ongoing dose for years - or possibly less) to see if this helps. The level of anxiety I'm experiencing in addition to dizziness, heart rhythm issues, and GI issues is becoming incredibly difficult to manage along with normal life stressors. Side note: I do have an appointment for an EKG, heart monitor, and other lab work to further explore heart issues. Thank you for reading and I hoping this message is clear/makes sense!

3 benzo tapers since 2010. Got COVID last April and brain freaked out with DR/DP. Plan was to go on 4 mg Ativan for a couple of weeks and then cross over the Klonopin but it didn't work. So I'm intolerance and been up and down on other things in poly drugged now with 375 mg depakote and 100 mg trazadone. Have not gotten very far on a liquid micro taper off the Ativan and I can't figure out how to do the taper off of depakote with the sprinkles. I need a coach on that. Major brain fog, fear, losing cognition and memory, terror, DR and paralyzed by my brain.

Hello, I have been on Lexapro for almost 19 years—only off one year was I was pregnant with my firstborn. After 10 years of being on Lexapro (10mg), after dealing with my mother’s death and a newborn baby, I had developed insomnia and anxiety and was put on Trazodone (100 mg) and then later klonopin .5mg taken as needed. Been taking Trazodone for about 8 years now and klonopin on and off for 5. in January of this year after following my doctor’s advice, I tapered lexapro over the course of 6 weeks. Well, obviously it was too quick and hell broke loose shortly after I March. Along with crippling anxiety, panic, crying spells, body jolts, depression ,depersonalization, etc., my biggest and most prominent symptom has been insomnia. Most of the week I sleep a broken 1-4 hours. If I’m lucky, one night a week I will crash and sleep for 8-9 hours. I take klonopin only twice a week max if I hadn’t slept in days and I’m getting in a really bad place (I know this is not optimal, but I feel I’m out of options.) I must note that I also stopped taking my birth control pills at this time, as well and not sure if lack of hormone are also contributing to insomnia. I had reinstated at 2.5 at the end of March, and thought I was feeling okay but May even though my sleep was still off, so foolishly I dropped to 2.2mg. When this happened, I lost all control and had to go back up to 2.4 after 6 weeks of hell and no signs of stabilization. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve been at 2.4 and my sleep is as bad as ever. I read horror stories about people’s sleep never returning or it taking years. I’ve already been dealing with this for 6 months. I have tried everything from magnesium to melatonin to glycine to weighted blankets and black out curtains—nothing works. Am I doomed to never sleep again? Every area of my life has been affected by this…my marriage, my children, friends, work, etc. I feel like I’m really losing myself and feeling pretty hopeless.

Hi: I’ve been on AD for 29 years, tried going off twice with disastrous results, and am now considering/beginning my third attempt. Here’s my story… I was always a slightly anxious child. My last 2 years of high school I started experiencing depression along with increased anxiety (my home life wasn’t great). The first 2 years of college I did pretty well (it was such a relief to not be living with my parents!). But the last 2 years of college, my depression started again, along with moderate anxiety. By the time I graduated college, I’d been severely depressed for over a year. My therapist suggested anti-depressants and I started on Paroxetine/Paxil at age 21yrs in 1994. It worked amazingly well—my depression and self-critical thoughts were gone and anxiety was reduced, yet I still had full access to my emotions. And the only side effects I noticed were decreased libido and difficulty orgasming. In 1997, I switched from Paroxetine to Bupropion/Wellbutrin in attempt to alleviate the sexual side effects. It worked but the Bupropion amp’d me up too much, so my doc added Sertraline/Zoloft. This “cocktail” of Bupropion and Zoloft seemed to balance out the increased energy/lack of appetite effects of the former with the decreased energy/increased appetite of the latter. I felt great—my depression and anxiety were managed, my libido/orgasms were back and there were no other noticeable side effects. In 1998, some friends who were against ADs encouraged me to go off. My life was stable and I had a good support network, so I was confident I could come off ADs without too much trouble. I tapered off both Bupropion and Sertraline over 2-3 months. I didn’t have any negative side effects/withdrawal symptoms…. until ~2 months after my last dose. That’s when I was overwhelmed by psychological symptoms: deep, dark depression and despair, crying all the time, feeling horrible about myself/lack of self-esteem, lots of anxiety. I had a hard time functioning, especially at my job. This was all pretty much the same as what I experienced before taking ADs, although turned up a notch, especially crying all the time. After a couple months, the symptoms were still raging, so I went back on Bupropion and Sertraline. At my old dosage amounts, I was still mildly depressed. So I increased the amount of both drugs which got me back to my previous “baseline”. Life sailed along from 1999-2006. While I didn’t like being on ADs, I felt it was my only option for having a good quality of life and had made my peace with it. In 2006, my life was going really well, so I decided to try to go off again. This time I tapered more slowly, over 4-5 months. I was fine for 3.5 months after my last dose and thought I’d successfully put ADs behind me. But then the same symptoms as the previous time I’d come off came roaring back (depression, constant self-critical thoughts, crying all the time, total hopelessness, hard time functioning/going to work). I held out for a couple months but then gave in and went back on Bupropion and Sertraline. Once again, I needed to take a larger dose of both meds to get back to my previous baseline but they “worked” (my mood is good, anxiety is totally manageable). Sadly, at the higher dose the sexual side effects returned. After the second failed attempt in 2006, I thought I’d never try to go off again… But in Sept 2022, I decided to see if I could at least lower the amount I was taking and maintain equilibrium. So I reduced Bupropion from 262.5mg (SR 150mg + IR 112.5mg) to 225mg (SR 150mg + IR 75mg); and I reduced Sertraline from 125mg to 100mg. I didn’t notice any changes, so in April 2023, I reduced a little more: Buproprion down to 187.5mg (SR 150mg + IR 75mg) and Sertraline down to 75mg. Since this last taper, I notice I get irritated much more easily and can be snappy with people in a way I wasn’t before. These small successes had me starting to reconsider trying to get off the drugs again. I randomly came across an interview with Dr. Mark Horowitz talking about the 5-10% hyperbolic taper, got really interested and have been doing a lot of research and reading ever since. Now I’m considering tapering using the 5-10% method with the hope of eventually being AD-free. I’m learning so much from this forum and other sources. Foremost is that I’m not alone when it comes to the challenge of getting of ADs. I had no idea how wide the range of side effects these drugs can have. Now I wonder if some of my mysterious health issues might actually be caused (or at least exacerbated) by being on ADs for 29 yrs (intractable belching/bloating/gut issues, poor temperature regulation, poor memory, etc.). I’m glad to be here. I have some questions brewing but I’ll leave those for another post, except one... Question: I couldn't find where to enter my "drug signature" so it will automatically appear on every post I make. Can someone kindly tell me how to do this (or do you just have to remember to paste it into every message you write)? Thanks so much, Dancing Bee -------------- 1994-97: Started on Paxil/Paroxetine for major depression + moderate anxiety 1997: Switched to Bupropion/Wellbutrin + Sertraline/Zoloft 1998: Came off both Bupropion & Sertraline with ~2 mo taper—horrible symptoms so went back on 1999-2007: Con’t Bupropion & Sertraline 2007: Came off both Bupropion & Sertraline with 4+mo taper—horrible symptoms so went back on 2008-2022: Bupropion 262.5mg (SR 150mg + IR 112.5mg) & Sertraline 125mg Sept 2022: Reduce Bupropion to 225mg; reduce Sertraline to 100mg Apr 2023: Reduce Bupropion to 187.5mg; reduce Sertraline to 75mg

Xanax. 25 mg 25 years for vertigo. Switch to valium 5 months off a year long taper Trazadone 20 mg started taper last month. Buspirone 35 mg.

As a 60 yo woman I took a hard look at my past life of various antidepressants since 1981 inevitably winding up with a 40 year RX drug habit, over weight and in pain. I'm active and eat health following an anti inflammatory diet w/ very little dairy or gluten and was just stuck physically. June 6th 2023 I made the decision to do a hard reset and stop My high dose Paxil and Deseryl and Xanax, not taper. As you'd expect the following week was of your typical physical drug withdrawal response, insomnia, loss of appetite, diaphorsis etc. What I didn't expect was that in the second week I started to feel an undeniable amount of strength returning, muscle coordination improvement and lack of pain. A high akin to a mushroom trip with heightened senses of pleasure, euphoria and an overwhelming sense of calm. I feel awake for the first time in decades. No unwanted thoughts or emotions, I have 40 years of coping skills and cognitive behavioral therapy in my arsenal. My gut health was the first to return to normal - there was No more bloating , constipation or abdominal pain. The chronic pain I'd been suffering with limiting my ADLs was GONE! And remains that way. I now have the flexibility of my teenage self and am back to practicing yoga on the floor with relatives ease. It's almost as if every cell in my being is undergoing a rebirth and is new again. The only side effect I have found unpleasant is scattered facial numbness which I'm hoping will ease its way back to normal as well. The 'electrical shocks' were an interesting side effect , it feels as though the nerves in my body are awaking again for the first time and I feel great. It's only been 20 days and I feel newborn and loving it... Finding this site has been a relief. There is No Support available for Antidepressant Withdrawl. It is not even discussed in the Healthcare industry. To entertain this thought process is considered non complainant , a 'behavioral' abnormality. I am in control of my mind, my body and my senses for the first time in my life ❤️

I'm new to the forum. Thanks, in advance, for any insight you can provide. I started taking 100 mg of Trazodone in September, 2017 to help with sleep, and have been on it for almost 6 years I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back now (and researching a lot), It seems like my health has declined significantly since taking Trazodone. Initially I did really well on Trazodone. About 6-9 months into taking Trazodone, I started developing severe migraines. Then in 2021 I started taking Cimetidine (with the Trazodone) and developed reflux and gastroparesis. All along, I thought these were incidental occurrences, but now I'm not so sure. Here's why.... In my research, I learned that when taking Trazodone it converts to m-CPP in the body. m-CPP is eliminated from the body via the CYP2D6 enzyme. Genetic testing I had done, showed that my body does not have the CYP2D6 enzyme. Furthermore, m-CPP is said to be a cause of migraines in suseptible people. To complicate things further, I also learned that Cimetidine increases the blood concentration of Trazodone 120% (source: epha.health). Since I'm a poor metabolizer of CYP2D6, I'm wondering if the m-CPP builds up in my system/doesn't properly eliminate, and causes these horrendous headaches and other health issues. Any opinion or experience with something similar?

Hey everyone (I wish we were communicating under better circumstances), My name is Colin, and I recently turned 20 years old. My story starts about two years ago - It was the summer in between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. As many of you probably know, this was in the middle of the pandemic, so depression and anxieties were already at an all time high. I had a lot of natural worries about my upcoming freshman year, as many of my classmates did too. I told my doctor about these worries, and she recommended that I see a psychiatrist, which I winded up doing. I was prescribed lexepro with the intention of getting up to 15mg. I remember right off the bat, I felt depersonalized, dizzy, forgetful, and had bad insomnia as well. I decided that to really give it a shot, I should try to push through the discomfort (worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life). After about four weeks, my mood lifted, but in a very unnatural and synthetic way. I still felt extremely depersonalized, had blurry vision, my memory was ****, I felt restless, and dissociated, and those are just a couple of the symptoms. I didn't care enough to try to get off at this point because my mood was "lifted" and I didn't think it was causing such extreme changes In my brain. I remember caring about very little during this time - I should also say that prior to starting the lexepro, I was struggling with alcohol addiction to deal with my anxiety. I was binge drinking roughly four nights a week, which was connected to an eating disorder I was dealing with as well, so most of the time I'd be drinking on an empty stomach. During these first four weeks, I was able to remain clean from alcohol while the lexepro was kicking In, but that didn't last long. Pretty soon after my mood "lifted", I was back to the same drinking and eating patterns. This went on through my freshman year at college, and the drinking only got worse, and I was blacking out more and more frequently, drinking more every day. It got up to a 6-10 beers a day, and by then I really didn't feel like myself at all. I remember all of those symptoms that I had in the beginning had gotten way way worse, and I could barely see myself in the mirror, hear my own voice, or feel my skin - I truly thought I was dying or going insane. It was around mid march of my freshman year, that I realized it might have to do with the drinking and ssri combination (or just the ssri). The final thing I experienced that told me I needed to leave school was when I stepped into the shower, and I couldn't feel the water on my skin (this is one of the scariest things I have ever experienced in my life.) I went home, and relapsed a few more times before realizing that I really needed to stop drinking - this was around mid may of last year, so pretty much exactly one year ago. This was also when I decided to begin my taper off of lexepro. Instantly, all of those symptoms got even more worse, and new ones like light sensitivity, floaters/staticy vision, and others that I don't fully remember emerged. I went into treatment, and continued my taper. I fully went off of lexepro at the beginning of July around 10 months ago. The severe depression came on first, and then about two months after I quit, my depression and now energy started to get really high. This was when the extreme insomnia and anxiety began. Since then my mood, anxiety, and a very long list of symptoms have been all over the place. I've found relief in gabapentin and low dose trazadone for the insomnia and anxiety, but those are starting to fade. Let me also just say that I've done tons of research on the trazadone, and until you reach a certain dose (150mg I believe) it has absolutely no antidepressant effect, that's what I have noticed as I've been taking it for awhile as well. (I was super paranoid about that in the beginning of taking it which is the only reason I'm mentioning it.) I'm definitely starting to feel a little bit more like myself, I can hear a little bit better, and see myself in the mirror a little more clearly. However, Im sure like many others on here, I'm still really scared that I've done permeant damage to my brain, and I'm worried that I'm never going to fully get back to my baseline. My skin numbness, and vision changes are still ever so present and so are many other symptoms that I can't even put into words. I'm just really looking for some hope, so if anyone has had a similar experience I'd love to hear it. And to those who are in a simalar boat but earlier on, **** truly is getting better, I'm just not on the other side, so I'm still not certain I'll ever make it back, but you won't be trapped in the darkest place forever. I'm so thankful I found this website. At times I was really close to giving up on my life - it's so good to know that I'm not alone.

I'm 23 years old male studying psilosophy. When I entered college I suffered immensely from anxiety, I had insomnia as a result of it. I took Trazodone 50mg and then 100mg over a period of one year. I stopped 50mg cold turkey due to sexual impotence and a life without joy. I had suicidal thoughts the first month. I am depressed, restless, constant urge to cry, heaviness in my head. The suicidal thoughts returned. I have a huge temptation to go back on Trazodone again but I want a happy life, with sex, with sparkle, with real joy. It seems like it never goes away... It's been 5 months that I'm off trazodone. Has anyone gone through something similar? Is there hope that I will return to normal? I started doing psychodrama and cognitive behavioral therapy. My psychologist thinks it's better for me to endure the suffering and not take anything but I'm DESPERATE!

My journey to hell began November 21st, 2022. After suffering from a relapse in obsessive-compulsive disorder and hypochondria, I spiraled. Then on January 26th, 2023 everything imploded I started to experience insomnia for the first time ever. And insomnia that I didn’t realize existed. When I would attempt to fall asleep I would get what felt like a rush of adrenaline in between wakefulness and the first stage of sleep and I would be wired. On January 29th, 2023 I was at the end of my rope. I felt like antidepressants would be the answer since my psychologist that I’ve been seeing since 2015 had suggested them over the years. I didn’t feel the need for them until I spiraled and everything imploded. I went to a mental health clinic in the Phoenix, Arizona area called Mind 24-7 and was prescribed Paroxetine 20 mg and Trazodone 50mg. My insomnia continued until I went Mayo Clinic on January 31st there they said it was a manic episode and prescribed Trazodone 100mg. I didn’t feel safe so I voluntarily admitted myself to a behavioral hospital for 8 days. There they continued Trazodone 100mg and increased the Paroxetine to 30 mg. I was discharged on February 8th and on February 13th had a follow up with a psychiatrist. Because of the sexual side effects and emotional bluntness of Paroxetine 30mg we cross-tapered Paroxetine with Citalopram. Going from 20mg to 10mg of Paroxetine and 20mg of Citalopram. Along with Trazodone 100mg nightly. I experienced a range of side effects trying to cross taper. On the 6th week I developed severe insomnia. That even Trazodone 200mg wasn’t touching. On March 29th,2023 they told me to stop taking Citalopram 20mg cold turkey. Since then I believe I’ve been going through withdrawals from Citalopram 20mg. But I do suffer from OCD and hypochondria so I’m not sure what’s going on. My symptoms are as follows. Some will wax and wane. Insomnia; I don't even feel tired or drowsy anymore loss of appetite suicidal ideation (April 25th and 26th but around 4:00 PM on April 26th it went away like a light switch) crying spells brain fog head buzzing hypersensitive to sound when attempting to sleep sensitive to cold on my forearms hyperarousal several or one finger twitch's after gripping something a panic attack that lasted a day and a half