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This story is intended to be published elsewhere as a human interest article. The author is an occasional freelance writer. I asked for them. That's the part of my 12-year journey with antidepressants and their fallout that really sticks in my head. I asked for them. The drugs that would have such a devastating effect on my life were something that I asked for. I believe in personal responsibility. But then I have to remind myself. When you walk into a doctor's office with a few issues – in my case a touch of anxiety and mildly obsessive thoughts – there's only one adult in the room and that's the person with the expensive embroidered degree on the wall. In 2011, I was encouraged by a counsellor to ask my general practitioner (GP) for antidepressants. The counsellor informed me I would be facing an uphill battle for life if I didn't use them. A 5-minute consult with my GP followed with a few vague questions. 'Are they addictive?' I ask. 'No, not at all' was the response. I was prescribed a low dose of 10 milligrams of citalopram, an antidepressant of the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor variety (SSRI). It stimulates neurotransmitters in the brain to allow serotonin to linger a lot longer. 'Here's your script, the chemist is next door' I was told. Us New Zealanders can be a trusting lot. We live at the bottom of the world, we stick to our own and tend to go with the flow. As an aside, we have major housing issues, social inequalities and a mental heath crisis, but tell us we can't go to the beach for a few weeks due to a pandemic – then we riot! The pills worked for about 6 months, then the old issues cropped up. Fast forward about a year, I'm back in front of my trusted GP, who told me to up the dose to 20 milligrams. It was at this point I was informed that I would likely be on these drugs for life due to my tendency to 'worry'. After this, things settled down for a bit and I sank into my medicated heaven. Now the side effects started creeping in. Some of these were deeply personal (Google it). But the biggest one for me was the jaw clenching or 'bruxism' and to this day I still have the cracks in my teeth from this. Back to the GP. I was told it wasn't bruxism but an ear infection and with a patronising air was given Flixonase nose drops. Yeah, they didn't work. After this, I decided to just accept things and put up with my lot. But by 2018, enough was enough. More side effects were creeping in and I didn't want to be a slave to the jagged little pills anymore. I decided to come off. With only some limited knowledge of tapering and no advice from anyone I reduced dose to 10mg. Big mistake. My world fell apart, my days became nights and I sank into a deep depression. Arguments and confrontations with family and friends became a thing that year. A few weeks later, back to my old friend the GP – you'd think I'd learn by now. I asked about using a different drug with less side effects. Another 5 minute consult. 'Are they addictive!?' I asked 'Nah, not to my knowledge!' I was prescribed Buspirone, a different class of antidepressant. Two days after taking these I was almost housebound with paranoia, agoraphobia (fear of outdoors) and obsessive thoughts. I tossed the latest pills in the bin and reinstated back up to 10mg citalopram, a lower dose than I was originally on. Things improved somewhat and life limped on for a few more years, but still with side effects. 2020 arrived, with all its pandemic issues. My old GP decided to retire. I decided to see my new GP to sound her out about some of my drug side effects. This time I had better luck. She told me the bruxism and other issues were in actual fact a known side effect of antidepressants and she had quite a few patients who experienced it while taking them. Did my old GP not have patients with these effects, or did he not read their notes or listen to the words coming out their mouths? It was at this point I decided I wanted out. No more, never again. I sought advice online about how to taper off SSRIs – I was told by my GP to merely 'take it easy'. I started to take it easy by literally shaving the pill, month to month. Not exactly the most scientific way of doing it. The chemist offered to convert my pills to liquid form to allow for easier dosing – but wanted a 100 dollars a pop to provide this service. Good old New Zealand health system, here's to 30 years of neoliberalism – how's it working out for us? September 2020 arrived and I started experiencing my first withdrawal effects – a visual migraine. Not too bad, I thought. I can deal with that. The tapering and shaving of the pill continued over the next year, all throughout the lockdowns and the world going bonkers. I hit July of 2021 with another lockdown, and my shaving of the pill had got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore. The last crumb was just too small for the knife to go through, so I jumped off. Nuclear level mistake. I didn't know it at the time, but I had just launched a missile a year into the future. These days I know all about how antidepressant withdrawal works. There's an acute phase, where you get a bunch of short-acting symptoms. Then there can be the post-acute phase where new symptoms develop some time later as your brain tries to rebalance itself. That last tiny dose is the one you're supposed to hang around on the longest. Anyway, this next phase of withdrawal crept in, and it was my first experience with chronic pain. Blinding, piercing headaches that wrapped like a band around the base of my skull. Ever had a red wine hangover? This felt like a permanent version of that. This came and went over the next year and seemed to be made worse by certain prescribed drugs, some types of alcohol (hoppy beer) or supplements, but could also pay a wee visit for no apparent reason. Then August of 2022 arrived and all hell broke loose. The missile landed. Sudden widespread chronic pain was delivered to my doorstep. This affected my back and joints. For my sins I also added migraines, exercise intolerance, chronic fatigue, nausea, depression and the intermittent return of bruxism. My first post-pandemic overseas holiday to Sydney happened that month and my wife was dragging a living corpse around with her. No painkiller touches it, you just have to accept it. As of January 2023, after a year and half off the drugs these issues are ongoing. It's important to understand, this is not a relapse of the original diagnosis as many health professionals 'gaslight' this as. This is new, and reflects the experience of tens of thousands of people who are currently withdrawing from antidepressants. These people provide anecdotal evidence and their experiences are supported with a lot of emerging peer-reviewed literature. After discovering a great deal of anecdotal evidence and doing my research my conclusion is this. I got off light. Ironically, thanks to the pandemic, an understanding employer and being able to work from home 4 days a week, I still have my job and can support myself. I came off these drugs because they didn't work as promised and had side effects I wasn't informed of. Staying on them was a bit like a junkie who could no longer get high – staying on heroin just to keep to their version of normal. I've since learned that going back on them may not even be an option as there's no guarantee it will resolve my symptoms due to how the central nervous system has been sensitized. For the record, I believe that antidepressants have their place. If you are actively suicidal or have extreme chronic depression they can be a game-changer. I had none of these issues. I have some of them now, although to reassure everyone I am currently not, nor have I ever been, suicidal. In my other life as I now call it, I was a dedicated martial artist, yogi and rock musician. All this is now gone. I'm now medically retired from everything I love and down to a single 4 kilometer walk per day and I'm only 49 years old. My biggest fear is these issues will now never resolve and I'm stuck with the fallout of bad advice, gaslighting medical health professionals and a hemorrhaging health system. My trust is in ashes. My heart is broken. In January 2023, I discovered this website.

does paroxetine / Paxil withdrawals get you extreme anger? (and about narcissistic mother) Hello, I am 24 year old male with panic disorder. I was on various anti-depressants for panic disorder from 2017, after my dad passed away on 2016 but from past 4 years (19-22) I am on Paroxetine CR 25mg, But I feel like sometimes it stops working and everything becomes irritating and you see I have a narcissistic mother who will don't let a single opportunity to waste to anger me. I tried many time to get off it by going to lower dose 12.5mg but the withdrawals were worst. Even if I take anything like vitamins or eat have a lemon for C in morning it really get worse. I currently taper myself to 12.5 from 25mg again (I thought I could handle it this time) by doing meditation and it was bit helpful at start but now the things getting now bit tough. and I am kind of worried that withdrawal will stay longer. Questions: should I keep taking the lower dose and suffer for a bit if the withdrawals are not gonna last longer or should I revert to the original dose of 25mg? & Are the extreme anger and irritation a withdrawal symptoms or is it me? (I can't even stay in the same room as my mother) I am literally scared to my core with the anger and irritated I feel with all the taunts and manipulation by my narcissistic mother I had suffer every single day for 24 years. It breaks my heart to see how much I have suffer from her and continuing so, I am 24 and good in programming but currently have no job and until I get my own place which is extremely hard I have to stay with her. Contact me anytime, We could support each other Instagram: onix_fellar Thanks

Hello! New here. Reddit thought this would be a more supportive place for me. I’ve been on escitalopram (brand cipralex) equivalent to Americas lexapro, for 12 years. Cipralex History Started: 2009 -2012 Reason: University, panic attacks *successfully provided relief* Stopping Attempt #1 Cold-Turkey: December 2012 Reason: never intended to be on this long-term *no serotonin withdrawal symptoms, no relapse of anxiety or depression* felt normal! Started: 2014 February Reason: back in University second semester of grad school panic attacks relapse. In abusive relationship from 2014-2018. *successful no panic attacks * Supports in 2019: Therapy Financially stable Friend/family support Going to gym/exercising Eating healthy Stopping attempt #2 taper: January 2019 Reason: in a very healthy and stable place in life- No anxiety/depression or panic attacks. Never wanted to be on SSRI this long. I decided to taper instead of cold turkey because my doctor recommended it. 6 months post-breakup from ex. Schedule: January 2019: 20mg February 2019: 15 mg March 2019: 10 mg April 2019: 5 mg *went to the emergency department and was diagnosed with serotonin withdrawal. Symptoms that brought me to the emergency department include: dizziness, feeling “drunk”, blurred vision or shaky vision, light headed. Doctor advised to go back onto 10 mg. Gave up on taper went back to 10mg. I went to the hospital because I thought something was seriously wrong with me because the first time when I did cold turkey I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms. First time learning about serotonin withdrawal. Also important to note that there were no emotional withdrawal symptoms during this time. *unsuccessful * Increased dose: July 2020 Reason: increased dose to 20mg during pandemic panic attacks relapse. Dosage increase didn’t prevent attacks. *I participated in EMDR therapy which helped my panic attacks stop* Supports in 2022: Continued therapy Breath work Yoga Journaling Financially stable healthy romantic relationship Friend/family support Eating healthy: increased animal protein, added fermented foods (kefir, sauerkraut). Limited processed/sugar foods. Naturopathic doctor supplements: vitamin d, b complex, lavender oil, NAC, l-theanine, lemon balm tea, nettle tea, magnesium. * these are medical recommendations specific to me based on my test results * also based on supporting detox from SSRI. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is sit in the morning sun and drink water before making breakfast. I also go for walks Meditation Stopping attempt #3 taper: Reason: I want to get pregnant and off this medication in general. Schedule: January 2022: 20mg February 2022: 17.5 mg March 2022: 15 mg April 2022: 12.5 mg May 2022: 10 mg June 2022: 10 mg July 2022: 7.5 mg August 2022: 5mg - 2.5mg September 1 2022: ended * I ended the taper at 2.5mg because the symptoms that I experienced back in April 2019 hit me* Current symptoms of withdrawal: 1. A “drunk” feeling, fishbowl?, dizziness, light headed, vision blurring/shaking when I look around. I have not lost my balance or got nauseated or anything like that, I just feel kind of disoriented and like I’m intoxicated simply trying to walk around my house. This is severe, I cannot drive. 2. migraines and headaches 3. My moods have definitely been crazy during the eight -month taper down— frequent/ explosive rage (not normal for me pre-ssri or while on ssri), frequent irritability, sadness upon waking. These symptoms suck but nothing is as bad as the physical symptoms listed in #1. Regarding pregnancy: physicians, psychiatrist and fertility doctor all said to me it’s “safe” to get pregnant on cipralex— The doctors said that the reason they tell women to stay on this medication during pregnancy is because; if your anxiety or depression is so bad that the risk to your mental well-being is high and the medication risk to the baby is low, it’s about cost benefit. The pharmaceutical packaging that comes with my perception states differently. ”It may harm an unborn baby. Also, babies born to mothers who have used this drug during the last three months of pregnancy may rarely develop withdrawal symptoms such as feeding and breathing difficulties, seizures, muscle stiffness, or constant crying”. And I can say that my anxiety and depression is not bad enough to risk any of those things to an innocent baby, it is extremely important to me to part ways with this drug. I’m not looking for anyone to try to change my mind on this point. Concerns: Some people on Reddit suggested that I tapered too quickly. The liquid form of escitalopram is not available in Canada. I also feel in disbelief that if I had of done it any slower that it wouldn’t still result in what I’m experiencing now once I got to zero. I’ve read that serotonin withdrawal can last months (upwards of six months to a year) for this “drunk-like” feeling to resolve. I am blessed in that I was able to afford to take the month off work September 2022 to try to deal with some of this serotonin withdrawal but now I’m scared a month won’t be enough. I’m feeling devastated about the information I’m reading online about ssri brain damage, it’s hard to know what’s true there’s so much conflicting information. Regarding psychiatry: Psychiatry was also completely useless at giving any kind of advice for serotonin withdrawal. Psychiatrists idea of help was to use Abilify to cope with serotonin withdrawal symptoms. Abilify is a whole other animal in my opinion. I am 100% against using another “pharmaceutical“ to cope with my withdrawal symptoms. I have tried to be as inclusive as possible of my history, experience and efforts towards healing. My main concern presently is the severity of the physical withdrawal symptoms I am experiencing.

Hello everyone! I am a new user here. I've lurked around this site before but have yet to introduce myself. I was a Prozac user for a year from August 2015 - September 2016. I had taken it for social and general anxiety. I was on 20mg/day. Initially, I was actually doing fine and great emotionally but had side effects like massive fatigue everyday (not even 3 cups of coffee could wake me up!) and constipation every time I went to poop (sorry for TMI). I also felt like a zombie for a brief period in which I was neither happy nor sad. In May 2016, I decided to abruptly stop taking the Prozac by choice without consulting my doctor (bad move!) and had brain zaps and mood swings which I assumed as worsening depression. I then just asked my doctor to simply increase my dose because I thought I was getting worse (bad move again!). I was put on 40mg/day from June - August 2016 in which I was ok at first but then I was hit with a panic attack so severe I had to rush to the ER. For that week, I was having very severe symptoms. So I was instructed to go back down to 20mg/day. From then on, I decided to stop taking it a few months ago in September because I felt better and didn't want to rely on medication anymore to make me happy. I consulted with my psychiatrist who said for me to just take 10mg for one month and then I can stop. I did just that. Over the month of October I was fine and felt completely normal. However, I realized symptoms would come later once the month of November started. I have since felt every type of symptom under the sun including brain zaps, hot flushes, insomnia, irritability, tingling sensation of the skin, anxiety, shortness of breath, sweating, tremors, and slight vertigo. I have never felt these symptoms in my life til now! I've talked to my doctor and he doesn't believe in withdrawals. At this point I feel helpless. I am experiencing waves and windows in which I have waves of really bad flare ups and then windows of good normal days where I feel fine. But they keep cycling back and forth. I now have questions to ask: 1. Do windows of no symptoms mean that my body is getting better? 2. Should I reinstate the Prozac and taper off more gradually? Someone suggested I shouldn't because I've already been clean for 3 months now. But what do you guys think? 3. Will symptoms go away if I keep pushing cold turkey? 4. Should I try medical weed to help ease tthe symptoms? I want to try natural ways of healing

Hi, I was on sertraline for around 9 years, due to anxiety. I have had anxiety as long as I can remember, tend to ruminate, but have lived with it and it has mostly worked alright. Some periods I have not had it at all, but it is usually there. It has been in a way that I have been able to work and function though. I had just moved countries at the time I started sertraline, had two little ones and started a new job I wasn't comfortable in. I had tried cbt but think in hindsight that the therapist was just not right for me. I do believe in cbt and has had great help from that later on. I also have pmt. Starting sertraline helped me, after maybe ten days of anxiety and restlessness, worse than anything I had ever experienced in my life. I have since then tried to stop at least a couple of times. Once alone (stupidly) and also with help from a gp. I failed though. I have experienced head "zaps", a pinching feeling behind my ears that I have noticed in terms of withdrawal, restlessness in my limbs, tension and an anxiety so extreme it has really been hard to deal with. In hindsight, I probably was my best when I was on 25 mg sertraline, a lot more energetic and happier than when I was on 50 mg. I have also experienced my ruminating problems but in such an exaggerated and extreme way. Not like how I remember it before sertraline. This last time I tapered very slowly for two years, and had a great doctor who supported me. Then I moved countries and met a gp who suggested we could switch the last, at that stage 12,5 mg of sertraline to fluoxetine. This was done but the dosage I was asked to take meant I got down to the equivalent of 6 mg of sertraline, so for me who had tapered slowly, 1-2 mg, 6 mg seemed like a lot. I reacted with extreme anxiety, compulsive thinking and pure dread, I did not recognise myself at all. The doctor suggested to take out the fluoxetine as well, after I had been on it maybe 6 weeks. This was in the beginning of July this year. The first bad period lasted about a month with anxiety and my sleep was just not working. Then it got quite a bit better in August (although not a 100%). Then three weeks ago I started experiencing the same difficulties I had in July. Extreme feelings of guilt and ruminating, an anxiety that feels so much more physical than how I remember that it used to be before sertraline. It feels extreme and long lasting, few breaks. I also feel sad and down, crying a lot, every day, which has never, not before sertraline either, been typical for me. I do not recognise myself. I have had my anxiety before but overall been quite happy. I am in contact with the same gp and whilst I don't feel entirely comfortable with him, he is very engaged and he thinks it is withdrawal as well, which is very much my interpretation too. I have some medications to help me get through this. Physical symptoms have been the pinching feeling behind my ears, tension and a restlessness in my limbs. An overall mental sickness feeling that is hard to describe, like I am totally out of balance. I really want to get through this but I am finding it hard to not know how long it is going to last? The obsessive thinking is making everything so hard at the moment. They did help but never did I think I would be on them for years, it was never my intention. I wonder if anyone else has experienced something similar? Any idea how long it can last and what can help? I understand that getting on ssri again probably would help but it has now been so long that I wish I could manage to push through (but obviously there are limits at the same time.) I exercise and try to do things that are good for me but it is tough at the moment.

My journey to be off psych drugs I always took my medication without thinking really. I had a psychotic episode (due to insomnia, stress, and anxiety most likely) after Christmas in 2007. I was 13. I had been taking Lexapro for a few months. My M.D. prescribed it for me. I don't quite remember why. I think I might probably have been depressed and anxious. I only now realize that taking the Lexapro could very well have caused the insomnia and resultant delusions. Anyway, I had a breakdown. I was seen by a psych. She (Dr. S.) prescribed Lamotrigine. It seemed to quell the delusions. I was back at school, medicated and delusion free. Over the years I developed fatigue, irritability, and apathy. I kept taking the drugs. For fatigue, I was prescribed Bupropion (Wellbutrin). I can't remember if it helped or not. I did develop hypomanic episodes at some point which further supported my bipolar 2 diagnosis. I would also have bouts of depression. Not the crying kind. Just apathy and mild anhedonia. I say mild because I still did some things I loved such as piano, art, singing. I did eventually lose my passion for art though. It showed up now and then sometimes. I always was told by my mother "It will get better", and "It won't always be this way." It didnt comfort me much. Though, looking back, it did get better. Eventually. It took around a decade. But I'm not off meds yet. I moved with my parents to a smaller comfy house in 2014 and joined our local Orthodox Church, met some loving, supportive people and made a really good friend. It did get better. But I still didn't know that there was an alternative for taking medication. I took my meds. I needed them. Or I thought I did. So did my mother. Now, my mother really has been with me all way. She's taking psych drugs too since I was in first grade for depression and anxiety. I went to 2 mental institutes. Thankfully never the hospital psych ward. I know a lot of you on here have been. From what I hear it's not fun and can be traumatic. I remember the people I met at the institutes. Broken, struggling people trying to get by and looking for a little hope. I connected with them. I still miss them and hope they're still fighting. I have a long story so I'll cut it up some in chunks. This is my first post. I'll write later about my experience at college (traumatic) and other things. I have some funny memories too so I'll put those in there as well. Don't give up! Anyone's welcome to share their experiences and stories too. -StillSinging

Hello. I have been on 20mg Prozac for twenty years. I then starting taking one every other day for about two months. Then one every three days for about two months. I felt fine during this whole time. Then stopped. Again I felt fine. I felt like myself again. I had feelings. I was very angry, but that was ok because I felt like I had that fire back in my belly. Anyway four months down the road. Exactly four months to the day from my last ever pill. I am experiencing severe panic attacks and anxiety about my past mistakes. Just suddenly came from out of nowhere. I’m also starting to feel depressed with all this exhausting obsessive worrying. I’m at a crossroad here. I don’t know if I should just carry on and stay strong without the pills. Or start back on them again? Maybe if I carry on without them the thoughts and anxiety will slowly disappear over time? Or will it never go? I just don’t know. I really don’t want to get back on the pills because they make me feel tired and numb. But at least my worries will go. I've come so far. Four months down the road after twenty years of Prozac. Anyone have any words of support or advice? Thank you.

Stopped and started Zoloft twice this year after taking it 9 years. First time I stopped for 2 months because a naturopath told me to and take Sam-e instead. I didn’t feel better and restarted it around March. In withdrawals now and bad insomnia plus fatigue and lots others. I have a history of pots, Epstein Barr and RMSF. Was being treated heavily with antibiotics this past year and tons of supplements and in Aug I had a seratonin syndrome like episode. Took megadose cbd for sleep and it started that. So dr said to stay off everything except Valium and I did but 2.5 months off the second time I started not sleeping, tremors, adrenaline rushes, chills, weakness, muscle spasms, muscle tightness and more. My dr suggested reinstating Zoloft so I did. Been on half dose 3 weeks then full dose 12 days now. So far my sleep still not returning unless I take ambien and I’m so fatigued with muscle aches and tightness. Can’t get out of bed for a month now Having a few better days but still exhausted and scared I won’t sleep on my own again. My psychiatrist gave me hydroxyzine to sleep but it barely gives me sleep so he wants me on Mirtazapine and I don’t want to. I didn’t know how severe stopping an antidepressant could be. Will I continue to get better with reinstating? My hopes are to get stabilized then later slow taper. Any experiences with reinstating anyone? Please help. Drs do not help with this

Hello, I'm a 39-year old mom of 2. Been on lamictal since my 3-year old was born in 2014 and when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression (ppd). Wasn’t ever diagnosed with bipolar, but had bad experience with an SSRI and my pdoc suggested lamictal was the way to go. I had very mixed feelings because I was nursing, but I felt so terrible and needed something. I have two daughters and need to be available to them. I made it up to 225mgs and that’s when the last of the ppd symptoms subsided, which was morning anxiety. Been at 225mgs, taking my entire dose at night, for about 2 years. Since all this started, I’ve had moodiness around the time right before or right after my menstrual cycle, which leads me to believe my symptoms were/are due to hormonal shifts. I’ve been talking about tapering for at least a year and my pdoc finally agreed. I started to taper with the help of my pdoc in late Feb 2018. She suggested to taper from 225mgs to 200. Did that for a few weeks and felt good so I started a little more aggressive taper by myself. Moved down to 175mgs and stuck there for 2 weeks, still felt great. Tapered again to 150 and felt fine for 2-3 days and then (2 days ago) I was hit by a ton of bricks. Headaches, dizziness, weird sensations almost out of body, fogginess, morning anxiety, general feelings of blah. Last night I took 150 and then went back up to 175mgs by taking 25mgs this morning because I feel so awful. I plan to hold at 175mgs at night until otherwise suggested. I found your site a while back and it made me aware of the importance of a slow taper. But then I was feeling so great I thought I might be one of the “lucky ones” and didn’t need to taper so slowly. Apparently not! So I’m back and committed to a slow taper even though I want to be off this medicine like crazy. I’m looking forward to hearing any feedback, and I’m in need of help on how, mathematically, to taper. I get the 10% reduction over 4 weeks but the math confuses me. Thanks for reading this!

I’m in wd after 15 years of lexipro. I tapered down to 2.5 mlg from 20. have chills akathesia sweats , bunring , etc . Amy advice

Did someone here about that or has experience with it? One-time method The one-time method is a way to reduce severe withdrawal crises without restarting the drug, stopping withdrawal or risking hospitalisation. In this method, the drug to be reduced is taken once again in the initial dosage. This is done in addition to the reduced dose. In this way, the withdrawal problem can be counteracted. Suddenly, the substance is available again in abundance and the body, which has been put on alert by the withdrawal, can calm down. The procedure can also be extended to two or three days and the single dose gradually reduced again. Afterwards, one should return to the current reduction level. This is maintained until the condition has stabilised. Then the reduction can be continued. Patients who experience an improvement in their severe symptoms as a result of the single dose will no longer be fooled into thinking that their symptoms are caused by a new phase of the disease. After such an experience, they know with certainty that their crisis is withdrawal-related. The one-time method can also be used more frequently within a long-term withdrawal phase to prevent the withdrawal from having to be broken off. "Enough swallowed. Withdrawl off psychotropic drugs successfully and permanently" by Dr. Peter Ansari and Mahinda Ansari, page 111 and 112

How do you get over the guilt of going on these meds and then tapering? I'm realizing going on and off has caused serotonin toxicity and withdrawal symptoms that have affected my loved ones terribly. The guilt is unbearable. I've apologized so many times. No one blames me but I blame me. I keep looking back and see so much turmoil that could have been avoided if I never started with these meds. 😭

Hello, my name is Sturm! I am from Austria and am looking for someone to read over my story about getting off of Effexor, since, quite frankly, I am terrified that it will last a few weeks more, or that I could get addicted to benzos (see more about that later) in the process (as the worst side effect I have atm is very bad insomnia). I hope I am posting this in the correct place. So, this is a bit of a long story. I have been taken Venlafaxine / Effexor for around 7 months (since January 2022). Around two months ago I decided to taper it (I was at 150mg). We tapered to 75mg. I don’t recall any psychological side effects from this, but I did notice muscle pain (especially from my left leg). I stayed on this for around two weeks, when I tapered again to 37,5mg. I stayed at this dosage for two weeks, and didn’t notice any psychological change besides muscle pain. I was then told I could get off Effexor, or I could take it every other day. I took it every day for a week. By this time, I noticed brain fog, but nothing extremely strong. At this point, after a week of this, I asked the psychiatrist about a prozac bridge, knowing the withdrawal effects would undoubtedly be terrible. The next day (Friday 21.07.2022) I was off Effexor and took 10mg prozac. At this point, I had a decent amount of nausea and akathisia, a reduced appetite, as well as chills, but never experienced brain zaps. The 5th day had the worst nausea. By day 7, the nausea was seemingly gone, and I thought the withdrawal was over, so I stopped taking prozac a few days later (31.07). The next few days were pretty recent, little to no nausea. By August 5th, (roughly two weeks since being off of the Effexor), I had some mild nausea, chills were back, and worst of all, I started having really bad insomnia. Despite bot having taken any prozac in 8 days, I took it again on August 7th, thinking the insomnia happened due to stopping prozac and being off of it long enough for its half life to expire, therefore allowing more of Effexor’s withdrawal effects to occur (since prozac normally suppresses most of the nasty ones). This, however, doesn’t seem to be the case, as of today, August 10th (day 19), I still am having sleep problems. I am also concerned that I could have become dependent on prozac for taking it for around 14 days. Could dependence on prozac be attained that early, or does it normally take around a month to occur? It has been nearly three weeks since I am off of Effexor. When should I expect the rest of the withdrawal to end? When should my insomnia end (before yesterday and the day before (I was proscribed lorazepam, I hadn’t gotten any sleep in three days due to the insomnia). I was proscribed lorazepam 2,5mg to help me sleep at night. Is this safe to take, or will I get addicted? The psychiatrist and nurses at the hospital where I was given this prescription said it shouldn’t be an issue unless I take this dosage for months. Do I believe them?

oranda - cold turkey escitalopram like a dummy, trying to figure out what to do next Hiya doods, so glad to be here. My journey started during my time in University. School and I did not get along and by my junior year, I was drowning and my friends noticed my suffering and tried their best to support me. At the beginning of senior year (2019), my friends finally convinced me to see a therapist. I was scared of medication at the time and figured it was the best way to go. It was great! Learned so much and am eternally grateful to that kind lady for helping me rebuild my foundation. Unfortunately with the whole covid thing and finishing my degree, therapy wasn't enough, so I saw a psychiatrist. Diagnosed MDD and ADHD (the latter Dx made my whole life just make sense). She started me on escitalopram (10mg) and buproprion XL (150mg). I was afraid to take stimulants so was told buproprion had some stimulant-like qualities and could help counteract sexual side effects from the escitalopram. Loved the post on that whole idea btw! This was so good for me though. Zero regrets. Looking back at old journal entries from before the meds and I don't even recognize that person anymore. I had no self-worth and my self-image/talk is heartbreaking to read now. Things got interesting when I started my career after graduating because some problems arose with respect to my ADHD. My struggles and (bad) coping mechanisms for ADHD caused anxiety and some depression too. So back to the psych and did Concerta (18mg) for a month, methylphenidate IR (10mg) for a month, and then switched to Methylphenidate SR (20mg) and was on that for idk a year? Memory bad. Stopped taking because even though the mental effects were good, the increased heart rate/physical side effects were not my friend. Tried Strattera but only lasted 2 days. Real bad side effects. Here's where things start to get interesting and my current sticky situation. Over the summer, my psych left the practice I was going to and I switched to a new one. He delightful. In telling him my story that basically my depression felt under control but my inattentive ADHD is what's causing me more problems. I said I was open to trying new things but wary of the medication roller coaster a lot of people go through. He recommended I take the GeneSight test to narrow down the list of medications to choose from. Sure thing dude. We also upped my burpropion XL to 300mg hoping it might help with the ADHD without giving me the jitters like the stimulants did. Got my results back in August, psych says lets switch from escitalopram to vilazodone. I have bad memory so I don't remember exactly why we picked that one but I remember it had something to do with vilazodone having a component to it that should help with the anxiety I sometimes have due to ADHD symptoms (aka I struggle to get started on a task because it feels insurmountable but then I get anxious because I need to do the thing to not get fired). Pysch recommended I take 5mg escitalopram for a week, then start the vilazodone. I had to wait for the new med to come in the mail and then I went on a vacation and didn't want to deal with med change on vacation so fast forward to like 2 weeks ago. Remember how memory bad? I forgot he said to taper off the escitalopram and just stopped it and started taking the vilazodone. 3 days later I realized what I had done but didn't really know what to do about it and just decided to stay the course. As you would expect, BAD, BAD withdrawal symptoms ensue. 7 days after this cold turkey switch, the brain zaps and total discomfort was so bad I was just laying in bed crying. I decided to roughly cut an escitalopram tablet and took ~2.5mg. After a long nap and allowing my body to metabolize, I felt better. Certainly not 100%, but much more manageable. Today is 11 days post cold turkey switch. Here's the thing, after talking to family and friends and researching over the last days, I think I just want to stop the SSRI altogether. Also want to try going back to 150mg buproprion and maybe even stop that too, but that's a future problem. Researching this, I found this forum and got mega scared because of the recommended 10% taper. What's a homie to do in a pickle like this? I don't feel great currently and I really don't want to induce long lasting withdrawal side effects. Current ideas for what to do, all of which I would continue buproprion 300mg and consider changing anything with that much, much later. 1. Aggressive taper - start 5mg escitalopram and do that for a 2-4 weeks, then 2.5mg for 2-4 weeks and call it a day. "easy" since I could rough cut my 10mg tablets to achieve this. - stop vilazodone Thought process here is that my body is already a little used to not having escitalopram so maybe I don't need to start all the way at the beginning. Concern here is that even though I'm mostly feeling okay now, more withdrawal side effects can develop and worsen. 2. Cautious taper - start 10mg escitaopram for 2-4 weeks to kind of reset my body to what it was earlier. Then properly 10% taper. - drop to 5mg vilazodone for one week, then stop. Assumption here that my body doesn't have much dependence on this drug yet. 3. Conservative taper - start 10mg escitaopram again - accelerated taper for vilazodone. 1-2 weeks per 10%. Again, based on the assumption I don't have much dependence, so I could do this more quickly - once done with vilazodone, properly 10% taper escitalopram. Just writing all this out has made me feel immensely better. I'm leaning towards cautious taper. I was on escitalopram for over 2 years, so I feel like I'm a solid candidate for having a harder time with withdrawal side effects. So! If anyone has heard of or gone through a weird situation like this, I'd love feedback on my above ideas. Thanks so much for taking the time to listen (read) my story.

Hey everyone, My name is Abby and I have been off Prozac for 3.5 months now. I'm currently experiencing intense withdrawal and the return of mental states I never thought I'd have to experience again, and I would really like to connect with others who are going through similar during this long, difficult process. Background info: I always had tendencies towards anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (the Pure-Obsessional variety) since childhood. At 16 these symptoms very rapidly became so severe my whole life fell apart within a matter of days (Going on the contraceptive pill at this time may have been a contributing factor). I didn't have a full breakdown until I was 18, at which point I was taken to the doctor, put on Sertraline, and referred to psychiatry. The following 8 years consisted of several psychiatric admissions, different drugs including clomipramine, seroquel, mirtazipine, prozac, and possibly a few others for shorter periods. I lost pretty much everything, my obsessional fears were so strong that I attempted suicide more than once, developed a bad cocaine/mephadrone habit, was a constant worry to my family. There were times, however, where the medication would help a lot. At 60mg of Prozac I went through some periods of being functional - I went to work, got into a relationship etc. These were a great relief but I can't say I was truly happy as the fears were never properly dealt with. My last hospital admission was in 2014 when I was 24. I had attempted to come off medication as I believed I had to deal with the underlying problems, and I hated the weight gain side effects. Looking back, this was doomed to fail as I was still using cocaine regularly, drinking a lot, and didn't have any proper support mechanisms in place. I was fine for 6 months then crashed, was borderline psychotic with the OCD symptoms, depressed and anxious beyond belief and desperately wanted to die (and believed I deserved to). I was in a psych ward for just over 2 months before new meds kicked in - clompipramine and (randomly, I don't know why) Epilum, as I was told it 'balanced moods'. A year later I went back on to old faithful Prozac and also came off the contraceptive pill. I had always been told the same about it, that it leveled out moods, and don;t think it's a coincidence that my symptoms became much more manageable a few months after stopping it. I then managed to stay at 40mg for 2 years and my life changed drastically for the better. to myself and everyone around me it was like a miraculous recovery - I stopped taking drugs, began volunteering at a Buddhist meditation centre, got my dream job, published a novel, did newspaper interviews about my experiences, ...I pretty much had my dream life. It was like being reborn after thinking everything was all over...forever. It was in January 2017 that I decided to gradually wean off Prozac. Over the following 10 months I reduced until stopping completely in October. In these past 2 years I have done extensive mind training and spiritual exploration, which has probably been the main factor in this recovery. My life is pretty much dedicated to this practice now - I still volunteer at the meditation centre, go on meditation retreats throughout the year, and have also completed a Reiki Mastership. It was always potentially on the cards after exploring my mind with psychedelic drugs in the past, doing past life regressions and also taking Ayahuasca twice in ceremonies. It was around the time of the reiki mastership that I was weaning off the last of the Prozac. Things became challenging - but at first I welcomed it. I was in a strong place mentally, and my mental health hadn't plagued me intensely for a few years. I was made aware that the Reiki energy can churn things up to be healed, but I think that the combination of this, a massive flare up of a back issue that left me not able to walk for weeks, family pressures and intensive mind exploration during retreat that has led me to my current situation. Since December just passed things have been incredibly difficult. I have experienced a return of old OCD obsessions, to the point where I've had panic attacks for days that made my vision blur, heavy depression, crying all the time, existential fears and experiences which medically would look similar to psychosis (although I believe that term can pathologize important and natural inner processes), identity confusion etc. I knew it would be hard, I just never expected to feel this level of horror ever again. Having said that, I know things are different this time round - I have a level of insight gained through spiritual practice that is keeping me going. Energetically, I'm aware that I am creating this reality on various levels, and that I need to relax as much as possible to allow it to pass through the way it's supposed to. I'm no stranger to facing the darkest parts of the psyche, but it's still terrifying and I'm struggling to cope day to day. To make matters worse, my Mum has gone abroad for cancer treatment and I'm now caring for my little brother and sister 4 days a week which is incredibly stressful (I'm used to having my own space and being able to retreat when I need to). My CBT therapist has discharged me as she feels I cannot engage with therapy under this amount of stress, but encouraged me to come back when my Mum gets back. To be fair, she never taught me anything I didn't naturally learn in meditation and I was only seeing her regularly to comply with services. I have however started going for reiki treatments with the person who facilitated the course I was on last year - he is exceptionally intuitive, knowledgeable and takes an all round, individual approach. One session with him last week was worth a year of 'traditional' therapy. So I'm hoping that continuing with this will help. Anyway, sorry for the essay. I don't have many people to talk to about all this. It's also weird for me to ask for help now as I haven't needed it in so long - I'm usually now the one that helps everyone else. It's a scary and heartbreaking thing to go back to a place you thought you'd left long in the past, but I do believe deep down that I have done so in order to face my demons fully and emerge stronger in the long run. Thank you if you made it this far, I'm looking forward to connecting with others on this site. You are all incredibly strong to be doing what you're doing, no matter what stage you're at. Much love x

I was on it for four (not entirely sure) years, 25-50mg. The first time I had to abruptly quit it was last year, 2020. I was in the hospital for 12 days and they would not give it to me there. That was when I was on 50mg. Withdrawal effects from that year: I had to pee every couple hours at the most and every 15-30 minutes at the least and my oxygen levels dropped (normally they were 99-100 but then they were 92). I would wake up gasping for breath and generally feel very off. This year: The imipramine quit working and was even making me feel worse, so I quit cold turkey from 25mg. Since then I have gotten a mysterious infection and was put on antibiotics, which I completed this morning. My primary doctor thinks I have an infection but could not find bacteria, just elevated white blood cells. I just had flu-like symptoms--headache, nausea, elevated temperature (about 100 degrees in the morning), fatigue, loss of appetite, weight loss, mild dizziness (which is improving) and visual hallucinations, which are not unusual because I also have schizophrenia. Doctor thinks COVID is unlikely, given lack of gastrointestinal issues and also lack of respiratory issues. Also I'm fully vaccinated and not very social. Questions: Would it be a bad idea to take just a tiny bit of imipramine to see if this goes away? Or should I just press on? Here is what I am more concerned about: I recently got a genetic test and do NOT have the MTHFR mutation (inability to process folic acid). But I will be taking Deplin, if insurance approves it, or generic methylfolate if it doesn't, starting with half of a 7.5mg--can it still help even if I don't have the mutation? I read that a lot of my health issues, like non-alcoholic fatty liver, poly-cystic ovary syndrome, depression, and schizophrenia can be helped with folate. I don't eat vegetables at all, and certainly no leafy greens, so is it possible I'm low in folate anyways? I am not looking to change my diet at the time as I'm barely eating as is. Just the idea of eating makes me want to throw up most days. I know it would be good for me to eat better, but I just try and try and it feels like nothing changes. I do actually manage to eat in the afternoon when the nausea fades for a while and I get hungry. I've lost ten pounds in a few months and I'm at 139 now. Thank you for reading!

Hello dear fellas! I am in the same boat like you and I was thinking a lot about creating a topic here. I am a male, 30 years old. My story began in 2010 with a depression I had, which faded away by itself, and was caused by my traveling and settling in a new city in order to study law. It was all good until summer 2012 when I went through a panick attack. It happened to me after a very very intense exam session. This threw me off balance and gave a start to a 4 year struggle with panic, anxiety and I guess a depression, which was caused by all that. After that much time I decided to pay a psychiatrist a visit, who is a close family friend. She prescribed me a drug called Atarax, which helps with sleep. After a few weeks, and feeling drained and drowsy as hell I decided to quit. No problems whatsoever. I told myself I don't need that, I am not sick and that I have enough power to beat a condition like this. And it happened. In the time between January 2017 and June 2018 I was happy and enjoyed life. A stressful event - an argument with my parents and girlfriend, all at the same time, plus the stress from my job, I went back to the pit I was in. On 3 June 2018 while I deriving my car to work I suddenly had a flashback, remembering the time I felt anxious and sick. This was the exact moment when I felt anxiety, fear and thinking I am sick in my head. All was back - the panick, anxiety, fear, sleeping troubles sometimes. Then, on 27 August 2018 I went to see another psychiatrist who put me on Parix (Paroxetine) and Fluanxol (Flupentixol) which is allowed to be sold here in Bulgaria. At the begging of taking the drugs I felt agitated, had vivid dreams, sweating at night, but it all went away. I was gradually getting better. The thing that bothered me the most was the feeling of being constantly sleepy and tired. I had problems with memorizing and I felt somehow detached from the world. I wasn't that bad, I was working at the capital city of Sofia by that time and all was good overall. After a year I quit the Fluanxol under my psychiatrist guidance. Another six months after I quit the Parix as well, of which last 3 months were meant for tapering off the drug. I felt some discomfort during that time not knowning it was signs of withdrawal. On January 2019 I went down to 15 mg Parix, 2 or 3 weeks later I was on 10. It was here where I felt something happening with me but kept going as I was told to. 6 weeks I was on 10 mg, then 2 weeks on 5 mg, and last two weeks 5 mg, skipping a day, plus Magnesium, which was prescribed from my doctor. I felt kind of OK until 25 April 2019, after a cup of coffee. Then suddenly I felt agitated, got scared of what was happening and this marked the begging of my withdrawal. I began shaking, like I was in a hypoglycemia (happend sometimes to me in the past, before drugs). I lost my appetite, fear ran trough my head. In the time before and after that I was feeling detached from the surrounding world but I wasn't aware of that till last few months where I felt more and more alive. The feeling was as if I was living in a cocoon. I felt jittery all the time, my sleep got bad. I was sleeping 5 or 6 hours, with adrenalin waking me up at 5-5:30 am., feeling dreadful. I could feel the fear inside my gut. Which prompted me to go to the toilet immediately. I was having diarrhea. Strange sensations in my head appeared and stayed until May or June. Can't refer to them as brain zaps, but felt pretty similar. I felt that with my head as well as with my body. At different points in the following months it was getting even worst - tinnitus, nausea, consonant anxiety and fear, depersonalisation, total loss of doing activities, including working, despite the fact of doing so.In July I felt pain in my back which was never there before. My head felt in a way you feel that when you were get there flu. I was thinking I had fever but actually never had. At that time stomach acids emerged out of the blue. I wasn't eating something different or I have never eaten for the acids to appear. They stayed for a week, then went away. They got back for a few days in August and then dissappeared. Another thing that hit me difficulty speaking sometimes because my jaw muscles were super stiff. As well as my legs and arms. Crying spells were bad. I even cried once in front of my girlfriend after seeing a scene in a movie. I was having a ball stuck inside my throat. Sometimes I had difficult times reading. It was as my eyes were jumping across a word rather then following it instead. I had no sex drive at all. I had neuro emotions which was very frustrating. I was not able to feel happy, I guess it was anhedonia. I guess I don't remember all symptoms but the feeling was constant misery. At the time September 2019 passed I began feeling a bit better. Nausea, tinnitus, muscle jitters were gone. I slept better. Crying spells faded away with time, as well as the ball inside my throat. But feeling the recovery was slow and definitely in waves and windows. The thing that was there all the time was bad derealisation, the feeling "there is something in my head making it feel like having fever", blurred vision sometimes occurred. In the months after I got better until February 2020. What happened felt like someone smashed me in the ground. I was feeling like relapsing. It was unbelievable that I was feeling kind of OK for being in a withdrawal and then, a day after it was all back - anxiety, bad derealisation, fear, bad sleeping. I was aware of the community here, I have read a lot about withdrawal and this is what was and is still keeping me going. Apparently I skipped the part about the 10 month wave. I was so relieved when I got to know about it that I immediately felt better and reassured myself it is not a relapse. It passed after 2 weeks. I felt better afterwards. In the begging of May 2020 I felt a bit strange feeling in my nose, as if I wasn't able to feel air, you know you kind of feel it when it goes trough your nose. It passed in a few days. After that I got rinnitis out of nothing. Stuffy and runny nose, as if I got allergy from pollens. This kept going for about 10 days and made me feel irritated as i never had it. It was like that until 15th of May when I received a phone call from my dad. He said he is now feeling well, and has fever. He reckoned it may be the coronavirus. I felt bad, really bad. Scared and fearful. The same night was bad, I couldn't sleep. In the morning the anxiety feeling in my head was back. I was very worried about my dad. He passed a test, which was negative. In a few days we already knew he just had inflammation on the bladder. But my constant anxiety stayed. My muscles began getting stiff again. My sleep got disrupted. I am awaking in 5 am every morning. I feel terror after waking up from the adrenalin rush (or cortisol, I am not sure). I am having diarrhea again. Sweaty palms and feet. I am overthinking all the time. I lost appetite, interest in involving into any activity. I feel almost like in the early stages of withdrawal, only without the dereaIisation, which makes it even scarier to me. I was hoping to find support here and help me distinguish whether it is a relapse or a wave , because till now I knew it is a wave, but this time it feels pretty real. I am constantly asking myself whether is it possible to get such a massive set back after going trough waves that were not that bad followed by a nice window. Any advise would be highly appreciated. Thank you! P. S Sorry for the long post!

I would like some advice on withdrawal please. I was on 20 mg prozac for about 5 years and 3 years ago I came off, after a 3 month taper. I started to get a serious ringing in my ears and severe insomnia and then I had a year of anxiety, terrible insomnia and intense anger which got worse and worse. The doctor said that I was obviously depressed and advised me to go back on the prozac, which after a year I did, starting with 40mg as the symptoms were so bad. A year later, one year ago, I lowered the dose and started suffering drowsyness and fatigue which lasted 5 months. Then in September I started suffering from the drowsiness and fatigue again and the doctor eventually told me that I needed to come off the prozac as it wasn’t working for me any more. That was about 3 weeks ago. I had a week tapering and then started sertraline. Since then the drowsiness has got worse, accompanied by really bad tinnitus. My query is about the year I had with anxiety, anger and insomnia. Could that have been withdrawal from the prozac? It didn’t get any better over the year – if anything it gradually got worse and worse. At the time I suspected that it was withdrawal as every so often my face would go numb, which was one of my symptoms when I first came off prozac but the doctor said that the symptoms had gone on far too long and I was just depressed/anxious again. (I had suffered form anxiety for a couple of years previously, which had led to CFS, which was why I had gone on the prozac to begin with.) Could that year have been withdrawal? In which case what do I do now? I can’t go back on prozac as it had started to have a bad effect on me. I’m a bit despairing at the moment – I have recently had to put my PhD on hold because the drowsiness got so bad and I’m dreading the withdrawal if it’s going be as bad as last time. Does anyone have any techniques which might help? I don't want to go back on, however long it takes to even out again.

I have only been on Viibryd 8 days before I began my taper. Dr said to do 10mg 1 day then 5mg the next day for 1 week. Only been on the 10mg for 8 days. Then he said to alternate 5mg and no pill for 1 week. I’ve read on here not to skip doses but 2 Dr told me to wean off that way. Looking for advice.

Hello everyone, I want to share my story and what is going on as for now, 1 month after going off duloxetine. Looking forward to any advice or warm words from you 🙏🏻 This post will be long but I hope any of you will be kind to read it. (pls note that english is not my first language and I am sorry for any mistakes). So, my history with ads as I tried to remember it is in my signature. I started at 20 yr old as I was then diagnosed with depression and anxiety and had major panic attacks. I must say that starting paroxetine at that time was life-saving for me. I stayed on it for a couple of years as I was battling depression, searching for therapies and anything that will help. For many years I took paroxetine and then venlaflaxine, was in different therapies, learned self care, found a supporting group of friends and changed my approach to life. I became very self-aware, gained a great knowledge of antidepressants, mental illnesses etc. I self-diagnosed with CPTSD and read a bunch of books which helped me more than anything before in my life. Fast forward to 2022, still on antidepressants (finally it was duloxetine 60mg for about 6 months), I ended 4 years long therapy, I started feeling really good (with only exception constant fatigue and some mild pain here and there). I decided to go off duloxetine as I felt 1. I no longer need it 2. It is actually making me worse with side effects. Of course my psychiatrists only idea was to get me off 60mg duloxetine to 30mg in a WEEK and from 30mg to 0 in a second week.. Which as you imagine ended up with me feeling like I was literally d*ing. So after 4 days of agony I came back to 30 mg and with the help of this forum ( consulted with my a doctor again) I started tapering by cutting the pill to smaller and smaller pieces, which took almost 3 months altogether. I was determined. I was feeling okay. I was so so hopeful and full of positive imaginations of living my best life after going off the meds. In the last stage I went off about 2mg to 0 in 2 weeks. The smaller the dosage was, the better I felt, and finally couple of days with ZERO duloxetine I was even happy and full of energy. And then all hell broke loose. Around 2-3rd of July 22 I was woken up at night with terrible leg pain. That pain was horrific and nothing I ever felt in my life, crying, screaming on the floor. My legs hurt from hips to ankles. After 3 days of it I drove to the hospital and got injection which helped for about 12 hours. Also it turned out at the same time my rectum prolapsed (rectal prolapse) which scared me as f*k.. It has been more than a month now and countless visits to the doctors (GP, gynie, orthopedist, neurologist, rheumatologist, gastrologist etc). I did so many blood tests and many kind of tests I don’t even remember the names of it all. I lost all my money on it. Nothing came out, nothing indicates any sickness and the doctors are hopeless. For today, I still await many more visits but already some of the doctors suggested seeing psychiatrist and taking antidepressants. Could it be the withdrawal? It is my biggest fear. I cannot imagine going back to antidepressants especially that mentally I am feeling too good for that. I am hanging in here But with every day living with this pain I am starting to loose hope and will. I have trouble with walking and climbing stairs. I cannot work and function. My legs, hips and pelvis hurt so much, some pain going now to the lower back too. I became very sensitive to sound and light and at least a couple of times a day my body kind of shakes for a minutes. If it sounds familiar to you, please contact me. Also, if you have fibromyalgia please let me know, it will be helpfull as it is one of my guesses for this situation. Thank you

Hello everyone. I'll try to organize this as best as I can. There is a lot going on. I was on benzos from age 17 to 36 and on Cymbalta from age 35 to 36. Went off both together for a 2 year nightmare. Absolute pure hell. I wont get into the details and symptoms of that withdrawal in this post as it is it's own little novel. Some things improved during those 2 years and I feel I've beat the benzo part of the nightmare even still, but at age 38 I was still suffering enough that I agreed to go on Lexapro to see if I'd improve. I did improve hugely but it stopped working as well after 3 years and I was switched to Prozac. I have taken the Prozac ever since and it felt like it was failing around 4 months ago. I missed a lot of doses around 3 months ago and just tried to stop CT for just over a week around a month and a half ago. I started feeling withdrawals so I went back on and the withdrawal feeling is still getting worse. My memory and focus went first, then the inner restlessness and anxiety started and dizziness. I am also having the disconnected dream like feeling 24-7. I am so depressed and fearful all of the time. I've been taking the Prozac without missing a dose for over a month again and this is still happening to me. It's as if the combo of Prozac tolerance and coming off for the short time has started a withdrawal that even going back on can't stop. My doctor wants to take me off the Prozac after a slow taper and start me back on the Lexapro. The hope is that since it worked before and I've been off of it for almost 3 years that it could pick me back up and end this nightmare I'm back in. I am really considering just tapering the Prozac and staying off all ssris; so no going back on Lexapro in that case. I am so afraid of entering back into a nightmare like a was in coming off benzos and Cymbalta. My current state is terrible but the previous experience was truly worse; being benzos and Cymbalta together. It is really hard t say what withdrawal symptoms were coming from which pill. There were so many. I am so terrified of how I am feeling right now, but mostly for the days to come. If I come off the Prozac entirely I know my current state will worsen. I will be thrown back into a situation similar to the first nightmare. If I taper the Prozac and go back on Lexapro and it actually works, I'll still be doomed because I'll be back on another pill waiting for it to stop working again and most likely going through it all again. If I go back on the Lexapro and it doesn't work I will just aggravate my current symptoms with throwing more chemicals on my already hurting brain. The first time around withdrawal I had terrible akathisia and I am already feeling it brewing and I am still on the Prozac. I don't want to go through this again! Also from what I've been experiencing this month it seems a lot of what I assumed were due to the benzos were possibly due to the Cymbalta withdrawal as it's so similar. Also, I forgot to mention that I am on 500 mg of Depakote XR as well. I was put on this a couple of months after the Prozac as I felt a bit agitated. It helped but I got worried about my liver and quit it after 4 or five months and had a mild withdrawal from that but it passed. Just a couple of weeks ago after my current situation started I went back on the Depakote to see if it would help and it hasn't. I'll most likely be stopping it again as well. I had an account on Benzo Buddies during that ordeal and it gave me an outlet and some hope. I've set this account up here and got my story out in advance as I am leaning towards just stopping the meds and I'll be needing all of the support I can get! I'm seeing my doctor on January 3 so whatever I decide to do it will be starting then.

Hello All, I am brand new to this forum - first post. I just wanted to get some feedback/suggestions on what I have been going through. My story is this; I have suffered on and off from insomnia for the last 5 years. Up until October last year (2021) I could manage my occasional sleeplessness with an over the counter sleeping aid or half an antihistamine tablet. However, a psychiatrist prescribed me 2.5mg Olanzapine to help with the occasional insomnia and anxiety. He told me that it was non-addictive and that I could take it sporadically. I had started a new job in October, so wanted to ensure that I had a good night sleep for the first few weeks while I settled in. I took half a tablet (1.25mg) 4-5 times per week, some times a bit less, for around 3 x weeks. After this, I noticed that I was no longer able to find sleep naturally. I tried everything, and despite being exhausted I just couldn't sleep. So over the next few weeks I would avoid taking the Olanzapine, only to become completely exhausted by day 5 of little to no sleep that I ended up caving and taking some. Eventually I needed to increase from half a tablet to a full one, then to 1.5 tablets, and sometimes closer to 2. This cycle continued for about 6-7 months. Olanzapine helped me sleep, but made me feel horrific and irritable the next day. I ended up finding some scary (and similar) stories to mine online, and decided to quit for good. But since then, I have not been able to sleep naturally, or very rarely if I do. Additionally, none of the over the counter sleep aids work anymore - this is what scares me the most as I have very few options now, and I'm not sure why this is the case. Further, my GP put me on Mirtazapine at my request as I had been on this previously around 10 years ago and I recall it being highly sedating and helped my anxiety a lot. Upon starting the medication, my sleep improved greatly - I felt amazing. Then after 4 weeks it started losing its effect. Doubled the dose at 4 weeks, which helped for another 4 weeks, then again it lost its effect. I seem to be resistant to most medication that normally helps you sleep. My GP has now prescribed temazepam until I see a sleep specialist later this week. I'm hoping to god that the sleep specialist can help because I do not want to become reliant on a benzo in addition to everything else! So my question is, if the Olanzapine has caused/contributed to these sleep issues - are there any options to help mitigate this kind of insomnia until my brain (hopefully) recovers? Just wanting to hear other peoples stories. It has been about 4 x months since I've touched Olanzapine yet I am still having great difficulties and it is ruining my life. I feel suicidal and anxious a lot of the time, am having trouble managing work, and am just at a complete loss as to what to do. Has anyone else experienced this? Thanks in advance

Hi everyone, just wanted to share my story (and hopefully my eventual recovery). I am 20 years old, and was 19 when I started on 50mg of Sertraline I was prescribed it in Feb 2015 for social anxiety and took it for a month. Quit cold turkey because I felt pretty depersonalised, and cause of the sexual side effects. All of my symptoms came on during my time on the drug or shortly afterwards. They are: Dulling of emotion/Anhedonia - Have felt sadness a few times, and anger a few times. No joy, no passion, maybe some flashes of love but that's it. Unable to relate to characters in books/TV. Dimunition of visual imagination - I used to daydream constantly prior to taking the drug. Since cold turkeying the pictures in my mind are very blurred and I am no longer able to daydream. Loss of creativity - Before the drug I used to read a lot, and when I read I always felt like ideas were constantly popping into my brain. Since I stopped medication this no longer happens. I feel like I am reading the words on the page very superficially.. Physical numbness in brain - Feels like there's a great pressure in the frontal lobe of my head, almost like it is torn (but there is no pain) PSSD - No libido, anorgasmia, difficulty getting and maintaining erections (too much information but I want to be thorough here) No fatigue behind eyes - this one isn't necessarily negative, but since stopping the drug my eyes never get tired regardless of how much time I spend using screens or reading. Possible other symptoms that could be unrelated: Muscle twinges (very mild), worsening of eyesight (20/20 vision pre medication), urine delay (is considerably better now) Improvements - I saw very positive changes when it came to anorgasmia and erections around 6 months into my withdrawal. Unfortunately it seems like in the past 2 months things have gone back to square one. The physical pressure in my head varies a lot, and is definitely much better than it was at the start of my withdrawal (though it still gets very bad). I couldn't read for the first 6 months of this withdrawal because I got absolutely no enjoyment out of it and that was depressing because I used to love reading prior to the drug. Now I read a bit, and it feels nicer than doing nothing I guess, but seriously if that's an improvement in my anhedonia then it's 0% to 1%, because I still have zero positive emotion. General - I feel hopeless about recovery a lot of the time. I have suicidal thoughts but would never commit suicide because of the effect that would have on my mum. I browse through the forums looking for recovery stories, but it seems like most people who recover haven't had this constant anhedonia, and were in a more turbulent emotional withdrawal. If anyone who is in my position, or anyone who was in my position but recovered, could reply I'd be very grateful. Many thanks, Raven

hello, this is my first time posting. I have read some of the forums on here but I still am having difficulty on how to proceed. I was on Paxil 40mg for 7 years. I hate it. I cross tapered onto prozac 40 over 9 days. I was stupid and tried to reduce the Prozac’s dose a couple days as well. The withdrawal is so bad now I can barely get up and I haven’t eaten much of anything in days. These are the same symptoms I felt from stopped Paxil before; intense nausea, headache, vertigo, lethargy, brain zaps, depressed. I can’t function at all. today and yesterday I’ve taken 40mg prozac. I’m going to call the psychiatrist on Monday but honestly they have no clue about anything related to withdrawal and never give me guidance. I have very little faith in them being able to help me. Does anyone know if this is just from stopping Paxil? Or starting prozac? Does being on another ssri not stop the withdrawal from another? I’ve tried withdrawal from Paxil on its own and it’s just impossible. I have no idea what to do at this point. If the United States had free healthcare I would go to the hospital but it doesn’t so I’m not doing that. I’m not sure how much they could even do.

Summary prior to Lexapro: I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16 in 1999. It's hard to remember what I was going through then, but I know I would have major mood swings and get very emotional and sad. I started seeing a therapist. I was prescribed Zoloft, I think it was 10mg. I don't remember my full prescription history, but I believe I stayed on Zoloft until at least 2006. I moved from New Hampshire to San Francisco in 2005 and started seeing a therapist there. I didn't think I needed anti-depressants anymore and went off of Zoloft. I don't remember any kind of tapering, or guidance/warnings about going off Zoloft. I didn't have any issues quitting. I remember having depression symptoms during my period and my therapist recommended taking Prozac only during my period. I believe this was in 2006 or 2007. It helped, but I felt emotionally numb. Lexapro: I decided to try anti-depressants again but I wanted to try something different. My doctor recommended Lexapro. I believe this was in 2007 or 2008. Lexapro was an easy drug to take. I didn't have any side effects. Once, Kaiser tried to push me to generic escitalopram and I experienced issues with mood swings. I don't remember the exact symptoms but I know I contacted my doctor within a few days and demanded brand name Lexapro again. Other than that, I stayed on 20mg Lexapro with little thought to what/how it was treating my depression. There was one point where I visited my family in New Hampshire and didn't pack enough Lexapro. I skipped one day and figured I would do every other day to stretch the pills. I got dizzy and had brain zaps within a day. I looked this up online and learned that you can't just go off Lexapro. I kept that in mind and planned my refills better from that point on. Tapering off: In August 2020 Kaiser's pharmacy informed me that they would no longer carry Lexapro brand name starting in September, and they would only offer generic Escitalopram. I don't think this is a problem for most people but I had a bad reaction when I tried generic before and didn't want to go down that path again. I had also been questioning how long I should stay on anti-depressants. I was 38 and was a completely different person than when I was first prescribed at 16. I have a supportive partner who encourages me to seek alternative methods to managing my depression. I was particularly interested in supplements like fish oil because they have other health benefits. It felt hopeful to know that through mindfulness techniques and supplements I could manage my depression naturally and add additional health benefits. I emailed my doctor and asked for a tapering recommendation. Her assistant said to go from 20mg to 10mg for 2 weeks and then go off. That sounded entirely naive to me knowing what I experienced when I skipped one day by accident years earlier. I did research and most articles were vague. I subscribed to Harvard Health Review and they had a more thorough article with gradual tapering guidelines. I choose to go from 20 to 15, 10, 5 with 4 weeks in between. I started the taper in September and completed just after Christmas 2020. With about 4 weeks in between dosage changes I felt some brain zaps and dizziness, but nothing that impacted my day to day activities and work. Full stop: In January 2021 I felt pretty good about stopping the pills (I was on 5mg at that point). I read that you could experience more extreme symptoms after 5 days if you didn’t taper long enough. At day 5 all the withdrawal symptoms started and continued for roughly 4 months. I won’t get into full details because I think the symptoms are easier to find online now, but the brain zaps were frequent throughout the day. I was dizzy, and most days I worked on my couch because I couldn’t handle being vertical. My balance wasn’t so bad that I would fall, but I would kind of lean side to side going down hallways. Other physical symptoms were headaches, completely random indigestion that didn’t coincide with my very consistent diet, shaky hands, insomnia, and very random and quick flu/cold like symptoms like congestion. The brain zaps and dizziness made work very challenging. I manage a software development firm and am on client calls most of the day. What was far worse were waves of anxiety. I’ve never felt anxiety before, this was completely new to me. My mind was racing and I was constantly worried about my partner dying (he has perfect health) and other nonsense. I felt like I was on then verge of mania because I couldn’t handle even the smallest amount of stress. A stressful work event would have me clenching my teeth, holding back a scream, and pounding my fists. I’m the cool and calm one at work so this was so foreign to me and I was always scared I would lose my temper during a meeting. I had panic attacks, which I’ve never experienced before. They were prompted by seemingly nothing. I had a very hard time socializing. If someone asked how I was I thought I would burst into tears. I stopped drinking because I read that it could help. I told my closest friends so they would understand why I was withdrawing. I had a hard time talking about myself because I was really just trying to hang on. I didn’t have any other news. I couldn’t help out around the house because of the dizziness, and trying to cook would stress me out and make me agitated. My partner picked up the chores and I was usually lying on the couch. I don’t remember when the symptoms stopped because they kind of morphed instead of really going away, but I think the physical symptoms like brain zaps and dizziness started to lift in April and probably stopped in May 2021. I believe the initial withdrawal period was 4-5 months. I spoke with a Kaiser psychiatrist towards the end of this period and told him that my symptoms felt different. He cut me off and told me that you will not experience new symptoms when you go off SSRI’s. He told me that my depression could have evolved over the years and I didn’t know because I was on anti-depressants. I asked him when this will end and he said it is so rare that they don’t know, but it should really only be a few weeks (I was already into 4 months). Out of desperation I asked him to just tell me if it isn’t possible to go off Lexapro, do I just need to accept that and go back on. I told him that I’ve read countless forums where people describe this problem and I never see a follow up that they successfully finished the withdrawal. He downplayed forums and suggested that people probably needed to be on the SSRI’s and ultimately went back on because of their depression, but not because of the drug. I told him it was a crime that they don’t educate people about this before prescribing these medications. Post-acute withdrawal: As the physical withdrawal symptoms went away in May 2021 I was prepared to face my old depression symptoms, and I was armed with reading materials about mindfulness techniques and supplements like vitamins and fish oil. I definitely had some low days where I was sad and it was challenging to find motivation. But I also felt different because the anxiety was still around. It wasn’t as extreme as before (I didn’t have to worry about panic attacks), but I had lots of worrying and my mind was racing in addition to the feelings of sadness and inadequacy. I started taking fish oil supplements (1200mg EPA + 900mg DHA)in June/July 2021. My anxiety got worse and I wasn’t sleeping well. It was affecting work so I decided to just take it during my period when my symptoms are stronger. But it was still too much and I tried another brand with a lower dose. Same issues. I give up and try SAM-e, a supplement that should also help depression. I take 400mg a day and I just have light anxiety symptoms. I increased to 2 pills a day/800mg during my period and I got indigestion so I backed down to 400mg. Big mistake - I had insomnia for 2 days. Why am I so sensitive to these supplements when it seems like everyone else takes them easily? During a sleepless night I am doing online research and find Adele Framer’s research article: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2045125320980573?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&rfr_id=ori:rid:crossref.org&rfr_dat=cr_pub 0pubmed I cry while reading it because it’s the first time I see in writing that people are experiencing new symptoms after discontinuing a SSRI. That’s exactly what is going on with me right now. At the time of writing this it has been 11 months since I stopped Lexapro and I don’t know if I am treating depression or anxiety. I’m staying on SAM-e 400mg a day because I’m petrified to make any changes without a professional guiding me. I’m taking a B complex/folate/magnesium vitamin luckily without issue. I have a couple good days and then a breakdown that is mixed with depression and anxiety. My mind races and I don’t sleep as deeply now. I’ve stopped drinking, except for a couple drinks a month, and I eat as many veggies as I can. I have irrational fears like my partner is going to die still and I’m guaranteed to have some kind of emotional breakdown before my period. I can’t handle the level of stress that I used to, and have a hard time multi tasking at work because I get agitated and experience brain fog. Suicidal thoughts make their way into my consciousness routinely, and on bad days I don’t think I can go on any further. On good days I worry about when the next bad day will be. I read this article by Adele and cried again because I’m 11 months in and she went 11 years: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2045125321991274. It feels hopeless, but my only motivation is to find a doctor that will guide me through this. I’m here on this forum to find a doctor that will treat the withdrawal symptoms for however long this is going to take. I can’t do this by myself.