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Hi Everyone, Im so glad I was referred to this site from Reddit. I’ve been reading the forums over the last several days before signing up and introducing myself. Here’s my history and where I’m currently at. I have been on Lexapro 20mg since summer of 2007. Starting in 2016 I began experiencing debilitating left jaw pain and left eustachian tube dysfunction as a side-effect of the Lexapro. I did not know at the time the Lexapro was causing these side-effects. I was grinding my teeth so badly that I thought I had trigeminal neuralgia in my left cheek. In November 2019 I was prescribed Cymbalta 60mg by my neurologist at the time for the pain in my face. I was on Cymbalta 60mg until February 2020 because it killed my libido. Went down to Cymbalta 30mg. Stayed on 30mg until August 2020 when my neurologist reduced the dose down to 20mg to being to taper off the meds completely. In October 2020 I began to experience withdrawal symptoms from the cymbalta: vertigo and adrenaline surges. I did not know at the time that these were related to the cymbalta withdrawals. A few days before Xmas 2020, my mind began to catastrophize about the holidays and death and I was sent into a constant state of adrenaline fueled panic attacks that did not stop for five days. I spent Xmas Eve in the out patient psych ward. They gave me hydroxizine and sent me home. I looked for a psychiatrist and was able to get an appointment with my current psychiatrist two days after Xmas. He switched me back to Lexapro 20mg. On the morning of the second day of taking the Lexapro the adrenaline stopped surging and the panic attack state stopped. I was stable from then on until August 2021. In August the panic state returned, this time without the adrenaline surges, and lasted for two weeks straight. My psychiatrist prescribed me gabapentin 300mg x3 daily. The gabapentin saved my life. I was on this regimen until May 2022 when I felt stable enough to begin to taper off the Lexapro. I went from 20 to 15 to 10 to 5 about a month at a time until I finally came off the Lexapro a month ago on October 15th, 2022. I began tapering off the gabapentin and have been off it since Halloween. The panic state returned Sunday night and I’m back on the gabapentin but not the Lexapro. The gabapentin keeps my brain from catastrophizing but I can feel underneath the gabapentin that I’m still having the panic attack: heart palpitations, chest tightness and some pain, butterflies in my chest, paresthesia in my arms and hands. I’ve read about the 10% dose reduction and about going back on a smaller dose of the Lexapro to stabilize and start the taper again at the 10% rate. I’ve been off Lexapro for a month now. I don’t know if I’ll kindle by going back on or not. I’ll stop here and wait for replies from mods and you other guys who know so much about what we’re going through to get healthy again. Much love!

Hello all, this is my story. I was put on 10 mg Lexapro in January 2014 for mild depression (I now know it definitely did not need the meds), and was on it until April 2023. I was doing okay during that time. Then last April as my partner and I started thinking about trying for a baby, and as I also had been feeling good for quite a while, I decided to stop taking the meds. I followed my GPs orders and tapered too quickly over a few weeks, alternating 10 and 5 mg doses, and then 5 and 0 mg doses. I guess it could be characterized as going CT. I experienced brain zaps and flu-like symptoms for a while, also an increase in anxiety, and most noticeably, started having great trouble sleeping. Then in September 2023 I crashed completely, had near constant severe akathisia, anxiety and depression-like symptoms, and couldn't sleep at all. My doctor made me try different ADs and other drugs for sleep (mianserin, mirtazapin, zopiclone, alimemazine, and other antihistamines), without the desired effect. He then suggested I go back on Lexapro and we disastrously I reinstated at 10 mg in October 2023. I didn't know anything about tapering, WDs etc until I came over an article on a psychology website about a known comedian from Oslo (I'm Norwegian) who detailed his experience getting of psychiatric drugs, and finally found this website. I am now experiencing what I think is both WDs and kindling symptoms, and have started tapering again from 10 mg, currently at 8.5 mg, and am taking very slowly. But I'm so scared, having read so many of your stories. Any words of advice or encouragement?

AblazingTulip – Introduction Until 2016 (Refer to my “About Me”.) Antidepressants: Many different meds and treatments, including fluoxetine, and "everything else", for approximately 23 years. 2016 to 2023-May-30 (7 years). Antidepressants: Venlafaxine (Venlor) 150mg for 7 years (no breaks). Lithium carbonate (Camcolit) 1,000mg the last 4 years. 400mg the initial 3 years. Bupropion (Wellbutrin) 2023-Jun-01 For 6 weeks Antidepressants: (Tapered at 50% dosage for 6 weeks. The research I fleetingly did stated "4 four weeks" should suffice. Since this is my health after all, I thought I would play it safe, and "taper" an extra 2 weeks. Let my ignorance stand in testament alongside the "experts".) Venlafaxine (Venlor) 75mg. Lithium carbonate (Camcolit) 500mg. Bupropion (Wellbutrin) 2023-Jul-13 to 2023-Nov-19 (±4 months) Antidepressants: None. (Acute ADS (AWS)) 2024-Nov-20 to 2024-Feb-09 (±2.5 months) Antidepressants: Benzodiazepine (Purata), 30mg, prescribed as sleeping tablet! It’s an AD (antidepressant) ☹. The Dr. didn’t tell me this. And I did not check. (Yes, I am still ignorant.) Approximately 10 tablets taken in total, sporadically (as needed) over a 10-week period, since 20 Nov 2023. It explains my minor relapse of ADS (AWS). A number of times the tablet had zero effect for sleeping. Last taken 9 Feb 2024. On a personal note to all visitors, members, admins, and moderators: ❤️ Thank you to everyone that had been here before, left their mark in our hearts, and moved on. ❤️ Thank you for everyone here and now, for all these years. It seems at least 2 decades, despite the site only going back to 2011. ❤️ Thank you for all the valuable information you have shared and continue to share. ❤️ Thank you most of all to Altostrata and the other founding members. I hug (it's how I roll) you in humble gratitude, for all you have done, and continue to do. ❤️ Thank you also for all the new members joining with me, and those waiting their turn to join. Taking care of ourselves has become a priority, finally. Well done to us! There are at least two other "Tulips" that I have seen on this site. So I guess I will have to be AblazingTulip. My journey is not one of tapering. That I have done. But in a terrible way. My story is already one of success. But I have much healing ahead of me still, and a mountain of learning. I look forward to it, and to share it with you, and help, where and when I can. I firmly believe success is ours for the taking. So let's make our futures. Successful. It won't be easy. Anything worthwhile, rarely is. My next post will be my first journal entry on this site. “Be a hand that washes another, not just one formed as a cup. (AblazingTulip)” (Photo, 2014. Words, 2019. AblazingTulip, 2024)

Hello there, My name is Phil and I’m 31 years old. My pharmaceutical journey began in October 2020. I began to experience random waves of nausea, indigestion, dizziness and anxiety out of no where. So, I figured I’d seek help. I went to a clinic, and they ran a bunch of tests. They decided that my anxiety is the culprit, so they gave me a script for Celexa. I took the 10mg and later that night I went to the ER from sheer fear that I was about to die. Safe to say, I gave up Celexa and moved on to “the next best thing” which in their mind was Mirtazapine. I will admit, Mirt gave me the most sound sleep I’ve ever experienced in my life. But that’s about as far as Mirt did for me. It gave me brutal anxiety and panic attacks during the day, and beautiful sleep during the night. Kinda ironic. Eventually the clinic gave me a referral to see a gastroenterologist. From there, I had a series of tests done that left the GI with no answers. He decided to diagnose me with the umbrella term of “functional Dyspepsia”. Basically they give you this diagnosis when they can’t find anything wrong with you. Shortly after my “diagnosis”, he chose to put me on Amitriptyline for my “nerve pain” So I transitioned from Mirtazapine to Amitriptyline very quickly. It was a bumpy few weeks, but I eventually stabilized on 10mg amitriptyline. They told me it would take up to 6-8 months to see any benefits from Amitriptyline; so I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I waited. I suffered and told myself that it’ll eventually get better. Fast forward to today and I feel like I’m going to war with myself everyday. I am now a slave to Amitriptyline. I have attempted to self-ween myself from this poison and I have been humbled by the drug multiple times. I don’t remember my experience coming from 10mg to 5mg, but this time around trying to get to 2.5mg has been the most brutal thing I’ve ever encountered. I’m currently in the throes of my most recent attempt to ween to 2.5mg. Im currently experiencing grotesque GI symptoms that include violent waves of nausea, cramping, diarrhea, constipation, 0% appetite, etc. As far as the mental aspect goes, I don’t think I can even put into words what the last few weeks have been like. I’m in constant loops of what feels like psychotic episodes. Ranging from severe panic attacks, paranoia, derealization, depersonalization, suicidal ideation, insomnia, night terrors and self isolation. I am truly at a loss, and I know that this is Amitriptyline’s doing. I have felt these things in the past from attempting a ween, but this time around has been very violent. I’ve had to take a leave of absence at work, and I’ve been bed ridden for about two weeks now attempting to stabilize on 2.5mg. Every night when it’s time to take the pill, I battle with myself. It’s either I continue down the path of the 2.5mg or attempt to re-stabilize myself on 5mg. Im feeling very lost at the moment and was hoping for some type of guidance here. If you chose to read my story, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Hi everybody! 🙂 I have a bitter history with the mental health system, part of which involves a mildly harmful experiance with antidepressants. I was sent to a psychiatrist because my life was, frankly, in the crapper. The social contacts I had were bad, toxic relationships. There were virtually no opportunities to ever meet and connect with new people - particularly in terms of establishing a romantic relationship; and there were no career opportunities, either. Instead of remedying the actual problems, my psychiatrist quickly put me on to pills (Lovan) that, surprise surprise, didn't change my life at all; except that they made me put on weight. I was already a little pudgy to begin with and, needless to say, putting on even more weight certainly didn't improve my prospects of meeting a prospective wife, which was difficult enough to begin with. I gather that a lot of people on here have their grievances with the drugs themselves. But for my part, my grievance is with the "look to pills to solve the problem" culture that my psychiatrist lived by. Numerous times, I tried to inform him that I wasn't noticing any benefits in my life. He never wanted to listen. Then, when I was in the middle of a 2-Lovans-a-day regimen, he basically kicked me out of his office and told me he didn't want to see me again. Somehow, I had the presence of mind to ask him about what I was supposed to do with the medication. He responded with a tone as if I'd just asked the most idiotic question he'd ever heard and gave me half-assed directions on tapering off. But, as I said, this was going to occur completely out of medical supervision, as he'd just kicked me out of his "care" by that point. I've since heard numerous times that it is very dangerous to come off of mental health meds outside of medical supervision. That's the summarized version of my ordeal. There are more details, and other things that I'm not sure have anything to do with the Lovan, but I think that's enough for now.

Hi, Ive been taking Antidepressants since January 2016(I was 22 then, 25 now), when i had hard time focussing at work & broke down in office in front of everyone, out of nowhere. The symptoms although had been showing up since 2013, when I started feeling vague, blank & angry,frustrated. I also started having panic attacks (2 times) in august & october, 2015. Most bad thing about depression is lack of confidence, ability to make firm decisions about academics ,job. Constant body aches have also worsened my mood, function. My limbs ache a lot; Ive gradually given up on physical activities, jogging, playing soccer,cricket,etc..these days i force myself to gym thrice a week, cause i had put on a lot last year. I grew up in a clumsy, difficult family , I grew up watching quarrels,skirmishes between my parents & was always very sensitive..Kind of people pleaser, not offending but also very harsh on myself kind of person. My first psychiatrist(Jan,2016-June,2018 ) : He started me with sensival 25 mg (Nortriptyline), and later added on escitalopram in the mornings. There were other drugs too, for brief periods like miratazapine,etc.. Mood would improve/boost, i would function well for about a few weeks, & then would crash down. sensival 25 mg (Nortriptyline) is something that was constant throughout that period. I soon realized it's something more than antidepressants that i should be looking for, something holistic to solve the problrems that i had in personal family life, my nature, my worklife, etc...Medicines seemed to hit a plateau, but my doctor wouldnt listen to my continual requests to wean off. Only when i developed serious constipation, weight gain(12 kgs in 8 months..also abruptly gave up my job due to fatigue,lack of direction ) that i decided to switch my doctor. My second psychiatrist (June 2018 - present ) : Constipation did ease, my new doctor is more willing to lend an ear..Alprazolam 0.25 in the morning &{ Escitalopram (5 mg) + Clonazepam (0.5 mg)} is something that ive been taking since... But confidence, work issues still persist, I also started to work with my dad around the same period to present day. it's very stressful, demanding on my dad's part, but this atleast is keeping me moving, pass my life, however miserable, painful it is. I also cocooned at home for 3 months before reluctantly joining him at work. It's a blue collar job at a paint shop, wherein im required to match paints, deal with diff customers(throat dries up in fear,anxiety). in stark contrast to the desk job that i had prior to this, im now standing for 7-8 hours a day, experiencing wrenching fatigue when i get back home. My life feels very poor, miserable. Ive never seriously contemplated suicide, despite wanting to when in ruins(wincing bodily pain, scolded upon)! I get to work with iso-cyanide containing accelerators at my shop, that could painlessly kill me in milliseconds (As lab people claim.), but ive always collected myself into believing that my life could turnaround for the better. Fast forward, feb 2019, i decided to also take up homeopathy treatment for my problems, slowly my homeopath asked me to give up(cold turkey, 4-5 weeks on, now) alprazolam 0.25 in the morning, as my mood improved. I witnessed increase in pain, twitching, weight loss(something i like), upon giving up alprazolam 0.25, psychytrist says i must put up with this pain, & ill soon get used to it(Good & frank on his part, most psychiatrists never want you to wean off)... Meanwhile, with my homeopath it's work in progress, & down the line, when my cold turkey symptoms normalize, Ill also think about giving up my evening dose of { Escitalopram (5 mg) + Clonazepam (0.5 mg)}, slowly tapering this time... My increased sleep, due to fatigue is something that i must overcome to become a regular at work. This forum, has given me immense hope & ideas about how people like me are dealing with their stuff. Like 10 % tapering rule, success stories by hope2heal, etc.. are heartening to read. I wish to thrive and function normally in life, rather than just miserably slogging,surviving that i have been doing now. Thank & Cheers, entcian24 Mumbai, India.

Hi. I started Lexapro roughly 15 years ago, 20mg, for anxiety/panic attacks. I did fine on it (although I experience emotional numbness). Toward the beginning of this year, the Lexapro seemed to stop being effective/stopped working, as I was experiencing some depression. The psychiatrist (assistant) added Abilify toward the end of May. It didn't seem to work, so I was advised to stop it at end of June. He then told me to stop my Lexapro all together and start Cymbalta 30mg immediately. I listened and did this on 7/4/2020. I plummeted into withdrawal hell (unable to function/bedridden) On 7/16/20, he upped the dose to 60mg. The withdrawal hell continued. On 8/3/2020, the doctor agreed that I should restart my Lexapro 20mg, and told me to immediately stop the Cymbalta. I did. Withdrawal continued. On 8/19/2020, Wellbutrin (generic), 150mg was added. Started seeing different psychiatrist's office. On 8/29/2020, Rexulti 0.5mg was added, and Wellbutrin name brand was prescribed. I was able to gain some energy, but my anxiety went through the roof, along with heart palpitations. On 9/9/20 Rexulti was stopped. On 9/24/2020, Lexapro upped to 30mg. On 9/27/2020, Wellbutrin stopped. Currently, I am having debilitating migraines headaches every day, depression/feeling overwhelmed (especially in the morning - including suicidal thoughts never had before), nausea, severe brain fog/forgetfulness, fatigue, irritability, crying, and a general feeling of sickness. I started taking a multivitamin, B vitamin pill, iron/folic acid (low on iron), magnesium and Omega fish oil. Although everything is hard to do, I have managed to take care of my young son (ie. meals, drop off and pick up from school, etc.) I am unable to work at the moment, but I am expected back soon. My goal is to get off all antidepressants now, but I am struggling, so I am thinking that I need to stabilize before weaning off of Lexapro (that I just upped, ugh). I would really appreciate any help and/or guidance, as I feel like I'm going crazy and feel defeated ... I really wish that I found this site sooner. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. 2005 - Lexapro 20mg for anxiety/panic attacks End of June 2020 – started Abilify 15mg 7/4/2020 – Stopped Lexapro and started 30mg Cymbalta 7/16/2020 – Increased Cymbalta to 60mg 8/3/2020 – Restarted Lexapro 20mg and stopped Cymbalta 60mg 8/19/2020 – Started Wellbutrin XL 150mg – generic 8/29/2020 – switched to Name brand Wellbutrin, same dose 8/29/2020 – started Rexulti 0.5mg 9/9/2020 – stopped Rexulti 9/24/2020 - Lexapro increased to 30mg 9/27/2020 - Wellbutrin stopped

A big hello to anyone reading, I'm grateful for a place to find answers and to log what's going on in the process. Happy to be here and to find resources. I'm coming off of lamotrigene and Halcion, just recently started (an apparently too big of) a taper. Relevant hx: After major surgery involving my CNS (major neck surgery/fusion)last year, my brain has been "worse" - with sx of a major concussion. (I had a major concussion in '99 so I know how that feels) My neurosurgeon denied any anesthesia/apneic complications at both my 3 month and 6 month checkups, when I asked him why I felt as if I had a major concussion post-/intra-operatively- my memory is worse than ever, things that *should be* general knowledge in my brain area are not accessible for recall, just struggling with real life functions, very poor cognition, (worse than it was to the point I don't even want to tell anyone, because how my mind works/thinks is scary to me) like I'm inebriated and can't think or focus, can't remember recent conversations- even of earlier today- and have zero focus/ability to concentrate. Constant pressure in my head, feeling really dizzy like I've been spun in circles and then stopped, vision changes (bad eye is now the good eye and the good eye is bad) seeing double, have zero filter when I talk and things don't make sense, can't recall simple words and frequently mix them up. Vertigo. Dizziness. Lightheadedness. That was Before I started weaning off of meds. I've recently (3 weeks ago) read about post operative cognitive disorder and 2 wks ago saw my Dr (Dr H) review past brain MRI's and he is at a loss after several bloodwork panels. Referral made to out of state University Hospital Neurology dept. He mentioned low blood sugar but nothing otherwise remarkable with labs. He brought up "medications I take contributing to these things-- that the confusion and poor cognition been an ongoing complaint. I also read on drug interactions between each of the meds listed and realized this may be a huge part of the cognitive problems and CNS issues, so lets stop taking what's not working! I've been on lamotrigene for 10 years, 150mg Daily for the past year anyway. I've been talking Valium 5mg at bedtime, as well as Halcion (triazolam) 0.25mg-@HS for probably closer to 14+ years and don't feel it helps with sleep anyway.. It has been ineffective. Also taking an antihistamine at bedtime for allergies... But it potentates the effects of the other meds. Also pain medication A few times a week. Lots of autoimmune, neuroimmune diagnoses and chronic, debilitating nerve, muscle, skin and joint pain that adds to the depression. I won't go into all of that. *Lamotrigene brand change 6 weeks ago Really messed with my brain and systems, so I had to go from that 150mg tablet back to the "good" brand 100mg tablets I had an extra bottle of; (The "good" brand I used has been permanently discontinued.) So- 4 weeks ago my dose was cut to 100mg, trying to get out of the position of needing this med since it has become impossible to get the brand that has been effective. I started weaning from the Halcion 2 weeks ago, cut the dose in half after seeing my doctor and reviewing needs and MRI's etc. Both of these were done as the pharmacist and doctor instructed but I'm seeing much of the withdrawing sx mentioned in this website- And it is only compounding the feeling that I'm completely losing my mind that I have dealt with post-operatively since about March 2018. Low blood sugar has been ruled out as a causative factor for poor cognition over the past 2 weeks. NOW ....I'm noticing worsening cognition, memory and concentration, back pain and muscle spasms(back locked up in me- can't walk/sit past 2 days), fatigue is worse, no motivation, but also anxiety and a need to get out of the house, (manic?) do something besides hide in bed half the day feeling no purpose. The sx wax and wane a bit, afternoons are the worst. I see these are common withdrawal reactions after some browsing of this site, that helps me feel like I'm not totally losing my mind! I appreciate what this site offers- I'm glad to find it. I'm seeing information here that I know it's useful, but I'm already a month in on my lamotrigene dose decrease, don't know that I want to go back up on that. Do I???? I know I've only skimmed the very surface of material here, can't absorb any more right now. At least I've found help. I think. HS: Lamotrigene 100mg Valium 5mg Halcion 0.125mg Clemastine 1.34mg Thx for reading... Cat from USA

Hello, my fellow men and women in this important battle. I'm 25, I live in Luxembourg and I've chosen to call myself EtaCarinae because that's a name that has always stuck with me. I'm fascinated by astronomy, astrophysics, space stuff. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 16, but a recent diagnosis by a reputable service in the field has found that I am on the autistic spectrum. I have Asberger's syndrome, a "mild" form of autism. Sometimes, when my meltdowns get really bad, I may get suicidal if I don't have anyone to talk to, but my symptoms are not caused by depression, but rather by my autism. Anyway, this is the second time I'm weaning off escitalopram 10mg. First time was when I was 18, I had been on 10mg for 2 years during ambulatory therapy with a children's psychiatrist, and he advised me to halve the dose, to take 5mg daily for two weeks, then quit altogether. I, being the stubborn young man I am, decided to speed that up by a factor of two, so I took 5mg for a week, then I quit. This... worked really well for me. I experienced very mild withdrawal symptoms, all I can really remember is a feeling of derealization and some transient vertigo, all of which resolved within a week. This time, I admitted myself to a psych ward after two days of intense suicidal ideation (the exact context isn't really important, but I'll say my family played a role to put me into that situation), where I was put back on escitalopram 10mg. That was on new year's eve, and now, 3 months later, I've decided to throw out the pills again, as they never made me even feel any better. I plan on doing the 50% taper again (as a matter of fact, I've started my taper today), and I plan to alleviate any withdrawal symptoms with CBD oil (10%), which seems to take effect very quickly. I'm very aware that I can count myself lucky for being someone who can come off these meds without any large problems.

Hi, I've been on Zyprexa for about a month and a half now. I started off at 15MG for one month at a psychiatric facility after being diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. Since I've gotten out (about a month ago) I've been at 10MG for most of the last month and have recently cut down to 5MG. The side effects like tardive dyskenesia, diabetes (I am already prediabetic and genetically predisposed to it) along with potential brain shrinkage is not what I'm looking for, and I'm determined to get to the point where I can manage my own moods without medication. I have made an attempt to quit cold turkey, but unsurprisingly that failed miserably and about two weeks in I had to reinstate at 10MG to stop the overwhelming depression and eventual mania ridden with racing violent thoughts of suicide and harming others. Those two weeks were probably some of the worst weeks I've ever had. I was bedridden each day and entrenched in a deep depression rife with suicidal ideation. In an effort to avoid the horrid symptoms of withdrawal I have decided to lower my dose to 5mg, hold that for a month and then taper down to 2.5mg another month, then finally to no Zyprexa at all. Since 12-14-18 I am on Zyprexa 5mg, and things seem to be very manageable so far. The overwhelming depression I was experiencing is gone. I'm just very anxious/irritable and am vaping more frequently than usual. I intend to get off of nicotine once I get off of Zyprexa successfully. I take magnesium every night and use CBD oil twice a day. I have found that CBD oil helps immensely with anxiety, and the insomnia I had back when I quit CT. Running a mile each day or spending an hour on the exercise bike seems to help a lot with the anxiety. Am taking a 6 month leave from my senior year of high school to get off this drug. Since I just moved to a different city two hours north of where I used to live, I have no friends/support except a therapist I'm going to see in a couple days. I have already had facial/leg tremors, some weight gain, and am worried about developing TD. So glad to have found this online community - will keep updates on my mood and such going forward.

Some of you may know me from pp and iawp. I've never posted on this site but I did put up my history. It's just overwhelming and I shake so much that typing is difficult and am just exhausted with telling my story but really need advice. I've been off all ssris for over 14 months (after 17 years use at 10mg) and am in terrible shape: akathisia, inability to focus, constant shaking, fatigue, terrible insomnia, anhedonia, but the worst is my digestive system. My stomach aches all the time and I have no desire to eat. Have to force myself to eat daily. I rarely leave the house any more except to take a half hour walk. Lost 30 lbs in the first few months but have managed to stabalize my weight at 120 pounds. My diet is as good as possible considering it is very difficult for me to cook and there are few things I can bare to eat. I eat little sugar or meat, no caffine, alcohol or processed foods. Lots of yogurt, cheese nuts fruit rice quinoa veggies whole grain bread. This has been going on the entire time since I quit and never improves. Nothing ever improves and I am 63 years old and very afraid. I have no health insurance and little money for medical tests and little faith in the meds anyway. I did have a general physical this year including thyroid test and everything looked fine. What I need to know is if anyone on this site has had such bad digestive issues and recovered. I don't know if the akathisia is causing the gut problems or if they are just happening simultaniously. I don't know where the shaking fits in as it seems to get worse every month. Thank you for reading.

just signed up. information and advice is overwhelming!!!! I can only take in some information at t time. I can't believe this isn't more common knowledge. it is a horrible existence. but God is good and He heals. *1991-2003: 12 years on increasing amounts of Prozac, then *2003-2013: 10 years on increasing amounts of Effexor alchohol abuse issues throughout along with nicotine addiction *2013: pscychMD guided 5 month taper from 300MG to zero Effexor while quitting alcohol and nicotine at about the same time ( awful process , so painful and scary)Dr had me adding prozac to reduce the "discontinuation side effects" *then November 2013, not on anything... ------Bad bad bad ( probably and unknowingly, tapered way way way too fast and unknowingly into some Med PAWS and paws from alcohol ( 8 months without etoh at this time, 4 years now ) * Ran to psychMD and he put me on Latuda then Brintellix ( now called trintellix) *4 months later those about killed me and landed me 3 days in the hospital and then in intensive treatment for depression/anxiety for 5 months. During that time they tried different things too fast and furious with a lot of bad reactions to stuff. Chemical Assaults!!!! this included seroquel, Depakote Summer 2014 finishing up intensive treatment ("pills and skills" what a crock...): I ended up on a cocktail of xoloft, Wellbutrin and elavil. I didn't need more drugs. I was suffering from protracted w/d and chemical assault shock/ptsd. the medical community has no idea. they say "your mental illness is chronic and progressive so you have to manage it continually with drug additions/changes". you can't make this stuff up for a horror movie. *At this time (summer of 2014) I was diagnosed with MS (significant brain lesions and positive other tests for MS) and told I had to go off Humira. I had been on Humira or Enbrel for 13 years, as well as anti inflammatories for arthritis. I stopped these. One year later I started a 4 month taper of these psych drugs. This was way too fast and probably caused more damage/ptsd March 2017: Now I am 14 months total medicine free and dealing with recovery from the damage caused by the actions above. I don't know what is what in terms of cause and effect. I only know that it has been and continues to be awful. a hellish relentless anguish of a myriad of symptoms, an awful existence...after having lost my marriage, family, career possibilities, life...other than faith...I still have my faith in Jesus Christ and God's promises of who HE is, what He's like, and who I am. God Loves me and has taken and continues to take care of me in miraculous ways... He just hasn't healed me fully yet. Is it MS? Immune dysfunction? ANS dysfunction? Damage while taking medicines and self medicating with alcohol ? PAWS from alcohol? PAWS from psych drugs? Chicken, egg or road? It amazes me how after not being on meds for a while, we can suddenly get drastically worse with new or worsening symptoms. 25 years of pschych drug chemical assault and 2 way too abrupt tapers have left me in this state. not to mention MS. Such a mess. Hell on earth. Anguish. So many symptoms.

Hi, I'm Gilly and I just wanted to say hello. My psychiatrist wants me to come down from 100mg Nortriptyline to zero in six weeks. That isn't going to happen! I am down to 75mg by removing one of my 25mg tablets but I am struggling. So I'm going to try and stabilize at 75mg and then take it much more slowly. The psychiatrist wanted me to swap over to Prozac. But if it's going to take 8 months then I probably won't replace it at all. Biggest problem Is suicidal thoughts. I see that's quite common! Thanks tor having me.

Hello everyone this is my first post on SA, although I read here since 2015. I’m a 37 old male from Italy, so forgive me for my poor English. I wish to express my gratitude for Alto and for the entire staff of this community for their efforts to give support to all the members. Briefly my story. I think I have used AD (escitalopram 10mg) in the worst way that can be used, that is go on it on and off. That is, I usually took AD for, say 9 months and then, after feeling good, quit them cold turkey. After a period of 3-4 months without AD inevitably unpleasant symptoms follows. This pattern went on like this for many times, and I think I have used them for a cumulative time of 6-7 years in a total time of 15 hears. Finally, in November 2013 I learned the lesson and I began to suspect a withdraw problem. Last month I celebrated 4 years since my last pill. Here a list of some symptoms I have had in this years: Insomnia brain fog brain zaps (only for few days after quitting) muscle pains stuffy nose, specially upon awakening loss of interests frequent urination IBS like syndrome food sensitivity but the list can continue. The pattern of symptoms is very well know here: windows and waves and not all the symptoms in the same period. All I can say is that in this years my suffering has been deep and painful. I can say too, without exaggeration, that this was the most profound experience of my life. I even can say that I am grateful to this syndrome because I consider me now a better person. I think I’m 80% recovered and the worst symptoms like insomnia have gone away. But I think also that are necessary another couple of years to fully come back. But I know this will be a cake walk compared to what I left behind. It is very difficult for me to tell in English all the aspects of my story but I hope I have given a taste of it. After introducing myself I want to ask a question. I’m considering to take a supplement for hair loss (I think it’s not correlated to withdraw syndrome). It contains saw palmetto (serenoa repens) and nettle root. Now, I’m a little concerned about the first one because, reading various stories on the web, it seems to acts as finasteride on 5-AR receptors and, as you can imagine, I don’t want to mess my up again. Now I don’t now if there is a link between the receptors I have messed up with AD use and those implicated with 5-AR. So my question is: it can be safe to take a small amount of serenoa repens (320 mg)? Is there anyone who has tried it? I thanks everybody for reading my story and for all those can give me suggestion about saw palmetto. I whish healing for everyone. (for moderators: I don’t know if this is the right place to post)

Hello all, I came across this site while in search of support groups for antidepressant withdrawal. It’s wonderful to find such a similar-minded and accepting community. Thank you for allowing me to join you. My memory re: antidepressants is a little hazy, primarily because I feel so “checked out” when it comes to my medical history (I hate everything to do with meds; it makes me feel like I’m at the mercy of my doctor and I’m not in control of my own body/mind) - but I'll try my best. I was first put on antidepressants (Lexapro) at the age of 16 for bulimia, depression and binge-eating. I did very well on it for about 1 year, maybe slightly longer, and then I moved away from home and started university. I quit the antidepressants on my own, only to suffer a rebound effect for the next 1.5 years. This was back in 2008. At some point during this time, I think I may have taken leftover antidepressants (the ones I didn’t use because I quit my meds cold-turkey). It was a very confusing, chaotic time. Most of the time I didn’t want to live. I self-harmed, binged, threw up, hid in my room, refused to meet people. I was put on antidepressants again (Fluoxetine) in 2012, when I saw my GP and a school counselor for bulimia. This time it went up to 60mg/day (instead of 20mg/day previously). I stayed at this dose for around 2 years, maybe more. I don’t remember much. **** hit the fan when I moved countries again, and this time I tried quitting my meds again. I think I tapered off, but there wasn’t any strategy to it. Sometimes I forgot to take my meds, sometimes I just didn’t care enough to take them. Fell into depression, bulimia, self-harm again, this time with the added side career of smoking cigarettes. I seriously considered suicide. I was put on antidepressants again (Fluoxetine, 60mg/day) in June 2016 (last year). Kept this up for a year, and began tapering off this May. I’ve been antidepressant-free since August 2017. I relate very much to the emotional spirals that have been mentioned in the thread here. I also struggle with obsessive thoughts. The worst part about this withdrawal phase is being afraid of my own mind. For all of September and October, I’ve done my best to deal with the feelings/thoughts that arise. In the last two weeks, however, part of me has just “checked out.” Since this withdrawal phase will likely continue for 6 months to a year, I reasoned that it's fine to drown my mind out with work and TV episodes online for now. At some deeper level, I’m aware that this isn’t the best way to go about it. At some point, I'd like to approach it in a healthier way. Thank you all for letting me be here. Reading all your stories help.

I'm a middle aged male near Eugene Oregon. I'm also a military veteran; when I got out of the military I was having sleep issues (big surprise) and when I stepped into my first private industry job after the military (I've had a couple before), I was having a few other issues as well. Emotional issues mostly- and some sleep ones as well. In the military- I was shifting between the states and the middle east time zones, or the states and eastern asia time zone. Major jet lag. When you're younger you can deal with such better- but the older you got the less resilient. I was looking forward to more stability with my private sector job. Which I didn't get. I ended up in a well paying job that had be flying across country (west coast to east coast) once a month, with driving across same every three months. Which led to many problems with sleep. Coupled with that- I didn't have much in the way of stability when it came to a consistent exercise/diet routine. Many are the times I pulled into a flea bag hotel out in the middle of podunk nowhere and the only food available was Le Greazy Spoon. Result- weight gain. More sleep issues due to weight. Finally step into the job I'm currently at, plenty of stability. The doc I enroll with has just the ticket for me: A nice little pill that will help me sleep along with helping those depressive states I was in.(Zoloft). And so started my journey into this B.S. In retrospect- a CPAP then would've been a far cry better. Cue forward about 5 years- Zoloft stopped working? Oh we'll 'try' another- lucky break, Lexapro works 'just fine'- for about another 7 years. Then it stops. This is about the time that I started having real bad problems. The sexual problems, the allergic reaction problems, the mood swings...etc. The allergy problems to food resulted in a botched intubation that screwed up my larynx so that I ended up needing a cpap anyways. I was also put onto testosterone 'therapy' in an effort to deal with the 'depression' 8 years ago. More sexual problems resulting. The cpap did/does more good for the sleep than anything else. But I don't much care for it. But it's one of those things I need to have to avoid going postal. I'd been given a few pills for the occasional allergic reaction (esophageal spasmings). Pulmonary Saddle Embolism due to the Testo therapy, numerous and unnecessary tests for conditions my doc said I had but as it turned out I didn't. And then last year the steadily worsening gall bladder problems. End result- gall bladder removal, but it took pulling teeth to accomplish that. Irony- so many 'tests' to eliminate that which I didn't have, and the one time I was having a problem they just about stonewalled me from the 'cure' I needed. The gall bladder was I guess- the crowning achievement- getting woken up in the middle of the night because of mysterious pains in your abdomen that your regular doc and several ER docs- ignored or pooh-poohed as 'all in my head', and here's a scrip for some oxycontin now go away. I wonder why I got night terrors. Now couple that with the ongoing anti-depressant issues- result I'm anxious beyond belief and looky here! Another pill to save the day! Xanax. Between that and the paxil, wellbutrin, my heart was pounding against my sternum like a boxer's ball. Same time- Severe Depression with Suicidal Ideation. After Xanax- there came Ativan. Which actually seemed to help- for a while. Then I developed tolerance rather quickly. A doubling of the dose as per recommendation- bad idea- I ended up feeling like a mile wide brain fog. So- I drop back down to the original. Bad Idea. Anxiety up the gump stump. Researching heavily I stumble across Benzo Buddies- my story there: http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84 Longer story short- I'm (eventually) over the benzo problem. So after learning of the problems with psychotropic drugs like benzos- I've decided to rid myself of the other kind of psychotropics, my antidepressants. And I've been doing that for five months. (July/2015). Looking back- JUST five months? It seemed like forever now. I've still got no few issues. The biggest issue I've got right now? Sleep. Big surprise eh? Right now- a problem developed a couple weeks ago: I'd go to bed, fall asleep, dream pretty intensely, and then immediately wake up with my heart pounding against my rib cage. Stay awake an hour- and then repeat all night long until it's time to get up. Initially I thought it was Night Terrors, as the intense dreams were nightmarish in their scope. But now- it's just 'routine' dreams. They're more intense- more... I don't know what. Like they're 'catching up'. Weekends are indeed a blessed time now. I can 'catch up' on the weekend sleep wise. Whereas I couldn't do that before all of my problems and during the withdrawals. It's the closest I've come to a living hell. Addicted/tolerant of: Oxycodones (after gall bladder surgery) suicidally depressed getting off of those- dealing with the compassion fatigue of so many medicos, then benzo tolerance/withdrawal, then anti-d tolerance/withdrawal. I've lost a good portion of my life to this- all because of my misplaced trust in the medical profession. My experiences with military medical- not a fluke. I trusted them, they dropped the ball. And they continue to. As I've read online- time and again. So yeah- I'm angry. But the CBT did help me through the worst of the rough patches. I find that it's 'new agey' psych doc that I trust. Why? Because his **** worked. Unlike the pill pushers. He got me through the Suicidal Thoughts. The pills - forget it. So- I don't trust docs now. I'm quite wary of what they have to say- particularly when it comes to pills and their 'advice'. They're human. They make mistakes, and big surprise- we are the guinea pigs that pay the price, financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I'm lucky- I found out this crap relatively early on. I still have a job. I still have my wife. And yeah- I worked 40 hours a week going through all of my withdrawals- I used up just about ALL of my vacation and sick days doing so. I'm slowly building them up again now. Getting off of the anti-d's, I'm rediscovering how much I love my wife and family (such as it is). It's been a long uphill road, but in the end it's worth enjoying life as it comes. A couple of weeks ago- I actually felt things as I did when I was younger. Such comes and goes, but I want to feel such more often.

Hello community! TL;DR I'm tapering off Risperdal, experienced improvements while tapering off, improvements faded away after a few weeks again, worried about permanent brain damage, wondering if I can ever recover from it. (Warning: This is quite a wall of text) After searching for information on Google a lot, I decided to create an account here. I had trouble finding an answer to my specific problem. The whole point of this post is to ask about permanent brain damage and if there is any hope of restoring from it, but I will explain everything I think it has ruined before asking, just so you can get a clear picture of what is going on. A doctor of whom I - and others - don't remember who he/she was, has put me on Risperdal in my childhood. If I am to believe my mother, it is 0.5mg since the day I was put on it. I think I'm lucky I've always been on a very low dose. The reason was PDD-NOS. Well, that's the diagnosis that they used to justify it. The real problem was aggression - I was having trouble controlling it. However, that's no longer a problem. Someone taught me techniques to control it that actually worked for me - while on the Risperdal. That happened around the age of 13 - I should've been taken off Risperdal right then, in my opinion. Fast forward about 12 years, and here I am, a 23-year-old girl. I wasn't aware of how heavy the effects of Risperdal were, until some people on the internet began waking me up to what Risperdal was, when I mentioned to them that I took it. I used to believe it was required to manage my PDD-NOS. However, based on information I've found on PDD-NOS, and information I've found on the effects of Risperdal, I have been able to conclude that that train of thought was very much false... Risperdal is WAAAAYYY too strong for what I _had_. What I should also add to this, is that I am a transgender girl. Meaning I started out born as the opposite gender, but used medical treatment to become a girl. (Don't worry, I have been very carefully psychologically analyzed by a hospital for about 2 years - even they were sure that I am truly transgender). This is relevant because that adds two more meds (hormones) to the mix: Estradiol, and Cyproterone Acetate. Those are Estrogen and Testosterone Blockers, respectively. These medications started about a year ago. I have noticed that the debilitating, lethargic effects have gotten worse ever since getting on those, but I refuse to get off those meds because I very much need them to have the body I desire. Also, before I got on the hormones, I was on Lexapro (Escilatopram), an anti-depressant, in addition to Risperdal. It was supposed to protect me from stress caused by the gender clinic - it was not at all depression. But what it actually did, was make the effects I am experiencing from Risperdal now, 10 times worse. Meaning, I was basically just in my bed the entire time, and everything around me hurted. Even the TV. Fortunately I am off that stuff now, after 6 months of being kept on it, unaware that it was making me sick. Also, I lost my job during the time I was on that stuff... I have also been on Melatolin for a very long time, 0.2mg of it. When I needed to knock myself out into sleep, I usually took 2 or 3mg. I recently heard Melatolin can cause side effects too, including some of the things I've been experiencing in the morning, so I decided to stop that one cold turkey. Melatolin can generally be stopped cold turkey according to many sources of information, so that's what I did. I had trouble going to bed on time at first without the help of melatolin, but at the time of writing this, I can go to bed about as easily as when I was on melatolin. So... The problems I've been experiencing... Around the age of 16 or 17, my memory suddenly experienced a sudden drop in effectiveness. Where I would be able to remember weeks at a time before, and clearly at that, I suddenly had trouble remembering past three days in the past. I don't think I've ever recovered from that. In addition, in the last few years, meaning, 20 to 23 years of age, I've experienced tiredness, lethargy, laziness, and morning grogginess (headache, dizziness) - that are so bad that I have trouble integrating into society. They are preventing me from getting a job or going to a school - and that is the point where I decided to try to taper off the medication - with the help of my GP. Specifically, the morning headaches, diziness, and slight nausea, are so debilitating that I can basically forget about doing anything in the morning. I end up sitting behind my laptop or computer and waiting for it to pass. Naturally, that prevents me from starting anything (a job, or school) that requires me to be available in the morning. Also, if I would do _anything_ in the outside world that required a, well, decently normal amount of energy (such as travelling through the country using public transit).. The next day, I would be unavailable for the entire day. I would be unable to do much of anything. It would all hurt too much. Of course, there's also the general daily tiredness/lethargy that never fully goes away. Of course, these are not acceptable effects, and I want to get rid of them so I can get on with my life! --- Now, a few weeks ago, I first started tapering off. I went from 0.5 mg to half of that, so 0.25mg. The effects astonished me - I felt alive! I was no longer lethargic, or even what I used to call "lazy" - and experiencing this energetic feeling made me realise that I wasn't actually lazy, I was sedated. About 4 days after I halved my dose is when I really noticed the effects. I travelled across the country using public transit, to go to an appointment that I was greatly stressed about. To my surprise, afterwards, I wasn't very exhausted, so I decided to go meet up with some people from the internet who I had wanted to meet up with. I did, and then in the evening, I went home.. ..Surprise! The next day, I wasn't exhausted at all! In fact, I had enough energy to tidy up my entire house! And I did. I made sure to make use of this newfound energy. It was absolutely wonderful! These effects lasted for a few weeks.. And I enjoyed every ounce of the newfound energy. ...But then they started to fall back to the same old lethargic state... ...Even though I was still on a lower dose, the same old effects were creeping back in. Gradually, every day, I felt more tired, more lethargic, more lazy...... ..And now we're almost back to where we started. Now, I have a theory.. And this is, of course, speculation.. But I think my body might have gotten used to the lower dose and adjusted to it accordingly. --- So now comes the question about permanent brain damage. As you will probably notice, my use of language seems intelligent. I like to think that I am - although, of course, it is relative to the intelligence of others. I am bad at mental math, but great at some other intellectual endeavours, such as music theory. However, the question of my damaged memory remains. As well as this lethargy that I so badly want to get rid of because it is basically preventing me from living a full life... Since I've been on Risperdal for around 12 years, will I recover from these effects? Will the lethargy ever go away? Will my memory ever return to normal? I have also heard a rumor that Risperdal can shorten your lifespan by about 20 years. Is that true? Will I die much earlier now? I am, of course, very unhappy towards the people that did this to me. Well, unhappy is an understatement. I'm pretty angry at them - the difference being, that I am capable to handle my aggression and do not resort to throwing things around or damaging property or beings. Instead, my words get more aggressive, and I get really passionate about solving whatever issue is at hand. More rebellious, basically. I don't think that's such a bad thing. Anyhow.. I hold the strong hope that I am able to recover from these debilitating effects. I'd like to add, that if any doctors are reading this.. PLEASE consider VERY CAREFULLY whether it is worth it to use Atypical Antipsychotics such as Risperdal on children with mild autistic disorders such as PDD-NOS. As you can read in my story, the long-term effects are not worth it, at all.

i took celexa or citaophram or lexapro for over 20 yearson the advice of my dr i had cried in his office he thought i could feel better i stopped taking it 20mg cokd turkey about 5 days ago the only thing hsppening is a clumk sound in my head usually if i am walking it sounds like a car driving iver a manhole cover

Hello all! I guess I am here for the same reason everyone else is, for help, advice and support in my tapering journey. I have many, many questions and experiences to share but rather than typing it all here, I will just do my intro here and continue the rest of my posts in other categories. I'll start from the beginning. Facts about me I am almost 21 I have a psychiatric service dog I love all things art I used to be a lyrical, ballet, and hip-hop dancer I love animals I am biracial (half African American and half Caucasian) I have curly hair I believe I genetically already had anxiety issues, but I do think something ignited them. I was a normal child, but when I was 12 years old, I got a vaccination called Gardisil. I can not know for sure if this vaccination is what sparked my anxiety, but due to the circumstances, I think it is very likely that it did. A: this vaccination was not fully researched at the time I received it and if you do research on it, it has had terrible effects on many, many people. B: My anxiety issues started immediately after I received it. The anxiety I experienced was EXTREME. I found random things to be anxious about and got 'stuck' on them. It was all I would think about. This obsession lead to OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Which despite what you have seen on TV is a serious disorder that does NOT always half to do with cleaning, neatness or tightness. It can come in many forms. Anyway, by the time I was 14, I was full blown OCD, with everything down to my breathing. Fast forward to when I was 18 and I finally got on medication for my anxiety disorder. I had hit rock bottom, I was in the darkest place I had ever seen and my mom noticed and made me an appointment. Initially, the medication helps SO much. I was like a normal person. After a while, the pills seemed to wear off so my doc upped the dosage. But I didn't seem to work. Soon after, I had an accident. I wont say what happened because I don't know what the rule are and it is probably very triggering. But lets just say I fell down (figuratively) really hard and I was admitted to a mental health hospital. Oh man was that an experience (but I will talk about that in a different post). While I was in the hospital, they put me on Prozac (because they LOVE to medicate in mental hospitals) which I cannot say had much of an effect on me. Maybe it made me depressed or maybe I was depressed because of what I was going through at the time. But I did something that you are never supposed to do and stopped my meds cold turkey. I then went through horrible withdraw and relapses and almost admitted myself again. My doctors were on Christmas vacation so I had to wait to get back on meds. Finally I saw my psych and was put on Lexapro. The Lexapro completely killed my anxiety, the problem is, it has killed all of my other emotions as well. I am currently tapering off of my Lexapro. I am a robot, a shell of myself and that is not okay with me so thats why i'm here. I hope to be apart of a great group here and look forward to meeting some people going through the same thing

2 AM here and for me to risk losing another sleeping night, it says of how much dire my life has become. My real name is Vitor, 23 Y/O, Male and middle-class Brazilian. Ever since the age of 17 I've been suffering from undying stress due to a troublesome relationship, ever since I've contemplated the voyage of the magical healing that psychiatric meds would proportionate, people say with age comes regret for what should have been, mine has arrived with no preemptive sign. Since 2013 I've started my first psychiatric treatment, 10mg of Escitalopram (Exodus, a medication that - so far - is only available national-wide), my mood went from downhill to upwards jolly, my med also diagnosed what could have been ADHD and suggested me to start a parallel treatment with Ritalin LA 20mg (which later was increased to 30mg and much later reduced to 10mg). Past almost a year into the beginning of the treatment, and my doctor saw no use for me to carry on with SSRIs, instructing then to stop aburptly, so far I've exited the road symptomless, or with ones that I couldn't notice at such time, since my troublesome affective relationship went from bad to worst every single day. 2014's dawn and i've lost touch with my girlfriend, the shock basically made me rush into my old med once again, had a terrible reaction that - if not by my current state - would have been the worst time of my life. The experience already made me wary of the dangers underlying such meds. Worst would come when my Health Insurance retracted my membership, on the basis that my monthly automatic payments were not being made due to an error, with no prior warning from any part. Universal Healthcare here is a mess, and when trying to make an appointment, on 2014, I'm still yet to hear any previews from any part. I was basically lost at that point. Forced into Cold Turkey from both meds, which would have been bad, have I not associated with the recent loss of my girlfriend. I can't remember that much about the symptoms. 2015 I've found another psychiatrist who basically reinstated me into both meds, but things started to spiral down from here, on July I've lost my job and had to head out to my parents, with the second "withdrawal" I started to be wary of the first underlying condition: Brain Fogs. I've basically grown and lived in my own imagination, for the first time in my life, trying to visualize thoughts was an out of reach task, something I did naturally taken away from me. I basically gave up on writing and drawing for some time. And after it, symptom after symptom came after me, the bad sinus, the erratic emotional swings, hyperarousal, hyperthermia, akethesia. All except for the Brain Zaps. The constance of intake and withdrawals basically spinned my head, and I can't say whether or not I'm into a dead end. I tried reintroducing Escitalopram probably 2 more times (both 7,5 mg), but the sleepiness was so crippling that I've basically gave up trying. 2016 and here I am, symptoms I've never had any notice until now, my mind totally blank, impossible to sleep with the burning skin and lightheadedness. I don't feel fatigue that much, but I'm panicking almost all of the time. Coming here was a struggle, admiting that I'm sick was a blow to my morale and self-steem, and trying to tell yourself you're fine is the worst. My ability to feel joy have been dulled, but I think I'm slowly turning back to enjoy games, the hardest blow is the brain fog and cognitive impairment, not being able to contextualize and love being imaginative. I've read so many terrifying stories, but at the same time, I think embracing the first community that would accept my phase is absolutely necessary. My family is clueless of my symptoms, so were and are most of my friends, which I've lost so many. I'll definitely miss my 20's, if I ever remember them. Sorry for such sloppy and grieving carthasis, and thank you to anyone who took your time reading.

Hello all, I suppose I am writing to see if I am crazy or not, if others have had the same problems, or if it is like the psychiatric community says and I just need to be on an SSRI. Is this really me? Or is this still the Zoloft? I was put on Zoloft when I was 18 for anxiety relating to going to college. I had always been an anxious child, and suffered from some depressive episodes in highschool. I wasn't awesome, but it wasn't until I went on zoloft that I feel I really got out of control. For the most part, it did a pretty good job of numbing me out, but when I blew, I BLEW. I was on it for 12 years. Tried to wean off at least five times as I did not feel it was doing much, maybe even making me slightly more unstable, and of course the sexual dysfunction and weight gain weren't fabulous either, but I could never get through the initial withdrawal. Finally I gathered all my courage and took the plunge last year and was completely weaned by October. I made it through the weaning months of physical hell and some emotional roller-coastering and thought I had it nailed, once I was completely off things seemed to be getting better. Then since the beginning of this year things have been a complete mess. I have lost my job, lost my friends, my romantic relationship is hanging by a thread. I also suffer from Lyme, so I am constantly unsure what physical symptoms are due to that or the zoloft. But the emotions are another thing entirely. I can barely function, my anxiety keeps me in the house most days. I have regular panic attacks over the silliest things and I cry ALL THE TIME. I couldn't make it through San Andreas the other day without bawling. I had my ups and downs before, but the downs, though more severe since taking the Zoloft, also revereted themselves within a few weeks and didnt happen except maybe once or twice a year. Now, my nerves are shot, I am exhausted all the time, I have horrible acne, I feel week, nauseous, headaches. I've developed obsessive disorders and worst of all, because of all this, I have become severely depressed and suicidal at times(not sure if I am allowed to say that on here, but it is the truth). I can't describe the total sense of loss of control. The loss of myself. Some days I have it a little together, but most days I dont. The littlest stressor will send me completely over the edge. I am seeing a nutritionalist and holistic medicine doctor to try to rebalance my completely depleted adrenals, I go to meditation class, I see a therapist, I exercise three plus days a week, I eat all organic all homemade meals, I even started acupuncture, I basically do everything by the book but am still about as messed up as you can be. My therapist believes I need to go back on medication, that I am wired this way and my only hope is drugs. My mom (who is also a shrink and who I currently live with) believes drugs as the reason I am like this now in the first place and feels hesitant about me throwing my system back into another chemical upheaval. I agree with each of them depending on the day and time. Everything I have read online says you are supposed to be back to normal after three months, maybe four. I am going in month six and things seem to be getting worse. Is this common, is this still withdrawal? Is the withdrawal worth it? It wasnt great on Zoloft but I DEFINITELY, DID NOT, SHAKE AND CRY while watching a movie like San Andreas. I've cried more and been more upset these past few months than I did while watching my dad slowly being eating away by cancer and dying a terribly painful death. To be honest, it is ridiculous and it is incredibly hard to think how I can possibly get through it. Thank you.

Hello there everyone, recently took the plunge into tapering off of sertraline after our 2 year love affair began to sour. I'm no newbie to anti depressants and have been battling depression for most of my life. I had my first episode when I was 15 which escalated to a suicide attempt at 16. Since then I have had 3 major episodes the last of which began early 2012 but I let it run and then New Year's Day 2013 I experienced the biggest meltdown of my life so far. My GP began my treatment with citalopran but my body was not comfortable with its side effects so this was replaced with sertraline. Dosaged started at 50mg and climbed to 200mg by October 2015. For the most part I have enjoyed my time on sertraline but I now feel more and more side effects manifesting such as rapid weight gain, insomnia and general feeling of weirdness. I really want to kick this drug and began to stop taking them. I had no idea how bad it would be and have had to return to my normal dose. I was experiencing headaches, dizziness, nausea and irratability. I began researching and came across this site and was comforted by the knowledge that I was not the only one. I am now planning to taper myself off sertraline so wish me luck guys.

Hello everyone, I'm LemonBerry and I'll tell my story here and will also try to help others hopefully. Also I'm from The Netherlands so sorry if I make mistakes in the sentences or that some medicine has a different name here. It all started when I was 16 and got sick, my heart was beating 180 and I was diagnosed with 'supraventricular tachycardia'. Though this was quickly fixed by a surgery except I kept thinking after the surgery I was going to die of heartattacks and what not. So for over 4 months I struggled with anxiety and atleast one day a week I was at the emergency department because I really thought I was having a heartattack. After a while the docter decided to prescribe me Venlafaxine.I don't remember the dose anymore, it's too long ago. This didn't work out quite well, I woke up in the middle of the night from nightmares with a tingling tongue and ******. Also I was extremely angry sometimes. The docter decided this wasn't the right medicine for me. So they put me on Sertraline, 50MG. In 2014 I ended in the hospital twice. First time was when they increased the dose of Sertraline to 100mg (which they did because they thought I was depressed). I was having my school final (loads of stress probably) I was twitching on one side of my body. The hospital said they couldnt find anything wrong with my body but it could be a side effect of the Sertraline. In the end atleast I still got my diploma when I re-did my final. A few months later I was a weekend alone and also ended in the hospital because I couldn't stop thinking I was having a heart attack. In the end it was also because I had alot of stress about deciding wether I want to continue studying or find job. After this was figured out and everything was taking the right turn I decided to quit Sertraline. Everything was going well the only withdrawal symptom I had was the 'electric shocks' (not sure how to describe it). At the start of 2015 things were quite alright except the fact I was quite down being not able to find a job and broke up with my boyfriend. I went to a person to talk to every week but this didn't really have much effect. Things were clearing up though because I found a really nice job so I decided to stop going to the psychologist since I didn't have much time as I'd be working fulltime from now on. Things were going great till people got fired left and right, my manager was leaving and everything got really busy. This was were the anxiety started comming back. First all I thought about was work 24/7 after that when I felt something like a little bit of a sore throat I thought I had the worst things. I started going to the docter almost every week. They said it was stress (which it was) and I should try to relax a bit more. But having problems with anxiety you don't even believe the docter anymore. Then my legs started to cramp up and I started googling my symptoms. NEVER google your symptoms, this only makes things worse. I started to think I actually had the worst things like MS or ALS. This was when the docter decided to rpescribe me antidepressants again, This time Escitalopram, 10MG. I did not react well to this. I was feeling super happy and super horny right after the first day I took it. After I took it my whole skin was turning red and I had difficulty breathing. Yet the docters at the emergency place told me to keep taking it since you can't just quit antidepressants. Plus people find it harder to believe you since you have anxiety problem. After 2 days I couldnt take it anymore, this was also in the weekend so I couldnt contact my own docter but the emergency docter agreed I took half of it. So I took 5MG and called my own docter right away monday. She didn't really know what to do since on one side Escitalopram is known for bad side effects in the beginning but on the other side these were quite severe. So she called a psychiatrist, which I could see and talk to the next day. The next day he told me to quit the Escitalopram as it seemed to make manic. Also being super horny doesn't really fir the image of anti depressants as it seems most do the opposit. Also since I was dealing with great anxiety still he advised me to take sertraline as I took it before and take some more intensive therapy for my anxiety. I thought this was a good idea since I don't remember having very bad side effects from Setraline. Even on 12,5MG the 3 days were horrible. I couldnt eat a thing and I barely slept. Also I was having a weird feeling in my ****** again. So I quit this aswell perhaps without the approval of my docter but I was done with all the medication. and my therapy starts the 8th of september. This is where the whole meberassing thing starts. After a few days of quitting Sertraline, I didn't sleep anymore and so I was having extreme anxiety of never being able to sleep again and dieing of lack of sleep. So I took 5mg of Oxazepam in the morning to calm down but I collapsed/fainted an hour later. Perhaps because of lack of sleep or worrying so much or the combination of it. So we (me and my mother) went to the emergency room again, the docter told me to take the other half of the Oxazepam and a Temazepam to sleep. I slept like a rose that night atleast so the worry of never being able to sleep again was gone. The day after I went to the docter and she advised me to take the Temazepam for a week so I could get a nice sleep rythm. When I got home I realized my ****** was feeling weird so I started googling thinks about anti depressants and the ******. This was also not a good idea. Like I said before googling things makes things worse and I get to the point I believe I have it. So I found an article about the relation between PGAD and SSRI's AKA the medicine I took the past 2 weeks. So I completely broke down. Atleast I took the courage to go to my mom and talk about it and asked her if she'd never stop believing me. Which she atleast agreed to do. When I got home I decided to take a look at my ****** and noticed it was white. So my rationality pulled me back to the earth and I realized I might just have an infection from all the stress. So I called the docter and she prescribed me some kind of cream. I have been using the cream for a week now but don't really notice an improvement. My lower abdomen and back also hurt like hell. They also tested if I had Cystitits, which I did not. So Now I'm scared I have PGAD which is an insult to people that do have it if I don't and if I just have a stupid infection. Yesterday I felt a weird feeling in my ear and got super dizzy. I nearly fainted and got super workedup. I started googling (again, why do I even do that) about extreme low blood pressure and found things about Septic Shock and was convinved I was going to die from that. But here I am, still alive the next day. Worrying about PGAD again instead since the cream doesn't have much effect and the stupid cramps in my abdomen are unbearable. So this is my story thus far. If anyone has any questions I'd be happy to answer them if I can. Any advice is also very welcome. I really really really do hope it gets better with this stupid anxiety. Atleast I have a supporting mom and a loving boyfriend (we got back together again). But wanting the anxiety to go away and being done with everythign is appereantly not enough to solve it. I also have NO intention to suicide or whatsoever. It's more the opposit, that I'm paranoid of death. Also sorry about the censoring and everything and I don't know if I put it in the right forum but it's certainly not meant sexual in any way.

Hey! I am a Kiwi, I don't have any real life support I want to draw on, have been isolating I guess, due to fatigue. An online forum was incredible for helping me get sober, I would really appreciate connecting with other people on here. I am going to start taper tomorrow, as I have ten days leave off work still. Nice to meet you all Oh, and it was doing my head in trying to add a photo as I am orientating myself to a mac system and don't know how to find my photos and make them small for upload :/ I will get to it! Thanks

Hello All! I am glad to have found this website, it has helped me to know that I am not alone in all this craziness and has helped me though some difficult withdrawal symptoms. I finally decided to become a member as I want to talk with others going through similar things. It is important to have support. So here is a bit about my story. When I was in high school, I started having these horrible, disgusting, debilitating violent intrusive thoughts. They mainly seemed to focus on the people I love most, which was so incredibly distressing to the point where I would feel phsyically sick to my stomach. I was so freaked out about what was going on that I barely talked to anyone about it, my doctor included. The most I would say is that I had "bad" thoughts. I eventually told my parents they were violent thoughts. I wanted medication because I thought that was the answer. I didn't consider therapy because I didn't want to talk to anyone, I feared I would be put in a mental institution. The doctor diagnosed me with GAD as I of course had high anxiety due to the OCD thoughts, and put me on Lexapro. I was on this for 7 years, gradually tapering by 5 mg increments this whole time, purely because I knew I didn't want to be dependent on medication for my entire life. The Lexapro did take my thoughts away, although I have a suspision that they were still there in the back of my mind and the medication just made me not notice them? Sounds weird but idk. After being completely off Lexapro for a month or two (after tappering in a sporadic, almost cold turkey method from 5 mg), I had a severe panic attack. Before the attack being off the Lexapro, I actually felt better in ways. I felt i could feel real emotions such as being truely in love with my boyfriend. I had libido for what felt like the first time ever, it was intense. And this made me happy because i felt like I was feeling real human emotions! But after the panic attack, I was in a constant severe state of panic, anxiety, and psychosis. I honestly have no idea how I didn't miss a day of work due to all this. Finally after a couple of weeks I put myself back on low doses of the Lexapro until I could get into my doctor. She recomended going to 10 mg so that is what i have been on for about a week and a half, started on May 27th, 2015. I've had times of starting to feel better but have still been struggling. Feeling doom and darkness often, some derealization/depersonalization, and return of the awful intrusive thoughts, they are constant and debilitating. They make me so sad and I feel like a horrible person for having them. And I've been dealing with the fear of acting out on them, even though I know I never will it is a debilitating fear. I read the book "The Imp of the Mind" by Lee Baer, and that helped me to know I am not alone in my fears, I would definitely recommend it to anyone going though this sort of thing. My boyfriend said that for a very short time after coming off of the Lexapro completely that it was like he could "see" me. Like he could see the real me for the very first time. I realized then that the meds seemed to make me a complete zombie. I also have been realizing multiple negative thought patterns that I have been practicing that I didn't even realize on the medication. No wonder I have become such a miserable person! It was as if the medication made me unable to think for myself, have opinions or make decsisions. Has anyone else felt this way on an antidepressant? I want to taper off for good once I stablize on 10mg, but the hellish withdrawal symptoms are the worst thing I think I may ever experience in life. Also, does anyone else struggle with violent intrusive thoughts? I want to connect with others going through the same thing and also to let you know that you are not alone!! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this! Hope, peace, and love to you <3