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Community of Healing, hello. In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately came to the realization that pharmaceutical medications would not be the answer to my suffering. Pharmaceutical medications had been the cause of my suffering. And what my brain and body needed was support, tenderness, forgiveness, care and time... TIME... to heal. Benzodiazepines had been the first drugs I withdrew from. That was a brutal, nightmarish withdrawal, but relatively short-lived (acute @ 8 months). Tapering from Mirtazapine proved a longer journey, a much longer journey that I shared here. So this is my success story, my chapter-turning post. This is my declaration that I have been successful in tapering from medications that had deranged my nervous system to such a degree that I was scarcely able to operate in the world anymore. I took much time to make this declaration of success as I am by nature skeptical, and wanted to be sure that healing had indeed come - and come to stay. I feel that it has. I discontinued Mirtazapine, my last psychotropic medication, on June 15, 2019. There are still some echos of it that I deal with in day to day life. My issues with histamine intolerance I believe are directly attributable to Mirtazapine's affinity for histamine receptor occupancy. I manage this issue with dietary and exercise modifications as well as use of select vitamins and herbs. It is not life-deterring. It can be inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant, but it is nowhere near as debilitating as withdrawal itself had been. Despite posting this success story, I'm not going anywhere really. I am always happy to answer questions about my journey. When I was in the worst of my own withdrawal, the feedback from moderators and members of this community and elsewhere were absolute lifelines. Not that anyone could necessarily fix my problems - but I could walk away with sound, compassionate advice and if nothing else, the knowledge that my suffering had been heard, and that someone ultimately cared about me. Your suffering is heard, and someone ultimately cares about you. I want to thank @Altostrata and every moderator past and present for their kind forbearance, compassion, and dedication. I want to thank every member for their strength, endurance, bravery, and perseverance towards a healthy life free of the chemicals that have caused them harm. You all have something, many things, to be proud of. I believe in every human's potential to heal. Take your time, taper well, make the most sound choices you can, and know that healing is absolutely within your power to achieve. Hang in there, Dave

Hi everyone, I am writing to seek support during what has become a frightening experience for me. I have a history of severe depression and as I started to come out of the last one in the middle of 2018, I accepted the proposition put by al psychiatrist that I needed to be on high doses of psychiatric drugs. The two most significant were Lexapro at 45mgs and Mirtazapine at 90mgs daily. He also had me on Epilim and Propanolol to counter the impact of the benzodiazepines I was withdrawing from. The Lexapro was causing me to be uncomfortable with wind and I came off it over a couple of weeks at the end of last year without any difficulty. The Epilim and Propanolol were also removed. The massive dose of Mirtazapine remained, however. Even though it is prescribed off label for sleep, I was finding getting to sleep increasingly difficult. This is what led me to make a mistake seven weeks ago. Without consulting anyone I reduced the drug to 45mgs for three nights. This led to the onset of a nasty nauseous sensation in my body. I rang the psychiatrist and he told me that if I reinstated the dose the symptoms would go away. They didn't. So we reduced the dosage to 67.5mgs to see if that would enable me to stabilise on the drug. The symptoms continued. So we agreed to get off the drugs. Over the course of a week the drug was reduced to zero. Now after three nights the symptoms are worse and I am getting little sleep. This morning I was aching so much that I got up and tried to watch the cricket. My mistake was that I assumed as anti- depressants are not addictive and that because I had come off the Lexapro so easily that a reduction in my Mirtazapine dosage would cause me no problems. Moreover, I did come off 30mgs on another occasion with no problems. As as it looks as if reinstatement is not an option given the nature of my symptoms, I simply don't know where to turn. I fear that I am looking at an extended period of massive discomfort which could lead to a return of the depression.

Hello! I am a 32 y/0 female from San Diego. I'm currently working part time in accounts receivable and getting my Masters in Education and teaching credential. My descent into the psychiatric system began when I was 15 y/o, after my parents found out I had been self-injuring. I was immediately diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder and placed on a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, an antipsychotic and Naltrexone ( to help curtail my impulse to self injure). A few months later I began to hallucinate, which prompted my doctors to increase my meds dramatically. I was in and out of hospitals until I received ECT at the age of 22. ECT did nothing to improve my mood, however it did affect my ability to concentrate, form complete sentences and stay present. Since I could not remember large chunks of time I was awarded the diagnosis of "Dissociative Identity Disorder", even though I was just spaced out from the treatment. To make a long and sad story short, I decided to end my life when I turned 30. I had suffered 2 major seizures, gained 96lbs, and was a shell of a human being. However, my plans were postponed after I witnessed a beautiful interaction between a mother and daughter. I decided I would give life one last shot, and began pursuing IVF (with the hopes of finding happiness in being a mom). The first step was to get off all of the meds. Over a period of 6 months I deprescribed off of extremely high dosages of Seroquel, lithium, Effexor, desipramine, propranolol, and clonazepam. As I came off each med, I lost a "symptom" that had constituted the litany of diagnoses I had collected since i was 15. The prcoess, while terrifying and painful, was empowering. My emotions returned, I lost all of the weight, and I finally felt alive. I still experience a great deal of physical pain, that I have come to understand is related to the withdrawal syndrome - but I am here. Alive. I am really looking for people to connect with who have been through this process. Even though I am full of gratitude for the sense of self I have gained, I find the whole ordeal to be incredibly lonely. How do you put back the pieces of a past that was torn apart? How do you talk about what happened without sounding "crazy"? How do you cope with all of these new feelings? I'm not afraid to walk down this new path, but I would really like to find others so I don't have to walk it all by myself. Thanks for reading this! I can't wait to have some time to check out the other posts. i hope everyone is doing well tonight. Stay safe.

Hello all I am new here and need some help. I have suffered with severe anxiety (health) for 7 years, tried lots of different SSRI’s with some giving me suicidal thoughts. Anyway at the end of July my GP prescribed me 2mg Diazepam, I have taken them over the last few weeks (just less than 4 weeks) and I have 6 tablets left, she won’t prescribe me anymore due to dependency of these medications. Am am I going to have withdrawal from only using them for a short space of time? I am frightened to death because I suffer with health anxiety so any symptom I have I think I’m dying . Thanks in advance

Hello - I am new to this forum. I've been on another forum for several months but heard wonderful things about SurvivingAntidepressants.org. I am currently tapering from Valium after being crossed over from Klonipin after a failed and much too fast and large cut taper. If you believe in "kindling" than I AM - I'm terrified. I am the mother of 2 young children who desperately need their mother. I was promised this drug was safe - that the doses I was taking were much too low to cause a problem - and I just can't believe this has happened and apparently happens ALL THE TIME My husband is supportive but can't begin to understand what hell I was in after my last taper.....It is hard to explain the torture chamber the body can become after a failed taper......I am here looking for support and tapering advice. Patches

Hi! I am 28 year male. I´ve suffered for some years a general dizziness, insomnia and lack concentration. Let me apologise for any future grammar mistake as English is not my first language. Just to mention, although I don´t think is relevant, when I was 18 I took venlafaxine ( Vandral) for 1 year and a half or so in order to cope with depression I was suffering. A relative died and everything went messy. Anyway, I quit it. I remember I followed more or less the withdrawal instructions doctor gave me. This was long time ago, and I am not sure if it gave any side effect but don´t think so. so: Then from 18-19 to 25 I was taking methylphenidate which helped me with my assumed attention deficit. And when I was 23 I had to take Diazepam (benziodiazepines) for 1 month or less. Unfortunately I don´t remember all the details. To summarise, more or less after quiting diazepam / or ( maybe after so many years of methylphenidate) my mental skills worsened a lot Last 3-4 years I´ve been having a severe dizziness and the hell out of problems with short term memory. Also when there´s a some of stress, I forget everything and become impulsive, as if I was a little bit neurotic. It takes me 1 to sleep if I am relaxes, otherwise I could be awake for 4 hours. I visited several doctors (Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Imaging, blood tests, etc), but nothing came from that. No need to mention that it affects my performance at work. I work in an stressful environment and I belive I have to change because my "blackouts" / forgetful phases are troublesome, specially during the morning ( i wonder if anyone knows why). I already quit coffe but still there. 1. Does anyone know if benziodiazepines or maybe the interaction between them and methylphenidate could cause you any side effect? 2. Is there any reason why my black outs are stronger in the morning until mid afternoon? It was good to find this forum as most people and doctors didn´t believe me at all. If you have read it all, many thanks.