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Hi everyone! I have a pretty long post so please read through it if you wish to comment and help. Thank you in advance. I have always struggled with anxiety starting at 7 when I was diagnosed with a phobia of thunderstoms. I had severe panic attacks, aggression, and serious avoidance when I knew there was going to be a storm. I overcame the phobia after two years of intensive therapy. My anxiety came back significantly in high school in my senior year. I was experiencing panic attacks regularly and thought I was going crazy. I was terrified of having a serious mental disorder or having a seizure (never had one but saw a teammate have one). I was put on Zoloft (25mg) and took it on and off for 3 years during college and did very well on it. Never increased the dose except once due to sexual dysfunction, but it made me feel sick so stayed on 25 most of the time. Now this is where things get complicated. After graduation my anxiety and panic attacks came back full force. I was up many nights with panic attacks and could not find any relief so I decided to go back on Zoloft because it was so effective for me before. Makes sense right? Well I was wrong. Two days in I was a complete mess. I was confused, sweaty, vision was blurred and became suicidal. I called my doctor and he recommended to drop to 12.5 so I did. Did okay for a few days then was back to the same mess. I had mood swings and increased anxiety along with suicidal ideation again. This kicked my OCD into full gear and obsessed over my symptoms and what was wrong. I was convinced I am bipolar having these dramatic mood swings. I'd feel great then wanting to die within minutes of each other. My psychiatrist then put me on Prozac which I did even worse on and was hospitalized twice for being suicidal. Clearly SSRI's aren't for me so we stopped them and I was put on vistril, gabapentin, and klonopin. I was feeling really numb most of the time but with random bursts of uncomfortable excitement. I'd then dip into a pretty depressive state. I'm now off klonopin and am on gabapentin 300 mg 2x a day and vistril as needed. Now for the vast majority of the day I just feel this over excited feeling. Sometimes I'll feel happy but other times it's just uncomfortable. It seems like no matter what I do or think about I cannot shake this feeling. This is where my OCD kicks in again because I'll think some pretty dark thoughts and nothing seems to work. I'll still just feel this excitement. It typically happens when I'd normally be really anxious before all this happened I.e. on my way to work, starting a new job, having dark intrusive thoughts, playing in a competitive environment ect. In the midst of all this my girlfriend of 2.5 years (who I was living with when the anxiety started) broke up and I can no longer feel sad about it. Sometimes I can force myself to cry but I'll jump right back to this excited feeling. I feel like I'm turning into some kind of psychopath. I was always an anxious but caring person but now I feel like I can't feel anything but this unusual excitement. I can hardly feel love, empathy, or any other emotion I used to have. Some intrusive thoughts are about hurting people I once cared about which I would've never had before I took these drugs, but they don't make me anxious. Just this stupid excited feeling, which is not good. Readers please help! I am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist but they think it's anxiety. Has anyone else experienced this? I hope so because I feel pretty alone and like I said, I feel like I'm turning into some crazy person. Thank you all for reading. Oh btw I have a generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis (for now).