Coopergirl1

Lost my feelings for my boyfriend and want them back

108 posts in this topic

The drugs numb you out... I have read about people not liking their own kids I am not talking love I said not liking them...not wanting them around ever... their pets there husbands their special family members... anyone and anything that was loved can fall flat.  

I had a cat that I adored... I mean adored I could not stand the demands of the cat I would feed it clean the litter but that is where we ended... for years drugged I avoided and neglected the poor cat while drugged other things I loved did not fair well either.  

Tapering off the drugs will help please look up tapering here at SA

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I still take a pill of Xanax from time to time but I am not addicted to it. I can calm my anxiety by eating, listening to music, or playing a game. But of course, taking a pill is the easiest way to solve the issue os that's what I usually do. But I don't take Xanax regularly anymore, just when I feel like I need it the most.

 

I am so numb that I can't love my family, my best friend who I was talking about - and he meant the world to me, my my parrot or even myself. The only thing I can feel is anxiety and it's been driving me insane.

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Hi everyone, I'm not sure if people still get on this site but I really hope so cause my story is similar to many I've read on here. I started nursing school last fall and was very stressed and I was put on lexapro 10mg. About a month later I met an amazing guy. I absolutely adored him and we were head over heels for each other. About 7 months later we were making wedding plans and even talked about having kids not too far after. I decided to stop taking lexapro because I was so beyond happy and didn't think I needed them anymore. I quit cold turkey. Which I knew was bad but I thought I could handle it. I was okay for a while and then about a month later I can't explain what happened. It was like something in my brain literally snapped And I woke up one morning thinking I didn't love him anymore and questioning how I really felt about him. To say it was awful would be an understatement. I spent the next two days in bed crying and vomiting from panic. It was so bad. I finally one day broke down and told my mom the feelings I had been having, and she didn't understand and was trying to figure out what was going on. My whole family knew I was crazy in love with him and this just didn't make any sense. It's been 3 months since then and my feelings will come and go. Some days it's almost back to the old feelings where I know I wanna grow old with him but the next day I'll wake up crying and not wanna get out of bed. I seriously do not know what's going on in my body right now. I just want to be completely in love with him again. This is the most gut wretch in and heartbreaking thing I think I have ever gone through. This is not me. I just hope it's my head trying to get balanced out and once it does everything will go back to normal. Any advice or words would be great. I would not wish this on anyone but it does give me some hope reading other people who have had the same issues with this drug. Thanks so much in advance!

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Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well. I've been dealing with the same problem all of you have been posting about. It's been 4 months since I withdrew from lexapro and 3 months since I've lost feelings. I was going to see if it got better for any of you?

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That sounds pretty bad.. Maybe you should check whit doctor and talk about hormone imbalance. 

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Thank yall for your replies! I've thought about going to the doctor and maybe reinstating a small dose of the medication and seeing if that helps. But I'm also terrified that it will make my recovery time longer if I started them again. I just wish I knew of a way to speed up this process but what I've read this may just the beginning of a long process :( I want to love him again so bad. We were about to get married! I just feel like my life is on hold right now and it's just miserable. I do feel some hope talking to you guys on here though. Thank yall very much

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Hi everyone, haven't been on in awhile which I imagine is a good thing as I am feeling better. I am off medication now completely and while some days are hard I am managing. Now for my biggest question. I posted earlier that I has lost feelings for my boyfriend and I was wondering am I being too eager for them to come back right away? Will it take some time for my brain to readjust and feelings  to show again..i feel they are getting less buried. Ive only been off completely 1 month. Brassmonkey? Anyone? Thank you

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Thinking about it like that, is only attempting to "force it so"... even if you're not consciously doing it. You can't rush it. Some say "Love is an action" or "Love is a choice" or similar... all are partially right. Yes, love is a choice, just as much as it is a tingly emotion running down to your stomach as you merely lay eyes onto someone / your partner etc. However, those "Butterflies" don't last forever... when the "new wears off" as they say, the rest is absolutely a choice.. especially if you've taken vows / married. 

Don't be asking yourself all the time "Do I love them?" or "Are my feelings back?" instead what you should be doing is just living your life. Live it how you want to live it. If you find yourself thinking about your partner, take a step back and evaluate it. Don't look for the answer "Is that love?" .. instead ask a different question "How do I feel when xyz happens like this?" and measure it and see if it's good. Once you learn to let go of all those questions and just LIVE... you will learn to see things as they come in. You may see it gradually, and you may just wake up one day and go "OMG, I don't think I can live without xyz-person"

Forcing it can bring about false positives, just be careful. To answer in short, NO! I do NOT think your feelings are going to instantly just rush back in. I've never seen that, however I have seen it take as few as a few months. This isn't a small thing you're going through, it's a huge, life altering ordeal and once you learn to cope and move slowly through it like wading through a deep pool, you will learn to relax and take things as it comes in, rather than analyzing every thing and searching for the ultimate answer. It's going to take a while. Typically, the more important answers reveal themselves if given the chance. :) 

Good luck to you. 

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I'm still dealing with the exact same thing. I completely lost all feelings for my boyfriend after quitting lexapro cold turkey. It's been 8 painful months and I reinstated a couple months ago and I'm about to start tapering. I'm nervous about the whole tapering process cause I'm on 5 mg and I heard you need to just lower your dose by 10% each month? I have no idea how to do that cause every scale I've looked at doesn't measure mg. :( and my doctor was not very helpful about switching my prescription to liquid. I have no idea why.. If anyone has any tips for tapering safely I would love to hear them! I don't wanna get off too fast cause I know how much hell it causes. Thank you in advance.

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I'm still dealing with the exact same thing. I completely lost all feelings for my boyfriend after quitting lexapro cold turkey. It's been 8 painful months and I reinstated a couple months ago and I'm about to start tapering. I'm nervous about the whole tapering process cause I'm on 5 mg and I heard you need to just lower your dose by 10% each month? I have no idea how to do that cause every scale I've looked at doesn't measure mg. :( and my doctor was not very helpful about switching my prescription to liquid. I have no idea why.. If anyone has any tips for tapering safely I would love to hear them! I don't wanna get off too fast cause I know how much hell it causes. Thank you in advance.

 

I've responded to this post in your Intro/Update topic here:  sadandconfused

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Been off a year now and my emotions still haven't returned :( Ended up killing off the relationship. All this from a CT of a low dose of Sertraline

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I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm seriously so scared. It makes me so freakin sick to my stomach. I cold turkeyered off lexapro 8 months ago and the same thing happened. My boyfriend is tired of it but he's being somewhat patient about it. Even if we were to break up from this awful drug I don't think I'd be in my right mind to date anyone for a long time.

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Crazy what these drugs can do.. I've seen a lot of recovery stories, but also a lot of stories where things just don't seem to get better. Best of luck with your taper, if it works out please report back cause it's something I've been considering even though I'm so far out.

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Yes it's insane how much these can change your brain :( okay I definitely will! Thank you so much! Good luck to you as well <3 did you say you were considering reinstating?

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I HAVE RECOVERED MY FEELING.

 

If you look for my old posts you will see a lot of depression and despair... well. I can say my sexual life is not the same as before but i have times when i consider I am much better (in other ocassions I´m horrible but it is how it goes...)

 

But in the feeling angle... I´m totally recovered... I´m in love with my boyfriend like in the old times... actually I sometimes feel so much that it scares me and make me feel so vulnerable.

I still have problems with anxiety and depression especially when i have to face a fear. PSSD had made me more weak and I hate it.

 

But I wish my message spread some hope here.

 

My tips;

 

- Yoga, relaxation

- Just go with the flow, imagine yourself loving and relaxing... visualization techniques

- SUN- I´m much better when it´s sunny. I have read our system react with sunbathing and there is hrmone and substabnce production. This is my 3rd PSSD year and I function better with sun and good time... light.

- Depression and specially anxiety block me and I´m uncapable of feeling love when I´m anxious.

- Music and joy

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I'm so so happy to hear this! <3 can you tell me how long before you noticed the loving feeling coming back? I'm so lost right now and I wanna believe I'll get my feelings back more than anything. Its so scary having no idea when or even if it'll happen.

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I recovered them when I started to pay attention to my best friend. We were on the beach and I could disconnect from my obsessive ruminating symptoms... O started to like him. It was a difficult time. It took me 1 year realized I loved him as my love feelings disappeared and then came back once and another. I went to a psychologist and explained me my my neurotransmitter s were crazy and this waves and windows were not abnormal. It took me 2.5 years and the presence of my boyfriend... I think he was a key too apart from the things I explained

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I also realized movies didnt move.me.again...and anhedonia was presented at the same time my lost of feelings.

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Yes I've had the same thing :( Its been 8 months since I've quit Lexapro cold turkey and it's awful. I'm so numb. I cannot feel anything for my boyfriend. I literally couldn't care less about him and this cannot be the real me :( he's getting so sick of this and I'm just praying he'll wait for me. I can feel somewhat content when I'm alone or with family but I feel nothing for the one person who was the most important to me and I just really don't even care to be around him. This cant be how I really feel. I wanna feel love for him more than anything

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I has the same drug( escitalopram is the same as lexapro). I understand you. Its too tough. I had the same sensation: I could feel sth for my parents but romantic live was off. This is due the nature of pssd that has effects on sex... Sex and romantic feelings are connected... I was trying to understand why I couldn't like guys and fall in love or feel infatuation and my conclusion is sex and love are connected. If I recovered my capacity everybody can do it, OK?

Lots is hugs

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I has the same drug( escitalopram is the same as lexapro). I understand you. Its too tough. I had the same sensation: I could feel sth for my parents but romantic live was off. This is due the nature of pssd that has effects on sex... Sex and romantic feelings are connected... I was trying to understand why I couldn't like guys and fall in love or feel infatuation and my conclusion is sex and love are connected. If I recovered my capacity everybody can do it, OK?

Lots is hugs

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If anyone is interested in sharing their story we have a private facebook group called Marriages Destroyed by Antidepressants. We currently have over 200 members and growing. You can join us here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/MDBAD/

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Okay awesome thank you! Will people on my news feed be able to see that I joined it?

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They won't be able to see that you joined.

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This is the exact same thing that is happening to me. I was unable to feel anything for my girlfriend. I ve been tappering for 5 months now. Some days I feel the love feelings but they usually last for a couple of hours. On some days I feel nothing and wonder if I should let her be free. And then when I feel again it reminds me that I love her and I should keep waiting because I love her for real,but my brain is just recovering. As I see it is like I love her but my body is unable to feel the sempsantions of love due to the drug effects. Reading all this stories gives me hope and confirms that this is real and it will go away. Imnso glad to be able to talk to people who understands

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It's getting extremely tough. I'm coming up to the 10th month mark with no feelings whatsoever for my boyfriend. I'm doing everything I can to try and be happy again. A huge problem I've been having is the fact that he's very overbearing. Honestly I can't say I blame him, if the situation was reversed and he lost feelings I would probably be the same way. But that still doesn't help me right now. I don't wanna leave him but I wanna be left alone so bad I can't stand it. I wanna just take a trip by myself just to try and clear my head. I know it's not fair to him and it makes me feel awful that I'm putting him through this but I seriously can't help it. I guess since the loss of feelings he's afraid I'll leave him someday so he literally has to know where I'm at at all times and basically everything I do during the day. I don't think he realizes the effect this is having on me on top of the loss of feelings. If we're gonna get anywhere back to the way we were i really think I'm gonna need some space :(

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Hey sadandconfused,

 

It was really helpful to hear your story. If it helps, I've been depressed/on SSRIs for about 2.5 years now and I struggle on and off with feelings for my partner. I get really acute relationship anxiety, which can get really bad when we are alone together for long periods. Space does help, but I know how hard it is to ask for it. I know if the tables were turned that I wouldn't take it very well, but maybe your partner will surprise you. Although we've been together a long time (almost 6 years), me and my partner were long distance for quite a long time (like 3 years) and now we live separately. People think it's weird, but it's our choice and it suits us both at the moment. It's especially helpful for me in terms of managing how much space I get. Because it's not just space from him I need. I used to be the life and soul of the party, visiting friends all the time and wanting to be social and go out. Now I stay in almost all the time and find it difficult to muster the spoons to be around others. It's super weird. I think I've learned how to be on my own for the first time in my life, which has been a real gift for me, but there's definitely an effect of the meds on how I relate to others against the amount of space I need these days.

 

Given some of the new information I've found from this forum and other places, I've decided to do my best to hold on and not make any decisions until I'm way off the meds. I'm hopeful that my feelings will return, along with a lot of other aspects of my personality. I try to do loving things for my partner and try to be honest without being cruel. I also try to be realistic about what I'm capable of and try to be grateful for all the support and love that my partner gives to me. 

 

The only thing you can do in this situation is be honest with your partner, maybe explain that your experiences with antidepressant withdrawal are making it difficult to be around others and maybe try to figure out between you how you could get some space, which will be really helpful for your recovery and in the long term, will be good for the relationship. 

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Hey sadandconfused,

 

It was really helpful to hear your story. If it helps, I've been depressed/on SSRIs for about 2.5 years now and I struggle on and off with feelings for my partner. I get really acute relationship anxiety, which can get really bad when we are alone together for long periods. Space does help, but I know how hard it is to ask for it. I know if the tables were turned that I wouldn't take it very well, but maybe your partner will surprise you. Although we've been together a long time (almost 6 years), me and my partner were long distance for quite a long time (like 3 years) and now we live separately. People think it's weird, but it's our choice and it suits us both at the moment. It's especially helpful for me in terms of managing how much space I get. Because it's not just space from him I need. I used to be the life and soul of the party, visiting friends all the time and wanting to be social and go out. Now I stay in almost all the time and find it difficult to muster the spoons to be around others. It's super weird. I think I've learned how to be on my own for the first time in my life, which has been a real gift for me, but there's definitely an effect of the meds on how I relate to others against the amount of space I need these days.

 

Given some of the new information I've found from this forum and other places, I've decided to do my best to hold on and not make any decisions until I'm way off the meds. I'm hopeful that my feelings will return, along with a lot of other aspects of my personality. I try to do loving things for my partner and try to be honest without being cruel. I also try to be realistic about what I'm capable of and try to be grateful for all the support and love that my partner gives to me.

 

The only thing you can do in this situation is be honest with your partner, maybe explain that your experiences with antidepressant withdrawal are making it difficult to be around others and maybe try to figure out between you how you could get some space, which will be really helpful for your recovery and in the long term, will be good for the relationship.

Hello! I'm really sorry im replying a month late to this but thank you for your response! I completely agree that if he had been the one who lost feelings when I was deeply in love with him I would've been so heartbroken. So I can definitely see why it's so hard for him. I have been in the depths of withdrawal for 11 months now and I can feel it slightly getting some better on some days but I still don't feel the love for my boyfriend. It scares me so so much cause we were planning to get married last August after about 10 months of being together! I just can't believe I was so in love and confident enough to marry someone and now I just can't feel anything and struggle wanting to be around him. I desperately hope this is all withdrawal and we will get back to the way we were but some days I just cannot tell :(

It's also been 11 months off, and i was only on the pills for about 10 months so I wonder if I should be worried that the feelings haven't returned.. I was on them for such a short time that I would've thought by now I'd be able to feel some type of love for him but it hasn't got much better... Prayers and best of luck to you and everyone else on here!

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Hi sadandconfused,

 

I'm curious if you've ever taken space from your boyfriend to see how that affects your feelings?

 

Maybe being constantly around him is slowing the feeling coming back because you're monitoring it so much? I'm in the position your boyfriend is in, and we've taken space and no contact for almost 2 weeks now, she said it was hard for her to be objective about how she feels about me because I'm always around. Just a thought.

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Hi sadandconfused,

 

I'm curious if you've ever taken space from your boyfriend to see how that affects your feelings?

 

Maybe being constantly around him is slowing the feeling coming back because you're monitoring it so much? I'm in the position your boyfriend is in, and we've taken space and no contact for almost 2 weeks now, she said it was hard for her to be objective about how she feels about me because I'm always around. Just a thought.

I would be very careful about taking space. That's what my partner wanted and I'm afraid giving her the space only confirmed that she could happily live without me in her life after 11 years together.

 

It's ironic that I say happily because is anybody who is depressed, anxious and either on or withdrawing from SSRIs really happy?

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We were at the point where it was space or break up. I agree it is dangerous waters, but there wasn't really much of an option left.

 

On the massive document (stories of ssri users), most of the 'happy ending' accounts state something along the lines of "thank god my husband/wife/girlfriend took me back" - implying a breakup or at least separation. 

 

But to be honest, I think it'll speed up the eventual outcome, if it ends after the break, I don't think it would have been successful if we didn't take space and I'll be out of limbo faster. She also suffers from PTSD, I think everything has triggered her, and she needs space to get her head together.

 

Who knows ultimately.

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Thank you both for your replies! I haven't taken a break or suggested it because I'm honestly afraid to. I guess with both of you on that a break can be a good thing and a bad thing. Honestly if I asked my boyfriend to take a break, I don't think he would take it well at all and I don't blame him. The thing that I've noticed is that it seems like the majority of people on here who are the spouses of someone who has lost feelings are the ones who are trying the hardest to convince them that it was just the pills.. When in my situation I feel like I have to constantly keep reminding my boyfriend that it's just the pills and I feel like if I did one thing wrong he would walk away and never look back. I feel like I have to force myself to be affectionate just to keep from losing him right now. He even said the other day that he's 27 and is ready to get life started and that he's already wasted enough time as it is. That hurts me so bad to hear cause on top of not feeling love for him, I feel like I'm constantly pressured that I need to love him again or it will be over. You're spouses are so lucky to have yall and they don't even know it! The fact that you're willing to give space to make the relationship work says so much. And I don't mean that I'm expecting my boyfriend to kiss ass or anything but any means cause I understand how upset this must make him, I'm just really not in my right mind to rationalize anything right now and I wish he would understand that :/ I hope everyone is doing okay!

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Hi sadandconfused,

 

I'm so sorry for all you've gone through. I've been reading through your posts and I was really hoping to read a happy ending. Alas, you haven't found it ...  yet.

 

So it sounds like the reinstatement made no difference? 

 

Hugs

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Hi sadandconfused,

 

I'm so sorry for all you've gone through. I've been reading through your posts and I was really hoping to read a happy ending. Alas, you haven't found it ... yet.

 

So it sounds like the reinstatement made no difference?

 

Hugs

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that! No happy ending yet, but still hopeful. </3

 

It's honestly kinda hard to say right now if reinstatement hurt or helped. 6 months ago was definitely my low point.(5 months after quitting cold turkey) I hate to say it but I had sucidial thoughts and just hated life in general. I was so miserable, id cry in the bathroom at work. Reinstatement DID help me cope with those emotions and helped me make it through the day, but as far as helping me get my feelings back it did not help. I'm still waiting, hoping and praying that they will come back. Thank you for your reply!

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Emotions are definitely coming back at the lower doses. About love, isn’t the butterfly-like love in any relationship eventually replaced by something else, something deep, like emotional connection, trust, comfort, being who you are? That’s also love, right? For my girlfriend and me the emotional connection grew stronger during these years of emotional ordeal. So, I haven’t seen any butterflies in years, but I’m not sure if the drugs are to blame. Maybe I’m in for a surprise when I taper to lower doses.

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