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Hello, I really didn’t want to post a long intro because I’ve been battling either anxiety or med side effects or med w/d side effects for a long long time and I’m tired, sad, and angry and don’t have the energy, but I wanted to be able to reply to another member on here, so here goes. I’m not anti med and they did help for a very short period when I first took them but overall my life has been one of struggle even with them or partly because of them. Idk. I got OCD as a teen in the 80’s, so obviously DO have anxiety but muddled thru pretty well with little help for meds. I got on meds full time, in the 90’s, due to a horrendous breakup that put me in major depression/anxiety and after a couple years developed a mysterious symptom I call “boatiness” (non vertigo dizziness) which causes anxiety and was written off as anxiety but never remedied. I’ve struggled and suffered, missing out on lots of life’s joys…. yet I kept pushing thru and was “successful” in some ways, trying to do ‘normal’ life things, and keeping hope alive until the last few years. now I am tired and defeated. I tapered decades of Klonopin in 2019 thinking that would stop the boatiness. But it remains 2 years later. Now I’m tapering Luvox and I wouldn’t even bother tapering because it probably does help a tiny bit, who knows, but it makes me lethargic. It’s been a year of taper so far. I resigned myself to wasting another year and was suffering along but recently started getting an increase in debilitating symptoms. I really don’t even care if I’m off meds. I probably do need something at this point, because my thinking is so skewed to the negative after so much suffering and trauma, watching others live happily normal lives and yet they still complain about their brand of “anxiety.” I challenge them to try mine. I think I’m too damaged and disabled to do life without meds now at age 55. This coming from someone who was so hesitant and afraid to take them, I had to go to the hospital to get started on them. I’d like to switch to a different med or add it to the Luvox, but I’m told I can’t add anything or switch because “Luvox is special”. I have to taper completely off AND have a two week wash out of Luvox even though I’m only on a few grains of it, at this point. I can’t see how this is true because people are on multi meds all the time and I, personally, was on Luvox with Mirtazipine, but all the drs, ARNP s, and pharmacists are sticking to this “non-mixing Luvox” story, so I suffer another taper. Family and psych docs are useless… unless their is a pill or procedure, they don’t even want to know about it. I don’t know the doses, usually middle of the road because I was too scared to go to the high doses. 1980—OCD, kept secret, struggled thru school , age 14 1984—Told mom about OCD, first med anafranil for 6 months helped alot 1993-1994—Harsh breakup, major anxious depression, too scared to take meds, went to hospital to get help, klonopin/Zoloft 1996—Started having a symptom I call “boatiness”, never diagnosed, told it was anxiety to go back on meds, Klonopin/Zoloft 1997-2015—Family, college, work, struggled thru constant boaty dizzy symptom, Zoloft or Lexapro or Paxil or Prozac and Klonopin plus Xanax 2015-2018 Life becoming more and more limited, decided meds might be part of the problem and/or had barely helped for decades, started first tapers, repeatedly 2018—complete instability and disability, no work, no relationship, limited driving, tapered anti d too fast before klonopin, in maximum klonopin tolerance, landed in hospital from severe “boatiness” and unreality 2019—Mirtazipine, Luvox, Klonopin, complete instabiltiy but less than 2018 2019—Tapered Mirtazipine and Klonopin 2020—Luvox only, still disabled, now depressed 2021—Luvox taper from 100 mg, complete disability, hopeless, given up, angry, most of life behind me now

I feel like i cant hold on to my thoughts. Like a knife is cutting through my organs. And my liver is overpoisoned. Anyone with the same exeriences? I know its a little confusing to read. But I cant say it differently

My name is Natalie and I've been on an anti depressant of some sort since I was 16, I"m 29. For the first time in my life I got off Lexapro 5.5 months ago after tapering for 3 months. Things seemed a little more manageable after the horrific first few months but the past month or so it has been very bad again and I"m scared. I cry all the time, I have insomnia, I have a hard time working-super tired/anxious/irritable. Sometimes my anxiety is debilitating. Lack of hope or motivation. Lots of fear. My fear is this is either just how I am without them or I was on them for so long my brain needs them to be at least moderately functional and if I don't get back on I will end up on disability or something. Has anyone experienced this? Does it get better? Does it just take longer? Or am I kidding myself? It was so hard to get off of them I feel like if I get back on them I will be committed for life, but I also don't want to have to check into a psych ward either :/ lol, funny but not really cause I"m not really kidding THANKS!