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I used to be very happy and funny guy who loved dancing and enjoyed going out with friends until one night I got drunk and someone put drugs in my drinks.I still dont know what that drug was but I felt like my legs were burning and I became very agressive and delusional.I got locked up for trying to brake into a house and send into a mental hospital. I was forced to take zyprexa for 3 months and after that zoloft for 2 months. Since then I lost all feelings and emotions. For all I mean: fear, love, hate, envy,everithing.I've Lost all my friends. No desire to live, I feel like an empty shell. Complete lack of creativity, lack of social skills Lack of empathy, lack of motivation and a sense of accomplishment. 5 months ago I stopped taking zyprexa but I have no improvement and Im beginning to think that my brain is permanently damaged by these drugs. Is there any hope that my brain will recover?

Hello everyone. I'm happy that I found your website. I thought my life is ruined, but I read success recovery stories and I have a hope now. I was crying for about 20 minutes while I was reading. I don't know If I should tell you the whole story, cause it's a very very sad story. But for me the most important thing is to get answers to my questions. the brief story: I used some drugs for about one year: esctasy, some cocaine, LSD (twice only) and weed. After I stopped taking drugs health problems started: heavy hallucinations, voices, heavy paranoia, uncontrolled rage attacks and more. I got arrested for running naked in a street with a baseball bat and they put me into psiciatric hospital for 2 weeks and put on zyprexa. I hated zyprexa and I stopped taking it after 2 weeks. I was going to doctors and psycologists for some time and they gave me a little help. After 2 years I got fully recovered. But my best friend commited a suicide and I was very depressed, friends told me to smoke some weed , they said I will forget it for some time and will feel better. They gave me strong holland weed (white I think) I smoked it, just a little bit, and instantly went crazy. crazy For real, seriosly crazy. ( damn Im crying again ) I wont tell you all the horror I passed, dont think its so important. I was sick for two weeks, couldnt sleep and eat, when I couldnt handle all that hallucinations no more I did a horrible thing. the worst thing the person can do (omg Im crying again, cant see what Im typing) I got arrested and they put me in jail. At the begginnig I refused to take medicines, cause I thought they want to kill me. After 17 days without sleeping and heavy hallucinations I gave up and started to take medicines. They started with zyprexa, it wasnt helping at all, so they passed on Risperdal 3 times a day 3ml (9ml a day total) and zoloft 1 pill a day dont remember dosage. After 1 year after all investigations judge and medics transfered me into psychiatric hospital, the bad one. they added me Depakin also, but I was spitting it, cause the pill was too big and I just didnt like it, and doctor cancelled it. Oh I forgot I was also taking Tavor all this time to sleep. Doctor cancelled it also. Problems with memory started, and I got fat +20 kilograms, I wasnt producing sperm, I was very lazy, sometimes had no energy to take a shower. After one year in that bad hospital they transfered me to a good one, to elite hospital. And things changed. I started diet, start exercize ( Im an athlete by the way) started playing table tennis, basketball, reading a lot watching music clips on tv, dancing. After some time they took away Risperdal and put me on Abilify 15 mg in the morning and 15 in the evening. The same day they cancelled Risperdal my sperm production became ok, and erection also. I was very good, got build insane body in the gym in about 1,5 year, was very active. but noticed that I have some problems in thinking, They where making me IQ tests, IQ was pretty high 136 when I came into tht good hospital, and about 148-150 before I left it (it was different result on different tests) on 1 test there was 60 questions I gave all right answers, no mistakes. Im smart but I became like a computer. No emotions. I was laughing a lot, and understanding jokes, and having fun, but had problems with pleasures and visual thinking. As soon as I got out I stopped taking medicines (doctors where saying I have to take it all my life to avoid getting crazy one day) Its already 4 month Im without medicines. first month was bad, I vas very sad, had no emotions at all. I was the robot, zombie, without personality, just a computer who just think. I found a girlfriend and she helps me a lot, now 4 month later I feel lil bit better, but still have problems and questions. Please answer me guys. Thanks a lot. 1. how long ussualy takes full recovery after 4,5 years of antipsychotics? when I will start to feel pleasure, emotions? 2. doctors said that Its not recommended to have a baby for minimum 2years after I stop taking medicines, is that true? Will my child be healthy? 3. I was meditating when I was free, and I't was helping me lot, I was feeling myself very good. The same day I started with medicins I could do it no more. I thought I will be able to do it when Im done with medicines, but I totaly cant. I feel nothing, can't meditate no more. I thing the problem is ruined dophamin receptors or some brain damage. If you have same problem please tell me. 4. Alcohol makes no effect on me no more, even If I drink a lot. I feed my head and face heavy, but thats it. No happiness, euphoria, nothing. I dont drink , just tried on a New Year and birthday. But this seems very strange to me. 5 When I drink coffe or take caffein for training it makes me feel like on cocaine for about 12 hours, very strong, Im shaking, sweating and get extremly exited. 6. When I play videogame (Dota 2) I get very exited too, and have unvoulantary face and tounge movements. It looks very very bad from a side. I heard this side effect will not pass, that its forever, is that true? Also after I play some games, and get very exited I recover after it about half a day. I feel like on ocaine too. My brain is like frozen, no emotions at all. Thats it. I do a lot of sport, read a lot. eat very good, take vitamins, aminoacids. So will I fully recover someday? Will I get my emotions back? By the way I cried couple times, last time is now, and was feeling much better after it. I feel my brain working and I feel some emotions. But it happened only 2 times for now. Im also in contact with a lot of friends from hospital, so you will help them too anwering my question. Thank's a lot guys. And good luck to recover if you have same situation.