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Hello. I used antidepressants before and quit cold Turkey, as you might see from my history, lexapro. While on them I got visual snow but it was very very mild, and it knocked my IQ points down, at its worst it gave me nocturnal insomnia while I was on it and made me sleep during the day. quitting cold turkey fixed all the problems within 15 days. No withdrawals from that. My problem is, I got floxed 4 months ago due to fluoroquinolone antibiotic usage (ofloxacin). In case you don't know it has the same effects on your brain as benzo/antidepressant/antipsycotic withdrawal. It knocks all the gaba a receptors out of balance, leading to the buildup of excess glutamate and this knocks other receptors out of balance tooi leading to excitotoxicity. I got hit with crippling insomnia. Didn't sleep for ten or so days, took unisom, passiflora etc, nothing worked. I found the floxies forum (Thinking in retrospect this was a mistake), they recommended mirtazapine. Went to the psychiatrist, he perscribed me with it without me mentioning anything about it. So I took it, 15mgs. Didn't work. A few days later took 7.5mgs, it would work... gave me like 6 hours. I noticed mild ringing tinnitus in left ear, didn't tie it to mirtazapine at first because the antibiotics I took gives you tinnitus as well. The T went away in two days. I made my first fatal mistake around this part. Mirt would only work on 3 consecutive nights. On Night 4 I'd have to switch to unisom for 3 nights to get any sleep at all. So I rotated the meds. Over time the left ear and a little bit later the right ear got blocked and hissing came in. Along with tensor tympani syndrome (fluttering in ear drums). It was a 1-2/10 in intensity. Meds would stop working completely on day 42. took atarax which bumped the T to a 7 for 3 hours. Took unisom 7 days later, did the same thing, but worse.. Around this time I was able to sleep on my own, no meds, no night sweats or panic attacks, no nightmares for 18 days. Got 4-5 hours in fragments. I was getting better. Hissing was dying down, ears were getting unblocked. Day 62. I woke up to a ringing 10/10 tinnitus in the middle of my brain, towards the right. After that day my brain got electrified. Don't know if it was due to antibiotics or WD from mirtazapine. Didn't know WD was a thing at that point. Couldn't sleep that night so I took Mirt again. Took it on and off going forward. Over time sleep got worse, started having other CNS symptoms, sweating, night sweats, vivid dreams came back, tension headaches, suicidal thoughts etc. They were GONE for months. Hyperacusis and dysacusis started, hyperacusis was gone in the first month too... After a real long time, like 50 more days later, I was sure mirtazapine was giving me all these issues. Doing some research led me to this site. What happened was there was an electrical storm in my brain for a long time and it was getting worse and worse. Electricty was literally moving inside my brain from one spot to another in the bed. This was very different than brain zaps. No other floxie described their tinnitus like this so I knew mirtazapine gave me that. Went on tinnitus forums only to find others with same issues. Dropped the devil's pills, the electrical sensations are totally gone, I haven't gotten daily fleeting t for one week, sleep is bad but I can sleep better now compared to the time I was on them (funny). But I'm left with a myriad of other issues... -I don't feel tired or sleepy since I quit the pills. -Insomnia (No deep sleep, can't sleep more than 5 hours, always in blocks, sometimes with night sweats and dreams which are lessening day by day since I'm off M) -Tinnitus (I have no hearing loss on left ear and 15db loss in right ear, otherwise my hearing is like a 2 year old baby's, the left side of my brain is buzzing, and inside my left ear has electrical type of buzzing) -Hyperacusis -Dysacusis (Hearing is fine but occasionally I would get an electrical filter over sounds) -Floaters (Started a day after M, but since antibiotics also cause it, never tied it to M) -Some Afterimages when I look at a light source. -Tension headaches/pressure/vibrations in brain/ears. some tingling in head. All in all, I took M on 60 nights over a course of 3.5 months. What am I looking at here in your opinion? My main worry is the ear related stuff, Since I don't have hearing loss and my hair cells are healthy, do you think this buzzing and electrical sensations would go away over time, along with hyperacusis? I don't hear the T outside, it RAMPS UP in silence though. On tinnitus forums, most people with buzzing healed within two years. I need some soothing words guys... this is my main problem and if it goes away, I'd consider myself pretty much recovered even though I have many otehr issues. I can deal with insomnia and other stuff. But still wondering how long it would take for me to be able to regain the ability to take naps.

Hi , looking for some help with my situation. I started 10mg amitriptyline in May 2022 for a nerve pain problem at the back of my head. It worked for the pain I was experiencing but I wasn’t reacting well to the medication so came off cold turkey after 3 weeks. I then experienced what I was consider normal withdrawals for around 3 weeks eg palpitations, anxiety , flu like symptoms. However, in between this at the 2 week mark I had a stressful situation which set off a numbness in my head and for 2 months after this never went away and developed various brain sensations 24/7 that are honestly torture. To describe it as a headache would be downplaying it. It feels more deep embedded within my brain ... the doctors obviously just think I'm being a hypochondriac. During this time I have spiralled into depression and am a shell of who I once was as a consequence of the physical symptoms. Bit of background - prior to this would consider myself very stable with no mental health issues and have never felt anxiety or depression in my life. Also not on any other medication or take any supplements and live a pretty active/ healthy lifestyle. I am confident that the brain numbness , pressure , weird sensations are as a consequence of the amitriptyline with it coinciding with the withdrawal.. obviously the stressful event did not help. Is this possible or I have I just coincidentally developed some form of chronic illness within my head. Really hopeful that it is not the latter. 2 weeks ago I was really desperate so under the guidance of my doctor went back on amitriptyline. It has not changed anything at all and so now I want to know if I should come off and let my brain heal and what would be the best way to do this. Does anyone have any suggestions for me. Given that the amitriptyline has not worked should I come off (again) and what would be the best way to do this. Any suggestions on dealing with the horrible brain sensations welcome and if anyone has experienced this and healed would be really appreciated. Thanks a lot in advance- appreciate the help on here.

I'll keep this post simple because I don't care to complain so much. For reference I'm 31 and male. I had a bad reaction to 5mg of escitalopram (prescribed for anxiety and mild depression) on February 22nd that left my head burning for hours. Earlier the same day I also took Lion's Mane (which I didn't realize at the time has MAOI properties, there's barely any research you can find about this through Google). I'm pretty sure it was a case of serotonin syndrome. I felt spaced out and overly jumpy/reactive and the doctors at the hospital didn't really seem too concerned about my condition because I was otherwise still conscious and that was good enough for them I guess. They're not very competent when it comes to identifying SS. I had also noticed immediate side effects (genital numbness) while I was using the washroom which left me very concerned. 8 hours of my time was wasted with basic testing and a chest x-ray and they sent me home with a blistering headache like it was nothing. My brain was basically fried and I could barely string words together. I've been eating completely healthy since the incident (lots of fish and meat) and stopped drinking caffeinated tea/coffee. I also take certain supplements here and there (Maca, Citrulline, Vitamin C/D, Magnesium Threonate/Glycinate/Taurate). The persistent symptoms I have are anhedonia, DP/DR, heightened senses, anxiety, vivid dreams (that are seemingly mocking me), and sexual dysfunction (ED, PE, etc). The timeline so far is very odd because a lot of the really bad stuff didn't hit me until a month afterwards. First week: Initial withdrawal. Numbness, GI issues (subsided), feelings of hopelessness/doom, and suicidal thoughts. I had to sleep in my mother's room one night to prevent myself going mad. 1-2 weeks: Still numb. Genitals extremely sore and I had a lot of trouble urinating (bladder control). 2-3 weeks: Constant mild head zaps/pressures/aches, otherwise no changes. 4 weeks: Genital soreness/numbness mostly gone, but things still dysfunctional. Woke up with full-blown DP/DR exactly on day 29. Intense headaches, tons of anxiety, muscle twitching. 5 weeks: Same as week before, though less pronounced. 6 weeks: Volatile mood shifts, crying, poor blood flow all over, constant muscle aches/weakness, still some twitching, dry mouth, inconsistent thirst signals, less/no hunger signals. I'm now just over 6 weeks (46 days) and I'm feeling very discouraged. My libido is still nonexistent, my brain is a mess (I can't enjoy my primary hobby anymore: software development), I'm struggling to find any meaning to life, and I have nobody to talk to that actually understands what I'm going through (I was okay with being a loner before all this, but now it's somewhat upsetting). My sister was the one who encouraged me to try this SSRI (she's also on it) and I haven't really felt like talking to her since a month ago due to what happened. My mother and my cat are currently the only support I have so far, aside from one random guy on Reddit (the PSSD sub is generally too depressing to read and every other is full of pharma shills). I'd be grateful if anyone can help me make sense of my situation. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't completely lost my s*** yet.

Hello, I had a horrific year from late 2021 to late 2022. All of this culminated in a very bad mental breakdown, and I was struggling to eat. I was prescribed 15mg of Mirtazapine in mid-November 2022. I had quite intense physical side effects for a while, mainly fatigue and very heavy, aching limbs. I took the first dose before bed and had the side effects the next day. I also had an instant loss of libido and ED. I tried to taper off the drugs in January 2022 and quickly had another breakdown after initially feeling better, no physical symptoms. I ended up being prescribed 30mg by the GP and had 3 weeks off work. I returned to work, but was still not good emotionally/mentally ie. I don't think the medication really helped. I had EMDR therapy, which helped me to get better from the traumas I had suffered, and I was doing well mentally. I spoke to my GP (regular doctor in the UK), and tapered down from 30mg over around 4 weeks and took my last dose on around the 24th/25th April. All through tapering I felt pretty great. I was going to the gym and my physical strength increased all the time back to where it was pre-drugs. My sexual side effects were rapidly diminishing and I met a wonderful young woman. On the 1st May I did a 6mile walk and went to the gym. I thought everything was going great, and I had no idea that I was going too quickly and felt better and better every day. I had no idea that symptoms could be anything other than mental/emotional and poor sleep from withdrawal. My sleep was lighter and not great, but still okay. On the 2nd May I was at work and felt very anxious and had worse brain fog throughout the day. By the end of the work day I felt terrible and thought I was just getting unwell. My boss had been unwell and I had been in close contact with him. I had awful illness from then on. "Flu-like" symptoms- found it very difficult to eat and when I could it was the plainest food possible. Intense fatigue. These were all symptoms of what my boss had been ill with. After some days, I wasn't getting better, and although I was sleeping I was experiencing common issues similar to those I have since found online ie. waking up at 3am every night, waking up each morning fairly early with a big cortisol dump/anxiety. I worked from home as best I could for three weeks, but this week I have finally had to take time off work. I have improved from the first week and a half of intense flu, and am left with mainly chronic fatigue and still have difficulty eating. I feel pretty rough from not eating much as well. I am sleeping, but still often waking up at 3am and then again at 6ish. I have days when I don't feel as bad, and then I have days where I'm totally exhausted and can barely eat, like today. Yesterday was okay. Sadly, a week ago, my erectile dysfunction also returned for the most part. I have windows of entire evenings when I feel okay. My GP's theory is that withdrawals should be mild, and that I had a viral bug at the same time as withdrawals which made it worse. I did have blood tests done on Tuesday which I am hoping to have an appointment with the GP tomorrow (Friday) to discuss. He said that reinstating seemed risky now that I'd gone so far through withdrawals and that I should just start feeling better very soon. I'm so torn as to what to do. I have improved since the earliest, very acute symptoms. I haven't had ANY relapse depression at all, I just want to be physically well like I was during/before tapering. From reading this forum, I'm around the 1-month mark where reinstatement starts to get risky. The smallest prescription dose is 3.75mg. Although the general trend is upward, I still have awful days and quite frankly unless I improve significantly I cannot return to work any time soon. I know it's somewhat unrelated, but I have a holiday in two weeks that I booked in Autumn, and although the wonderful person I've been seeing briefly is very patient and understanding, and I've seen her at times when I've been feeling okay, if I am unwell for much longer I cannot expect her to hang around as we've only recently met. I am desperate not to be so unwell anymore. I was doing so well other than physical side effects, and was living life etc. I will update tomorrow with blood test results etc. but what would people recommend? Push through or reinstate a low dose? I've ordered DAO enzymes that should arrive tomorrow. I'm intensely fatigued today so maybe a good night of sleep tonight will make tomorrow better.

Hello, I’ve been going through severe mental withdrawals symptoms for 2 months now after my last dose of Effexor 75mg that i only took for 4 days and 37,5mg for a week prior. So I’ve been on the medicine before and each time i try to go off of it i go through hell. This time though i decided to reinstate the medicine after being off of it for more than a year and a half (was on different antidepressants during that period at different times). I decided to go on it again because of a returning of panic and OCD symptoms (which was the reason i got on the medication). i started with 37,5mg for a week then 75mg for 4 days, but the reason i decided to stop it again is that I’ve been getting extremely suicidal each time i try a new drug in the last 2 years, which happened in this case too since i thought that was just the case with SSRIs or Tricyclic antidepressants. and I remembered how my personality changes on them a lot and i how become cold, very apathetic and anhedonic (i became like that within a week of restarting it). so I realised that i made a big mistake that’s why i took a rash decision and decided to stop immediately. thought it wouldn’t cause me bad enough withdrawals due to the short duration i took it, but after 2 days only i got typical withdrawal symptoms like nausea, sweating, lightheadedness etc and thought I’d power through because them and they’ll eventually resolve, but 2 weeks in and the symptoms hit me BIG time! Horrifying Depersonalisation/Derealization, more intense suicidal ideation, insomnia, crushing depression, dysphoria, nightmares, extreme anhedonia, cognitive impairment (thinking of words for writing this topic feels like it’s like hurting my brain), weird episodes where my brain felt like it was being severely deprived of dopamine where I’d get an urge to scream or punch my head through a wall or cause some destruction around (idk if it’s psychosis) and mild auditory and visual hallucinations when i close my eyes while trying to fall asleep. So right now it’s been nearly 2 months since this had started and I’m very afraid that i caused myself a bad case of brain damage and that i won’t recover. I’ve been really really suicidal because of this because i don’t think I’m able to emotionally or physically endure it. In the last 2 weeks though, i got 1-4 days of remission each week (first remission lasted 2 days non-consecutively but the second was and it lasted 3-4 days) i went back to normal and thought it was finally over, but then crashed again and went back to square 1 as if the symptoms just started all over. I need to mention thought a month earlier of restarting Effexor i decided to reinstate Anafranil 25mg for OCD and got bad depersonalisation and suicidality from the first dose! i couldn’t tolerate that for more than 3 days so i stopped it. Ended up with bad mental withdrawals for like 10 days and that was it. probably reinstating and discontinuing this rapidly has messed me up badly and is the reason I’m going through this or it could be just the Effexor idk. I’ve tried a lot of supplements like omega3, vitamin d3, methylfolate, methyl cobalamin, magnesium citrate and a multi but i felt the my symptoms even exacerbated..!! I’m afraid of reinstating and then ending up being worse. Also scared that my brain has been permanently damaged because of my stupidity and naivety and that things will only get worse and I’ll end up taking my own life because of the pain….I really don’t wanna stay like this so please please please help me get back to normal i feel so stuck and helpless!!! PS: Sorry i was unable to express myself better because English isn’t my first language and I’m having a really bad brain fog. Moe

I started having anxiety attacks in January 2023 (which I believe was related to a hormonal change in BC) it felt like the blood rushed out of my head, a lightheaded feeling and my heart would race. When I would have an anxiety attack, following it, I would get what I would describe as a brain jolt (possibly a brain zap but mine did not feel electrical) – it was like the blood suddenly left my head and I felt lightheaded followed by a wave of anxiety which lasted just a few seconds. I only got these following an anxiety attack for a few days and then they would disappear until the next one. In May, after having another anxiety attack and the subsequent frequent brain jolts followed by anxiety waves - I decided I had enough and went on Escitalopram 10mg. I had probably every usual side effect there is, fatigue, dizziness, nausea, spaciness, loss of balance, tremors you name it... But 10 days in, I had a pre-syncope event, where a burning sensation came over my entire body and I nearly fainted. After that, I was hit with daily waves of brain jolts/zaps immediately followed by a wave of nausea, anxiety and a burning sensation would come all over my body. I should have come off the medication then, but I wanted to stick it out as everyone said the side effects should pass after six weeks. At week three of 10mg I could no longer handle the constant brain jolts & burning sensations so I reduced my dosage to 5mg. Immediately, I started to feel better within the first two weeks - the brain jolts felt milder were less frequent but then at week 3 of 5mg, things got worse, and the burning sensations began all night long – sleep was impossible, my muscles when trying to sleep also started to twitching & jerking. By then, I was at 6 weeks and my GP advised me to come off the meds. Scared at this point to quit cold turkey, I started reducing the dosage slowly over the next 4 weeks. 3mg for 10 days (the burns stopped at this dose but the jolts & waves continued), then 2mg for 8 days, 1 mg for 6 days and finally nothing. I had all the usual withdrawals or maybe they were still side effects, nausea, dizziness, loss of balance, brain fog, tremors etc., but I noticed a pattern with the brain jolts/zaps. Every time I reduced the dose they got milder and less frequent for the first two weeks and then would get more frequent at the 3 week mark. I am now four weeks off the medication and the same thing happened the brain jolts got milder but at the 3 week mark they got so much more frequent. They are milder in the sense they are not jolts but more like brain shivers/or blips, followed by nausea, and a wave of sometimes anxiety but sometimes it’s a hot sensation…(I have to throw off the covers) occasionally the wave is followed by tremors & a pounding heart. It seems to come in clusters usually in the evening for a couple hours at a time. I get them every night while trying to fall asleep and especially when waking up. I get a few hours a day now of feeling normal before a cluster hits. My concern is whether this is from the medication as I did experience a feeling of brain jolts before the medication, but they changed drastically once on the medication and only became as severe and as frequent as they are now after Escitalopram. They did get milder coming off the medication and less frequent (than when I was on the meds) but its still a daily battle. I was only on the medication 10 weeks and was almost constantly reducing during that time. I have a hard time finding others that have had similar symptoms as me and feel at a loss as to what has happened to me.

Hello all, In 2009 I had an adverse reaction to only 4 pills of Lexapro (Escitalopram) which took me around 4.5 years to recover from. My road was a very bumpy one as I had lots of waves, so it was very difficult for me to see where I was in the recovery process. And though it took a lot of time to really feel recovered, in the end I did. So to everyone who is still in the thick of it, keep on going and remind yourself that even if you do not feel well at the moment, the next big recovery step can be right around the corner. I cannot recount how often I was about to lose hope when the next bad wave struck and I thought that this is my life now. But it isn't. I wish you all a steady recovery. As hard as it may seem now, it will get better eventually! All the best, Maybe

Well, I wanted to put my experience thinking that it might help some of you. You see, a few months ago I had decided to stop my cipralex. I had been on different kind of drugs for the last 8 years and because things were going well in life, I said enough. I know a little bit about withdrawal symptoms and that I shouldn't stop cold turkey. But like many of you, I was eager to get my old life back. The life before all this started 8 years ago, with a burnout. I was so determined that I told myself I could brace for impact and deal with the dizziness, the brain zap and the fogginess. But seem like subconscious was listening and decided to try something different. My "smart plan" was to go from 10 mg cipralex down to 5 mg for one month and then .25 mg for another month. And it worked, kind of. No withdrawal whatsoever until 2 month later. My subconscious put is plan into motion, instead of going with brain zap (which I was prepared to deal with) he went with super hyper burning sensitive skin and dry eyes. I think the expression "I’m not comfortable in my own skin" come from people with withdrawal. Talk about a stupid, uncomfortable and mind bugging feeling. You feel like running naked all the time. But it made my kids uncomfortable and work HR said I had to stop. Now, I'm still not sure if it's withdrawal or something else so I asked this forum a few days ago. Well it did not take long for one of the admin (Altostrata) to say (I imagine her shouting) IT'S TO FAST YOU DIM WIT. She didn't say it like that but I got the message. She also explained that Escitalopram is more potent that the average drug. 10 mg of this is like 30 mg of something else. So after all this, I'm back on 5 mg cipralex, for 4 days now, and waiting, hoping that my subconscious will be happy again and stop playing with my skin. Maybe find something more useful to do. But even if I feel like crying, sleeping all the time and going back to full dose, my plan is to stick with 5 mg for 2-3 months and then go back down at 10% every month. And maybe, just maybe all the parts of my human being will get along and still be friend at the end. p.s. sorry for the long post, but I needed to say it to somebody. p.s.s. the problem is not the drugs, it's the doctors administering them. They know nothing....

Hello everyone I developed an anxiety disorder during the pandemic. I didn’t know I was having anxiety at first because I never had it before so it took forever for me to actually start treating it. My anxiety was so bad it caused silent acid reflex. Anyways with time it got better naturally & then I started meditating everyday for about 3 weeks & it really got better the acid reflex was improving too. I got impatient because I wanted my life back already so I thought that taking 10mg celxa pill for a few months to finally get rid of the acid reflex would be ok. I took the pill at night time & felt calm when I woke up, I also noticed my reflex was like 95% gone which just proves it was from anxiety. Anyways later on that day I all of a sudden out of no where I got a headache, rapid heartbeat & shaky hands then I got a “s” thought ( I don’t wanna say the word) which I never had before it was like a voice in my head. I immediately threw all the medication down the drain & didn’t take another one. So I only took ONE pill. After a about a week my acid reflex came back. Since then I’ve had intrusive thoughts, ocd thoughts, brain zaps, memories of bad things that have happened, thoughts focused around violence, fear for no reason, mood swings sad for no reason, crying for no reason, extreme anxiety, frequent urinating, increase of my acid reflex, unable to sit still for long etc. This is obviously all from the pill. this is ridiculous & super scary that just one pill can cause all of this. I don’t know what to do besides wait. I do yoga every morning & breathing exercises & sometimes ride my bike. I had to quit my job. I’m only in my 20’s. Any advice or similar story is welcomed. I took the pill on April 25th so it’s been about a month now

I have had an adverse reaction to trazadone and Buspar while I was withdrawing from diazpam and it ended up with adverse reaction and neurotoxicity I've had a test that shows the neurons death/ loss. If there's anyone here with severe brain damage that's left disabled you can try to contact me.

I thought I'd write something up for the CT/ADR crew, as those who are tapering are often able to manage their symptoms well through a gradual hyperbolic taper. For those of us cast out to sea, so to speak, and with no choice but to endure suffering, I think the only thing we have control over is our attitudes and our relationship to what we're experiencing. This means that though we have no choice over what we experience, we have the power to decide whether we suffer it. I may only be 30 days into my ADR experience, but I think given the intensity of my symptoms I've done remarkably well. Part of the reason that's the case is that I'm already well versed at managing suffering by virtue of struggling with CPTSD. One of the most helpful resources I found in my trauma recovery has been Pete Walker's 13 Steps for Flashback Management. I feel Pete's strategies could similarly be helpful for those suffering symptoms from Withdrawal/ADR. CPTSD flashbacks often resemble Withdrawal/ADR symptoms in their overwhelming and intense quality, and are similarly difficult to assign meaning to. Pete's steps help people to endure and manage their suffering, and support people to develop a healing attitude towards a complex and often lifelong syndrome. So here I present to you, adapted directly from Pete's steps, Scrountz's 10 Steps for Managing Withdrawal/ADR Symptoms: 1. Say to yourself: "I am experiencing a symptom." Its important when symptoms arise to name them what they are. When in a wave it is easy to lose perspective and believe that what we are experiencing is a sign that we are going crazy, mentally ill, that our brains are broken, or that we are dying. Symptoms are not characterological defects, nor are they signs of a deeper problem. Symptoms are time limited experiences that will gradually resolve. When you name what you are experience as a symptom, you are reinforcing what is real. 2. Remind yourself: "I would not be feeling this way if it was not for the medication." Withdrawal/ADR symptoms are compelling and have a tendency to pull us in to a unique physiological reality characterized by interminable suffering. Neuro-emotions, ruminating thoughts, and unrelenting physical ailments feel so real it is sometimes hard to believe that we are experiencing is drug induced. Falling into this pit can send us into a spiral of googling symptoms, experimenting with remedies and endlessly theorizing about our condition. Reminding ourselves that it is the medication (or for withdrawal, its absence) that is causing this experience grounds us in the appropriate context for recovery. When we remind ourselves it is the medication, we open the door to taking the right action to promote recovery. 3. Own your right and need to have boundaries Remind yourself that you are injured, and have a right to do what is necessary to heal. Respectfully communicate to others when you are distressed/overwhelmed/debilitated and need space or freedom from responsibilities that may burden your already over-sensitized nervous system. Own your right to take care of yourself and put your wellness first. Remove or reduce distressing factors in your environment and focus on finding a space for you that is safe and conducive to healing. Remember you are free to leave overstimulating situations and to protect yourself from the dismissive behaviour of others. 4. Seek reassurance When symptoms arise, they can be incredibly distressing and debilitating. Many people in withdrawal feel as though their lives are ruined and they may never feel better again. Seek reassurance from loved ones and compassionate others to remind you that you will heal in time. Call your parents, talk to your spouse, connect with your counsellor, or phone a friend. Journal in your introductory topic or reach out to other members of this forum. Find whoever you can to reassure you things will get better. Often just hearing that from someone else is enough to provide some strength to keep going. 5. Deconstruct eternity thinking Withdrawal/ADR symptoms are incredibly compelling. Often when a wave of symptoms arises, one feels they will always feel this way forever. I know for me, when a wave of depression hits, I have a hard time believing it won’t last forever. The reality is that symptoms change over time. Recovery follows an unpredictable course, yet no feeling is final. Waves will always end eventually. Remind yourself that symptoms are not forever, and you will feel differently eventually. Symptom journals can be incredibly helpful in this regard, as when eternity thinking sets in, you can revisit past journals to see how your experience has changed over time. 6. Remind yourself of the resources you have While time is the only factor that truly resolves Withdrawal/ADR symptoms, there are numerous resources available to help with coping and reducing symptom severity. When distressing symptoms arise, remind yourself of the resources you have to cope. It can be helpful to make a list of the things you find helpful in managing symptoms (for me it's talking with loved ones, journaling, Qigong, Acknowledge/Accept/Float, CBT exercises). In withdrawal/ADR, you are out of control but you are not powerless. There are ways to increase comfort and help manage your experience. 7. Ease back into your body (this is copied verbatim from Pete’s flashback management as it is just as applicable to us) Gently ask your body to relax: Feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. (Tight muscles send unnecessary danger signals to the brain.) Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger). Slow down. (Rushing presses the psyche's panic button.) Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself. Wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed animal, lie down in a bath, take a nap Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self-destructively to it. 8. Resist drasticizing and catastrophizing Withdrawal/ADR symptoms throw us into a state of high distress, where it is easy to begin catastrophizing (believing the world is ending) and drasticizing (believing that something needs an immediate and severe response). It’s important to forcefully resist this, as this kind of thinking only serves to increase distress and reinforce the notion that recovery is not possible. Use whatever strength you can to push back against this thinking, reminding yourself that symptoms are not life threatening, and that this is not forever. CBT techniques that challenge catastrophic thinking are particularly helpful in managing this dimension of symptoms. 9. Allow yourself to grieve Withdrawal/ADR can be a debilitating, life altering experience that has robbed some of us years of wellness and prosperity. For many the loss of a sense of safety and trust in the medical system leaves one feeling existentially exposed. The symptoms of withdrawal/ADR can impact our relationships, sense of self and life direction. It is important to leave space to express the healthy feelings that come up as a result of this demoralizing, often traumatic experience. Pain, sadness, anger, despair and anguish all have a place in the recovery process. Give yourself permission to express whatever feelings are present in relation to the inevitable loss that withdrawal. 10. Be patient with a slow recovery process I was sobered when I read on this site that recovery takes longer than you’d like. The truth of iatrogenic injury is that there is no clear timeline for anyone’s recovery process. Everyone experiences a unique healing trajectory, with some going very slowly and others experiencing more rapid progress. Whatever the pace, it is important to be patient. You simply cannot rush your healing. Most of us will be at this for months or years. Raging against this fact only engenders needless suffering. Though in many ways the hardest step, this is the most important, and feeds back positively into the other steps. If you can take things one day at a time, you’re more likely to successfully manage your symptoms as they arise. If you’re fixated on getting well NOW, you’re less likely to do what's actually helpful (see steps 1-9). This list is far from exhaustive. I’d love to hear from the collective wisdom of this forum about other necessary “steps” in coping with hard symptoms.

Hi everyone, I’m a 40 year old male at the moment coping with nasty issues after the use of one tramadol tablet half January this year. let me first start where my problems with psymeds started. In the year 2016 i got prescribed Amitriptyline for neuropathic pain in a 10mg dose in the upcoming years to 2019 the dose was upped to 30mg per day. In 2019 i noticed the amitriptyline did not do anything for me anymore except that it made me sleep well. In 2019 i tapered amitriptyline based on a schedule one week 30mg next week 20mg and last week 10mg and 2 weeks after 10mg with skip days as suggested by my GP. This worked but i noticed erectile disfunction after stopping. Later i found out that this could be pssd. since the disfunction was mild and i’m in a stable relation with my partner it wasnt a real problem. the disfunction got better in the upcoming years and even had a newborn son in the meantime. until last january 24 where everything changed for me, i used one tablet of tramadol and i woke up with numb genitals the next day, in the upcoming 2 weeks i got emotionally numb, severe ED, decreased sense of touch on my skin, anhedonia, insomina, waking up and cannot sleep anymore, smell and taste got bad and my vision is not clear. I went for help at my GP who says im depressed, i prescribed me quatepine for sleep and after 3 days taking this i got suicidal ideations, so i stopped it. But the suicidal ideations did not go away. GP still says depression, and prescribes me Amitriptyline in a low dose for sleep, after a few days i feel my genitals getting number again so in 2 weeks i stopped the amitriptyline again from 40mg to 30mg to 20mg to 10mg and the stopped in one week. my GP now sent me to a psychiatrist who at the moment put me on olanzapine 5mg. my sleep is now better and suicidial ideations are in the background. ( in day time i use 3 * 10mg oxazepam to keep calm) now for upcoming week i have a new appointement again with the psych to talk about new antidepressant to go on. im not sure what to do because i think it is pssd or some sort of withdrawal im coping with. gp and psych says depression. at the moment i cant do my job or look after my family because of all this. does anybody have some advice in my situation? Could a new Antidepressant give some relieve of the symptoms im experiencing and not make them worse?

Hello everyone, I’m so pleased to have found you all and very happy to be signed up to SA 😊 I’m here for my mum who was born in 1947 and is 76 years old. It’s taken me a while to get round to writing this, (massive), introduction, and some of the details are a little sketchy as mum’s memory of events aren’t always too clear. I really need some insight and advice so that I can help my mum so please let me give you some history and background – I’ll try to keep it brief! My mum has lived most of her life between Ireland and Scotland. I live in Scotland and, up until the end of 2013, my mum would split her time between her own home in Ireland and my home in Scotland. In 2013 she went to her doctor (GP) in Ireland and was referred to psychiatry and prescribed sertraline (50mg initially) for low mood and anxiety. Mum continued to take sertraline for the next three years (2013 – 2016) and was, at some point prescribed risperidone for 3 days but it made mum feel drowsy - we don’t know quite when or why this antipsychotic was prescribed but we are waiting to receive her medical records and should have a clearer picture then. I’m not sure after this date (2016) if there were any changes to mum’s meds but in February 2017 – May 2017, mum was admitted to the local psychiatric hospital presenting as catatonic and then delirious / psychotic. During her stay at the hospital, she was diagnosed with psychotic depression and received seven ECT sessions, her sertraline was increased to 200mg and olanzapine was introduced at 10mg twice a day (20mg in total) From 2017 – 2018 her drugs remained the same. In March 2018 mood dipped and we think her olanzapine may have been increased. In June 2019 re-admission to the psychiatric hospital was considered due to earlier catatonic symptoms reappearing. She avoided admission and recovered, her sertraline was switched to venlafaxine 150mg and then increased to 225mg. In November 2019 Mirtazapine (15mg) was added and in February 2020 pregabalin was introduced for anxiety (initially at 25mg twice a day but then upped to 50mg twice a day) As far as we are aware there were no changes to mum’s psychiatric meds until 2023. I should also add that she is on several other meds for other medical conditions – please see drug signature. Between 2014 and 2022 my mum remained in Ireland and, although she seemed well a good deal of the time, there would be periods where her mood was very low, and her anxiety really heightened. Sometimes when mum was like this the doctor would prescribe diazepam to help reduce the severe anxiety. When mum’s mood was low she would become increasingly anxious about everything and anything and, when spending time with my brother and his two younger children, she was very anxious that they would injure themselves or come to some harm. It was clear to me and my brother that this debilitating anxiety and constant worry was stopping her from being able to enjoy life and her grandchildren (she has always found most joy when being around her children and grandchildren). We could also see that mum’s physical health was deteriorating and we decided, in 2022, and with mum’s agreement, that it would be best if she permanently moved over to Scotland to be close to me so that I could support and be with her on a much more regular, daily basis. Mum’s mood and anxiety continued to fluctuate throughout 2022 and, due to other external factors, we couldn’t move her over here quite as quickly as we’d hoped. At the end of September 2022 she was, once again, in a very anxious/ catatonic state and narrowly avoided being admitted to the psychiatric hospital. She went to stay with my brother and his family for a week while we organized her coming over here. Although we’re not entirely certain, (as mum was living on her own), it does seem, prior to these more severe unwell periods, that mum was falling into a very anxious state and would stop eating, sleeping and we think perhaps stop taking her meds for maybe one or two doses. Mum was now living in Scotland with me, and her mood started to improve throughout October. She was offered a flat within the retirement housing complex, just a 10 minute walk away from me. With mum in Scotland we began to see a definite pattern to her mood - she would be well for around a month and then her mood would drop, out of nowhere and with no obvious trigger, and she would be super anxious with low mood for around 2 weeks and then would slowly start to improve again. In January 2023 I printed off a mood chart and we filled it in daily. In February 2023 mum had her first appointment with her new psychiatrist, (I have always been present during these appointments). I expressed concerns around seeing what I thought were some mild signs of tardive dyskinesia and mum was happy to start reducing her olanzapine with her psychiatrist’s support. The psychiatrist did not warn us about withdrawal effects or warn us to look out for anything and I, much to my deep regret, was completely unaware of the impact and dangers around dose changes in psychiatric drugs. Mum was on 15mg olanzapine, which was initially reduced to 10mg for 3 months, then to 7.5mg for 3 months, then to 5mg for 3 months. During the summer of 2023 mum experienced pain in her hip which her GP prescribed additional pregabalin for, increasing her daily dose of 50mg twice a day to 50mg twice a day with the addition of 100mg twice a day to help the pain (thereby taking her daily dose potentially up to 300mg). Mum did experience some dizziness around this time which we put down to the increased pregabalin dose. Throughout 2023 mum’s pattern continued in the same fashion as before and I noticed nothing untoward. Mum had an excellent October, remaining well for almost the entire month and I felt sure I was seeing a reduction in the tardive dyskinesia mouth movements. On October the 23rd mum’s olanzapine was further reduced from 5mg to 2.5mg. On the 26th of October mum was given her combined covid and flu vaccination – the very next day, (27th October,) she felt nauseous, dizzy, freezing cold and had general flu-like symptoms. After reading the patient info leaflet from the jag we assumed these symptoms were a side effect of the vaccination and didn’t for one moment consider that they could be related to the drop in her olanzapine dosage just a few days before… After 3 – 4 days she felt physically better but her mood had dipped - we weren’t surprised, she’d had a good month of feeling well and her mood was due to dip anyway, according to her pattern. Although mum had a tough week her mood seemed to be lifting and we went off to her psychiatry appointment. The psychiatrist asked mum how she was and she said she was OK and her mood was lifting – he asked her if she ever felt suicidal and she said no (she has never felt suicidal) he also asked if she suffered from SAD and she said no – she, like me, actually enjoys winter and the festive season very much. The psychiatrist told her to finish off her new 4 week prescription of olanzapine at 2.5mg and then she would be finished with olanzapine for good. That evening, around 6.30pm I said goodnight to mum, took a bag of her washing home with me that she asked me to do and said I’d see her tomorrow. I didn’t get any response from mum to my early morning text and, at 11.15am I decided to go and see where she was and what she was up to. I found mum unconscious in her living room – at some point during the night before she must have slipped into a delusional state and she had taken all of her month’s supply of tablets and all of the extra pregabalin that she had been prescribed. She also left a bizarre note about not wanting to be a big lady which made no sense. Mum was rushed by ambulance to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at a local hospital and my brother and I were told to prepare ourselves for the worst – she was not expected to survive. Remarkably, and against all the odds, my wee mum survived this terrible ordeal of which she has no memory, (she also has no memory of her stay at the psychiatric hospital in 2017 when she experienced psychosis). It was at this time that I started to become aware of the damaging effect of these drugs and I became convinced that what had happened to mum was most likely due to a too rapid reduction in her olanzapine. During her stay at hospital her psychiatrist visited her and as good as reprimanded her for trying to take her own life. She was experiencing an extremely low mood, confusion and some delirium at this time, she was also classed as an adult without capacity. Despite this, her psychiatrist decided to cold turkey her from all of her psychiatric meds (olanzapine, venlafaxine, mirtazapine and pregabalin) without discussing this with any family member. He did not believe that mum was experiencing withdrawal symptoms and said that any withdrawal symptoms would be long past by now. I was now also learning the dangers of abruptly stopping psychiatric meds and I became very worried for my mum’s health and this new course of action. After a phone call with me, the psychiatrist did agree to reinstate mum’s olanzapine at 5mg, at my request, and her venlafaxine, but only at 75mg. I was still worried and could see that mum was deteriorating – mum was transferred to the local psychiatric hospital and the new psychiatrist was not willing to consider my request of reinstating her mirtazapine and venlafaxine at 225mg but she did agree to increase her venlafaxine to 150mg. A few days later and, after seeing no improvement in mum she decided that mum was having paranoid thoughts so she increased mum’s olanzapine to 7.5mg without discussing this with me – she also suggested that if mum was to experience withdrawal symptoms, like I suggested she was, she would treat them with lorazepam! She, like the other psychiatrist did not agree that mum was experiencing withdrawal and she also said that any withdrawal would be over by now. I was upset to discover that mum’s care was in the hands of another psychiatrist who wasn’t following the NICE guidelines on withdrawing psychiatric meds and was in denial about the severity or seriousness of possible withdrawal effects. I would love nothing more than for my mum to be off all of these meds but I knew that this cold turkey method could be incredibly damaging. From the day her original psychiatrist made the decision to cold turkey her It took me a total of 18 days and a formal complaint before mum’s meds were reinstated on the 11th of December, at her previous dosage and the olanzapine reduced back to 5mg (I had great support from the mental Welfare Commission, by the way, just in case anyone else needs support). I don’t yet know if I did the right thing, but it was difficult to find advice. Within a week mum’s mood was back to being really good, her memory was dramatically improved, and all confusion was gone. She continued to improve over the next couple of weeks and was officially discharged from hospital on the 3rd of January - no one in the hospital could believe how well and quickly she had recovered. Apparently, according to one of the nurses, the average stay in the psychiatric hospital is 6 – 12 months. Mum was there for just 4 1/2 weeks and spent the best part of those caring for her fellow patients! So, we find ourselves almost back to square one. Mum came home and stayed with me from the 3rd of January 2024 until the 11th – she then went home but was, unfortunately only well for one day and night and the following day her mood dipped again – I was anxious about what had previously happened so brought her back to stay with us until her mood improved or until I had “GrannyCam” (Echo Show) installed so that I could keep a closer eye on her. Mum has only just gone back to her wee flat (29th January 2024) and she is still pretty anxious although she is improving slowly. And this is where we find ourselves. Many, many thanks for reading so far…😊 I am really hoping that I can help support mum to get her off her psychiatric meds – she and I are under no illusions and, given the dosage and time that she has been on this hellish cocktail of meds we are aware that there is an extremely long road ahead of her. I am hoping, initially, that you guys can help me specifically with the following questions: · Would you recommend that mum take her tablets at different times throughout the day (she has morning and evening meds - venlafaxine and pregabalin are taken in the morning and olanzapine, pregabalin and mirtazapine in the evening), and if so, when would you suggest? · I feel that the first drug to taper should be the remaining 5mg of Olanzapine – do you think this is right? · When do you think it would be the right time to restart the olanzapine taper? And does anyone know if I can source taper strips in the UK on the NHS? · Has anyone ever experienced these periods of wellness and then periods of low mood and severe anxiety in a pattern such as I’ve described? Could these be some kind of Waves and Windows, bearing in mind that she was experiencing them prior to starting any kind of drug reduction · What can I do to help mum with this terrible anxiety? I have very recently bought her some chelated magnesium and she has had a couple of low doses of that over the last few days (but has avoided taking them 2 hours before or after her pregabalin, as per the SA advice on magnesium) · I am obviously very worried that there may be a repeat of what happened to mum on the evening of the 9th of November given that, aside from the flu like symptoms, there wasn’t much to warn me to be on the look out for such a severe reaction. Do you think that now that I know a little about what to look out for with withdrawal symptoms I will be able to pick up on times like this should they arise in the future when mum is tapering from her meds? Any and all advice will be extremely welcome – thank you all so much in advance and my apologies for the massive essay! Chris (tine) 😊💚 x x

Hello everyone, First, I will start with a brief introduction, followed by my story, and finally, I will describe how I am feeling today. -English isn't my first language.- I am a 32-year-old man, a teacher who has studied psychology. I want to share my story because I found a lot of support in reading stories on this website, especially the success stories. Throughout my life, I have been battling anxiety. It's important to note for the upcoming story that I have never experienced depression. I've always been a very sporty, energetic, emotional, and motivated person. My anxiety mainly manifested as hypochondria, and I began therapy for it around the age of 18. This helped me a lot. I am still undergoing therapy with the same person—a psychiatrist who works both in a hospital during the day and as a private practitioner in the evening where he gives psychotherapy(which is somewhat unique in my country). At around 19 years old, I used Sipralexa (also called Escitalopram/Lexapro) for about 6 months. I felt a bit less excited and experienced sexual side effects, such as delayed ejaculations, it required a lot of effort to reach orgasms. I decided to stop the medication without tapering off, and fortunately, I didn't experience significant symptoms after quitting. About a year later, I started taking St. John's Wort (Sint Jans Kruid) at a dosage of 900mg per day, divided into three doses of 300mg each. I continued with St. John's Wort until the day my story begins. My story I still can't believe that what I am about to write happened to me and is still happening. I know it's a bit unusual to spoil the story, but yeah, I can do what I want with my own story: I'm actually getting better. 24 October 2022, Appointment with My Therapist, who is also a Psychiatrist After complaining about increased anxiety and stress, my therapist suggested trying something stronger than the St. John's Wort I was using. It was just a suggestion. Initially, I declined, and we didn't delve into it further during the session. However, at the very end, and to my regret, I said, ‘you know what, actually I am almost always stressed and anxious, let me try those meds: Sertraline it was.’ 26 October 2022, My First Dose I was prescribed Sertraline 25mg/day, to take in the morning. On this day, I stopped taking the 900mg St. John's Wort and took my first 25mg Sertraline in the morning. A few hours later, I already noticed the delayed ejaculation as described earlier in my story. Later in the evening, during a university class, I experienced a moment of confusion and detachment. For a brief period (a minute or 5), I couldn't see the point of being in class or even being alive. I knew in my head why I was in class and why I am in this world, but I couldn't feel it. Those 5 minutes were the worst thing I have ever experienced. Later that evening, I had to leave the class due to a panic attack, larger than any I had experienced before. (I had never left class before). The day after, in the morning, while working on my computer, I couldn't focus. The letters on the screen seemed too much, and they were a bit 'dancing,' like when you move your phone while trying to read a message. I texted my psychiatrist and was told it could be a side effect that possibly goes away (at this point, I didn't talk about that weird 5 minutes in class). Then, a few days later, I wanted to surprise my dad while he was fishing, as I always did, because it made him very happy. However, this day was different. I arrived at the lake, and there he was, my dad, already smiling because he had a feeling I would come and sit with him for the rest of the day. As he grabbed another chair out of his car, because he always brings one for me, he said, 'aaaa here is my son!!' Normally, that would make me feel so happy, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't imagine why sitting there would make me happy, and it broke me completely. To see my dad confused when I said, 'No dad, thanks. I'm feeling very tired. Just wanted to say hi. I'm going home now.' 4 November 2022, The Day Hell Broke Loose Due to the sexual side effects and the weird moments of 'mood drops' - not feeling connected or seeing the point - I decided to quit Sertraline. My last 25mg tablet was the morning before (3 November). I had taken it for 10 days. 10 AM: I went to the barber, felt anxious, and couldn't relax for a second. I was in continuous fight or flight mode. 13 PM: I arrived home and experienced pure horror, a feeling that hurt more than anything I could imagine. I didn't want to live for another minute with this feeling, not a second. It was too hard. I ran into my big brother's room and said, 'I don't know what's going on, I can't take this anymore.' He asked, 'What?' and I replied, 'I don't know, I have this feeling I can't live with.' I tried to explain as best I could and said, 'I would rather be in a wheelchair without legs for the rest of my life than endure one more minute with this feeling.' (To be clear, I don't want to compare situations of suffering; it just came to my mind at that moment to try to find words for what I was feeling). But now I know, you can't describe this feeling with words; only the people who have experienced it will understand. Later that evening, I felt a bit of relief, but still in pure hell. This is actually a very clear trend/lifeline in my story: the evenings are (almost) always better. At this point, I was without Sertraline or St. John's Wort: the mood drops and sexual side effects were definitely caused by the Sertraline because I did not experience them on St. John's Wort. The next day, I started taking St. John's Wort again. The next months are pure hell, feeling almost nothing (except pure horror) during the day to feeling relief in the evening. Let me explain in more detail: -I will regularly add dates to my story so it is easier to follow. (I always used to count months in the success stories to compare to myself; I know everybody has their own timeline of recovery, but I still compared.)- 4 November - 13 November, The first week without Sertraline, With 900mg St. John's Wort/day again, I didn't notice any improvements and called almost every day to the Psychiatrist (PSY) to tell him I can't live with this feeling. Due to my psychology study, I made sure to include that I am not feeling suicidal. This was a lie, but I was sure I was not going to do it. My psychiatrist made sure I could come and visit at least one time every week and could call or text him at any moment. I count myself lucky to have a person like him as my therapist. The first thing he said was, 'I never had someone telling me about these problems, and it is not described, but that does not mean that you are not feeling this. I am here and I am not too old to learn.' This made such a big difference. 14 November 2023, I told my PSY about possible withdrawal 'I think it's withdrawal!' I said and was told that this is very unlikely because I was only on the medication for 10 days and that it didn't reach my blood-brain barrier. But also, he asked about my theory, how the medication could cause me to feel this way. I told him I can't really explain, and we consented that if it would be withdrawal, it would go away when the medication is reinstated. He prescribed me a magistral preparation of 5mg Sertraline so I could take this instead of 25mg. I will add a schedule, maybe it could be of importance for anyone: 14/15/16/18 NOV: 10mg Sertraline, no St. John's Wort. While writing this, it is getting clear to me that I got even worse: Almost no sleep, more horror. 18 NOV: 25mg Sertraline + 1 tablet of 'Deanxit': never took it afterward (this day I was really bad and called the doctor and psychiatrist on the same day). - As you notice, I actually start going up with the medication hoping it would make this horror go away)- 19 NOV - 30 NOV: 25mg Sertraline - Getting worse, so quick taper- 1 DEC: 20mg 2 DEC: 15mg 3/4 DEC: 15mg + 1 St. John's Wort (300mg) 5-11 DEC: 10mg + 1 St. John's Wort 12 DEC: 5mg Sertraline + 2 St. John's Wort (600mg) - the lower I went with the Sertraline, the better my sleep got- 13 DEC: 0mg Sertraline + 3 St. John's Wort (900mg) 1 January 2023, goodbye to life as I knew it In the following months, the feeling of pure horror is starting to fade a bit and it gets replaced with anhedonia and depression: not able to enjoy anything and not feeling the motivation to do anything. Switching from almost not feeling (except anxiety and just feeling bad) to feeling a little bit of emotion. In the evenings, it always got a little bit better, and I had an occasional laugh but not the same as before where I would really laugh. Important to know is, I couldn't enjoy ANY activity, I actually did things just to distract (try) myself from this empty filthy numb feeling. Example: I used to love photography. I went from a little idea to finding myself miles away in the city to work out a creative photo project. I couldn't wait to get home and share my pictures with friends and family. 'Oh, is it already time to sleep? I want to edit a bit more!' But at this point, I just walk and walk. I don't want to walk... why do I even hang this camera around my neck? ..., why take pictures..., let's go home... why home? What will I do there, waiting and hoping I will feel better one day. Also, I am not able to work anymore at this point due to what I am going through. June 2023, it got a little bit less intense, 8 months into this. As the months went by, I noticed that bad got a little less bad and the evenings got a little bit better: for me, this was huge, but don't expect much of it. Examples: -5 minutes without thinking about all this -5 minutes without surviving -Brief thoughts about getting back to work (before I was very sure I would never work again) In the evenings, I was able to relax a bit and feel positive. Example: Morning,I can't take it anymore VS Evening, it will all be alright one day... Also, I noticed that I am getting DEEP pain when I think about my family or my grandma who passed away many years ago: I start crying, like deep suffering, howling like a wolf for sometimes hours. I will come back to this later. November 2023, am I really getting better? 13 months in It is hard to talk about this now because I just told my whole story, and I am very much reminded of all I have gone through, so I feel exhausted, empty, and scared. Actually, I do feel scared every time I want to say something positive because I think it will all be bad again. I noticed that sometimes I (just a little bit) wanted to go to my family in the evening because I knew it would make me feel better (before it was just killing time, hoping to distract myself). The deep cries and suffering I told you about are giving me relief. WHAT RELIEF? I didn't expect to ever get that again. How Am I Feeling Today 1 January 2024, the day of writing this Story. 14 months in Happy New Year to all of you. I am proud of all of you for still being here, and my biggest wish for this year is for everyone, including me, that is suffering, to say: 'Happy New Year again in 2025, and who knows it really is happy then.’ For me, it was difficult to see all the people celebrating and being happy, but then I reminded myself that if I am in a group of people giving kisses and saying happy new year, no one would know that I am actually not that happy. I think this is a beautiful thing: I will always remind myself that a lot of people struggle, and I want to be here for them. At this point, I am able to play games and laugh a bit, watch series and enjoy it a bit. There are moments where I feel good without thinking too much. The mornings and the bad moments aren't that bad anymore, and the better moments can actually be a bit good sometimes. I am looking for a new job because teaching, standing in the spotlight all day, isn't for me anymore. And when I think about a possible new job, I really see it happening (don't know if I am already capable), but seeing it happen is a HUGE thing considering what I am going through. I Am Tapering SJW In the months before, I also noticed that I am feeling worse after forgetting to take one or two tablets of SJW, and I decided that I want to quit SJW. I made a plan according to the tapering instructions on this website: 10% drop every 4 weeks. I am now at my second drop of 10%, that means 2 tablets and 236mg* of a tablet. *The weight of a tablet is not the same as the active ingredient: 1 tablet weighs 555mg and contains 300mg of the active ingredient SJW. I am calculating my 10% drops on the active ingredient. I am now at 742mg/day SJW (active ingredient). SJW is not known for withdrawal, but 2 days after every drop, I feel (a lot) worse: no motivation, more tired, not enjoying things, mood swings and after about 6/7 days, it feels back to before the drop. So, I am sure I had an adverse reaction to Sertraline, and also the SJW is giving me withdrawal (I used it for more than 10 years, as you can see in my story). The End, for today:p I still have a long way to go, and there will be a lot of moments/days/weeks where I think I will never get better, but I am grateful for the progress I have made so far. To actually believe that maybe one day I will feel good/normal again gives me a lot of relief and hope. One thing that always makes me feel better is to be able being there for people who are suffering, so I will write updates and answer questions if any. Finally, I would like to take the time to thank everyone who is building this community, especially Altostrata: I admire your power to get through all the suffering for so many years and afterwards helping so many people like me. Please know that your work, together with my family and my psychologist, made me stay. Kind regards, Berlin

Hi all, Our 23 year old son (1/2 Asian) has autism and was thought to be profoundly mentally retarded but learned how to communicate by pointing at letters on a board and it seems it's more a motor planning issue because he's actually fairly "normal" inside. In fact one of the first things he requested to do was have a beer w his friends. So the SECOND thing he wanted to do was try an SSRI becasue anxiety and aggression and this weird "stim" (tic) he has where he walks backwards a few steps them he's out then walks forward again + apparently Temple Grandin has an extra large amygdala + said SSRIs saved her life. So his internist put him on 5 mg Lexapro. He didn't feel anything and still wanted to do thinkgs like have a beer so he decided to go off them--his Dr. said it was such a small dose and he'd only beenon it 10 days so just stop. Well--he almost immediately had a huge psychotic break where he destroyed property and also tried to push my husband out a window and had some crazy self injury (like he re-chipped a tooth we'd JUST had fixed) and because he could communicate (when we could get near him) he had tons of suicidal ideation. He thought we should hospitalize him because he was afraid he was going to hurt dad--he had these weird fantasies/urges that he HAD to see him bleeding (!!!) It also messed up his gut because he was vomiting all the time, said his stomach hurt. Also had brain zaps. We lived through all this and after 2 years he is still not back to where he was in fact he now has really bad OCD--like he hurt his hand trying to open a car door that was locked, he broke a finger (different hand) while having a meltdown. He's so mad this has happened to him and it's a little depressing to feel like his brain his broken. We have an excellent neurologist who has been helping us both with beta blockers and natural supplements. E.g., high dose cod liver oil helped the brain zaps a lot (he's done with those). But we want to help him heal and at least get back to baseline. I think the autistic kids are just so sensitive! ------------------------ June 2022 started Lexapro 5 mg for 10 days, felt noting Inadvertently stopped CT after 10 days because doctor told us to total nighmare since July 2023 started Naltrexone 50 mg and pronanolol bid RXed by his neurologist is helping the aggression

I took zoloft for 16 months came off in march with a way too fast taper. Tried to reinstate and things never got better. Was having bad suicidal ideations that led me to the pysch ward, they upped my zoloft, added buspar and trazadone. My thoughts got way worse and was having internal urges to harm myself. Went back in they yanked me off and put me on zyprexa 5mg. Thoughts got a tad better not a huge difference. Came home, pysch weaned me off put me on lamictal, i got the life threatening rash had to quit cold turkey, restarted zyprexa, on it for 8 days started a slow taper. Now im down to 2.8mg tonight and working on weaning off. But my slow taper is going to take quite a long time to come off. It was making me severely depressed. My mood has improved some since tapering. Any ideas or suggestions? Im doing 10% every two days. But I want to speed it up as I havent been on it long qnd with my slow taper I wont be off until end of July. Thank you!

What a Journey it has been... History: Start - 2 months I started Lexapro January 13th of this year due to having anxiety for nearly 10 days strait, it was a gradual build up and more than likely cannabis induced. I was scared, and desperate so decided to take Lexapro even though my wife told me not to. The first dose of only 2.5 milligrams started the nightmare to come. Within 4 hours I had heart palpitations and would break out into a sweat for what felt like no reason at all. I took a total of 4 doses of 2.5mg's until I decided to get off of the medication. Over the next 2 months I lost 20% of my body weight, extreme insomnia, bubble feeling all over my body especially my legs, resting heart rate of 80-110 for what felt like no reason at all (usually 58), massive heart palpitations to the point I could feel my pulse in my feet, Tinnitus, and many other symptoms. I thought my life was over, I was scared to talk to the doctor because she only wanted to give me more drugs. I decided to buckle down and ride it out, and put my faith into God. 3 - 4 Months Were things getting worse? I couldn't tell what was up or down, am I broken? Some days felt better, then a massive wave would swoop in. I did notice that my appetite would come and go in windows and I was able to gain some weight back. Sleep would slowly improve in this span of time however, I had to take Unisom off and on. I would get 2 nights of some type of sleep then one night of insomnia. This is when the sleep zaps started to swing in hard. As soon as I drifted off, I would get hit with what felt like lightning all over my body then go into a sweating fit, then it would follow with fear and strong palpitations. At this point I hadn't found SA so my mind was going wild, I had nothing to ground myself in and simply thought this was my life moving forward. I hard to fight hard not to think suicidal. I would just be up in the middle of the night and look at pictures of my wife and kids from the years past and think I would never feel that type of happy again. But I would pray and He would tell me to not give up, healing was coming 5 - 6 Months This is when I was able to tell myself I was getting better, I would have half days here and there and feel totally normal. In those moments I really told myself to put it into memory (see you are getting better! don't forget this moment). In those moments, when they would come, I started researching online and found this amazing site SA. I would read everything, the bad, the recoveries, the plan of a action, what Windows and Waves were, how to coach your spouse through your recover. I HAD A MAP FORWARD! I got on Magnesium that night, and had the first night of sleep without palpitations! They still came and went in the coming months, but just getting moments without them nearly brought me to tears... This was when I started to really notice improvement. God bless this site, and thank you everyone for sharing your suffering and progress 7 Months - Today Right at the 7 month mark I got a nasty wave, not nearly as bad as the worst days however, I was just getting exhausted of it coming and going. I was ready for the end, but I never gave up. I had a big vacation planned with my little family and really wanted to show them an amazing time, and this wave needed to end before we left in a few days. All I could do was wait and see. The car ride down was so hard, but I never let my family see my suffering, I had to deliver. By the grace of God, once we arrived and we ate dinner, something happened. A weight was lifted off my heart, and I felt a huge shift. I was able to let go and enjoy myself, laugh, play with the kids, smile at my wife while she was cooking dinner, and even enjoy a beer! This marked my big turning point, I wasn't 100% but a big step took place. After vacation I still had little waves here and there, but all manageable. And today I'm happy to be typing this in a great mood and symptom free! My story isn't over, I have more to go, waves will still come but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel and had to share my story. Vitamins and Supplements Magnesium (CVS Brand, 400mlg) Taurine 100mg Medication History Lexapro 2.5mlg for 4 days, then Cold Turnkey

Hey guys, So i was on Sertaline a few years ago it worked perfectly. Then i came off it. Anytime i tried to go back on it, i had an intense reaction where i couldnt sleep and felt extremely agitated and wired. Then this happened again with prozac (Fluoxetine), and then i panicked and went to the hospital and got put on seroquel for 6 weeks. Following this I decided to stop as it was a horrible drug. When i stopped I could no longer sleep. Now, 6 months later I was slowly getting my sleep back little by little. Until 4 days ago. I was feeling ill and decided to try Prozac again to see if my symptoms were a result of withdrawal from these meds. I literally opened the pill and licked a tiny bit (few mgs probably) then i had an extreme reaction to this and the last 3 nights I have slept 1 hour each night. I feel terrible again and I am so angry that I've done this and worried I've gone back to square 1 with my sleep. Prozac has a long half life, will this go when it is out of my body or have i put myself back to the beginning again with this reaction? Today is day 4 since taking and my pupils are still huge, i still feel incredibly wired and awful. Thanks Dylan

Hi guys! Its been almost 7 months since I ct Lexapro, having only used it in 1 month om 5 mg. Its only now for the last weeks that the zaps, vertigo, flu-sympthoms and burning are starting, and becoming more severe by each day.. And I have a constant low fever since one month. (No virus.) Im burning all over my body, not sensitive to touch really.. Just feels like im on fire. And feels like breathing.. Sulfur. Not a refluxprob. (Also kinda blushing in face) All worse in my belly. Having attacks where it kinda knocks me with burning nerves all over and then goes back to constant medium-burning.. My cold sheets in bed is a blessing to naked skin! Also, notice aches and getting weaker in all my muscles.. 😕 Im so afraid! Whats going on! Have someone felt like this?

Hello all, I appreciate all of you coming out and putting your lives out here for help and to help others, it's a beautiful thing and I know there are people out there probably worse off then me. But I am here after 7 days off nortriptyline for migraine. The backstory is I was diagnosed with Hemiplegic Migraines after an ER. My neurologist put me on nortriptyline, 10 mg for a week, 20mg for a week and then 30mg for a week. I am and always have been against these medications because of the horror stories But out of complete panick I began taking the medication. During the 10 mg I'd get light headed, I would loose feeling of limbs and developed awful nightmares. But I toughed it out. I began 20mg. Half way through 20 MG the nightmares were undescribable. I began to have insomnia, began to have a hard time dealing with and processing any violence gore or anything of that nature. (I am an officer so this is a major problem) I have never had PTSD nightmares or anything like that and have always talked openly about things I have seen. This was super out of character for me. I then began having sever anxiety and inability to sleep. I made it through 20mg and started 30mg.(my over all time in the medication is about a month maybe a little less) I got hit with absolute detachment, I am a very loving caring and passionate husband and father. I have 1 year daughter who was the very source of everything beautiful to me. I also have 2 other boys and one on the way. I lost the feeling and emotion for everyone. I woke up and felt scared and began intrusive thoughts due to a Crime tv show where a man murdered his wife. I became terrified of my thoughts afraid I was loosing my mind and becoming my evil. Afraid I would hurt the people I love and adore the very most. I even would be at work and see random people and think "God what if I lost it none of these people even know I'm loosing my mind and could hurt them." Of course I am then flooded with life crippling fear of my thoughts as they are dead against everything inside of me and everything that drives me to protect innocent lives 25/7 of everyday of my life. Even to a point where suicide was allowed to creep into my mind. Where I thought "I'll off myself before I ever let myself harm anyone" and then thought becomes a terrifying intrusive thought I have to work past. It was living in hell literally. I messaged my neurologist with no response. I was so terrified I immediately stopped the medication and have been off for 7 days now. The intrusive thoughts are not as persistant and the hardcore depression from those thoughts isn't as consistent. Now my biggest problem is I fall asleep to awake with gripping fear and anxiety unsure of what I am even afraid of. I have moments where I feel like myself where I feel loving caring and compassionate again. Where I see my beautiful baby girl and see a perfect world. To then suddenly fall back into pure anxiety fear and agitation. I can let thoughts flow again for the most part except during the anxiety attacks and slip into a depressive state.i want to be clear I don't hear any voices anything twlling me to do anything. It is literally just intrusive images thoughts deprived from the deepest fears I have This is not me, has never been me, and is nothing I have ever delt with before. It was 100% the medication. Which I now regret so whole heartedly and look back thinking wtf was I doing actually believing a tryciclic antidepressant would be good for migraine and not cause more harm then good especially knowing I am not have not ever been depressed anxious or suffered intrusive thoughts before. There are times I feel like I'm going to loose control and am freaking out. I take fioricet for migraine attacks and this places me into a very normal state due to the butalbital calming my nerves. But when it ends it's back with a vengeance and harder then before. I don't want to rely on it I don't trust my neurologist or going to an ER where I work because after this I will never allow another psychotropic drug to touch my brain again. Also am dead afraid of them trying to convince me and diagnose me with other illnesses I don't have and have never had. Since I am this far re-instituting is out of the question and no way do I want to risk the power it had over me when taking it. I am far to afraid of that. And to start all of this over again is a he** no for me I was told stopping cold turkey wouldn't be an issue. But clearly that's wrong. I have made it this far, and to an extent I don't know if it's my mind or reality but the days seem to be getting better and better and easier to deal with. I do have sudden onset attacks especially after napping or sleeping and they hit hard. But I manage to ride the absolute terror out. I will deal with migraines. I don't care about them anymore after this. I just want myself back, to feel my daughter's beautiful heart and love. To wrestle around with my boys without intrusive thoughts of loosing control of myself. And to look at my wife with the pure addoration I have always been filled with when even looking in her direction. I want to be normal me again. How long does this process take? What can I do to help myself? Will my brain and nervous system recover? And why did this happen to me??? Feel like a monster. My neurologist said this will pass within a few weeks. Part of me believes her because I feel like I have made progress but then I am also afraid I am just becoming numb to the intense fear the situation has given me. I have seen so many stories of people being stuck for months and years after a run like this and am terrified. Any advice help or reassurance will be so much appreciated. Thank you for reading this and responding to me

I am having a lot of trouble understanding how to navigate this site. I really need advice and I don’t know how to post my info. I was put on seroquel for 15 days a few weeks ago stopped CT having tardive dyskinesia and I need to know if I should reinstate and taper and how much I should take. I was trying to taper mirtazapine 7.5mg at 1/8of a pill over a month. I am in a lot of pain. I am also on 1mg xanax 3x a day. i don’t have a computer to post all the info u want. I did put it in my bio

Hi all! New here, but I have been lurking this forum for a few weeks. I will share my story... I will first note that don't really have a medical history of anything except for lots of physical stuff - sprained ankles, torn muscles, broken bones, herniated discs, etc as I WAS an athlete (now I'm mostly house and bed bound). No history of chronic illness, auto-immune, mental illness except some anxiety and bouts of insomnia here and there. I don't think I've ever even had a panic attack. 30F. August 2022: I got LASIK. Sept - Oct 2022: Moved cross country and LASIK outcome (had residual prescription) made me really stressed, so I wasn't sleeping well. I took one Xanax pill 0.25mg (smallest dose) before bed on and off for a few weeks. It wasn't really helping my sleep and made me feel really fatigued during the day so I stopped. Developed light sensitivity along the way. Nov 2022: I was (mis) diagnosed with cornea neuralgia, and given Nortripyline for eye pain. I now realize my pain was caused by an ointment I was instructed to use, not nerve damage. Light sensitivity might have been caused by Xanax, unsure about that one. Two days before taking my first dose of Nortrip, I took 0.25mg of Xanax to help me sleep again. That was the last time I ever took Xanax. Then for the Nortrip, I was instructed to take 10mg every three days, titrating up to 50mg. I took 10mg for four days, and was relatively fine. Looking back, I had some side effects like POTS, constipation, and inability to feel my bladder was full. On the fifth and sixth day, I went up to 20mg. My feet started tingling. I was instructed to bump back down by my doctor. Went back to 10mg. Tingling went away. Thought I was supposed to go back up, so I did. Back to 20mg for two tdays and then tingling came back along with crazy limb jerking. Like, both my legs flew up a foot in the air while I was in bed. I messaged my doctors, wasn't given clear instructions, so I quickly tapered down to 10mg and then 0mg out of fear. I thought I'd be fine because I was on the medication for 11 days. Did an intense workout, which triggered all the symptoms I had on the medication the next day. Kept working out because I wasn't sure what was going on and doctor said it was ~AnXiEty~. Since then, all went downhill and I have developed a laundry list of 40+ symptoms, including tardive dyskinesia (I was inspired by moderator's WiggleIt's story, hence named myself MoveIt). The TD started when I took a Zrytec. I immediately had an adverse reaction to it with stabbing pains all over my legs, got a big brain zap, and then my legs started moving by themselves. Over a few weeks it progressed into full body flails and vocal spasms. A week or so later, I took a melatonin and made it worse, my hands started opening and closing. Now I seem to be acquiring new "movements" every 1-2 weeks. I have involuntary full body flails, tongue sticks out of my mouth, eye blinks, hands open and close, feet tap, ,face scrunch, lips purse. My other symptoms have been getting worse as well and my threshold to triggering them is getting smaller. I am finding I can't even walk fast without triggering a "wave" and then feeling like I have the flu + hungover + extra noise sensitive the next day, similar to CFS I guess. Almost all my symptoms are physical (for now...). Now I realize my nervous system is super fragile and am careful with medications and supplementation. In case helpful, here's the list of my symptoms as of today. I am sure I am missing some... Insomnia Flickering lights when eyes open, like I’m blinking Hypnogogic Hallucinations Flashes of light before sleeping Arc flashes in peripheral of eyes (checked with retina doc twice, nothing wrong) Strobe light effect in dark Light / Noise sensitivity Tinnitus Random ear noises, such as car crashing or fluttering Ear pain Brain zaps Randomly feeling bouts of terror when falling asleep Stop breathing while sleeping Chest tightness/pain Cortisol rushes Heart palpitations Can hear heart pounding Tingling Pins and needles everywhere (including in mouth and tongue) Burning patches Stabbing nerve throughout body / face Muscle pain? Or dull nerve pain, unsure Tremors Hypnic jerks Dizziness Jaw jerks Constipation Inability to feel full bladder Missed every menstrual cycle Exercise intolerance Headache Fatigue I haven't really seen anyone on here with similar dosage or reactions like me. I see patterns if I combine stories like WiggleIt's, those with ADR, and those with exercise intolerance. I can't even say I can 100% relate to windows and waves. I will have a random cluster of symptoms anyday, nothing seems constant except for the tingling and the progression of symptoms. I'm also not even so sure I had an adverse reaction because I am now learning the side effects I had were actually normal on the medication, and that a lot of people "push through" and it eventually subsided. I am also unsure if being on Xanax so shortly before had some adverse effect. Also did I "kindle" myself with the Xanax by taking it on and off before the Nortrip?

Hi everyone, I never thought I would find myself here but well here I am. Everything started in January. I started having panic attacks and was placed on Lexapro by my pcp. I took it one time and had such a bad reaction I went to the ER with chest pain, dizziness and rapid heart rate. This was on 10mg!! I took it again the following day and got horrible sick and never took it again. I started seeing an Aprn psychiatrist and she then prescribed me Paxil 5mg… wow it was an awful drug!! I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms every morning until I could take my next dose. Then on January 18 I woke up with urinary urgency and frequency. My bladder burned and I had never experienced it before. I thought maybe a UTI but all tests were negative. I met with my psychiatrist and told her my symptoms and she told me is couldn’t be Paxil as she had never heard about that. She then told me to stop taking it and to start on Prozac 10mg. I started Prozac on January 30 and my bladder issues remained. I saw so many doctors and had so many tests everything came back fine. On March 14 my psychiatrist told me to just stop taking Prozac as I also had Sever depression. She said since Prozac had a long half life I didn’t need to tapper and could just stop it… I did just that. the rest of March was fine… I still had my bladder issues but at least I wasn’t depressed. Then the beginning of April I felt something totally new. I had the feeling of urinary urgency but from my urethra not my bladder. It was like the grime was stuck and I still had to go. Then a few days later the pressure also felt like slight arousal and I got worried. I started looking online and saw PGAD and flipped out. I have sever OCD as well so I latched onto that. Days went by and some days were better than others. But some days were awful. I would wake up in the middle of the night having an orgasm… not to much of a big deal I had that happen a few times in my life. But then a few days later it happened again. This was not normal. I would wake up with intense anxiety and started having brain zaps. I felt like I damaged my CNS. To this day the feelings are still there though they seem to change every day. some says I will have a burning in my genitals, other days I will feel normal, then the next morning urethra pressure that feels like arousal. On days like today it feels like a pressure down there and so hard to explain. I don’t know what is going on and am worried I will have this forever. I am also experiencing feelings of intense anxiety during some days and times I can’t sit still. Days like today I am so depressed… I am in therapy twice a week for my OCD and my therapist is working with me during ERP therapy about radical acceptance. I am so worried I will not heal from this. I come home from work and lay in bed. My husband and I are not having intimate relations because of mu arousal feeling… thank god he is very underpaid loving. These antidepressants ruined me and I worry I will never be who I was.

During Ativan withdrawal, I did not sleep for two weeks. Doctors at a top-five hospital gave me Seroquel for insomnia, saying it would "calm my nervous system." I have taken it for close to six months. The drug has stopped working. I can barely fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night with jerks and tachycardia every night. This started with my last cut of .5mg from 34.5 to 34mg, trying to wean off it. In addition to these side effects of the actual medication, four days after that decrease, I got a chest tremor, I started to have chest pains and muscle pains, leg shakes, and now I am having stomach and diaphragm pains. My diaphragm muscles get locked up, and I cannot breathe. And this is not anxiety. I know the difference. It happened after I ate last night. I am already 20 pounds underweight from the Ativan withdrawal and trying to gain weight, so this is now affecting my eating ability. I am shocked; to be honest, I feel terror now taking this medication every night, which adds another layer to this already difficult situation. Plus, I was told yesterday I am at risk for increased akasthesia coming off of it, which I slightly have already, and there is concern about tardive dyskinesia coming off the antipsychotic due to current jaw pain symptoms I have been experiencing and how my body has responded to such a small cut of the medication. I cannot believe this. I feel like I am back to square one of interdose withdrawal from Ativan -- but worse. I would be further along with the Ativan recovery if it were not for this. To make matters worse, the Ativan withdrawal gave me tinnitus. So I already feel like I cannot sleep or relax. Who knows if/when that will go away? More polypharmacy could mean more tinnitus, which has by far been the worst symptom to deal with. SO WHAT DO I DO? Seroquel is making me so sick. If I go to a hospital, they put me on polypharmacy, and I have the potential for even more problems. Plus, doctors will perceive this as a mental health problem when it is a physical medication issue, and there is no in-between. I was literally on my knees praying for God to have mercy on me last night. I don't know how or if I can or if my body will survive another withdrawal period. Let alone live through any additional physical symptoms. "Distracting" and "self-soothing" are now out the window. My distress symptoms are so high from the physical pain and suffering. I am already dealing with many of the most unpleasant side effects with no window. I am avoiding polypharmacy at all costs as this isn't any quality of life for a person. I have been bedridden for about ten months now from prescription medication withdrawals. I have lost everything to Ativan -- my health, happiness, relationships, finances, and work and now Seroquel is coming in to sweep up the floors after. I have been crying and crying for hours. Being in my own body feels like being tortured in a foreign prison. I do not want to lose my life to this medication and cannot live being bound to it or any pharmaceutical medications. If I could take them and be well, that would be one thing. But they make me sick and cause more problems than benefits. If you know of any other resources for help and support on what to do in this situation, please please help me. This literally feels like life or death now.

Hi everyone, I am hoping to help others and find support as I struggle through prolonged effexor withdrawal. Looking back, I can see so clearly how the nightmare roller coaster ride with medications happened to me. While living in the middle of it, however, it took me a long time to connect the dots and jump off that crazy ride!. And unfortunately, I am paying big time with my health. I am a 34 year old previously very healthy woman. It all started in 2006 with xanax and ambien. I was about 3 weeks away from finals week in professional school when my dad passed away. Dealing with the grief from that and the pressure to continue performing well and passing all my finals in professional school led to bad anxiety and insomnia. I saw a doctor at the health clinic on campus and was given xanax and ambien. At the time, I thought these medications were great! Finally I was sleeping and felt calm. I ended up using them off and on throughout the remainder of school until I graduated in 2007. A few months went by, and then I entered the work force in my new career. This, too, was a very stressful time and I developed insomnia again. I saw a doctor and mentioned the medications that had helped in the past, and with no hesitation was given a presciption for xanax and ambien. I continued to take these medications off and on, and over time needed to increase the doses. I started developing rebound anxiety and insomnia, which got really bad in 2011. At the time, I didn't realize what was happening- I thought I just wasn't coping with life well, and couldn't understand why. I went back to my general practitioner, and she said I had a severe anxiety problem and needed an SSRI. I was desperate to feel normal again and trusted my doctor completely, and readily accepted her prescription for Zoloft (after she assured me the medication was perfectly safe). I picked up the medication, and after reading the side effect list, became very concerned and called my doctor. She said "you shouldn't read that list, now you are sure to develop every side effect on it, because most of those are in peoples heads"). I felt reassured by this and started the medication. Well, I had pretty much every side effect on the list. I won't bother to describe them, we've all been there. I told my doctor what was happening, she said to stick it out. Well, after 2 weeks of pure hell, I stopped the medication. Believe it or not, I then went through withdrawal from that 2 weeks of Zoloft. I developed paresthesia, among many other things, and went to my doctor. She said paresthesia is caused by anxiety, and that this proves I need daily anxiety medication. Of course I believed her, I was so vulvernable and physically sick at the time. She proceeded to put me on and off lexapro, mirtazapine, clonazepam, lorazepam, among others. Every time I started a new med the paresthesia went away within a day or two, but the medication side effects would be unbearable. This is when it started to dawn on me that the paresthesia wasn't anxiety, but was drug withdrawal, as I was recognizing a pattern. My doctor said it wasn't possible, drug withdrawal from these types of meds doesn't exist. I argued that I knew in my heart the paresthesia wasn't caused by anxiety, and that if it's not drug related, it must be an illness of some time. She sent me off to a neurologist which led to about $8000 in tests (blood tests, MRI, ultrasound for the constant nausea, etc etc). All came back normal, at which point the neurologist stated, see- it's anxiety and has been the whole time. I felt very disheartened, accepted my diagnosis, and took her prescription for effexor. I told her that every single medication made me terribly sick, and that I believed the meds and withdrawal from them are what had given me so many problems, and that I was very concerned about taking effexor. She assured me the meds had caused no harm, and that effexor is a wonderful medication, and very safe. She said if I didn't like it, we would stop it, no problem. Silly me started swollowing the pills like a good little sheep. Well, within 2 days the paresthesia was gone. I took the medication for about 2 months and told the neurologist I wanted to discontinue it, as it was causing side effects, and my reason for taking it (paresthesia) had resolved. She told me to take one capsule every other day for a week then discontinue it. I followed her instructions and the withdrawal was out of this world. I had never been so sick in my entire life. After doing some research on line, I stumbled across a web site (probably this one) which explained how to taper effexor slowly. I quickly re-started the medication, and after a week or so, began to slowly wean myself off over 2 months. I had only ever been on the lowest dose of 37.5 mg and thought this would be sufficient. Well, I still experienced withdrawal- slightly more tolerable, but still hellish, and also developed paresthesia again. After about 2 months of dealing with this, I decided to re-instate and taper again over an even longer period. So, I started my third and final taper from effexor in October 2013, and finished in March 2014. Even after such a low dose, and a fairly lengthy taper, I suffered withdrawal. It lasted about 3 months, then I had a period of ~2 months where I was mostly normal, then I got slammed again with severe protracted withdrawal in August/September 2014. So, I have been taking it one day at a time (sometimes one hour at a time), and praying that this all eventually goes away. The most troublesome thing occurring for me right now, is that I feel as though I have fibromyalgia. I wake up each morning with pain at the base of my skull, and basically all over my body. My eyes are constantly burning and painful. My feet cramp up randomly. I also have severe digestive issues.These have been relentless for about 3 months now. These are things I had never experienced before my roller coaster med ride. I am very worried that these things are permanent. From what I have read, fibromyalgia never goes away. I just don't know if I have real fibromyalgia, or withdrawal-induced fibromyalgia. I am scared that I will have to live the rest of my life in pain and with bad tummy troubles. I am currently seeing a GI doctor and will have endoscopy soon (probably another big waste of money, will probably come back normal just like every other test). I just don't know what else to do. I take no meds, eat very healthy, and force myself to exercise almost daily. The weird thing is, when it comes to the pain- the more sleep I get, the worse I feel. Makes no sense to me! Anyhow, that is my story. I wish I had stopped after my first bad reaction to a drug, I would probably be recovered by now. If I had only known then what I know now! Sorry for the lengthy message. Any input or suggestions is much appreciated. Even if someone can just let me know the pain and stomach issues eventually went away for them, that would give me some hope. Thanks all, I appreciate you for taking the time to read this, more than you'll ever know!