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Dolphins1: Scared - confused - need help


dolphins1

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Dolphins , 

"You've pointed out a serious problem - the way you've been guess-timating 19mg.   If you were a mg off , it could mean you've been bouncing between 19.5 and 18mg , a 15% window.  "

 

How are you measuring your 19mg?    

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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Im guesstimating.

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

On 16 March you wrote you had just purchased a scale. Have you been weighing your 19mg dose since then?

 

Do you feel any better?

 

How much does a 20mg tablet weigh? How much does 19mg weigh?

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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  • 1 year later...

,

Watching video may be distressing for some members.

 

TRANSCRIPT OF VIDEO:

 

 

Hi my name is Bruce

 

My signature is kind of self explanatory

I just thought I'd make a video because it's easier than writing

I'm off all meds now

My symptoms are numerous they're all psychological and cognitive and mental basically non functional

I'm able to work a gruelling 6 hours

 

I face a conundrum that I can't solve

I've tried therapy, supplements I don't have any money left to spend on something that's not going to work

I've talked to everybody

The bottom line is that my research indicates and my own experience indicates that going back on medications is going to make my problems worse

A lot of people I know have done that and gotten worse and wish they hadn't

I'm told that it's a time thing and I'm going to get well in time

I've read every success story I can find

I guess my main question really is this that most of us were put on antidepressants and benzodiazepines because we had depression and anxiety

What I don't understand is that I can't go back on medications because I'm going to get worse

I went on medication for depression and anxiety and got worse so what do I do about the original depression and anxiety that's underneath all this or is now just morphed into my permanent state or I don't know anymore but the veteran people have healed say that we somehow the original depression and anxiety goes away or becomes insignificant

I just want to know that holding on is like you know impossibility pretty much every day without any relief

I haven't had any relief I've been ill for a long time

I don't know what I'm trying to say right now I just I just don't know what to do I live alone I don't have any family

Friends don't get it and I just thought I'd make a video to get some feedback and then I guess take it from there

_________________________

 

Hi....my signature is below. Its to difficult to type so I made a video. 

 

https://youtu.be/iiav7d51weM

 

Reaching out for support and perspective. 

 

Thank you,

 

Dolphins1

Edited by ChessieCat
Included transcript of video

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Bruce, I watched your video.  You are right - it is hard to find the answers, and the strength to keep going.  I've been in that place too, and it ain't pretty. 

 

The answers are something to do with how we understand depression/anxiety.  Many people think depression and anxiety are conditions, but really they are not.  They cannot be measured or tested for.  There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance (until one takes drugs, that is).  Depression and anxiety are words used to describe a collection of symptoms experienced by a person in need of care.  Symptoms that doctors don't know what to do about. 

 

Better names for these collective symptoms could be Overload, Grief, Exhaustion, or Response to Trauma.  I use the words Soul Pain.  These words are useful because the indicate the sort of care required. 

 

That misunderstanding - which is cultured by doctors and drug companies - impacts how we manage things.  If we are told drugs are the answer, but then the drugs don't work, and in fact make us worse - where does that leave us?  

 

You are right that depression and anxiety do not magically disappear.  However neither are they a random presence which we can never understand nor do anything about.  They are the responses of our souls to whatever is happening in our lives.  I had a counselor who understood this, and she spent years with me helping me to learn this, and helping me learn to give myself the care I needed, and helping me learn to create a life around me which was supportive of me.  I wonder if you could find such a counselor?  It's worth visiting a few to get the right one. 

 

Obviously it will still take time to put in place all the bits of care that you need, but once you get that process going there is a good chance you'll feel some hope.  And in my experience, one day enough things will be in place that you'll actually feel you are managing, and that there is goodness in this life.  You might always need to be aware of giving yourself good care, but you'll be okay.  And okay is a good place to be. 

 

What I've written here covers only the basics.  There are some very useful books which could help to expand and solidify these ideas.

 

When the Body Says No:  Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Mate

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate (not specifically on depression, but brilliant for understanding emotional pain and our response to it).

In An Unspoken Voice:  How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter A Levine

 

Both those authors also have numerous audio talks and interviews on line if that's easier.  You can also look at my blog for more details of how I muddled through onto a healing path (see my sig. for link).

 

My post feels a little inadequate to me Bruce.  I could really see the pain in your video, and I'm sorry that I can't do more for you.  A post just isn't enough for a person and their whole life.  It always feels ridiculously inadequate.  But I hope something will resonate with you that feels worth following up. 

 

Karen

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Thanks Karen. Those I've spoken to in the benzo community, say that the prior depression anxiety do disappear. It was reported to me by Barry Haslam, Don Killian, Jennifer Austin Leigh, Geraldine Burns, and even Dr. Heather Ashton. Otherwise there is no point for any of us who were put on these meds and harmed by them to continue living. These forums would not exist and neither would the success stories be suggested reading. So I'm a bit confused by your comment.

 

But thank you. And I do love Mates work. Would like to dialogue further.

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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Karen

 

I could not find your signature

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

It's below her post.  Here is the link My story of healing: ContinuedHealing

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

You are very welcome to dialogue further Bruce.  I wasn't saying that depression and anxiety don't go away - rather that they don't go away randomly/magically.  What I have seen - and read - and experienced for myself - is that a person starts to heal when they start to get the care they need. 

 

I may not have written clearly enough, so I'd like to confirm that I fully and utterly believe that people can and do heal from depression and anxiety.  That's why I work here :)

 

I also believe that antidepressants get in the way of that healing, and create extra things that then need healing (ie all the withdrawal symptoms). 

 

And please do ask anything else you'd like to. 

 

Karen

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Bruce,

 

I watched the video and I feel your pain.  This is a very difficult process for anyone to have to deal with and it seems to me that the sense of isolation you have is contributing to how you feel.  I know how that goes -- you don't feel up to social interaction so you wind up pulling back and further isolating which continues a negative spiral.  Sometimes it takes forcing yourself back into "circulation" so that you have the human interaction that our species so desperately craves.  It can be difficult to do when you are suffering, but it can also create positive memories and allow you to move forward more.

 

What one can get in addition to information from websites like SA is the clear understanding that they are not alone in their suffering.  While that doesn't make your suffering less it does give you a greater sense that you are not "going crazy" or " the only one", etc.  You are part of a community of far too many people who are all dealing with the same thing you are in varying degrees.  As you know from the success stories, etc., people do get better.  It is a matter of surviving for as long as necessary to get to that point of improvement since none of us know when that will happen for each of us.

 

The process is hard.  Very hard.  And as you made several comments about doubting that a different med would help you are clearly where many of us -- wondering if there is something we can take to get us out of this mess we've gotten into.  That is a sense of desperate thought that I know I have had on many occasions, "if somebody told me I could take _______ and I would feel a little better I might be interested..."  Trying not go get caught up in that way of thinking is important because it creates a kind of "fantastic" thought process and a desire to look for a "magic bullet."  When you realize there is no drug that will do it you tend to run through a series of supplements all to only moderate or no avail.  I understand fully because I've been there and have a closet full of every supplement known to man.  Unfortunately, while any one person might get lucky and find something that makes a difference, the vast majority will see no benefit or have an adverse reaction so the best advice is to keep those things to a minimum.  Time and self-calming techniques are really the only thing that we can vouch for on this site.  

 

But, and this is an important but -- while I know it is hard for you to type -- you should come to the site and post something short and sweet when you need encouragement and to feel "connected" to something bigger than yourself.  I know that is what you were doing with the video.  While we are not a site that is designed as a purely comfort site (like some others are) we are certainly a community of caring people and can provide you with reassurance regarding feelings and the general angst that comes along with the withdrawal process. Sometimes it helps to put something into cyberspace and get an "I understand" in response.  Don't underestimate the sense of isolation of the process.  

 

Come back more often because here you are among people who "get it."  We wish we didn't but we do.

 

Hang in there, Bruce.

 

Things will get better.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Karen,

 

Thank you for your kindness. If it's ok I'll talk with you via video as it's far easier for me to articulate than attempting to get my thoughts down as the written word.

 

I just returned home from work and it's late so I'll have to be in touch tomorrow.

 

Your so very kind and thoughtful.

 

Dolphins1

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

Link to comment

Andy,

 

Thank you. My goodness you are kind also. I think maybe what I'll do is make a video for you as well. Typing is so difficult for me as I stated above. Maybe it's just because I'm trying to do it after work. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

 

Yes. I'm reaching out. I live alone so it's extra difficult.

 

For now good night.

 

Dolphins1

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Hello, Bruce --

 

I am sorry you're having such a difficult time. How did you finally go off Prozac and gabapentin? Did your symptom pattern change at all after you went off the drugs?

 

What do you mean by anxiety? What do you mean by depression? Do you still feel emotional anesthesia?

 

Does your current condition feel exactly like the symptom pattern you had prior to going on psychiatric drugs in the first place?

 

Do you still have the cats? Please post pictures of them.

 

Hello, Dolphins. How did that decrease to 19mg Prozac affect you? Other than the ruminations, what are your current post-benzo symptoms?

 

Reading through your topic, several things stand out to me.

 

First, you have been experiencing the effects of psychoactive drugs for many years. Benzos alone can have a side effect of "depression." Antidepressants often cause emotional anesthesia.

 

Second, a central existential issue for you, something that occupies your mind with tremendous pain, is a vacancy of feeling. Yet, because of the drugs, how could it be otherwise?

 

You are focused on self-blame, self-reproach, and self-punishment. How could any other type of feeling enter your recognition?

 

Third, you have 3 cats. Now, one can acquire one cat by accident. But if you have 3 cats, you like cats. Are you saying your cats bring no pleasure at all into your life? Please put up some photos of your cats.

 

This is not a frivolous observation. What strikes me is you expect some big, big feelings of joy, pleasure, etc., while because of your drugged state and your disposition, your biggest feelings come from beating yourself up. You need to acknowledge the small pleasures in your life. Do you like the beach? Finding peace on the beach is a pleasure. Please post some photos of the beach.

 

Sometimes I suggest to people that, as they go about their daily routine, take photos of anything that strikes you as the least bit pleasurable or fun. When you are feeling down, when you are beating yourself up for the lack of joy in your life, look through the photos to remind yourself it's not 100% awful.

 

(Generally, jobs are not places where people find joy, that's why it's called work and not play. Still, you might make a list of the things you like about your job and remind yourself of it while you're at work.)

 

When one is numbed by drugs, it can very much be a "fake it until you make it" situation. As you will be only be able to taper slowly, it will be a long while before you are free of them. In the meantime, you need to nurture yourself by acknowledging the small joys instead of pining for big joys.

 

In terms of support, you might look for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Or, you might seriously take up meditation -- acceptance and acknowledgement of the present is your challenge.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Bruce,

 

It would work better if you could write instead of videoing - as this is how the site is set up.  Just write what you can when you can - it needn't be long. 

 

Thanks,

Karen

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Writing can be therapeutic and also an excellent way of getting your thoughts out of your head.

 

Sometimes our thoughts just seem to go around like a merry-go-round and we can't seem to stop them. At other times we are trying to make sense of something and have many different thoughts/memories in our mind but can't make any connection between them or put the pieces together.

 

It's like being in a war but not knowing who/what the enemy is.  If we don't know the enemy we can't work out tactics to try and defeat the enemy so we end up thinking of as many ways possible whereas if we know the enemy we may only need a few tactics.

 

See this topic for further discussion and links:  Journalling - Therapeutic Writing & Health Benefits

 

Sometimes it can be difficult to know or name what we are feeling.  We are feeling "something" and that "something" can manifest in physical sensations.  If we can figure out what that "something" actually is, we are then better able to find a technique to use to help us cope or deal with that feeling.  See: Identify Your Feelings Chart

 

In the past I have done a thing called "morning pages" from the book the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.  From page 10: "3 pages of longhand writing, strictly stream-of-consciousness".

 

I was surprised at what writing these morning pages brought out.  I would sometimes start with writing "I don't know what to write today" or something like "this feels really stupid" and then write trivial things but as I progressed I found that I was writing about things that were worrying/annoying me that I had been pushing to the back of my mind.  It didn't necessarily get rid of the problem be it did seem to help by getting it out of my mind and onto paper.  I think because I became conscious of the precise things that were bothering me I was then able to recognise when they were causing angst and better able to deal with them because I knew what they were rather than having a "feeling" and did not know the specific cause.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Mentor

hi Bruce, I just watched your video

Oh I am so very sorry, you are clearly in a lot of pain. but please know, that the only constant in life, is in fact, CHANGE. How you feel now WILL change.

you WILL get better.

You WILL get the relief you've been waiting for, so please, watch for it. It may come in such tiny ways that you may not notice at first, but please do watch for it.

watch for one small thing each day to get better, even if it's just a tiny bit.

 

my heart goes out to you.

we are all going thru this, and we have that, at least, in common.

a bond of understanding and compassion.

 

extend compassion to yourself, and recognize and appreciate how very strong you are for getting to where you are now.

 

I know it's so incredibly hard and it seems so terribly long, but you are healing and you are going to reach a place that is GOOD.

Keep holding on, it's coming, I promise you that.

 

I would be happy to listen to any video you might want to make, you can send me a PM with a link to it. Please know, however, that I am also in WD so I can't promise an immediate response, as some days I just need to take care of myself.

but I am pretty good at getting back to people.

 

again, please look for some tiny thing that is even a wee bit better. Focus on it, appreciate it, and it will GROW.

 

gentle cyber hugs for you

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

hi Bruce,

I have thought about my offer but now realize that I am not stable enough to correspond with you because I have to put my own healing/needs first.

 

I'll post to your thread when I am feeling up to it, which is what I do here with all the other members

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Bruce - how are you going?

 

On 2015-12-20 at 5:37 AM, Altostrata said:

Please put up some photos of your cats.

 

We'd love to see your cats.

 

JanCarol

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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