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Found 6 results

  1. Hi all , I am 8 months off reinstated sertraline for a month ( by doc) and Aripropazole. History Its around 4 years back when i passed out my college and not get placed even after making to finals in many interviews .. that i decided to write competitive exam for PG. I had taken coaching but just before exam I came back and found myself unable to recall things. My brain is just like nothing in it. I found myself in despair and stopped studying. This fog is happening all the time since my engineering but I managed to get average marks sometimes and sometimes very good . There is more in back history but I ll get to it later. So, my parents took me to a psychiatrist ( family known) and he put me to Olanzapine and one more thing. He diganosed me bipolar2. I got about 10 pounds on it but its not help . Meanwhile after 4 months, with the help of a relative , I got intern in a company and I moved out with fog to a distant city. TThere in a hospital, they put me on floxetine and Amisulpride for 3 months . Then i moved to a private psychiatrist ... where it starts getting haywire . He stopped fluoxetine and Amisulpride . And put me on Venlafaxine and Seroquel... As i was interning, i get usual heat racing in between job times but my doctor convinced me to stay with it . 4 months and I just started feeling agitated due to stress. It happened that I slapped a senior on abusing me and there I left a job I never happened to get physical in my school or college .. but it happened. Doctor told me to scrap the prescription he wrote of raising Venlafaxine. And he put me paroxetine + Oxcarbazepine. In his words , it is best tolerable and has lesser side effects. I managed to get a job by my own and cracking first time. But this time there is lot of work and culture pressure. Its a startup with full of politics . Boss and his boss .. all keep on putting things. Let office aside, I started feeling some well .. overly casual ... excited .. raged .. Iits about 25 mg Paroxetine and 300/600 mg Oxcarbazepine. I had unusual violent acts .. had hit a school friend .. insomnia.. I decided to leave the paxil by asking the doctor . He said half in a week and then other half a week to off. Thats when it all started , i cannot sleep whole night and with day light i start getting a nap. I left going office with fear of state i was in . I cannot wake and even if I .. i was too tired and angry . Doctor then gave me Mirtazapine which didn't help . I resigned job telling muly boss about all and came back home. It was Nov,2015. I start getting yhese uncontrollable rage that I locked myself in a room. Parents took to a local shrink who put me on Venlafaxine+ Mirtazapine(CRF), lamotrigine, resperidal, Seroquel. The NEXT Day I woke up so fresh .. all calm like 12 yrs back .. i was smiling happy.. but it lasted only 4 hrs .. and i am doomed again . I took those meds 10 days and i decided to go off. Physical Damage. I got brain zaps as sounds with eye movement .. While on Paxil I got severe neck stiffness and movement pains - which came out as Osteophytes. Anger , heart race , memory, fog , chest pains , fatigue ... All I beared for 4 months. Reinstatement after 4 months. Father took me to another psych who put me on Sertraline+ Aripropazole+ Seroquel. I started having increases restless legs than before and the doctor asked me not to go over net. After 2 visits and when he said it wslas Aripropazole for restlessness all time.. and he is cutting it . I stopped all meds . Withdrawals in 8 months. All first symptoms with some new like utter sensitivity in teeth. It is while breathe in most of the teeth . Muscles gone from forearms .. My left hands gone ulnar neuropathy and i got surgery done when no hope lived. Right hand has stiffness too . MAnger I am living with .. I have stopped talking .. I have decided to go sit on my Shop but I was unable to understand the talk . In spite anger biuts and memory makes it difficult to adjust. I keep forgetting people faces .. important talks . So i stopped . Now I am muted all the time with burst inside . Read success stories and play CoC. This is the most I can write now.
  2. Derealization or Depersonalization

    Hi everyone, I wanted to ask a few questions and hear feedback from those who have suffered DP as a result from their tapered or CT withdrawals. My DP makes me feel like I can’t think in first person. I can’t picture myself in scenarios future or past. I just don’t feel like me even though I know, rationally, it’s me. My my brain is just fuzzy and while I’m aware and conscious, it’s a very disconnected feeling. It’s particularly heightened around family, too. Do any of you feel this way too? Can this be reversed or have I done irreparable damage to my brain and CNS? How long can I expect to feel this way?
  3. In 2007 I was put on meds at 19 for depression. Then they decided I was bi-polar, the bi-polar where you are just really depressed. So from 2007 until November 2012 I was on a cocktail of meds. Three meds at a time. I was on abilify, wellbutrin, sequel ( only for two weeks because it made me extremely tired) Lamictal, Depakote, Effexor and so on. So what would happen is my psychiatrist would prescibe meds and I would feel better and didn't want to take them so I would stop or miss a lot of days. When I would go to see him I lied and said I was taking them and they didn't do anything so he would prescribe a different medication. It was always three at a time and I would stop or skip days of taking the medications. So this went on for 5 years. So in I believe July 2012 I was prescribed Effexor and was also on Lamictal and something else. So I was missing days as usual for months and in mid November 2012 I woke up and had this really weird detached feeling like I was in a dream, things weren't real. So I freaked out. I had been trying to get a hold of my psychiatrist and had learned within two weeks he unexpectedly retired and fled the country and no one could communicate with him. A few days later I stop the Effexor, Lamictal and whatever that drug was cold turkey. I didn't know what to do. Oh I forgot to mention, my leg went totally numb in August 2012. In early December 2012 I got double vision. So my family doctor sent me in for a MRI. I had an appointment in Cleveland on December 23rd 2012 and they diagnosed me with multiple sclerosis. So I thought "this feeling" I had was caused by my ms. So in January 2013 I was put on zoloft, Lamictal and abilify. Later that summer 2013, I had a breakdown bc of being diagnosed with ms and was hospitalized. They changed my meds to abilify, zoloft and depokote, because I had been on them before. Then from that time to now I have switched meds. Zoloft was a constant and I tried, Topamax, and the invega and abilify shot. So for the past year, I have been on latuda 40mg and zoloft 200mg. I have started weening off. My doctor just started me on 20mg of Latuda to ween off. I am starting with Latuda and then zoloft. So I thought for years this feeling was due to my ms, but I am learning more and more it's most likely due to the on going meds I have been on. Hence why I am finally weening off and stopping! Can someone please give me any advice or info, thank you for any help. I was wondering if you think my derealization/ depersonalization is from the meds?? Will it go away after weening off these meds for good? Do you think it will take years to heal and get rid of this horrible dr/ dp? Is there anything else I can do to help myself go back to normal and get rid of this feeling for good? I will still be taking my ms medication which is Tecfidera. Please and input would be much appreciated, Thank You
  4. Surely medications can work very well for the right people...but for anyone considering anti-depressants, I will be sure to give persistent words of caution. I was always a very passionate person. A lover of the arts and emotions. I was also always very anxious. Towards the end of my senior year of high school (2012), I decided that my anxiety was hindering my academic abilities more than it needed to. My mom, a nurse anesthetist, was very skeptical of medications (anti depressants, in particular). In hindsight, I wish I was able to share in her skepticism. Ultimately, the doctors put me on Sertrailne, or Zoloft. I began the med around May 2012, gradually working my way up from about 25 mg. At the end of the summer, I believe I was on about 100 mg (this is for sure the highest dose that I've ever been on). It was a rainy afternoon in August 2012 at my grandparents cabin that I noticed was feeling very off. I didn't think much of it, but little did know, this was likely the beginnings of my brain accepting the med. Then college came, and the side effects worsened. I guess my anxiety was gone, but at what cost?. I was feeling emotionally numb and depersonalized. Eventually, I opened up to my parents about how I had been feeling (over the phone, because I was away at college). They figured that I had been taking the med for a short enough period of time that I could quickly wean off of it with minimal side effects. But this made me feel significantly worse. My first experience with withdrawal led me to believe that I was better off on the med. Long story short, my parents encouraged me to come home once my first semester of college was done and register for some classes at a community college so I could live at home with them. So, I went about two more years on the med before I decided I had enough. I wanted out. I did not want to be under the control of some pill, especially if it was going to make me feel the way that it did. I felt sort of like a zombie or robot. It was very hard to enjoy the simple things in life. I was having sexual problems, and I had a very annoying appetite (I always wanted to eat, despite not being truly hungry). In all of this, the real me was still inside, and it knew it didn't like the I was feeling. So in October 2015, under the instruction of a doctor, I began weaning off. The weaning off process left me feeling very similar to how I felt while of the med. The last time I took the med was in early-mid January 2016. Since then, I've gradually felt some pretty horrifying side effects. In a nutshell, what I felt while on the med seemed to be amplified. I had a hard time enjoying all of the things that I once did. But it hasn't all been bad, as I have had some glorious days that left me feeling like my old self. I could sit down and watch a movie just like I used to. Colors seemed brighter and music sounded better. But this is only some of the time. Starting last Tuesday, I truly felt like my old self. This led me to believe that the withdrawal side effects had finished, but then today, they gradually reintroduced themselves. I began feeling subtly nauseous and irritable. So in a desperate attempt for support, I searched the web for help groups. No matter how much or how hard you try to explain your situation to someone, they won't really understand unless they've experienced something similar. I just want someone to tell me that things will get better. The last week now seems like a cruel joke, because I truly thought that the withdrawal was over. Any words of encouragement would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
  5. Hi Everyone, My name is Daniel, I'm 19, and I'm new to this site. I'd like to hear other people's experience with SSRI withdrawal and what they've done to help alleviate it/speed the process. A little bit about my background to start. I'd like to apologize in advance for the long, long post but if you have the time please hear me out, or at least look at the main points listed at the end. As a young child, I always felt different from and alienated from my family. My parents are very religious people, so I was raised in a really strict, sheltered environment. From a young age I was always hyper and impulsive, which didn't go will with my father's dictatorial parenting style, and looking back was more a result of the way he treated me. I was put on my first SSRI, luvox (fluvoxamine) at age 6, because of anxiety (which was partially caused by my relationship with my dad). I took it for a few years. Ritalin was added to my cocktail when I was 7 due to "ADHD", and I was on it until 14. I experienced crashes at the end of the day and could not function at all if I missed a dose. I know that these two meds at such a young age caused irreversible changes to my brain structure, although I don't recall any serious negative withdrawal effects (I was tapered off of it). I was put on numerous other non SSRI medications between 7-14, including abilify, other stimulants, and non stimulant ADHD meds. I never really knew what "normal" felt like because I was always being medicated. I was also diagnosed with celiac disease when I was 11, and have been gluten free since then. I had stopped growing for a few years, which led to the diagnosis. I'm sure eating gluten for all those years also had a detrimental effect on my anxiety and ability to focus. At 14, I came out to my parents as gay. Things in my life devolved from here. I wasn't accepted for who I was and began to experience depression. My behavior became more erratic as the feedback loop of being yelled at and punished led me to continue to act out. At 15, I was admitted to a psych hospital where I developed depersonalization from the stress. I was given 20mg celexa, 300mg wellbutrin, 1mg tenex (guanfacine) twice a day, and 50mg seroquel for depression, "ADHD", and anxiety. I have a wonderful memory, but my time on SSRIs is definitely more blurry in my mind. I was (wronfully) in a residential psych facility for six month (my parents didn't know what to do with their "trouble child". My father announced that I was being sent to a Christian boarding school in Texas, ans at this point I called CPS on my parents. The state determined that they were not fit to take care of me and were emotionally abusive. Through my first 3 years in foster care, I stayed on the Celexa/Wellbutrin/Tenex/Seroquel cocktail, but decided to taper off because I didn't want to be on meds anymore (June 2014, age 18). My sorry excuse for a psychiatrist that was employed by the foster care agency I was placed under refused to let me get off them, so I decided to do it myself. Looking back at this blurry time of my life, I can tell that I was an emotionless euphoric zombie the whole time, and emotionally did not grow at all as a result. Not knowing what I was in for, I tapered off all my meds in two weeks. I also started smoking weed regularly around this time because I was not feeling as good as I used to (meds completely destroyed my ability to regulate my mood, which would be bad enough without traumatic memories of emotional abuse, false imprisonment, etc.) It provided me relief from my withdrawal symptoms, but I was smoking too much so I've slowed down considerably because it doesn't solve any problems. I don't think that my depersonalization ever really went away when I was started on meds, but I got used to the new normal of chemical euphoria. After a few months of no meds, I got rebound depression, anxiety, and depersonalization like I've never had it before. I never had out of body experiences, but my dissociation was very severe. Anyone who's experienced this terrible symptom knows how hellish it can be. My mind could longer smoothly synthesizes my sense of perception and consciousness like it used to. Every waking moment since I've stopped these meds has been a perceptual mind****. I am in a full scholarship college program and I work 2 nights a week in order to have money to get by, so my life is ridiculously busy and stressful. I wonder sometimes how I manage all of it without breaking down. Since getting off my meds, I feel maybe 20% of the range of emotions I used to. I feel almost numb. The worst part is that I can never sit still, have a much harder time focusing than ever before, have trouble falling asleep but then sleep for way too long and have a hard time getting up. I'm dysphoric almost all the time, and my anxiety has been terrible. I overthink everything in ways I never used to and feel trapped in my body and mind. I sweat way more than I should, and my muscles got so tense about 6 months ago (beginning of 2015) that I started to develop small biceps. It's been 16 months or so since I got off my meds, and I've noticed about a 30 % reduction in my withdrawal symptoms including depersonalization, but I still feel trapped and terrible most of the time. I eat pretty well, follow my GF diet, and take 5-HTP to supplement my brain with serotonin as well as vitamins and minerals. When I'm awake, I feel dissociated (sometimes I feel like I'm just a sum of what's around me in the present moment), worn out with little energy and motivation, and pretty emotionless. By the time evening comes, it feels like my brain has used up all available serotonin and I feel like an anxious, dysphoric zombie. My way of perceiving the world is not smoothly integrated and my mind jumps around. I forget where I put things 5 seconds ago, and it feels like I'm only 30% here. I'm a very intelligent person and I know that if I'm able to feel better and have a more concrete sense of self and feel focused and in a decent mood like I used to feel before I was ever started on the pills from hell, I can do a lot for this world. About 2 weeks ago, I started on 10mg Prozac (against the advice of my psychiatrist, who wants me to wait the withdrawals out but doesn't really understand how terrible I feel) because I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown with school starting. Within 2 days, my brain felt like it could finally breathe and I have been functioning much better. I've stopped sweating, my body is relaxed, and my brain is thankful for the serotonin, but emotions have disappeared and I still feel like a zombie, just a more relaxed one, completely numb and it feels very fake. I don't really feel alive. I missed my dose today and the depression I felt this evening before loading with a high dose of 5-HTP was much worse than the usual withdrawal, and I've decided that it's not worth it, I'm done with meds for good!!! But I'm tired of being in this hell. I'm tired of life being a perceptual mind****. I'm tired of being on edge and anxious and depressed and dissociated. I've been in psychotherapy for almost 2 years and have made remarkable psychological progress, but the physiological/mental symptoms of my withdrawal are a living hell and it's often hard to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from symptoms of underlying problems. THANK YOU FOR READING!!! In summary: -Stopped SSRI and SNRI (doses were way too high), with way too fast tapering, about 16 months ago -Symptoms have reduced by about 30% but are still hard to bear. Depersonalization, bad anxiety, sweating, trouble falling asleep/waking, lack of concentration, altered perception, emotional blunting up to 80%, dysphoria, lack of energy -Taking high dose of 5-HTP/vitamins Any additional supplement/herb recommendations, personal withdrawal timelines, or any other suggestions will be highly appreciated!! Thank you so much! -Daniel
  6. this may be long but its a complete overview of how psych drugs have destroyed my life(hopefully temporarily) I was put on zoloft at 14 for depression and severe OCD. the effects were actually extremely therapeutic and healing. I havent had any compulsions since( 6 years ago). so I do not regret going on it looking back, but i had no idea i was going destined to go down the rabbit hole of psychotropic meds. zoloft made me develop a duodenal ulcer and berets esophagus which made me feel nauseas all the time, thankfully nexium seemed to fix it and I haven't had gastrointestinal problems since. fast forward 3 years after i moved away to start my first year of college. amongst the workloads and new experiences i accidentally cold turkeyed my meds and decided to stay off. I slowly started to experience depression which seemed managable until i began to feel the anxiety creep back in. it got to the point where i was freaked out enough that my OCD would return that went to my psychiatrist, he thought the logical thing to do was to be put back on the zoloft but i was not keen on that idea because of my fear of furthering my gastro problems in starting the medication back up. I was also tired of feeling exhausted all the time, so he suggested an SSNRI and put me on wellbutrin. i only managed a couple weeks on it i believe as it aggrivated my anxiety, so he took me off and put me on effexor. the effexor worked pretty well for me as i increased my doses. i believe i was on 225 mg. after my freshman year i moved back home because i had made changes to my degree path that the university i was attending couldn't fulfill. I again began taking my meds sporadically and feeling the effects of it, some brain zaps, slight change in though process, anxiety and pretty bad depression. i eventually cold turkeyed the effexor(idiotic) and felt the depression worsen by the weeks. thankfully i was at home where i could be as upset and weird as i needed to be thanks to the worlds most understanding mother( dealt with two of her siblings' bipolar disorder). as i waited for my appointment with a new psychiatrist in my home town, things got to the point where i was ready to take any medication in order to feel better, so i went into my sessions with my new psychiatrist with a completely open yet naive perspective about meds, considering it was the effexor that that screwed me up. he immediately pointed out the other doctors mistake in changing drug classes too quickly. so he decided i should stick with the ssri's. I was hesitant because i thought i was so messed up i was beyond that. boy was i wrong. he put me on lexapro and said it was one of the more heavy duty ssri's. i began taking the medication and felt a slow leveling of my mood as i worked up to 20mg( 3 years ago). however, i was not satisfied with my progress after about a month, so he decided that adding abilify would help things. after taking one abilify pill i would never underestimate the power of psych meds again. I took the abilify at night and went to bed but the abilify would not let me sleep a wink. everytime i would doze off i would jerk awake as if i had a nightmare. there was also a slight feeling of restlessness and anxiety. it was torture but thankfully only lasted that night as i never took a second pill. at this point i figured that the lexapro was enough and it was for about 2 years as my well being kept increasing and i felt completely in control of my emotions. at the time i had bad cystic acne and wanted to go on accutane as a last resort. my psychiatrist approved despite my worries of the potential psychological effects, he thought the lexapro was a good enough safety net. so i went on a 7 month cycle of accutane and developed no psychological issues. however i did feel a dulling to my mental processing nothing too extreme but something i was aware of. I thought it was without a doubt the accutane because at the time i was sold on the effectiveness and benefits of psych meds. 4 months after stopping the accutane i decided to taper down to 10mg, and i did as my doctor instructed, but as we all know now, standard medical protocol for tapering off meds is pretty inaccurate. i started noticing diffuse pain in my body. i thought i was just working out too hard, as i exercised and lifted weights 6 days a week. but the pain progressed to a point where my workouts had to be compromised and my muscle movement became slightly rigid and my connective tissue was snapping and popping, so i eventually went to the doctor. i was referred to a rheumatologist who did a full work up and found no signs of inflammation. which was both relieving but also unsettling because the nonspecific diagnosis of fibromyalgia was not good enough for me. I was also told that i may or may not be developing an autoimmune disease which scared the **** out of me( ha if only i knew how much worse things were going to get). the popping and snapping made me believe i was developing rheumatoid arthritis. the fear drove me to an alternative and proactive approach to healing. I began eating vegan, then paleo/anti inflammatory. the diet was difficult and made me lose a lot of muscle mass. but i kept on it until i was invited to a friends 21st birthday party in vegas. during that weekend i threw away all dietary restrictions all at once and payed for it. the very first night of heavy drinking exacerbated all of my symptoms and added a neurological flavor to it; i began to experience weakness and tremors.this occured eveyrtime i drank in the future. i didnt want to miss out so i powered through it. I managed to come back and continue my diet temporarily before i moved for school again. fall of 2014, I moved to SF for school and was so excited about the possibilities awaiting me in the city. i was still on 10 mg of lexapro at the time and felt mentally sound accept for a and clear increase in brain fog which i thought was related to whatever mysterious illness was brewing in me. still, i never thought to attribute it to the lexapro because in my mind, there was no way an antidepressant could manifest such physical symptoms but I weaned off the 10 down to 5 over a couple weeks to be sure. my time in SF only lasted 2 months as the symptoms progressed and I fell more ill. I began experiencing reccuring fevers of 104 and missed a lot of class. the health center doctors there swore is was just a bad virus. but i wasnt getting better and I began to notice twitches in my muscles at rest. I missed so much class, i had to come back home and get my health back in line. the possibilities were extremely distressing. i was reffered to an infectious disease specialist who believed i might have contracted HIV or Lyme disease. after some blood tests, he ruled out HIV but wanted to be absolutely sure it wasnt lyme or some other infection he might have missed. he decided a spinal tap would be the best way to confirm. it made complete sense that i would have lyme disease since my symptoms matched the criteria completely however the results were negative. the spinal tap procedure was pretty much painless, but the spinal headache and back pain drove me to pop Vicodin like dr. house. it would only subside when i was completely flat. this lasted a little over a week. the hole in my spine was leaking so much that i temporarily lost my hearing while visiting my brother in chico. i woke up and my right ear was not picking up anything and the headache had worsened. I informed my mother and we drove to the ER. after waiting 5 hours in the waiting room a nurse took us back to a hallway gurney. I'll never forget this nurses name because of what she put me through. my options were an emergency blood patch, or fluids and pain medication. I went with the latter because i was done with needles going into my back. the nurse hooked me up to an iv and told me the drug cocktail she was going to give me was a non narcotic combination of muscle relaxers, anti inflammatories, and antiemetics. after all the vicodin i was done with narcotics so I agreed to the cocktails administration. even now as i write this I get an overwhelming feeling of regret. the cocktail contained, benadryl, toradol, and compazine. little did i know that compazine was first generation antipsychotic. I immediately felt the effects. horrid akathisia radiating from my chest, agitation, terror, anxiety, increased twitching, and instantly put into a state of depersonalization where i became unable to think with any clarity. I felt as though i needed to run up and down the hospital hallways but i was too terrified to even speak to my mother and the benadryl was making my body weak and drowsy. the attending came back and asked how i was feeling, I wanted to get the hell out of there so i told them better. after i was discharged we drove back to my brother's place where i unsuccessfully tried to sleep off the meds. I woke the next day still feeling high as i called it at the time. after we came back home I had a panic attack over not being able to unwind to sleep. I just couldn't relax and sit still. so i took more benadryl which did nothing and i researched other people's experiences with compazine. this was both a mistake and a tool as i found out about my experiencing akathisia and depersonalization. i kept waiting for the drugs to wear off but weeks went by and there was not change. I went back to my psychiatrist and he said that the compazine would eventually work its way out of my system. its been 2 months since the IV compazine and 3 months since i weaned off the lexapro and things have only gotten worse. i still felt mentally sound after i came of the lexapro despite the physical symptoms everything changed when i was given the compazine. everyday now is a struggle. I cannot be a functioning member of society in this state, my sleep has now become affected, it feels like im in an initial state of sleep and staring at my eyelids. im constantly uncomfortable and few things are helping me cope. this experience has taught me about the true harm of psychotropics. I wouldve never thought the lexapro was actually causing my lyme disease symptoms. my question is, has anyone experienced a recovery from compazine and or lexapro or acute drug induced akathisia and depersonalization??? since drugs got me here in the first place i plan to ride things out as long as i can on my own, are there any supplements worth taking to help ease or heal me? this really is what hell on earth feels like. if you read all of my story, thanks for your interest.
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