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Servadai's Introduction topic Hey guys! Long time no hear - my signature says I'm 3 years off but this year, on 10th of July I 'celebrated' my 5 years off of AD's. I would change my signature but I don't know how - that being said I'm loving what you did with the site. I'm going to try to write this with a bit of humour, because that is my style, so if you find it a bit 'aggressive' please know this was not my intent, and the sole purpose for writing this is because I care about all of you and empathise deeply with all of you. I know how it feels when your brain feels like it's been replaced with a piece of fried chicken (even though I'm afraid that even a fried chicken is an euphemism). My story short - I cold turkeyed 10 mgs of escitalopram (some of you may know it as Lexapro). My life completely changes shortly after and I entered what was an absolute hell for me (seriously, I'm catholic and that's what my version of hell would look like). Thankfully, I am doing a lot better now and I wanted to share a couple of things I learned along the way. I still suffer from anxiety, as I did before WD, it is worse than it was but it's nowhere near WD nightmare. I am not on any kind of medication and the only supplement I use is Omega3. Here are some of the things, and if I remember something later I will edit or write in the comments. DON'T GOOGLE STUFF. For the love of God, don't do it. If you're new here, there is plenty of sound advice in topic named 'Read this first' and in my opinion that is enough. Now when I say don't google stuff I mean don't google every symptom, every emotion, every fear and thought and overanalyse it. I promise you 99.99999 % of everything you feel and experience in WD is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Imagine your brain as a very stressed person trying to find best solutions and having to run the household (your body)... of course it's going to act wacky. It's not worth stressing it out further by reading into stuff and imagining even worse case scenarios. If you want to google kittens, puppies, babies, watch pretty youtube videos or just listen to calming music be my guest. But DON'T👏 GOOGLE 👏 YOUR 👏 SYMPTOMS 👏 TAKE IT SLOW. Your brain is working so fast your body might try to mimic that. I know my body did, and I still do it sometimes, if I'm not aware. I don't know if this happens to you but when I get stressed I breathe fast, brush my teeth fast, eat fast, comb my hair fast... as if someone put a ticking bomb on all of those things. Try to be more aware and when you notice that, take a deep breath, and start over - gently, slowly. Do everything with great care and gentleness. Your body and brain need it. When you show your brain you're not in a rush, brain will take it slowly too. I know it's a problem in WD - it feels like you have an neverending supply of adrenaline - but hey, baby steps. Try do it for 5 minutes a day. INSOMNIA. This bastard made me really mad. Sleep was the only way I could escape the WD nightmare, but it rarely came. I remember trying to fall asleep for hours, just to wake up at 4 or 5 am. not being able to fall asleep again. When I couldn't sleep, naturally, I thought about how I can't sleep. I worried and worried instead of trying to utilise that time. The best advice given to me was - if you can't fall asleep just chill. Your body will find a way to get energy from that too. Imagine you're on a beach, the sound of waves, the hot sand on your feet, warm sun, smell of salt and pine... you get it. Imagine happy (well..happyish) scenarios - I imagined what will I do after the WD is over and how I'll be able to help and understand someone. Try to occupy your thoughts as much as you can as not to fall in to the 'Oh God why can't I sleep' rabbit hole. NEURO-EMOTIONS. Don't run away from them. Don't be afraid of them. Embrace them. Cry. Scream in your pillow. Jump in utter rage. Aggressively punch the mattress. Write it down and rip the paper. Welcome your fears with open arms. Neuro emotions scared me but now I see them as a way of brain restarting itself. Like pushing random buttons to see what works and you just have to deal with it. It opened a very strong traumas for me again that antidepressants and teenage way of life buried so I had to actually face them and go through them. It was horrible, but maybe necessary? WORK OUT. Aggressive workout in the middle of WD hell? Only if you're absolutely comfortable. Otherwise, I don't recommend it. On the other hand, if you want to stay in bed all day, try to fight that urge. Try to walk at least 5 minutes (even in your small apartment, you don't have to go out), do a half a squat, lift your hands, whatever, just try to be at least little bit active. There's tons of studies that show how exercising improves mental health - there's not much to say here. CREATIVITY. At my worst I really couldn't do anything. TV was too stimulating and loud, my biggest achievement was playing Mahjong on my smartphone for 2 minutes. Everything above that and I would get extremely tired. I didn't smile, sleep, eat, I just wanted to die. Luckily, as soon as I got a bit better I've decided to do anything to not think about what I'm going through even if the bliss lasted for a second. I was baking, gardening, drawing, writing... notice how all of this is with hands. Put everything you got into feeling what you're doing with your hands. Even now when I get stressed I look around me for objects and imagine what kind of texture would they be like if I touched them. DP/DR. There are no words in human language to express how much I hated those feelings. I still do. But I've come a long way. Let's say they were at 100%. Now they're at about 50% when I'm really stressed. 20-30% in normal situations, because I still have an anxiety, and it's just a poopy symptom I have to accept. DR is actually what I'm feeling, DP was problematic, but now I can't remember when I truly had it. They don't occupy my life anymore, and I'm not so afraid of them as I was. My best advice about them would be: Don't be afraid. It feels like the world is falling apart but they're just symptoms of mental disorders and WD. They are absolutely harmless. The best you can do for yourself and your brain is to accept those feelings. Say it out loud: DP/DR I accept you. I know you're just symptoms of my brain working overtime and that's okay. I know my brain is trying its best to protect me and I am grateful for that. I accept you. If this post gives just a bit of hope or brings a bit of comfort to anyone - I'm so glad. I remember rereading the same success stories here over and over again when I was at my worst. They were literally ropes I hold on to. I know what you're going to is hard, but please, please, hold on. Living with this honestly means you're the bravest of the brave. Seriously, everyone here on this forum is one heck of a soldier. You don't even know how strong you are. I was pooping my pants when I was getting into college, I was still in WD... and next year I'm going to finish it. So please, hold on, and live day by day. There are probably more things I would write about, my faith being one of the most important things that helped me (and still does). I might write about it if anyone is interested, but I'm sorry I can only write from my religion's (catholic) perspective. So if anyone is interested let me know. I also run an IG page for catholics dealing with anxiety so if you're interested shoot me a message (I don't want to put it here because I think it would be considered a self-promo). I wanted to open that page for a year now - if you read my post, what was a comforting for me was imagining I could help someone some day who is going through the same stuff as I do. So I finally did it and honestly, it is a nice creative outlet. I have no doubt there will be some future gems from this page that were molded by suffering - Gold is purified by fire. **english is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

Hello there, My name is Phil and I’m 31 years old. My pharmaceutical journey began in October 2020. I began to experience random waves of nausea, indigestion, dizziness and anxiety out of no where. So, I figured I’d seek help. I went to a clinic, and they ran a bunch of tests. They decided that my anxiety is the culprit, so they gave me a script for Celexa. I took the 10mg and later that night I went to the ER from sheer fear that I was about to die. Safe to say, I gave up Celexa and moved on to “the next best thing” which in their mind was Mirtazapine. I will admit, Mirt gave me the most sound sleep I’ve ever experienced in my life. But that’s about as far as Mirt did for me. It gave me brutal anxiety and panic attacks during the day, and beautiful sleep during the night. Kinda ironic. Eventually the clinic gave me a referral to see a gastroenterologist. From there, I had a series of tests done that left the GI with no answers. He decided to diagnose me with the umbrella term of “functional Dyspepsia”. Basically they give you this diagnosis when they can’t find anything wrong with you. Shortly after my “diagnosis”, he chose to put me on Amitriptyline for my “nerve pain” So I transitioned from Mirtazapine to Amitriptyline very quickly. It was a bumpy few weeks, but I eventually stabilized on 10mg amitriptyline. They told me it would take up to 6-8 months to see any benefits from Amitriptyline; so I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I waited. I suffered and told myself that it’ll eventually get better. Fast forward to today and I feel like I’m going to war with myself everyday. I am now a slave to Amitriptyline. I have attempted to self-ween myself from this poison and I have been humbled by the drug multiple times. I don’t remember my experience coming from 10mg to 5mg, but this time around trying to get to 2.5mg has been the most brutal thing I’ve ever encountered. I’m currently in the throes of my most recent attempt to ween to 2.5mg. Im currently experiencing grotesque GI symptoms that include violent waves of nausea, cramping, diarrhea, constipation, 0% appetite, etc. As far as the mental aspect goes, I don’t think I can even put into words what the last few weeks have been like. I’m in constant loops of what feels like psychotic episodes. Ranging from severe panic attacks, paranoia, derealization, depersonalization, suicidal ideation, insomnia, night terrors and self isolation. I am truly at a loss, and I know that this is Amitriptyline’s doing. I have felt these things in the past from attempting a ween, but this time around has been very violent. I’ve had to take a leave of absence at work, and I’ve been bed ridden for about two weeks now attempting to stabilize on 2.5mg. Every night when it’s time to take the pill, I battle with myself. It’s either I continue down the path of the 2.5mg or attempt to re-stabilize myself on 5mg. Im feeling very lost at the moment and was hoping for some type of guidance here. If you chose to read my story, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Hi All, On aug 16 2022 I have started using amitriptyline 10mg prescribed by neurologist where I was having one sided headaches. After starting the medication I felt really sleepy through out the day I can't focus on work and dry mouth, however I read that for the medication to function we have to take for a longer period of time, i continued regardless of how I felt. But on sep 2nd week when I tried to sleep I would sleep for 5 mins and wake up with body jerks again and shock like sensation and not able to fall asleep. I felt really really bad that day.but i really exactly don't remember if I did take medication or not on that day but to my memory I think i also took it that day.next day I went to the same doc he said it's nothing just hypnic jerks but they were very bad I know how hypnic jerks feel they would clear in 5 mins not whole night, then he prescribed other medication etilaam.pro 0.5 , i understood I was already making my self a mess wite medication and decided not to experiment any further . Then I stopped, next day i wasn't able to fall sleep I would sleep for 1hr and wake up with Nightmares, I would be half asleep , it was so horrible so i came back home . I genuinely thought it was happening because of medication(amitriptyline )side effects that I took I should never go on them, and next few weeks I would try to sleep but wake up in 2-3 hrs with Nightmares and couldn't fall asleep,also I would be half asleep , not fully awake or fully slept. But i didn't understand why all this was happening, i was always analytical in my life , during this period I was asking myself why I am feeling so bad every day and insomnia. Maybe one day i thought due to caeffine, may be x may be y .. but now i understand none of it is a logical explanation. On Oct 22 still having sleep issues at night i just asked myself why iwas feeling so bad and i felt a shock , next min I couldn't recognise myself and all depersonalisation symptoms from them.. after few days i visited a psych he prescribed paxil and clonezapam, i thought they would take dp away, they didn't, i would feel more numb, after completing one month course having no medication for a day while sleeping I felt the exact same way unable to fall asleep jerking night mares that day, then i understood whenever I missed a dose all this jerks are happening and realised that these medications shouldnt be quit abruptly so late , I had bad withdrawal symptoms from amitriptyline. Now I can't get out of this dp every day feels like hell, the paxil 12.5 and clonezapam makes me sleepy and numb no excitement.im having suicide thoughts from couple of months I can't take this dp and numbness, i tried doing sports, working for long hours, cold showers, but the feelings of dp haven't reduced a bit

Hello! I am very lucky to have found this site right at the start of my weaning off process. For context, I started taking Venlafaxine XR 75mg in August 2020 after a traumatic event left me unable to function due to constant severe anxiety. I have since done psycho-therapy and generally feel "fine" except for persistent suicidal thoughts and ideation. At first, we thought these were related to the traumatic event, but as time progressed, I began to feel that the drug was the cause. I have asked to come off the drug before but all my providers were against it because of the thoughts. One tried to switch me to Zoloft but it made me feel worse so I hopped back. I'm tired of feeling this way. Psychotherapy hasn't helped with this particular problem. I have always had GAD and was managing fine pre-trauma and, honestly, the Effexor doesn't help the anxiety That much. I still have to use pre-med techniques to get through most stuff, even the little things. Monday, I told my doctor that I'm coming off. I want to get a baseline of my new normal, and go from there. My doctor had me do a 50% reduction 5 days ago (June 25, 2023) to 37.5mg. I had some nausea, headaches, irritability, and restlessness the first day. But since then I have had no withdrawal symptoms AND I've seen significant reduction in suicidal ideation (from frequent throughout the day to less than once a day). I also no longer have periods of listlessness (you know, laying on the couch miserable with no motivation to do anything). I will wait out the next week as told, but I'm not skipping doses like prescribed. Because I haven't had significant withdrawal symptoms, I was wondering if I could/should do another 50% reduction (I know about counting beads and all that). I understand that 10% is safer, but with such a serious side effect, I think it may be worth the risk to come off fast. Please share your thoughts, opinions, and experiences! Thank you in advance!

Hi, I’m new hear, I’m sorry if I have any gramatical errors, my native language isn’t English. I’m 18 years old female, I started sertraline at 14 and was been on and off sertraline (I used it total for about 2-3 years) I started when I was 14 and Stopped at 17. My last dose was about 4 months ago and I was on sertraline for 4 months (50 mg I think). I stopped because I learned about pssd. However I don’t think I tappered correctly. I didn’t knew how to. I’m now battling with pssd, a really severe depression, really severe derealization, brain fog, and I’m really suicidal. I don’t know what to do, I’m really really bad mentally and I’m desperate for help, for someone to bring hope to my life, but I don’t want to go with a psychiatrist, should I go with a therapist/ psychologist? I’m extremely depressed and derealized and can’t stop thinking about killing myself. (I’m not sure if I can talk about this here, but I really need help). I just want some hope about pssd, I’ve read here that pssd is just like any withdrawal symptom, it can take years to get better but it will improve and I really wish this happens, I also really wish to be myself again and not want desperately to die.

Hi! I’m losing hope. I need to hear at least ONE story of someone who has been in my situation and recovered … I can’t locate any. Was bridged from Lexapro to Cymbalta due to poop out. Crashed into withdrawal from Lexapro. One month later, stopped Cymbalta and reinstated full dose Lexapro. Didn’t know of site at time and listened to dr. It has been a year. Do feel some improvement but still bad brain fog and derealization (disassociation to world around me). Tried to cut Lexapro by 1mg and had severe reaction. Feel trapped.

I was prescribed Citalopram (Celexa) by my doctor in London UK, when I was depressed during a period of unemployment. I took it for 3 years, taking 20mg once a day. I never felt like it did much good helping me, and it made me feel a bit spaced out, not all there. After 2 years on Citalopram I started to have some suicidal thoughts, but far more homicidal thoughts. I wanted to kill people. I had thoughts of driving head on into traffic, pushing people under trains, killing my partner, my dogs and burning the house down. I had never had these kinds of thoughts or ideas before, and was convinced they were a side-effect of the anti-depressant Citalopram which i was taking. I told my doctor about my suicidal/ homicidal thoughts and he was told me to double my dose of citalopram! I told him that the drugs were the problem, not me! I then slowly reduced my dose once each week for 10 weeks, taking the drug on alternate days, and then cutting the pill in half and only taking it on alternate days. Every time I reduced the dose I woke up the next day with cramps in my intercostal muscles? (muscles between my ribs), feeling very sore and stiff, like I'd been kicked in the ribs. I also felt quite sharp electric shock; in my neck and shoulders, and had some jerky twitches of my neck and shoulders from time to time. The symptoms went away after day or two, until the next time I reduced my dose. After 10 weeks I was off of Citalopram completely, and have been off them for 5 years now. It took about 3- 6 months for me to feel normal again after coming off of Citalopram, My life is much better without Citalopram, and I have had NO suicidal or homicidal urges or thoughts since I gave up the SSRI drug. I do not think doctors are not helping their patients by drugging them with SSRI's.

Hi all, I’m ready to make an appt with my Dr to begin withdrawing from Effexor after 14 years. I want to have lots of info myself because I don’t expect him to know everything about it. I appreciate so many ppl sharing info & experiences on here. Lately I’ve had some serious suicidal ideations and I’m sick of it. 🦋

Hello, I came across this site and im hoping I can just vent to you guys and get to know some people who may be going through something similar to what I am going through. So, a little about my situation: I'm 23 years old, I was in an abusive relationship for two years, in this relationship I was physically abused, sexually abused but most importantly, I was psychologically and emotionally abused. I FINALLy grew the courage to leave. I was in therapy after that to deal with the aftershock of everything that happened to me. One day I went to my family doctor and told him about what happened to me and that I had panic attacks and anxiety. He prescribed Lexapro. After five or six weeks of being on the drug I noticed I was starting to look like a cow. (and after FINALLY having reached my goal weight before going on lexapro, this was heart breaking) I went to my doctor and told him I wanted to go off of the drug... He told me to take half of a pill (5mg.) per day for five days and to go off of it entirely after. Well, five days of 5mg. and then two days of nothing and on the night of the seccond lexapro free day I tried to commit suicide by cutting myself and overdosing on a bunch of different drugs. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SUICIDAL! Never, never, ever! I have always been able to handle things. I dont want to die! I have never wanted to die! I was in the hospital for 4 days and I didnt feel better untill they put me back on lexapro. I am not suicidal! It had never even crossed my mind! So what in the world happened to me!?!?!? They quickly diagnosed me with depression... and so ive been back on lexapro for another 7 weeks... and getting fatter by the day! im trying to keep an eye on what I eat, and im trying to excersize! im trying everything but I keep getting bigger.... its making me so depressed... Im going to talk to my doctor tomorrow and ask him to take me off of it and put me on something else... I know I should be happy that im better menatlly and to just endure the weight gain but its just so heart breaking to me because I have been struggling with my weight since I was about 12 years old! If I had never gone on lexapro, I would probably be in a better place than where I am today. I should have just done things how I am used to doing them and that is medication-free and just by being tough... Lexapro made me such a coward.... I tried to end my life! so pathetic!!! I FINALLY was able to wear a bikini and feel amazing in it... well, that feeling didnt even last a week... because I went on lexapro the same week I reached my goal weight. I hate lexapro, I want to go off of it ASAP. At least now I have a good doctor who is actually a psychiatrist and not a family doc.) Ive learned to ALWAYS see a PSYCHIATRIST if you are taking ANY psychotic drugs. I hope and pray I can loose the weight.... its a huge deal for me... Ive gained almost 30 lbs in 3 months. xoxo Kayem