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  1. By February 2017, after suffering an a intensive mobbing at my first year of university, I was suffering an a clinical picture of being unable to get concentrate and having headaches all the day. My doctor diagnosed me depression and prescribed me Zoloft. I took it about 45 days, 50 mg, and then I stopped abruptly due to an a side effect that I didn't like (I don't remember which one, it was something completely banal). I've to say that I experienced an a improvement, the headaches disappeared, my brain began to work fluenty, being able to concentrate and read perfectly. After 45 days, I stopped "cold turkey". That's when the catastrophe appeared. I've been really bad for about this 4 years, suffering an a extreme clinical picture - that I was not suffering from before taking the drug, only after the interruption, and achieved his peak after a month, maybe two from interruption - of cognitive deficits (to the point of not being able to read or speak correctly), akathisia, suicidal thoughts, anger episodes etc. I've been avoiding any kind of psychiatric drug, cause I thought I was still suffering from the withdrawal. I visited different doctors that tried to prescribe me an anticonvulsive (not being able to remember name) an a antipsychotic (Abilify). Refused both medications. In the middle (3rd year), I started mindfulness to try to heal my brain, and partially succeded. My suicidal thoughts disappeared after one month of mindfulness, my brain partially improved with more wellness and better functional performance. Despite that, I didn't notice an a better improvement superior to 15% about the cognitive deficits issue. After this 4 years, I've been unable to continue my studies (I was at university, I was 20 years old by then). The last year, I visited a psychiatrist who told me that clearly my problem was the cold turkey interruption (first time aware the problem was the cold turkey, I was thinking that I was still suffering from withdrawal symptoms). I used to play the piano, and it was though that my brain was not unable to send correctly the orders to my fingers, and I was failing to play correctly. For about 6 months, I was wondering that he was correct, that probably my problem was the cold turkey interruption. Thus, we started zoloft again three months ago, I started 6.25 and then increased after 15 days to 12.5 mg. Now I've been two months on 12.5 mg. I've been feeling an a improvement with my cognitive deficits (the problem with the piano has evolved to moderate to mild) an a improvement related with anger but akathisia and brain impairment still persists. I've come here to ask for follow up and advice. My aim is the following: in one month increase the dosage to 18.75 mg for three months, and then, increase to 25 mg again, and remain there for about 6 months, hoping to get healed and cure my brain from this clinical picture. And then, reducing following the 10% rule. I'm not considering getting into 50 mg. For me, 50 mg was too much, making me feel extremely well, extremely smart and focused, extremely creative, extremely capable, extremely everything, and I felt it was unreal and a hazard. And I don't want to feel the same anymore putting my brain in such a dose. I hope your veteran's wisdom and council are going to help me.
  2. It’s always so hard for me to start and it’s even harder now because of the state I’m in, but I’ll do my best… The good: Around 2014 I’ve been put on Paxil 20mg due to anxiety and my first panic attack. Well, it was a miracle pill for me, can’t deny that. After roughly two years (2016) my doc suggested that it might be a good idea to get off the meds since I was doing so well - sure, let’s do it! - I said. The taper plan she gave me was minus 5mg each week, so from 20mg to 0mg in a month. I did that and as you may suspect, it wasn’t the most pleasant experience. Took me around three months to get back “from the dead”, but I managed. Didn’t have much obligations at that time, so it wasn’t so stressful since I could just spend my days in zombie mode and not care. The bad: Shortly after my revival something… hit the fan and due to extreme anxiety I had to go back to meds. In my ignorance, stupidity and fear I asked my doctor to reinstate Paxil, because hey, it worked wonders previously and I didn’t feel like experimenting. It worked again, sadly, taking me hostage for the next eight years. Why I say hostage? Because from that time my life changed quite a bit, adulthood hit hard. I couldn’t allow myself to take a few months break just to get off the meds. I tried a few times, but I simply couldn’t handle the reduction, no matter how slow I tapered. I started to wonder if I may need to stay on it for life. It worked, so where’s the harm I asked? But I’ve decided to give it a one last try, especially since I’ve been in a pretty good moment in my life. The final push - and that’s the moment my life falls apart. The ugly: June 2023, I went from 20mg > 17.5 mg. Some heightened anxiety, waking up a bit earlier than usual, no biggie. I’ll give it a month and go down again. July 2023, 17.5mg > 15mg. First two weeks were pretty consistent, a little more of insomnia, anxiety and anhedonia. I noticed that I probably should stay on that dose a bit longer than a month. Fine, I said, but life had a surprise for me and this is where things start to get hectic and blurry… Around week 3 on 15mg I woke up with SEVERE brain fog, anhedonia and fatigue. At first I brushed it off on a bad nights sleep, but next day I slept much worse and my condition did not improve. Okay, this’ll pass soon, a bump on the road I thought. Guess what, it started to get worse. Panic and anxiety started to slowly creep into my life. I’ve lost my edge, become dumb in a very short time - if that’s not a reason to panic then I don’t know what is. So I’ve started searching, could this be withdrawal? Turned out it could, so I went back to 17.5. No improvement, hell, it’s getting worse! Back to 20mg. For a few days I’ve felt a bit more clear headed, but it faded away quickly. At this point I’ve stumbled upon a paper linking Paxil and its anticholinergic effects to dementia. One word. Panic. Consulted this with my dr, she upped me to 30mg because yeah, I’ve been on 20mg for quite some time. This helped for like three weeks and started to dive rapidly. At this point I’ve been through some major diagnostics like brain imaging and extensive bloodwork. All came back without issues, except for the neuropsychological testing that confirmed that I’m indeed lightly cognitively impaired. I wanted out from Paxil immediately, because the thought of each day on it adding a fraction to the chance of dementia literally made me puke, but I knew that cold turkey is not a way to do it. It’d probably kill me and as you may suspect, I was already a mess. Prozac bridge emerged on the horizon, appearing to be the only reasonable way out of this impasse. My doc approved the idea and I started the transition from 30mg Paxil to 30mg Prozac, 5mg each week. That took me about 1.5 months. Rough months during which I’ve experienced a plethora of symptoms that fueled my health anxiety like nothing else could. The main things were paresthesias in my body’s right side, tinnitus, insomnia, fatigue and brain fog. Not to mention the anxiety, mood swings and crying spells. I went to the doc and described how I’ve been feeling. Their response? Let’s up Prozac to 40mg, this should help! Craving any relief I did as instructed and here I am now, second week on 40mg Prozac, one month paroxetine free with brain fog, fatigue, muscle aches in my right side of the body, dry heaving each morning, zero appetite and constant diarrhea paired with anhedonia. Sure, the anxiety has been mostly clubbed by Prozac after upping the dose, but I don’t think I feel alive and I don’t know what to do. I thought about staying on 40mg for some time to stabilize, but there’s this pressure in me saying “drop to 30mg, it’ll make you feel better!”. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m scared and tired as hell.
  3. It has been 3 months since i quit using sertraline 50mg and mirtazapine 15mg. I have used mirtazapine 15mg for 4 months with sucess and had a bad adverse reaction to prozac after using it for 3 weeks before this. But i have been going downhill ever since. It started with being slightly unfocused but now i can't remember what happened few hours ago! I lost every ounce of personality i ever had. I have no problem solving skills and i am not intelligent anymore. I am losing all my acquired skills too. I lost my musical ear and i am not as good as i used to be with speaking English (not my native language.) It feels like i never even started playing piano 3 years ago and it drives me nuts! I lost everything in my life because of my need to ease anxiety. No one thinks this could be true. Psychiatrist thinks this is good ole anxiety and threatens me to put on antipsychotics. My family refuses to believe me and prefer to listen to ''professionals'' instead of me. I have a few friends to listen to but none to truly understand (or want to understand) what i am going through. I can feel the stress literally burning my mind 24/7 non stop. I really do feel my mind burning and it does not look like it will go away soon. I have lost everything yet it still destroys me nonstop. I just want this to end. If this goes on like this i don't think i will want to live much longer. I am just a whiny depressed person in other peoples' eyes and i refuse to recover by not taking pills. They won't acknowledge anything i say about losing myself with the introduction of the drugs or the stress-like burning mind sensation that started with the drugs. Anything i say and do is being used against me to show how depressed or anxious i am and how much i need meds. I have lost all hope and i am expected to attend university in 2 years with the mind of an 8 year old. So if i don't show any prowess after 2 years i will end it all without a single doubt. I don't want to live a life i am not happy in. Please share anything that you can relate to this issue. Have you ever experienced something like this? When did you start to recover? How much did you lose and how much did you manage to recover? Even the tiniest bit of hope is enough to make my day and push me forward. Right now all i can do is crying.
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