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  1. Hello. I am twenty years old and had been on antidepressants since I was ten. From then on through my teenage years, all I knew was I needed to take my medicine . Once I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism, my pediatrician referred me to a neurologist. The neurologist then put me on respiradone and strattera. I don't remember if I had any behavior problems or not, but my neurologist told me I would have to be on medicine for the rest of my life. I stayed on those two meds until I got into high school. My first two years of high school, I couldn't stop crying. I cried day and night. My neurologist put me on celexa. When that didn't work, my neurologist told me he could no longer help me and referred me to a psychiatrist. I saw the new psychiatrist my junior year of high school who told me I had depression and anxiety that needed to be treated. I was taken off respiradone and strattera and put on pristiq and adderall. When pristiq wouldn't work, I was switched back to celexa. So it went on, switching back and forth between antidepressants. There were so many different ones I can't remember many of them. Every time I asked my psychiatrist if the next time it would work, he assured me it would. There was no chance to talk when I saw my psychiatrist. It would result in a new prescription every time. During my senior year, I helplessly slept through every class, sometimes falling out on the floor asleep. I had a good school counselor who allowed me to pass because she knew it was the medicine and I got plenty of sleep. I also cried uncontrollably almost every day in front of everyone and it was very humiliating as I would stir up a lot of attention. My senior pictures of me showed a person with a puffed up and swollen face. I was switched to lexapro again and stayed on it my whole first year of college. Then the crying returned. During my second year, I was switched to Abilify for depression. I still trusted my psychiatrist as he again promised me it would work. Out of all my experiences with antidepressants, there is nothing that could ever have compared to this. As soon as I took the first dose of Abilify, my brain signaled to me something was very, very wrong. I began receiving no sleep. My psychiatrist put me on trazadone for that, but when I took it, my body fell completely limp, my heartbeat slowed down to almost nothing, and I went numb while my body shut itself down. I stopped it after two nights. Meanwhile, with abilify, I began spending all my time obsessing over things I would normally never touch. I believed I was an alien hybrid sent from outer space to save the planet. I also believed the human race are all aliens in disguise. Then I started going mad. I didn't want to be a human anymore. I wanted to be a supernatural creature with otherworldly capabilities. This was all extremely terrifying to me, but I couldn't stop myself. I lost my common sense as I believed these nonsensical theories. My mind was overpowering me with racing thoughts such as these listed. I couldn't think clearly. I was almost always in a state of rage. Reasoning had left me. For reasons I do not remember, I stopped Abilify by myself cold turkey. My psychiatrist had told me before that I never needed to worry about tapering because the antidepressants I took were all in the same family. He never mentioned stopping completely. Withdrawal symptoms didn't show up until a week later. My psychiatrist told me they would last 15 days. They were relatively minor, and I didn't worry much about them. However, nothing could have ever prepared me for the horror I underwent next. Every horror I could have never imagined bestowed me over the course of a month. I received no sleep. I was very lucky if I got one hour. The nights soon got from bad to worse. I developed REM sleep disorder. I was unable to tell the difference between being awake and asleep. As my mind was drifting, I jumped up in the air, screamed, swung at the air, and thrashed violently all over. In addition, my head would suddenly snap up and I would shout melancholy indistinguishable language and suck in sharp breaths. I was aware of everything, but I had no control over it, and it was very disturbing to me. Then came the uncontrollable muscle movements. My lips drew up on the sides, my mouth gaped open, my lips puckered and pouted, my teeth bared, my tongue stuck out, my neck extended, my eyes bulged, my eyebrows rose and lowered, my hands flapped, my arms swung, my knees jerked, my head jerked side to side, and my fingers extended. Shouts, grunts, moans, and gasps escaped my mouth. Several weeks went by as more horrendous symptoms appeared. Every day I was a zombie. I could only do basic human activities. I had no awareness of the passage of time. At night while drifting off, a dark shadowy presence swept over me. I was aware of where I was in real time while drifting, but I sensed a sudden danger. I jumped up alert every time. I heard a voice I believed to be God's telling me why I was like this and what I needed to do. It spoke to me relentlessly for days. When this occurred, an otherworldly and overwhelming sense of peace filled my every being. But it was always soon replaced by a terror so surreal I could not function. During this time, I could "see" my brain and I believed I was in control of what I allowed to be let in. After four days of this, I ordered the voice to "Get out!" It did and did not come back. Right after this, a veil suddenly covered my mind and I was disengaged from reality. I had no sense of where I was and I had no connection with my parents. I was always mad, crying most of the time, and my head was always jerking. I saw my psychiatrist for the last time two months ago. The doctor who had been nice to me all this time suddenly turned mean. He told me he refused to see me unless I got on medicine. By this time, I had found this site and many other websites about withdrawal. I knew I wanted to try living a better life and I was not backing down. I never took the newly prescribed anti psychotic he prescribed me. A week later, my parents, exasperated with how I was doing and on their last straw, called my psychiatrist. My dad told the psychiatrist I had read on the internet how long the withdrawal really is and the doctor spoke with me on the phone. My psychiatrist told me that the withdrawal symptoms I was describing were "all in my head" because the medicine would already be out of my system now six weeks later. He told me I needed to get on medicine right now because "I needed help". He told me my quality of life was not as good without the medicine. I was in another rage episode by this time, and unlike me, I confronted him. I said "Well why are a lot of these the same symptoms I experienced during the so-called withdrawal time?" He said he didn't know and preceded to ask me was I on drugs. I was in disbelief that anyone would ask such a thing. I have not spoken to that psychiatrist since. I am dealing currently with a lot of physical and mental symptoms but none I would describe as severe as that horrible nightmare of a month. (That month just happened to be timed perfectly with my Christmas break.) My mouth, head, and fingers jerk, but never as exaggerated as they were the first month. I dealt with extremely numb fingers, feet, and ankles up until two weeks ago. My ankles at times felt like they were hanging by a single nail. My feet, bluish-green, were so numb and swollen I had no feeling and shooting pains shot up my legs. I was extremely dizzy for so long. My gp told me I have low blood pressure. I started having panic attacks. Anxiety crept over me for no apparent reason. I cried a lot. I felt hopeless. I am dealing with apathy, anhedonia, akathisia, and cognitive problems. My memory has not been well during this whole time. I am not aware; I'm just wherever I am. I have lost perception of sight, hearing, and touch. I do things I'm supposed to do because I know that's what I've always done. I cannot connect feelings to memories; I have to rely on pictures and journals from over the years. I had to look back in my journal to refresh my memory of this whole experience which I happened to write down. I have been disconnected with myself...it was worse in the beginning. I would look at pictures of myself and couldn't connect that it was me. The whole first month of withdrawal my face was so puffed up I thought my skin would fall off. Sometimes things look bigger or smaller than they appear. My thinking ability is limited. I went to my gp again three weeks ago and I was low on vitamin D. I am currently on iron medicine, vitamin d supplements, allergy medicine, and multivitamins. Although the numbness has gone away, I am extremely faint and have weak tremors every day. At night I'm miserably exhausted. My heart is always beating fast and hard. I get chills and my body tenses up. I'm not sure if I should be concerned about any of this. I cold-turkeyed Abilify four months ago. I have managed to keep my grades up in college since then and so far have maintained a perfect attendance. Some days are harder than others, but I try to count my blessings as I've heard stories far worse than my own. I am only beginning to understand what I am dealing with. The last thing I would want is to ever take another antidepressant and hinder this process. I feel like I have a real sense of myself now and I feel more in control. I have no idea how long this will last or if it will ever go away but I try to maintain a positive attitude about it as things slowly get better. I have faced the fact that I can't change my past but I can certainly shape my future. I apologize for the long story. It is difficult to get my thoughts together.
  2. Fair warning: my journey revolves around PMDD (my menstruation cycle). If this is not your cup of tea, turn back now. Hi! I'm so happy to be here! Here's the short version of my story... I was misdiagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when in fact I had PMDD. At first, the symptoms were bearable, but after my last child, everything changed. Suddenly, I was not able to make myself or my children food, not showering, not able to pick my kids up from school. Not only that but my self-esteem was shot and anxiety soaring, and I had about one week a month where I could gather myself back up and try to heal before everything started all over again. This went on for over three years. I was completely broken. During all of this, my Psych started throwing meds at me to see what would stick. Unfortunately, nothing would work, and I ended up on 6 meds for depression and anxiety. Finally, I had had enough and approached my Psych and my Gyn about a full hysterectomy and BSO (ovary removal) to stop the fluctuation in my hormones. By this time I had tried all methods of care ranging from DBT to exercise, birth control to relaxation techniques, and so much more. Anyway, I had the surgery, and I felt (and feel) amazing. Like I had been missing out on living. Unfortunately, I was still stuck on all six meds. And so began the titration. I began titrating risperidone at the beginning of 2015. It is important to me to get off this med because I believe it to be the most dangerous. I started at 1 mg, and currently, I am at 0.18 mg. I am taking a break on my titration but intend to jump after my summer vacation and be done with this demon of a drug once and for all. Here is a list of my other meds: Morning: Zoloft 200 mg Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Lorazepam 0.5 mg and 0.375 mg ( also take around 3 pm) Night: Clonazepam 1 mg Trazadone 50 mg Risperidone 0.18 mg (liquid) StuckOnMeds
  3. My brain going into dream condition but not into sleep condition every night or day when ever I attempt to sleep I have believed the information about remote neural monitoring in all over internet and browsed internet 2 years heavily which resulted heavy thought process ,doubts and suspicion over near and dear. So I went to a psychiatrist and requested to bring me out of heavy thoughts.He made me use lorazepam for 10 days ,risperidone and trihexyphenidyl combination drug for 30 days.After 30 days my thoughts reduced so I did not go to doctor again.What a mistake ,I was ignorant of how psychiatry medicines work and slow tapering nor my doctor warned me while prescribing an anti psychotic.It is happened in july 2016. From then my brain going into dreams when ever I attempt to sleep.In october 2016 again I went to the same doctor and reported about the condition I am in.He prescribed olanzapine silently.I started using olanzapine ignorantly and innocently.When i was experiencing stomach upset that is when I researched in the internet about risperidone and olanzapine. Now this is june 2017 I have tapered risperidone and olanzapine safely and became drug free safely.But the thing is my brain still into dream condition and not allowing me to sleep when ever i attempt.My querry is what risperidone and trihexyphenidyl and lorazapam [10 days]did to my brain?what chemicals they blocked.Now stopping them cold turkey did what on my brain?what chemical i should take to get my sleep pattern back.?If I wait patiently with time will the brain correct its condition naturally?Any brain researcher please help.
  4. I am 54 years old, and experienced my first manic episode, starting 1st November of last year, requiring a month of involuntary hospitalisation starting 14th November brought on by numerous stressors. I was on Lithium and Haloperidol, from the 15th Nov, then ±900mg Lithium and 0.5mg Risperidone from the 15th Jan . I started tapering the Risperidone from the Feb 16th. My last dose was 0.125mg on 15 March. How long will the withdrawal symptoms last? The reason why I'm asking is I'd also like to know if I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms or bipolar depression? The intense depressive feelings arrive and leave suddenly and unexpectedly, sometimes lasting a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, after which I feel mildly depressed again, which is a general state. I am able to be lifted, for example by gardening, good cooking, humour etc, during this general milder state. I have general anxiety about several factors which triggered the original mania, namely money (increased now, due to difficulty working), accommodation for my and my spouse's ageing parents who are both difficult to work with, those being by far the most major among other stressors. I have found that very carefully-considered and rare - perhaps twice a week - use of Diazepam can also return me to this state from the more intense state. I intended to start tapering the Lithium once I feel more stable and know myself better after this current tapering. I apologise if this has been covered before, but I find reading and writing about my condition extremely stress inducing, which is to say getting to this point has not been easy. I am eternally grateful in advance for the help.
  5. Hi all. I have been on a combo of Risperdal and Zoloft since 2012. I reached 3mg risperdal and 200mg zoloft in early 2016, tried to taper off both starting in June of that year, and had a bout of insomnia in November, at which time I reinstated along with an additional 15mg remeron. Adding the remeron, I've learned, was a huge mistake and most likely unnecessary. Since then I've slept at most 6 hours instead of my usual 8. For the first 2 months on remeron I avoided caffeine and tobacco. Then, after picking up both again, my sleep suffered, and I eventually had nights with 2-3 hours. I've since learned that caffeine and tobacco induce the enzyme CYP1A2, which metabolizes remeron, explaining this. By abstaining from both, my sleep has returned. I have also tried shaving a sliver off my 15mg pill with no luck...getting a full night without sleep. I would like to be able to drink coffee and smoke again. That leaves me with 2 options, get off the remeron (seemingly impossible) or tolerate the lack of sleep. If I do the latter, will my sleep eventually not recover even when abstinent due to repeated withdrawals? I had been planning to use coffee and cigs only sporadically, letting my sleep return before using them again, or using only on the weekends. If I that is not sustainable, then how do you recommend I get off the remeron, given my sensitivity to even a small dose decrease? My doc has suggested trazodone as a replacement, but that med interacts with my other meds and a post about it here scared me away. Thank you so much for your help.
  6. I'm new to the forums - currently taking 225mg Effexor, .25mg Klonopin, and .25mg Risperdal. My psychiatrist noted that the Risperdal is temporary (will be taking it for about 3 months), but after reading about withdrawal from this particular drug, I'm wondering if I shouldn't begin going off it sooner than that. It's worth noting that the depression and anxiety that I was experiencing even with Effexor and Klonopin did subside almost immediately after beginning Risperdal. At any rate, I already know I'll be beginning a taper off Klonopin soon, after successfully dropping from .5mg to .25mg without any side effects after 4 weeks - I think I got lucky there. I've been on Risperdal for 28 days, so my natural question, given that withdrawal from psychiatric drugs can occur for anyone taking them for "1 month or longer" is whether I should just stop immediately, since it's been just shy of one month and my dose is low, or if I should taper. I understand that I shouldn't expect a definitive answer to this, but I'm very interested to hear what others think and, quite frankly, very scared about what I'm about to face, given the need to taper from two different drugs. My psychiatrist will undoubtedly tell me to just stop taking it after I've been on it for 3 months, as she seems to believe that there are no withdrawal symptoms from any psych. drugs. So I kind of have to go it alone on this decision without guidance from her. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.
  7. Hi, I'm new to the forum, I have some questions I want to ask. My doctor prescribed effexor for depression, in 2009. Now I'm free of symptoms and I managed to come off with withdrawal symptoms though. That's with the antidepressant. Now I'm on Risperdal consta from November 2013 and seroxat 10mg. My doctor prescribed with risperdal consta 3,3mg/day long acting injection every two weeks. From February 2015 he lowered the dosage to 25mg/every 2 weeks equals 1,66mg/day. I tried to lower the seroxat 10mg but after 40-45h I have withdrawal symptoms vertigo, dizziness. Is it possible to cut down seroxat? How about the Risperdal consta (long acting injection). Has anyone tapered off completely without withdrawals? I read about the 10% harm reduction procedure to taper off and I'm going to tell my doctor and follow. thanks in advance
  8. i was given 6 mgs intravenously of risperodine for 20 days and then was told to take 4 mgs orally but it was giving me insomnia and constipation so i decided to stop, cold turkey. A week later i started to feel anxious and started to sweat so i started taking it again, but it then gave me the bad side effect where i could no sit still, day or night, so i again stopped cold turkey. It's been 8 weeks since then, i started to get anxiety right away but was able to deal with it, and also insomia, but that instead of getting better with time got worse, where i don't sleep at all, have the anixety where i cant even stay in bed, that also got worse, instead of better with time andnow i also have irritable bowel syndrome which i read is also a withdrawal symptom and yesterday my arm moved involuntarily, which i also read is a withdrawal symptom. Is there anything i could do at this point? and why are the symptons getting worse with time and new ones are showing up with time, instead of everythning going away, it was only for 20 days after all!! i'm scared!! any advice would be highly appreciated!! Thanks
  9. I have been on 3 mg of Risperdal for 13 years due to drug induced psychosis for meth. I decided to finally try to get off the med and have been tapering since December. I did 0.25 mg per month for 4 months but when I hit 2 mg insomnia kicked in for a couple weeks so I waited it out for 2 months and this time went down 0.10 mg for this month. It has been 5 weeks since my last taper and my only real symptoms are fatigue, feeling completely brain dead, and occasionally my vision feels all strange kind of like a very mild acid trip. I am sleeping 9 hours a night and everything is calm I just feel completely flat emotionally, brain dead, and tired for the most part. Would it be better to continue the taper or just hold since my symptoms aren't unbearable but they are just frustrating?
  10. It has been years since I took medications, I was 16 when I took them in 2009, and went through a few different brands. I have copied some of my introduction story to make things easier for me. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5232-%E2%98%BC-hello-charliebrown-script-free/#entry67166 Starting with Fluoxetine 10mg for 1 month. Then Venlafaxine for 1 month at 75mg then, 3 months at 150mg. 1 month of Clonazepam 0.5mg as I was tapered off Venlafaxine and onto Sertraline 50mg. Then I took Sertraline 100mg for 4 months. Still experiencing panic attacks, agoraphobia and paranoia. I went to the hospital during a panic attack and was given Lorazepam 1mg for 1 week. This is when my psychiatrist added Risperidone on top of the Sertraline. Risperidone started at 0.25mg for 3 days, then 0.5mg for one week, raised to 1.0mg for one week. After two weeks I had a check-up I told the Dr. I wasn't feeling anything and I believe he may have misinterpreted that as "no effects" but when I said it I meant that I felt no emotions. My dose was raised to 1.5mg daily. After 3 days of 1.5mg I began experiencing Akathisia with no relief of anxiety. With no options in perceived sight I took all of the remaining Risperidone. Approx forty 0.5mg pills. My Parents caught me and called 911. At the hospital I was given charcoal and passed out, waking hours later. After being discharged I continued to take Sertraline as prescribed for 2 months. With no reduction in my anxiety and my emotions being basically non existant I decided to "take the good with the bad" and feel some kind of emotion. Over the next month and a half I slowly weaned myself off Sertraline. Popping open the capsule and throwing away 3-5 tiny XR beads a day. So that's my age, meds and taper strategy. How long it took to regain all my emotions and bodily functions is a hard one to answer. It took about 6 months before I felt much of anything. Then the bad emotions came back, sadness, anger. Slowly over the next two years I had many days that were blank and void of anything, days full of sadness, but also days where a light would shine and I would be happy. Feelings were coming back in waves and leaving again. I joined this website in late 2013 and at that point I had some emotional range, a libido but no sexual pleasure. So i guess it took about 3 years off medications to regain a good emotional range and my youthful lust. I'm finally writing this success story because in the past year the lack of sexual pleasure and anhedonia are not a problem for me anymore. The feelings slowly came back in waves, sometimes weak, but getting stronger and stronger. Now I feel great when I hug someone or see a friend smile. Sometimes the feelings can even be overwhelming. Like my heart is ready to burst. I don't know what else to add except, it's been almost 7 years since I took medications and I am a whole new person! Don't give up hope! Things are constantly changing, even if you don't notice. I didn't notice the change until it was right in my face!
  11. Hello, Im 24 years old, in february i had an psychosis and was put on 6mg Risperdal a day. In the first month i felt nothing from the medication but in the second month i experiencend wirred conditions like my brain was melting.... since this time i lost all my Feelings interests and sexuality.... i cant even watch tv or read a book, the only thing i can do is starring at the wall all day...its awful. its the 4th month im off risperdal and still there is no change in my condition.... im thinking about suicid all day and had a lot of attempts. I really need a recovery story beside charliebrowns because i think his symptoms werent as bad as mine.
  12. Hi, I was prescribed Risperdal .25mg, Klonopin.50mg and Trileptal 300mg all at the same time in September 2007. By 2013 a new psychiatrist had upped my doses to R 1.50mg, K .50mg and TRileptal 900mg and added Saphris 10mg. The original psychiatrist did not provide a diagnosis and I presented with what he called "Compulsivity Contol Issues". I didn't know this until requesting my medical records from this original psychiatrist from the state I used to live in. I requested the records May of 2016 after being completely disabled by the drugs. When I asked my then psychiatrist what my diagnosis was she said Bi Polar based on the drugs I told her I was taking when I came to her in 2009. I was blown away. Nowhere in my history before or after these drugs did I ever experience Bi Polar symptoms. The only thing that I ever told my psychiatrist was that my job was stressful and I wasn't coping and I didn't think the drugs were helping me but rather hurting me. She said I needed higher doses and upped all of my meds except the K. At that point I decided to taper off the drugs. I tapered myself off of the Saphris which took me from May 27th 2016 to November 19th, 2016. I didn't tell her what I was doing. When I asked her for help getting off of the rest of the drugs she told me to just stop taking them. I gave myself a break from tapering and started doing research on tapering correctly and am now reaching out to a forum. I found a psychiatric nurse who I told my story to and she agreed to help me get off the drugs. I had her prescribe the liquid form of risperidone and began my taper on Jan 5th 2017. I have 2 questions: 1. I know that tapering more than one drug at a time is not recommended but I have been reading the user Rhiannon's posts and looking at their signature and saw that they tapered more than one drug at once and was wondering what their method was. I'm not investigating this to get through the withdrawls faster but rather having to take all these poisons every night is causing me so much anxiety knowing that I can only knock one out at a time and I like the idea of working on all of them a little bit at a time (these would be micro cuts on all the drugs) 2. Does anyone know what happened to Rhiannon? I tried to send them a message and it gave me an error message saying something like they are no loner accepting messages. I just wondered if they finished and are no longer in the forum...? Any help greatly appreciated!!
  13. Hi! I'm from Philippines, 20 yrs. old, female. 3 yrs. ago I develop depression due to severe stress. It lasted 6 months. Now, again because of so much stress, I develop Mania, got delusions and psychosis. So I was admitted at the hospital and got injected that make me sleep.That was Feb. 2016. When I wake up, I feel nothing. I lost my personality, got anhedonia, lose focus and concentration! I wonder if anyone got there emotions and their normal life back. It's so frustrating cause Here I was, “The Joy Engineer” of all things, who could not feel joy! It was the ultimate irony. : (
  14. has anyone had an anti psychotic (or any drug) induced hyperprolactinemia AKA high prolactin? if so, how did you recover (what drug/supplement/vitamin did you use, diet, etc) or what are you doing to recover? for those who don't know, high prolactin causes infertility in both men and women causing women to miss periods and men to have erectile dysfunction. i assume my high prolactin was caused by risperidone because i haven't felt the same fertility wise ever since i took it. to treat my high prolactin, i am currently using an over the counter supplement called "vitex" which was recommended by John Gray. John Gray link:
  15. Hello friends, I am a 33-year old soul from Canada. I am biologically male and identify socially as such. English is my native language, though I have near-native fluency in French and some Spanish. A little over a year ago, I had posted a little bit about myself, including my horrific experience on Risperidone and other neuroleptics and the hellish place that I was at back then. It is with irrepressible elation, then, that I would like to tell you all what is now my wonderful story: Currently, I am nearly six months free of the scourge of Risperidone and other anti-psychotics and junk meds, I now drink alcohol less than I ever have at any point in my adult life, and I am 13 months clean of marijuana. Furthermore, by finally being able to discover and manage the devastating health condition that had crippled me for the first 33 years years of my life – namely one of the most severe cases of sleep apnea to have ever been diagnosed -- I have also overcome the cruel demons that had spent over 30 years not only sapping my cognitive strength, but also devastatingly undermining my emotional, social, spiritual, and physical well-being. I now feel better than I ever have: I feel happy, energetic, focused, and optimistic, all without the delusions and the manic or psychotic symptoms that I experienced the last time I felt this way. But the path that I took to reach this point and the anguish that I've had to endure for far too long to get here have been so relentlessly torturous that they are not something that I would even have wished on Adolf Hitler. For not only did I have to contend with severe undiagnosed sleep apnea for almost all of my life, but the changes that my CPAP therapy for the condition caused to my body and my mind led me to a severe episode of manic-psychosis, in spite of my only previous history of mental health problems having been a few months of intermittent panic attacks in 2005 that went away after my treating individual attacks with Lorazepam (ativan) for a few months. This condition, which is understandably difficult for psychiatrists and mental health professionals to understand and diagnose, occurs in some people upon getting treatment for severe sleep apnea and is known as CPAP-induced mania (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4208920/). While it is more common among patients with a prior history of bipolar disorder, the study that I just linked to shows that it has been observed on occasion in individuals with no prior history of severe mental illness. The psychotic attack led to my being hospitalized and put on meds that may have initially been a necessary evil given the acute severity of my condition, but the consequences of my having taken these meds and my having to deal with their corresponding side-effects led to a severe episode of depression, the complete decimation of my energy, motivation, libido (risperidone and then latuda), and sense of pleasure or fun, a case of Cotard's Syndrome that had lasted for over a year (I thought that I was dead and in the afterlife of Hell and that this was my punishment for the all wrong I had done in my life), and constant delusions of reference that kept feeding the Cotard's Syndrome. All of this led to a second hospitalization and a misdiagnosis of Bipolar 1 with co-morbid alcohol and marijuana dependencies. It is only by quitting all meds in June that I have been able to come out the other side in these past months. That said, I am grateful for the years of torment and, even more so, for the most acute suffering that I particularly endured this past year and a half: For if I were to have been blessed with the gifts with which I have been bestowed without first having had to suffer being constrained by the chains of misery, I would be sorely lacking in the empathy, in the perspective, and in the sense of justice that make me who I am today. Without the past year and a half, I would still be far too petty, far too angry, and far too weak and easily-rattled to achieve anything close to my potential. If I may plagiarize Stan Lee, I would have this great power without also having the awesome sense of responsibility that must come with such incredible strength. With this preamble out of the way, let's move on with the bulk of my story. It is probably quite long and taxing, and I'm not sure how much value it will have for others, but it's a story that I nonetheless desperately need to tell.
  16. Greetings all. This is my very first post by the way. I have been reading a lot of the posts on this site and there is a wealth of information regarding tapering. However, what I would really like to know is why should I taper at all? I am currently taking the following drugs daily 187.5mg venlafaxine 150mg pregabalin (Lyrica) 2mg risperidone Sometime I take zopiclone to sleep but most nights I don't need it. I don't drink alcohol or take any other substances. I meditate and I eat reasonably well. I get moderate exercise. I am enjoying my work and in general I am feeling well. I was very ill in 2008 requiring hospitalisation though. The diagnosis was psychotic depression. I had a relapse in 2012 and I made a suicide attempt at that point. Since 2012 I have been reasonably well and I am getting better all the time. I can suffer from anxiety at times but it's very manageable. Sometimes I feel a little depressed but who doesn't. I have managed to taper the venlafaxine down to the current dose myself. I was taking 300mg not so long ago. Tomorrow I plan to taper it another 10%. I see a psychiatrist regularly and I told him that I was tapering. He just wrote my a prescription for the new dose. I will be back to see him next week. To be honest, I would like to be eventually free of these meds entirely but I worry that I may have a relapse of some sort if I stop taking them altogether. So far the tapering has been going well though. I keep a diary to monitor my mood and there has been no significant change since I started reducing the venlafaxine. I just don't know though. I feel as if I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to be free of the drugs but perhaps they are keeping me well? But, in the long term, from what I have been reading they could be doing permanent harm. I just don't know. Please advise
  17. Hello everyone I'm currently tapering Respiridone for the second time. The first time in 2013 in ignorance and without proportion guidance I tapered too quickly from 2 mg and I ended up relapsing with psychosis. My relapse was diagnosed as due to stress and insomnia but I experienced really strong withdrawal effects. I got better quickly and was on 1 mg Respiridone for about a year, my Dr wanted me to reduce earlier but I was moving house. for some reason I had been able to reduce from 1.5 mg to 1 mg without any problems but I hadn't been taking it for very long. I decided to try to taper in March 2015, switched to liquids and began my taper following advice I'd read on here to do things gradually. I was taking 0.5ml twice a day. I decided to try and reduce my morning dose in steps of 0.1ml. I know this is more than 10% sometimes but I find using the 1ml dosing syringe fiddly sometimes. Anyway I found the tapering ok but the main thing I suffer from is terrible insomnia, so often I'm exhausted and really struggling to go to work and concentrate. Sometimes sleep was worse around the time I made the cuts. Once I was convinced I heard a police car outside my house in the morning and was worried about psychosis relapse, but it didn't reoccur and had happened when I'd had no sleep for ages and had made a cut. I also sometimes dream when I'm awake, but not very often. Anyway sometimes I took much more than 4 weeks in between cuts. Finally got down to 0 5 ml a day this month. My periods stopped completely on Respiridone and although my Dr wasn't sure I was convinced it was due to the drugs. They thought I'd gone through the menopause- tests show I've got a menopausal profile. Anyway since tapering to 0.8ml day periods have restarted and are regular. I'm now facing tapering the last 0.5ml but am really nervous about it. Not setting a timeframe for it and will be making 10% cuts but it involves going off the drug completely if I tolerate it. I know it's not much to reduce from compared to the struggles people have faced here.Some friends have expressed concerns about me getting ill again. But I just want to be free of the drug if I can and try and get my sleep back on track naturally. I feel I can't cope with the insomnia for another year- it's been bad since I took 1 mg before my taper. I used to be very sociable but I'm much more withdrawn now. Been prescribed promethazine hydrochloride 10 mg for sleep which I take occasionally if I'm desperate, often it doesn't work.I've thought of asking my Dr about oestrogen but am worried about how that might interact with Respiridone.I now take fish oil and I've bought some vitamin B complex yesterday B6 and other B vitamins not B12 because I've read it can help insomnia but I'm a bit nervous about trying it because I've read on here it can be very activating. I don't want to be prescribed sleeping pills and get addicted to them. That's my story anyway thanks for reading and sorry it's so long. I've really enjoyed reading other people's posts on this site,it's an amazing site and everyone is so supportive. I don't feel I can talk to friends about this as they wont understand about withdrawal and most have never taken any meds. My Drs are very nice but they don't know much about it either and I can't see a psychiatrist over here because they class me as recovered and think the psychosis was due to stress and severe insomnia. So I've researched everything myself and my Dr just gives me the scripts.
  18. i stopped risperdal 4MG "Cold Turkey" and because of that that i can sleep only 3 hours per night. i am wondering regarding 2 issues: 1. How long will it last without start again and tapering ? 2. Can it make permanent damage to the brain so even after slow tapering the problem will persist permanently? If someone did the same, couldn't sleep and can share with his experience it will be great! Thanks
  19. I began tapering risperdol Feb 2017. It's been about 6 weeks now. I taper 5% every week. My original dose was 1mg each night. I am now at .70mg. I have no physical symptoms but the mental symptoms are the same as the side effects only much worse. The side effects are derealization, severe brain fog, severe depression, emotional flatness and what feels like lowered I.Q. I am sleeping fine and my appetite is good. I didn't gain any weight while on this poison and instead lost quite a bit. I have been taking risperdol for 3 years. I started at 2mg and lowered the dose to 1mg about one year ago. I was told by my pdoc that I could go off of it and I jumped at the chance. He tapered me way too fast and I think I experienced a psychosis or extremely high anxiety. I reinstated at that time. (I hope this post makes sense. I'm not thinking too clearly.) My question is, will these side effects start to diminish while I'm tapering? Will this start to go away as I am ingesting less and less drug? I've read many horror stories online and I'm really reaching for some success stories. I'm very afraid that these side effects will last long after the taper is complete. I am so depressed and do very little but sit on the sofa. I have to force myself to do anything and I have no interest in anything at all. Nothing brings me joy and I cannot feel love anymore. I don't laugh and I don't cry. I am zombie like. It is completely miserable. I've lost everything since I started this med. I've made very bad choices and lost my relationship, my job and my home. I am now living with my grown daughter and her husband. Without them I'd be homeless. Any advice would be very much welcome and appreciated. Thank you.
  20. Hello there, I'm Zodd, I'm 27 and here's my sad little story. Some things to know about me; i've always been introverted, emotionally calm, something I have been praised for at work and other areas. I held a trying position and dealt with distraught and drunk people fine in my line of work every day and came home to help with my mother who suffers from lung cancer. My emotions have never been out of my control, something I prided myself on, as the rest of my family sometimes seem to only run on emotions. Before May of this year I'd never had any form of psychiatric help or medication. I don't drink and quit smoking cigarettes last year. And drugs are bad, mkay. I had an episode where I thought I had recovered memories of physical abuse as a child. With it came a great deal of paranoia and some strange ideas about myself. When my family couldn't correlate what I was saying with reality, they insisted I seek medical treatment. At first I refused, but decided it couldn't hurt if it would get them off my back and actually listening to me. I felt less paranoid when talking. After a few failed attempts to get my hospitalized, I agreed to be admitted to a place that ended up taking me far from my home. I expected I'd be given a thorough verbal evaluation about my mental state before being administered something. I was wrong. The hospital was far removed from what I had imagined. I was in a new and strange place and the paranoia was strong. Worse, it was Friday night, and I wouldn't be seeing the psychiatrist until Monday morning. I refused medication for the first few days, being informed by my sister over the phone (which they shut off at 8pm, and I'm a night owl) I wouldn't probably leave unless I agreed to be medicated. So when the psychiatrist finally came, I immediately agreed to be put on whatever he recommended and agreed to whatever he said so i could go home. He prescribed me something called risperidone. I didn't notice any affects immediately. Except i was very indecisive, having trouble deciding what i wanted even for breakfast, something very unusual for me. So after a few days, he ups my dosage. I start to settle into the routine of the place by now, feeling more comfortable. But the indecision is getting worse, so a few days later I agree to up the dosage again. Now I just feel kind of buzzed and tired, like I'd had a few beers. I expect this is the affect they are looking for and tell them I'm feeling better. I found if I just ate everything they had, I didn't have to make a decision, and boy was I always hungry. I'm still having the paranoia but with the medicine I feel medicated and don't really care. Finally after a week in the place I can see my family again. This is the first time I show any emotion to the doc, which was apparently what he was looking for all along. We talked about my prognosis and how he hoped this was a one time episode and could soon get off this medication with the support of my family. So finally I'm free. We set up med management with the local hospital. I was only given a few pills and didn't know how long i needed to be on them for. The nurses were nice at the new place as i described my symptoms and problems. They prescribe me a huge number of pills, enough for a month! The label says something like "Take 2mg twice daily; one half as needed for anxiety." I figure this is the necessary step in getting off them, so I take them as prescribed. I get over the tiredness but still feel the drugged property. I'm still recovering more memories daily, more rapidly in fact, and due to the medication, being awake much earlier than I'm used to. But now that I'm home I feel the paranoia less. Unless I need to make a major decision, like where should I seek support, or should I seek this help or the other. Then the paranoia comes back ten fold causing me to be very agitated and rapidly changing my mind about the choices I make. Fear that I was making the wrong choice. This goes on until my next monthly meeting with med management. I talk with them about how my this isn't working. They and my family suggest I just give it longer, more time. My family in particular guilt me into keeping my medication going, as I can't be putting stress on my mother, who I said has cancer. My family's peer pressure keeps me on the medication for another month. This time around I know its not helping, and we hint about changing medications. Maybe trying to split the dosage up over the day would help with the other side affects I was having. The idea of a different medication scares me more than staying on these pills (that's a big decision) so .... Splitting the dosage was the wrong idea. One half a pill every four hours was more than I could keep up with. I started missing dosages. My indecision was reaching a peak, to the point where I couldn't decide over what bottle of juice I wanted while in the supermarket. I get agitated really easily. The idea comes that even taking my pills is something I should be weary of. The only person around is my mother, as my siblings suddenly are without a vehicle. She is more introverted than I am. Finally I've had enough, with no one around to talk sense into me, some weeks from my next med management appointment, I stop taking my meds. I'm not sure it was intentional. These moments of outburst of emotion start happening. Moments of extreme emotion following some thoughts. Mostly over thoughts of how I've made the wrong decision. They'd affect me so bad, I'd start crying and eventually even screaming because I couldn't get the feeling to stop. I'd realize I made a mistake with my meds, and take a pill, after the outburst. The indecision was still sharp, so usually I'd end up debating for a while before grudgingly dry swallowing the sucker. After which, another outburst would happen, because I'd feel I made the wrong decision. It's a viscous cycle. And the feel of an outburst coming on seems ever present, just behind my eyes. My mother, being the introvert she is, doesn't inform my siblings this is happening and in this state, I don't want to talk to them. They're not around to witness my behavior, so it goes by the wayside. I realize, perhaps too late, that I've made a huge error in judgement in stopping my meds. Without my siblings to keep me in check, I feel they have abandoned me. Like it's the One Ring, I spend most of my day on the couch, pill in hand, debating to take it. I realize this pill has created some kind of addiction in my brain, because even when I decide to not take it, the urge to take it wakes me up in the night. I regret ever having stopped. So i start taking the pill regularly again. I'm all prepared to explain how things are getting so bad at the next meeting. The outbursts aren't stopping, but I'm learning the thoughts that cause them. I bring my mother in to testify on events. On the way to the appointment, I realize I've missed a dose. Talking about my medication is one of the triggers that sets off the hyper feelings. As I'm fumbling my way to explaining how I need a new medication, and how I feel I might have permanently damaged my brain by stopping, can't focus or sit still any more, I admit i missed a dose to the psychiatrist. And I realize the more i try to explain myself to her, the worse it looks. She gets this nice mule look in the eye. I bring up the topic of how I wasn't supposed to be on this medication this long, that the original psychiatrist had said so. They have no idea what I"m talking about. Apparently I never signed a release form between the two hospitals, so they never got the memo I was supposed to be off it. I didn't learn that risperidone is an anti-psychotic until that visit. I thought I was taking an anti-anxiety medication. Such as my bottle says. This brings me up to present. My next appointment is the 9th of November. --- Wow, I can't believe I wrote all that. Maybe that was too much info. If anyone has any insight into my symptoms I've described, I'd enjoy hearing them, because I only see the psychiatrist for ten minutes. If i can recover anything, i'm hoping its the ability to sit still for more than five minutes.
  21. Hello everybody, i hope everyone is well. i would like to thank altostrata for this website and i also want to thank whoever volunteers, so thank you. anyways, i am almost fully recovered from the harmful effects of risperidone. I did not think i would recover, all in all it took 14 months to feel "normal." Here's a link of my first topic if you want more of a perspective on how i used to be: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12502-risperdalhater-my-risperdal-story-and-how-it-has-affected-my-life/#entry234527 I took risperidone for about 3 weeks, i recall starting off with 2mg doses daily then after a few days i complained about drowsiness and feeling weird so they lowered the dose to 1mg then after a few more days they worked their way up to 3mg daily and a long with that i received a long acting 7mg injection which can be taken once a month (as i recall). towards the end of me taking the drug i started feeling very very drowsy and i recall saying in a pathetic weak voice "I don't like this, i want to stop", so i dumped the risperidone in the trash and never took it again, i stopped cold turkey. the next week and a half or so i went through the worst experience of my life until that point. i had: - constant shakiness - could barely sleep - extreme sadness - seemingly a complete absence of happiness - serious muscular fatigue and weak blood flow these all disappeared after that week and a half except for the muscular fatigue and weak blood flow. the sadness/blah feeling got better at an extremely slow pace. libido died of course (pretty common with risperidone). thankfully i did not grow breasts or lactate like some of the victims of risperidone, perhaps they took it longer or took a higher dose. month 1-10 i was a fatigued wreck, people asked me why i looked so sad, i had to force my smiles etc. month 8-10 or so (as i recall) got slightly better but nothing big, just slight improvements. month 10.5 = more slight improvements in energy. nothing to be excited about though. month 11-14 is when the healing starting picking up its pace. i was hopeless at one point. i don't care if you've been on the drug for years, i still sincerely believe you will get better, just get off of the drug. taking this drug is not how a human being is supposed to live. so i started supplementing with niacin and my blood flow was better, i know because when i was at the gym i could actually get a muscle pump again, it wasn't that great but it was there. when someone is lifting weights, their blood is supposed to flow and the muscle that you're using will get filled with blood and become more vascular, i did not have this except for before i took risperidone. i've been lifting weights for 5 years, gym rat level; that being said, i could tell something was wrong when my blood flow became weak. don't worry about libido, it will return as long as you avoid those crap drugs. i personally put any drug in the category of "crap" whether it is prescribed by a doctor or not. i heard that when you show low libido, zinc can be a link.... yes i did try to make that rhyme. get your blood tested, i have heard that medicines can deplete certain vitamins/minerals. again, please get your blood tested. recovery won't happen overnight no matter how many methods you use to help yourself. supplements that helped me: Natural vitality calm magnesium: it's a powdered form of magnesium and has worked better than any magnesium i've tried. Melatonin __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ if you need help or advice, feel free to message me. at this point it has been 14 months and i am recovered, everything is back to normal. check your blood, supplement with what you need, eat good food, exercise. thanks for reading everyone.
  22. My question is: How much time (in an average estimation) do synaptic receptors (5-HT/dopamine) need to recover from atypical antipsychotics, such as risperidone or aripiprazole, at the standard dosage after a short amount of time taking them (let's say, 2-3 months)? If anyone has information about this subject, please do share. Thanks.
  23. I thought I would make a post here. I was sectioned in august 2016 in a way that caused me huge trauma. ( I never should have been medicated as I never needed it and was in withdrawal from weed) I got out 3 weeks later after being a 'good boy' I 2mg risperidone for two weeks then they upped it to 4mg when I told them the other patients were talking about me. BIG MISTAKE. I felt like a piece of lead in my body, energy, breathing, mind, emotions, cognitive abilities and MY WORLD just felt sinking into void not what it once was I was 'gone'. As Alan Watts says and made me go though this stage faster 'who are you really?' I know this was true as who the ***** was I ? This sh*tty chemical had made me feel a spark of my former self who you are afraid to let ignite and warm your whole being from its true and familiar glow. I got home and kept waking with intense huge panics in the morning waking in shock like my whole being couldnt comprehed the torture this so called 'mental health' system had endured on me. I felt like I had a Nelson Mandela imprisonment level of psyche trauma rolled into a few blurry weeks. I researched the 'medication' and it caused me huge panic and terror. I quickly tapered in around 2 months and finished around november 2016 after tapering to nothing. It was a scary journey, I maybe tapered slightly too fast but my feelings were I wanted to get this crap out of my system as soon as possible with out cold turkey. I felt the worst I ever felt in my life, feelings of akathasia and anhedonia and fear of 'relapsing' fear of how evil these crazy quacks were who prescribed this poison. Disgust at the world. Disgust at how we glorify a 'free equal society' in ways like 'ahhh we are not racist' anymore - look we got a black president. Or had. So many bull **** distractions from real hidden atrocities in this world. Ohhh it makes my blood boil!!! Except we treat people who have unusual mental experiences with 'magic medications' and near psychic psychiatry with their lists of symptoms but no evidenced physical test for diagnosis. Yes I felt bitter and numb to the world and still do. We blame them for things in the media we make teach our kids to be afraid of them when the real people to be afraid of nowadays are really your teachers or doctors who can push bull **** meds onto the poor kids and teens. Although lately I have been choosing hope and letting its fire burn and light my own soul afire again. In the hope one day the people who are responsible for these mal practices will be put to justice. The more powerful good peoples sons daughters fathers mothers get caught in this sick web will make us stronger. With greed you can only carry so much profit, liability, food before the stomach bursts like all bubbles do! That is my belief. Any how I have been around 3 months free of Risperidone. I have felt at least 75% of the time numb and a whirlwind of horrible fearful dark feelings on top of this. Just numb, like my old life is dead where do I go from here type of mantra of feeling. When its quite on a bad day it is also quite and my mind completely quite unless doing something. Can you relate? I used to meditate to get to this quite but this is like a chemical quite? Or a fear that it is a chemical silence in my head. Maybe its just a fear of the worst but the fact is some times I have read of guys with the same description of feelings. The anhedonia is the worst. I have inner akathasia also although I don't pace the house anymore like a zombie. My sleep pattern is always changing aswell. Sleeping though the day for 12-14 hours some times. Some times 10pm to 9 am. I watched a program on the placebo effect last night and I realised it is little more than believing in magic. If it works it just means magic is just a science or technology that we have not discovered yet. I really do believe prayer, ecstatic dance, HOPE FOR HUMANITY and healing of your self all work and are true. I believe that these drugs really are evil and a form of torture and human rights abuses invented to push people to the dark side and go mad with its horrendous side effects to just profit out of them. I say this because the treatment I got from the mental health service in the UK made my state of mind go 1000% worse or more..... Any way I just wanted to say the past day I watched a few nice films and also these videos of stray dogs in India getting rescued and cared for and the transformation is a miracle. After feeling in a place where I feel I cant trust anyone any more for most of the past 6 months those dogs really made me feel love and hope. I noticed when I have a really numb anhedonic and miserable day I go to bed and some times have dreams where it is like I feel all the emotions I did before all this happened or its just the deepest layer of me which is running and flying in those dreams joyfully and it gives me some hope that atleast I feel good some times in my dreams when I am in a bad window or wave. Do you guys relate? Some times I get dreams that I am being chased and I used to wake up terrified of these some times before taking these crap medications. Now because I have felt real terror being put in hospital and chased by police and put in some horrible cage like 72 hour confinement we have here in the UK. I don't feel this fear anymore. I actually have little fear of death and 'scary things' I fear the most not helping get this tragedy put to the light. It is like I am more strong in front of the evil real crazy people in the world.... I am also very close to writing a book on a topic known as topical steroid withdrawal. Which is the same thing as withdrawal from anti psychotics except its for the treatment of 'skin condition' where the hydrocortisone actually causes flare ups stronger and stronger when you stop taking them. I also want to write books on this kind of withdrawal and say my story and tips. As well as a conspiracy theorist type book. I am rambling.... I also felt like I was reborn and everything was new to me even though I knew it was not. It was like the changes chemically and from trauma made me react to everything differently or I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Or be happy or angry I was feeling so many things at once which were also numbed or were they? I mean who knows who can measure it? Its like a psychic raping and trauma caused by the mental health system. I often wonder and believe I was suffering PTSD as the first few months I was really depersonalised and derelised like the world were full of robots going around all smiley while the ******* world is going to ****!!!! This has decreased hugely, I felt in limbo or something it was very weird and scary. I feel like I went through a crawling stage mentally then a toddler and I am now seeing the first days of teenager today. I FEEL ANGRY HAPPY AND REBELLIOUS although I wont tell my CBT worker this as she may try to say I am bi polar as I keep having small windows of anger and happiness then numbness and crying.... The thing that triggered this beautiful window for me was listening to Kerrang Radio station you know the teenager rebellious skater music. I used to love this music then I went in to old school rock , blues, jazz, funk and 'real music' This raw skater type Linkin Park, Papa Roach, Nickelback type 90s and early 00s music was a big part of my high school years I some what loathed and loved. I also recommend staying mad at the man! Never lose hope as we will see these sick fu cks put to justice and revenge will be sweet. I was laughing hugely also as I felt there is a 'crazier' guy out there that everyone loves in Alex Jones on Joe Rogan show. The latest episode is amazing I suggest you watch it. I feel a lot of hope from it. Tell me what you think guys if you can relate to anything.. I will try to post on my feelings and keep you updated. Also I took a break from ashwaghanda and then used it last night and maybe it has helped? Your friend Peter Oh and thai massage helps open great windows some times. I also plan to do a course of 2 weeks every day acupuncture and I will report the results here. Its gota be non detoxing and non stimulating I heard on here? A calming treatment? Thanks!
  24. I took Risperdal for almost a month, first 4 mg then 2 mg and finally 3 mg. I stopped to take it a few weeks ago, with my doctor's permission. Since the start of the therapy (early August 2016) I feel a severe headache, absence of emotion (specifically happiness and sorrow) and generally speaking I don't feel the same, I feel I can't enjoy doing what I was doing before. These symptoms are present even now that I don't take the medication, although with much lower intensity. Since I'm not followed by a psychiatrist anymore, I didn't taper off, I stopped cold turkey because my family doctor didn't advise me about lowering the dosage, so I thought it was ok to stop at 3 mg. I would like to ask: is it possible that I suffer from brain damage caused by Risperdal and that the problems I listed before are due to the medication? Moreover, are there risks of withdrawal symptoms and did I make a mistake by stopping the medication this way? Thank you for your attention, I need some advice.[/size]
  25. I've been off of this drug for about 8 months now. I was on 3mg for 4 months I have no drive, passion, or interest in anything. The zest of life is gone and I'm simply existing. I can't start a conversation much less contribute to one someone else has started. I'm trying to "fake it till you make it", but it's getting old. I don't remember the last time I truly laughed. Love and joy are things I see other people display and I am yearning to experience those emotions again. I have no sex drive. I hate to sound like I'm throwing a pity party, but I feel like my quality of life is ruined and I see no hope. Like, I'm afraid I'll be like this for the rest of my life and I'm only 29. How LONG does it take for you to get your emotions back? If ever? Someone give me some hope....please?