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Hi fam- so I’ve just turned 32 after what’s seemed like a decades-long book of a psychiatric journey. At age 13 I was admitted to the hospital for severe depression. My family decided to perform an intervention to get me out of bed and into the hospital, due to not being at a place to deal with the conflict. My mother a neurologist, father an endocrinologist, and to-be-doctor sister at the time, failed to intend to resolve the issue outside of psychiatric means. So I was put on Zoloft… my first medication in a line of maybe 15+ drugs that Ive had a regimen for in my life. But I come to this forum nearly 20 years later and realize what my journey has been like, my yearning to get back to who that passionate individual was, superseding all bounds of the medicinal chaos that entrapped me for most of my life. but I’ve found good structure in my life as of late. Past all the suicidal years in my late teenage and early-to-mid 20s. I started a family, with a wonderfully empathetic wife who supports me in my journey. I had met her having gone Cold Turkey for a complete stint of two years before … more trauma. we lost our baby boy in March ‘21 during a traumatic uterine rupture. God bless him. three months after, my rage knew no bounds and I ended up striking my wife.. and I ended up hospitalized after a suicide attempt… the last in the line of 6 attempts throughout life. I was then out into an IOP program, the fourth time I have participated in one so my skills were really in for polishing. I remember being the “wise” one by my peers and even the mediators themselves. All in all I picked up my toolkit, for helping in my structure in many ways. I have no regrets here. my life has become pretty stable, with the vraylar since then, along with the time old and tested Lamictal that I take to feel that so-called “mental clarity” of my 20s. I take 10mg of amphetamine to abide by the demands of working in a high-paced IT consultant gig. It does its tricks, but makes me feel like a token minority (indian, here) and like I live up to fewer merits without it. So it needs to go. Eventually. But my diagnosis of ADHD inattentive-type is pretty seriously affecting me and need to cope with it as best as I can. I rationalize this with taking the low dose and having deliberately open conversations around this and all my drugs with my psychiatrist. He’s supportive of me looking into tapering which is nice. so I want to start with vraylar and lamotrigine subsequently. I think my bipolar diagnosis can go to hell, just like when we threw out borderline personality disorder. Hell, I’m not even feeling like I’m up to dealing with them stigmatized labels anymore like being inattentive or autistic. I just want to be free. oh yeah, smoke a bong dab a day for calming the nerves. Peace and love. Thank you kindly for reading.

Early 2016 -Started fluoxetine 10 mg Late 2016 -increased to 20 mg Aug 2022 -Increased to 40 mg when hormonal birth control caused a worsening of depression. The higher dose significantly improved my mood. Jan 27, 2024 -Stopped hormonal birth control. Immediately started experiencing adverse activating effects from fluoxetine: heart palpitations, anxiety, total insomnia. Feb 24 -Started taper. Dropped by 10 mg at doctor’s recommendation (taking 30 mg). Adverse reaction began to resolve first week, though insomnia remained. March 1 -Started 12.5 mg trazodone to help with insomnia. Finally able to sleep March 6 -Onset of intense withdrawal symptoms. Restlessness, debilitating anxiety, feelings of doom and dread, agitation. Prescribed limited supply of lorazepam, took .125-.5 mg as needed (March 6, 8, and 10). By the 11th I was feeling a bit better, and withdrawal symptoms continued to gradually stabilize over the next couple weeks. I did my research and resolved to continue my taper at a much slower pace. March 19 -diagnosed with mild sleep apnea following a sleep study taken during my bout of insomnia March 23 -27.5 mg fluoxetine. Depressed and sensitive right away, though difficult to tell if from withdrawal or PMS, as my period started March 26. Mood eventually stabilized. April 3 -6.25 mg trazodone, slept without difficulty. Over the next couple days alternated between feeling hypersensitive and emotionally numb. April 6 -0 mg trazodone, slept without difficulty April 7 -flare-up of withdrawal symptoms: akathisia, intense anxiety and dread. Symptoms resolved with 0.125 mg lorazepam. Planning to reinstate trazodone tonight, as I’m assuming that’s what caused the flare. I’d neglected to think of the trazodone as an antidepressant! I am already chronically ill, so I am having to manage additional symptoms on top of withdrawal symptoms. I have been diagnosed with chronic migraine, POTS, and Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. My recent diagnosis of obstructive sleep apnea was a surprise, as I am young and slim— turns out my hypermobility puts me at a higher risk. But I’m hopeful that treating my sleep apnea will take care of many disabling symptoms I had previously associated with my migraines: poor memory, brain fog, fatigue, and never feeling well-rested even after regularly getting 10+ hours of sleep. I will be getting a CPAP machine this week. It may take some getting used to but ultimately I should be getting much better quality sleep and years of damage might be reversed. My question is, do I need to put my taper on pause while acclimating to the CPAP? I recognize that my nervous system is in a hypersensitive state and worry that any change, even a positive change like this, may disrupt things. I just don’t know to approach my other health problems in the context of tapering.

Hi everyone I was on Paxil 20mg for 19 years- most of which time it worked well (except for some weight gain and bloating). While studying at grad school I started taking Adderall for four years until it developed until a problem and managed to come off it inn July 2017. Went through the PAWs from that which lasted for a long time (and is maybe still ongoing). However, since I came off the Adderall, the Paxil appeared to have stopped working (either than or the PAWs from the Adderall was overriding its effects). So 5 months ago I decided to do the Prozac bridge to see if Prozac would work for me. I did a straight switch to Prozac 20 mg without any tapering and felt some withdrawals and also felt weird most likely from starting on the Prozac as well. While taking Prozac I have been up and down, with good weeks and bad. However, in the last two weeks I have had what seem suspiciously like the 'waves' I hear about on this site. I have felt the worst I have ever felt in my life and it seems very much like SSRI withdrawal to me (I've experienced withdrawals from Paxil several times before when I either ran out or tried to quit). This time symptoms include a sense of impending doom, nausea, tinnitus, hypersensitivity to stress, depression. It seems unusual to be suddenly hit with withdrawal symptoms 5 months after giving up Paxil and while still taking Prozac right? So my question is- is this some delayed withdrawal to the Paxil I stopped taking 5 months ago or is it some adverse reaction to the Prozac (even though I have had periods of feeling fine on it). I am leaning towards to the possibility of coming off the Prozac and reinstating the Paxil. Even though I was feeling pretty depressed when I was on Paxil last I didn't feel like this now where I basically feel like I'm losing my mind. Any recommendations on what I should do?

I went off Wellbutrin in December 2023. I had been on it about two years. I was also given Adderall about the last 6 months of that time because I was so sleepy and unable to initiate tasks. I was given Modafinil as well. I was also imbibing about 400 mg of caffeine. Still really tired "excessive daytime sleepiness," not narcolepsy. My blood pressure was super high. I refused to start a BP medicine when I was taking a lot of meds that could raise it. I tapered off Wellbutrin over 6 weeks. Now, I've been off everything for about 12 weeks. My mood is depressed worse than before the meds. Two weeks ago, I started tearful all the time. I have ruminative negative thoughts. I am not suicidal. I believe this is withdrawal because I experienced similar symptoms trying to taper off twice before. The psychiatrist agreed to do GeneSight testing as a compromise since she was against stopping the meds. Turns out, there are only 4 antidepressants I don't have severe genetic interactions with. I told her to pick one and I would try it (because I am that miserable and she was talking hospitalization). She ordered viibryd yesterday. I don't want to prolong the withdrawal or make things worse. I don't believe meds are a solution. I'm wondering if anybody has tried viibryd to ease withdrawal from Wellbutrin. They work on different neurotransmitters so I don't know if it is rational. The Wellbutrin was not even functioning as intended because of my genetics impeding its metabolism and receptor activity.

I’m A Phoenix Rising. I’m a 50 year old mother of 6 and I’ve been on psychiatric drugs for the last 30 years. It all started with Zoloft for depression and GAD. I now have 4 or 5 psychiatric diagnoses and about 5 other diagnoses as a result of my psych meds, which introduced even more drugs to my stash, multiple hospital stays and 3 years of ECT. They have destroyed my memory, made me numb and compliant, given me peripheral neuropathy, idiopathic hypersomnia, and ADHD-like characteristics. Not to mention the compulsions I have developed and desperately need to shake, weight gain, metabolic changes, and amotivational syndrome. These drugs, and psychiatrists, nearly destroyed my family so many times and came way too close to ending my life. The almost humorous thing is, up until Aug. of 2023, I was completely in the dark about the side effects and withdrawal from these drugs. No idea! I lived through it a few times yet I had absolutely no one tell me what I was going through was normal. I thought I had completely lost it and that I was destined to live out my life this way (on meds). Looking back now I see how uncharacteristically angry I would get while on zoloft. After my mother died in 2012, while grieving, I went to see a psychiatrist who put me on an anti-psychotic(seroquel), 2 benzos (klonopin & xanax) and adderall (not yet diagnosed with ADHD). My behavior changed drastically. I had a very short affair then decided that I was ready to die. I wound up in a coma for 3 days, then they promptly shipped me to a psych hospital. On 3 separate occasions they gave me a benzo and then refused after that (their funny idea of a taper, I'm guessing). That was the beginning of my very long withdrawal of those particular drugs leading to psychosis (more diagnoses) more suicide attempts, more hospital stays and finally ECT due to being treatment resistant. Lastly, once finding out I was pregnant (in the ER) in 2019, I was told to go off all meds. I wasn’t able to be seen by an OB for 6 weeks. Once seen they put me back on Effexor XR at 150mg (I was on 300mg), then a month later increased my dose to 225mg. Being an older mom, I was being monitored closely yet they didn’t recognize the very serious withdrawal. After looking at my baby’s brain, they told me it looked like “someone put his brain in a blender”. My son had a very rough start, but over time he pulled through. He is now a very loving, active, charismatic three year old! Symptoms of withdrawal; intense anxiety when I've made a mistake. Otherwise it's nagging insomnia and almost constant irritability. ***Life hasn’t always been sour and angry despite what I’ve written here. I am stable now and feel happiness. I have hope and I’m eager to make the changes needed to live out the rest of my years drug free. -Phoenix

I thought a very long time about writing this. I know a lot of people will read this and won't believe it. These pills have a lot of different impacts on people and for some unknown perhaps largely genetic reason I was highly susceptible to the negative effects. I pretty much had the simultaneous most extreme manifestation of every potential symptom listed on these forums at the same time. I spent all day every day for years online trying to find accounts and of course cures to what I was suffering from and have only seen about 10 accounts of people with stories of such extreme severity. Most of them are from benzodiazepines but even though I had a prescription for those I was not taking them very often. I suspect most of my damage was the product of the antidepressants I took every morning. These pills did to me things few people will tell you are even possible. I used to spend hours a day reading the posts on this forum praying one day I would be me again. It took far longer than I thought was possible but it finally happened. After the first couple years I began to think I would plateau at some slightly less agonizing state at some point and stay debilitated for the rest of my life. I was on various drugs from the time I was 10 years old. I was on lorazepam, trazadone, amitriptyline, bupropion, citalopram, propranolol, concerta, adderall. All kinds of stuff at one point or another but never all of it at once. The ones I was on for the longest time were citalopram and bupropion. I took both from ages 15 to 23. I wouldn't truly realize the havoc that these chemicals caused on my body until I came off them after college. To say my life was shattered is an understatement. I went from top of my class at a top university to absolutely debilitated. I could barely walk for years. POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING BEGIN: I had a relentless throbbing migraine for over 5 and a half years. My entire body was in constant physical pain. It felt like an electric pulsing shock that emanates from your solar plexis and up through your spinal column right into the center of your brain where it becomes a relentless migraine. The migraine felt like having my head stuck in a fishbowl full of ammonia for years on end. It felt like nails on a chalkboard up your spine. All of it throbbed with my constantly palpitating heart rate. My fitbit said my resting heart rate was 55 beats per minute which is bradycardia but they told me it was evidence of my fitness. They said it is common for athletes. I am not and have never been an athlete. While they told me this I could barely stand up. Everything was spinning as if I was drunk for years. Eating anything but particularly carbs made all my symptoms worse. My vision was so bad I was nearly blind. I had double vision, tunnel vision, blurry vision, and I couldn't focus on anything because it felt like the room was constantly spinning. They told me "a nystagmus isn't that uncommon." I was also completely night blind. Anything under broad daylight and I couldn't see a thing. You know when you go into a dimply lit room like a movie theater on a sunny day and you can't see for a few seconds until your eyes adjust? I had that for five years. My eyes just never adjusted. Apparently one of the most common symptoms of drug abuse is pupil dilation or expansion because of how they impact neurotransmitters. In addition to this I had horrible tinnitus and hearing sensitivity. The cognitive impact was overwhelming. I couldn't solve puzzles intended for toddlers. This was particularly devastating as my intellect had always been the cornerstone of my personal identity. I was always the nerd growing up. I also had a tremor that was dismissed as "jitters" or "anxiety." I would later learn this is called tardive akathisia. I also had the extreme long term sexual dysfunction that is finally recognized with SSRIs. It was like having a slab of rubber hanging from my torse. Severely numbed sensitivity and responsiveness for years. I had a lesser degree of this even while on the medication. As agonizing as all of those symptoms were, none of them were the worst. The worst was the derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked so distant and unreal that it felt like being stuck in a nightmare. I couldn't see straight. It felt like being 80% dead already and you're already most of the way unplugged from the world. Every minute of every day is a literal nightmare and you can't wake up. Like I said I knew before typing all that that most people won't believe it. Aside from the derealization the worst part is dismissive everyone was of my condition. I was certain I was about to die and everyone everywhere told me it was all in my head. To be quite frank the only reason I didn't kill myself is because I was certain I was about to die anyway. I figured it was impossible to be so dysfunctional and not be about to die. It just becomes an implicit assumption. My mind ran on an endless loop of "Oh my God this can't be real. You're about to die. This is what dying feels like. Wake up. You'll be dead soon. This can't be happening. This can't be real." At first I was terrified to die. After the first year I welcomed it. It was just so relentless. Not a single moment of relief for one second of one day. My family isn't rich but I was on my parents insurance until I was 25. In the first 2 years I saw a total of 14 different doctors in one of the most developed parts in the world. Some of them had literal Ivy League medical degrees. Out of the 14 doctors there were 3 different primary care physicians and 11 were specialists. Everyone from a neurologist and psychiatrist to cardiologist and nephrologist. I spent all day every day trying to read medical journals and scour the deepest depths of anywhere finding other cases and answers. That was how I first found this site. Of all those visits the only thing I was ever diagnosed with was "pre-diabetes" from the endocrinologist because my blood sugar swings were so extreme. I do not have a single one of any of the aforementioned symptoms today. At the time I was certain the drugs caused my condition but I wasn't sure how. Initially I thought I must have had a massive stroke. An MRI ruled this out. The neurologist actually initially suspected Multiple Sclerosis but never gave me a diagnosis for anything and finally suggested I was a hypochondriac and should see a psychiatrist. I suspected everything from a brain abscess to hepatic encephalitis. No doctor sees you for more than about 8 minutes and most of them ordered some variation of the same basic blood tests. I literally didn't have a single bodily function operating as expected and every one of them told me I was perfectly fine. I eventually started paying for tests out of pocket to test additional hypotheses. The only things that really helped were vitamins and supplements. Particularly antioxidants. What finally made me turn a corner after an agonizing half decade was taking massive doses of specific nutritional supplements. I will not name any brands to prevent being accused of being some kind of shill but I will mention general vitamins. (I have also been accused of being a scientologist whenever I mention any of this. I am not and have never been and never will be. You shouldn't be either. It is a dangerous cult that happens to discourage vulnerable people from pursuing any mental health treatments besides them including psychiatry). Massive doses of B vitamins had a tremendous impact. Make sure you consume multiple variants of B12 as some people cannot absorb the most common one. Also make sure you get B1 and B6. Vitamins C, D, K, and E also made big differences. basically make sure you take all essential vitamins and minerals. I stumbled across some fringe studies done by doctors in the 70s about reversing Tardive Dyskinesia with the mineral manganese. It worked. I cured the tinnitus with a combination of supplements called bioflavonoids. Some of these are even marketed toward tinnitus relief. Tea is full of them and also helps. Particularly organic iced green tea with a lemon in it. Something about the lemon improves the antioxidant ability apparently. Red wine is full of anxioxidants too but alcohol made all my other symptoms far worse, especially the first few years. Organic products were somehow better. Basically any kind of antioxidant helped a little and massive doses combined made the recovery pretty rapid. Niacin, turmeric, and CoQ10 also yielded extreme improvements. Apparently massive doses of Niacin can reverse drug induced schizophrenia in a subset of patients if they take it for multiple years. As much as I can't wait to put all this behind me I needed to come back here and write this. I used to read this forum for hours every day trying to find a story of someone who was as sick as I was and made a recovery. I came back to tell whoever might still be there that no matter how horrible it might feel, it isn't permanent. Somehow you're still in there. No matter how long and endless it feels. I'm definitely not saying it was worth it but I am more grateful of every moment I am not in pain than I ever thought was possible. Every single moment is a blessing I will never take for granted again. Good luck.

Hi Everyone, My journey with Sertraline started at the ripe old age of 10-12 years old (I’m 31 now-my mom and I can’t seem to agree on when exactly I started taking meds). I was also on adderal or vyvanse at this age as well. In 2018 I decided I wanted to try to get off of meds. I started with the vyvanse. I went from 60mg to 50, and dropped 10mg a month until I was at nothing. Really didn’t experience any issues. Then I went to the Sertraline. I dropped from 200mg to 150mg and really only had a few brain zaps that went away after a few days. Six months later I dropped from 150mg to 100mg, again with only brain zaps and some irritability. During this time I moved to France to be with my husband (summer 2020 mid lockdown) and after 6 months there I decided I wanted to continue to go down because we knew in the next year or so we wanted to try for a baby. I had read a few forums so decided to take it a little slower this time. 100mg to 87.5mg. For the first time I experienced a decent amount of withdrawal symptoms. Mostly flu like, palpitations, but nothing I couldn’t get thru. After two weeks they dissipated. I then went directly from 87.5 to 75mg. Same thing with this cut but after a couple weeks, mostly dissipated with the exception of extreme anxiety and random weird intense pains throughout my body. Fast forward to a month later and all hell broke loose. The worst panic of my life (never suffered from panic attacks before besides ONE in late 2020 after moving) horrible horrible DP/DR (mostly DR) to the point that I really thought I was going crazy. I would begin each morning with a good barf and have diarrhea throughout the days. I ended up losing about 12lbs in a few weeks. No appetite. Everything made me feel weird and I cried nonstop. My doctor told me to take a low dose of Xanax three times a day for two weeks and honestly it helped. I stopped the Xanax after three weeks (I decided to continue a little longer) with no issues. Or no immediate issues that I know of. About five months after this in mid 2021 I decided to do a SLOW taper, 2.5-5% every two weeks. I ended up stopping around the 61mg mark because my panic was getting so bad, I had an EIGHT WEEK MIGRAINE and I just couldn’t keep it together. At this point I also had my first intro to inner restlessness, or mild akathisia, located in my chest and under my armpits. This only lasted about a week but really freaked me out. After two and a half months of staying at 61mg I decided to continue to go down, this time no more than 2.5% decreases. It seemed to go ok at this rate. I was still suffering from bad OCD and anxiety but there were no physical symptoms. My last cut was when we moved back to California in Feb 2022, a few months ago. I experienced another bout of weeklong mild inner restlessness at this point but again I ignored it and it went away. Had two weeks of dizziness but was told it was a vestibular migraine. I ended up spot taking bromazepam at a low dose for a couple of weeks because it helped suppress the dizziness. Now two weeks ago, Late April 2022, I was sitting at my desk at work and like a switch I felt the internal restlessness start again. This time more intense than before. It continued at the same intensity and ramped up this weekend. I have such a ball of energy/tickling in my chest and throat that I start each morning dry heaving. I have no appetite. Lost 5lbs in 3 days. This weekend I’ve also had full body tremors and complete panic crying spells and dread because of it and my fear of akathisia being permanent. I don’t know if this had something to do with the bromazepam, late hitting withdrawals from earlier extreme cuts, huge life stressor of moving countries, new job which is very stressful or what. I feel like my CNS is shot and I don’t know what to do. I have to function and work to help provide for my family, being disabled in bed is just not an option but it’s where I’m at today. I caved and took a bromazepam because it calms the akathisia and I couldn’t just lay in bed and roll around in a panic any longer. I really need some help.

Hello, This is my introduction post where I will be sharing my drug history, experience, and goals towards a drug free life. A little about me: I am a 26 years old male with interests in animals, nutrition, fitness, socializing, movies, and other things. I have been taking citalopram for 21 years and my goal is to taper off of my current 10 mg dose down to zero. I would appreciate tapering advice from anyone with experience with successful SSRI tapering, especially citalopram. Backstory: I started medication around the time I was 5 years old, just starting kindergarten. My parents had recently gotten divorced and I was taken to a child therapist and then a pediatrician. I had a lot of tantrums as a toddler, poor eye contact, trouble making decisions, and I would frequently get in trouble at preschool. At the advice of the pediatrician I was put on 40 mg of citalopram, brand Celexa, and what seemed to be at about the same time, 60 mg of dextroamphetamine, brand ProCentra. I still would get in trouble a lot at school up until high school, but I was a very happy kid. I stayed on both of these medications at the same doses till I was 17 when I successfully requested to be taken off of some medication. I tapered off of dextroamphetamine with no trouble at all. It was a little tougher to concentrate on hw, but I didn't mind. After graduating high school and starting studies at my local community college, I decided to taper off of citalopram. As with the dextroamphetamine, I worked with my pediatrician to help me taper off of the medication. I was told this would be difficult so I tapered off between spring and summer studies. I didn't notice any negative effects all the way down to 10 mg of citalopram. I felt different being on a lower dose, but I liked how it felt. Tapering from 10 mg to zero, however, did not go well. I developed pretty unbearable irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). At this time I am starting my second year of community college and I am 19 / 20 years old. Besides having IBS, I had heightened senses, a bit of depression and anxiety, and I was less hyper and less enthusiastic. I became diet obsessed and tried to find food I could eat without getting bloated and or having digestive pain. I lied to my pediatrician and I said I was fine and decided to stayed off of the medication. I visited digestive doctors, got blood tests, and looked for diets to solve my problems. After about 6 months, I saw my general care doctor and asked to go back on citalopram at 10 mg. Before taking citalopram I requested to try a different medication, a tricyclic antidepressant. I can't remember why I thought this was a good idea. I started at a low dose and had unpleasant headaches among other weird feelings. After a month or so I decided to go back to citalopram. I believe I started with 5 mg and then worked my way up to 10 mg. I had almost constant headaches getting back on the medication, and driving felt different, possibly due to the medications effects on balance. I can't remember if I had headaches tapering off of the medication. After two to three weeks, I felt pretty good. At this time I believe I was entering my third year at my community college. I found my digestive system was generally okay if I ate whole foods and stayed away from cooking oils. My anxiety was still much more present than when I was taking 40 mg, and I didn't feel as happy. I have stayed on my 10 mg dose of citalopram since then. To help manage my anxiety, I meditate, stay physically active, eat as healthy as I can, and socialize as often as I can. There is so much misinformation out there, even in scientific research. I am not sure what to believe about the harms and benefits of antidepressants. I was for sure much happier on a higher dose, but I was also a kid when things were easier and I was still growing up, so its hard to say. These are very stressful times in the world, but there might never be a perfect time to try to taper off of the citalopram. I would appreciate any advice on tapering or any shared stories of similar experiences. Thanks for reading, VeganLife

Hi, everyone. I just found this forum last night via links on Mad In The UK and Let's Talk Withdrawal. I've recently begun tapering sertraline after 10 years of use, and I hope that it will be mutually helpful for myself and others if I share my experiences here. I'll try to summarize my personal mental health history with whatever information I think might be relevant. I've had depression, anxiety, and OCD-like symptoms beginning in childhood, possibly exacerbated by personal/family trauma. I saw my first therapist at age 7-8 when my parents divorced, and have been in and out of therapy for other reasons since about 14. Depression became severe around age 15, along with some disordered eating behaviors (I wasn't formally diagnosed with an ED until my 20s, but from the age of 16 onward was treated as though I had one--actually, I found my way here because this article resonated with some of my experiences in treatment and being pathologized). Many of the therapists I saw in my teens and twenties advised me to begin medication and would bring it up repeatedly against my wishes at the time. After my second year in college, my mental health became significantly worse and I had trust issues with my therapist at the time, who continued to insist that I needed medication and/or some form of institutional treatment. In 2008 I avoided being hospitalized for an eating disorder by cutting off contact with that therapist, but my GP diagnosed anorexia nervosa and prescribed sertraline because it was supposed to help with compulsive behaviors such as disordered eating and OCD. At the time, I did not get the prescription filled. After I left college in 2009, my depression fluctuated but I had more severe anxiety than in the past. By 2012 I was having anxiety attacks almost every day that were interfering with my work and daily life. Doctor again prescribed sertraline, and I started taking it as a "last resort" because I felt suicidal and that I had nothing left to lose by trying it. I started at 50 mg and experienced some relief from the physical symptoms of anxiety, but I still worried constantly and had varying levels of depression. It also did absolutely nothing for OCD. :') After a few years on the sertraline, I felt that it wasn't working or wasn't necessary, and I also suspected that I might have some form of undiagnosed neurodivergence that was being covered up by the depression/anxiety/ED diagnoses. Around 2017 I began seeing a therapist at a practice that also required meeting with a psychiatrist every few months as a condition of continuing treatment. Said psychiatrist diagnosed ADHD and possible autism spectrum traits but did not prescribe anything for the ADHD; instead, he recommended increasing my dosage of sertraline from 50 to 75 and then to 100 mg a few months later. He also prescribed hydroxyzine PRN for anxiety attacks. Once again, any benefit of increasing the sertraline dosage was temporary or negligible/nonexistent. (The hydroxyzine seems to work by virtue of being a sedative, if nothing else.) Starting around 2018-2019, I began having more acute depressive episodes that seemed to worsen with hormonal fluctuations; it was as though my SSRI "stopped working" for a few days/weeks every month and I experienced symptoms that were easily as bad as the withdrawal symptoms I got from skipping or missing a dose. For a while (2019-2020) I also had what I thought were moderate hypomanic episodes lasting a few weeks at a time, although this might have been how I interpreted having a more normative level of executive functioning/mood regulation as opposed to feeling fatigued and depressed as a baseline. ADHD and OCD-like symptoms also got progressively worse. In 2020 I asked my GP about ADHD treatment, and was prescribed Adderall (10 mg, increased to 15 mg later on). This was also around the time I decided to start tapering the sertraline. I went from 100 to 75 mg in 2021 without noticing much of a difference, but had severe depression/withdrawal effects at 50 mg and so remained at 75 for about a year. The hormonal exacerbation also got significantly worse--suicidal ideation, self harming behavior, increased anxiety, and paranoid/irrational/obsessive thoughts--to the point that I thought I might be having psychotic episodes. (I have a late maternal uncle who developed schizophrenia after recreational hallucinogen use, so there is some family history of being at risk.) In late August or early September of this year, I decided to resume tapering after missing a dose between refills; since I was already having withdrawal symptoms, I started taking 50 mg after my refill and just left it at that. My current therapist referred me to another psychiatric practice to discuss medication management. During the appointment last week, they recommended tapering the sertraline from 50 to 25 for two weeks, and then to 12.5 before stopping entirely. However, they also prescribed a different SSRI (Luvox), which I do not want to take at all, as well as switching my ADHD medication from Adderall to Vyvanse. I'm not too concerned with the ADHD drugs right now; I think it might be easier to evaluate whether or not they're worth continuing after I get off the sertraline, but I don't know how to explain to my therapist and/or other health care providers that I don't want to start a different SSRI, without being seen as non-compliant. tl;dr, as of this week I've gone from 50 to 25 mg on sertraline and I'm feeling pretty depressed/paranoid/anxious, but I think it's manageable if there's a possibility of it getting better after this. Sorry if any of the above is rambling or otherwise unclear. I'm still lurking on the rest of the forum while posting this, so please let me know if I've made any mistakes or left anything out. Thank you.

My history with medication started when I took a leave of absense from college in 2001, after my first semester. I moved back across the country, lived in a friend's dorm room, got a job, got an apartment, and decided to seek help for depression and trouble focusing. I was prescribed Ritalin. Over the years (see signature for meds), I was given meds for depression, sleep problems, ADHD, and eventually Bipolar II. In October of 2013, I left a job both over ethical concerns and because I wanted to work for myself. I lost access to the medications I was on at the time, though, because of an insurance SNAFU. By mid-2014, I was practically non-functional, though I was also trying new meds and working with a therapist. In 2015, I ended up unable to work, moving to my parent's home, and getting SSDI. Many of the meds I've tried since then (and before) gave me immediate adverse effects, or soon after I started taking them. In 2021, Lexapro was added, and that gave me constant nausea, but I was determined to stick it out. I had to use cannabis constantly in order to not feel like throwing up. Then, when I learned about laws in a couple states passing that explicitly allowed medical providers to deny care for "religious or ethical reasons," targeting queer people (I'm a trans* guy and gay), I threw temper tantrums like a two-year-old at both my therapist and mother for two days, and became extremely activated. At first I was ranting out of terror, and then angry at their lack of empathy. It was both called-for and out-of-line. Then began a flurry of activity. I felt like myself, and like I was developing good boundaries. I told people about many painful things from the past. I was also, in retrospect, not well, but when my APRN told me to stop taking Lexapro because "people say you've been acting out of character," I was livid, because I finally felt like myself again, and it was traumatizing to hear about those laws being passed and have people to tell me to calm down because it wasn't an immediate threat. I told her that sometimes when someone experiences something new, they act in a new way; it's objectively true. I don't know. I developed panic attack symptoms, had trouble regulating my body temperature, had more than the usual variations in energy level, and had a lot of sleep disturbances. My proprioception was often way off. I compulsively spent money, but in a way that made half-sense. A few months into the Lexapro, I developed some movement disorder symptoms, sort of only half-controllable unwinding stretching, triggered also by physical therapy for severe pain and stiffness in the right side of my neck. The stretching felt good, but then I got tight again. That was particularly weird. I often had very firm boundaries over the spring and summer, getting to the point of yelling when my concerns about my safety as a queer person were being thrown back in my face. Some people told me I was hard to follow, but others could follow me fine. All of my emotions were amplified. At one point I hit a wall with my fist in my mother's house, and dented it. I offered to fix it or pay to have it fixed, but that offer was rejected. In the fall, without prior warning, my family changed the locks on my place, and threw away whatever they thought was trash, and I lived in long-term Airbnbs until March. I somehow managed to close on a house in February, and started living in it in March. The place was indeed horrible, in terms of cleanlinees, but advance notice and dealing with it more directly would've been better. Of course, they don't know what my living spaces always look like. Throughout the winter and spring, I had migraines a lot of the time. In March of 2022, things got psychedelic. I've never done hallucinogens, actually. I've also never had any hallucinations or delusions... until maybe this stuff. I was in part wrapped up in fantasies about finding a way back to having my family in my life, and in part seeing patterns and thinking I had outsized influence on the world if I interacted with them right. I saw problems and became fixated on them. I was sometimes, in my thinking, straight-up delusional. I went for lots of drives, exploring patterns - real ones having to do with the development of the highway system - but why? I became very tuned-in to my emotional intelligence, and spent a lot of time dancing and acting to music, and feeling through the layers of meanings in the lyrics. I can't remember if I'd decided to stop/cut back the Xanax before or after this. In late March, I ran out of gas on the highway, without my phone, really only needed a tow truck, but since I didn't have anyone to call for help and was very amped up, I ended up involuntarily hospitalized in another state, with no way to reach anyone. First, I was in an emergency room, and got the bends very bad from something. I was lucid dreaming, and spinning around in the bed. They injected me with something, I don't know what. When I got to the hospital, I half-thought it was all a mistake and someone might come get me. I opted to be there for three days under my own power. Since I had no access to my meds, this lead to my going cold-turkey off of Wellbutrin, Lamictal, Adderall, Xanax, and Lexapro. No one evaluated me there, but they tried to get me to take something (wouldn't tell me what). I felt pretty much fine, but half-believed it must be some kind of elaborate prank, under the influence of drugs, trauma, or both. From then on, things got even weirder. I started to forget to pay bills, I became convinced there was something seriously wrong with the electricity in my home, and no consequences mattered. I had total blindness to how my actions affected others. In May, I again ended up needing a tow truck (the gearshift became disengaged), without my phone. I got extremely sick in the car, got a tow truck instead of a hospital this time, but got kicked out by the driver of the tow truck because of the smell. I had auditory and mild visual hallucinations, very "creative" thoughts, and ended up taking two weeks to get back home. I simply let the car go, bought another car (but got a ticket for driving without insurance and driving an unregistered vehicle, and now have a warrant out for me in another state), worked on it a little but lost focus and bought an even more messed-up vehicle, worked on that, and then stopped caring. I developed bad chemical sensitivity for a month or a few (even my skin barrier was weird), and had movement disorder symptoms spring up after exposure to chlorine, followed by lotion and CBD oil. Could also be psychological, in part. I got a big lump on my scalp, a rash on first the left and then the right side of my neck, ingrown hairs on my knees. I had to re-wash everything I'd washed at a laundromat. I'd have to make movements in response to sounds, or feel prickling or burning in my toes response to seeing certain people, or other unknown causes. It's still happening a bit. I trashed the office space I was renting, because I had increased sensitivity in my nerves, and thought there was something corrosive going on I needed to clean up with salt, baking soda, some natural cleaning supplies, and clean cat litter, but also couldn't focus, and ended up leaving behind a massive mess and giving the owner no notice, after being two weeks late with rent, after the guy I'd hired decided he wasn't going to stick around. I've had a lot of scary physical symptoms that felt like they could become blood clots or heart attacks, but those haven't happened for months. For a while I had so much tension in my trunk area, it felt like my pelvic bones were eating themselves, all prickly. I have more feeling on my left side than my right. Usually when I wake up, some part of one or both of my hands is numb. I had a lot of strong anxiety, on and off. There's a lot I've left out. These days, I'm dissociated and flat, but also have extreme avoidance behaviors, a different kind of anxiety. My frustration/obstacle tolerance is almost nothing. I don't have a temper about it, my brain just short-circuits. Pretty much I sit around smoking hand-rolled cigarettes, and drinking filtered water with ginger in it, thoughts about my family or others swirling around, wishing I could trust new people and/or had local friends. I wish I could hand power of attorney to someone and tell them what to take care of. If I can get started on something, I manage to change my address somewhere, or make a payment plan on a credit card, or do some small thing, like pre-rinse clothes in the sink. The stuff I paid to have packed and stored, whatever was at the apartment that wasn't thrown away, I haven't been able to face and has probably been thrown out for non-payment by now. I've been to a primary care doctor twice, and have an appointment with a neurologist in October. I got basic bloodwork done and was fine; tried to get a toxin or heavy metal panel done but couldn't. Probably what I thought was toxin exposure was in fact withdrawal stuff, though. I've been trying to find a therapist who I can get to without a car and who takes my Medicare plan, but no luck so far. As far as I can tell, what's happening is CPTSD, PTSD, and polypharmacy withdrawal interacting. As weird and bad as things are, it's not like they weren't often like this even before I was ever prescribed anything. For example, I've almost never been able to care about "self-care," unless it's to make sure I'm not judged or otherwise for another's benefit. I can see a lot of "self-sabotage" in many of the things I've done, pathological narcissistic acting-out, some victim/savior/persecutor dynamics, but it all seems a bit extreme for it to be "just" trauma.

Well, not so sure how to begin, but here it goes. I’m 51 year old professional woman. 23 years ago, I gave birth to a son, who didn’t survive beyond 6 hours. I started to have panic attacks . I did not want medication, because I planned on trying to have another child. Two years later my youngest son was born. For the first 2 years of his life , he was constantly sick, I have two older children as well. When I say constant , I mean constant . His eyes always had dark circles , constant breathing issues ( premature). I slept About 2 hours a night for years , and had no help. By time he was 2 , the anxiety was crippling. The doctor prescribed me , Paxil. It was a miracle drug for me ! I felt Like superwoman. I was also on aderall since a teen. Fast forward 8 years , I decided I didnt want to be on Paxil anymore. Just stopped. Within 4 days I had multiple seizures and was rushed to the hospital. At the hospital , my speech started to slur and the left side of my face droop. They asked if I was taking illegal drugs. They tested, obviously clear beside the prescribed aderall. When I told them I had gone off Paxil and haven’t felt well, they actually chuckled and said, Paxil wouldn’t cause this sort of extreme withdrawal. I was released two days later, and went home, opened the Paxil and swallowed . I felt like a junkie. I just knew I couldnt feel this horrible anymore . The shooting shocks in my head, spinning, sick and shaky. Couldn’t even get my words out correctly . A few years later , I did it slow, and couldn’t get passed 12 mg. Anything below 12 , and I was almost incapacitated. Non-functioning. So back to 20mg. Been here since . I’m reading so much about Paxil increasing dementia and Alzheimer. It’s time. I’m just worried I’m going to get to 12mg and it’s gonna start again. Now the newest issue , aderall since I’m a teen ! Well today I’m told it’s on back order and can’t find it anywhere. Now I’m panicking , and have about 6 left. I live In a new state , alone . My family is up north . I’m a national sales Director and do work remotely for the most part, but I am petrified that I’m going to spiral. I cant get through a task without it , I’m all over the place . It’s time , time for me to take my life back, but I’m afraid .

Hi all. I really need some advice about reinstating. I was on Prozac for about 5 years (started at 20mg and was at 60mg for the last 1.5 years) for seasonal affective disorder and anxiety. A couple years ago, I started Adderall for suspected narcolepsy. My narcolepsy got much worse the following year and another stimulant, armodafinil, was added. I finally got approved for a treatment that treats the root problem by normalizing the sleep cycle and started Xywav in September 2021. A few weeks in, I woke up feeling rested for the first time in my life, but with some very unusual symptoms atypical for Xywav. Going down on the Xywav did not get rid of it. I did stop armodafinil which helped a bit. I was referred to a psychiatrist (scheduled 3 months out) and neurologist (scheduled 7 months out). I went 3 months with these symptoms (SEVERE anxiety, dizziness, tremor, muscle twitching and stiffness, feeling agitated by noise and light, and sensory overloads) and was finally diagnosed with serotonin toxicity from the psychiatrist. I did a rapid taper from 60mg to 20mg over 3 months. Each drop I made, I had withdrawal, then stabilized quickly and had the toxicity come back. My psychiatrist and I decided to try holding at 20mg because of a longer withdrawal period, but then I started to feel like the toxicity was coming back. I kept going and taking the pill because I didn't see how it could be toxicity at that point, but I kept getting worse each time I took it. I started having spasms and burning sensations on my skin and was very hyper-reflexive. I was eventually instructed to CT at 20mg. I immediately felt better the next day, pain and spasms were gone within 3 days and I improved dramatically over the next couple months with only mild withdrawal symptoms. I did treat the mild withdrawal by taking 0.25-0.5mg microdoses of Prozac as needed (which I realize now was probably a bad idea, but it worked at the time). At 4 weeks, I started to have mild tingling in my legs but didn't think much of it. At 6-7 weeks out I felt almost completely recovered and back to normal and then week 8 everything started going downhill with the burning and tingling sensations in my legs amping up. I tried my last microdose of 1mg on June 6 and didn't have much change in symptoms. Over the next several weeks, I developed burning and tingling in my arms, back/spine, chest, neck, face, and now stomach. Along with this, I also have had severe muscle spasms in various areas, stiffness/tightness, cramping, and general muscle/joint pain. Posting this, I have now been off for 4 months and am going through wave and window episodes of severe pain and less pain. Each wave I seem to have burning/tingling neuropathic type pain, muscle pain, spasm, or stiffness developing in a new area of my body, so it’s now widespread. The pain is milder during the day, but gets so much worse at night and is causing lots of fear and anxiety. Since starting 5-htp, curcumin, and modified cictrus pectin (recommend by a naturopath) I seem to be having a few more windows through the day of a lot less pain and even 1-2 nights a week where the pain does not become severe at night. My mental symptoms are anxiety/fear, detachment (happens 6-8pm everyday) and some mood swings/low mood. The intense fear caused by the pain is the worst one. Most of my other symptoms are physical (blurred vision, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, loss of appetite). I know reinstating can be a bit risky this far out, but I am a grad student and the semester will be starting soon. I would like to be more functional than I am... and in less pain. So is it worth trying a reinstatement at this point to see if the pain will go away or should I just try to wait this out? If I do choose to reinstate, my psychiatrist suggested reinstating 5mg, but would it be better to start at 1-2mg and work up? 4 months off at end of July and primary symptoms are pain (burning/tingling neuropathic pain, spasms, stiffness, aches bodywide), blurred vision, dizziness, detachment, nausea, loss of appetite, dry mouth and eyes, mood swings, and a lot of anxiety and fear. A couple other things. One thing I have working for me in withdrawal is my Xywav. I always get 8 hours of quality sleep a night with no insomnia, so maybe that will help me to stabilize just a bit faster than normal (or maybe its wistful thinking...). I also don't think I have a chemical sensitivity. I have started supplements, an antiviral (acyclovir), and lowered the adderall without any obvious worsening of symptoms. Also is there anybody here who can relate to this and has developed a lot of pain in withdrawal? I’m 24 and never had pain before. I have had a full autoimmune and blood work up as well as a brain mri. All normal, so hopefully it's just withdrawal. Sorry for the long post, but thank you for reading and any advice you can offer.

Hi Everyone! Found this site when looking for research on tapering off my medications, the history should show in my signature if I've updated it correctly (hopefully). I was put on Mirtazapine around 10ish years ago after suffering unacceptable side effects of Fluoxetine. It's served me well keeping my relatively stable through the years at varying doses. In 2020, I burnt out in work and ended up being put on Wellbutrin alongside the Mirtazapine. I tried to come off the Mirtazapine a few years back, circa 2018 (from 15mg), I had initially split the tablets to 7.5mg for I believe a month or so, I don't recall any overly negative effects. Slightly more erratic mood but nothing that was unmanageable. I then started skipping doses to reduce the average (big no no! I didn't realise at the time how bad that was), I did speak to the doctor as my mood was becoming unmanageable and the doctor then moved me to compounded medication (the soluble versions aren't available where I live). Even moving to the compounded meds I had weeks where I was okay but still teeter tottering, I believe I had gotten down to 5mg per day but I think I dropped from 7.5mg - 5mg. My mood always seemed worse when I was 3/4 the way through the monthly bottle, from reading on these forums it sounds like it was losing its potency. After a rather horrible work trip where I was away from home and my support network the anxiety and weepiness were out of hand, I panicked and thought I was relapsing so called my Dr and ended up back on the Mirtazapine at 15mg. When I started the Wellbutrin 150mg XR I was on 30mg of Mirtazapine but early 2021 (Jan/Feb) we upped the Wellbutrin to 300mg and dropped the Mirtazapine to 15mg (May) as I was tired all the time. I'm aiming to taper off both medications but I'm not sure which to start with, I was planning on the Mirtazapine due to the length of time I've been on it as I figure will need to be slow. But not sure if the Wellbutrin alone will cause crazy anxiety as I've noticed I've had more general anxiety recently. I've ordered some Ora-plus so I can compound it at home on a weekly/bi-weekly basis. Not sure whether I should start the 10% decrease from 15mg or if I should try to drop to 7.5mg and taper from there. Based on my calculations decreasing by 10% per month I'm looking at 1.5-2years, this seems like an extremely long time. Thoughts? What dose have people jumped from on the Mirtazapine? I ideally want to be completely med free in about 2 years as my partner and I want to start a family but I don't want to be on meds or have to transition to Fluoxetine as I really hated it. I could absolutely keep writing and talking away to myself but i'll leave it there for now. Great to virtually meet you all!

Hey so this isn't for me, but I have a friend 5"2 135lb female. who has ADD and has been on Adderall xr 30mg everyday for 9 years since she was 14-years-old now 23. Her new doctor recently decided it is in her best interest to come off the medication so they switched her to 30mg Vyvanse. I do not think this is an equivalent dose for her and she goes into severe withdrawals if she misses her medication by even a couple hours at this point. what can be done for her? she needs a good tapering guide and dosage equivalence. I hope I do not get in trouble for asking for her.

Hey guys, My past medications: these were most recent, from the age of 15 onward: - Pristiq - 100 mg - Abilify - 15 mg - Fluoxetine - 20 mg - L-methyl folate (supplement) - Adderrall XR (in morning) - forget dosage - Adderrall , 2 throughout day - forget dosage When I was 10, I was dealing with a lot of anxiety due to an unstable home life at my Mom’s. I was diagnosed with anxiety and began taking Fluoxetine after an initial meeting with a psychologist followed by a psychiatrist. At age 15, I attempted suicide and was admitted to a teen unit at a local hospital. There, I was placed on many of the medications that would later be incredibly difficult to discontinue. By age 20, I had erectile dysfunction, weighed ≈285 pounds at 6’, couldn’t concentrate on anything, was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, had severely limited vision in both eyes, slept 12 hours per night, had a constant feeling of emptiness, and had an overall feeling of not being present in my life (just kind of floating around). On March 12th, 2020 (yes, at the beginning of the pandemic), I stopped everything Cold Turkey. It probably wasn’t the smartest move, but I’m so glad I did it. I went through about 4 months of what I can only describe as hell. Vomiting, diarrhea, alternating between sleeping for 12 hours and 3 hours per night, and a rollercoaster of emotions I’d never felt before. I’m currently 185 pounds, diabetes free, updated my license yesterday to remove my vision restriction (my vision corrected), have a pretty good running/ weightlifting habit / Nutrition approach going, I just finished 2 years at a local Community College with a 3.2 overall GPA in a transfer program to a B.S. in Chemistry, and life is fantastic. Everything works well, I’m feeling real, genuine emotions for the first time in my life, and I’m thrilled to be alive. The only drawback from this whole discontinuation process is that I now can’t stay in bed for more than 6-7 hours. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, getting the vision restriction from my license removed yesterday prompted me to speak about my story (I guess you could call it a personal milestone). I’m still navigating the whole relationship, being human, and experiencing emotions part of everything but I can say that for once in my life, I’m very happy. Feel free to ask me anything. Thanks everyone, Connor

Hello all! I started Lexapro in 2012, was on that for a year and tapered off, no issues. Started again in November 2019, 10mg. Increased dosage to 20mg in August 2020. Continued until July 2022, decreased to 10mg. Began tapering off through July and August (don't remember the exact steps) and stopped around the end of August. The reason for stopping was that I felt it was affecting my sexual function. Mostly just libido and desire. I did not have these issues prior to the second round of Lexapro. At the time of withdrawal I was also taking Vyvanse 50mg (ADHD), which I thought was making my ADHD worse. I found myself more "stuck" (executive dysfunction, lack of motivation) and apathetic than when I was on Adderall. I realize now that this may have been due to the Lexapro. Unfortunately, the "stuck" feeling and sexual dysfunction has persisted. Feelings and the way I interact with the world feels blunted. I don't even think about sex with my partner and don't find myself turned on by anything (so it's not just an issue with my partner). However, finding this group and subreddits have made me realize that while this is not my ideal, I am not broken or wrong and that there are others like me. Seeing others recover and make progress brings me hope. I am so grateful to know that there is a path forward regardless of the extent of my progress. Thanks for being here

Hello all, Thank you Altostrata and all affiliates for creating this wonderful forum for us all to cope and survive the hellish nightmare of what is modern medicine. I finally am feeling more at ease with my struggles knowing that whoever is here in this virtual sanctuary is in the thick of it as well, if not, reached the end of their journey victorious. I plan to try and give as much as I can, as this process will be a two way street. Anyways, here is my situation. I never took any type of medication except when I was diagnosed with ADHD in college. I had been on Adderall 10-20mg PRN, mostly for social-heavy days. I was in a 7+ year relationship that ended, and started on Buspar 7.5mg in 2020. I've been on it since. After the relationship ended, I have felt my anxiety has become worse, specifically in social situations. Was on Zoloft for about 8 months (8/2020-4/2021), 25mg, but caused some unfortunate side effects. Had no problem whatsoever weaning off of it. December of 2021, I was prescribed Mirtazapine 7.5 nightly for sleep, as I was still having trouble sleeping due to night shift. This was the biggest mistake I've ever made. A couple missed doses gave me severe, realistic nightmares with heavy panic attacks. I didn't know what it was coming from, but have now determined it may be the Remeron. As much research as I had done, I thought I was ok with it and willing to try it. However, this medicine is poison to my body, and have learned I am not the only one. Somewhere along the line, around May, I realized that I wasn't taking half the pill (7.5mg), but rather the whole pill (15mg). I now am highly anxious all the time, almost to the point where I can't even speak and have a normal conversation. I constantly worry about every social interaction I have, and tend to avoid them if at all possible. If I go out to drink with friends, it's heavy. I smoke marijuana on occasion to help relieve the anxiety. I am not myself at all, and it is affecting my social and work lives. I mostly fear of it affecting my relationship with my girlfriend. I travel for work, so my psychiatric care has been fragmented and interrupted. The PCP I have now has no idea how to manage these meds, and the psych referral was declined because I'll be moving to another city in November. Something I have wondered is if my ADHD is where my anxiety stems from. Being scatterbrained and having poor short term memory is very frustrating. I am curious if starting a stimulant again is what will help me focus and not feel so socially anxious. I tried Strattera for a couple months, but still had some unpleasurable side effects. Also, I had never been depressed, per se, but this mirtazapine withdrawal has made depression a very dark and real thing in my life. I am here to gain as much insight as I can to overcome the most massive obstacle I've ever faced. Remeron has exacerbated every insecurity I've ever had to a nonfunctional level, and I am looking for support from those who understand. It is not something that is easy to talk about, nor easy to understand if you haven't been through it. But already reading through a fair share of posts here is very comforting and reassuring that this too will pass, and I will come out as strong as ever. On the up, I am going to start tapering next week by 10% as recommended. You can see below what my tapering process has been like. I just want this hell to be out of my life, and to be me again. Very much looking forward to conversing with you all, and I appreciate any optimism that you may bring forward! Vinny

Hello 👋 I wanted to introduce myself and say I am looking forward to reading through here, learn about safe, gradual tapering and getting to know you all. Thank you!

Hi I am presently very foggy and unsure how to go about composing this but I’ll do my best. About eight days ago (May 20) I took one dose of a 20mg adderall XR prescription I had recently been given for ADHD. If I’m remembering correctly my focus was improved and I was able to get a lot of things done without incurring much fatigue the way I normally do, but it immediately caused some pretty intense side effects, including elevated anxiety (nearly to the point of panic frankly), sexual dysfunction, appetite suppressing, GI problems, numbness/tingling in my extremities, and insomnia. I discontinued after the first dose and some of the symptoms subsided, but many didn’t and fairly quickly some new ones emerged. Presently I’m experiencing severe brain fog, anhedonia, sexual dysfunction (v low libido and genital insensitivity), difficulty w speech, heavy fatigue, dissociation (maybe depersonalization/derealization? It’s hard to tell), tremors in my hands and head and some involuntary movements, numbness/tingling in extremities (different from when on the med, less of a squeezing more like “drained”, I think I read that adderall affects blood flow), difficulty eating (also a different quality to the appetite suppressing effects of the meds), occasional insomnia, altered perception of time (everything feels much slower) and very intense depression and anxiety. I am very distressed ab these. I’m a trans woman w a history of sexual abuse and medication-induced sexual dysfunction (both very distressing! tho the dysfunction was never quite persistent iirc) as well as long term dissociation due to dysphoria who has only within the last year (since I fully came out and started hormone replacement therapy) that I’ve begun to heal and enjoy being present in my body and to experience a sexuality that doesn’t feel poisonous to me, and it has been more or less heartbreaking to feel as though the like. Fruits of my progress have been taken away from me. Additionally, I’m a survivor of long-term withdrawal from other meds, most notably lamictal, and it’s very triggering to be experiencing symptoms that so closely parallel my experiences with that. I’m hoping very much I’ll experience some relief soon because I don’t feel remotely like myself. I haven’t been able to engage with any of my interests in any sustained way since the dose. I’m very afraid I’ve given myself a case of PSSD in a roundabout way, though I’m trying to stop myself from jumping to conclusions. I am going to pursue specialized treatment for PTSD w/o meds in the meantime. I would appreciate any comfort, reassurance, advice, etc — (until I figure out how to pin a signature I’ll just put one here manually) extensive history of prior psych meds usage for adhd, depression, anxiety lamictal march-august 2018 (abrupt taper over latter four months, don’t remember dose) abilify, three days september 2018 concerta September-October 2018 reinstated lamictal at microdose, then tapered off probably too abruptly May 2019-July 2019 Estradiol, Spironolactone, Progesterone April 2021-present 💗 Adderall XR 20mg May 20, 2022

Hello! Well, this site is a breath of fresh air. Background: Have had chronic joint and muscle pain for many years, remembering it since childhood. Just moderate pain. Always ask about it--nobody has helped. Diagnosed with ADHD, taking Adderall. Kept asking for Cymbalta for pain based on their commercial, but shrink said no--too hard to withdraw from. Saw an MD for preventative stuff, she has been great, but was put on Effexor 75 mg for menopausal symptoms and pain. Positive effects: tinnitus went away, seemed to work for a while, slightly elevated mood, possible reduction in hot flashes but they may have just gone away. Side effects: made me sleepy, severe bloating, gas, constipation, a slightly dulled emotional feeling, lack of motivation, pain returning, moderately dulled sexual response, could not miss a dose without face tingling, severe sweating Tapered "a little bit less" by taking a little out of the capsule every day throughout July, 2022. Has been 3 or 4 weeks. Everything seemed fine, no symptoms. Discontinued 4 days ago, reinstated last "little bit" dose last night after a remarkably unpleasant time of it--extreme (to me) discontinuation symptoms that had me quite frightened and uncomfortable, and reading more on this site. Thanks for the information. Having slight tingly face today, but otherwise feeling so, so much better. Will be slightly increasing, and counting out balls tonight to make a plan, that's for sure.

hi i really want to type a good intro except tbh i've reached my lifetime limit of psychiatric and therapy intake sessions and i'm struggling to see this intro post as something different... communication in general is extremely exhausting for me and i really just want to ask a question about electrolyte balance... so i'll just vomit a list of random stuff into this text box: i am in my 40s, male, diagnosed conditions are tourette's (vocal mild, motor severe), add-i (extremely severe), chronic major depression, kinesthetic synesthesia -- all conditions have been present since early childhood and have remained mostly unchanged. i am also prone to migraines and seasonal vertigo (the latter gets milder with age), and debilitatingly ticklish (which might be relevant because i think it's linked to why i experience certain drug side effects). i'm in relatively good physical health otherwise. i take 30mg adderall xr daily + 5mg adderal ir 7 hours later (50mg mydayis is ideal but insurance does not cover) and am satisfied with that as it greatly improves my quality of life. the 30+5 schedule was the result of a lot of careful tuning. i am stopping 225 mg effexor xr. i have poor cyp2d6 function but did not receive that test until well after starting effexor. the only other medication i take is pepcid for reflux. i smoke approx. 2 packs every 3 days. i do not do any other drugs. i do not smoke marijuana, i have never used cocaine, and i rarely drink these days. the only other drugs i have ever done were psychedelics, and it has been a few decades. i do not like antidepressants but every few years i'll go on a run for a few years, always as a last resort. i used to prefer zoloft but about 4 years ago i tried effexor instead because zoloft caused too much general apathy. i chose effexor because my mother takes it and i figured if it works for her (although now i'm not sure if it does) then might as well. i have tried other antidepressants; but side effects were always unmanageable: i tend to get hit with all of the rare sexual side effects for any given drug, and every single motor control side effect imaginable, for some reason, and they never go away until stopping the drug. for effexor, though, the only real physical side-effect that never went away was excessive sweating. generally speaking it takes me about 72 hours to stabilize after an effexor dose increase. also, on missed dose, i will start to feel it within about 12 hours (just a feeling of strangeness + vivid dreams), and after almost precisely 36 hours i'll suddenly get hit hard with balance issues, slurred speech, brain zaps, and become prone to cataplexy attacks (the cataplexy triggers are repeatable, consistent, and hilariously specific - let's just say that if you tell me a good joke or give me great news then touch my feet i'll just completely deactivate like a scruffed cat, haha - very weird experience). incidentally, depakote virtually eliminates a lot of the motor control withdrawal side effects (quickly, too, within an hour or two). however i do not take this and will not start. i discovered this after i experienced my first missed dose cataplexy attack but we didn't know what it was at the time and my psychiatrist, fearing a TIA, put me on depakote as anti-seizure protection for a few days until i could get to a neurologist to identify what happened. i won't get into why i want to stop effexor except to say that i think it's causing more problems than it's solving, my career in particular is at high risk right now, and also this 4-5 year run is my longest on antidepressants and i'm not comfortable with that. also i'm starting to realize that it seems to be doing something weird to my emotions (hard to explain so i wont unless asked)... and i've noticed a huge increase in my tendency to dissociatively respond to stress. because of enzyme function test results, a few months ago i considered getting desvenlafaxine level lab tests then switching to a roughly equivalent dose of pristiq. but i just decided to stop entirely instead. i stopped kind of cold turkey about 2 weeks ago. the timing was because my psychiatrist is on maternity leave, i was running low on effexor (150 + 75 = 225), and tbh i just didn't really feel like calling the substitute psychiatrist. so i dropped the 75's and took 150mg for a few days until i ran out of those two, then i just stopped. that was about... a week-ish ago. it's been hell since, but... i seem to be slowly but surely crawling back into reality. my gut feeling is that i'll get through the withdrawal ok eventually, but my fingers are solidly crossed. i'm not concerned about long term withdrawal syndrome at this time but get back to me in a couple weeks on that. i've been emotionally and physically all over the place since stopping but i just assume it's par for the course. but i'm also experiencing a lot of overwhelming anxiety that i think might be 4 years of effexor-suppressed stress all coming out at once, if that makes sense (like, real life things that i should've been concerned with but wasn't, and now suddenly they're all hitting me). i seem to at least have gotten through the suicidal depression part of the withdrawal. there were about 3 mercilessly bleak days that basically consisted of me determining that the only logical solutions to the remaining mysteries of quantum mechanics were solidly in the realm of profound nihilism and that i was an illusion. the only thing that got me through it was the fact that my cat loves the absolute crap out of me; so making her purr was my sole reason for existing last week, haha (which really, isn't much of a change from normal now that i think about it). sooo... that's my intro but like i said i really just want to ask about maintaining electrolyte balance because effexor withdrawal, dehydration, and *over*-hydration all have exactly the same set of symptoms and since stopping every single fluid in my body is taking every opportunity to come out of every possible hole it has access to, plus some. also i have questions about venlafaxine vs desvenlafaxine pharmacokinetics, mostly out of curiosity. i've had no luck with my own research because "venlafaxine" and "desvenlafaxine" are used interchangeably in a lot of lower quality information sources but there is enough of those that it just completely pollutes search results. i'm not actually sure how to ask a question cause all the "new post" buttons are disabled except for in this forum. so i'm just assuming i have to type this intro to get that privilege. in any case thanks for making this site and i really do hope that everybody here is able to get through whatever they're going through right now because this stuff sucks no matter how mild or severe it is. j ps generally poor sense of time + overall lack of structured life + confusion of the last few days + logistically complicated real life events = don't trust the precision of "2 or 3 days" above, i'm actually not entirely sure when my last dose of effexor was i'd have to work backwards to figure it out. but i'm pretty sure this has all happened in the last 2 weeks. overall though my state has been best described as "utter confusion".

I'm new to this site. My sister referred me (mod note: see sister's post here sister-of-saradee-help-needed-urgently-in-nj I'm 45 and have been on meds for bipolar, major depression, Bpd, Attention deficit, social phobia, Gad, panic disorder, dependant personality disorder, etc. I have been taking meds throughout my adult life and am have found no relief. In fact I think I believe these meds are making me sick, keeping me stuck, and making life unbearable. I've been on more antidepressants, tranquilizers, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers than I can remember and am currently taking ketamine for my treatment resistant antidepressant. I am also a "recovering" addict, although Im just as addicted to the drugs prescribed by my doctor as I ever was to street drugs. Heroin was my drug of choice, and I have been on suboxone for over 15 years now. In addition to the suboxone, I'm prescribed wellbutrin, xanax, Adderall, and Tamazapam and Ketamine. I literally take a pill to wake up, to go to sleep, to go to eat, and to go to the bathroom. Every day feels like a balancing act and I feel lucky when I get a few minutes that I feel well enough to get out of bed to get to my overwhelmingly long and over due to do list. I really am not functioning on any level and am having trouble finding hellp. I'm trying to get treatment but I can't seem to find a place who has a doctor who will work with me to get off the meds either because they aren't qualified or because I don't have a good enough support system in place for such a drastic change. So I have considered detox which scares me because 3 to 10 days does not seem adequate to get off a lifetime of meds. I would like to go to rehab as well, but would have to detox First. The other traditional option would be a psych unit, however, I'm afraid that that will just be more of the same...throwing medication at a problem that meds don't seem to be helping. Anyhow, I don't know if this is appropriate, or if I'm posting in the right place, but I just really need help. I feel like a huge burden to everyone especially my family, my daughter should be the focus and although my fiance is there for her, it's just not ok. I want this to stop but I just don't know what to do. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. Any ideas or insight would be greatly appreciated.

hi I’m spoonbill I’ve been anhedonic, cognitively impaired and mentally I’ll since highschool I’m 2016 when I abused a lot of adderall and mdma. Although I was more functional. My history also includes a couple years of Prozac st like age 13. But when it really got bad was last December after 5 days of cymbalta. I had tried a few ssris and sunrise for about a week or two previous to the cymbalta. I was also taking various nootropics like psilocybin, nac, lionsmane but I think for those 5 days I was just taking cymbalta anyway this cymbalta completely changed my awareness. It made me more numb, caused pssd, and made my executive functioning waaay worse. I’m like a different person. I’m way more miserable. Less witty and struggle with so much irritation and inability to see social lines and communicate. I just cannot understand how this happened. It feels like brain damage to me. I feel trapped. And suicidal for the first time in my life. It’s been months and only partially improved. I’m working 40 hours a week and suffering. **** man. What do I do? I don’t even like the same things or think or see things the same way any advice is appreciated . Keep your head up. I know how it is.

I've been meaning to introduce myself for a while now, but getting myself to sit down and actually write something has been so incredibly hard. I just can't focus. Things I want to say or share come in bits and pieces and are gone by the time I can get on this site. I'very been tapering off Lexapro since August and am down to 10 mg fromy 30. I know it's faster than suggested here, but it seems to be OK. Well, I am still alive anyway. Since I can only seem to put together short thoughts on everything and need to get them out right away, I've decided to use Twitter primarily #TweetingMyRecovery. My handle is @AbleWriterSays if anyone cares to join me or follow along.

I've been taking 50mg Pristiq for about 3 or so years I think. I've had acid reflux issues with SSRI use that seem to get worse over time. It got bad enough that I wanted to go off the Pristiq. I consulted my doctor about this, but she wanted me to get in with a primary care doctor first to have my acid reflux checked. I don't currently have a PCP and with covid, it's a lot of hassle, so after a couple of months of more acid reflux, I decided to "taper" of the Pristiq. It's worth mentioning that I also take generic wellbutrin and adderall to deal with autism. Pristiq was a medicine we had tacked on to the Wellbutrin to even me out. First starting at 25mg and then moving up to 50mg. I didn't think much of it since, at the time, it didn't seem like a high dose. I cut my 50mg pills roughly in half and took a half each day for 4 days. The first 4 days were pretty okay. After that I got dizzy spells (what people call the zaps). I expected this since I down dosed so quickly. I toughed it out for about a week and then dizziness went away. So at that point I thought I was done. I've been going through a lot of life stresses lately and my mood started to tank pretty bad. I thought it was all the stress, but I'm pretty sure now that it's withdrawal. I was pretty much crippled with sensory overload, anxiety, panic, and depression. My appetite was gone and I was force-feeding myself, but I couldn't eat much. I was in extremely rough shape and desperate for help. I live alone and dealing with that emotional distress was too hard to do alone. I spent significant amounts of time on the phone with my folks. They were packing to move to the neighboring state (Colorado), otherwise I would have gone to stay with them (I thought I was having Autistic Burnout). They eventually moved and I wasn't getting any better. With them gone, my local support network was basically 0. My therapist was working overtime with me (for free) because she was so concerned about me. It got to the point where I didn't want to be around my apartment (long story, but I felt it antagonized me from the neighbor noise), so I looked at checking my into a residential treatment facility. Long story short, my insurance wouldn't cover it because I wasn't actively suicidal (thoughts, but no intention, despite the hell I was going through). I broke down sobbing on the phone with my Dad. I was desperate and didn't know what to do. I asked him if I could stay with them at their new place. He talked it over with my Mom and said sure. It was very difficult for me, but I bought a next day flight to Denver. I had insane panic attacks that night about the flight (I've almost never flown). I called a crisis center just to have someone to talk to so I didn't feel so alone. I couldn't sleep at all. I'm a day sleeper generally, so flying at noon made me sleep deprived. I don't know how i got through the whole process and flew out here to Denver, but I did. I was actually doing pretty okay at first. I was overdid it though and towards the evening I just crawled up next to my mom on her bed and sobbed. My stomach started getting really achy that night, which was more intense than it has been before. I wasn't thinking clearly. I wanted to go into the doctor but insurance would only cover ER out of state. Anyway, eventually I talked things over with a nurse practitioner over the phone and she basically told me the ER was unnecessary unless I was in extreme pain and to try some pepto and check in with an in-network doc online. I went to bed. I slept for over 16 hours straight. I was exhausted. That evening I had more panic and crying. I realized then, now that virtually all my stressors from home were gone, that this whole ordeal was very similar to the Xanax withdrawal I was going through about 3.5 years ago. I did some googling and found this site. I read through the entire page on tapering off Pristiq and pretty much any other information I could find and realized how bad the Pristiq withdrawal really is. I explained this to my folks and it made a lot more sense to them. Despite all this, since it's been I think close to 3 weeks since I first tapered, I thought I'd try to see this through to the end. Well, in addition to some anxiety and crying tonight (it seems to be getting better), my stomach is hell right now. It's been cramping to the max. I was even dry heaving earlier. This is all new. I've also been unable to sleep more than about 6 broken hours in the last 24. The other motivation is that I didn't bring the Pristiq with me to Denver, only my other meds. If i were to taper now, I'd either have to find a pharmacy that would tide me over here and pay out of pocket or go home with a costly plane flight and go back in the 50mg until I can get hold of my doctor. That said, I was hoping to stay here through Thanksgiving and really don't want to go back to the noise, stress, and loneliness of that apartment. I know withdrawal times can vary and the best course is to generally taper down. But having been through so much and knowing that Pristiq is very hard to taper off of, I almost feel it might be more convenient and less painful in the long run to just stay the course. My question is, how much longer do you think it will take for my CNS to get back to some sense of homeostasis where I can function better? So far my mood has been much better, except for some hiccups during the night where I get dysphoric. The real bear right now is my stomach. Will I be out of the woods soon?