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Hello, Altostrata told me to make a topic literally a minute ago, so I am opening up for help. I am going through a really rough time right now and really don't know what to do. I was prescribed Paxil CR in a rehabilitation facility at the age of 18. Previous to this I had suffered with OCD, panic attacks and depression. While in the facility people told me I seem depressed and should see a psychiatrist. I was taken to the office, and after what felt like a 10 minute consultation was given a script for Paxil CR. After being discharged from the facility I was put on 20-30mgs of generic Paxil. I stayed on that for 11 years and have recently gotten off. I did a one month taper using Prozac. I know this is a incredibly fast taper given the amount of time I was on the medication. But I really did not know any better. I have been off of it for 6 months now in total. I tried to resume Paxil recently but only for a day or two. I was hit with very bad side effects and it scares me to try again. So I am trying to fight through and hoping this gets better. I have tried to get off this drug 3 times in my past. Once at 22 where I did it cold turkey, I did not know about the withdrawal. I was hit with crying spells and depression like I had never known previous to the medication. I reinstated after a couple weeks. I then proceeded to try again at age 26 and was hit with the same symptoms, reinstated again. I am now 29 years old and fighting to stay off this drug. I have a lot of regret for having started this "medication". I can't believe it is even used in that term it feels like poison. In my time using the drug I felt emotionally numb and indifferent to all normal feelings. My childhood dog passed away at the age of 21, 3 years into my treatment with Paxil. I could not cry maybe one tear came out and I felt like I had to force that. I had a lot of anger issues. Where I felt like it was the only emotion prevalent during my time with Paxil. I have ripped doors down in my own home with my mother, punched walls etc. During my stint trying to get off Paxil at age 26 and shortly after resuming it. I was put into a psych ward, their plan of action was to drug me with a bipolar medication known as Depakote. I asked why they were forcing me to take this? The response was that every person needs to be on an anti psychotic. They also made me up my dosage of Paxil to 30mgs, at the time I was on 20mgs. I was in there for a week and was discharged Christmas eve of all times. I took my self off the Depakote immediately, I did not have any withdrawal from that. It was probably because of the short time I was on it. I am a 29 year old man who is living at home with his mother. My drive and hope for a better tomorrow is shattered. I read Dr. David Healy's website where people are not getting better after 6 years off SSRI's. My main symptoms are overwhelming depression and anxiety. I have crying spells for hours on end. During my time on Paxil I never cried like this I was a robot. I have incredible guilt wishing I never took this medication if I knew what I know now. I feel like that is preaching to the choir, I know all of you must feel the same. I have got on my hands and knees and prayed to let me go back and say no to Paxil at that initial psychiatrists meeting. I am flooded with thoughts thinking that my brain and body is permanently damaged. It has driven me to have intense suicidal thoughts. As I was 18 when initially prescribed I thought I had damaged my body's physical development. I was a late bloomer so that is a thought that I am bombarded with. One person on this site who has tried to help me and I thank him so much is Irishwill. We have messaged back and forth and he has reassured me I am OK. I still have that guilt though of wishing I never took this drug, I would do anything to change that decision. I know that cannot happen though. I am trying to stay away from horror stories, but with this condition they become prevalent. I am hoping my body can heal, but it's hard when my mind is so in the negative. I really want to say to all of you I have never met you personally, but I feel I have a bond or kinship with all of you. I am sorry any of us have to go through this. I know we all thought these drugs were meant to help us. I want to have a life, I want to smile I want to be happy. I am really scared my body and brain are beyond repair because of my 11 years on this poison. I recently saw a therapist I have known since I was probably 13. I told him all of what I am saying to you now. His response was to try another medication. He believes in the famed chemical imbalance theory. I think we all know these drugs cause that imbalance. I don't want my entire life story to be one of suffering. I want to be able to do things other people do. I don't want to ramble on here, because I can go on and on. I hope all of you find healing I really do. One thing this experience has given me is a huge amount of empathy for anyone suffering with any illness, medically induced or otherwise. I look forward to your comments. Thank you,