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Hello everyone, I guess I might be an outlier here. My journey into the hellscape of psychiatry started with an anti-emetic, metoclopramide, to which I had a terrible reaction which amounted for what I now know to be akathisia. Now I know that drug mimics or is similar to anti-psychotics. I took the drug at high doses for 20 days in December (10mg x3 day) for a nausea problem and it nearly destroyed my life. After that I took it as needed and only realized it was causing and keeping my akathisia going at the end of February. My restlessness appeared first with the typical akathisia movements only appearing after discontinuation. I was taken off the drug suddenly and my symptoms got worse after discontinuation. March and April I tried winging it without any medicine but the waves were so violent that I eventually caved and tried propranolol, didn't help. Biperiden, an anti-cholinergic, did help but had nasty side effects. Now it's May and here is the conundrum: I started tandospirone to help with anxiety a month ago. I also started on Mirtazapine recently as the propranolol doesn't help. First, 7.5mg in the evening, that was a month ago. I got a 10 day window, the best until now. Then I had a bad crisis and my psychiatrist upped my dose to 15mg. I got a nice 7 day window, then another crisis, that was a week ago. That crisis has passed. Yesterday I had a good day, today I am worse again. It is a rollercoaster. I don't know how I'm holding my job. I guess I have two questions. 1) Should I stay on the drug or not? This is something I have to decide by next Friday, that's my psych appointment day. 2) Given that I have only been on the drug around 1 month, two weeks on 7.5mg and two weeks on 15mg, would I need to taper if I chose to stop? If yes, how fast or slow would be advised? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Taking it one day at the time here. Very rough. PortugueseSea

Hi everyone! So glad I found this forum, seems like you have lots of experiences with different situations like this, so I hope my post follows your guidance. If not, I'm willing to correct it. I've been a casual psychiatric patient dealing with officially diagnosed schizoaffective personality disorder, major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since 10.2020 when I had to leave my job because of anxiety pushing me into insane reaction. Since then my doctor tried many drugs on me until I finally settled on just 150mg bupropion in 2023. I'm on levothyroxine as well (Hashimoto disease) which I take everyday (25mg) so it was just two tablets a day. 12.12.2023 was when I stopped taking bupropion because there was a deficit in my town. Had no bad effects of it. On 16.12.2023 when I had new box of Welbox I accidently took two tablets (100mg) of the sertraline I had since my first psychiatric visit (still it was stored in dark shelf and expiry date says 02/2024) instead of levothyroxine and bupropion. I was scared and unsure what to do, so I just took levothyroxine and decided not to take anything for a while. I called my doctor and she said I'll be fine (she was being pretty ignorant of that, just wondered where did I get sertraline from), but that evening I had a very anxious reaction for a moment. I ignored that and moved on with everything. In the morning I felt really bad and in the evening I got some terrible symptoms. Since then I felt "broken". Nothing has been improving, so I visited my doctor. She said I have bupropion withdrawal symptoms since I haven't been taking it and prescribed buspirone along with it. 18.12 I took that 150mg of bupropion during afternoon. Next day I had buspirone finally bought (deficient in my town as well), so 19; 20. & 21. I've been on 150mg bupropion and 5mg buspirone. The problem was getting worse. I felt my brain was so overloaded with chemicals I couldn't bear it. Hot flushes, head in the grip, some sort of odd sensation I called "brain screams" because it was like head being past its tolerance of everything and nausea. Incredible suffering with things improving very slowly as I stopped taking any meds besides levothyroxine since then. It was so unbearable that I had no relief besides maybe a little from sitting in coldest room and sleeping a lot. I found this forum this year and decided to implement some strategies. I had to be very delicate with myself, not leaving house, not moving head when it hurt. My doctor supported my decision of ditching out any med for now, but she says she wants me to visit her... except I'm not capable of doing I now. Some of the symptoms improved, mainly temperature sensitivity is gone, headaches mostly gone and brain doesn't feel "overchemicalized" anymore. I thought I learnt to control it around 18.01 when I entered a classic two good days - one low mood, prone to overreacting to negativity day, but suddenly I had a similair attack from my body at 22.01 when I felt like losing balance, "drunk person way of seeing", incredibly bad sensations that my brain produced and it turned into severe panic attack. Then I had a nightmare of never recovering and my heart was pounding at night. After a few, absolutely horrible days I suddenly got a lot better. I felt as if my brain parted in two and as I "stayed" on the light side of it I felt decent, but when I start worrying or panic I enter the dark side of it that I can't control. After two days I had another regular low mood, vulnerable day, but I made through it. Sadly, the next day was absolute horror with my body forcing panic attacks on me almost like diarrhea forces you to run to toilet. I somehow broke through that without panicking, but next day was some unbearable sensations coming from the brain: as if it was overloading, like I was losing balance, having some mental mania or something, as if I was drowning in the whole ground. I couldn't stand it at all and forced sleep (which was difficult as the sensations kept waking me up and I only felt asleep like 3 hours later), but next day was some serious nausea and going mad. Beyond my pain tolerance. Last two days I feel better physically, this is when I lost my headaches and my sight restored to normal, but I feel like something is about to happen. I'm so dread of similair attacks happening again that I can't distract myself. Very clingy to people, cannot feel safe, worries about everything, overall I don't feel myself. I'm utterly hopeless for most days. Today marks 7 weeks since that reaction to sertraline and I'm just too tired to carry this on. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Any guidance or support is welcomed as well!

Hi there, this is my story and journey throughout my life taking various psychiatric medications and how they affected me. This is going to be a challenge to write as I am still having trouble thinking clearly, but I will do my best. I apologize that it is so long, but if anyone is willing to read through, I truly appreciate you. It all started when I was about 6 years old, when I was diagnosed with ADHD because of my inattention in school. I was prescribed Vyvanse. The first day my parents had me take it, I got extremely activated and very excited (I apparently tried to get my parents to help me build a real train). So they stopped it and my psychiatrist suspected possible mania. Fast forward to 2018, freshman year of high school. I was starting to have severe emotional reactions to certain situations and obsess over things while becoming emotionally unstable, throwing tantrums and having extreme rage. My parents, not knowing what to do, took me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist diagnosed me with OCD and prescribed me Zoloft, which I took until sometime in 2021. The only side effect I remember was for the first few weeks being unable to ejaculate, but it went away eventually. Otherwise, it did do as advertised and softened my emotional reactions and obsessiveness. I also gained over 80 pounds on the medication due to increased cravings (I was huge by senior year). Sometime between 2018 and 2021, I was also put on Atomoxetine for ADHD which didn’t seem to do anything. In late 2021, my doctor switched me to Cymbalta after I was becoming more depressed, and the Zoloft was deemed no longer effective. I was also prescribed deplin at some point in 2021 to treat my symptoms. No noticeable effects from that medication either. I didn’t really notice much of a difference other than maybe some more vivid dreams. Fast forward to 2022, where I really started to notice some emotional blunting, and trouble with focus and clarity during the time I was switched to Cymbalta. It’s also worth mentioning I was on an extreme 800 calorie a day diet during this time, and up until today I’ve lost 110 pounds (I am 134 pounds as of now). In late 2022 was my sophomore year of college. My best friend and roommate at the time, finding out I was on psychiatric medications, started to express some concern. When I would drive for example, he would point out my driving mistakes, and tell me he thinks the medications were causing some of the focus issues. We started to discuss some of the reasons I may have been feeling the way I was feeling at the time. By this point, the emotional blunting was becoming more severe, and I was using weed to self-medicate regularly every night to try to bring back some of my positive emotion. This was negatively impacting my health and sleep as well, and I remember going on weed breaks where I would have extremely vivid and unpleasant dreams every time I stopped. My roommate, very skeptical of psychiatric medications, convinced me I was being poisoned and that there was a chance I wasn’t fully there mentally. He also told me that if I was experiencing depressive symptoms, not to tell my doctor because he would just add more medication to my cocktail. By the end of 2022, my mental health had deteriorated to the point where I needed to drop out of college and return home. My psychiatrist had prescribed me mirtazapine around this time to help with sleep, and when he found out I wasn’t telling him the truth about my depressive symptoms, he told me he had no idea if anything was working because I was giving him “lousy” information. He was then going to prescribe me Quetiapine on top of the Cymbalta, Deplin, Atomoxotine, and Mirtazipine. I refused this and switched psychiatrists. In November of 2022, I returned home and my goal was to get off of all medications. My doctor first stopped the Deplin, Atomoxetine, and mirtazapine. Luckily, I didn’t notice any problems stopping those. He then rapidly tapered me off of Cymbalta. The day after my last pill of Cymbalta, was one of the scariest days of my entire life. I experienced chills, fever, severe depersonalization/derealization, and mood swings. I started to read online about peoples experiences and learned about protracted withdrawal. I told my psychiatrist about my suffering when we met two weeks after my last pill of Cymbalta and told me “Well you’re probably through the worst of it”. A month after stopping I was unsure who to trust, my roommate and my parents, my psychiatrist, or the communities online describing withdrawal. My psychiatrist convinced me it was relapse, and being desperate to feel better I gave into my feelings and I decided to go on Lexapro. I took it from January 2023 to August 2023, and while it did work to relieve my symptoms, I was back to the same problem. Emotional blunting, apathy, and tiredness. I also tried Vyvanse during this time again for ADHD and it resulted in major mood swings and euphoria, so I stopped taking it. He then switched me over to desvenlafaxine which only made the emotional blunting worse and the most severe it had ever been. After being prescribed hydrocodone for an injury for example, it felt like it would unmask all of these emotional blunting symptoms and I would like myself again similar to the self-medication with weed. but I do understand how addictive that mindset can be (I only took the hydrocodone for 3 days for an injury). In august of 2023, I had started community college for computer science after taking some time off of college. But by this point, I was starting to withdrawal again from friends and family because of the emotional blunting, and by November 2022, I decided to taper off of Pristiq. He told me to taper in the same fashion as the Cymbalta, however I asked if I could taper more slowly. Instead of a two week taper, we tapered in about a month. After my last pill, I once again experienced severe symptoms, vivid scary dreams, and depersonalization/derealization, as well as my sex drive completely tanking over the next few months. From November 2023 to early March of 2024, my symptoms became more and more severe. I had severe anxiety and would see images/hear things minutes after trying to go to sleep at night. I can only describe it as being “zapped” awake by these horrific visuals (like for example a person crying/screaming, a scary face or creature, or just an overall scary image). I would wake up with panic attacks at night shaking. I would wait out the clock on weekends when I didn’t have school because I had no interest or desire for activites, hobbies, and just wanted to make it through another day. However, I was still not fully convinced that it could be withdrawal, and me, my therapist, my mother, thought it could just be a return of my symptoms again. In early March 2024, I went back to see my psychiatrist and we decided to try bupropion. At first, this slightly helped, however I started to notice problems with concentration and focus, as well as an increase in obsessive, racing thoughts about my condition. There were a few nights I felt amazing and couldn’t stop giggling/laughing, and I felt better than ever. One night, I went down to my mother’s room and paced around giggling and laughing, and I was shaking with butterflies in my stomach. I then went suddenly from laughing to crying, and back to laughing again. We were convinced it was mania and were going to let my psychiatrist know in the morning, however I was still able to sleep that night so we decided it may have just been activation and decided to keep going. During this time I started having trouble doing my schoolwork because of the racing thoughts and my psychiatrist told me that we probably needed to add something for anxiety. My two options were buspirone or an SSRI. I was still unsure what to do, because part of me wanted to reinstate the SSRI to relieve my symptoms, as there was a part of me still convinced I could be in withdrawal. My psychiatrist told me that for more obsessive anxiety, SSRI’s were more effective, so we decided on Prozac. The next two days, I took 10mg of Prozac. These two days, up until now, were terrifying. My obsessive racing thoughts about my condition increased rapidly, and I started having panic attacks. I also noticed strange zaps and pain sensations in my gential area, and a rapid deterioration of my already lowered sex drive. The second day, my sex drive was completely gone, and I started to feel very off, zoned out, and like I was in a dream. That night, I went had a scary panic attack after severely dissociating and feeling unreal, and also obsessively worrying about my sex drive. I was shaking uncontrollably and had chills up and down my body. I went to the Emergency room where they prescribed me Lorazepam to take as needed for panic attacks. I took it that night and I was able to sleep. The next day, I saw my psychiatrist and he quickly switched me over to buspirone. The night before taking buspar, I took the lorazepam again to help me sleep as I was sensing another panic attack. At 2-3 AM, I woke up shaking uncontrollably and in fear, I paced around the house, and waited for it to cool off. I went back to sleep later ok. The next day, I started the buspirone. By this point, after taking the Prozac, I had missed several classes, stopped working out, and could no longer focus on anything. My parents drove my to my one evening class where I felt really strange and unreal. I went home and felt this numb feeling. I went to sleep and woke up again at 2-3 am with an intense feeling of doom. I didn’t want to take another lorazepam as I was scared of depending on it and it making my anxiety worse in the end. I took it for 3 days and on the third day, 30 minutes to an hour after taking it, I experienced tremors, anxiety, and panic. This all was occurring while I was out at a restaurant with my family as well (my mother had to hold my hand through the panic to help me calm down, it was that bad). I went home and tried to sleep, and the Ativan began working about 2 hours in. However, I woke up at 7 am with extreme chills, muscle spams, tremors, chest pain, and tremors. I don’t know why my anxiety got worse after taking the Ativan the third time and why it took so long to work correctly. Two days later, I made a decision that I completely regret. At dinner with my family, I decided to drink a few sips of alcohol. While it helped my symptoms temporarily, when it wore off I felt the burning feeling come back, like my body was being ripped apart. I went from getting a few hours of sleep a night, to now none. I felt a scary sense of doom for several days and and still feel unlike myself and completely detached from my emotions. It feels like I can’t think and remember clearly and I need constant reassurance from my family about what I’m going through. I haven’t slept in days, I pace in circles for hours while my thoughts don’t make sense and race. My nerves feels like they’re on fire. Every time I try to sleep, my body jolts awake after a few minutes with violent feelings of burning throughout my body and I become drenched in sweat. I can’t sleep. Right now, it feels like my life is over. My sex drive is gone, my thoughts don’t make sense, I have severe separation anxiety from my mother (I stay in her bedroom while she works all day just to retain some form of sanity), I can’t focus or remember things, and I am unsure whether to drop out of college again or not because I can’t work due to the constant horrible feelings. I am scared to leave the house, I have no appetite, anything that made me feel happy or positive now gives me an intense feeling of fear/doom. I have a sudden fear of things that aren’t even scary (like my old hobbies). I stopped the buspar and Wellbutrin CT now because it is only making things worse. I am trying to convince my parents of the validity of PSSD and protracted withdrawal. I regret all my medication decisions in the last few months and wish I had believed the stories of withdrawal I had heard online. I didn’t want to believe any of it, and wanted to truly believe that this was just relapse and if I got back on medications, I could have some relief. I learned the hard way that I may very well be having severe adverse reactions and hypersensitivity and am worsening my withdrawal from all my previous medications. I’m 21 and didn’t expect my life to come to this, and I wish this suffering would end. I feel like part of my brain is dead and I am not even remotely the person I once was. Before 2018 and all my psychiatric mediations, I was bright, happy, had friends, a life to look forward to. I went from being able to laugh, make others laugh, and wanting to be around friends to emotionally numb, apathetic, and now on top of all that, unable to function and think clearly while in a state of panic. I barely feel real right now.

Hello everyone, I'm a 32 year old female from Germany. Over there I'm in quite the similar forum which already helps tremendously. But I finally decided to sign up here, too. For more support, more hope, more people who understand... I have been mildly depressed for some time because I couldn't handle my physical chronic illness well, anymore. I went to a good therapy. But when I experienced some anxiety issues for the first time in my life I got scared and sadly decided to try Escitalopram. While in hospital for some physical diagnostics in August 2015 I was put on 5mg up to 20mg Escitalopram without any big problems. I continued therapy for another one and a half years and actually felt great. I was one of the lucky people who didn't suffer from any side effects other than a bit of weight gain. In 2017 I went down to 10mg without any problems. Then it was finally time for hubby and me to try to conceive. But before that, the meds had to go. My psychiatrist at the time was nice but, as I know now, clueless. She recommended a quick taper, as stated in my signature and told me I could "get some brain zaps". I tapered and was off in June 2018. I know now I definitely had that honeymoon phase. I felt wonderful. Hubby and I started trying for a baby! Over the summer I had some symptoms that I recognized as withdrawal symptoms. Because now I already knew the German forum. But only on the surface. Had I dug deeper and read through some stories, I would have known that you can crash with some delay. Which is what I did. I fell on October 1 and landed on October 2 in a different, nightmarish world. Everything was so different. Everything! I was a happy woman up until those days. My symptoms at the beginning: akathisia, extreme anxiety all the time, insomnia, including two weeks of complete insomnia, extreme fatigue, muscle tension and pain, diarrhea, massive derealization, crying spells, despair, heart racing and palpitations, bladder problems, hopelessness, stomach problems and more which I might have forgotten. By then I knew there was no point in seeing a doctor. I was bedridden anyway. And I knew this was withdrawal hell. The German forum advised me to reinstate. I did, at 0.25. There was a first little window right after the first dose but overall, I was still in hell. Over time I carefully updosed to 0.35, then later to 0.5 and then, right the next day, because I was so desperate, to 0.6. That's when a different kind of hell broke loose. I felt cornered by my symptoms, I had no room anymore, I couldn't breathe. I was so agitated, my nerves tingling, vomiting, pulse up to 160. Never ever could I survive this. I even got scared I might be able to harm myself. This turned into obsessive thoughts and panic, that I might really be able to end my life, without ever really wanting it. German Forum told me to go back to 0.5 after just a couple of days. I did, but it still took time for those very drastic effects to settle... I couldn't be left alone anymore. I've been lucky to have my husband and mother, sister, friends. Someone was always there. In mid December my grandma jumped in. She lives next door but I couldn't have seen her and scared her before then because I was in such bad shape. But from then on she was happy to take care of me whenever needed. So... I've been holding the dose since the end of November and am going to continue to hold. I'm still more or less housebound. I got agoraphobic, the world seems to big for me. Just some little steps outside the door, nothing more. I'm still in a different world. I never feel save. I do sleep okayish at night but never at daytime because I jolt in terror when I try. I'm terrified by the withdrawal. I'm hopeless and anhedonic, don't have any interest and don't do much. I feel bad writing this. But... I had improvements. Like no more non stop anxiety, no akathisia, I eat, I sleep, I'm not bedridden anymore, hardly any derealization... But the thing is. I'm so terrified. Frozen in fear and feel like I can't trust those improvements. Especially because everybody says it's normal that withdrawal takes years. So why should it be different for me? Did reinstating catch me? Or is crashing hard and suffering for years inevitable for me, as it was for most of you? I don't know who I am and where I stand anymore. I can't trust my body anymore. I'm going through typical windows and waves, though somehow faster than others. I seem to improve faster but cannot trust that. And I feel ashamed whining about that because I know you all have been suffering for long and probably wish you'd feel that kind of progress. I don't even know what living and being happy is supposed to feel like anymore. Will I notice it? Will I know when it's over for me, even when I'm now frozen in fear and feel like I'm not really growing with my improvements? Withdrawal turned me into a child, which is not typically me. It's weird. I am still going through this but am already haunted by the very bad memories. Do you know this? I know lots of affirmations, I pray, I read success stories, I follow Baylissa's wise words. But still acceptance is my weak point. I can't seem to do it. Or rarely. I'm floating through all this with a feeling of nothing to hold on to, despite knowing that I have my wonderful family and friends. Like life is over... I don't ever move freely, feel relaxed. I'm so scared I won't be able to find my way back. That I will remain frozen, even after withdrawal is over. I can't really try things or look at things from normal life because it depresses and scares me so much. Desperate... TV, computer and reading are almost impossible for me. So what can I do? I come online on my mobile. What I do to help me: focus on breathing. Taking fish oil and magnesium. Gaba tea. Some game playing with grandma. Eat. Luckily I can eat everything like before. Drink enough. Pray. Have people around me. What I can't do: guided meditation, relaxing music, yoga... Stuff like that. When I try, terror jumps at me. As if there's a door open in my brain that should be closed. Taking baths is a NO. Memories of horrible waves... Will I forever see and feel withdrawal everywhere? My home doesn't feel the same anymore. All that exists is withdrawal and I'm so scared that won't ever change. Phew, that's a lot. Thanks for reading! Oh! Two more things: luckily I didn't get pregnant over summer! Just the thought of it, in this situation! And my screen name. While I feel devastatingly hopeless inside, I think almost all of us have that glimmer of hope in our hearts. That spark that makes us continue, day by day. Even if we don't realize it. I wish you healing! withhopeinmyheart

Hello I'm attempting to get off psychiatric drugs. I do not believe that I was mentally ill, but that I was deeply affected emotionally by trauma. I first got put on psych drugs after the birth of my first son, who was born with health issues. The psychiatrist put me on Paxil, and then Trazodone because I couldn't sleep. Fortunately that doctor took me off the drugs less than a year later. I didn't have any major issues coming off these drugs. Due to lots of stress factors in my life, I had anxiety. I was put on Serzone for a few years, then got off this without major problems. When I got pregnant with my 2nd child, my husband freaked out, because he was afraid this baby would also have health problems. I saw a psychiatrist, and he, with my OB/GYN's permission, put me on Paxil when I was 5.5 months pregnant with my 2nd child. He was born perfectly healthy. The Paxil caused me to gain lots of weight. I was up to 215 pounds. So my primary care doc switched me to Lexapro, thinking it would be more weight neutral. I was also put on Trazodone because of Insomnia. I tried several times in the past to get off these drugs, but each time, I had trouble with severe insomnia. I would call the doctor, and he would say I needed to go back on the drugs, so I did. Finally, I decided that I was definitely going to get off the drugs. I came to realize that these doctors don't know what they are doing. When I asked my psychiatrist why I was having such severe insomnia when trying to get off, he said to me "I don't know. Go back on it". (shaking my head). I started to wean off Lexapro 16 months ago, but 4 months into that my mother became severely ill, and so I went back to 1/2 of my original dose, which was 5 mg. I stayed on the 5 mg for about 9 months. Then, I started to wean off of it again. This was back in August of 2018. I've been very gradually coming off it. I'm on the liquid now, and have been dropping the dose by 0.5 milligrams each month. I did manage to wean off the Trazodone a year ago, while I was still on the 5 mg of Lexapro. The other thing that is complicating this withdrawal is that I'm menopausal and in my upper 50's. When I haven't changed the dose of Lexapro I don't have the hot flashes, but every time I reduce the lexapro the hot flashes return. I don't want to put off getting off of this toxic chemical. I don't think there will ever be a perfect time to get off these drugs. I'm so so close to being off of it. In the past 3 days, the hot flashes have been especially bad, and I've had little sleep because of that, and probably also because of being agitated by my drug withdrawal. The issues I'm having recently are: insomnia, agitation, anxiety off and on, tiredness and fatigue. The insomnia is the worst, but the hot flashes are contributing significantly to the insomnia. Any help or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I'm doing many things to learn to cope. I'm reading books on how to cope with stress and anxiety and depression. I'm walking daily, eating healthy, cultivating healthy friendships, and best of all, cultivating a strong and deep spiritual life with prayer and bible reading.

Hi Everyone! I’m so glad I found this forum. I hope it’s the right one for me. I came here because an antidepressant was the start of my problems. Also, I have been unable to find a forum just for people trying to get off mood stabilizers. I was put on 10 mg of Lexapro at age 36 during a moderate depression in 2004. Before long, I was told that I had a “mood disorder NOS” and 600mg lithium was added in. Eventually, I was told I had Bipolar 2 Disorder, dropped Lexapro, and 100mg Lamictal was added. I think it’s very odd to be diagnosed with BD2 at age 41. I happened across videos by a lovely man, Dr Peter Breggin. Before long, I showed them to my husband. We both knew that we had to get his book and get me off these toxins! My psychiatrist reluctantly agreed to go along with us. He called Dr Breggin an “outlier”. My taper began March 11, 2020. I took my last pills on May 14, 2020. I had a very uncomfortable week in the middle of April, but otherwise was holding it together pretty well. About two weeks after I took my last pills, I began to have more symptoms. I haven’t had a normal day since. It’s been about three weeks of ups and downs. I’m waiting for “normal“ to come back. I have had these symptoms: -hypomania in the form of over-talkativeness, scattered energy, and insomnia -anxiety, frequent but fleeting panic attacks -depression symptoms that affect the body, such as tiredness, low motivation, sensitivity to lack of sun. I have not felt the hopelessness or despair I had when I was diagnosed with depression in 2004. -I have light headaches when I feel depression symptoms. -I have heard a “buzzing” in my head, only for one day though. -I struggle to drive further than my local small grocery store. I fear highways. It’s almost as if I’m a student driver. I’ve gotten mixed up a few times. (I’ve driven for 32 years with a good record.) I hope to gain some helpful information here and I hope I can help others. I feel rather alone, knowing nobody else in person who has gone through this. Sometimes my family doesn’t seem to really get what’s going on with me, though I try to explain again and again. My husband is a treasure! He was the one who adjusted my meds for me and filled the boxes every Tuesday night. May God bless him for it! He is the wind beneath my wings. ❤️

Hi everyone. I created an account specifically to say what has helped me throughout this journey of recovery. I have no idea if I’m currently in a window (likely) or actually healed. I’ve had a terrible, hellish withdrawal of Trintellix, since December 20th I’ve had extreme panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, extreme agitation etc. And then, I’ve found a few things that helped me. What was really the most helpful thing was hypnotherapy. The first session didn’t help much as it was just an introduction to it, but the second session transformed me. It put me in a state of deep relaxation, and helped me sleep again. I would advice everyone to try it, despite the cost. The other thing that helped me tremendously was this medicine called Euphytose in France, it’s a mix of Passiflora, Valerian root, hawthorn, and ballotte (translation?). It had the same effects than benzos without the obvious terrifying risks of these. Again I’m not sure I’m completely healed or in a long window, but I these things truly helped, I believe. I’ve read this forum a lot and wanted to help the folks on here, in any way that I could, even if what I’m saying is maybe nothing new for some people. Bless you all, and hang in there, healing is coming.

Back in 2014 I was prescribed Wellbutrin for depression. Then anxiety and insomnia developed and by the following year I was taking buspar, lexapro and hydroxyzine also. My psychiatrists mismanaged the situation badly by continually adding medications, and increasing dosages. In early 2018, the anxiety and depression began worsening. So I ended up tapering off of lexapro and added pristiq between roughly march-April of 2018. I should add I was also abusing benzodiazepines off and on between 2015 & 2018 (not prescribed). I quit doing that in July 2018 because I became tired of the withdrawal symptoms and extra anxiety that came with it. My heart rate/bp became consistently very high following cessation of the benzos so my doctor thought it would be a good idea to prescribe me clonidine and metoprolol. Which rounds out the six drug cocktail I was on until early 2022. Between 2018-2022, the cocktail stopped helping and eventually made everything worse. I went to see a new primary care doctor early 2022 who said I was on too many things and to taper off some of them. I agreed. Knowing what I now know, I stupidly tapered off of Buspar, wellbutrin, hydroxyzine, clonidine and pristiq in that order in a matter of 4-5 months. At the time I figured it would be best to just get off of everything and start over fresh. I assumed the initial withdrawal would be awful, which it was, although I was still somehow able to function. I also assumed it would take my brain some time to readjust/recalibrate after years of taking these medications. But I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I thought I’d be largely out of the woods after the acute withdrawal but boy was I wrong. In October 2022, about 1 month following the acute withdrawal I was hit with the most severe anxiety I’ve ever felt. Like waves of electricity surging through my body and a feeling of essentially panic. I also developed severe fatigue, depression worsened, I began having aches and pains throughout my body & severe digestive issues. Also hypersensitivity to just about any medication or supplement. For example I tried reinstating lexapro and buspar but I had a severe paradoxical reaction to both. I had to withdraw from college and quit my job because I couldn’t function. After further research I concluded I was dealing with post acute withdrawal. Exercise & getting out in the sun seems to be the only thing that’s somewhat helpful and I was able to increase my activity over the following months to where I was walking 7+ miles per day often on the golf course between May & September 2023. The anxiety however has just worsened consistently since October 2022. My body has taken a beating too because of it. I’m so worn out. I am back to walking 4 or so miles per day outside but it’s getting difficult. It seems like I initially took a big step back (start of post acute withdrawal), then a couple steps forward, but things have only gotten worse & worse for the last several months. I don’t really know what to do at this point. I’ve spent a lot of money on doctors, brain scans, therapy ect but it’s all been useless for this condition. It feels as though I’m out of options and will just have to try to wait this out until my brain eventually heals.

Pearl was 10 when she had some anxiety and hormonal issues and started having crying spells. She would go to her room and start crying. She was given Antidepressant for that. Initially it helped but then within 2 months she reached tolerance. So dose was increased. Higher dose worked for 2 more weeks. Then crying spells returned in worse intensity along with some mental confusions and distorted thinking. A benzo was added along with Antidepressant. No improvement was found. She started showing behavioral changes, psychosis symptoms (delusions only , no hallucinations). An antipsychotic was added. By the time we realized the drugs are harming her more, and are not the cure, it was almost 7-8 months. We started discussing with doctors and tapering was started. Tapering was done over a period of 1 year. She suffered bad withdrawal symptoms: Loss of sleep Crying spells returning Anger/Rage Zombie/Glazed look Entire day sitting at one place , not doing any thing Hygiene went to hell Memory and Cognitive decline She stopped going to school at this point. We also supported her as she was not able to comprehend what was being taught and it was giving her stress because she was not able to understand. She is drug free from 4 months. Still boiling rage is continuing. Some of the mental confusion/delusions are coming back. Cognition is not at all getting better. She is now 12. Even if we look at her, she starts throwing stuff at us. I being her mother is taking care of her hygiene and health. It will be 5 months of being drug free this week and still not much of an improvement. She is my child and her suffering like this is too painful for me. Is there any way I can speed up the recovery?

Aria's recovery from poly drugs. I had no idea when I walked into a psychiatrist's office 25 yrs ago the horrible labyrinth I'd entered. Slam dunked at a point in my life when I was feeling low and the loss of future possibilities taken away. Being told I was mentally ill, would never function again, needed to be on disability and poly drugged for the rest of my life repeatedly took it's toll. All this impacted my relationships with family, friends and enjoying life. The pdoc constantly added new psych drugs, changed doses and took me off the old drugs at an alarming rate. I became a morbidly obese woman who mumbled or talked rapidly and it was obvious to everyone but the pdoc I was totally messed up on something. I had Seroquel Induced Acute Pancreatitis that landed me in the hospital for quite awhile and my pdoc put in my open med chart I was crazy. I didn't know this till later but ill as I was I did notice some of my physicians were treating me oddly. One good thing about being so ill was I referred to a neurologist for chronic pain and found out my problem was profound drug induced Akathsia. This neurologist actually screamed at me, these psych drugs are killing you, they're killing you. I knew I had to get off these drugs not matter what it took and reclaim my life. At my next appointment I asked my psychiatrist why he was drugging me like this and he looked directly at me (probably for the first time in years he saw "me"). He started sobbing, loudly sobbing, "Oh God what have I done to you", over and over. I'm sitting there thinking oh crap, I don't need this. Our 15 minute med check was up and this guy calmly goes to the front desk to get the next patient and proceeds without any other fanfare. He's robot. A robot. All this in itself was mind boggling. Hell, closure?? No way. I found out I had Tardive Dyskinesia and a few other psych drug induced issues. My face was a road map with twitches and jerking that yelled hey, I'm on massive psychiatric drugs. Will my face be like this forever?? The TD has mostly gone away and I'm so grateful (the pdoc adamantly said I did not have Tardive Dyskinesia from psych drugs). Well, guess what?? The psychiatrist was wrong...horribly wrong. Other doctors, psychiatrist, therapists said you're not mentally ill and never had been. The sad but very scarey part is I'm labeled as profoundly mentally ill and that info is in my medical charts. One pdoc did this...one. I've gone through the gambit of emotions dealing with this. I will probably always be mad at this jerk for what he did to me and for what he still does to others. It affected years of my life and he was wrong. I'm a Success Story because I'm psych drug free and have been for several years. My journey was extremely difficult and I did it on my own hit or miss tapering off numerous psychiatric drugs. I endured drug withdrawals that paralyzed me month after month. Was it worth the hell of tapering? Yes, very much yes. My reward was my clarity of mind, my passions for life returned and I have hopes for my future. I mended fences with family and have made new friends. I strive everyday to be productive. I'm me but a different me because no one could go through all this and not be changed by it. (for more in-depth conversations about my struggles, coping and self awareness with surviving psychiatry please visit my ongoing thread Aria's Psych Journey http://survivinganti...psych-journey/)

I am a guy in his beginning 40's with a long history of depression and sometimes OCD. My SSRI journey started in 2005. I was prescribed Paroxetine to handle my my depression and my OCD (secondary symptom of depression). Paroxetine was awful. I felt numbed, totally dead inside, with a little less anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Under this medication I have had massive depersonalisation and derealisation. After 6 months I quitted. The withdrawal symptoms were lasting 2 years off the medication. The tapering was initiated by my psychiatrist. Brain Zaps all the time...and some emotional problems I dont remember. But anxiety was high as well. The depression was hitting me extremly hard afterwards, the OCD disappeared thanks to psychotherapy. In 2009 I decided to go again with a SSRI because my symptoms of depression were getting severe and I have had a massive tinnitus. Starting with Sertraline was giving me the relief of my life. Everything went well within weeks and I was just a normal person. Side effects were normal sexual side effects, sweating and sometimes headache, but nothing of this was unbearable. Over the time libido was falling, but that was okay for in the exchange of being depression free. My psychiatrist told me that I can adjust my dose in dependence of the serverity of my depressive symptoms. All was going okay. I took Sertraline until the beginning of 2020. It stopped working from one day to another and I was falling into a big, black hole...the major depression itself was back. I need to pause my job as I was not able to work anymore. I reached out to a psychiatrist that put me instantly on Venlafaxine to test if I was sensible to SNRI. It was doing nothing to me. No mood lifting, just nothing. He permanently lifted the dosage because of this. At the end of 2021 I was in a clinic to gain new power and to treat my depression. Nothing on my medication changed. The depression was still there with full force. In 2022 I decided to search for another clinic. This was something like a day care clinic. That was helping me tremendous. I stayed there for 3 months until August of 2022. The depression was nearly gone but came back after the clinic. Still on Venlafaxine. After the clinic I have had problems to take my Venlafaxine as I was so forgetful. One day I have taken it, another I havent. And so on. While I was on Venlafaxine I had these symptoms: Brain fog & cognitive issues (concentration, focus, memory issues, but they where there before Venlafaxine maybe due to severe depression or Sertraline withdrawal) Lesser libido Now how it was going on: I have met my girlfriend in Oct 2022. Depression was blown away instantly. But I was still on Venlafaxine. Then I have received a letter from the old clinic that my qt time was horrible and I need to quit Venlafaxine directly cold turkey in December 2022. And then it was going like this: Quitted Venlafaxine cold turkey in December 2022 January to March: 3 months of totally feeling normal (except cognitive issues, memory, brain fog) March to May - above + mild ED, but libido was okay, slight signs of depression, heavy problems with my self-confidence May - July 2023 - broke up with my girlfriend (through possible slight anhedonia (cant remember), feeling little depressive) + above July 2023 - Within days...lights out. No emotions. But no depression. No libido. Full anhedonia. July 2023 - Started relationship with my girlfriend again Since July 2023 I suffer from (in sequence of their occurence): July: severe anhedonia (for two weeks without any other symptoms) light headache pressure in the head July to August: above + anxiety (was totally overwhelmed by the anhedonia, totally freaking out if this is my new normal me) heart pounding (due to anxiety maybe) August: above + some signs of OCD (obsessive thought about PSSD and my new normal me) had 3 or 4 times brain zaps while moving the head still hard anxiety which is sometimes hiding the anhedonia When anhedonia came back I freak out and get anxiety Derealization/Depersonalisation feelings when I am away from home (shopping with a lot of people around me, going for a dog walk where a lot of people are). It feels like I am overwhelmed by the amount of things to recognize. First I thought that my depression was relapsing. But it wasnt. I know my depression very good. And I never had anhedonia without other depressive symptoms. So my main symptom is anhedonia. My blood values are fine except for iron. I now take: iron supplement to fill the depots again fish oil 3000mg a day with vitamine E Magnesium L-Threanate once a day How it is going now: In the End July to August I have had clear windows in the evenings. My assumption is: I have taken my Pramipexole again (since months) because of my restless legs. Everytime after nearly excactly 24 hours I had a window. Maybe it has to do with the Pramipexole. I have taken it for only a week with 0,35mg (so no DAWS can occur). I don't take it anymore because I dont want to mess up my system more than necessary. But since then no big windows. Sometimes I do feel kind of emotions (very very rare). If I watch a movie and there is a special heartbreaking moment, I have tears in my eyes. This week I was shopping with my girlfriend. Within seconds I regained all my emotions. It was HUGE OVERLOAD. I instantly kissed her, hugged her and had tears in my eyes. Crazy: If I have these feelings I immediately question them if they are that real etc. Maybe this is some sign of OCD. Sometimes it feels like there are emotions but they can't get out...so strange. I feel awful anhedonic nearly every day. Then the anxiety kicks in...pointless ruminations about PSSD, SSRI withdrawal and I start to search stuff on the net to get clarification. The stories about not getting better are freaking me out, leading in a mental breakdown with anxiety and all this stuff. I cant remember windows and waves that good. Therefore I use diary app to track mood and habits. My girlfriend does this for me as well to compare our findings. Please excuse me if something is hard to read or understand, english is not my mother language. Any ideas if this seems like a withdrawal issue? Or is it a combination of stress, depression, OCD and anxiety leading to anhedonia? I start in a new job soon and I'm panicking that I won't be able to do this with all this weird stuff in my head.

Hello, I would like to ask you a question. If I started Trazodone in mid April decided to taper in May 14th, and then finally stopped on June 7th, but still have symptoms on August 14th; how long will I be this way. I will not take another SSRI or SNRI as long as I live. I m sacred and would rather suffer, so long as I can be free of this treadful syndrome sooner. But for how long? I m worried. I like to exercise a lot, eat healthy nearly every day of my life, I started taking this medication for Insomnia related to a change in (work hours) a shift that I work. I have went to work suffering from Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome and it was killing me. I developed Tinnitus in Early July, and I still have occasional palpitations. They are worsen with lack of sleep, after I eat, and stress. I never had this issue with before trazodone, in fact, I never had palpitations before, it hit me hard exactly at the peak of my "withdrawal on June 17th. Every symptom that is listed for withdrawal I have had, except sexual dysfunction. Only when I m in capacitated in bed, and can't think about sex does it effect sex drive, but the function has never affected.

Hello there i need help. this is about IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and i don't know if i have it because i'm not yet consult to GI right now due to covid-19, i haven't been diagnosed with proper health assessment or else, so this might possible becomes other disease, but i've precise symptoms which is so fits with the IBS. Right now, i'm having problem with my digestive system,it hall hapepened because i went to mental hospital and i was prescribed with Antipsychotic and Anticonvulsant. My history : I took Abilify (aripriprazole), Depakote ER, and Clozapine. i was hospitalized there and never been on psychiatrist drugs before. I have very bad reaction to this drugs so i stopped CT, i'm on the drugs for about 28 days, been off for more than a month now. They forced me to drink all the drugs. the moment i start to use the drugs (since the first day) i got terrible diarrhoea and they gave me medications. i'm losing appetite, i can't even eat a table spoon of dishes & loose more than half stones, 10kg with pacing and severe restless leg, everytime i try to eat it's always causing me vomits. on the next 2nd week i got constipation and other symptoms such as restless, pacing, and losing appetite it didn't go away. they gave me proper menus for such digestive disease and i start to getting better, but i still have trouble with foods. I was on mental hospital for 14 days, after that i went home and consumed all my prescribed drugs for next 14 days like they've told me, but i stopped all meds CT after that. On the First 2 days after i stopped i start to having nausea, vomits, and i went to ER. From there i was hospitalized for 5 days, and they gave me anti-nausea drugs, CT scan result shows nothing wrong with me. after that i'm feeling better later after about 2-3 weeks. weird thing is i don't have anxiety before, after consuming those drugs i have terrible anxieties and soon i realized that i have GERD too ( it must be really really fun) followed by bloating and unable to eat. i was on good conditions about 1-2 weeks ago, but 2 days ago i accidentally ate onion and garlic contained foods, i had constipation and my stomach becomes growling every day, it's not like the usual. i started to realize "Holly cow it's different", i'm never ever go through this before. after about 2-3 days it still didn't go away, until now. sometimes it worsening sometimes not. sometimes i got diarrhoea and sometimes constipates too, what concerned me the most is that i have a high risks diseases, but i start to google my symptoms and discuss it then i found the answer it was probably due to IBS, 100% sure. i'm scared that if i have developed this from the drugs and i heard that lots of people dealing with this for their entire life, and i don't know what i'm supposed to do. any suggestion? regarding to faeces i have mucus as well and small amount of blood. i don't know, i'm not sure. i also consuming Yakult (probiotics), green beans and etc that can possibly help my constipation, but now i'm having diarrhoea. please any help for this syndrome? thanks.

My story in a nutshell: Always been anxious but got really bad in 2015 Went to see the doctor and was told I didn't have depression but had GAD Was prescribed Sertraline and GP told me coming off them meant “mild to no symptoms” Started 50mg Sertraline 1 Jan 2016 but also quit coffee and alcohol at the same time Brother on 200mg told me you feel better after six weeks Had blurred vision, dry mouth and increased appetite but was otherwise fine (but still anxious) Six weeks to the day (more on this later) I felt more relaxed, clear-headed and less anxious Decided to come off after nine months as to me medicine is a last resort and I felt okay Tapered off over three months Withdrawal started and it was indescribably bad — I can barely even put it into words Went on for a while and I went back to the doctors, was dismissively told it would right itself and that I could always go back on them if I wanted to Didn't have many people to speak to about it but those I did said it was my depression coming back and I need to go back on the meds I knew it wasn't as how I was feeling was an order of magnitude worse than I'd ever felt in my life the the most depression I'd had before that was likely dysthymia as I was always functioning and never missed any work from it (interestingly I don't think the NHS recognise dysthymia and I was never diagnosed with it but in hindsight while not feeling hopeless or worthless I likely have had anhedonia for a lot of my adult life) I suffered alone for about 7–8 months, easily the worst I have never felt in my life: hopeless, worthless and angry in a way that is so extreme as to be difficult to describe After about 8 months it eased up Still with anhedonia I would function okay for a few weeks then my emotions would fall off a cliff and it'd be like being in mini withdrawal for about a week, passive suicidal ideation This went on for 6+ years while I tried to explore alternative methods of recovery (exercise, supplements, etc) As well as this cycle I get constant nose bleeds in my right nostril, I get hand tremors (never had them before Sertraline) if I am stressed and sometimes my memory and thinking goes haywire (not blackouts but difficulty forming and retaining memories even though my recall and clarity of thinking was good before, e.g. once when stressed, I forgot which side of the road cars travelled on and found myself unable to remember quite recent conversations) Exercise and eating well (esp. cutting out sugar) helped but life was still a slog Kind of got sick of fighting this thing about a year ago and had a bit of a breakdown and realised I was on a continuum of passive to active suicidal ideation Hit rock bottom and swore to myself I would never act on intrusive thoughts and started fighting back with renewed vigor Slowly improved through supplements, light therapy, cold shower, lots of exercise and a particularly the Human Givens approach — basically it shows that your thinking affects your sleep and your sleep quality determines your mental state A couple of months later I started taking Moringa powder and within a week the “blackness” had gone (not sure how/why but it is rich in tryptophan) After about a month of taking Moringa I actually started to feel happy; after an 8 year battle, I'd finally beaten this thing However… All was good for a few months until some things in life went badly all in a row and my stress levels ramped up and I've had a few bad months. I am being asked to look at medication by my family but this time a different SSRI. It seems crazy to me given what I've been through but I have promised to at least look at other SSRIs, hence this post. Here are my questions: How different are SSRIs? Can any of the more well-informed members here take a look at my history and let me know what taking a different SSRI might look like? Fluoxetine (Prozac) looks like it is less likely to cause withdrawal symptoms but I've also read if you have had suicidal ideation before it can make that worse. Am I likely to have the same experience coming off any SSRI? I can't imagine being on them life as a) it doesn't address anything and b) I have heard they stop working eventually. I am also very concerned about the data surrounding them, particularly the lack of evidence for the chemical imbalance theory and their ineffectiveness in mild to moderate depression. I know SSRIs work as a placebo for some. I found it suspicious that I started feeling the benefits on the exact day my brother said they'd start working. Almost like my brain expected it. And if I ever got serious side effects like I had before…I honestly don't know what I'd do. And finally, the irony of having had to deal with all this depression simply because I took an antidepressant is not lost of me.

Hi there. I joined last year, but this is my first post. I'm not really sure what I hope to achieve here. Sometimes I feel so alone in this. Sometimes I just want to yell from the rooftops, warning people to stay away from Paxil. I guess this post stems from both of those statements. A little of my story- I moved to QC, Canada when I met my wife in 2002. Married quite quickly after meeting. Coming from the US, I was definitely not prepared or knew what I was in for, with a move 500 miles away to another country. Especially when it's a country within a country, so to speak, as Quebec can often be seen. Extremely long and winding story short - I became a very different person, within the first five years or so. So much I can point to now, as the catalysts for my becoming a shell of a man. I think it was mostly a perfect storm of childhood traumas, harmful paths as a young man, and high stress life circumstances as a young married man. I can honestly say my wife was not the problem. I was. But I didn't see it that way, at the time. After five years in, my wife told me she thought I needed to see a doctor. That I "needed" to be on medicine. That since my mom had mental health issues, depression etc., it ran in my family. That it was a chemical imbalance. When you break your arm, you go to the doctor, and they fix you. It's the same with mental health. These are things I completely reject now, but at the time, I needed to do something. I was becoming someone I didn't recognize anymore. Aggressive, depressed, anxiety ridden... You can't imagine how I wish I could go back to that point in time. The moment I pulled my car up to the medical clinic. I wish I could go back and tell younger me, that it was the circumstances in my life that needed to change. It was the healing I needed to do. It was the therapy I needed to seek out. Instead, I sought out a drug to "fix" me. And on top of that, one of the worst drugs in the ssri family you could possibly take. One of the hardest to get off of. One with the worst side effects. One that would change my life... But not for the better. I went into a clinic and had a seven-minute conversation with a GP that obviously was there at a drop-in clinic for some extra side cash. "Do you feel down?" Yes, I said. "Do you lash out?" Yes. "Does your mother take any anti-depressants?" Yes. "Here's a prescription". I'll sum up my years on Paroxetine. It gave me all the typical side effects, but it seemed to help with my anxiety. It did not make me feel happy. It did, however, seem to blunt my emotions. Which I suppose could be interpreted as "helping" with being depressed. Over the years, I'd start feeling confused as to why I'm not feeling happy. Why I'm still having moments of lashing out. Why I can't seem to click into life the way I see others can. Just always feeling like something was just wrong with me. So, I went back, upped the dose a couple times. Over the years, I tried to get off of it. The very first time, was cold turkey. I was NEVER told by the doctor about ANY negative side effects, and that coming OFF of Paxil can be difficult. I knew nothing of tapering, withdraw, discontinuation syndrome... None of it. I remember having the extreme zaps, the suicidal ideations... I went back on. I tried to get off a few other times and couldn't ever do it. I've been off of Paxil for about half a year. I'm definitely experiencing withdraw. I'm so thankful I'm off of it though. Because I know what I lost while on it. I've come to realize that so much of my impulsive behaviors, risky behaviors, emotional indifference can be traced back to being on Paxil. I went from a man with a wife, three kids, to currently alone. I've lost it all. The things I've done, and said, and thought over the years are unfathomable to me now. It's as if I've awoken from a nightmare. And I don't mean that figuratively. I mean it literally feels like I'm awake after over a decade of dreaming. I left my wife seven years ago. A woman who stood by me through it all. Who had to suffer alongside a man who became a shell. I did things over the years on Paxil, that when I think of now, makes me actually ill. I can't believe the person I was. I can't believe the decisions I made. I can't believe how numb and callused I was towards her, my kids, and really my own life and self. Basically, what I've realized, is that Paxil did nothing to "fix" me. All the problems that weighed on me and my heart/mind/soul, never went away. I just was able to numb myself a little more towards them. Sometimes now drug-free, a memory will pop up and I'll see it and feel it in a completely different way than I did at the time. It's hard to explain. It's like I think about my life and see a movie played out, by an actor that looks like me, but isn't me. I'm angry. Angry at Paxil, angry at that doctor... I feel I've lost years and years of my life. Years I won't get back. But alongside that anger, I have empathy. Empathy for myself. I'm trying to balance guilt and sadness, with empathy and hope. I'm in the process of working this all out. Maybe someday I will have my family together again, intact, by the grace of God and clear mind. I've talked with her about a lot of this, and she seems to understand how these brain and body altering drugs can play a part in the downfall of a person. Discovering Dr Roger Mcfillin, and many others has been a game changer for me, personally. Also moving towards God and His grace and forgiveness. Redemption. Things I never cared about really, and eye rolled over. For those of you who have lost during your time on one of these drugs- I know how you feel. We must take responsibility for our actions and life choices, but to deny that Paxil didn't have a role in this for ME, would be a gross mistake. I'll post more as I continue this journey in healing. As I said, I am experiencing prolonged withdraw, and I'll share more another time. Love to you all. Have hope.

Orignal full title before shortening: 2 Months of lowest dose Mirtazapine, sufferin now for over 2,5 months of withdrawal I would set my signature up properly, but I just can't remember anything. Remeron/Mirtazapine withdrawal still leaves me with such a messed up memory that remembering only 2 things at a time causes me great problems. I can't tell which month I took my Effoxor back then, I'm not even sure about the year. Though I keep great track of the Remeron withdrawal, so at least I can tell that. If you don't want to read the whole story, I categorized the "drug" part in the Drugs section below. There is still some life story though. For the start, I'm currently 18 years old and a female. I was twice in mental hospitals seeking help for a problem that was solved with - you won't believe me - one sentence by my mom. One sentence just cured my whole condition. It may sound incredibly ridiculous, but seriously all of this that you'll read wouldn't have happened if somebody told me this one sentence at the very beginning. And I'm incredibly mad because of this, as I suffered and endured so much pain through the years because everybody was so desperate to prove that I had depression. At 13 years old I had a panic attack caused by a certain phobia which I mistook for suicidal thoughts. I admitted myself to a mental hospital to stay safe, as I was greatly scared that I would harm or kill myself. I spend there 1,5 months and they diagnosed PCOS-Syndrome (hormone problems) and "mild depression". They said I should spend more time with peers, as seemingly it was caused by having an inactive social life (I was quite the outsider at school and would remain. Not because I was shy or something, I was just always such an emotional-artist personality and had interest in completely other things than others my age, so I couldn't connect. Famous people or make-up didn't bother me at all.) On the contraceptive I felt much better, though it made me sleepy, but I needed, need and will probably always need it for without it my body completely breaks down, as the hormone imbalance is severe (more on that later). The phobia-episodes stayed away, emerging randomly for a few minutes sometimes but very rare, until age 15. I think the episode lasted there for half a year and little longer? They acted like panic attacks, up to 3-4 times a day and some days I was free from it. But I endured it, and though it may sound scary, looking back it actually wasn't so bad as I made it out to be when I went through it. At age 13 the panic attacks were much more rarer, you'll see why. So when I had those panic attacks, and I wondered why they were there, they seemed to have no cause, I blamed it on the contraceptives. So I was switched to another one, but I got very irritable on it and punched a wall for the first time ever in my life (I'm quite the peaceful person). The gynecologist didn't want to switch me on another contraceptive (as she was paid by this certain brand to only sell this one - literally posters of this contraceptive brand and calendars and cards everywhere in her place), so I stopped taking it. After few months, not many, my body began breaking down. I was dizzy most of the time, nauseated, I was constantly, literally constantly hungry, didn't have appetite though for anything, I was so fatigued I would sleep literally nearly the whole day, couldn't go to school, couldn't do anything really, and had quite the anhedonia. That was the worst, the anhedonia. Hormones can really, really do lots. Didn't have period for the whole year of no pill either. When my panic episodes (that I always called mistakenly suicidal episodes), returned I seeked help again desperately - and was admitted to a mental hospital again which mas psychosomatic in kind and didn't treat cases like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. 4,5 months there and no improvement, in fact, I got worse there. The therapist there was also a complete idiot and made just everything worse. He blamed my condition on the family (he'd wish he'd have such a deep bond with his mother), he blamed it on literally everything and called it "depression" all the time, though at the end of 4,5 months they still had no diagnosis because I literally did all paper tests they had and in all of them came out a very low scale of depression. They couldn't identify the cause at all. At first they thought Cyclothymia, then bipolar II, then depression, then this, then that, 4,5 months later we haven't got anywhere. Funny thing is, the therapist wasn't even fully licenced yet. He attended "further education" about psychotherapy. He barely knew anything. The psychiatrists there neither, because they told that "hormones can't do such a thing". Haha. I can attest they really, really do. I should have noticed he was not alright in the head after a few weeks when he told me I had sexual problems because I wasn't interested in sex enough. "Normally, people your age try around their sexuality with friends or so..." no thank you, I'll have my dignity. Next, I had an "oversensitive mother". She "worried too much." Who wouldn't about their child that has been unwell so long? "Normally people your age should go partying at night, and your mother doesn't let you..." first, I don't want to go thank you, second, yes, partying until 01:00 am somewhere in somewhere seems very safe and plausible. But my father who didn't care about me my whole life is the best one! The therapist tried to get me away more from my mother so I would get closer to my father and forgive him for not knowing "how to be a father", which I didn't do which again frustrated my therapist, and with every session he grew more frustrated that he couldn't manipulate me. Everything I spoke about in therapy I told my parents (especially mom), and everything that she spoke about with him in visits she told me. My therapist said he can't do proper therapy with me if I tell everything my parents. He sees a lack of "privacy" in this family. Everyone should have "secrets". What was unnormal to him is that we only have locks on bathrooms and on no other door. "I should be able to lock my door", he said. Which, if he really thinks I have depression, is the most stupid thing you can say. I won't even mentoin the documents I got when I got out of the hospital that he wrote, seriously you wouldn't believe what is written on it. -------------------- Drugs So after 4,5 months of no getting better, no improvement but worsening, they placed me on 37.5mg Effoxor which I responded to extremely quickly and really, really well. Within a few hours nearly my whole condition was gone. Even they were surprised that it acted so quickly, and that already the first one suited me so well, as usually people have to try around to find one that is good for them. Whether placebo or not, it did the thing it was supposed to do - so well that pharma companies could show me as an example of "miracle drugs". (I'm very sensitive to medications/caffeine etc., so I'm not surprised that a low dose works so strong on me). I had also very few side effects. I was placed a few days later on 75mg, and then my whole condition was gone. When I asked if antidepressants really numb feelings, the lead doctor said "no, the depression does that." Tells about everything you have to know about him. On my last visit to my therapist I told him they did nothing, only the drugs helped me. That he didn't like of course and in the documents I was counterargumentet that I "eagerly took part in all of their offered therapies". Yes, it was so boring there that I attended even courses that others couldn't go to and I went in their place instead. If we hadn't any courses - music, physiotherapy - I would take hour long walks with the others because else I woulg go crazy sitting there and doing nearly nothing. They wanted to keep me longer there, but I said "no", as fast as possible out of this place, they were all not alright in the head. And I got really fast out because my mother stormed in and shoved such arguments up their faces, especially my therapist, that he started shuddering. The locks, the "sexual problems", she had no mercy with words. Twenty minutes later I was out. A very few months later we went to another gynecologist, who is a fantastic one. There the PCOS syndrome was diagnosed again, and I was put on contraceptives again (my third) - I responded very well to this one. Unlike the first one, which was good too, this one didn't make me sleepy and I can function to this day without midday sleeps, which I needed on the first one. After half year of Effoxor I had to see my psychiatrist again, as the longer I was on the pill, the greater the "freezing headache" and numbing of the antidepressant came to light. Theory I strongly believe in, again THEORY - this was because the more I gained hormonal balance, the greater the serotonine etc. production functioned again and my body functioned more normally again - meaning, I didn't need the effoxor anymore and it started doing a little more harm than good now. So I was put off it, I was told to taper, but stupid me wanted so badly the numbing to go away that I did cold turkey. And compared to other cold turkeys I read, this one wasn't so bad. Dizziness, very strong headache, a bit of vomiting, that's all. On the second or third day though I took a 37.5mg pill again and tapered this time, opening the capsule and putting the little tablets out of it until only one of the little was inside. Then I had a week or two of mild withdrawal and it was over. As I said, poster girl for pharma with this drug. This year, 2022, on February my "suicidal episode" came back - and it didn't came back like before - this time it hit, at the same time, with such a panic attack that I hyperventilated so badly I got severe twitches and my eyes rolled up and teeth shuddered etc. an ambulance had to be called. They knew it was hyperventilating and I was calmed down with reduced breathing, because too much oxygen. It worked. But now I was left with such anxiety that I became extremely sleep deprived. When I visited my psychiatrist again (I had to wait 2 days for the emergency visit to him), he wasn't able to offer much help besides "taking up an antidepressant again". I said no, no antidepressants anymore. I asked for sleeping aid, so I would get a bit of rest after being much sleep deprived for two-three days. So he gave me a sleeping pill. Without telling me it's an antidepressant. Later I found out it is an antidepressant. Thank you very much. So I was given Remeron/Mirtazapine 7.5mg. When I started it, I became greatly suicidal, with urges to kill my myself and immense hopelesness that was drug-induced. During this time I seriously thought about assisted suicide (and still a bit traumatized because of it, as I never, never had before sucidal thoughts - the suicidal episodes were mistaken, I'll explain later.) I wanted to stop it after two days, but my mom said they need a bit of time to settle and then it'll get better. And it did, the suicidality vanished. I slept much more on it, not very much as since years I had disrupted sleeping, but this time only once a night and I fell asleep quite fast after that. Now, what is important to mentoin as it happened during the taking of mirtazapine, and I had one of those "suicidal episodes" my mom told me - this was the one sentence that cured me - "that it seems like I'm not depressed or anything, but scared." Boom. Done. It all went away. As I googled later, I found out what I had all the time was "Suicidal OCD - an intense fear of suicide and intrusive thoughts about suicide which leave the individual disturbed and distressed." This was also why the episodes got more intense and frequent in time - the more I was scared of it, the more intense it became. When I was distracted, it wasn't there. I remember when blood was taken from me it would disappear for a while, I remember the more hopeful I was the more it disappeared. All in my head. Ones own head, illusion can cause such suffering... fascinating. And indeed, the second I realized this was only a fear and not actual suicidal thoughts, all disappeared. And didn't come back. A few weeks later I would know the difference between this and actual sucidal thoughts. I was very alright on Mirtazapine, had feelings and so on, was myself pretty much. Problem was, the longer I took it the more paranoid-anxious I became (along with more and more damaged short-term memory), which would make me stop it after 2 months - and also by another event. I took CBD oil (I consulted it of course with my psychiatrist first), for it to help me further as maybe this would help my sleeping problems and I could get off mirtazapine. And I took the two together, and mirtazapine didn't react well to it. Got extremely anxious and with semi-suicidal feelings, kind of like when I first took it but half so bad- so I stopped the oil after three days of no improvement, but fast forward a half week later and the symptoms don't go away. So I had to stop taking mirtazapine, on 4th April. At first I became a bit hypomanic, my senses were sharp as never before, adrenal-like, nothing negative much. It went away after two days and was replaced by huge anxiety. It was lowering continuously over the course of one month, and I thought "not so bad", at the end, at first it was bad, but it was going away. 6th of May, it hit, and it hit really, really hard. I never felt this suicidal, it was like when I started taking it but 3x worse. It was accompanied by dizziness, intense nausea, extreme brain fog, anxiety, memory was non-existent, hopelessness rose to 900%, apathy, no feelings. Half of the day I thought about suicide and the other half of the day I was flat, kind of existing. The suicidality was intense, I could think about nothing else - it was nothing like the OCD I had, now I could really, really distinguish between illusion and actual suicidal thoughts. I felt, and still feel such regret of ever taking any antidepressant, I never was so scared about my future before, never regretted something so much. After one, two weeks it started gradually falling and the suicidality went kind of away, along with nausea, etc. What was left was the brain frog, numbness, impaired memory. But it got better over time, and I knew from the beginning it was withdrawal else I would probably have got psychotic about this. Now, a few days ago, second wave hit. Suicidality (but half so bad this time), now I have weird skin sensations sometimes, still much numb (I can cry very well though, I just don't feel the sadness, but the feelings are still there, hidden somewhere.) Brain fog, short-term memory still doesn't exist. Again, intense regret, I'm still so scared it won't end or I will suffer permanent damage, even though it was just 2 months and the lowest dose. What is optimistic though, for the first time since these 2.5 months I responded emotionally to music which opened a window, and I was cycling recently between withdrawal-window-withdrawal. But the fear of no end and permanent damage is still there, and thinking only about the slightest good memory from childhood makes me tip over into intense crying, as I'm so afraid that I lost now everything. There are so many things I still want to do, finish school, a good university etc., and I will only be able to forgive myself and forget if it all ends well, with as little damage as possible. Reassurement of "it was only such a short time, such a low dose, it won't damage you..." leaves me only with a bit of hope. In the past month I read so much about neuroplasticity and learned so much about the true face of psychiatry (especially through "Anatomy of an Epidemic"), and it left me in bewilderment and anger. Had I knew, then I would have never taken it. Never, no matter what and I never will take anything of it ever again. I only found about long-term use damage, so I guess from 2 months and lowest dose I will recover? I found in the Anatomy book that for antipsychotics, the rule is 2 months recovery for 1 month use, and only at the period of over a year or so it might cause permanent damage. I hope it is better for antidepressants, especially since I read so many horror stories I cried about with immense fear, and many I read with hope who came off after 20 years of various antidepressants and recovered well to 100% themselves. Often the knowledge about neuroplasticity, neurogenesis and success stories keep me sane. Incredible what 2 month use of the lowest dose can cause. If it shall end in 5 months, I will endure. I'm extremely endurable, all my life I've proven it. But there is this uncertainity, and it won't let me sleep at times.

Hello! I'm new to this site! I am happy to have found this forum reassuring and full of mutual help! I apologize in advance for my grammar errors, I am from Quebec and I don't speak English so I use Google translate! ☺️ Here is my little story! In August 2023, my doctor prescribed Sertraline (the French name for Zoloft) at my request. I was experiencing a lot of anxiety about a vestibular disorder that I have been living with for 1 year, it is very difficult to live with. So, I start Zoloft, the first week at 25mg everything is fine! The second week I increase to 50 mg, stomach aches and heart palpitation, sleeping problem, difficulty urinating! I tell myself that it will pass….5 days after starting my second week all the symptoms are getting worse and worse, and a strange feeling in my genial zone….a bit like arousal without thinking sexual…sorry for the details, a frequent urge to urinate and pain similar to cystitis, like needles in the bladder! Just sitting down caused these symptoms or going to the bathroom! The symptoms were almost constant! So I made the decision to stop everything and I called my pharmacist and explained the situation to him… although I had been taking this medication for a short time (1 week and 5 days) he told me to take a 25mg the same evening. and the next day stop everything, which I did! Slowly everything was reducing but it was still there. A week after stopping I started to have muscle spasms in my thigh, hips and buttock. Constantly these spasm was there. So I made an appointment with my doctor to explain the situation to her, she’s a woman so it’s less embarrassing. She recognized all the symptoms except that of genital arousal. She was very reassuring with me and told me that everything would gradually go away over time. Today it's been 3 months since I stopped everything, the symptoms are less and less frequent, and sometimes I feel these genital symptoms towards the end of my period or during my ovulation...but it's very mild and not like in the past. beginning. I read the story of HopeFull and Cathy French on this forum which I found very reassuring and it gave me a lot of hope that my symptoms will go away! I didn't have a diagnosis so I don't know if what I had was pgad like people say, but it looks like it but without the pain! I no longer have any urinary problems either, everything is gone. All that remains is this feeling which sometimes comes back slightly! Sorry for the very long text and thank you very much for your welcome and your listening! 🥰 Rudbeckie 🙂

So I started Zoloft 100mg (Sertraline) in high school (2012) after going through a course of Accutane (which I did not realize had serotonin modifying properties until recently) and coming out somewhat depressed (assuming diet and other factors had effects as well). I was completely against taking this medication as I did not think that I needed it, but my psychiatrist ended up persuading me with the idea that I could stop it at any time and that it wouldn't hurt to try. I started my regimen of sertraline and was on my way. Around 2015 I ended up having some side effects that were not clear to me until I entered a relationship and was reduced down to 50 mg and Wellbutrin 150mg XL was added. At the beginning with Wellbutrin I noticed some brain fog or spaciness but that went away and I ended up stabilizing. This lineup was fine and I felt that I was in a great spot, I wanted to try life without antidepressants. I had taken AD's for 5 years and wanted to know if I could go without them, they couldn't be good for you (who knew what they were doing to your body everyday). So in December 2017 I CTed Wellbutrin and started taking Sertraline every other day and then every three days, etc. I really had no system to tapering but I did it over a few weeks (without doctor's overview). January of 2018 I thought I caught the flu, but later on realized that this was withdrawal. I had all the acute symptoms but got through it. After my "flu" I seemed to stabilize but noticed that I was more withdrawn and not as outgoing, whatever maybe this was the real me without drugs. April of 2018 I began having panic attacks, I hadn't had one of these for a LONG time. I realized that I may need to take medication again but pushed through, maybe I would get better. After a night of heavy drinking with friends, the next morning was hell, I had some of the worst anxiety attacks I had ever had, my vision was spacey, I could barely move, this was not a normal hangover lol. This apparently was my crash. Almost like clockwork with everyone else on the website (3-4 months after stopping meds). I went to see my Primary Care Doctor and he said it was best to start Sertraline 100mg again which I did, but regardless of starting it I still had brain fog, vision issues, trouble concentrating, and anxiety through the roof. I didn't want to leave the house. It seemed that I had started to stabilize over the summer (2018) but I still had traces of anxiety and had brain fog, spaciness and vision issues intermittently (couple of times a day). Around fall 2018 (around September?) I noticed that I was tired all the time (sleeping 14 hrs if I could) and my spaciness/brain fog was almost all day now. I was still on Sertraline 100mg at this point so the Primary Care Doctor decided to add Wellbutrin XL 150mg and drop the Sertraline to 50mg (same regimen I took before stopping). This DID NOT help I was either tired or angry all of the time and my brain fog/spaciness did not improve in the least. Primary Care Doctor tapered me off Sertraline over two weeks and I was left with Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin alone ended up not working for me, (still aggressive, tired and spacey) so we decided to stop that as well. January 2019 I was back to taking nothing. I had already done this once a year earlier and wondered if supplements could help alleviate the problem and make the anxiety bearable. I went to a psychiatrist and told him that I did not want any medications if I could help it. He prescribed omega 3 and lavender oil (Silexan) which is apparently used in Germany for anxiety cases. The anxiety seemed to be slightly better than the previous year with no supplementation but I was still just surviving (barely) and not thriving and living life like I wanted to. I've stayed away from alcohol, gone to the gym daily (cardio and weights), drank only water and even tried to change my diet. Nothing seemed to work well enough. One positive though: my spaciness and brain fog was completely gone, only anxiety was left. May of 2019 I gave in and decided to go back onto meds. I told the doctor to put me on the smallest dose possible and he chose Lexapro 5mg (escitalopram). I did notice that my anxiety was going away slightly, but around August I was back to being anxious and my brain fog was back (barely). September 5th 2019 went to see ANOTHER psychiatrist supposedly with a love for psychopharmacology and she immediately gave me a DNA test (Genomind) and told me that I may be a candidate for l-methlyfolate (the activated form of folate). She also prescribed Trintellix 10mg (5mg the first week) and gave me some free samples to try over the course of a month. I started taking it and no brain fog was apparent. I actually seemed to be improving slightly. I found out how much it was and was astounded. $400 per 30 day supply and after insurance it was still $180. Im still in college and apparently I could get it for $15 a month if I were to use the Student insurance plan, but I graduate soon so I will still be paying that ridiculous price later on. I notified the psychiatrist of this and we reduced down to 5mg with the notion that we would taper down to zero and try something else. Right around this time (October 20th 2019) I started the l-methylfolate that she prescribed and after a week (Oct 27th) I seemed to improve more. I don't know if this was the Trintellix finally kicking in ( I was at the 7 or 8 week mark at that point) or the l-methylfolate. I seemed to be stabilizing at this point and waited to get off the Trintellix 5mg because I didn't want to destabilize. I went back to my previous psychiatrist because I couldn't afford the visits for the other (out of network- insurance doesn't cover). He suggested trying out Prozac 10mg and take the Trintellix every other day for a two weeks and quit (Half life = 66 hrs). I started this on November 3rd 2019 and immediately after taking Prozac I was spacey (derealization), couldn't concentrate and just felt high. Is this my body trying to reject SSRIs? It seems like I have had issues with Sertraline, Lexapro and now Prozac; they have all caused this spacey feeling. With Trintellix I seem to be sharp and not have this issue. Of course Trintellix was a small sample size of only two months. So my question as of right now is should go ahead and bite the bullet and take Trintellix and pay the amount (I will be able to afford it with a job, but all else equal I would rather not have to if something else works just as well) or should I keep with Prozac or possibly try something else? Has something worked for someone else in a similar situation? My ultimate goal here is to stabilize on a certain medication and then initiate a proper slow taper that has been proven to work (although I know it isn't easy). Also if anyone has any comments they wish to share about a certain route that I should possibly try, feel free to comment. Thanks guys!

I have tried to taper 50mg first by splitting doses into half and taking 25mg twice a day. I was breaking Controlled Release tablets as I wasn't aware that they shouldn't be split. After 1 month I reduced the dosage to 25mg. I switched to alternate brand (voxidep) as 25mg dosage is not available in the earlier brand (Fluvoxin). Took 25mg of new brand for 15 days and then 12.5 mg for 4 days and then stopped. After stopping everything, I went to vacation for 10 days. Felt no discomfort or withdrawal syamptoms. Exactly after 1 month of discontinuation, started feeling extreme discomfort, increased heart palpitations and dizziness. Since I couldn't tolerate, I resumed 50mg ( I am regretting the higher reinstatement) Now I switched to Immediate Release tablets of original brand (25mg twice a day), as I can cut them easily into smaller parts. Can I reduce by 6.25 (1/8th of 50mg) every month? I am ok with small variations with cuts as I don't want to switch the brand again. (The smallest dose I can get with my long time brand (Fluvoxin) is 50mg, no issues whatsoever except that I need to cut the pill into 8 pieces) I have a bought a weighing scale and planning to order my cut pieces in the decreasing order of weights. Please help me understand if I can be stable again with immediate release pills ? And does my planned tapering (6.25mg every month with immediate release starting from Feb 15, 2022, hoping I will be stable by that time) sound good and feasible? Currently facing dizziness, lost concentration, clear thinking ability, body pain and body imbalance. History: 2002-2010 - Prodep 10mg (Fluvoxetine) 2013-2016 - Prodep 40mg 2018-2020 - Fluvoxin 200mg (Fluvoxamine) Jun'21 - Jul'21 - Fluvoxin 150mg (cold turkey) Jul'21 - Apr'22 - Fluvoxin 100mg CR Apr'22 - September'22 - Fluvoxin 50mg CR

Hello all, I want to first thank you for sharing your experiences and for working so hard to make this information available. It has been, in no uncertain terms, life saving to me in the last 7 months. I have done the best I can with a complex history, a poor memory and a very tired mind. I have tried to be relevant and minimal in information I worry will be upsetting or triggering to anyone.. but I do want to share as I could do with some understanding/empathy from peers while I navigate these scary waters. I do have a support but I find myself justifying/explaining a lot more than I feel understood. It will also help if questions do arise or to enable me to join in discussions. So here goes.. Medications Fluoxetine 2008 from GP due to depression and anorexia (age 18) Duloxetine 2009 from psychiatrist- risk to my heart due to purging so was discontinued abruptly by another psychiatrist when I was admitted to an inpatient facility that year. Diagnosed with anorexia. (I was under inpatient psychiatric “care” at different points between 2009 and 2013 for 23 months.) Pregabalin Nov 2009-June 2010. Chlorpromazine Nov 2009-June 2010. Zolpidem Nov 2009-June 2010 these three medications in addition to Mirtazapine are started in 2009 to treat anorexia and depression while under inpatient care. Discharged early due to non compliance (lost weight due to being kicked out of family home). I highlight this as it is relevant to a cycle of being medicated and held it contempt from medical professionals for my trauma responses and existential crises born of these issues which (what a shock) have not gone away with medication. Lorazepam(PRN)1mg Nov 2009-Oct 2012. Quetiapine150mg Aug-Sept 2010 +75mg May 2012. Olanzapine 2010-2011. Zolpiclone7.5mg 2010-2014. Various medications tried while inpatient again for 10 months from Sept 2010. No therapy offered just lots of medication and stuck on a ward, memory is bad of this time understandably but I remember nearly going blind from uveitis in both eyes at one point. Difficult to know what medication was causing versus severe malnutrition and wilful self neglect. Was voluntarily held but under threat that if I left “xyz would happen”. Was discharged 2011 to outpatient treatment. Started Citalopram 2012. Caused severe insomnia, agitation, anxiety. Ended up being hospitalised when I became at risk to myself from lack of sleep or relief from my skin crawling. It went on for so long as my psychiatric nurse would not take me seriously because I was managing to not lose any weight during this ordeal. I complained about this once I felt stronger. I was put then on a cocktail of Mirtazapine, Trazodone and Zolpiclone which eventually got me back into a rhythm of sleep. I began hallucinating at night and eating in my sleep more regularly and I needed 10 hours sleep minimum or I would be an absolute zombie. All of this starting and continuing from 2012 until I stopped trazodone in 2016. In 2012 I was also diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder which was never discussed with me but went on my file permanently. I later found this out by accident in 2017. Hospitalised for eating disorder treatment again in 2012 for 5 months. Trazodone 2012-2016. See new psychiatrist in 2016 who agrees to remove trazodone. I have a poor memory of this time particularly due to more familial breakdowns and trauma. Start lamotragine in addition to the Mirtazapine 45mg which I have been takin for 7 years now. Lamotrigine 2016-2017. I moved to a new town and therefore a new psychiatric team soon after this and had a major relapse and felt completely hopeless and suicidal for over a year (2017-2018). I was told about the EUPD diagnoses, the symptoms of which I could relate to but it did make me feel like I was stuck feeling suicidal for the rest of my life and ‘needed’ to be medicated permanently as a solution, but at least it was reason for why I was ‘this way’. Started Venlafaxine 2017. Gave me terrible side effects especially of sweating, nightmares and a resting heart rate of 128bpm. I already had a resting heart rate of 110bpm and expressed my concerns when the psychiatrist insisted on increasing the dose and later claimed I asked him to increase it. His word against mine, and my word meant nothing. Got a new psychiatrist and he started me on Lithium in addition to the mirtazapine and kept in a small dose of aripiprozole as I had experienced mania on a higher dose the weeks prior. I felt so unwell going on to Lithium and I also experienced a lot if not all of the classic side effects and gained 10kg/22lbs in the first year which really hindered my well managed eating disorder progress and triggered me into a severe binge/ restrict cycle. Even on the cocktail below I continued to experience daily suicidal ideation, existential dread (since age 8), agoraphobia (since the age of 13), anxiety, depression.. on the list goes. In August 2020 I came to fully understand and was able educate myself about trauma and how this was affecting me, how I could change it and how, for me, medication had nothing to do how I could heal my trauma responses, if anything I saw how medication was actually tied up in my trauma. If I can have daily, even hourly, flashbacks and suicidal thoughts on this cocktail of meds, I thought, then what is the point of taking it all.. thus began my journey of being psychiatric medication free. My diagnosis was officially changed to Complex PTSD. Aripiprozole 2.5mg Sept 2017- Oct 2020 (tapered 0.5 weekly). Zolpiclone7.5mg 2017-CT Aug 2020. Propranolol40mg May 2019-CT Aug 2020. Buspirone August 2019-CT Aug 2020. Lithium(Priadel)800mg Dec 2017-July 2021 (tapered 200mg each month). Mirtazapine45mg Nov 2009-April 2022 (tapered 3 weeks-30mg then 15mg then 15mg every other day 10 days then stop 18th April 2022). Diazepam5mg(PRN)2011-May 2022. Feels relevant to note that I now only take Paracetamol regularly (but as needed). Also, 1 x 30mg dose of Codeine (no more than twice a week) and 600mg of Aspirin (1-2 times a month if headache or locked jaw has lasted several days). I also use Peptac. I do not drink alcohol (since 2012- always made me feel so ill and tastes like poison) or caffeine (since 2021). I do smoke cannabis daily but no cigarettes/nicotine (Quit CT Sept 2021). Also from Jan 2021-April 2022 I experienced about 11 infections, colds, flu, tonsillitis (with no tonsils no less), vomiting bug, stomach pains/reflux along with Severe sinus problems and throat ulcers which I had for almost all that time. It is what pushed me to stop smoking cigarettes once and for all out of desperation. I only drink water, rooibos tea and the homemade almond milk I make. I try hard to eat healthy but managing my eating disorder is also a huge priority so I have to strike a balance, I also am really struggling to stomach anything so I have to eat what I can physically get down too. I am mindful of low histamine and also in my case, low acid diets. I had no idea about withdrawal. I had only even taken in and heard the words serotonin syndrome in 2017. My head is no longer buried in the sand, I take full responsibility for my wellbeing and what I choose to accept as a form a treatment going forward and forgive myself for all I had to do to get here. I am suffering the consequences of my own ignorance but I will not continue to suffer as a consequence of other’s ignorance. However I got here, I am here now and I owe it to myself to keep working through all of this so I can find out if there is a life out there for me yet, more importantly, a life I want to live. This website (where I have quietly lurked for 7 months) has enabled me to keep going but most importantly enabled me to advocate for myself. I have, as a result, an incredibly helpful and supportive GP who sees me every 3 weeks (this is both indescribably helpful for the WD but, mostly, in healing my medical trauma - i have not gone into detail but what I have experienced has truly broken my ability to trust any Drs at this point). My focal point for healing complex trauma is not really different than this journey, nervous system healing all the way. I am so lonely though and afraid that this is it for me, that I need accept that my life will be inside 4 walls forever, that I will think not being here is the better option no matter how hard I work to show myself otherwise.. how can I truly show myself that life is worth living when I live the same day or week over and over again. I owe it to myself to find out. I can’t have come this far only to give up now and not know what comes next for me. Surely if I have gotten through these 32 years of life so far I can endure what comes next? Im so afraid I’m spoiled now, ruined and defective. That I can never be healed. I have to tell myself that isn’t true, surely natural selection would have had me by now if I didn’t have the capacity to heal the damage that has been done. The last thing I want to say is that I am totally open to being educated about cannabis and its effects on withdrawal or the nervous system but quite honestly it is the only unhealthy coping mechanism I have left, after pairing all others down, while I overcome my trauma. I am fully aware it is not ideal and for me, telling myseld I can’t or shouldn’t just wont work. Education and understanding could work. Understanding completely the consequences and effects I think can help me make a conscious and informed choice rather than a self judgmental one (which in my experience never helps me abstain, if anything quite the opposite). Thanks for reading if you made it this far.. Below is a full list of the symptoms I am experiencing. The do fluctuate and I do get windows but only enough to keep up with the house and my self care. I am still housebound, isolated, agoraphobic, unable to drive and feel so unbearably dependent. Headaches (Daily Headaches, Pain at base of skull, Scalp pain, Jaw pain/tightness/clicking, Sensitive to sunlight, Eye soreness/heaviness, Shooting pain in temple) Muscular and Joint issues (Pain in Jaw and Face/Scalp/Base of skull/Neck/Shoulders/Ribs/Lower Back/Hips, Jaw Locking, Muscles ‘burn’ with minimal use (ie stairs/brushing teeth), Joints stiff and click, Whole body aches next day from very minimal activity/stress or no reason at all, Difficulty keeping muscles relaxed, Restless Legs, Shaking/Trembling, Feeling of weakness) Exhaustion and Sleep issues (Fatigue, Extreme sleepiness/yawning, Difficulty falling/staying asleep, Vivid dreams) Stomach issues (Nausea, Lack of Appetite, Hunger pain, Pain under (mostly left) ribs, Stomach cramps, Diarrhoea) Temperature Control issues (Goosebumps, Chills, Hot Flushes, Sweating, Prickling/Itchy Skin) Cognitive (Forgetful, Lack of Concentration, Brain Fog, Feeling Detached/Dizzy, Crying Spells) Sinus/Oral issues (Runny Nose, Tongue and Throat Ulcers, Dry Mouth, Sore Throat, Cramps in Throat, Tinnitus, Earache) Miscellaneous (Eczema on soles of feet and hands, Itchy bites that disappear after a few hours, Bruising more easily and taking long time to go)

Hi All Just wanted to say thank you this website has saved my life and now that I'm able to join after months of struggle. I have been on quite a few drugs over the years mainly benzo's and paroxetine. I was prescribed 2mg rivotrol or clonazepam for sleep 2015 - 2020 and in 2020 got covid and later suffered covid fog which I release now was WD. Was prescribed 2020 for a 6 month period Propranolol (can't remember dose) Clonazpem 2mg Xanax 2mg (I think) Prednisone 10 tablets a day ( Weaned of reducing buy 2 tablets a day) Paroxetine 10mg. 2020 - 2023 Aug 19 Cold Turkey Paroxetine 10mg Clonazepam 2mg - 4mg 2022 March - 2023 March Ritalin I stabilized after the supposed covid fog was 5- 6 months of absolute hell. And then functioned ok for a year and a half , then things starting getting bad. I think leading up to the Ritalin, I look back now and think it was medically induced Hypomania. As people said I talked alot which I did and then by mid 2023 I was mostly in hyper mania states and especially that last 2 months before I was forced to stop cold turkey as I admitted myself to a rehab for 28 days. Where I suffered withdrawal for 2 weeks. I started working after and after 6 weeks of the cold turkey I've been in WD , December 2023 was absolute hell almost no sleep, debilitating anxiety and depression, panic attacks , brain zaps from sound ( they were worse after a few days of cold turkey) still here tho, lights sensitivity, and lots of fog can't see how I wil ever enjoy life again things I once enjoyed etc Can't even watch TV I mostly live in my head. I'm not functioning and haven't been since the withdrawals kicked in. I believe I've come along way as I have some days where it's bearable and some evenings which I feel almost normal. In December I was suicidal 95% of the time. I have very bad mornings which I believe are because of increased cortisol. Feels now like I'm in 75% wave and 20% bearable window and 5% or less when I might just feel like myself. Although to survive this I've had to not trust my thoughts (especially since being manic last year where I did crazy things) and my intrusive thoughts have been so negative and debilitating the only way it's to say it not me. The bearable windows are mostly in states of Anhedonia or Apathy, which to be honest I'm still suicidal as I do not want to continue living like this not to mention all my family and friends think I went to rehab for drugs which I used every odd weekend think they just assume the worst as being hypomanic they would have to I guess. I honestly don't won't to continue to live like this, I know there are so many worse cases on this forum and I'm only 4 months in. I also know it's too late to reinstate and of the hell I've been through I know its not the right way. I've been taking Magnesium and Omega 3 which I assume is helping as December was harder and I have glimmers of hope here and there not for long. Still sleep between 3 - 4 hours a night waking up every hour. In December used urinate 12 plus times a night now maybe 4- 5 times. I have alot more to discuss and hopefully get some advice even tho I kind of gather that nothing can be done but exist and wait it out. Kind of just existing at this stage mostly on this website and bubble pop in my phone. Thanks all I'm in a bit of brain fog now so hope that makes sense. Also I gather I need to do my drug signature ?

Hi, I just signed up today. Started taking sertraline February 2021. Was initially on 50g and after a few weeks put up to 100 mg. Developed stiff hands, jaw and throat to point it affects speech when really tight. Also memory loss etc but not what is bothering me as much as the physical symptoms. Severe bruxism even with mouth guard. Stopped taking abruptly after 6 months as wanted to see if jaw and hand problem went away. It’s been over two years and still no different. Has anyone experienced similar. Thanks

Hi. I am Attila from Hungary! This will be my question: Shall i wait for improvement or can i start to decrease the doses? Sorry for my bad english.

Hi 🙂 I'm still figuring out how this site works and I hope I'm at the right place to introduce myself. After some very stressful family event I had some sort of nervous breakdown. I was put on celexa and took that for 3 days horrible reaction they switched me to Zoloft took that for 3 days, horrible reaction as well. Went to group therapy for 5 weeks and felt a bit better and was kind of able to function. Did genetic testing and found out I'm a poor metabolizer for most SSRI/SNRI about 2 months after I started have severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts, went back to Nurse Practitioner and she put me on a baby dose of Zoloft 12.5 mg and Klonopin as needed. (I took it maybe 10 times in total) I moved up to 25mg after 2 weeks but was tearful and had suicidal ideation the entire 5 weeks I was on zoloft. After 4 weeks my doc told me to taper for 4 days to 12.5 mg and then stop. I had heavy withdrawal right away. I'm off the drug for 6 weeks not and I'm still feeling terrible. Barely able to function, I'm not working for the moment (impossible) Suicidal thoughts (I'm not suicidal) insane anxiety, insomnia, derealization, restlessness. My withdrawal is getting a tiny bit better (i think) I'm really curious to hear if other people that have been on SSRI for such a short period of time (5 weeks) have had long withdrawal symptoms.

Hello to everyone, Actually, my story is quite long and complicated. So I will write as short as possible. I am a 34-year-old man and my first encounter with psychiatry was with my complaints of heart palpitations. I have had heart palpitations since my childhood and have been examined by various cardiologist many times. They could not make any diagnosis and they said that my palpitations were psychological and that I had panic attacks and referred me to a psychiatrist. After that, bad days started for me. I think I was 17-18 years old at the time. The first psychiatrist I went to prescribed Paxil and Remeron with a diagnosis of panic attacks. From the moment I started using the drugs, I felt that I had changed. I had to go to the emergency room 4-5 times a day with increased heart palpitations, aggressive impulses and suicidal thoughts. After 1 week, the situation became more severe and I was admitted to the psychiatric clinic. I wish I hadn't gone to the clinic :(( I lost everything!!! The medications given when I was admitted to the clinic put me in an even worse situation. My heart palpitations were now unbearable, and before long, they continued throughout the day. With the increased urges of aggression and suicidal thoughts, I started hurting myself and throwing punches around. I wanted to die! That's why they used to put me to sleep with needles all the time. I was discharged 21 days later, prescribed Risperdal Quiclet, Xanax, Dideral, Remeron and B vitamins. These drugs made me even worse and I was admitted to the psychiatry clinic for the 2nd time. This time, too, it was no different from the previous one, and the medications given were aggravating my condition. Eventually, my psychiatrist referred me to consult a Professor who was the head of the department of psychiatry at the university hospital about my treatment. The professor approved my other doctor's treatment unchanged and suggested that I continue my treatment as such. This time, I think I was able to endure the treatment applied in the clinic for 3-4 days and I was discharged on my own accord. My meds were updated as Serequel XR, Xanax, Depakin, Remeron, Dideral and I was told that my treatment should be continued by the Professor at the university hospital. My brain was completely numb with these drugs. The suicidal thoughts and aggression have passed, but there is no longer a me left! I became numb, as if my soul had come out of my body, brain fog, blurred vision, different perception of the environment, feelings of alienation, lethargy, constant sleepiness, constant boredom and restlessness, inability to enjoy life, weight gain… etc. I was trying to live with many side effects such as After a while, Serequel caused something like facial paralysis. Late dyskinesia!!! My doctor had started to taper off Serequel and try other drugs. Lamictal, Cymbalta, Cipralex, Abilify, Citol, Cipram, Depreks, Tolvon…. They tried 20 different drugs. I am constantly experiencing drug side effects or the drugs were not working. About 4 years passed and there was no improvement, so I had to change doctors. During my 14-15 years of psychiatric treatment, I worked with about 7-8 different doctors. These are Lustral, Prozac, Efexor, Diazem, Buspon, Meresa, Sulpir, Norodol, Stilizan, Anafranil, Rivotril, Ativan… They tried 17 different drugs. The result is still the same. Medications were not working or had excessive side effects. They tried a total of 37 different drugs! Symptoms such as not feeling like myself, alienation from the environment and my body, perceiving the environment strangely, feeling changed in place and time, feeling of deja vu, blurred vision, heaviness in my movements and speech, constant anxiety and inner distress, feeling of restlessness, obsessions, feeling sick... Most importantly, suicidal thoughts that occur especially when using Paxil and Lustral! I developed very high insulin resistance due to medication and found out that I have celiac disease! ( Celiac is a disease that is directly related to depression and anxiety. ) I stopped taking medicine for a short time 2 times. But I was completely unaware of WD and neither did my doctors. They considered every symptom that persisted after 3 weeks as a recurrence and started drug treatment again. Some drugs were relieving for a while, but after a while I was back to my old state. In addition to drug therapy, I received Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR Therapy and TDCS treatments. Lastly, while using Lustral, I had constant suicidal thoughts for 9 months and my doctor constantly said that they were caused by anxiety. He recommended that I take Risperdal and Ativan 4-5 times a day in addition to Sertraline and kept telling me to go to the emergency room. He finally decided to cut back on the drugs. At 3 months Lustral was reduced to 15 mg. As the medication decreased, my complaints decreased. My doctor who noticed this, - Our drugs sometimes do things like this, luckily you got through cheap, he said you didn't die and laughed!!! He suggested that I continue Lustral as a protective dose of 15 mg, but I chose to stop and I stopped using the drug completely in March 2021. About 3-4 days later, WD started, but my suicidal thoughts were now completely gone. After stopping the drugs, my heart palpitations suddenly got worse and when I went to the cardiologist again, I had the biggest shock of my life. The doctor said that there are congenital extra conduit pathways and veins in my heart and that I have been misdiagnosed for 20 years and that my palpitations are not psychological, but are caused by these excesses in my heart. To verify the diagnosis, I went to 5 different arrhythmia specialists and they all said the same thing. I was sent to psychiatry with a wrong diagnosis and I must have a heart ablation!!! Palpitations, anxiety, perception disorders, Depersonalization-derealization, feeling as if you do not know people I know, feeling as if seeing places I know for the first time, severe confusion, extreme brain sensitivity, my thoughts slowdown etc. I am experiencing symptoms.That's why I can't work for 1 year and I'm unemployed. I'm afraid to go out alone because of my palpitations, because they suddenly catch me and I am very helpless. I went to the neurologist for my symptoms, and after a detailed examination and scanning my medical history, he saw that I had applied to neurology several times with the same complaints during the time I was using the drugs. He said that all tests such as MRI, EEG, Ultrasound etc. were normal, and that these neurological complaints only suggest epilepsy, but may also occur as a side effect of drugs. He said that some neurological drugs can have lifelong side effects (like the hallucination side effect of Parkinson's drugs). He stated that the existence of the same situation in psychiatric drugs should be investigated and that only very few doctors can do this. He suggested that I find a psychiatrist who has academic literature knowledge about the drugs I have used in the past and who will scan and research the literature and evaluate whether it is epilepsy or drug side effects. As a result, at the point I came to; - I need to have ablation for my palpitations, but I don't believe I can stand it in the current situation as the procedure will be done while awake without anesthesia. - I experience symptoms such as irritability, anxiety, perception disorders, feeling as if I don't know people I know, feeling like seeing places I know for the first time, severe confusion, extreme brain sensitivity, slowing down in my thoughts, etc., which follows a fluctuating course that I think is WD. Are these really WD as I think? Or is it a recurrence? Or I don't know if it's Epilepsy as the neurologist said? My personal opinion is that no matter which country I go to the psychiatrist, they will say that the drugs will not cause such a side effect and that I do not have epilepsy, it is a psychological condition and I need to start treatment with different drug combinations again. I look forward to your suggestions as a result of your personal experiences. NOTE: I would like to thank everyone who answered my questions via PM message before writing my story. Sorry for mistakes as my mother tongue is not English.