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Found 37 results

  1. Hello. My name is A and up until 2007, I was a happy well adjusted individual (loving, caring and with a huge amount of empathy for others) with a young family, who was very content with life. Due to an situation at work, I became anxious, and this anxiety did not subside. I visited my doctor, who immediately prescribed Citalopram (Citalex) - will hereafter refer to as C). My doctor did not suggest getting off these as soon as possible, instead recommending I stay on them in case I had a relapse (do they recommend cancer drugs to patients in remission). The possible consequences of this course of action were never explained to me. I have been on them pretty much ever since (and when they were working they worked fine), but I have had several attempts to get off them, with no success. I instead became depressed and was put back onto C. My most recent attempt was in mid-December 2016, and initially things appeared to be going OK, in that is I was functioning as would be expected, but without the medication. Unfortunately, my mood deteriorated. I was again signed off sick from work, and despite a further prescription of C (which I have discovered I can now not tolerate - instead it gave me severe headaches and made me confused) I am now totally anhedonic. The question I would like replies to address is whether this state is likely to be permanent, and if so, how do those in a similar sad situation cope with never feeling any pleasure whatsoever. I know I love my family, but there is no "warm fuzzy" feeling inside, just this deadness, whereas before there was love and empathy. What do other forum members feel has been the cause of their depression - life in general (with its ups and downs) or the fact that they have been on an antidepressant for a long time without which, ultimately, their body could not function, i.e. it was the drug itself that led to a depressive state?
  2. William: Hello!

    Good morning people! Just wanted to introduce myself and share my experiences with fellow like minded antidepressant survivors! Was first prescribed SSRI's in 2012 due to severe anxiety and suicide attempts (lucky to be alive) Took Mirtazapine for a year or so. Made me a bit drowsy, didnt notice any improvements so came off it, cold turkey, but no symptoms/side effects A year later went back to my GP (big mistake!) and he decided on prescribing Zoloft. I had a very severe reaction to this medication. Its difficult to remember all the side effects i had but i'll try to list them. Depersonalisation. Erectyle dysfunction. Sensitive CNS. Tinnitus. Insomnia. Sickness. Diarrhea. Feeling dreadful all day. No energy. No happiness. Anger. Could not talk. It will be 3 years this XMAS and i am still nowhere healed. I still have tinnitus. Sensitive CNS and feel awful every single day I have seen 12 doctors during this period. No one really believes me A Neurologist at the hospital basically kicked me out my appointment and said its all in my head I am so angry with the medical community I traveled the world and worked in financial services prior to this reaction, now i am on the sofa being cared for by my girlfriend I read the success stories on this forum and they give me hope, but its difficult to carry on when i have little improvement I bet your wondering, why are you only posting now? This forum scared me when i saw people say it took years to recover. When it happened i thought i would be one of the lucky ones who would heal in 3-6 months. WRONG! I currently take 5mg Valium on a as needed basis. But the last time i took some was months ago. I save them for when i need to be somewhere and acting normal (e.g. funerals/xmas time etc) I spend my time on the sofa, in bed or in the bath. It is a tuely miserable existance. So, here I am. My name is William and in live in England. From reading these forums i have all the answers i need. Patience and time are my friends. But happy to connect with people currently suffering through the lies of Big Pharma Have a good day all Will
  3. HI, My wife was on antidepressants starting with prozac for 20 years. As time went on she had side effects that were treated as independent issues, so was given meds for each such as antipsychotics, headache meds, ambien for sleep, pain meds, muscle relaxers, etc.. and finally benzos for a few years. Eventually she read a book written by someone who said a vagal nerve implant helped. She had the implant for a few years, going in to have it adjusted regularly, and never helped, so had it removed. Unfortunately the wire around her vagal nerve could not be removed so it still there. Finally we were told the ECT actually worked for everyone but was only as a last resort due to the nature of the process. So she had 13 ECT treatments. What a nightmare. They were not a cure. Lastly she found the book Your Drug May Be Your Problem and decided to stop ALL meds cold turkey, except noted that benzos should be tapered. So 7.5 years ago she stopped all other drugs and started a nightmare 18 month taper off benzoes. It was probably a nightmare due to cold turkey off all the other meds, but we did not know or understand. Shortly she will have been off benzos for 6 years and therefore 7.5 years off all other meds. She is still what we describe as acute in her suffering. I was on benzo buddies for a few years and we also communicated with an internationally known therapist who was in England, came to USA for a while so we had her visit us and help us, but recently she went back to UK. She has published books, has website, etc and everyone probably knows who it is, Anyway, of everything I ever read, the symptoms reported by Alto Strata were the closest I ever noted to what suffering my wife is experiencing. Above is the background. My wife believes she will never heal so I am trying to find any information that I can give her that people that have been protracted withdrawal for 7.5 years off all other drugs, and 6 years off the benzos, do actually heal. We cannot find any success stories by people going this long. There is a Monica who has videos and blogs who went on about this long , but that is all we can find of long term withdrawal. Does anyone have any helpful information? Thank you, Dufffer
  4. I know we all struggle and in this 6 years of protracted withdrawal I have struggled with the waves which come with a catalogue of symptoms intense agitation akasthesia nausea tummy cramps cow pat pooh negative intrusive thoughts suicidal ideation fatigue memory loss insomnia cognitive impairment... I have been on many FB groups to help with adrenal fatigue mercury issues biochemical issues depression anxiety and much more... then I get windows which are just a return to well being nothing more than feeling well and content no excessive highs but accompanied by a good appetite ability to sleep and cope with mild stress I recently found the protracted withdrawal groups and have learnt a great deal not least about windows and waves... no one was able to tell me why I would get a week of wellness and 10 days of extreme acute illness.... I really need tools to help with this as I cant see myself lasting much longer...it is like sitting on an electric charge through my CNS.... I have tried chiropractic therapy homeopathy psychotherapy bowen therapy the latter has seen some improvement but plotting over the last 6 years it has been a very slow very very slow trajectory to recovery,,, I am 58 soon to retire...ive I don't work I feel much worse ....work acts as a distraction... if anyone can suggest something other than a supplement, ive tried most with no success..., I would be grateful ... I have given up gluten etc I do yoga and walk I think I have become chemical sensitive... it is all just too difficult... thank you very much...it is a bad day ... reaching out
  5. Hi guys, So here I am after being off antids for about 6 months, having tapered too quickly and suffering the consequences. I was latterly taking Citalopram 30mg, Lamotrigine 150mg and Venlafaxine 75mg. Summer 2015 I was officially diagnosed with major depression, which had obviously been there for a long, long time but had at that time got particularly bad. This was due to psychological issues, alcohol and drug abuse but wouldn't shift despite years of work fixing these. Now I know the long term citalopram use was probably making the depression worse. Around that time I saw 4 different psychologists and got 4 different opinions on how to recover/which meds to take. This of course was a ridiculous situation so I took matters into my own hands, taking what I thought was the 'best' advice and integrating it with my own research and experience . Following the 'advice' of one of the psychiatrists I added 75mg of Venlafaxine to the Citalopram and Lamotrgine. At the same time I'd heard about l-methylfolate so gradually ramped up to 15mg daily with b-6 and b-12. I know starting 2 things at once is not advisable but I was desperate and could hardly function. Within a couple of weeks something kicked the worst of the depression into touch which was a massive relief. After a couple of months on the 3 med cocktail the side effects were really starting to get to me so it was time to get off this stuff. Yes, I know, I did it all too quickly which is why I am where I am now....I should have listened more closely to the advice here :-) Hoping for a little advice and encouragement about my nervous system which in the last 3 months or so has got worse even though I stopped all meds 6 months ago. The lamotrigine taper had me shouting angrily at my wife a number of times - the intensity of the rage was incredible but passed quite quickly. She was very brave to be able to get through that! Citalopram taper was surprisingly easy. The final stages of the Venlafaxine withdrawl was tricky. I was down to 1 bead and if I didn't take it within a few hours I'd get head zaps, restless legs etc. At some point I had to stop so I did and put with these symptoms for a week or so. After all this I was however very fatigued which has improved to an acceptable level over the last 3 months. The fatigue was probably also due to recovering from the major depression. Right now I have anxiety issues, very easily stressed/snappy, can't sleep more than 5 hours a night and impossible to catch up with sleep during daytime as on the verge of dropping off I wake with intense terror/fear. Often trouble breathing properly, tight stomach and I am very sensitive to noise, light and touch. I also have panic attacks when the stress is high in my life. These have been occurring for a long time though and haven't really changed with changes in meds. Having done years of therapy and some bodywork I know that these are physical symptoms and I have quite a healthy psychological make up. I also do a lot of things to look after my physical and mental health which I won't go into here. On the plus side, I don't have the general low mood caused by taking Citalopram for years, blurred vision, muscle tightness, sexual problems, cognition and memory problems, sense of not being fully present + other well known side effects from these meds. I am having thoughts about re-introducing a very small amount of Citalopram or Venlafaxine - not sure which one of these is causing the nervous system issues - probably both. I'm aware that the likelihood of this helping after 6 months is low, but I'm willing to try to alleviate symptoms. Advice on this is very welcome! As my name suggests, I do finally feel alive after 16 years on these meds - something about taking them was just not 'right'. Even though I'm suffering right now I'd rather be here. I hope this gives some encouragement to others and also serves as a warning about what happens when you taper too quickly! Thanks to mods and users alike for this wonderful resource. Cheers
  6. Hi to all I'm Chuck, Italian guy of 33 years old, have PSSD after adverse reactions to Citalopram 7 drops of 3 years ago,now I'M total drug free I'm Old pp members, I hope someone remember me in these years I had some improvement better erections, more sensitivity. My story of AD and psychiatric drugs start around 2001, in my first college years I have degree in Biology and now I'm in the third year of MD school, for some months in 01/02 psichyatry put on me on Amisulpride and Seroquel, and After mutabon mite(amytryptaline) and i stay on It for 3 months, i try some SSRIs but I always vomit it at the first dose, after this evrything gos is fine, and I stay drug free for around 10 years, in december 2013 after a period of discouragement I go to psychiatric and he is prescribed me Citaloprom 10 drops, I take only 7 drops and I have horrible adverse reaction with 11 discharges of diarrhea and since I developed in PSSD. But on Monday I had a virtual colonoscopy, for rectal bleeding due to hemorrhoids, Virtual colonoscopy did not find anything abnormal, no polyps, and no cancerous lesion, the colon is perfectly clean and healthy. But the preparation for Virtual Colonoscopy was brutal, I used two laxatives , one Lovoldyl pill, and 3 glasses of Lovol ESSE (polyethylene glycol ), I think is the same product of Miralax, I had a serious adverse reaction to this product with Eighteen discharges of bloody diarrhea abdominal pain and cramps that I have and even PSSD symptoms seem worse, and despite this strong rectal bleeding due to inflamed hemorrhoids, the doctor decided to make the virtual colonoscopy, drenching with less air. Can this preparation for colonoscopy have worsened PSSD? I read that the polyethylene glycol is neurotoxic, and can damage the kidneys, I am very afraid of developing kidney damage in the future, this is possible? I'm also afraid of not being able to eat and drink as before, or develop Diverticulosis another possible side effects of colonoscopy,I have strong pangs in the stomach and burning, I have read of people after the colonoscopy for years can eat only liquid food, This screening for early detection of cancer is very barbaric, and brutal, both the classic version and virtual, it would definitely prohibited and find safer alternatives. Thx to all.
  7. I stopped taking Paxil 6 months ago. Since then, I've been unable to sleep more than about 4 hours a night. Has anyone gone through insomnia every night like this for this long? How long does the inability to get a sufficient amount of sleep last after getting off all psychiatric medications?
  8. Hoping I'm not alone (although I wouldn't wish this on anyone else). I was taken off citalopram and mirtazapine a few years ago. I can't remember the dosage but I had been on them for at least a year and it was the second time I had come off them, the first was a tapered withdrawal as I felt well this second time was cold turkey. I was in hospital after collapsing and I was taken off them literally overnight - one day my dosage was as usual, the next day nil. I had really bad withdrawal symptoms for months especially brain zaps and spine zaps, feeling of delay between moving body and senses catching up, inability to regulate body temperature, constant crying, nausea, abdominal pain, body pain, insomnia. I was also eating poorly and severely dehydrated for a considerable period of time before and after. I'm now questioning whether the continued unexplained neuropathy that I developed at some point is related to any of this. I can't remember when the neuropathy started but it felt debilitating several months after coming out of hospital. So much of it is such a blur that I can't recall with any certainty when I noticed symptoms. I know I had symptoms of restless legs, especially knees that I felt I constantly had to twist and fold and refold endlessly to try to find a position that I could remain comfortable with, while on medication and a feeling of utter inward stomach churning heart wrenching terror and inability to focus and concentrate for many many months but that this was treated as a psychological symptom rather than anything of medical concern. Whilst the inability to concentrate and anxiety lessened over the years (although still acute at times), the neuropathy has worsened with recurring episodes of days of spinning head and feelings of delay between movement and senses, daily nerve pain and burning tingling in legs, feeling of rushing water down spine, zaps at back of neck on moving head, recurrent migraines, tinnitus, one leg feels hotter than other but not to touch, feeling that ideally want legs trapped under an iceberg(!) in bed and have to wedge them under piles of cushion to get pressure, head spinning (feels like spinning clockwise at slight angle) and brain that goes to sludge when have to concentrate or interact with people for any length of time. The symptoms are variable and each day brings a different combination. But it's not going. I was referred to a neurologist a year or so ago but, having had a bad experience of hospitals and doctors, cancelled the appointments for further testing as nothing abnormal apparent on basic physical exam and have not sought medical advice since as I'm a) afraid afraid c) afraid and d) afraid. Oh and e) alone and f) afraid of opening the whole mental health issue again with another dr. I also have long term digestive problems and a fairly constant background suicidal feeling that I have to tolerate as it comes and goes in waves and has done for about seven years now. I'm pretty good at hiding most of this but it does make it hard to function. Amitriptaline makes the nerve pain more tolerable although toward late afternoon and evening it gets worse and night time it sometimes keeps me awake. Has anyone else here been made to stop meds overnight and if so what happened to you after? I don't know what is "me" anymore and what is left over from before.
  9. Hi guys I just wanted to start by saying thank you so much for putting this site together. I can't begin to tell you how much it has helped and educated me in a short time. Im roughly 23 weeks cold turkey from 37.5mg effexor, I was on that for maybe 5 years before that 75mg for roughly 12 years. I don't have any medical history records available and can't remember the exact times because my memory is so screwed. I honestly could be years off when estimating the dosage changes. I stopped cold turkey because I initially forgot to take it and didn't feel as though it was of any therapeutic benefit to me anymore anyway. Doctors had previously told me I was on a "baby" dose. A relationship had ended a few months before and I wanted to start a new life. I was going to take back control not put anymore of this crap (efexor) in my body, reclaim it from the drug company and start doing all the things I really wanted to do with my life. I realised there would be discontinuation symptoms because of previous reductions and times I had forgotten to take it in the past. I thought maybe a month or 2 at most and I would be back to normal. I could do this, besides I was on the lowest dose available, positive about the future, I had quit other (recreational) drugs throughout my life, I'd worked my way through depression and anxiety years ago and I could get through this. I can be very stubborn when it comes to some things and I'd decided in my head no matter how bad it got I wouldn't be taking another efexor for the rest of my life. I hated the doctors for prescribing it and telling me to stay on it or trying to get me to raise it even. The drug companies for making it. And both for making me feel like I needed to take it so it was a kinda "up yours" to them all. 5 months later I'm still suffering major symptoms and my life is still on hold. Although some have faded others seem to get worse particularly the insomnia and anxiety even suicidal thoughts I think this may be also due to the fact I've realised that its not going anyway and I may be like this for years or maybe forever? Makes it bloody hard to relax. I get it now that it was pretty reckless to stop so suddenly like that after such a long time. So I hate to say it but after not being able to go to work the last couple of weeks Im coming to the realisation that I may need to go back on to a very low dose and slowly taper of that. Is this a good idea? Do you think it would ease discon symptoms for me to just start taking maybe half again and taper at 10%? If so how long before tapering? Will getting back on efexor have any side effects in itself? And also theoretically will discon symptoms last longer because I stopped so suddenly? whether I start taking it again or not. I read a lot in the tapering of efexor thread but I'm finding it very hard to concentrate at the moment and find the answers amongst all the good info there. Thank you to anyone who has taken the time read all this and reply. Your awesome.
  10. Hello everyone. I hope you all find the strength needed to successfully archive your goals towards a better self. I am really torn about what to do next. My story, short: I was on benzo from 1999-2012 and on SSRI from 2002-February this year (2016). The underlying diagnose is anxiety/panic disorder. The journey has been hell (you know what I mean) and I'm not going to repeat what all of you already know...you know how hard it is and how many symptoms one can feel. From feeling like going crazy to extreme hopelessness. From insomnia to jaw pain... Where I am now is as follows: the first two months after my last dose Lexapro were hell but I was nevertheless able to go to work, don't know how actually. Months 3-4 were surprisingly stable I went to work and lived quite normally. I smiled to myself and thought I was archiving victory, as I previously did with benzo. ...but sadly now some weeks ago, in my 5th month things are getting quite nasty. Symptoms are coming back, specially strong anxiety, panic attacks (not every day), nightmares, mood swings and specially muscle ache (jaw and back). I don't know what's happening. I have read everywhere symptoms after 3 months are "yourself" and not withdrawal, same as my doctor says. I really, really don't want to go back. Leaving the medicine was a titanic task...I don't want to go back,l but at the same time I refuse living in this constant pain. This is not life worth living for me. I daily do everything in my power to get better, as I've done this far when tapering both benzo and SSRI; I run 5km each other day, hit the gym, eat healthy, meditate, get lots of rest, have changed my life away from stress, I have no great financial problems, I have this wonderful wife, a wonderful life really...and I can't enjoy it. My question for you, experienced people is: what should I do? I have an appointment with my doc this Monday and I'll have to make a decision by then. Should I hold on and wait for better days (will they come?) or should I take a low dose Lexapro? Even 2,5-5mg were enough for keeping me stable. I mainly got of SSRI to show "that I could", a decision I'm beginning to regret. Is it possible this still could be withdrawal? Thanks a lot Love to you all /Machinehead
  11. Hey guys! I stopped taking Prozac 15mg last September, so about 9 months ago already. Things were kind of rocky at first, but smoothed out with time. Now, ever since May, I've been hitting a rough patch after rough patch, and cannot get out of this rut. Does anyone know how long it actually takes my brain to function normally again after taking Prozac for 3 years? I heard it could be different for everyone, but this is getting a little ridiculous. I have never experienced this before, and nothing horrible has happened in my life. It seems that after a couple months of not being on Prozac anymore, my mood dropped and I started feeling horrible again. I read online that the brain is not used to producing so much serotonin because the pills did it for me, so I am wondering just how long it could take for my brain to patch this up. This has been ruining my relationships with family, loved ones, and friends. It is affecting my school work, my job, and how I am living my everyday life. I feel down all the time, and rarely experience happiness and joy. My mind seems slower, and it takes me a long time to understand and comprehend things sometimes. If anyone has any information that could help me get through this and/or understand what is happening, that would be great!
  12. 9 months ago today I took my last Prozac and I am still dealing with withdrawal. I took 15 mg of Fluoxetine for 12 years from PAR pharmaceuticals. In July 2015 the fluoxetine I received from the pharmacy was from TEVA pharmaceuticals, apparently PAR pharmaceuticals discontinued the tablets I was taking. Well, my body did not react well to the TEVA brand. I started having nausea and tremors. After a couple of days on the TEVA brand I switched to the MYLAN brand but nothing changed. Realizing my body was not going to handle the change I decided to taper but it seemed pointless because my body was in withdrawal from the PAR pharmaceutical fluoxetine my body was use to taking. On August 27th 2015 I took my last pill. From July to November I dealt with nausea and tremors and then all hell broke loose. On top of the nausea and tremors I developed a bad smell in my nose that only I can smell, internal shaking that is constant, the nausea got much worse, I started having hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia and chills. I also have cried almost every day since November. In December I had a gastric emptying study done due to the nausea and lack of appetite. I discovered I now have delayed gastric emptying. To date I have lost 44 pounds from the nausea and not being able to eat. I have also had a CT scan and an MRI for the tremors and internal shaking. Those results were normal. I have seen an ENT for the bad smell in my nose, but they can find nothing wrong. I have noticed that I am feeling a tiny and I stress tiny bit better but I still have the internal shaking, nausea, bad smell in my nose and crying. I have read about internal shaking in withdrawal but how long does it go on. I was put on Prozac for panic attacks and the constant internal shaking is making me feel panicky and anxious. Does anything help with it? Has anyone else experienced a bad smell in their nose or heard of anyone having a bad smell in their nose during withdrawal? Thank you for any advice or help anyone can offer me.
  13. Do/did you have depression as wd symptom? Sometimes I'm in an extremely bad mood and very exhausted - it is in fact very similar to my original depression. It always gets better in the evening.
  14. ashbrown: my story

    hello everyone, I am a former member of paxilprogress, i went by the username of no_fear if i can remember. I was on paxil for 5 years and 4 months, starting off on 20mg, but for the most part on 10mg, i tapered down to 5mg/day then 5mg/every other day, then stopped, this was back in winter 08/09. to be honest the tapering part for me wasn't too bad, the real problems started after i stopped, probably about 2 months after. i was hit with depression and anxiety, after that came the brain zaps and dizziness (i felt like i was going to fall backwards all the time) that lasted for a good 6 months. i have had bouts of insomnia and moments lying in bed feeling so low and fatigued i would of asked God to end my life right there. it took me a good 4 years after stopping to get to a place and head space to feel what i could consider normal, i have been off paxil for over 7 years now and have never looked back. i currently do have health issues which are possibly related directly or indirectly to coming off paxil, but i feel it is more to do with my clean but not very nutritious diet and not letting myself recover properly. i feel bad typing this because i can see many of you are still in withdrawal and i think this site is more to do with that, but i just wanted to share my story and let people know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
  15. Hello, everyone. I'm new here, but was a long-time reader over at Paxil Progress before it shut down. I actually thought a couple weeks ago how far I'd come and thought, "I should post a success story!" because I hadn't felt PAWS symptoms in an entire year by that point. Well. Today and yesterday, I've hit a rough spot. Let me start with that necessary evil, backstory. In late 2011 I was prescribed Abilify for the off-label treatment of trichotillomania, or compulsive hair-pulling. I did not have depression, anxiety, or any psychiatric disorder; my doctor prescribed this solely for the pulling. When I decided it wasn't working, my doctor told me I could just stop. No taper - cold-turkey. So I did. A week after stopping, I experienced the scariest few days of my life. I was sobbing on the floor of my dorm bathroom, having panic attacks in the middle of class - when I managed to make it to class, that is - and felt eerily detached from myself, like I was living a dream and going through the motions, but couldn't feel anything...and yet was constantly about to fall to pieces in a hysterical mass of tears and panic. Then, about four days later, it ended. Boom, just like that - I was at work one evening, and suddenly felt like myself again. I had no idea that this was my brain's first reaction to quitting the Abilify, and that many more were to come. I experienced this again, in varying intensity (but always very intense and life-disrupting) several times over the next months. When I became pregnant with my first child, I felt myself "stick at a baseline" below my normal, as though my brain delayed healing because it knew I needed to focus on the pregnancy more. But I wasn't normal, or myself, or happy. I was ...some other person entirely, the whole 9 months. Then, as soon as I gave birth, the PAWS returned with a vengeance. A year later, I began a regimen of Amino Fuel, l-glutamine, and magnesium. I immediately saw marked improvement: my windows became longer, and I felt more and more like myself during them; the waves grew shorter and less intense. By 2014, I had two or three days of feeling bummed out every 7 weeks or so, and felt like me most of the time now, even in my waves. My improvements were so good that by summer of that year, I could even feel safe drinking coffee again, enjoying wine, etc., which I hadn't been able to do without triggering waves until then. In spring 2015, I became pregnant again. I had a couple days of feeling bummed out as my hormones leveled out, but no PAWS symptoms for the entire pregnancy. I felt like me. I was happy, ecstatic even, to have another child (whereas the first time, I was so depressed it tainted the entire experience). Upon giving birth, I did have a few days of severe baby blues, including a panic attack - I think it was the combination of epidural drugs and hormonal crash with perhaps a still slightly sensitive nervous system? I had my placenta encapsulated, so I took that and magnesium for a few weeks; within four days, I felt 99% better, then back to myself a week or so postpartum. Two nights ago, I chainsmoked a ton of cigarettes (and I haven't smoked cigarettes in over a year, just vaping low nicotine on an ecig) and drank a good amount of hard liquor (which I also haven't done in over a year). The next morning, I woke up feeling like my early days of PAWS: pounding heart, sweat, too much adrenaline/panic, the world is falling apart, etc. I calmed down after thirty minutes or less, but since then I've felt like I'm in a wave again - bummed out, random crying, lack of appetite, and more than anything this...relentless panic that I've done damage to my brain again, ruined my progress...or - the BIG worry, and hopefully the most ridiculous? Please weigh in - that I was never better at all. That because of my 2nd pregnancy, I just delayed symptoms and now my PAWS is back to stay. I realize logically that doesn't make much sense, because I have gotten immensely better over the years, hence this pregnancy was so much better than my first. Anyway. I realize *technically* I haven't been symptom-free for a year, since I had a panic attack (or perhaps a combo of a wave and postpartum crash or baby blues) this past February. But still, that didn't feel much like a wave the way this does. And it's been a while since I've had one like this - since 2014, most of my waves were "morning-only" where for a couple days I'd have symptoms in the morning, and they'd end very suddenly by noon. This one's been going on all day for the last two days, ever since the cigarettes and hard liquor I had at a wedding. I'm sorry for such a long post. My brain is going a mile a minute with worry. I guess I want reassurance that I won't be this way forever...that my progress isn't all gone because of one stupid night of excess (which I definitely will not be repeating). Also, just looking for opinions on how long my recovery's been - 4 and half years. That's a long time, especially since I only took Abilify three months. Is it possible it's taking so long because of my pregnancies, during which no waves or windows occurred (so I'm guessing, no healing for 18 months total during these last few years)? Thank you for your help. I just hate feeling this way again after SO LONG feeling like myself, no symptoms, and would love reassurance. Taylor
  16. ☼ dowdaller: Hello

    Hi everyone my name is pete I am from Ireland, I am currently med free for the last 8 months I was on a cocktail of meds before that including zanex, olanzaipine, and Effexor I weaned off these meds over a two year period under supervision. I found this tough but I made it, I am currently finding it tough at the moment hence I joined the forum. I suffer from anxiety ocd and depression.
  17. Hi everyone! I've been reading this forum for months and it has helped me immensely. I've been drug free for 6 months. Have had many WD symptoms that have come and gone, but the past few days have been awful. Headaches (brain pain is more accurate though) and brain shivers (very strange feeling, not sure how else to describe it), memory is all of a sudden awful, feel like I can't gather a thought in my head, feels like I won't be able to even remember my name, can't focus on anything for any length of time, brain humming sound at night (although this isn't new). I haven't felt this bad since I stopped. Has anyone else experienced this? Do things get worse before they get better? I thought that 6 months out the waves of WD would be easier than the previous months? I'm taking Vit D, Omega 3 fish oil, Vit C (just stopped to see if it was affecting my headaches etc). Thank you for creating this forum! I'm so grateful it exists and for any support. Trying to stay hopeful, but these past fews days have been challenging.
  18. Hello everyone, I am still in withdrawal from Citalopram after two years and also suffer from CFS/ME. I've been severely ill and housebound since withdrawing and still have several neuro-symptoms from the withdrawal, as well as much worsened ME. I've become worried that I've taken the birth control pill for 10 years to control my periods while having ME. I thought I was on a low-dosage pill until I realised after a few years my doctor had changed my medication to normal dose. While in more severe withdrawal I went back to the low-dose (20/150 mg) and don't think the reduction worsened things. I'm not keen to keep taking the pill but am worried about the effects of withdrawing, given the severity of my w/d from citalopram. Does anyone know if it is possible to withdraw gradually from the contraceptive pill? Would it be harmful or helpful in withdrawal? I just don't want to keep taking any other long-term drug that could be harming me. Many thanks for reading, Picchy 2005: Developed CFS/ME 2008: Started 20mg Citalopram after bereavement March 2014: Came off Citalopram after a five-month taper July 2014: Had sudden severe withdrawal that caused immobility, suicidal depression and many awful sensory, physical and mental symptoms and severe ME symptoms such as extreme immune problems Currently (as of March 2016) with many reduced symptoms but still in withdrawal - eg more moderate light sensitivity, unreality, neuro-emotions. Many much improved symptoms eg no longer suicidal, agitated anxiety gone. ME still severe - physical ability very limited.
  19. Hello. I need some info on a procedure i found out works for my situation. I am taking Carbamazepine ( or Tegretol ) every third day ( when at work ) to cope with stressful situations. I read about everywhere it needs to be taken each day, but i feel not to take it that often. I control my anxiety at home, but at performing my job my emotions seem to overwhelm me, so i take this drug. I feel fine and in the evening i don't feel depressed any longer while at work ( i used to become very depressed in the evening due to staying late; these are the requierements of the job ). I started taking Carbamazepine so i don't feel the need of any benzo ( they ask for higher and higher doses to be taken to work every time, which is nuisance ). Is it possible to continue taking Carbamazepine every third day and be safe? What are the risks of this way of dealing with this situation ?
  20. Hello. About a year ago my GP suggested I try Brintollix to help anxiety. After discussing with my wife, we decided to give it a try. A few days into the medication I began having severe side effects including debilitating panic attacks, severe anxiety, insomnia and nausea. After a couple weeks of these symptoms and two trips to urgent care, I discussed withdrawing with my GP. I stopped taking the brintollix and now know I was having withdrawals. I started seeing a psychiatrist who initially prescribed xanax and celexa. The celexa was increased frequently and I was taking 60 mg within 2 months of starting it. He switched the xanax to ativan, back to xanax and then to klonopin. I was also prescribed neurontin at one point and latuda at another point. My psychiatrist then got upset that my wife and I had called too many times on the emergency line and switched me to another provider in his office. I discussed my concerns with this provider and started decreasing the celexa. The celexa has made me nauseous from day one and its never subsided. I feel like a walking zombie when Im taking the celexa. I decreased from 60mg to 5mg over several months. On 12/31/15 after being on 5 mg for a month I stopped taking it, per my provider. Now its been 5 weeks of living hell. Panic attacks, nausea, anxiety, dark cloud feeling, exhaustion, head rushes, irritability, agitation, suicidal thoughts, tightness in chest, severe back pain...its been horrible. If not for taking time off from work and my wife, I probably would have committed suicide by now. I dont know if I can continue this hell...should I reinstate or keep fighting through this? I've taken 5HTP, drink shakeology daily, and take an omega 3 pill in the AM and PM. I also take propanolol for palpitations. Thanks for any and all help...I'm fighting every single day and praying for some relief but I just cant take this anymore.
  21. Hello, Altostrata told me to make a topic literally a minute ago, so I am opening up for help. I am going through a really rough time right now and really don't know what to do. I was prescribed Paxil CR in a rehabilitation facility at the age of 18. Previous to this I had suffered with OCD, panic attacks and depression. While in the facility people told me I seem depressed and should see a psychiatrist. I was taken to the office, and after what felt like a 10 minute consultation was given a script for Paxil CR. After being discharged from the facility I was put on 20-30mgs of generic Paxil. I stayed on that for 11 years and have recently gotten off. I did a one month taper using Prozac. I know this is a incredibly fast taper given the amount of time I was on the medication. But I really did not know any better. I have been off of it for 6 months now in total. I tried to resume Paxil recently but only for a day or two. I was hit with very bad side effects and it scares me to try again. So I am trying to fight through and hoping this gets better. I have tried to get off this drug 3 times in my past. Once at 22 where I did it cold turkey, I did not know about the withdrawal. I was hit with crying spells and depression like I had never known previous to the medication. I reinstated after a couple weeks. I then proceeded to try again at age 26 and was hit with the same symptoms, reinstated again. I am now 29 years old and fighting to stay off this drug. I have a lot of regret for having started this "medication". I can't believe it is even used in that term it feels like poison. In my time using the drug I felt emotionally numb and indifferent to all normal feelings. My childhood dog passed away at the age of 21, 3 years into my treatment with Paxil. I could not cry maybe one tear came out and I felt like I had to force that. I had a lot of anger issues. Where I felt like it was the only emotion prevalent during my time with Paxil. I have ripped doors down in my own home with my mother, punched walls etc. During my stint trying to get off Paxil at age 26 and shortly after resuming it. I was put into a psych ward, their plan of action was to drug me with a bipolar medication known as Depakote. I asked why they were forcing me to take this? The response was that every person needs to be on an anti psychotic. They also made me up my dosage of Paxil to 30mgs, at the time I was on 20mgs. I was in there for a week and was discharged Christmas eve of all times. I took my self off the Depakote immediately, I did not have any withdrawal from that. It was probably because of the short time I was on it. I am a 29 year old man who is living at home with his mother. My drive and hope for a better tomorrow is shattered. I read Dr. David Healy's website where people are not getting better after 6 years off SSRI's. My main symptoms are overwhelming depression and anxiety. I have crying spells for hours on end. During my time on Paxil I never cried like this I was a robot. I have incredible guilt wishing I never took this medication if I knew what I know now. I feel like that is preaching to the choir, I know all of you must feel the same. I have got on my hands and knees and prayed to let me go back and say no to Paxil at that initial psychiatrists meeting. I am flooded with thoughts thinking that my brain and body is permanently damaged. It has driven me to have intense suicidal thoughts. As I was 18 when initially prescribed I thought I had damaged my body's physical development. I was a late bloomer so that is a thought that I am bombarded with. One person on this site who has tried to help me and I thank him so much is Irishwill. We have messaged back and forth and he has reassured me I am OK. I still have that guilt though of wishing I never took this drug, I would do anything to change that decision. I know that cannot happen though. I am trying to stay away from horror stories, but with this condition they become prevalent. I am hoping my body can heal, but it's hard when my mind is so in the negative. I really want to say to all of you I have never met you personally, but I feel I have a bond or kinship with all of you. I am sorry any of us have to go through this. I know we all thought these drugs were meant to help us. I want to have a life, I want to smile I want to be happy. I am really scared my body and brain are beyond repair because of my 11 years on this poison. I recently saw a therapist I have known since I was probably 13. I told him all of what I am saying to you now. His response was to try another medication. He believes in the famed chemical imbalance theory. I think we all know these drugs cause that imbalance. I don't want my entire life story to be one of suffering. I want to be able to do things other people do. I don't want to ramble on here, because I can go on and on. I hope all of you find healing I really do. One thing this experience has given me is a huge amount of empathy for anyone suffering with any illness, medically induced or otherwise. I look forward to your comments. Thank you,
  22. Greetings! I am very fortunate I found this site. I will not go into to much detail but here are some facts about my current situation. I have had anxiety/panic my entire life, from the earliest I can remember I used to have horrible separation anxiety, agoraphobia, and just plain being scared of silly things, like when I was younger I was terrified of thunderstorms and elevators I had to do exposure therapy while I was little and that was pretty difficult but it defiantly was not enough. My mother didn't put me on pharmaceuticals until I was 12 or so because the SSRIs were fairly new and she wanted to wait as long as she possibly could do try one of these medications. Flash forward to 2005, my father dies on the treadmill right in front of me, I am still in high school, and my anxiety up to that point was manageable, put when that happend my anxiety went through the roof. I couldn't finish high school in public but I was fortunate enough to have some retired teachers come to my house so I could graduate with my class. Of course during this time I was seeing a psychiatrist. Now he is an intelligent man and I have a number of medications to be thankful for, especially getting me out of that trauma. I was on a Tricyclic Anafranil 150 mg, from 2006 to 2013 for anxiety. During November 2013, I tried getting off the medication because it wasn't working and it was effecting my speech (probably from the anticholinergic effects). I tried to get off of it several times before but was given bad withdrawing advice (cut dose in half and 2 weeks you will be good), well that never happened of course. The old, see you need your medication, none of these brain zaps you speak of cannot occur with these drugs. So I followed the doctors advice and continued taking the Anafranil for a few more years. In November 2013 I tried to get off Anafranil for good. I wanted to do half the dose but just stay on that dose for like a month and then go down another quarter or something and try it that way. I had no idea how wrong both the doctor and I were. As soon as I lowered the dose I became a basket case. I started crying for no reason, I lost a bunch of weight (about 25 pounds in a month), vertigo, heart palpitations which scared the crap out of me because my father died from a birth defect we were not aware of at 49. I went back to the psychiatrist who I had seen for 6 years and was slapped with a bi-polar diagnosis. After doing a lot of research and looking into these drugs I didn't realize that the withdrawal could be so severe, or that most doctors had no idea that these drugs were capable of producing such a profound effect upon discontinuation. I reinstated the drug after 6 months of shear terror and my heart rate returned to normal, my crying stopped and it was like none of it ever happened. Now my main concern is with my heart because part of my anxiety would be dying in a similar fashion my father did. I have a great cardiologist who I have been seeing for years. He was fortunate enough to understand what was happening to me. I had every test imaginable and everything came back normal. Even when my heart was skipping a lot during the withdrawal, the holter monitor didn't pick up anything. He said its not so much your heart, its the receptors on your vagus nerve which is the main problem which makes since because they up regulate and down regulate depending if you are starting or stopping a drug. He said these drugs can effect the QT prolongation of the heart sometimes, but every EKG and Echo looked good so thank god for that. I stared back on the 150 in mid 2014 and currently I am on 60 mgs as of now. Now I think I misread because I tapered 10 mg every month instead of 10 percent of the dose, which is what a lot of people recommend. So what I am going to do as of now is try to stabilize on 50 mgs for a few months, since I am almost done with the 60 mg, and then taper down 5 mg every month which is roughly about 10 percent of the dose, I have calculated. I just hope this process goes a lot smoother than it did before because when I first tried my psychiatrists way it was absolutely horrible.
  23. Im hoping some day I will be normal. I feel so withdrawn from other people and don't enjoy life at all anymore. I'm not sure I'll ever be normal again as I've heard some people say on this site. I used to be full of love and had fun and enjoyment out of life. Now I'm not sure if I even want to live. I dread the start of each new day when I should be thanking God I have a new day! I've gotten off ad's a couple other times in the last 20 yrs but always gotten back on because of feeling like this. Now 7mths out I feel I should be better but life still sucks! It is hurting my faith in God, my faith in other people. And I hate going to doctors now because they all want me back on meds. Except my therapist is supportive of me being drug free. If any body here could send me some encouragement that this to shall end, it would be great cause I've read on here some people still 5 yrs out still having the same issues as when they first got off ad's. I'm so afraid I'll give in and go back on the ad's and Id hate that after the horrible withdrawal I had.
  24. *moved from symptoms forum I'm 5 years now completel y med free, still have withdrawal, but symptoms come and go quickly, but the minute it gets cold weather, I start having brutal static electricity, Even my bottom of my leg touches car and gets shocked, i have of course had static electricity before withdrawal before. It seems worse since I went into withdrawal, has anyone else experienced this in withdrawal, a worsening of static electricity, and has anyone still had this worsening at 5 years?
  25. 6 years ago had baby number 2. Ended up post natal. They put me on sertraline. Wasn't working on me great so eventually went up to 200mg. Since Dec 14 I tapered off. Finishing in April 15. I've been suffering with anxiety and tears negative thoughts ever since. In waves and windows. Now nearing 7 months and going through a wave if tears last week and this. I feel maybe I should go back on but my heart of hearts and also hubby and friends say stick it out as I have good days too. Mornings are bad at times.

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