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Dear All, What a relief it was to find this community around 9-months ago! Many thanks to all involved, from the administrators to the moderators and the members. I’ve written this introduction so many times over the past few months. I’ll confess that I am currently experiencing what I suspect is a wave and finding the journey more unpleasant than it has been. So, it’s time to introduce myself and ask a question at the end. Short story I developed depression and anxiety at uni, with a subsequent 26-year history of different ADs. I’ve had numerous failed CT attempts. Like everyone else, I was never advised to taper slowly. I got the usual: · It must be a relapse, and you need even more of the drug, · You have a chemical imbalance and need to take ADs for life, and · Take your dose every second day over two weeks to taper. Last year I stumbled across a newspaper article referring to Dr Mark Horowitz and his prolonged taper approach. After a few google searches, I found the SA website, devoured many posts, and adopted a 10% taper. After a month or so, I switched to the Brass Monkey method, as the first week of a 10% reduction would knock me around. Usually, most of my WD symptoms are tolerable. Mild insomnia, mild anxiety and tinnitus persist, although they have improved. Some strange things, such as a twitch in my left arm, have gone. As many others have commented, I can’t believe this journey will take years! I’m sitting at 3.95mg, down from 15mg ~12 months ago. Moving from a 15mg tablet to a 5mg tablet was a significant milestone and a confidence booster that ‘I, too, can do this’. Thanks to all for sharing their success stories. Those stories are so encouraging, especially after a few recent cold rushes of panic and some catastrophising when I start thinking, ‘maybe I should up my does’. The positive I can see (care of this site) is that I can recognise that I am probably in a wave and have avoided a kneejerk response…so far…but it’s been a rough three weeks. I’ve experienced some significant triggers in a short period that have unsettled me. Most have now resolved….so here’s hoping the wave subsides. I’ll sit tight at 3.95mg until some stability returns. Question: A wave, a relapse or a ‘chemical imbalance’ is the question that keeps going through my mind. I’m confident that it’s a wave. I guess I’m just after some reassurance. How long do I stick it out, feeling off at 3.95mg? I’ve drawn a line in the sand of a fortnight from today. If I still feel fragile in another fortnight, I might go back to the previous dose of 4.06mg. That would be five or six weeks of feeling off at 3.95mg. I don’t want to up-dose too soon, but I also don’t want the collateral damage if things deteriorate further at 3.95mg. Until next time, our respective journeys continue….

Hey folks, I've been struggling with meds for a while now, history below: this first started with substance "abuse" (anytime i mention this, I wouldn't classify it as abuse, in the sense of how frequent I used), serotonorgic class, max 2 times a month for a few months, choice was made to "self medicate" ( i was doing pretty bad, but somehow still bearable) surprisingly this got me out off the loop of negative thoughts, was quite surprised to see this part of the world, but soon enough realized I am VERY senzitive to such things Start of 2021: first "treatment", risperidone, depakene, sertraline, took them around 3 months when I felt better than I cold turkey-ed for the substance abuse again. Mid 2021: SA lasted for a while, a few months later used a different thing (dopamine agonist), twice, which in a month made me go into psychosis doc appointment again, risperidone, sertraline 100mg, buspirone, combo didn't work (thought I was going insane) different appointment again, olanzapine, lorazepam, sertraline (great combo, back to "normal in a few days) Autumn 2021: after a few months, stopped taking the meds, but occasionally taking sertraline as I remembered, till i dropped them around in the spring of 2022, few months pass summer 2022 Feel bad, dissociated, no mood for things, no motivation doc appointment, paroxetine, got me back to stable but the sexual side effects were horrible, after 5 months Winter 2022 stopped as doctor advised (because was feeling well except the side effects), back pain, hard to breathe, heart aches, eye pain all due to withdrawal + dissociation, social isolation, not feeling like talking couldn't make it, doc appointment again spring 2023, sertraline 25mg, fixed me couldn't stand the sexual side effects, cold turkeyd again, after a few weeks, anxiety that started to increase periodically, until one night when I started seeing traces and visual stuff, felt like being high but very weird, anxiety was horrible, that was not how I ever felt before starting any of these Got scared ^ continued with the sertraline until April 2023 doctor appointement, wanted something different, got tianepetine and trazadone first month was good (probably due to stopping sertraline soon enough or because of the trazadone), couldn't take trazadone anymore as it was too sedating after 1-2 months started feeling bad again but I didn't let it get to worse June 2023 (here I stopped quitting meds, and realized it's serious) another appointment at different doc, tried mirtazapine, horrible. tried 10mg vortioxetine, weird side effects at first, weird dizziness and mental sensations, but kept going, stabilized after a month felt ok, but anxiety was killing, August 2023 decreased at 5mg and tried to use some gabapentine for anxiety, not the greatest but I'm stable and sex drive is decent Present: 5mg vortioxetine, 300mg gabapentine at night I'm just so confused, because the first time I quit the meds, it took around 3 months for me to get into widthdrawal (progressively got worse, until I couldn't stand it). But the fact that it took that long to feel bad, was just making me wonder, maybe that's just how I am? Paradoxically I'm not having any negative thoughts compared to the past, I'm very happy with my life (except all those meds messing me up with side effects). I am tempted to start a slow taper, but the calculations to make solutions seem pretty hard. I'm hoping you can give me some friendly advice about, withdrawal vs that's just who I am...

Hello everyone. I'm a 42-year-old man living in Wales, UK. I've decided to join the site after recently watching the BBC Panorama documentary on antidepressants. Watching the documentary made me realise that I've been living in self-denial for more than a decade about the negative, lasting impact that SSRIs and SNRIs have had on my health and wellbeing. I believe it's my public duty to document my experience, which I hope can be used as further evidence of the damaging side effects of these medications and help my children's generation make an informed choice - something that I was denied. I was first prescribed Citalopram in 2011 following a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder. I was reluctant to start taking antidepressants. I remember expressing this reluctance to my doctor and his blunt response was: "well, what else do you expect me to do?". His message was clear: antidepressant medication was the only option available. There was no discussion about psychological therapy. What's more, the doctor did not explain the risk of potential side effects or difficulties with withdrawal before I started antidepressants. I was implicitly led to believe there were no downsides, only benefits. I therefore relented and began taking Citalopram. As it turned out, I didn't experience any noticeable side effects on Citalopram. However, I didn't experience any noticeable benefits either. In fact, between 2011 and 2018 my depression worsened over time. The medical community's response was to incrementally increase the dosage of Citalopram, but it didn't make any difference. The only reason I continued with antidepressants was because I'd finally found a doctor I'd trusted. Her view, which she said was based on evidence from medical research, was that a combination of medication and psychotherapy was shown to have the best results for depression. I took her advice. Things changed suddenly and drastically in early 2018 when I experienced an acute mental breakdown. I was admitted to a specialist inpatient psychiatric unit. The first thing the consultant psychiatrist did was review my medication history and immediately switched me to Venlafaxine. Again, I was not informed about the risk of potential side effects or difficulties with withdrawal. I wasn't given a choice, nevermind given the opportunity to make an informed choice. Unlike my experience with Citalopram, I started experiencing side effects almost immediately with Venlafaxine. My general sexual arousal was severely diminished and I struggled to achieve a full erection whether on my own or with a partner. I found this distressing, more so than my depression. I informed my doctor who told me sexual dysfunction was a common side effect of antidepressants. This was the first time since I’d started taking antidepressants seven years earlier that a medical professional had revealed there were potential risks in taking these medications. My doctor prescribed me Sildenafil, which while I accept did help, the quality of my sex life was far below what it was before. Sexual activity was no longer fun and spontaneous, but something to be managed and planned carefully. It was around 2019 when I decided that the detrimental impact of Venlafaxine on my sex life had become too severe and that I would come off it. I don’t recall the exact details of how I tapered, but I did so over about a period of 18 months from 225mg to 0mg. It was hell on earth. An experience that was completely unexpected and for which I was wholly unprepared. The withdrawal symptoms I experienced included: Severe headaches Disorientation Brain fog Lethargy Anxiety Diarrhea Despite the struggle I had with withdrawal from Venlafaxine, I persisted with tapering off. The eventual prize of a renewed and healthy sex life was too great to ignore. But… ...weeks and months passed after the Venlafaxine had left my system and I was still experiencing the same sexual dysfunction. I was devastated. Not only had the medical community failed to inform me of the risk of sexual side effects from taking antidepressants, but they’d also failed to inform me of the risk those sexual side effects could persist after tapering off them completely. Resigned to my sex life being ruined forever, I went back on Venlafaxine in 2021 on the advice of my doctor. I came off it in January 2023 after another long, painful tapering period beset by the same side effects as before. I was antidepressant-free between January 2023 and October 2023, but another mental health crisis sent me back to psychiatric care and I was given two new prescriptions of Vortioxetine (10mg) and Quetiapine (25mg). I stumbled across the BBC Panorama documentary just before Christmas. I was shocked, appalled and filled with rage. Why hadn’t the medical community explained any of this to me before I started taking antidepressants more than 10 years ago? I was denied the opportunity to make an informed choice. It’s a global scandal. After watching BBC Panorama, I made the firm decision to come off antidepressants/psychiatric medication for good. I tapered off Quetiapine first (25mg to 0mg) then tapered off the Vortioxetine (10mg, to 5mg, to 0mg). I did this over a period of about eight weeks. I took my final 5mg dose of Vortioxetine two weeks ago today. Thankfully, I’ve not experienced the same kind of severe withdrawal symptoms as I did with Venlafaxine. I’m having some trouble sleeping, but I wouldn’t describe it as severe. My sexual dysfunction persists. I’m coming to a place of acceptance that I may never fully recover the healthy, happy sex life I once enjoyed. But I live in hope. ---------------- Citalopram (2011 to 2018) Venlafaxine (2018 to Jan 2023) Quetiapine (Oct 2023 to Jan 2024 - tapered from 25mg to 0mg). Vortioxetine (Oct 2023 to Feb 2024 - tapered from 10mg, to 5mg to 0mg)

( mod note, mmt) Ewa's Introduction topic is here: Ewa;Cymbalta 60 mg coldturkey My name is Ewa, I’m 49 years young and I have recovered from the voyage to hell that was initiated by cold turkey from 20 years of antidepressants use. In the title SHE is my daughter (now 12 years old) my first and main reason to stay here, second is my husband Eric who was my caregiver and was there for me unwaveringly, third information about withdrawal from this website (was my first website I found when looking for answers) and others like it, success stories of people who came through victorious, and relentless search for truth. On February 2018 I cold turkey from 60mg of Cymbalta (December 2017 I turned 44 years old) almost instantly I was in altered state of consciousness (in medical community labeled as mania, I dislike their terminology but I will use it here in parenthesis) had out of body experiences and visions (not hallucinations) one of them was my mothers trauma I didn’t know about. I was in trans like state very euphoric, didn’t need much sleep, had diarrhea for about one month, metallic taste in my mouth, could not eat meat and other foods. I was functioning but in different way. Gradually I was coming down from euphoria, it took 8 months and one day it was clear to me that I was very much different in past months (I had that awareness during but was not afraid of it) also I started to feel internal vibration that I thought was anxiety (never had anxiety before in my life). In the end of August 2018 I went back on 60 mg Cymbalta plus 0.5 mg Ativan (first time in my life I was put on benzodiazepine), two weeks into being back on drugs I became suicidal. Every two months I was in hospital changed the antidepressant Ativan stayed the same 0.5 mg twice a day or as needed. My condition was worsening and in January 2019 I did ketamine which put me further down the hell. By this time my diagnosis changed from depression (my original sign 😉) to treatment resistant depression, all they have left for me was ECT, I had 8 sessions in total and after last one as I was walking out of hospital (for my last two sessions I was outpatient, for so called maintenance sessions) I heard just a whisper of my own soul “Ewa you have to find your own way out of here, if you stay,there will be no coming back”, by this time I was a shell of my former self, a mare shadow of a human being, that upon waking from last ECT had to guess what year it was, I was successful in this but the president of USA in 2019 was still Obama.As soon as I got home I went on internet and found this website, my search for my own way out of hell has begun. At that time I was on Zoloft and Ativan, I decided to cold turkey again (two months taper) and in May 2019 my drug free life has begun. The level of suffering has intensified greatly and stayed the same for two years. I did not have windows not even one. I had severe insomnia, slept 2 or 3 or 0 hours, anhedonia, depersonalization, déréalisation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation and urges, memory loss, cognition loss, complete loss of appetite, my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat and it was two bites at the time, I didn’t shower for weeks only when I was on my period (I never lost my menstruations still have it now), all consuming terror was always there, didn’t brush my teeth (had to have 3 crowns last year), I had light sensitivity sunny days in summer where extra torture, sounds sensitivity (I love music but in that state was torture), my whole body was stiff like I was log of wood very hard wood. Adrenaline rushes like toxic waves through my body, Agoraphobia ( was mostly bad bound), apathy, confusion, crying it was more wailing like a caged animal I became. Inner trembling, lethargy, complete loss of libido, during my very short sleep I manage to have nightmares. Tinnitus was not severe and it went away after about one year. January 3 2020 I wrote this “All I want is to be able to be a mother and wife again ! I love Chloe and Eric so much” at that time I had all the symptoms I listed above. Also I have to add that during my altered state of consciousness (mania) April 2018 I had breast lift surgery(it was scheduled in 2017), day after walking up the stairs I heard myself saying “it is not normal to cut healthy body” , this procedure so accepted and even praised by our sick society is a band aid in form of self mutation to secure love and approval of others behind which is a very deep pain. I had infection and was put on very strong antibiotics, further destroying my got. (I have to go to my appointment now second part of my root canal treatment, I will continue later on today, I will submit this now because I don’t know how to save this and don’t want to loose it 😊) Thank you to my father Jan whom I love deeply, it was from his life journey and strength I drew inspiration to go on.

ADMIN NOTE Please read this entire topic for tips about tapering vortioxetine. There are many reports on the Web about withdrawal symptoms from vortioxetine, despite their being overlooked by drug companies. Vortioxetine appears to have a withdrawal syndrome similar to almost all the antidepressants and should be tapered slowly to avoid severe or prolonged withdrawal symptoms. See Why taper by 10% of my dosage? According to https://pubchem.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/compound/vortioxetine#section=Top According to https://www.drugs.com/pro/brintellix.html , Brintellix is available as 5mg 10mg 15mg 20mg film-coated tablets. It has a very long half-life, somewhere around 66 hours. There is no ingredient in or coating on the tablet to make it extended-release, that would be unnecessary. (In May 2016, Takeda changed the name of this drug from Brintellix to Trintellix in the US to avoid confusion with another drug.) More biochemical detail about vortioxetine at DrugBank. Vortioxetine is metabolized in the liver by several liver enzymes; however, enzyme cyp 2D6 is very important in its metabolization. Taking vortioxetine with other drugs that are metabolized in the liver, as many psychiatric drugs are, can lead to drug-drug interactions, particularly if the other drugs utilize cyp 2D6. From https://pubchem.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/compound/vortioxetine#section=Drug-and-Medication-Information Check for drug-drug interactions. Reduce by splitting tablets Depending on your daily dosage, you may be able to taper by dry-cutting tablets. For example, if you are taking 20mg per day, you may request that your prescription be filled with a combination of 10mg and 5mg tablets with the intention of splitting one 5mg tablet into fourths (1.25mg per quarter tablet). This will enable you to reduce from 20mg to 18.75mg, 17.50mg, 16.25mg, 15mg, 13.75mg, 12.5mg, 10mg -- all reductions within the 10% guideline. (Your doctor will have to specify the reason, such as "take x mg in the a.m. and x mg in the p.m.", for most insurance to cover this type of prescription). At 10mg, you will want to get your prescription filled with two 5mg tablets. At this point, to maintain a reduction rate of 10%, you will need to either 1) use a digital scale to weight tablet fragments of 1mg active ingredient (mgai) or less; OR 2) convert one 5mg tablet into a liquid to measure with an oral syringe. (See below.) Use a digital scale to measure doses If you are very sensitive to dosage reductions, you may wish to weigh tablet fragments, see Using a digital scale to measure doses Taper with vortioxetine liquid Measuring a drug for tapering by 10% at a time is easier using a liquid formulation. Since vortioxetine is available in fairly low dosages, you can take part of your daily dosage as a 5mg, 10mg, or 15mg tablet and add the rest as a liquid until your dosage is less than 5mg, where you would take your entire dose as a liquid. Taking part as a tablet and part as a liquid makes it easier to switch from a tablet to a liquid. Vortioxetine liquid may be available by prescription in some countries (other than the U.S). Check with your pharmacist. Make your own vortioxetine liquid The active ingredient in the tablets, vortioxetine, is slightly soluble in water. This means you or a compounding pharmacy can make a liquid suspension from vortioxetine, see How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules A liquid will be a suspension, not a consistent or "homeogenous" solution. Vortioxetine is highly soluble in ethanol and a substance called DMSO, as are many psycho-neuro-active prescription medications. Ethanol is readily available in vodka. You can get oral or medical grade DMSO from many sources. If you have questions about this, feel free to post them in this topic. Have a compounding pharmacy make custom capsule dosages or a liquid or for tapering Compounding pharmacies can make capsules of the drug in any dosage or a liquid from the tablets. You will need a prescription written for the custom compound. The only drawback is this can be expensive. I have a friend on vortioxetine (Brintellix) so I was wondering, does anyone have any info on how tapering this drug might look like? Thanks in advance.

hello. i'm going to attempt an introduction. i reserve any possible ambition about a coherent, comprehensive history for a potential future recovery success story. i'll do what i can for now. first and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone here at SA. THANK YOU for starting this website, for contributing, for keeping it going, for sharing, for being here, for fighting the good fight. in regards to tapering safely i did not find you in time; but since i found you it has helped immeasurably. before i found SA i'd been suffering through PW and PAWS for well over 3 years with no clear understanding of what the F was happening to me. although i had a working strategy of how to approach the embodied experience i was living, it took up a lot of energy not having an official explanation. i had a kind of makeshift, workaround idea along the lines of "maybe this is latent C-PTSD that has surfaced in the wake of SSRI cessation" and "clearly my nervous system is hypersensitive and destabilized, and i am intolerant of stress, possibly also as a result of a lifetime of chronic stress and trauma", etc. somewhat luckily these working hypotheses led me to a variety of tools that were entirely applicable to dealing with withdrawal syndrome, and so, ultimately, i was practicing many of the same non-drug coping strategies that i have since seen recommended on this site. for years i was on my own and it was trial and error. the bottom line is, it has been so much better since finding SA and knowing that i'm not alone and finally figuring out, "oh, this is what's going on!" (not that one cannot have C-PTSD / chronic stress / or the like in addition to WS, but WS is certainly also its own thing in addition to whatever underlying vulnerabilities may present) anyway -- THANK YOU to everyone for everything. i am currently in my fifth year of protracted withdrawal and post-acute withdrawal syndrome following an incorrect, too-fast taper of lexapro/escitalopram that basically amounted to CT + decades' worth of going on and off dozens of different psych drugs/cocktails, incl. most recently vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine, etc. i don't have energy or access right now to write in more detail about the long and illustrious drug history and the numerous failed attempts to get out of psychiatry (it's clear to me now that i've been in protracted withdrawal with PAWS multiple times before, but at the time i didn't know what it was and when i sought help consistently received a new and more extreme diagnosis every time; it seemed, according to psychiatry, that i was getting sicker and sicker, and would get more heavily drugged each time around -- psychiatry suffers from munchhausen by proxy in its absurd closed-loop system) bottom line -- TODAY I AM DRUG-FREE. i was first committed to a psych ward as a minor (below the age of consent), that's where i was first drugged. i clearly remember being so overmedicated that my hands were shaking non-stop, i couldn't properly hold a fork to eat or a pencil/pen to write. i fainted in the shower. i knew it was the drugs, i knew they were giving me too much, i know i said as much. i have no recollection of being listened to. my first ever "psychotic episodes" also occurred during this first ever hospitalization, subsequent to which my diagnosis was augmented to include my being labeled as "psychotic". i am convinced the sensory hallucinations were caused by the drugs they were giving me. i have spent my entire adult life thus far (approx. 17 y.o. - 42 y.o.) under the influence of psychiatric drugs. WTF. although i am currently drug-free i don't consider myself out of the woods yet as i'm still very much in recovery and reeling from the extensive physiological and psychological/existential harm. i cannot even begin to really truly process that. i don't dwell on it, i try not to think about it, really, although of course the thoughts come occasionally, but for the most part i let them pass bc my thinking is currently rather unreliable and murky, colored as it is by WS (monkey mind chatter which does not allow for proper processing). maybe one day when my cognitive/emotional/spiritual/etc. capacities are healed, if it is still relevant and required, i will mourn any loss as necessary. for now i sometimes touch upon grief (primarily on behalf of our collective loss and the tragedy of psychiatric violence afflicting countless human beings and indeed our global ecosystem as a whole) but my mind is too feeble to truly grasp the staggering atrocity / swirling galaxy of bullsh*t. for the time being i'm mostly just sorta left stunned and reeling; and sometimes in a moment of clarity i feel a call to arms and long to spring into action and up onto the barricades (etc.), but i lack the abilities for any kind of follow-through, which can be distressing as i think, "i'm not doing my part to save my fellow suffererers out there!" in these moments i have to remind myself that first i have to get better, and for now i just gotta hang on to my own life raft, bc that's pretty much all i can do, and most of the time it's a tall order as is, at least for now. i have to tell myself that what i cannot currently comprehend, is not currently my job. i try to do the tasks i am able to do, that is what is for me to do here and now. for example: currently i am able to shower once a week, sometimes twice a week. i am able to do a gentle yoga session about once a week. leaving the house is very difficult, but i manage to get out about twice a week. i am able to do my own grocery shopping (usually once a week), which brings me a sense of satisfaction and purpose. i am able to cook for myself (i've been on a self-designed, tried-and-true nutritional regimen for a couple of years now, which works quite well for me); nourishing myself is a vital part of my day and one of the few ways i'm able to actively engage with life on a daily basis. there are many, many things i'm unable to do and many, many ways in which i'm functionally disabled. i don't feel like getting into that now. in this moment i'd like to focus on markers of progress. for example: here i am, writing an introduction post. i have not posted here before bc writing and verbal communication, esp. disembodied/virtual kind without being in the physical presence of the other person, is something that has been extremely difficult for me in withdrawal and continues to be very, very challenging. so this is really hard and scary right now; and at the same time it is a marker of progress that i am able to be here writing this at all, since for so long i have not been able to and now i'm giving it a try. we'll see how it goes. these days i feel like i'm in my little WS groove. doing my thing, doing the best i can. i tell myself that this too shall pass -- based on the accounts of people on this site and the many success stories, it's possible to recover and heal. i trust that this is true; which means that there's a finite number of WS days/hours/moments (that number is unknown and unknowable, i call it X). and so it follows that every single day/hour/moment of WS-related suffering is 1 down, X to go and brings me that much closer to the conclusion. this is my way of conceptualizing the unpleasantness and discomfort as healing-in-process. instead of thinking of it as "i'm still sick" (which connotates stuck-ness and static state), reminding myself "i'm continously healing" (which conveys movement and development and some notion of constructive progress). it's very, very hard. i do feel like things are getting better ... lately one of the odd things about feeling better is that the WS symptoms have decreased somewhat in intensity, and now that some of the WS symptoms are less extreme, it's as though it's less clear to me that they are indeed WS symptoms. i sometimes find myself thinking, "wait, what if this particular thing is no longer WS and now this is just 'me'?" overall i tell myself that this line of thinking is still WS, as these are "anxiety thoughts" and fear-based, and i pay them as little mind as possible. it's a strange sign of progress that as WS is gradually lessening in intensity the lines between "syndrome" and "self" seem to be blurring more and more. this is, of course, compounded by an underlying all-pervasive tension around the question, "who am i?" at this point i accept that i have no idea who i am. i don't know who i am now, i don't know who i was before, i don't know who i will be after. my sense of identity is flimsy at best, i have difficulty with any sense of continuity or understanding "me", "my life", or anything along those lines. it's okay. i'm not sure my sense of self has ever been that strong to begin with. i don't know where i'll be dumped at the end of this fun-house-mirror-lined chute of WS bizarro-world ... it's kinda funny sometimes, when i think about it. it's all so absurd. all these illusions and so many people out there running around all serious and self-important and convinced of what's "real". maybe i'll feel like that one day, who knows? ... (feel free to skip to the end of the book, eh?) anyway. i don't have much more to say for now. this is the most words i've used in any one sitting in any context possibly in years. i mostly don't like social contact due to conventions/exigencies of verbal communication (i don't mind context of shared social presence as long as there is no speaking/conversation involved) and so i spend most of my time alone. i'm actually surprised this many words have come out of me! and now i'm babbling, i've got the feeling this is all very messy. but the most important part is: ABSTRACT hello. thank you. i'm here. ain't that a trip with love, "me" 1996-2018: various polypharmacy combinations incl. SSRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzodiazepines, stimulants, etc. (approx. 30+ different drugs over the years) 2018 - inadvertently CTed lexapro/escitalopram from 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg (over the course of 6 months, and under the "supervision" of a psychiatrist whom i trusted at the time) July 2018 - 0mg lexapro/escitalopram 2017 - 2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 70mg 2020 - 2021 - tapered off of vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine from 70mg down to 0mg (gradually but unsystematically and probably too quickly) July 2021 - 0mg vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine February 2022 - 0mg - no psychopharmaceuticals - no drugs/medications of any kind supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 2mg melatonin at 9pm

I am dismayed when I look back at the past ten years. I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder and headed off to college with Lexapro. Ten years of therapy, several diagnoses, seventeen medications, and one intensive outpatient program later, I still feel flat inside. My therapist has been encouraging me to reconsider my medication usage - we both share the feeling that I am overmedicated and disregulated. The medications I am currently on - Wellbutrin, Lithium, Trintellix, Caplyta, Topimarate, dosages in signature - have not nudged me in one direction or another - and I strongly desire a change. There are several reasons that drove me to Surviving ADs: Accidentally overdosing on Lithium during the summer Side effects: fine tremor in hands, difficulty getting erections, very low sex drive, constant battle against dehydration, discomfort with heat It's not sustainable for me to pay over $800/month on meds until my deductible is met My psychiatrist is leaving his practice and I need to find someone else for medication management I feel like there must be more to life than the slog the past ten years have been I don't particularly mind taking 10 pills a day, getting labs done every couple of months, or having to take Tadalafil every time I want to have sex, but it has to be worth it. Taking stock of my life right now, I don't think it's worth it. I've given it a good college try, and now I'd like to get off the ride. I'd like to plan tapering off my medications (10% at a time, of course!) while staying in talk therapy, and finding a new healthcare provider. As it goes, I'm not sure how to approach a few pieces of this: I don't really have a great relationship with a doctor at the moment - would it seem adequate to find a new doctor as a prescriber? Once again, my psychiatrist is leaving the practice, so I do need a prescriber as I taper off. How does the taper conversation go with a prescriber? How does a person taper off five medications? Is there an order of operations to follow? I'm at a point in my life where I can't even remember beyond foggy details how I felt before I was taking antidepressants. Would should I expect for returning to the unmedicated LaurenceAloof?

Hello, first of all, excuse me for my English, which is not my language. I’m a 50 years old man, long term SSRI/SNRI user who is trying to survive after a lot of mistakes made with this poisons. First SSRI was prescribed me in 1998: a psychiatrist decided to solve my panic attacks, anxiety and fears to be sick with a 20 mg of paroxetine. My journey with SSRI began: I took paroxetine from 1998 to 2008; then escitalopram from 2008 to 2010; venlafaxine XR from 2011 to 2016. During this period, 3 or 4 times I attempted to stop but after six months free I reinstated the drug; my doctor said that the difficulty to stop was a problem of mine because “SSRI don’t give dependence” and anyway said “if necessary you can use it for all the life”. For sure from 2006 for me was IMPOSSIBLE to decrease paroxetine under 10 mg!!! From 2017 drugs seem not work as in the past: my doctor tries firstly with escitalopram (from december 2017 to august 2018), sertraline (from november 2018 to july 2019) and finally vortioxetine (november 2019 to february 2020). On february the 6th I took for last time vortioxetine which was giving to me just problems More than nine months have passed since then during which I experienced extremely heavy symptoms that reduced my mental energies and threw me into a profound discomfort that makes it increasingly difficult to carry out my normal activities. Some of the symptoms are those that I have already known in the past (although they present themselves in a more severe way): agitated anxiety; insomnia (I have occasionally taken xanax which fortunately I have used very rarely in these 20 years) and sudden and agitated awakenings; obsessive search for information and explanations about my malaise (via the internet). Others are new: an unbearable mood swings; a certain emotional lability (I get very easily moved and angry); physical symptoms such as fatigue with pain in particular in the legs and frequent palpitations. In the background then there are distressing thoughts for the future: evolution of my malaise (fear of irreversible damage to my nervous system induced by prolonged use of drugs). What seemed surprising was requent change in symptoms from week to week. At the end I found this site and with it a little hope: I have learned many things, even about my mistakes, and discovered that I’m not alone. Now I’m just surviving and my days are (very) often hard to pass, but there are moments (1 or 2 hours in a day) when I feel this journey through the hell is a long and necessary way to live again, to see the stars again. My long journey to healing has started, and I hope you would support me with your advice.

Kernol's benzo topic Hi everyone, I was doing so well on my sertraline tapering over the last few years which i originally took for anxiety 10 years ago. It was only as I quit completely 6 weeks ago after doing my best to measure down from 25 mg to 12.5mg then 7.5mg - i must have gone too quickly as after 2 weeks completely off it I was hit with out of the blue anxiety attacks that seemed off the scale compared to anything I had experienced in my 10 years on it. I am now really struggling with these adrenaline rushes and so the doctor suggested that I go back onto 25mg to see if it was because I did it too fast. I have now been taking the 25mg for 1 week and the anxiety attacks are still very bad and frequent. I feel like I have been plugged into an electric socket. I am now starting to really panic about panicing and my biggest fear is - have I done the right thing going back on it like this? And if this anxiety doesn't settle in a week or so - then what? I am scared stiff after reading forums of people saying these drugs can cause permanent brain issues - what if I never get my anxiety under control again due to this drug. I am scared witless of people talking about months of hell of withdrawals. I just want to be stable like I was for the 10 years I was on it. I am just looking for help, guidance anything that will let me know if this should settle - could it be that this anxiety is the anxiety like when you start the drug originally? I really am scared - please somebody help me.

Hello All… Over the years I’ve been plied with most SSRIs there are, in an attempt to combat depersonalisation / derealisation disorder. About three years ago I was put on Vortioxetine (aka Brintellix). It did help with the DPDR but I’m just fed up of feeling nothing at all now and having no enthusiasm for anything. I decide to start reducing my dose about two weeks ago and so far the experience has been horrendous. So far side withdrawn effects are - Strong head zapping / weird head sensations. Strong feelings of panic - agoraphobiac type symptoms. Short temper - generally being unpleasant to people around me. Constant feeling of tensions - especially in the mornings. Relentless tiredness. Mental confusion. Very low mood What’s worrying me is that this is just dropping to 5mg. Withdrawal got so bad yesterday I nearly abandoned the idea of getting off them. Would love to hear from anyone with experience of coming off this one. Best wishes to all….

Help! I am needing advice for my taper off Vortioxetine/Brintellix. My story so far: Was put on Escitalopram at age 21 in 2014 for generalised anxiety. Sure it helped me with my anxiety however the side effects were significant (severe emotional blunting, no libido, amongst others), however doctors always recommended I stay on them. So I did. Many years later I finally woke up to the fact that the medication wasn't helping much anymore, and that along with the side effects made me decide I wanted to come off it. I tapered down over 6 weeks (which was even slower than what the doctor had recommended), and suffered severe anxiety, emotional ups and downs, low mood. I had put those symptoms down to a resurgence of my original anxiety exacerbated by a poorly timed job change, but now the more I read I know it was withdrawal symptoms. I then started Brintellix as recommended by my doctor and have been on that for approximately the last year. I saw no additional benefit compared to the Escitalopram however the thought of going through the process of changing medications again was too overwhelming so I just stayed on it because I didn't know what to do. I desperately want to come off the medication but after the last time I have been too scared. I am now at the point in my life where my husband and I want to conceive, so have started the taper as recommended by my psychiatrist. I was taking 20mg every second day (to be honest I don't even know why, probably because I would occasionally forget to take it, it didn't seem to have any negative effect, and my psychiatrist didn't seem to see a problem with that so I just continued). 3 days ago I dropped down to 10mg every second day as instructed. However since I did that I have stumbled across this site and now realise this is far too quick, and my planned 3 month taper is also way too fast given how long I have been on medication. I haven't had any withdrawal symptoms so far. I know that it is recommended to drop down 10% per month, however my question is now what do I do at this point to give me the best chance for success? Do I carry on with 10mg every second day as recommended? Or do I change to take 10mg daily? Or do I go back up to closer to my original dose and restart the taper from there? Side note, over the last year I have also been diagnosed with ADHD, and have discovered a lot of, if not most of my anxiety is due to symptoms from that. I have trialled a couple of stimulants (ritalin, dexamfetamine, vyvanse), with mild benefit, but am scared to start another psychiatric medication after this ordeal with SSRIs. The theory my psychiatrist is working with is that ADHD medication will help with my anxiety (as most of my anxiety stems from symptoms of ADHD), and can be used as a tool to help get off the Brintellix. This made sense to me however I am now scared introducing another medication will confuse my system even more.... or will it help? I am just so unsure about what to do. I greatly appreciate any help/advice

DESPERATE: How a normal person lie for antidepressants and was ruined tl;dr: A burned-out normal person thought antidepressants could be performance enhancer so she lied to doc that she was depressed. She was treated as GAD and MDD because she had side effects and reached a point that with drugs she couldn't function. She was eventually honest with her doctor and is in the process of withdrawing. She felt very bad, anxious and sleepless because of the withdrawal symptoms, and deeply desperate and regretful. She has realized that she has made terrible mistakes and is guilty. She needs hope/support/encouragement that taking time she will be back to normal. From 2020 to 2021/05 I was a workaholic and didn't have a schedule at all. I just woke up and drank coffee, forced myself to work, and sleep at the point I could not work anymore, ate at the point I felt hungry. So going to bed in the morning and having lunch at 3 am was normal for me at that year. I feel so regretful, I thought I was young and healthy, so I should work as hard as I could regardless of my health. So after a year self burning, I was completely retarded. I couldn't sleep anymore. My heart was pounding when I tried to sleep, and it took me hours to fall asleep. However, besides the sleep problem, I was functioning normally. I still finished work and hung out with my friends. Just my sleep was completely ruined, which is not surprising given a year's messed up. However, even at that point, I was still thinking about performance enhancements. If I was a little bit reasonable, I should pick an antidepressant that helps with sleep, a calmer one. But I was so crazy, I picked venlafaxine which is known for activating and notorious for increasing heart rate and worsening sleep. I don't know what was wrong with me at that point, maybe I was confused by the devil, I neglected all of the venlafaxine's side effects. I must have read about its side effects somewhere but my mind refused to accept or believe it. So I went to a walk-in clinic, and lie to the doctor that I had venlafaxine before, and I had a generalized anxiety disorder. The doctor believed me and started treating me as GAD. As I said, venlafaxine has notorious side effects that will make heart racing and worsen sleep. I didn't realize that, and the doctor ironically didn't realize that either. After taking venlafaxine, I had more and more frequent heart racing and worse sleep. The doctor thought it was my GAD got worse, and he increased the dosage of A and benzo for sleep, which only made things worse. Eventually he gave me rexulti, the antipsychotic. Ironically my racing heart recovered after having rexulti. I was so happy, I thought I was cured. So I went back to work. However my sleep was so bad that I always felt tired. So I saw a psychiatrist, and told her about the sleep problem and of course the lie about having GAD. She prescripted me mirtazapine 30mg before bedtime. I stopped mirtazapine in November because it made me gain 30 lbs. So from August to December(November) I was on 225mg of venlafaxine and 30mg of mirtazapine. I was so fatigued everyday but forced myself to work because I wanted to achieve something. It was so dark during these months. My neurosystem and brain have already been messed up by so many drugs, but I believed I was fine and cured and stable, and of course, I was not. My only mental support was a promise with my friend that after December we would go on a trip, a long relaxing trip. Every time I felt burned out I told myself, hold onto it; there is a trip waiting for you. And devastating thing happened: My friend went back to her home country in December and January. I didn't realize it until my work was done. I suddenly realized that the trip was gone. I lost the only hope and good thing which kept me going and not falling apart for months. My mental health was totally destroyed at that point. I shouldn't be so desperate and burned out, but after months of abusive use of drugs my brain and neuro system were completely messed up. I would say, if I didn't take these antidepressants for months I wouldn't have that mental meltdown in December. I was sent to the emergency in December. There they gave me more benzos, and the psychiatrist increased my venlafaxine from 225mg to 300mg. He also gave me another antidepressant bupropion. bupropion was another super activating drug, and wasn't helping my mental health at all. My mental health issue got better after spending time with my other friends, and bupropion caused a lot of panic attacks, sleep problems and racing hearts. How do I know they are directly caused by bupropion? because these symptoms went away after I cold turkeyed bupropion. That was a point when I realized psychiatrists are not so reliable: The psychiatrist who gave me bupropion insisted that my anxiety, panic attacks , racing heart and worsen sleep were caused by my worsen GAD, because according to their "guildline", bupropion is supposed to help with anxiety. However this time I know for sure bupropion was causing these problems because they went away after I stopped bupropion for a short amount of days. Also my sleep got worse and worse in 2022. I could only slept for a few hours, and the sleep was bad, it didn't recharge me. I was just a dead body walking. Yea I was working **** hard and that was just by my strong spirit. I was so tired these days and it was abnormal tiredness, more like restlessness. I was so so so tired, but I couldn't nap. My heart was pounding so loudly whenever I tried to nap. And of course my heart was pounding at bedtime, and my doctor just gave me more benzo, what a shame! Remind you that by May 2022 I have been taking venlafaxine for a year on a high dosage, and venlafaxine is a strong activator and is notorious for raising heart beat and causing anxiety even for really depressed ppl. I, a healthy person, have been on it for a year, and by May 2022 I have almost reached my limit. Finally my family doctor suspected that venlafaxine is not suitable for me. So he switched me to escitalopram. So in June, July and August I was taking escitalopram. My sleep was still bad, and I became even more tired during the day. And I had brain fog all the time, ironically I was still taking driving lessons. It's so dangerous for me to drive and I know it. I failed tests for other reasons, and now I realize they might be a warning from god. Test center ppl didn't know I was dangerous driving, but they still failed me. This must be a sign from god, warning me that I am on the wrong path. Brain fog, fatigue, bad sleep, my family doctor thought it was my depression that went worse. So he increased the dosage of D to 20mg(the max) and rexulti to 3mg. By the end of July, my work became intense. I was fatigued and foggy, but I have to work. I worked **** hard again under tons of pressure, with a foggy brain and fatigue. That week was so bad that I had really bad headache. I guess I was really on the edge of falling apart by then. The week after that I had the worst panic attack and sleeplessness. I lost my sleep completely, I became so fatigued that I couldn't function in the day. If in July the fatigue and fog were something I could still live with, by the end of August that became something that I couldn't live with because I couldn't function at all. went to the emergency again, and they gave me Seroquel, another antipsychotic. This is the med that kept me sleeping all day in September. But no one told me that. I figured it out after I stopped it. Oh I wasn't working since August because I cannot. And brain fog is making me crazy. I didn't have the fog when I was on venlafaxine, so I switched back to venlafaxine. The fog went away, but my racing heart and bad sleep came back. When I was standing , my heart rate was 120. So my family doctor switched me to trintellix, the one I.am taking and tapering right now. After switching to trintellix my heart rate became normal again. But still I was so fatigue and sometimes foggy. I wasn't able to sit still and watch a movie even. I began to realize something was wrong. For the first time, I was honest to my doctor and everyone around me. I told them at the beginning there was nothing wrong with me, I lied for antidepressants just for enhancing performance. My doctor cold turkeryed rexulti and Seroquel six weeks ago and I am still suffering from its withdrawal symptoms: bad sleep, anxiety, brain fog. This week my doctor asked me to taper trintellix. I have been taking 5 mg for three days and could feel the anxiety is worsen, so is my sleep. But at this point I really don't care about my feeling anymore. I just want these poison to get out of body ASAP and give my body time to recover back to normal. I was so regretful that I lied, I was stupid and greedy. I am in desperate everyday that there has been permanent damage to my brain and I will never become a normal person again. PLEASE give me some support/encouragement/hope that I will be back to normal. PLEASE feel free to blame me for being so stupid. I feel lonely, helpless and desperate.

Hi everybody I'm Soren from Denmark, 50 years old, and just started tapering 18 years of Mirtazapine-use. Earlier I have tried to withdraw from mirtazapine three times and every time by doctors instructions (50% two weeks, 50% of the remaining dose two weeks, then stop), and the last time I nearly hurt my beloved cat in rage. It was the most frightening out of control experience and periode in my life. I'm not long into my taper (down to 20 mg from 30 mg) and my taper it is going well at the moment (5% every three weeks). As almost universally experienced by other mirtazapine 'withdrawalees' I suffer day 4 or 5 after a reduction, but come day 8 and I am stabilized and on day 10 I feel a little better than before the reduction. I will write more about my experience with both citalopram, brintellix (trintellix), and mirtazapine later but for know I just want to say thank you. You see I have for over 6 months been browsing survivingantidepressants and even though I can feel the heartbroken, desperate loneliness in peoples struggles, I feel that you are a little more non-lonely when when you are visible for each other. More importantly I will no longer just be a browsing antidepressant surviver. If I (and everybody else who are anonymously browsing) continue to free ride on sites like surviving antidepressants the real magnitude of the antidepressant problem will never be known and the work you do never be recognized (enough). I have seen somewhere (maybe a YouTube video) that survivingantidepressants.org has over 14.000 members. My guess is for every site-member in the withdrawal community (on FB-groups, twitter, RxISK, innercompass etc) there are +1000 more browsing non members out there. So here you have one more grateful member so you hugely important work can become a little more visible. Soren from Denmark

Hey All!! I’m so glad I found this site although it may be a little late. I fear I tapered too quickly on Brintellix and here I am experiencing withdrawal. To give you a little history, I started antidepressants in October 2016 after a very stressful job left me in a bad place. At that time, I should have listened to my husband who told me that if I quit my job, all would return to normal. Instead, I felt the only way to heal myself was to start antidepressants. I did quit my job at the same time and expected to be “healed” with my antidepressants. Unfortunately, I bounced from Lexapro to Pristiq and finally to Brintellix in November of 2015 along with Lamictal to stabilize my mood. Looking back, I’m not sure any of those drugs actually worked…I may have been going through withdrawal every time I stopped taking one. Instead of getting better with the new antidepressant I think maybe I was just getting over the withdrawal of another??? Needless to say, I very quickly got off the Lamictal in June 2016 (went from 100-50-0 in a 3 week period). I went through withdrawal from that (about 3 months before it was over completely) and started feeling more like myself. My intent was never to stay on AD forever so at the end of October, I was feeling well. I had worked through my issues with my therapist, was good at my job, and genuinely happy. However, I was still acutely aware that I still wasn’t myself. I could not feel PURE JOY. I was pretty numb. So my doc told me to taper on my Brintellix, go down to 5mg (from 10) for two weeks and then stop completely. My last day of Brintellix was November 10th. Within a week I was actually feeling more like myself than I had in years!! I was laughing with my kids and at random things on TV. I was back. About the beginning of December was when the symptoms began. I felt more FRUSTRATION than I ever had, so much madness. I felt like a toddler trying to figure out how to manage my emotions again. I worried that the depression was returning because I didn’t have my Brintellix. But it didn’t make any sense. My life had not changed. I was feeling joy—more joy than I had---but I was also experiencing these random thoughts that would not get out of my head. It felt like I had two lives going on at times. The one in my head and the one outside my head. Current Symptoms: Irrational Fears Unable to be fully present Sleep—my mind won’t STOP Erratic Menstrual Cycle that make symptoms of anxiety even worse Physical Anxiety Improvements since discontinuing: Joy Intimacy with my husband Pockets of being myself again Thank you for any advice or encouragement you have related to my symptoms. To all of you who have been doing this, you are amazing!

Hello and nice to meet everyone. I have been reading as much as I can the past two days and feel like it is time to introduce myself. THANK YOU for everything you all have contributed, this site is a game changer. So many questions answered and a new journey begins. You can see my drug history and four month taper in my signature over the spring/summer (my psychiatrist at the time recommended two weeks, go figure). I had planned on a few crappy months going into this. Oh if I had only found this site first... Withdrawal didn’t kick in for at least two weeks, and slowly at first. I spent all of September and October dodging and weaving through good days and bad days, which I observed simply as “anxiety” (my original diagnosis) but with unusual physical symptoms. I journaled and kept calendar entries, mostly to record when I had to resort to Ativan (usually 0.5mg, occasionally 1mg). Other than for flight anxiety (two trips), I can count 17 times I took it over those two months, and only as a last resort. I had two sudden midnight “surges” (after feeling great) with shivers, out of control heart rate, even some diarrhea, which would last hours. I was convinced it was Serotonin Syndrome. The second one took me to urgent care the next morning for a heart checkup. A few days later a new psychiatrist then put me on Propranolol (beta blocker) as my primary concern was my heart. Propranolol immediately helped me observe and evaluate the “anxiety” I was experiencing which helped a lot. The new psychiatrist also had me stop 5-HTP after only a few weeks which was probably smart. I speak to him again this Friday, not sure what to share/ask given what I am learning here. I am now clear on the fact that I am riding waves of withdrawal symptoms, anxiety responds to the unusual feelings and emotions created by the withdrawal and adds its own icing to the cake, but I am focused on observing and not reacting, and doing my best to “ride it out”. The most unusual part of this “pattern” has been the timing of it all - usually kicking into high gear in the evenings after dark (earlier and earlier in my part of the world). I am nervous about traveling this weekend (short flight) but also realize I need to try and have as “normal” a life as I can stand under these conditions. My wife is awesome, understanding and super supportive. At 12 weeks in, I am not sure reinstatement is an option for me, even though I still have 5mg Trintellix in my drawer, and could try taking microdoses. Leaning toward a no, but I realize I may have run out of time to make that decision? I have read almost all the “required reading” but would still appreciate an opinion on that one. Also considering stopping my multivitamin, turmeric and mulberry leaf extract and taking only my “Super Omega-3 Plus” (Fish Oil) and picking up magnesium pills. I just started the Probiotic so I could drop it too, but not feeling like it would impact all of this either way? I am intrigued by the Reishi 415 blend to get some non-psychedelic mushroom love. Lastly my wife and I are thinking about therapeutic float tanks (she would love to do it again) and I have begun using our hot tub as part of my daily routine, along with many failed attempts at meditating. Anxiety was never something I handled well to begin with, and I realize now I must absolutely be on my game to dance this intricate dance. I will post any new thoughts, findings and curiosities on this thread as appropriate. I appreciate everyone’s support! PS- I opted to not use the appropriate abbreviations as I wanted to easily share this summary with family

Hi, sorry in advance, I am a non-native English speaker. In Sep. 2021 I was “diagnosed” with burnout syndrome, after working way too much over years, basically day and night as a vet surgeon. I was resting and things were slightly improving until dec. 21, I felt really fatigued and weak, but never low mood or depressed. Sleep was always good. In Jan. 22, I was prescribed first time in my life with an AD, Brintellix 5 mg (med history in my signature). In March 22 I was stopped from 10 mg Brintellix because of many physical symptoms and ended in hospital with weakness, muscle pains, couldn’t barely walk. What I didn’t know then, I was probably suffering from wd symptoms. 1. April I was set back on 5 mg, raised to 20 mg till 17. May. Suffered from severe physical smyptoms couldn’t barely walk, ataxia, muscle weakness, nausea, dizziness, vertigo & fatigue. Then the doc made me reduce again in Jul. to 10 mg, the symptoms were stabilizing after two weeks, but the doc gave me Wellbutrin 150 mg, stopped after 3 days, this was hell!! Read afterwards Wellbutrin is “doubling” the dose from Brintellix! 24. Aug I reduced to 5 mg, symptoms were stabilizing after 10 days but doc made me stop in a few days with 5 – 0 mg. Since 14. Sep. no meds at all, after 2 days all hell broke loose: itch on the whole body (never had before), flu like symptoms (never had before), neuropathic pains, muscle pains, stomach ache (never had before), weakness, headaches, light sensitivity, dizziness, fatigue and so on. And yesterday I stumbled on this forum. I am speechless, angry, and sad, this is crazy, nobody ever told me to taper off slowly, this is insane. And it says in the booklet from Brintellix you can stop immediately! I’ve spent hours reading in your topics and your work is very much appreciated, wow! So now I think I am suffering from wd symptoms. Should I go back now on a low dose brintellix to stabilize? And then taper off slowly? How much should I take? 0.5 mg or more? I am so desperate. Right now, I am taking Vit. C 500 mg and Omega 3 fish oil since yesterday, and that’s it. Thanks for your advice in advance Much love Flo75

About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. I started seeing a physiatrist that put me on the combination of Straterra and Vyvance for ADHD, Trileptal and Trintellix for depression/mood stabilizer and Prozac for OCD. I have been on this mix of medication for more then 5 years. I think I am not ready to start weening myself off this medication, because I am in a very good place mentally. The last time I tried to stop Prozac I went from 50 mg to 0 over 5 weeks, but I think that it was way too fast and I had to go back to my previous doze. Looking back, I should have questioned all this medication when my doctors was prescribing it, but now I feel stuck and not sure where to begin. Hoping someone here has some suggestions.

Hi Everyone, Well i am 36 years old and my journey with antidepressants started at the age of 16 (in 1999) when i started having panic attacks, i had always been a sensitive person and prone to bouts of anxiety as far back as i can remember. The list of medications went from Aropax, Zoloft, Cymbalta, Fluoxetine etc etc and i had tried numerous times basically since i first got put on them at 16 to stop them, i resented the fact that the doctor was telling me i would need them probably for the rest of my life and that i had a "chemical imbalance" which was determined through an extremely flimsy set of written questions, with no science at all backing it up! But unfortunately i was young and naive and this was back when you trusted what your doctor was telling you, so i reluctantly agreed. Every time i tried to come off this medication i would fail spectacularly and end up in severe distress at which point the doctor would use this as "proof i needed medication" when actually this was a withdrawal symptom all along which unfortunately took a lot of pain and anguish and time for me to come to understand, but i am where i am. I had been on the Fluoxetine for over a decade (can't remember exactly how long) and was tapering off in 2016 (before i knew anything about tapering), anyway i reached a point after a difficult breakup where i had a complete meltdown anxiety wise to the point where it was unbearable and the doctor put me on Mirtazapine where my weight ballooned to the biggest i'd ever been and i am only 155cm tall and since being put on antidepressants have put on close to 30kg! I used to be quite fit and active until this happened. Anyway at the end of 2017 after being on 15mg of Mirtazapine for a year as well as remaining on the reinstated 20mg of Fluoxetine i began tapering the Mirtazapine because the weight gain was making me even more miserable. The taper was going quite well and i had been tapering for 18months and was down to 0.5mg! and found out my mum needed to have some pretty serious surgery and lost my job which sent me into a spiral and unfortunately because i didn't know any better at the time i reinstated the full 15mg of mirtazapine again instead of just pushing it up 1mg or something and holding for 6 weeks (which seems to be the magic number for me). Anyway, after discussing with my doctor we decided to change the 20 mg of Fluoxetine over to 20mg of Vortioxetine after i had done a DNA test which supposedly tells you which medications may work better with your genetic makeup. So now i find myself on a new drug and also still taking the 15mg of Mirtazapine. The medication change was 10 weeks ago now and 5 days after the switch i did have some vomiting, diarrhea, headache and anxiety which passed but have had a steady stream of side effects including - intermittent Anxiety (sometimes panic), mild vertigo, some headaches, nausea, teariness and feelings of DEEP sorrow, irritability, ruminating thoughts the list goes on and on really but they all seem to pass quite quickly at this stage so i am hoping to power through and hoping that these side effects won't get any worse. Once i have had a solid period of time where there are no side effects and i feel physically and mentally ready then i will attempt at weaning from the mirtazapine (I wish i could do it immediately so i could finally fit into my old clothes again but alas the evil antidepressant side effects stop this from being a reality right now). I am being careful to keep a journal of my symptoms and become more aware of what my body is telling me, as well as learning from other people's stories from this website, which are immensely helpful as well as listening to James Moore's youtube channel called "Let's talk withdrawal" which i highly recommend to everyone who needs some encouragement. So glad to have found Surviving Antidepressants and reading all your experiences, it really helps to know I am not alone through this process

Hey there! This is my first time posting on this platform, so I hope you'll forgive me if I'm in breach of any protocols or haven't used the space appropriately. I tried to read as much as I could before diving into this, but frankly, there's a lot of stuff to sift through, and it got overwhelming at points. So, if I've erred, please, don't hesitate to let me know so that I might make amends. Anyway! My signature pretty much says it all. I've used Venlafaxine (Effexor) to treat social anxiety disorder and chronic depression since I was about 21-years-old (I'm now 30), often bouncing between 150mg and 225mg to varying degrees of success, and with little issue save for some of the nastier side-effects. In my case, those side-effects were weight gain, loss of energy, libidinal ones, and if I miss my dose by even a few hours, the worst brain zaps imaginable. There's been very little interruption of this medication, save for one spell of going cold turkey for a few months, and a few quick run-ins with Fluoxetine (Prozac) and Escitalopram (Cipralex). Ultimately, I kept coming back to Venlafaxine because it worked better than any other medication I'd tried, and I could live with the side-effects even if I'd rather not. So from about 2017 onward until the spring of 2021, I kept on Venlafaxine at about 150mg without interruption. The side-effects really started to weight on me in the months leading up to that spring, particularly the weight gain. I figured that there had to be a better way, and I'd heard great things about Desvenlafaxine (Pristiq), so I thought I'd give that a shot. I consulted with my doctor who said that we could do this without issue, but would rather I tried Vortioxetine (Trintellix) instead because of the prohibitive cost of Desvenlafaxine. His plan was to taper off of 150mg of Venlafaxine over a month, and then immediately switch to Vortioxetine. It seemed like a good enough plan to me because, well, I didn't know any better. This, of course, was when my life got ruined, it seems almost irreversibly at times. Simply put: I did not take well to the Vortioxetine. It was an awful, awful experience. I had more panic attacks in my first two weeks on that medication than the rest of my life combined. I'd lost the capacity to think or to speak or to remember anything. I was in constant discomfort. It was like my life had been turned completely upside down. Worse still, I started to develop pure obsessive compulsive disorder, something that hadn't really been a thing for me to this point in my life. I tried and I tried to stick it out, but I had to quit after a month. I couldn't bare to live like that. And my doctor threw in the towel and told me to talk to a psychiatrist. So I did precisely that. I had to wait a month, though, at which point I was without any medication and I suffered such debilitating withdrawals that I had to go to the hospital. I didn't really know what was going on at the time and I'd never felt worse in my life. But, eventually I got through that, and I spoke with a psychiatrist at the hospital. They told me that Vortioxetine was a terrible choice on my doctor's part, and my experience was pretty much par for the course. She said it's by far the worst medication for people with anxiety or social anxiety. She also wasn't particularly fond of me tapering off of Venlafaxine for a month when I'd been using it for the better part of a decade. I started taking Desvenlafaxine on June 1, 2021, with a dosage of 50mg for two weeks, and then up to 100mg. And it didn't really do much for me, which was devastating. I'd wake up having panic attacks. I'd have regular panic attacks throughout the day. On top of it all, I'd developed tinnitus. My social anxiety was in an awful place. I tried to stick out for as long as I could before I threw in the towel on that and switched back to Venlafaxine -- the devil you know, right? The switch back to Venlafaxine offered some relief, but I didn't feel anything like I used to before this whole ordeal. I was still an anxious mess. My pure OCD compulsions remained, another devastating blow. I felt spaced out constantly. It was a better experience than I'd had on Vortioxetine or Desvenlafaxine, but hardly a good one. This would still register as the worst I'd felt from a mental health perspective at any point in my life prior to last spring, when this medication SNAFU turned my life upside down. Worse still, I couldn't really get my dosage up to a helpful level. I seemed to feel worse when I moved up to 75mg. It was like my body and my mind couldn't handle this drug that at one point was a feature of my every day life for years at a time. So, I went back to 37.5mg, feeling awful constantly. Anxious, depressed, suffering pure OCD compulsions... it felt at times like I'd lost my mind. And as it became clear that this wasn't doing much for me, I started to slowly wean myself off of Venlafaxine, one half-bead at a time. I'm now down to one bead, which is about 12mg, if I'm not mistaken. I've felt better as I've weaned down, if only slightly, which is both good and bad. I still feel awful relative to where I was before this medication ordeal started last spring. And I really do need this medication to get through day-to-day life. My situation feels hopeless. I'm watching personal and professional relationships deteriorate because I can't handle even the most rote social engagements without freaking out completely. I've contemplated taking my life on a few occasions, and came very close to doing so last November. I've spoken to a psychiatrist who wants me to try starting Sertraline, but frankly, I'm kind of terrified given my experiences the last few months. I just don't have anymore room for my life to get worse before, well... I don't even know. Any advice on what to do? I'm totally at a loss here, feeling failed by my doctors, and in a hopeless loop that leaves me feeling awful on day-to-day basis, unable to live the life I did at this time a year ago.

Greetings. I have been taking Brintellix ( 10 Mg ) and Mirtazapeine ( 15Mg ) for about a year. After a slow start they started ( seeming ) to work well about 3-4 months in and the result ( after a serious episode of clinical depression / anxiety with frequent, planned suicidal ideation) was that I've been feeling clear headed, calm and able to focus on work and live a full life as a family man with a demanding career. During the depression I'd seriously considered that my career would not be possible and made plans ( when I wasn't thinking about ending my life ) to work in a less demanding occupation. So once bedded in, the medication, or possibly other factors like good diet, yoga and excercise, seems to have really helped. Overall I'd say I've been feeling less anxious than at any point in my adult life ( I'm now 50 ) and not experiencing any adverse side effects from the drugs, bar a slight reduction in my sex drive- but only slight. I sometimes also find that afetr I've taken the Mirtazapeine in the evening I can't stay up for long, for example if I've watching a movie. I have 2 concerns A ) I don't really like allopathic medications and was very resistant to taking anything. I have treated myself and my family successfully with natural medicines for my whole life, not even taking headache pills or antibiotics. This seemed like an emergency and my family were very keen for me to try prescribed medications. My feelings at the time were, well even if I live a few years less, that's probably better than suicide and the pain that would cause my family + friends. So I got on board with the 2 medications. B ) I'm concerned that at some point one or both of the drugs will " Crap Out " anyway and I'll hit a wall. I've had a lot of therapy since starting the medication and deepened my spiritual practice and feel that I've much better equipped to handle depression if it hits me again. I'm wondering if I can get some advice on which order to start tapering / withdrawing, and what I might expect from the process? I'm not taking any other medications, and I don't drink alcohol or take any recreational drugs. I'm sleeping well right now. I'm a naturally anxious / neurotic person and have lived with this all my life, so I have strategies for coping with those feelings / sensations if they creep back. After starting to experimentally taper - I tried dropping the mirtazapiene by 25% and then 50%- the anxiety has definitely ramped up in quite sudden waves and I'm sure I'm not approaching things in a sensible way- so am considering taking the dose back up to 75% of prescribed 15Mg ( so 3/4 of a 15 Mg pill ) and taking a more steady approach from advice on this website. I'm seeing that 10% taper in a month is more normal- but had tried 25% and 50% purely because I have a demanding life and making liquids etc seemed like another thing too many- but I'm seeing that it may be the only sensible way forward. Thanks in advance.

I have depression and anxiety. My former prescribing ARNP started me on Latuda to augment sertraline (an off-label use) but I didn’t notice any effects. We then switched 150mg sertraline to 20mg trintillex from November-December and I felt good but I had eye twitching and found out it was expensive so I decided to try an ADHD medication as recommended by my prescribing ARNP. I lowered my trintillex (I think to 10mg) and started the ADHD med but I was anxious and nauseous on it so I stopped and went back up to 20mg trintillex. A few weeks after that, I started having severe symptoms (see below). I have a feeling that increasing the trintillex caused my current symptoms but Latuda is not covered by my insurance so I want to get off it as well. I know I need to titrate slowly but I don’t know which one to start with. I was working with an ARNP and we discussed starting sertraline and then decreasing trintillex but she dropped me after I asked started asking questions about and wanting to change the tapering schedule. She discouraged me from stopping the trintillex alone and said my depression would get worse. Since January 11th, I have been experiencing debilitating anxiety, crying uncontrollably (for the first two weeks), nausea, vomiting, racing heart, heat sensitivity, insomnia, stomach pain, suicidal ideation, obsessive thoughts, memory issues, cognitive issues, itching, agitation, feeling detached, irritability, waves of panic, self doubt, and constipation. My questions are as follows: Should I start decreasing the Latuda or the trintillex first? Do you think decreasing the Latuda could help my anxiety symptoms even though it didn’t seem to have a positive affect on me when I started taking it? Would it be unsafe for me to start decreasing trintillex without adding another SSRI? Would it be safe for me to start on sertraline before dropping the trintillex? To the best of my memory: 2006-2010: sertraline 2006-2007: risperidone 2010-2016: took fluoxetine and citalopram as mono therapy 2016: trial Effexor for a few months 2016-2020: escitalopram (polyrugged with Wellbutrin) 2016-2020: Wellbutrin, months on and months off May 21-Nov 21: tapered from escitalopram to sertraline 150mg August 21: trial of lamotragine (rash) August 21: started latuda (off label) at 20mg, then up to 40mg and 60mg but back down to 40mg November 21: two week taper from sertraline to trintillex 20mg, experienced eye twitching and itchiness (5mg trintillex for 5 days, day 6 decrease sertraline to 100mg, day 10 decrease sertraline to 50mg and increase trintillex to 10mg, day 14 stop sertraline, 10 days of 15mg trintillex and then up to 20mg trintillex) December 21: quick taper down on trintillex to I think 10mg and trialed dextro-amphetamine for a week, 10-40mg, anxious and nauseous (1/2 of 40mg pill in am, then 1/2 pill am and 1/2 pill pm, then 20mg am and no pm, then 20 mg am and 1/2 pm, then maybe 20 mg am and 20 mg pm) December 21: quick taper back up to 20mg trintillex, some lip and foot twitching January 22: lorazepam for a few days January 22: clonidine .1mg-.4mg per day, currently taking .1mg am and .1mg pm January 22-March 22: ashwagonda, L-theanine, and probiotics Current medications: Latuda 40mg Trintillex 20mg Clonidine .1mg am and .1mg pm Fish oil Vitamin D Levothyroxine .112mg

I've always been sad with my life since I had like 14 years old. I never found any joy in anything. So, in high school, my friends from then offered me weed and I accepted. And it was awesome. I could get high and enjoy life, at last. it was awesome. really miss that stage of my life, now that I think of it. things were good. Things changed, I went to study to another state, things didn't work out (cause I would smoke weed and party instead of studying) so I had to return to my home town. I started buying drugs from the deep web, psychedelics, and it brought me many good memories I wish I can relive some day. Anyways, a couple years worth of taking lots of drugs will do a number to you, no matter how "clean" they are and how "young" you might feel. One day, february 2018, I snapped. Man this really hurts to write. One day, I just felt sick of it all and hit several times my car door with my head, I did a number of holes in it. I realized I really did nothing to me rather than just make holes in my car, so I just drove off to the nearest bridge and told some friends and my dad through text I would jump. one of them went to pick me up and I had a long convo with my sister. I agreed on taking meds. My dad is a psychiatrist and started me with trintellix, brintellix, or Vortioxetine, first 10mg, later 15, finally 20mg. I took it for 6 months, then realized I couldn't get high off most drugs anymore. Not weed, not alcohol, not nicotine, not even a coffee. Not only that, my range of emotions became more tame, nothing as intense as it used to be. This sucks, I thought (and I still do), so I'll drop it. I tappered off 5mg each month, so it took 4 months for me to completely stop taking it. If you're read a bit of anything in this forum you'll realize the decrements are much smaller and the times between dosing less are bigger, like 6 months or so. I experienced pretty much every withdrawl symptom there is: blurry vision, INTENSE vertigo, slugishness; everytime I would turn around even just my head I would experience this very disturbing "shock" moment where I would feel like something missing off my head was taking a sense of itself missing. Very hard to describe, it was something more.... neuronal, shall we say, I think thats because the spinal chord needs serotonin for lots of things and when it suddenly stops its flow its something very ***** up for your body. Since there is no natural way that you can achieve that. Lots of things have happened in the meantime, none of them for the better. It did eventually even itself out, but then I started to become more and more erratic with my **** so i had to be put on meds again. I've left it all for 1 month now and I don't think it will ever go back to what it used to be, not even 50%. I do exercise, I eat healty, but I simply cannot feel good after going a hard workout, after a deep session of meditation, and a weed smoke break after a long day of busting my ass at the office. I can't believe I'm stuck with this ****, it's all my fault for always wanting more and more, never letting breaks between drug highs. Now I'm forever ***** and there is nothing I can do to remedy it. I haven't had sex in forever, but I fear an orgasm with someone will be capped just like every other feeling in my life.

I cold turkeyed off Lexapro 10mg in august of 2020. Big mistake. After a year of taking every supplement known to man I relapsed really bad. My relapse was triggered by chronic UTIs, numerous rounds of antibiotics, and hypothyroid. I relapsed into severe depression, anxiety and insomnia. It’s been six months now and docs have tried to reinstate me four times on the ADs including the one I cold turkeyed off of. I got really sick on all of them and quit within a week. Also on lorazepam daily for severe anxiety which I still take. Finally my psych put me on trintellix and was able to eat again and felt like maybe it could work. I did four weeks on five mg and started to sink again. Doc moved me up to 10 mg two days ago and I feel the worst anxiety Ive ever had. I’m losing hope. I think im permanently damaged from quitting cold turkey. I dont think I will ever be the same again and don’t want to live this way anymore. Im now on two drugs that are both very hard to quit and feel like Ive taken 10 steps backwards. I have no interest in anything. Im not myself and haven’t been since I quit the AD. My psych doc doesn’t call me back when im having a crisis. I’ve been to the ER for severe anxiety three times. I need help real bad.

Hi, Came across this website trying to find others who've gone through withdrawal and experienced skin issues during the process. I took 5mg Trintellix medication for the last two years which worked wonders for me. Though, due to financial circumstances and having a shingles outbreak, I had to stop taking the medication cold turkey. My Dr. did blood work and everything came out fine. Chalked my shingles outbreak due to excessive stress. Over the last month and half that I've stopped the medication I've gone through crying spells, anxiety, insomnia/interrupted sleeping cycle, eating binge (sweets), fatigue, muscle weakness.. Right now, I'm experiencing headaches that stop and switch to IBS symptoms then switch back to headaches, some fatigue, focusing issues (eye), skin breakouts (pimples, red spots, hives) on my arms and chest. Today, a new hive or spots came out on my right oblique. I'm scared that it might shingles again or just the continuing break out due to my withdrawal. Just wanted to know how those who've had skin breakouts managed this or let it just be.

Hi Guys, So here's my story. I was first depressed when I was 18 over a breakup that wasn't that long. i had always struggled with anxiety and depression and I was simply overcome with it over something as simple as a short high school relationship. Maybe it was growing up but long and short I was first prescribe Zoloft then Lexapro which made me go manic because as I found out years later I was unable to metabolize it properly. In any case, after trying different antipsychotics and other sleeping drugs, I ultimately found Trintellix , which I was first perscribed 5mg of in 2017. It's a new antidepressant. In any case, it changed my life, significantly lowered my anxiety and got me undepressed, until 2 years later when I was graduating college I was wickedly depressed again. So I upped it to the starting therapeudic dose of 10mg. After 2 more years of success i decided I was ready to get off of it, and so I tried it two weeks ago. I cut the dose from 10mg to 5mg and it was, to say the least, horrific. After a few days I felt like my head was going to pop for how bad it felt like it was being squeezed. I had massive headaches, I had sigificant mood swings and anxiety, and I was depressed again. And it was affecting my work so I decided I couldn't live like it and went back to my 10mg dose. Currently having to deal with the starting side effects all over again (constipation, loss of libido, bloating). Not sure where to really go from here. How can I know when to get off get and how to do it? Who else has been on this drug? What's next for me as I'm kinda lost now with who I am without this.