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Mod note: link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic) I was just an 18yr old, a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really- when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations. All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once. My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month. This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs. but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem. I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now. I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me. Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache. I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived. I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system. I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness". But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact. while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care I have a good life. Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild. and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come. I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest: I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events. so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them but today, I give myself permission to bask in this feeling. it feels like the right and honest thing to do. I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem. to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery. it's worth it, believe me so very worth it!

Hello Lovely Humans, I am a 36 year old woman. Prior to the experience laid out below I was (and fight to still be) a very happy, high performing human with a successful engineering career. Well now I am much gentler on myself to not be so high performing. 🥰 In early August I had friends visiting while we were renovating our house. I was also dealing with a highly stressful job. That’s when I had 4 days of bad insomnia which was very unlike myself (typically 1-2 days per month). While they were visiting I asked my primary doctor for a subscription for 5 Ambien tablets. I had taken one of my mom’s before a couple years ago and it knocked me out. I figured that they could just help me through my friend’s visit and that would be it. The weird thing is this time I was waking up 1-4 hrs after taking the 5 mg tablet. Desperate for more sleep I would take another 5 mg. Early on I attempted to go a night without it and landed in the ER with a panic attack. This started a (luckily short) stint with Ativan. Over the course of the next month I used the Ambien nightly and the Ativan as needed and things got worse. I started to experience suicidal ideation which got more intense over time. Needless to say this was beyond terrifying. I’ve never even experienced depression let alone SI before in my life. Desperate for some answers I scheduled a psychiatry appointment since I had only been seeing a primary doctor. I told him my symptoms as well as that my mom is diagnosed bipolar. Within 5 minutes of hearing that my mom is bipolar he diagnosed me with that as well. He prescribed me 100 mg of Seroquel. This was September 7th. Those first few weeks I was elated to feel like myself again and get 10-11 Hours of sleep. However after reading the side effects profile of the drug I became worried. (Doctor only told me possible weight gain was the only side effect-which luckily I haven’t experienced). Additionally I just didn’t quite identify with being bipolar and I had this nagging feeling that the Ambien was the cause of the suicidal ideation. That coupled with the high stress I had been carrying for a while. I decided on November 1st to start tapering. So far so good. I’m at 75 mg. Sleep is still great (average 8.5 hours-keeping a daily spreadsheet that I hope to turn into some fun graphs by the end). My biggest issue is a stiff neck. I am doing lots of stretching, chiropractor, and massage. It seems to be slowly alleviating but I am hoping this doesn’t worsen after the next cut. Any guidance on this would be appreciated. All things considered I’m doing ok. I’ve been able to get short term disability for the past 4 months and really focus on how I want to rebuild my life. I even started skiing again after blowing out my knee (acl, mcl and meniscus) 2 years ago. So I am no stranger to a long term healing process. The year before that I broke my wrist! Hopefully after this taper I can get a little break for a few years haha! 🙂 Thanks for reading my story. This site has been so valuable as I start this scary journey. Appreciate all the moderators' time and energy!

First time. Sorry if im not doing this right. So all the drugs ive been prescribed over the years have been for insomnia or for restless legs caused by the antidepressants given to me for insomnia. About a year ago i did a sleep study and was told i have mild sleep apnea and that it could be causing my insomnia. Unfortunately i haven’t been able to sleep with cpap machine. Since the sleep study ive lost 25lbs. After i lost the first 15 my sleep started to get a little better so i started tapering Amitriptyline. From Januaury-late June 2023 I tapered from 50mg down to 10mg just by eye balling it and cutting off gradually bigger pieces. I felt it everytime i cut back further. After 2-3 days i get very irritable, then some flu like symptoms and after about a week the anxiety kicks in. The lower i get the longer it lasts. My last successful taper was last June. I went from taking 12.5mg(half of a 25mg tablet) down to a 10mg tablet. After about a week i had severe anxiety. Its a horrible anxiety that i can feel physically in my upper stomach lower chest area. It took about 2 weeks before it started to go away. Since i got down to 10mg ive tried to go lower 3 times but had to go back to 10mg because i dont seem to be recovering. Ive also been struggling with insomnia ever since I hit 10mg. Before I hit 10mg i was able to taper without it affecting my sleep. When i got to 10mg i bought a scale to help taper more accurately. This is where i ran into trouble. The pills i take are 10mg tablets with a pink coating on it. But they weigh anywhere from 61mg up to 67mg. I Dont know if its the coating thats off or the medicine. After my 1st attempt to taper down from 10mg i wasnt recovering so after 1 month i went back to 10mg. I wasnt sure if it was the medicine thats off in the pills so for a couple weeks i took only pills that weighed between 63-64mg and i leveled out. I did the same thing the 2nd time around but it took about 3 weeks. But this last time ive been just mixing it up taking pills of all different weights 61-67mg. Its been 5 weeks today and although my symptoms have improved im still have a little bit of that sick anxiety feeling off and on threw out the day and trouble sleeping. I dont know if its just taking longer to level out cause of some sort of kindling effect or if its because the medicine is off in these pills. Was wondering if anyone had insight on this. I decided i wont be using the scale in the future since the weight of the pills off by as much as 10%. I bought a medicine bottle, some oral syringe adapters and a 10ml oral syringe. My plan is to use 100ml of water so that every 10ml equals 1 mg. Im just waiting to feel 100% before moving forward. Im very nervous about switching to a liquid. Just looking for advice and support. Again if anyone has any insight as to why i havent leveled out all the way after 5 weeks i would appreciate it. Thank You.

Hi I’m mark. I spent an hour trying to make my signature , but it wouldn’t allow it because it was to long. Tried cutting it down significantly, still to long , gave up. Basically I’ve been on a million drugs on and off , and didn’t ween off any of the em correctly except lamictal and seroquil. I can make a extremely generalized timeline . Starting with cymbalta 16-17 years ago. cynbalta -2007 1 year 2012 -1 month wellbutrin-2007- a few days xanax-2012- 1mg, recreationally 10-15 doses klonopin-2013 1year .25-1mg lexapro-1-2 months 10mg topamax-2weeks small dose lamictal— 2015 7 years- doses(25-400mg) Seroquil- 2015 5 years -15-100mg ketamine-2019 -10 iv treatments gabapentin-2020- 300mg- 2 months litrhium-2020 1200mg-1 month ambien-2020 5-10 mg 3 months Propalanol-2023 10mg -2 weeks I’ve had several med trials for past 10 years trying to address symptoms that came out of nowwhere in 2013, which I now realize we’re most likely issues from taking cymbalta at an early age , not weening off then going into more rec drug use and Xanax . past ten years of my life were terrible , Constant doctors , trying meds , psych ward visits from bad reactions , not knowing what was wrong , more meds , even was convinced I had lymw and did antibiotic protocols , hyperbaric chamber , etc. also multiple shoulder surgeries from bad shoulders , one of which was a botch job and caused terrible nerve damage furthering my issues . started realizing psych drugs were the problem in late 2021. Got off everything for about a year I got hit with a severe life threatening bout of insomnia in 2022 June , and after being off of drugs for nearly a year , had to resort back to trying things , and things spiraled quickly . While I always have had the hypersensitive nervous system symptom, i I started developing this at a new level . super sensitive to sounds ( even not loud soundslike fridge clicking on, car door in distance , anything etc). Can’t watch most movies emotions trigger symptoms . Constant tinnitus . Can’t exercise , sex release , can’t go to the store without flare .) nighttime adrenal surges / jolting . even then I STILL was seeing psych and trying meds because I was not familiar with kindling . How would I know ? I was member of benzo buddies and knew something was going on drug related but was suffering and didn’t know how else to try and fix it . Then I finally learned of kindling , and found this site . I’ve been off everything for 6-7 weeks . I see people with exact symptom profiles and I see a lot of people that don’t seem to show improvement with the hyper arousal especially from sounds . ive already suffered most of my life , and it’s been ten years and I’m not even close to better , in fact way worse. I guess what I need is a success story, for people with similar countless (to long to list) drug trials , that had the hyper arousal from sounds , lights , emotions , etc and eventually showed improvement . I don’t want to break any rules by saying how I truly feel , but this basically isn’t doable . I saw one lady that said she has the auditory arousal issues seven years later .. what?????? No.. can’t, sorry, I’ve already been in hell for 10 plus years . any success stories or other who had this issue and showed improvement WOULD help. I can’t really find any though . thank you for allowing me in the group and for reading

SleepPls009 - Luvox Withdrawal, Insomnia, and Heart Problems (Oh my!) Hi All, It’s great to meet you! Though I wish it were under better circumstances. I’m looking for advice around Luvox reinstatement and doctors who deal with withdrawal; more information is at the bottom of the post. I thank you in advance for your help! I am seven months off of Luvox after having taken it for roughly 20 years. After years of experiencing persistent fatigue, muscle twitches, and some increasing insomnia, I decided to go off Luvox in March to see if that helped my symptoms. Go figure, it made everything ten times worse! I was on 200mg daily in winter ‘21, went down to 100mg without incident at the end of the year. Then in March ‘22 I began tapering little by little until I hit zero on April 12 (note: I was aware that stopping cold turkey was a bad idea, but I was unfamiliar with the concept of protracted withdrawal). Little by little I kept waking up earlier and earlier until I could barely sleep, and depression symptoms kicked in hard. My PCP started me on Prozac in mid-May to treat what she thought was underlying, emergent depression, and after a week I reacted so badly to it that I went to the hospital (couldn’t sleep for days, got a fever, upset stomach, shaking uncontrollably). I proceeded to try a number of different meds with my psychiatrist, but every antidepressant would either keep me awake for days, and every sleep med would lose effectiveness fairly quickly. I eventually got the idea that I might still be withdrawing from Luvox, so we decided to do a med washout to see what would happen. I survived on melatonin at the time, which was abnormally effective at low doses, and kept putting off going back on Luvox, somewhat out of stubbornness, since I felt it would be a “waste” to go back on after all that effort if I could make it to the other end of withdrawal. Eventually (about mid-late August), my brain flipped a switch, and the deep depression spontaneously went away. At the same time, my insomnia problem switched from staying asleep to falling asleep (kind of like what I occasionally had before stopping Luvox but much worse). That’s when medicine reactions became weird. I’d taken ambien before a number of times (roughly 10, 11 in total?) before August. I tended to avoid it because it made the depression a lot worse. I tried it again when the depression went away, and started having strange heart palpitations. One day after I took ambien, I went to the hospital for chest squeezing, but they found nothing. Thinking I was being paranoid, I tried it again a few weeks later and started to have what felt like a full-on heart attack. After working with a cardiologist for a number of months, it seems that ambien was causing vasospasm, or prinzmetal’s angina. A few other meds started causing this, too: Lunesta (I let a doctor convince me it was chemically different enough from ambien - dumb mistake), Quviviq (totally different mechanism than ambien, so confusing), and even melatonin causes odd heart palpitations now. The vasospasm itself seems to cause some sort of injury, because running (which I could do with ease before) brought on an episode, and after episodes I am weak and have chest pain for weeks. I am now at the point where I’m trying to decide what to do next. If my nervous system is still changing, I’m worried that it could further affect my heart or other systems if I let it continue to go unchecked. So this is what I’m wondering: Bottom line: I would love advice on whether I should reinstate Luvox. While I know this is a doctor’s realm, my current psychiatrist doesn’t understand (or acknowledge) protracted withdrawal. I will either need to take evidence and a concrete plan to him, or find a doctor who better understands these issues. As for the arguments for/against reinstating, I am now sleeping better, though not well (I still go about two nights without sleep a week and average 5-6 on a good night). But the crazy/dangerous reactions to meds give me pause. On one hand, I don’t want to cause more problems, and I’m almost worried that taking Luvox now would trigger another vasospasm. But if my nervous system is still rearranging itself I’m also worried that, left alone, it’s bizarre reactions to things could get worse! I would also like to get rid of the visual snow if at all possible. I’d also love recommendations for doctors who deal with or specialize in this sort of withdrawal and nervous system disregulation. I know they are few and far between, but I’m willing to travel pretty much anywhere at this point to get the help I need. Thank you all for your help, and I look forward to hearing back from you!

Hello, I am tapering Ambient currently 5mg. I am using the dry cut method with a scale. Is there a spreadsheet or calculator that will calculate the weight and how many mg that is at each reduction? I am terrible at math and this has been where I mess up, I get very anxious and am just not able to think clearly about the numbers. I want to be prepared if pharmacy changes lab which results in different pill weights (long story but I've already tried asking at several pharmacies and none will commit to keeping same lab) that I will be able to make the conversion. My focus is help with the math, if you have suggestions about working with pharmacy that's a secondary issue that's fine but please help with the math!

I recently completed a 14-month taper off of 30 mg of Flurazepam in July 2023 (after more than 10 years of use) and did a quick taper off of 6.25 mg of Ambien in October 2023 (after 6 months of use). I started taking 125 mg of Trazadone to help me sleep during my Flurazepam taper. I’ve been on Trazadone for 3 years and I’d like to taper it because it’s doing nothing for sleep. It’s like an empty pill that I keep taking because if I stop taking it, I’m immediately back into sleepless nights. I need some semblance of sleep to work and support my family. I am desperately hoping to get my natural sleep back after tapering Ambien and Flurazepam this year. Is Trazadone holding back my sleep? It should be helping it but I think I’ve built a tolerance to it, plus I’m likely in benzo induced insomnia. Does anyone have any experience with being trazadone tolerance? How hard was it to taper off of trazadone?

Hi everyone, I am hoping for a little advice. So a few years ago I started taking CBD, some Ambien, and melatonin for my insomnia. Earlier this year I was going trough a lot of stress and had to up my ambien, and started using delta 9 to help me sleep. I used it for three of four months and I was using a lot every night to sleep. Got addicted and my anxiety went through the roof and I went to the emergency care unit and they proscribed Zoloft and xannex, Three days later i ended up in the hospital with anxiety and panic attack and thinking I was having a heart attack. I stopped the delta 9 and was told to keep taking the scripts. I had bad withdrawn on top of taking Zoloft. My insomnia got 100 times worst and I started taking Trazodone and Ambien and I still only get 4-5hrs of sleep. Half way through the detox and taking Zoloft I was up for 40hrs straight. After three and half weeks I decided I did really didn’t need to Zoloft so I asked my doctor what to do. He said to do a four or six week taper. Drop to 25mgs and then half of that and then stop. I stopped to 25mgs and had a few bad days. And about a six days later I felt much better. But I started reading this site a decided to hold at 25mgs. But my insomnia is still hanging around. And my work is starting to notice and I’m a a PIP which I might not survive, Any advice on how to deal with this? I’ve never used anything like these before and I don’t want to go through anymore withdrawals Thank you everyone.

Hi everyone, I am hoping to help others and find support as I struggle through prolonged effexor withdrawal. Looking back, I can see so clearly how the nightmare roller coaster ride with medications happened to me. While living in the middle of it, however, it took me a long time to connect the dots and jump off that crazy ride!. And unfortunately, I am paying big time with my health. I am a 34 year old previously very healthy woman. It all started in 2006 with xanax and ambien. I was about 3 weeks away from finals week in professional school when my dad passed away. Dealing with the grief from that and the pressure to continue performing well and passing all my finals in professional school led to bad anxiety and insomnia. I saw a doctor at the health clinic on campus and was given xanax and ambien. At the time, I thought these medications were great! Finally I was sleeping and felt calm. I ended up using them off and on throughout the remainder of school until I graduated in 2007. A few months went by, and then I entered the work force in my new career. This, too, was a very stressful time and I developed insomnia again. I saw a doctor and mentioned the medications that had helped in the past, and with no hesitation was given a presciption for xanax and ambien. I continued to take these medications off and on, and over time needed to increase the doses. I started developing rebound anxiety and insomnia, which got really bad in 2011. At the time, I didn't realize what was happening- I thought I just wasn't coping with life well, and couldn't understand why. I went back to my general practitioner, and she said I had a severe anxiety problem and needed an SSRI. I was desperate to feel normal again and trusted my doctor completely, and readily accepted her prescription for Zoloft (after she assured me the medication was perfectly safe). I picked up the medication, and after reading the side effect list, became very concerned and called my doctor. She said "you shouldn't read that list, now you are sure to develop every side effect on it, because most of those are in peoples heads"). I felt reassured by this and started the medication. Well, I had pretty much every side effect on the list. I won't bother to describe them, we've all been there. I told my doctor what was happening, she said to stick it out. Well, after 2 weeks of pure hell, I stopped the medication. Believe it or not, I then went through withdrawal from that 2 weeks of Zoloft. I developed paresthesia, among many other things, and went to my doctor. She said paresthesia is caused by anxiety, and that this proves I need daily anxiety medication. Of course I believed her, I was so vulvernable and physically sick at the time. She proceeded to put me on and off lexapro, mirtazapine, clonazepam, lorazepam, among others. Every time I started a new med the paresthesia went away within a day or two, but the medication side effects would be unbearable. This is when it started to dawn on me that the paresthesia wasn't anxiety, but was drug withdrawal, as I was recognizing a pattern. My doctor said it wasn't possible, drug withdrawal from these types of meds doesn't exist. I argued that I knew in my heart the paresthesia wasn't caused by anxiety, and that if it's not drug related, it must be an illness of some time. She sent me off to a neurologist which led to about $8000 in tests (blood tests, MRI, ultrasound for the constant nausea, etc etc). All came back normal, at which point the neurologist stated, see- it's anxiety and has been the whole time. I felt very disheartened, accepted my diagnosis, and took her prescription for effexor. I told her that every single medication made me terribly sick, and that I believed the meds and withdrawal from them are what had given me so many problems, and that I was very concerned about taking effexor. She assured me the meds had caused no harm, and that effexor is a wonderful medication, and very safe. She said if I didn't like it, we would stop it, no problem. Silly me started swollowing the pills like a good little sheep. Well, within 2 days the paresthesia was gone. I took the medication for about 2 months and told the neurologist I wanted to discontinue it, as it was causing side effects, and my reason for taking it (paresthesia) had resolved. She told me to take one capsule every other day for a week then discontinue it. I followed her instructions and the withdrawal was out of this world. I had never been so sick in my entire life. After doing some research on line, I stumbled across a web site (probably this one) which explained how to taper effexor slowly. I quickly re-started the medication, and after a week or so, began to slowly wean myself off over 2 months. I had only ever been on the lowest dose of 37.5 mg and thought this would be sufficient. Well, I still experienced withdrawal- slightly more tolerable, but still hellish, and also developed paresthesia again. After about 2 months of dealing with this, I decided to re-instate and taper again over an even longer period. So, I started my third and final taper from effexor in October 2013, and finished in March 2014. Even after such a low dose, and a fairly lengthy taper, I suffered withdrawal. It lasted about 3 months, then I had a period of ~2 months where I was mostly normal, then I got slammed again with severe protracted withdrawal in August/September 2014. So, I have been taking it one day at a time (sometimes one hour at a time), and praying that this all eventually goes away. The most troublesome thing occurring for me right now, is that I feel as though I have fibromyalgia. I wake up each morning with pain at the base of my skull, and basically all over my body. My eyes are constantly burning and painful. My feet cramp up randomly. I also have severe digestive issues.These have been relentless for about 3 months now. These are things I had never experienced before my roller coaster med ride. I am very worried that these things are permanent. From what I have read, fibromyalgia never goes away. I just don't know if I have real fibromyalgia, or withdrawal-induced fibromyalgia. I am scared that I will have to live the rest of my life in pain and with bad tummy troubles. I am currently seeing a GI doctor and will have endoscopy soon (probably another big waste of money, will probably come back normal just like every other test). I just don't know what else to do. I take no meds, eat very healthy, and force myself to exercise almost daily. The weird thing is, when it comes to the pain- the more sleep I get, the worse I feel. Makes no sense to me! Anyhow, that is my story. I wish I had stopped after my first bad reaction to a drug, I would probably be recovered by now. If I had only known then what I know now! Sorry for the lengthy message. Any input or suggestions is much appreciated. Even if someone can just let me know the pain and stomach issues eventually went away for them, that would give me some hope. Thanks all, I appreciate you for taking the time to read this, more than you'll ever know!

Rhi's Introduction topic I want to crow, or at least jabber excitedly, about the improvements I'm finally seeing in my health and mental/emotional wellbeing as a result of my taper. But I'm not "fully recovered from withdrawal" so I was hesitant to post in this area. Then I decided what the heck. Recovery doesn't have to be all or nothing. There are all kinds of success stories. I know people will be encouraged by what I have to say, as I am encouraged by others. So here it is. As you can see from my sig, I'm in the process of a very long taper off five meds, with a long time yet to go. But I am ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED at my improvement so far. Even though I'm still taking low doses of four psychiatric meds--I'm not sure I can find the words to describe how much better I'm doing and how happy I am at these lower doses, relative to how I was when I was taking those so-called "therapeutic" dosages. Neurontin completely savaged my ability to learn and remember things. Benzos and Lamictal are still making that something of a challenge, but the Neurontin was the worst. It also gave me the lack-of-impulse-control of a two-margarita drunk, and you can imagine what that did for my personality and peoples' impressions of me. I did and said stuff even just two years ago that makes me shudder to think now and thank my lucky stars I didn't get in more trouble. After I got down below 100 mg, all of this settled down a lot, especially the cognitive stuff. When I finally came all the way off Neurontin back in April, after about three months of recovery I seemed to stabilize out fully. My point is, though, I got the lion's share of my improvement not when I quit completely, but during the taper itself. Now I'm experiencing something that just makes me want to shout from the rooftops: I've gotten my motivation and enthusiasm back! After 20 years on antidepressants, I had forgotten what it felt like to actually WANT to do stuff! I used to go along with stuff proposed by other people, and I enjoyed it to the extent that I could experience "enjoyment" (something ADs cripple in me), but I usually felt like I would just have soon have stayed home, and left to my own devices that's pretty much what I did. It was hard, because my poor kids wanted to get out there and experience life. Fortunately their dad and some of my friends used to take them places and give them some adventures. I just never really wanted to do much. Which was weird, because before Prozac and Xanax, you couldn't keep me at home. I was always wanting to go out and do things. I was also very social, loved being with other people, got along well with them. Then for 20 years I became the opposite--agoraphobic, uncomfortable and awkward with people, socially anxious. Well--I'm getting myself back! I'm still on 2.7 mg of Celexa, but the zombie effect is lifting. You have NO idea how great it feels, and I don't think words can do it justice. Over about the past six months I've noticed that I'm back to being comfortable in social environments--more than comfortable, I love being with people, and people seem to enjoy me too. It's so much fun being a social human being again! And for the first time in 20 years I want to do stuff! When I have a day off work, instead of hanging around the house, I want to get out and explore the world, get out and try something new, meet people, see things, do things, touch the world, feel alive, explore, have fun! It's GREAT. So I'm here to testify (can I get a witness?--okay, that's a southern US cultural reference, ignore it if you don't get it) that at least for me, it's been possible to get back a lot of myself, a lot of what I lost on the "meds", just by slowly and carefully lowering my doses and getting down to low doses. The lower the doses go, the better I feel. There's a lot of room between "all" and "nothing", and that's the room where slow tapers play out. It was my hope that by tapering extremely slowly like I have been, all the meds together like I have been, that this would happen, that I would gradually and safely emerge from the nightmare miasma of "non-me" that the drugs had trapped me in. And it's happening. After two and a half patient years of tapering, it's definitely happening. For the first time in 20 years, you can't keep me at home, and I delight in social interaction. Just like how I remember myself being before they put me on the drugs. I'm not even going to go into the kind of karma that people earn by stealing 20 years from someone's life just so they can make money. That's not what this is about, although I have to say I feel pretty PO'd about it. I just want to say that you may not have to wait until you get to the end of your taper to enjoy a lot of benefit. And that tapering faster so you can get all the way off faster--it might not be worth the price, since tapering slow enough that you can still maintain a life and good health may turn out to be worth it when you get to a lower dose and you're functioning well enough to actually ENJOY that life and that health. And I want to say that YES, it's worth it. You can get yourself back. I've heard it from others, I've seen others do it, and I'm experiencing it myself. Hang in there! it's worth it!

Hello all. Thoughts and prayers with everyone. My signature is at the bottom. In January of 2020 got tinnitus in my right ear which sent me down a path of no sleep and anxiety. Put on ambien, lunesta, klonopin, and some other drugs and then put on remeron while tapering klonopin for sleep. I am 8 months post klonopin jump (around 0.042 mg) via homebrew taper (as well as I could measure). Still recovering from the klonopin and wanted to pursue tapering remeron. The max I have taken of remeron is 7.5 mg. I have been struggling with tapering and not sure if my symptoms are klonopin related or remeron or both. Most of my symptoms are head related (tingling, ringing, etc.) and some tingling and burning of the body and the incredible appetite. I have been trying to stabilize at my cut to 5.5 mg which was around a week ago and feel horrible. As most know the Challege with dry cutting with a scale is my pills all weigh differently and I try to weigh and maintain a constant dose and it is hard. I got my PCP to do a compound script, but the compounding pharmacy only does 10 mg / 1 ml formulations (the others I spoke with did not even reference formulations but referenced teaspoons) so I went with that. What I am trying to do is do a split to transition to the liquid. I.e., day 1... 4 mg pill + 1.5 ml (1.5 mg) liquid, etc. and spend about a week transitioning. I feel horrible all the time. My cns is damaged from the klonopin (when I came off it was terrible) and still do not feel very stable. I struggle with staying on the remeron longer to heal from the klonopin but have this feeling that I am not healing from that due to the remeron and want off all drugs. (Only remeron, allegra, and astepro nasal spray) Part of me wants to jump but very scared of that. I just feel like I am in acute w/d all the time...no windows and cannot figure out how to stabilize. Appreciate any feedback or guidance. Thanks, Seeking 8/20 .5 mg K 9/20 K to 0.25 mg 3x day C/T K 10/20 per Dr. .5 mg K on 10/20 Cut K to .113 mg 12/20 - .62mg 1/31/21 on .5 mg 2/8 - .25 night, .25 day 2/27 - .41 mg 3/7 - Held K & - tapered 3mg Lunesta for 4 weeks 4/4 - K resume - 5% cut/hold .39 mg 4/11 - Dry DMT .001g daily 5/8 - .28 mg - remeron for sleep 6/5 - .23 mg 6/6 - Held 7/10 - .19 mg 8/7 - .15 mg 9/4 - .12 mg 9/19 - .12 via milk titration 10/15 - 0.098 mg 11/4 - 0.080 mg 11/27 - 0.068 mg 12/4 - 0.062 mg 12/25 - 0.053 mg 1/6 - 0.050 mg 1/22 - 0.0425 mg 1/23 - JUMPED 4/15 - taper Remeron 10% 4/22 - 10% more 4/27 - to quick went back to 7.5 mg 5/2 - trying a 5% drop - 7.125 estimated mg 9/9 - Currently at 5.5 mg

I am going through same bad times. I was started ( 4/21) on Zoloft, Lunesta and Diazepam for my anxiety, after a health scare. Not my first episode. Usually on Effexor, Valium and some Z drugs. Always been able to taper to zero once the crisis is over. This episode I and took Lunesta and Diazepam for a couple weeks, and sertraline, after my surgery (for a few days). Due to increased jitteriness and sleep issues, my doc switch me to mirtazapine, increasing to 45. Sayed there for 6 weeks or so...no improvement. Cut the mirtazapine down to 30 in a month (I know, too fast...). Switched to Ambien, then to Ambien CR, since I was sleeping 3-4 hrs a night. Switched to Ativan, since Diazepam was making me sleepy during the day. Even tried Risperidone for a couple weeks. Used to have windows in the evening. After cutting to 30 mir and adding/discontinuing risperidone, no windows. Until last evening. Got a good 5 hr window. As of today (8/22/21) I am on 2 or 3 mg Ativan (depending on the day), Ambien CR and Mirtazapine 30mg. No more risperidone. I am torn between doing nothing, tapering something (mirt , I guess) and cross-tapering. The cross tapering would be to Zoloft, since my last episode (5 year ago) Effexor stopped working and I was put on Zoloft (which helped, I assume, since I recovered). I need some advise. I can't say I am stable. What should I do : hold and do nothing, keep tapering mirt, cross taper to Zoloft. I would also need a mentor, ideally someone who was on mirt and get off of it. For now, I don't want to touch the benzos and Z drug. My understanding is that you taper the sedatives last. I really appreciate you reading this and giving it some thought. Thank you, Mario

Hope everyone is doing well. I wanted to start with a quick synopsis of my medical background below. I took SSRI antidepressants for 17+ years. I started with Prozac for 5 years from 15-21. Then I took Escitalopram from 22-32. Along the way I was put on Trazodone, Buspar, Ambien and Wellbutrin as well. All in an attempts to control my anxiety/depression and inability to sleep. Also a little mental history - I was bullied from about the age of 9 to the age of 16. It's pretty obvious in hindsight why I was depressed/anxious. I thought the people in this world were mean. I thought everywhere I went was an unsafe place because at this time it was. In response to this I took up boxing and working out so I could become stronger than my bullies. In all honesty it worked. As soon as I became strong and in shape I became popular out of nowhere, which was an interesting transition. Anyways, that's another story for another time. At 15 I visited the doctor because I always held things to myself because I never told my parents I was being bullied or that life outside of my bedroom sucked. They just thought I was sad/depressed. Depression also runs deep in my family. My mother has been on an extreme cocktail of antidepressants since she was about 20. Although this cocktail has been quite a rollercoaster for her as well. She thought this was the only way to help. I had no one to talk to and I felt like the world was an unsafe and scary place so when the doctor prescribed anti depressants and the anxiety disappeared I thought it was a miracle. At this time the extreme side effects didn't matter to me. The fact I lost my ability to feel empathy because I was numb didn't matter because I didn't like people enough to care to empathize with them. I thought I was going to make it in this world on my own come hell or high water. This idea set me off on a path of perfectionism, egocentrism, hedonism and drug abuse. This life is not meant to be lived alone. To make sure this story doesn't become a novel I'm going to go ahead and summarize it here. For 16 years I went on a binger of sorts. Chasing all the highs this world has to offer. Whether this be dating multiple women, chasing drugs and festival culture, chasing adrenaline highs in the form of mountain biking, power lifting or cliff diving. I kept chasing thrills to fill the emotional void left by the SSRI. I also had to be perfect at this point. I had to have a straight A's in college. A quick aside (I had a long period of alcohol addiction that ran in parallel with my SSRI usage from about 16-21). This caused me to fall behind in life so I felt like I had to catch-up quick, mixed with the perfectionism created from early bullying it caused an immense amount of anxiety in my day to day life. I wasn't allowed to rest, make a mistake or simply apologize when I was wrong. This caused insane amounts of chaos in my relationships throughout these years. Finally when I hit about 31 I decided I had enough of this chaos. A 6-year relationship and all of my life long friendships finally collapsed on me. They were built on a false human. They were built on a man that didn't exist. I see myself as two people honestly. The person that was on anti-depressants is not the same human I am off them. Honestly in my mind half the withdrawal is realizing you built a life not suitable to the person you are off the medicine. I moved to a new area and started a new life. I also quit my anti-depressants. I began hiking and looking inward. It took about 6 months from the insomnia, brain zaps, panic attacks and extreme social anxiety to subside. I managed these symptoms with extreme self inquiry. I also started walking daily. I'm running out of time to write this so let me summarize this pretty quickly here. I'm not perfectly better now. I think anxiety/depression are a part of existence now. I accept there will be days I'm tired/scared and will have panic attacks, but I've learned to sit with these emotions and understand this too shall pass. Getting of my anti-depressant also gave me my empathy back. I built closer connections with people than I've had in the past 17 years. It was extremely hard to rebuild a social support system and a new life while quitting the SSRI though. I would say overall life feels deeper now though. In summary: 1) Took SSRI's for 17+ years. Felt like a zombie. I won't say it was all bad. If you are suicidal and have no other options I would say these are better than that alternative. If you believe you have any other options though I would urge you to try them all out. 2) Quit SSRI's at 32. Created a new life. 3) Anxiety/depression still exists but I now just believe these to be a part of life as opposed to something to get rid of. 4) Found a social support system that saved me, built around the real me. Sorry for jumping around so much on this post. I was trying to work from home at the same time. So I kept jumping back into it. If anyone has any questions feel free to let me know!

Stopped and started Zoloft twice this year after taking it 9 years. First time I stopped for 2 months because a naturopath told me to and take Sam-e instead. I didn’t feel better and restarted it around March. In withdrawals now and bad insomnia plus fatigue and lots others. I have a history of pots, Epstein Barr and RMSF. Was being treated heavily with antibiotics this past year and tons of supplements and in Aug I had a seratonin syndrome like episode. Took megadose cbd for sleep and it started that. So dr said to stay off everything except Valium and I did but 2.5 months off the second time I started not sleeping, tremors, adrenaline rushes, chills, weakness, muscle spasms, muscle tightness and more. My dr suggested reinstating Zoloft so I did. Been on half dose 3 weeks then full dose 12 days now. So far my sleep still not returning unless I take ambien and I’m so fatigued with muscle aches and tightness. Can’t get out of bed for a month now Having a few better days but still exhausted and scared I won’t sleep on my own again. My psychiatrist gave me hydroxyzine to sleep but it barely gives me sleep so he wants me on Mirtazapine and I don’t want to. I didn’t know how severe stopping an antidepressant could be. Will I continue to get better with reinstating? My hopes are to get stabilized then later slow taper. Any experiences with reinstating anyone? Please help. Drs do not help with this

I need advice whether to reinstate sertraline or is it too late? What should I do? My doctor wants me to reinstate again at a very low dose but I’m worried about kindling effects after being off sertraline since July 5. As background, I took 25 mg of sertraline for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome nearly 16 years, from 2006-June 2022. I started experiencing symptoms (first fatigue, then chills) July 28 nearly a month after stopping. Symptoms persisted through August and now through September. On September 9, the doctor suggested I reinstate sertraline at 25 mg. I did and and four days later developed total insomnia, leg and/or arm jerks when trying to fall asleep, and a low clicking noise in my head along with dizziness and brain fog. All of these symptoms still persist. Due to the insomnia, I was prescribed Ambien at 10mg and I’m only sleeping about 4 hours. I feel like I’m polydrugged now and should have never reinstated the sertraline. The doctor now wants me to reinstate sertraline yet again at a very tiny dose to see if all my symptoms go away. This is September 28 and I stopped sertraline July 5! I’m worried that this will cause yet another kindling effect. Should I just do nothing and wait? thanks. June 2006- June 2022. Sertraline Ambien September 2022.

Hi, I am in crisis right now and desparate for help. I tapered off effexor 1 year ago and have had no psychiatric meds since. The past year has been rough with prolonged withdrawal and bouts of anxiety along with way, but for the past 3 months I have been doing very well (working a stressful job and handling it well, traveling, etc). For the past week, seemingly out of the blue, I am having severe, debilitating anxiety and insomnia. I also have odd physical senstations that I haven't experienced in quite this way before (odd nagging nausea-not the anxiety kind, but the flu kind; extreme muscle pain; periodic cramping of my hands and feet; a buzzing or tingling sensation in my arms and legs; weakness. I saw my doctor, who ran blood tests- everything is normal. I saw her before the anxiety started- at first, I just had the flu-like symptoms, then the anxiety hit. I don't know what to do....I am going to have to resign from my job (a well-established, successful career of 9 years). I aleady took a leave for 1 month 6 months ago when I was having a bout of bad withdrawal. I feel desperate for relief, and am so desperate that I would even go on meds again (although I swore they were the worst thing I ever did to myself and that I would never touch them again). Is there any chance this is still a delayed withdrawal? Please if anyone can offer me advice, I really need help right now. Thank-you.

Amid disparaging anguish, I’m looking for experienced advice about how to move forward for relief and healing. Background: After being on Zoloft beginning in 2000 and Paxil since 2004 (failed taper before resuming at 25 mg in 2007, slow wean to 10 mg and held until 2016 - back up to 20 mg before SLOW liquid wean back to 10 mg), I felt well enough (working with Mensah Medical since fall 2018 and a naturopath since May 2020) to begin very slow descent from 10 mg in November 2020. Used liquid to go down 0.02 mL/0.04 mg per day through early February 2022. Was eating VERY healthy (mostly natural/organic, gluten/dairy free).Noticed sleep issues around beginning of March (waking up 3-4 hours early), OCD symptoms, irritability.Around Mother’s Day 2022, began losing whole nights of sleep in fairly regular succession. Horrible anxiety and panic. *I’m still baffled by what went wrong with my careful, supported wean - so disheartening! After Unisom wasn’t consistently helpful,PCP prescribed both Ambien (took only 3 times) and Trazodone for sleep. Starting May 16, my first 2 nights on Trazodone at 50 mg - ineffective for sleep, went to 100 mg after one night of 10 mg Ambien/50 mg Trazodone. Stayed at 100 mg for about 1 week before coming down (75 mg one night, then 62.5 — 1.25 pill — for two nights, to 50 mg one night, back to 62.5 mg one night, then 50 mg for 9 nights). Tried adding hydroxyzine a bit - had script for that too - but not helpful enough and too blanked out next day. Notes from being on Trazodone: ”Over the past two nights, I’ve taken 2 Trazodone. It seems to be taking a toll on my body (some constipative, raw stomach, alarming clamped feeling in head and arm/leg/feet muscles) while providing partial sleep (~4 hours last night with some resting after). This morning, I woke up about 4 AM!” “Continuing to take this Trazodone has felt overwhelming to my body. It recently seems to hinder my rest. It’s super-alarming to have a pounding heart, electrifying grip on my head/body muscles (writhing/jerking for relief), stomach distress, constipation, and an unpleasant skin warming as I struggle to relax in the night. The sleep support seems to be dwindling while the intensely unsettling body impact continues. I dread nights because of the experience. I feel scared with wanting relief from Trazodone side effects while hoping my body wouldn’t overreact to sudden change. As my function and coping diminish, I feel at a loss. As much as I want good rest, sleeping meds seem to be counterproductive for me.” On 6/9, started going down from 50 mg Trazodone by 1/8 pill with 2 nights at every level - was at 25 mg by 6/17 and totally off around July 4. So, I was on Trazodone for around 6 weeks - definitely less than 8 weeks. In the meantime, some of my closest associates were/are convinced that I need some level of Paxil for the rest of my life. Such negative experiences with Trazodone probably indicated that my Paxil dosage was insufficient. So - bewildered and despondent, I resumed 5 mg Paxil on 5/17, increased to 10 mg around 5/26, tried increasing to 20 mg on 6/6 but scaled back to 15 mg on 6/15 due to Trazodone wean, and went back to 20 mg on 7/8 — twice as much as before I started the wean! I so much wish I’d stopped Trazodone earlier (or never started) and not gone up nearly so high on Paxil! Now off Trazodone and on 20 mg Paxil for about 1 month — sleeping better, BUT …(alarming tinnitus, burning nerve/muscle pain in limbs/extremities/back - want to writhe out of my skin, gastrointestinal soreness, intense pressure headaches - worse in evenings, nauseating dryness in nose/mouth/ears, twitching urge and restless agitation). Symptoms are persistent, worse at times, and can seem so unbearably awful. I struggle to function, think, process, and socialize. Psychiatrist wants to add Remeron and remove Paxil later (I’m disinterested), BUT I wonder if it’s somewhat due toTrazodone withdrawal (some Paxil side effects too maybe but never felt this dreadfully rotten with Paxil before) — have begun 0.02/0.04 liquid Paxil wean again (takes 125 days to drop 5 mg). Is this something to bracingly wait out while I wean down on Paxil again (is there a better/safer way to wean Paxil?), or am I unwise not to reinstate Trazodone for a more gradual wean (how would I do that)? Also, am I correct to avoid adding Remeron to the mix? God bless you for reading and considering what support you can offer in response!

Medication HIstory: Prozac 1993 to 2016 for anxiety and depression (actually have Complex PTSD) Switched to Celexa in 2016 and took until Feb 2022 Switched to Lexapro in Feb 2022 then Zoloft in June. Switches were due to bad anxiety and now tapering off because SSRIs seem to be causing anxiety rather than reducing it. At 25 mg Zoloft presently for 3 weeks. Symptoms include nausea, loss of appetite, stomach ache, anxiety. Also taking Lorazepam 1 mg and Zolpidem 10 mg. Just started Accel for nausea and it's helping.

I was on Paxil from 1996 to 2013 when I foolishly thought I was doing well after my father's death the year before. I asked my then psychiatrist about changing to a newer med, one that wouldn't cause weight gain. He recommended Wellbutrin, so I titrated off Paxil for 4 to 6 weeks. This was the beginning of my ride on the anti-depressant merry-go-round from hell....

Seroquel Abillify Wellbutrin Prozac Lexapro Zoloft Paxil Buspar Hydroxyzine Trazedone Cymbalta Lamictal Propanolol Oxcarbazepine Prazosin Xanax Celexa Amitriptylin Ambien Mirtazapine Hi, 33/F Ive been on all of the above medicines at some point or another from 2002 to recently. I have stopped them all with no withdrawl issues..... except for something very strange has happened recently. Is this withdrawl? Current Meds: Prilosec (GERD), Lasix (IIH) , Lisinopril (BP) I was taking zoloft a couple months ago, and a bit after i started that, i started mirtazapine. I had Covid around this time too. It was very mild. Biggest symptoms were being a mucus fountain, sore throat, a little bit muscle weirdness, and weird headaches, including headaches WHILE sleeping. a couple weeks later my situation changed, im in a much better, happier place (unrelated to meds), so i stopped zoloft. (I have been on zoloft before and had no withdrawl symptoms). Not long after that, i had a weird depersonalization with my hands. Now, i am a very scientific person, i do not act based upon emotions as much as i can... I have no body dysphoria. I was riding in a car on a day i was kind of tired, didnt sleep much (hard night of minecraft), and all of a sudden my hands felt like they weren't my hands. If I'm on my phone texting, my brain just goes "HEY WHY ARE THOSE FINGERS MOVING? THOSE ARENT MINE. WOW!" and my brain is amazed that they are moving every 10 seconds. It's the most disturbing thing Ive ever felt. I don't feel it if I can't see my hands, so for example, if I'm texting In the dark or at my PC. This feeling primarily happens when texting on my phone. Wearing fingerless gloves dampens the effect slightly. I've been really upset over it, and I feel my back and arms be really tense and sore, which is normal for when I'm upset . The only Injuries to happen recently was I was cut by my washing machine, and my cat scratched me. No numbness or tingling at that time. I've been going to therapy since 2003, and have only ever been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so I am not insane. I have not gone through anything traumatic recently. If anything, I've been having a really good time this month, for the first time in years. Fearing it could be the mertazpine, i stopped it. about a week later, i started sweating profusely at night. drenched. No nightmares. no anxiety. just DRENCHED. a few days after i started to get drenched every night, i woke up SOAKING wet one day, my spine started feeling cold and numb and i had a panic attack. My muscles didnt work, it was as if i were drunk. my head was fuzzy and confused, and i stumbled BARELY into the bathtub. I managed to get into the bathtub, still clothed, and into hot water. I felt a little better, still confused. arms and spine still feel a bit weird,. I went to the ER for the first time in my life. They found nothing wrong. EKG, Chest Xray, Blood work, pee test, and they gave me an IV for hydration. while im glad its nothing seriously wrong (i guess), i am still freaked out by waking up drenched. I still get really upset being cold by being drenched. My arms and hands feel very twitchy. sometimes my legs. I had some mild tingly-ness in my fingertips for a couple days, but thats gone now. It feels the more days go on, the more twitchy i get, and IDK if its med withdrawl from mertazepine, since i only took it for a month. I LOVED the med. i slept really good and had AWESOME dreams.... I have an appt with my general dr on the 30th, but im afraid theyre going to tell me more of "we dont know whats wrong" Feeling twitchy and cold and fuzzy and panicy all the time is absolutely ruining this change in my life that is the happiest ive been in a long time. I am just -so scared-. Also for the record, i keep my house around 70F, so i dont get hot or cold due to environmental factors. I do not get hot or sweat while i am awake. I do not feel hot at night. I seem to feel a bit better as time goes on throughout the day, and im scared to sleep because i know im going to be drenched and panicing. The only thing that has seemed to have improved, is i dont know if i just got used to it or what, but when texting, i dont get a lot of the "My hands arent mine" feeling anymore. but my arms and hands still FEEL physically weird being twitchy. Im holding myself tight and having soreness in my shoulders... I am well aware that i should not be stopping meds cold turkey, but i have never had a problem before this, so i am curious if it could be the issue? Medicine withdrawl? tetanus from my washing machine? Cat scratch fever? Am i finally going crazy? I am scared. what do you all think?>

Hi, im from Brazil, so my english is not very good. Id like to know if anyone ever took two antidepressants togheter. The reason i ask is because im on paroxetine 40mg and venlafaxine 37.5. I have been on paroxetine since 2017 on and off, always trying to quit, but recently i changed the doctor, i was in severe WD from paroxetine,( i CTed from 20 mg, initiali i was taking 40 mg and started lowering dosage and was feeling so good, i was so stupid i couldturkeyd from 20 mg), and he asked me to try venlafaxine, but had no reliefe, made me so anxious, like akathisia. Now i went back to my old doctor, and he asked me to go back to paroxetine, and i went, but he said o should stay o venlafaxine too, otherwise id have some problems. Now im taking both along with zolpiden( sleeping piil, not benzo) and dont know much what to do. My plan is to continue taking both AD untill i stabilize and then start tappering venlafaxine. And then much time later start tappering paroxetine again( witch is the drug im more sensible to, since im taking it for more or less 3 years.) Any advices would be so helpfull, im from brazil and doctors here have no ideia what is withdrawal. My worst symptom is severe dizziness.

Hello, I did a relatively quick taper from Lexapro using 1 mg per week water titration from 10mg with my final dose mid-November. Acute withdrawals lasted a couple weeks then subsided. Around Christmas the weeping and depression set in with a vengeance. At the same time insomnia started. I could not sleep unless I took 50mg of Seroquel. i am still battling the insomnia but ironically last night I slept 7 hours without having to take meds. Today is my 5th day of reinstatement on 5mg of Lexapro. Seroquel as stopped a week ago and replaced with Ambien, which I have not taken for 2 days. The insomnia is taking it's toll on me. My T3 thyroid is starting to go low, I am having cold temperature intolerances, hair is falling out, strange "feelings" in my hands and legs from time to time, and inability to relax or make myself comfortable. It's like I am always in a restless state. Since I have reinstated the weird feeling in my hands and legs are subsiding and are more flair up in nature. I felt relaxed when I woke up this morning and when I layed down last night. I do have the typical startup anxiety/tiredness that is all too familiar. the head fog is very bad also. How long will I know whether or not this reinstatement is going to work? Also, how long should I stay at 5 mg before I go to 10 mg and plan to hold there? I did not want to reinstate but the insomnia will put me to an early grave if I do not get it under control. Dr. Shipko's blog also scared the crap out of me. If I would have read that back at the end of last year, I would have never goin off in the first place.

Original topic title before reducing the length: FosterTheCritters: after 19 years on antidepressants, I discontinued, reinstated, tapered up and down, and discontinued again, and I'm a mess. Looking for helpful advice. _______________________________ Hi. I'm so grateful to have found this amazing group; it has given me hope which I badly needed. I have a very complex situation and don't know, even after reading a lot on this site, what my next move should be to help myself. Here is my story. In fall 2004 I started on 20mg of citalopram for GAD and panic disorder. I had typical side effects for a week or so and charge through because the improvement of my symptoms was fast and drastic. I increased to 40mg after one or two weeks with no trouble and I felt amazing. My anxiety was so diminished and my life got some much easier. Fast-forward to 2015. I had many stressful years leading up to 2015 and 2015 was particularly bad. I thought maybe I could use something different to help with my increased anxiety and situational depression, so I switched to 60mg duloxetine. The psychiatrist had me switch with no taper at all and fortunately the switch went smoothly. I didn't notice any change on the duloxetine, but my husband was also on it, so it seemed convenient to stay on it. After a few years I started to feel apathetic and lost motivation for doing a lot of things I enjoyed. I wasn't really depressed and my anxiety was managed fine, so I hit the pause button on switching meds even though I figured the medication might be causing the apathy. In May 2021 my husband was diagnosed with salivary gland cancer (he's cured now via surgery). Even on meds, I'm terrible with uncertainty, and I had a really rough patch of anxiety as there was a lot of waiting involved in diagnosing and staging and my brain got away from me. Sometime in early June my duloxetine refills ran out; I needed to reach out to my doctor to submit a new prescription and I forgot. I take so many supplements and medications each day, and fill containers weekly; combine that with my worry about my husband and I didn't even notice that I wasn't putting duloxetine in the tubs. So, I stopped the duloxetine cold turkey and I don't really know when. I do know that at the end of June I recognized that I was having abnormally bad anxiety and panic along with some eye movement abnormalities and realized my mistake. I wish I could go back to just those withdrawal symptoms as that was easy mode compared to my life since then! I contacted my psychiatrist to correct the issue and he prescribed 30mg duloxetine, which I started on July 2nd, 2021. I used to take my duloxetine at night and did that again; I didn't sleep at all the first night and the very first day after restarting I had terrible eye pain, neck pain, stomach cramps, diarrhea, felt like I was on stimulants 24/7, and severe facial and neck flushing in addition to emotional fluctuation and intense anxiety. Since I had never tapered up on Cymbalta before, and didn't know my reaction to that process, I assumed all the symptoms I was having were that, and stuck with it a week. My symptoms did not improve at all throughout that week even as I switched to taking it in the morning instead of at night. My psychiatrist told me that I must be in withdrawal and prescribed going up to 60mg duloxetine after that first week at 30mg. I had the same symptoms but more intense even after some time at 60mg. I continued at 60mg at least a week, but things were so bad I asked my psychiatrist for a change. He prescribed 10mg citalopram. I stopped having the stimulated feeling I was having on the duloxetine, but all my other symptoms persisted. My psychiatrist was still convinced that a higher dose was going to ease what he was still sure were withdrawal symptoms so on August 27th, 2021 he had me to go to 20mg after two weeks on 10mg. Again my symptoms seemed to worsen, so I dropped back to 10mg after about 2 weeks on 20mg. I'm not sure if my symptoms were improved after dropping back to 10mg because they were still very bad. When I saw the psychiatrist again, he told me that the physical symptoms I was having were clearly not related to the medication both because they weren't improving on the meds, and he'd never heard of anyone having eye pain or flushing due to antidepressants. So, I decided not to see him again and went to get my eyes checked by an ophthalmologist. She couldn't find anything, so assumed eye inflammation and prescribed steroid drops that didn't help. I also asked my excellent primary care doctor to take over managing my antidepressant journey and he agreed. At this point I was taking so little medication in comparison to what I had been before June 2021, and my googling had me convinced that I was having some sort of serotonin toxicity with the flushing and diarrhea, so my irrational conclusion was that I must have a carcinoid tumor. That fear consumed me and I had my doctor run the urine test for carcinoid tumors which came back negative. At this point, my husband, who has been very supportive, started searching for other answers and found survivingantidepressants.org. He suggested I try doing a very slow taper and see if I could get off the medication and see if my body would reset. I talked to my primary care provider about this, and I got discouraged when my doctor found out the local compounding pharmacy would need at least two weeks before they could provide my first taper dose. I didn't want to continue with the current situation any longer, so I discontinued the citalopram at the end of September after being back at 10mg for about 3 weeks. My symptoms are still awful, but they have improved a bit after being off the medication a week and seem so be in a positive trend. I have slightly fewer crying bouts/meltdowns. My flushing is fainter and the facial telangiectasias that developed have faded considerably. My eye pain happens in shorter segments throughout the day. I still have stomach cramping at times of the day and night, but the diarrhea has become less frequent and less severe. My sleep is still terrible, and I forgot to mention that during this four month journey I've tried clonazepam, trazadone, Lunesta, Ambien, and Xanax for sleep, and I'm still on the Ambien and Xanax. Even with those drugs I struggle to fall asleep, wake up one or more times per night, and often feel pretty hung over in the morning. Thankfully, after spending time on this site, I have at least realized that whatever is going on is likely a nervous system reaction to the antidepressant changes that have occurred and it has given me hope that I will recover. My questions are these: 1. What does it sound like happened when I tried to go back on the meds and developed physiological and mental symptoms and couldn't tolerate the medication? Does that sound like a sensitized nervous system that didn't want to readjust? Does it sound like I was in withdrawal the whole time? Is this likely just because of the speed and flip-floppy nature of all the changes? 2. Has anyone out there had eye burning and pain and neck and facial flushing as side effects/symptoms going on or off antidepressants? 3. Now that I've been off the medications over a week and have had some improvement, does it make sense to try to go back on to something and slowly taper or just continue to try to heal from withdrawal? 4. I have no idea what to do about the sleep meds. This is the first time in my life I've had trouble sleeping aside from one week in 2004 when I was starting citalopram. This poor sleep has been going on for four months and I'm scared. Should I stay on them until I hopefully have some improvement in sleeping on my own or try to wean off now? 5. I've been taking LDN for autoimmune disease for a few years now and it has been amazing for me. However, in trying to rebalance my nervous system, it seems like anything that affects neurotransmitters might be a problem right now? Plus there is a little bit of evidence that suggests naltrexone might affect serotonin and norepinephrine, in addition to, dopamine. Should I discontinue it, reduce it, or leave it alone? Thank you so much for reading and for any advice/experience you can offer!

I’ve been taking 300mg of lamictal for years. It was given to help with neuropathy . Currently tapering off of Ativan- and I have always taken them together-8-12 and 6:00. I thought the first thing to do was get off the benzo, but joining this forum I’m not so sure. I also take 25 mg of amtriptyline and 12.5 of ambien for sleep.

Wasn't sure which forum to put this in. Hope this is ok. I'd found previous thread on this topic. I have had this horrible issue a couple of times. I did take an SSRI briefly a few times in past, very low dose, but sexual sensation prior to that was waning. I thought it was just old age. Basically, felt nothing and orgasm was weak. I also felt odd feelings "down there." Then one day I did a stretch of my left hip, felt a snapping sensation down there and the PGAD started. Hell on earth. It eventually subsided and I actually returned to sexual activity (w/o intercourse) and felt fairly normal if a bit hypersensitive. Then it came back again. It's been quite now for some time but with odd sensations I'm always afraid it's right on the edge of coming back. I don't think I can live through it again. Nobody knows anythin about it, and likely think you're just sex obsessed. One urology nurse practitioner had never heard of it but had no interest in what I brought to show her. I have small fiber neuropathy from uncertain causes. My neurologist says it is SFN of pudendal nerve. I am so anxious with the autonomic issues and right now on screech. I've been thinking about inositol but if that works similar to SSRI it is scary. I found one person in a FB PGAD group who mentioned it started after taking inositol. Now afraid of that. In a prior post in this group I saw posts about CES - some kind of cranial stimulation. I wasn't sure if that was for the PGAD or not, but I did communicate with a doctor who is using transcranial magnetic stimulation to treat it - not many cases. Anyway, anyone tried the CES for PGAD? Is that something you can buy at home? I just am terrified this will come back and it makes you feel so disgusting and inhuman. You don't want the feeling but know if someone touched you during exam it could trigger orgasm, which would be horrifying. My OCD nature doesn't help.