Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'antidepressants'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Categories

There are no results to display.

Blogs

There are no results to display.

Forums

  • Support
    • Read This First
    • Introductions and updates
    • Success stories: Recovery from psychiatric drug withdrawal
    • Tapering
    • Symptoms and self-care
    • Finding meaning
  • Current events
    • In the media
    • From journals and scientific sources
    • Events, actions, controversies

Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

  1. ADMIN NOTE Please note that SurvivingAntidepressants is a site for tapering and recovery from withdrawal syndrome. While we see PSSD sometimes as an aspect of withdrawal syndrome (and we see gradual recovery from it as well as withdrawal syndrome), this site is not specifically for discussion of treatment of PSSD or its neurological origins (which at this time are highly speculative). See journal articles about PSSD in Papers about Post-SSRI Sexual Disorder (PSSD) If you wish to discuss symptoms, theories, and treatment of PSSD, please go to these sites: PSSD Network pssdnetwork.org PSSDforum https://pssdforum.org/ Yahoo group SSRIsex (log in to http://Yahoo.com to join) Facebook group (log into Facebook.com to join) Various pages on Rxisk.org Please note the following:
  2. I have been on citalopram since 2009 then it stopped working. The Dr put me on citalopram and mirtazapine combination which worked for a while then that stopped working. The Dr then put me on mirtazapine and Venlafaxine 150mg XL combination which workes for a while again ans then stopped working. The Dr put me on amitriptyline 50mg saying thay would be the best drug for me while i took 8 months to slowly remove each bead from Venlafaxine capsule to come off it. As soon as I took my last beed i went into crazy angry depression. The dr increased my dosage of amitriptyline from 50mg to 150mg but the side effects were horrible and at this point i got sick of these meds and decided to quit CT. I had horrible withdrawal symptoms and i started acting like a child and not being able to walk, had balance problems. I reinstated back to 50mg amitriptyline since april 2018 and i have been getting worse. I cannot sleep. My vision is so badly affected that i have grainy vision and floaters have increased dramatically . I see after images and it's as if the lights have been turned off. When i begin to fall asleep, i start to have dreams before i actually fall asleep and my brain keep. Waking up just before i am about to sleep. I cannot follow conversations, I mishear things all the time. I am totally dependant on others and i feel people think i have gone crazy. I don't know what to do i am getting worse and worse. I often trip, lose my balance. I hardly have any short term memory and cannot do simplest of things. I cannot even watch anything on TV as i cannot follow.it I'm having major concentration problems. I don't know how. I'm writing this. I cannot work or drive. Please you have no idea how i am putting these sentences together. I need urgent help. Please advice. I have no energy, no appetite. If I'm posting this in the wrong place, please accept my appology as I can hardly read and understand things. P
  3. FeralCatman

    Resources For Tapering And Recovery

    As you scroll down this link to the medicating normal website you will find links to different resources that are available most seem to UK or Australia. https://medicatingnormal.com/psychiatric-drug-withdrawal/
  4. 💜 My Introduction topic is here: manymoretodays: off many years of many medications Simply honored to be writing this. And kind of have tears in my eyes, as I begin.......the good kind. The oh wow kind, the unbelievable understanding of my most excellent, and wonderful good fortune for all that has come my way in some 30 years, and well, even before that. A little bit of the oh wow, I wonder if......or what my life might have been......tears too though. I am now 5 years and 10 months off my last psychoactive prescribed drug!!!! Last drug off was Trileptal/oxcarbazepine. Used as a "mood stabilizer". It's actually a drug developed for seizures I believe. I never had seizures. Lucky me on that. I started my “psychiatric career”, somewhere around 1988 or thereabouts. At the tender age of around 30 years, I believe. At that time, I was thriving, by all outward appearances. A newlywed, and we had recently bought our first home, and I was in graduate school and working in my chosen career. I think I was, well I was just me really, and was struggling a bit, sometimes really down.....yet, I could always pull myself up to get to work most days. A lot of strange changes around menses. I would suddenly pop on out of a low down, somewhat perceptually changed funk, when periods came along. And well, hearing all the hype about the new “cure” in the form of Prozac, as well as being privy to what was in medical circles at the time, I wandered on in to a doctor, an Internal Medicine doctor, no less, as I had heard they were really good and I hadn't really had any need for doctors, up to that point, in my young adulthood. I had however, prior to leaving my home state, in the U.S., had a pretty good case of mononucleosis, the second half of my senior year in high school.......I had completed all the work, and was working away to earn some money for college, when that hit. Recovered. Continued on. To college and beyond. I didn't mention my doctor visit to many, or if any.......I'd be surprised. It still all felt so very hush, hush to have any problem with adapting to life. And sheesh, now I was about to be branded with my first, of many labels of “diagnonsense”. And thank you, who ever used that term first. So......henceforth, some kind of mental defective. First trial of an AD(antidepressant), I think was of the Tricyclic class. Oh my gosh, dry parched mouth to the extreme, and totally anxious fearful was the result of that. And on to the Prozac, I believe next. Well, not too long into that experiment, I began to have some flickering flashes of suicidal ideation. So, that was all swell and seemed to prove that I was even more mentally defective and got me a referral to a psychiatrist. Possibly, a few more drug trials with me. Then I lost my job. I mean they were nice about it and all, and I honestly have to take some responsibility for my part in that job loss. I got to stay employed at the same place and all too. And well, I took that all pretty hard, to say the least.....turned inward a lot. So...... then on to my first horsespittalization(hospitalization). Highly recommended by my then therapist. And even switched psychiatrists.......to her hubs. Geeze, the one I had prior was good too. I felt like a amoeba under a microscope with the new one. I cooperated though, on all levels. I mean I was really “mentally ill” right? Last I heard, that shrink was trying for more fame and fortune, doing some pretty invasive brain stuff. We hung out though, for a good while......in that doctor/patient way. Me being scrutinized, and he knowing all. Horsespittal back then. Like a country club really.......back in those days. And I had good insurance. The place wasn't so crowded as most psychiatric wards and hospitals are now. We did all kinds of therapeutic things. And I think a got another diagnonsense there. I found it in my chart, which they did let me look at. My shrink, didn't disclose that one to me though, the diagnosis. Kind of weird, eh? Left that place, after a couple of weeks, on an MAOI AD. Oldschool stuff. Lot's of interactions, with food stuff, and other medications and what???!!!! Why???!!!! Stayed on it for far too long, if you ask me. I was at first a bit super charged on that drug(my problems were magically over and I had a lot of energy) and then........ pretty docile on that drug, gained a fair amount of weight, and then managed to bring it down again. Kept on going with most things, doing all that was expected of me and all. Did a lot of therapy...... Just kept getting my prescription filled and taking my doses. I think it was the brand Parnate, seems like I was on another MAOI too at some point......maybe Nardi. I did, however, a few years into it.......have the dreaded tyramine reaction. Treated with nifedipine, under the tongue......2 doses. I think I could have stroked out, glad I did not. Horrible occipital headache that had me crawling on the floor and I managed to get to the phone, call my shrink, who had me take my pulse(rapid it was) and remind me to take the nifedipine he had prescribed for "just in case". Sun/son was a baby and napping after lunch. I had both aged cheese and sausage at lunch.......I never was great, nor was it reinforced for me(the dietary and drink restrictions), with the dietary restrictions. I guess they thought since I was in graduate school, and in the medical profession that I would be good? I mean I don't know. Anyway......I thought I was a goner with that reaction though. I could not even stand up the pain in my head was so bad. Nifedipine helped......probably dropped my BP(blood pressure) a lot. My pulse went back to normal. I called my then husband home from work, and crawled into bed. Next day off to work maybe? I don't remember, likely or maybe it was a day off. I had gone to PT work with my then baby dear Sun/son, my MAOI baby. He's doing good, well, at age 30 now. Both of us have some just "on the edge of" idiosyncrasies I think. I don't really know any more what my "before" was truly like. And he is okay, for all purposes. My favorite person ever. Fast forward here to 1999, now that was a big year. I was still on the Parnate. Not doing horrid, but into that weird drug induced change of persona or something. A little dulled mentally. I still could get pretty down and out, and didn't really have a clue what to do......but fake it? By now we had moved, and I had a shrink closer to home. AND once again, a job loss......good enough......I wasn't bringing in a whole lot financially to the now merged practice I was part of......so a lay off really. I took it hard though. But decided to get off my MAOI at that point. I knew this wasn't right somehow. Taken off that over 2 weeks, and started on a little dose of Zoloft then, after 2 weeks. Oh my heck ahello. WD(withdrawal) set in. Only I didn't know that, and if my doctor did, they were not telling me. Urgha. And on and on I went......for awhile. More drugs, multiple drugs at once and of course diagnoses to match up with the drugging. The second shrink, well......at one point as I was walking out the door he says, "Hey, I'm almost certain you've had some childhood trauma". No further exploration with me. Nothing. Wow. O....kay. I kept that to myself even. For already I was branded and labeled and.........you know the drill. Felt like a nothing nobody in that system of care. Anyway.....I've since pinpointed the trauma(s). Won't go into that here. Mostly thriving now. Do work on things, with the pros every now and then. And with myself. So, next up........ I latched on to being bipolar. Read everything I could. Checked the DSM bible. Version III, or maybe IV......I don't know. And it did not add up. Because.....at that time, it was still in there.......these ups and downs, and that if they could have been caused by drugs/medications that the diagnosis should be questioned. I also drank and smoked and had dabbled with "recreational" psychoactives from the time I was a teen. Happy to report -clean and sober for over 6 years now. And....an ex smoker of tobacco now, again. I'll make it though. It does strike me now how extremely fortunate I am, given it all, to still be alive and most days grateful for it all as well. I can't live on consistent persistent anger. I do struggle to feel anger and it sometimes comes out wrong. Not dangerously so. It wasn't allowed for me, as a kid, to learn healthy expression of anger. I was the youngest child, and very much the observer, of all things good and bad. When I got here I was 6 months or so off Lexapro AND remedicated with 2 drugs, and had a lengthy decades long history of medications/drugs. So May of 2015. Was I 58 years old? I think so. And had a passing knowledge now of WD and tapering. An Icarus guide. Was reading Beyond Meds. Was also a certified peer in my state and was getting into the peers helping peers movement. Met some like me too. Much help. Much appreciation for those friends. Some here still, some gone now. I had tried some naturopath things while on drugs and also to come off them. Drugs being prescribed medications. That wasn't great and cost a fortune. Okay, so I'm here now. Learning more. And then even in my early acute WD state, was able to come to the conclusion that reinstatement would probably not be for me. I based it on the time since off Lexapro, and the other drugs I was on, and somehow reached the right decision for me. Oh, of course it would have been nice if the knowledge was there, at the hospital I went to, to give me a mini-dose of Lexapro.....after my too quick tapering. But it was not. I even had my liquid Lexapro with me at that time. Acute WD for me was......well indescribable....yet, I'll try to sum things up a bit. Total psych hospitalizations for me over what I call my psychiatric career were 5. All were voluntary. After a drug change of some type. Off one, on another or what have you? Some likely adverse effects from my prescribed drugs. Drug history: Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total. AD's, antipsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more. Ask me?......I probably was on it. Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self. 10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 20 mg., then 10 mg, then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary). I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day. 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! 12/16/2016- tapered down with the oxcarbazepine, split the dose into 2, 12 hours apart, tapered at 2 week intervals near the end, and then jumped at 24 mg total dosage to 0. Withdrawal symptom history: And I will go to page 2 of this for that. I am not a sailor, pre Sun/son I did Windsurf though. Still have my sails and board in the garage too. Soon to get donated or something. I hope.
  5. FeralCatman

    Positive Daily Affirmations

    I couldn't find the topic anywhere else so I decided to start a topic where people can post any daily affirmations any daily affirmations that they find to be helpful and I will start the list with this: I am healing I am getting better This is all part of the process
  6. FeralCatman

    Resources For Tapering And Recovery

    Here is a list of all of the psychiatric drug tapering resources that I have found helpful. Some of these are for paid coaches but their YouTube channels have free content and of course I cannot advocate for any one of those services or tell you that you should pay for it but the option is there if you want to check them out. This is the same list I just sent to all of my doctors so the first link on the list should look pretty familiar. Over the last year or two the list seems to be growing everyday so this is definitely catching on and things are changing. 😁 https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/ https://baylissa.com/ https://www.theinnercompass.org/ https://medicatingnormal.com/ https://www.madinamerica.com/mia-manual/medication-withdrawal-awareness-message-psychiatric-drug-withdrawal/ https://psychscenehub.com/psychinsights/antipsychotic-withdrawal-syndrome-tapering/ https://deprescribing.org/ https://www.madinamerica.com /2013/10/setbacks/ https://www.youtube.com/@AngiePeacockMSW https://wittdoerringpsychiatry.com/dr-marissa-witt-doerring/ https://www.youtube.com/@witt-doerringpsychiatry https://www.apeacockconsulting.com/ https://www.lovelygrind.com/ https://beyondmeds.com/ https://www.psychosisnet.com/cause-of-death-unknown-anniken-hoel/ https://markhorowitz.org/ http://www.stuartshipko.com/ https://benzobuddies.org/ https://www.outro.com/us https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/treatments-and-wellbeing/stopping-antidepressants
  7. FeralCatman

    A Message To Those In Withdrawal

    Withdrawal Awareness: A Message to Those in Medication Withdrawal - Mad In America https://www.madinamerica.com/mia-manual/medication-withdrawal-awareness-message-psychiatric-drug-withdrawal/
  8. My first experience with these drugs was back in 2021 with my first psychiatrist. I was put on topiramate and Brintellix. No problem getting off of them when i felt like i needed to. He let me speak for a good hour or more. Spoke to a neurologist in late 2022 because i developed brain heating in response to frustration. He didn't even let me speak at times. Haldol + Neuleptil seemed to work at first but then noticed they were just putting me to sleep. Not the cure i needed. Had 4 days of akathesia after being suggested to drink heavy alcohol while the drug was still circulating ( I thought it didn't because the last cycle before the occurrence i have took the day before ). Went to another psychiatrist, and after a " Careful check " of 5 minutes i was told i'm depressed and i should take Cipralex 20 mg ( 10 drops at first upping the dose by 2 till i reach 20 ), Depakin 250 mg ( 2 envelopes ) and 1 Quetiapine 100 mg for the night. The reasoning was that supposedly Cipralex would make me feel euphoric and Depakin and Quetiapine would have me stabilized. He told me that this stuff doesn't have side effects and it's " Light ". After the first week i felt my depression worsened to a point i never had reached before. Plus i had eye pain, blurred vision, diarrhea, cognitive malfunctions, couldn't think and speak properly, heavy depersonalisation and derealization, feeling like i had a flu, gained weight, ate more, and problems with erections/orgasms. Psychiatrist told me it was my depression coming back. I asked him if those things are supposed to make me feel better why would that be the case and why have i never felt this way prior to the " Medication ". I was left on read. Looked up on internet and started reading about the millions of horror stories related to antidepressants and such. My friend had my same exact symptoms, including the eye pain that was confirmed by my eye doctor to be brought in by the antidepressant ( He asked me if I'm taking them even before i could say anything ). In a week i knew more than he does ( Implying he doesn't know what he's doing, which i heavily doubt ). Since i intuitively knew i was poisoning my body, even before i searched on Google, i let go of his " Trust me "s and tapered off everything in 1 week: Cipralex from 20 drops to 10 for 2 days, then 5 for 2 other days, As for Depakin took 1 envelope in the last 3 days of that week and cut quetiapine completely in the other half of the week. I was told to take Cipralex at 2pm, Depakin at 8pm and Quetiapine at 10pm. In total, i took 3 weeks and a half of everything, including taper, more or less. The first week was more or less fine. However, the withdrawal symptoms started to kick in after then. Astonishingly high levels of depression, nightmares in which i would feel extremely depressed ( Didn't even know something like that could happen, aswell as such levels of depression ), stopped sleeping, would have 5 minutes of half a sleep and wake up panicky, and quickly developed into high anxiety/arousal. Can't feel emotions like i did, hardly can laugh and everything, i'm more uninhibited because i'm searching for those chemicals i lost and can't find them, and when i try and remember something or something really emotional hits me i can barely cry and the rest of the feeling mutates into yet another panicky feeling. I just know this is farmacological as much as i knew akathesia was. I'm starting to develop some tremors, too. Several important occasions were ruined for me because i was either too ill to go or i would get almost a panic attack because i wanted to go home, where i had no rest anyway. I'm smoking 10 to 15 cigs a day just to try and feel something/calm the anxiety with not so good results, and i was never a heavy smoker. I went there for my akathesia and he told me if i didn't take my new cure i would still have akathesia, which i strongly doubt. I feel like akathesia is next door again now, really, because i stared pacing again, not at that level, for now. I spoke with the psychiatrist again and i told him all about this. He said it's all about me and what i had prior to the medication, didn't really make sense through the whole thing and could hardly hear what he was hastily saying, didn't seem to know what ssri means and he told me that " SSRIs boost serotonin ", which is not true, even implying depression has anything to do with serotonin and it's about a chemical imbalance which actually seems like these things gave me. I basically told him he should work on his ego and that he doesn't know anything about what he prescribes and he's comparable to an angel of death. He told me there is no such thing as withdrawal, you can't get hooked on antidepressants, avoided the " Why am i getting worse if that's my depression " question. He admitted to have given me a horse dosage/cure. He says this stuff doesn't change anything in the brain even tho the meaning of ssri literally points to the opposite direction of that claim. I also asked him if they don't change anything what's the point of taking them in the long run. Again, no answer. He said i'm going against " Science " ( More like a cult ). I also have him recorded. Max i could do was review him 1 star and possibly sue him. Anyway, i didn't tell him i already tapered off, and he gave me a 2 week taper, obviously. All of this got so bad i got suicidal thoughts and i had to take quetiapine again, and that's all i take, after trying xan for 2 days and it was doing nothing except giving me itches, had no trouble stopping it fortunately. Still feeling bad and nothing like before the cycle. Still can hardly concentrate and everything. Everything still overwhelms me sensory wise but i have little to no emotions. Got a little bit of cognition back again. I developed hard tinnitus. I had a dream in which i felt the dissociation it gives me. I'm taking it one before bed and one or two throughout the day, split. Its sleeping effects are fading and i'm having windows and waves. I'm feeling new bad sensations everyday but quetiapine keeps me from getting too low, for now. It seems like my body is asking for more except when in windows, in which i feel empty but a bit more chill. What do i do ? What's happening ? Is it the deadly cocktail that was given to me and i tapered off too quickly ? What am i withdrawing from ? Is it the haldol + neuleptil even ? Should i go back to antidepressants ? I have no intention to take any other neurotoxin whatsoever. Only taking quetiapine makes everything seem flat but i don't wanna take antidepressants that make me more depressed again.
  9. These articles cover the effect of psychiatric medication effects on the immune system, the bone marrow, bone density, and bone deformity. I now know why I developed an immune deficiency and a rare disease of the vertebrae in my spine that causes constant pain and why I have bone spurs all over the place. They are also finding higher than normal rates of agranualcytocis which is a potentially fatal disease of the white blood cells. Thanks again psychiatry 🤬 https://www.une.edu/news/2019/new-study-shows-antipsychotic-drugs-can-suppress-immune-system https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6469345/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18098216/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK572154/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34283520/
  10. Hi everyone. first off all i want to say how strong and brave all of you are to be dealing with these nightmare drugs... i have been on and off of these psychiatric drugs,for 5 years. specifically srris (prozac + zoloft) wellbutrin + gabapentin, abilify, and now currently taking lamictal (150 mg.) i am 36 weeks pregnant and terrified of the near future and as i haven't really been able to fully enjoy my pregnancy. or most of my youth... i don't even know what i am thinking or doing. i feel really alone. the reason of going on these meds was from dealing with depression + anxiety most of my life, and bpd + ptsd from abusive narcissistic parents. i attempted suicide right before. took about 50 pills. i had a very dysfunctional family. i am 22 now. i feel lost, most days i feel empty ,hopeless. i don't go out of my house, besides grocery shopping. i have no friends. maybe 1 but i barely ever see her , i have a social phobia ever since starting and withdrawing from these drugs. i developed major anhedonia from stopping the prozac + zoloft. even though i took one of the lowest doses possible. i had only been on these for 9 months or less. i remember stopping, as i was sick of depending on these. they told me they werent addicting and i could stop anytime,they told me nobody has ever had these symptoms, they lookde at me like i was crazy. made me feel isolated. i regret going cold turkey.. i remember being manic on them. severe anxiety, hallucinations insomnia, crawling sensations brain zaps major anhedonia, memory loss, etc. i hadn't been myself since. i was grieving my old self, it is one of the worst things you could ever experience. i didnt even know was possible. but here we are... anyways, i have been off the prozac + zoloft for almost 6 years now and wouldnt ever touch those things again. i took abilify for only a few weeks. amitryptiline once or twice. ambien, once. ativan only for a week. ive been off the gabapentin for almsot 3 years now. i tapered that one. after going off cold turkey off the srris, i went on wellbutrin and took that for 3 years, and gabapentin for 2 years. i went off the wellbutrin for a year, then went back on, which i regret once again. i took the wellbutrin for 9 months then stopped, again,to get pregnant at 150 mg. then went back on... at 8 weeks pregnant for about a month. then stopped. then started a drug called lamictal , i am now at 150 mg. i am just over all of this and wish to be drug free, but it seems impossible at this point and afraid ill never recover completely. i am afraid of experiencing anhedonia memory loss as i did before with the srris + wellbutrin. i have sever memroy loss. i feel like i cant even keep up with a conversation because my mind goes blank.. i have depersonalization now. i just dont want to accept this is the end, this is it,,. it can't be. but how is this any way to live? how am i supposed to raise a child into this world.. it all seems unfair and i feel like an absolute idiot for getting pregnant, i thought it was meant to be at the time, but im second guessing it all now. im very afraid. do you think i could stop the lamictal and get back to my old self one day? ive thought about natural holistic alternatives such as turmeric + lions mane, ginger + l theanine, magnesium, ashwaghanda rhodiola + brahmi + holy basil + cacao coffee, etc. and some work but i dont know if i should continue taking after the pregnancy and just rely on these. i dont want to exist if this is truly how life is.. i wish i never took these awful drugs. i feel its the worst thing that i could have ever done, i want my old life back even if it was so painful. atleast then i still felt alive in a sense. thank you all, i wish you all the best in your recorvery + healing journeys.
  11. Hey everyone, My name is Abby and I have been off Prozac for 3.5 months now. I'm currently experiencing intense withdrawal and the return of mental states I never thought I'd have to experience again, and I would really like to connect with others who are going through similar during this long, difficult process. Background info: I always had tendencies towards anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (the Pure-Obsessional variety) since childhood. At 16 these symptoms very rapidly became so severe my whole life fell apart within a matter of days (Going on the contraceptive pill at this time may have been a contributing factor). I didn't have a full breakdown until I was 18, at which point I was taken to the doctor, put on Sertraline, and referred to psychiatry. The following 8 years consisted of several psychiatric admissions, different drugs including clomipramine, seroquel, mirtazipine, prozac, and possibly a few others for shorter periods. I lost pretty much everything, my obsessional fears were so strong that I attempted suicide more than once, developed a bad cocaine/mephadrone habit, was a constant worry to my family. There were times, however, where the medication would help a lot. At 60mg of Prozac I went through some periods of being functional - I went to work, got into a relationship etc. These were a great relief but I can't say I was truly happy as the fears were never properly dealt with. My last hospital admission was in 2014 when I was 24. I had attempted to come off medication as I believed I had to deal with the underlying problems, and I hated the weight gain side effects. Looking back, this was doomed to fail as I was still using cocaine regularly, drinking a lot, and didn't have any proper support mechanisms in place. I was fine for 6 months then crashed, was borderline psychotic with the OCD symptoms, depressed and anxious beyond belief and desperately wanted to die (and believed I deserved to). I was in a psych ward for just over 2 months before new meds kicked in - clompipramine and (randomly, I don't know why) Epilum, as I was told it 'balanced moods'. A year later I went back on to old faithful Prozac and also came off the contraceptive pill. I had always been told the same about it, that it leveled out moods, and don;t think it's a coincidence that my symptoms became much more manageable a few months after stopping it. I then managed to stay at 40mg for 2 years and my life changed drastically for the better. to myself and everyone around me it was like a miraculous recovery - I stopped taking drugs, began volunteering at a Buddhist meditation centre, got my dream job, published a novel, did newspaper interviews about my experiences, ...I pretty much had my dream life. It was like being reborn after thinking everything was all over...forever. It was in January 2017 that I decided to gradually wean off Prozac. Over the following 10 months I reduced until stopping completely in October. In these past 2 years I have done extensive mind training and spiritual exploration, which has probably been the main factor in this recovery. My life is pretty much dedicated to this practice now - I still volunteer at the meditation centre, go on meditation retreats throughout the year, and have also completed a Reiki Mastership. It was always potentially on the cards after exploring my mind with psychedelic drugs in the past, doing past life regressions and also taking Ayahuasca twice in ceremonies. It was around the time of the reiki mastership that I was weaning off the last of the Prozac. Things became challenging - but at first I welcomed it. I was in a strong place mentally, and my mental health hadn't plagued me intensely for a few years. I was made aware that the Reiki energy can churn things up to be healed, but I think that the combination of this, a massive flare up of a back issue that left me not able to walk for weeks, family pressures and intensive mind exploration during retreat that has led me to my current situation. Since December just passed things have been incredibly difficult. I have experienced a return of old OCD obsessions, to the point where I've had panic attacks for days that made my vision blur, heavy depression, crying all the time, existential fears and experiences which medically would look similar to psychosis (although I believe that term can pathologize important and natural inner processes), identity confusion etc. I knew it would be hard, I just never expected to feel this level of horror ever again. Having said that, I know things are different this time round - I have a level of insight gained through spiritual practice that is keeping me going. Energetically, I'm aware that I am creating this reality on various levels, and that I need to relax as much as possible to allow it to pass through the way it's supposed to. I'm no stranger to facing the darkest parts of the psyche, but it's still terrifying and I'm struggling to cope day to day. To make matters worse, my Mum has gone abroad for cancer treatment and I'm now caring for my little brother and sister 4 days a week which is incredibly stressful (I'm used to having my own space and being able to retreat when I need to). My CBT therapist has discharged me as she feels I cannot engage with therapy under this amount of stress, but encouraged me to come back when my Mum gets back. To be fair, she never taught me anything I didn't naturally learn in meditation and I was only seeing her regularly to comply with services. I have however started going for reiki treatments with the person who facilitated the course I was on last year - he is exceptionally intuitive, knowledgeable and takes an all round, individual approach. One session with him last week was worth a year of 'traditional' therapy. So I'm hoping that continuing with this will help. Anyway, sorry for the essay. I don't have many people to talk to about all this. It's also weird for me to ask for help now as I haven't needed it in so long - I'm usually now the one that helps everyone else. It's a scary and heartbreaking thing to go back to a place you thought you'd left long in the past, but I do believe deep down that I have done so in order to face my demons fully and emerge stronger in the long run. Thank you if you made it this far, I'm looking forward to connecting with others on this site. You are all incredibly strong to be doing what you're doing, no matter what stage you're at. Much love x
  12. Hello dear fellas! I am in the same boat like you and I was thinking a lot about creating a topic here. I am a male, 30 years old. My story began in 2010 with a depression I had, which faded away by itself, and was caused by my traveling and settling in a new city in order to study law. It was all good until summer 2012 when I went through a panick attack. It happened to me after a very very intense exam session. This threw me off balance and gave a start to a 4 year struggle with panic, anxiety and I guess a depression, which was caused by all that. After that much time I decided to pay a psychiatrist a visit, who is a close family friend. She prescribed me a drug called Atarax, which helps with sleep. After a few weeks, and feeling drained and drowsy as hell I decided to quit. No problems whatsoever. I told myself I don't need that, I am not sick and that I have enough power to beat a condition like this. And it happened. In the time between January 2017 and June 2018 I was happy and enjoyed life. A stressful event - an argument with my parents and girlfriend, all at the same time, plus the stress from my job, I went back to the pit I was in. On 3 June 2018 while I deriving my car to work I suddenly had a flashback, remembering the time I felt anxious and sick. This was the exact moment when I felt anxiety, fear and thinking I am sick in my head. All was back - the panick, anxiety, fear, sleeping troubles sometimes. Then, on 27 August 2018 I went to see another psychiatrist who put me on Parix (Paroxetine) and Fluanxol (Flupentixol) which is allowed to be sold here in Bulgaria. At the begging of taking the drugs I felt agitated, had vivid dreams, sweating at night, but it all went away. I was gradually getting better. The thing that bothered me the most was the feeling of being constantly sleepy and tired. I had problems with memorizing and I felt somehow detached from the world. I wasn't that bad, I was working at the capital city of Sofia by that time and all was good overall. After a year I quit the Fluanxol under my psychiatrist guidance. Another six months after I quit the Parix as well, of which last 3 months were meant for tapering off the drug. I felt some discomfort during that time not knowning it was signs of withdrawal. On January 2019 I went down to 15 mg Parix, 2 or 3 weeks later I was on 10. It was here where I felt something happening with me but kept going as I was told to. 6 weeks I was on 10 mg, then 2 weeks on 5 mg, and last two weeks 5 mg, skipping a day, plus Magnesium, which was prescribed from my doctor. I felt kind of OK until 25 April 2019, after a cup of coffee. Then suddenly I felt agitated, got scared of what was happening and this marked the begging of my withdrawal. I began shaking, like I was in a hypoglycemia (happend sometimes to me in the past, before drugs). I lost my appetite, fear ran trough my head. In the time before and after that I was feeling detached from the surrounding world but I wasn't aware of that till last few months where I felt more and more alive. The feeling was as if I was living in a cocoon. I felt jittery all the time, my sleep got bad. I was sleeping 5 or 6 hours, with adrenalin waking me up at 5-5:30 am., feeling dreadful. I could feel the fear inside my gut. Which prompted me to go to the toilet immediately. I was having diarrhea. Strange sensations in my head appeared and stayed until May or June. Can't refer to them as brain zaps, but felt pretty similar. I felt that with my head as well as with my body. At different points in the following months it was getting even worst - tinnitus, nausea, consonant anxiety and fear, depersonalisation, total loss of doing activities, including working, despite the fact of doing so.In July I felt pain in my back which was never there before. My head felt in a way you feel that when you were get there flu. I was thinking I had fever but actually never had. At that time stomach acids emerged out of the blue. I wasn't eating something different or I have never eaten for the acids to appear. They stayed for a week, then went away. They got back for a few days in August and then dissappeared. Another thing that hit me difficulty speaking sometimes because my jaw muscles were super stiff. As well as my legs and arms. Crying spells were bad. I even cried once in front of my girlfriend after seeing a scene in a movie. I was having a ball stuck inside my throat. Sometimes I had difficult times reading. It was as my eyes were jumping across a word rather then following it instead. I had no sex drive at all. I had neuro emotions which was very frustrating. I was not able to feel happy, I guess it was anhedonia. I guess I don't remember all symptoms but the feeling was constant misery. At the time September 2019 passed I began feeling a bit better. Nausea, tinnitus, muscle jitters were gone. I slept better. Crying spells faded away with time, as well as the ball inside my throat. But feeling the recovery was slow and definitely in waves and windows. The thing that was there all the time was bad derealisation, the feeling "there is something in my head making it feel like having fever", blurred vision sometimes occurred. In the months after I got better until February 2020. What happened felt like someone smashed me in the ground. I was feeling like relapsing. It was unbelievable that I was feeling kind of OK for being in a withdrawal and then, a day after it was all back - anxiety, bad derealisation, fear, bad sleeping. I was aware of the community here, I have read a lot about withdrawal and this is what was and is still keeping me going. Apparently I skipped the part about the 10 month wave. I was so relieved when I got to know about it that I immediately felt better and reassured myself it is not a relapse. It passed after 2 weeks. I felt better afterwards. In the begging of May 2020 I felt a bit strange feeling in my nose, as if I wasn't able to feel air, you know you kind of feel it when it goes trough your nose. It passed in a few days. After that I got rinnitis out of nothing. Stuffy and runny nose, as if I got allergy from pollens. This kept going for about 10 days and made me feel irritated as i never had it. It was like that until 15th of May when I received a phone call from my dad. He said he is now feeling well, and has fever. He reckoned it may be the coronavirus. I felt bad, really bad. Scared and fearful. The same night was bad, I couldn't sleep. In the morning the anxiety feeling in my head was back. I was very worried about my dad. He passed a test, which was negative. In a few days we already knew he just had inflammation on the bladder. But my constant anxiety stayed. My muscles began getting stiff again. My sleep got disrupted. I am awaking in 5 am every morning. I feel terror after waking up from the adrenalin rush (or cortisol, I am not sure). I am having diarrhea again. Sweaty palms and feet. I am overthinking all the time. I lost appetite, interest in involving into any activity. I feel almost like in the early stages of withdrawal, only without the dereaIisation, which makes it even scarier to me. I was hoping to find support here and help me distinguish whether it is a relapse or a wave , because till now I knew it is a wave, but this time it feels pretty real. I am constantly asking myself whether is it possible to get such a massive set back after going trough waves that were not that bad followed by a nice window. Any advise would be highly appreciated. Thank you! P. S Sorry for the long post!
  13. Hello - I've never posted on a site like this. Please bear with me. I had my first depressive episode at age 20 (2007). Was prescribed fluoxetine 20mg. This helped for years. I had maybe up to a year here in there where I was not on it. But always started again. I had some anxiety at the beginning of 2014. Was prescribed xanax as needed to help me get through. I continued taking xanax occasionally (sometimes more than occasionally) after a terminal diagnosis and death of a parent. In 2018 fluoxetine was increased to 30mg. i had a panic "episode" for the first time in July of 2019. It was awful. I saw a psychiatrist for the first time and they upped my fluoxetine to 60mg and started me on round the clock clonazepam - finally capping at 4.5-6mg a day. He wanted me on more, but I was starting to fall asleep at the wheel. I was also to take xanax for "break through" anxiety. I tapered down a little bit before the pandemic started. But then stopped all tapering for a while. April 2021 I took what was supposed to be a "last dose" after doing the whole cutting my doses by .25-.5mg every couple weeks or so. I wasn't really on a schedule. After that "last" dose I could not sleep. My legs were SUPER restless. It was awful. I was told it was not related to benzos. I trusted this. I was told it might even be because of the fluoxetine, despite never having that symptom before in over a decade. So, I took a benzo to sleep. I did this off and on till the end of July, 2021. Then I got a new psychiatrist (the other one retired) they prescribed my gabapentin for the restless legs. It helped. I slept without the benzos. However, I would still take them on occasion for anxiety, but less and less. Cut to end of November 2021, sudden loud tinnitus that amped up my anxiety so high. I was in a panic. I was put back on daily benzo use. I was also started on during the day gabapentin doses as well as propranolol. I was then told I should try ketamine to help with my anxiety. You can't be on benzos and do ketamine, so I tapered off starting in January. I did .25mg-.5mg every cut... I was not on a specific schedule. MY LAST DOSE OF BENZOS WAS MARCH 28TH, 2022. Two days later I started 5 ketamine treatments over the course of 3 wks. It was awful. I do not know if ketamine just wasn't for me, or if it was benzo related. I had severe anxiety and panic, and due to the ketamine, could not take benzos for relief. maybe that was a blessing, because I definitely would have otherwise. After the ketamine, I stopped propranolol. I was tapered off prozac and started on 7.5mg mirtazapine. Shortly after starting the mirtazapine I stopped the gabapentin. I stayed on the mirtazapine for 6-8 wks. I had weird dreams and it made my head and eyes feel pretty awful. So I was switched to sertraline. I recently went up to 75mg and plan to go to 100mg starting on August 8th. I don't know if starting another SSRI was the right thing or not... but, honestly, I'm desperate and have even thought about just asking for benzos again. 130 days post benzos and all these other med changes, I feel really awful. I had about two weeks in May where I felt pretty good, but crashed quickly. I find I cannot stop crying. Anxiety is always there. I suppose that my body has been on benzos so long it doesn't know how to manage the anxiety on it's own. Doing anything feels like climbing a large mountain (like even unloading the dishwasher). I wake up almost every day between 3 and 5 and then can't go back to sleep. Napping is next to impossible unless I just get very lucky. Sleep is the only relief. Tinnitus is still there. I sleep with a headband on that has headphones in it that I can play nature sounds on so I can sleep. Sleep is the only relief. Mornings are the hardest anxiety wise. Evenings I feel a little more grounded, which makes me not want to go to bed because I know I will have to wake up to the anxiety again. Like if I could just stay awake, then it wouldn't come. And then I wake up and cannot wait for night to come so I can sleep again. My hope is in the idea that if I just keep waking up and going to sleep, eventually, life with end. I just have to keep doing it. My faith and prayer helps get me through to the evening. I don't know what I would do without it. For a couple months there, getting off meds and getting my body healthy was highly motivated by wanting to be a mom. However, my husband recently let me know that he does not want to be a parent ... and my mental "illness" plays a large role in the reason for this. I'm crushed. I honestly often feel like there is now no reason to try and be off all of these meds anymore. Whats the point? I feel better on the benzos. But my husband also hates how much I was just "on the couch like an addict passed out." Which, is probably true. The benzos knocked me out. But it was relieving. He says he is empty and has nothing left to give. I feel so awful about it all. I think he might leave me. I wouldn't blame him. At this point, I feel crazy. I'm told I am not hearing things that people say correctly. I really thought I was getting better, but then my family was talking about having me go inpatient somewhere. None of them really think this is benzo related at this point - my doctor definitely does not. I don't know what to think. I'm going to take leave from work for a few months. But don't know what I will do with myself. But I'm ironically, a mental health therapist, and just can't do it right now. I didn't know that benzos could be addictive. Or I did, but I thought if they were taken outside of how they were prescribed. I always took them as prescribed so thought I was fine. I was never told about withdrawal symptoms expect to let the doctor know if "my anxiety increased." I had no idea. I feel so dumb. I didn't even look anything up on the internet. Positives (limited at this point): I no longer get tingling sensations in my face and feet. Hot flashes seem to be gone. Sorry this is so long. Any thoughts or advice are appreciated. Is this normal? Will I get a window soon? Thank you
  14. It is so gratifying to see psychiatry held accountable. Thank you Ang, Horowitz, and Moncrieff for not letting psychiatry off the hook! * Is the chemical imbalance an ‘urban legend’? An exploration of the status of the serotonin theory of depression in the scientific literature by Benjamin Ang, Mark Horowitz, Joanna Moncrieff Received 23 November 2021, Revised 26 March 2022, Accepted 9 April 2022, Available online 18 April 2022, Version of Record 25 April 2022. Link to full article, available for free: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S266656032200038X?via%3Dihub#bib14 * Abstract The theory that depression is caused by a serotonin abnormality or other chemical imbalance has become widely accepted by the public and is one prominent justification for the use of antidepressants. However, it has been increasingly questioned and there is little evidence it has empirical support. In response, leading psychiatrists suggested it was an ‘urban legend’ that was never taken seriously by the psychiatric profession. To interrogate these claims, we examined the coverage of the serotonin theory of depression in a sample of highly cited and influential academic literature from 1990, when the theory started to be popularized, to 2010 when these responses were articulated. We analysed 30 highly cited reviews of the aetiology of depression in general, 30 highly cited papers on depression and serotonin specifically and a sample of influential textbooks. The majority of the aetiology reviews supported the hypothesis, including some that were entirely devoted to describing research on the serotonin system, and those that reviewed the aetiology of depression more broadly. Research papers on the serotonin system in depression were highly cited and most of them strongly supported the serotonin theory. All textbooks supported the theory, at least in some sections, and devoted substantial coverage to it, although some also acknowledged it remained provisional. The findings suggest that the serotonin theory was endorsed by the professional and academic community. The theory is compared to an exhausted Kuhnian paradigm with professional equivocation about it acting as a means of defending it against encroaching criticism. The analysis suggests that, despite protestations to the contrary, the profession bears some responsibility for the propagation of a theory that has little empirical support and the mass antidepressant prescribing it has inspired. *
  15. So recently I had to stop taking my lexapro… been on for 7 years stopped at 5mg…. Having issues with Parkinson’s movement tremors.. my eyes when I look left or right get stuck and cause me to have a seizure like symptom. Cannot focus my eyes. Feels like I’m going cross eyed and then starts the seizures… is this normal? It’s been 3 weeks now since taken… thinking of going back on so I can work and be normal!! ADVICE
  16. The following was posted by a reviewer on the iherb site, offering her responses to the supplement 'Jarrow Formulas, TMG, Trimethyglycine. I take the liberty of posting it here as I was struck by how much benefit she claims to have derived from TMG. I am NOT in any way involved with the sale of this or any other health product. The following testimonial is copied from: http://www.iherb.com/product-reviews/Jarrow-Formulas-TMG-Trimethylglycine-500-mg-120-Tablets/141/?p=1&fr=5 "TMG is a godsend. When I went off antidepressants rather suddenly and was fishing around for something to stop panic attacks and intense bad moods, TMG was the first consistent improvement. Four years later, it is still an indispensable part of my regimen. Perhaps its most important effect is recycling homocysteine into SAMe, which has antidepressant effects. Unchecked homocysteine sensitizes neurons to glutamate toxicity, and probably harms new neurons trying to grow in the hippocampus. Other B-vitamins have also helped me, especially B-2 and B-6 (pyridoxamine), along with fish oil and a non-choline source of uridine (for example magnesium orotate, or triacetyluridine). Some of these will help migraines and focus along with mood. I take 500 to 1000 mg TMG a day; much more may raise cholesterol. Don't mix with acetyl-l-carnitine (and in fact, if you're depressive, I'd advise against acetyl-l-carnitine altogether, thanks to its acetylcholinergic activity). TMG raises carnitine levels itself, and has a mild choline sparing effect. SAMe, by the way, is similar but not so safe; the surge in SAMe levels will create a surge in homocysteine. I tried combining the two, hoping TMG would recycle the homocysteine back SAMe, but I've found TMG on its own most stabilizing and effective."
  17. Hi people. I’ve been roaming around here since about 2 weeks ago and I finally decided to make an account about 2 days ago to get some help. So let me tell you about how this started and where I am today. I started taking the antidepressant sertraline in at the start of 2015 or even maybe late 2014, I’m not quite sure and don’t know how to get my medical history but I should try and get it. I was almost 14. It was for anxiety and depression that came with it, which now I look back at was not that serious like a lot of people say. I took 50mg and along the timeline of just less than 2 years on it, I think it changed to 25mg once or twice. It might have started at 25. It didn’t work for me as I felt numb and would have had sexual dysfunction (still felt interested and had a bit of function. A bit of numbness and only the slightest bit of pleasure) but didn’t know at the time because I didn’t experiment that much. I stopped taking it and shortly after started on fluoxetine late 2016 I think, at 15 years old. Began at 10mg and felt ok and again not too sure on sexual function but not completely gone. I didn’t feel as emotionally numb. I still didn’t feel reallyhappy so after about a year, it went up to 20mg. This is when I felt really happy and stuck with it. I had the odd occasion where I couldn’t cry but I was fine. Now let’s get to more recent experiences. In May 2020 I turned 19 and started thinking about my sexuality deeply and thought about how I didn’t feel right. I couldn’t get proper pleasure but thought maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough. But, weirdly I was watching something and they said they couldn’t comebecause they were on antidepressants and that was all they said but that was enough tocatch me and I wanted to know more about that and I googled antidepressants and sexual side effects. I obviously read that they can cause you to have difficulty orgasming and have less sensation and it would go away if you stopped. So it made sense and I wanted to get off as soon as possible. I unfortunately read about how you can get off them and saw you shouldn’t have to taper at all with fluoxetine. So. I just stopped taking it on 18th June 2020, just over 4 months ago. I said Iwould go back on if I started to feel bad after a month but I felt pretty fine and just had a few side effects that I thought would get better quite quickly and not get worse. All of July I was feeling a bit worse but fine. August, I started to feel more numb and had stomach issues like loss of appetite, pains and diarrhoea. I thought this would just get better soon. I noticed during that month I did start to feel more sexual and thought I was soon to be healed. I would also get aroused out of the blue, it was kinda uncomfortable and I felt extra sensitive all around. Again I thought this was things getting back to normal and it would pass. And by late August I didn’t feel so emotionally numb too and was laughing more. September is when things got worse. Continuing stomach problems and crying and remembering feeling more anxiety that I hadn’t felt in years. I’ve lost about 6 pounds since then and I’m a slim person. So not happy. I would get the odd time I would get aroused randomly, but not bad. I still experience SD, or PSSD, but don’t know if even to call it that since I’m still going through withdrawal. October- this is when it got really bad.Things started to get more intense. My eyes started to deteriorate. A bit of blurred vision and pain, mostly in my left eye which the pupil is always bigger. It would hurt more with more carbohydrate and unhealthy food, whichlead me to believe I might have diabetes but I was tested and I don’t have it apparently. I’ve heard that a large percentage of serotonin receptors are in your gut so it makes sense that certain foods would change the serotonin and cause me to feel different, but mostly my eye. My body is feeling very sensitive. My ears are more sensitive to sound, still having trouble eating, more and more unwanted arousal, but still sexually numb. It has started to hurt, and over the past week, like right now, it’s hurting even more. My whole body is hurting but mostly my nerves in my genitals and legs. I get shooting pains in my head, which started about a week and a half ago, which send pains into my body. I also get numb points, like in my face, back and legs. I get pains when touching these areas. The medication really seems to be wearing off now. I have also had a bit of brain fog for a few weeks, but now it’s strong since the head pains, along with emotional numbing. I’ve not sleep well at all for the past week which is making things a lot worse obviously. So I’ve been thinking about reinstating for a few weeks since things keep getting worse and not better. If it gets much worse I don’t think I’ll be able to cope. But could this get better with time? I have read about reinstating; mostly what Altostrata has said about it. So I looked at some medication that I still have left and they are capsules with powder, but I know it would still be possible to take a low dose of it. I don’t have scales for mg measurements but I would take a VERY tiny amount of it and would see how it would make me feel. It would definitely be less than a mg. On Saturday, I opened one tablet, tipped out the contents and left a reeeally tiny bit of it in there and thought about swallowing that. Half an hour passed and I said no. I didn’t want to go back and I thought maybe it’s a sign that I will get better with time. But I really need to know whether going back on now would be best or not because it might get too late. I’m very worried that it might not make things better and just hold things from getting worse if I reinstate, and I will have to deal with these symptoms for a long time. I don’t want things getting worse and then staying like that. Now I’m thinking it would be best to go back on. I just don’t know. Right now I don’t feel like the pain is unbearable but I really hurt. My brain and nerves are hurting as I type. I feel less anhedonia today and colours are quite bright. But I feel less like crying, since these head pains and body pains started getting worse about a week ago. Something seems to be shutting off.
  18. Hello everybody, First I would like to say that I am new here and hope to be able to contribute well in this forum. I apologize for any grammatical mistakes, I myself come from Germany and translate most via google. Now my story: (please read it, I'll try to be brief) I've been dealing with genital numbness long before I've ever taken a psychotropic drug. I have had pronounced depression and anxiety since around 2012. My first antidepressant was fluoxetine, which I gave myself in the summer of 2015. I loved it at first: it did not make me feel negative things so strong but I was not a "zombie". It also seemed to improve my genital numbness, all worked fine. In conjunction with alcohol, it gave me a wonderful, light feeling that I will never forget. In the spring of 2016, I switched to fluvoxamine, as fluoxetine barely helped me against anxiety, and the effect seemed to be abating in general. I call it about a year until the spring of 2017. Since this also only weakly helped against fears, and also hardly any effect, I put it off. A few days later, I got genital feeling numbness, but at the time I still had a girl and a strong libido. I first came across PSSD but thought maybe my depression just came back and PSSD is a scientific hyphenation. The numbness improved fortunately within 2-3 months, at the end of the year my libido and feeling was more intense than ever. All I had to do was look at a woman's back and was excited. My experience with drugs was rather positive until then. Now comes the misery: In a clinic (where my libido was so good) I had Trazodone prescribed. I had constant sleep disturbances and fears, depression was well under control. I took 100 mg for one week, I got restless legs syndrome and could hardly sleep. My libido was fast in the basement, as I've never known it in my life. I did not know sexual discomfort until then. I still could get an erection, but orgasm was not so intense and my sperm was waterier than usual. I thought (unfortunately) I let the drug adjust something to my system. From the second week on was dosed to 200 mg, I was finally able to sleep. But I became so dizzy and generally uncomfortable with Trazodone. I really felt like a zombie, almost remotely controlled. It felt like acid was eating through my spine, as soon as I took the pills on my tongue she became numb. I also got spontaneous erections, but when I tried to do it on purpose, it barely worked. So I set off Trazodone after 9 days (7 * 100mg, 2 * 200mg). My worst nightmare came true: I got genital numbness, my libido just did not return. I also noticed an emotional numbness. Now I know that PSSD really exists. I hate myself for getting myself into these pills again. All I wanted to do was sleep again and not have any constant anxiety attacks anymore. The withdraw is now soon 3 months ago. I still have almost no libido, and genital numbness. Also sometimes testicular pain. I feel cold and warmth, and pain, but hardly any normal touch. I tried St. John's Wort with Ginkgo and Maca, I had some emotional and libido windows but I stopped because my d*ck went more numb. Now I'm taking chlorella, curcumin, green tea and maca. Sometimes I feel something like arousal again, but it's hardly fun because it feels so numb. I sometimes have brain zaps too, is that a good sign? I want my life back I never thought that my life would be so changed by 11 stupid pills from ******* pahrma mafia. regards
  19. NOSEXscitalopram I am a 23 years old male and I was prescribed antidepressants 2 years ago, which permanently damaged my sexuality. It was Spring 2017, after a stressful period of time caused by anemia, I began experiencing symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder. I started having depersonalization, a state in which a person feels "detached" from their mind, thoughts, and emotions. I tried psychotherapy for 2 months, but it was not beneficial for me at all, therefore my next decision was to make an appointment with a private psychiatrist. He prescribed me an antidepressant called ‘Escitalopram’ (also known under the brand names of Cipralex and Lexapro) and said that these medications were well tolerated and the ‘only side effects’ that most of his patients experienced was a dry mouth. A couple of days after starting the antidepressant, my genitals became numb and my sexual functioning decreased by around 50%. I literally felt like I was 90 years old! During my second appointment, I reported this side effect to the psychiatrist, and he reacted by prescribing a different antidepressant. Unfortunately, it was causing the same problem. We then tried a third one which caused more sexual side effects. I kept taking it for about 3 weeks and decided to quit as I had had enough. My psychiatrist informed me, that I might get withdrawal symptoms which are mild and last around a week. When I discontinued the medications, I went through hell! I experienced horrible brain zaps, anxiety, sadness, shaking, insomnia, sweating, and severe problems with concentration - it all lasted about 7 weeks. Additionally, the sexual side effects still persisted at that time - I thought that it could not be possible, so I visited my GP. I had all sorts of medical tests that revealed no abnormalities. Furthermore, I got back to my psychiatrist with the issue, who said that in some cases antidepressants cause permanent sexual dysfunctions. I was terrified. Then I got referred to a urologist, who confirmed that my problem was caused by the antidepressant and unfortunately there was no treatment for it. I am now stuck with permanent damage from these medications and there is no help for me and many sufferers at all. This issue was first reported to regulators in 1991 and the first time any regulator actually confirmed the problem and requested updates of all SSRI/SNRI leaflets was the European Medication Agency in May 2019. Still, there is no research into it and many GPs say that PSSD does not exist. How horrible life can be when you have a condition, which existence is denied by pharmaceutical companies and even medical professionals. I am in an anhedonia state, which negatively affected my progress at university, and destroyed my relationship. I do not think that I will ever be able to have my own family that I have always dreamt of. Antidepressants permanently damaged my sexuality and left me suicidal. But of course, these medications are still recognized as safe and there are more and more people who are prescribed and take them worldwide.
  20. Hi guys, Here is a little about me: I’ve been on antidepressants most my life. I didn’t have a good childhood and I thought these pills were the godsend answers we all wanted. I thought antidepressants were equivalent to insulin to diabetics. I honestly felt the worst on my concoction of pills. I was on something like 600mg of Seroquel XR, Valium, and something else to “help” the Seroquel. I felt more suicidal. I was put into a psych hospital for a week and I met a doctor who told me that my problem is hypothyroidism. He said so many doctors will overlook this one and go straight to psych meds. I got my blood checked and it showed I had low T3 and T4 cells. Pretty much that I do have hypothyroidism. I wanted to thank him the next day, but I found out he was “let go”. I had to do mandatory therapy (well they said it was mandatory, I don’t know if that was a lie) and DBT and CPT was great. I really enjoyed it. Well after I graduated, my therapist said I was cleared of everything. I still followed up with my psychiatrist for meds. She was gone on maternity leave and a younger male psychiatrist filled in for her. Before she left, we were tapering my meds. Now I didn’t know antidepressants caused withdrawals. I thought it would be like birth control where if I stopped, things would adjust back to my normal self. Well I reduced Celexa from 60mg to 50mg, reduces Lamictal, got rid of Abilify and Prazosin. I got super sick around 4 days but I didn’t have a fever. I also felt much more strange. Everywhere in my body hurt from each hair follicle to a single cell. It was the strangest pain and honestly I was ready to die. I couldn’t think of what would get me sick. My husband and I ate the same food and nothing changed except my medication reduction. Could that be it? One google search and wow. What is this “SSRI withdrawal”? There was so much about the world of antidepressants. From money to politics to health to bribery to black mail to media, antidepressants are a huge commodity. I saw both the pros and cons, the light and the dark. I was angry. I was angry at myself, the (American) medical system, and having withdrawals while finding this out sucked. Sucked super bad. I didn’t know the chemical imbalance was marketing plan. I totally fell for it. Never in my life once have I ever gotten a test done to show what my imbalances are. If a test even exists. I went back for a follow up at the mental health clinic I was assigned to after the week hospital stay and saw the fill-in while my main psychiatrist was away on maternity leave. I asked him, “how come no doctor ever in my life, ever told me about the pros and cons of antidepressants? Why did they just feed it to me?” And he replied, “each doctor has their own ethics.” And I said, “so I’m going to be possibly stuck feeling sick from withdrawals the rest of my life?” And he replied, “You’re going to be stuck with depression for the rest of your life.” He said it in a tone where he was getting angry. He then commented how I’m probably going to need medication for the rest of my life. At this moment, I knew things were bad. I got myself into a huge mess. And no doctor was on my side. Thats when I started to google everything. I even came across this site and some others too. A lot actually. I started to taper on my own following guides. As a matter of fact, I hate to say this because pharmaceuticals is a touchy subject, but I have gotten better and throuough advice from people online rather than my local health professionals. People online have given me better advice than licensed doctors....I’ve single handily experienced incompetent doctors and now I feel ‘trained’ that I just cannot trust American doctors with my mental health anymore. I’m afraid anything I say they will use against me. That my withdrawals are my symptoms coming back or my withdrawals are helping “new” underlying mental problems appear. I remember when I was 19 or 20, a psychiatrist was diagnosing me and finding pills using some app on an iPad. No blood test or brain scan. No science. Not even using the DSM. Just a free iPad app anyone can download. Let me wrap this up. I honestly abused antidepressants for 5 years. I would stub my toe, get mad, make an appointment, get a new drug or increase dose or both. I literally thought antidepressants were magic. I felt the worst in those 5 years. I was so cloudy, depressed, a huge mess. I thought this was normal and it’s the “depression” as my doctors would call it. After the fiasco of finding out about withdrawals, I was more than ready to stop. I tapered too fast. Celexa was the most difficult. I started tapering Celexa in April 2017 and stopped my final dose on Dec 2017. Celexa has given me the worst withdrawals. I lost my job due to constantly feeling ill and hallucinating/dreaming. I can’t do basic functions such as math so finding a retail job isn’t doable right now. My speech isn’t the same and I have a more difficult time with vocabulary. My stomach will cramp and I will get nauseous. When I do, I hallucinate like I am having a psychedelic trip on a substance. I recently found out that me “dreaming” while I’m awake is called derealization. I gave myself an injury because I felt like i was floating and dreaming, which ended up costing me a trip to the ER. I had the “lol so what? ;p” mentality. Now I have permanent ugly scars that remind me of this everyday. I deal with mental struggles because I had a bad childhood. That’s a given and that’s life. But I felt that was an excuse to give me all these labels and load me up on pills. And an excuse on my part. I do believe my health now is me “reaping what I sowed” because I did go to the doctors like it was a candy store. Both doctors and myself are to blame. I was ignorant and naive and I followed the crowd and I am literally reaping what I sowed. Pharmaceuticals is a touchy subject and I just want to be good terms. I’ve been called out saying that I’m ignorant for labeling antidepressants as crap as it has helped some people. A gal I grew up with is becoming a nurse and asked people’s opinion on Big Pharma, mainly opiates. As a matter of fact, she didn’t know antidepressants were part of “Big Pharma”. So I left a comment (Facebook) about how she should look into antidepressants as well. Another girl I grew up with whom is also becoming a nurse told me it’s ignorant and wrong of me to say that as it helps her with her chemical imbalance. She then proceeded to say and that you can find depression with brainscans and what not. And then linked a bunch of articles. I decided not to argue becaue she’s learning to become a nurse. I feel that’s like me joining the NRA and my husband trying to tell me guns are bad. In other words, I was walking into a lost battle. With that, I was asked to write an introduction. I know antidepressants are touchy so I won’t argue with anyone whether they’re good or bad. Like DBT and CPT taught me, to each their own. I don’t mean to offend anyone with this as this is my personal story. Currently, I am on the road to recovery. Some days are okay and some days are not. Thank you for taking your time to read this.
  21. Hi all, I am writing from the BBC. The Victoria Derbyshire show in the UK are producing a short film about anti-depressant withdrawals and are looking to speak to individuals who have used local street drug dependency services for support throughout this process. If you are someone who has used the support services of street drug charities in the UK for antidepressant withdrawal and are interested in taking part, please do reach out to me via the personal messaging system . We appreciate the very sensitive nature of this difficult experience and anything spoken about will remain confidential unless otherwise agreed. Many thanks.
  22. Hi all!iam new to this site also new on antipsycotics. i believe you do great work about helping people from what i saw until now and i would like to say my problem to see if someone has experienced it and how can i possible deal with it.ok lets start recently my mother had an appoinment with her psyc doctor about me to talk about some issues.the days before that i did a minimun dose of MDMA .when i was on the docs office i started feeling fear and i said to him everything about what drugs i tried in the past.i was unable to conCetrate or talk normally i was feeling intense fear and panic for something bad will happen.the doctor said that iam on a psycosis episode and he told my mother that he needs to hospitalize me and to investigate what is happening to me.he prescribed me zyprexa about 10mg a day and after 3 days i went in to start the "therapy".the 1st days was ok the doctors was asking me things (for only 15-20 min a day) and i was really thinking that is a way to do good to myself cause i didnt knew. now the bad part begins. in day 10-12 on zyprexa i noticed changes in my breast start to grow but i didnt gave so much weight cause i was eating like a beast.then i started feeling like i could not have sex at all.i said these things to doctors and they were like "oh you might have that but they will go away".then i asked to stop the "therapy" but the doctor said he can not let me go out cause he thought i have an episode or something.my mother agreed and they kept me 5 more days in against my will.i refused to take anymore the zyprexa pill so they convinced me to take invega instead for 3 days.i took it cause i was something weird was goin on inside my head and i was convinced i need the pill cause iam mentally ill.anyway from that day i knew that keeping me in against my will and giving meds is illegal and the only thing i want was to go out and stop the pills(extremely difficult).at least i did it i went out of there but on the 17 day with a lot of pressure SO it might be a short time(21 days zyprexa and invega)taking that pills but i noticed these symptoms and i want your help (ITS BEEN A MONTH IAM OUT OF THESE DRUGS )BUT STILL HAVE THOSE SYMPTOMS my breast grew (not noticable from others but i believe that is the start of man boob thing) i have no libido lack of motivation lack of concentration anhedonia muscle stiffness some tremors on muscle still anhedonia depression more than ever feeling like a zombie lying in a bed all day suicidal thinking i want you to focus on the breast enlargement (man boob thing) and and the sexual dusfuntion am i have to be like this forever?anyone had gone through it ? also i have to say that i did hormonal test and my prolactin levels was back to normal and the testosterone levels was good too but my breast is still bigger and my libido and my sex drive is still messed up. i now that is not a serious thing to talk about but i need help and iam despaired i dont know what to do my parents and doctors dont believe me about all these things. also dont forget to say iam a mucisian iam playing drums and have a lot of interest on sports like skate and football.its like i lost my skills my interest i cant listen to music like i did and i cerntailny believe my legs are damaged due to the movement disorders now iam stucked in home crying and do nothing only searcing for other cases like me to reliefe the pain HELP I THINK MY LIFE SCREWED FOR EVER NOT LOVE MY SELFE ANYMORE ETC AND ALL THAT FOR 20 DAYS thank you for listening me
  23. Hello, My Achilles tendon of the left leg hurts a lot (the one of the right leg only a little). I've been trying to avoid impact, warm up well before exercising and apply heat (cold worsens the situation), but the pain is getting worse. I can not even walk without limping! I'm almost reaching 50% of my initial dose of 150mg venlafaxine (Effexor) and somewhere around the 40% I started having muscle and joint pain. During my withdrawal from benzodiazepine last year, this type of pain was my main problem. At one point I became bedridden. Will it be the same with the antidepressant? I'm very scared! In particular, I don't know what to do in relation to my Achilles tendon pain. Should I see a doctor? I am sure he/she will prescribe a bunch of medication, muscle relaxants, etc. that I do not want and can not take, and perhaps some useless and time consuming physical therapy. Has anyone had this kind of problem? What did you do? Thank you for your ideas!
  24. Hello, My name is Olivia and I’ve been on and off antidepressants for the last 10 years. It’s crazy to say that, because it goes to show how much it has affected my life. Since the first pill I took in 2009, my life was forever changed. It started when I CONVINCED myself I had ADHD, even going as far as to cheating a medical exam that “could prove” if I had it or not. Actually taking the medicine, I felt so good, so absolute sure I was going to be cured, and successful. That all came to an end when the lack of sleep lead to a full blown panic attack that lead me to the ER, only to find I was in fact NOT dying of a heart attack. When I got off the medicine (40mg 1x day of Dexedrine), I went into a downward spiral. This was when I decided to take a semester off from art school, and get better at home. The break didn’t do much, I really needed therapy but instead I went back to finish school, this time I would take another drug to help me focus and something to help me sleep. It was trazadone and focalin I took next. It got me through my senior year of art school, barely. As soon as I walked to get my diploma, I decided to cut those drugs cold turkey. I was in a fog. My boss at my new job, working at a grocery store, almost fired me because I didn’t appear present nor happy. But I assured them I wanted the job, just needed to get some personal stuff out of the way. To which brought me to Zoloft. It helped my energy and feeling of balance again. The side effects, I didn’t realize until years later, were joint pain. I was blinded by the fact that this drug was helping me, that when I started to have severe pain in my body, I thought for sure it was something I had developed since my family has a history of autoimmune diseases. Sure enough, I went on to taking in addition to Zoloft, a non narcotic pain medication by the name of Neurontin. I was taking neurontin 3x day 300mg each. It helped, but I was still a mess. I lost most of my close friends from college, even though we lived in the same town. I was living with a family of alcoholics just so I could live in the expensive city I went to school in. Then I decided to go back home. It was the best choice I had ever made. It lead to the support of my family and eventually, I was able to get off the meds. It took seeing my family to help me take a good hard look at myself and to decide what to do next. I got off my meds cold turkey, had the worst zaps whip and zip throughout my body and brain. For two weeks I couldn’t stop crying. Eventually those withdrawal affects went away. I would like to say I continued off the meds, but only after two years of being off them, I was in another crisis and too afraid of my emotions. I was dealing with a whole new set of life changes again, and I didn’t know how to cope with them. But the new therapist who I had really could understand me and she helped me find a good combination of antidepressants. It’s been three years since I started back on the antidepressants. Im currently taking 40 mg of Paxil, and 150mg of Wellbutrin. A lot has changed over the course of three years. I ended up moving back to where this whole cycle started, living in my college town, but this time with a new feeling of confidence. I started a new career. I gained a new relationship with someone really understanding and great. I don’t feel the need to change anything. Except for one thing. I want children. It won’t be for another couple years until I start trying. But I think about the complications and what my medicine could do to a child if it were in my body. I also wonder long term. Can this really be safe? Why am I taking antidepressants if I no longer feel depressed? I thank you if you’ve gotten all the way through my story. I know it’s a lot of information. Please give me any advice or tell me how you honestly feel about antidepressants. Seeing the harm it does to people really scares me and I’m very afraid of being off the medication. I wonder if I’m tainted or damaged because of my history with them. I wish I could go back in time, never had taken the pill that started this whole ordeal from the beginning.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy