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Hi there. I joined last year, but this is my first post. I'm not really sure what I hope to achieve here. Sometimes I feel so alone in this. Sometimes I just want to yell from the rooftops, warning people to stay away from Paxil. I guess this post stems from both of those statements. A little of my story- I moved to QC, Canada when I met my wife in 2002. Married quite quickly after meeting. Coming from the US, I was definitely not prepared or knew what I was in for, with a move 500 miles away to another country. Especially when it's a country within a country, so to speak, as Quebec can often be seen. Extremely long and winding story short - I became a very different person, within the first five years or so. So much I can point to now, as the catalysts for my becoming a shell of a man. I think it was mostly a perfect storm of childhood traumas, harmful paths as a young man, and high stress life circumstances as a young married man. I can honestly say my wife was not the problem. I was. But I didn't see it that way, at the time. After five years in, my wife told me she thought I needed to see a doctor. That I "needed" to be on medicine. That since my mom had mental health issues, depression etc., it ran in my family. That it was a chemical imbalance. When you break your arm, you go to the doctor, and they fix you. It's the same with mental health. These are things I completely reject now, but at the time, I needed to do something. I was becoming someone I didn't recognize anymore. Aggressive, depressed, anxiety ridden... You can't imagine how I wish I could go back to that point in time. The moment I pulled my car up to the medical clinic. I wish I could go back and tell younger me, that it was the circumstances in my life that needed to change. It was the healing I needed to do. It was the therapy I needed to seek out. Instead, I sought out a drug to "fix" me. And on top of that, one of the worst drugs in the ssri family you could possibly take. One of the hardest to get off of. One with the worst side effects. One that would change my life... But not for the better. I went into a clinic and had a seven-minute conversation with a GP that obviously was there at a drop-in clinic for some extra side cash. "Do you feel down?" Yes, I said. "Do you lash out?" Yes. "Does your mother take any anti-depressants?" Yes. "Here's a prescription". I'll sum up my years on Paroxetine. It gave me all the typical side effects, but it seemed to help with my anxiety. It did not make me feel happy. It did, however, seem to blunt my emotions. Which I suppose could be interpreted as "helping" with being depressed. Over the years, I'd start feeling confused as to why I'm not feeling happy. Why I'm still having moments of lashing out. Why I can't seem to click into life the way I see others can. Just always feeling like something was just wrong with me. So, I went back, upped the dose a couple times. Over the years, I tried to get off of it. The very first time, was cold turkey. I was NEVER told by the doctor about ANY negative side effects, and that coming OFF of Paxil can be difficult. I knew nothing of tapering, withdraw, discontinuation syndrome... None of it. I remember having the extreme zaps, the suicidal ideations... I went back on. I tried to get off a few other times and couldn't ever do it. I've been off of Paxil for about half a year. I'm definitely experiencing withdraw. I'm so thankful I'm off of it though. Because I know what I lost while on it. I've come to realize that so much of my impulsive behaviors, risky behaviors, emotional indifference can be traced back to being on Paxil. I went from a man with a wife, three kids, to currently alone. I've lost it all. The things I've done, and said, and thought over the years are unfathomable to me now. It's as if I've awoken from a nightmare. And I don't mean that figuratively. I mean it literally feels like I'm awake after over a decade of dreaming. I left my wife seven years ago. A woman who stood by me through it all. Who had to suffer alongside a man who became a shell. I did things over the years on Paxil, that when I think of now, makes me actually ill. I can't believe the person I was. I can't believe the decisions I made. I can't believe how numb and callused I was towards her, my kids, and really my own life and self. Basically, what I've realized, is that Paxil did nothing to "fix" me. All the problems that weighed on me and my heart/mind/soul, never went away. I just was able to numb myself a little more towards them. Sometimes now drug-free, a memory will pop up and I'll see it and feel it in a completely different way than I did at the time. It's hard to explain. It's like I think about my life and see a movie played out, by an actor that looks like me, but isn't me. I'm angry. Angry at Paxil, angry at that doctor... I feel I've lost years and years of my life. Years I won't get back. But alongside that anger, I have empathy. Empathy for myself. I'm trying to balance guilt and sadness, with empathy and hope. I'm in the process of working this all out. Maybe someday I will have my family together again, intact, by the grace of God and clear mind. I've talked with her about a lot of this, and she seems to understand how these brain and body altering drugs can play a part in the downfall of a person. Discovering Dr Roger Mcfillin, and many others has been a game changer for me, personally. Also moving towards God and His grace and forgiveness. Redemption. Things I never cared about really, and eye rolled over. For those of you who have lost during your time on one of these drugs- I know how you feel. We must take responsibility for our actions and life choices, but to deny that Paxil didn't have a role in this for ME, would be a gross mistake. I'll post more as I continue this journey in healing. As I said, I am experiencing prolonged withdraw, and I'll share more another time. Love to you all. Have hope.

Hi all. Brain is foggy and trying to figure this out while adjusting to a huge life change. November of last year I went through breakup/unemployment and was sad, GP put me on Luvox (Fluvoxamine) to try to help. I started it a few days before December. I had no side effects besides nausea. Felt nothing good or bad in result. Started at 25mg for two weeks then went to 50mg. February of this year he increased me to 75mg since I wasn’t seeing improvement. March 21 (Tuesday) I took a dose of Wellbutrin 150 XL he prescribed me in addition. I trusted him. It was the generic. Took second dose March 22 (Wednesday) and that night came down with severe tinnitus and ear pain/fullness/muffled. It’s so bad I wanted to claw my brain out. Still do. Cold-turkeyed the Luvox (fluvoxamine) because it’s also ototoxic and I couldn’t handle it all and the thought of making the tinnitus worse or anything. One GP it was OK to stop in my state, other tried to get me to taper down but alas, was at the ER in pain and didn’t take the next dose. It’s been 10 days and I’ve cried over the life change that severe tinnitus brings. My brain hasn’t been off since. Two ENTs later and there are no answers. Last night I realized I cannot feel my genitals, my nipples are numb, and after trying to do stuff down there I’ve been in weird pain all day internally. Could orgasm but it kind of hurt and there was no lubrication. DURING Luvox I noticed slight genital numbness but that was it. Besides crying from the tinnitus/issues sleeping because the ringing, I’m OK. Crying and headaches that I can handle; today there was neither. No nausea, went for a run today, have never/do not want to die. I can’t see a psychiatrist until June 5, until then will keep calling and trying to find someone. I don’t know if I should somehow try to reinstate the Luvox to combat this. I can’t think straight over it and because of the ringing; and I don’t know what to do. GP recommended not doing it, but he’s also the one that did all of this to me and doesn’t believe the Wellbutrin caused the tinnitus (it’s well documented). I don’t want to make the tinnitus worse by reinstating, but also don’t know if that might POSSIBLY help me regain any type of sexual function that I’ve lost (going back on and slowly tapering eventually). I really don’t think I can handle two life altering reactions. Thanks so much if anyone reads this and for any thoughts.

Hello, I am a young adult under 24. I've been depressed since 2015 (it also runs in my family). I also suffer from anxiety but this started later. I have gone through periods where I have been managing it well and periods where it has completely crippled and controlled me. Since the start of the whole covid mess I have moved back home and been in a difficult patch. My family and doctor had been pushing me to try an antidepressant for a long time despite my aversion to them. I caved at the start of this summer (2021) and let my doctor prescribe one. I picked bupropion (wellbutrin) because it seemed to have the least amount of serious side effects and members of my family have tolerated it in the past or continue to use it (actually found this site while trying to decide). I still did not like the idea and got prescribed the lowest dose available (150 mg wellbutrin xl). I picked the prescription up a month later and left on a shelf for another because I decided I still didn't want it and I had been improving myself by exercising again (I had stopped with the move when I was in a bad patch) and getting out and doing things. On August 21 (2021) I took the first pill in the middle of a breakdown and I was considering trying other drugs, in hopes it would maybe fix something (I also thought having taken a prescription may support my case for taking less courses at university like my doctor had said, it definately weighed in). That day I felt incredibly motion sick from walking (walking is my coping mechanism, how I sort things out in my head and feel most at peace) I couldn't even get more than a kilometre without feeling awful. I didn't feel great emotionally either. I wanted to stop then but my family said I can't just stop and the side effects would fade. My brain felt even more dull than before and I felt worse about myself. After three days the nausia started to fade but my nerve endings seemed to be less sensitive (everywhere) and I was experiencing headaches, my eyesight also seemed to go weird. On the 27th of August 2021 (7th day) I had a much worse break down and decided I wasn't going to take them anymore. I decided that at best they were having a nocebo effect because I hated myself and resented every time I took a pill and at worse they were actually messing with my brain and body in a bad way like suspected. During the week I had delt with a family emergancy and everything was completely opposite to the "possitive new habits/therapy" that are supposed to accompany the start of taking them. I tried to throw the last tablet up while I was upset (no it didn't work and no I am not bulimic, I was just upset). I just haven't been taking them since then. I have had a worsened head ache, reduced nuasia, still feel worse cognitively than what I would consider my normal and things appear to be worse sensitivity wise. Now my questions are: 1) has anyone else experienced the same side effects while taking wellbutrin? (Nausia, cognitive decline, vision changes, headaches, short term memory issues, reduced sensitivity (I thought that bupropion didn't cause sexual issues!)) 2) I have since read that anti antidepressents permanently change the structure of/damage the brain even with only one tablet! Most of this research seems to be with SSRI's and I could only find this case study for wellbutrin .https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4662168/. (It sounds positive in this case but not in other articles) I don't feel like my self and I am honestly terrified that I'll never get my old brain back (And body/eyes). Can I fix it or did I make an idiotic mistake one week that will ruin the rest of my life? This is my main concern and why I am writing today. 3) I know I'm asking this early on but do the majority of people find that they go back to the way they were before after taking these medications, especially if they have only taken them for a short time? 4) is clitoral atrophy a thing with antidepressants?! I hadn't even heard of it until I started googling my symptoms this morning. (I know that is an awful idea.) Between those articles and all the antidepressents ruined my life comments on every article I click on I think I seriously screwed up. 3) Is physical exhaustion/ mental stress mostly responsible for all these issues? (I have had a lifelong issue with insomnia that gets worse with depression) the last week and a half has been hell first with the drugs and then with everything else. Is it psychosomatic? A little extra info. I will be moving to another city to start university in less than a week. I will be going alone as one parent is hospitalized in the icu and the other has to keep visiting them and the rest of the family functioning. I've been out of school for a while and it took a lot to force myself to apply and get everything ready. I feel completely underprepared and the most stupid and incapable I have ever felt. I am scared I will not keep up, fail, drop out before I start and just wind up wasting all my money and preparation. (I may manage to get councling through the school and will finally get extended medical at least) My parent who was my main person to talk to (not hospitalized) understandably doesn't want to deal with my situation now. I my apologies if I've been over dramatic in my post and especially if my last little rant is not what this forum is for, but I think it gives an accurate representation of where I'm at. I just want the old me back and think I may have ruined my brain right when I was improving and before something I was terrified to start in the first place.

Hello! I’m Lindsey. I’m 27 years old. Healthy. 130lbs. I was on Wellbutrin 150mg XL for only 1 week until I stopped it end of September 2020. I quit it cold Turkey because I felt it was too high of a dose & was giving me horrible side effects (hallucinations, delusions, psychosis, insomnia, made me not want my usual cup of coffee anymore, made me feel different like it took some of my emotions away, I couldn’t cry, I had nightmares, my nightmares felt so real I would have outbursts waking up) I am a highly sensitive person. After quitting Cold Turkey 1 month later in November, I had what seemed to be a conscience seizure while laying in bed.. ( dr said it was weird for me to randomly have full body convulsions).. I was rushed to the ER. ER said my metabolic panel was fine & I was perfectly healthy (TSH level was slightly elevated to 4.13 though) they discharged me though 6-7 hours later after giving me Adavan anti-seizure medication (only a 1/2 mg) it knocked me out. But ever since I had those full body convulsions, I’ve had these symptoms: pressure in my ears & pressure in the back of my throat where my nasal cavity meets my throat (tonsil area), major fatigue, major weakness. ... I’ve seen 5 general doctors & 1 chiropractor since and none of them can figure it out 😔 it’s been 2 months since the seizure happened and I just want answers. I’m not taking any drugs except allergy medication & vitamin C every day now. And my dr keeps ordering blood tests since my TSH level rose past 5.92 now. And now it’s at 6.25!! And I still have pressure in my ears and the back of my throat which gives me HIGH anxiety and it makes it hard to breathe.. Random anxiety/panic attacks like my adrenals are always ready.. I’ve never had any issues like this before. Can someone help me?

Hi All, Just creating a post so I have a log for my tapers. So far it is going well, no withdrawal symptoms to report. I am feeling better and more alive than I have in a long time. 😊 Jolie

Hello! My insurance will no longer pay for my Wellbutrin so I’m going to stop taking it. Can anyone tell me what type of withdrawal to expect? Is it as bad as Lexapro? I stopped taking that over a year ago and withdrawals were hell for almost 6 months. I’m hoping Wellbutrin won’t be as bad. My doc says there aren’t really any tapering options.

Wellbutrin/Zyban - Pharmacies in Ireland have run out - can anyone help? Hey folks, I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacy has told me they only have enough for 21 days supply. There is no more Zyban or Wellbutrin in Ireland. Given how hard I have found going down by only 10% with gaps of 2 months in between - this is frightening news. Has anyone navigated this issue before? People take it for smoking cessation - I wonder might any one have packs they don't need out there? 😨

Brooke Hi everyone! I'm thrilled to finally be posting here. I've been lurking here and there since 2016, when I first found Surviving Antidepressants when I was considering getting off of the Effexor XR and Wellbutrin XL I'd been taking from age 15-30. Like so may of you, withdrawal was hell on Earth. I experienced everything from homicidal visions to extreme noise sensitivity to rage to a bizarre blood vessel disorder called nodular vasculitis. Combined with the tsunami of pain and trauma that came gushing out after I removed my antidepressant band aid, and I was a barely functioning, terrified mess with no psychiatric support. I was lucky, though, to have some resources outside the traditional mental health system that helped me work through my experience, and today I am proud to say that I consider myself cured of chronic depression haven't taken a prescription drug since 2016. It's taken me until now to actually participate in the forum because I needed to know that I was in a solid place. So much of the internet (I'm looking at you Twitter...) can be a triggering environment, and had to make sure that I could mentally handle it. But I trust in the work I've put in, and I'm ready! I say all this not to boast, but to wave from the distance and do my best to act as an example of success. I know that when I was in withdrawal and working through all the trauma, I would have done anything to know that there were people out there who were thriving after spending half their life on antidepressants. Instead, it felt like I was in uncharted waters. I wrote about this for the Washington Post earlier this year, and the flood of support and stories I got in response was overwhelming and heartbreaking. Anyway, happy to answer any questions, and much love to you all. Brooke

kayla24 I was on wellbutrin xl for about six weeks, went up to 300mg dose for a week then back down to 150mg i was having such bad suicidal thoughts that i had to stop taking the wellbutrin after going back on the 150mg for five days. Before this my doctor had me on several different drugs including haldol and remeron but only for a short period of time, during this time i developed an unfortunate side effect of songs replaying over in my head from the time i wake up until the time i fall asleep. i’ve heard of earworms but i think this is different, nothing is able to turn it off. if i think of another song that will start playing but that’s about all the control i have over it. its negatively impacted my life in so many ways, i was hoping once i stopped the wellbutrin xl it would fade it’s been just over a week and no changes as of yet. i had also been placed on nozinan for sleep but worried this is only making the repetitive song loops worse i’ve slowly began to taper off this as well hoping for some relief. has anyone else experienced this horrible symptom? if so how did you cope with it and did it subside? thank you.

Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - StuckOnMeds: Reinstatement of Clonazapam Fair warning: my journey revolves around PMDD (my menstruation cycle). If this is not your cup of tea, turn back now. Hi! I'm so happy to be here! Here's the short version of my story... I was misdiagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when in fact I had PMDD. At first, the symptoms were bearable, but after my last child, everything changed. Suddenly, I was not able to make myself or my children food, not showering, not able to pick my kids up from school. Not only that but my self-esteem was shot and anxiety soaring, and I had about one week a month where I could gather myself back up and try to heal before everything started all over again. This went on for over three years. I was completely broken. During all of this, my Psych started throwing meds at me to see what would stick. Unfortunately, nothing would work, and I ended up on 6 meds for depression and anxiety. Finally, I had had enough and approached my Psych and my Gyn about a full hysterectomy and BSO (ovary removal) to stop the fluctuation in my hormones. By this time I had tried all methods of care ranging from DBT to exercise, birth control to relaxation techniques, and so much more. Anyway, I had the surgery, and I felt (and feel) amazing. Like I had been missing out on living. Unfortunately, I was still stuck on all six meds. And so began the titration. I began titrating risperidone at the beginning of 2015. It is important to me to get off this med because I believe it to be the most dangerous. I started at 1 mg, and currently, I am at 0.18 mg. I am taking a break on my titration but intend to jump after my summer vacation and be done with this demon of a drug once and for all. Here is a list of my other meds: Morning: Zoloft 200 mg Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Lorazepam 0.5 mg and 0.375 mg ( also take around 3 pm) Night: Clonazepam 1 mg Trazadone 50 mg Risperidone 0.18 mg (liquid) StuckOnMeds

I was glad to see this topic as it describes me and how I have functioned my entire life. I have been on 90 mg cymbalta and 159 mg Wellbutrin for more than 4 years now and about one month ago I tapered off Wellbutrin with an every other day dose for two weeks. I am feeling a bit spacey... very tired, a bit nauseous and anxious. After reading some posts I now can give myself permission without judgement to rest and relax my brain. That is what it feels like. If anyone has suggestions from experience I would appreciate it.

I am brand new to this website. Here is my history and what I am looking for...sorry for the run on sentences - trying to get it all out! Let me know if you have any questions. I have been taking bupropion HCL XL 300 MG tablets for about 4 years. I was prescribed Wellbutrin 150 xl about 12 years ago. I had tried Zoloft and Lexapro but both left me feeling emotionally numb, then my doctor tried wellbutrin . Wellbutrin seemed to help with my "sad" feelings but the low sex drive was still a factor so my doctor increased my dosage to 300 mg. At one time, she introduced Cymbalta to be taken with Wellbutrin but I have since stopped taking this medication over 2 years ago due to the sexual side effects. In my past, like between 6 and 8 years ago, I tried to stop taking the Wellbutrin completely, thinking I was feeling fine and didn't need it... but after 1 - 2 weeks I would experience high anxiety and decide I needed to make some kind of life changing event like leave my husband...this happened a few times. As it turns out, I did need to leave that husband and I did. I have been happily married for over 3 years and have been taking my buPROPrion HCL XL 300 MG without fail since early 2014. Around that same time (2014) I was also taking clonazePAM 0.5 mg tablets for anxiety (as needed, not daily) but gradually tapered off on those and haven't taken any since JAN of 2018 . I think it is a good time to reduce my Wellbutrin to 150 mg but want to do it in a healthy way. I do not have insurance so can't go in to the doctor but think she would be okay with reducing my dosage if I show I have a plan of how to progressively get there...suggestions? Also, regarding withdrawal history - I don't know if this info helps but I used to take oxycodone 15mg twice a day back in 2015 / 2016 but started to taper off of that in AUG 2016 to 1 - 15 mg per day then 15 - 15 mg per month and stopped taking them all together as of January 2017. I do not take any pain medication at all. I am prescribed GABAPENTIN 300 MG CAPSULES 3 times per day but only take 1 - 2 a day and I also am prescribed ibuprofen 800 mg but rarely take them. There was a withdrawal period end of 2016 beginning of 2017 but it was brief and was controlled with short term use of clonidine.

Hi Everyone. I am grateful to have found this forum. Something has been wrong with me for a long time. I feel broken. Hollow. I can only really feel anger and it's very volatile and quick. This is not like me. I am not myself. Recently I read something on XOJane and came across the term Tardive Dysphoria. I have no idea if this is actually what is wrong with me, but when I read the author's description it just clicked. I've been depressive since I was very young. I cut myself and cried a lot. I tried to be a functional adult, and was successful for a while. Something happened and I dropped everything in my life and moved across the country. I thought about suicide. My first medication was a generic for Wellbutrin. I'm unsure of the dosage, but it was a sunny yellow. My insurance appointed therapist wasn't given enough time for each patient and talk therapy was limited to group therapy. Pills seemed easier at a time when my life was falling apart. Next was a stronger dosage, a pale purple pill. Finally, I sprung for time release, which was only available in the brand. Wellbutrin XL 300 mg. I started rebuilding my life, relying on that little pill every morning. The thing that has messed me up the most was the Lexapro. I was feeling tremendous anxiety all the time. A hard knot lived in the pit of my stomach. My primary care doctor gave me a prescription for Lexapro, 10 mg. She insisted that I not read the side effects, her concern was that I'd ruminate over all the possibilities and negate its positive effects. She ended up increasing my dosage to 20 mg and this is where I stayed for 7 years. Last year, I decided to get off the Lexapro. My sex drive has been dead and buried thanks to this drug. I want a healthy sexual relationship with my husband. Not wanting sex sucks. I cut my 20 mg pills in half last summer and became a terror to be around. I was not a nice person. The difficulty of reducing my dosage prevented me from trying to reduce it further for another year. Three months ago I quartered my 20 mg pills. I know I'm still messed up. My brain is foggy. I feel wrong. I know this feels like depression. my husband doesn't understand. Where should I start? Could someone please help me?

Hello all, I was so thrilled to find this website. I, like many of you, feel very alone in my withdrawal; I often find myself wondering if I am convincing myself I am sick- and, consequently, feeling sick. I am 24 years old and have still not finished my BA (in psychology) and am currently living at home with my parents, not working. This is a source of much embarrassment for me; it makes me feel useless and like a drain on my parents. (Which I am, emotionally and monetarily.) So, here's my story. I wish I could limit it to psychiatric diagnoses, as that is what this site is about, but I find that my physical diagnoses are far too intertwined to keep from sharing them. WARNING: This is a super long, tedious story. I don't expect the typical browsing person to read this. However, if you have had any similar diagnoses/symptoms/drug doses as me, I think it might (hopefully!) be at least a little helpful to read the full history. -At 13 years old, I went from a tiny school to a huge school without knowing anyone. I developed "school phobia" and was immediately prescribed a paxil and ativan cocktail, though it did not help. That same year, I was also diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder which causes chronic pain. The kicker is, it's invisible. I look completely fine, so I am often presumed by others to be lazy. -At 14, I went to a new school and, due to a devastating event that happened to my best friend, became suicidal. My school phobia came back. I was put on to 200mg Zoloft, which indeed curbed the anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideology. -The Zoloft helped until I was about 18 years old and developed severe affective blunting. I was weaned off of the zoloft over a period of about a month, and don't remember many problems during the tapering. However, as soon as I completely ended the zoloft I developed extreme anxiety, depression, insomnia, and OCD tendencies. -Within five days of ending the zoloft, my psychiatrist put me onto 20mg celexa, with klonopin to use on the side until the celexa kicked in. The celexa helped a little, but not satisfactorily. I was eventually upped to 60mg, which seemed to do the trick. However, I developed the sexual side effects, and so was put onto 300 Wellbutrin XL, which helped a little bit. All of these medication changes happened over about probably only 2 years. I was also given 25mg Adderall RX to help with my ADHD. -I had been on this cocktail until about 21, at which point my doctor raised my Wellbutrin XL to 450 in an attempt to ameliorate my occasional drowsiness. This helped. -Between 21 and 24 years old, I progressively developed severe exhaustion. However, it never occured to me that this could be a side effect of the celexa- it is very comon for people with ehlers danlos to have extreme exhaustion. However, by this February, I was sleeping 12-15 hours a day; I could not do any of my school work because I was always tired. My doctor finally stopped blaming "sleep hygeine" and got me a sleep study. -My March 2013 sleep study was eye opening. In 210 minutes of sleep, I had over 150 "arousals" (waking up, but not consciously). I also did not enter REM. About 1/3 of the arousals were due to apnea (which wasn't enough for insurance to cover a CPAP machine), 1/3 was due to restless leg syndrome (which was thus considered mild) and 1/3 were of unknown origin. The neurologist believed that most likely my underlying sleep problem was narcolepsy, but to officially diagnose narcolepsy a >24hour and very expensive study has to be done. Also, since narcolepsy is a REM disorder in which REM happens too quickly and SSRI's suppress REM sleep, it would be impossible to make an acurate diagnosis. So, they tried putting me on gabapentin, to see if that would at least help with the restless leg symptoms. This helped a lot. I was suddenly able to sleep about 9 hours and feel relatively refreshed. However, my tolerance grew very quickly, and by the time I called my doctor for a refill, she said that she believed it was pointless to keep trying the gabapentin because my tolerance would just keep growing and growing. So, she said she still thought I had narcolepsy, but said she couldn't treat me for it (with provigil) because provigil is wildly expensive and my insurance wouldn't cover it unless I had an official narcolepsy diagnosis. My only option to really figure out what my sleep issues were was to quit my SSRI. -I began decreasing my SSRI's in the following manner (as directed by my new, medication-adverse shrink): Weeks 1-2: decreased to 50mg celexa. Bouts of irritability came and went. Week 3: decreased to 40mg celexa. Again, major irritability- worse than the previous weeks. Weeks 4-5: decreased to 30mg celexa. Started getting headaches and bouts of depression on top of the irritability. Weeks 6-7: decreased to 20mg celexa. Not much diference in withdrawal symptoms between the 30 and 20mg doses. Weeks 8-10: decreased to 10mg celexa. Similar withdrawal symptoms, though average night of sleep went from 12-13 hours to 14-15 hours. Weeks 11-12: decreased to 5mg celexa. Not as much irritability anymore, but sleep still got progressively worse, and depression "attacks" became more common and severe. Week 13: decreased to 0mg. Constant headache. Week 14: Headache gone, all-over muscle soreness. Started crying at anything, even without feeling sad. Week 14-15: MAJOR nausea. Given ondancetron, helped for weeks 15-16, though gave me constipation. I ended up not having a BM for 10 days. Same crying thing during this time. Week 16: Nausea came back, depression was worse than ever. Mental confusion started to bother me as well. Crying jags. Week 17: Same as week 16, though I began to experience anhedonia as well. More crying jags, though not as common as they had been. Week 18 (now): Nausea worse than ever. Hypoglycemia because I cannot eat enough. Still, anhedonia. Crying jags decreased a little. Ocassional headaches. ONLY good side: I seem to be getting not quite as tired as I had been. ****Note: I am still taking 400 Wellbutrin XL -Next week I am getting my sleep study, so we will see if I really have narcolepsy. Hopefully I can get back on some kind of psychotropic drug that won't suppress REM sleep. I think that my depression is just too ingrained and chemical for me to combat it without some prescription help. I have tried meditation, psychotherapy, and other stuff and I just can't seem to make any progress without the drugs. Thanks for reading!! P.S. Has anyone heard of being prescribed as high a dosage of celexa as me, for a period of 6 years? Do you think this is why my withdrawal is so severe?