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im gladd I found this site as my signature says i was taking Seroquel 250 mg. start feeling no emotions and no libido and stomach problems I this was about 2 years and also at the same time taking lorazepam 4 mg for the same period started to reading on the internet and I went very scared started tapering of Seroquel like 12 mg every 3 weeks i was doing pretty good I had morning anxiety but feeling more like my self then on January 12 I skipped my dose of lorazepam one of the 4 intakes I take then hell ... enter into a bad wd with horrible symptoms total no feelings and no emotions of nothing apathy morning anxiety like hell no memory apathy stomach problem etc so i pues i was in one wd and now im in both but I hold my dose of both meds now im on 187,5 mg Seroquel and 4 of lora I guess my cns is broke and I guess this is permanent , I also have dopamine sensitive acording what I been reading in another forums wich aparente is also permanent I wrote in benzobuddies forum and they told when skip a dose can take 3 weeks to stabilized but I have more than one month and still didn't stabilized I feel very bad apathy is very strong I can't communicated also sexual loss libido is horrible too im a young man of 39 so im on hold of my meds no tapering I was reading kindling is like when you can't continue tapering cos wd is so bad I can barely get up the bed because of fatigue all this after skipped a dose of lorazepam only one ! maybe im forgotten about something but that the problem more or less thanks for reading and Ill be waiting answers and opinion thanks from Mexico

Early 2016 -Started fluoxetine 10 mg Late 2016 -increased to 20 mg Aug 2022 -Increased to 40 mg when hormonal birth control caused a worsening of depression. The higher dose significantly improved my mood. Jan 27, 2024 -Stopped hormonal birth control. Immediately started experiencing adverse activating effects from fluoxetine: heart palpitations, anxiety, total insomnia. Feb 24 -Started taper. Dropped by 10 mg at doctor’s recommendation (taking 30 mg). Adverse reaction began to resolve first week, though insomnia remained. March 1 -Started 12.5 mg trazodone to help with insomnia. Finally able to sleep March 6 -Onset of intense withdrawal symptoms. Restlessness, debilitating anxiety, feelings of doom and dread, agitation. Prescribed limited supply of lorazepam, took .125-.5 mg as needed (March 6, 8, and 10). By the 11th I was feeling a bit better, and withdrawal symptoms continued to gradually stabilize over the next couple weeks. I did my research and resolved to continue my taper at a much slower pace. March 19 -diagnosed with mild sleep apnea following a sleep study taken during my bout of insomnia March 23 -27.5 mg fluoxetine. Depressed and sensitive right away, though difficult to tell if from withdrawal or PMS, as my period started March 26. Mood eventually stabilized. April 3 -6.25 mg trazodone, slept without difficulty. Over the next couple days alternated between feeling hypersensitive and emotionally numb. April 6 -0 mg trazodone, slept without difficulty April 7 -flare-up of withdrawal symptoms: akathisia, intense anxiety and dread. Symptoms resolved with 0.125 mg lorazepam. Planning to reinstate trazodone tonight, as I’m assuming that’s what caused the flare. I’d neglected to think of the trazodone as an antidepressant! I am already chronically ill, so I am having to manage additional symptoms on top of withdrawal symptoms. I have been diagnosed with chronic migraine, POTS, and Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. My recent diagnosis of obstructive sleep apnea was a surprise, as I am young and slim— turns out my hypermobility puts me at a higher risk. But I’m hopeful that treating my sleep apnea will take care of many disabling symptoms I had previously associated with my migraines: poor memory, brain fog, fatigue, and never feeling well-rested even after regularly getting 10+ hours of sleep. I will be getting a CPAP machine this week. It may take some getting used to but ultimately I should be getting much better quality sleep and years of damage might be reversed. My question is, do I need to put my taper on pause while acclimating to the CPAP? I recognize that my nervous system is in a hypersensitive state and worry that any change, even a positive change like this, may disrupt things. I just don’t know to approach my other health problems in the context of tapering.

Hi, I was on 7.5mg Mirt for 8-9 months till early Jan 2023, when I started titrating down due to developing a concerning side effect. I probably didn't do it slowly enough as I got bad rebound insomnia and anxiety (the insomnia was the real killer), so I went back on 7.5mg on the advice of psych, who didn't think the symptom was a side effect of the drug. She told me to go to 15 after a week, which I did. Been back on 9 nights, and not only has the original problem side effect returned, but another related one is present. So, now I want to come back down again. Do people here think it's okay for me to go from 7.5mg to 3.75 now? I want to see if the symptom persists on that dose, as I've read here lower doses can prove effective in reducing WD. If it does, I might have to come off it altogether. I don't think I could manage the liquid weaning because I'm very challenged with maths and things like that (despite having 3 degrees - humanities person, haha). I would appreciate any guidance on how to come off slower without liquid.

I am writing this as an addendum to My Story which details what ADs did to my life and discusses to a degree how I got my life back. However, I am writing this to elaborate on what certain problems where posed both physically and logistically after I stopped taking medications. Please keep in mind that I went COLD TURKEY and did not taper, which differentiates me from many people on here; also my story took place over 10 years ago, so my memory is not is 100% clear which means it is hard for me to apply a quantitative number to aspects of my physical recovery. In 2002 I quit cold turkey from a drug cocktail that included an Antidepressant (Celexa), an Antipsychotic (Zyprexa), an Anticonvulsant (Depakote), a Benzo (Ativan), a Z-Drug (Ambien) and a prescription diet pill (Phenteramine – given to me by my pdoc to lose the 60 pounds of weight I gained from the other weight gaining medications). The physical ramifications of quitting cold turkey where hard core, and lasted to the best of my recollection in hard core form for six months. These were: insomnia, exhaustion, akathesia, flu-like symptoms, headaches, nausea and vomiting, total loss of appetite and over-sensitivity to certain substances. There were also mental symptoms: overwhelming memories, mania, depression, over-emotional reactions to certain situations (e.g. crying or extreme anger) and PTSD from the whole ordeal. It is important to note that many of these symptoms continued to linger in a much lesser form for several years. I know that many of you would like a firm number of how long I suffered, but I cannot put a number on it because I started my recovery in 2002 – 10 years ago. This is further complicated by the fact that to get through the exhaustion from WD, I smoked cigarettes anywhere from one to one and a half packs for many years after. Since smoking can mimic some of the symptoms of WD (loss of appetite, headaches, mania, anger) it is hard to delineate what was what. However, I do believe that smoking provided mental focus that I would not have had otherwise. I finally quit smoking in 2007, five years after stopping meds. It was an odd thing, I just stopped one day and no longer wanted to smoke anymore. Maybe this was a sign of my recovery, but it may also have been a reaction to the fact that because of NY laws and my husband, if I needed to smoke I had to go outside. Smoking outside in the rain or cold was getting stupid. I do believe that part of this was a sign of final recovery – I didn’t need to mask symptoms anymore. So if this is true, and I had to put a number on it – I would say I battled with minor symptoms and PTSD for five years So what problems was I left with after drugs had stolen my life? And how did I regain control? Here is a list: Weight Gain A ruined job history A ruined credit history from filing Chapter 7 Bankruptcy Over $20K in debt to the IRS plus two tax liens PTSD Estrangement from my family I was fully aware of the PTSD, and would think on occasion of reaching out to a therapist. However, because the whole ordeal left me extremely suspicious of the whole field of mental health, I declined to reach out to anyone. So based on this list, I will try to tackle how I recovered in each area: 1) Weight Gain: I lost my appetite during WD and I also became a huge walker. In one year I lost sixty pounds with little effort. I did eat, but I ate very small meals, 200 kcal 3-5 times a day, mostly high protein and I ate an apple a day and I drank a TON of herbal tea. 2) A ruined job history: I had been fired from three high paying jobs, all in IT. I had no references, a job gap of four years, but I had good computer and office skills so I reached out to temporary agencies. I worked as a temp for many years, in the NY/NJ area only taking jobs at Fortune 500 companies. I built up my resume this way. Today, I list those jobs as “contract” and I explain that I liked the flexibility of “contract work” and that I was in the process of getting married and building a home with my husband, no one questions it. 3) A ruined credit history: I got a copy of all three of my credit reports and joined a credit law forum. I found that there were many examples where creditors where breaking either or both the FCRA or FDCPA laws on my credit report. I also hired an attorney. The attorney got 50% of it cleared up, I got the other 50% cleared up myself by tenacious letter writing and disputing with the Credit Bureaus. The forum I used had a great database of creditors who gave people with Bankruptcy on their reports a card with a small credit line; I applied to all of these and rebuilt my credit this way. When I married my husband in 2005, he added me as an authorized user to his accounts, giving me a longer and stronger credit history. 4) Tax Debt and Liens: After hiding from the IRS for several years, I contacted them and got on an installment plan. Because I was not working at the time I called them, my payment amount was on $185 for $20K+ in debt. I paid it faithfully for years; in October 2011 I was paid in full. Because the IRS has a law that you cannot pay more than 25% in interest and penalties of the actual tax debt, a good $10K got knocked off the total bill. But I still had two tax liens on my credit report. I did some research and found out about a service called the Tax Advocate service which is run through the IRS. I contacted my local Tax Advocate. For the sake of brevity, I will not go into the details of how I argued my case to get two tax liens released, but I did and in 2005 poof they were gone from my life and my credit report. If anyone needs more info, I would be happy to answer questions later in this post. 5) PSTD: I just endured this, but chose to embrace anger over victimhood. I was one extremely angry person for many years and I ruminated and had nightmares for years. I often thought about writing the SHRINK who did this to me, but refrained. One thing that I learned from this whole ordeal was to trust in my instincts which was empowering and allowed me to pick and chose my relationships with people and situations that were good for me. I let go of many friends who were not healthy for me. 6) Estrangement from my family: In 2003 I was estranged from my entire family (father, mother and brother). Today I am by choice still estranged from by father and brother. This is because I realize it is futile to ever expect them to change and to stay in relationship with them will only hurt me. I have however, repaired my relationship with my mother. I am extremely happy to share that six months ago I convinced her to move from Illinois to New York and reclaim her life. She tapered off multiple pmeds herself around 2007 and was left with two medical conditions diabetes and downbeat nystagmus from taking lithium and depakote for many years. She lived alone, my brother who lived close by was not helping her, and she was not getting the proper medical attention so she agreed with me. Today she lives 2 miles away from me, we are extremely close and I have helped her get her life back. My husband and she adore each other. So that is how I put the pieces of my life back after being devastated by polypharmacy. And I joined this forum because I think it is important that people know that taking these medications can be extremely harmful on so many levels. I hope this information helps someone out there. Please feel free to post any questions you may have. I wish all of you the best and trust that if I could restore my life which was utterly devastated by psychiatry, you can too.

Aria's recovery from poly drugs. I had no idea when I walked into a psychiatrist's office 25 yrs ago the horrible labyrinth I'd entered. Slam dunked at a point in my life when I was feeling low and the loss of future possibilities taken away. Being told I was mentally ill, would never function again, needed to be on disability and poly drugged for the rest of my life repeatedly took it's toll. All this impacted my relationships with family, friends and enjoying life. The pdoc constantly added new psych drugs, changed doses and took me off the old drugs at an alarming rate. I became a morbidly obese woman who mumbled or talked rapidly and it was obvious to everyone but the pdoc I was totally messed up on something. I had Seroquel Induced Acute Pancreatitis that landed me in the hospital for quite awhile and my pdoc put in my open med chart I was crazy. I didn't know this till later but ill as I was I did notice some of my physicians were treating me oddly. One good thing about being so ill was I referred to a neurologist for chronic pain and found out my problem was profound drug induced Akathsia. This neurologist actually screamed at me, these psych drugs are killing you, they're killing you. I knew I had to get off these drugs not matter what it took and reclaim my life. At my next appointment I asked my psychiatrist why he was drugging me like this and he looked directly at me (probably for the first time in years he saw "me"). He started sobbing, loudly sobbing, "Oh God what have I done to you", over and over. I'm sitting there thinking oh crap, I don't need this. Our 15 minute med check was up and this guy calmly goes to the front desk to get the next patient and proceeds without any other fanfare. He's robot. A robot. All this in itself was mind boggling. Hell, closure?? No way. I found out I had Tardive Dyskinesia and a few other psych drug induced issues. My face was a road map with twitches and jerking that yelled hey, I'm on massive psychiatric drugs. Will my face be like this forever?? The TD has mostly gone away and I'm so grateful (the pdoc adamantly said I did not have Tardive Dyskinesia from psych drugs). Well, guess what?? The psychiatrist was wrong...horribly wrong. Other doctors, psychiatrist, therapists said you're not mentally ill and never had been. The sad but very scarey part is I'm labeled as profoundly mentally ill and that info is in my medical charts. One pdoc did this...one. I've gone through the gambit of emotions dealing with this. I will probably always be mad at this jerk for what he did to me and for what he still does to others. It affected years of my life and he was wrong. I'm a Success Story because I'm psych drug free and have been for several years. My journey was extremely difficult and I did it on my own hit or miss tapering off numerous psychiatric drugs. I endured drug withdrawals that paralyzed me month after month. Was it worth the hell of tapering? Yes, very much yes. My reward was my clarity of mind, my passions for life returned and I have hopes for my future. I mended fences with family and have made new friends. I strive everyday to be productive. I'm me but a different me because no one could go through all this and not be changed by it. (for more in-depth conversations about my struggles, coping and self awareness with surviving psychiatry please visit my ongoing thread Aria's Psych Journey http://survivinganti...psych-journey/)

In 1986 I was prescribed a tricyclic antidepressant, 75 mg Imipramine PM, to slow bowel function and to relieve pain resulting from ulcerative colitis. I was also put on 1 mg Lorazepam. In 1991 I went CT off both the Imipramine and the Lorazepam, resulting in a terrible colitis flare-up. After a few months I reinstated with success. However, these medications, and everything else I did for the colitis ceased work about three years ago, and in January, 2015, I underwent surgery to remove my colon and replace with an internal J-pouch, which cured the colitis. But that left me with the 30-year-long Imipramine situation. In January, 2016, I began tapering the Imipramine 10% every three weeks, which went fine until I got down to 19 mg, then 12 mg, at which point I began experiencing severe anxiety as well as dizziness. Realizing I had tapered too quickly, I updosed to 25 mg a month ago but have not as yet stabilised at this dose, as I am still experiencing considerable anxiety as well as insomnia. Until September 23, my tapers were approximate percentages as I hadn't yet bought a scale. I use the supplements Theanine and Nature's Balance Happy Camper to help with the anxiety, along with magnesium glycinate. It's only been a month, but I'm a little worried that I am never going to stabilise at 25 mg. In 2004, due to depression, I was put on a succession of SSRIs, in addition to the Imipramine, including Zoloft, Prozac and Effexor. Lexapro 20 mg seemed to finally work and I remain on it at this time. In 2011 I was prescribed 1 mg Lorazepam for insomnia, now 1.5 mg.

Hi friends. I have been getting information from this site for a while so it's about time I made an account. I have been handed a pretty crappy situation (like everyone else here) and trying to decide what to do. The beginning was very rough. The awakening of what happened and what was to come, then trying to cope after seeing it all. Thank God I found Benzo Buddies and SA or I probably would've been polydrugged even more....so for that, thank you to whoever started and helps keeps this site going. I would love some advice from you guys because right now, I feel stuck. And maybe that means holding? I'm not sure. Here's the low down: Zoloft 2008-2009? CT - No Issues - Underage! 14 years old. Had anxiety (looking back...gut issues/hormones/recurring UTI's caused it) Xanax - as needed VERY RARELY 2008-2018 - maybe 1-2 a year? for random bouts of anxiety Celexa 10mg - 2012-2014 - Started after a panic attack. Looking back, I didn't eat a good breakfast and had too much caffeine but here we go. Crossover to Paxil 20mg - 2014 - Celexa pooped out. Paxil "worked" Crossover from Paxil to Lexapro 20mg - 2016 - because I was told Lexapro is better when I'm ready to get pregnant 😐 Crossover from Lexapro to Celexa - May 2020 - gradually increased to 30mg. - because I had hormone issues/stomach issues that triggered anxiety (or Lexapro pooped, I don't know) Also prescribed Lorazepam for help with the anxiety. Took it randomly Once hit 30mg, adverse reaction. Akathisia/anxiety BAD - worst experience of my life. Was in this torture for 2 weeks - I was told it couldn't be my meds but that it may be so cold Turkey July 2020 Withdrawal hit hard 5 days later - hypersexual. Discovered PGAD through google - freaked out thinking the only "cure" was medicine because that's what PGAD facebook group said...bad idea - PGAD is a nightmare symptom. Was told to take Lorazepam for symptoms - around .25-.5mg/day Propranalol 5mg at night - current Tried Buspar 10mg 3 days (didn't help pgad), nortiptyline 1mg a week (helped pgad, heart symptoms) - STOPPED. Realized meds may be the problem. Stopped lorazepam for a day, AWFUL symptoms, realized I was dependent. Found Benzo Buddies Benzo Buddies and Google led me to SA.org - told doctor I wanted to reinstate Celexa at a low dose. Started 1mg Celexa liquid and held. PGAD calmed down A LOT (only random flares) so I knew reinstatement was working. Got on Lorazepam schedule of .125mg 3 times a day. Stabilized on 1mg Celexa and .375mg Lorazepam (rough - nowhere near 100% just a gradual state of feeling bad with waves that are worse) Started cutting lorazepam randomly with dry cuts. Got down to .20mg Lorazepam by January 2021. Tried to cut 15%, hit a wall. Realized with BB that it may be easier with liquid for cuts. Pill was tiny and I had a hard time weighing. I tried to make my own liquid, one dose and I was in bad shape so knew I needed a compound to help. Prescribed Lorazepam compound with almond oil, felt okay but almond oil caused worse PGAD (I have learned magnesium flares PGAD for me and almond oil, almonds, and almond milk contains magnesium - crazy I'm so sensitive) Switched back to pills, stabilized. Went back to try another liquid with olive oil. No pgad but they used a generic pill instead of the powder they used before, bad symptoms. Went back to pill, stabilized. Then switched to new compound with olive oil. Had to updose to .225mg to transition - stabilized for 3 days finally. Cut .001mg every week. Now down to .219mg and last few cuts have been really bad with insomnia/anxiety/feeling really bad. Insomnia only lasts for about 2 days each cut but the anxiety and feeling bad lasts for a while before I stabilize. I'm still not stable from my last .001mg cut on Sunday. ALSO - I found out last Monday I have a UTI. Initial test was negative, culture came in with E-Coli. Due to my severe sensitivies, I am treating with dmannose, cantharis and Uva Ursi tea I will start soon. The symptoms have calmed but still feel overall terrible. I'm hoping the last cut was bad because the UTI made it worse? Anyway - I have been through so much over the last year and I feel like I've hit a wall. I would really love some advice. Benzo Buddies has helped but they're not familiar with SSRI withdrawal. My initial thought at this point was to stabilize and lower SSRI using Brass Monkey Taper but the Celexa does keep the PGAD at bay most of the time. Since that is the case, my thought is to get off of the lorazepam first. I am definitely learning how to listen to my body/surrender to this all. With that said - my questions: 1. Should I have held longer with the switch to liquid? I'm starting to think I should have held longer to allow my nervous system to adjust but not sure. Is that why my teeny tiny cuts are bad right now? 2. Is it a good plan to drop lorazepam first? I am in a pickle because I started feeling worse (malaise) around the time I got on the Ativan schedule so I'm not sure if it's making everything worse, etc. I haven't felt good on it but I'm also in SSRI withdrawal so not sure what is what? 3. I know this is a really long time from now BUT after withdrawing from Lorazepam, how long should I wait to taper the Celexa OR do I just follow my gut/symptoms? I need to be as functional as possible, of course. Right now, I feel overall crappy when I'm stable but able to push through. Brain burning, anxiety, stomach issues, bladder issues, fatigue, malaise, body aches BUT sleeping okay and working and taking care of my family. Fighting! Each tiny cut I've made from Lorazepam since switching to liquid brings on insomnia for a couple of days and bad fear/anxiety/sensitive to noise/irritability/tinnitus/anger/laying on the couch a lot. I would love any advice. I will try to put this all in my signature! Thank you so so much for your help. I know one day healing will come but getting there is a struggle that you all know oh so well.

Community of Healing, hello. In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately came to the realization that pharmaceutical medications would not be the answer to my suffering. Pharmaceutical medications had been the cause of my suffering. And what my brain and body needed was support, tenderness, forgiveness, care and time... TIME... to heal. Benzodiazepines had been the first drugs I withdrew from. That was a brutal, nightmarish withdrawal, but relatively short-lived (acute @ 8 months). Tapering from Mirtazapine proved a longer journey, a much longer journey that I shared here. So this is my success story, my chapter-turning post. This is my declaration that I have been successful in tapering from medications that had deranged my nervous system to such a degree that I was scarcely able to operate in the world anymore. I took much time to make this declaration of success as I am by nature skeptical, and wanted to be sure that healing had indeed come - and come to stay. I feel that it has. I discontinued Mirtazapine, my last psychotropic medication, on June 15, 2019. There are still some echos of it that I deal with in day to day life. My issues with histamine intolerance I believe are directly attributable to Mirtazapine's affinity for histamine receptor occupancy. I manage this issue with dietary and exercise modifications as well as use of select vitamins and herbs. It is not life-deterring. It can be inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant, but it is nowhere near as debilitating as withdrawal itself had been. Despite posting this success story, I'm not going anywhere really. I am always happy to answer questions about my journey. When I was in the worst of my own withdrawal, the feedback from moderators and members of this community and elsewhere were absolute lifelines. Not that anyone could necessarily fix my problems - but I could walk away with sound, compassionate advice and if nothing else, the knowledge that my suffering had been heard, and that someone ultimately cared about me. Your suffering is heard, and someone ultimately cares about you. I want to thank @Altostrata and every moderator past and present for their kind forbearance, compassion, and dedication. I want to thank every member for their strength, endurance, bravery, and perseverance towards a healthy life free of the chemicals that have caused them harm. You all have something, many things, to be proud of. I believe in every human's potential to heal. Take your time, taper well, make the most sound choices you can, and know that healing is absolutely within your power to achieve. Hang in there, Dave

Late in 2013 and early in 2014 I was experiencing severe depression relating to toxic exposures and extreme workload in the glassworks I worked in. My brother made note of an orange discoloration of my skin which neither of us recognised the significance of yet most likely was caused by liver failure. During the first week of February 2014 the heatwave raised temperatures outside of the factory to 45C, with temperatures inside likely reaching 50C. Equipment breakdowns, resulting from the heat, intensified the workload and I finally collapsed from heat stroke. Due to understaffing I was left lying on the factory floor without assessment of help. I was forgotten and took five hours to recover sufficiently to try to return home. As I, and other workers, were convinced that the corporate management was willing to kill us I quit the job but never recovered. In late March, when my GP referred me to mental health services after I became suicidal, they assumed full responsibility claiming that my condition was completely unrelated to my employment and that they could quickly and easily cure me. I was detained in a mental health ward. The initial antidepressant (type unknown) left me almost comatose just an hour after the first dose so I was switched to sertraline. Anyone given this knows the intense bouts of akathisia it induces during the first couple of weeks, and I was no exception, treatment seemed to go fairly normally. After just two weeks they declared me cured, released me from the ward, and switched psychiatrists on me. Two weeks later my health collapsed and depression returned. I later worked out that impaired liver function had increased the half life of the benzodiazepine medication (lorazepam), used in the ward, and that they had been suppressing the symptoms of my illness during my detainment. The sertraline itself had absolutely no benefit with all improvement just an illusion created by the benzodiazepine. My sertraline dosage was doubled and the treating psychiatrist refused to believe me about its ineffectiveness and the subsequent rapid increase in negative side effects to it. During the first week of July I experienced a migraine which lasted for around thirty hours. When the clinic opened on the Monday morning I was still experiencing the migraine and called the clinic begging them to let me stop taking the sertraline. I was threatened with detainment and forced treatment if I failed to take it. An hour after taking it I experienced the first of three thunderclap headaches, smashed my home, almost committed suicide, and spent hours trying to walk off the resulting intense akathisia despite the sunlight burning my eye's. Over the next six or so weeks I experienced the other two thunderclap headaches with around fifteen subsequent hyperintense bouts of akathisia driving me to walk miles over the next two years. For five years after the first thunderclap headache I experienced the constant intense electric feeling of adrenergic storming as well as a constant urge to kill, which was likely a consequence of my liver issues in combination with the adrenergic storming. The treating psychiatrist, who had been subject to repeated complaints by patients and who was responsible for a patients death in the ward during my time of treatment, decided to cover up my adverse response and claimed that I was faking my condition. That claim left me with almost no medical care over subsequent years. Throughout the following years I suffered from intense illness which has since been diagnosed as a combination of autoimmune myopathy (myositis), gall stone induced jaundice (prior to cholecystectomy a few years ago; evidence of the long period of illness was present in the form of adhesions surrounding the gall bladder found when it was removed). Barrett's oesophagus, chronic thromboembolic pulmonary hypertension, and a range of other lesser issues.

( mod note, mmt) Ewa's Introduction topic is here: Ewa;Cymbalta 60 mg coldturkey My name is Ewa, I’m 49 years young and I have recovered from the voyage to hell that was initiated by cold turkey from 20 years of antidepressants use. In the title SHE is my daughter (now 12 years old) my first and main reason to stay here, second is my husband Eric who was my caregiver and was there for me unwaveringly, third information about withdrawal from this website (was my first website I found when looking for answers) and others like it, success stories of people who came through victorious, and relentless search for truth. On February 2018 I cold turkey from 60mg of Cymbalta (December 2017 I turned 44 years old) almost instantly I was in altered state of consciousness (in medical community labeled as mania, I dislike their terminology but I will use it here in parenthesis) had out of body experiences and visions (not hallucinations) one of them was my mothers trauma I didn’t know about. I was in trans like state very euphoric, didn’t need much sleep, had diarrhea for about one month, metallic taste in my mouth, could not eat meat and other foods. I was functioning but in different way. Gradually I was coming down from euphoria, it took 8 months and one day it was clear to me that I was very much different in past months (I had that awareness during but was not afraid of it) also I started to feel internal vibration that I thought was anxiety (never had anxiety before in my life). In the end of August 2018 I went back on 60 mg Cymbalta plus 0.5 mg Ativan (first time in my life I was put on benzodiazepine), two weeks into being back on drugs I became suicidal. Every two months I was in hospital changed the antidepressant Ativan stayed the same 0.5 mg twice a day or as needed. My condition was worsening and in January 2019 I did ketamine which put me further down the hell. By this time my diagnosis changed from depression (my original sign 😉) to treatment resistant depression, all they have left for me was ECT, I had 8 sessions in total and after last one as I was walking out of hospital (for my last two sessions I was outpatient, for so called maintenance sessions) I heard just a whisper of my own soul “Ewa you have to find your own way out of here, if you stay,there will be no coming back”, by this time I was a shell of my former self, a mare shadow of a human being, that upon waking from last ECT had to guess what year it was, I was successful in this but the president of USA in 2019 was still Obama.As soon as I got home I went on internet and found this website, my search for my own way out of hell has begun. At that time I was on Zoloft and Ativan, I decided to cold turkey again (two months taper) and in May 2019 my drug free life has begun. The level of suffering has intensified greatly and stayed the same for two years. I did not have windows not even one. I had severe insomnia, slept 2 or 3 or 0 hours, anhedonia, depersonalization, déréalisation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation and urges, memory loss, cognition loss, complete loss of appetite, my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat and it was two bites at the time, I didn’t shower for weeks only when I was on my period (I never lost my menstruations still have it now), all consuming terror was always there, didn’t brush my teeth (had to have 3 crowns last year), I had light sensitivity sunny days in summer where extra torture, sounds sensitivity (I love music but in that state was torture), my whole body was stiff like I was log of wood very hard wood. Adrenaline rushes like toxic waves through my body, Agoraphobia ( was mostly bad bound), apathy, confusion, crying it was more wailing like a caged animal I became. Inner trembling, lethargy, complete loss of libido, during my very short sleep I manage to have nightmares. Tinnitus was not severe and it went away after about one year. January 3 2020 I wrote this “All I want is to be able to be a mother and wife again ! I love Chloe and Eric so much” at that time I had all the symptoms I listed above. Also I have to add that during my altered state of consciousness (mania) April 2018 I had breast lift surgery(it was scheduled in 2017), day after walking up the stairs I heard myself saying “it is not normal to cut healthy body” , this procedure so accepted and even praised by our sick society is a band aid in form of self mutation to secure love and approval of others behind which is a very deep pain. I had infection and was put on very strong antibiotics, further destroying my got. (I have to go to my appointment now second part of my root canal treatment, I will continue later on today, I will submit this now because I don’t know how to save this and don’t want to loose it 😊) Thank you to my father Jan whom I love deeply, it was from his life journey and strength I drew inspiration to go on.

I thought a very long time about writing this. I know a lot of people will read this and won't believe it. These pills have a lot of different impacts on people and for some unknown perhaps largely genetic reason I was highly susceptible to the negative effects. I pretty much had the simultaneous most extreme manifestation of every potential symptom listed on these forums at the same time. I spent all day every day for years online trying to find accounts and of course cures to what I was suffering from and have only seen about 10 accounts of people with stories of such extreme severity. Most of them are from benzodiazepines but even though I had a prescription for those I was not taking them very often. I suspect most of my damage was the product of the antidepressants I took every morning. These pills did to me things few people will tell you are even possible. I used to spend hours a day reading the posts on this forum praying one day I would be me again. It took far longer than I thought was possible but it finally happened. After the first couple years I began to think I would plateau at some slightly less agonizing state at some point and stay debilitated for the rest of my life. I was on various drugs from the time I was 10 years old. I was on lorazepam, trazadone, amitriptyline, bupropion, citalopram, propranolol, concerta, adderall. All kinds of stuff at one point or another but never all of it at once. The ones I was on for the longest time were citalopram and bupropion. I took both from ages 15 to 23. I wouldn't truly realize the havoc that these chemicals caused on my body until I came off them after college. To say my life was shattered is an understatement. I went from top of my class at a top university to absolutely debilitated. I could barely walk for years. POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING BEGIN: I had a relentless throbbing migraine for over 5 and a half years. My entire body was in constant physical pain. It felt like an electric pulsing shock that emanates from your solar plexis and up through your spinal column right into the center of your brain where it becomes a relentless migraine. The migraine felt like having my head stuck in a fishbowl full of ammonia for years on end. It felt like nails on a chalkboard up your spine. All of it throbbed with my constantly palpitating heart rate. My fitbit said my resting heart rate was 55 beats per minute which is bradycardia but they told me it was evidence of my fitness. They said it is common for athletes. I am not and have never been an athlete. While they told me this I could barely stand up. Everything was spinning as if I was drunk for years. Eating anything but particularly carbs made all my symptoms worse. My vision was so bad I was nearly blind. I had double vision, tunnel vision, blurry vision, and I couldn't focus on anything because it felt like the room was constantly spinning. They told me "a nystagmus isn't that uncommon." I was also completely night blind. Anything under broad daylight and I couldn't see a thing. You know when you go into a dimply lit room like a movie theater on a sunny day and you can't see for a few seconds until your eyes adjust? I had that for five years. My eyes just never adjusted. Apparently one of the most common symptoms of drug abuse is pupil dilation or expansion because of how they impact neurotransmitters. In addition to this I had horrible tinnitus and hearing sensitivity. The cognitive impact was overwhelming. I couldn't solve puzzles intended for toddlers. This was particularly devastating as my intellect had always been the cornerstone of my personal identity. I was always the nerd growing up. I also had a tremor that was dismissed as "jitters" or "anxiety." I would later learn this is called tardive akathisia. I also had the extreme long term sexual dysfunction that is finally recognized with SSRIs. It was like having a slab of rubber hanging from my torse. Severely numbed sensitivity and responsiveness for years. I had a lesser degree of this even while on the medication. As agonizing as all of those symptoms were, none of them were the worst. The worst was the derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked so distant and unreal that it felt like being stuck in a nightmare. I couldn't see straight. It felt like being 80% dead already and you're already most of the way unplugged from the world. Every minute of every day is a literal nightmare and you can't wake up. Like I said I knew before typing all that that most people won't believe it. Aside from the derealization the worst part is dismissive everyone was of my condition. I was certain I was about to die and everyone everywhere told me it was all in my head. To be quite frank the only reason I didn't kill myself is because I was certain I was about to die anyway. I figured it was impossible to be so dysfunctional and not be about to die. It just becomes an implicit assumption. My mind ran on an endless loop of "Oh my God this can't be real. You're about to die. This is what dying feels like. Wake up. You'll be dead soon. This can't be happening. This can't be real." At first I was terrified to die. After the first year I welcomed it. It was just so relentless. Not a single moment of relief for one second of one day. My family isn't rich but I was on my parents insurance until I was 25. In the first 2 years I saw a total of 14 different doctors in one of the most developed parts in the world. Some of them had literal Ivy League medical degrees. Out of the 14 doctors there were 3 different primary care physicians and 11 were specialists. Everyone from a neurologist and psychiatrist to cardiologist and nephrologist. I spent all day every day trying to read medical journals and scour the deepest depths of anywhere finding other cases and answers. That was how I first found this site. Of all those visits the only thing I was ever diagnosed with was "pre-diabetes" from the endocrinologist because my blood sugar swings were so extreme. I do not have a single one of any of the aforementioned symptoms today. At the time I was certain the drugs caused my condition but I wasn't sure how. Initially I thought I must have had a massive stroke. An MRI ruled this out. The neurologist actually initially suspected Multiple Sclerosis but never gave me a diagnosis for anything and finally suggested I was a hypochondriac and should see a psychiatrist. I suspected everything from a brain abscess to hepatic encephalitis. No doctor sees you for more than about 8 minutes and most of them ordered some variation of the same basic blood tests. I literally didn't have a single bodily function operating as expected and every one of them told me I was perfectly fine. I eventually started paying for tests out of pocket to test additional hypotheses. The only things that really helped were vitamins and supplements. Particularly antioxidants. What finally made me turn a corner after an agonizing half decade was taking massive doses of specific nutritional supplements. I will not name any brands to prevent being accused of being some kind of shill but I will mention general vitamins. (I have also been accused of being a scientologist whenever I mention any of this. I am not and have never been and never will be. You shouldn't be either. It is a dangerous cult that happens to discourage vulnerable people from pursuing any mental health treatments besides them including psychiatry). Massive doses of B vitamins had a tremendous impact. Make sure you consume multiple variants of B12 as some people cannot absorb the most common one. Also make sure you get B1 and B6. Vitamins C, D, K, and E also made big differences. basically make sure you take all essential vitamins and minerals. I stumbled across some fringe studies done by doctors in the 70s about reversing Tardive Dyskinesia with the mineral manganese. It worked. I cured the tinnitus with a combination of supplements called bioflavonoids. Some of these are even marketed toward tinnitus relief. Tea is full of them and also helps. Particularly organic iced green tea with a lemon in it. Something about the lemon improves the antioxidant ability apparently. Red wine is full of anxioxidants too but alcohol made all my other symptoms far worse, especially the first few years. Organic products were somehow better. Basically any kind of antioxidant helped a little and massive doses combined made the recovery pretty rapid. Niacin, turmeric, and CoQ10 also yielded extreme improvements. Apparently massive doses of Niacin can reverse drug induced schizophrenia in a subset of patients if they take it for multiple years. As much as I can't wait to put all this behind me I needed to come back here and write this. I used to read this forum for hours every day trying to find a story of someone who was as sick as I was and made a recovery. I came back to tell whoever might still be there that no matter how horrible it might feel, it isn't permanent. Somehow you're still in there. No matter how long and endless it feels. I'm definitely not saying it was worth it but I am more grateful of every moment I am not in pain than I ever thought was possible. Every single moment is a blessing I will never take for granted again. Good luck.

Posting on behalf of my partner who I am caring for through withdrawal and tapering. He is not in a good place to be on the internet much currently but we have questions and still need support, so I am posting for him (hope that's okay). Anytime I say "we", I am referring to my partner and I as we've discussed and strategized together. Longer-form version of his drug history: 2008-2012: Fluoxetine for 4 years during high school Doesn't remember exact dose but likely 10mg Had a really easy time discontinuing in 2012 when he wanted to stop taking it. Doesn't remember if he stopped cold turkey or did any kind of taper at the time 2016: Fluoxetine 20mg for a few months, around age 21 Remember it being easy to start without bad symptoms from updosing Was experiencing sexual side effects and stopped cold turkey Remembers it being "medium" difficult to stop. Mostly some increased depression for a period after stopping, but nothing close to what he is going through right now with citalopram 2018-2020: Began citalopram 20mg for depression and anxiety after difficult life events. Wanted to avoid fluoxetine due to sexual side effects Severe depression as side effect from updosing when originally starting. Remembers it being about a month of the worst depression he had ever felt up to that point, worse than the depression that led him to take it in the first place. Then was at 20mg for a few years after stabilizing Jan - Mar 2020: Was feeling happy, wanted to discontinue citalopram. Psychiatrist said the 20mg dose was so low that he could just stop cold turkey, but that he could do a few cut and holds if he wanted to be extra cautious. After cutting to 15mg, was feeling agitated for months Mar 2020 - Jul 2023: Decided to reinstate the 20mg citalopram and micro-taper Got liquid form of citalopram and tapered from 20mg -> 5mg over a few years, with some holds along the way Mar 2023: Began feeling regularly agitated. This was around the time of an injury and some other difficult life circumstances that challenged his mental health routine, so he thought maybe he needed a higher dose. Bumped up to citalopram 7mg all at once Jul 2023: Was still feeling regularly agitated. (In retrospect, we're pretty confident the agitation beginning in mar 2023 was poop-out) Bumped up to citalopram 10mg all at once This bump up was severely destabilizing. Began experiencing panic attacks, chest pain, and higher anxiety (had never had panic attacks or chest pain from anxiety before in his life, so these were brand new as a result of the updose). Started taking hydroxyzine 25mg or 12.5mg regularly as needed to manage the heightened anxiety, and propranolol 10mg or 5mg very occasionally as needed to prevent/manage panic attacks Determined the citalopram had probably been pooping out before bumping up. Made a plan with psychiatrist to switch to fluoxetine in the short-term to get off the citalopram, and then eventually taper off the fluoxetine since he had gentler reactions to fluoxetine in the past when starting & stopping Plan was to make the switch in January 2024 - this was due to some planned life events that made it inconvenient to switch sooner, and because the poop-out symptoms seemed somewhat manageable in the short term Around November-December, the poop-out symptoms were worsening again and we determined he needed to make the switch sooner Psychiatrist was concerned about serotonin syndrome and did not want him to take fluoxetine and citalopram simultaneously. Instead they wanted him to do a clean switch, taking 10mg citalopram one day and then fully switching over to 10mg fluoxetine the next day (with 0 citalopram from that point on) Dec 21 - 25 2023: Began the "clean switch" Began feeling some moderate withdrawal symptoms after a couple of days By Dec 25 the withdrawal became severe, both physically and mentally. During a peak wave of uncontrollable shivers, headache, nausea, chest pain, insomnia, severe anxiety and depression we decided to reinstate 2mg citalopram. Within an hour of reinstating the worst of the physical symptoms had significantly lessened - especially the shivers, headache, and nausea. The anxiety and depression also lessened. Dec 26 2023 - present: Have been taking 2mg citalopram (1mg morning and 1mg nighttime), 10mg fluoxetine Taking 25mg or 12.5mg hydroxyzine as needed, generally totaling about 37.5-75mg daily depending on the day Also taking 0.125-0.5mg lorazepam occasionally as needed, not every day. Has been about a few days per week. From Dec 26-Jan 2, it seemed like things were improving. We starting tracking FINISH a few times a day and he was doing better than he had been at the peak waves before we reinstated the citalopram. But since January, most of the withdrawal symptoms have plateaued. The physical symptoms have improved a lot: headache and nausea are almost nonexistant now, and dizziness has steadied at a low-medium level. But ever since those lessened, he has been having more insomnia, and constant and severe anxiety daily, accompanied with chest pain and stomach pain, and occasionally a more severe bout of panic. This has also begun being accompanied with increasing depression, often at the same time as waves of panic or severe anxiety. The depression is increasing day by day from the despair and exhaustion from the prolonged physical and mental pain with no improvement on any of the withdrawal over the last two weeks. For the first time in his life, this has brought on questions of his will to keep on trying during his worst waves. He is running out of steam and feeling very scared and demoralized. Our immediate goal: We want to try to get him stable on 2mg citalopram in the short-to-medium term (from there, we will begin a very slow micro-taper from the citalopram, but for now we are just struggling to stabilize). This is complicated by the fact that the citalopram has been pooping out since Mar 2023, which may also be contributing to the plateau in any improvement on the withdrawal symptoms. We're trying to use strategies other than drugs as much as we can. We are both taking medical leave. We're being strict about our bedtime routine, eating extremely healthy with tons of fruits and veggies daily and little-to-no processed foods, getting out for two walks outside daily, meditating 1-2 times daily, doing yoga at home, avoiding stressful or over-stimulating activities. We are visiting his family until things improve, for extra help with care and morale. These things are making a difference, but even with them we are in the current state. We don't want to increase the citalopram any more, (a) because he seems to have a severe kindling effect from any dose changes to citalopram and (b) because it's pooping out so updosing may not do much to help anyways, even in the short-term He would like to increase his fluoxetine dose to 20mg to help stabilize, provide some relief on the sooner side for the anxiety and depression, and hopefully continue to help with some symptom relief when he eventually tapers off of citalopram. We know that he's had a gentler reaction to fluoxetine starting & stopping in the past, which we feel makes it an okay strategy for him to use as an intermediate step. We're also hoping increasing the fluoxetine can allow us to eliminate the lorazepam sooner - although he isn't taking it daily, we know it is highly habit-forming and would like to remove it before anything else. But in his current state, it's the only thing that has been able to get him through his worst waves. Our primary question-area for now (we'll probably have more later): We're trying to figure out how to updose the fluoxetine, assuming that we do. What we're considering: All-at-once updose to 20mg pros: get it over with; less time spent going through any updosing effects after getting past updosing effects, will get to any relief it provides sooner cons: could be very destabilizing updose very slowly, basically a micro-increase pros: likely less destabilizing if it ends up providing some therapeutic effect at a dose lower than 20, he could stop there at a lower dose cons: if there are still some negative effects to updosing, those would be drawn out over a long period of time likely will take longer to get a therapeutic effect from the drug to get relief from the citalopram withdrawal/poop-out. in the meantime, his anxiety and depression is already severe and worsening day by day rather than improving middle ground?? target 20mg, but updose over a few weeks by 0.5mg/day or similar pros: maybe still less destabilizing than the all at once updose? still get to some therapeutic effect sooner than the micro-increase version cons: could still end up being destabilizing, and then just prolong the destabilized period Questions: In your experience, does kindling tend to be specific per drug, or have you tended to find that when somebody develops a kindling reaction to one drug, they also begin to have kindling reactions to other psychiatric drugs including those that they haven't had severe reactions to in the past? We have read the reinstatement advice which says that increasing a dose after reinstatement should be extremely cautious and slow due to the likely kindling effect. But are there any general patterns or learnings around how best to increase dosage of a medicine in general, when not referring to a drug that you're already hypersensitive to? Any other advice on stabilizing for his particular situation?

I'm supporting my husband in his journey withdrawing from AD and Benzos. My apologies for the length of the story but as an introduction it paints a better picture for giving advice. He is a 77 year old male in excellent physical health and until last year in good mental health. He has always been on the anxious side but it was specific to travel and feeling out of his comfort zone while away from home. He had been working with a therapist to address anxiety related to travel and felt he was getting a handle on some strategies to deal with some of his fears. In early 2022 he lost 2 very close friends within a few months. Both friends were part of a pipe band that he has been involved with for 40 years. One friend, in his mid 50's, was the pipe major and so the band became somewhat rudderless after being a going concern. He found all of this very stressful and began experiencing some anxiety any time the pipe band was part of a conversation. In early May a second band member passed away and days after his funeral we travelled from Canada to visit family in the UK. At this time he was taking Lorazepam PRN only to deal with travel anxiety e.g. while at the airport and the same on return so, very rarely. Part of our vacation included a trip to Crete with my siblings and their spouses. While in Crete he became more anxious as the days went on and one day experienced a panic attack. From then on his anxiety increased fearing this could happen again at any time. By the time we were due to fly home to Canada he was anxious every day. Upon returning home he made an appointment with his GP who suggested Wellbutrin 150mg to deal with the anxiety. After one week of steadily increasing anxiety and nausea the GP switched him to Buspar 10mg BID and recommended an appointment with a psychiatrist to review his symptoms and medication. The psychiatrist diagnosed GAD increased the dose of Buspar to 10mg TID. Two weeks into the dose increase his anxiety and nausea were increasing to a severe level and once again and he was taking .5mg Lorazepam more often, sometimes several days in a row to ease the anxiety. In consultation with his GP he decreased the Buspar back down to 10mg BID with the idea to cross taper onto Mirtazapine 30mg. All of this trial and error of medication was happening during the month of August while we were hosting 10 visitors from the UK which in itself caused significant stress and anxiety. By the end of September he had been on Mirtazapine 30 mg for about 6 weeks. He was experiencing occasional nausea and anxiety but much improved from when he started taking the medication. In the middle of October we travelled to Morocco. Travel triggered his anxiety and the Mirtazapine didn't seem to relieve it so he began to need Lorazepam again to deal with this. During our trip we both got Covid. He was not very sick and only experienced mild flu like symptoms for a few days. He began to have trouble sleeping and took Melatonin to help with this. Unfortunately, this caused bizarre nightmares. After Covid he began to experience a burning sensation across his neck and shoulders and sometimes across his chest. He began to be quite agitated, restless, and his anxiety got much worse. November and the beginning of December were relatively stable with anxiety, nausea and burning sensations occasionally but not all the time. In January his symptoms became more frequent and more intense and he talked with his GP about coming off Mirtazapine as it was definitely not helping and possibly making things worse. His Dr agreed and suggested a taper that we now know was way too fast. Coupled with the addition of Lexapro and Quetiapine as aids to withdrawal he was now dealiing with side effects from the added meds and withdrawal from the Mirtazapine all at the same time. Here is a brief summary of the meds taken: May 2022 - panic attacks and GAD. Rx Lorazepam .5 mg PRN for anxiety until March 2023 June 1 Dr prescribed Wellbutrin 150mg June 13 Dr switched Buspar 10 mg BID - Psych Increased dose to 10 mg TID Aug 9-Feb 8 Dr switched to Mirtazapine 30 mg Below is a brief timeline of the withdrawal process from the GP: Feb 9-16 Mirtazapine 15 mg, Lexapro 5 mg, Seroquel 25 mg BID Feb 16-22 Mirtazapine 15 mg, Lexapro 10 mg, Seroquel 50 mg in am, 75 mg in pm Feb 23- Mar 1 Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Lexapro 10 mg, Seroquel 50 mg in am, 75mg in pm Mar 2-16 Mirtazapine 7.5 mg Tapered Lexapro and Seroquel concurrently March 17-19, Mirtazapine 5.6 mg, Seroquel 25 mg BID March 20-26, Mirtazapine to 3.75 mg, Clonazepam 25 mg BID March 27-April 2, Clonazepam 25 mg BID April 3-May 3 Tapered Clonazepam May 3 no drugs He has not taken any medication since the beginning of May and is a little more than 7 months into withdrawal from all drugs. At this point it is impossible to know which of the drugs are causing the symptoms. He continues to suffer from insomnia and has some nights when he gets of a few hours of broken sleep and then he'll have a good night of 7 hours. He has become anxious around the amount of sleep he gets. He has developed social anxiety even to the point of visiting our children and grandchildren and suffers extreme chest tightness and anxiety at the thought of socializing. Interestingly, when he's actually visiting with people he does quite well. Likewise, he experiences the same symptoms if he needs to be in the car for longer than about 15 minutes although he is able to drive, go to the supermarket and do daily activities without too much discomfort. Sometimes he will wake and complain of "flu like" symptoms where he feels like he has a temperature but he doesn't. He has trouble with temperature regulation and is often very hot or too cold. He has experienced a couple of weeks about a month ago when his symptoms were a little less intense than they are now but just recently they seem to have ramped up once again. On a daily basis his symptoms include anxiety, chest tightness, feelings of hot and cold waves, agitation, restlessness, fear, and depression. The symptoms change in intensity throughout the day and a trigger can cause a sudden spike in intensity from mild to severe. Hi symptoms tend to get worse during the day until around dinner time then gradually subside during the evening until they are almost gone at the end of the day. We have recently sent of for some genetic testing as it would be interesting to see whether any of the medications he has taken might have been contraindicated based on his genetic profile. We're not sure what we will do with this information once it is available in the next few days. Perhaps, should he consider taking a different AD down the road, this information may serve to inform that decision. Based on his experience with ADs so far I would think this would be unlikely. However, the one thing no one can tell us is whether the symptoms he is experiencing at 7 months off a relatively low dose of Mirtazapine for a short period of time are from withdrawal or a worsening of his previous anxiety. How long do you wait in the hope that is the case? Does he look at the possibility of yet another AD? He is becoming more depressed by his constant symptoms on a daily basis. Doing nothing but waiting it out seems futile. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Hi all, Here's a quick summary about my situation. I am currently on 25mg of Sertraline, but still have all the issues that have plagued me even when I was on 200mg - brain fog, cognitive dysfunction, no energy, no short term memory, and no emotions. It honestly feels like my soul has died. When I taper, I have a week where emotions (mainly negative) come back and I feel a little clearer in my head. But once I stabilise on the lower dose, I go back to being numb. The hardest part of all of this is I worked so incredibly hard to improve my life and had a blossoming creative career right before I was polydrugged in 2020, and it's not like I can take a massive break and just stop working - I have rent and bills to pay. I work freelance as this allows me to charge a higher day rate, and thus work less days per month. Somehow I force myself to keep networking, getting jobs, and creating work for clients, even though my creativity feels utterly dead and on many days just writing an email feels impossible. I honestly don't know how I do it. Some clients have still loved my work, but I've definitely ruined my reputation in some circles, burned a few bridges, and lost work (and a lot of money) due to making silly mistakes. At the moment, it's looking like another 2 to 3 years until I'm off completely, if I want to taper safely. The idea of this fills me with dread as I have no idea how I'm meant to keep working like this for such a long period of time. By the time I'm off the drugs and feeling myself again, I won't have a career to come back to. I have a few questions. 1.) Has anyone else had these severe side effects from Sertraline? If so, at what dose did you find them lessening? I know everyone is different but it would mean so much to have a glimmer of hope, if many people found improvement at 10mg or 5mg for example. 2.) Should I switch meds? If Sertraline causes me this much trouble, would it make sense to jump over to Prozac and then taper from there? Or would this risk sensitising my nervous system more? 3.) Should I use stimulants? 2 years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and given stimulant medication. They did help the brain fog. However, since going through withdrawal I have avoided taking them in case it causes more damage for my brain. But am I just being overly cautious? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this post. And to anyone going through a similar situation, my heart goes out to you. I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy.

Hi Everyone, I need help safely tapering slowly off Ativan (lorazepam) so I don't die in the process and don't retrigger severe akathisia I've had over this past year: I am about to slowly dry or water microtaper off of 2mg of Ativan (0.5mg 4x daily) that I was prescribed for dealing with severe akathisia that hospitalized me and that I had from January-August this year (2023). I have a histamine intolerance from tolerating? Ativan that has severely restricted my diet and my weight is currently 107-109lbs and I'm 5" 8'. I'm working to increase my weight and introduce foods. I've had akathisia for the past year and would like to avoid retriggering it during my taper I am interested in doing Brassmonkey's taper method I have a Gemini scale for tapering and a file Because of the histamine intolerance and akathisia risk, I am not switching over to Valium and can't tolerate the inactive ingredients in liquid ativan from a compounding pharmacy to do that either. I would like advice and help with calculating my taper schedule since I'm taking 4 doses of 0.5mg a day and want to avoid eliminating doses and causing interdose withdrawal how to do a dry taper using brassmonkey's method (especially once the doses get small)? how to communicate to my psychiatrist the rate of my taper (if I'm reducing my milligrams of weight and not dosage, how do I tell her what amount of dose I'm tapering each month?) My background (Diagnosed with akathisia in May 2023) 2019-2022 Previously on lexapro 10mg for anxiety, OCD, and reflux for 3 years (2019-December 2022) August - Acute severe akathisia from compazine in IV at hospital after minor car accident. Went away after 48 hours. September-October- Milder akathisia every time I took my Lexapro. October-December - Tapered off lexapro 10mg by skipping doses. Akathisia stopped at the time after this briefly. December - digestive issues, depression, anxiety 2023 January 1-4 - attempted to get on 25mg Prozac for 4 days. Developed severe akathisia and stopped taking Prozac. January-May - Akathisia continued January-August because doctors thought initially it was anxiety and had me try numerous meds January-April - Back on lexapro 10mg and doctors added Zyprexa 2.5mg for weight loss and sleep from pacing and sweating with akathisia Late march - Zyprexa caused me liver issues. CT'd off it in 3 days. Akathisia worsened. Was hospitalized March 26-April 9 - Hospitalized. Rapid tapered off lexapro in first week. Started Ativan 1mg daily. Tried risperidone and seroquel once each but stopped due to side effects. April 9-May 10 - Put in partial hospitalization program where I: tried and stopped buspar 30mg after 2 weeks (made akathisia worse) tried and stopped gabapentin after 2 weeks (helped akathisia but gave me bad breathing issues) tried to CT off the 1mg of Ativan I'd been on for 2 weeks (made akathisia worse and caused severe W/D symptoms). This included trying to cross over to Klonopin which made akathisia worse. May 10 - diagnosed with akathisia by neurologist. Got a new psychiatrist in partial hospitalization program. Put back on and increased Ativan to 2mg daily (0.5mg 4x a day) which I've been on ever since. Late May - June - Developed dry eye problems from histamine intolerance issues from Ativan. Akathisia worsened for a bit with new symptoms. Changed to low histamine diet which improved things significantly but also caused me to lose a lot of weight July - Developed more eye problems tried eye drops and antibacterial eyelid wipe treatments which triggered worse akathisia for two weeks. August - Stopped all medicinal eye treatments. Akathisia started to improve considerably. September-November - Akathisia continued to improve but started having benzo tolerance symptoms (short term memory, crying spells, some mild-moderate akathisia). For the past 4 weeks I've been sleeping till 11am which is unusual. My weight is 107-109lbs. I'm still having eye issues Thanks everyone for your help in advance! thePooka

Hello all fellow mental health warriors, I am having a tough go of it currently. I was on an SSRI (of some sort) for 20 years. My most recent psychiatrist and I decided to try to bridge me over to Lamictal 50mg ER to see if my sexual side effects from the SSRI would go away. They did, (which is amazing) BUT Lamictal has given me such severe headaches and now such severe insomnia that I am now relying on Ativan now almost every night. My psychiatrist recently tried me on very low dose Mirtazapine (3.75mg), as a substitute for Ativan, which made me sleep for 12 hours and made me dizzy for the next 48. I am currently unsure if I should just stay on the benzo (Ativan) which does not leave me groggy and dizzy all day and try to taper slowly from there or keep trying liquid Mirtazapine (Remeron) at maybe 1mg per night for sleep. I also am going to request liquid Lamictal to taper eventually but for now, I am tolerating it ok. I want to be drug free so bad but I also need to sleep to function at work and give my children a functional mother. Currently waking up crying in the middle of the night at 2 or 3 pm and unable to fall back asleep. Just wanted to reach out to the community for support. With love and hope, L

Hi, you can call me AprilShowers. I was put on Venlafaxine (Effexor) in the millenium due to a period of depression. Was on it two years and tapered off with no problem and gradually depression got managable and life went on. Then my mother died of cancer and my depression came back more suicidal and severe. I tried citalopram with horrible side effects and continuous suicidal feelings before being changed to venlafaxine which had worked for me before. And it worked again, more or less. I got stabilised and although it took a long time the suicidal thoughts receded and I just had bad depression. Last year after five years on venlafaxine I was having bad heart palpitations and my psychiatrist thought it might be beneficial to change medications as I thought it might be being caused by being on an SNRI. I switched to mirtazapine which I was on a couple of weeks and felt good at first before it made me very suicidal. Panicing and needing to not feel that way anymore I stopped taking it cold turkey. After I began to have withdrawal issues I tried to get onto prozac (fluoxetine) in the hope that it would help, it didn't, it exacerbated the symptoms. I was in full withdrawal syndrome, massive dumps of cortisol turned my body to acid, I was urinating blood, I couldn't eat or sleep and the shakes were exhausting. It was completely debilitating and I did little but lay on the sofa for five months trying to distract myself with TV shows. Life got a little better in increments and with the help of this site which I read without joining I was able to understand what was happening to me and try to support my body. I thought maybe I'd been lucky to have gotten through this and was hoping to build my life back to some semblance of normal. I managed to get back to the point I'd been on while I was on the antidepressants. Still depressed, still not coping well with life but able to function a bit. I had hoped to build on that. A couple of weeks ago I started getting mad anxiety, possibly triggered by the shock of the news of terrorist attacks in Paris although I guess if I'm honest I was feeling a bit overwhelmed before that. Whatever happened, I was having a hard time and took a couple of small doses of lorazepam two nights running to get some sleep and mellow the panicy feelings. Of course they got worse after that and now I have the full cortisol dumping into my system again and I'm back on the sofa wishing for a different life and a better body. I've been in touch with my care co-ordinator who isn't seeing me until next week and she says that without me being willing to take medication there's not much she can do. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow to try to rule out any underlying medical reasons (I had an infection before all this happened and have recently become diabetic, have PCOS and have had previous anemias, heart palpitations and thyroid blips) but I'm not holding out much hope and unsure how to try an explain to the doc what is happening with cortisol dumping into my body. I know all they can offer for the symptoms is lorazepam or similar drugs and I think that would just make my problem worse. The early morning shuddering and feeling of waking in abject terror is the pits, the shudders are exhausting, like parkinsons and then taper off during the day but still with a low level of tremor and feeling of panic. I've got no saliva, I go hot and cold, my stomach is acid, I'm wetting myself with the level of fear hormones in my system and am having to wear pads and I'm constantly going to the bathroom, I'm not doing very well at all. The fact that this is happening for the second time is extremely disappointing, I've had thoughts of not wanting to live like this. I feel very alone, I live alone and I'm scared of losing all I've gained. I'm here to find hope. I need to give this awful life I'm forced into some value and give myself some value. After five years living on benefits, trying to overcome depression and not really coping with life I feel like I have nowhere to turn but here to find people who believe and understand what I'm going through. I am desperate to believe this is just a blip and won't last as long as before but it's been getting worse every day like the reverse of when it happened the first time when it was very bad and I gradually felt relief. I'm finding it hard to trust I will recover. I have nothing to do but hope I can again. Supplements I take omega 3 in a high dose which has helped me manage my depression. vitamin C magnesium with calcium. Occasional other supplements. Am thinking of just stopping all but the omega 3.

Hi guys this is gonna be a ton I apologize but Im afraid I've ruined my life and am in desperate need of help both physically and mentally. ABOUT ME I am an 18 year old girl from the Bay Area in California and I have a lovely boyfriend and family who are trying to understand what I'm dealing with. I have been dealing with anxiety/depression/DP/DR ever since I was ten, coming in episodes, with it not being extremely debilitating until Covid lockdown hit. As of now my current diagnosis are MDD and GAD (which was only recently diagnosed in the psych ward and am pretty sure it came on due to withdrawal symptoms). Starting meds I started Zoloft early April 2021 and I would say at the time it definitely helped me sink out of a depression. It definitely worked in all senses for a while but I think I felt so good on it that I thought increasing the dose would make me feel even better. Eventually I was on 200 mg by October 2021 (probably earlier) which was the stupidest decision I've ever made. I was in such a "fog" on this medication and didn't bother to do any research but its too late now. It eventually killed my motivation so I began going down at some point I wish I could remember when. But I do know the reason I decided to stop it all together was because I realized how "blunted" my emotions became and I wanted to feel more intense emotions for my boyfriend, and my mental health slowly started declining due to how horrible I was doing in school. All of these memories are foggy to me but I believe I started tapering some point in 2022 and at some point I thought I was okay enough to just stop in the middle of tapering before my trip to the UK in mid-November 2022. Downfall I thought I was okay for a few weeks after stopping but everything took a turn for the worst. I was sobbing everytime my boyfriend had to leave and would break down into tears at the smallest things. But then some days I would simply feel nothing at all and started to feel extremely disconnected from myself and reality(DP/DR). I thought these feelings would go away with time but **** the fan when I had an anxiety attack on Dec 20 and then another one on Dec 24. Never in my life had I experienced anything like those. After that I basically went two days without eating. I was bed-bound and horribly anxious, shaky, believed I was going to die, and terribly depressed. I couldn't concentrate on anything, had horrible suicidal thoughts and I thought I was going insane. I think I was given a weeks dose of Ativan around this time for sleep which helped but I reinstated Zoloft then (probably 25 mg) and found myself feeling better physically and was on for two weeks until I had another anxiety attack and racing suicidal thoughts and got taken to the ER to stabilize myself (given 1 mg Ativan). I was then put on Prozac 20 mg as it was thought that it would be any different than Zoloft. Not sure why I was given this high of a dose but the five days I were on that were hell (severe anxiety, dry heaving, insomnia, suicidal thoughts). I refused to eat and was so concerned about my reaction to this med and my weight loss and especially the suicidal thoughts that I was taken to the ER and stopped Prozac and felt relief then. I stayed in the ER for two days after while they waited to take me inpatient and thats when I was started on Mirtazipine. Things then started looking up for me, although I was horribly depressed and anxious still I started eating and sleeping and was eventually discharged from the hospital around a week later. I was put into an out patient program and felt some relief for about a week. I noticed my racing thoughts were still there and I started to experience intrusive thoughts/dissacociation/anxiety very bad again. I was told to increase my Mirtazipine dose to 30 mg. The next day I woke up suicidal and at this point I was losing it and decided I did not want to give Mirtazipine more of a chance. Since then I've been using Gabapentin (100-200 mg) as needed and CBD oil while weaning off Mirtazipine but noticed that although CBD and Gaba helped anxiety all they did was make me sleepy and feel so completely dysfunctional that I could not even worry anymore. And when those wore off I felt even more depressed than before. I've been trying to stop CBD and Gaba and yesterday and today I have taken none and am currently taking half a 15 mg Mirtazipine pill. Im not sure what to do because I feel so helpless and alone and that I've ruined my life. Of course Im very depressed and anxious but even worse I find it so difficult to hold a conversation with anyone as Im afraid im hypersensitive to everything now. I cant cry, im not eating, Im stuck in horrible negative thought loops, experiencing horrible brain fog, sometimes even forget what Im saying mid sentence and feel it takes to much energy to talk to anyone. Ive been living in fear and am afraid nothing will help me and I honestly feel heartbroken. I dont feel like myself whatsoever and have never felt this disconnected from myself and my emotions. Along with that im finding it so hard to fall asleep and when I wake up I feel horribly anxious (I think its the cortisol morning thing). Im not sure what to do??? My family is here for me and of course my lovely boyfriend but they dont seem to understand and my parents still arent sold on me being off psych drugs but I swear I'll never touch any of those again. But then again I dont know what the best idea is for me at all. I have never felt this confused or heartbroken in my life and Im so afraid I'll never go back to normal. I'm being sent to a residential program in two weeks so hopefully they help me get back to sleeping and eating and I feel like all they'll try and do is force me to take another antidepressant. I know you all can relate to me and know the trauma of experiencing a relapse of your mental health issues along with withdrawal symptoms to go along with that. I have so many questions right now and would love if anyone can give me advice on what to do from this point on as I am feeling stuck in an endless loop of pain I can't get out of. Here are the questions I have and I'd appreciate any advice. -Also not to mention I've been vaping Nicotine consistently for around a year and tried to stop when I stopped Zoloft only to start again due to how horrible this situation is and the stress from it. I know it doesnt help but quitting an addiction along with all these drugs that have been put into my body is difficult. 1. How would I go weaning off of Mirtazipine completely? I have only been taking it for a month and 15 mg for only two weeks so I'm not sure how that would work or if I even should consider going off as it might make things worse. 2. Am I experiencing a relapse in depression or do you think the depression is being caused by withdrawal Ive gone through the past two months? Or maybe both. 3. Should I focus on basic eating/drinking/sleeping for now and try weaning off Mirtazipine when thats more under control? 4. Would going on Zoloft for the third time make a difference? Any kind of advice would help and I am willing to answer any questions about the timeline of medications to the best of my ability and how many I have been on. I think you all are so brave for going through this journey and persisting through and through. Please please help me. -Julia

Was on sertraline for 2 years before starting my taper, currently using the 10% method. Original dose was 59mg, on 24mg now, but I've stopped having "windows" entirely and currently only have "waves" of varying intensity. The physical side effects seem to still be slowly improving, however. Does losing your "windows" mean you're going too fast?

Free from Zoloft and Benzos After 25+ Years of Use One-year post taper “success story” – http://survivingantidepressants.org Elbee (male) - August 27, 2020 At the time of this success story post, I have passed the one-year mark (15+ months) living drug-free. I am speaking to you from “the other side” of hell to let you know I made it through the nightmare of psychiatric drug withdrawal -- and so can you. I want to start by saying that everyone’s withdrawal from psychiatric drugs is going to differ – no two paths are the same. While there will be commonalities in what we each experience, there will also be differences. I also believe that none of us are uniquely or irreparably “broken,” and that each of us can find a path to living much fuller, healthier lives in greater freedom. To be clear, I had doubts throughout this process . . . believing that somehow, I was MORE “broken,” and that I wouldn’t find my way out of the darkness. But the natural, innate healing power we each possess is profoundly AWESOME, and it quietly, patiently works in the background in each of our lives. . . even if we can’t see it, and even if we don’t trust it. For me, the psychiatric drug withdrawal / tapering process turned out to be an invitation to learn how to live my life differently. It became clear to me in this journey that I could never go back to some idealized place I vaguely imagined myself clinging to . . . I could only move forward to somewhere I had not yet been. I need to be honest: It is still hard to revisit and write about just how painful this drug withdrawal process was. Now that I’m feeling so much better, a part of me wants to forget the whole ordeal . . . as if looking in a rear-view mirror, driving ever-further away. And the reality is that this rear-view mirror perspective is very much real -- I’m SO grateful not to be suffocating in such intense pain anymore! But it is also true I will carry the scars of this experience with me for the rest of my life. It is clear to me now that some of me died through this drug withdrawal process. It is also true that the most precious parts of me came back to life. And I am still healing. I was very much disabled through the most intensive parts of the drug taper. I was on these psych drugs for panic attacks, anxiety, and depression my entire adult life, over 25 years. Additionally, I was drinking alcohol abusively, and relying on multiple pots of coffee and a pack of cigarettes to get me through each day. Even before I had decided to get off the meds, I was utterly exhausted most of the time, barely functional, and unconsciously stumbling through life like a zombie. I knew I had to fundamentally change how I was living. The first step in my detox efforts was to quit alcohol in April of 2014, 30 years after taking my first drink as a kid. Thankfully, I was able to release alcohol from my life relatively easily. Whatever boost alcohol had given me previously was gone, and it was clear to me as a 44 year old man that the devastating hangovers I experienced were getting more difficult. Then, over that following summer and under doctor supervision, I “tapered” entirely off both the Lorazepam and Zoloft that I had been taking for 24 years. I experienced tons of anxiety in the process, but I did it, and after the 4-month ordeal, I thought I was in the clear. Unfortunately, about six weeks after taking my last dose of Zoloft, what I now know to be protracted withdrawal hit, and my life spun into a depth of hell that words cannot describe. Instead of re-instating the same drugs I had been taking, the doctors took me on an 8-month “trial-and-error” roller coaster ride of psychiatric drug experimentation. I finally ended up on higher doses of the drugs I had originally quit, plus Remeron added in for good measure. Through all of this, I landed in a very bad place – exhausted, functionally disabled, unable to work, and unsure what to do next. I had some savings in the bank I could live on for a few years, so I decided to “hole up” to do a new taper, following the much slower tapering protocol of the SurvivingAntidepressants.org website. But my savings were limited, so I used the 10% reduction protocol as a baseline, and pushed the taper as fast as I could without killing myself in the process. I’m not sure I would suggest this approach to anyone else, but in my situation, that’s what I did. Note: I’m going to refrain from listing out all the symptomatic horrors I experienced (there were many) as I write this success story. Here is the link, if you’re interested, to my introductory thread which details my four-year psychiatric drug withdrawal process: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/11862-%E2%98%BC-elbee-25-years-of-meds/ And I want to take a moment here to say how incredibly grateful I am to @Altostrata, @Shep @brassmonkey, @bubble, @apace41, @Gridley, @Rhiannon (her writings), @JanCarol, @KarenB, @ChessieCat, @Petunia, @scallywag and all the folks at SurvivingAntidepressants.org who helped save my life. I also came across Robert Whitaker’s book, Anatomy of an Epidemic around the same time I found this site, and from these resources, I knew I had stumbled into truth. It became clear to me that so much of what the mainstream medical establishment had told me about these drugs, and about my so-called “chemical imbalance,” was false -- I had been lied to. SurvivingAntidepressants.org helped me anchor into this truth and set me on a new course. THANK YOU! With these new resources, I came to understand that getting off the drugs wasn’t just a simple matter of refraining from ingesting chemicals, or even about waiting for those chemicals to dissipate out of my body. I learned that my brain had restructured itself around the presence of the drugs all these years and that by removing the drugs, my brain would have to, very slowly, restructure itself again to a healthy state. The metaphor of a plant (my brain) growing on a trellis (the drugs) for support is so profound to me. How can I expect to abruptly rip out the trellis and think that it won’t damage the plant in devastating ways? This metaphor was such a clear illustration to me of how a neuroplastic human brain builds tolerance, and how we can so easily become entangled in the physiological mechanisms of addiction. And to be very clear, our brains develop tolerance to psychiatric drugs just like they do street drugs, and the mechanics of addiction and withdrawal in each are the same. Gaining this knowledge and allowing it to sink in was probably one of the most important early milestones in my healing process. In preparing for writing this success story, I re-read my entire introductory thread. Several pivotal posts stood out to me as other milestones in my healing process, and while this testimonial might go long, I think it could be useful to touch on some of them . . . In my very first post, I am already talking about the value of meditation. Sitting with myself quietly and focusing on my breath helped me slow down my mind and learn to relax. As I continued with the practice, though, I began experiencing periods of discomfort. I had initially taken the psychiatric drugs to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings, and as I practiced meditating space was again created for those feelings to arise. Learning to slowly sit with and tolerate whatever thoughts and feelings arose began to nullify my need to run away, and therefore, lesson my urge to drug the discomfort. Meditation became a cornerstone of my self-care practice, and self-care is what I ultimately found to replace the drugs. Next milestone -- about a year later, I wrote an entry about a decision I was struggling with on whether to consult with a renowned psychiatrist. A relative was able to get me an appointment for a psychiatric medication evaluation from a “leader in the field” (at the bargain price of $2,000). Looking back, it was then I decided I no longer believed in the efficacy of psychiatric drugs, nor the system that deals in them. I wrote: Next, in the summer of 2016, still early in my tapering and recovery process, I went on a 111-day, 9,000-mile solo road trip across the U.S. In retrospect, I was probably looking for something “out there” that was missing “in here.” I did a four-day vision fast in the wilderness, hiked a 14,000-foot mountain, roamed Death Valley, did a week-long silent meditation retreat, camped under redwoods, hiked numerous National Parks, etc. Was it really a good idea to take this pilgrimage in such a compromised state? I can’t say for sure, but it’s what I did, and I think it cracked through defenses that needed to open. In the Hoh Forest of Olympic National Park in Washington state, I experienced a release of emotions like I had never felt before. It was in that moment I finally realized that releasing stored emotional blockages could ease my anxiety: Another milestone: Upon returning home to Florida later that fall, I dove more deeply into my involvement with the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) 12-Step program. In conjunction with doing EMDR with a skilled, compassionate trauma therapist, ACA helped me crack through layers of protective childhood denial that I had carried into adulthood. Some people advise NOT deliberately digging into the unconscious too much while going through psychiatric drug withdrawal, but my path has been that of heavy digging. I accepted living in a disabled state for a period of time and felt that if I was going to get off these drugs, I needed to address what drove me to take them in the first place. By early summer of 2017, my commitment to this recovery approach had strengthened. Along with addressing the trauma associated with childhood family dysfunction, I opened another door . . . into the shame and terror I experienced hiding as a closeted young gay boy and gay teen. I had initially come out 25 years earlier at age 20 (the same time I started taking the psych drugs), but that was only part of my truth I was hiding. The secrets of my sexual orientation were built upon the secrets of having grown up in family dysfunction: Homophobia turned out to be compounding trauma, and I had been living in a closet within a closet. I had more inner work to do. Perhaps one of my most significant milestones was realizing how important it was for me to take the lead in my healing, and how easily I had deferred to the “expertise of authorities” in my life. By June of 2017, I had navigated my way off the benzos completely, and I recognized the importance of building an internal sense of trust – connecting with my more authentic self to discover a new inner compass. Despite appearing outwardly confident most of my life, inner trust was something I lacked. By allowing myself to fully feel, I had opened to recognizing my own authentic needs, to directly and respectfully communicating my needs, and to setting healthy limits and boundaries. By learning these important skills that I had missed earlier in life, I discovered greater internal trust with myself, and greater discernment in trusting others. By January of 2018, I had another important insight: I more fully recognized I was going through an internal chemical withdrawal process in addition to detoxing from the drugs I was ingesting. Behavioral (or process) compulsions and addictions all have physiological and neurological correlates, and I had been heavily “dosing” throughout my life using my own “internal drug store.” This realization profoundly shifted my perspective on my psychiatric drug withdrawal process, seeing it in a more comprehensive context. A lot of my recovery has involved working with an “inner critic” that had been driving me most of my life, born and sustained from a lack of unconditional love. Ironically, this harshness was so pervasive that I had never consciously known it was there. My inner critic constantly pushed me into the extremes of all-nothing thinking. Again, meditative practices more than anything helped me identify this was going on, and ACA reparenting (inner child work) has allowed me to soften it. By the end of 2018, I started discovering something that had evaded me my whole life – moderation, and a general sense of “OK-ness.” By April 2019, I had found a new pace in life to accompany my new inner compass, and I was nearing the full completion of my psychiatric drug taper. I was one-year benzo-free at this point, and at times, I was overwhelmed with heights of new sensations and emotions. I was feeling things I hadn’t experienced since I was a teenager because I had been drugged my entire adult life. It was overpowering in many ways, but I was so grateful to be “awakening” to a much more fully human life. On April 28, 2019, I was finally free from Zoloft, and my psychiatric drug taper was complete. I had found a way out of the darkness, and I had survived. I couldn’t remember having ever felt so alive. So, while this isn’t my entire recovery story, I’m fulfilling my promise to report back and share my continuing journey with others. Where do things stand today, 15 months after taking a psychiatric drug for the last time ever? No need to panic. I’m not experiencing depersonalization, derealization (DP/DR), or panic attacks in frightening ways. I do still feel what I might call different states of consciousness, but often there is a positive, expansive quality to these experiences. Perhaps some might call this bliss? I haven’t really found ways to talk about it yet clearly, but I don’t experience panic attacks in the ways I used to. I still have fears of them returning, but less so with time. I also get “eerie” feelings now and again, but I have found ways to work with that when it happens, and it doesn’t usually last long. Scariest weirdness has ceased. Most of the “unexplainable” adverse reactions I experienced don’t happen anymore. I would get terrible flu-like symptoms for days at a time . . . hot flashes and chills, body aches, cramps, twitches, headaches, fogginess and disorientation, exhaustion, etc. Sometimes my heart would start racing for no apparent reason, or I would have trouble breathing. I had chronic digestion issues. I had intense agoraphobia, even paranoia at times. I had problems making the simplest decisions. All of this, for the most part, has subsided. Consistent rest. My sleep has changed dramatically, and I’m so grateful. I have struggled with sleep my entire life . . . unable to fall asleep at night and feeling anxious and “hungover” with crippling anxiety each morning. For as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to sleep “normally” from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. and wake-up feeling well-rested. Today, more times than not, my sleep resembles very much what I used to wish for. I wrote an entry summarizing what I’ve done to address my sleep issues here. Keep gently working with triggers. I still have intense anxiety at times and find myself in hypervigilant states. I’ve come to understand this as a trauma response, and I can usually identify what has triggered me and/or how my inner critic has become activated. I’ve developed self-care routines that help to reduce these reactions, and that help me come out of this state much more quickly and easily. Some old wounds have healed permanently – some things that used to trigger me no longer do. AND I want to emphasize there are days now, thankfully, I live virtually anxiety-free. Self-care (reparenting) is my new drug. I had SO much resistance to doing self-care my whole life (for many reasons I won’t get into here). And by self-care, I don’t mean treating myself to a spa day (though that probably doesn’t hurt). I mean the day-in and day-out routines of physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually tending to myself like I’m the most precious being in the world. Self-care is what got me to where I am today, and it will be the practice of my lifetime. Don’t overdo it. As my life continues to get fuller, I can easily start “checking-out” again. If I stay dissociated for too long, I will pay for it. If I overcommit while on autopilot, I will have adverse reactions when I reconnect with myself. If I try to shortcut too much on the self-care, I will most definitely feel it, and I will struggle. Moving forward, I have to be very careful not to take on too much too quickly, and simply take next best steps. The worst is over. I’ve come to accept that I will never know how much of the excruciating symptoms I experienced these past years were due directly to the psychiatric drug withdrawal, versus how much was due to all the “inner work” I was doing. What I can say is that the symptoms from folks going through psychiatric drug withdrawal and folks doing inner transformative (trauma) work tend to be very much the same. It’s uncanny really, and I can’t explain it. But these two processes seem to very much mirror each other. What I can say is that while there will still be “windows and waves” as my brain keeps healing, and while I still have more “inner work” to do, I’m confident the heaviest lifting for me is done now. Perhaps most indicative of the healing I’ve experienced, I’m feeling well enough now that I’m back in school earning a Master’s in Social Work (MSW) – I’m going to become a therapist. While I’m a bit uneasy stepping towards healthcare systems that betrayed me so deeply, I also feel this is how I can be of most benefit. I’ve come to fully believe that my wounds are intrinsically linked to my gifts, and as I continue to heal my wounds, my gifts will become increasingly available. I’ve been doing volunteer work for some time now, which has helped me to “move back out into the world,” and I hope to transition into paid work soon. I’ve been meeting with people in support capacities, and I envision “coaching” people at some point until I more formally earn my credentials. I plan to be very open about my history with psychiatric drugs, as well as my recovery process. I journaled extensively all throughout my recovery process, and perhaps I will share the “long version” of my story in the future (yes, this is the short version). For now, writing this success story is an important next step in my “coming out.” Thank you for witnessing my healing. Elbee-Success-Story_Free from Zoloft and Benzos After 25 years on them.pdf

Hi, I've recently got a prescription for Lexapro to counter panic attacks, ADD, and mild depression. I am supposed to take 5mg the first four days, then increase to 10mg. Now I've been using it for only two days, and I feel absolutely horrible. Reading all the negative experiences, side effects and withdrawal symptoms on the web, I'm convinced this poison won't help me at all in the long run. Can I stop taking this drug immediately, or do I even have to taper off after only two days on 5mg?

Hi everyone, I am hoping to help others and find support as I struggle through prolonged effexor withdrawal. Looking back, I can see so clearly how the nightmare roller coaster ride with medications happened to me. While living in the middle of it, however, it took me a long time to connect the dots and jump off that crazy ride!. And unfortunately, I am paying big time with my health. I am a 34 year old previously very healthy woman. It all started in 2006 with xanax and ambien. I was about 3 weeks away from finals week in professional school when my dad passed away. Dealing with the grief from that and the pressure to continue performing well and passing all my finals in professional school led to bad anxiety and insomnia. I saw a doctor at the health clinic on campus and was given xanax and ambien. At the time, I thought these medications were great! Finally I was sleeping and felt calm. I ended up using them off and on throughout the remainder of school until I graduated in 2007. A few months went by, and then I entered the work force in my new career. This, too, was a very stressful time and I developed insomnia again. I saw a doctor and mentioned the medications that had helped in the past, and with no hesitation was given a presciption for xanax and ambien. I continued to take these medications off and on, and over time needed to increase the doses. I started developing rebound anxiety and insomnia, which got really bad in 2011. At the time, I didn't realize what was happening- I thought I just wasn't coping with life well, and couldn't understand why. I went back to my general practitioner, and she said I had a severe anxiety problem and needed an SSRI. I was desperate to feel normal again and trusted my doctor completely, and readily accepted her prescription for Zoloft (after she assured me the medication was perfectly safe). I picked up the medication, and after reading the side effect list, became very concerned and called my doctor. She said "you shouldn't read that list, now you are sure to develop every side effect on it, because most of those are in peoples heads"). I felt reassured by this and started the medication. Well, I had pretty much every side effect on the list. I won't bother to describe them, we've all been there. I told my doctor what was happening, she said to stick it out. Well, after 2 weeks of pure hell, I stopped the medication. Believe it or not, I then went through withdrawal from that 2 weeks of Zoloft. I developed paresthesia, among many other things, and went to my doctor. She said paresthesia is caused by anxiety, and that this proves I need daily anxiety medication. Of course I believed her, I was so vulvernable and physically sick at the time. She proceeded to put me on and off lexapro, mirtazapine, clonazepam, lorazepam, among others. Every time I started a new med the paresthesia went away within a day or two, but the medication side effects would be unbearable. This is when it started to dawn on me that the paresthesia wasn't anxiety, but was drug withdrawal, as I was recognizing a pattern. My doctor said it wasn't possible, drug withdrawal from these types of meds doesn't exist. I argued that I knew in my heart the paresthesia wasn't caused by anxiety, and that if it's not drug related, it must be an illness of some time. She sent me off to a neurologist which led to about $8000 in tests (blood tests, MRI, ultrasound for the constant nausea, etc etc). All came back normal, at which point the neurologist stated, see- it's anxiety and has been the whole time. I felt very disheartened, accepted my diagnosis, and took her prescription for effexor. I told her that every single medication made me terribly sick, and that I believed the meds and withdrawal from them are what had given me so many problems, and that I was very concerned about taking effexor. She assured me the meds had caused no harm, and that effexor is a wonderful medication, and very safe. She said if I didn't like it, we would stop it, no problem. Silly me started swollowing the pills like a good little sheep. Well, within 2 days the paresthesia was gone. I took the medication for about 2 months and told the neurologist I wanted to discontinue it, as it was causing side effects, and my reason for taking it (paresthesia) had resolved. She told me to take one capsule every other day for a week then discontinue it. I followed her instructions and the withdrawal was out of this world. I had never been so sick in my entire life. After doing some research on line, I stumbled across a web site (probably this one) which explained how to taper effexor slowly. I quickly re-started the medication, and after a week or so, began to slowly wean myself off over 2 months. I had only ever been on the lowest dose of 37.5 mg and thought this would be sufficient. Well, I still experienced withdrawal- slightly more tolerable, but still hellish, and also developed paresthesia again. After about 2 months of dealing with this, I decided to re-instate and taper again over an even longer period. So, I started my third and final taper from effexor in October 2013, and finished in March 2014. Even after such a low dose, and a fairly lengthy taper, I suffered withdrawal. It lasted about 3 months, then I had a period of ~2 months where I was mostly normal, then I got slammed again with severe protracted withdrawal in August/September 2014. So, I have been taking it one day at a time (sometimes one hour at a time), and praying that this all eventually goes away. The most troublesome thing occurring for me right now, is that I feel as though I have fibromyalgia. I wake up each morning with pain at the base of my skull, and basically all over my body. My eyes are constantly burning and painful. My feet cramp up randomly. I also have severe digestive issues.These have been relentless for about 3 months now. These are things I had never experienced before my roller coaster med ride. I am very worried that these things are permanent. From what I have read, fibromyalgia never goes away. I just don't know if I have real fibromyalgia, or withdrawal-induced fibromyalgia. I am scared that I will have to live the rest of my life in pain and with bad tummy troubles. I am currently seeing a GI doctor and will have endoscopy soon (probably another big waste of money, will probably come back normal just like every other test). I just don't know what else to do. I take no meds, eat very healthy, and force myself to exercise almost daily. The weird thing is, when it comes to the pain- the more sleep I get, the worse I feel. Makes no sense to me! Anyhow, that is my story. I wish I had stopped after my first bad reaction to a drug, I would probably be recovered by now. If I had only known then what I know now! Sorry for the lengthy message. Any input or suggestions is much appreciated. Even if someone can just let me know the pain and stomach issues eventually went away for them, that would give me some hope. Thanks all, I appreciate you for taking the time to read this, more than you'll ever know!

Hello community, So glad to have found this site!! I've been reading, reading, reading for almost two months. Unfortunately I did not find y'all and Dr. Glenmullen's book until after eight months of thinking I was doing a gradual taper per my GP's advice. Without proper information I tapered too fast, alternated doses, and failed to recognize that the difficult symptoms I was having could be coming from antidepressant withdrawal. I'm currently trying to stabilize before embarking on the 10% taper, starting with sertraline. The symptoms I currently have are: rapid heartbeat and resulting fatigue, anxiety and agitation, including:dizziness and fainting upon standing up (orthostatic hypotension) inability to alter heart rate with exercise (exercise intolerance) ears ringing morning depression heat intolerance (like hot flashes only longer) intense dreams and nightmares head tremor Once I realized I was tapering too fast, I stabilized/increased to 25 mg sertraline and 0.75 mg lorazepam. In the two months since then, some other symptoms I had went away and the above symptoms have seemed to improve, except for heartbeat and head tremor. I had a normal EKG. All blood tests normal except cholesterol (and I consider high cholesterol a good thing for me as a post-menopausal woman). Starting in 2013 or 2014, my antidepressant was increased and I started regularly taking lorazepam due to several years of extreme emotional stress (caring for my physically and mentally declining spouse). I also experienced severe disrupton of my sleep cycle and used alcohol at night. During and before this time, I had many years of blood sugar fluctuations. So I imagine my HPA axis was already severely out of whack even before my mis-guided fast taper. I stopped alcohol 15 months ago, after my husband died. (My symptoms are complicated by the effects of my grief process.) I've been gradually removing stressors from my life. I have recently addressed my blood sugar via a low-carb unprocessed way-of-eating. Am also phasing out caffeine. I am addressing my sleep cycle by using amber glasses to counter the effects of evening screen time. (Hope to reduce the screen time too). Anyway, I am frustrated that my heart palpitations make me unable to exercise, but I understand that all the nervous system problems can be slow to resolve. Trying to be super patient. Appreciate hearing everyone else's stories, questions, and answers. This site is a wonderful resource.

Hi everyone. I should probably start by saying that I'm 29 and Autistic, and have lived with a degree of anxiety and depression for I would say probably my whole life. I left my casual job back in 2016, which was all I could manage, because it had started to make my anxiety and depression considerably worse. My GP prescribed me lexapro, and I eventually upped the dose to 20mg. In 2018 I decided I wanted to come off the meds, and did so with really no issues. I was off for about 8 months, until in early 2019 I decided I needed a new medication, so went on Fluoxetine, my apologies, but I don't remember the dosage. During this time, I experienced a panic attack whilst driving and developed panic disorder, so with my GP I came off Fluoxetine and went back on Lexapro. My GP also prescribed me Lorazepam 1mg to be taken as needed. Half way through 2021 I got with my partner. After around a year of being together, the sexual side effects of Lexapro were starting to really get to me. Basically I had no feeling in my penis, and I could get it up, but I couldn't finish. This accompanied with around a 20kg weight gain really got to me, and I decided to start tapering off Lexapro in July of this year. I tapered down over roughly 2 and a half to three months, and whilst it definitely wasn't fun, it wasn't horrible. Anyway, in the time it's been since being off the lexapro, around 2 and a half months now, I'd probably say that I've been worse than I was when I was still on them. The only real plus side is that the sexual side effects have gone away. The thing that is hands down getting to me the most, is that I've developed body pain, which I'm experiencing pretty much everywhere, and it seems to have slowly gotten worse. I spent almost a week at my partners house with them helping them to look after their pets while their parents were on a holiday. Since I've come back this past Thursday I've had very bad pain in my back, barely been able to sit up or get out of bed. Just now as I'm typing this, I've just gotten home from being out for about an hour and a half with my support worker, and the pain has flared up again a bit and I had to go straight to lie in bed. I should note a couple of other things, I took 7 lorazepam, 3 in one day, 2 the day after, and then 2 a couple of days after that in the last week and a half. Mainly because there were a few things I had to do that cause me quite some anxiety. Also, both my partner and my sister have fibromyalgia, my partner was diagnosed 10 years ago. Now I've seen my doctor about the pain, had blood tests done, and been prescribed naproxen. I have no inflamation in my blood and the naproxen doesn't seem to work. My GP says I could have fibro and that it's common for pain to come on after stopping anti depressants. I just don't really know what to do. I can deal with mental pain by itself, but then throw in physical pain too and I feel like I just can't handle it. I'm going back to see my GP on Thursday, but I feel at a bit of a loss at the moment to be honest.

Hello and nice to meet everyone. I have been reading as much as I can the past two days and feel like it is time to introduce myself. THANK YOU for everything you all have contributed, this site is a game changer. So many questions answered and a new journey begins. You can see my drug history and four month taper in my signature over the spring/summer (my psychiatrist at the time recommended two weeks, go figure). I had planned on a few crappy months going into this. Oh if I had only found this site first... Withdrawal didn’t kick in for at least two weeks, and slowly at first. I spent all of September and October dodging and weaving through good days and bad days, which I observed simply as “anxiety” (my original diagnosis) but with unusual physical symptoms. I journaled and kept calendar entries, mostly to record when I had to resort to Ativan (usually 0.5mg, occasionally 1mg). Other than for flight anxiety (two trips), I can count 17 times I took it over those two months, and only as a last resort. I had two sudden midnight “surges” (after feeling great) with shivers, out of control heart rate, even some diarrhea, which would last hours. I was convinced it was Serotonin Syndrome. The second one took me to urgent care the next morning for a heart checkup. A few days later a new psychiatrist then put me on Propranolol (beta blocker) as my primary concern was my heart. Propranolol immediately helped me observe and evaluate the “anxiety” I was experiencing which helped a lot. The new psychiatrist also had me stop 5-HTP after only a few weeks which was probably smart. I speak to him again this Friday, not sure what to share/ask given what I am learning here. I am now clear on the fact that I am riding waves of withdrawal symptoms, anxiety responds to the unusual feelings and emotions created by the withdrawal and adds its own icing to the cake, but I am focused on observing and not reacting, and doing my best to “ride it out”. The most unusual part of this “pattern” has been the timing of it all - usually kicking into high gear in the evenings after dark (earlier and earlier in my part of the world). I am nervous about traveling this weekend (short flight) but also realize I need to try and have as “normal” a life as I can stand under these conditions. My wife is awesome, understanding and super supportive. At 12 weeks in, I am not sure reinstatement is an option for me, even though I still have 5mg Trintellix in my drawer, and could try taking microdoses. Leaning toward a no, but I realize I may have run out of time to make that decision? I have read almost all the “required reading” but would still appreciate an opinion on that one. Also considering stopping my multivitamin, turmeric and mulberry leaf extract and taking only my “Super Omega-3 Plus” (Fish Oil) and picking up magnesium pills. I just started the Probiotic so I could drop it too, but not feeling like it would impact all of this either way? I am intrigued by the Reishi 415 blend to get some non-psychedelic mushroom love. Lastly my wife and I are thinking about therapeutic float tanks (she would love to do it again) and I have begun using our hot tub as part of my daily routine, along with many failed attempts at meditating. Anxiety was never something I handled well to begin with, and I realize now I must absolutely be on my game to dance this intricate dance. I will post any new thoughts, findings and curiosities on this thread as appropriate. I appreciate everyone’s support! PS- I opted to not use the appropriate abbreviations as I wanted to easily share this summary with family