Coopergirl1

Lost my feelings for my boyfriend and want them back

108 posts in this topic

Hi everyone. I hope everyone is doing well. I have been on antidepressants for a year and a half..about 6 months on them I met a great guy! Now months later I am feeling nothing. No feelings for him or even my dog who was the most important thing to me. The loss of feeling happened a few months back and I just don't know. I want to feel better. I have stopped taking them for 1.5 months. Why done I feel normal? Please help..I need a pray and encouragement that I am not alone and that it will get better.

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Same happened to me on fluoxetine (prozac), I lost my feelings and interest for a lot of things and people (hobbies, friends, etc). I am 2 and a half months off it and still waiting to recover my emotional world. I think it is improving, but it is painfully slow.

 

I think emotional flatness is a very very common side effect from ssri. Which one were you taking?

 

For the stories that I have read, the feelings should come back after a while, I am still waiting though but my logic tells me that they will come back eventually.

 

Do you also experience lack of libido?, in my case the emotional flatness and the lack of libido go hand by hand.

 

You can start your own thread on the introductions section, and more people will answer your questions with their personal experiences.

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Thank you so much for responding. I was on Prozac for 6 months and then Lexapro for the last year..I am happy that I am not alone ( although I don't wish this on you or anyone else ). I hope for recovery and know only time will tell. I hope you are doing OK and just know it will eventually be alright and you will feel relief. I don't know when but sometime.

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Thank you for your good wishes. I will keep you informed in case this improve for me, but obsessing about it does not help, so I just try to avoid thinking about it as much as I can... I hope your feelings come back soon, but don't get impatient and don't take any drug (illegal or prescription), because drugs will only make your recovery time longer.

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Hi Coopergirl-- I've been married to the love of my life for over 36 years now.  Several years ago, before I started tapering, I went into severe poopout while taking paxil.  One of the symptoms is something called anhedonia, which around here we usually define as the inability to feel anything, no good, no bad, no excitement, no love, nothing.  At one point I mentioned to my DW that I wasn't feeling anything for her, when in fact, the feelings were there deep inside, I just couldn't access them or express them.  That statement lead to many "late night discussions" during which we were able to determine that the feeling were there but the drugs were suppressing them totally.  Things started to change once I started my taper.  It took a longtime but eventually those wonderful feelings started to show their heads and with even more time they have blossomed and are stronger then they ever have been.  It will seem like a long frustrating ordeal, but if the feelings were there to begin with, they are sill there now and will eventually show themselves.  Until then have trust in yourself and know that they are just in hiding and will come out when the time is right.

 

((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

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Thank you sooooooooo much. You've made my day and made me smile. You an angel. Thank you!!!! I won't give up! I have to have patience which is hard but worth it all in the end :)

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Altostrata- can you help me? I am so stuck right now. I want to feel love for my boyfriend more than anything in the world right now but I can't feel anything and I wonder if I should let him go because all I want for him is to be happy. He is a great guy and doesn't deserve this from me. I am so upset. Please help

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Hi Coopergirl--  "Started dating a great guy a few months on ssris and everything was wonderful..i have been on ssris for 1.5 years now and a few months ago I started not being able to feel feelings which in turn made me think I didn't love him."  What this is telling me is that BF knew you for about a year before things went south.  That means he has a pretty good idea who the "real you" is and knows that she is still in there somewhere.  If he's been sticking around and really wants to help then he's a keeper.  While a person is in WD it's not a good time to make "big life changes" and dumping a "great guy" because you feel unworthy is a big life change.  Like I told you  if you felt love for him before the drugs took over, then the feelings are still there, just buried.  For right now just enjoy being together as much as you can and let the love come back in its own time.   As your brain adjusts to not having the drugs those feelings will slowly start to show them selves and given time they will blossom.  This is a wonderful opportunity to build your relationship.  Unfortunately this is probably going to be a long process and it will be very one sided, but keep the paths of communication open and trust in  yourself, in him and in your relationship.  Love is hard to find, and good support is very hard to find while in WD, so do what you can to make it work.

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You are seriously the best I can't thank you enough for your advice. I need this encouragement so badly. I feel terrible and pray I recover soon!

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Thanks, Coopergirl.

 

All I can say is that the emotional anesthesia will lighten over time.

 

Be patient and cherish what your relationship gives you from day to day, let yourself feel what you can feel, and don't let your worry over this become a wall between you and your boyfriend. He will be happy to see you taking care of yourself and your nervous system and being in a healing frame of mind.

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Apart from WD, Coopergirl, I have been married of 25 years, and I have fallen in and out of love, of like, of being able to even stand, my husband more times than numbers go up to. It's just part of life. He is a great guy overall, I am not talking about abuse. Etc. but generally, you don't find your soulmate, you commit to becoming soulmates.

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And everyone is like oh you've been on meds only 1.5 years but still..I feel like it has changed me. Why are people thinking that way and are they right?

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Meimeiquest- I agree with you 100%..true love is not found it is built.

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I fell for my current boyfriend 6 months on Prozac and I loved him so so much and then I felt like my Prozac didn't work anymore so I went on Lexapro and I felt like I lost my feelings. It frustrates me because how can I love someone so much and then feel no emotion? It hurts me so bad and he is a wonderful guy I don't ever want to see him hurt. Any advice? Again..I can't tell you all how much you have saved me every response.

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I think you answered it above...if you want it to work, do it now by doing acts of love even when the emotion isn't there. Good training for the long haul :). But if there are issues, face them. This is a young relationship and you can let it go if it is not a good match. Probably nothing in the world will feel great right now, so use your brain, not your heart.

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He is everything I could ever want and then some!

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Once I started Lexapro  and Lorazapan  It was as if I were in a mental fog. All I cared about was "ME" and how "I" felt all the time. I was so obsessed with my health (hypochondria) that I barely even noticed anyone else around me, unless of course they were giving me sympathy. I had a newborn baby who was still in ICU as he was premature and not well but my husband had to literally drag me to the hospital each day to see him. Some days I refused to leave the house and made my husband go on his own. That was so completely out of character for me and I could weep now just thinking back to that time. My son's babyhood is a complete and utter blur and nothing can bring that time back. I really need to stop talking about it now, it is just upsetting me. 

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Dewayne-thank you so very much.

Princessstarburst-i feel the exact exact same way! I am so sorry you went through that. How are you feeling now? I hope ok. ♡

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Coopergirl1, much better now. I was on a ridiculously high dose of lexapro (30mg) and on top of that was taking Lorazapan. No wonder I was so knocked out. I am down to 5mg of Lexapro now and feel like the old me is slowly returning. My son is 7 now and a complete and utter joy to me. I try not to dwell on the past because like I said, it is too upsetting. 

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Honestly I was on 20 Lexapro and felt like a robot. My feelings for boyfriend went away but I've been off 2 months now and I am fighting. Don't beat yourself up. It wasn't "you" I know that much.

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Coopergirl1, agree with the post above about you also lost the connection with your dog. This seems silly, but really who quits loving their animals? That's pretty significant. 

 

For what it's worth, I am currently on 20mg of Celexa. As much as I HATE these drugs I was crippled by my SOs recent infidelity while she was manic and my work was beating me up. So I've been on it for about a month now. I do feel robotic. We had a pretty traumatizing event the last two weeks and I haven't shed a tear yet. I am upset inside, but really have felt more like retreating to my own little world. I am having fun with my son, but my joy doesn't feel as deep as it was and I've become more apathetic towards my SO's issues.

 

I understand why people think these drugs "work". It has made my life easier, especially with all the chaos. The only thing I've felt is an increased sex drive and a lack of feeling for most things, which has led to a weird secondary type of guilt. I feel very stoic but also often confused. I feel irresponsible for taking this medicine.  I will probably begin tapering very soon. I just feel lost. 

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Is there any chance that personality changes can be permanent? My feelings dulled for my husband 18 months ago while ON sertraline, but apparently the meds just pooped out. Since then he has become so angry and really quite emotionally abusive. Still, it is difficult to know that these stupid drugs have started this ball rolling and I am wondering. . . Will I get MY emotions back or is this the new me? Will I begin to care again for what I used to care about? Its been so long, . . . maybe it is a permanent change? And because things in my marriage are really coming to a head, how do I make any decisions not knowing what feelings are the "real" me? Its so difficult not being able to trust your feelings. Its amazing just how many decisions we make everyday from our gut that I never gave a second thought to before, but now are excrutiatingly difficult.

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How long were you in the medication? If you include that more people on here will be able to help you. I hope you are having a good day day

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My boyfriend left me 2 weeks ago, after 6 months of no emotions and no love caused by my withdrawal. Since this hell started I'm never been able to understand if I loved him or not, so I didn't take any decision about my relationship. I tried to explain my condition, but I know that is really hard for a normal person to understand the concept of emotional blunting. However, mine is a sad story, but if your boyfriend loves you enough to stay, you should give him a try and wait till you're recovery.

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Aissela- I am so very sorry. You know what then your ex leaving you in a hard time is not the person you'll want by your side in the long run. Mine is understanding even when I tell him I want to move back to my parents because I feel guilty staying here while I recover. I pray for recovery and I am not sure if you're religious but I will pray for you too. Keep going. Life is worth it. We will eventually be ok. How long were you on meds? I was 1.5 years which doesn't seem like much but people tell me it is enough to cause damage

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Coopergirl, what does your boyfriend say when you talk to him about how you feel?

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Coopergirl, thank you for the reply. I was on meds for 1.8 years and yes, it is enough to cause damage, we're the living proof. I went off paxil 7 months ago and, while the physical symptoms had disappeared, the anedhonia and pssd are still there, improving very slowly. I hope that, since we've been on meds for short time, we will heal faster. I'll pray for you too.

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Aissela how are you doing? Feeling any better?

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I'm on 3 months without Lexapro and about 7 weeks in to the process began to feel nothing as well. Started dating an amazing guy in the spring, we were going to move in together etc and now ... Nothing. I just don't feel it and I'm actually a bit rude to him (and everyone these days)... He's being very understanding, but I wonder how long I should 'play pretend' when I feel like this- it just doesn't feel right, but I know its not my emotions and I don't want to make any big decisions. We've back tracked and he's given me a lot of space, I kept my own place and so forth- but It all just seems so forced. I keep holding on to how I KNOW I felt the first few months and wonder why I can't feel that. 

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I feel very related to this topic (although I dont have a girlfriend at the moment),

 

Since my second round of prozac in early 2015, I have lost all the interest in getting in a romantic relationship.

 

Before prozac I was the kind of guy who was always falling for girls. Many of my male friends have always been the typical guys thinking first about sex and second about a relationship, However, I had always been the kind of guy who valued much more the intimacy of a relationship than the sex, much much more, my friends used to make fun of me for that.

 

Actually the first time that I had a crush on a girl, I was 4 years old, lol, I was that kind of kid that always liked someone of my school.

 

Now that seems to have dissapeared from my personality,,, and I really hope it comes back some day...

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Nicole- I am going through the same exact thing. Isnt it crazy? I think you will feel that way again in a few months..please give it time before making that decision.I say that because my boyfriend has an ex girlfriend who wants him back now that she is off medication and luckily for me he loves me. I don't want to be that til regretting it a year from now. I am here for you I will talk with you whenever

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I am wondering how common it is for people to lose feelings while taking these medications? It gives me clarity to know others feel this way too, anyone?

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Hi Coppergirl-- I was just commenting on another thread that loss of feelings/emotions is one of the most common symptoms people experience on these drugs  Every member here has experienced it in one form or another.  That's how these drugs are designed to work, they don't cure the depression/anxiety or what ever they just make it so you don't care about it anymore, and in the process make it so you don't care about anything.

 

Hope that gives a little perspective.

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Brassmonkey- you honestly ALWAYS make me feel better. God bless you

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(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

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I remember you telling me you went through this too brass..I must say I hope that once I am off those feelings return. I have faith they will. The guy I am with treats me better than anyone I've ever met and I just can't believe these pills did this. I know people say you can't blame the pills but I whole heartedly do.

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