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Hey all, From original topic title: 8 months of hypomania, increasing irritability, two major manic episodes, then CT Wish I found this site before. Prescribed 50 mg in October 2018, reported immediate response, eventually asked to cut the dose to 25 mg when symptoms were arising more frequently. Doc said go up to 100 mg, thankfully I disagreed and we went down instead. Kept having increasing symptoms and eventually started taking 12.5 mg twice a day thinking I was a fast metabolizer. Then: suicidal ideation and one hell-ish manic episode (with a good 50 mini-episodes over a months time). Quit CT once I learned what was happening. BP2 diagnosis came, but now a month removed from sertraline, I don’t see it. I’m dealing with some crazy withdrawal symptoms... mostly headaches and irritability. I sometimes blink really hard, kind of like a brain zap. I’m on intermittent leave from work, and didn’t burn all the bridges I have, but came damn close. now I’m learning healing takes months/years. Why is this a drug prescribed so frequently? What a nightmare it has been.

So, I've often seen people write of having things cause them problems. They'll say something was too activating, or caused withdrawal symptoms. Yesterday afternoon I began having numbness of my face, a headache, and a slight swimmy-head feeling. I hadn't made any real cuts, other than shaving 0.375 mg off my venlafaxine (from 74 to 73 mg gross weight) the week before, and I didn't think there was any way that could be the problem. I can say that over my 20 years on these meds that I have been rather obtuse in making connections about things. For instance, I just remembered I was on Prozac when I drove off with the gas nozzle still in my car! I never thought the weird, disconnected feeling I was having that day might have had to do with Prozac! I've been quite the victim of what Peter Breggin refers to as "spellbinding." Anyway, it finally dawned on me today that I had eaten a bunch of Life Saver gummy candies as I was driving around yesterday. I'm still prone to my sweet tooth and I KNOW that stuff is junk and not worth eating, but.... I usually have chocolate after dinner but haven't noticed any connection with feeling weird on that one, nor the coffee I have in the mornings. So, I'm thinking it was the sugar. When you have made the connection between a substance and a bad reaction, what was the substance, what was the reaction and how did you make the connection? SG

Hello, and thank you a million times for the site, I am gutted to be here. I'm so sorry I didn't fill in my history, I thought it went in the signature and didn't want to do it twice, I'm in something of a rush and feeling utterly terrible. I realized I should have but don't seem to be able to go back and fill it in. Apologies for any inconvenience. One of a thousand stupid decisions I seem to make all the time on these meds. So I'm hoping for some advice about switching. I've been on Mirtazapine for approximately 8 years and I'm reaching the point where the Gemini scales won't be accurate so I'm looking to switch. However, I switched to Prozac a couple of years ago and had a terrible time. I was manic, couldn't sleep or eat, and so went back. At the time I thought it didn't agree with me but I now realize it may have been withdrawal from the mirt that was causing the problems. I'm really sensitive, which is why I've had to change pills in the past after reactions like skin rashes so I'm worried about trying something new. I'm hoping you guys might have an idea of what I could switch to that's soluble and hopefully, easier to get off than Mirt. Also, over the 2 or 3 months I'm starting to feel depression creeping in, which I haven't had before as a withdrawal symptom, so I don't know if it's withdrawal or relapse. I can't take anything else for the depression as it'll interact so I'm thinking of going back up to 7.5 and staying there but the thought of staying on this medication makes me feel suicidal. This is complicated by the fact that I stopped drinking completely 3 weeks ago which can apparently cause depression although the depression starting earlier but it could be exacerbating it. I realize there's a chance, a good chance, that, having been on these meds for so long, and having swapped about along with being so sensitive, I might well have to stay on them forever. I'm trying to come to terms with this, but I don't want to give up giving up too easy. Many thanks again for the site, I wish I'd found you earlier, and for any advice you can offer.

Hi Everyone, My journey with Sertraline started at the ripe old age of 10-12 years old (I’m 31 now-my mom and I can’t seem to agree on when exactly I started taking meds). I was also on adderal or vyvanse at this age as well. In 2018 I decided I wanted to try to get off of meds. I started with the vyvanse. I went from 60mg to 50, and dropped 10mg a month until I was at nothing. Really didn’t experience any issues. Then I went to the Sertraline. I dropped from 200mg to 150mg and really only had a few brain zaps that went away after a few days. Six months later I dropped from 150mg to 100mg, again with only brain zaps and some irritability. During this time I moved to France to be with my husband (summer 2020 mid lockdown) and after 6 months there I decided I wanted to continue to go down because we knew in the next year or so we wanted to try for a baby. I had read a few forums so decided to take it a little slower this time. 100mg to 87.5mg. For the first time I experienced a decent amount of withdrawal symptoms. Mostly flu like, palpitations, but nothing I couldn’t get thru. After two weeks they dissipated. I then went directly from 87.5 to 75mg. Same thing with this cut but after a couple weeks, mostly dissipated with the exception of extreme anxiety and random weird intense pains throughout my body. Fast forward to a month later and all hell broke loose. The worst panic of my life (never suffered from panic attacks before besides ONE in late 2020 after moving) horrible horrible DP/DR (mostly DR) to the point that I really thought I was going crazy. I would begin each morning with a good barf and have diarrhea throughout the days. I ended up losing about 12lbs in a few weeks. No appetite. Everything made me feel weird and I cried nonstop. My doctor told me to take a low dose of Xanax three times a day for two weeks and honestly it helped. I stopped the Xanax after three weeks (I decided to continue a little longer) with no issues. Or no immediate issues that I know of. About five months after this in mid 2021 I decided to do a SLOW taper, 2.5-5% every two weeks. I ended up stopping around the 61mg mark because my panic was getting so bad, I had an EIGHT WEEK MIGRAINE and I just couldn’t keep it together. At this point I also had my first intro to inner restlessness, or mild akathisia, located in my chest and under my armpits. This only lasted about a week but really freaked me out. After two and a half months of staying at 61mg I decided to continue to go down, this time no more than 2.5% decreases. It seemed to go ok at this rate. I was still suffering from bad OCD and anxiety but there were no physical symptoms. My last cut was when we moved back to California in Feb 2022, a few months ago. I experienced another bout of weeklong mild inner restlessness at this point but again I ignored it and it went away. Had two weeks of dizziness but was told it was a vestibular migraine. I ended up spot taking bromazepam at a low dose for a couple of weeks because it helped suppress the dizziness. Now two weeks ago, Late April 2022, I was sitting at my desk at work and like a switch I felt the internal restlessness start again. This time more intense than before. It continued at the same intensity and ramped up this weekend. I have such a ball of energy/tickling in my chest and throat that I start each morning dry heaving. I have no appetite. Lost 5lbs in 3 days. This weekend I’ve also had full body tremors and complete panic crying spells and dread because of it and my fear of akathisia being permanent. I don’t know if this had something to do with the bromazepam, late hitting withdrawals from earlier extreme cuts, huge life stressor of moving countries, new job which is very stressful or what. I feel like my CNS is shot and I don’t know what to do. I have to function and work to help provide for my family, being disabled in bed is just not an option but it’s where I’m at today. I caved and took a bromazepam because it calms the akathisia and I couldn’t just lay in bed and roll around in a panic any longer. I really need some help.

Hi, new member here. This forum is a God-send. A few years ago I was casually put on Cipralex (a.k.a Lexapro) within 15 minutes of talking to a shrink and stayed on it for 2 years. Although I tapered off it slowly, I had a panic attack for the first time in my life when I went off it, followed by a period of mild anxiety, then all of a sudden many months later I was hit with a variety of bizarre physical and psychological symptoms such as electromagnetic sensitivity, brain fog, a bizarre and persistent throbbing sensation in the right side of my head, a nervous tick in my right eyebrow, hyperacusis, rage, and suicidal thoughts. Psychiatrists and psychologists passed it all off as extreme stress and anxiety (They all said "You developed a new psychological illness, anxiety, and it's merely a coincidence that you developed it after going off the medicine. Your symptoms are all psychosomatic.") I have resisted being put back on SSRIs and chose to trust my instincts, insisting that these symptoms are clearly related to the Cipralex. Online readings and seeing the feedback of others who withdrew from antidepressants have given me the reassurance to continue on my journey of healing naturally, without falling back into the cobwebs of the psycho-pharmaceutical industry. I was merely a little bit sad when I visited a shrink and needed to talk to someone, not endure a journey of medical hell. I am so happy to have come across a compassionate and immensely useful forum to help me continue my brave healing journey which, essentially, I am undertaking on my own. I have endured several recent months of indescribable agony. Some of the coping techniques that are helping me out at the moment include adding a little apple cider vinegar and honey to water first thing in the morning, supplements (rhodiola rosea in the morning and magnesium before sleep), Reiki, deep breathing, walking, and Somatic Experiencing (a form of alternative therapy to relieve mental and physical trauma-related health problems by focusing on perceived body sensations), as well as chewing gum (helps a lot with the need to grind my teeth which is one of my withdrawal symptoms). I have also cut out gluten, coffee and alcohol from my diet. I also bought a teddy bear recently and holding it helps in anxious moments and makes me feel that I am not alone. Prayer is helpful too as it is immensely reassuring to turn to a higher power for help. I have ups and downs on this healing journey and I am literally trying everything to help me out. If anyone has been on Cipralex and has any other tips that can help me in my withdrawal process I'd be most grateful if you could please share them. May we all recover soon from our withdrawal experiences 🙏

From the Rxisk.org site: Did My Doctor Make Me Alcoholic or Substance Abusing? This is an updated article (the earlier one is here: Driven To Drink: Antidepressants and Cravings for Alcohol).

Hey Guys, Background: I am a 22 year old male living in Toronto, Canada. I started 50MG of Zoloft to deal with some issues stemming from childhood. Long story short, after picking up physical exercise and extensive therapy/reading/listening to podcasts (still not done), I felt a lot better and felt as though the antidepressants were not contributing much. In fact I was growing really tired of the emotional blunting I was experiencing, so I decided to go off them. Drug History: Started 50MG Zoloft on September 15th 2021. Went down to 25 mg in mid January 2022, then cold turkey'd two weeks after. Was feeling tired for the first week of both reductions in doses but was fine afterwards. Brain zaps after going cold turkey were a lot better after the first week. Question: Around 17 days after I went cold turkey, I decided to have a few drinks with my buddy because I felt fine (very minimal brain zaps etc). I do not usually drink, nor do I have a problem with alcohol, but I was eager to let loose a bit and have fun as I live a pretty hectic life for a 22 year old. The morning after, I felt really bad. Brain zaps came back (not as bad as before however), and I felt an intense level of hopelessness and sadness I never felt before. My question is, is this normal? It is really concerning me. I do however feel better at the time of me posting this (three days after). It's just really concerning because it feels like a setback with all the progress I made. Is this a common occurence? For the time being, I am taking a de-load week with my weight lifting routine to give my nervous system a break. Please excuse me if this question has been answered before in other forums. Thanks, god bless you all.

I was prescribed effexor when I was 17 with no warning of what sort of drug it was and how hellish it would be to quit. I have used it for 20 years (I'm 37 now) and after getting stable and quitting my other addictions, I finally wanted to quit them all and discover who I am without substances or pills. I have spent the majority of my life on Effexor or some drug or another, and I just want to be free of it. I have read online that dropping Effexor is on par with quitting heroin. I believe it. I tapered down for 2 years, and after 4 months on 37.5mg, I took my last dose on September 18 2022. I am now 15 days 'clean' and I'm having a really rough go. On saturday night I had a total meltdown/panic attack. The first I'd had in half a decade. It was shocking and distressing for everyone around me. Nevertheless, I've just completed the first 15 days of Effexor withdrawal and I feel trapped. If I go back on Effexor it will be a return to zombie land. No happiness, no sadness, not caring about anything, no ambition. I don't want to live that way. Plus, if I ever want to try to quit again in the future I'll have to endure the brain zaps, nausea, fatigue, vertigo, etc. etc. again and I don't want to ever do that. The drug companies lie and say after 14 days you'll be fine. Hah, what a laugh. I'm currently struggling really hard because I don't want to go back to a wet blanket muting every feeling I have, but the road ahead looks like Hell. I just want to know who I am without these chemicals. I looked online and it seems that it takes at least 6-8 weeks before the nervous system normalizes and even then there's a high chance of a rebound withdrawal in 3-4 months. I'm doing everything I can to make things right: I meditate daily, I exercise to dripping sweat daily, I have a therapist (for now), and a loving partner. I'm doing my best. But I'm just exhausted already. I want this to be over. I'm only 15 days in and from what I can see it won't get better until day 45-60. I just want to be able to smile at lovely things and frown at sad things. I want to know who I am without these pills and chemicals. I can't believe they gave this drug (and others) to a teen instead of asking me why I wanted to take my own life. No one ever gave a damn about me to ask. Now I give a damn about me and I want to see this through, but it's so, so, so hard. Waves of anxiety, shame, guilt, sadness... it's unreal. I could use any/all words of encouragement or advice. edit: i learned about opening the pills and taking out beads just now. Is it a good idea to do that after 15 days of cold turkey off 37.5mg? Please advise.

Hallo everyone. I am from Germany, so sorry for my "bad" english sometimes.. i am 32 years old and i took lexapro for 9 years. 27 months ago i quit lexapro "cold" from 4 mg to 0 mg. The time before i tapered off my medicament about 6 months from 10 to 4 mg. Later i recognized that it was much too fast. I got a lot of horrible(!) symptoms after quitting, i think the list of the withdrawal symptoms is too long to describe it now. I have accepted my protracted withdrawal now with many waves and a very small amount of little "windows". The strongest symptom now is the extreme fatigue. It is not a common tiredness , it is so heavy and it comes in waves, nearly every day. Most of the time it comes along with headaches and heart racing. , brain fog /and or depersonalisation. Sometimes i feel drunk or i have drunk alcohol the day before. This feeling is so bad and i wanted to know if anyone here has similar problems after lexapro or other antidepressants. It is to despair 😕 Thank you very much for your response!!🙂

Hello! Well, this site is a breath of fresh air. Background: Have had chronic joint and muscle pain for many years, remembering it since childhood. Just moderate pain. Always ask about it--nobody has helped. Diagnosed with ADHD, taking Adderall. Kept asking for Cymbalta for pain based on their commercial, but shrink said no--too hard to withdraw from. Saw an MD for preventative stuff, she has been great, but was put on Effexor 75 mg for menopausal symptoms and pain. Positive effects: tinnitus went away, seemed to work for a while, slightly elevated mood, possible reduction in hot flashes but they may have just gone away. Side effects: made me sleepy, severe bloating, gas, constipation, a slightly dulled emotional feeling, lack of motivation, pain returning, moderately dulled sexual response, could not miss a dose without face tingling, severe sweating Tapered "a little bit less" by taking a little out of the capsule every day throughout July, 2022. Has been 3 or 4 weeks. Everything seemed fine, no symptoms. Discontinued 4 days ago, reinstated last "little bit" dose last night after a remarkably unpleasant time of it--extreme (to me) discontinuation symptoms that had me quite frightened and uncomfortable, and reading more on this site. Thanks for the information. Having slight tingly face today, but otherwise feeling so, so much better. Will be slightly increasing, and counting out balls tonight to make a plan, that's for sure.

Hi everyone, Need some advice and support please. See medication history below: Citalopram 20mg approx 2008-2014 Diagnosed cancer April 2014 Swapped to venlafaxine June 2014 severe depression and anxiety Increased dosage up to 300mg extended release venlafaxine All clear cancer Jan 2015 Started withdrawing Feb 2015 did 37.5mg drops and was going well down to 37.5mg June 2016- went cold turkey from 37.5mg on GP recommendation Severe withdrawal Re instated after a week- got impatient, upped to 75mg Stabilised at 75mg after 2 weeks with some lingering head pressure, mild headaches, fatigue October 2016- reduced to 62.5mg. 6 weeks later in November hit by withdrawal symptoms. Re instated back to 75mg. Withdrawal eased within 2 weeks just mild lingering symptoms. January 2017- swapped from 75mg extended release capsules to standard release liquid 37.5mg twice a day. Got shaking, headaches, anxiety,. Psychiatrist said liquid didn't suit me so after 1.5 weeks switched back to 75mg capsules extended release once a day. Back on capsules now for 2 and a half weeks (Feb 2017). Still having awful symptoms. Massive pressure in head, ears, nose, eyes, shaky, crying, brain zaps. Feeling off balance. I'm confused as to why 2 and a half weeks after changing back to my extended release capsules I'm still feeling down and physically awful... am I going to get better? I'm so scared I won't re stabilise, I'm crying as I write this! Hope someone can help. X

Hi. Its a late question on this thread but here we go...Does anyone know if its OK to drink Alcohol when taking Inositol?

Hi. This is my first post. I have been on imipramine for 6 years (clomipramine before that for 22) and am also on aripiprazole. Am reducing imipramine atm and have over 2 months come down to 100mg from 150mg. Tonight have had a glass of wine and am wondering if should avoid a second as had slight palpitations earlier after drinking it. Is this normal when reducing off imipramine? Is it safe to have another glass of wine? Thanks.

Ok so 10 weeks ago i halved my dose of citalopram from 20mg (which i was taking for 1 year) to 10mg after a fast taper for about 4 weeks alternating doses each day from 20mg to 10mg. Which after reading the info on here i now know was a bad idea. At first i felt a bit off but nothing too serious for about 6 weeks. Since then I've gradually felt worse. Syptoms are headache, fatigue, tired, anxiety, irritable, depressed and feeling a bit better for say an hour then feeling like crap again! I have been through a stressful time in my personal life lately and wondoring if it could be that. Im wondering if i should reinstate to my previous dose or hold on 10mg. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

MOD NOTE: Ihateeffexor created a membership and another person helped her to type the first couple of posts. Ihateeffexor is now able to post for herself. ________________________________________________________________________________________ Hello, I am actually writing on behalf of my friend who is in a very bad shape right now. She was on effexor for 1,5 years and tapered for 3 months 45 mg to 0. She had really bad withdrawal symtoms for 2 months after the last pill but then started to feel better. A couple of weeks ago she had some alcohol and partying with friends and ever since her symtoms has come back and they are much worse now. She was ok for 3 months but the alcohol seems to have made the symtoms come back, the day after she was drunk. Is this what you call kindling? And is there a chance she will recovrr from this? She is bedridden atm. Thank you all!

Hello, It's been 3.5 months since I stopped taking lexapro. I still can't get an alcohol buzz. I don't experience any euphoria just the dizziness. Has any else experienced this? Did you regain the ability to feel a buzz? This seems so unnatural. I wonder what is happening in the brain. Thanks.

Hi, I realise this is a peer support network but I am the mum of a young adult daughter who has had a severe reaction to Sertraline. She is currently detained against her will in a psychiatric hospital and our need for help and advice on her behalf is immediate as I am fearful about the effect of compulsory treatment while she is there. I'll attempt to draw out the relevant parts of the chaotic and traumatic last 3 months.She was prescribed 50mg Sertraline for anxiety at the beginning of February by a general practioner. After 2 weeks she returned feeling unwell this was upped to 100mg, then shortly afterwards to 150mg. On even the lowest dose she immediately experienced extreme night sweats, restlessness and difficulty sleeping. She also became withdrawn from loved ones, snappy and cold. She looked drugged. She started self-medicating with excessive alcohol and cannabis and developed hypomania. After 6 weeks, during which she left her home and long-term partner, she called the police for help and was detained in the local psychiatric hospital. They put her through cold turkey on all substances. After a week they started her on 75mg Quetiapine per day plus Lorazepam and Zopliclone as they felt her state of mind required. After 3 weeks she was released with multiple boxes of all 3 drugs. She was still remote from us. After a week of clean-living with us (parents and sister) during which she began to taper the Quetiapine and didn't take the other medication, she left home claiming she needed to recover in her own way and resumed alcohol and cannabis misuse. Two weeks later she is detained in the psychiatric hospital again, very withdrawn and with signs of delusional beliefs. On admittance she tested positive for Cannabis and Lorazepam. They have resumed 75mg Quetiapine and, after a spell of disruptive behaviour, Lorazepam. She is currently in isolation with a permanent staff member having become violent and is not engaging with anyone. Her father and I have not succeeded in convincing the hospital doctors that the Sertraline prescription lay at the root of all this. We have repeatedlyreasserted the precise timing of the onset of her problems and have referred them to this site, to The British Journal of Psychiatry <http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/195/3/211>and to Katinka Blackford Newman's "The Pill That Steals Lives". One consultant is convinced that cannabis is entirely to blame despite being told that she has used it (and alcohol) previously without the ill effects.The chief consultant is looking for signs of underlying mental illness as the root cause of her problems. If anyone has ideas ideas on persuading clinicians I would be grateful. The main questions I have at the moment are: Given that she has shown extreme sensitivity to SSRIs, how dangerous for her are the Quetiapine and Lorazepam she is currently being given? It's likely that she will be started on another antipsychotic but neither she nor I will be consulted about this beforehand, so the question really extends to psychotropic drugs in general. Is it possible to tease out the effect of the Sertraline from the effects of the subsequent cannabis and alcohol use? How likely or possible is it that she had a latent, unsymptomatic mental illness that was triggered by the SSRI? Thank you for any advice. QueenieRose

Hi Everyone, Here's my story... I was diagnosed with depression shortly after the birth of my 4th child 13 years ago. I tried talk therapy for a year or so as I did not want to be put on medication. Eventually, though, I was still low enough emotionally that I consented to see a psychiatrist. Of course, I was put on medication - Cymbalta, I believe 60 mg. I now know that seeing a psychiatrist = prescription. Full stop. Wish I had stayed with my original instinct and stayed away from the psychiatrist/medicine. Anyway, the Cymbalta seemed to help me at first and my mood lifted. (Side note - many people in my life have no idea that I suffer from depression. I am high functioning and seem to always "soldier on" no matter how bad I am feeling internally. Self-contempt is probably my dominant struggle and it is not uncommon for me to wish I could end my own life, though I have never attempted to do so.) A year or so later, I was at a low point again and discovered that a family member had success with Wellbutrin, so we decided to add it. I started at 150 mg. I cannot recall my initial thoughts or perceptions about whether it helped. After 3 years of talk therapy (plus 2 years of meds), I had a period of stability and felt ready to discontinue talking with my counselor. I was up and down emotionally after that, but did not return to the counselor. I found yoga in that season which taught me about meditation and the breath and found some relief there. At one point, I had felt well for a season and told my dr that I wanted to get off Cymbalta. He advised me according to the package instructions to quickly bump down, alternating days and then stop within a week. Big mistake! The blackness of my depression returned with a vengeance. I went back to 60 mg of Cymbalta immediately. About 4 years ago, I learned about the MTHFR gene mutation and how taking methyfolate could help with depression. My doctor agreed to put me on Deplin 15 mg. I later did a 23andme genetic test and found that I did not have the mutation and discontinued the Deplin. I had an additional season of feeling well and talked to my dr again about getting off Cymbalta. This time, we used a compounding pharmacy to make capsule doses so that I could bump down more gradually. I went from 60 mg to 45 mg to 30 mg to 15 mg without incident. I don't remember exactly how long I stayed at each dose, but it was roughly from June - August that we attempted this taper. However, once I got to 15 mg, all my depression symptoms returned. This year, I have experienced another very low season beginning in June. I've been experiencing insomnia and lethargy as well as a loss of interest in social activities. About 6 weeks ago, my doctor suggested I up my dosage of Cymbalta to 90 mg. Although I did not really want to do so, I agreed since I was so miserable. I still feel miserable and don't see any real improvement. Throughout the past 13 years, I have attempted to change my diet and exercise significantly, moving toward less processed foods, lifting weights for a season, eliminating sugar (except for alcohol - see below) and yoga. It's interesting, though, that I have felt at times like maybe I have an eating disorder when I haven't been able to stick with the changes I want to make and have used food for emotional comfort. I will also add that in these years, after being a teetotaler until my 30's, my alcohol use has increased significantly. When I first found that I enjoyed the occasional drink (probably 12 years ago), I would have a glass of wine or a margarita with my husband or with friends when out to dinner. Little by little in the past 2 years, I have started to wonder what is wrong with me - it's as if I have no off switch. If I have one glass of wine, I am more likely than not to finish the whole bottle. This summer, I have experienced loss of memory after an evening of finishing a bottle of wine. I've started to wonder whether I'm an alcoholic. Then I googled Cymbalta and alcohol and found a lot of anecdotes about others experiencing similar problems with having no off switch! Astounding! I don't want to put all the blame on Cymbalta, but I have to realize that at the least, it's working against me. I wonder if my food issues are similarly driven. In short, I am more convinced that ever that I want to get off Cymbalta. I think I need to find a functional medicine doc who can help me with this. I welcome anyone's input or feedback. I've been reading this site and others and have seen the tapering recommendations. Is there any hope for me in being successful getting off Cymbalta?

I started Paxil in 2009 due to severe panic attacks which caused me to drop out of college twice. I was wary of medication and pushed it off as long as I could, but I was really at my wits end and relented. For about the first month & a half to two months on Paxil I felt very good, almost euphoric. Slowly after those initial months, as I look back on it now, Paxil started to eat away at the core of me. Access to true emotions started to get harder and harder, sleep was less deeper dreamless even, sexual desire slowly became little to none, my mind became hazy and foggy. My mind was in such a haze that I completely forgot what it was like to be normal, to have complete clear cognitive function. I was not even aware of the entire affect Paxil was having on me. I started to taper off in the summer of 2011. Insomnia was the biggest reason. I had an inkling Paxil could be the cause and was willing to try anything to sleep again. I suffered excruciating withdrawals, brain zaps, IBS like my insides were being turned inside out, headaches like none other, and nausea. This lasted for about a month & a half then the withdrawals started to lessen. I know I should have consulted w my psych about wanting to get off Paxil. But he himself I'm pretty sure was taking the same meds he was prescribing. He was absolutely flat emotionally and I got the feeling he literally lacked the emotional capacity to care. I hope you can understand why I was reticent. After a yr off of Paxil I was still having the same side effects I had while on the drug. I had no idea it could still effect me. I was looking at any alternatives, was it my diet, was it emotional trauma (my parents got divorced in 2010) just anything other than Paxil, I mean I got off them right? There is no way they can STILL be affecting me?. Finally in 2013, the summer after my graduation I did a little research, maybe Paxil could still affect me? I found Paxil progress and a couple other sites that answered that question in the affirmative. So here I am today in 2015 feeling a lot better than I once did a few yrs ago. I still get side effects from time to time burping, bad gas, IBS, nasal drip, haze and some others. My counselor still thinks I need meds and won't believe paxil was the cause of my depression. It feels good to share this w ppl who understand.

Hello, everyone. I'm new here, but was a long-time reader over at Paxil Progress before it shut down. I actually thought a couple weeks ago how far I'd come and thought, "I should post a success story!" because I hadn't felt PAWS symptoms in an entire year by that point. Well. Today and yesterday, I've hit a rough spot. Let me start with that necessary evil, backstory. In late 2011 I was prescribed Abilify for the off-label treatment of trichotillomania, or compulsive hair-pulling. I did not have depression, anxiety, or any psychiatric disorder; my doctor prescribed this solely for the pulling. When I decided it wasn't working, my doctor told me I could just stop. No taper - cold-turkey. So I did. A week after stopping, I experienced the scariest few days of my life. I was sobbing on the floor of my dorm bathroom, having panic attacks in the middle of class - when I managed to make it to class, that is - and felt eerily detached from myself, like I was living a dream and going through the motions, but couldn't feel anything...and yet was constantly about to fall to pieces in a hysterical mass of tears and panic. Then, about four days later, it ended. Boom, just like that - I was at work one evening, and suddenly felt like myself again. I had no idea that this was my brain's first reaction to quitting the Abilify, and that many more were to come. I experienced this again, in varying intensity (but always very intense and life-disrupting) several times over the next months. When I became pregnant with my first child, I felt myself "stick at a baseline" below my normal, as though my brain delayed healing because it knew I needed to focus on the pregnancy more. But I wasn't normal, or myself, or happy. I was ...some other person entirely, the whole 9 months. Then, as soon as I gave birth, the PAWS returned with a vengeance. A year later, I began a regimen of Amino Fuel, l-glutamine, and magnesium. I immediately saw marked improvement: my windows became longer, and I felt more and more like myself during them; the waves grew shorter and less intense. By 2014, I had two or three days of feeling bummed out every 7 weeks or so, and felt like me most of the time now, even in my waves. My improvements were so good that by summer of that year, I could even feel safe drinking coffee again, enjoying wine, etc., which I hadn't been able to do without triggering waves until then. In spring 2015, I became pregnant again. I had a couple days of feeling bummed out as my hormones leveled out, but no PAWS symptoms for the entire pregnancy. I felt like me. I was happy, ecstatic even, to have another child (whereas the first time, I was so depressed it tainted the entire experience). Upon giving birth, I did have a few days of severe baby blues, including a panic attack - I think it was the combination of epidural drugs and hormonal crash with perhaps a still slightly sensitive nervous system? I had my placenta encapsulated, so I took that and magnesium for a few weeks; within four days, I felt 99% better, then back to myself a week or so postpartum. Two nights ago, I chainsmoked a ton of cigarettes (and I haven't smoked cigarettes in over a year, just vaping low nicotine on an ecig) and drank a good amount of hard liquor (which I also haven't done in over a year). The next morning, I woke up feeling like my early days of PAWS: pounding heart, sweat, too much adrenaline/panic, the world is falling apart, etc. I calmed down after thirty minutes or less, but since then I've felt like I'm in a wave again - bummed out, random crying, lack of appetite, and more than anything this...relentless panic that I've done damage to my brain again, ruined my progress...or - the BIG worry, and hopefully the most ridiculous? Please weigh in - that I was never better at all. That because of my 2nd pregnancy, I just delayed symptoms and now my PAWS is back to stay. I realize logically that doesn't make much sense, because I have gotten immensely better over the years, hence this pregnancy was so much better than my first. Anyway. I realize *technically* I haven't been symptom-free for a year, since I had a panic attack (or perhaps a combo of a wave and postpartum crash or baby blues) this past February. But still, that didn't feel much like a wave the way this does. And it's been a while since I've had one like this - since 2014, most of my waves were "morning-only" where for a couple days I'd have symptoms in the morning, and they'd end very suddenly by noon. This one's been going on all day for the last two days, ever since the cigarettes and hard liquor I had at a wedding. I'm sorry for such a long post. My brain is going a mile a minute with worry. I guess I want reassurance that I won't be this way forever...that my progress isn't all gone because of one stupid night of excess (which I definitely will not be repeating). Also, just looking for opinions on how long my recovery's been - 4 and half years. That's a long time, especially since I only took Abilify three months. Is it possible it's taking so long because of my pregnancies, during which no waves or windows occurred (so I'm guessing, no healing for 18 months total during these last few years)? Thank you for your help. I just hate feeling this way again after SO LONG feeling like myself, no symptoms, and would love reassurance. Taylor

Hi I'm Lauren, I'm 24, and have been on and off meds since I was 18. I was put on 5mg of lexapro at 18, with strattera 70mg for ADD. I was on both for about 2 years, strattera did nothing for me. And I tapered off lexapro slowly after two years with no problems except brain zaps for a few weeks. Depression never came back. I had a baby when I was 21, and came down with post partum depression and was put on Wellbutrin for 2 months. It made me feel crazy, very up and down and much more depressed so I tapered off quite fast, and was fine afterwards. Suffered no real withdrawal. I was then put on adderall xr 10mg twice a day for ADD the end of 2012, it helped my anxiety and my focus immensely, but I then became allergic and stopped December 2013; I was then started on concerta 30mg for about a week, but it made me feel like a zombie, and also became allergic..so my doctor switched me to Vyvanse 30mg, and after 2 months, I am now on vyvanse 50mg and lexapro 10mg. In January this year, I was put back on escitalopram (lexapro) , due to depression and anxiety returning from home issues. I was then upped to 10mg lexapro (actually escitalopram) and began feeling better... Than I felt nothing after about 2 months, and two weeks ago decided I didnt want to be on antidepressants anymore, and started (by myself) alternating my dosages. Huge mistake. I did 5 mg one day, 10mg the next, then 5mg... For only about 5 days. I began to feel VERY depressed and teary and spoke to a friend who uses this site and she told me alternating was very wrong. So deep in depression last week (Wednesday) I drank beer and liquor. Ended up getting too drunk and blacking out very quickly. Quicker than usual. I became erratic, and bumped my head a few times and woke up with a bruise on my head.... Since then, Ive been back on 10mg every day. But have been having headaches since Wednesday, dizziness, listless, depressed, No energy or motivation, and not feeling like myself... Not wanting to converse, I feel out of it, unable to smile.. But this alternates. Two days ago I felt like myself again, and then this comes back. I feel as if Ive been hungover for a week. I am also still on vyvanse, and some days since then, my add meds work and sometimes dont. Today I took my meds like normal, and my vyvanse felt stronger than usual... I just want to feel like myself again. I dont know if this is from drinking with my meds, bumping my head or alternating my dosages for 5 days. Please help. I was fine when it was just me and the vyvanse.