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Hi all! So happy to have found this place! I’ve browsed a few posts, and I think I’ve found my people lol! About me- I’m 51 years old, and have been on and off a bunch of psychiatric meds since the 90s. My memory is poor (more on that later), so I can’t remember exact dates, but I have been on Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin and Escitalopram, along with occasional benzos and zopiclone for short periods. Honestly- i wish I had never started taking any of them. Hindsight and a really good therapist has made me realize that many of my choices in life have just not been very congruent with my wants/needs/values etc, leading to some serious cognitive dissonance. I have also experienced severe professional burnout many times, and have some childhood trauma that I had never dealt with. Had I found a good therapist in my 20s, I may have never started taking these drugs. BUT- I am generally a pretty optimistic person, so I am looking forward, and feeling so grateful to have been able to improve my knowledge on withdrawal, so I can do it right this time. I have never tapered slowly. I have always followed my doctors’ advice, and my slowest taper was off of Effexor, and that only took two months. I had little difficulty coming off Wellbutrin, but all the others were awful- restlessness, irritability, brain zaps, bouts of severe depression, tremors, insomnia, extreme sensitivity to light and noise. I most recently started taking 10mg of escitalopram in 2016. I had changed jobs, and was having crippling anxiety about my new role. I didn’t want to start taking it- i had been off of it since before my daughter was born in 2009. But being in a new job, I felt I had to show my employer that I was willing to do anything to get back to work asap. So I started taking it, and took four months off to pull myself together, so to speak. Fast forward to 2020- still on my 10mg of escitalopram. Didn’t want to be, but couldn’t face weaning, and all the withdrawal symptoms. Then the pandemic hit. I work in healthcare, so needless to say, this was a scary time for me. Anxiety peaked, and my doctor increased my dose to 20mg. It didn’t help at all. My anxiety remained high for the next two years… I was just surviving. I was so anxious and burned out, I barely remember anything from that time period. It’s like a bad dream. i finally contracted COVID in June 2022. I was not hospitalized, but was very ill for four weeks. When I finally managed to go back to work, I couldn’t function. Went off on sick leave, and was eventually diagnosed with long COVID. My symptoms have included crippling fatigue, severe right sided headaches, chest pain/pressure, palpitations, severe brain fog, memory issues, internal ‘vibrations’ (for lack of a better term), cyanosis when my heart rate goes over 125 and presyncope. I haven’t worked since August 2022. Over the last two years, I have learned to manage my symptoms fairly well with diet, hydration, additional salt, compression stockings, meditation and my awesome therapist. I started to taper my escitalopram last November, with fairly large dosage cuts… it occurred to me that I’ve done this before, and always ended up right back on the meds. So I started researching how to properly taper, and realized that everything I had done in the past was misguided, and likely caused some long term health issues. So I’ve decided to slow my taper waaaay down, hoping to get off of these drugs for good! Feeling very optimistic! 😁 I am also taking low dose naltrexone 2.5mg for long COVID, estrogel for hot flashes, vitamin D 2000iu/day, B12 1000mcg per day (I’m vegan- no choice on this one!). i think that’s it- in a nutshell… I’ve had more than my share of legit emotional turmoil too, but it’s all just too much to share here. I will say that I’m in a really great emotional place right now, so I feel the time is right to do a proper taper. I look forward to sharing my journey here! 😊

I took Lexapro 20 mg last year for the first time ever for situational depression and it helped. But in June 2023 I missed 3+ doses and immediately withdrawal set in. As I wanted to just get off this, at the recommendation of my psychiatrist I jumped down to 10 mg to start the taper. Terrible OCD thoughts set in and in desperation I jumped to 20, then stupidly 30, but things just got worse. I have finally landed at 10 mg and have been holding until I stabilize, 10 weeks now, as my central nervous system was very much destabilized by all of this switching doses rapidly. I had akathisia, serotonin overload, jerking of my arms and legs, hypersensitive hearing and blurry vision for about 2 weeks each. At this dose over the last 10 weeks, though, all of that has improved and stopped, which leads me to believe that I am doing the right thing by just trying to stabilize. The intrusive thoughts have been the worst part that just won't quit, and the constant shameful thoughts, me wondering "What have I done wrong, will this ever get better, will I ever be myself again?" are constant. I look for counsel from other members here who have gone through a similar thing and asking for affirmation that I am doing the right thing by holding. Tapering off is my absolute goal, but I have read enough here that I understand I need to not even begin to think about that until I have been stabilized for a good while. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family in all of this. Any comments and advice are appreciated.

First, I had bad anxiety in my early twenties. Started Effexor, took it for about a year then tried stopping with a fast taper. I got fired from work 4 ou 5 months later and my anxiety went up big time. Started Effexor again. Went up to 110mg, but I was having many side effects so after talking to my doctor, I decided to stop. I reduced the dosage over 2 months then stop. Went throught withdrawal for a few weeks and then things got quiet for a few months. I started getting hit by some fairly heavy anxiety and panic attacks without stress to trigger it. I went back to effexor for a few months and then I switched to escitalopram 10mg to try and see if I would have less side effects. I stayed on escitalopram 10mg for at least 6 years. Now, at the start of January 2024, I run out of escitalopram for a few days. That's when I decided to try and quit. Just like that. The withdrawal was hell. A lot of brain zap, anger that I could not contain at all, brain fog, insomnia, etc. After 6 weeks, most of the symptoms were gone or wayyyy more manageable. 1 week before the 4 months mark, I started getting vertigo and feeling dizzy. I had no idea what was going on. My anxiety started acting up again and I took an appointment with my doctor. He's starting me on 5mg escitalopram again. I took my first half pill 8 hours ago and I feel absolutely awful: It's impossible to sleep, I had 2 panic attacks, I feel like I need to walk all the time and my hands are shaking. And now i'm scared to death, does it mean that I have kindled? Should I keep taking 5mg and see if it stabilize? Should I lower to 2.5? Should I stop?!

Hello I'm attempting to get off psychiatric drugs. I do not believe that I was mentally ill, but that I was deeply affected emotionally by trauma. I first got put on psych drugs after the birth of my first son, who was born with health issues. The psychiatrist put me on Paxil, and then Trazodone because I couldn't sleep. Fortunately that doctor took me off the drugs less than a year later. I didn't have any major issues coming off these drugs. Due to lots of stress factors in my life, I had anxiety. I was put on Serzone for a few years, then got off this without major problems. When I got pregnant with my 2nd child, my husband freaked out, because he was afraid this baby would also have health problems. I saw a psychiatrist, and he, with my OB/GYN's permission, put me on Paxil when I was 5.5 months pregnant with my 2nd child. He was born perfectly healthy. The Paxil caused me to gain lots of weight. I was up to 215 pounds. So my primary care doc switched me to Lexapro, thinking it would be more weight neutral. I was also put on Trazodone because of Insomnia. I tried several times in the past to get off these drugs, but each time, I had trouble with severe insomnia. I would call the doctor, and he would say I needed to go back on the drugs, so I did. Finally, I decided that I was definitely going to get off the drugs. I came to realize that these doctors don't know what they are doing. When I asked my psychiatrist why I was having such severe insomnia when trying to get off, he said to me "I don't know. Go back on it". (shaking my head). I started to wean off Lexapro 16 months ago, but 4 months into that my mother became severely ill, and so I went back to 1/2 of my original dose, which was 5 mg. I stayed on the 5 mg for about 9 months. Then, I started to wean off of it again. This was back in August of 2018. I've been very gradually coming off it. I'm on the liquid now, and have been dropping the dose by 0.5 milligrams each month. I did manage to wean off the Trazodone a year ago, while I was still on the 5 mg of Lexapro. The other thing that is complicating this withdrawal is that I'm menopausal and in my upper 50's. When I haven't changed the dose of Lexapro I don't have the hot flashes, but every time I reduce the lexapro the hot flashes return. I don't want to put off getting off of this toxic chemical. I don't think there will ever be a perfect time to get off these drugs. I'm so so close to being off of it. In the past 3 days, the hot flashes have been especially bad, and I've had little sleep because of that, and probably also because of being agitated by my drug withdrawal. The issues I'm having recently are: insomnia, agitation, anxiety off and on, tiredness and fatigue. The insomnia is the worst, but the hot flashes are contributing significantly to the insomnia. Any help or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I'm doing many things to learn to cope. I'm reading books on how to cope with stress and anxiety and depression. I'm walking daily, eating healthy, cultivating healthy friendships, and best of all, cultivating a strong and deep spiritual life with prayer and bible reading.

Hello. New here. I started Lexapro towards the end of June 2023. I was on 2.5 mg for two weeks. 5 for two weeks. 7.5 for two weeks and 10 for 6 weeks before I started tapering off. I tapered off under doctors recs. I didn't know any better. While I was on the drug I had this awful heavy body feeling and muscle tension. Whenever I would go up the next dose I would have hyperreflexia and my joints would just twitch at night while trying to fall asleep. I've been off 3 and a half months. The first 3 weeks I was about getting back to normal. I went and got botox one day, and I don't know if it was the botox or if it would have happened anyway but i fell hard into withdrawl. Oddly on the meds and on my bad days, I notice my joints don't crack like they normally do. It's weird. My blood pressure for three weeks in December was insane. It would go into the high 40s and then shoot up into the 70s. That seems to be stable now. Still dealing with the heavy body feeling. Loss of sensation. Muscle tension and sometimes twitching. I had a few day window last week, where I felt almost 100 percent back to normal. My dry eyes are killing me. Followed by today where I don't have much sensation on my arms or hands. My head feels 200 lbs. And I have extreme muscle tension in the back of my head. Are there even muscles there? How can that even hurt so bad. The cervical spine area seems to be the worst. I went to PT to try and help, but I don't think it did anything. I see people that never recover and I just worry I will hit a wave and never come out.

Hello everyone. First of all, I would like to thank you for creating this website. I don’t know where I would be without it. I have learned a lot of information in here about antidepressants and the importance of tapering. I started sertraline in September 2018 due to depression and anxiety. My doctor never told me about any side effects or when I should stop the treatment. It was fine until I started noticing my motivation and my emotions were going away. I had more symptoms, but at the time I didn’t connect the dots. I suspect my IBS and my need to sleep 12 hours a day were part of it. After 4 years my mom suggested me to stop antidepressants since she thought I was doing fine and she read that they probably were not good to take for that long. At the beginning I was skeptical, but eventually I agreed. My doctor gave me instructions on how to stop. She told me to alternate days which now I know is very bad advice. I had no symptoms until I started alternating half a tablet and no tablet. Then I started having horrible symptoms. I thought I was going insane. I started going to a psychologist who told me she couldn’t help me unless I took drugs. It disgusts me now that she said something like that. She recommended a psychiatrist. In the first visit she convinced me to start 10 mg escitalopram. I remember I started having full body pain for the first time in my life. The psychiatrist told me that it was not possible for these drugs to cause that. Now I know she had no idea what she was talking about. The pain went away in a couple of weeks. I was still having no motivation and almost no emotions. The psychiatrist decided I needed 20 mg escitalopram for some reason. That made things worse. She decided I should try bupropion and stop escitalopram in like two weeks which concerned me. I asked her if that wasn’t a bit too fast. She said it was fine (lol). It was horrible. I thought I was going completely insane. I talked to her and I reinstated to 5 mg. But I was still taking bupropion which was making my heart go very fast. My gut told me I would have a problem if I continued taking bupropion when I tried to come off. So I decided to stop bupropion cold turkey after taking it only for 2 weeks. I think that was the best decision of my life because I saved myself from becoming dependant on it. I explained to my psychiatrist I was tired of this and that I wanted to come off escitalopram. She told me to reduce 1 mg every month. When I reached the 2 mg point I discovered this website through reddit. Everything started making sense. I decided to stop seeing my psychiatrist after she made me feel like I was a “bad patient” and that the problems I had were all my fault and not hers. But I still had a problem. I didn’t know how to go from 2 mg to 1.8 mg because my liquid is 20 mg/ml. So I made the mistake of going to 1 mg and that was quite bad. Going from 3 mg to 2 mg was already bad, but this time it was worse. I decided I won’t reinstate ever again unless my situation becomes very bad. So I held there until I got better. Then I learned how to make my liquid less concentrated and use syringes to taper by 10%. I started tapering again, but I went too fast because I am very impatient. I am going slower now. Maybe a bit faster than suggested in this forum, but I’m learning to listen to my body and hold more if necessary. The worst symptoms I get when I go too fast are very bad misophonia, thinking everyone wants to hurt me, wanting to die, irritability, full body pain, unable to sleep at a normal time, headaches and digestion problems. Right now I’m doing fine, but I’ll try to keep you informed. My intention is to keep this as a journal of my progress and help others that have a similar story. Again, thank you for everything!

Hi, My name is Kai. I was prescribed three meds in the first day. Those were Abilify, Agotine, and Topiramate. I took them instantly after the meeting with psychiatrist. I was very stressed. I felt not understood. But that wasn't the problem. The problem occured when I took the second dose after few hours. I started feeling a strange amount of satisfaction. It was night, and I felt as if I was in a kind of a transitional state. I remember feeling almost supernatural. There was a different day, which I guess I did almost the same thing after meeting the psychiatrist. I remember it was a day, and the dose might have been changed. Also there might have been added the new pill, Risperidone. I felt great agitation. I could not stop moving. I saw hallucination. I felt my world was melting down. My world was never the same after that. Honestly, I don't remember if those two were the same day or not. And many other things occured in the other days, but those were what happened when I was struck by meds instantly. The other days, I felt also very unreal. I felt my world was changing into something else. Since it was the first time I was using the antipsychotics, I thought this was what it was supposed to be doing. Later, I started losing my musical abilities. It happened gradually. One day suddenly, I simply wasn't able to play anymore. I still cannot play to this day. Before, I was great at many instruments. I was a musician by heart, feeling arts all throughout the world, loving the poetry and literature, and so on. I also loved movies, but those all disappeared. I was somewhere apart from the world I used to be in before. There was no 'me' anymore. No more interest, feelings, thoughts, memories. But I was still able to enjoy movies to some extent until I became bedridden. Being bedridden was when I was completely done in my life. At least that is what I felt. But while I was being bedridden, I slowly recovered in a strange way. It took a long time, and the recovery didn't show any promise of my previous self, I started to feel some normal feelings again, which was not really pleasing to me. I don't know if it was because I was being bedridden, relying on to my family, losing my independence and hope, but the reality felt much worse and resembled that feeling of unfortunate childhood that I've been through. I felt totally immature. I am very sorry my writing doesn't articulate anything good. I have tried to write this introduction since the beginning of this year, but it took so long to even be able to write something that doesn't look terrible. So since I know you, which are great people who chose to help, would kindly write replies to this pitiful writing, and if you do so and ask me for more specifics, I will try my best to tell more about my symptoms and situations. It also takes very long time for me to remember something, including what I ate for breakfast. Thank you.

G'day SA community My name is Anthony and I have been lurking on this site for a few weeks and thought it time that I start my contribution. And hopefully get some well needed support without being too selfish. I would firstly like to preface my intro by thanking all the members, staff, moderators and founders of this site. It is helping me get through a dark time in my life that I have never ever experienced before. And it has been and still is scary. My story is long (as is most sufferers) so I will do my utmost to be as concise yet brief as possible without losing the important information. I would also like to take the opportunity to thank Aeroman in particular as His success story is what I have needed and his time and investment in answering all the questions from the members relating to his journey has been inspiring to say the least. I won't go into the usual diatribe about how I suffered as a child in a dysfunctional home from physical, emotional and mental abuse of which was the case but my story is more about the incompetent people in white coats we see as all knowing, professional, caring and are in their chosen field because they like helping people and not the money! It all started when I was 21 years old. I had recently finished my apprenticeship with a National Manufacturer as a HVAC & R Technician (Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning and Refrigeration) and was around two years into starting my own business. Things were going very well when all of a sudden and out of nowhere my heart started racing and I was feeling faint. It was fortunate and by coincidence that I was working next door to a Medical Centre. I literally crawled into the Medical Centre and was dragged by a lovely receptionist wo a consultation room. She got me glass of water and informed a doctor. Unfortunately by the time the doctor arrived my heart had suddenly reverted back to normal and I was feeling fine. Tired but, well. He did all the usual work up of tests, including a 24hr Holter monitor to check my heart but basically put it down to either dehydration (as it was the middle of summer here in Australia) or anxiety/stress. Anyway, I was given the all clear. A couple of years later, with out any warning, the same thing happened again. And then again. and then again and again and again. There would be sporadic episodes of this that would last from anywhere from 3 minutes to as long as three hours. It would also involve many Emergency Department visits, ambulance call outs, blood tests, tests for this or that, tests for something else more visits with a GP and yet nothing could be found other than that old chestnut. ANXIETY......STRESS......DEPRESSION. Duh...of course I'm stressed out, I am as anxious as all get up because I feel like my heart is either about to stop or beat so fast its going flop out of my chest.......and nobody can find what the...is wrong with me. So fast forward a couple more years and with still no answers I decided to start seeing psychologists, Chinese medicine Practioners, hypnotists, more GP's, more Psychologists, even a Psychiatrist who suggested the bad word.....Anti Depressants.........of which I have never been one to even take a paracetamol for a headache let alone nasty stuff like that. Well, they all promised they could resolve my anxiety and stress related heart problems but none of them ever did. I was eventually convinced by a psychologist (and my wife) to try Zoloft because I was one of those people that was either born with a chemical imbalance or I acquired one due to my childhood traumas. Well lets just say that those three days were what I thought at that time to be pure hell on earth. Stopped CT and straight in the bin with the free sample. With all the money I spent over the years I could have bought my own little Island retreat somewhere in the Pacific Islands. Fast Forward a few more years and continually dealing with my heart palpitations I got married, had two daughters, multiple businesses and generally a reasonably good time even though that this heart issue was hanging over my head constantly my Quality of Life was very restricted. Fast forward a few more years and Feeling pretty bad about this and being at that age where I wanted more out of life I hunted down a new GP who was the mother of my daughters best friend at school, I had known her a few years personally and my wife thought she would be able to help with this trouble that I was enduring. Well now is where trouble really starts but I did know that till recently. Into the first consultation and boom, out comes the Mental assessment questionnaire and what do you know, I have anxiety and stress bordering on depression. WTF? Being tired of all this I caved in, desperate for my heart to be normal I took the free sample of Lexapro with my tail between my legs, went home and told my wife who was ecstatic (in her defence she only wanted the best for me and a happy life with her husband and the big house and cars and white picket fence and she believed all the doctors saying I was mental blah blah blah). Sucked back my first tablet and went back to my life. Yeah, I thought my life was coming back and that these medicines really do work, why didn't I persist last time because I don't even think about my heart anymore.......A year down the track I went back to my doctor and told her that it feels like it wasn't working like it was 6 months ago, boom, up my dosed from 10mg to 20mg. Well well well, wouldn't you know it. 11pm on a Tuesday night I woke up, my heart was going crazy, I was ill, vomiting, fainting and feeling like I was going to die. Told myself to suck it up, it was all mental, I was mental, I have something seriously mentally wrong with me, the doctors and everyone said so.........three hours later I called for an ambulance, woke up my wife and kids and told them what was happening, my kids were freaking out......The ambulance arrived and as the paramedics came into my bedroom a thud and my heart slowed down to normal, I felt okay, all the stress and anxiety and ill feeling gone just like that. A two day stay in hospital with all the usual tests again and the doctor comes to see me, "Yep, unable to find anything, must be stress or anxiety". Great I thought. So much for Lexapro, time to get off this rubbish because I don't feel anything anymore, no fun, no anger, no happiness, nada......Two weeks later I tapered as per doctors advice and against her wishes I was off the AD's for good. Three months later I was back in her office begging for some relief, I was in bad shape, out of work and my wife again seriously wanted to go back on the meds or there would be repercussions maritally speaking. This time the Doctor said I now had Major Depression Disorder, those words alone stressed me out. Anyway, time to start the heavy hitting SNRI now, I was in bad shape she said..........Well two days later I ended up having another heart episode that was the worst I had ever had, I really thought that I was going to die, I screamed at my wife to call the ambulance, my kids started crying immediately, the Ambulance sent an Urgent care Hi-Priority paramedic who was in my bedroom hooking my with ECG leads all over my body, cannulas in both arms and then said quite casually..."It okay mate, no worries, your not dying....you got SVT. Just relax and Ill fix it for you in a minute I just have to get this ECG trace to show the docs and will get it done" What? SVT? Did I eat something bad, what is SVT. Isn't it anxiety? I asked the Paramedic. 'Nah" he says. Got nothing to do with anxiety. you may have anxiety from having this but having this is definitely not from anxiety" Anyway, a few valslva manoeuvres and a couple of jokes when the transport ambo turns up later I'm feeling quite calm. Off to the hospital for further tests and the Paramedics hang around for a while and with the Doctor explain to me what SVT is. Also known as PSVT (Paroxysmal Supra Ventricular Tachycardia). 24 years of my life chasing this, never not once did any medical or other professional suggest I go see a cardiologist but they were all too willing to take my money...............For those of you who don't know what PSVT is or don't want to use google, I had AVNRT (Atrio ventricular nodal re-entrant tachycardia) type of heart arrhythmia, there are several, of which I had an additional pathway next to my AV node causing my heart electrical conduction system to short circuit causing my heart to beat at extremely high rates which was captured on the ECG at 230bpm. Diagnosis meant that it was not life threatening, just very unpredictable and uncomfortable...No Joke! After my hospital stay I was referred to a cardiologist for follow but decided I should see my GP so I can stop the Prisitq because I have found out, after 24 years, that I am not mental, or at least the reason why I am a bit skiddish is because the actual heart problem. Again, my wife and GP convince me to stay on the Pristiq to just help get over the next couple of months until I sort out this heart arrhythmia and me, after all these years being brainwashed what did I do....I agreed, good idea, just to get me over the next hurdle because now I have to go and have a heart operation I need to be in the right mindset..............how stoopid am I? I am now back at home waiting to see the specialist cardiologist and everyday my mood is getting worse and worse. I am constantly crying, panicking, thinking I am going to die and I haven't even seen the cardiologist yet. This snowballs to the point that during my Consultation with the Cardio I was in a very bad emotional state my wife had to talk for me. When the Cardiologist found out I was on Prisitq he asked me why I was on this junk, I should get off it as quickly as possible, and medications like these are only for people who are in dire need of help and in Hospital. The Heart operation, Electrophysiology Study and Cather Abalation will resolve the heart issues and I won't have to worry about heart arrhythmias ever again. I informed him that my GP told me I needed to stay on them, well after that there was some correspondence back and forth from my Cardioligist and GP about this and finally my Cardiologist gave up. Operation day arrives and I go to the hospital, supposed to be a day procedure, should be home that night.......Two procedures and two weeks later I am sent home with some complications that the Electrophysiologist had some trouble sorting out. I wouldn't want to go into detail but I was an emotional wreck, my kids were destroyed emotionally as well I am happy to delve further into the complications during and after the procedure if anyone wants to know but, .Lets just say that I had almost, almost was going to have a pacemaker installed but thankfully it was found out that I had some complications from some "Medications" Namely a SNRI Pristiq. Basically I am still not right after three months and I am diagnosed with a condition called Inappropriate sinus tachycardia that needs to be controlled with some heart medications. Hopefully this will resolve with time. Nonetheless, I was totally traumatised by that event and I am struggling with it mentally still. So out of hospital I meet with my GP as I had lots of Chest pain, and irregular heartbeats etc etc and to finally get off the Prisitq. But no. now that I am in pretty much an uncontrollable state she suggests and refers me to a Psychiatrist to re-evaluate and possibly change medications and wants me to look at going to a Mental Hospital and to help get through the next few days while I am waiting for the Psych Doc appointment that I should start on Valium and Sleeping tabs to get me through. Wait, what. Now I'm treating this med with another med. Anyway, I'm so desperate ill do whatever......... Finally see the Psych doctor and she DSM's me as Panic Disorder only, stops the Pristiq immediately, but after three days break I need to start Lexapro again at 10mgs and then three days after that start 20mgs. Oh by the way, its because you have a chemical imbalance disease in your brain, you will need these the rest of your life, its like insulin for diabetics, most people are on these now, its what you need to live and get by........................................These nasty people play on your vulnerability!. Well I stopped the pristiq on a Wednesday. Thursday morning I woke up like a new person. No Crying, energy back, no dizziness, my heart was beating regularly and slowly and I felt brilliant. I told my wife that I didn't want to go on the Lexapro again but after some heated discussion, what she and the kids had been through recently and the potential issues going forward I handed my genitals back to her to put in her purse for safe keeping..........Start sucking those poison pills down again as directed by all those who had never been on this rubbish, two more weeks in bed feeling like death warmed up, headache, nausea, sore mouth, teeth sore everything, could not talk could not eat, that's when I woke up one morning and trashed the lot of pills in the bin. That was the day I Cold Turkey again Wrong move I know but boy, was I sick. The suicide ideation, the gory vivid dreams, the grim reaper and death is all thought about for those two weeks mixed in with insomnia. Well, I haven't recovered from these two weeks of Lexapro, they have changed something in me and I didn't get the relief I got from when I stopped Pristiq. This time Lexapro, only for two weeks has done something to me and I feel these withdrawal symptoms are going to take something special from me to get through...................These drug pushers need punishment for their actions. All these years of feeling intimidated by these charlatans and all along I had an issue that should have been resolved with a day procedure. Yes it was heart surgery nonetheless but still, my family and I are in a world of hurt now that was unnecessary. Thank You for letting me to get this out, I needed it. I am struggling with the WD side effects and I am concerned for the future and pain that is coming from this but I will no longer be controlled by these poison pills..........................

This may be a bit long - if so, sorry. I am so pleased to have found this support forum after watching the Australian cut of The Antidepressant Story. I have had too many years struggling with what I thought was purely my own inherent nature. To be sure I have had issues to work through in my life - a tendency towards feeling shame being one - but I am lately gaining greater insight into the problems caused by these drugs that are so readily dished out by GPs who know nothing about them. It is difficult to now sort back through my memories and tease apart those experiences that were most likely caused by unhealthy thought patterns and those that were most likely pharmacological. I do know that I was initially treated for depression around the breakup of a marriage entered into too young for me - and at that point I needed help. I also know that professional advice - including a very well-respected psychiatrist - never warned me about withdrawal syndrome. In fact that psych had me abruptly stop Nefazodone in order to then transition me 2 weeks later onto paroxetine without any warning, leading to catastrophic feelings of terror and being out of control. I also know that over the years I have experienced very little depression but rather episodes of feeling dread and terror usually accompanied by thoughts of shame, failure and regret. I always experienced dizziness and mild confusion if I missed a pill or two, sometimes followed days later by an episode. From my own research and reasoning I understood these to be WD effects. What I didn't realise - and have never had any advice about from the prescribing doctors - was that the drugs may be making systemic changes with long term effects. I had to assume - and was encouraged by doctors to accept - that waves of terror and dread and being unable to bear being in my own skin that emerged a month after decrease or cessation were "relapse" to some generalised state of neurological mess that must be inherent to my nature. This has of course squashed my confidence and made me reluctant to stop taking the escitalopram that has been my chemical for years. Nevertheless, in the past 4 years I have now had 3 very deliberate attempts to stop the drug using various tapering methods, but nothing as gradual as the 10% exponential method that seems to be becoming increasingly accepted as a sensible approach. On each occasion there have been immediate symptoms including dizziness, brain zaps, mood swings and sometimes nausea that appear to resolve and are then followed a month later by waves of dread and terror. I interpreted my experience of this at the end of 2021 as being my body's reaction to time of life (mum dying, kid finishing school etc) and 2 years of lockdowns and diminished life caused by the COVID epidemic. I decided to use this as an opportunity to makes some life changes and these have been rewarding and exciting. I felt ready to try tapering off the drug again. Starting about May I adopted what I thought was a very conservative and slow reduction and reached 1mg without any major issues emerging. 1 mg seemed like nothing and so I stopped. Within days I had dizziness and some zaps and also a few days of dread and shame. I saw my (well respected and usually wise) doctor at this point. She told me that if I was knocked around after stepping off 1mg the problem might be bipolar disorder and I should think about taking a raft of other medication. This shook me a little but after reading about bipolar I decided she was way off the mark. The dread - but not the dizziness - then seemed to resolve until about week 5 after the total cessation when waves of dread and terror started. This time around I had just watched The Antidepressant Story which made me realise the extent to which the lived experiences of many people were very different to the commonly available advice (symptoms are usually mild and usually resolve within 2 weeks). I also learned about this forum. I am now taking the following steps: (1) I have on my own advice reinstated 2mg of escitalopram to try to stabilise, (2) I am searching for a psych who may care enough about this issue to be able to support me on my journey going forward, (3) I am using a different GP as the necessary fool who will write the scripts I need (he told me with assuredness that escitalopram was a safe drug that only needs a one month taper and any problems after that are evidence of an underlying problem that needs to be treated with the drug) (4) I am making necessary practical steps to offload work and seek deferral of study (5) I am reaching out to family (some of whom are supportive) and trusted friends and (6) I am now here. The waves are agony - starting in the morning and can continue with different degrees of intensity all day. During these I walk slowly around the neighborhood for hours at a time, which doesn't exactly bring ease but seems to help. I am finding I usually get a window in the late afternoon of evening when I can feel normal again and regain perspective. I am so pleased to have found this community and hope I can contribute as well as receive support from people with first hand experience of the same problem.

Hello All, it's been a long time since I have logged in here and posted. My story is located here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7761-%E2%98%BC-aeroman-hello-from-aeroman/?st=0 I have been good, fully recovered from Lexapro and Cipro use. I don't think about withdrawal anymore. The answer was TIME and GOD in both cases. For those that are new to withdrawal, don't fret, you will be OK. I know the beginning months are scary but it won't last forever. Feel free to ask me questions as I am sure you will have many..especially doubts within yourself. Aeroman

Hi I was prescribed Paroxetine and Lexapro for over 10 years for my depression and anxiety. Tbh I was prescribed an array of medications by my first doctor who seemed hell bent on throwing them at me like tic tacs. After still having suicidal idealtion, endless crying spells, depression and anxiety another medication was added to the growing list...Zoloft. I had a severe reaction and had to stop it in a day. It traumatised me so much, I didn't resume my Lexapro medication. I went on with my life and for the first month I was fine and didn't really notice the absence of Lexapro in my life. But then I was struck down with anxiety and depression and tried to go back on my 5mg of Lexapro but got an allergic reaction from being off them for a month. I have been put on St. John's Wort and I'm trying to hold on but I'm losing all hope as I see my life collapse before my eyes. I'm physically getting worse and feel so physically weak and nauseated. I have brain zaps and tingles. I can't eat or exercise and feel that my life is over. It's absolutely terrifying. I fear becoming homeless because I need a job and money for essentials. I miss the person I used to be and never felt so alone in my life. There's no one that seems to understand and no support network in Australia. I know I didn't taper slowly enough and it would of been wise to do it slower. But unfortunately I tried to restart using Lexapro and had severe allergic reactions. We also don't have it in liquid form in Australia for a 10 percent tapering reduction. I now live all alone with no partner or support network. I'm 49 years old and feel that my life is over. Living with no hope, physical and mental symptoms, suicidal idealation, loneliness and despair coupled with financial stress makes me feel as though I just can't make it through this. I'm starting to lose all hope.

Good morning, in 2022 I used AD escitalopram from 2.5 to 10 mg for months for depression (?) After a month I got an improvement in mood but at the cost of sleep restriction and strange activation. In January 2023 I didn't take it anymore, but the activation remained and I enjoyed it even then, although in my mind I was afraid that I would pay for the sleep restriction someday. In March I fell ill with covid and then my depression doubled. My doctor said to go back to escitalopram and added quetapine. I am afraid now of this treatment now. Other doctor wants to add pragabalin yet. I feel very bad: akathisia and very little sleep, therefore my family in bad mood

Escitalopram tapering, i think i am dealing with withdrawal? I could use some help/ advice Hi ! i'm new here. I'm in the process of tapering. Until now I tapered down based on instructions of my doc. I really have the feeling they underestimate impact it has on people. It has been more than 3 weeks since the last drop to 5mg. I'm still dealing with: Physical: * problems with my stomach and intestines. I had diarrhea and then constipation for several days and now diarrhea again. Nausea is significantly reduced but still have bouts of nausea * Tinnitus much worse than usual * Headaches from time to time but seems to get less * a feeling in my head like my brain is too small for my head. * a very weird dizzy feeling in my head like you're on a boat. Sometimes I'm literally going back and forth a bit. This seems to be getting less * sometimes very dizzy standing up after picking something of the floor * night sweating, this seems to get better Mental: * I have a kind of constant feeling of dread / doom. I really feel it in my head and not my body and it is without any reason (hard to explain). * Overall feeling of bleeehhh. * more anxiety * I feel somewhat more depressed. * Can't concentrate * it's harder to deal with stressful situations * my memory seems to be worse. The weird thing also is 2 weeks after the drop I had some good days (3 or 4) and both mental and physical symptoms where better but then the symptoms came back with vengeance and i am in a bad way since. Are these from withdrawal .....since the last drop is already more than 3 weeks ago?? My plan is to see how i feel on 5mg for a good while and than taper down to 0. I would really appreciate some feedback if the symptoms i feel could be withdrawal and some advice on how long to stay on 5mg and the future taper to 0. Thanks !!

Orignal full title before shortening: 2 Months of lowest dose Mirtazapine, sufferin now for over 2,5 months of withdrawal I would set my signature up properly, but I just can't remember anything. Remeron/Mirtazapine withdrawal still leaves me with such a messed up memory that remembering only 2 things at a time causes me great problems. I can't tell which month I took my Effoxor back then, I'm not even sure about the year. Though I keep great track of the Remeron withdrawal, so at least I can tell that. If you don't want to read the whole story, I categorized the "drug" part in the Drugs section below. There is still some life story though. For the start, I'm currently 18 years old and a female. I was twice in mental hospitals seeking help for a problem that was solved with - you won't believe me - one sentence by my mom. One sentence just cured my whole condition. It may sound incredibly ridiculous, but seriously all of this that you'll read wouldn't have happened if somebody told me this one sentence at the very beginning. And I'm incredibly mad because of this, as I suffered and endured so much pain through the years because everybody was so desperate to prove that I had depression. At 13 years old I had a panic attack caused by a certain phobia which I mistook for suicidal thoughts. I admitted myself to a mental hospital to stay safe, as I was greatly scared that I would harm or kill myself. I spend there 1,5 months and they diagnosed PCOS-Syndrome (hormone problems) and "mild depression". They said I should spend more time with peers, as seemingly it was caused by having an inactive social life (I was quite the outsider at school and would remain. Not because I was shy or something, I was just always such an emotional-artist personality and had interest in completely other things than others my age, so I couldn't connect. Famous people or make-up didn't bother me at all.) On the contraceptive I felt much better, though it made me sleepy, but I needed, need and will probably always need it for without it my body completely breaks down, as the hormone imbalance is severe (more on that later). The phobia-episodes stayed away, emerging randomly for a few minutes sometimes but very rare, until age 15. I think the episode lasted there for half a year and little longer? They acted like panic attacks, up to 3-4 times a day and some days I was free from it. But I endured it, and though it may sound scary, looking back it actually wasn't so bad as I made it out to be when I went through it. At age 13 the panic attacks were much more rarer, you'll see why. So when I had those panic attacks, and I wondered why they were there, they seemed to have no cause, I blamed it on the contraceptives. So I was switched to another one, but I got very irritable on it and punched a wall for the first time ever in my life (I'm quite the peaceful person). The gynecologist didn't want to switch me on another contraceptive (as she was paid by this certain brand to only sell this one - literally posters of this contraceptive brand and calendars and cards everywhere in her place), so I stopped taking it. After few months, not many, my body began breaking down. I was dizzy most of the time, nauseated, I was constantly, literally constantly hungry, didn't have appetite though for anything, I was so fatigued I would sleep literally nearly the whole day, couldn't go to school, couldn't do anything really, and had quite the anhedonia. That was the worst, the anhedonia. Hormones can really, really do lots. Didn't have period for the whole year of no pill either. When my panic episodes (that I always called mistakenly suicidal episodes), returned I seeked help again desperately - and was admitted to a mental hospital again which mas psychosomatic in kind and didn't treat cases like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. 4,5 months there and no improvement, in fact, I got worse there. The therapist there was also a complete idiot and made just everything worse. He blamed my condition on the family (he'd wish he'd have such a deep bond with his mother), he blamed it on literally everything and called it "depression" all the time, though at the end of 4,5 months they still had no diagnosis because I literally did all paper tests they had and in all of them came out a very low scale of depression. They couldn't identify the cause at all. At first they thought Cyclothymia, then bipolar II, then depression, then this, then that, 4,5 months later we haven't got anywhere. Funny thing is, the therapist wasn't even fully licenced yet. He attended "further education" about psychotherapy. He barely knew anything. The psychiatrists there neither, because they told that "hormones can't do such a thing". Haha. I can attest they really, really do. I should have noticed he was not alright in the head after a few weeks when he told me I had sexual problems because I wasn't interested in sex enough. "Normally, people your age try around their sexuality with friends or so..." no thank you, I'll have my dignity. Next, I had an "oversensitive mother". She "worried too much." Who wouldn't about their child that has been unwell so long? "Normally people your age should go partying at night, and your mother doesn't let you..." first, I don't want to go thank you, second, yes, partying until 01:00 am somewhere in somewhere seems very safe and plausible. But my father who didn't care about me my whole life is the best one! The therapist tried to get me away more from my mother so I would get closer to my father and forgive him for not knowing "how to be a father", which I didn't do which again frustrated my therapist, and with every session he grew more frustrated that he couldn't manipulate me. Everything I spoke about in therapy I told my parents (especially mom), and everything that she spoke about with him in visits she told me. My therapist said he can't do proper therapy with me if I tell everything my parents. He sees a lack of "privacy" in this family. Everyone should have "secrets". What was unnormal to him is that we only have locks on bathrooms and on no other door. "I should be able to lock my door", he said. Which, if he really thinks I have depression, is the most stupid thing you can say. I won't even mentoin the documents I got when I got out of the hospital that he wrote, seriously you wouldn't believe what is written on it. -------------------- Drugs So after 4,5 months of no getting better, no improvement but worsening, they placed me on 37.5mg Effoxor which I responded to extremely quickly and really, really well. Within a few hours nearly my whole condition was gone. Even they were surprised that it acted so quickly, and that already the first one suited me so well, as usually people have to try around to find one that is good for them. Whether placebo or not, it did the thing it was supposed to do - so well that pharma companies could show me as an example of "miracle drugs". (I'm very sensitive to medications/caffeine etc., so I'm not surprised that a low dose works so strong on me). I had also very few side effects. I was placed a few days later on 75mg, and then my whole condition was gone. When I asked if antidepressants really numb feelings, the lead doctor said "no, the depression does that." Tells about everything you have to know about him. On my last visit to my therapist I told him they did nothing, only the drugs helped me. That he didn't like of course and in the documents I was counterargumentet that I "eagerly took part in all of their offered therapies". Yes, it was so boring there that I attended even courses that others couldn't go to and I went in their place instead. If we hadn't any courses - music, physiotherapy - I would take hour long walks with the others because else I woulg go crazy sitting there and doing nearly nothing. They wanted to keep me longer there, but I said "no", as fast as possible out of this place, they were all not alright in the head. And I got really fast out because my mother stormed in and shoved such arguments up their faces, especially my therapist, that he started shuddering. The locks, the "sexual problems", she had no mercy with words. Twenty minutes later I was out. A very few months later we went to another gynecologist, who is a fantastic one. There the PCOS syndrome was diagnosed again, and I was put on contraceptives again (my third) - I responded very well to this one. Unlike the first one, which was good too, this one didn't make me sleepy and I can function to this day without midday sleeps, which I needed on the first one. After half year of Effoxor I had to see my psychiatrist again, as the longer I was on the pill, the greater the "freezing headache" and numbing of the antidepressant came to light. Theory I strongly believe in, again THEORY - this was because the more I gained hormonal balance, the greater the serotonine etc. production functioned again and my body functioned more normally again - meaning, I didn't need the effoxor anymore and it started doing a little more harm than good now. So I was put off it, I was told to taper, but stupid me wanted so badly the numbing to go away that I did cold turkey. And compared to other cold turkeys I read, this one wasn't so bad. Dizziness, very strong headache, a bit of vomiting, that's all. On the second or third day though I took a 37.5mg pill again and tapered this time, opening the capsule and putting the little tablets out of it until only one of the little was inside. Then I had a week or two of mild withdrawal and it was over. As I said, poster girl for pharma with this drug. This year, 2022, on February my "suicidal episode" came back - and it didn't came back like before - this time it hit, at the same time, with such a panic attack that I hyperventilated so badly I got severe twitches and my eyes rolled up and teeth shuddered etc. an ambulance had to be called. They knew it was hyperventilating and I was calmed down with reduced breathing, because too much oxygen. It worked. But now I was left with such anxiety that I became extremely sleep deprived. When I visited my psychiatrist again (I had to wait 2 days for the emergency visit to him), he wasn't able to offer much help besides "taking up an antidepressant again". I said no, no antidepressants anymore. I asked for sleeping aid, so I would get a bit of rest after being much sleep deprived for two-three days. So he gave me a sleeping pill. Without telling me it's an antidepressant. Later I found out it is an antidepressant. Thank you very much. So I was given Remeron/Mirtazapine 7.5mg. When I started it, I became greatly suicidal, with urges to kill my myself and immense hopelesness that was drug-induced. During this time I seriously thought about assisted suicide (and still a bit traumatized because of it, as I never, never had before sucidal thoughts - the suicidal episodes were mistaken, I'll explain later.) I wanted to stop it after two days, but my mom said they need a bit of time to settle and then it'll get better. And it did, the suicidality vanished. I slept much more on it, not very much as since years I had disrupted sleeping, but this time only once a night and I fell asleep quite fast after that. Now, what is important to mentoin as it happened during the taking of mirtazapine, and I had one of those "suicidal episodes" my mom told me - this was the one sentence that cured me - "that it seems like I'm not depressed or anything, but scared." Boom. Done. It all went away. As I googled later, I found out what I had all the time was "Suicidal OCD - an intense fear of suicide and intrusive thoughts about suicide which leave the individual disturbed and distressed." This was also why the episodes got more intense and frequent in time - the more I was scared of it, the more intense it became. When I was distracted, it wasn't there. I remember when blood was taken from me it would disappear for a while, I remember the more hopeful I was the more it disappeared. All in my head. Ones own head, illusion can cause such suffering... fascinating. And indeed, the second I realized this was only a fear and not actual suicidal thoughts, all disappeared. And didn't come back. A few weeks later I would know the difference between this and actual sucidal thoughts. I was very alright on Mirtazapine, had feelings and so on, was myself pretty much. Problem was, the longer I took it the more paranoid-anxious I became (along with more and more damaged short-term memory), which would make me stop it after 2 months - and also by another event. I took CBD oil (I consulted it of course with my psychiatrist first), for it to help me further as maybe this would help my sleeping problems and I could get off mirtazapine. And I took the two together, and mirtazapine didn't react well to it. Got extremely anxious and with semi-suicidal feelings, kind of like when I first took it but half so bad- so I stopped the oil after three days of no improvement, but fast forward a half week later and the symptoms don't go away. So I had to stop taking mirtazapine, on 4th April. At first I became a bit hypomanic, my senses were sharp as never before, adrenal-like, nothing negative much. It went away after two days and was replaced by huge anxiety. It was lowering continuously over the course of one month, and I thought "not so bad", at the end, at first it was bad, but it was going away. 6th of May, it hit, and it hit really, really hard. I never felt this suicidal, it was like when I started taking it but 3x worse. It was accompanied by dizziness, intense nausea, extreme brain fog, anxiety, memory was non-existent, hopelessness rose to 900%, apathy, no feelings. Half of the day I thought about suicide and the other half of the day I was flat, kind of existing. The suicidality was intense, I could think about nothing else - it was nothing like the OCD I had, now I could really, really distinguish between illusion and actual suicidal thoughts. I felt, and still feel such regret of ever taking any antidepressant, I never was so scared about my future before, never regretted something so much. After one, two weeks it started gradually falling and the suicidality went kind of away, along with nausea, etc. What was left was the brain frog, numbness, impaired memory. But it got better over time, and I knew from the beginning it was withdrawal else I would probably have got psychotic about this. Now, a few days ago, second wave hit. Suicidality (but half so bad this time), now I have weird skin sensations sometimes, still much numb (I can cry very well though, I just don't feel the sadness, but the feelings are still there, hidden somewhere.) Brain fog, short-term memory still doesn't exist. Again, intense regret, I'm still so scared it won't end or I will suffer permanent damage, even though it was just 2 months and the lowest dose. What is optimistic though, for the first time since these 2.5 months I responded emotionally to music which opened a window, and I was cycling recently between withdrawal-window-withdrawal. But the fear of no end and permanent damage is still there, and thinking only about the slightest good memory from childhood makes me tip over into intense crying, as I'm so afraid that I lost now everything. There are so many things I still want to do, finish school, a good university etc., and I will only be able to forgive myself and forget if it all ends well, with as little damage as possible. Reassurement of "it was only such a short time, such a low dose, it won't damage you..." leaves me only with a bit of hope. In the past month I read so much about neuroplasticity and learned so much about the true face of psychiatry (especially through "Anatomy of an Epidemic"), and it left me in bewilderment and anger. Had I knew, then I would have never taken it. Never, no matter what and I never will take anything of it ever again. I only found about long-term use damage, so I guess from 2 months and lowest dose I will recover? I found in the Anatomy book that for antipsychotics, the rule is 2 months recovery for 1 month use, and only at the period of over a year or so it might cause permanent damage. I hope it is better for antidepressants, especially since I read so many horror stories I cried about with immense fear, and many I read with hope who came off after 20 years of various antidepressants and recovered well to 100% themselves. Often the knowledge about neuroplasticity, neurogenesis and success stories keep me sane. Incredible what 2 month use of the lowest dose can cause. If it shall end in 5 months, I will endure. I'm extremely endurable, all my life I've proven it. But there is this uncertainity, and it won't let me sleep at times.

Hello! First of all I want to thank all the beautiful heros around here, who share their storys, it helped me a lot to read the success storys again and again to stay focussed and motivated, to keep hope and not give up during the last 2,5 years. I am 35, female. Last friday I hit the 18 months mark after coming off Escitalopram for the third time in April 2020. Most people, especially professionals doubt that the physical and mental symptoms I experience are due to coming off Escitalopram and think it is all in my head. I am very exhausted of the horrible symptoms and having to fight all the time for being supported or even believed. Probably loosing my job and getting no financial support any more at the end of this month, the pressure becomes higher and higher and I am close to giving in and going back in the psychiatric system...and back on meds. I don't know what to do at the moment and hope to get some helpful advise here. Here is my whole history especially of the last about 3 years of struggling: - On holiday in Spain in 2011, while on a city tour, I had a panic attack after feeling faint. After that, I developed agoraphobia with panic attacks – something that has become manageable after psychotherapy. - Having sat the medical exam in 2012, I worked in internal medicine in a hospital setting from 2015 to 2016, with enormous workload and pressures, constant understaffing and a feeling of being out of my depth and overwhelmed while also having incredibly high expectations of myself and my care for the patients. Having reached exhaustion, the panic attacks returned 12 months into the job, and I left. - I restarted psychotherapy, and in September 2016 started taking 15mg Escitalopram (prescribed by a psychiatrist) - I stabilized quickly and took a job as an occupational GP in a very large company in November 2016. I enjoyed that job, felt valued by my colleagues and managers and did’nt feel overwhelmed. It gave me a good work-life balance, and I started volunteering at a charity offering medical support to homeless people, something I thoroughly enjoyed. I had a great relationship, supportive family and friends, enjoyed being active and sporty. - In July 2017, after about 9 months, I attempted to come off the drug, having discussed it with the psychiatrist, tapering by 5mg/ per week over 2 weeks. After that, I felt unwell, was restless, anxious and had stomach issues. The psychiatrist said this was a sign I wasn’t stable enough and 15mg Escitalopram was reinstated. I stabilized and felt better. - In summer 2018, I made a second attempt to come off the drug, but tapered much more slowly. Having reached 10mg we celebrated a beautiful wedding in August 2018, and I then reduced further to 8mg before going on honeymoon in September 2018. A couple of days later I began experiencing panic attacks again, along with exhaustion. I reduced further to 6mg, but then went back up to 15mg because I felt too bad, following psychiatrist advice. I stabilized again. - In March 2019, I attempted tapering for a third time, reducing by 5mg/week over 2 weeks, because the psychiatrist thought the slow tapering might be introducing a psychological issue that was making me feel worse. During the tapering process I started experiencing symptoms, and 3 days after I reached 0mg I was completely floored, with massive physical and mental symptoms. I was unable to work for 3 months, having never been off sick in the 2.5 years before. - There was no improvement after 6 weeks, and so after taking advice from 2 psychiatrists, I started taking the medication again – increasing the dosage by 1mg every 2 days. I had to stop that at 6mg because my symptoms became too severe. - I found a psychiatrist in Berlin who is aware of withdrawal issues, and he recommended to reduce to 2.5mg, which I did in July 2019, the aim being for me to stabilize. At that dosage, I was able to work reduced hours (20-24 hours/week), but it was a constant battle and I felt unwell all the time. - I began to think that maybe I had developed an intolerance to the medication, and so after months of no improvement, I began to taper off it again, following the Horowitz-paper, and reaching 0mg in April 2020. The symptoms got continuously worse as I tapered and got more severe when I reached 0mg. I have been unable to return to work since July 2020. This is a list of my symptoms – although their intensity and the range I may be experiencing on any given day varies. While I never experienced all of them, I haven’t felt “normal” or really well. - autonomic dysregulation: stomach and gut issues (nausea, reflux, stomach cramps, abdominal tension, gut-hyperperistaltic, flatulence and many more), incontinence (in 2019, I wet myself 3 times during the night), difficulty breathing, orthostatic dysregulation, palpitations/irregular heartbeats, sweating - adrenalin rushes/overstimulation of the autonomic nervous system, even smallest stimuli can lead to a fight and flight response - emotional dysregulation: crying fits, extreme mood swings, overwhelming emotions - extreme anxiety: general, agoraphobic, social, paranoia (can’t stand someone walking behind me, feel observed and judged all the time) - depressive symptoms: feeling extremely down, hopeless, desperate, coming and going randomly - myalgia (legs, back, neck, shoulders, arms, whole body) - neuralgia (toes, fingers, earlobes, shoulders, neck…) - headache, neuropathic face, jaw and toothache - abdominal pain - tingling paresthesia (legs, neck, head) - trouble regulating temperature (very sensitive to heat or cold, feeling very hot, shivering with cold), hot flushes, hot skin and feet - extreme sweats at night - trouble swallowing - extreme sensitivity to light, sound, movement and smells, quickly overwhelmed with sensory input, driving or cycling has become difficult, often impossible - dizziness, vertigo - vivid dreams, horrible nightmares, oversleeping - restlessness, agitation - panic, flush, palpitaions, sweating, muscleache in the morning - eye-issues (trouble focusing, burning, dry feeling) - ear-issues (pain, sore feeling) - issues with perception (flickering lights, colour distortion, static items appear to be moving, the floor goes blurry, sounds where there are none) - depersonalisation, derealisation - extreme exhaustion, lack of energy and strength - brain fog, confusion, desorientation, like being on a drug (not off) - cognitive issues with memory, concentration, finding or writing words, reading, understanding - flu-like symptoms - trouble regulating stress (feel overwhelmed quickly) - trouble calming my thoughts, very intense, ruminating thoughts, interrupting cognition - flashbacks (to all kinds of situations, some totally banale) - travel sickness Trigger that provoke/intensify symptoms: - stimuli of any kind, such as light, sound, movement, noice - multitasking - driving (also being a passenger) - eating - physical activity (exercise almost impossible and has been for months, but even walks or getting dressed can overstimulate the autonimic nervous system and lead to a fight and flight response) - screen time - reading - being on the phone - music - conversation, especially talking myself - being in the sun - period and ovulation - social contact of any kind - napping during the day Of course, there have been issues in my life along the way, if that was not the case I would not have started taking Escitalopram in 2016. I struggle with anxiety, but it is something I am addressing. What I have been living through for the last 2,5 years does not compare to anything I have previously experienced, and most of the symptoms I experience I never experienced before I started to take the SSRI. The anxiety I feel since tapering is extreme, complete terror. It is, to be honest, hell. Since April 2020, it has got worse, and I alternate between days where I can cope and do things like take care of the household, go for walks or go to the supermarket, to days where I have to rest a lot, and days where I am house- and bedbound for most of the day. I have found nothing that eases the symptoms, having tried a whole range of things from homeopathy and acupuncture to food supplements (fish oil, magnesium). I meditate daily, do Yin Yoga a number of times a week, eat healthy, don’t drink alcohol or have caffeine, and try to walk out in the fresh air whenever possible. I sleep and rest plenty, but nothing has led to a lasting easing of the symptoms so far. I have had a neurological checkup, including an MRI, have had my bloods and heart checked, all results were great. After all this time, I can’t help but feel huge doubt whether the path I have chosen – accept and hang in there – is the right one. I was convinced I could live without the drug, but 3 years of fighting coming off and the intensity of the symptoms have taken me to the edge of what I can suffer through. My goal to lead a normal life feels a very long way off. I am terrified that I have misjudged this and overestimated my mental health and am questioning myself and my decisions constantly. I am hoping that with your experience, you can give me your objective assessment of whether this indeed is withdrawal, and if I am right in that, if there is anything that might help with the symptoms or move the healing process forward. Thank you in advance from my deep heart for your time and advice. 🙏

Mod note: link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic) I was just an 18yr old, a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really- when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations. All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once. My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month. This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs. but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem. I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now. I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me. Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache. I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived. I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system. I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness". But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact. while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care I have a good life. Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild. and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come. I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest: I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events. so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them but today, I give myself permission to bask in this feeling. it feels like the right and honest thing to do. I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem. to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery. it's worth it, believe me so very worth it!

Hi everyone. I created an account specifically to say what has helped me throughout this journey of recovery. I have no idea if I’m currently in a window (likely) or actually healed. I’ve had a terrible, hellish withdrawal of Trintellix, since December 20th I’ve had extreme panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, extreme agitation etc. And then, I’ve found a few things that helped me. What was really the most helpful thing was hypnotherapy. The first session didn’t help much as it was just an introduction to it, but the second session transformed me. It put me in a state of deep relaxation, and helped me sleep again. I would advice everyone to try it, despite the cost. The other thing that helped me tremendously was this medicine called Euphytose in France, it’s a mix of Passiflora, Valerian root, hawthorn, and ballotte (translation?). It had the same effects than benzos without the obvious terrifying risks of these. Again I’m not sure I’m completely healed or in a long window, but I these things truly helped, I believe. I’ve read this forum a lot and wanted to help the folks on here, in any way that I could, even if what I’m saying is maybe nothing new for some people. Bless you all, and hang in there, healing is coming.

Hello, I have been trying to stop taking Cipralex three times since 2017. My medications were two - 10mg Cipralex a day and 2x0.5mg Fluanxol. I started taking it slowly as my psychiatrist suggested - 2/3 days 2.5mg, then 2/3 days 5mg, then 10mg. At 10mg it was the first time I felt heart palpitations - I am an active athlete and never had heart issues. The first time it was not actually Cipralex by Lundbeck, but Lenuxin (which contains again escitalopram). I remember that I did not know, and my psychiatrist did not tell me there were going to be withdrawal symptoms. I started forgetting to take the 10mg tablet and started skipping days. I was feeling some mild withdrawal symptoms like headache or fatigue, but overall, not anything too debilitating. I stopped the medicaments successfully back then (summer 2018) I was one year of any medicaments until the summer of 2019, when I experienced some stressful situations. I had anxiety with panic attacks mostly and some stomach problems. Back then my mother forced me to start taking the pills again, although I was strongly against it, but at that time I was trusting my mother, because she had experienced severe depression in her twenties as well. Summer of 2020, I started a relationship with a girl. It was again a year since I have been taking Cipralex 10mg and Fluanxol 2x0.5mg. I started what I considered slow tapering - I started taking half the dose of both pills (5mg Cipralex and 1x0.5mg Fluanxol). After a month or two things were overall fine. Then I stopped the fluanxol and was left with 5mg Cipralex. I tapered again half (from 5mg to 2.5mg) and was feeling good, so I started skipping days. It was year 2020 (winter) and I started feeling anxious, I started sweating at night, had tremors, nausea, developed agoraphobia. Then I also started experiencing sleep issues and decided to go back to 5mg and when I got back to 10mg I had restored my sleep. Continued taking Cipralex and Fluanxol until 2021 (winter) - 1 year again on medication. I went to my psychiatrist and said that I want her to make a tapering plan for me. She said 4 months on half dose (5mg Cipralex) and 3 months afterwards on 1/4 dose (2.5mg Cipralex). After that to go to consultation again. I did as she said, and everything was good. Then (April 2022) I went on consultation and asked how I can stop taking them completely, so she said: 1 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 1 day skip; 2 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 2 days skip; 3 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 3 days skip; 4 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 4 days skip; 5 week - completely stop. I did as she said and started experiencing withdrawal but continued with the taper. Stopped Cipralex completely at the beginning of May 2022. Then three months of hell started. I experienced severe withdrawal effects such as daily headaches, fatigue, nausea, stomach problems, electric shocks (in the head), anxiety, depression (I never had until this moment). But the withdrawals that were unbearable were two - insomnia (could not sleep for days or have had 1-2 hours broken sleep) and vomiting (everything I ate, even though I tried anti-vomiting oral solution - I vomited that too). When I contacted my psychiatrist after the first 2 weeks, she said that it is not withdrawal anymore, rather than that the previous anxiety/depression I had has returned so I need to again go on medication - I refused and wanted to try everything. I was so fatigued due to lack of sleep and stomach/vomiting issues that I could not do sports (which I know helps a lot). But although was tired, my body refused to rest (could not sleep). I tried everything to improve my sleep, because I thought otherwise, I can die without sleep + it worsened the anxiety, fatigue, concentration - mint + valerian (drops), lavender scents, relaxation music, passiflora, 4-7-8 breathing, nothing helped. At one point it was so bad I was considering smoking weed and drinking alcohol (which is totally not me!). I went to another psychiatrist, and he prescribed me Tritico (trazodone) - 25mg for sleep. I slept 7-8 hours every day for a week! But then after that it just stopped working for me. I tried increasing to 50mg, then 75mg, then 100mg, but again could not sleep. Afterwards tried Tritico XR + Xanax 0.25mg, but that did not go well for me. Although there were some hours I slept fine, I felt with 0 power and was lying in bed for days, so I stopped taking it. My psychiatrist was going to prescribe me a sleeping pill (Essognu), which I know that can cause very easy dependence, so I refused that option. My girlfriend left me, because she could not handle it. I could not work, because of the sleep and vomiting issues. I was almost going to be hospitalized. So, for the 3rd time I was forced to go back to Cipralex, Fluanxol + Agomelatine (Valdoxan) for sleep. I decided to stop these things that are killing every emotion in me, I cannot feel happiness nor sadness and I want to try everything (even if I manage to lower the dose of the Cipralex and continue to take it forever - even that will be great!). And here I am after 3months (from September 2022, now December 2022) - my sleep returned and my stomach issues + vomiting are nowhere to be found, but I have heart palpitations and daily headache again. I stopped Fluanxol and Valdoxan and am only on Cipralex 10mg, but I need your advice: 1. How to taper it correctly - in Bulgaria there is no liquid version of Cipralex, I can order from a friend in Germany. Have tried to dissolve the pill with water and to take it via 10ml syringe, but it seems it is faster distributed in my body, and I feel strange. 2. How to cope with the two things that forced me to get back on antidepressants - insomnia + vomiting. Please give me your advice. Thank you sincerely!

Hi members ! I am new on this forum. I am a 25year old male . I would like to ask for help if it is possible becuse right now i am feeling very hopeless. I Have been taking 10 mg escitalopram for 1 year. i tried to quit 2 times (this was my second attempt) but it did not succeed. Before the medication i had mainly bad anxiety and bad depression too for a half year and it could be that this drug helped me (although i dont really believe in serotonin hypothesis). But i learned exposition therapy and i also thought that it was which healed my anxiety . But because when i learned this new strong mindset about exposure therapy i already started lexapro and my Psychiatrist told me that of course it was the drug so i cant say which was the main force. My first try to quit from lexapro was really bad i did a taper from 10to 5 mg within 2weeks. After that 2weeks with 2.5mg than things had gotten really REALLY bad i think worse than before the escitalopram. I reinstated at 10mg and in a week or two i was "fine again". But last time on 22. on december in 2022 i decided to wean off myself because it does not make me happy at all and causing some side effects. I read this site but in my country there is not any kind of liquid source and also i thought (foolishly) i can do a faster taper. I only wanted go down to 5mg from 10 and after if everything is OK i will wean myself completely later. I took 10 mg on day1 7.5mg on day2 for 1 week. After that 7.5mg for 1 week. Than 7.5mg and 5mg on day 1 and day2 for 1 week. At this dosage some lightheadness started with insomnia and brain fog but i continued because with some benzos and zolpidem they were managable. After that i hit the 5mg and things have gotten worse . There were depression and anxiety too but after weeks they became stronger and stronger. Yesterday after 2 months i hit the hell debilitating depression anxiety ,chills, 0apetite. I am hoping that this could be also withdrawal and not relapse because i want to live without meds and i think the lot work i did for my anxiety was myself and not the drug. Yesterday i gave it up and reinstated the original dosage 10mg and today too.. I far from good, but i am better a little bit yet. Honestly i know i a have to live with some anxiety and depression but i think i could manage that not to mention that my life needs a lot of repair too which i have to do on my own (finding a nice partner mainly) but this debilitating depression, sadness, anxiety what i got again makes me sad and tries to believe me that it was and it is all the 10mg escitalopram which helpes me not my self improovement and therapie. Sorry for the long text and the possible grammar mistakes but english is not my mother language.

Hello everyone, I'm a 32 year old female from Germany. Over there I'm in quite the similar forum which already helps tremendously. But I finally decided to sign up here, too. For more support, more hope, more people who understand... I have been mildly depressed for some time because I couldn't handle my physical chronic illness well, anymore. I went to a good therapy. But when I experienced some anxiety issues for the first time in my life I got scared and sadly decided to try Escitalopram. While in hospital for some physical diagnostics in August 2015 I was put on 5mg up to 20mg Escitalopram without any big problems. I continued therapy for another one and a half years and actually felt great. I was one of the lucky people who didn't suffer from any side effects other than a bit of weight gain. In 2017 I went down to 10mg without any problems. Then it was finally time for hubby and me to try to conceive. But before that, the meds had to go. My psychiatrist at the time was nice but, as I know now, clueless. She recommended a quick taper, as stated in my signature and told me I could "get some brain zaps". I tapered and was off in June 2018. I know now I definitely had that honeymoon phase. I felt wonderful. Hubby and I started trying for a baby! Over the summer I had some symptoms that I recognized as withdrawal symptoms. Because now I already knew the German forum. But only on the surface. Had I dug deeper and read through some stories, I would have known that you can crash with some delay. Which is what I did. I fell on October 1 and landed on October 2 in a different, nightmarish world. Everything was so different. Everything! I was a happy woman up until those days. My symptoms at the beginning: akathisia, extreme anxiety all the time, insomnia, including two weeks of complete insomnia, extreme fatigue, muscle tension and pain, diarrhea, massive derealization, crying spells, despair, heart racing and palpitations, bladder problems, hopelessness, stomach problems and more which I might have forgotten. By then I knew there was no point in seeing a doctor. I was bedridden anyway. And I knew this was withdrawal hell. The German forum advised me to reinstate. I did, at 0.25. There was a first little window right after the first dose but overall, I was still in hell. Over time I carefully updosed to 0.35, then later to 0.5 and then, right the next day, because I was so desperate, to 0.6. That's when a different kind of hell broke loose. I felt cornered by my symptoms, I had no room anymore, I couldn't breathe. I was so agitated, my nerves tingling, vomiting, pulse up to 160. Never ever could I survive this. I even got scared I might be able to harm myself. This turned into obsessive thoughts and panic, that I might really be able to end my life, without ever really wanting it. German Forum told me to go back to 0.5 after just a couple of days. I did, but it still took time for those very drastic effects to settle... I couldn't be left alone anymore. I've been lucky to have my husband and mother, sister, friends. Someone was always there. In mid December my grandma jumped in. She lives next door but I couldn't have seen her and scared her before then because I was in such bad shape. But from then on she was happy to take care of me whenever needed. So... I've been holding the dose since the end of November and am going to continue to hold. I'm still more or less housebound. I got agoraphobic, the world seems to big for me. Just some little steps outside the door, nothing more. I'm still in a different world. I never feel save. I do sleep okayish at night but never at daytime because I jolt in terror when I try. I'm terrified by the withdrawal. I'm hopeless and anhedonic, don't have any interest and don't do much. I feel bad writing this. But... I had improvements. Like no more non stop anxiety, no akathisia, I eat, I sleep, I'm not bedridden anymore, hardly any derealization... But the thing is. I'm so terrified. Frozen in fear and feel like I can't trust those improvements. Especially because everybody says it's normal that withdrawal takes years. So why should it be different for me? Did reinstating catch me? Or is crashing hard and suffering for years inevitable for me, as it was for most of you? I don't know who I am and where I stand anymore. I can't trust my body anymore. I'm going through typical windows and waves, though somehow faster than others. I seem to improve faster but cannot trust that. And I feel ashamed whining about that because I know you all have been suffering for long and probably wish you'd feel that kind of progress. I don't even know what living and being happy is supposed to feel like anymore. Will I notice it? Will I know when it's over for me, even when I'm now frozen in fear and feel like I'm not really growing with my improvements? Withdrawal turned me into a child, which is not typically me. It's weird. I am still going through this but am already haunted by the very bad memories. Do you know this? I know lots of affirmations, I pray, I read success stories, I follow Baylissa's wise words. But still acceptance is my weak point. I can't seem to do it. Or rarely. I'm floating through all this with a feeling of nothing to hold on to, despite knowing that I have my wonderful family and friends. Like life is over... I don't ever move freely, feel relaxed. I'm so scared I won't be able to find my way back. That I will remain frozen, even after withdrawal is over. I can't really try things or look at things from normal life because it depresses and scares me so much. Desperate... TV, computer and reading are almost impossible for me. So what can I do? I come online on my mobile. What I do to help me: focus on breathing. Taking fish oil and magnesium. Gaba tea. Some game playing with grandma. Eat. Luckily I can eat everything like before. Drink enough. Pray. Have people around me. What I can't do: guided meditation, relaxing music, yoga... Stuff like that. When I try, terror jumps at me. As if there's a door open in my brain that should be closed. Taking baths is a NO. Memories of horrible waves... Will I forever see and feel withdrawal everywhere? My home doesn't feel the same anymore. All that exists is withdrawal and I'm so scared that won't ever change. Phew, that's a lot. Thanks for reading! Oh! Two more things: luckily I didn't get pregnant over summer! Just the thought of it, in this situation! And my screen name. While I feel devastatingly hopeless inside, I think almost all of us have that glimmer of hope in our hearts. That spark that makes us continue, day by day. Even if we don't realize it. I wish you healing! withhopeinmyheart

Hi. I have been tapering off lexapro for 6 years very slowly. 10% of the last dose, even 5% the last few months. I am having non stop suicidal ideation. Depression and fear spirals. It’s been going on for 3-4 months. I’ve never had these symptoms before. I am wondering if this is still withdrawal or if it’s the lexapro itself. it doesn’t make sense for withdrawal to last this long with as slow of a taper I’m doing. Im waiting on more blood work to come back, most of it has been normal so far. not sure what to do in this situation. I worry this is the meds themselves. I hope it’s withdrawal and I can just stabilize at .672 mg.

Hi all, I'm 43 and in the UK. Glad to have found this forum. I came across it as feeling desperate due to the debilitating nausea I've been experiencing, both from trying to start SSRI's and now trying to taper of them. I was doing ok, mental health wise until some repeated traumas happened over the last few years (I also separated from my long term partner which added to things) and have struggled with PTSD symptoms and depression. I've experienced the side effects of starting and stopping SSRI's before so was reluctant to go on them again, but I became exhausted by the relentless PTSD symptoms which didn't subside by trying other things. So I succumbed and since November last year had been trying to go ON Escitalipram. The side effects of starting Escitalipram been horrendous - namely the very high level of nausea and struggling to eat (I've also lost a lot of weight over the last 5 months and was already naturally slim). I got up to 8mg using the drops and pretty much every step of the way I've felt very poorly with the nausea. Im not noticing any other side effects. I've now decided to taper off as 1. the sickness side effects are too debilitating, 2. I don't want the damaging to effects of SSRI's, 3. I'm not sure how much they are helping my mental health anyway ( it's hard to tell as feeling so physically ill all the time is getting me down). One week ago, I dropped from 8mg to 7mg and peak nausea has set in. My plan is to slowly taper, 1 mg at a time. I've only been on it 5 months but I know it's going to be hell coming off it. I guess I'm wondering what others experience of nausea, weight loss and no appetite is and any advice would be appreciated? I feel I'm doing what I can. Going for walks, getting rest. I'm trying to eat little and often even though I feel i'm forcing myself. Things like snacking on little bits like snacking on nuts, cheese, good bread, boiled eggs, bananas. I need to be able to function as I'm a single mum and have to work (although I'm lucky as run my own business from home which isn't too full on). The worst is having to shop and cook for the kids whilst I feel like this. Just the thought of food turns my stomach. I don't know if there's anything else I can do to relieve the nausea and feel relatively normal again, so at least I can eat ok? Is it worth asking the doctors to prescribe something else? An anti emetic maybe? When I was pregnant I had hyperemesis and the only antiemetic that gave me slight relief was ondansetron, but I think this interacts with SSRI's so not sure if it's a good idea? To add, I started Trazadone at night a couple of months ago (100mg) mostly for sleep, to help with the panic attacks I was waking up with. I do want to continue with this as I don't seem to have any side effects with it and I am sleeping better. The dose I'm on is not the therapeutic dose for depression and anxiety, but it is definitely helping me sleep. I wondered if it would be a good idea to increase the Trazadone slightly whilst tapering off the Escitalipram? Thanks all for your time.x

Hi amazing people! I’m so glad to find this site after all these years. I’ve been on Lexapro for about 4 years. Started with 5mg, took months to adapt while being almost dysfunctional (unable to stay awake, tired and numb, etc.), then tried 10mg based on the doctor’s recommendation, symptoms appeared again and I resisted taking the increased dose so stayed on 5mg. In one occasion on holidays I missed 3-4 days and I had horrible symptoms: crying spells, drowsiness, etc. a few months ago I saw a consultant in the hopes of getting off the medication but he said I better switch to duloxetine instead! I stopped Lexapro and started Duloxetine 20mg (or is it 25?) and again, severe symptoms. A week into the misery, I read up more to find out how severe the symptoms can be in the long term with duloxetine withdrawal. I contacted the doctor, but neither himself nor the on call doctor were available! I waited several days and eventually switched to lexapro. This was in January. My general practitioner had told me before this that I can split the pills in half and take 2.5mg for a month and then take it every other day for another month and then stop. Now I know that this isn’t the best solution and I need to step down more slowly, however I’ve been taking the 2.5mg (or whatever that I get from the splits that are far from perfect) for 35 days. I was all fine until this week. I’ve been having a dry throat (as if I’m starting a flu), subtle trembling, dizziness and headache and fatigue and body ache. Unfortunately my doctor isn’t available until Monday and I’m struggling quite a bit. After going through some of the posts here, I just took another ~2.5mg half this morning (I take my usual dose at night) and I am hoping it will help me cope better. But in the meanwhile I would like any words of wisdom you could all share with me. I have no support and I live alone, so I can’t afford not to work nor function regularly.

Hi Everyone, I am just going to jump right into this. I developed anxiety 4 years ago after having several life crisis in a months time. My mom was diagnosed w Dementia. My little sister was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma.A childhood friend died in his sleep from heart failure. I tipped over from the stress. I went to my GP and she started throwing AD's at me to help silence the anxiety. The AD's only made me worse. I went to the ER one night after experiencing my first panic attack The ER Dr gave me a script for Ativan. I took it for four weeks and then stopped because I was feeling much better. A few days later my world turned on it's axis. I didn't know what was happening. My anxiety was worse, I was pacing, heart racing, Panic attacks daily.... I went to my GP and she said I needed to see a Psychiatrist. To get in to see anyone was 3 months. I started to spiral. I had no idea I was in withdrawal! I ended up in the hospital to get help for my anxiety. I was put on Effexor (75mg)and Klonopin (.25mg). I stabilized and was sent home. I did really well on Effexor. After 4 months on Klonopin I started to slowly taper off. I tapered over 3 months. The taper went pretty well. I was cutting and weighing my pills. 8 months after that I felt good and talked to my Psychiatrist about tapering off of the Effexor. She strongly recommended to go slow and we did. I tapered for almost 7 months. To be honest, the Klonopin was easier to come off of than the Effexor. She put me on Prozac before my last cut of Effexor. Tapered off of the Prozac over 3/ months. I still had some anxiety but it was tolerable. It felt AMAZING to be free of AD'S and the Benzo....then COVID hit and my mom passed away. Anxiety came back w a vengeance. I ended up back in the hospital after a very bad reaction to Zoloft. My new psychiatrist kept telling me to "push through," the first 3 months. I was back on Klonopin but now it was.50mg twice a day.The hospital took me cold turkey off of Zoloft and started me on Remeron and Trazadone. The next day they added clonidine. The klonodine didn't agree w my system at all and I was taken off of that in two days. They released me from the hospital 5 days later. I lasted two weeks on Remeron. I was so disoriented, confused, high anxiety and felt like I could become violent on them so they weaned me off of that over 4 days and put me back on Prozac. Prozac didn't help my anxiety, I had constant headaches for months! I did get an MRI and it was normal. I started to feel more and more depressed on it. I was on Prozac for maybe two months when my psychiatrist took me off of that (tapered over 6 weeks) and put me on Lexapro. I had to have back surgery during this. I did NOT take a single pain med out of fear of making my WD worse. At first I thought the Lexapro was helping? I was still having breakthrough anxiety so he bumped it up. My Psychiatrist retired and a new woman came in to take his place until they could find a new one. She bumped my Lexapro up to 25mg when I told her I was having major anxiety rushes, my face would get bright red, I wasn't sleeping very well. That increased dosage was the worst! I was like a zombie but w heightened anxiety. I couldn't work, I would sit at my desk and space off for hours! I felt awful. So, she told me to start tapering off of the Lexapro (4 weeks total! I knew better...) and she wanted to cross taper me onto Effexor. I started that and boy....the depression was BRUTAL! I was not sleeping well, could hardly focus, anxiety was high, my legs felt like jelly, my head would burn, I felt my brain tingle all the time... I was nearing the end of my rope. I was desperate for a Psychiatrist that CARED. The interim Psych left and a new one came in. She wanted me off of the Effexor because she felt it was too hard to come off of and if it didn't work for me, I would be in for hell. I told her I was scared to switch AGAIN and she assured me that switching to Duoloxetine was it's "sister drug," and I shouldn't have an issue. I trusted her. The last 3 months have been.... (How do describe this hell?!) a daily battle to push through hell on earth. I am still working, I can still function, I take care of myself, my home, my dog. I am a divorced woman with a 22 year old son. I live by myself with my Rottweiler. Life is so friggin' hard when you are trying to get thorough this mess. I now have a WONDERFUL and caring Psychiatric nurse practitioner who truly cares. She is holding me on the last 10mg of Lexapro until the Effexor/Lexapro WD calms down...IF it calms down. I should tell you that I can't believe I have pushed through the last year. My symptoms have been Burning in my head, headaches, tingling in my head, mood fluctuations, burning on my skin, bloodshot eyes, pressure on my chest, sensitivity to heat, depression, sweat easily, joint pain, ringing in my ears, no motivation, grinding my teeth, feeling mentally off at times, at the beginning I couldn't sit still, short tempered, at times in the beginning of the Lexapro taper, I didn't want to talk at times...like I almost couldn't, buzzing in my body, feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, anxiety rushes...etc I am interested in this group for support and the combined knowledge from it's members. I know that NO ONE can tell me when this is going to end. What I am hoping is that someone can tell me what I am going through is normal for all of the med changes? I am honestly concerned if I am still having problems because of the Duoloxetine? My anxiety IS better since I have been on it. I get 8 hours of sleep. I don't drink. I don't use illegal drugs, don't smoke. I eat pretty healthy. I don't exercise. It's tough to get out for walks when you feel like hell and I guess I save my mental energy to work. I know I have rambled on. My mind feels like it's in a vice and also these drugs affect how well I put my thoughts into words. For the most part I am a happy and well adjusted person. I feel like the last few years have been stolen from me because I faithfully followed Dr's instructions and thought they knew best...I was so wrong. Thank you for your time. Blessings to all of you.

Hi Everyone, Im so glad I was referred to this site from Reddit. I’ve been reading the forums over the last several days before signing up and introducing myself. Here’s my history and where I’m currently at. I have been on Lexapro 20mg since summer of 2007. Starting in 2016 I began experiencing debilitating left jaw pain and left eustachian tube dysfunction as a side-effect of the Lexapro. I did not know at the time the Lexapro was causing these side-effects. I was grinding my teeth so badly that I thought I had trigeminal neuralgia in my left cheek. In November 2019 I was prescribed Cymbalta 60mg by my neurologist at the time for the pain in my face. I was on Cymbalta 60mg until February 2020 because it killed my libido. Went down to Cymbalta 30mg. Stayed on 30mg until August 2020 when my neurologist reduced the dose down to 20mg to being to taper off the meds completely. In October 2020 I began to experience withdrawal symptoms from the cymbalta: vertigo and adrenaline surges. I did not know at the time that these were related to the cymbalta withdrawals. A few days before Xmas 2020, my mind began to catastrophize about the holidays and death and I was sent into a constant state of adrenaline fueled panic attacks that did not stop for five days. I spent Xmas Eve in the out patient psych ward. They gave me hydroxizine and sent me home. I looked for a psychiatrist and was able to get an appointment with my current psychiatrist two days after Xmas. He switched me back to Lexapro 20mg. On the morning of the second day of taking the Lexapro the adrenaline stopped surging and the panic attack state stopped. I was stable from then on until August 2021. In August the panic state returned, this time without the adrenaline surges, and lasted for two weeks straight. My psychiatrist prescribed me gabapentin 300mg x3 daily. The gabapentin saved my life. I was on this regimen until May 2022 when I felt stable enough to begin to taper off the Lexapro. I went from 20 to 15 to 10 to 5 about a month at a time until I finally came off the Lexapro a month ago on October 15th, 2022. I began tapering off the gabapentin and have been off it since Halloween. The panic state returned Sunday night and I’m back on the gabapentin but not the Lexapro. The gabapentin keeps my brain from catastrophizing but I can feel underneath the gabapentin that I’m still having the panic attack: heart palpitations, chest tightness and some pain, butterflies in my chest, paresthesia in my arms and hands. I’ve read about the 10% dose reduction and about going back on a smaller dose of the Lexapro to stabilize and start the taper again at the 10% rate. I’ve been off Lexapro for a month now. I don’t know if I’ll kindle by going back on or not. I’ll stop here and wait for replies from mods and you other guys who know so much about what we’re going through to get healthy again. Much love!