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Servadai's Introduction topic Hey guys! Long time no hear - my signature says I'm 3 years off but this year, on 10th of July I 'celebrated' my 5 years off of AD's. I would change my signature but I don't know how - that being said I'm loving what you did with the site. I'm going to try to write this with a bit of humour, because that is my style, so if you find it a bit 'aggressive' please know this was not my intent, and the sole purpose for writing this is because I care about all of you and empathise deeply with all of you. I know how it feels when your brain feels like it's been replaced with a piece of fried chicken (even though I'm afraid that even a fried chicken is an euphemism). My story short - I cold turkeyed 10 mgs of escitalopram (some of you may know it as Lexapro). My life completely changes shortly after and I entered what was an absolute hell for me (seriously, I'm catholic and that's what my version of hell would look like). Thankfully, I am doing a lot better now and I wanted to share a couple of things I learned along the way. I still suffer from anxiety, as I did before WD, it is worse than it was but it's nowhere near WD nightmare. I am not on any kind of medication and the only supplement I use is Omega3. Here are some of the things, and if I remember something later I will edit or write in the comments. DON'T GOOGLE STUFF. For the love of God, don't do it. If you're new here, there is plenty of sound advice in topic named 'Read this first' and in my opinion that is enough. Now when I say don't google stuff I mean don't google every symptom, every emotion, every fear and thought and overanalyse it. I promise you 99.99999 % of everything you feel and experience in WD is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Imagine your brain as a very stressed person trying to find best solutions and having to run the household (your body)... of course it's going to act wacky. It's not worth stressing it out further by reading into stuff and imagining even worse case scenarios. If you want to google kittens, puppies, babies, watch pretty youtube videos or just listen to calming music be my guest. But DON'T👏 GOOGLE 👏 YOUR 👏 SYMPTOMS 👏 TAKE IT SLOW. Your brain is working so fast your body might try to mimic that. I know my body did, and I still do it sometimes, if I'm not aware. I don't know if this happens to you but when I get stressed I breathe fast, brush my teeth fast, eat fast, comb my hair fast... as if someone put a ticking bomb on all of those things. Try to be more aware and when you notice that, take a deep breath, and start over - gently, slowly. Do everything with great care and gentleness. Your body and brain need it. When you show your brain you're not in a rush, brain will take it slowly too. I know it's a problem in WD - it feels like you have an neverending supply of adrenaline - but hey, baby steps. Try do it for 5 minutes a day. INSOMNIA. This bastard made me really mad. Sleep was the only way I could escape the WD nightmare, but it rarely came. I remember trying to fall asleep for hours, just to wake up at 4 or 5 am. not being able to fall asleep again. When I couldn't sleep, naturally, I thought about how I can't sleep. I worried and worried instead of trying to utilise that time. The best advice given to me was - if you can't fall asleep just chill. Your body will find a way to get energy from that too. Imagine you're on a beach, the sound of waves, the hot sand on your feet, warm sun, smell of salt and pine... you get it. Imagine happy (well..happyish) scenarios - I imagined what will I do after the WD is over and how I'll be able to help and understand someone. Try to occupy your thoughts as much as you can as not to fall in to the 'Oh God why can't I sleep' rabbit hole. NEURO-EMOTIONS. Don't run away from them. Don't be afraid of them. Embrace them. Cry. Scream in your pillow. Jump in utter rage. Aggressively punch the mattress. Write it down and rip the paper. Welcome your fears with open arms. Neuro emotions scared me but now I see them as a way of brain restarting itself. Like pushing random buttons to see what works and you just have to deal with it. It opened a very strong traumas for me again that antidepressants and teenage way of life buried so I had to actually face them and go through them. It was horrible, but maybe necessary? WORK OUT. Aggressive workout in the middle of WD hell? Only if you're absolutely comfortable. Otherwise, I don't recommend it. On the other hand, if you want to stay in bed all day, try to fight that urge. Try to walk at least 5 minutes (even in your small apartment, you don't have to go out), do a half a squat, lift your hands, whatever, just try to be at least little bit active. There's tons of studies that show how exercising improves mental health - there's not much to say here. CREATIVITY. At my worst I really couldn't do anything. TV was too stimulating and loud, my biggest achievement was playing Mahjong on my smartphone for 2 minutes. Everything above that and I would get extremely tired. I didn't smile, sleep, eat, I just wanted to die. Luckily, as soon as I got a bit better I've decided to do anything to not think about what I'm going through even if the bliss lasted for a second. I was baking, gardening, drawing, writing... notice how all of this is with hands. Put everything you got into feeling what you're doing with your hands. Even now when I get stressed I look around me for objects and imagine what kind of texture would they be like if I touched them. DP/DR. There are no words in human language to express how much I hated those feelings. I still do. But I've come a long way. Let's say they were at 100%. Now they're at about 50% when I'm really stressed. 20-30% in normal situations, because I still have an anxiety, and it's just a poopy symptom I have to accept. DR is actually what I'm feeling, DP was problematic, but now I can't remember when I truly had it. They don't occupy my life anymore, and I'm not so afraid of them as I was. My best advice about them would be: Don't be afraid. It feels like the world is falling apart but they're just symptoms of mental disorders and WD. They are absolutely harmless. The best you can do for yourself and your brain is to accept those feelings. Say it out loud: DP/DR I accept you. I know you're just symptoms of my brain working overtime and that's okay. I know my brain is trying its best to protect me and I am grateful for that. I accept you. If this post gives just a bit of hope or brings a bit of comfort to anyone - I'm so glad. I remember rereading the same success stories here over and over again when I was at my worst. They were literally ropes I hold on to. I know what you're going to is hard, but please, please, hold on. Living with this honestly means you're the bravest of the brave. Seriously, everyone here on this forum is one heck of a soldier. You don't even know how strong you are. I was pooping my pants when I was getting into college, I was still in WD... and next year I'm going to finish it. So please, hold on, and live day by day. There are probably more things I would write about, my faith being one of the most important things that helped me (and still does). I might write about it if anyone is interested, but I'm sorry I can only write from my religion's (catholic) perspective. So if anyone is interested let me know. I also run an IG page for catholics dealing with anxiety so if you're interested shoot me a message (I don't want to put it here because I think it would be considered a self-promo). I wanted to open that page for a year now - if you read my post, what was a comforting for me was imagining I could help someone some day who is going through the same stuff as I do. So I finally did it and honestly, it is a nice creative outlet. I have no doubt there will be some future gems from this page that were molded by suffering - Gold is purified by fire. **english is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

I have had an account here for a long time. I do not believe I ever did an introduction. I was just speaking with someone who recommended I come here. I am suffering in so many ways and I feel so alone. I am becoming more hopeless every day and am afraid I am going to end up in a hospital. I have little time to even write now because there is way too much going on in my life. I need help. There is no where to go for help. 1- I was started on high doses of xanax in 1997 and continued until they switched me to 4mg klonopin in 2013 during a hospitalization. CT off xanax for a few days which I thought I was going to die. Then Klonopin, which has wreaked havoc in my life and mind and body. 2- Besides these two benzos, doctors have tried their "cocktails" on me. I do not remember every drugs, but these I remember: First, the xanax and the klonopin. Plus they have pulled me off, put me on, rearranged etc over and over the following drugs: remeron, cymbalta, zyprexa, celexa, serzone, brintellix (I think they renamed trintellix), lexapro, effexor, prozac, trazadone, abilify, wellbutrin, ritalin, seroquel, latuda, pristiq, melatonin, ambien, paxil, zoloft, vistaril, vyvanse, lamictal, cogentin, rexulti, and more. I cannot remember all. Life is a blur for these past almost 25 years of polydrugging. Now I am on here for my son as well - we both need help 3- Recent trauma: 2014 youngest son starts becoming delusional and episodes of psychosis. 2015: my father is euthanized in front of me and my family because of other family member's decisions for him - even though he was not dying, was completely alert and had his mind. He was not in hospice. It is a long story and traumatic. 2015: son's psychosis getting worse with son and he moves to another state to live with his brother. 1-4-2016: my son (youngest of four) parked a car and sliced his throat open with a knife- cutting through his trachea. Somehow lived. Got out of car, ran up 7 flights of a construction zone to jump. Construction workers stop him. I get call from hospital and fly to that state the next day. Son had to have 4 hour surgery to put his throat back together. He was in medical for 40 days with trach and feeding tubes. Then in psych. Then they sent him home with me. The rest of 2016 was complete chaos of hospitalizations for him - did not realize it was the drugs they were forcing on him. I was stupid. They messed him up so badly - 30 days of overdrugging in a "stabilization" unit. (he was the MOST unstable here!) Upon D/C, they discontinued his meds and gave him an injection of Abilify Maintena. Severe reaction to this. No sleep, severe akathathsia, pacing the floors night and day, hardly eating -- exactly 2 weeks later - he was arrested. In jail 14 months where they tried multiple drugs on him. Finally putting him on Clozapine and Effexor. Then he was court ordered to a residential treatment center. The doctor there increased the Clozapine from 300mg to 500mg. 225mg effexor. He was getting through the court ordered program for 10 months. Then they ran out of his Clozapine. I really do not know all details because I have learned how corrupt they are. He was forced hospitalized. Day 1: forcibly injected with Haldol X2, Ativan X3, Versed X2, Geodon X1. While he was suffering withdraws from the abrupt CT cessation of 500mg of Clozapine and now the cessation of 225mg of Effexor - both forced upon him by the "professionals". Day 2: Forced injection of Haldol and ativan. I informed the hospital that he cannot tolerate haldol. But they continued to drug him up. Day three: Forced injections of Haldol X 3 and ativan X 3 and then they started giving him Benztropine. By the time I saw my son at visitation, he was almost dead and it was a gruesome sight. I will not give details but I know I suffer post traumatic stress from it all -- I had to argue with nurse to get help for him. He finally was rushed to CV-ICU. He had DX of respiratory failure, acute kidney failure with rhabdomylosis, dehydration, clozapine withdraws. The ICU doctor noted that they had to work on my son for 48 minutes to "stop vital organ system failure and stop further life-threatening deterioration of patient's condition". After ICU, it was awful - he was soon thrown back into psych. All visitation and phone rights denied him. He was kept in restraints, completely naked, hours on end. Med techs would hold him on the floor while other techs kicked and beat him in the head. They continued to forcibly drug him with thorazine, restoril, ativan, even adding depakote and eventually starting the clozapine again. I had to fight for him for three months. He still has health problems today. I am his caretaker but I need help. He currently is taking: 500mg Clozapine, 150mg effexor. 4- Me- I cannot even remember when I started to taper my meds. Everything is a blur. I started realizing how bad they are for me. Knew very little. I cut the lexapro dose in half - I think this was early 2017. And I cut the klonopin dose by 1/4. Still, since then, a few different meds were started but I would stop them CT. Then I started learning more. I read parts of the Ashton Manual. I have been on FB groups. I have actually received a lot of harsh treatment from some people in the FB groups, so I rarely go on any of those groups anymore. I have a scale now. I shave off my klonopin. I tried lowering the lexapro but ended up going back up to 10mg and holding. Want to get off klonopin. But I am not doing well at all. I am exhausted. cannot write anymore. I have waited years to even get this put in here. I hope it makes sense. I have tried liquid titration with klonopin - disaster for me. I hardly have time to even care for myself - son is urgent. I am just barely functioning. So that's that. Not how I would have liked to write it. but mind is jumbled I think. I feel misunderstood. Hope I am not misunderstood here. I feel very much alone. NIghtmares- terrible. depression like I have never experienced. extreme fatigue, but high demands on me. I have to function. No one cares or understands about my son or about me. My son needs to taper but I think he needs to wait until off probation - maybe April or May this year. Everything I read and see about Clozapine and the horrible labels they have assigned to him - it seems hopeless. I feel hopeless of ever getting off klonopin and lexapro. This is no way to live. I am making no sense. Not even painting the right picture...for people to understand. How does anyone successfully get off these drugs and get out of the control of the system? We live in FL and they are "Baker Act" crazy here. Baker Act is forced hospitalization. They even have police come handcuff and take children right out of schools to a psych facility. It is only getting worse. I do not know what to do. I want to be free of these drugs. Also, my son wants to be free of the drugs. We both want to be free from the control of this holocaust type system call psychiatry. I know a moderator has to approve. Maybe this was not written correctly. Just let me know what I did wrong. This took a lot of effort. Even reading takes a lot of effort and I even forget. So maybe i am not supposed to put all this in here. Just let me know.

Withdrawal Awareness: A Message to Those in Medication Withdrawal - Mad In America https://www.madinamerica.com/mia-manual/medication-withdrawal-awareness-message-psychiatric-drug-withdrawal/

Many people experience overpowering or disturbing emotions while tapering and as part of withdrawal syndrome. Many of the symptoms of withdrawal syndrome arise from autonomic nervous system dysfunction. The distressed nervous system itself can generate intense uncomfortable feelings -- see Neuro emotions The best way to treat this is to help your nervous system to repair itself, to return to its "factory-installed" state. Recovery from withdrawal syndrome is gradual, inconsistent, and can take a long time. In the meantime, you can help your nervous system heal by using non-drug techniques to lessen your anxiety about your condition, deal with long-standing emotional issues, and cope with symptoms. You may also get anxious or depressed about having odd symptoms because you have beliefs that add to your distress, such as a feeling of helplessness or being a failure. Or, you may feel strong emotions as the drugs no longer mask underlying emotional pain. Read these non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms for ideas that may aid your recovery. Whether they are "neuro-emotions" caused by neurological upset, distress arising from your situation, or a natural disposition towards worrying, anxiety, pessimism, or self-sabotage, learning techniques to manage them will benefit you throughout your life. __________________________________________________ WITHDRAWAL-RELATED EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take? "Is it always going to be like this?" The importance of recognizing you're feeling good Creating a new self after withdrawal What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like? Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement _______________________________________ UNUSUAL AND OVERPOWERING EMOTIONS Neuro-emotion Deep emotional pain and crying spells, spontaneous weeping Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism Coping with irritation, anger, and rage Sudden fear, terror, panic, or anxiety from withdrawal Ways to cope with daily anxiety Rebuilding self-confidence, accepting anxiety Dealing With Emotional Spirals Techniques for Managing an Adverse Drug Reaction or Cold Turkey Withdrawal Withdrawal causing intrusive or repetitive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic? Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD: Repetitive, intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal __________________________________________________ MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system Mindfulness and Acceptance Good links for anxiety/worry Inhabiting our bodies in meditation http://wp.me/p5nnb-aSX Meditation can heal the brain which can heal the mind and body Mindfulness, Meditation, and Prayer after Brain Injury Pranayama Breathing for Anxiety and Depression __________________________________________________ FORGIVING YOURSELF Blaming yourself for mistakes? Try this. Shame, guilt, and self-criticism __________________________________________________ HELP YOURSELF BY HELPING OTHERS The Magic of Helping Others __________________________________________________ PSYCHOTHERAPEUTIC TECHNIQUES Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression, or withdrawal symptoms Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Radical Acceptance The Dr. Claire Weekes method of recovering from a sensitized nervous system Relaxation exercises, guided meditations, calming videos, sleep hypnosis "Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms Behavioral Activation Therapy: Getting out and doing things helps depression "Forest bathing" reduces cortisol, aids mood, immune system EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Neuroplasticity and limbic retraining Reframe stress to become more resilient Art Therapy Journaling / Journalling / Writing Therapy / Therapeutic Writing Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep Music Therapy / Music for Wellness and Healing

My journey to be off psych drugs I always took my medication without thinking really. I had a psychotic episode (due to insomnia, stress, and anxiety most likely) after Christmas in 2007. I was 13. I had been taking Lexapro for a few months. My M.D. prescribed it for me. I don't quite remember why. I think I might probably have been depressed and anxious. I only now realize that taking the Lexapro could very well have caused the insomnia and resultant delusions. Anyway, I had a breakdown. I was seen by a psych. She (Dr. S.) prescribed Lamotrigine. It seemed to quell the delusions. I was back at school, medicated and delusion free. Over the years I developed fatigue, irritability, and apathy. I kept taking the drugs. For fatigue, I was prescribed Bupropion (Wellbutrin). I can't remember if it helped or not. I did develop hypomanic episodes at some point which further supported my bipolar 2 diagnosis. I would also have bouts of depression. Not the crying kind. Just apathy and mild anhedonia. I say mild because I still did some things I loved such as piano, art, singing. I did eventually lose my passion for art though. It showed up now and then sometimes. I always was told by my mother "It will get better", and "It won't always be this way." It didnt comfort me much. Though, looking back, it did get better. Eventually. It took around a decade. But I'm not off meds yet. I moved with my parents to a smaller comfy house in 2014 and joined our local Orthodox Church, met some loving, supportive people and made a really good friend. It did get better. But I still didn't know that there was an alternative for taking medication. I took my meds. I needed them. Or I thought I did. So did my mother. Now, my mother really has been with me all way. She's taking psych drugs too since I was in first grade for depression and anxiety. I went to 2 mental institutes. Thankfully never the hospital psych ward. I know a lot of you on here have been. From what I hear it's not fun and can be traumatic. I remember the people I met at the institutes. Broken, struggling people trying to get by and looking for a little hope. I connected with them. I still miss them and hope they're still fighting. I have a long story so I'll cut it up some in chunks. This is my first post. I'll write later about my experience at college (traumatic) and other things. I have some funny memories too so I'll put those in there as well. Don't give up! Anyone's welcome to share their experiences and stories too. -StillSinging

Hi. I'm new in this forum so, Im not sure what I can write about and such. Are there any rules? If so it would be helpful. Now that is out of the way, I'd like to share my thoughts and experience of having tourette's syndrome and psycholotropic drugs use including my experience with heroin to which I have successfully stopped using in 1996. So in 1996 I went to a rehabilitation center. After a month of being off heroin, my tourette's disorder started to appear. For three years of using Opiates my Tourette's was gone. I actually didn't know I had Tourette's till I was 21. The sad truth is, I was put on other drugs because the rehabilitation center didn't know what to do about my Tourette's so the councilor assigned to me called a doctor to see me. That's when I started taking antidepressants for the first time in my life. I had no problem getting clean from heroin, but the antidepressants + benzo related drugs , prescribed from doctors is worse. 2014 I suffered a nervous breakdown. My Mother gave me some of her pills, said that they were "natural" and I was desperate. So I took them. I wanted to get off them since I started. It took me three years to except I had any condition. In denial no drug worked for me. As soon as I excepted my situation, the drugs started working. Now I want to get off everything. I want to sleep a natural sleep. I know how depressed I can get. I tried to commit suicide four times. I hope this is interesting for readers. I wish to contribute to others in any way I can through my own experience.

Here are a few articles on the mechanisms of stress and anxiety and how to cope. One is a survivalist website. It may actually be the most useful one to read as it goes over dealing with extremely adverse situations that you wouldn't encounter in every day life, kind of like withdrawal in a way. https://prepperswill.com/psychology-of-survival-and-coping-with-stress/ https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/impairs-communication https://www.theguardian.com/education/2015/nov/21/how-anxiety-scrambles-your-brain-and-makes-it-hard-to-learn https://www.wellandgood.com/anxiety-stress-decision-making/

I am writing this while I can function. It comes and goes. I have been off work since this thing started almost four weeks ago. I am very scared. Please help me. I've been on Prozac since late 2002. Prescribed because I was depressed. Initially at 20mg / day. Later the effect wore off somewhat and within a year or so it was upped to 60mg / day. I stayed on this dose until December 2013. While on it I sometimes reduced the dose to 40mg and sometimes skipped days to see what would happen if I come off it. After at most two or three weeks, I think I felt somewhat flat and took the full dose again. I suspected that the worse that could happen was that if I come off it I would feel depressed. I was led to believe this drug is safe for long term use. But I was in for a nasty, nasty, nasty surprise. In December 2013 I decided to fully come off it. Things went ok for a few weeks. I did notice that my muscles would lose power when exercising during January and early February 2014. By mid February I developed loss of appetite; nausea and brain zaps, muscle and joint pain and tiredness. This was followed within days with what appeared to be the worst flu that I ever had, exhaustion and fever. My blood pressure went down and my heart rate went up. I wondered if it might be related to the Prozac. So I took 40mg and waited. For about 1-2 hours. Symptoms were gone. By the next day I was back to normal. This scared me senseless as I realized for the first time what incredible power this drug has. Little did I know that the acute withdrawal was no big deal compared to what was to follow later. I started tapering in April 2014, reducing by 0.8mg / week over 50 weeks. When I reached zero mg by mid March 2015 it was *not* followed by acute withdrawal. There is one complication at this point. Between February and July 2015 I took about 35 doses of 100mg of Tramadol for chronic lower backpain. I was led to believe it is a mild opioid only. In early July I took it three days in a row. My vision blurred. I looked up Tramadol side effects and what I saw was scary. I learnt that in addition to being a mild opiod, Tramadol also contains two additional unwelcome guests in the form of an SSRI and an SNRI: "Tramadol provides analgesia through 3 mechanisms: mu-opioid binding (through its metabolite O-desmethyltramadol), serotonin reuptake inhibition (through (+)-tramadol) and norepinephrine reuptake inhibition (through (-)-tramadol). O-desmethyltramadol (which is formed from tramadol through O-demethylation catalyzed by CYP2D6) is responsible for theopiate-type effects of tramadol." I dropped the Tramadol there and then. Within a couple of days I was a weeping from sadness and melancholy. This phase lasted about two and a half weeks then improved slowly. Back to main story: Five months free and clear of Prozac and 7 weeks free and clear of Tramadol I slipped into a nightmare that I am still fighting as I type this. One night in late August 2015 I slept only half the normal time. 3.5 to 4 hours (Usually 7.5 hours) for two consecutive nights. This was followed with restlessness and then, akathisia (look it up - it is not bearable). I panicked and took 0.8 mg of Prozac. In about three hours the symptoms gradually faded out and I felt normal. At that point I thought I could just stay on a super low Prozac dose. Woke up around 2am the next morning with severe symptoms again. Took 0.8mg Prozac again, then every 2 hours until eventually I reached 6.4 mg for the day. It did not work like the day before. It might have relieved the symptoms somewhat for a part of the day. By the evening symptoms resumed. It then occurred to me that Tramdol might have something to do with it and not the Prozac. I took 1/6th of the usual Tramadol dose (1/3 of a 50mg capsule). Within an hour I was calm, but it is hard to say at this stage whether it was due to the Tramadol or not based on subsequent experience (I learnt that it comes and goes in waves through the day). At this point I decided not to take any further Prozac or Tramadol. I was now on a rollercoaster. (I am keeping hour-by-hour logs of what is happening and will post here maybe later in a chart or something.) Severe symptoms for hours on end, followed by a respite. Then the symptoms take over again. On some days it went on with almost no respite for two consecutive days. One unusual observation. One night ( a week in) I slept a full 7 hours or so. The next day I was back to normal. My relief was short lived, however, as I woke up with an incredible surge of fear in my chest and the symptoms returned, seemingly stoked on by the fear. After a week of this, I was desperate. I got a prescription for a beta blocker Bisoprolol (2.5mg). I took it and seem to have gotten relief as I was feeling normal later that day. But alas, at about 2am I was up again with the same symptoms. Tried 2mg of Diazepam. Nothing. The next day I switched the prescription to Propranolol. For the next week I tried the beta blockers on their own and together. At this point the Akathisia seemed to be easing off somewhat but in its place there was an absolutely paralyzing fear and anxiety that is hard to describe. "The Scream" by Edvard Munch comes to mind. At the beginning of this week my total sleep seemed to shrink to between zero hours(one night) and 2.5 hours. I took Midazolam sleeping pills a few times to try and get relief and some sleep. On the best day I got 3 hours extra. On the worst I got barely 30 minutes extra on it. Then I had three nights of 5.5 hours or so. That was followed by a 2 hour night. By this time the anxiety/fear was getting unbearable. I was getting exhausted. The fear and anxiety was ramping up in spite of the beta blockers. Throughout this time I had very little if any appetite. But I forced myself to eat because I needed energy to keep moving. The akathisia and anxiety compelled me to keep moving, moving, moving, pacing back and forth back and forth back and forth, sometimes without respite for up to 10 hours, starting between 2am and 4 am. My muscles were starting to indicate that they couldn't take this much longer. I made a rational calculation that I have only a few days left before muscle spasm or something sets in. I wondered if the "normal" day I had at the end of the first week might have been due to the 6.4 mg dose of Prozac I took at the beginning of that week. SO I decided to see if I could reinstate. I did not take this decision lightly. But after weighing it up for another day I took 4mg of Prozac. Symptoms eased off after that (but it could be coincidence as it comes and goes in waves). That was Friday. I took my last dose of beta blockers the day before (Thurs) and decided to stop beta blockers is I was going to re-instate. On Saturday morning I took 4mg and then 2 hours later anther 4mg. On Sunday morning I took 8mg On Monday morning I took 8mg. For the past few days things seem bearable between mid-day until I go to sleep. But early morning until the afternoon I get overwhelmed with panic and fear and I pace relentlessly. I still don't know if it was the right choice and whether I should abort reinstatement. I still cannot see a clear pattern of improvement, I do not know if I should up the dose or wait. I read the reinstatement page and also Eva's story (seem very similar to mine) on the edge of my seat. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5715-eva-struggling-after-20-years-prozac-and-now-without/page-4 But it ends with a cliff hanger. She never reported whether her dose increase stabilized her. I am thinking if I can stabilize then I can regroup and plan the next step. Should I continue to try and reinstate or abort reinstatement? Will I be able to taper again if I can stabilize on this reinstatement? I have not been able to go to work for the past three weeks. I am now in week 4. I am very scared and need help. Please, please help me.

36year old man. Married, no kids. I've been on SSRIs for 15 years now. I've been tapering off them for 5 years. Effexor was what I took for depression, anxiety. From 2004-2014 I gradually took more and more until I got to a point where I couldn't be prescribed a higher dose (can't remember specific, will ask doctor). The plan was to get onto a different ssri, but I had to taper down to a lower dose before I could bridge with prozac. The withdrawal was awful and the more I learned about psychotropic drugs the more I wanted off completely. I have strong feelings of worthlessness and shame. I'm embarrassed to look anyone in the eye. I've exercised, meditated, changed my diet, take supplements, see a therapist, i've established a support network, cbt, affirmations, rigid self care program. Still hate myself. Still get suicidal thoughts. I want to try life with no antidepressants. Maybe that's it. I think it's actually the drugs that are keeping my depression from lifting. I hope. I've been aware of the forum for years and finally decided to post. I feel alone in this withdrawal from time to time. I haven't been to a support group in months. My phone never rings and I like it that way. I want to hide from everyone. I don't know anyone else quitting their meds. Feels like I'm losing my identity and I just don't care enough to build it back.

Dear community, I was recommended this forum after seeking advice for my current situation on Reddit. The last four month have been the hardest so far in my life. I took Przac for about 10,5 years (from when I was 16 to when I was 27 years old) until I stopped taking it in December 2020. At that point I was on 10 mg Prozac for about a year (20 mg previously) and my psychologist encouraged me to try stopping it for good. It was my wish to stop too as I had develop restless-leg-syndrome over the past yars and suspected it might be connected to Prozac. I took Prozac for my anxiety, depression and obsessive-compulsive thinking. I stopped taking Prozac on christmas eve 2021. I didnt taper as 10 mg is already the lowest dose in my country and my therapist didnt think it was necessary. For two weeks I was fine, then the former emntioned symptomes came back with a force I did not expect. My biggest fear is becoming psycotic (which I never have so far) but this fear together with cpompulsive thought, constant panic attacks and depression consumed me. After just 3 weeks I decided to take Prozac again. What then happened Id have never expected: My body just wasnt having it anymore, I got more and more nauses every day I took Prozac (10 mg) and after 2 weeks I had to stop because I was puking almost every day. I then didnt take Prozac for 4,5 weeks. By then I was close to getting myself hospitalized: The fear of getting psychotic was nonstop and compulsive and racing thoughts where torturing me all day. I had to try to take Prozac again. Immediately the nausea kicked in and after talking to my psychiatrist she perscribed me Zoloft. I tried that for just 5 or 6 days and felt so abd I stopped it and then took Prozac again. THis time the nausea was ok, I took it for 2 weeks, started to feel better, but suddenly the restless-leg-syndrome came back, I stopped taking Prozac for 3 days, then tried to take it again but started puking again and got such a bad headache I thought Id die. So I stopped again and didnt take it for 8 days now. I know I messed up. I can hardly imagine the harm I did to my body and brain by doing this stop-and-go chaos. I was writing on my thesis and had a lot of stress in my life (aside from the medication-problems). Now I feel worse than ever. I am in constant fear of getting psychotic, im neauses every day, have constant panic-attacks, my thoughts are a total chaos, random and chaotic. I dont know what to do. Will it get better? Am I getting psychotic because of what I did to my body (after 10 years of beaing afraid of this exact thing)? Should I take Prozac again, no matter the nausea and the restless-legs? I know there is probably no answere to all my questions. But I am thankfull for every word, every reply, just the idea that I am not alone in this. Thank you for taking the time and reading this. This is my Prozac journey so far: Fluoxetin (10-20 Mg): 2010 - 2020 No Med: 25.12.2020 - 17.01.2021 Fluoxetin (10Mg): 18.01.2021 - 31. 01.2021 No Med: 01.02.2021 - 06.03.2021 Fluoxetin (10 Mg): 07.03.2021 - 08.03.2021 No Med.: 09.03.2021 - 12.03.2021 Sertralin (12,5 Mg): 13.03.2021 - 15.03.2021 Sertralin (25 Mg): 16.03.2021 - 17.03.2021 Fluoxetin (10 Mg): 20.03.2021 – 08.04.2021 No Med: 09.04.2021 – 11.94.2021 Fluoxetin: 12.04.2021 – 14.04.2021 No Med: Since 15.04.2021

I had been suffering from insomnia for 6 months and went to the Drs who decided that it was depression rather than just insomnia. In my niavity I took the 10mgs for 8 days. Within those eight days, I completely changed. I stopped sleeping, I couldn't eat and had crazed anxiety I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Plus all these thoughts entered my head that were never there before. I lost all comfort in my own company, which had never been a problem I had spent 9months on my own. Over the last 3 months it has got progressively worse, to the point of feeling suicidal. How can a drug have such an effect and has anyone been able to come out of the otherside? I have now been prescribed trazodone but don't really want to take it, but am scared I have run out of options.

Hi, I am a 24 year old female from Montreal, Canada. I keep my childhood close to my heart as it is evidence of life being enjoyable. At age 12, I was diagnosed with O.C.D. and after a year or two of therapy, I was able to rid myself of most of my obsessional behaviours. At age 13, entering high school, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression, and was quickly put on anti-depressants. The following decade of my life consisted of continuous suffering (unwavering depression, hospital stays, self harm, suicidal tendencies, crisis after crisis, chain smoking cigarettes, chronic weed smoker, overweight, risky behaviour, terrible relationship with parents, couldn't work or go to school, ect). I was on anti-depressants /anti-anxiety /anti-psychotic/ sleeping aid medication during puberty and after. In 2016, after a decade of suffering, and realizing the two constants in my life have been meds and suffering, I started questioning the mental health system and what I have been told, and fed. 3 years later, here I am, almost off of my 10-year-long relationship with Cipralex(SSRI) (from ten years of 40mg to now, 5mg). I was lucky enough to find somebody online who is incredibly experienced and knowledgable about weening off of meds, and who has helped me taper safely. I am also very lucky to have parents who would do anything for me and support my journey and healing in every way possible. Since then I have been reducing my dosages every few months very slowly with little withdrawal symptoms, and it has been going really well. I started feeling hope that I never thought would be possible. Up until now. A couple of months ago, I dropped my dosage of Cipralex from 5mg to 4mg and within two weeks started feeling waves of panic that I had not felt in years. One night, I felt the surge of panic, and eventually fell asleep after several hours of struggling. I woke up the next day and I was still in panic. The following 3 or 4 days I was stuck in this panic. There are no words to describe how horrific it feels to be trapped in what I thought could only last an hour maximum. (Disclaimer: I have a deep fear of "going insane". At this point, when I speak of "insanity", I am describing the experience of being pulled away from the normal reality I am ''used'' to. But, if there wasn't a sense of complete terror, I probably would mind it less. Stuck in terror is now how I define my understanding of "insanity".) It has been several months now (3 or 4) that I am experiencing the most horrific episodes of complete terror. The feeling of a nightmare doubled down under the weight of the realization that this is as real as it gets, there is no waking up from this horror, there is no waking up in relief. This is it. It's similar to in a nightmare, I feel the presence of something evil, I'm afraid to look over my shoulder, I'm afraid I'll see it, I am completely on edge. "Derealization" and "depersonalization" happening heavily. How I feel in a storm of terror, my entire understanding of reality is Doom. Something right behind me, the imminent danger, something horribly, horribly dangerous is here. Right here. And something terrible, catastrophic, EVIL, is going to happen, is happening and will get worse. I am going to snap. My personal hell tailored to my exact dread and fears. It is not like a normal sense of panic, or dread. I have had countless panic attacks previously. This... every single fibre of my being is shrieking in terror. There is not a crack of light. The whole entire game is different. My body is spiking with the threat of death, evil, “insanity”. My mind is trapped. I am trapped. It feels like there is a pressure on the back of my head but from the inside, something urging to get out, to escape. Screaming, desperate, shocked. Nightmares end in relief. There is no end to this, there is no waking up in relief. Death is part of the terror, so I cannot end my life. My brain, my mind, my spirit, in danger, threatened by Imminent Doom. Trapped. Panic. Unreal panic. Inconceivable panic. Fire in my stomach. Then ice. Then fire. Dizzy from panic. It feels like I am being sucked away into Hell. My inner voice fades. Vision unable to coordinate with mind, I am sinking into my skull, into darkness. Reality is not safe. No where to hide. NO WHERE TO HIDE. My body cannot handle such terror so it trembles uncontrollably. Knees knocking together. I could release all bodily fluids from how terrified I am. Gagging, I sometimes puke. I can't look at my mom or dad without being sent further into torture, they seem wildly unfamiliar and really, really distant. They cant help. Nobody can save me. Praying to God, any God. My hands gripping my clothing, pulling. Jaw locked, clenching. Can't close my eyes. Can't keep them open. No options. My mind, my Being, terror ripping through Everything. All of this is not accounting for when I wake up from sleep in Terror. In that, my attachment to my 24 years of life, my identity, my name and hands and vision, my beliefs, my parents, my entire concept of what it is to be Me, my inner self and outer self, is unretrievable. The fear has no way of being calmed, effort cannot even be made, my thoughts are out of order, completely, there is a chaotic sense of disorder. Part of me wonders if I am going 'insane', or if my fate is to end up in a state of constant panic. I have a newfound perspective on my own mortality, on the fragility of my own grip on 'reality'. I don't know how to deal with these 'attacks' and something tells me I will live the rest of my life in the shadow of this clear sense of doom. It feels like I am living in a nightmare, surreal yet painfully real. I have some little windows of hope and a sense of being ''grounded''. Sometimes a few days where I am Okay. This is what I hold onto, or try to hold onto, desperately when I start feeling the terror. But when I'm really IN the state of panic, there really is nothing I can do. I feel so alone in this experience. I am currently living back with my parents (I was living on my own for a couple of years). I am back on 5mg, and don't plan to continue tapering, not for a while. Thank you for reading. I am so TERRIFIED.

I’m from Ireland.First time I took Xanax in 2018 October few times as I couldn’t sleep , not every day but sometimes happened maybe 3 days in row in October ( that time I HAD no info on crazy benzo !) .Sometimes I drunk Alkohol in between , as I couldt sleep. Then I took Xanax in January few times not every day , but even 3 mg to calm down or to sleep . I started to have suisaidal thoughts then after Xanax and ambulance took me they said I’m not mentally ill , they can’t keep me in hospital I have high terror anxiety ..... I also took for 1 week sleeping pills ( forgot names ) more than required ( not to kill myself !) I just could not calm down to sleep and drink 3 beers with it and I slept ( it happened twice !) . Then Avitan for 5 days only but wasn’t working . Then in March I got laxapro for 21 days but I started to feel more fears so I stopped gradually . Then for 1 week diazepam lowest dose but it couldt put me to sleep . 1 day another dr in emergency gave me Dalmane 30 mg that’s first time I fall in sleep . She gave me fot 7 days but I never took every day . Then another dr gave me a Dalmane through April / June 15 mg but I was taking 30 mg every week or every 2 weeks , sometimes twice a week .... (Last time I took Dalmane 4 days ago. Now I’m in extreme fear 24/7 and depressed. I don’t know 100% , but I think it is if all this crazynes / fears is because of those benzo :Dalmane ) . I also had difficulty in my relationship ( I thought I’m in abusive relationship) , but maybe because of my behaviour ......mI was the one difficult sometimes ..... I never tapper properly from it ( Xanax , Dalmane was the longest most I took ) as my dr doesn’t belive I am addicted as I wasn’t taking every day . But I think I’m . My brain change . I was over worry about everything, extreme anxiety, didt know “who I am “, lost myself , my confidence etc . I have 13 years old son I need to survive live for him . At the top of it I have very laud tinnatus ( hidden hearing loss ). On the 23 of September another psychiatrist in Poland gave me Tranzone ( 300 mg for night ) I slept actually but waking up in fears so he said to tapper from Dalmane , he gave me Tranxene - Cloranxen on the 1st of September . I am feeling very afraid , depressed. Although I think a bit calmer on than Tranzone maybe ( or cloranxen 😬😅😢) I. don’t want to be on benzo . I don’t know if I’m addicted to Dalmane ( I think I am even thou I wasn’t taking every day ) . Now I got that Tranxene to tapper from Flurazepan ( I was told on face book group : they said to cut 10 mg into quarters and tapper :7.5 for 10 days: 3 times a day quarter and then take two quarters for 10 days etc .as I only have 18 tablets of Tranxene left . ( I’m 4 day on it ) . Please advise what can I do . Im like ... dying ... going down ....please help

I have successfully weaned myself off all (well, most -- I am almost off Zoloft) the psych drugs -- ADs, SSRIs, atypical antipsychotics -- and feel almost constantly ill (nauseous) and very scared. Not panicky or anxious, just deep-down scared. I could use some advice. Does this existential dread pass? Surely I can't be unique? Does some part of me fear that I can't cope without drugs? They did numb me. Now I am not numb and it's beyond terrifying. If this is an artifact of drug withdrawal? Have I been irreparably damaged? Or has the "masking" effect of drugs worn of and I am just facing what I didn't want to face before I fell into the pit of ADs? Any thoughts or similar experiences would be welcome. Oh, I am a writer and am struggling back to my former writing self, but it's darned hard. I feel like a cognitive basket case as well as a frightened wretch. katz

Hi my name is Bruno, I'm a 24 year old biology student from brazil so I apologise for my bad English. I'll try to make it short. So I started taking Lexapro for depression a month and 3 weeks ago. Everything was going well, besides the weird nightmares and weird toughts, Lexapro was working. When I reached 24th day of medication I woke up with a really bad ringing in both of my ears, I got scared and said to my doctor I want to stop cuz I fear the side effects. Since i was in a lower dose (10mg) he said I should take 5 mg for 5 days and then stop. I did that and in about 3 days off of medication my tinnitus got really low and I was feeling great again. 1 week out of medication I developed palatal myoclunus ( can't find anyone with this symptom) 2 weeks I developed eye twitching then 3 weeks out of Lexapro I started having eye floaters wish for me are not a big deal. The real problems started 1 month and 2 week out of meds, I got this really bad fellings on my body like eye twitching and twitchings all over my body not all the time but sometimes, also started having this sharp pains in my fingers and 2 days ago now 1 month and 3 week out of medication im getting tingling sensation on my face on my upper lip pain at the back of my ears and neck pain inside of my head but the thing that really scares me is my arm that has been shaking for 2 days now and and my hand fells week and numb. So to summarize all the symptoms I have to this day ( very low tinnitus , palatal myoclunus , eye twitching , eye floaters , pain in my fingers , arm weakness and tremors, jaw pain) and o forgot to say that my jaw fells like is slightly dislocating to the side. I know thats is a lot of stuff for someone that has been on meds for small period of time. Nobody belives me but I know that something is wrong with me and is not anxiety like my parents and psychologyst says. Please help me.

hi guys, Its been 10 days since I stopped Lexapro after 1.2 years 10 mg and tapering off for 2.1 months last dose 5mg . I got light on and off dizziness and mild anxiety after 1 week but I am able to do my job like going to gym working out . ihave no problem with it . every 6 years I get dizziness sensation while walking sitting or lying down . I had mri done twice , neurological examination twice , ent twice , cardiologist , blood tests everything completely normal even heart rhythm and paplitaions were normal. so they put it to anxiety related dizziness and was put on Lexapro . in the long run my parents thought medications are bad so I stopped after tapering as told by psychiatrist . my fear is will get greater symptoms or will I get better ? I don't want dizziness again I have enough of it . will iget more withdrawls later ? . please help . I am feeling anxious after reading many horrible online forums .

i'm hopeless man, completely hopeless, i can't express my pain, i can't express how bad i feel when i realize that this will go on for YEARS. from the severety of what i felt i can just say that this will not pass in a few months. how can i live like this?, knowing that everything i will do from now on will be poor quality? i met a lot of people with drug problems, NONE of them felt the kind of sickness we felt, i really just wish that i could see some light in the end of the tunnel, because when i was off drugs i did not got one single day of improvement it was just like watching my health being sucked away and there's nothing i can do about it. i wish i could skip 5 years of my life to see if i will be fine then... this is just worst than any drug related problem i can imagine. REALLY, so please guys just help me i can't stand my life anymore

I am currently DRUG FREE as of June 2016 for a total of 13 months Started on Prozac for a situational depression in 1993. Off of it later for a few years then again put on Prozac in early 2000's. Reported many side effects to my Dr. who proceeded to medicate me for side effects rather than take me off. Should have never stayed on for an extended period but he had no plans to remove me and my altered mind never thought well enough to blame the drugs for my health problems. Following are side effects (I incurred) and drugs prescribed: Gut/Constipation/Nausea - Previcid and other RX antacids Anal Fissure (from above) - Surgery Headaches/Migraines - Imitrex Insomnia - Ambien / Ambien CR Increase in appetite / Weight Gain - Loads of peanut butter / steaks / pizza and night eating binges Cold Symptoms/Sinus infections - Antibiotics - Steroids - Allergy shots and meds for years Decreased sex drive - Viagra High Blood Pressure - Lisinopril Was experiencing signs of serotonin syndrome with rage, anger, heart palps, excessive sweating etc.... Started drinking to compensate for the constant agitation from Prozac. Have not drank since I was a teenager and suddenly in my 40's I am drinking like a fish. Finally in 2011 I experienced a severe head injury from a bicycle wreck. Level 3 concussion with seizures. CAT scan did not indicate any visible serious damage. Returned to work 3 days later and started having anxiety issues such as lips, feet and hands going numb, visibly shaking, nausea (still taking 40mg of Prozac after the head injury). Returned to doctor who prescribed Klonopin. Gave me Adderall to be able to focus at work, Ambien CR to sleep, Tamazepam to use with it when that didn't work. Klonopin at 2 mg "as needed" over the next 2 years turned into 4-7 mg a day "as needed". Finally after an international trip the jet lag knocked me down for a few days in which I took no meds essentially cold turkeying myself unknowingly as to the journey I was about to begin. Lost touch with reality. Couldn't think, had no emotions at all. Fog was so heavy but tried to keep going. Remember addressing an auditorium of people at work for 10 minutes and have no clue what I was saying. After weeks and months of bed ridden illness did I discover the benzo connection via Dr. Heather Ashton's website and began a reinstatement of Klonopin with Prozac and began a liquid taper for the next 2+ years. Finally off of all benzos October 2014 and finished my Prozac taper May 2015. Currently have sever CNS damage. Muscle issues with twitching, spasms and extreme tightness. Dark waves of fear and anxiety. Still trying to work in a senior technical role for a large I.T. organization. Have been working remotely for 2 years and taking time off as needed which is weekly. Unable to travel much. Used to be athletic and ride 50+ miles a day on a bicycle, run 10k-15k and half marathons. Trips across the country on motorcycle. Now a trip to the store on a motorcycle will leave me for days recovering from a racing heart, tremors, muscle pain, inability to focus etc... I have improved from being bed ridden. I have windows like the spring of 2016 when I was able to backpack and hike for several weekends thinking as we all do it was over only to find myself back in the wave and struggling to survive today. Thus I have found this place, a place of victims like myself that just want their life back. Want to be normal again and live. As I stated above I am drug free and had a physical Feb 2016. I have gone from 6'1" (my height has not changed) 260 lbs to currently 215 lbs and dropping. BP was 120/80 Intermittent digestive issues but no meds. Insomnia is rare. Congestion most days but no allergy shots, no over the counter meds, no steroids. No need for Viagra but low to none sex drive. Migraines are mild and do not require medication. No health issues reported from physical, no meds, just lots of withdrawal issues tied to CNS issues. RAGE is gone. I am back to being who I was before the meds. A compassionate, loving human being that just doesn't have the ability to relax due to withdrawal. What more can I say. I still see the same Dr. because I want him to see my recovery. He has to see I do not take anything he has prescribed anymore and my physical health continues to improve. I have been taking fish oil and magnesium. Not sure if that is good or not after reading conflicting ideas hear. I wish you all well and healing.

My name is Natalie and I've been on an anti depressant of some sort since I was 16, I"m 29. For the first time in my life I got off Lexapro 5.5 months ago after tapering for 3 months. Things seemed a little more manageable after the horrific first few months but the past month or so it has been very bad again and I"m scared. I cry all the time, I have insomnia, I have a hard time working-super tired/anxious/irritable. Sometimes my anxiety is debilitating. Lack of hope or motivation. Lots of fear. My fear is this is either just how I am without them or I was on them for so long my brain needs them to be at least moderately functional and if I don't get back on I will end up on disability or something. Has anyone experienced this? Does it get better? Does it just take longer? Or am I kidding myself? It was so hard to get off of them I feel like if I get back on them I will be committed for life, but I also don't want to have to check into a psych ward either :/ lol, funny but not really cause I"m not really kidding THANKS!

Hello, people! I ask you that question in the topic title, so I am pretty sure what exactly is my problem and it is supressed deep fear and aslo not feeling the pain which i am sure is healthy to feel in my situation. But when i try to feel the pain or the fear i can't do it to the point i know i should. I am taking Zyprexa and Abilify for 3 years and for these 3 years i was strugling searching, trying to understand what is going on with me and what exactly is my problem. i read a lot of books and articles. watched a lot af videos and now i finally realized what i needed. But i think Zyprexa and Abilify are blocking my negative emotions. i am not sure this but i think it is true. That is my question. Do these drugs actually supress negative emotions like pain and fear? Thank you in advance!

Hello warriors I am from Czech republic, so i am sorry for my English. And this is my story - I took the antidepressants for 10 year from 14 years.My diagnosis was Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia,Panic Disorder everything tied to family terms. And now I am 3 months without them and it is very hard to me...but I am fighting and I don 't want give up. But every day is situation worst. It is possible that the side effects of discontinue medicaments show until now?? I ' m in intolerable condition. My best friend is bed now. It is terrible. Flushes of anxiety,irritation, hammering, inability do anything. I have fear that be worst...and i dissapoint myself I wish I had the certainty that eveything be ok when I endure this. How can I help?? Have you got any experience with DLPA?? Or anything else natural antidepressants?? Thank you for you're all opinions.