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Hi. So, I had been having some health anxiety over 2021. It resulted in me getting a colonoscopy in November 2021. Leading up to it I had intense anxiety, a few panic attacks and perhaps even a nervous breakdown. The night before I woke at 3 am and had a panic attack. I really thought I was dying this time, so we called 911, and I luckily, not dying. During the procedure they did take a biopsy, and while waiting for the results (2weeks) I had very intense anxiety. It was benign. I'd had intense panic and anxiety for almost a whole month at this point. Around Dec 17, 2021 I contracted covid. It was pretty uneventful, but near the end of it I was waking around 5 am with adrenaline and diarrhea and I couldn't go back to sleep, this was creating anxiety in me that was getting harder and harder to control. So I went to a Dr on December 30 2021 who prescribed me Zoloft 50mg and Xanax 0.25mg. They were filled pretty fast and I took one of each as soon as I got home (around 1-2pm) I felt ok at first, but a few hours later all the side effects started. Irritable/uncomfortable, anxiety, nauseous, no appetite, chills, diarrhea, invasive thoughts that started pretty quick and intensely, and soon to find out - insomnia. I'd lay there with invasive thoughts and if I happened to drift off I'd be jerked awake and there was no sleeping for at least a week. I lived in a panic for around 2 weeks. I never took another dose of Zoloft. But I did take around 9 doses (some halved) of Xanax over the next 2-3 months. Sometimes to help sleep, but it was never worth it as I'd only get a 2-3 hours and then have intense anxiety the next day. It worked ok for panic during the day, but then I feel it intensified my anxiety for the next few days. I found some old Valium 5mg from a dental procedure, there were only 2 doses. They helped sleep some, but they left me feeling so sluggish, it didn't feel good. And it wasn't helping me sleep enough to want to try to get more, I was prescribed Restoril 15mg in April by a sleep Dr. I only took half doses 3 times. Again, it didn't help my sleep enough to ever make it worth it and just gave me bad rebound anxiety. Then I was prescribed hydroxyzine May 2021 (forgot about that when I wrote my signature, will add later). I've taken it around 5 times. It helped me sleep the first night, then not so much the next. Waited a week and tried again, it helped a little for sleep and calming, but not that much. It was mostly disappointing. Luckily it didn't seem to cause any rebound anxiety. But it doesn't help with much so I really don't take it. So, I did take my last Xanax around 1 month ago for a bad panic attack. And that was last time I took a benzo. My last hydroxyzine was around 1 week ago. My current symptoms are anxiety, depression, anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization (I'm never sure on the terms, it's the one where I feel like I'm in a dream, I can react to everyone normally and everything seems normal, but I just feel ... off, like I'm not connected to it all). Agoraphobia, I can push past it but it's hard and only if it's close to home or my husband and children are with me. Which really sucks because I used to love going out by myself or with my children, go on vacations etc... now I feel like I can't leave the house without forcing myself. This fear feeling is so horrible and there really is no reason, I just feel it. And intense insomnia, I can't fall asleep, can't nap, I get adrenaline rushes continuously as I'm trying to fall asleep, or less common are the hypnic jerks, and I wake early around 3-6am and can't fall back to sleep even if I've only slept for 1-2 hours. I like to think my sleep is getting better, as there some rare nights when I will get 5-7 hours. But those are followed the next night by not being able to fall asleep because of adrenaline surges. So, I'm probably only getting those nights from severe sleep deprivation, not that I'm actually getting better =( At one point I thought it was just anxiety keeping awake, but there have been plenty of nights I go to sleep with NO worries at all. I'm not over thinking or thinking of anything provoking and I still get the adrenaline surges at the point of falling asleep. It's seriously so maddening. It's going into 6 months since that day and my sleep is still not good. I thought it would last a few days, then weeks, then got my hopes for a few months. Now it's going into half a year. It started with panic and anxiety, but now depression is setting in and I just don't know what to do. I try to keep my hopes up, but it's so hard. I also have anhedonia and agoraphobia although I can push past it as long as it's close to home, but it takes a lot of effort. I do get some windows I stay home with my 3 small children and am not able to be the mother I want to be for them by feeling this way. Which again adds to the depression. So that's where I am. I hate that I took that zoloft and xanax. And for a long time now i was just blaming the zoloft. And now I've been wondering if the benzos have been negatively affecting me as well? I know I can't beat myself up over it. I try and accept my situation and believe that I will heal. But it's so hard and it all feels so dark sometimes.

As a 60 yo woman I took a hard look at my past life of various antidepressants since 1981 inevitably winding up with a 40 year RX drug habit, over weight and in pain. I'm active and eat health following an anti inflammatory diet w/ very little dairy or gluten and was just stuck physically. June 6th 2023 I made the decision to do a hard reset and stop My high dose Paxil and Deseryl and Xanax, not taper. As you'd expect the following week was of your typical physical drug withdrawal response, insomnia, loss of appetite, diaphorsis etc. What I didn't expect was that in the second week I started to feel an undeniable amount of strength returning, muscle coordination improvement and lack of pain. A high akin to a mushroom trip with heightened senses of pleasure, euphoria and an overwhelming sense of calm. I feel awake for the first time in decades. No unwanted thoughts or emotions, I have 40 years of coping skills and cognitive behavioral therapy in my arsenal. My gut health was the first to return to normal - there was No more bloating , constipation or abdominal pain. The chronic pain I'd been suffering with limiting my ADLs was GONE! And remains that way. I now have the flexibility of my teenage self and am back to practicing yoga on the floor with relatives ease. It's almost as if every cell in my being is undergoing a rebirth and is new again. The only side effect I have found unpleasant is scattered facial numbness which I'm hoping will ease its way back to normal as well. The 'electrical shocks' were an interesting side effect , it feels as though the nerves in my body are awaking again for the first time and I feel great. It's only been 20 days and I feel newborn and loving it... Finding this site has been a relief. There is No Support available for Antidepressant Withdrawl. It is not even discussed in the Healthcare industry. To entertain this thought process is considered non complainant , a 'behavioral' abnormality. I am in control of my mind, my body and my senses for the first time in my life ❤️

Hello- My name is Emily. I'm almost 27 & have been on the Celexa generic, Citalopram for close to 11.5 years. I was originally prescribed the drug as a young teen for major depressive disorder & severe anxiety disorder. Through therapy, time, & the edge the drug took off, I recovered. I have had seasons of depression over the last 10+ years, but never reaching the level of despair I consistently experienced as a teen. Within the last 5 years, I've tried to get off Citalopram twice before (once via tapering with my PCP & once cold turkey on my own) & I've been unsuccessful with both due to the intense withdrawal symptoms (brain zaps, migraines, tiredness, dark thoughts, etc.) when I reached a low dosage (0-20 mg). Through what I've learned about SSRIs, my psychological stability, prolonged time on the drug, & young age, I desire to get off Celexa once at for all, however, I need help. I don't feel that the medical professionals in my life that can support me well through this process given my prior failed attempts. Please help me safely & effectively get off this drug. Summarized Details I'm a 27 year old female & I've been on Citalopram for 11.5 years. I'm only on Citalopram (40 milligrams) & I have currently started the process of tapering & I've been on 30mg for the last 3 weeks. I'm nervous to decline to 20mg. Initially, I tried to jump from 40 to 20mg (I had done this in the past without an issue) & had brain zaps so I cut the pills to take 30mg. Over the past 11.5 years (2012-2023), I've toggled between taking 20 & 40mg. I have used Xanax "as needed" in the past but haven't used it in a long time. The longer I've been on the drug at 40mg, the more difficult it is for me to decrease milligrams. I've really struggled when going down to 20mg Please advise if there is any more info you need.

Hi there, I have been through polydrug hell, suffered insomnia after medical shock then given host of sleep meds but believe they caused paradoxical breathing or possibly withdrawals maybe from mix, was given zolpiclone and Xanax and no in breath when going into deeper sleep and would wake constantly? Has anyone experienced this? Continued and given mirtrazapine at morning time! Then amitriptyline which caused urinary retention stopped both, no sleep still so kept on Xanax and zopiclone, then stopped and the same scenario no in breath? If anyone knows what this is? I was then given Xanax to keep me asleep, never more than 1mg ar night only, would you have withdrawals from that if just at night? Panic attacks as no sleep only an hour or so, myoclonus, can’t sleep during day time jerks hypnic. Then started sertraline and hyperacusis started and Xanax still. Then went to psych hospital as wasn’t sure what was happening? Was treated horrifically told agitated depression, never had depression in life, we thing misdiagnosed badly, by power tripping psych as I challenged that. Given Effexor, then clonazapam at night 1mg kept pushing Effexor up, no benefit. I was so worried as they were leaving me on clonazapam, I was only taking at night, day was cut cold Turkey as I was too sleepy. No weaning. Then told take more at night! But got trazadone added 100mg and cut clonazapam to .5 from 1mg, hyperacusis back as had gone but worse than when went in! Effexor pushed up more, phergen added night and clonazapam cut to .25mg from .5mg, Effexor up at 150mg, hyperacusis unbelievable now! Odd as if was depression should the Effexor now get rid of hyperacusis? No benefit. Then told take more, 187 and I couldn’t sleep at all. Myoclonus so bad. Was left even though had bruising everywhere ignored amongst so many other symptoms panic attacks so bad, let out as insurance up, left in lurch, cut to 150 Effexor then 112 and hyperacusis worsening. Got public psych but she said thinks misdiagnosed but no disgnosis and said cut Effexor to 75 and hyperacusis was too much to bear I had to go back to 112.5 mg. What is going on, I’ve never dealt with drugs like this before and don’t know what’s going on and very bad care here, told hyperacusis ENT thing but ruled out but ignored. Hypnic jerks, sleep not great at all, panic so bad in morning feel in total trauma ptsd all time freeze mode. Treated so badly. No info given on anything when in hospital just ignored and wouldn’t wean me off clonazapam yet told me Im on addictive meds now for life! Can anyone help me on hyperacusis and what’s going on breathing at night and hypnic jerks. Breathing is separate than jerks, no in breath in deeper sleep stage. I am at wits end and no life. Left without help. Clonazapam Now out of stock. I’m on it still what left .25mg trazadone and melatonin now might, wake up in horrors. Is it possibly to have withdrawals daily? If low dose? I’m so confused. Pharmacist said possible, my nervous system in total disarray. The 112 to 75 was too much. Too fast just cut fast. Any help on how to cut as tried opening beads out but even that hyperacusis was getting worse? Please help me make sense of this all? Thank you. Is it trauma PTSD, withdrawals, as I am worse now than ever, do get some sleep which is good thing. But wake in horrors. All day panic attacks constantly no let up unless lying down. BP all over place. Get so weak. Have thyroid condition and period issues, fibroid and lot of blood loss monthly. Skin is so dry. Diarrhea all time, gastro issues, reflux. In such panic I just need some advice what May be going on? Thanks so much

Greetings, I am 22 right now, I am fortunate to be able to join your platform to find solution on my current life altering issue... To encapsulate, my story began in 2018 (17 close to 18 years old) when I was close to my the examination period and I had a predisposition to stress and anxiety, after the examination my mental health and energy deteriorated and after a subsequent diagnosis with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), and the begin the administration regimen of Paroxetine 20mg...and that was during 2018-2021 ( at which timeframe I also took Zoloft during that time), was also given Xanax. Please note that I was kinda doctor shopping myself, given that I have to leave my Mother-Country Greece, to study abroad in the UK. So keep in mind that many things transpired during that span...at which I did go on and off paroxetine for a while. When Covid-19 hit I had to go back to my own country, and therefore my parents had more of a grasp of what was happening.. Essentially, my mother at first, did not want me to take any medications and even told me to withdraw from paroxetine after being on it for so long. Hence, it is not surprising that even the doc conducted himself accordingly... and by saying that I mean, he reverted to my mother's request with the most ignorant/malpractice-like behavior possible: just stop in like 20 days... To keep it short after 2 months of being off the Paroxetine, I developed some kind of withdrawal syndrome which precipitate in the faitful moment the next doctor, decided that the best way to tackle this issue, was to administer trittico and 2.5mg zyprexa, which I took for about 22-28 days.... Anyhow then the doctor, tried to poly-drug me again by adding lyrica(which i took for a while ) and also trying to purport effexor as another supplementary med... Moving on, my parents, decided that the best course of action was to get a second opinion from another of those inclined clinicians... so the next one was like, olanzapine is a dangerous drug, and he told me to CT it after 22 days of exposure, to which I complied with no resistance. After that he told me that I need to do EEG and after that he gave me welbutrin (also attivan/tavor) which i took for about a month or so before stopping it, because it induced even more anxiety and internal head- throbbing (for which I conjecture olanzapine was the culprit)... Anyhow, after that, it was decided that I should visit another doc, which i did after stopping the med. The next doc. told me that the optimal path was to put me on 200mg Zoloft which I took, till I developed intense, noticeable tremors in my face, which even my parents found very peculiar. For this reason it was decided to decrease dose and stay at 100mg before going back to 50mg which i stayed for a while. After that, my parents told me that Rtms abbreviated for Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation was the way to go. Consequently, I travelled by train to the northern part of my country where this medical intervention was available. After which 30 sessions (left lobe) for depression/anxiety and 30 additional sessions (at the top of the head) for OCD were conducted on me. It was not worthy it as i felt even worse after it, and developed a more pronounced headache and muscle strain in my neck and throat. After that, couple of months passed and since my situation only got worse and worse I went to 20 mg brittellix/vortioxetine and now for about 2 months I am at 40mg. The most prominent symptoms from my side are the following: 1) Cognitive deficit - progressively getting worse 2) Memory impairment - progressively getting worse 3) Anhedonia - no fluctuations 4) PSSD (ED can not even sustain it for a little while)- no fluctuations 5) Inability to connect with others/emotional blunting 6) Head pressure/ throbbing / Headache (rhythmic) - constant getting worse 7) Nausea and speech impairment Please advise if those syndromes are somewhat recoverable and my system can eventually normalize and revert back to its old self... Honestly I have heard stories of people like zelnick and Plshelp , Sofa and so many others that only got worse, which is quite perplexing, what do I need to do? I tried to persuade my parents to do an Qeeg or SPECT by the believe my OCD and "mental illness" are acting up.. Do you have any suggestions on how to proceed with life ? and if those alterations which are stemming from SSRIs and also the brief exposure to Zyprexa/Olanzapine can be addressed and properly treated ? I believe my D2 receptors or dopaminergic system is kinda messed up, and that neuroadaptation failed or something. My dopamine/serotonic/muscarinic/histamine etc. receptors and genesis must be f-ed up. Awaiting your kind advise if there is any. Thank you in advance for your kind assistance.

Hi everyone I'm 22 years old now. I suffered from bulimia, depression and generalized anxiety since the age of 17 and my family got me help when I was 18 after I failed my medical school exams due to my condition. I was put on several medications ( Alprazolam, Valproate, Lamotrigine, Fluoxetine) during the course of treatment. I come from a lower economic class country where psychiatric treatment is still considered a taboo and people hide it from others, the facilities available are not the best but its a work in progress. Most of the drugs I had to take, they helped me immensely and I had not much trouble tapering valproate, lamotrigine and alprazolam within a year since start of treatment. They helped me get through the second-sit of exams and after I passed I quit the first two within 2 weeks using ( 50-25-0%). Since I am in medical school I was well aware of addictive potential of benzodiazepine's, so I decided to taper alprazolam as well even though it helped my anxiety symptoms. I had panic attacks and palpitations again but I started working myself through therapy and regular exercise and sleep to ease my symptoms. For a regular person these things are a luxury of time, but if you suffer from a mental health problem you must consider a good sleep and exercise a necessity for the rest of your life and fit in other parts of your life with it, not the other way around. Around 19, I was only taking fluoxetine (20 mg ) and my symptoms got worse, as I often tried to taper it on my own ( I wanted to be off drugs asap). The doctors upped my dose instead of my concern of getting them off, and told me to take valproate, which I could take if I felt my symptoms weren't manageable as I told him I don't want to be back on meds. For four months I was on 40 mg dosage of fluoxetine and some days were quite bad and 2 years back I would've seen the doctor and he would have most likely upped my dosage again but this time I decided to be patient with myself on bad days, accepting them as part of recovery because on the good days, I didn't need any aid and slowly the ratio of good to bad days was improving. I found this blog and I started the brass monkey taper schedule with 4 weeks hold for fluoxetine, and I was done in 6 months. I had some side effects but with this method they were too mild to be cause a nuisance. I had dizziness, insomnia and weight gain (around 10 kgs) during the process. I am now drug-free for almost a year, and its lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, rest, filling my bucket before I pour from it to others, adequate rest ) that keep me going fresh and happy. I had failed attempts at tapering fluoxetine and every time I tried my symptoms became unbearable till I found this forum. I am incredibly grateful to this community and the stories that gave me strength to continue on my journey. To everyone reading this, be patient with yourself and don't compare your journey to others. Listen to your heart when it tells you NO, trust yourself to get through it and you will only see your strength in the hindsight. Love and Prayers.xx

Hi everyone I am trying to navigate through this new group. I am not doing well. Lol I am 53 . Was in great health before taking an antidepressant. I have been struggling since 09/2020. I have been searching for help. I have a list of issues since I Went off all antidepressants. I am wondering if anyone has had issues with no reflexes ? Such as gag, cough, or blink? Or not being able to feel pain?

Rhi's Introduction topic I want to crow, or at least jabber excitedly, about the improvements I'm finally seeing in my health and mental/emotional wellbeing as a result of my taper. But I'm not "fully recovered from withdrawal" so I was hesitant to post in this area. Then I decided what the heck. Recovery doesn't have to be all or nothing. There are all kinds of success stories. I know people will be encouraged by what I have to say, as I am encouraged by others. So here it is. As you can see from my sig, I'm in the process of a very long taper off five meds, with a long time yet to go. But I am ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED at my improvement so far. Even though I'm still taking low doses of four psychiatric meds--I'm not sure I can find the words to describe how much better I'm doing and how happy I am at these lower doses, relative to how I was when I was taking those so-called "therapeutic" dosages. Neurontin completely savaged my ability to learn and remember things. Benzos and Lamictal are still making that something of a challenge, but the Neurontin was the worst. It also gave me the lack-of-impulse-control of a two-margarita drunk, and you can imagine what that did for my personality and peoples' impressions of me. I did and said stuff even just two years ago that makes me shudder to think now and thank my lucky stars I didn't get in more trouble. After I got down below 100 mg, all of this settled down a lot, especially the cognitive stuff. When I finally came all the way off Neurontin back in April, after about three months of recovery I seemed to stabilize out fully. My point is, though, I got the lion's share of my improvement not when I quit completely, but during the taper itself. Now I'm experiencing something that just makes me want to shout from the rooftops: I've gotten my motivation and enthusiasm back! After 20 years on antidepressants, I had forgotten what it felt like to actually WANT to do stuff! I used to go along with stuff proposed by other people, and I enjoyed it to the extent that I could experience "enjoyment" (something ADs cripple in me), but I usually felt like I would just have soon have stayed home, and left to my own devices that's pretty much what I did. It was hard, because my poor kids wanted to get out there and experience life. Fortunately their dad and some of my friends used to take them places and give them some adventures. I just never really wanted to do much. Which was weird, because before Prozac and Xanax, you couldn't keep me at home. I was always wanting to go out and do things. I was also very social, loved being with other people, got along well with them. Then for 20 years I became the opposite--agoraphobic, uncomfortable and awkward with people, socially anxious. Well--I'm getting myself back! I'm still on 2.7 mg of Celexa, but the zombie effect is lifting. You have NO idea how great it feels, and I don't think words can do it justice. Over about the past six months I've noticed that I'm back to being comfortable in social environments--more than comfortable, I love being with people, and people seem to enjoy me too. It's so much fun being a social human being again! And for the first time in 20 years I want to do stuff! When I have a day off work, instead of hanging around the house, I want to get out and explore the world, get out and try something new, meet people, see things, do things, touch the world, feel alive, explore, have fun! It's GREAT. So I'm here to testify (can I get a witness?--okay, that's a southern US cultural reference, ignore it if you don't get it) that at least for me, it's been possible to get back a lot of myself, a lot of what I lost on the "meds", just by slowly and carefully lowering my doses and getting down to low doses. The lower the doses go, the better I feel. There's a lot of room between "all" and "nothing", and that's the room where slow tapers play out. It was my hope that by tapering extremely slowly like I have been, all the meds together like I have been, that this would happen, that I would gradually and safely emerge from the nightmare miasma of "non-me" that the drugs had trapped me in. And it's happening. After two and a half patient years of tapering, it's definitely happening. For the first time in 20 years, you can't keep me at home, and I delight in social interaction. Just like how I remember myself being before they put me on the drugs. I'm not even going to go into the kind of karma that people earn by stealing 20 years from someone's life just so they can make money. That's not what this is about, although I have to say I feel pretty PO'd about it. I just want to say that you may not have to wait until you get to the end of your taper to enjoy a lot of benefit. And that tapering faster so you can get all the way off faster--it might not be worth the price, since tapering slow enough that you can still maintain a life and good health may turn out to be worth it when you get to a lower dose and you're functioning well enough to actually ENJOY that life and that health. And I want to say that YES, it's worth it. You can get yourself back. I've heard it from others, I've seen others do it, and I'm experiencing it myself. Hang in there! it's worth it!

My history with medication started when I took a leave of absense from college in 2001, after my first semester. I moved back across the country, lived in a friend's dorm room, got a job, got an apartment, and decided to seek help for depression and trouble focusing. I was prescribed Ritalin. Over the years (see signature for meds), I was given meds for depression, sleep problems, ADHD, and eventually Bipolar II. In October of 2013, I left a job both over ethical concerns and because I wanted to work for myself. I lost access to the medications I was on at the time, though, because of an insurance SNAFU. By mid-2014, I was practically non-functional, though I was also trying new meds and working with a therapist. In 2015, I ended up unable to work, moving to my parent's home, and getting SSDI. Many of the meds I've tried since then (and before) gave me immediate adverse effects, or soon after I started taking them. In 2021, Lexapro was added, and that gave me constant nausea, but I was determined to stick it out. I had to use cannabis constantly in order to not feel like throwing up. Then, when I learned about laws in a couple states passing that explicitly allowed medical providers to deny care for "religious or ethical reasons," targeting queer people (I'm a trans* guy and gay), I threw temper tantrums like a two-year-old at both my therapist and mother for two days, and became extremely activated. At first I was ranting out of terror, and then angry at their lack of empathy. It was both called-for and out-of-line. Then began a flurry of activity. I felt like myself, and like I was developing good boundaries. I told people about many painful things from the past. I was also, in retrospect, not well, but when my APRN told me to stop taking Lexapro because "people say you've been acting out of character," I was livid, because I finally felt like myself again, and it was traumatizing to hear about those laws being passed and have people to tell me to calm down because it wasn't an immediate threat. I told her that sometimes when someone experiences something new, they act in a new way; it's objectively true. I don't know. I developed panic attack symptoms, had trouble regulating my body temperature, had more than the usual variations in energy level, and had a lot of sleep disturbances. My proprioception was often way off. I compulsively spent money, but in a way that made half-sense. A few months into the Lexapro, I developed some movement disorder symptoms, sort of only half-controllable unwinding stretching, triggered also by physical therapy for severe pain and stiffness in the right side of my neck. The stretching felt good, but then I got tight again. That was particularly weird. I often had very firm boundaries over the spring and summer, getting to the point of yelling when my concerns about my safety as a queer person were being thrown back in my face. Some people told me I was hard to follow, but others could follow me fine. All of my emotions were amplified. At one point I hit a wall with my fist in my mother's house, and dented it. I offered to fix it or pay to have it fixed, but that offer was rejected. In the fall, without prior warning, my family changed the locks on my place, and threw away whatever they thought was trash, and I lived in long-term Airbnbs until March. I somehow managed to close on a house in February, and started living in it in March. The place was indeed horrible, in terms of cleanlinees, but advance notice and dealing with it more directly would've been better. Of course, they don't know what my living spaces always look like. Throughout the winter and spring, I had migraines a lot of the time. In March of 2022, things got psychedelic. I've never done hallucinogens, actually. I've also never had any hallucinations or delusions... until maybe this stuff. I was in part wrapped up in fantasies about finding a way back to having my family in my life, and in part seeing patterns and thinking I had outsized influence on the world if I interacted with them right. I saw problems and became fixated on them. I was sometimes, in my thinking, straight-up delusional. I went for lots of drives, exploring patterns - real ones having to do with the development of the highway system - but why? I became very tuned-in to my emotional intelligence, and spent a lot of time dancing and acting to music, and feeling through the layers of meanings in the lyrics. I can't remember if I'd decided to stop/cut back the Xanax before or after this. In late March, I ran out of gas on the highway, without my phone, really only needed a tow truck, but since I didn't have anyone to call for help and was very amped up, I ended up involuntarily hospitalized in another state, with no way to reach anyone. First, I was in an emergency room, and got the bends very bad from something. I was lucid dreaming, and spinning around in the bed. They injected me with something, I don't know what. When I got to the hospital, I half-thought it was all a mistake and someone might come get me. I opted to be there for three days under my own power. Since I had no access to my meds, this lead to my going cold-turkey off of Wellbutrin, Lamictal, Adderall, Xanax, and Lexapro. No one evaluated me there, but they tried to get me to take something (wouldn't tell me what). I felt pretty much fine, but half-believed it must be some kind of elaborate prank, under the influence of drugs, trauma, or both. From then on, things got even weirder. I started to forget to pay bills, I became convinced there was something seriously wrong with the electricity in my home, and no consequences mattered. I had total blindness to how my actions affected others. In May, I again ended up needing a tow truck (the gearshift became disengaged), without my phone. I got extremely sick in the car, got a tow truck instead of a hospital this time, but got kicked out by the driver of the tow truck because of the smell. I had auditory and mild visual hallucinations, very "creative" thoughts, and ended up taking two weeks to get back home. I simply let the car go, bought another car (but got a ticket for driving without insurance and driving an unregistered vehicle, and now have a warrant out for me in another state), worked on it a little but lost focus and bought an even more messed-up vehicle, worked on that, and then stopped caring. I developed bad chemical sensitivity for a month or a few (even my skin barrier was weird), and had movement disorder symptoms spring up after exposure to chlorine, followed by lotion and CBD oil. Could also be psychological, in part. I got a big lump on my scalp, a rash on first the left and then the right side of my neck, ingrown hairs on my knees. I had to re-wash everything I'd washed at a laundromat. I'd have to make movements in response to sounds, or feel prickling or burning in my toes response to seeing certain people, or other unknown causes. It's still happening a bit. I trashed the office space I was renting, because I had increased sensitivity in my nerves, and thought there was something corrosive going on I needed to clean up with salt, baking soda, some natural cleaning supplies, and clean cat litter, but also couldn't focus, and ended up leaving behind a massive mess and giving the owner no notice, after being two weeks late with rent, after the guy I'd hired decided he wasn't going to stick around. I've had a lot of scary physical symptoms that felt like they could become blood clots or heart attacks, but those haven't happened for months. For a while I had so much tension in my trunk area, it felt like my pelvic bones were eating themselves, all prickly. I have more feeling on my left side than my right. Usually when I wake up, some part of one or both of my hands is numb. I had a lot of strong anxiety, on and off. There's a lot I've left out. These days, I'm dissociated and flat, but also have extreme avoidance behaviors, a different kind of anxiety. My frustration/obstacle tolerance is almost nothing. I don't have a temper about it, my brain just short-circuits. Pretty much I sit around smoking hand-rolled cigarettes, and drinking filtered water with ginger in it, thoughts about my family or others swirling around, wishing I could trust new people and/or had local friends. I wish I could hand power of attorney to someone and tell them what to take care of. If I can get started on something, I manage to change my address somewhere, or make a payment plan on a credit card, or do some small thing, like pre-rinse clothes in the sink. The stuff I paid to have packed and stored, whatever was at the apartment that wasn't thrown away, I haven't been able to face and has probably been thrown out for non-payment by now. I've been to a primary care doctor twice, and have an appointment with a neurologist in October. I got basic bloodwork done and was fine; tried to get a toxin or heavy metal panel done but couldn't. Probably what I thought was toxin exposure was in fact withdrawal stuff, though. I've been trying to find a therapist who I can get to without a car and who takes my Medicare plan, but no luck so far. As far as I can tell, what's happening is CPTSD, PTSD, and polypharmacy withdrawal interacting. As weird and bad as things are, it's not like they weren't often like this even before I was ever prescribed anything. For example, I've almost never been able to care about "self-care," unless it's to make sure I'm not judged or otherwise for another's benefit. I can see a lot of "self-sabotage" in many of the things I've done, pathological narcissistic acting-out, some victim/savior/persecutor dynamics, but it all seems a bit extreme for it to be "just" trauma.

Hello, I am Adriana and I am 32 years old. It all started with severe headaches almost 10 years ago. I have been taking Cipralex 5 mg/day, Lamictal 100 mg/day, and Xanax 3 mg/day for almost 4 months ( November 2022). The major issue is that I have been trying different antidepressants for 4-5 years, anxiolytics, and other pills ( Depakine, Carbamazepine, Gabapentine, Painkillers...etc). My headaches started suddenly and they were severe, I lost a lot of weight and was tired all the time. At the hospital, the doctors treated me for migraines after a series of investigations ( I was diagnosed wrong with multiple sclerosis), seeing that the pain did not disappear, I started to be afraid that I have a disease that the doctors could not find, I had to resign from my job. After 3 months of searching for a disease, I still felt horrible: headaches, laying in bed all day, being afraid of death, of going out, and feeling extremely tired. Then my parents decided it was time to go to a psychiatrist. I was first prescribed Cipralex 10 mg/day and Bromazepan when needed. Then the panic attacks appeared, also the majority of side effects: trembling, insomnia, nausea, and so on. After a week the doctor decided to give me Rivotril and sleeping pills to counterattack the side effects. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the exact amount of Rivotril given, but it was a small dose. But it did not go well as the doctor promised, and after 2 months I was the same. She changed the treatment with another antidepressant, and it began to be frustrating so I decided to find someone "better". The next doctor gave me Anxiar ( when needed and) Carbamazepine along with Cipralex. My headaches started to be even worse. I started to take strong painkillers, I could not sleep at all during the night. I was treated for sinusitis too. I started going to a psychologist, I explained the whole situation and he sent me with the MRI to a neurologist to check if it is neurocysticercosis. I started to be more and more afraid. For almost 4 years I have been prescribed all types of antidepressants and anxiolytics, painkillers, sleeping pills, and so on. I had lots of ups and downs but the headaches didn't go away. The doctors started to check if I had: epilepsy, Lyme disease, neurocysticercosis, encephalitis, and meningitis, so I spent a lot of time in hospitals. Then I found a psychiatrist that prescribed me Paroxetine 20 mg/ day and Xanax 0,25 mg/ 3 times per day. After a month I started to feel a bit better, I was working and having a "life" again. Then the tolerance to Xanax appeared. I started to take more and more. The maximum amount given by the doctor was 4 mg/ day, but being an addict at that time I went to another doctor to prescribe me more pills. In 2 years I reached a maximum dose of 9-10 mg per day. For me, they were like an escape from all the things I felt: panic attacks, headaches, insomnia. After a while, they did not work anymore, so I started to withdraw them alone, along with the antidepressant. In 2 weeks I removed them completely and in a few days, I got to the hospital for weaning. In the hospital, they made some analyses and I was suspected of pituitary adenoma, this was the moment when I started to be nervous and to have breakdowns. After multiple investigations, it turned out to be a false alarm. My psychiatrist increased the dose of Paroxetine to 40 mg/day and gave me only 4 mg of Xanax. I had more pills so I took 7 mg, then 6 mg of Xanax per day. I have to write an entire novel to explain everything: how I felt, how I was treated, my breakdowns, my ups, and downs, investigations, etc. 2 years ago I started to decrease the amount of Xanax from 6 mg to 3.5 mg/day today. My psychiatrist suggested multiple times hospitalization to withdraw all the pills, specifically Xanax, but I was too afraid to do it and also the conditions in the hospital are horrible. Although I repeat myself, the headaches were severe, they still are. When the breakdowns were worse and more often, I found another psychiatrist. After so many years of taking Paroxetine, I had to withdraw it in 2 weeks, so I could get back on Cipralex, but I mentioned that it caused me in the past severe anxiety, suicidal thoughts, no friends, no job, and no relationships. I was lying in bed all day watching movies, tv series, eating, sleeping, and gaining weight, feeling horrible, miserable, a shadow, a victim, I did not want to live anymore, but paradoxically I am afraid of death. I forgot to mention that I have 5 years of taking almost every day Paracetamol. Additionally, I was prescribed Lamictal, from 25 mg/ day to 100 mg/ day, and 3 mg/ day of Xanax. I have been diagnosed with sinusitis and it needs surgery, so I hope some of the pain will go away. I am supposed to increase the dose of Lamictal, but I am having a rash, and puffy, red, itchy eyes. I need help, I need advice. I do not know what I have to do, withdraw all the pills or just some of them. Taking them is not the solution after so many years. Maybe some of you had a similar situation and can help me. Thank you a lot!

Hello, I am posting for my husband and I am new to the site and I am not too god at figuring out websites. If I am posting this wrong or in the wrong spot please let me know. My husband has dealt with depression for many years and went on antidepressants about 17 years ago. He started tapering off of Sertraline 100 mg 2 years ago he did it slowly we thought but just found out not slowly enough. It took him over a year to get off of it and he was off for 6 months completely when he couldn’t take the anxiety symptoms anymore. He can barely eat, sleep, or work. He’s lost 30 pounds and he is thin to begin with. This June he started taking Xanax 0.5 mg 3 times a day and Hydroxine 50 mg at night for sleep. This did not help much. As of July he has started ketamine treatments (3 so far but 2 of them seemed to intensify the anxiety) and he just returned to the Sertraline at 50 mg about a week ago. He’s never been very anxious before only depressed. We couldn’t understand why he was having these new symptoms. I just learned from a worker at a local natural health store when I was shopping for cbd oil that these symptoms are likely from being on the antidepressants for so many years and coming off too quickly. He told me the ketamine and going back on the medicine won’t work. I literally left the store in tears. At this point I just want him to find relief. My husband is suffering so much and has been for two years since he started tapering. It’s only gotten worse over time and I don’t know how to help him. It is so difficult to watch someone you love suffer. I am grateful for this site and would appreciate any advice on how to proceed. I honestly don’t know what we should do next. Do we keep going with the Ketamine? What does should he be on for the Sertraline? I don’t know where to begin to get him back to a normal life. Thank you in advance.

It is possible to taper & wean. What I'm not sure about is whether it's possible to actually feel normal! Mirtazapine worked for depression & sleep for 15 years & then it didn't. A compounding pharmacy made me 3mg Mirtazapine capsules & I dropped 10% a month for ten months. I'm now planning on the same tapering timetable for Trazodone, 10% a month. My sleeps are still awful. I'm 72. I doubt I'll ever be able to wean Alprazolam. 86% relapse. Perhaps cognitive decline or even dementia. I don't blame my docs. It might have been easier to taper & wean earlier on but, then again, it might not. Frankly, I blame it on pharma...& on capitalism. Mirtazapine 30mg 2003-2022 Trazodone 50mg 2003-present Alprazolam 1mg 2019-present

Dear Friends For those that do know me and have followed my progress through SA I want to say that since last December I am Mirtazapine Free... so a little bit of one more month and I will be one year free from this terrible drug. For those that do not know me… before reading this success story just have a look at my initial topic in the link below. Only then you will understand where I was, what I endured and how happy I am that this ordeal has somehow finished and I am able to live, love, work and be there for my family again. I consider myself blessed with the life I have had… ok I am not rich, but I am usually very friendly to people and when you give love you get it back as well. I have been normal all of my life, a bit on the overthinking type of guy which is a characteristic of smart people, and I know that most of the people in SA are the smartest of those who understand that medication is not a way to solve problems. So I am here as many others with a success story and I want to tell you that it can be done. The difference between how I was during medication and how I am now is like day and night. So during my life due to mental sensitivity I have had 1-2 situations which have put me down for short periods of time but they would always resolve and life would go on. But for the last time it was different, my wife was pregnant (my second kid), I acquired a property to start a small business for which I applied for a loan which was delaying, had (and still have ) a job which I did not like anymore, and I carelessly I found my self drinking 1-2 doubles of alcohol per night at least. People say alcohol has the same mechanism of acting on gaba receptors like the benzos, so soon I started finding myself ruminating even more the next day after alcohol. Sleep started deteriorating and I thought I could be ok if I used some small quantities of Xanax to sleep. I had used Xanax before on on and off basis and I knew that it was really addictive but anyway I did not think much and started with very small quantities of it 0.065Mg. As my system seems to have been kindled by the usage of it before I started to create an addiction into a matter of days, and I would find myself terrified during the work day of very simple situations. So to cut things short, during this time I visited more than 4 doctors who gave different solutions and all included medications in various quantities. The last doctor I went in gave me a combination of Amitriptyline and Bromazepam (a benzo) which went up to 6Mg but I never stabilized. I had a good day and then would get hit by 3 bad ones… and so on. After 2 months of visits every 2 weeks and being nowhere near a normal life I decided not to go to the doctor anymore and take my own life into my own hands. So due to what I was reading I did a fast taper of Bromazepam while taking 15Mg of Mirtazapine. Fast tapering of the benzo was terrible, anxiety and depression on unimaginable levels. I closed myself almost totally and was like a zombie in both at work at home… and the only good periods of the day were 1-2 hours at night when I could be available for my just born daughter. All the people around me would not believe that I was doing the right thing. I know it happens to most of you all the time. Just do not blame them. They do not understand what you are going through… but they still love you a lot. They just believe that going to a doctor and get medication is the best thing to do, which we know now it is not. Anyway I tried to continue to live…even though on my very bad days I would just go around a lake near by my home and think to end it all. I continued to read in internet during all these time, and I realized that I was not accepting my situation. If you read my main topic you will notice how terrified I was on specific days, due to the thoughts of not being able to make it. So at a point of time I started to accept my situation and that was good. I knew that I had no other way out of this apart from the conviction of my heart that I would wake up from this bad dream if I continue to follow my plan. After I finished with benzos than it was the Mirt turn. In the beginning I would just cut it by hand, and take approximate doses which now I know it was not good. I was still into the no acceptance phase. Any small problems would terrify me, any task would require out of this world trials from me to complete. At work I was a dumb, avoiding everybody, just closing up and not being able to discuss things due to my crazy emotions. My manager started to go against me and played a very negative role by fighting in many dishonest ways. On the other side I needed the job as I started paying the loan, and some more the new business that I started was a lot of extra stress for me as well. I also visited at this time two Psychotherapists and both of them were telling me that I would finish the tapering but I would be worse. They were also pushing me to listen to the psychiatrists and take the meds… which I was convinced was not an option. So I continued to live my life by learning to ride the waves. Pushing the time in the bad days until evenings when I started to experience windows. My symptoms were crazy since the start but they kept changing. I am trying to make a list below from what I remember. · Terrible anxiety. · Terrible rumination. · Tinnitus. · Out of this world Akathisia (I remember driving to work in the morning in a terrified state with hands that could not hold still at the wheel) · Lack of Sleep. · Flu state after each drop of Remeron. · Full Brain (not able to think at all or argue with people). · Inability to smell aromas (I was not able to feel my little daughter aroma when I would hold her up and that would bring me tears in my eyes) · Devastating Tiredness. · Anhedonia. · Many physical problems, allergy, loose stools, hair fall and so on. ….. and many many more which I can not remember now. The good thing would be that at some point of time they would come all together but at some other some them started to lessen and disappear very slowly. Every symptom that would go away would give me hope to stay the course even in the very bad days. I remember that after two months of no feeling taste or smell due to the antihistaminic mess of mirtazapine suddenly I noticed that when I would kiss my baby daughter would feel her nice baby smell. I had tear in the eyes and could not enjoy more the feeling… J So that moment gave me hope even I would know that after some days that symptom would reappear again. Every wave would set me back. I would start to act normal and than suddenly out of nowhere I would experience 2-3 nights of no sleep, terrible anxiety in the morning, stuffed up brain in the afternoon and so on. I kept some contacts with some members of SA as well as some other friends from a FB group. Their messages were the ones who kept me going. Push push push until the wave goes away, and certainly that goes away. I still experience waves now here and there once in a month but they normally last 1-2 days and are mild compared to the ones during WD. Life is good my friends… Now I know what’s going inside me and the thoughts do not scare me any more. How I learned to understand that my problem was mainly biological and medically induced was simple. I would notice one day that a simple problem would drive me crazy and anxious, and it would look like the end of the world. I would try to calm down and if I had a good sleep the next day the same problem would not scare me any more… So in this way I learned that the problem was not the cause of my rumination but the WD was the culprit. Living without meds started slowly to give me back my lost confidence, I started talking to people again, get involved, not being scared of planning things for the next day bcs I did not know how I would wake up. I know, I know…. Most of you have been there and still are…. And I swear it is just WD playing tricks on you. So do not give up guys… my problems started early 2016 and the last 2.5 years have been the most terrible in my life, but still when I look back I have realized quite a lot during these two years. How can I not be proud while during this period I was able to: · Preserve my integrity. · Hold my job. · Handle the birth of my little daughter (My wife was the actual one who gave birth but I was always there). · Start a new business and have only 2 off days per month. · Continue to payback my loan. · Keep my family together. · Helping other people while in WD. · Having fun and having waves… 🙂 · ……. · ……. · ……. Above all writing this success story… 🙂 So that is a short sum up of my situation. There is a lesson in Withdrawal… just do not give up. Even on your worst moments pull up the strength and push forward. Anxious …??? Take a walk, listen to an hypnosis video, watch a movie, just avoid going to the drawer looking for meds for a short cut solution. Currently I am only taking a soluble magnesium before sleep and a vitamin B and Omega 3 fish oil in the breakfast…. Nothing else. OK my life is not the best that it can be, i still have problems, i still get sad, i still get worried for things but now things do not blow out of proportion. I still do not know how would i do if hit the jacpot... 🙂 but even if i don't, never mind i will do my best with what i have. The blessing of God with two lovely children, a good family and life is the best someone can ask from. I would like to thank from my heart Altostrata, Shep, karenB, AliG, Brassmonkey, Hibari, JanCarol and all the other people in the forum that I might not recall now who have commented into my topic and kept me convinced that this was the true way. I am sooo much indebted to you guys. Anyway I will be around in the forum to help people time after time and I know I can not explain everything that happened to me during this time. If you read my topic and than this success story you will definitely know the difference. You can also ask on certain issues and I will gladly answer to each of you same as the people that I thanked above have done for me. To all the guys who are tapering you are doing right. You have nothing wrong with your brain. It just needs the time to adopt to a life without stimulants. YOU WILL ALL MAKE IT FREE SAME AS ME GUYS…. Just stay the course…. LOVE YOU ALL SANTINO

Original topic title before shortening: Need help in reinstating a low maintenance dose of Lexapro after a “honeymoon period” or an unsuccessful taper Hello, Between 2000 and 2005, I took three different ADs in succession - Zoloft, fluoxetine, and then Paxil. I also took Xanax for a few months and then stopped almost abruptly when I started feeling better on AD. I did not quite feel Xanax withdrawal probably because the AD effect kicked in during this time. From 2006, I was switched to Lexapro 20 mg. It worked well for a several years but around 2015, I felt quite detached from the world and did not feel like myself. So I started looking for natural alternatives to ADs. I started fast taper with the help of St. John’s Wort, Niacin, and Vitamin D. It went quite well till 2.5 mg, but after that, I started feeling withdrawal symptoms which were quite intense. I increased the dose a little and tried to taper again but could not go beyond 2.5 mg. I do not remember my tapering schedule but it was relatively fast as compared to the recommendation of SA experts. I did not know about SA guidelines of 10% reduction at that time - I wish I knew earlier. Then I started seeing homeopaths who helped me with the remaining 2.5 mg taper. The remedies that helped were Acid Phos, Aurum Met, Kali Phos, and Avena Sativa. I started feeling really good and slowly got rid of the remaining 2.5 mg of Lexapro. I started feeling myself again and though that Lexapro was behind me. After about two months, I faced an unpleasant event which brought my anxiety and depression back with full force. It could be a delayed withdrawal after a “honeymoon period” as some people have described here. Now I have been trying to reinstate Lexapro but it is not going very well. I have gone back and forth between 2.5 mg and 1.25 mg but I have not been able to make myself stable again. During this acute phase, homeopathic remedies only helped a little like Kali Phos but I guess these remedies don’t work well in a stormy situation. I am occasionally also taking Xanax 0.25 mg once or twice a day in an effort to get Lexapro settle back into my system. But I am feeling very bad. I have sleep anxiety. I wake up tired and restless. I sometimes wake up half an hour after falling asleep. I can’t sleep in the dark. I feel lethargic and devoid of energy. I now feel anxious about future like never before. Past events sometimes comes into my mind very vividly which increases my anxiety and heart beat. In such moments, I have to get out of the house and go for a drive or walk. Now, every time I take Lexapro whether 2.5 mg or 1.25 mg, I feel uncomfortable pressure or constriction on my chest usually after about one hour which usually goes away in a few hours. This happens even at this relatively low dose. I read somewhere that Lexapro messes with the electrical signals of the heart. So taking Lexapro makes me sick but not taking it makes me even sicker. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My current life situation is not such that I feel that I can completely get off of Lexapro at the moment, but I want to settle on a low maintenance dose so that I can feel a bit more stable. My homeopath has now prescribed Ignatia Amara for palliative purpose but it is not quite helping at the moment. I know that if I go to a psychiatrist at this point, he/she would switch me to a different AD along with a cocktail of other drugs, which of course I do not want. I would appreciate any help in trying to achieve a low maintenance dose of Lexapro using the help of natural remedies. Thanks a lot.

My signature pretty much covers my recent history. For anyone reading this, if you have a short term bout of anxiety, and your doc suggests, Xanax, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, read up on how hard it is to come off of it, and consider that before you ever start the med. I was put on it for short term anxiety, was on it for 4 months, and then my doc switched me from Xanax to less that half of the equivalent dose of Valium in one day (a process that should take several months, according to the Ashton Method, which most say is too fast- and I agree), so I ended up with over 50 signs and symptoms on top of the pain I already deal with on a daily basis that changed from day to day, even hour to hour. April was when I did the switch, and I did not feel human until July sometime. I am just holding now, before I am ready to start a very slow taper on my own, WITHOUT A CALENDAR! I have been on valium for a long time, but at a dose that is still at least 5mg over what I was on for muscle spasms. I would like to get back to PRN (as needed). That is the reason I am here, but if we back up to October of 2016, my doctor took me off of 3 AD's, 2 of which I had been on over 7 years. Wellbutrin (depression from chronic pain), and Trazodone (for sleep), then added Cymbalta for about a year, a clerical error, I was SUPPOSED to slowly switch from one to the other, but because I was feeling better, it got forgotten about. I had 3 episodes of Serotonin Syndrome between September and December of 2015 (was set off by minor to moderate dehydration, I was hospitalized for 3 days, and remember only parts of it, I did not sleep in those 3 days, nor did I eat, but the hospital did not pay much attention to me.. So,I was suffering from poop-out of all of the AD's, and my doc agreed to take me off of the AD's and switch for a new one, only e weeks later, he changed his mind, and refused to switch me to a new one, and gave me the name of ONE psychiatrist. I was suffering from severe anxiety first, and instead of giving me a simple AD, he thought somehow that it was SAFER to give me 2-3mg of Xanax every day (up from the 8mg of Valium I took for 7 years, a drop in the bucket compared to Xanax), then, by month 3, I started to have interdose WD. I found out my GP would prescribe an AD (Lexapro), so I started that, and within a month, i felt human again. I had severe suicidal ideation before I started Lexapro, and tht did stop the AD WD fully, I was given a choice by 2 docs, 1 saud, 12 weeks, no longer, we will remove you from 3mg/day of Xanax. Knowing this might happen, I lowered down to 2mg a day (equal to 40mg/day of Valium. Doc 2 said we switch you in one day from X to V, so of course I picked doc #2's plan. it was awful, but the best of 2 choices. I was lucky, I stayed out of the psychiatrists hands! My biggest issue right now is stopping the messages that were firmly implanted in my head after belonging to other forums, where to me they seemed to clearly be saying in their messages, as I understood them, that if you are not moving forward with your taper, you are failing yourself and prolonging your agony. Again this is the message I took from it. This made no sense to me, because if you go too quickly with tapering benzo's, you are virtually guaranteeing a trip through hell via Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome/Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). And at one forum there are seemingly hundreds of people going through PAWS. I am not saying the forum is wrong, but the only talks about going super slow I could find were years old or there was one forum that talked about taking prolonged breaks once in a while. I also read the liquid micro taper area, where the main moderator in one forum seems to be very clear in her opinion (again if I understood correctly) in saying that not tapering daily (esp taking a break for 3 days or more) seems to be greatly frowned upon... As a result, I got it stuck in my head that I am failing myself somehow by not continually forcing myself to taper when I do not feel ready to, like I am somehow hurting my body. My only remaining symptom out of over 50 at my peak is a severe sensitivity to artificial sweeteners like Sorbitol, Mannitol, Xylitol, etc. I had to stop reading one forum because of all of the horror stories, and all of the people with Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome. Seeing people talking and being so confused because they ended up with constant severe disabling symptoms leaving them bedbound for months to years, confused because they did what the forums considered a slow to average taper- following the directions laid out for them, during which they seemed to suffer greatly virtually non-stop only to end up with symptoms that ended up being MUCH worse than the taper itself( and lasting longer than the taper did!). I do not get why at that point you do not reinstate and stay on a very low dose until... I finally saw a ray of light (and felt my first hope since April!!) several days ago when I did a search on the internet named "How slow is too slow to taper off of Valium." What came up was a link from this forum called "The slowness of slow tapers", which was started by Rhiannon. It was the lightbulb moment I needed. I am only 5 pages in, it was started in 2012, and is still going. I also noticed you have a Benzo place here that I look forward to visiting!! Thank you for offering the kind of support I have been looking for this whole time, when I first stated looking for help. On other forums, I saw at least 20 comments from people on one forum who said that they cold not bear to read that forum because there were so many people suffering so awfully. Yes, all of the forums offer support, but I think that maybe with so many people suffering that maybe one might need to look at why so many people who follow the programs and taper schedules supplied end up in such a bad place for so horribly long after stopping the med. I do understand that some of these people did a cold turkey stop of the meds, but so many I found had followed a taper schedule and followed the calendar vs how they were feeling. Ashton is a great place to start, but maybe the schedules she provided prior to her passing are no longer applicable, and are possibly now far too fast for some with the understanding we now have of how the mind and body works, maybe? This is a general rhetorical question, I am not trying to slam any specific forum. I did not read just one forum, and I belonged to more than one. I want to be very clear on this! For the moderators and members offering gentle help and amazing support- thank you so much for your time!! Thank you for reading about my experience, and my questions. I feel sorry that you had to suffer through al of this...lol! UPDATE: After switching Xanax for a low dose of Valium, I had waves of symptoms that lasted until I was 20 months out from my one day switch. My doc even told me he knew the Xanax would not last long for me, and he knew would have to see someone else to get an AD. I loved my doctor, but I still have never forgotten the hell I suffered. Yes I was feeling pretty well by the time I wrote this, but it did not last

I’ve been off Nardil for four months now. The primary symptoms I get are trembling in my legs, nausea, lack of appetite and free-floating anxiety. For the first several weeks after I stopped taking Nardole, this occurred pretty much daily. After about two months, I got can do what I would call my first big window and did pretty well for about three weeks. then, for no apparent reason, I went back into a very strong wave for about another week. I came out of that again and had another three good weeks. I went for a long walk last Sunday, and by Monday I was backed into another wave. I’m slowly struggling to get out of this wave. I take a number of nutrients including magnesium taurine and Catacolacalm. I also take 10 mg of propranolol three times a day. When things get really bad, I will take up to .5 mg Xanax. Today I tried .5 mg Klonopin. Does anybody have experience with those medications and any advice? Other questions First, are there other nutrients or supplements or any other factors that can help reduce the symptoms? Second, is it too late to go back onto taking a small dose of Nardil? does anyone have experience with going back on Nardole after coming off of it? I’m not sure I want to try this, but hearing if anyone did it successfully could be useful. Third what causes these waves to come and go? If I can prevent taking actions to create the waves, maybe I could eventually pass through all of this. Any advice would be welcome. This is really a long struggle. I’d like to hear from people who have gone off of Nardole successfully. Thanks BobB

Thank you all so much for all your hard work here! I am a 46 year old male. I was diagnosed with depression in 2005. I was prescribed Zoloft. A manic episode then ensued lasting about 6 months. I also developed insomnia and hyperhydrosis. I went to another doctor in 2006 who diagnosed me with Bipolar II. I was then preescribed Lamictal, Depakote and Effexor. I do not recall the dosages this far back, except the Lamictal (200mg) Around 2009 I began seeing another doctor after I moved. I remained on the Lamictal (200mg) discontinued the Effexor, and added Abilify (5mg). Around this time the insomnia worsened. I then was prescribed 2mg of Xanax and 25mg benadryl each evening for the insomnia. I was relatively stable (except for a string of toxic relationships) over the next several years and reduced the Abilify to 2.5mg. However the insomnia and hyperhydrosis still remained very problematic throughout this period. In an effort to find relief from the insomnia (At that time I believed that it was just a side effect of the Lamictal) I tapered myself (without a doctor) off of the Lamictal over a few months in 2017. I did not notice any withdrawal symptoms. However the insomnia persisted leading me to believe that the Abilify was also causing the insomnia. At this time I was taking 2.5mg of Abilify but only 2x per week, and still needed to take 2mg Xanax and 25mg benadryl. In 2018 I attempted to discontinue the Abilify and taper off the Xanax over a period of about 2-3 weeks. I suffered from moderate panic attacks and anxiety (presumably Xanax withdrawal symptoms) Those withdrawal symptoms dissipated. About 2 weeks after discontinuing the Abilify my sleep was restored to normal for the first time in nearly 13 years! However the hyperhydrosis persisted. Unfortunately I soon began to feel extremely unstable mentally and was forced to reinstate the 2.5mg of Abilify. The insomnia returned and I then started the 2mg of Xanax and 25mg of benadryl again. Throughout 2019 my insomnia seemed to progressively get worse. I did not want to take more Xanax so I went to another doctor who prescribed Olanzapine. I discontinued the Abilify and started taking 1.25mg of Olanzapine. At first I only needed 1mg of Xanax at night and discontinued the benadryl. Then after about only one month the insomnia progressively got worse. I reinstated 25mg of benadryl. Then had to increase to 1.5 mg of Xanax. I was getting really worried about the progressive insomnia so I decided to stop the Olanzapine (without a doctor) cold turkey and taper off the Xanax. This is when things started to get really scary. Symptoms of panic, anxiety and hypomania ensued after 3 or 4 days of withdrawal. And the insomnia was worse then it ever had been in my entire life! I was really getting scared. I reinstated 1mg of Xanax. Also increased to 50mg of benadryl and added 15mg of cbd oil orally for sleep. Also, It was around this time that I was doing research and discovered this website. After 10 days of being off the Olanzapine my sleep was still horrible. Dealing with withdrawal and almost no sleep suicidal ideations returned. I reinstated Olanzapine at 1.25mg. I have now been back on the Olanzapine for 3 weeks. My sleep has slightly improved. I am currently taking 1.25mg Olanzapine, 1mg Xanax, 25mg benadryl and 15mg cbd as needed when I awake in the middle of the night. I absolutely do not want to increase the Xanax. My desire is to safely taper off of all medications. The progressive nature of my insomnia on the antipsychotics has convinced me that remaining on them is unsustainable for the long term. Additionally the hyperhydrosis limits my ability to exercise. Strenuous daily exercise has proven to be one of the most effective ways to manage my mood. If I stand any chance of remaining stable without medication I must try to reverse both the insomnia and hyperhydrosis. Obviously I am sensitive to even the smallest doses of antipsychotics. From my research I am convinced the tapering strips from taperingstrip.org in the Netherlands is my best option for tapering off Olanzapine. Unfortunately I have not been able to find a doctor willing to order them. Can you recommend a doctor anywhere (preferably in the Western or Northwest United States who is cooperative with efforts to taper off antipsychotics?) I am a perpetual travel and have to ability to some extent to go to where the doctor is at. Thank you again for your help. Your work with this website may have already saved my sleep and even my life.

Ηello everyone. I have severe anhedonia, emotional anesthesia, severe PSSD, extremelly fatique and dizziness due to cold turkey of paxil(60mg!!). I tοοκ it for 6 weeks and I am free 8 months now. The issue is that I am on benzo (xanax) 3 years(!) in doses 1 - 1,5 mg and now I am on hell in other words :( because I have dependence and tolerance (maybe) to xanax. Ι was never warned that ssri will cause me so terrible side effects such as anhedonia and PSSD. Therefore, I was concentrated to cut the xanax gradually this year. Now I have so many nightmares and nobody doctor believes me, because, as you Know very well, all these situations aren't recognizable. Also I am very confused because I don't Know if it is W/D or adverse reaction. Although I got a huge dose, I Think 6 weeks is a short exposure to develop W/D. I don't have waves and windows. Every day is the same.I keep thinking that is permanent and I have intense suicidal thoughts. It' so unbearable ... I feel so EMPTY. I can't feel love even for my parents and I haven't substantial support because they ALL think that I am simply depressed. Ιt's a sick joce....Do you think that I must taper the xanax now? My brain is in chaos and I am afraid for W/D from xanax now, but maybe I have not other choice. Keep in mind that I had not these effects (anhedonia, emotional blunting,PSSD) 2.5 years while I was ONLY on xanax. Any advise would be highly appreciated! Sorry for my bad English. Greetings

LINK bubble-life-without-xanax-after-14-years Hello everybody, I found this site through google search after I entered 'escitalopram withdrawal' and I liked what I found here so much that I decided to create an account. What you are saying is very close to my experience compared to what doctors are saying which could basically be summed up as: you see you can't do without anti-depressants. I was in a rush so didn't write down my whole history with anti-depressants but mosty focussed on my current problem. To sum up I have been almost continuously on anti-depressants since 2000. I could say that after I stopped taking each of these my depression would return worse than before combined with other very painful and unbearable sensations which led me to start taking anti-depressants again just to put me out of my misery. First it was Prozac, then Zoloft. My doctor just told me: anti-depressants don't make you dependant and you can stop taking them just like that! Discontinuing Prozac didn't cause any problems: I was depressed all the time basically, even while taking it. But with Zoloft I was in a great period of my life, feeling very stable and after 2 weeks following discontinuoation in 2 steps (as advised by my doctor) I was suddenly and completely out of the blue hit by the worst depression ever which led my doctor to put me on Escitalopram (at that time I would eat crocodiles just to get some relief! My brain was thrown off the cliff as somebody here said. Then I started doubting my docor and started reading about anti-depressants from the perspective of users so I learnt that such abrupt discontinuation could actually explain my depression. I realised discountinuation had to be much more gradual but didn't know about the 10 % rule ;( So after taking Escitalopram 10 mg for 2 years I cut 10 mg into half and was on that half (5mg) for 6 months doing OK. After that I cut the half of the pill to get 1/4 and was taking it for 2 weeks when the pharmacist said there was shortage of Escitalopram so I was forced to discontinue. After a few days I started experiencing extreme irritability and out of body sensations. These symptoms gradually dissipated but the general sense of emotional instability and vulnerability deepened. Around 45 days later I experienced a strong panic attack and went back to 1/4. All along I've been on Xanax which I recently brought down to 2 times 0.25 mg. I'm not from UK and in my country they don't even have 5 mg tablets on the market, let alone liquid solution ;( But i saw somebody here wrote I could make the liquid from tablets myself. Since my doctor has no clue, I would very much appreciate your opinion: what to do now? 2 months after complete discontinuation. I went back to 1/4 5 days ago and already feel a certain relief. My plan is to see if I will stabilise on this and if not, go back to half that is 5 mg and then after I stabilise try 10 % discontinuation as you advise here. Thank you very much for being around and sharing your experiences because left to doctors and pharmacists, we are worse than being alone ;(

Before describing my situation, I want to start by thanking all those who have posted here, particularly those few who keep it updated and try to organize it. Even though today I'm in at a really low point, the information I've found here has been extremely valuable. I hope that I can not only continue getting good information, but that maybe my story might help somebody else sometime. Apologies in advance if I am too long-winded or detailed. CASE HISTORY AND WD SYMPTOMS: I'll skip the ancient history. In short I started taking citalopram in my twenties for depression., and I'm now 46, so it has been around 20 years. I can't recall dosages, but for the last few years I've been on only 10mg. Finally feeling like I was in a fairly stable place in my life, I thought I'd see if I could go off them. I knew this had to be done "slowly", but what this meant exactly was pretty vague. I dropped down to 5mg, and stayed like that for a long time (6 mo?), with no ill effect. I had the impression that this was the lowest medically effective dose, so I could do no more tapering. I may have done a couple weeks of every-other-day, but in February 2020 I stopped altogether. I thought (wrongly, it seems) that was tapering enough. I recall having a couple of weird initial weeks, but I'd describe the withdrawal symptoms as manageable (no depression, just dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea and what I now know to be "brain zaps"). My doctor had given me 0.25mg tablets of Alprazolam (Xanax, "benzo") and I was instructed to take 1/2 a tablet only when feeling sufficiently bad, but I tried to take that as little as possible. These symptoms mostly lifted, and, if I recall correctly, I proceeded to have a couple of quite decent months. It was a lovely spring in spite of Covid, I was focused on my work and quite happy overall. But there were some odd things: I was irrationally irritable and easy to anger. Idiotic things (the sound of food being chewed, etc.) were extremely irritating to me. Then, at the end of April, I had a really horribly depressed day out of nowhere, and my sleep started to fall apart. I would wake up every night at almost exactly the same time, around 5am, and I'd be extremely hot (night sweats). I also started experiencing serious pain in the back of my neck, which I attributed to sleeping funny and a fall I had while skiing several months prior. At this point I had made no connection between these symptoms and coming off the SSRI, as I had never heard of SSRI withdrawal syndrome. But something wasn't right, and even the zopiclone I was given for temporary help sleeping didn't prevent the 5am wake up. I started keeping a journal, charting my sleep, exercise, sleeping-pill intake and so on. My strong feeling was that I didn't have a "mental" problem (not depression, not anxiety), I had a hormone problem causing sleeplessness. My mind might race a bit, but my symptoms all felt more physical than emotional. I recall forcing myself to get exercise (short runs) and eat healthy (lots of smoothies, etc). At this point I googled something about irritability and SSRIs, and made my way to this site. Here I learned (from "Altostrata" - thanks) that my nervous system was likely hypersensitized, and the 5am wake-up was caused by an over-reaction to the hormone cortisol, which is naturally released around dawn to start the wake-up process. This made a lot of sense, and explained my situation perfectly. (Thank you again!) THE IMPORTANT PART FOR ME NOW: I experienced several "windows" (term used on this site and elsewhere to indicate a period of mostly clear, good days, in contrast with "waves" of heavy symptoms), but by the end of July I began to think I needed to go back on something. My goal, then and now, is quality of life, and if that meant I did indeed need some small quantity of drug, so be it. (Just MY point of view, not a judgement of anyone else!). I read on this site about the dangers of going back on at a "normal" dose, like the 5mg recommended by the doctor. My particular situation was at high risk for "kindling", since by this point I'd been off the citalopram for around 6 months, and citalopram has a short half-life. (All this learned from this site!). I tried a 5mg tablet cut in 4 (about 1.25mg), but on day two felt like I was freaking out. After a few days, I tried again, an 1/8th of a pill, smaller than a grain of rice. I ordered a scale to weigh the dose, as suggested. By the second day I was experiencing GREATLY REDUCED WD SYMPTOMS, and felt like I was out of the woods. I wanted to create an account and tell everybody about my success story, to help others. But by a few days later, things started going downhill again. Was that just a window? The hot flashes and brain zaps were gone, but a general lethargy combined somehow with nervousness persisted. I thought perhaps I had adapted to the miniscule dose, and went up to 1/4 tablet. To cut this long story a bit shorter, I slowly progressed over the course of a few weeks up to 1/2 a tablet. I felt I was in the extremely difficult situation (for which I'm seeking the community's help) - Is my situation caused by too much drug (kindling) or not enough?? How to distinguish WD symptoms and symptoms caused by going back on the drug? I saw my doctor, who feels that anything less than 5mg is just not going to help. She suggested taking 5mg and warned me that the first two weeks were likely going to be difficult, so I should take .25mg of xanax as well for the first two weeks. I've tried this for the last few days, and indeed they have been difficult. But I'm not convinced that they'll get better in two weeks! Now, seeing all this in black and white, I think likely I've increased my dosage too quickly, and I'll do better to go back down to maybe 1/4 tab. I'm just so disappointed that there doesn't seem to be an obvious right answer that makes me feel better more quickly! So many other sites say "SSRI withdrawal syndrome can be cured in a couple days by going back on the drug" - but this doesn't seem to be the case. I feel totally lost and unsure of how to proceed. I'm so exhausted by trying to figure this all out, I just want to get checked into some magic rehab hospital where they knock me out and I wake up four months later feeling fine. Looking back I can also see that my symptoms have shifted very much from "purely physical" (like hot flashes) to the emotional. I've had whole days lost in front of the TV, or, like this morning, terrified to get out of bed or check my email. The insomnia is AWFUL - after 4am I can neither wake up nor fall asleep. If I try to wake I'm exhausted, when I try to sleep I can only seem to get to the brink, when some sort of nervous reaction zaps me awake again. Feelings of total despair, a strong sense that there is no way out of this (I seem to be damned if I take the stuff or not), and recently, hints of some very dark thoughts indeed, as I cannot imagine having to face mornings like this one for the rest of my life! On the plus side, I do have a very loving wife who is very supportive and understanding. I'm totally ashamed of all this, of who I am right now, and would give anything, everything to simply go back to that day when I decided to go off. Things were fine, or as fine as can be expected for me. But regret gets one nowhere, and we all have to remember that there ARE good days ahead, somehow. CONCRETE QUESTIONS for anyone who is able to chip in: 1) On the one hand it seems pretty clearly I've tried to reinstate too fast. Likely best to go back down, but not to zero? Try to stay at 1.25mg for at least two weeks? 2) How does the Alprazolam (xanax) fit into this? I read something about how it helps temporarily, but then you can go into a "benzo hangover", which is worse? 3) Am I just bailing out of the full 5mg dose too soon? My doctor said it would be a hard two weeks, maybe I should just try to tough it out? She's lovely, but I don't think this sort of thing is her specialization. 4) Should I find a psychiatrist (even though where I live it will likely be a month or more before I can get in)? Or will they just start saying I'm bipolar and pumping me full of other things? Anyway this is getting pretty rambly now so I'll stop. Thanks to anybody who reads this and has any thoughts. Anyone else going through hard times right now, just keep hanging in there - the only thing that is sure is that things will change.

2017 started 15mg mirtazapine 10/2021 increased to 30mg mirtazapine 9/2022 going to attempt starting my taper at 27mg mirtazapine Mirtazapine doesn't seem to do anything for me anymore. Initially I had it prescribed after a period of daily panic attacks for about 2 weeks which I had stopped with Xanax then used mirtazapine for long term stabilization. It was very effective at helping me sleep initially at 15mg. About a year ago constant panic attacks started again and my baseline anxiety was high, after trying various medications to calm down, I settled on upping my mirtazapine to 30mg and using hydroxyzine as needed. In the past I also used propranolol to reduce anxiety symptoms but I have quit using this medication after a few years. My baseline anxiety is still fairly high and I sometimes get panic attacks when doing certain things that have been repeated strong triggers for me. Therefore I have decided to stop using mirtazapine with the hopes of my emotions not being so dull anymore and to be able to lose weight finally as I have gained at least 15 pounds with it. I have had a lot of success with dealing with my anxiety through therapy and alternative methods and stopping any peaks with hydroxyzine which sometimes I don't take for months.

I tapered from 10mg to 5mg in 4 weeks. Was doing ok. 4 weeks later I got hit with 2 weeks of bad anxiety. I got better. 8 weeks after that I got hit again and it hasn’t let up. After 2 weeks of suffering I went up to 7.5mg. That was 8 days again and I’m still suffering badly. My appointment with the psychiatrist is next week. I wish I could talk to her sooner. Not sure if I should stay at 7.5mg or go to 10mg.

I'm weaning off cymbalta I've only been on it for about a month as it gave me a cough and severe chest tightness as well as neuropathy in my feet. Due to these effects I've weaned rather quickly about 2 months and today is my first day off completely after a week at 10ml I would've gone longer but the chest tightness was too much to bear. Anxiety is for sure picking up and I'm using .25 Xanax as needed which is less than 1 time a day since I try to fight my anxiety as much as possible. Any advice?

Seroquel Abillify Wellbutrin Prozac Lexapro Zoloft Paxil Buspar Hydroxyzine Trazedone Cymbalta Lamictal Propanolol Oxcarbazepine Prazosin Xanax Celexa Amitriptylin Ambien Mirtazapine Hi, 33/F Ive been on all of the above medicines at some point or another from 2002 to recently. I have stopped them all with no withdrawl issues..... except for something very strange has happened recently. Is this withdrawl? Current Meds: Prilosec (GERD), Lasix (IIH) , Lisinopril (BP) I was taking zoloft a couple months ago, and a bit after i started that, i started mirtazapine. I had Covid around this time too. It was very mild. Biggest symptoms were being a mucus fountain, sore throat, a little bit muscle weirdness, and weird headaches, including headaches WHILE sleeping. a couple weeks later my situation changed, im in a much better, happier place (unrelated to meds), so i stopped zoloft. (I have been on zoloft before and had no withdrawl symptoms). Not long after that, i had a weird depersonalization with my hands. Now, i am a very scientific person, i do not act based upon emotions as much as i can... I have no body dysphoria. I was riding in a car on a day i was kind of tired, didnt sleep much (hard night of minecraft), and all of a sudden my hands felt like they weren't my hands. If I'm on my phone texting, my brain just goes "HEY WHY ARE THOSE FINGERS MOVING? THOSE ARENT MINE. WOW!" and my brain is amazed that they are moving every 10 seconds. It's the most disturbing thing Ive ever felt. I don't feel it if I can't see my hands, so for example, if I'm texting In the dark or at my PC. This feeling primarily happens when texting on my phone. Wearing fingerless gloves dampens the effect slightly. I've been really upset over it, and I feel my back and arms be really tense and sore, which is normal for when I'm upset . The only Injuries to happen recently was I was cut by my washing machine, and my cat scratched me. No numbness or tingling at that time. I've been going to therapy since 2003, and have only ever been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so I am not insane. I have not gone through anything traumatic recently. If anything, I've been having a really good time this month, for the first time in years. Fearing it could be the mertazpine, i stopped it. about a week later, i started sweating profusely at night. drenched. No nightmares. no anxiety. just DRENCHED. a few days after i started to get drenched every night, i woke up SOAKING wet one day, my spine started feeling cold and numb and i had a panic attack. My muscles didnt work, it was as if i were drunk. my head was fuzzy and confused, and i stumbled BARELY into the bathtub. I managed to get into the bathtub, still clothed, and into hot water. I felt a little better, still confused. arms and spine still feel a bit weird,. I went to the ER for the first time in my life. They found nothing wrong. EKG, Chest Xray, Blood work, pee test, and they gave me an IV for hydration. while im glad its nothing seriously wrong (i guess), i am still freaked out by waking up drenched. I still get really upset being cold by being drenched. My arms and hands feel very twitchy. sometimes my legs. I had some mild tingly-ness in my fingertips for a couple days, but thats gone now. It feels the more days go on, the more twitchy i get, and IDK if its med withdrawl from mertazepine, since i only took it for a month. I LOVED the med. i slept really good and had AWESOME dreams.... I have an appt with my general dr on the 30th, but im afraid theyre going to tell me more of "we dont know whats wrong" Feeling twitchy and cold and fuzzy and panicy all the time is absolutely ruining this change in my life that is the happiest ive been in a long time. I am just -so scared-. Also for the record, i keep my house around 70F, so i dont get hot or cold due to environmental factors. I do not get hot or sweat while i am awake. I do not feel hot at night. I seem to feel a bit better as time goes on throughout the day, and im scared to sleep because i know im going to be drenched and panicing. The only thing that has seemed to have improved, is i dont know if i just got used to it or what, but when texting, i dont get a lot of the "My hands arent mine" feeling anymore. but my arms and hands still FEEL physically weird being twitchy. Im holding myself tight and having soreness in my shoulders... I am well aware that i should not be stopping meds cold turkey, but i have never had a problem before this, so i am curious if it could be the issue? Medicine withdrawl? tetanus from my washing machine? Cat scratch fever? Am i finally going crazy? I am scared. what do you all think?>

I'm new to this site. My sister referred me (mod note: see sister's post here sister-of-saradee-help-needed-urgently-in-nj I'm 45 and have been on meds for bipolar, major depression, Bpd, Attention deficit, social phobia, Gad, panic disorder, dependant personality disorder, etc. I have been taking meds throughout my adult life and am have found no relief. In fact I think I believe these meds are making me sick, keeping me stuck, and making life unbearable. I've been on more antidepressants, tranquilizers, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers than I can remember and am currently taking ketamine for my treatment resistant antidepressant. I am also a "recovering" addict, although Im just as addicted to the drugs prescribed by my doctor as I ever was to street drugs. Heroin was my drug of choice, and I have been on suboxone for over 15 years now. In addition to the suboxone, I'm prescribed wellbutrin, xanax, Adderall, and Tamazapam and Ketamine. I literally take a pill to wake up, to go to sleep, to go to eat, and to go to the bathroom. Every day feels like a balancing act and I feel lucky when I get a few minutes that I feel well enough to get out of bed to get to my overwhelmingly long and over due to do list. I really am not functioning on any level and am having trouble finding hellp. I'm trying to get treatment but I can't seem to find a place who has a doctor who will work with me to get off the meds either because they aren't qualified or because I don't have a good enough support system in place for such a drastic change. So I have considered detox which scares me because 3 to 10 days does not seem adequate to get off a lifetime of meds. I would like to go to rehab as well, but would have to detox First. The other traditional option would be a psych unit, however, I'm afraid that that will just be more of the same...throwing medication at a problem that meds don't seem to be helping. Anyhow, I don't know if this is appropriate, or if I'm posting in the right place, but I just really need help. I feel like a huge burden to everyone especially my family, my daughter should be the focus and although my fiance is there for her, it's just not ok. I want this to stop but I just don't know what to do. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. Any ideas or insight would be greatly appreciated.