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Hello friends, I need help. I reduced my dose of citalopram during my taper in January and quickly increased three days later due to physical withdrawal symptoms. I have been holding now since then, and things have improved a lot, but still having sporadic side effects, such as headaches, a little brain, zap here and there every few days, louder Tinnitus, some headaches, insomnia. I have two questions. One, what are your thoughts as a community regarding Mark Horowitz Receptor Occupancy taper strategy? Does anybody have any advice if that strategy is better than the other protocols regarding percentage? I still have not seen pharmacist to under how to read the mg reductions on a syringe 😞 I do not have a psychiatrist who is helping me with this. I can’t find a Doctor Who knows zilch about the tapering and withdrawal issues. Second question, is it OK to continue tapering after over 6 weeks even though I’m still having some mild withdrawal symptoms? I want to add that I wanted to get off this medication as soon as possible because I do believe it is the reason I am having some medical problems. thanks for anybody who might have some insight and can give me advice. KC

Tapering off 10mg Citalopram

Mod note: link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic) I was just an 18yr old, a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really- when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations. All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once. My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month. This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs. but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem. I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now. I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me. Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache. I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived. I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system. I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness". But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact. while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care I have a good life. Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild. and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come. I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest: I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events. so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them but today, I give myself permission to bask in this feeling. it feels like the right and honest thing to do. I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem. to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery. it's worth it, believe me so very worth it!

Hi everyone, I'm new here but have used other sites trying to fathom out why I feel the way I do, trying to make sense of it all. I started taking 10 mg citalopram about 10 years ago when I suddenly started to get mild anxiety symptoms and they worked well for me. A couple of years ago I decided to come off them, I tried cold turkey which was a stupid idea and quickly went back on 10mgs. Next I tried halving my tablet but that didn't work either so I went back on 10mg. A year ago I decided on a slower approach and reduced down to 7.5 mgs. Two months later I reduced to 5mg, probably too soon in retrospect and here I am 10 months later still getting withdrawal symptoms. My symptoms seem to come and go, sometimes in phases. The head zaps are not so severe now, I just get the occasional one. Night sweats have stopped and so have the horrific nightmarish dreams. I still get strange dreams but not the horror ones. I never had nausea until recently. I get dizzy feelings, head dropping sensations, sometimes balance issues, digestive issues, aches and pains, flu like symptoms, headaches neck and shoulder stiffness, ear fulness, tinnirtus dry mouth, anxiety, crying spells, the list goes on. I am 58, retired from my office job, married with one grown up independent daughter who has her own home. My husband has his own health issues but he just gets on with things. I sometimes struggle to make him see how and why I feel the way I do when I don"t understand myself. I get gum infections which may or may not be caused by citalopram but antibiotics and citalopram don't mix well and after a course my anxiety seems to flare up. Lockdown hasn't helped and I believe my symptoms have worsened since the start of it. I don't know what to do for the best, whether to increase or try another antidepressant or come off all together. Could the reduced dose, which I achieve by using a pill cutter and they are not precise, be prolonging my symptoms, I could be 1 mg out either way? Thanks for reading.Regards.

Hi, First of all I'd like to thank everyone connected with this site, I'm learning so much about the best methods of reducing Citalopram and am grateful for those of you who set this up, maintain it and contribute! A heartfelt Thank You. I don't have any where near as horrific a story as many here and I hope no one minds me dropping by; I'm looking for advice on my next steps. I was prescribed Citalopram 20mg after a couple of months off work with 'anxiety (NOS)'; basically I couldn't get off the sofa without feeling I was going to faint. I think I react by Freezing in the Fight/Flight/Freeze response. After a couple of years I talked to my Dr about coming off and, as with many of you, was advised wrongly to drop by half for a few weeks then stop totally. All was tolerable for a couple of months (nasty symptoms but tolerable) until the crushing fatigue hit and I thought perhaps I wasn't ready to come off Citalopram as the fatigue was my main reason for starting on the drug in the first place. I wasn't just tired, it felt as though my soul was tired. So I went back on the drug in Sept 2016 and eventually steadied at 20mg. Last year I wanted to reduce the dose to see if I could cope without....still naive about how this should really be done....and dropped to 15mg then 10mg after a while. I had a few withdrawal symptoms but they were manageable. Had a great autumn and winter so thought I could drop again. Last month I reduced the dose to ~7.5mg (cutting a 10mg pill into quarters so can't be precise). This is where I found you all, I wanted some reassurance that I was doing this the right way, hahahahha, I now see it isn't. So, I've decided to dissolve my 10mg tablet in water and pipette out the desired amount, reducing by 10% after a period of stability. I've ordered the pipettes and a beaker so should be in a position to start this soon. However.....in the meantime, my withdrawal symptoms are getting stronger at times, it's erratic and difficult to find any pattern. My question is, would you recommend I go back to 10mg, stabilize then taper by 10% or should I sit this out until I settle then commence the 10% routine? It's important to me that I remain in work, so far so good and I really don't want to experience that fatigue again. My symptoms are fuggy brain, irritability, lack of concentration, socially withdrawn, tingling in my fingers and left side of my face/neck, tiredness, twitching and the feeling of ants marching over my skin, the ants are wearing boots! Many thanks for reading. Mamgu

Hi I am new here, I was on citalopram for 9 years at 40mg and I thought it wasn’t working as well as previous so asked my dr for some cbt to try help but instead he switched me to mirtazapine on a 10 days switch taper(I had no knowledge on tapering at the time). I felt awful for the next 8 weeks so he then switched me back and I had an allergic reaction to the citalopram this time so he switched me to sertraline 100mg which still didn’t help and he then told me to stop with just a 2 week taper. I am now 4 months on nothing and have so many withdrawal/kindling symptoms. *constant heart flutters especially if I get adrenaline rushes or take any different medications or exercise * fast heart rate a lot * GI issues. * off balance, on a boat or drunk feeling * reactive to some foods and drinks *chest pains *brain fog *anxiety and panic *eye floaters and blurry vision *tremors and internal vibrations *weight lose, no appetite And more I just want to know if this is all normal and has anyone else had all the heart symptoms. Fast, fluttering and feeling weird. I get it a lot more if I do anything physical or eat sugary foods.

Any tardive akathisia success stories? Thought this might be a really nice post of hope for a condition that is usually seen as very hopeless. 🙂 I've seen a few people successfully heal from acute akathesia by changing their dosage etc. But was wondering if there was any success stories on tardive or withdrawal akathesia, especially for those who aren't even on meds anymore? Also if anyone has been in a similar position as me - I haven't been on any drugs since 2018, but I smoked weed for a few days in June 2021, then I was suddenly hit with akathesia 3 months later (I've never even had akathesia before).

Hi, I wondered if I could get some advice as to whether reinstatement might be wise in my situation. I stopped taking 20mg Citalopram around the end of October 2023, following quite a quick and seemingly unadvisable taper (I believe full details should be in my signature - apologies I'm not totally sure on exact dates). Initially, things felt okay - I noticed some withdrawal symptoms during the taper (e.g. depersonalisation, vertigo, brain zaps), but thought this was to be expected so continued. In terms of mental symptoms, I was struggling a lot prior to and following the withdrawal, however at the time I thought this was related to an emotionally abusive relationship that I had come out of in July. Looking back, my difficulties did get a lot worse after coming off my medication thought - at the time I thought I was experiencing symptoms of PTSD (e.g. intrusive thoughts, intense anger, 'flashbacks' of sorts, obsessive behaviour). Luckily I started therapy, and my difficulties surrounding this seemed to have improved. However, I've noticed ongoing difficulties - intrusive and obsessive thoughts, feelings of hopelessness/loneliness, rapid mood swings, anger, brain fog, inability to focus on tasks for long, feeling very disconnected and trapped in my own mind, difficulties sleeping (sometimes jolting awake frequently in the night, over night struggling to sleep and waking early). Over the last few weeks, I also seem to be experiencing some sexual difficulties - but I'm not sure if these are perhaps partly due to my obsessive thinking and anxiety, as they have become the focus of this to some extent. I'm also noticing palpitations, and increased pressure in my teeth, head and eyes... but again, I'm not sure if I've become quite obsessive after discovering protracted withdrawal and have in some ways worried these into existence. These difficulties are having a big impact on my functioning - I'm currently a trainee therapist, and have had to take some time off work. I simply don't feel able to do this job efficiently when feeling so disconnected from the world and people around me. Whenever I try to work on assignments, I feel paralysed... almost unable to think and crippled by a sense of dread and inability to string a sentence together. I was hoping to get some advice around reinstatement... I wasn't sure if this would be ill advised since I stopped taking medication around 2-3 months ago? I'm also incredibly anxious about doing this and potentially worsening my difficulties and sexual side effects potentially permanently. I just feel quite lost and so unsure about what to do... part of me isn't even sure if I'm experiencing withdrawal, or have just become so fixated on it that I've willed it into existence. I feel like I can't really trust my own mind anymore... Thanks you so much.

Hello everyone, This is my first post. I've been reading many posts over the last couple of days and am finding a lot of great information. Thanks for being here! My drug history is listed below my post. I wanted to get some advice. I really want to get off of Zoloft (wt gain, sexual side effect and a feeling it has blunted who I truly am) and have been trying for a few years now unsuccessfully, unfortunately. I have now tried 2 slow tapers off of Zoloft (using the liquid). Both times I get under 40 mg, have something stressful occur and go into full blown withdrawal mode: complete insomnia, severe anxiety, agitation and no appetite. The first taper was 10%, the 2nd time I tried 5% cuts as I thought that would help me avoid this from happening but yet again I am in the same situation. This time I had gotten down to 37.5 mg, had something very stressful happen once again - I tried to stay put for a couple of months at 37.5 but the anxiety became worse and worse again turning into complete insomnia, etc. So I started to updose as I had done in the past which had in the past brought relief fairly quickly. However, this time updosing doesn't seem to be doing anything at all except give me a bad constant headache. I am currently back at 70 mg and my psychiatrist wants me to keep going to at least 100 mg. Ultimately she would like to see me at 150-200 mg because she thinks I have an underlying anxiety disorder. She also prescribed Klonopin which I've been on now for 2 weeks mostly at 1 mg and that has helped me sleep and eat a bit (appetite still not great and am losing quite a bit of weight) and be somewhat functional but I am scared of staying on this too long (already went through Klonopin withdrawal after a short stint a few years ago). But I also can't function not sleeping or eating. With the bad headache and no relief felt yet with the updose I am not sure what to do. Any thoughts? Am beginning to think I have some sort of bipolar disorder as the symptoms that occur when I am under stress really seem to be hypomanic. It seems since I started ADs i have absolutely no coping mechanisms to handle stress any longer. I am just feeling scared, lost and confused as to where to go from here. I should note that I never had anxiety or depression like this prior to taking ADs. I would have some of both but not at this magnitude. i also have no history of mania prior to medication. Thanks in advance for reading and for any advice you may have. I am also curious if anyone else has experienced these problems while still on the medication. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Cymbalta Rx'd 2006 for depression/stress while in an intense graduate school program - stayed on for just over 1 year - tapered quickly in 2007, experienced withdrawal symptoms (?) 4 months later around stress of starting new job/career (adrenaline rushes, insomnia, anxiety). Had trouble starting back on any AD as would make symptoms worse so was Rx'd Klonopin to enable start-up of Zoloft. Eventually 100 mg Zoloft; tapered Klonopin; Have tried 2 very slow tapers Zoloft but can't get off due to increased anxiety/insomnia when go below 40 mg. Now back on 1-.75mg Klonopin for 2 weeks and trying to up Zoloft to get stable - so far unsuccessful.

Hi everyone. I've been reading this site for the past few months ever since I gratefully stumbled upon it and finally made an account. In early 2018 I successfully tapered from 30mg citalopram down to 20mg by cutting a 10mg tablet. I went down about 2.5mg/month. I tried a couple of times to go down to 17.5mg but the symptoms were intense and I realized it was too difficult to get a consistent amount with cutting the tablets so I decided to stick with 20mg until I found a more consistent way to taper. I read about the dissolve method working successfully on a post on this site and decided that would be my route. I bought some 10cc syringes with .2mL gradations. Last night I tried my first dose at an 8% taper - 18.4mg. I'm feeling worse than i'd expected/hoped considering it was such a small difference, but I have historically had a rather sensitive system. I'm starting to question whether I'm really meant to go down, if this is a sign I should keep my current dose. My life certainly isn't in a particularly solid place (though it's relatively stable). But I know it will only become more difficult the longer I'm on it, and I've seen only marginal if any benefit from taking it. Looking to document my process and experience here and contribute to this supportive community as well as find guidance about how to approach my own path.

I found the following information interesting. It was written by an ex physician from ICU called Tony Jay, in response to the question: 'Do serotonin receptors regenerate?' All receptors are produced by the cell that expresses them and all these receptors are continually produced. I am not exactly certain what you mean by the word “regenerate”, however the binding of nearly all (but not all) drugs, hormones, and neurotransmitters to receptors is temporary and occurs without directly damaging the receptor in any way. Whether a receptor is bound by a ligand really is dependent on the local concentration of the ligand. If a ligand does bind to a receptor in a permanent fashion then that receptor will not continue to function and the cell will internalize that receptor and destroy it and externalize new receptor proteins. Over time all receptors degrade and become non-functional. This is not a problem since the cell is continually producing new receptors to replace old ones. These principles apply to serotonin receptors too…. Here's the source: https://www.quora.com/Do-serotonin-receptors-regenerate

Hi, I am Kostas from Athens Greece, and I would like to post my story. After suffering a burn out in my demanded post at work, not been able to eat, sleep, exhausted and non functional, was prescribed 20 mg citalopram. Started 10 mg for 1 week, and then 20. Side effects few and tolerable for 3 weeks, and then dramatic improvement and completely functional in week 8. Got them for 9 months, June 1994-march 1995. Then 10 mg for a month 5 for 2 months and off. Start relapsing after 2 months, and reinstated August 1995. 10 mg 1 week and then 20, August 95- August 96 Then tapering 6 months and off Feb 97. Very well till October 99, then relapse and reinstated 20 mg January 2000. On the drug Jan 00- September 01, Tapering 6 months, and off from March 02. Another relapse on October 03,and another reinstatement 20 mg, from October 03- October 05 Then, very slow tapering for 7 years October 05- October 12. 10mg 2006, 5 2007,2.5 2008, 2 2009, 1 2010, 0.5 2011, 0.25 2012. Off the drug from Oct 2012 till today. WD symptoms although not thought so back then, Nov 2012 slight tinnitus, till today June 2013, frequent urination and nocturia, much improved now. 2014 muscle tightness, and tired. Not too bad, but deterioration during stress. This continues on and off till today but have adjusted. June 2015 palpitations and arythmia for one month, and gone by then. October 2016,pain in the legs and shawder for a 2 months. April 2017, slight insomnia, agitation, tiredness, pain in the muscles and weak legs, agrivaded all symptoms under stress. Waves and windows till beginning of August, and improving now. Decided to try not to reinstate, since I am relatively functional 70%, but not happy with the situation! Any advice welcome!

Hello. My name is A and up until 2007, I was a happy well adjusted individual (loving, caring and with a huge amount of empathy for others) with a young family, who was very content with life. Due to an situation at work, I became anxious, and this anxiety did not subside. I visited my doctor, who immediately prescribed Citalopram (Citalex) - will hereafter refer to as C). My doctor did not suggest getting off these as soon as possible, instead recommending I stay on them in case I had a relapse (do they recommend cancer drugs to patients in remission). The possible consequences of this course of action were never explained to me. I have been on them pretty much ever since (and when they were working they worked fine), but I have had several attempts to get off them, with no success. I instead became depressed and was put back onto C. My most recent attempt was in mid-December 2016, and initially things appeared to be going OK, in that is I was functioning as would be expected, but without the medication. Unfortunately, my mood deteriorated. I was again signed off sick from work, and despite a further prescription of C (which I have discovered I can now not tolerate - instead it gave me severe headaches and made me confused) I am now totally anhedonic. The question I would like replies to address is whether this state is likely to be permanent, and if so, how do those in a similar sad situation cope with never feeling any pleasure whatsoever. I know I love my family, but there is no "warm fuzzy" feeling inside, just this deadness, whereas before there was love and empathy. What do other forum members feel has been the cause of their depression - life in general (with its ups and downs) or the fact that they have been on an antidepressant for a long time without which, ultimately, their body could not function, i.e. it was the drug itself that led to a depressive state?

Hi I am currently withdrawing from Citalopram (40mg) but I've been stuck on 10mg for 3 months with withdrawl symptoms and fear to taper lower. I now know I tapered wayyyy too fast, 30mg drop over 5 weeks. I had no withdrawl until I hit 10mg and I was withdrawing hard for 6 weeks after. It's now been about 3 months and I think I am in withdrawal again. Is that possible? My current symptoms are - No engery Waking up achey Headaches On going menstrual cycle (23 days of bleeding, intermittent bleeding, horrible periods) So moody and sensitive I have been having my hormones checked thinking something is wrong but now it has been suggested to me that I might still be withdrawing. Does citalopram/withdrawl effect people's menstrual cycle? I welcome all advice going forward.

Hi all, and thank you for this site. After multiple attempts to taper over the last 5/6 years, some medically supervised, some not, I came off citalopram 10mg at the end of June this year with the intention of pushing through withdrawal come what may. I had been on 20mg until earlier this year and decreased straight to 10mg which I’d been on for about three months. Needless to say now I am now not having fun at all and am considering reinstating. My intention was to replace the SSRI with 5htp which I’ve been taking for a week at 50mg then 100mg. I still have some citalopram tablets left (I’ve asked my husband to hide them) so am wondering if I should crush them and weigh them or just go straight to the liquid version and do it that way. I have a history of depression and anxiety, but at the moment am in a mental state I do not recognise, it’s utterly bleak and strange, like everything around me looks the same but I am a stranger to myself and my surroundings. I’m not sure I can do this long term. I’m not suicidal but have had fleeting very dark thoughts. Thank you in advance for any advice/thoughts. X

I have struggled with the evil twins of depression and anxiety for all of my adult life. I'm now in my late 60s. Current meds: citalopram 40mg/day; bupropion SR 100mg/day; buspirone 20mg/day; I've been on citalopram and bupropion for many years. Buspirone was added about three years ago. Under medical guidance I tapered too fast off benzos two years ago, a hellish withdrawal experience. I'm 99% recovered and ready to chip away at the heavy load of psych meds I'm on. I'm determined to do a slow careful taper to avoid anything resembling what I went through with benzo withdrawal. I just ordered the Gem I'm not certain which med to start with. I'm thinking the citalopram dose is the most immediate concern because it's so high but I'm hoping to get feedback on SA. Thanks

I am writing this as an addendum to My Story which details what ADs did to my life and discusses to a degree how I got my life back. However, I am writing this to elaborate on what certain problems where posed both physically and logistically after I stopped taking medications. Please keep in mind that I went COLD TURKEY and did not taper, which differentiates me from many people on here; also my story took place over 10 years ago, so my memory is not is 100% clear which means it is hard for me to apply a quantitative number to aspects of my physical recovery. In 2002 I quit cold turkey from a drug cocktail that included an Antidepressant (Celexa), an Antipsychotic (Zyprexa), an Anticonvulsant (Depakote), a Benzo (Ativan), a Z-Drug (Ambien) and a prescription diet pill (Phenteramine – given to me by my pdoc to lose the 60 pounds of weight I gained from the other weight gaining medications). The physical ramifications of quitting cold turkey where hard core, and lasted to the best of my recollection in hard core form for six months. These were: insomnia, exhaustion, akathesia, flu-like symptoms, headaches, nausea and vomiting, total loss of appetite and over-sensitivity to certain substances. There were also mental symptoms: overwhelming memories, mania, depression, over-emotional reactions to certain situations (e.g. crying or extreme anger) and PTSD from the whole ordeal. It is important to note that many of these symptoms continued to linger in a much lesser form for several years. I know that many of you would like a firm number of how long I suffered, but I cannot put a number on it because I started my recovery in 2002 – 10 years ago. This is further complicated by the fact that to get through the exhaustion from WD, I smoked cigarettes anywhere from one to one and a half packs for many years after. Since smoking can mimic some of the symptoms of WD (loss of appetite, headaches, mania, anger) it is hard to delineate what was what. However, I do believe that smoking provided mental focus that I would not have had otherwise. I finally quit smoking in 2007, five years after stopping meds. It was an odd thing, I just stopped one day and no longer wanted to smoke anymore. Maybe this was a sign of my recovery, but it may also have been a reaction to the fact that because of NY laws and my husband, if I needed to smoke I had to go outside. Smoking outside in the rain or cold was getting stupid. I do believe that part of this was a sign of final recovery – I didn’t need to mask symptoms anymore. So if this is true, and I had to put a number on it – I would say I battled with minor symptoms and PTSD for five years So what problems was I left with after drugs had stolen my life? And how did I regain control? Here is a list: Weight Gain A ruined job history A ruined credit history from filing Chapter 7 Bankruptcy Over $20K in debt to the IRS plus two tax liens PTSD Estrangement from my family I was fully aware of the PTSD, and would think on occasion of reaching out to a therapist. However, because the whole ordeal left me extremely suspicious of the whole field of mental health, I declined to reach out to anyone. So based on this list, I will try to tackle how I recovered in each area: 1) Weight Gain: I lost my appetite during WD and I also became a huge walker. In one year I lost sixty pounds with little effort. I did eat, but I ate very small meals, 200 kcal 3-5 times a day, mostly high protein and I ate an apple a day and I drank a TON of herbal tea. 2) A ruined job history: I had been fired from three high paying jobs, all in IT. I had no references, a job gap of four years, but I had good computer and office skills so I reached out to temporary agencies. I worked as a temp for many years, in the NY/NJ area only taking jobs at Fortune 500 companies. I built up my resume this way. Today, I list those jobs as “contract” and I explain that I liked the flexibility of “contract work” and that I was in the process of getting married and building a home with my husband, no one questions it. 3) A ruined credit history: I got a copy of all three of my credit reports and joined a credit law forum. I found that there were many examples where creditors where breaking either or both the FCRA or FDCPA laws on my credit report. I also hired an attorney. The attorney got 50% of it cleared up, I got the other 50% cleared up myself by tenacious letter writing and disputing with the Credit Bureaus. The forum I used had a great database of creditors who gave people with Bankruptcy on their reports a card with a small credit line; I applied to all of these and rebuilt my credit this way. When I married my husband in 2005, he added me as an authorized user to his accounts, giving me a longer and stronger credit history. 4) Tax Debt and Liens: After hiding from the IRS for several years, I contacted them and got on an installment plan. Because I was not working at the time I called them, my payment amount was on $185 for $20K+ in debt. I paid it faithfully for years; in October 2011 I was paid in full. Because the IRS has a law that you cannot pay more than 25% in interest and penalties of the actual tax debt, a good $10K got knocked off the total bill. But I still had two tax liens on my credit report. I did some research and found out about a service called the Tax Advocate service which is run through the IRS. I contacted my local Tax Advocate. For the sake of brevity, I will not go into the details of how I argued my case to get two tax liens released, but I did and in 2005 poof they were gone from my life and my credit report. If anyone needs more info, I would be happy to answer questions later in this post. 5) PSTD: I just endured this, but chose to embrace anger over victimhood. I was one extremely angry person for many years and I ruminated and had nightmares for years. I often thought about writing the SHRINK who did this to me, but refrained. One thing that I learned from this whole ordeal was to trust in my instincts which was empowering and allowed me to pick and chose my relationships with people and situations that were good for me. I let go of many friends who were not healthy for me. 6) Estrangement from my family: In 2003 I was estranged from my entire family (father, mother and brother). Today I am by choice still estranged from by father and brother. This is because I realize it is futile to ever expect them to change and to stay in relationship with them will only hurt me. I have however, repaired my relationship with my mother. I am extremely happy to share that six months ago I convinced her to move from Illinois to New York and reclaim her life. She tapered off multiple pmeds herself around 2007 and was left with two medical conditions diabetes and downbeat nystagmus from taking lithium and depakote for many years. She lived alone, my brother who lived close by was not helping her, and she was not getting the proper medical attention so she agreed with me. Today she lives 2 miles away from me, we are extremely close and I have helped her get her life back. My husband and she adore each other. So that is how I put the pieces of my life back after being devastated by polypharmacy. And I joined this forum because I think it is important that people know that taking these medications can be extremely harmful on so many levels. I hope this information helps someone out there. Please feel free to post any questions you may have. I wish all of you the best and trust that if I could restore my life which was utterly devastated by psychiatry, you can too.

Aria's recovery from poly drugs. I had no idea when I walked into a psychiatrist's office 25 yrs ago the horrible labyrinth I'd entered. Slam dunked at a point in my life when I was feeling low and the loss of future possibilities taken away. Being told I was mentally ill, would never function again, needed to be on disability and poly drugged for the rest of my life repeatedly took it's toll. All this impacted my relationships with family, friends and enjoying life. The pdoc constantly added new psych drugs, changed doses and took me off the old drugs at an alarming rate. I became a morbidly obese woman who mumbled or talked rapidly and it was obvious to everyone but the pdoc I was totally messed up on something. I had Seroquel Induced Acute Pancreatitis that landed me in the hospital for quite awhile and my pdoc put in my open med chart I was crazy. I didn't know this till later but ill as I was I did notice some of my physicians were treating me oddly. One good thing about being so ill was I referred to a neurologist for chronic pain and found out my problem was profound drug induced Akathsia. This neurologist actually screamed at me, these psych drugs are killing you, they're killing you. I knew I had to get off these drugs not matter what it took and reclaim my life. At my next appointment I asked my psychiatrist why he was drugging me like this and he looked directly at me (probably for the first time in years he saw "me"). He started sobbing, loudly sobbing, "Oh God what have I done to you", over and over. I'm sitting there thinking oh crap, I don't need this. Our 15 minute med check was up and this guy calmly goes to the front desk to get the next patient and proceeds without any other fanfare. He's robot. A robot. All this in itself was mind boggling. Hell, closure?? No way. I found out I had Tardive Dyskinesia and a few other psych drug induced issues. My face was a road map with twitches and jerking that yelled hey, I'm on massive psychiatric drugs. Will my face be like this forever?? The TD has mostly gone away and I'm so grateful (the pdoc adamantly said I did not have Tardive Dyskinesia from psych drugs). Well, guess what?? The psychiatrist was wrong...horribly wrong. Other doctors, psychiatrist, therapists said you're not mentally ill and never had been. The sad but very scarey part is I'm labeled as profoundly mentally ill and that info is in my medical charts. One pdoc did this...one. I've gone through the gambit of emotions dealing with this. I will probably always be mad at this jerk for what he did to me and for what he still does to others. It affected years of my life and he was wrong. I'm a Success Story because I'm psych drug free and have been for several years. My journey was extremely difficult and I did it on my own hit or miss tapering off numerous psychiatric drugs. I endured drug withdrawals that paralyzed me month after month. Was it worth the hell of tapering? Yes, very much yes. My reward was my clarity of mind, my passions for life returned and I have hopes for my future. I mended fences with family and have made new friends. I strive everyday to be productive. I'm me but a different me because no one could go through all this and not be changed by it. (for more in-depth conversations about my struggles, coping and self awareness with surviving psychiatry please visit my ongoing thread Aria's Psych Journey http://survivinganti...psych-journey/)

I was on antidepressants for 16 years - mostly SSRIs and Wellbutrin. Today I am celebrating being off of them for 5 years. It was a very difficult road, but I am, for all intents and purposes, recovered. My life is normal now. What few symptoms I have are almost nonexistent, brief and passing, bearable. So many times through the dark tunnel to today I thought I was damned forever, but I made it out. My first answers came from this site, and I am thankful. If you are in that horrible dark tunnel, hang on. Know that even if you don't see the light now, it will come. Keep walking.

Hello, I am very grateful to have found this website and the large amount of knowledge which I have been busy reading and learning but I still have many questions. Some background information; I was prescribed citalopram at a dose of 20 mg in 2020 for an adverse reaction to a medication which was misdiagnosed as depression. Soon after I started citalopram I developed what I think was hypomania but this was not linked to the medication and I lived my life spending too much, very impulsive and hyperactive for several years destroying my relationships in the process. I also gained weight and had various physical symptoms e.g. my stomach. Citalopram had no benefit on my mental health and in fact it made me feel worse. It actually seemed that the longer I stayed on citalopram the worse I became. All of these problems were blamed on a mental illness or medical disorder. At one point the dose of citalopram was doubled from 20 mg to 40 mg but after a week or so I became so emotionally disturbed the doctor had to lower it back to 20 mg. In November 2023 I joined the dots, I realised I needed to take action. Long story short I was given a very quick taper over about a week which I could not tolerate. I became acutely paranoid and dangerously agitated and suicidal with strong urges to destroy property and much more. So I saw my psychiatrist as an emergency and he reinstated me on citalopram again for me to taper off. I reinstated to 10 mg which made all of my withdrawal symptoms go away within a matter of hours. Unfortunately at this dose my baseline side effects before withdrawal of feeling hypomanic and extreme compulsive spending came back so I was soon forced to lower the dose to find a happy medium between side effects and withdrawal symptoms. I lowered the dose to where I felt most stable and this dose is 5 mg. In the middle of December I made a bad decision — as I was not fully stable on 5 mg per day (in two divided doses) — and tried reducing my dose to 3.75 mg citalopram but I developed very strong anxiety and after 10 days I was hit by acute severe depression which forced me to increase my dose in small steps to 7.5 mg citalopram around the start of January for 6 weeks to stabilise. I realise with hindsight I was not ready to reduce my dose to 3.75 mg as I still was very irritable, grumpy and had not stabilised. Unfortunately, I was forced a few weeks ago to reduce back to 5 mg due to hypomanic symptoms of feeling high and spending money uncontrollably on 7.5 mg. I have read on this website that after a big reduction in dose or reinstatement it is best to wait perhaps several months to stabilise as much as possible before reducing. I am thinking of waiting another couple of months (or longer?) and then spend 6 months or even longer (listening to my body) to wean off the final 5 mg of citalopram. I am thinking of taking about a year in total (I started my process of reducing, albeit rapidly, in October 2023) to come off citalopram completely but keeping the option of being flexible based on how I respond to reductions — does this sound sensible? I take it twice a day (2.5 mg morning and 2.5 mg at night) as I found I am more sensitive on the lower doses to the drug wearing off. I do feel I am slowly stabilising as time goes on but still have periods of increased anxiety at least once per day, I am eating and sleeping better although a few days ago my appetite and sleep was not good for a couple of days which makes me worry I am going to experienced delayed withdrawal symptoms, hopefully just a bad couple of days. My new psychiatrist supports my decision to come off antidepressants and is allowing me to reduce very slowly at my own rate. She feels antidepressants are unlikely to benefit me as I do not have evidence of major depressive disorder. If I do get hit with delayed withdrawal that is severe I am wondering if I should do a small up dose like by 1.25 mg (an 1/8th of a 10 mg tablet) or even 0.6125 mg (a 1/16 of a 10 mg tablet)? I am still quite worried of any delayed withdrawal symptoms emerging as my brain chemistry tries to sort itself out. I am also concerned about protracted withdrawal symptoms. I am not an expert and I would warmly welcome any advice or constructive criticism of my ideas from this community of volunteers. In addition to my question in the above paragraph I guess my questions are: given the large dose reduction, how long should I stay at this dose before making very small 0.625 mg reductions? Is there any advice that can be given? I have been on 5 mg or lower since November (apart from the up dose to 7.5 mg through most of January and to the middle of Feb. 2024) and I am finally starting to stabilise after dropping back to 5 mg. Although my anxiety is at times worse I am actually doing much better than when I was on 20 mg in many other ways. I am caught between a rock and a hard place. Another question is the rate of reduction. I was thinking I should wait another 10 weeks before considering any further small reductions and then making less than 1 mg reduction every 4 to 6 weeks? Thank you for considering all of this, Jonathan

Hey guys. i want to offer you some encouragement as well as share my story. My past: Tried a variety of antidepressants for 6 years, I don't remember them all except ending with Wellbutrin and effexor(max dose). I was also addicted to benzos, I remember taking ON A DAILY basis: 6g of xanax + drinking 1 Liter of 8% beer a day + smoking 3g of MJ. So you can imagine how much I was really screwed up. I ended it all cold turkey, broke in an appartment struggling to pay my bills. Looking back today, I realise how brave and strong I must've been. By all accounts, I should be dead if I am to believe that alcohol withdrawal and benzo withdrawal together could kill you. ( I did not know at the time). I was back to "normal" which meant having anxiety, etc. Now: Been taking celexa 20 mg for 3 months only after a tragedy made me resort to it. I do regret it now as I realise it's not worth not feeling motivated to do anything. It's like it took the excitement out of my life. I can think about stuff I want to do but they just don't excite me as they should. I've taken 15mg for past 2 weeks. Now, i'm down at 10mg about 3 days ago. I feel fine except being tired and not motivated to do any tasks (funny thing is I've felt like this on celexa anyway, nothing changed). I know the boards recommend a very slow taper but since I've been on only 3 months. I don't want to spend 3 months tapering which would basically make it 6 months on this drug, and much longer impact on my brain. I've done cold turkey before on FAR worse as you can tell. Anyway, just want to share and get your thoughts as well. Thanks everyone. If my past is any hope to you guys, I am telling you... You will return back to normal. You might not be cured of anxiety, etc but you will definitely enjoy feeling SOBER.

Hi all, I have been meaning to update here for some time now. I was thinking recently about my very early cold-turkey withdrawal and how I would read and re-read recovery stories or hunt for sun symbols within member's journals for hours because I was so desperate for any accounts of improvement and healing. I hope this gives people who are having a very difficult time a bit of hope. I stopped Paroxetine cold-turkey while on holiday in Rome in 2015 - I was feeling fatigued all of the time, having long naps everyday. I felt my emotional responses were blunted but I also had a strange edgy feeling much of the time - something felt 'off' and I had a sense it was the tablets so I naively just stopped taking them. About five days or so later withdrawal symptoms set in and I was very unwell, I ended up in A&E with heart irregularities. Predictably I was prescribed more medications (including diazepam) and I think people around me assumed I was having some kind of breakdown and the symptoms with my heart were the result of panic attacks. I felt conflicted because what I was experiencing - the combination of physical and mental symptoms were so bizarre and far reaching. So I started researching and found myself here - thank goodness for this forum and for the hard work Alto and the moderators put into it. It was such a lifeline. But coming to understand the phenomenon of withdrawal, the uncertainty of a recovery time frame and how dismissive health professionals are was devastating. I spent a great deal of wasted time trying to figure out a way to 'fix it'. I went to see Dr David Healy in Wales and his main advice was to exercise - which I did do and I found it helped me but I know that isn't the case for everyone. I experienced depersonalisation, an impact on my ability to sleep, neuro emotions, intrusive thoughts, physical jerks. heart irregularities, weight loss, issues with my skin and severe brain fog/memory issues. The early part of my withdrawal is somewhat haunting and blurry at the same time, it was incredibly difficult and I felt a need to contain everything because I was so worried people thought I was coconuts. I had graduated from uni a year previously and was having a break because I had been battling with anorexia for years and wanted to focus on overcoming that, so I didn't have a job to get to, I didn't have children to look after. Hats off to anyone who has to navigate these things in the throes of withdrawal. I spent a lot of time reading. It had always been something I retreated to and my mind would race and I would keep forgetting what I had read but I would just keep returning to it, it was almost like a meditative practice. I also tried to do crosswords and codebreakers and exercised, I spent a lot of time with my parent's dogs. Withdrawal pulled me out of my eating disorder. I was already underweight and lost more and more to the point where people stared at me when I went out. Having these symptoms thrust upon me made starving myself seem so ridiculous. Over time symptoms peeled away, withdrawal felt less and less like an enormous shadow looming over me. I had and still have some anxiety about how I am not the same post-withdrawal in various ways and I am not as capable etc etc. I still struggle with brain fog at times and I still have memory issues which at times can be incredibly frustrating and embarrassing. But the whole experience demanded strength and perseverance and patience and it's given me such a sense of resilience. So trust that it gets better, much better. I am hopeful my remaining issues will eventually improve. Hang in there. Sadie.

Hello, I would like to ask you a question. If I started Trazodone in mid April decided to taper in May 14th, and then finally stopped on June 7th, but still have symptoms on August 14th; how long will I be this way. I will not take another SSRI or SNRI as long as I live. I m sacred and would rather suffer, so long as I can be free of this treadful syndrome sooner. But for how long? I m worried. I like to exercise a lot, eat healthy nearly every day of my life, I started taking this medication for Insomnia related to a change in (work hours) a shift that I work. I have went to work suffering from Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome and it was killing me. I developed Tinnitus in Early July, and I still have occasional palpitations. They are worsen with lack of sleep, after I eat, and stress. I never had this issue with before trazodone, in fact, I never had palpitations before, it hit me hard exactly at the peak of my "withdrawal on June 17th. Every symptom that is listed for withdrawal I have had, except sexual dysfunction. Only when I m in capacitated in bed, and can't think about sex does it effect sex drive, but the function has never affected.

Hey everyone, I said that once I was healed and felt back to normal again I would write a success story and I do believe that today is finally the day for it! It was a very long journey for me personally, but I know that others have been going through it for even longer. So for those of you that are still in the thick of it, I will tell you this! Keep on going and going and going!! Never ever give up! I truly do believe that everyone heals no matter how long it takes!! For some it is shorter than others, but it's coming for all of us! You can read my intro topic and see that I really didn't find this site until I was almost 8 months in deep. I was one of those who CT quit everything because nothing was working for me and I got tired of trying different things to feel better. I was extremely fortunate to meet a wonderful lady who had survived the process and she reached out to me. She was able to encourage me daily to keep going and helped me to get through the very worst of days! I was so lucky because most people do not have that support system, but it was a life saver. Some things that I learned while going through this process: 1. Stay as positive as you possibly can! I know it's hard, believe me. There were so many days I just wanted to get in a funk and stay there, but I knew how dangerous that was. If you let yourself always see the bad in things, then eventually that is all you will see! Take what is happening to you and turn it around. Find something positive in your day. When I was having the worst of symptoms, instead of feeling bad about it and moping about it, I would turn it around and tell myself that I was having a good strong day of healing! The harder the symptoms, the more healing that was taking place. I made it a positive thing!! 2. Acceptance!!! I know this one is hard!! It was for me and took me a very very long time to learn it, but once I did it made a world of difference for me. The symptoms no longer had the power over me that they once had. Yeah they were still there, but I would just acknowledge them and then move on. There was nothing I could do about them, so I just let them happen. Besides it just meant that I was doing some more healing. The sooner you can learn how to accept the process the easier the process becomes. 3. Time!!! Unfortunately in my experience I found that there are no shortcuts in this process. There is no magic pill or drug that I could take that was gonna heal me any faster. I had to be patient and wait for my brain and CNS to heal! There was no way to speed up the process or make it any easier. I just had to get through it! That was it. Time time and more time!! Each day you go through is one day closer to your ultimate healing so don't give up!! 4. Distract!!! Find something anything that you can use to distract yourself and make the time go by. For me it was long walks, paint by numbers, etchings, diamond dots, models, board games with my children!! Just anything to pass the time! The more I was able to distract myself, the more healing that was taking place without me worrying about it! When you sit around all day and don't engage your mind, it has nothing to do but ruminate on what you are thinking or experiencing. Distract!! 5. Keep track of the good days! I experienced the normal waves and windows pattern that is normal for a lot of people. I would keep a journal daily where I would write down what I was thinking, how things were going. And for me most importantly, when I was feeling good in a window, I would write about it in the journal. I would write notes to myself reminding myself that I could feel good again and that I would feel good again. That way on the hard days I could go back and see what I had written to myself to know that I was gonna be ok. And that's honestly about it! That's what worked for me! Just remember that what you are going through is temporary!! This is not the rest of your life. One day you will be healed and able to move forward with life and enjoy the days. This whole process has made me such a strong and more resilient person. Little things in life no longer really bother me and I have found I have so much more patience and understanding than I ever did before. As much as this whole thing sucked, it has made me a better person!! Just remember to keep going and going for as long as this takes!! You've got this and you know it! I will be sticking around the forums to help others. I always told myself once I made it through this I was gonna pay it forward and help others as well. Don't hesitate to reach out if needed! Ken

Hello everyone I developed an anxiety disorder during the pandemic. I didn’t know I was having anxiety at first because I never had it before so it took forever for me to actually start treating it. My anxiety was so bad it caused silent acid reflex. Anyways with time it got better naturally & then I started meditating everyday for about 3 weeks & it really got better the acid reflex was improving too. I got impatient because I wanted my life back already so I thought that taking 10mg celxa pill for a few months to finally get rid of the acid reflex would be ok. I took the pill at night time & felt calm when I woke up, I also noticed my reflex was like 95% gone which just proves it was from anxiety. Anyways later on that day I all of a sudden out of no where I got a headache, rapid heartbeat & shaky hands then I got a “s” thought ( I don’t wanna say the word) which I never had before it was like a voice in my head. I immediately threw all the medication down the drain & didn’t take another one. So I only took ONE pill. After a about a week my acid reflex came back. Since then I’ve had intrusive thoughts, ocd thoughts, brain zaps, memories of bad things that have happened, thoughts focused around violence, fear for no reason, mood swings sad for no reason, crying for no reason, extreme anxiety, frequent urinating, increase of my acid reflex, unable to sit still for long etc. This is obviously all from the pill. this is ridiculous & super scary that just one pill can cause all of this. I don’t know what to do besides wait. I do yoga every morning & breathing exercises & sometimes ride my bike. I had to quit my job. I’m only in my 20’s. Any advice or similar story is welcomed. I took the pill on April 25th so it’s been about a month now