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Mod note: link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic) I was just an 18yr old, a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really- when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations. All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once. My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month. This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs. but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem. I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now. I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me. Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache. I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived. I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system. I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness". But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact. while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care I have a good life. Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild. and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come. I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest: I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events. so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them but today, I give myself permission to bask in this feeling. it feels like the right and honest thing to do. I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem. to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery. it's worth it, believe me so very worth it!

Hi fam- so I’ve just turned 32 after what’s seemed like a decades-long book of a psychiatric journey. At age 13 I was admitted to the hospital for severe depression. My family decided to perform an intervention to get me out of bed and into the hospital, due to not being at a place to deal with the conflict. My mother a neurologist, father an endocrinologist, and to-be-doctor sister at the time, failed to intend to resolve the issue outside of psychiatric means. So I was put on Zoloft… my first medication in a line of maybe 15+ drugs that Ive had a regimen for in my life. But I come to this forum nearly 20 years later and realize what my journey has been like, my yearning to get back to who that passionate individual was, superseding all bounds of the medicinal chaos that entrapped me for most of my life. but I’ve found good structure in my life as of late. Past all the suicidal years in my late teenage and early-to-mid 20s. I started a family, with a wonderfully empathetic wife who supports me in my journey. I had met her having gone Cold Turkey for a complete stint of two years before … more trauma. we lost our baby boy in March ‘21 during a traumatic uterine rupture. God bless him. three months after, my rage knew no bounds and I ended up striking my wife.. and I ended up hospitalized after a suicide attempt… the last in the line of 6 attempts throughout life. I was then out into an IOP program, the fourth time I have participated in one so my skills were really in for polishing. I remember being the “wise” one by my peers and even the mediators themselves. All in all I picked up my toolkit, for helping in my structure in many ways. I have no regrets here. my life has become pretty stable, with the vraylar since then, along with the time old and tested Lamictal that I take to feel that so-called “mental clarity” of my 20s. I take 10mg of amphetamine to abide by the demands of working in a high-paced IT consultant gig. It does its tricks, but makes me feel like a token minority (indian, here) and like I live up to fewer merits without it. So it needs to go. Eventually. But my diagnosis of ADHD inattentive-type is pretty seriously affecting me and need to cope with it as best as I can. I rationalize this with taking the low dose and having deliberately open conversations around this and all my drugs with my psychiatrist. He’s supportive of me looking into tapering which is nice. so I want to start with vraylar and lamotrigine subsequently. I think my bipolar diagnosis can go to hell, just like when we threw out borderline personality disorder. Hell, I’m not even feeling like I’m up to dealing with them stigmatized labels anymore like being inattentive or autistic. I just want to be free. oh yeah, smoke a bong dab a day for calming the nerves. Peace and love. Thank you kindly for reading.

Hi Everyone! I’m so glad I found this forum. I hope it’s the right one for me. I came here because an antidepressant was the start of my problems. Also, I have been unable to find a forum just for people trying to get off mood stabilizers. I was put on 10 mg of Lexapro at age 36 during a moderate depression in 2004. Before long, I was told that I had a “mood disorder NOS” and 600mg lithium was added in. Eventually, I was told I had Bipolar 2 Disorder, dropped Lexapro, and 100mg Lamictal was added. I think it’s very odd to be diagnosed with BD2 at age 41. I happened across videos by a lovely man, Dr Peter Breggin. Before long, I showed them to my husband. We both knew that we had to get his book and get me off these toxins! My psychiatrist reluctantly agreed to go along with us. He called Dr Breggin an “outlier”. My taper began March 11, 2020. I took my last pills on May 14, 2020. I had a very uncomfortable week in the middle of April, but otherwise was holding it together pretty well. About two weeks after I took my last pills, I began to have more symptoms. I haven’t had a normal day since. It’s been about three weeks of ups and downs. I’m waiting for “normal“ to come back. I have had these symptoms: -hypomania in the form of over-talkativeness, scattered energy, and insomnia -anxiety, frequent but fleeting panic attacks -depression symptoms that affect the body, such as tiredness, low motivation, sensitivity to lack of sun. I have not felt the hopelessness or despair I had when I was diagnosed with depression in 2004. -I have light headaches when I feel depression symptoms. -I have heard a “buzzing” in my head, only for one day though. -I struggle to drive further than my local small grocery store. I fear highways. It’s almost as if I’m a student driver. I’ve gotten mixed up a few times. (I’ve driven for 32 years with a good record.) I hope to gain some helpful information here and I hope I can help others. I feel rather alone, knowing nobody else in person who has gone through this. Sometimes my family doesn’t seem to really get what’s going on with me, though I try to explain again and again. My husband is a treasure! He was the one who adjusted my meds for me and filled the boxes every Tuesday night. May God bless him for it! He is the wind beneath my wings. ❤️

Hi there, OP. You and another user wanted some solidarity with other people stuck on Seroquel, right? Let me introduce myself: Almost 38/F. Vancouver, Canada. I'm starting a taper from 50mg I.R. Seroquel next week. I've been stuck on it since July 2021, when I had a horrific reaction to LoLoestrin on the 6th day of taking it. I started having symptoms on day #3 (2x/day panic attacks!) Went to walk-in clinic on day #5 & was dismissed/told it was normal. Not for me. I've been on ~7 different b/c pills (all made me spot, and as I got older, really putrid stuff started comming out of me or I bled constantly and never stopped for 2 weeks until I gave up. So, I'm stuck with a menstrual cycle. lol.) I listened to him & kept taking the LoLoestrin. The next night, I went into Psychosis (rapid switching b/n manic laughing & weeping rapid-fire within seconds - I've always been in control of my emotions. I have the emotional regulation of a titan, humble brag.) Next morning, I went to the small local E.R. (even though my mom said nothing's wrong) & they gave me an Rx for something called Seroquel 50mg I.R. (was either that or Ativan - NO! I don't drink, so I never thought of getting drunk until my endocrine system re-balanced) & told me to get my Psychiatrist to get me off of it later. He was always on vacation (80 yrs old?), & I don't trust him whatsoever. I was finally able to get rid of him in Dec 2022. Wanted to get rid of him in Feb 2022 when things really started spiralling out of control, but nobody else avaliable. The 50mg I.R. snowballed out of control with mis Dx's, mood stabilizers, etc. I've tried to taper off of 50mg I.R. Seroquel 11x with either my own pill splitter (crumbly mess) or an in-patient industrial pill-splitter to reduce 1 of the 2 mini pills by 1/4 (12.5%). This never worked. I almost went into Psychosis 3x. I thought the birth control incident was scary enough. At no point since July 2021 in the Hospital's Mental Health & Substance Use Unit (had to get my mom to drive me many times due to withdrawal symptoms from Seroquel or other meds or the meds themselves!) or In-Patient facilities (3x w/in 6 months) did anybody mention a liquid taper. Shocking and pathetic incompetence. I learned about a liquid taper earlier this year by myself. I also learned more about Seroquel last November (h1 & d2 receptors & how the serotonin is different than the serotonin in Pristiq - ******* hell). & even more about its action on Histamine recently. & nobody since July 2021 ever plainly outright straight-up admitted that withdrawal symptoms are real. I've experienced w/d symptoms in the past. The only way I was able to get off Effexor (side-effects because I was Rx'ed way too much in 2015) was to go to Pristiq. I do well on Pristiq. My physiology can't tolerate any of the other SSRI's & SNRI's, although my Psychi always Rx'ed me too much - dangerous! The only reason I want to get off of the 50mg I.R. is because my muscles constantly jerk/twitch all over my body. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes more frequent. Sometimes less. This is a red flag and dangerous. But I've put up with it because until recently, I had no idea how I was going to try to taper again with a pill-splitter. Since learning about Histamine, I'm doing a low-histamine diet & started a couple of days ago. I do not Diet. It's not necessary for me, nor do I want to restrict. But this is a VERY special circumstance. This may help with the taper from Seroquel, since I learned from someone else on this message board about histamine from their withdrawal from Seroquel essay. (Heartbreaking.) From what I've read in your thread, you're doing quite a fast taper. I plan to do -0.25% off of the last dosage every 4 weeks minimum. Or 6 weeks? & Holding for ever how long. & then going again. Hold however many times my physiology requires. It's not up to me. It's up to my individual nervous system. I'm a non-smoker, non-drinker, and never done weed before. I drink plenty of water & plenty of fibre. I'm sure the other meds I'm on will help at least a little bit with the taper. & I've read that you need to do smaller decreases as time goes by. So, it'll eventually have to be a 0.075% decrease. & then 0.05%. & then 0.025%. I'm not even sure if my syringe for the liquid solution will work. Since I've been on the two 25mg pills for so long, I'm pretty sure I'll have to use 1 of the 25mg pills plus two 1/4 pills (12.5mg total) and then the rest liquid. I've been stuck on this ******* Anti-Psychotic for 2.75 years. If I knew it was an anti-psychotic and how complex it is, I would've taken the ******* Ativan. If it takes 5 years to fully get off of this bullsh*t, I have no choice. I already have partial insomnia for a long time now because of the Pristiq - even with the Seroquel (I'm usually up in the middle of the night tranquilized. I cannot work anymore due to this. It's too exhausting to fight it.) So, I don't want to make it worse by doing a fast taper. I'm going down until the mg where my muscles are no longer tranquilized & the twitching stops. I do not consent to my body moving without my permission, nor do I consent to being tranquilized and unable to move until mid-day next day or rarely the whole day until I take it again at 8pm. Sometimes the tranquilzing wears off a few hrs after I wake up. The tranquilizing decreased when 50mg X.R. Seroquel was added in Nov 2022 because I was withdrawing so severely from a few things at once - dangerous! People really have no idea what they're doing out there. My boyfriend has been right the whole time. I do not have BiPolar #2. I do not have Borderline Personality Disorder. I do not have 'Cluster B'. The reason he likes me is BECAUSE I'm bland, boring, average, emotionally stable, and can regulate my emotions. ie: I'm an incredibly easy partner. I come from a relatively good family. No drinking, no drugs, no domestic violence, no history of "mental illness", etc. So I'm starting to experiment with the low-histamine diet (especially with my dinner & before-bed snack) to see if it helps with the tranquilizing the next day. In July 2021, I went from my trusty 100mg Pristiq ($2/day) -> 5 medications + now 150mg Pristiq ($3/day); I think 9 pills per day. I've been emotionally violated, gas-lit, and dismissed repeatedly in these past ~2.75 years. This is by far the worst thing that's ever happened to me and will ever happen to me. Psychiatric Medication Withdrawal is worse than anything on this whole entire god-forsaken planet. I'm extremely over-medicated, but this myoclonus is downright dangerous. I was extremely hot as well until fairly recently. My long-term boyfriend had to have multiple blankets on during the summer with the A/C full-blast on me. I've been emotionally labile as well. Especially during the summer when the heat was messing with the 2 Seroquels and the SNRI. The Lamictal, Gabapentin, & Seroquel X.R. weren't enough to combat that. Sorry for hi-jacking your thread. I should make my own and make a signature for myself. Anyway. OP, take a looksee: https://reversepsychiatry.org/ https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pw4tjImAJ92OIVyRvZoZYjqxiKMk7wvp-ljiIi1olRo/edit#gid=246292188 https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/taper/special-tips-calculations-and-liquids https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/taper/doing-calculations-taper#taper-schedule-2-daily-microtaper https://www.willhall.net/files/ComingOffPsychDrugsHarmReductGuide2Edonline.pdf Specific for Histamine/Seroquel: https://rxisk.org/guide-stopping-antidepressants/#Prominent_withdrawal_symptoms https://beyondmeds.com/2012/12/04/psychiatric-drug-withdrawal/ Thanks

Hi everyone. I used to have mild driving anxiety or be a little anxious when out at stores. I went to my pcp and they have a behavioral Health side to it. The NP I saw there swore I am bipolar because I am irritable and have mood swings. I told her I’m irritable because I haven’t slept through the night since my son was born in March 2021 and he still nurses all night. She swore I was bipolar and put me on lamictal 25mg to go up by 25 every two weeks. When I got to 75mg I started having worse anxiety and panic attacks. I went down to 50mg and the panic stopped. I went back to her and she said the anxiety was because I was bipolar and I needed to go back to 75. I did and the same thing happened this time when I went down to 50mg I was still having anxiety and panic. I went to another psychiatric Np and he had me wean the lamictal and start buspirone. After weaning the lamictal I felt much better. I started the buspirone while weaning off lamictal. The first week of buspirone I noticed some heavy brain fog and derealization. I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself. The second week of buspirone threw me into panic attacks and anxiety worse than anything I’ve experienced. I had tremors and vomiting. The NP said to stop cold Turkey so I did. Two days later I was extremely anxious and shaking and sick. This lasted two days. I have been off buspirone for 8 weeks and I am having bouts of severe anxiety. I am still having brain fog and derealization and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I am woken up out of my sleep with a racing heart. I know I am sleep deprived because my son does not sleep but I experience panic at bed time. When the panic gets too bad I will take an ativan but I know this isn’t a long term solution. Could these drugs have caused this? Thank you for your help. I just want to feel normal again. I have taken the ativan four times this week. I’m not sure if I am experiencing a wave or if I should be ok by now. Around October 20 the anxiety kicked up pretty bad for 4-5 days then settled down. The derealization and brain fog is always present. On Tuesday the anxiety picked back up again and is still going today. I am terrified I will never feel normal again and will miss out on my kids lives. I can’t rely on ativan. My new psych NP just gives me more ativan and tells me he doesn’t know why I don’t feel better yet. Lamictal July 6-September 2 started at 25mg and increased 25 mg every two weeks Buspirone august 29- September 14 7.5mg at night Ativan 0.5mg as needed

I started to taper off Prozac 20mg 5/2020. I got down to 3mg 11/2020. I became depressed. Under the care of my Doctor Psychiatrist, From 12/2020 to 5/2021 I have started and stopped 5 different meds and increase and decrease Lamictal. My brain is a mess. I have had every thing from Brain zapping, brain numbing, paranoia, headaches, insomnia, muscle weakness, unexplainable fear, intrusive thought that have turned into ocd, left side of my face and eye hurt on and off, unable think clearly, slow speech, anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide, nausea, weight loss, I can't even name it all. On 5mg Lexapro 37.5mg lamictal, and 25mg of trazadone Started Lexapro 4/3/2021 Slow titration,, my brain is very, very drug sensitive, 4/14 7.5mg. side effects so bad, and anger, anxiety through the roof, doctor encouraged my to go up 4/30 10mg. Could not take the side effects dropped 4/10 7.5mg. Doctor said he does know if he can help me. Told me to stop Lexapro, and go on a med holiday . 4/16 Lexapro 5mg. Holding,. don't know what to do? Do I hold here for awhile. Doctor is no help. He thinks I can stop Lexapro with in 2 weeks. Since I dropped down lexapro 5mg and started L theanine and Magnesium glycinate, things are slightly better. I found a new doctor but can not get in until the end of June. Since I am so close to no drugs I would like to see if I can continue my goal of being drug free. Med history 1995? Prozac 20mg not help anxiety ? Paxil Caused anger stop Serzone More depressed 1998 St Johns wart stop 1998 Prozac 20mg 1998 trazadone 50mg took for a few months stop 2000 lexapro 20mg. 2015 taper off Lexapro, fast taper a few month crash tried to reinstate Lexapro did not work Tried Effexor, did not work stop Oct 2015 Hospital 1 week Seroquel xr 50mg Viibryd 20mg. Did not even get up to 20mg. So drugged, I could not hardly work 30 minutes after taking so dizzy. Stopped at home 12/2016 Abilify, couldn't tolerate stop 12/16 Wellbutrin couldn't tolerate stop 12/16 Stopped Seroquel xr 50mg. To nauseated and couldn't eat. Heartburn Don't remember tapering 1/2016 Prozac 20mg. slight improvement 5/2016 Lamictal 200mg. 5/2020 through 11/2020 taper Prozac down to 3mg. depression and anxiety insomnia 12/2/2020 Zoloft 12.5mg 12/13 25mg. 12/24 37.5mg 12/28 50mg. Bad side effects Felt like brain sitting on eclectic fence 4 day tapper stop 1/5/2021 up lamictal from 200mg to 300mg. 1/13 lamictal 400mg. Brain started ruminating and obsessing 1/17 lamictal 300mg. 1/22 lamictal 200mg 1/22/2021 Seroquel 50mg for sleep Became paranoid. nausea headaches 1/29 stopped 1/29/2021 Trazadone 50mg 4/25 25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg. 2/24 100mg 4/9 75mg 4/21 37.5 2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg. Became hypo manic 2/16 stopped 2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr 3/3 100mg 3/17 150mg side effects to much, arm and leg muscles became very week, nausea headaches 4/23/2021 panicked and stopped. doc not return my call Brain went crazy, paranoia ( should have learned, not to try it again) 4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg 4/14 7.5mg 4/30 10mg 5/10 7.5mg 5/16 5mg Now: 5mg Lexapro 37.5 Lamictal 25mg trazadone L theanine 200mg Magnesium glycinate 100mg Omega 3 2000mg Turmeric 1500mg .5 mg melatonin

I had been on some form of anti-depressant and mood stabilizer/anti-psychotic since high school, 2002 or 2003. Initially I was put on Zoloft for depression which caused me to become "manic" which lead me to be put on Lithium, Abilify and Risperdal (not sure doses or when). Starting around 2008 I was put on Cymbalta and Lamotrigine/Lamictal. I got off the Cymbalta & Lamictal cold turkey on my own in 2011 and it resulted in brain-zaps and then a deep deep depression. I reluctantly got back on my meds. Beginning in 2020 (exact date I'm trying to find), my psychiatrist agreed to help me taper off my meds. I was able to get off the Cymbalta it seems fairly easily, which I have been off since the end of the Summer 2020. After getting off that I began tapering off the Lamictal ... I'm trying to find information on how much I lowered initially, etc., and don't have it right now. I do know I got down to 100mg by November 2020 and had to go back up to 150mg over the winter due to debilitating depression. Starting in ~March 2021 I began tapering again (again don't have exact dates/dosages as of now). I have detailed records of my tapering beginning in May 2021 when I began using the 25mg tabs to taper: 5/18/21 (May 18) - 6/13/21 (June 13): I alternated daily between 87.5 mg one day and 100 mg the next day (87.5mg/100mg/87.5/100) 6/14/21 - 6/21/21: 87.5mg each day 6/22/21 - 7/11/21: 75mg/87.5mg/75/87.5 7/12/21 - 7/26/21: 75mg each day 7/27/21 - 8/8/21: 62.5mg/75mg/62.5/75 8/9/21 - 8/30/21: 62.5mg each day 8/31/21 - 9/12/21: 50mg/62.5mg/50/62.5 9/13/21 - 9/26/21: 50 mg/day 9/27/21 - 10/10/21: 37.5mg/50mg/37.5/50 10/11/21 - 10/24/21: 37.5mg/day 10/25/21 - 11/7/21: 25mg/37.5mg/25/37.5 *On November 1, 2021, my dog and best friend of 10+ years, the Big Guy (110lb. half boxer/half mastiff), died after a brief fight with cancer... in retrospect I should have ceased tapering at this point; instead I continued my tapering in earnest and began to self medicate excessively with alcohol and cannabis 11/8/21 - 11/21/21: 25mg/day 11/22/21 - 12/5/21: 12.5mg/25mg/12.5/25 12/6/21 - 12/20/21: 12.5mg/day 12/21/21 - 12/31/21: 0mg/12.5mg/0/12.5 January 1, 2022 - Present: Off Lamicital Completely I had no idea about this site or a couple days ago. I have been realllllly struggling this whole year but especially the past couple weeks. Some days I am so depressed I can hardly get out of bed. Some days I am "functional." I have major brain fog where I can hardly think most of the time (which is not good for my job!). I can't hardly make even the most basic decision. It is bad. I am desperate. I do not know what to do. I really don't want to get back on the Rx. I'm looking for suggestions on how to cope with the withdrawal symptoms. I have been sober (no alcohol or cannabis) since January 1st as well. I workout, do Wim Hoff breathing, garden, meditate/pray and eat mostly organic. Supplements: EMPowerPlus Lighting Sticks, 5-HTP, Vitamins C, D, B-complex (6&12) & K2, Magnesium Glyinate, Kyolic Aged Garlic Extract; Just started taking St. John's Wort a couple weeks ago I don't really recall withdraw symptoms (depression) prior to my Dog being diagnosed with cancer in September 2021 (which coincides with me getting down to 50mg/day)--since he was diagnosed and then passed Nov. 1st, I have been mostly depressed. The brain fog didn't really start that I recall until ~January of this year when I was totally off -- but I could be wrong. Since November of last year, it has kind of been a blur. On another note, while not directly related to withdrawal, I am very unhappy with my current career and have been for some time. I think doing something that goes against my values and not really knowing what my purpose is has a big impact on me feeling depressed. However, right now with my brain fog and depression, I am having a really hard time doing any work whatsoever. So my purpose now is to get past these withdrawal symptoms so I can find my purpose in this world and what gift I can offer to other people. I am VERY wary of getting back on any RX and do not want to go that route if at all possible. Thank you if you read this far and I appreciate any advice on how I should proceed!! -Will

Hello, long-time follower here. I have a novel here but I would very much appreciate hearing someone elses thoughts. I am 29 years old and I have been on some form of psychiatric medication since I was 13 years old. I want to cry just saying that because I was never a troubled child. I was sensitive and full of life and love and hope. When I was 13, my family and I moved across the country (I'm in the US.) I had a dysfunctional home life and the move was overwhelming for me. We moved in July and I was deemed "depressed" my December because I was grieving the move. I was on several different antidepressants for two years until I was put on effexor in 2008 at age 15. I've never been able to come off. Why is this stuff even legal???? When I was 19, in 2014, my psychiatrist helped me do a five week taper off effexor. I experienced increase in energy, creativity, and heightened sexual interest. Then one morning I woke up sad and then within a week I was in the belly of depression. I became suicidal and planned of getting a bottle of vodka and hiding in my closet drinking until someone found me. I told somoeone about this though and I was hospitalized and put back on effexor. My psychiatrist interpreted these withdrawal symptoms as the development of bipolar disorder and put me back on effexor as well as 150mg of lamictal. Meanwhile, the effexor was causing me to have up to 13 migraines a month and sexual dysfunction. So in 2018, my doctor did another five week taper off effexor. So I was off the effexor and still on 150mg of Lamictal. I began to experience high levels of anxiety and insomnia. Eventually the anxiety to turned into panic level. The panic fed the insomnia and the insomnia fed the panic. My doctor then put me on Latuda and I experienced a descent into hell. And I do not put that lightly. I was in anguish, feeling like I was spiritually and mentally being put naked on a burning stove....the pain and grief sent me into a state of dissociation and I experienced psychomotor as well as visual disturbances. I was internally crawling out of my skin and externally unable to move. Every single day I was vomiting and having diarrhea. One night, my heart was racing in the 120's and I felt that familiar wave of anxiety induced nausea so I jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom and vomited so violently that I urinated myself. It was my first breaking point and so I started the effexor again. So there was a week there where I was taking effexor, lamictal, and latuda. I felt like a terrified zombie so my doctor decided to increase the latuda. I experienced severe akathisia and almost became psychotic. So I stopped the latuda and was given a 1mg of ativan for sleep. The ativan completely broke the panic cycle that I had been in for six weeks. The depression that followed is a blur and two months went by where I essentially just stared at the wall and sat outside. It took two and a half years to feel fully recovered. Now I am approaching 30 and desperately want to be drug free. I am willing to taper slowly over several years but I want to start the process once my partner gets back from deployment in June. So here are my questions: how do I find a doctor that is experienced using the 10% taper method? How to I taper off an extended release capsule with beads? Is it sustainable to count a bunch beads every morning? Should I use a compound pharmacy? Is it stupid to taper off lamictal and effexor at the same time?

Link to Hibari's Introduction topic: hibari-tapering-remeron-and-want-to-start-tapering-lamictal I first want to say that we do heal and life does get better. I am someone who was poly-drugged, on benzos twice, and now am 15 months off all medications. I made mistake like forgetting doses, getting misdiagnosed with Lyme, taking supplements for my adrenals and being treated badly by both doctors and holistic practitioners. I still made it off the medications. I feel well most of the time and optimistic about life. I couldn't feel that at all when I was on medication, (benzos in particular) and while I tapered, so I now know it was the medication. Thank you @Altostrata for starting this site and collecting all the information needed planning and tapering. Med History: Put on and off a variety of medications for short periods of time after having a nervous system breakdown from excessive caregiving and overworking. (You can see my signature). What helped me: One thing that helped me during benzo withdrawal was to look up the side effects, not withdrawal symptoms, of Clonzapam. I saw that depression was one of the main side effects of the medication and even though I felt deep despair at the higher doses, I keep reminding myself that the medication itself was causing my crushing depression. Support In addition to the support I received on this site and benzo buddies, the first two things on this list I wish I had known about earlier. 1. I worked with a Psych-K practitioner (psychological kinesiology). This practitioner had gotten off of a cocktail of medications using the Psych-K technique. I met her by chance, heard about the work and decided to try it. This method helps to balance the brain and body. With this support I was able to continue tapering my benzo 20% a month till the end. We worked remotely even pre-pandemic and I found it incredibly helpful. I continue with her to this day. If anyone wants more information on this, please PM me. 2. The second thing was that I worked with a benzo coach from Lucid Lane, a fee for service support site for any medication dependence. I spoke or should say, cried to my coach on a regular basis. I found it really helpful to talk with someone who understood my pain. Here is their website. https://lucidlane.com/ 3. I connected to some wonderful people on this site @freespirit @Shep @Santino @leahy @brassmonkey and others who I’m sure I’m forgetting. I found the people who I resonated with the most and they were a lifeline to me. Not everyone here will be the right fit for you nor have the right guidance for you and that’s okay. 4. Advice: Take what you like and leave the rest. This site has wonderful resources and offers very solid advice on tapering. And you also have to trust yourself. That might mean sometimes going against what works for others and that’s okay. For example, I couldn’t handle fish oil during my tapers, it had the opposite effect. I didn’t try and push it once I discovered that. Some supplements like L-Theanine worked during my Remeron/Mirtazapine taper but not during my benzo taper. Your body has a lot of wisdom and if it’s saying no, it’s no. 5. Mental: Two shifts occurred during this process. The first occurred when I finally realized that being stable enough to taper did not mean, feeling great. For me it meant, being functional enough to make the bed, wash the dishes and stare at the TV. Later it meant, I could go for a walk, meet a friend and then start working a bit. I got confused for a while thinking that if I were stable, I would feel more upbeat but that was not what stable was for me. It was all about being functional enough to keep going in my taper. I used a scale from 1-10. If I was in the 5, 6, 7 range, which was uncomfortable but tolerable, I kept going. If I went to an 8 or 9, I held till I was back to a 6 or 7. Tracking this way helped me move forward and also allowed me to see if there were any patterns of when my cuts hit. The second occurred, during my final taper. I realized that I whenever I wanted to change something in my taper-the method, the rate, the brand-that it was me trying desperately to have some control over the process. This hurt me especially at the end of my Lamictal taper. I am very compassionate about it now and saw it was my attempt to feel more in charge of something I felt helpless about. I had to really fight that urge during my final year of tapering and it worked to my benefit. 6. Belief: You don’t have to believe you will heal to heal. I had a lot of despair and fear during my tapers and especially during my final benzo taper. I thought I was actually a depressed person and was unable to meditate, exercise or do anything that seemed to work for others (until the Psych-K work) and I still kept healing. I know now that it was hard for me to believe that I would feel good again because of the temporary brain injury and withdrawal. Now I know for sure I am not a depressed person and look forward to life. 7. Food: I lost my appetite at times and could not eat much for different periods. For the most part I ate cleanly, no sugar, alcohol, or caffeine during a majority of my taper. I was not perfect and did eat candy at times when that was what was going to get me through the next hour. I now drink a cup of coffee a day and am fine. I do eat healthy now about 95% of the time. I did put on 30lbs during the time I was taking Remeron/Mirtazapine and when I went off, I lost 25lbs in about 2 months without dieting. It was all medication weight. Choose what works for you, whether it’s plant based or keto-you get to decide. 8. Supplements: The only supplements I really take are Magnesium Glycinate, which I took on and off during my tapers. I take between 50-150 mgs at night to help me relax into sleep. I do drink an Adrenal Cocktail, 1/2 cup natural OJ, 1/4 tsp Himalayan Pink Salt and 1/4 tsp of creme of tartar to support my adrenals. I drink it now as needed but when I was in withdrawal and too revved up to relax at night, I drank it 2x a day at 10AM and 2PM. In about 10 days the hyper feeling subsided and I started to sleep better, which at that time was about 3 hours a night with many nights of little sleep. There are versions of this cocktail that use other liquids if you can't handle OJ. You can Google those recipes. 9. Exercise. I walked my dog during withdrawal but during the last part of my Lamictal/benzo withdrawal I did not exercise much due to the agoraphobia and weakness. I also tried exercising more vigorously after I stepped off the benzo, but it would cause mini waves. I went back to exercising at about 13 months off and can now handle dance classes and fitness classes. I’m out of share but optimistic I will get physically fit again. 10. Spirituality/Faith: I do believe I was transformed for the better by going through this. I felt pretty spiritually abandoned especially during benzo withdrawal but my spiritual beliefs were not so solid to begin with. That has changed over the past year. I also had to learn a hard lesson about how I was living my life pre-medication. My habit of giving too much and doing too much wore me down. Now after meds, I have to continue to keep an eye on that tendency though it is so much better. 11. COVID: I think I may have gotten Covid early on but was never tested. I had a very bad sore throat in the fall of 2020. It was so bad I took an antibiotic (which I could handle) and it cleared it up. I have been vaccinated 3 times and the first time I was vaccinated I was off benzos for 3 months. Aside from the usual reaction to a vaccine, aches, chills, etc, I was fine. I am someone who never got flu shots and don’t plan on getting them in the future but I knew a handful of people who got very sick with COVID including two who now have long COVID so I was willing to take the vaccine. What Remains: My sleep has gotten better though it is not where it was at pre-medication. However, I have gone from very light sleep, waking every hour or so to sleeping 6-7 hours a night and waking up between 2 or 3 times. Dropping off is still not as easy but I’m not wired or hyper. I just think I’m still low on something the brain and body produces to ease me into sleep. I also occasionally get some temperature fluctuations/hot flashes but am okay with them. When I first stepped off of Remeron/Mirtazapine, the sweat poured off of me at night and I was so drenched I had to get up and change. I was post-menopausal so I knew it was the medication. That’s it for now. As with anything I've mentioned above, please do your research and learn to trust your body's responses. The capacity for our brains and bodies to heal is real. I'm wishing everyone on this journey continued strength to keep going. Remember how courageous you are to take on this challenge. You will heal and have the life you want for yourself again. Hibari

Hi all, First off, I'd like to say how much I appreciate this forum -- reading everyone's posts had made me feel a little less alone in dealing with this mess. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you. I am currently experiencing what I now have deduced is protracted withdrawal syndrome from Lamictal, and I am at my wits' end trying to figure out how to solve this. The emotional and mental pain is unbearable; I am terrified I'll never recover, as I'm sure you can all understand. I have no idea what steps to take next, so I thought I would turn to this community for help. My story (apologies for the wall of text!): I started taking Lamictal in 2015 and quickly got up to 150 mg. I experienced few side effects, and I took it for years without issue. In February of this year, I started having problems with recalling words and expressions (aphasia); I also tended to lose track of my thoughts and in general had a hard time communicating. At the time I thought these symptoms were due to the Lamictal, since I know they are listed as possible side effects. However, in retrospect they must have been due to the Klonopin that I was taking for anxiety. I didn't connect the two together, though, since I was only taking the Klonopin as needed (maybe 3 times per week), and only ever a quarter of a 0.25 mg pill at a time (smallest possible dose). In March, I decided to stop taking birth control pills, since the hormones were turning my curly hair straight. I decided to taper off of the Lamictal in early April. I went down 25 mg every 3 weeks. In May I realized that the aphasia and other symptoms were most likely caused by the Klonopin, so I stopped taking it. As I went through the Lamictal tapering process, my anxiety skyrocketed -- I was waking up in a cold sweat every morning, experiencing multiple panic attacks every day, etc. I never realized this was a withdrawal symptom and just assumed it was due to either a) general stress from work/life or b) mood swings from my hormone changes from stopping the birth control. On top of that, once I got down to 50 mg in July, I started noticing some brain fog and issues with my memory and concentration. I assumed theses were side effect of Lamictal, and it only reinforced my desire to completely go off. I (stupidly) decided to just spend 2 weeks at 50 mg, 1 week at 25 mg, and then go completely off. I got down to 0 mg in mid-July. At that point, I knew I had made a grave mistake -- the brain fog was debilitating; I couldn't think straight, and my previously fantastic memory was reduced to that of a gold fish. I was also struggling to deal with the anxiety, which was at an all-time high. I decided to go back up to 25 mg after only 3 days of being off. Going back up did not help, but I was too scared to make additional changes. In mid-August, approximately a month after reinstating, I had some champagne with a friend. The next day, I noticed that the anxiety was gone, but that other symptoms had taken its place: tinnitus, photophobia (light sensitivity), and palinopsia (persistent afterimages). I freaked out, and that night I decided to increase the Lamictal to 50 mg. A few days after increasing to 50 mg, I noticed more symptoms: depersonalization/derealization (DP/DR) and TMJ. In early September, after waiting 2 weeks, I decided to go back down to 37.5 mg in hopes of reducing these symptoms. The TMJ improved but the DP/DR did not. I've now been on 37.5 mg of Lamictal for the past 6 weeks, and none of the symptoms have eased up. I currently experience the following on a daily basis: aphasia and difficulties expressing myself (never improved after going off the Klonopin), , difficulties with executive functioning (making decisions, organizing, planning, taking in information, etc.), general confusion/disorientation, DP/DR, tinnitus, photophobia, palinopsia, insomnia, and severe depression / suicidal ideations. I'm at a loss for how to proceed -- should I try increasing the Lamictal again, assuming my issues are from withdrawing too quickly? Decrease it, assuming they're from reinstating? Wait some more at this current dose? Try something else? I've seen multiple psychiatrists and neurologists to help me figure this out; one suggested Cymbalta to address the depression and brain fog (apparently at higher dose it has positive cognitive effects), and another suggested Galantamine to help with the deficits in executive functioning. My fear is that these medications will exacerbate all of my other symptoms. What do you all think? Thank you so much for reading my post and for helping me through this. Emma

Hello all. I've researched this extensively now, after a google search in late Nov 2022 lead me to this message board and other Psychiatric Medication Withdrawal Supports. I'm finally ready to try again. Trauma from previous attempts has kept me dealing with the extreme tranquilizing + myoclonus (ie: adverse effects) instead of trying again. This will be the 13th attempt. If it takes 5 years, that's out of my control. It's up to my particular nervous system. When I recently suggested to my Doctor about a 10% reduction per month using a liquid, they said it'd be perfectly fine. (& I guess reduce that amount by 10% per month until I'm off?) After going home and calculating how I did it in the past (-12.5%), NO. In the past, taking off 1/4 (6.25mg) of 1 of the 2 tiny pills hasn't worked 11x. (Either by myself making a crumbly mess with my pill-splitter or at an in-patient facility with an industrial one.) I almost went into Psychosis 3 of the 11 times & had to go back up to 50mg right-away. I had to admit myself to the hospital a few of those 1/4 pill reduction attempts, too. I recently calculated that was a -12.5% drop in dosage. No wonder it didn't work. Also, I was told by a Psychiatrist & once by a Doctor to stay with the 1/4 pill reduction and to take "just a little bit of Seroquel" when the limbic system withdrawal symptoms re-appeared. ...You mean like a Benzo? This is literally playing ping-pong with your neurotransmitters, and I wasn't even given "little bit" amounts so had to make do with a crumbly mess. This didn't work and fairly quickly sent me right back to the hospital where they sent me to an in-patient stay again. I held on for as long as I could at home using little pieces of Seroquel like a Benzo, because I did not want to go back to an in-patient facility again. All of this since July 2021 shattered my reputation with my Employer and caused unnecessary stress to my long-term partner, parent, and sibling; let alone myself. Earlier this year, I learned on my own about a liquid taper. It's truly shocking how nobody since July 2021 ever mentioned getting it made into a liquid in order to do an extremely slow taper; not even my Psychiatrist, who I chose finally to stop seeing in late 2022. But from extensive reading online, it's the standard to stop with a Medical Professional when things get unnecessarily out of control, doing harm and no good, and too much frustration. I also recently learned on my own more about Seroquel. I looked it up on go.drugbank.com in early 2022 when things were really getting really out of hand, I was unwell on medications, and things were snowballing out of control. I was scared shitless at how complex Seroquel was and how it differed so severely from Pristiq. Late last year, I learned even more about Seroquel: H1 (histamine - severe tranquilizing for my particular physiology) & D2 (inconsistent myoclonus for my particular physiology). It explained everything & confirmed that it's not "Psychosomatic" symptoms. & earlier this year, I learned more about Histamines, histamine receptors all over your brain and body, allergies, anti-histamines, stomach acid (H2), Monoamine oxidase (MAO) & Diamine oxidase (DAO), etc. Further, last week, I learned about a Low-Histamine Diet for people who have Spring-time allergies. While I don't have any comorbidities of any kind, this Seroquel is a beast on my particular physiology and am now semi-unenthusiastically doing a Low-Histamine Diet for the next handful of years as to not complicate this extremely slow taper & to hopefully reduce the extreme yet inconsistent tranquilizing. I'm now pretty sure how much water I drink + what I eat at dinner and before-bed most-definitely affects the severity of the tranquilizing the next day. Most days, it doesn't fully wear off until mid-afternoon! Rarely, it wears off once I'm awake in the morning. & Rarely, it lasts all day until I take it again at 8pm. From reading online, the menstrual cycle (different levels of the hormones during each phase) also affects Psychiatrric Medications's potency, clearance, etc. + hormone levels and histamines interract with each other + hormone levels and dopamine (D2 inconsistent myoclonus) interract with each other. So that's fun. I never wanted to take this 50mg I.R. Seroquel in the first place, but an E.R. had to give me something to take, because I had a severe reaction to LoLoestrin, which I went the day before to see a Doctor about growing symptoms and was told that the literature says mental health symptoms are very common for hormonal birth control. That's nice, & I've heard that from hundreds of women online, too. Bt I've tried ~7 different b/c pills before with no issues. I've never gone against my better judgement before. This link was very informative for Histamine: https://rxisk.org/guide-stopping-antidepressants/#Prominent_withdrawal_symptoms , as was FerralCat's Essay. When an in-patient facility had to add 50mg X.R. in Nov 2022 because I was withdrawing so severely from a few things at the same time, the tranquilizing greatly reduced, but it's still enough to halt my life. I think the inconsistent myoclonus also increased. So, now to the taper: I have a few questions. In the 'Seroquel Withdrawal' thread, they mention doing 1/2 pill + 1/2 liquid taper, as your Physiology is so used to pill-form. (I've ben stuck on this Anti-Psychotic since July 2021. That's 2.75 years.) So, maybe I should start my taper with one 25mg pill, two 6.25 mg (1/4's), & the rest liquid. (& as I slowly go down, get rid of a 6.25mg and replace that with a liquid, & so forth.) My question: does this seem fine to you guys? Note to self: I'd need to go back to the walk-in clinic to get an Rx for 6.25mg pieces, an Rx for 25mg pills (I only have like 16 left), & a revised Rx for the liquid. Currently, my liquid Rx is 40mg/day (-10% reduction) for 4 weeks & then go back to the walk-in clinic to get more liquid for the next "month-long 10% drop". I don't have the liquid on me, so I'm not sure the total mL in the bottle and whatnot. I'm aware that syringes can be very price with micromL's. This link overwhelmed me: https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/taper/special-tips-calculations-and-liquids This link is similar to the info on this forum: https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/taper/doing-calculations-taper This link confused me: https://antdep.alwaysdata.net/liquid/liquidForm.php I generally understand this link: https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/sites/default/files/2017-05/TheWithdrawalProject_TaperJournal_LiquidMixture_SampleChart.pdf After all of my reading around on here and all of the online calculators/etc, here's what I've come up with (holding for 2-6 weeks as needed not included): See 2 attached images. ****I'm a bit unclear about making smaller and smaller % (or mL?) reductions each 4-6 wks (however slow you want to go). That's been discussed on this forum regularly & want to make sure this taper doesn't go badly whatsoever. I can't afford to stress my partner out anymore, losing money anymore, or traumatizing myself even more than already am from all of this by being it withdrawal. & Finally, I will keep tapering off until the myoclonus & tranqulilizing of my physiology. If that's one 25mg, fine. If that's one 25mg and a 1/4 (6.25mg), fine. I'm still stuck on the 50mg X.R., but that can wait for the future, if at all. I'm on a lot of Serotonin-medication and was extremely hot for the last 1/2 of 2023, as well as scatter-brained and confused. Somehow, the extreme temperature went away back in Nov. I also had a lot of very unusual unlike extreme emotional lability due to all of the meds, especially in the summer. My partner likes me BECAUSE I'm emotionally uneventful and stable and can regulate my emotions/stress. I'm overmedicated, so I should've been experiencing the opposite. I'm well-aware from my Pristiq how dangerous the heat can be with Psychiatric Medications: they clear faster from your body or something? Especially if you're drinking more water in the summer? I expect to have issues with the heat for the next handful of summers, unfortunately.

This site Saved my life after cold turkey Sept 2019 reverted 3 months later 3mg successfully ,reduced 10% finished Jan 28 2022 now hit with major wave in July ,now I take micro doses of lamictal which also seems to help itself very slowly. I am 42 years old and have not worked for a long time. I live with my family and thanks to a state subsidy. I gradually reduced after the restoration as suggested On this site everything was fine until July then due to an accumulation of stress I had a nervous breakdown, I managed not to take other psychiatric drugs but with astuteness I managed to Prescribe lamictal Which seems to help though at the moment I'm still struggling with agoraphobia and social anxiety and basically bedridden although today seems to be a little better at least in the morning. Now I take 2.3mg lamictal at 9pm which helped me sleep not right away but i think it helped but if i try to increase to 2.5mg i feel jittery i never thought i would fall so low In this wave but I'm trying to get back up if I hadn't found this site I would have already taken my life but knowing that this can end pushes me to resist. So I thank those who dedicate their life have this cause even if they have better things to do I can never thank you enough I wish I had found this site sooner I would have avoided throwing it away Life is now 42 years old it seems to me that life has passed and I lost it. I hope the presentation goes well I apologize for the mistakes but the translator on my smartphone sucks.

I have been taking different antidepressiants for a decade, wellbutrine and lamotrigine for 5 years and I have tried some antipsyhotics, but has started to refuse them, because I have seen that they weren't helpful. I am withdrawing from these drugs. I have been about 1 year off, however I stopped taking wellbutrine some months earlier. I didn't quit cold turkey, however it could be more slowly... The reasons for my questioning is the fact that everyone who is withdrawing, is confused: "Is it a symptom or not?" 1. It's hard to make decisions for me and it is so sick... If I am thinking about one banal decision, it seems an option A will be right. But lately I start thinking again, I doubt about this decision. I become tired of thinking over and over again and I implement an option A. But when this is already done and there is no way back, my feelings become more and more unbearable (panic, fear, disappointment...) and then my thinking become twisted: "Was an option A the right one? Was an option B better? Did I make a decision to quickly... This form of (not) making decision is literally generic for me, when I have to decide everything. My question: is this a symptom of WD or not? Has anyone experienced something similar? And if it is symptom, is this depersonalization or derealization? Both? Or is it just anxiety? 2. I realized that before my "treatment" I had, understandably, some feeling of being a person, but during the treatment I was feeling like I am someone else. Now, when I am withdrawing, I don't know who am I... In the past I was sure about some aspect of my life, like they are important for me. But now... I am confused about everything... The personal opinions or positions are not the key there, but the feelings are. Has anyone experiences something similar? And which symptom is that? DP/DR again? 3. How to act in terms of making decision. If we know about DP/DR and also that these meds are shrinking the brain (cognitive decline) how smart is to create decisions like changing a place for living or taking a new job. Sometimes I think that, objectively, am not enough reliable, so it's time to wait... On the other hand I think that not making decision will make my negative feelings more intense: I will feel more am more vulnerable and confused and also dehumanized... What to do? 4. I've read that a lot of you don't or didn't sleep well. Personally I don't know yet. I wake up by myself not by alarm, I don't drink caffeine and my sleeping last long enough. On the other hand, I have a feeling of having enough sleep. I often want to sleep more, but I can't anymore. My explanation is that during withdrawing you simple can not sleep well because of stress, just because stress is something permanent for persons who are withdrawing. Sometimes stress is stronger, sometimes weaker. But it is present simple all the time. Does this explanation makes any sense? 5. And another thing . We know that perceptions connected with traumatic events are rising anxiety. And for someone who is withdrawing this is present in a higher degree. But there are two reasons for it. First one is that because of lack of receptors for serotonin and dopamine, the nervous subsystem for calming down is injured. And another cause is that REM sleeping in suppressed by antidepressants and we know that this phase is important for cutting of the traumatic memories. I know it's hard for answer, but is there any idea which cause is more important? Has anyone who is withdrawing simple cut off some traumatic aspects of his life, like changing a traumatic job, where he was employed during taking antidepressants? Was his stress, a common WD symptom, then reduced? I know that there is not clear cut example. But is there any usable story? 6. What about brain scan? I know that it doesn't show a lot, but what if brain damage is more serious as we think? Are there any known examples of serious brain damage that happened to people who had been taking these drug? We don't know the whole mechanism of these drugs, after all... 7. Sorry, because I haven't find answers by myself. But for me it's hard to focus, my short term memory is very ***** up, my concentration is poor, and I simple can't read: I read and everything fade and I become tired... Hard to explain. But again. Do you think this was caused by drugs or not?

Hi I’m mark. I spent an hour trying to make my signature , but it wouldn’t allow it because it was to long. Tried cutting it down significantly, still to long , gave up. Basically I’ve been on a million drugs on and off , and didn’t ween off any of the em correctly except lamictal and seroquil. I can make a extremely generalized timeline . Starting with cymbalta 16-17 years ago. cynbalta -2007 1 year 2012 -1 month wellbutrin-2007- a few days xanax-2012- 1mg, recreationally 10-15 doses klonopin-2013 1year .25-1mg lexapro-1-2 months 10mg topamax-2weeks small dose lamictal— 2015 7 years- doses(25-400mg) Seroquil- 2015 5 years -15-100mg ketamine-2019 -10 iv treatments gabapentin-2020- 300mg- 2 months litrhium-2020 1200mg-1 month ambien-2020 5-10 mg 3 months Propalanol-2023 10mg -2 weeks I’ve had several med trials for past 10 years trying to address symptoms that came out of nowwhere in 2013, which I now realize we’re most likely issues from taking cymbalta at an early age , not weening off then going into more rec drug use and Xanax . past ten years of my life were terrible , Constant doctors , trying meds , psych ward visits from bad reactions , not knowing what was wrong , more meds , even was convinced I had lymw and did antibiotic protocols , hyperbaric chamber , etc. also multiple shoulder surgeries from bad shoulders , one of which was a botch job and caused terrible nerve damage furthering my issues . started realizing psych drugs were the problem in late 2021. Got off everything for about a year I got hit with a severe life threatening bout of insomnia in 2022 June , and after being off of drugs for nearly a year , had to resort back to trying things , and things spiraled quickly . While I always have had the hypersensitive nervous system symptom, i I started developing this at a new level . super sensitive to sounds ( even not loud soundslike fridge clicking on, car door in distance , anything etc). Can’t watch most movies emotions trigger symptoms . Constant tinnitus . Can’t exercise , sex release , can’t go to the store without flare .) nighttime adrenal surges / jolting . even then I STILL was seeing psych and trying meds because I was not familiar with kindling . How would I know ? I was member of benzo buddies and knew something was going on drug related but was suffering and didn’t know how else to try and fix it . Then I finally learned of kindling , and found this site . I’ve been off everything for 6-7 weeks . I see people with exact symptom profiles and I see a lot of people that don’t seem to show improvement with the hyper arousal especially from sounds . ive already suffered most of my life , and it’s been ten years and I’m not even close to better , in fact way worse. I guess what I need is a success story, for people with similar countless (to long to list) drug trials , that had the hyper arousal from sounds , lights , emotions , etc and eventually showed improvement . I don’t want to break any rules by saying how I truly feel , but this basically isn’t doable . I saw one lady that said she has the auditory arousal issues seven years later .. what?????? No.. can’t, sorry, I’ve already been in hell for 10 plus years . any success stories or other who had this issue and showed improvement WOULD help. I can’t really find any though . thank you for allowing me in the group and for reading

hello, I've been on psych drugs since 2004 when I was diagnosed with bipolar. around three years ago I began the slow process of a slow taper withdrawal. things are becoming very challenging with the lamictal withdrawal. I have looked into a peer run respite house that I am planning on going to for two weeks while I do my next 10% taper of lamictal. I am feeling some discouragement because it takes so much energy to deal with communicating and educating my family, friends, support system and the doctor and still maintain my integrity for keeping to my goals and what I value for my own health. I get tired of constantly having to deal with the misguided information that everyone seems to believe and try and keep me from moving forward. the thing is, I still have a long way to go and I can't afford to waste my energy on people who are not interested in supporting me for better health. I feel tired and then I get so exhausted when I'm tapering on top of it. I am so thankful to have found this site because there is so much good information on how to taper more effectively. Really, I've been going too slow. I need to keep my momentum going. I'm new to this site and I think I need to set up my profile, trying to figure out how to do that. I appreciate the support. 2004 -Seroquel and Depakote. many changes of many drugs. cold abrupt stop. 2007-abilify 2014- abrupt stop restart abilify. 2015- abrupt stop -- put on abilify injection. then abilify oral. lamictal. Cogentin. 2016- began slow taper of lamictal 100mg, taper of Cogentin 10mg. taper of Abilify 5mg. 2019- now 37.5mg of lamictal. 0 of Cogentin, 4mg of abilify.

Hi friends... When SSRI's came into my life, they saved me. Through most of my life (teens and twenties) I had successfully lived with my mental health struggles using tools such as exercise, time outdoors, and an ever changing and stimulating lifestyle as one has during this time of their life. When I moved in my early 30s, completely upending my life as I had never lived anywhere else, I was no longer able to deal with the depths my depression took me to. After failing to find relief from Wellbutrin, I reluctantly decided to try Lexapro. It truly saved me when I was at my lowest point until then. I knew about some of the side effects, weight gain, lower libido, which is why I hesitated. But, as I was no longer functioning, something needed to change. And, it did. What I did not know, was how horrific it was going to be to try to get back off of this drug. I understand myself better now, and I've created an environment in my life that should help me to thrive. But then there is this drug. It is like a veil. More subtle than the depression was, but still something that keeps me from living fully. It keeps me from feeling fully. In 2019, I was ready to come off of the drug. With a new psychiatrist (not the one who initially prescribed SSRI to me), I expressed that I was ready to come off of Lexapro. She told me to cut the dose in half for a few weeks, then in half again, then for a few more weeks, then I would be off the medication. After 5 days at half dose, I was having flu-like symptoms, crying whenever I moved more intensely than a walk, not sleeping....it was too much. I told my doctor and she said to go back to the full dose and we could try again slower at a later time. Then, she retired, and I moved to help my Mom go through cancer treatment. Not a good time to remove your antidepressant. In April 2023, my Mom went into remission, I had the best job, I lived in a place that was good for my soul, and I had so much support around me that I was ready to try again. I did not have a new doctor by now to support me, but I had learned the first time that I needed to slow the tapering process down. I thought I could do it. I reduced my dose by only 25% for 2 weeks, then again to half dose for 1 day. After not sleeping for 4 consecutive nights in a row in addition to the previous WD symptoms I had the first time, I went back to full dose. I was angry and sad. I felt like I had no control and my inability to come off the drug made me want to come off it even more. Why don't doctors tell you about this before they put you on it???? Yes, I've gained weight, my sex life has suffered, but not being able to stop taking this little pill is appalling. I didn't sign up to be dependent on a life-numbing drug for my entire lifetime!@@ My Mom did pass away this last year. The last thing I've needed since April is to take away this crutch when my heart has been more broken than it ever has before. But I am healing, and I think part of that healing process is to take back full ownership and control over my mind and body by getting off Lexapro. I have a two new doctors who are going to support me through this, and I have this site!!! I am so incredibly thankful for the resources and stories about people's journeys going through the same process I will. Thank you all SO MUCH for this site. My new doctors have prescribed me some additional psychoactive drugs to support this process: Lamotrigine and Bupropion. I am taking these to help alleviate WD symptoms from tapering off Lexapro, but I am very anxious about becoming dependent on these as well. My goal is to come off all psychoactive drugs to see where I am in navigating my mental health without chemical support. We will see...

Hey all, I'm really glad to be here. I'm currently on Lamictal (118) and tapering off of it I was doing pill splitting before but I did my research and learned that wasn't a good idea and not as accurate. I would like some help finding support with measuring and factoring the water into the measuring for the liquid taper method. Back in 2017, I did the first half of my taper and went from 250-150. I remember struggling with a host of physical symptoms, especially GI symptoms with all felt quite disruptive but something I was able to tolerate at the time and at the rate I was going. Low mood and irritability was hard too. what I struggled with most was the brain fog and cognitive difficulties, and not only that but feeling really awful and depressed and hopeless about the brain fog and cognitive difficulties. I imagine feeling bad about all of that is something I might struggle with again as I start part two of my withdrawal after a long pause. I’m going slower this time but I know it gets harder near the end. I have very strong feelings of wanting to be off Meds, especially lamictal, which I’ll go into in my background story. ————————— Here's a little background about me: I was put on psych meds (Dexedrine) at age 8 against my will- my mom took me into both therapy and a psychiatrist hoping it would 'fix me'. My mom kept going on and on about how it was a miracle drug and how it would change my life for the better and fix something that was missing within me. She saw ‘outward results’ Meanwhile my inner world, I had skyrocketing anxiety and felt rigid, overly measured and controlled on this med. But no one seemed to care because I was more compliant and ‘successful’ and had very good grades. No one seemed to care about my inner experience, how I felt like a former shell of myself, or about the trauma growing up or the ptsd. All that seemed to matter to those around me was that I was functional and compliant. I’ve spent most of my life recovering and learning to believe that I don’t need fixing. I remember parts of my personality and essence before the meds. I was bright creative and curious. I was very sensitive and easily excitable and saw patterns all over the place. I embodied this chaotic non conformist energy and I once felt comfortable with that. I’m definitely neurodivergent but I remember what it was like to embody and bask in that without shame when I was younger. People quickly saw me as too much. I want to discover who I am as an adult without meds and the freedom to embrace my essence. —————————— My Lamictal and bipolar diagnosis story is a whole other thing but felt similar to my Dexedrine story in some ways, even though I felt quite different on this one. As a young adult, I was living with a deeply controlling roommate who saw my natural exuberance and my neurodivergence. She saw me fumbling through CPTSD and trying to recover but having a lot of big stressful life events and not a whole lot of support. In her mind, she was convinced I had bipolar and wanted to ‘help’. She urged me to talk to a psychiatrist— say certain things to them to get a bipolar diagnosis and get on meds. She was very pushy about it eventually threatened to kick me out if I didn’t get on meds. I admired her a lot at the time, was deep in my own shame, had not learned how to stand up for myself and scared of losing housing….so I did exactly when she suggested. I was put on a whole host of psych meds before I landed on Lamictal. I will write more about it in another post in this thread, but being on lamictal has been an awful ride and I felt numb spaced out and checked out. I just can’t any more and I need to get off of them and get my life back. I'm exploring ways outside of the mental health and Pharma industries to recover and treat myself with kindness as I heal I want to move as far as possible from the broken brain model. I'm struggling with brain fog and cognition issues due to lamictal and withdrawal and often feel stuck and lost and so far away from my essence and dreams. and I often feel shame around what I've lost due to the meds and I wonder if I can get it back. I wonder who I am without meds and what it will be like to live in my body and to think and connect authentically and fully embrace what I discover. I'm withdrawing to come back to all that and embrace deep interconnection. I value creativity, connection, interdependence and embracing every day magic and a sense of wonder. I'm non conforming on many counts and are hoping to find connection with others who want to embrace their authenticity and co create a world where others feel free to do the same. working on coming out of my shell and accepting myself. I'm leftist and *****. I absolutely love playing music and singing, connecting with plants and the more than human realm. I love in-depth astrology (hellenistic) and the spiritual realm

I'm planning ahead to starting to taper in the next few months but I'm not sure which med is the best to taper first. Neither drug causes me significant side effects so far as I know and I've been on both of them for over 10 yrs. I am off of Straterra as of this last February (accidental cold turkey stop and had 3 months of hell, but survived it.) Buspar I am very sensitive to - even a generic brand change is enough to give me symptoms as if I've stopped it completely. I'd appreciate any suggestions about which to do first.

Hi everyone! In order to understand how i came where i am in my life, i will try to give you brief story of my life. Born if dysfuntional family with alcoholic father who was making living hell of the lives of my family and me. During one of those events i was almost killed at the age of 7. All of that lasted for 10 years. Then war broke out, years of insecurity, danger, poverty, never knowing what next day might bring. Anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, horrible self-esteem and confidence were following me throughout my life. At one point of my life, i decided to leave my homeland and look for the happiness somewhere else and i landed in Malta, tiny island in the Mediterranean. Only once i was removed from such environment i was able to focus on myself and look for help. My doctor that i met in Malta diagnosed me with cyclothimia, or bipolar disorder. I was put on lithium carbonate in july of 2018. But, for years i havent seen improvment, i was suicidal every now and then, my relationships were chaotic. Then, in 2020 i met my trauma specialized psychotherapist who told me after first season that i am having CPTSD. When i told that my pdoctor, after one low phase due to relationship issues he placee me on Lamictal in june 2020. I worked with my psychotherapist for 1,5 at the time when Lamictal dose rose again to 150mg. Since the introduction of Lamictal my life was a nightmare, but my doctor kept rising the dose, even though i told him in a few emails that i am afraid how it is affecting me, that i am highly suicidal and anxious. He told me to rise it to 200mg and never replied to my emails again. After a month and a half of that dose of 150mg I got overdosed on painkillers and ended up in the hospital. Since i was convinced that Lamictal made all of that mess, i was removed from it completely in the hospital. I was on 150mg at that point. That was the breaking point for me and thats when i decided to go off all medication. I continued with psychotherapy, changed my lifestyle, started doing brazilian jiu-jitsu,stopped abusing weed and my life changed for 180°, which was another sign that meds were doing me only bad and that i have to get off them. In September i went from 800mg of lithium to 600mg on my own. I changed my doctor eho, regardless of my whole history i told him, kept bipolar disorder diagnosis with PTSD, even though i did not have one, but reccurent traumas that lasted for more than a decade. Then i made a break until may of 2022 and my psynurse lowered it from 600 to 400mg. I got flu like symptoms, nausea, i was vomiting for 2 days, my whole body was sore. On the next check up in june of 2022 they did not want to lower my dose more, so i realize i do not have their support and that i had to do it on my own. I was on that dose for 2 months and at the mid of July i went down from 400 to 300mg and withdrawl symptoms were horrible, same flu like symptoms and such weakness in my body that i could not walk 10 meters. I had horrible nightmares for days. On 12th of August i lowered from 300mg to 200mg and even though i feel a bit down, my worst side effect are nightmares that are with me for the last 10 days. I was looking for forum like this for literally a year and i know it would be much easier for me to taper it down without a lot of trouble, but it is what it is. What should be my next step? Should i continue with 10% rule? Thank you for all of your support and time you are putting into helping.

Hi all - new to the forum and very grateful for the members who are walking the path to get off these SSRI. I was always depressed as a child and was prescribed Lexapro in 2003. 2004: Prescribed Cipramil instead of Lexapro after going hypomanic for 6 months, and lamictal to stablise. Got diagnosed with bipolar II... 2014: Came off lamictal with no issues, stablised using a buttload of coconut oil to stablise and a paleo diet. 2004-Dec 2015 - 5mg Cipramil once a day. Noticed that Cipramil stopped working from mid 2015 and decided to stop (only lasted a week) with severe WD symptoms - dizziness, diarraha, flu like symptoms, anxiety, OCD thoughts etc.... 20 Dec 2015 - 2.5mg Cipramil a day hoping to taper by 10% per period, depending on tolerance. Am feeling kinda ambitious and want to go down 10% once a week but will most likely fall on my face, which is fine too. Been doing really well this week - I can feel below my belly button and my sex drive is coming back! Went on a boat and did want to die (One of the side effects was painful sex and really crap at travelling on boats/cars/bus). But am feeling really tired alot and a little dizzy, nothing to write home about. Need some help fro other more experience members with WD.... Q1: A friend of mine is trying to convince to try Kambo - anyone tried this? I am really skeptical and don't think I am up for it as am feeling abit fragile and in addition to being depressed I have fairly constant inflammation (eczema), never mind its like $140 per treatment (!!) http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/from-bedbound-to-fit-and-able-in-14-days-effects-of-the-amazonian-medicine-kambo-on-a-cfs-patient.22952/page-4 Q2: Also read about the prozac bridge which seems like alot less trouble, I am seeing my shrink in January should I ask for this to try? Since I have never even had prozac (I have only ever had SSRIs) so not sure?

Hello all fellow mental health warriors, I am having a tough go of it currently. I was on an SSRI (of some sort) for 20 years. My most recent psychiatrist and I decided to try to bridge me over to Lamictal 50mg ER to see if my sexual side effects from the SSRI would go away. They did, (which is amazing) BUT Lamictal has given me such severe headaches and now such severe insomnia that I am now relying on Ativan now almost every night. My psychiatrist recently tried me on very low dose Mirtazapine (3.75mg), as a substitute for Ativan, which made me sleep for 12 hours and made me dizzy for the next 48. I am currently unsure if I should just stay on the benzo (Ativan) which does not leave me groggy and dizzy all day and try to taper slowly from there or keep trying liquid Mirtazapine (Remeron) at maybe 1mg per night for sleep. I also am going to request liquid Lamictal to taper eventually but for now, I am tolerating it ok. I want to be drug free so bad but I also need to sleep to function at work and give my children a functional mother. Currently waking up crying in the middle of the night at 2 or 3 pm and unable to fall back asleep. Just wanted to reach out to the community for support. With love and hope, L

About three years ago, I went to a new psychiatrist, highly recommended by my therapist, to ask him about getting off the venlafaxine and clonazepam I was put on 20 and 15 years ago. When I left I had two new prescriptions: bupropion and lamictal. He thought I was severely depressed. The lamictal was supposed to counteract the effects on adrenaline production of long-term use of venlafaxine. It worked overnight. I enjoyed a few years of relatively good mood. I was also 3 years sober then, and now 6.5 years. Quitting all psychotropics has been on my mind for years. An early experience with Paxil in the 1990s--I took it for maybe a month, tops, but it made me groggy. I became sicker than I'd ever been--flat on my back with vertigo, horrible nightmares, and continuous nausea, as well as the brain stuff. Lucky for me, all this cleared up after about a week. Of course any doctor I spoke to about this had no idea. I am here to learn about weaning, and to find support for making a decision and beginning the baby steps.

Hi everyone, I have been a member on this site for awhile (can’t remember when I joined). But I have never posted. My journey of tapering from Lamictal has been a long one of starts and stops. My original dose was 200mg (started in 2009ish). I started tapering in 2015, and I am currently on 100mg. I have no idea if Lamictal ever did anything for me, I was diagnosed with depression in 2005 after a miscarriage, which was devastating. I was prescribed Zoloft (if my memory serves me correctly), and then went off Zoloft when I was pregnant in 2006, but went into a tailspin, had a hospital stay while pregnant, went on other meds and after the birth of my son, was first prescribed Lamictal, (along with Cymbalta, which I successfully got off) My provider at the time thought that I had 1 hypomanic episode (because I stayed up late cleaning 1 night) and diagnosed me with Bipolar 2 depression. I never believed this diagnosis. I have 2 questions/concerns 1) what if I was kept stable by the med? And what will I be like off of it? I’m so scared I will fall apart without it and I won’t be the same person, or have emotions I can’t handle. I know no one can answer these questions but I don’t know where to go from here. I want to be medication free. 2) I don’t know the best method for tapering and I am mathematically challenged. Do I just continue to split pills (and use my scale) or use a liquid taper? I did see the tapering schedules and calculators, I have difficulty downloading the calculator. I guess I’m just looking for success stories and comfort, with these difficult decisions. Thank you

I apologize in advance for the long winded post while trying to keep it as short as possible...Been on so many AD's over the years since being diagnosed (hospitalized) in 1996 with MDD and severe OCD (rumination) Did inpatient ECT treatment in 2009 while on Zoloft as well...I couldn't remember all the timelines and noticed I forgot a few meds when signing up...Months ago I was struggling on a dose of 60mg Paxil combined with Lamotrigine 250mg.....Seemed like the meds had lost effectiveness which has happened many times over the years usual 3-5 is the most I get out of a med...Been on Paxil/Lamotrigine approx 7 years this time and this combo is 1 of only 3 that had worked effectively since 1996 with alot of struggling in between.Anyway started taking some naturopathic stuff that seemed to help and decided to come off the prescription meds thinking if I could be stable great if not I needed to switch anyway.From past experience in my case when meds stop working or don't work they do more harm than good. When my Doc had me increase the lamotrigine I realized it was aggravating a psoriasis skin condition so I tapered off that.(likely way to fast)....After a few weeks off lamotrigine I started reducing my Paxil dose of 60mg...Went to 50mg for a week,then 40,then 30 and I was feeling great,as good as I ever have...Ignorance truly is bliss as I had NO idea what I was about to be in for...I reduced my further to 20 then 10 after each week still feeling pretty good.Within a week my anxiety gradually soars,can't sleep,brain zaps when moving eyes,nausea and to make matters worse my sense of taste has gone haywire....I eat because I have to but don't enjoy eating anything and can't stomach the taste of some foods I once loved. March 18th was my last dose of Paxil at the time...I looking online for what had helped other people (benadryl,Nyquill,green Gatorade) at various places when I came across this site and thankyou in advance for having it. 2 Days ago after 2.5 months the withdrawals were not easing up so I reinstated 10mg of Paxil hoping to alleviate the withdrawal...So far my anxiety has diminished and I can sit still for more than 30 seconds at a time...I'm a self employed mechanic and the past 2 months have been crazy busy and I needed to do something to get some relief as the withdrawals were not letting up anytime soon although the brain zaps were far better and few and far between. My biggest concern at the moment is this nasty taste to food and obviously I need to get some sleep as I'm still working.Very tired and not feeling great but all things considered not bad,just running out of energy and hope to get stabalized for awhile..I have a Doctors appointment next week and am looking for some advice in advance as I try to come up with a plan moving forward....Any input is appreciated

ADMIN NOTE Please see bambam's Introductions topic here. Hi all. I am 13 Months off lamictal. I initially started it for anxiety while driving or being in crowded places. I was postpartum and still breastfeeding so the NP I saw pretty much used my mood swings from lack of sleep and irritability as a way to convince me I was bipolar. She said lamictal would eliminate all the issues I was having. My son was still waking up around 7 times a night to nurse so I now know that my issues were from being postpartum, family trauma that happened while I was pregnant, and lack of sleep. I started at 25mg and titrated by 25mg every two weeks. Once I got to 75mg I started feeling panicky and extremely anxious like never before. My heart was racing and I was in constant fight or flight. I went down to 50mg on my own and felt better so I returned to the doctor and she swore I am bipolar and it wasn’t the medicine causing my issue and it was my bipolar progressing she said I needed to go back to 75 and get to 200 before I felt better. Since she was a doctor I listened and believed her. Once I went up to 75mg all hell broke loose. Panic anxiety pacing wanting to cry but not being able to feeling so dissociated and out of life. I found a different NP that said I didn’t need lamictal and wasn’t bipolar and to ween from 75 to 0 in 8 days and start buspirone as I was weening. Stopping the lamictal made all my issues go away and starting buspirone made me so nauseous and sick I lost 20 pounds fast since I wasn’t eating and still nursing. I was on the lamictal for 8 weeks total and the buspar for 2 weeks. I’m not sure if it was the Lamictal getting out of my system and BuSpar I’m getting in my system or a combination of both but about the second week off Lamictal second week on buspar I was so dissociated I would look at myself in the mirror and had no idea who I was. I physically couldn’t cry I’d didn’t care about anything. I experienced three day long panic attacks. I thought I was literally going to die and that I needed to check myself in somewhere but my husband advise me against this because they were just put me on more medication. The three day long panic settle down a few days later, but then I entered into this constant state of dissociation, weird brain sensations and depersonalization. For months I couldn’t laugh or feel joy at all. I felt like I was living in a dream every day. It was so hard for me to get out of bed, knowing I was going to feel this way and try and take care of my kids, intense panic and anxiety would come in waves that would last a few days and I would have to take an Ativan to make it go away. The brain sensation was the worst of it all I cannot even begin to describe it to myself or to anyone to understand really what it is. The closest definition I can find is either depersonalization or dissociation, but it didn’t go away when I closed my eyes, it would feel like the darkness was pushing away from me, and like I was floating and this would cause me to panic so sleeping during this time was very difficult. It is now getting better where I can nap and go to bed at night without the fear of this sensation. I was very hopeless during this time. I had two kids to take care of and everyday was a battle between feeling fake or having panic attacks. I considered more medications many many times but my husband reminded me daily that my brain was healing and that I would recover and the brain thing as I call it would go away as well as the anxiety. He was my rock. I couldn’t have done it without him. Magnesium glycinate make my weird brain thing and anxiety worse. I don’t think I’ll ever know what exactly the brain sensation is all I know is it caused me great distress for over a year. Large objects or certain images would trigger it. I thought about the ocean and the sensation and panic started. Very odd. My worse “wave” was in month 6 when I was taking the magnesium glycinate. The panic attacks were so bad I became acrophobic but my husband suggested he noticed me getting worse after starting the magnesium. It took awhile for that to settle back to withdrawal normal. In month 9 I went on a plane to visit my dad and though I felt dissociated and fake I enjoyed myself and was glad I went. This website was a great help to me. I was gaslit by any doctor I tried to see that told me there was no way eight weeks of this medication and two weeks of a BuSpar could cause me to be experiencing this at all and for so long. my husband was the only one that really believed me and of course you on this website. Most of the time I feel pretty back to normal I will get a little waves here and there were the brain thing will pick up if I am tired from a night of insomnia, or a day where my anxiety is a little higher than usual, but I just fight through it and tell myself it’s a wave and I will be feeling back to normal again. I really don’t think about the year I suffered that much at all unless I think about it. I still have insomnia on and off around my cycle but it doesn’t leave me completely zoned out anymore. During the darkest days of my recovery, I wanted to unalive myself and didn’t think I would ever recover ever feel normal again. I was glued to my phone because looking at my surroundings made me feel fake and foggy and panicky. I thought I was in a permanent state of disassociation depersonalization derealization. that I would die before my kids got to grow up but now these days I am back to working and I feel pretty normal. We go out and do outings and activities and I don’t even have to worry about carrying a benzo around with me in case I have a panic attack, although I do keep it in my bag just out of habit. It’s been months since my last panic attack and I am loving my life again and excited for the future. Once I got to the one year mark it was like a flipped switched and my issues became less and less noticeable. The only thing that helped was time. I prayed a lot and still do. My husband helped me keep faith that one day I’d be ok again. I still have some healing to do. I do hope my brain thing goes away completely but I am miles away from where I was. I can have caffeine now without issue but I do avoid it so I don’t charge my system. For awhile a soda or even decaf would cause a panic attack. I wish healing and recovery to everyone. The only way out is through and you will all walk through that window into endless recovery.