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I started taking 20mg of Latuda near the end of May 2022 for treatment-resistant depression and anxiety. I started taking the drug as recommended, with at least 350 calories of food, until sometime in July where I got annoyed with feeling exhausted after dinner and started taking it right before bed without food. I did not realize that this meant I probably only absorbed 50-75% of those doses. By early to mid August, I began experiencing withdrawal symptoms (unbeknownst to me) including severe anxiety, racing thoughts, SI, fast heart beat, and a lack of appetite. I spoke to my psych about what was happening but she could not determine whether my symptoms were from the drug itself or a withdrawal but later suggested that I "taper" off of the medication. I started taking 10mg of Latuda, with food, from September 19th to September 26th and then went cold turkey. Since I have stopped the Latuda, my anxiety is seemingly getting worse, I have bouts of insomnia, I still have no appetite, my heart rate is regularly raised, and have had some GI concerns as well. I am 2 1/2 weeks off of Latuda and wondering if I should re-instate and, if so, at what dose? Have I passed the point of no return? My psych does not believe that what I am experiencing is withdrawal but rather a return of symptoms and wants me to try another anti-psychotic. I have an appointment with a different psych on Tuesday to discuss. I have been out of work on FMLA to handle the anxiety from this and terrified that I am months away from being anywhere close to who I was before this all started.

Hello I randomly got 4 panic attacks in Dec 2022 after a bad year at work. My Provider started me on 2mg Ativan a day on Jan 1st 2023 and 10mg Trintellix, he later increased Trintellix to 20mg after 10 days. On the 12th day I got intense dizziness, I ended up in the ER. my provider switched to escitalopram 5mg on Jan 14 and lowered Ativan to 1mg/day. Dizziness/photophobia came down a bit, then he upped my escitalopram dosage from 5mg to 10mg. Dizziness/photophobia stayed and didn’t go away. I kept taking it for another 2.5 weeks. During this time reduced Ativan to 0.5mg for 5 days and then 0.5 every other day for a week and over. Then on Feb 05 we reduced escitalopram to 5mg and then 5mg every other day. I took my last dose on Feb 14. I had no withdrawal symptoms for about 5-6 days. Dizziness started going down quite a bit after 2 days, by day 6 it was down quite a bit, almost over. On Feb 22 withdrawals began! At First high resting HR of 100+ for 4 days along with insomnia, then insomnia stopped and high heart rates came randomly. I got vivid dreams, clogged ears, tinnitus, sweating, fatigue, suicidal tendencies all came and went but dizziness, anxiety and random high HR did not change at all. It’s been 3.5 weeks since I stopped escitalopram I’m stuck at a dizziness of 6/10. I cannot drive and haven’t been to work in 2 months. I cannot function properly or be independent. my doctor gave me propranolol for high HR and anxiety. I took 20mg this morning, at first I got weakness and fatigue for 20 mins. Then everything got better, anxiety went down, HR got better and relaxed, then even dizziness went down. I felt better, more positive, not depressed, went for a short drive after 2.5 months with blue light cutting glasses and brown tint sunglasses (these help with photophobia). Propranolol has a half life of 3-6 hours. After 7 hours dizziness and photophobia came back. I took another 10mg as my provider suggested since I got some side effects from 20mg. No difference with 10mg. I will try 20mg again tomorrow morning. I’m here looking to seek support in case anyone else has experienced this or is experiencing this and how did they overcome it.

I am reluctantly writing this as I feel very little hope. Back in 2009 I was diagnosed with GAD for really bad anxiety and panic attacks. I was told this might be permanent and was prescribed Ativan. Over the next year or so my dose was bumped all the way to 7mg of Ativan daily. I was also prescribed Ritalin 80 mg daily at some point with no diagnosis. I told my doctor I had a hard time concentrating after plowing snow for 3 days straight and that was his response. I drank very heavily from 2005 until I finally saw a problem in September of 2015 which is when I sobered up from alcohol. At this time I also entered into therapy. We started realizing that taking 7mg of Ativan daily was keeping me from being able to access and process my old issues. At this point I had no idea I had childhood trauma. At some time in my recovery from alcohol I decided I wanted to get off the Ritalin probably 2016. One day I stopped cold turkey and dealt with some extreme fatigue and exhaustion but was able to power through with will power and the fact that I was in my “prime” at 30. I was also very motivated to be substance free. Back to the Ativan. I worked very hard from 2017 to 2020 to drop my dose of Ativan with help from my doctor. I made huge progress as she would say and went from 7 mg down to just 0.5mg. Then I got a job working as a County Park Ranger. A free months in I worked a really traumatic car accident and started having PTSD symptoms. I started doing EMDR for this and after 6 months was %90 free of this hell. During the time I was processing that trauma I met my now ex November 2018. I believe she could sense the distress on me and acted as a savior but has now revealed herself to be quite the opposite. We had a kid together in June of 2021 and I left in June 2022. My son means everything to me and has been the main reason I survived the hell of living with a narcissist for almost 4 years. We are In a custody battle at the moment where she is trying to take full custody and move to Idaho (we currently live in Colorado). During the time I was with her I was having such bad anxiety that I was having a hard time dropping my Ativan any further. As a result of this my doctor recommended I take Zoloft to help with the anxiety and give me something to lean on while finishing my termination with Ativan. This is where I believe my brain was damaged. From the moment I took my first dose of Zoloft 50 mg the world seemed darker, quieter, and further away. It was like a dark vail was placed over my eyes and ears. Over the next year my doctor bumped my dose all the way to 200mg off Zoloft where I stayed for roughly 2 years. Sometime in there Fall of 2022 I realized my genitals were almost completely numb. I panicked and started doing research. That ultimately led me here. I realized I needed to be in a more stable living situation before getting off the Zoloft so I busted my ass to get back on my feet and into my own place. In May of 2023 I moved into my own place. I started tapping the Zoloft very quickly on my own from 200 to 100mg and held for a month. Then from 100 to 50mg for about a month or two. Then 6/4/23 I stopped taking Zoloft altogether. The first three weeks were no big deal just emotional breakdowns and such. After week 3 the low mood started selling in. It was also at this point I realized that my emotions were quickly leaving me as well. That is the part I’m most concerned about. I feel almost like a robot that has hardly any thoughts in my head or emotions in my soul. The love of my life, my beautiful 2 year old boy, is getting a very different dad now. I struggle to connect with him and I don’t feel the same powerful attachment and love I did with him only a month ago. I don’t know what to do as I am in an extremely difficult situation with work and custody and I feel almost nothing. The terror and outrage of my situation with my ex is now only a blip on the radar. I have no emotions or motivation either way to fight her although deep down inside I know how devastated I would have been previously to lose my son to her and her new fiancé. I don’t know what to do and I want to have hope that this is just temporary. Did my emotions crash temporarily and will eventually return with time? I’m feeling defeated and hollow. Thanks for reading this.

Hello Lovely Humans, I am a 36 year old woman. Prior to the experience laid out below I was (and fight to still be) a very happy, high performing human with a successful engineering career. Well now I am much gentler on myself to not be so high performing. 🥰 In early August I had friends visiting while we were renovating our house. I was also dealing with a highly stressful job. That’s when I had 4 days of bad insomnia which was very unlike myself (typically 1-2 days per month). While they were visiting I asked my primary doctor for a subscription for 5 Ambien tablets. I had taken one of my mom’s before a couple years ago and it knocked me out. I figured that they could just help me through my friend’s visit and that would be it. The weird thing is this time I was waking up 1-4 hrs after taking the 5 mg tablet. Desperate for more sleep I would take another 5 mg. Early on I attempted to go a night without it and landed in the ER with a panic attack. This started a (luckily short) stint with Ativan. Over the course of the next month I used the Ambien nightly and the Ativan as needed and things got worse. I started to experience suicidal ideation which got more intense over time. Needless to say this was beyond terrifying. I’ve never even experienced depression let alone SI before in my life. Desperate for some answers I scheduled a psychiatry appointment since I had only been seeing a primary doctor. I told him my symptoms as well as that my mom is diagnosed bipolar. Within 5 minutes of hearing that my mom is bipolar he diagnosed me with that as well. He prescribed me 100 mg of Seroquel. This was September 7th. Those first few weeks I was elated to feel like myself again and get 10-11 Hours of sleep. However after reading the side effects profile of the drug I became worried. (Doctor only told me possible weight gain was the only side effect-which luckily I haven’t experienced). Additionally I just didn’t quite identify with being bipolar and I had this nagging feeling that the Ambien was the cause of the suicidal ideation. That coupled with the high stress I had been carrying for a while. I decided on November 1st to start tapering. So far so good. I’m at 75 mg. Sleep is still great (average 8.5 hours-keeping a daily spreadsheet that I hope to turn into some fun graphs by the end). My biggest issue is a stiff neck. I am doing lots of stretching, chiropractor, and massage. It seems to be slowly alleviating but I am hoping this doesn’t worsen after the next cut. Any guidance on this would be appreciated. All things considered I’m doing ok. I’ve been able to get short term disability for the past 4 months and really focus on how I want to rebuild my life. I even started skiing again after blowing out my knee (acl, mcl and meniscus) 2 years ago. So I am no stranger to a long term healing process. The year before that I broke my wrist! Hopefully after this taper I can get a little break for a few years haha! 🙂 Thanks for reading my story. This site has been so valuable as I start this scary journey. Appreciate all the moderators' time and energy!

Hi, thank you for having me. I began taking Ativan in 2018 for panic. I took it for 3 months PRN. Once I stopped the terror started. I wound up the in the ER where I was sent on my merry way with a bag full of Zopiclone and told that they would make me feel better. They did not. I got increasingly worse, over the Zopiclone period. I then saw a new doctor who diagnosed me with benzo withdrawal. He put me on 5mgs of Valium. I tapered this very slowly over the course of 10 months. It was a great success and I felt very good. I got down to 0.25mgs and stayed at that dose for 18 months as i was scared of the jump, and just needed to be able to take care of my kids. Nov 12 2021 I had a huge setback to my recovery and was basically thrown into acute. It was awful and so scary for me given I had done that before. I wasn’t sleeping or eating. I was becoming obsessed with my withdrawal. I had never up-dosed once in my taper and it was promise I made to myself when I started this journey. I did end up updosing a few times (this is in my signature). When I CT’d in 2018 my worst symptom was this horrible fear that I would hurt my family, I’ve never felt that before, I would never act on it but it was always there. I also did not feel like myself and spent days and weeks trying to find her. These feelings started in November again. Updosing made no difference and the terror continued for me. I am now trying to hold at 1mg of Valium to see if it helps at all (so far it feels like nothing). My doctor has prescribed pregabalin to try to help me cope. I will say it did work at 300mgs but I felt totally drunk and sleepy. I took this dose twice - so total usage 600mgs. I don’t want to be on such high of a dose, but now because of the above experience I am terrified I will withdrawal if I don’t taper correctly, so I need to taper after 2 times? I haven’t decided yet if I am ready to commit to another drug, but I am scared. Thank you for reading

Hi everyone. I used to have mild driving anxiety or be a little anxious when out at stores. I went to my pcp and they have a behavioral Health side to it. The NP I saw there swore I am bipolar because I am irritable and have mood swings. I told her I’m irritable because I haven’t slept through the night since my son was born in March 2021 and he still nurses all night. She swore I was bipolar and put me on lamictal 25mg to go up by 25 every two weeks. When I got to 75mg I started having worse anxiety and panic attacks. I went down to 50mg and the panic stopped. I went back to her and she said the anxiety was because I was bipolar and I needed to go back to 75. I did and the same thing happened this time when I went down to 50mg I was still having anxiety and panic. I went to another psychiatric Np and he had me wean the lamictal and start buspirone. After weaning the lamictal I felt much better. I started the buspirone while weaning off lamictal. The first week of buspirone I noticed some heavy brain fog and derealization. I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself. The second week of buspirone threw me into panic attacks and anxiety worse than anything I’ve experienced. I had tremors and vomiting. The NP said to stop cold Turkey so I did. Two days later I was extremely anxious and shaking and sick. This lasted two days. I have been off buspirone for 8 weeks and I am having bouts of severe anxiety. I am still having brain fog and derealization and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I am woken up out of my sleep with a racing heart. I know I am sleep deprived because my son does not sleep but I experience panic at bed time. When the panic gets too bad I will take an ativan but I know this isn’t a long term solution. Could these drugs have caused this? Thank you for your help. I just want to feel normal again. I have taken the ativan four times this week. I’m not sure if I am experiencing a wave or if I should be ok by now. Around October 20 the anxiety kicked up pretty bad for 4-5 days then settled down. The derealization and brain fog is always present. On Tuesday the anxiety picked back up again and is still going today. I am terrified I will never feel normal again and will miss out on my kids lives. I can’t rely on ativan. My new psych NP just gives me more ativan and tells me he doesn’t know why I don’t feel better yet. Lamictal July 6-September 2 started at 25mg and increased 25 mg every two weeks Buspirone august 29- September 14 7.5mg at night Ativan 0.5mg as needed

This is a very long story, and it's only a part of it. I have been taking SSRI for 20 years, with several attempts in between to stop, the last ones destroyed my life and only now I realize that they were probably the reason. This is a long and ***** up story that been going on (the extreme phase) for more then a year, but the spiral began around 2020. I'm in severe wd issues for years now (which I only became aware they are wd issues recently, I've been having them I think ever since I tapered down to a smaller dose too fast on the previous AD, not knowing I'm in wd symptoms, I was dysfunctional, not working etc, then stopped it last year while being very unstable, and too fast.... and following other 2-3 extremely fast tapers in the past). This combined with life-long untreated trauma and attachment issues led to an unending spiral of hell and bad decisions, mostly starting 2020 and at its peak now when I recklessly (and in self-sabotage) found myself on Mirtazapine, a nasty powerful drug, while I haven't even started to recuperate from previous and ongoing severe wd issues and side effects. Since end of April I started taking Attivan and recklessly continued it until realizing I have to taper - around two months after - and also did it inaccurately without a scale, and with kindling... Now holding at a little less then 0.5 gram, taking at night (this all started due to sleep issues, sleep anxiety and obsession). I'm also on the waiting list for a psychiatric hospital but now even more doubtful about it since they will want either to give me higher doses of mirt or to replace with another drug, probably. But I'm completely dysfunctional, I had a but light at least from understanding now for the first time how I've been in wd for years, but then this was ***** by going into the mirt.... it was done without intention or thought. And after a whole year of resisting people's advise for me to go back to the previous med from which I never really managed to wd... So instead I made things more complicated. I wanted to write my case here already 6 months ago or even before but couldn't have enough concentration to do that, to manage all the details - my state was so severe already! Severe almost constant agitation, especially when trying to express myself. Even to go here and write. This could have saved me.... i really believe reinstating to the previous drug would have saved me, almost did that couple of times this year (stopped completely around January 2023 after a taper of 5 months following 20 years of being on it, and despite some windows life been hell from then on). I was afraid of having the side effects again, even though they were not even close to what I have endured these couple of years... and much less frightening and debilitating than mirt. In the meantime I continue taking the mirt since 25 days now, minus one night, and suffer worse every day due to its fatigue and breathing issues and the thought about how I will need to taper for years. Just add that I've been in what felt like complete nervous breakdown/burnout/dysautonomia for more than a year now, especially extreme around a year, before starting the mirt. (What I only now come to believe is a type of ) Inner akathisia, inability to stop talking and to listen, inability to control and resist urges - especially emotional ones such as getting approval for my mistakes, punishing myself by over-communicating my mistakes and misbehavior to others and how I feel awful about it - which led to my spouse leaving me, on top of the financial burden I became for years without realizing what it means to be one (she begged me to reinstate, especially when things really got extreme this last year, when I really began to not control my actions - either not being able to act or decide which completely incapacitated me, really, inability to decide on almost ANY action, really felt like a brain injury. Many traumatic and indescribable things when this collided with my parents (the cause of my trauma) and partner losing all compassion for me and any understanding (now when I realize it was all med related). An uncontrollable and out-of-the-ordinary feeling of guilt for every "mistake" I make which led to me endlessly talking about my "state" and trying to solve it in words instead of what REALLY helps me such as body work or even just relaxing and letting things go. Stopped meditating, don't dare to smoke weed which I used to to now and then - not deserving to feel bodily good and at ease until my guilt is "solved". Even writing this now is instead of breathing and meditating which used to be a main aspect of my daily life. The more this crisis evolves the more I'm not allowing myself and kind of fearful of letting go and relax. As if it's dangerous or not allowed, the more I got the habit in being stressed and "in crisis", "needing" someone else to solve it. All along the way I found stuff that REALLY help with some of this - youtube talks about CPTSD and toxic shame, vagus nerve activation, Dharma talks etc. - but I allowed it few and in between until another crisis or "huge mistake" or huge decision led to me NOT ALLOWING them to myself, or simply forgetting how they benefit me (this forgetting thing is really curious) until I do them "too late" and then immediately feel guilty ABOUT NOT DOING THEM, which leads me to stop pursuing them further on... I've been doing this, the rationalization and explaining of everything instead of feeling, for almost an entire year now - when what actually helped and benefited me are the non-verbal elements. I've been exhausting myself to death with this. The fear from feeling and being with the involuntary has become just messed up, despite strong progress along the way, for small periods. As if I needed someone's answer all the time, instead of relying on myself, or instead of realizing I deserve to feel good first, before solving everything (with reinstatement for example, when I couldn't sleep or live out of utter restless inner feeling and indecisiveness, or with pursuing other means that actually felt are doing good - such as microdosing mushrooms which I stopped mid-way). Hardly breathing most of the time due to this struggle and this constant feeling of no clarity and lack of GROUND. It really feels like an addiction being with the negative, the struggle, the hard, the "heavy" in order to live or allow myself to live. I'm in constant stress mode for more than a year, really extreme plus that dissociation and indecisiveness, and a feeling I MUST ACT AGAINST MY INTUITION and harm myself, that led to me almost being hospitalized a few times in my home country, which I didn't do eventually, and one night hospitalization here in Belgium where my spouse and I used to live to which I came back in October, where they gave me Mirt for one night and ruined my life, since I continued taking it since (that "uncontrollable acting against my interest and intuition" in order to then punish myself and be in constant fighting mode). I can't remember when I had a baseline, probably few years ago. I also suspect I have ADHD and/or autism but can't tell anymore due to all the wd issues. My two main axes throughout all this have been - FEELINGS and emotions and SLEEP. The more secvere the crisis became, the less I would able to be with and feel emotionally what is going on, instead dissociating and making things worse inside of me, charging with energy without being able to let it out. I cry very little through all this - the most extreme suffering in my entire life - when a little before, around two years ago, while still in a kind of crisis, I was crying much more. It is a trick of faith that I discovered a very good sleep channel on youtuve which really help me, and right after started taking Mirt which simply knocks you to sleep and works against your natural sleep mechanism. So, it's been almost four years since things started to go "off" for me, some monthjs after a fast taper and then a fast return to 10mg Paroxetine. Since then I was kind of in constant struggle with my feelings, motivation, intuition, spontaniety, executuve function and concentration. A kind of restless anhedonia and extreme urge to punish myself and feel guilty. The indecisie and confusion became stronger in parallel with insomnia issues becoming worse, which became an obsession. Interestingly, in the past when things became too bad like this I reinstated, but this time it didn't even occur to me to upper the dose when it all began - even though my work and relationship were severely harmed by this. Instead, I chose to taper off completely thinking psychedelics will "solve" it all, but unable to follow through with the psychedelic protocol. As I said, this crisis began around 2020 after a fast drop which I reinstated back to only 10mg. Then last year I tapered off during 5 months, after which some things improved while other deteriorated. It's this inner conflict between wanting to contribute what improved and not wanting to go back to old side effect of the med which led me to continue deteriorating despite reaching such a poor state that it made no sense. Of course not everything can be attributed to wd or the meds - but I think my judgement was already so impaired that made me not realize I'm suffering so bad it's not worth to continue like this. I continued where most people would stop and reinstate much much sooner. Really extreem and nasty stuff - while not working and not even able to arrange my stuff around the house, to clean, losing more and more ability to do more and more things. When this became bad enough - but still not as bad as can get - I was staying a few months alone in me and my spouse's place in Belgium, she wanted me to pick myself up and stabilize somehow. I didn't, even though important insights came to light after, including after a mushroom trip with friends (while still having SSRI in my body that block it). My sensory burnout and really lack of energy or clarity to do anything, and sleeplessness, led me to go to our home country and "rest". But there the indecisiveness and guilt became stronger and stronger (although with windows in between), that I got "stuck" there without accepting my need to rest and stay there, obsessing over going back to Belgium while unable to purchase a ticket or even go to visit friends in another city inside Israel. Then last October I forced myself, litterly to go back, while being highly unstable, her as well, and while she was worried she couldn't provide me the support I need. I then arrived (after two plane tickets bought and money wasted) back to Belgium to feeling of incredible guilt and self-hate and confusion and sensory burnout that it made things worse with her. Of course now I realize I should have accepted arriving back, even if did recklessly and against the needs of my body. I also now realize I should have reinstated the med all along, like she begged me to. Eventually she had enough of me staying in a miserable state which became so unbearable to her she nearly lost her mind as well (endless talking in a frenzy about each "mistake" I made, of coming back like this, etc., while not functioning, not finding therapy, not working nor reinstating). So now I'm highly destabilized, she decided to separate, she has zero compassion left for me, I don't want to go back to my home country, but also too weak to start things on my own. On top of it all - which is why I'm writing this - is the fact that I started Mirt without intending to, and kept on it for 3.5 weeks. It is making things worse All throughout this escapade I have managed to find things that really help so so much, like the body-oriented things I mentioned. But I didn't allow it to continue as long as things are not "settled" medically (meds or mushrooms? meds or ashwaganda? etc. each day obsessing about it). So they came and went... At a certain point in home country I managed to try again after months without, to mediate and discovered vagus nerve activation exercises. This gave such a huge benefit. But then I continued to be torn between the meds or alternatives, home-country or Belgium etc., that I went back into the loop and gorundlessness. And this happened also, again, back in Belgium, in a similar manner. Now since the whole mirt thing I'm not allowing myself even a moment of rest, not to mention meditation or other grounding exercises. And even while writing this I feel how I focus on the negative so much when I have so much positive in me! It's like a constant battle and I feel so bad about it - I feel guilty about being negative again and again... But really, I feel all this is without hope now that I ruined my last chance of stability and an acceptable existence (which is with my spouse in Europe and not with my parents in home country. Which is lost.) I became so guilty and unsure about everything that I couldn't even find the therapy I need all throughout, or to pursue it. I think body-oriented work is what I need the most, but also trauma-oriented etc. But I couldn't start with anyone and continue. Now I realize I became like this due to wd issues, more than anything else. I don't know what to do now. I have to find a stable base to begin to heal from all the damage and trauma of this not only last years, even just from last couple of months... And I feel I not only ruined it because of making my partner leave me, but also by starting a new harmful drug. It's while being on the mirt that I start reading for the first time about the proper way to taper, realizing what I've done with the previous drug and benzo, and realizing what I "had" for many years are probably wd issues and not just trauma issues I have to solve by myself. I met with Mark Horowitz two weeks ago, but sadly listened to him and not my intuition about stopping the mirt while it was still a good chance doing it with less wd issues. I also had one meeting with another wd counselor that I may meet again. Right now I feel utterly hopeless, especially knowing this could be solved or bettered so easily already a year ago, and many people tried to tell me that. That I can't control myself anymore and that it could get worse. Drug history: 2003-2004/5: 40 mg Paroxetine 2004-2006: 20mg Paroxetine 2006: fast taper to 0, holding for several months 2006-2011: 20 mg Paroxetine 2011: attempt to fast taper to 0, reinstatement after a few weeks 2011-2014: 20 mg Paroxetine 2014/5: fast taper down to 10mg September 2015: fast updose to 20mg September 2015-2020?: 20mg Winter 2020: attempt to fast taper to 0, after a few weeks on 0 back to 10mg Winter 2020-September 2022: 10mg (crisis, deterioration of old symptoms plus new symptoms starting throughout 2020) September/October 2022: start 4-5 month taper to zero December 2023: macrodose of psylosibin, mostly blocked by SSRI still in body January 2023: zero mg End of April 2023-now: Attivan, changing dosages, the most was 1.5 gram. Tapering since, with kindling by mistake, now on little less than 0.5 mg, at night Spring 2023: trying micro-dosing as well as macrodosing psylosibin August 2023: trying out Amanita Muscaria mushroom microdosing for 3 weeks February 2024-now: 3.5 weeks on 15mg Mirtazapine

Iv been on lorazepam from last nov til this March ..for sleep.. a private dr gave this! When he never should of..I did not know it should not be given, I reinstated it for a month as I came off it for a week and tapered off it for that one week, and experienced terrible withdrawals when I went back on it, I was taking 1mg to 2 mg… I tried switching to diazepam for 5 weeks 10mg to 3.5mg became suicidal, I was put in a mental hospital for 3 days given quetiapine once and diazepam 5 mg once …I became totally unstable after this with rocking sensations and I could not sleep and my tinnitus got so bad ! I stopped putting anything in my body…. And became totally suicidal was eratic! pacing and having no sleep, I lost a lot of weight. And my anxiety became depersonalisation and I separated from my body! I ended up not being able to eat of drink and loosing control of my bowels, I was put into another mental hospital put on risperidone at 6mg I was in a constant physcosis in the mental hospital in so much pain, praying to god! I was in there on 2 weeks I was let out and stopped for 5 days, I started it again on 3mg and became very unwell for 10 days I started loosing control of my bowels and in a lot of pain, all over my body, feeling of burning, all over my body, I became eratic and went into another mental hospital and put on quetiapine at 400mg and mitazipine at 30mg for 2months I’m in a lot of pain and in hell !!! What do I do? I can’t feel anything ! thank you emma x

Community of Healing, hello. In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately came to the realization that pharmaceutical medications would not be the answer to my suffering. Pharmaceutical medications had been the cause of my suffering. And what my brain and body needed was support, tenderness, forgiveness, care and time... TIME... to heal. Benzodiazepines had been the first drugs I withdrew from. That was a brutal, nightmarish withdrawal, but relatively short-lived (acute @ 8 months). Tapering from Mirtazapine proved a longer journey, a much longer journey that I shared here. So this is my success story, my chapter-turning post. This is my declaration that I have been successful in tapering from medications that had deranged my nervous system to such a degree that I was scarcely able to operate in the world anymore. I took much time to make this declaration of success as I am by nature skeptical, and wanted to be sure that healing had indeed come - and come to stay. I feel that it has. I discontinued Mirtazapine, my last psychotropic medication, on June 15, 2019. There are still some echos of it that I deal with in day to day life. My issues with histamine intolerance I believe are directly attributable to Mirtazapine's affinity for histamine receptor occupancy. I manage this issue with dietary and exercise modifications as well as use of select vitamins and herbs. It is not life-deterring. It can be inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant, but it is nowhere near as debilitating as withdrawal itself had been. Despite posting this success story, I'm not going anywhere really. I am always happy to answer questions about my journey. When I was in the worst of my own withdrawal, the feedback from moderators and members of this community and elsewhere were absolute lifelines. Not that anyone could necessarily fix my problems - but I could walk away with sound, compassionate advice and if nothing else, the knowledge that my suffering had been heard, and that someone ultimately cared about me. Your suffering is heard, and someone ultimately cares about you. I want to thank @Altostrata and every moderator past and present for their kind forbearance, compassion, and dedication. I want to thank every member for their strength, endurance, bravery, and perseverance towards a healthy life free of the chemicals that have caused them harm. You all have something, many things, to be proud of. I believe in every human's potential to heal. Take your time, taper well, make the most sound choices you can, and know that healing is absolutely within your power to achieve. Hang in there, Dave

Desperately looking for members advice , past experience . I think that I have progressive withdrawal syndrome from fast meds switching, I was never fully stabilized on them and for short period of time . So in my opinion I’m dealing with withdrawals, plus original anxiety that was never stable . My condition is worsening fast and I’ m loosing hope , don’t know if going back to these meds I had would worsen my situation. Escitalopram 10 mg , 7.5 weeks,then Zoloft 25 mg 5 days , then paroxetine 10 mg for 4 weeks and 20 mg for about week and a half . That was in October 2023. After about month later tried mirtazapine 7.5 for 3 weeks and 2 doses of 15 mg followed by short taper . Pdoc is not experienced, don’t have a lot of I trust in him and trying to avoid hospital. I would like some info re my options, do I go back to previous meds , if yes which one to get some stabilization . or safest option is to start totally new SSRI or else . I mention that I lost weight and have decreased appetite , so could use anything that causes digestive issues, also have weakness and symptoms flactuate.

( mod note, mmt) Ewa's Introduction topic is here: Ewa;Cymbalta 60 mg coldturkey My name is Ewa, I’m 49 years young and I have recovered from the voyage to hell that was initiated by cold turkey from 20 years of antidepressants use. In the title SHE is my daughter (now 12 years old) my first and main reason to stay here, second is my husband Eric who was my caregiver and was there for me unwaveringly, third information about withdrawal from this website (was my first website I found when looking for answers) and others like it, success stories of people who came through victorious, and relentless search for truth. On February 2018 I cold turkey from 60mg of Cymbalta (December 2017 I turned 44 years old) almost instantly I was in altered state of consciousness (in medical community labeled as mania, I dislike their terminology but I will use it here in parenthesis) had out of body experiences and visions (not hallucinations) one of them was my mothers trauma I didn’t know about. I was in trans like state very euphoric, didn’t need much sleep, had diarrhea for about one month, metallic taste in my mouth, could not eat meat and other foods. I was functioning but in different way. Gradually I was coming down from euphoria, it took 8 months and one day it was clear to me that I was very much different in past months (I had that awareness during but was not afraid of it) also I started to feel internal vibration that I thought was anxiety (never had anxiety before in my life). In the end of August 2018 I went back on 60 mg Cymbalta plus 0.5 mg Ativan (first time in my life I was put on benzodiazepine), two weeks into being back on drugs I became suicidal. Every two months I was in hospital changed the antidepressant Ativan stayed the same 0.5 mg twice a day or as needed. My condition was worsening and in January 2019 I did ketamine which put me further down the hell. By this time my diagnosis changed from depression (my original sign 😉) to treatment resistant depression, all they have left for me was ECT, I had 8 sessions in total and after last one as I was walking out of hospital (for my last two sessions I was outpatient, for so called maintenance sessions) I heard just a whisper of my own soul “Ewa you have to find your own way out of here, if you stay,there will be no coming back”, by this time I was a shell of my former self, a mare shadow of a human being, that upon waking from last ECT had to guess what year it was, I was successful in this but the president of USA in 2019 was still Obama.As soon as I got home I went on internet and found this website, my search for my own way out of hell has begun. At that time I was on Zoloft and Ativan, I decided to cold turkey again (two months taper) and in May 2019 my drug free life has begun. The level of suffering has intensified greatly and stayed the same for two years. I did not have windows not even one. I had severe insomnia, slept 2 or 3 or 0 hours, anhedonia, depersonalization, déréalisation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation and urges, memory loss, cognition loss, complete loss of appetite, my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat and it was two bites at the time, I didn’t shower for weeks only when I was on my period (I never lost my menstruations still have it now), all consuming terror was always there, didn’t brush my teeth (had to have 3 crowns last year), I had light sensitivity sunny days in summer where extra torture, sounds sensitivity (I love music but in that state was torture), my whole body was stiff like I was log of wood very hard wood. Adrenaline rushes like toxic waves through my body, Agoraphobia ( was mostly bad bound), apathy, confusion, crying it was more wailing like a caged animal I became. Inner trembling, lethargy, complete loss of libido, during my very short sleep I manage to have nightmares. Tinnitus was not severe and it went away after about one year. January 3 2020 I wrote this “All I want is to be able to be a mother and wife again ! I love Chloe and Eric so much” at that time I had all the symptoms I listed above. Also I have to add that during my altered state of consciousness (mania) April 2018 I had breast lift surgery(it was scheduled in 2017), day after walking up the stairs I heard myself saying “it is not normal to cut healthy body” , this procedure so accepted and even praised by our sick society is a band aid in form of self mutation to secure love and approval of others behind which is a very deep pain. I had infection and was put on very strong antibiotics, further destroying my got. (I have to go to my appointment now second part of my root canal treatment, I will continue later on today, I will submit this now because I don’t know how to save this and don’t want to loose it 😊) Thank you to my father Jan whom I love deeply, it was from his life journey and strength I drew inspiration to go on.

Hello everyone! I apologize this will be long but unfortunately doctors played me on a hamster wheel. I now realized how bad I affected my CNS because of writing out a timelines of everything I took. Summer of 2021 I went into depression and actually did not know what was happening to me. Extremely fatigue, could not sleep, could not eat, nothing made me happy, complete anhedonia. I was so scared because of what was happening to me...then came in anxiety when my neurologist friend says I should start AD meds. I was loosing it....so after 2 months of pure agony here it goes: July 2021 - started prozac 20mg, romeron 30mg and ativan 1mg September 2021 - started going down on prozac as I got to 50mg and was having horrible side effects (headache, dizziness, etc.) October 2021 – switched to Zoloft 50mg and added Lyrica 75 with the to drop the Ativan. was taking Romeron on and off, was able to get off it easily. January 2022 – still taking Ativan and Lyrica also, tapering down Zoloft as I got to 125mg and was again feeling horrible. Headaches, zombie, numb no feelings. Went down according to my dr from 125 to 75mg and felt horrible, the dr wanted to put me on Cymbalta. I decided to try to get off meds totally. January-end of March 2022 – by the end of March I was done tapering Zoloft, I had no actual taper rules because I did not inform myself anywhere and I did not tell my dr either. I was just cutting small pieces of the tablet off. The whole experience was horrible, I had bad anxiety, nausea, fuzzy head type of feeling, vertigo, emotional numbness, anhedonia – I was just there and felt horrible physically too. April 2022 – After 3 weeks totally off Zoloft I am back at new psychiatrist and got back on Prozac 20 to take me out of withdrawal. Bad mistake. All this time I was still taking Ativan and Lyrica. May 2022 – Major headaches started again, I got switched directly from Prozac to Cymbalta 30 and from Ativan 1mg to Valium (10mg). June 2022 – upped Cymbalta from 30 to 60 being a therapeutic dose. This increase totally kicked my a$$. July 2022– my dr. started tapering my benzo, she really wanted me off (so did I!!!) She insists I do it like she says and not go to “forums I keep reading”. I told her about Ashton Manual and my Cymbalta hurts worse group and she was not happy. So, I said ok, lets do it like her and started tapering Valium by a quarter every 7 days 😕 August 2022 – by the time I got to the last quarter (2.5mg) of Valium I was a mess: anxiety, complete fatigue I could barely do anything, my whole body hurt, blurry vision, wanted to sleep and lay down all day. I lasted like this 10 days and could not do it anymore. I have 2 small children to look after. Dr says to go back to Valium 10mg and increase Cymbalta to 90 saying 60 is not enough to get me off of valium….. October 2022 – headaches start here and there. I was feeling okish other than headaches. December 2022 – by Christmas time I was so desperate to do something, I was having day and night pressure type headaches that did not go away with any meds for the past 5-6 weeks nonstop, from the minute I opened my eyes. December 2022 – dr. switches me from Cymbalta 90 straight to Effexor 75 without any tapering. I was still on 10mg Valium and 225 Lyrica by now. January – March 2023 – the switch to Effexor was bad: constant faint like feeling, stiff neck and painful neck and skull/head and major anxiety. Got increased to Effexor 112 and the anxiety was much better. Within 14 days headaches started again, I was terrified. April 2023 – had headaches most of the time from January to April when I suggested my dr to back to Cymbalta 60 when I was fine and had no headaches. She agrees and has me direct switch from Effexor to Cymbalta 60mg. The switch was horrendous: bad migraines for days, flu like feeling for days, tired, anxiety and continuing headaches. May 2023 – my doctor makes the wonderful decision of trying to get me off antidepressants to see how my natural state is and figure out this headache mystery. She says go from 60 to 30 cymbalta for 2 weeks and increase lyrica to 300 and then zero Cymbalta and 375 lyrica and 1mg Ativan again (instead of Valium). OMG OMG OMG. I lasted 2 weeks off Cymbalta while I was having mild anxiety and what bothered me most was very intense pain, burning, pins and needles at the base of my skull and going up my skull in the back of my head like someone just hit me with a baseball bat. I called my dr crying and she says to start Cymbalta 30 again and see what happens. I was a little better, the pain was better but still there. I find the Cymbalta hurts worse facebook group and post my story there also. They advised me to go up on Cymbalta (try weighing beads if I can and take less then 60 or just take straight 60). June 2023 – I increased to Cymbalta 50, the first week was great I had such pain relief and I was getting excited I am finally a bit better after everything I have been through. The increase in Cymbalta was rough on my body again, I was having BAD headaches daily, the neck pain returned. I go to the dr again and she wants to switch me to amitriptyline. She says go down to Cymbalta 30 and start ami 12.5 for 10 days then drop Cymbalta to zero and go up to 25 ami. I went down AGAINNN to Cymbalta 30 and added 12.5 ami on June 10th 2023 and have been there since then. I did not go CT on Cymbalta again, I am honestly scared to do any other change. I still take 1mg Ativan and 225 Lyrica. So 4 drugs total…..I am 35 and have 2 kids and psych meds totally ruined me so far. What I have now is a different symptom every week (that s about how long it lasts untill a new one comes or they keep rotating). They are probably still withdrawal symptoms, that is my guess: -neck and head pain/headaches - I am almost sure cymbalta is also causing my headaches -nausea -anxiety especially in the afternoon but not too bad -anhedonia - I could care less that it is friday, monday, vacation or I am at the office. I have not felt happiness, excitement, joy or even sadness in a longgg time. -lack of motivation or excitement to do anything. I was a very active person that loved to do things/go places. What I take now (nothing changed to the AD since June 10th): -0.5 ativan in the AM -75 lyrica at noon -30 cymbalta at 5pm -0.5 ativan afternoon or whenever I feel it necessary (it helps most with the neck pain) -225 lyrica and 12.5 ami before bed usually around 8.30 pm Pls help! where do I start tapering these 4 drugs? I am familiar with the scale method, the bead method for cymbalta. Do I have to wait until completely stable after the cymbalta dose change in june? Tthank you so much. You are honestly my only hope that one day I will be free from all of this. I have been to multiple drugs and they all have no clue....I have been to 2 of the top doctors in Bucharest Romania and I felt I knew more... -

Hi Everyone, My journey with Sertraline started at the ripe old age of 10-12 years old (I’m 31 now-my mom and I can’t seem to agree on when exactly I started taking meds). I was also on adderal or vyvanse at this age as well. In 2018 I decided I wanted to try to get off of meds. I started with the vyvanse. I went from 60mg to 50, and dropped 10mg a month until I was at nothing. Really didn’t experience any issues. Then I went to the Sertraline. I dropped from 200mg to 150mg and really only had a few brain zaps that went away after a few days. Six months later I dropped from 150mg to 100mg, again with only brain zaps and some irritability. During this time I moved to France to be with my husband (summer 2020 mid lockdown) and after 6 months there I decided I wanted to continue to go down because we knew in the next year or so we wanted to try for a baby. I had read a few forums so decided to take it a little slower this time. 100mg to 87.5mg. For the first time I experienced a decent amount of withdrawal symptoms. Mostly flu like, palpitations, but nothing I couldn’t get thru. After two weeks they dissipated. I then went directly from 87.5 to 75mg. Same thing with this cut but after a couple weeks, mostly dissipated with the exception of extreme anxiety and random weird intense pains throughout my body. Fast forward to a month later and all hell broke loose. The worst panic of my life (never suffered from panic attacks before besides ONE in late 2020 after moving) horrible horrible DP/DR (mostly DR) to the point that I really thought I was going crazy. I would begin each morning with a good barf and have diarrhea throughout the days. I ended up losing about 12lbs in a few weeks. No appetite. Everything made me feel weird and I cried nonstop. My doctor told me to take a low dose of Xanax three times a day for two weeks and honestly it helped. I stopped the Xanax after three weeks (I decided to continue a little longer) with no issues. Or no immediate issues that I know of. About five months after this in mid 2021 I decided to do a SLOW taper, 2.5-5% every two weeks. I ended up stopping around the 61mg mark because my panic was getting so bad, I had an EIGHT WEEK MIGRAINE and I just couldn’t keep it together. At this point I also had my first intro to inner restlessness, or mild akathisia, located in my chest and under my armpits. This only lasted about a week but really freaked me out. After two and a half months of staying at 61mg I decided to continue to go down, this time no more than 2.5% decreases. It seemed to go ok at this rate. I was still suffering from bad OCD and anxiety but there were no physical symptoms. My last cut was when we moved back to California in Feb 2022, a few months ago. I experienced another bout of weeklong mild inner restlessness at this point but again I ignored it and it went away. Had two weeks of dizziness but was told it was a vestibular migraine. I ended up spot taking bromazepam at a low dose for a couple of weeks because it helped suppress the dizziness. Now two weeks ago, Late April 2022, I was sitting at my desk at work and like a switch I felt the internal restlessness start again. This time more intense than before. It continued at the same intensity and ramped up this weekend. I have such a ball of energy/tickling in my chest and throat that I start each morning dry heaving. I have no appetite. Lost 5lbs in 3 days. This weekend I’ve also had full body tremors and complete panic crying spells and dread because of it and my fear of akathisia being permanent. I don’t know if this had something to do with the bromazepam, late hitting withdrawals from earlier extreme cuts, huge life stressor of moving countries, new job which is very stressful or what. I feel like my CNS is shot and I don’t know what to do. I have to function and work to help provide for my family, being disabled in bed is just not an option but it’s where I’m at today. I caved and took a bromazepam because it calms the akathisia and I couldn’t just lay in bed and roll around in a panic any longer. I really need some help.

Hello, I am tapering Ambient currently 5mg. I am using the dry cut method with a scale. Is there a spreadsheet or calculator that will calculate the weight and how many mg that is at each reduction? I am terrible at math and this has been where I mess up, I get very anxious and am just not able to think clearly about the numbers. I want to be prepared if pharmacy changes lab which results in different pill weights (long story but I've already tried asking at several pharmacies and none will commit to keeping same lab) that I will be able to make the conversion. My focus is help with the math, if you have suggestions about working with pharmacy that's a secondary issue that's fine but please help with the math!

Hello, I would like to introduce myself. I need a lot of help and advice on my situation as it's somewhat complicated. I was on Cipralex for 4.5 years. It stopped working as well and I was extremely emotionally blunted so I went to a psychiatrist for help. He increased my 10 mg dose to 15 mg's. I immediately developed severe suicidal thoughts and what I now know is akathisia. I lowered the dose down to 10 again until I saw a new psychiatrist. He increased my dose to 20 mg's of Cipralex in a week. All hell broke even more loose. I believe I developed some serotonin syndrome and lowered my dose to 15 in one week and back to 10 another week. I decided after this hell that I wanted to taper off as quickly as possible. Obviously I didn't know then what I know now. I jumped off 5 mg's of Cipralex and cross tapered to 15 mg's of Mirtazapine as I had lost 25 pounds in a month and had severe akathisia. I stopped the Mirtazapine after 5 days as it was a terrifying experience. I remained medication free until after 4 weeks the akathisia creeped back in. I went back on Mirtazapine at 7.5 mg's and almost unalived myself twice. I entered inpatient care at that point and lowered my Mirtazapine to 3.75 mg's. They put me on Pregabalin(Lyrica) which I'm now off as of November 2023. I should also add I took Ativan intermittently from May-October so I was often confused on what role that played in my akathisia. I had a big 2-week window recently but I'm now in a vicious wave. I want off the Mirtazapine because I feel it's been causing my anhedonia and DP/DR. My question is should I start tapering Mirtazapine? I still have akathisia and it's not helping with anything other than increased appetite at times. Any advice is appreciated.

Hey guys, I'm just going to create a topic about myself, my current situation and my experience with antidepressants/benzos as well as ask for some advice for what to do next. This is going to be a full picture. Lorazepam = Ativan Sertraline = Zoloft I'm a 22 year old. Starting the 19th November - I caught respiratory infection due to being extremely stressed and highly anxious (never before seen in my life, literally pulling my hair out from irrational worries) Starting the 26th November - I started to get headaches and nausea, most likely due to this stress. On the 1st December - stress ended, but the nausea and loss of appetite with the headaches persisted. 20th December - I started to take a beta blocker for stress due to paranoia about the headaches (thinking it could be a tumour due to the continued headaches with loss of appetite) 23rd December - I was prescribed Sertraline to help with the stress and freaking out about the headaches and health issues. I took one pill, where I noticed my pupils went completely dilated for the next week. I didn't continue the drug after that one pill as it gave me insomnia. It may be worth considering serotonin syndrome? Around the 23rd December - I started to get a numbness squeezing/bandlike pain in my foot that climbed all the way up to the top of my leg over the next few days, my current hypothesis that this was either, stress, the beta blocker, or starting the sertraline that caused this. 25/26/27 December - I went to Accident and Emergency, where the Doctors thought I could have MS and didn't consider ask about current drugs. This sent me into a big spiral as I worried a lot about this. Around this time my headaches, nausea and loss of appetite stopped. 27th December - I started Lorazepam (2mg) 31st December - Started up Sertraline 50mg at the advice of the doctors to help with my stress. My head MRI came back fine, all normal (So not MS). 5th January - Muscle cramps, and widespread pain with bandlike sensations in legs and arms. 14th January - 3mg Lorazepam with and increase to 100mg advised by my doctor. 19th January - Tapered off lorazepam and started to notice stiffness in back, legs and wrists. 26th January - completed off lorazepam. 1st February - Reduction of symptoms around this time, except obvious lorazepam withdrawal of shaking and sweating. The only other symptom that persisted was very tight calves. 2nd February - Reduced to 50mg of Sertraline. 6th February - Started to get a whole host of symptoms -Burning Legs and lower spine, muscle spasms, vibrating left eye, nausea, diarrhoea, dark stools, less appetite, insomnia, numbness/tightness in limbs, vertigo, enhanced smell - (I could smell empty wine glass from the other side of the room, slight instability. 10th February - Reduction to 25mg Sertraline. 14th February - Saw a neurologist who told me the sertraline had nothing to do with this since I was on such a low dose, but also said everything seemed fine from an neurological assessment (I could walk fine, I could feel everything he done). Thus, he told me to stop taking the Sertraline completely. ( I now see this as a big mistake.) Present day (3rd March) - Many of those symptoms have gone, although currently persisting: Much rarer burning (less than before), muscle spasms (less than before), slight instability, nausea, tight bandlike sensations in legs and arms, hyper sensitivity to cold (causes pain if something too cold touches me, almost like my nerves are hyper sensitive to everything. I did start to have really bad physical ticks for a week after stopping the sertraline completely, but they seem to have stopped completely now. I also got brain zaps, but that seems to be very rare now. I was thinking about going back on the Sertraline to help with the burning sensations and muscle pains (and other symptoms.) It's interesting to note that these were also the same symptoms I had first coming on/ upping my sertraline dose. Does anyone have any advice whether it would be best to: A.) Wait out the withdrawal, and if so, how long until I'm back to normal again? Will these symptoms eventually go? The muscle tight band pain is definitely the worst effect I have. B.) Reinstate at a low dose. If so, how low a dose should I reinstate back at? How long should I stay on that dose for before dropping the dose? How much should I drop the dose? I also wonder if some of these effects could be lorazepam protracted withdrawal coinciding with the sertraline side effects/withdrawal. It seems the lorazepam could have been masking some of the side effects I may have had from the sertraline. Thank you for reading, any advice would be much appreciated. I'll be sure to return the favour once I'm well and help others suffering from withdrawal and antidepressant mis-advice from doctors.

Hi everyone, I am new here and I am desperate to get well. I was on Prozac for 10 years and stoped very easy. Three months I was feeling great but some major changes in my life made me hit rock bottom in March 2021 and was put back on Prozac 40 mg and klonopin 1.25mg. I decided to stop after one month and went into insanity, emergency rooms and but back on Lexapro 5mg to 10 mg and klonopin .25mg as needed and then decided to stop again after one month. I ended up with the worst panic attack from withdrawals and shaking,not eating, lost 15 pounds and ended up in hospital. They kept me 12 days on Paxil 40mg and Quietapine for sleep and 1mg Ativan. Was feeling great and came home just to start all over and ended up in the hospital again. I was put on 100mg Zoloft, 300x 2 a day Depakote,1.5mg Ativan and 15mg Mirzaten I was great for a month and I reduced myself the dosage to no benzodiazepines, no Depakote, 25mg Sertraline and 7.5 Mirzaten. I took 0.1mg clonidine to regulate my blood pressure for three weeks. I am finished, I am bed ridden, crying, surge of adrenaline, shaking. I am taking 0.5mg Ativan and I am calm till I go to sleep. Every morning I am waking up with anxiety. I am at the end of my ropez I am planing to go to a psychiatrist tomorrow and see what I can do to stabilize. How can I get off the 7mg mirzaten I am now without feeling this mess. I cannot keep a job now. I took my 20 years old son from Canada and moved at my parents in Romania and we suffer here because we cannot adapt. My son will leave in couple weeks back to Toronto but I am not able to go in this state of mind. I am unstable. Help!

I (31F) had some anxiety around getting pregnant back in June 2023 and my doctor recommended proactively starting on anti-anxiety meds to help. Unfortunately, no one really explained to me that the meds could make me feel worse before better and I ended up on a drug cocktail of Buspirone 30mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Ativan 1.5mg and Promethazine 12.5mg. I finally stabilized on all these meds around Sep ‘23, but I am devastated because it has delayed our plans of starting a family and will do so even further due to taper. I have done some tapering and am down to 0.5 Ativan and 18.75mg of Mirt (see signature for taper times). I am now holding Ativan and working on Mirt taper, but currently trying to hold and stabilize before continuing to taper as I have learned I was tapering too quickly. I have a few questions: What are the risks of tapering Mirt at 20% every 4 weeks (vs 10%)? Could the withdrawal compound? If I follow this rate I could realistically be at a pretty low dose in 18 months and resume my plans of starting a family, but I don’t want to mess it up and cause further delays. What do people define as stable? I’m have some GI issues with the Mirt taper and some increased anxiety, but it’s coming in waves and windows, and it’s not nearly as bad as when I went on all the meds. Should I continue to push forward or wait for further stabilization? Does anyone have experience tapering Mirt during pregnancy? I’ve done research and know this drug doesn’t have as much research as other ADs but existing research results don’t differ significantly from other ADs, but just trying to understand my options. I am taking Promethazine for nausea, but I’ve now learned it’s also an antihistamine, could this be curbing my Mirt withdrawal and ultimately cause me more trouble when I stop it in the future? I am devastated I am in this position and know it is temporary, but feel like I am on the reproductive clock. I know this is a long post, but appreciate the support.

I think I'm one of the very few people to have ever had an experience with mirtazapine where it could be considered as an addiction. I started on 15mg 7-8 years ago, and was at one point using up to 135mg. I couldn't tell if it helps or if taking it just cancels out the withdrawals. When I wake up, I'm high-strung and feel a lot of mental tension. I take my first 1/4th dosage and it mellows me out. I used to really enjoy having my worries fade, my anxiety fade, and to just be a content vegetable for the day. The downsides are crazy, I went from being an athlete to obese, with T2 diabetes. When it works, I'm lazy and unmotivated, I just eat and play video games. I cut down to 90mg, and haven't been able to go lower for long. The effects no longer work as well, I've been using daily Ativan at 2mg to pick up the slack. I've also been on Effexor 225mg for a few years, I tapered down to 75mg without any significant issues. My doc suggested a bridge, an SSRI, to help lower the need for mirtazapine. Has anyone here had a similar experience? They say this drug is harmless and side-effect free, but the withdrawals are absolutely no joke.

I was offered various prescriptions for antidepressants in my early 20's, but the side effects were terrible and nothing helped with the generalized anxiety and social anxiety I experienced. I took ativan on and off for 10 years, though there's been large stretches where I didn't take it all. I knew it wasn't good to taken ativan, but since I wasn't taking it every day, I presumed I was avoiding physical dependence. After taking time off work for children, I had recently returned and felt it worth trying medication one more time, to avoid taking ativan. I began Buspar March 2 - started at 2.5mg and titrated up to 45mg over 4 months, but at this dose I began having numbness in my legs, uncomfortable head rushes, and pins and needles everywhere. At the advice of my doctor, I tapered down over 2 months (until end of July) - although my doctor said I could taper even faster. Started on Wellbutrin Aug 2 and took it for 5 days and quit cold turkey, as per my doctor, due to side effects like Raynaud's and numbness to hands on waking, extreme head rushes and pins/needles. Lastly, started mirtazapine 7.5mg on August 18. Took for 7 days, but it caused panic attacks and I started having chest pains. I ended up titrating down for 7 days, although again, my doctor said I could just quit. So here I am about 1 month with no drugs. I had panic attacks almost every day for two weeks. I have pins/needles in my head in the evenings and I still wake with a part of my hand or fingers having gone numb. The panic attacks are difficult to control and I have chest tightness most days. On the days when I cannot get them under control with breathing and/or meditation, I take lorazepam. In the last two weeks, I am also having weird fluttering/vibrations across my chest when I sleep at night, causing me to have short bouts of anxiety and shortness of breath. The side effects have been so bad, I have not been able to work for the past month. So, as of this morning, I have just restarted buspar at 1.25mg to see if this helps to curb the side effects. I am hoping the reinstatement will not make things worse. But one of my questions is - Buspar has a relatively short half life - so should I be taking 1.25mg again this evening, or just waiting to take it in the morning again.

Hi Everyone, I need help safely tapering slowly off Ativan (lorazepam) so I don't die in the process and don't retrigger severe akathisia I've had over this past year: I am about to slowly dry or water microtaper off of 2mg of Ativan (0.5mg 4x daily) that I was prescribed for dealing with severe akathisia that hospitalized me and that I had from January-August this year (2023). I have a histamine intolerance from tolerating? Ativan that has severely restricted my diet and my weight is currently 107-109lbs and I'm 5" 8'. I'm working to increase my weight and introduce foods. I've had akathisia for the past year and would like to avoid retriggering it during my taper I am interested in doing Brassmonkey's taper method I have a Gemini scale for tapering and a file Because of the histamine intolerance and akathisia risk, I am not switching over to Valium and can't tolerate the inactive ingredients in liquid ativan from a compounding pharmacy to do that either. I would like advice and help with calculating my taper schedule since I'm taking 4 doses of 0.5mg a day and want to avoid eliminating doses and causing interdose withdrawal how to do a dry taper using brassmonkey's method (especially once the doses get small)? how to communicate to my psychiatrist the rate of my taper (if I'm reducing my milligrams of weight and not dosage, how do I tell her what amount of dose I'm tapering each month?) My background (Diagnosed with akathisia in May 2023) 2019-2022 Previously on lexapro 10mg for anxiety, OCD, and reflux for 3 years (2019-December 2022) August - Acute severe akathisia from compazine in IV at hospital after minor car accident. Went away after 48 hours. September-October- Milder akathisia every time I took my Lexapro. October-December - Tapered off lexapro 10mg by skipping doses. Akathisia stopped at the time after this briefly. December - digestive issues, depression, anxiety 2023 January 1-4 - attempted to get on 25mg Prozac for 4 days. Developed severe akathisia and stopped taking Prozac. January-May - Akathisia continued January-August because doctors thought initially it was anxiety and had me try numerous meds January-April - Back on lexapro 10mg and doctors added Zyprexa 2.5mg for weight loss and sleep from pacing and sweating with akathisia Late march - Zyprexa caused me liver issues. CT'd off it in 3 days. Akathisia worsened. Was hospitalized March 26-April 9 - Hospitalized. Rapid tapered off lexapro in first week. Started Ativan 1mg daily. Tried risperidone and seroquel once each but stopped due to side effects. April 9-May 10 - Put in partial hospitalization program where I: tried and stopped buspar 30mg after 2 weeks (made akathisia worse) tried and stopped gabapentin after 2 weeks (helped akathisia but gave me bad breathing issues) tried to CT off the 1mg of Ativan I'd been on for 2 weeks (made akathisia worse and caused severe W/D symptoms). This included trying to cross over to Klonopin which made akathisia worse. May 10 - diagnosed with akathisia by neurologist. Got a new psychiatrist in partial hospitalization program. Put back on and increased Ativan to 2mg daily (0.5mg 4x a day) which I've been on ever since. Late May - June - Developed dry eye problems from histamine intolerance issues from Ativan. Akathisia worsened for a bit with new symptoms. Changed to low histamine diet which improved things significantly but also caused me to lose a lot of weight July - Developed more eye problems tried eye drops and antibacterial eyelid wipe treatments which triggered worse akathisia for two weeks. August - Stopped all medicinal eye treatments. Akathisia started to improve considerably. September-November - Akathisia continued to improve but started having benzo tolerance symptoms (short term memory, crying spells, some mild-moderate akathisia). For the past 4 weeks I've been sleeping till 11am which is unusual. My weight is 107-109lbs. I'm still having eye issues Thanks everyone for your help in advance! thePooka

Hello all fellow mental health warriors, I am having a tough go of it currently. I was on an SSRI (of some sort) for 20 years. My most recent psychiatrist and I decided to try to bridge me over to Lamictal 50mg ER to see if my sexual side effects from the SSRI would go away. They did, (which is amazing) BUT Lamictal has given me such severe headaches and now such severe insomnia that I am now relying on Ativan now almost every night. My psychiatrist recently tried me on very low dose Mirtazapine (3.75mg), as a substitute for Ativan, which made me sleep for 12 hours and made me dizzy for the next 48. I am currently unsure if I should just stay on the benzo (Ativan) which does not leave me groggy and dizzy all day and try to taper slowly from there or keep trying liquid Mirtazapine (Remeron) at maybe 1mg per night for sleep. I also am going to request liquid Lamictal to taper eventually but for now, I am tolerating it ok. I want to be drug free so bad but I also need to sleep to function at work and give my children a functional mother. Currently waking up crying in the middle of the night at 2 or 3 pm and unable to fall back asleep. Just wanted to reach out to the community for support. With love and hope, L

Hi there! Im new here. I’m looking for tapering advice off Buproprion 150xl. I have been on it for 2 months. I’m just at the very beginning of tapering off .5mg of Ativan which is going to take me 3-4months. I don’t plan on touching the buproprion until I’m done the Ativan taper, but I know I want off all these drugs! They have done nothing for me, and now I have to suffer through long tapers. I’d love to prepare myself how to successfully get off the buproprion when the time is right. I don’t believe my doctor will know the proper tapering technique as she told me I could be off the Ativan in about a month. Thanks for the help!

Hi all, I was recently put on sertraline (50 mg) by my family doctor/GP for anxiety (mostly health anxiety and OCD). The first pill I took was 9/29/2023 and I immediately got strange symptoms. Had a panic attack, which I had not had in many months, only a few hours after my first dose. I kept taking the pills for 4 days total so that my last pill was on 10/2/2023. I called my GP and was instructed to stop taking them due to the side effects. I am so nauseous I can barely eat, low on electrolytes, having crazy diarrhea, and having waves of rolling panic attacks. I am also having muscle twitching, heart palpitations... the works. I don't feel stable at all and was not bad off when I started the sertraline. It is worse in the evenings, but I feel like I am constantly in fight or flight. Last night, on 10/7/2023 (so 5 days after my last 50 mg pill) I ended up in the ER. Had a massive panic attack, a super elevated blood pressure (140/106 at the max), low resting heart rate (dropped to the 50s) and had the worst headache of my life. I am 32, female, and have no long-term health issues beyond my medical anxiety. Can this all be related to the sertraline? I am taking ativan to help when things get at their 'worst', but the symptoms are not subsiding. They started when I took them and are just getting worse it seems...or at least not better. But I only took 4 50 mg pills I am so fearful this will be permanent. I am going to a psychiatric help center tomorrow to see what they would advise. The ER said it can still be the sertraline which is still in my system - that some people process it slowly.

Thanks for reading its a long story bear with me. I’m 2018 after horrible pregnancy and birth and surgery I was placed on 50mg of Zoloft for PPA. Looking back it’s wasn’t anxiety I was physically just exhausted. Get little fuzzy here because my memory sucks. But at some point in 2020 I started forget to take my meds so missing days here and there. To the point Id only remember to take them around my cycle when my PMDD started up. I was feeling great so I decided to stop taking them. I’m thinking that was around the beginning of 2021. In October of 2022 my PMDD symptoms come back (or could have been withdrawals idk). So I started back up on 50mg of Zoloft. After second pill I started feeling feelings (now I know it was anxiety) I had never felt before and chest pains. Went to urgent care for them and did EKG and everything was fine. So I went home and continued taking the Zoloft. The anxiety started working its way into mild panic attacks. I message my GP and she says just give the meds time. December comes and I have check up with my GP and she asked how the anxiety I tell her is the highest it’s ever been ( seeing how I never experienced intense anxiety or panic attacks before). Should also state my life is great no stressors. Great family and very supportive friends. My GP decided to up my dose to 100mg. This is where I go from barely functioning to not functioning. Day 2 of the 100mg I was in full panic nonstop all day all night. I couldn’t sleep couldn’t eat. Chest pain was so bad i was rushed to ED by ambulance. I was in cardiac distress. At the ED they did full cardiac work up for hours. Said I was stable go home follow up with cardiologist. Not even 24 hours later I beg my husband to take me back. This time I demanded them keep me. I hadn’t eaten or drank in days I couldn’t move my body. Finally after. Long ED visit they decided to admit me to the mental health department. This was a Friday. So Friday I didn’t not take any Zoloft. Saturday they get me settled in and with no psychiatrist on that weekend they has to call one in which didn’t come until Sunday. So at this point I hadn’t had Zoloft Friday or Saturday and slowly staring to feel better. So I talk with doc on Sunday and she puts me back of 50mg of Zoloft. I take it mid morning and by that evening I was in full panic again. So the doctor the next morning cut me CT off the Zoloft. She diagnosed me with SSRI induce panic disorder. She decided to place me on gabapentin to manage the PMDD symptoms. After 2 days I was feeling good and sent me home. 3 days into gabapentin I started have tremors. I was told to wait it out take 4 weeks for it to start working. After 22 days of more hell. I finally told them I was weaning off. Researched new doctor and found one I love. Should also state started seeing a therapist just after release of hospital. I was in really rough shape on the verge of going back to the hospital every day. So my doctor prescribed Ativan .5 mg as needed to help calm my nervous system. I have PTSD from taking the Zoloft so starting meds are a real struggle. I final took the Ativan on a really bad day and that did help. I currently only take as needed because I’m afraid of becoming addicted and going through more withdrawals. For most part things have been manageable until my PMDD kicks in around my cycles. At these times I get severely depressed with intrusive thought. (Again nothing i experienced before the Zoloft). My new doctor is a holistic and a medication specialist. So last cycle we upped my b12 and folic acid to help with the cycles. It has help some with symptoms but still are so terrifying. So shes suggested trying buspar as needed around my cycles. This is the first med she ever suggested to me. She know I have PTSD from Zoloft. So that brings me up to today where I’m sitting 10 weeks off Zoloft wondering if I should try the buspar or will that restart my withdrawal symptoms. I’m sooooooo scared. I have young kids and feel like I’m watching them through a tv and not present at all. I hate all this so much. I have hard time leaving the house and can’t be left alone. I feel so bad for my amazing husband and kids. Thank you for reading this far. kelsears