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Hi all. I’m thankful I came across this group. Wow - where to begin... well, at age 7 I was given Paxil and 20 years later I am still on it. Throughout the 20 years I have tried ever SSRI and SNRI on the planet. I was given Valium and after five years by the grace of God somehow tapered off it myself. In the past 2 years I was put on effexor, pristiq, viibryd, lexapro, celexa, prozac, and landed back on 20mg Paxil. Four months ago I lowered by dosage to 15mg and it has been pure hell. Suicidal thoughts which I have never had, super strange thoughts, terror like I cannot explain. Reading your success stories on here gives me hope. How long should I hold at 15mg before continuing to do a 5-10% taper? How did you all manage to work during this time? With being put on these drugs at such a young age — is it possible to heal, or am I permanently damaged? How do you let go of your anger regarding this situation. I didn’t choose to take these meds. Much love, Sunflower414

Hi, thank you for having me. I began taking Ativan in 2018 for panic. I took it for 3 months PRN. Once I stopped the terror started. I wound up the in the ER where I was sent on my merry way with a bag full of Zopiclone and told that they would make me feel better. They did not. I got increasingly worse, over the Zopiclone period. I then saw a new doctor who diagnosed me with benzo withdrawal. He put me on 5mgs of Valium. I tapered this very slowly over the course of 10 months. It was a great success and I felt very good. I got down to 0.25mgs and stayed at that dose for 18 months as i was scared of the jump, and just needed to be able to take care of my kids. Nov 12 2021 I had a huge setback to my recovery and was basically thrown into acute. It was awful and so scary for me given I had done that before. I wasn’t sleeping or eating. I was becoming obsessed with my withdrawal. I had never up-dosed once in my taper and it was promise I made to myself when I started this journey. I did end up updosing a few times (this is in my signature). When I CT’d in 2018 my worst symptom was this horrible fear that I would hurt my family, I’ve never felt that before, I would never act on it but it was always there. I also did not feel like myself and spent days and weeks trying to find her. These feelings started in November again. Updosing made no difference and the terror continued for me. I am now trying to hold at 1mg of Valium to see if it helps at all (so far it feels like nothing). My doctor has prescribed pregabalin to try to help me cope. I will say it did work at 300mgs but I felt totally drunk and sleepy. I took this dose twice - so total usage 600mgs. I don’t want to be on such high of a dose, but now because of the above experience I am terrified I will withdrawal if I don’t taper correctly, so I need to taper after 2 times? I haven’t decided yet if I am ready to commit to another drug, but I am scared. Thank you for reading

Hi all, I have come to this website fairly late (I hope) in my journey with psych meds. I no longer take anything, but 9 weeks from my last dose of Fluoxetine I am still suffering bad waves/windows. Until May of this year, I was still suffering badly with waves/windows from Diazepam withdrawal, which began properly in June 2022. I have been off work pretty much since then. Things got a good bit better between May and August, more like a higher baseline of anxiety/vulnerability to stress, rather than the waves/windows pattern. During this time, I was doing Neurofeedback and the ketogenic diet (thanks to Dr Chris Palmer's excellent book). I was able to do a speech at a family gathering, which feels unthinkable now. In June, I started tapering from Fluoxetine, 20mg (my history with which you can see in my signature), using the liquid solution, reducing by 2mg every 3 weeks. I now realise that was too fast. In mid-August I started getting waves again. I had not done nearly as much reading into SSRI withdrawals as I had with benzos, so I assumed it was the Diazepam waves coming back (which Ashton says can happen), but then at the end of August I got one of my worst waves ever for about 4 days: suicidal depression, 0hr sleep (even during worst of benzo withdrawal I could get 2-3 hours a night), tremors, agitation. At the time, I believed that was because I was given a different brand of the liquid solution - I thought maybe more of the active ingredient was getting into my system somehow, causing serotonin syndrome (because of the tremors). But now having read about the dangers of linear tapering I am guessing that it was withdrawal from Fluoxetine, and my cliff edge was around 10mg, made worse as I was/am not yet fully recovered from the Diazepam withdrawal. However, at that stage I decided to just to jump from 10mg, partly influenced by doctors who said that would be fine. I have now read about the need to do hyperbolic tapering, but I am where I am - 9 weeks off and I do not really wish to reinstate. I am having waves/windows every 3 days, which is very different from Diazepam - that was more like 3 week waves, 1 week windows - but they do seem to be just as severe, particularly the depression. I realise that I am perhaps lucky that I was on Fluoxetine rather than another SSRI (I am well over a year out from stopping Mirtazapine, so I don't think that is likely to be playing a role still). I am interested to hear any indications/opinions from folks on here as to how long it may be before the waves disappear and I return to my previous level of function. I am encouraged by the fact that although they are regular/severe, the waves do seem to have identifiable triggers rather than totally random. This is embarrassing, but I have found that one definite trigger is orgasm/ejaculation. In that process, there is a huge release of dopamine, followed by a decrease but also an increase of a hormone called prolactin which at a high enough level can cause psychosis. I am thinking my dopamine levels/receptors are just too low, because dopamine restrains prolactin production. You may ask, why not abstain? But another clear symptom of my withdrawal is uncontrollable nocturnal emissions, which I didn't even have in my teenage years - roughly once a week, followed by a 3-day wave. I did not have obvious sexual dysfunction while on Fluoxetine, but I am thinking that this symptom is some kind of rebound hypersexuality. Finally, the other clear triggers for symptoms are sweet foods and stress. Thanks for reading - I wish you all continued, and quick, healing.

Hi All, Firstly thanks for the excellent site and taking the time to review my post. History is long, so in the interest of time, 20 yrs on SSRI's (i've tried virtually all but had most luck with prozac and lexapro) with a 4 month bout of Remeron (awful w/d not helped by cross taper) and benzo's on/off for 8 years or so. Benzo: I've successfully switched from .5mg of clonazepam/day to 10mg valium and i'm now at 2mg per day. A bit more about this below. SSRI: Was on 20 mg for celexa for the last several months but completely zombified so decided it's finally time to be done with this sh1t I dropped relatively quickly per docs orders with really no impact down to 5mg celexa completely stopping the celexa and valium on May 1. Started 10 mg prozac only May 1, by May 4 really awful DR with anxiety, inability to focus, sleeplesness, headaches. Reinstated 1-2 mg valium which helped a little bit. Yesterday i tested the waters and dropped the prozac down to 5 mg to see if agitation was from that which resulted in bad anxiety, chills,and shaking. Took the other 5 g prozac and an additional 1mg valium which helped a bit. Today slightly better back at 10mg prozac and 2mg valium in the morning. I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow and really don't know what to do and not sure i trust his opinion frankly but do believe he will be fine with what i recommend. I consider these the following my options: 1.) Reinstate celexa at last dose (5mg?), drop prozac entirely after a week or 2, and keep valium, then micro taper off at 10% per 3 weeks or so. 2.) Hold steady on prozac and valium for awhile (how long?) then micro taper 3.) Something else? Any thoughts are much appreciated and i apologize for any incoherence in this post but just got back from work trip and wanted to get this out there for the educated folks to review asap. Many thanks for any input and your time!!! methuselah

I am on 30mg mirtazapine and 50mg trazodone for 3 months. I would like to taper but not stable enough. I have been through hell with valium, hopefully this shows in my signature although I can't see it here. I am still not functioning and suffering beyond words. As I write this horrible painful jabs of anxiety stab up my arms and throat. If I wait to heal, and do a long slow taper, will the ad withdrawal be okay? Does ad withdrawal cause anxiety that makes you call out, rock, suffer pain, be unable to function? I have been on the mirt 3 months. I imagine I need to wait another 3-6 months before starting to taper? I do not care about having anxious thoughts. I do not care about brain fog or suffering depression. I need the physical anxiety feelings of pain in throat and chest, painful surges up body and arms, gone. I want to be able to sit back on my sofa and watch tv. I am worried I am too traumatised to recover. I have suffered for over a year with internal aka, writhing around, pulling hair, banging head, unable to breathe, crawling around, violent shaking of every body part...now I am 6 months off the valium and these most serious symptoms have stopped, but still have the painful surges and the painful throat and chest tightness. I was only getting 2 hours sleep until the mirtazapine. I now get 4-6 hours sleep. I don't know how much longer the drug will keep working for this. I worry I will need to kill myself every day, as my "life" is intolerable.

Moderator's note: Link to gardenlady's benzo thread I would like to taper off of 60 mg Cymbalta. However, I am in the middle of a taper off of Valium and am now at 11 mg/day. The horror stories I have heard about Cymbalta withdrawal terrify me. Should I cross over from Cymbalta to another AD and then taper off? And, should I wait until I finish my Valium taper? I cross tapered from 1.75 mg Ativan to 13 mg Valium and am now down to 11 mg. It's going to be a long time until I'm off of it. I am horribly depressed since switching to Valium, but the anxiety from interdose withdrawals on the Ativan were unbearable. I want off of ALL of these psychotropic drugs but realize I have to go slowly. I just want my life back. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Hi everybody! I am Julz, a 33 year-old female - polydrugged to my eye-balls Ten years ago, I fell into anorexia and depression, soon unveiling terrible anxiety. I was referred to a psychiatrist (in France) who prescribed me medication and also gave me psychotherapy. Regarding the medication, different combinations and doses where tried and I eventually found myself on a prescription which seemed to suit my troubled mind (Escitalopram, venlafaxine, clonazepam and diazepam) - did it ever do anything? I still haven't got a clue. I trusted this doctor. This is my initial prescription: Escitalopram: 20mg 20mg 20mg - (yes, that is 60mg...!!!) Venlafaxine(MR): - - 75mg - Clonazepam: - 2mg - 2mg Diazepam: - - - 10mg Time passed and psychologically, a lot changed. I moved away from where I used to live, totally changed my environment, and went for a fresh start. But I was still taking my medication as prescribed. My General Practitioner (in charge of my prescription in my new environment) convinced me to lower the Escitalopram (on the grounds that it was "bad for my heart") and I managed, between 2011 and 2013, to come from 60mg/day to 15mg. How? By jumping 5mg at a time every now and again. I had no idea... again, I more or less trusted this doctor who was willing to prescribe me the drugs I was clearly physically dependent on. The withdrawals I experienced were uneventful. I did feel something was happening but within a few days, I always felt the same as before the drop. Between 2010 and 2014, a LOT had changed as I finally got an MSc BUT I had fallen into terrible exhaustion and had no life. How did I get my degree? A struggle every day. I then began to question this cocktail of drugs, I'd been on them for 10 years and was still taking them as prescribed because I was physically dependent. That was clear enough! It then hit me: my meds were probably incapacitating me rather than providing any help! The realisation came as in January 2013, after I managed to lower my Escitalopram intake from 20 to 15mg/day in a single 5mg step (...), I began to feel even more tired during the day, exhausted - I simply had to nap every single day. After some personal research, I went to my GP and told him I didn't believe in keeping our focus on the Escitalopram because it seemed that the more I decreased it, the more sleepy I'd get during the day, considering my benzo intake (at that point, I was taking 3 hours' naps), and I could not live like that! Fortunately, before I was able to drop a pill here and there as instructed by my GP, I found the BenzoBuddy website and managed to find a taper method to gradually come off clonazepam. From December 2014 to July 2015, I came from 4mg to 2mg and am now below 1.9mg and still tapering off successfully. I decided to join Surviving Antidepressants as I want off ALL any medication which alters who I am. I believe in other ways to manage my weaknesses - I am not ill, I have a tendency to be anxious and this is not new, I was an anxious child but I had emotions too. I'd like my emotions and my whole life back... I realise I know NOTHING about anti-depressants, I surely did not know about Escitalopram's potency and am still in shock from the news. My initial plans (supported by a psychiatrist I saw in February 2015) were to come off clonazepam (bz), then diazepam (bz), then Escitalopram, then Venlafaxine. In the light of what I read on this wonderful site, I wonder whether I should stay of Valium (diazepam) while at least tapering off Escitalopram, when I am done with clonazepam... I realise I need knowledge myself because sadly, doctors haven't been helpful at all... so far... Thanks for welcoming me on your wonderful Forum! Julz xxx

Hello to everyone reading this. I have been lurking and reading on SA for the last 4 years or so, on and off. I have been on SSRI's (first Zoloft and then Lexapro) for about 20 years now. I have also been polydrugged with benzos and trazodone. I know these drugs are garbage, or I would have felt better by now. Instead I've felt worse, more and more sick, more and more fatigued. The child psychiatrist (!!!) who first prescribed Zoloft to me, when I was 17.5 years old, fed me the garbage information that it would benefit my brain to be on these meds. No one gave me a plan or timeline for how or when to get off. Back in 2011 I tried a fast taper by myself. It led to a horrendous crash that was hell. Feeling desperate and suicidal, I went to a psychiatrist as I didn't know of any other option. That's when I was put on Lexapro- I've been on it since then. Since then, traumas have been compounding. I entered a psychologically abusive marriage and then found the courage to leave and divorce. But the toll of the marriage was an increase of 2 psychotropic drugs (Klonopin and Trazodone). Through painstaking efforts, I have cut down to 0.5 mg Diazepam instead of Klonopin. I am a survivor of childhood emotional neglect and intergenerational trauma. I believe that my family idolized whatever MDs say as a cover for dealing with cultural/historical trauma and loss. Both my mother and I were drugged by psychiatry/family practice doctors as that's the false ideology we were ruled by. I have begun to wake up from this ideology and instead believe that our psychospiritual crises needed other resolutions (a return to the land? making art, literature, music? connection and community instead of workism?) I am tired, sad, and full of grief. I have had many non death and also death losses (abuse, divorce, circumstantial infertility, death of my mom, loss of friendships once I divorced). But I also have had mystical experiences, love poetry and wish to write poetry but am currently full of writer's block, I sing, and ironically enough have begun the process of becoming a clinician myself. This has been a fraught decision as I struggle to work within harming systems. If I ever succeed in becoming drug free, I want to have part of my practice be helping others to undertake this journey. Thank you for reading so far. I am inspired by the brave warriors on this site who are listening to their own wisdom and taking this arduous, lonely, painful but important journey.

Hi. So, I had been having some health anxiety over 2021. It resulted in me getting a colonoscopy in November 2021. Leading up to it I had intense anxiety, a few panic attacks and perhaps even a nervous breakdown. The night before I woke at 3 am and had a panic attack. I really thought I was dying this time, so we called 911, and I luckily, not dying. During the procedure they did take a biopsy, and while waiting for the results (2weeks) I had very intense anxiety. It was benign. I'd had intense panic and anxiety for almost a whole month at this point. Around Dec 17, 2021 I contracted covid. It was pretty uneventful, but near the end of it I was waking around 5 am with adrenaline and diarrhea and I couldn't go back to sleep, this was creating anxiety in me that was getting harder and harder to control. So I went to a Dr on December 30 2021 who prescribed me Zoloft 50mg and Xanax 0.25mg. They were filled pretty fast and I took one of each as soon as I got home (around 1-2pm) I felt ok at first, but a few hours later all the side effects started. Irritable/uncomfortable, anxiety, nauseous, no appetite, chills, diarrhea, invasive thoughts that started pretty quick and intensely, and soon to find out - insomnia. I'd lay there with invasive thoughts and if I happened to drift off I'd be jerked awake and there was no sleeping for at least a week. I lived in a panic for around 2 weeks. I never took another dose of Zoloft. But I did take around 9 doses (some halved) of Xanax over the next 2-3 months. Sometimes to help sleep, but it was never worth it as I'd only get a 2-3 hours and then have intense anxiety the next day. It worked ok for panic during the day, but then I feel it intensified my anxiety for the next few days. I found some old Valium 5mg from a dental procedure, there were only 2 doses. They helped sleep some, but they left me feeling so sluggish, it didn't feel good. And it wasn't helping me sleep enough to want to try to get more, I was prescribed Restoril 15mg in April by a sleep Dr. I only took half doses 3 times. Again, it didn't help my sleep enough to ever make it worth it and just gave me bad rebound anxiety. Then I was prescribed hydroxyzine May 2021 (forgot about that when I wrote my signature, will add later). I've taken it around 5 times. It helped me sleep the first night, then not so much the next. Waited a week and tried again, it helped a little for sleep and calming, but not that much. It was mostly disappointing. Luckily it didn't seem to cause any rebound anxiety. But it doesn't help with much so I really don't take it. So, I did take my last Xanax around 1 month ago for a bad panic attack. And that was last time I took a benzo. My last hydroxyzine was around 1 week ago. My current symptoms are anxiety, depression, anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization (I'm never sure on the terms, it's the one where I feel like I'm in a dream, I can react to everyone normally and everything seems normal, but I just feel ... off, like I'm not connected to it all). Agoraphobia, I can push past it but it's hard and only if it's close to home or my husband and children are with me. Which really sucks because I used to love going out by myself or with my children, go on vacations etc... now I feel like I can't leave the house without forcing myself. This fear feeling is so horrible and there really is no reason, I just feel it. And intense insomnia, I can't fall asleep, can't nap, I get adrenaline rushes continuously as I'm trying to fall asleep, or less common are the hypnic jerks, and I wake early around 3-6am and can't fall back to sleep even if I've only slept for 1-2 hours. I like to think my sleep is getting better, as there some rare nights when I will get 5-7 hours. But those are followed the next night by not being able to fall asleep because of adrenaline surges. So, I'm probably only getting those nights from severe sleep deprivation, not that I'm actually getting better =( At one point I thought it was just anxiety keeping awake, but there have been plenty of nights I go to sleep with NO worries at all. I'm not over thinking or thinking of anything provoking and I still get the adrenaline surges at the point of falling asleep. It's seriously so maddening. It's going into 6 months since that day and my sleep is still not good. I thought it would last a few days, then weeks, then got my hopes for a few months. Now it's going into half a year. It started with panic and anxiety, but now depression is setting in and I just don't know what to do. I try to keep my hopes up, but it's so hard. I also have anhedonia and agoraphobia although I can push past it as long as it's close to home, but it takes a lot of effort. I do get some windows I stay home with my 3 small children and am not able to be the mother I want to be for them by feeling this way. Which again adds to the depression. So that's where I am. I hate that I took that zoloft and xanax. And for a long time now i was just blaming the zoloft. And now I've been wondering if the benzos have been negatively affecting me as well? I know I can't beat myself up over it. I try and accept my situation and believe that I will heal. But it's so hard and it all feels so dark sometimes.

Xanax. 25 mg 25 years for vertigo. Switch to valium 5 months off a year long taper Trazadone 20 mg started taper last month. Buspirone 35 mg.

Hello all, I'm here because I'm trying to educate myself about tapering off of Zoloft. I was on Zoloft and Valium for about 15 years and over the past few years, I have completely tapered off the Valium. I have been off the Valium for 11 months now, and while my system has been stable since getting off, I have protracted fatigue and hypersensitivity. I've been making due while I recover, but have recently been learning that coming off of antidepressants can be just as challenging. I spend a good part of my day resting. I'll do small chores around the house. Every Wednesday, I get to babysit my 3 year old niece, which is the highlight of my week! But exerting too much energy or being in stimulating environments leaves me wiped out for a couple of days. I've built my life around these symptoms. Currently I'm studying as an artist from home, I love to read (especially classical literature), and I think I've watched every movie out there at least once. I'm operating on the principle that time will eventually heal me. As for the Zoloft, I am unsure whether I should begin tapering now, or wait until I have recovered from my benzo protracted symptoms. On the one hand, I'd like to get off all these meds and get on with my life; I don't want to recover from the benzo and then have to restrict my life again to come off the antidepressant. On the other hand, it might be more than my system can handle right now to be both recovering from benzo withdrawal and tapering off Zoloft. Any suggestions would be great. I'm glad to be here and I look forward to meeting new people and encouraging one another along our arduous journeys. Best.

Rhi's Introduction topic I want to crow, or at least jabber excitedly, about the improvements I'm finally seeing in my health and mental/emotional wellbeing as a result of my taper. But I'm not "fully recovered from withdrawal" so I was hesitant to post in this area. Then I decided what the heck. Recovery doesn't have to be all or nothing. There are all kinds of success stories. I know people will be encouraged by what I have to say, as I am encouraged by others. So here it is. As you can see from my sig, I'm in the process of a very long taper off five meds, with a long time yet to go. But I am ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED at my improvement so far. Even though I'm still taking low doses of four psychiatric meds--I'm not sure I can find the words to describe how much better I'm doing and how happy I am at these lower doses, relative to how I was when I was taking those so-called "therapeutic" dosages. Neurontin completely savaged my ability to learn and remember things. Benzos and Lamictal are still making that something of a challenge, but the Neurontin was the worst. It also gave me the lack-of-impulse-control of a two-margarita drunk, and you can imagine what that did for my personality and peoples' impressions of me. I did and said stuff even just two years ago that makes me shudder to think now and thank my lucky stars I didn't get in more trouble. After I got down below 100 mg, all of this settled down a lot, especially the cognitive stuff. When I finally came all the way off Neurontin back in April, after about three months of recovery I seemed to stabilize out fully. My point is, though, I got the lion's share of my improvement not when I quit completely, but during the taper itself. Now I'm experiencing something that just makes me want to shout from the rooftops: I've gotten my motivation and enthusiasm back! After 20 years on antidepressants, I had forgotten what it felt like to actually WANT to do stuff! I used to go along with stuff proposed by other people, and I enjoyed it to the extent that I could experience "enjoyment" (something ADs cripple in me), but I usually felt like I would just have soon have stayed home, and left to my own devices that's pretty much what I did. It was hard, because my poor kids wanted to get out there and experience life. Fortunately their dad and some of my friends used to take them places and give them some adventures. I just never really wanted to do much. Which was weird, because before Prozac and Xanax, you couldn't keep me at home. I was always wanting to go out and do things. I was also very social, loved being with other people, got along well with them. Then for 20 years I became the opposite--agoraphobic, uncomfortable and awkward with people, socially anxious. Well--I'm getting myself back! I'm still on 2.7 mg of Celexa, but the zombie effect is lifting. You have NO idea how great it feels, and I don't think words can do it justice. Over about the past six months I've noticed that I'm back to being comfortable in social environments--more than comfortable, I love being with people, and people seem to enjoy me too. It's so much fun being a social human being again! And for the first time in 20 years I want to do stuff! When I have a day off work, instead of hanging around the house, I want to get out and explore the world, get out and try something new, meet people, see things, do things, touch the world, feel alive, explore, have fun! It's GREAT. So I'm here to testify (can I get a witness?--okay, that's a southern US cultural reference, ignore it if you don't get it) that at least for me, it's been possible to get back a lot of myself, a lot of what I lost on the "meds", just by slowly and carefully lowering my doses and getting down to low doses. The lower the doses go, the better I feel. There's a lot of room between "all" and "nothing", and that's the room where slow tapers play out. It was my hope that by tapering extremely slowly like I have been, all the meds together like I have been, that this would happen, that I would gradually and safely emerge from the nightmare miasma of "non-me" that the drugs had trapped me in. And it's happening. After two and a half patient years of tapering, it's definitely happening. For the first time in 20 years, you can't keep me at home, and I delight in social interaction. Just like how I remember myself being before they put me on the drugs. I'm not even going to go into the kind of karma that people earn by stealing 20 years from someone's life just so they can make money. That's not what this is about, although I have to say I feel pretty PO'd about it. I just want to say that you may not have to wait until you get to the end of your taper to enjoy a lot of benefit. And that tapering faster so you can get all the way off faster--it might not be worth the price, since tapering slow enough that you can still maintain a life and good health may turn out to be worth it when you get to a lower dose and you're functioning well enough to actually ENJOY that life and that health. And I want to say that YES, it's worth it. You can get yourself back. I've heard it from others, I've seen others do it, and I'm experiencing it myself. Hang in there! it's worth it!

I have tried valium taper before and I am trying again. first time was approx. 5-10% taper every two weeks and crashed at 8.5mg and was unable to leave the house for week until updose kicked in. was having severe insomnia didn't sleep for days trying to power thru it but just couldn't take it anymore. I smoked like a chimney pacing around my garage and patio just hoping the next day would be the day I had moment of relief. currently on 12.5mg of valium and 40mg PPIs for GERD that I was recently diagnosed with and quit smoking 1/13/23 and exercising again and feeling really good about life. started taper 3 weeks on brass monkey method of 1.25% a week and currently at 12mg a day but I don't know if from over training or I didn't fully have enough time since quit smoking but started smoking again saturday because of agitation and bad head ache and made mistake of "just having one" would help me sleep because smoking was so on my mind and was always my crutch to help with anxiety and withdrawal symptoms. trying to decide if I need to address my smoking cessation for longer time before tapering again because smoking makes me feel less healthy than being on valium. 12.5mg of valium a day for 1.25yrs. tried tapering 10% that did not last long. had major symptoms right away and then stabilized and then 5% every two weeks and did not work. crashed hard at 8.5mg and had to updose to my original dosage

Hi everyone. So grateful to still be here to be here!! Been a long 30 years! Am hoping to titrate down from last 10 mg of Prozac using the liquid form. Does starting with the 1 mg a month make sense? See how it goes? Finish off 1 mg of Valium first? Yes, scared to let go of the last milligram of safety net. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Moments of regret for ever having gone done the med road, but so very ready to "heal" what only covered up....sound too familiar? Best wishes and thank you!! 1992 – 1999 Prozac 80 mg, Klonopin 4 mg, Buspar 1999 – 2000 Stop Prozac cold turkey 1 year. Hell. 4 mg Klonopin. 2000 – 2003 Celexa, Lexapro, Luvox, Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft. Cycle through each med. None work. Highest dosages. 2004 – Effexor, Klonopin, Zyprexa, Lamictal, Provigal, Sonata. Always high dosages. Don’t remember mgs…. 2005 – Klonopin, Lamictal, Seroquel, Anafranil, Luvox 2006 – Klonopin 4 - 6 mg, Prozac 120 mg 2009 – 2013 – Prozac 80 mg, Kononpin 1 mg (Titrate from 120 mg to 80, and 4 mg to 2 mg) 2013 – 2019– Prozac 30 mg, Klonopin 1 mg (Titrate from 80 mg to 30 and 2 mg to 1 mg) 2019 – Ashton Protocol. Convert Klonopin to 20 mg Valium 2021 – Valium 1 mg. Titrate Prozac 15 mg to 10 mg in 2 months. HELL. TOO FAST.

I am going through same bad times. I was started ( 4/21) on Zoloft, Lunesta and Diazepam for my anxiety, after a health scare. Not my first episode. Usually on Effexor, Valium and some Z drugs. Always been able to taper to zero once the crisis is over. This episode I and took Lunesta and Diazepam for a couple weeks, and sertraline, after my surgery (for a few days). Due to increased jitteriness and sleep issues, my doc switch me to mirtazapine, increasing to 45. Sayed there for 6 weeks or so...no improvement. Cut the mirtazapine down to 30 in a month (I know, too fast...). Switched to Ambien, then to Ambien CR, since I was sleeping 3-4 hrs a night. Switched to Ativan, since Diazepam was making me sleepy during the day. Even tried Risperidone for a couple weeks. Used to have windows in the evening. After cutting to 30 mir and adding/discontinuing risperidone, no windows. Until last evening. Got a good 5 hr window. As of today (8/22/21) I am on 2 or 3 mg Ativan (depending on the day), Ambien CR and Mirtazapine 30mg. No more risperidone. I am torn between doing nothing, tapering something (mirt , I guess) and cross-tapering. The cross tapering would be to Zoloft, since my last episode (5 year ago) Effexor stopped working and I was put on Zoloft (which helped, I assume, since I recovered). I need some advise. I can't say I am stable. What should I do : hold and do nothing, keep tapering mirt, cross taper to Zoloft. I would also need a mentor, ideally someone who was on mirt and get off of it. For now, I don't want to touch the benzos and Z drug. My understanding is that you taper the sedatives last. I really appreciate you reading this and giving it some thought. Thank you, Mario

Hi, I am researching how to taper mirtazapine but I have been holding my benzo taper for over a year as I could not handle ws. I don't know if I taper both at the same time or which one first. I gave in and went on mirtazapine due to sleep deprivation but the drug is causing akathesia, tremors, histamine issues, fatigue, chronic pain and I'm not sleeping much. I was tapering my Diazapam at .05mg every 2 weeks and couldn't handle it. Compounded liquid was rougher than capsules so I am holding at 7.9mg compounded capsules. The doctor cuts a 15mg pill in quarters for my 3.75mg sandoz-mirtazapine. I don't believe this to be an accurate method? I am looking at compounded capsules for the taper. I can not do a self-taper based on my prescriptions. So I must get the doctor on board with best practices and he will not let me self taper by making my own at home. He seems to only allow a cut and hold every 2 weeks. As my Sandoz-mirtazapine is not available in powder the compounding pharmacy would be using tablets reground to powder to make the capsules. Is this an acceptable practice? I appreciate help with this as holding where I am right now is as bad as tapering.

I decided last spring that I wanted to stop taking my lexapro. I was 29 and had been prescribed 10mg since a suicide attempt at 20. I did not do a ton of research into tapering beforehand, or tell my doctor about my plans. I went down to 5mg rather quickly, around easter (I didn't keep track so the dates are all approximate). I stayed at 5mg for a few months. In June I saw my doctor, told her what I was doing and proceeded to lower my dose to 2.5mg every day, then every other day, coming off some time in July. I felt like a veil had lifted, I had more energy and motivation than I had in years, colors were brighter, I was in touch with all of my emotions. Towards the end of September, I started to feel low mood creeping back in. I live alone and do not have many friends in my city, largely due to quitting drinking in 2020, so I chalked up a lot of the mood to that. This is where I should also mention that for about 6 years, I've been taking benzos in one form or another almost daily, and for the past 3 I have taken Valium every day. I never had a prescription. I noticed that I had been increasing my dosage in step with my low mood, and for this reason and a variety of others, I resolved to begin a taper. With benzos I was more aware of the long and arduous process. I started tapering down from 20mg daily valium in October and I am currently at 11mg a day. I finally made an account on this website because the intense depression and ahnedonia, and the sexual dysfunction I've been experiencing, are getting to be excruciating, to the point that I do not always want to be alive. I have a counselor who specializes in benzo withdrawal and a psychiatrist who is able to prescribe now, but I am looking for any help I can get. Is it normal to not be hit with SSRI-discontinuation symptoms for a few months after going off? I have a hard time sorting through what can be attributed to SSRIs and what is benzos. Today I am extremely concerned about PSSD. When I first came off of Lexapro I did not experience sexual issues at all, but starting in November, I began to notice alarming changes; decreased pleasure in orgasms, less forceful and less "fruitful" ejaculations, premature ejaculations. As a 30 year old guy who wants to have a family one day, these symptoms are very concerning. I am hoping to find other people here who can offer their experiences, and, fingers crossed, give me some hope that what I am going through is not permanent. I apologize for the rambling nature of this post. I am grateful that this community exists.

Moderator note: Link to benzo forum thread: summitbound: Poly-drugged: Thinking about tapering an AD w/ benzo Hello, I'm brand new to this site. I've been so busy learning about benzo tapering (and suffering!) on benzobuddies.org that I have yet to tackle getting off any of my antidepressants. I've already been tapering the benzo for over a year. I know that the general rule is to taper off your benzos first, and then work on your antidepressants. That said, I probably have a year or more left on my benzo taper and I hate being poly drugged with three antidepressants. I'd like to safely chip away at at least one of them. I think the mirtazipine is really helping with my sleep during bezno withdrawal, so I don't think I want to touch it. It seems like the low hanging fruit would be the lithium, since it seems I'm on a less than theraputic dose at 675 mg. Thoughts? So far, I have been "blessed" during my benzo taper in that I have not suffered from depression, severe anxiety, or panic. So I do want to tread carefully. Thanks so much!

Senzu : I suffer too much physically and mentally since stopping olanzapine and decreasing diazepam is hell. Hi there, I am French. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for depression. But I was quite rebellious about this internment and at one point I was forced to take 20mg of olanzapine. I felt like my brain was collapsing in my head and I couldn't stand on my legs and couldn't articulate. The next day they forced me to take 10 mg and that for two weeks. I kept asking for this treatment to be stopped because I was documenting its dangerousness. The doctor finally accepted and he made me go from 10mg to 5mg for a week and then asked me to stop. This rapid decrease scared me but the doctor refused me to go through 2.5mg. When I went from 10 to 5 mg my eyesight became blurry and I felt depersonalization. When I went from 5mg to zero, I stopped sleeping, and started having shaking, stiffness, pain, dyskinesias and seizures. I was given valium diazepam to calm the seizures and for sleep, I started taking mianserin at the beginning of July but I sleep very very badly even with valium and mianserin when I have slept well all my life 9 hours . And since this stop of olanzapine, I am still worse: panic attacks, I had pneumonia, extreme akathisia, impossibility of concentrating, I can no longer function, I feel very weak physically, various pains which focus on the thorax, I have no appetite and I'm losing a lot of weight, I have no more muscles, I have no more motivation for basic tasks. Since July, I've been trying to decrease valium, and I've gone from 25mg to 15mg (1mg every 12 days) but it's very very hard, and this decrease increases all the symptoms related to quitting olanzapine. My condition is getting worse week by week. I am not the same anymore, I am constantly numb and weak. I have no more pleasure and momentum and feeling my inabilities triggers extreme panic attacks...

Moderator note: Link to Nikki74's benzo thread: lexapro kindling akasthesia Mirtazipine diazepam Help. i recently stopped lexapro after a short taper from ten to five mg over 9 days. i had been on 20mg since 2011 then tapered quickly in June and stopped. This was a few weeks after stopping pregabalin 150mg v abruptly. all this time I was also on 15mg Mirtazipine. my anxiety went crazy and gp told me to double Mirtazipine dose to 30. I lasted 3 weeks of hellish symptoms and was put on diazepam and Zopiclone. im now off Zopiclone which was tough. 6 weeks ago GP told me to go back to 15mg Mirtazipine and add in 10mg lexapro. This didn't help so now have stopped lexapro three days ago but took 2.5 mg last night as am feeling withdrawal. gp wants me to start tapering diazepam as I'm getting worse akasthesia when it wears off or even a paradoxical reaction to it. i have akasthesia. Insomnia. Severe anxiety. Shaking. Muscle weakness. Obsessive thoughts and suicidal ideation as cannot go on like this. The only brief ride break I get is the 15mg Mirtazipine which calms me for 2-3 hours. How can I go on? i am a single mum and have CFS already for many years. do I stay off the Lexapro now? How do I cope with withdrawals, akasthesia, and tapering diazepam?? I take 7mg a day been on it three months. i can't stop in one place and am smoking (just tobacco) every half hour. i got sober in 2013. this is hell.

Dear All, As someone who has suffered from anxiety my whole life I have finally at 33 decided that an SSRI might be worth taking. i have had many friends come onto antidepressants, some come off and stay off and some who say their symptoms come back and life is better on them. My anxiety is currently preventing me from moving forward in my life. However I note that i am happy to live with my anxiety and have gotten quite good at it. It would just be nice at this juncture to have a helping hand. The plan: 12 months on 5mg. Wean slowly. Then stop forever. Just a helping hand from A to B. i am aware of a benzos terrible withdrawals but was of the impression that an SSRI whilst might be not nice, wouldn’t not be 4+ years of post withdrawal. i am now aware that post withdrawal exists for SSRIs and I al questioning my decision to try these. However, I also have people on my life who are depending on me and thus proud of me for taking this step. To that end, I do not want to quit two days into it. However I also don’t want to ruin my life which I am now reading is a total possibility and in fact likely? Any advice would be amazing. Kind Regards Jarad

MOD NOTE : RealMe's Introduction thread is here ------------------------------------ Because of what I learned here and with the support I found here, I have been completely free of anti-depressants. I have not taken any mood altering chemicals in over two years, so I finally feel competent to write my success story. When I got here I was so confused, I'm not even sure what I was taking. I reported my symptoms to the psychiatrist, primary care doctor and therapist, and all were in total agreement that I "needed medication." Even in my confused mental state, I finally realized that nothing they recommended was doing anything but making me worse. When I tried to get support to withdraw from psychiatric medications, I was told I was having a resurgence of my "depression." No one in the medical field that I came in contact with would support me in my desire to get off meds, and no one would acknowledge the phenomenon of "withdrawal syndrome" from anti-depressants. To this day, I have a very skeptical attitude toward all doctors and feel that, regardless of how well-meaning they might be, they are nevertheless medicating people into senselessness. My mantra is to "never snivel or weep in front of anyone with a prescription pad." When I was 19, I went to the clergy for help with nervousness and low self esteem. From there I was referred to a psychiatrist who gave me Valium. That was the beginning of the end for me. Now I had an addiction to sedatives along with increasing nervousness and lower self esteem. Later I was given Tofranil, Elavil, Desyrel, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Abilify (a real killer in my experience) and some others. I gained a ton of weight and lost my ability to feel normal feelings at all. I remember being at my father's funeral and thinking something must be wrong because I didn't cry. Not only did I not cry, I couldn't feel anything. And I loved my father. Over the years, I tried on my own many times unsuccessfully to detox from these prescribed medications. By the time I arrived at this web site, I was trying to withdraw from Abilify, Wellbutrin and Prozac. I learned about slow and steady until I had decreased my dosage of Prozac to liquid from a dropper. It was extremely difficult to get my doctor to prescribe the liquid form for my detox because he was still insisting that I could not do without a full dose! He insisted that I see a therapist and agree to go back on medication if I "got worse." I don't think about that process very much. I went to the therapist and told him whatever I thought would convince him that I was fine without medication. Then I would report my true and actual symptoms to the people on this forum and took their suggestions. Thinking of "puppies and kittens" as a coping strategy makes me smile to this day. What I do think about often is that I have been drug free for a long time. I feel happy, sad, anxious, calm, confident, worried, fearful, full of faith. In other words, I am leading a normal life with a full range of emotions that are appropriate to either what life throws at me or what life offers to me. At first, I feared that I was too old to change after years of being in psychiatry land, but I wasn't. I believed what I discovered here, and I am extremely grateful to have survived anti-depressant withdrawal.

Stopped and started Zoloft twice this year after taking it 9 years. First time I stopped for 2 months because a naturopath told me to and take Sam-e instead. I didn’t feel better and restarted it around March. In withdrawals now and bad insomnia plus fatigue and lots others. I have a history of pots, Epstein Barr and RMSF. Was being treated heavily with antibiotics this past year and tons of supplements and in Aug I had a seratonin syndrome like episode. Took megadose cbd for sleep and it started that. So dr said to stay off everything except Valium and I did but 2.5 months off the second time I started not sleeping, tremors, adrenaline rushes, chills, weakness, muscle spasms, muscle tightness and more. My dr suggested reinstating Zoloft so I did. Been on half dose 3 weeks then full dose 12 days now. So far my sleep still not returning unless I take ambien and I’m so fatigued with muscle aches and tightness. Can’t get out of bed for a month now Having a few better days but still exhausted and scared I won’t sleep on my own again. My psychiatrist gave me hydroxyzine to sleep but it barely gives me sleep so he wants me on Mirtazapine and I don’t want to. I didn’t know how severe stopping an antidepressant could be. Will I continue to get better with reinstating? My hopes are to get stabilized then later slow taper. Any experiences with reinstating anyone? Please help. Drs do not help with this

What to taper first, but complicated... Hello. I was on lorazepam for 23 years, starting at 2mg a day ending years later at 4 mg a day. Unwisely went to a detox where they crossed me directly over to diazepam for just 5 days. Also on amitriptyline 75mg and 25mg of Trazadone for sleep. This near-cold turkey detox lasted 7 days of hell until reinstated on 20mg of valium. This represents a 50% cut. Stayed at this dose for a couple of months and now tapering the diazepam using the Ashton protocol. I am at 13 mg down from 20mg. Severe insomnia is what started me on this path and is my achilles heel to this day. What is going on now is that as diazepam was added and lorazepam taken away, the diazepam seems to be potentiating the side effects of the amitriptyline. My before bed cocktail is currently 10mg diazepam, 50mg amitriptyline and 25m trazadone. This usually gives me 5 or so hours of sedation, I would not consider it sleep. Constantly exhausted all day, tremors, agitation, fatigue and weakness, urinary retention, cognitive issues. I understand the accelerator and brake model but what do you do when your AD, in this case amitriptyline, is a brake and your are also on a benzo, another brake? I was assuming the benzo should go first but the way my body feels in the day I am convinced that the worst of the side effects are coming from the amitriptyline. They have been there from the time I started taking it so I am pretty sure it is the greater problem. But of course I have already started the benzo tapering. The way I am thinking right now I would like to pause the diazepam taper and start reducing the amitriptyline instead. Need advice if this makes any sense or if I should keep on with the benzo taper instead. I assume tapering both would be a terrible idea. TIA for any information.

Well hello everyone. I am about to write a bigger introduction in the near future but for now im just in to much (physical pain to write all of it down). For now I'm looking for some Good advice on how to deal with my current situation. I have been taking zoloft for 8 years on and off. Up until last week i took it for 5 consecutive years. This has been due to my ocd and depression. Twice (before these last 5 years) i tried tapering down without succes. I had terrible brain zaps and just overall feeling of depression. The last 6 months ive been under treatment of a psychiatric department of a hospital. Due to zoloft not doing its job anymore at 200 mgs they told me i should try clomipramine. They said the switch could be done within 3 weeks and tapering of zoloft could be done within just one week, because they said clomipramine would protect me from any zoloft withdrawal symptoms... Well here i am 2 weeks in and my right side of my body ( neck, shoulder, back, arm shoulder blade and since yesterday my leg (buttocks' are cramping up like crazy, constant terrible pain. I have no brain zaps or other mental symptoms, just crazy painfull cramped up muscles. I told them i thought it must have been the newly taken clomipramine they denied it and insisted i must have ruptured some kind of neck muscle or something during working out. I highly doubt it. The pain started to come about a couple days in of tapering down zoloft and starting up clomipramine. They pursueded me into holding on. But yesterday i called it quits. I called them and said im stopping the clomipramine because we only got to 75 mg per day yet, and the end goal was 250 in about 2 weeks from now. They told me i could just quit the clomipramine without real taper. So i did. Yesterday morning was my last tablet. But after taking that decision i found that alot of my symptoms may be due to having tapered zoloft waaaaay to fast. And here is my question, what do i do? Do i go back on zoloft and taper it down with the 10% rule ive read about here? Im about a week without taking the time zoloft entirely now, would restarting it not cause even more trouble? I would love some advice, especially because none of my healtcare doctors seems to know or care about it. I really am in so much pain that im taking oxycodone, paracetamol, diazepam, and 3200 mg of ibuprofen. The pain stilling cocktail maybe causes me to have 20% less pain... I cant keep going like this it really hurts, please help!