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I have been on and off celexa, paxil, zoloft, lexapro, xanax and metroplol (beta blocker). It all started my mom passed away May 2014 then 2 weeks later my dad went unresponsive in front of me (thought he had passed - he ended passing 4 weeks later). I panicked and ended up in the hospital with a bunch of tests being done which came back fine. A week later I had a follow up with my Dr from my hospital visit. I told him I was feeling a little sad (probably was normal after what I had just gone through). That's when the medicines started. I was on them from June 2014-December 2014. Had side effects with all of them. 2 1/2 months after I went off I started feeling down and stomach issues, Dr put me on Xanax. After a week of that my heart started racing. Then back on lexapro. That's when my sleep got all messed up! I was literally not sleeping for days. I stopped lexapro after a week. Had to take a leave from work. In May 2015 went on ambien and back on antidepressant. That's when inner shakiness/vibrations started (still have to this day). Stopped medicine in July 2015. Sleep was on and off still. Almost 3 months (Oct 2015) later started having stomach issues and back on zoloft. Took that until Dec 2015. Was feeling OK for almost 3 months (tolerable) then 3 months later March 2016 started having panic, panic attacks bad, head and vision issues, jaw clenching. On leave again from work. It's been hard to leave the house. Was panicking at the store, shower, talking to people. Didn't want to be by myself. My Dr. Keeps telling me it's my anxiety coming back. Why is it each time I have come off around the same time about 2 1/2 months off I get worse. Is it a relapse or withdrawal? My chiropractor is saying it's adrenal fatigue she is more holistic. I don't know what to do..

Hello everyone, I first got started on Celexa in May 09 after my mind slipped into an inescapable panic state induced by an accidental overdose of the anti-histamine diphenhydramine. I should of know way back then, after a few weeks, then I should of stayed away from all drugs and given my brain a chance to calm down and repair itself on it’s own, but I was truly, truely frightened that I had down some serious damage or I was on my way to the depths of psychosis. So I went to my GP got diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I switched to Cymabalta in November 09 after a personal event triggered an intensification of agitated depression which had never really left despite treatment with Celexa. Sticking with Cymbalta was, again, an irrevocably stupid decision - but I had faith in the psychiatrist who was prescribing me these things. Suicidal ideation was commonplace both in an experiential context and in circumstantial context – my anxiety was so severe I just wanted out and I was astounded to what life had been reduced to. On cymbalta I felt tired but wired with a generalised irritability and massive cravings for sugar, which when I gave in and ate only triggered an intensification of irritability. I look back during this period and I’m struck with just how bizarre and Kafkaesque the whole experience was. Why the hell didn’t I get of the ******* thing earlier? I weaned off Cymbalta in in June 2010. However, the suicidal panic now morphed into a suicidal malaise and all-consumng tiredness, severe anhedonia, and an inability to concentrate - which has stuck with me since. I got put on Zoloft in Oct’10, 4 months after my last drug, and after a visit to a GP where I told me him I was suicidal and planning to go through with it. He sort of shrugged and just told me to go back on a med. The Zoloft induced both akathisa and a “despair beyond despair” at my situation. I flew out to Thailand with the intention of having a last hurrah and then taking myself down to one of the gun ranges and putting a .357 round into my frontal lobe. (Guns aren't readily available in the UK) I flew home when my parents found out where I was, despite my (I thought) well-constructed plan to deceive and explained to them the extent of which I was struggling. We sought the services of a psychiatrist whom I thought was progressive and looking at the bigger picture. By now, I was mostly concerned with the brain fog and chronic fatigue - which prevented me from most activities which might have led to an improvement with my lot in life - which led me to conclude my problem was neuro-endocrine based. I agreed to a low-dose of Lexapro, some compounded thyroid hormone and about 20 different supplements to treat any bodily pathologies. Despite this ambitious protocol, there was very little change in mood. I tried to stay working but got overwhelmed again and my suicidal ideation reached a zenith. I flew back out to Asia with my father, this time to Cambodia but to join a volunteer project building houses. I figured a dose of 3rd poverty might take my mind….off my mind. This time I also agreed to start lithium. It was a humbling experience for sure but I was still weak, foggy, anxious and depressed. I also felt intensely guilty at being in my depressed state amongst so much poverty and in a country with the worst auto-genocide in history. I also picked up a stomach infection which led to post-infectious gastroparesis which I have been struggling with since. Early in 2011 I discontinued the lithium, at the time we hadn’t worked out the stomach problem and where concerned the lithium could be causing the GI stuff. I continued with Lexapro in the AM and 25mg amitrypltine to get me off to sleep in the PM. Life was just a haze punctuated by bouts of panic and despair. My ability to work and socialise properly had all but disappeared by now, so I got used to life being what it was. At the beginning of 2012 I decided to take a break from AD’s, they didn’t seem to have improved my lot in life much, maybe coming off them would do some good. This was when my concern, finally, about TD started - I continued to feel like absolute ****. What if the drugs were the problem all along?. It wasn’t until a few months ago that the epiphany really took hold and I realised the full horror of what I subjected myself to. I realised the whole thing was being exacerbated by the very treatment that authority deemed to be of help. Back when I came off Cymbalta in 2010 I just assumed this was my depression anxiety ramping up and the exhaustion was a natural extension, but now I was still horrendously depressed and the other **** kicked in. I curse myself that I didn’t see the connection the first time round and have spent another 2.5 years on psych drugs….. Note, I tried a few drugs of now more than about two weeks duration in 2012. Again this was before the idea of drug-induced harm became cemented in my mind. My last drug ingestion was Tianeptine in November. My question to anyone who has any suggestions and or experiences is in my title – what the hell do I do now? I’m a complete invalid. Living at home with a parent at 25, unable to enjoy much of anything at all, I can’t lose myself in a movie like I did years ago, my mind is just inexplicably turned inward and focused on it’s own arid desolation and fogginess. Reading is a significantly challenging endeavour and writing is difficult (it’s taken me about a week to knock this up into something coherent and semi-legible). I’m just having such trouble formulating a strategy which might give me a chance of getting well again. Just reading this site has given me a bit of hope in that people can get their lives back on track. There’s people here that appear to have got off far harsher drugs and had been on them for longer periods, so I need to keep a perspective of sorts, I’m just terrified at this stage that I’m past the point of no return and that putting what was a fragile brain/mind to begin with in drugs might just have been…… Any help or words of wisdom are appreciated. Thanks for reading. Jack

Anybody have problems with impulse control coming off anti psychotics and antidepressants and benzos. How long did it last?

Hi, I'm Amy and this is my story. You'll have to bear with me, as a lot of it is a blur. I have been on and off antidepressants since I was about 17, and my best friend died of heart failure (he was just 20 with no history of heart problems - being 'depressed' about it was an understatement). Being young and uneducated about such medications, I would take them for a couple of months, then stop taking them cold turkey. I had no problems doing this and no adverse affects. Fast forward 10 years, and I found myself in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic, and pregnant. I was do depressed at the situation i had gotten myselg in i was put on antidepressants for the duration of my pregnancy. Again, i quit cold turkey after delivery. After I had my baby, I developed a drinking problem purely due to the fact that it was easier to cope with the abuse while drunk than it was sober. When my child was 6 months old I fled my relationship, but continued drinking excessively because I had developed a full-blown addiction. After 2 of the worst years of my life, I quit drinking cold turkey and suffered some pretty crazy withdrawal symptoms from that. I was referred to a psychologist and put on Remeron (can't remember the dose... sorry) to kill 2 birds - insomnia and depression. I think I took it for about a few weeks (I think. Not 100% sure), but quit cold turkey because it was causing me to sleep until midday and made me so groggy. I couldn't have that because I had a toddler to get up to during the night and early in the mornings. About a week later, my doc decided to put me on a small dose of Cymbalta (again, can't remember the dose). The next morning I took my first dose and exactly 6 hours later (delayed release pills) BAM! Panic attack. I'd never had one in my life so I knew it was associated with the ADs. I haven't touched one since, and that was almost 2 years ago. In that time I have had any and every withdrawal symptom daily, and although most are diminishing veeeeerrrryyyy slowly, I'm still suffering in a big way. I'm seriously concerned that I may have given myself permanent brain damage. I joined this forum to find some hope. Some answers. Some light. Theres much more to the story, but typing on my phone is difficult and my eyes aren't focusing so well. Thank you for listening Amy