nick1990: citalopram crap

[Flowers]

Hi Nick

 

It is so good to read you are enjoying your life and doing well on your taper.

 

I just want to say please don't worry too much about change of brand. Although everything pointed to that upsetting me there was no proof and some people don't have any reactions to changing brands. I am very sensitive to drugs and had taken the different generic  for a while before I noticed. At least you will be forewarned.

 

A lot can happen in 2 years so just relax about it - at least you have done some forward planning to help if the situation arises.

 

Hugs

 

 

Flowers xxx

[nick1990]

Hey lovely flowers,

 

Im sorry for the crap you've been through due to this disgusting medical system. I really feel upset about it. Im so sorry, BUT my word you are tough you will soon be back to tapering and you will be off the drugs and fully healed. Sending my wishes and hugs

 

Xxx

[Flowers]

Thank Nick for your kind words and encouragement. It means a lot.

 

I love your life living on the beach in solitude! A bit like me really but I have a husband here too! I couldn't manage right now without him.

 

Water and wildlife are so calming.

 

xxxx

[KarenB]

Hey Nick, I've been taking a break for a bit but I'm catching up now.  Good to hear that things have remained relatively settled for you, and that you've been able to keep so active with surfing too.  Life with two sheep - that made me smile!  We had a lamb last year for a few months - they have to be my most favourite animal ever.  So cuddly. 

 

Like flowers says, don't be overly concerned about the switch of generics.  Most likely you'll be fine, as things are quite settled for you.  But if you were still worried when the time comes there is the option of doing a gradual switch.  Maybe over a month you could lessen your current brand while increasing the new one.  

 

Hugs from Raglan,

Karen

[nick1990]

Thanks Karen hope your doing well. Well im at the end of my third week of this slide. Dropping about 1.25% a week. Have been feeling a bit off every few days. Hard to pin point what the "off" sensation is like, but sort of an uncomfortable feeling. Not really depressed not really anxious, something in between. Its very minor though and if I didn't focus on it I wouldn't notice. Been quite tired too. Like fatigued, especially in the morning. Nothing extreme either but could sleep 10-12 hours easy!

[MollyN]

Hi Nick - was just reading through your thread to catch up - you're doing so well!! Brilliant - to get safely back to where you crashed last time with only a glimmer of w/d symptoms is a huge win!

 

As for the brand change, I must say I did react quite badly to mine - I was so desperate I rung the drug company (I think I did post about it at the time) and they asked 1000x questions - then nothing... of course. Every now and then I remember giving them all that personal information and feel a bit sick about it - I was so desperate. In any case, after a wave of maybe 2 weeks, things settled back down as I remember, although not long after I moved to the liquid drug.

 

But that's not to say you need to worry at all now, it's just too far away to say what will be happening by then, plus when the time comes you'll be forearmed and an expert w/d survivalist

 

I guess you're off to Queensland soon? I really want to congratulate you on living your life on your own terms - blimmin inspiring!! xxxmollyn

[Gridley]

I had to switch from a U.S. brand of Lorazepam that I'd been using for years to a (it seemed to me) a possibly quite dubious South American brand.  I spent many sleepless nights (they likely would've been sleepless anyway). The first week of the switchover was a little turbulent but now I am doing great.  A small success story.

[nick1990]

Hey all. So a bit of news, I booked a one way ticket to Australia, and leave in just over 2 week's. I do plan on returning home, but probably not until summer. I have 2 of my best friend's over there at the moment and am going to live with them on the beach, and find a part time job. I don't want to work all the time over there. Ideally just 2-3 days a week, with the remaining days spent surfing/exploring/sunbathing..

 

I'm down to basically 37mg cit now, from 45mg, which I started tapering in November. 

So far its been a mixed bag. Some drops I feel nothing, other's I have minor symptoms. Symptoms are unpleasant, especially as they're mostly neuro emotions (depression/anxiety/worry/ocd/guilt) but they generally pass after a couple of day's at worst. 

When im feeling fine though, im feeling pretty ok. I just feel a bit confused with all this back and forth of feeling good, thinking clearly and then not feeling good, not thinking clearly. It's tiring and I definitely do struggle some day's. But I'm hoping that as my dose decreases, that I'll feel alot better in general and maybe not have such random ups and downs. 

Im still decreasing about 5% every 4 week's, with 2 week holds. With some calculations I should be down to 20mg by September after next. That's 14-15 month's away only, and it'll be 1/3 of my original 60mg dose. I know I'll have some rocky days, I know I'll feel hopeless and sad sometimes, and I know I wish I had never been put on these drug's, but im confident with time, courage, strength, love and determination (and this forum) that I'll get to where I've dreamed of being for year's. To a drug free place, full of pure emotions and clear thoughts, where I don't have to fight with wd symptoms or side effects.  Im getting little glimpses of it already as im reducing. They're just short glimpses, but they feel like a long forgotten memory of when I was a child. It's amazing.

Love and healing to all. 

Nick

[Distraut]

Lovely to hear your news Nick and wishing you a great time in Oz.

 

Great to see your grit and determination - not to mention your patience!

 

You will get there and life beckons.

 

[brassmonkey]

You got this down bro. Now it's just a waiting game.  Wintering in Oz sounds like it will be a great time.  Can't wait to hear all about it.

[Flowers]

Hi Nick

 

Great to hear your news and I wish you all the best in Australia.

 

You are doing so well in managing your taper successfully.

 

Lots of love and hugs

 

Flowers xxx

[KarenB]

Well done Nick - both on the tapering and on the living a pretty cool life in the process.  Enjoy aussie - however I don't understand what doesn't appeal about winter in NZ?  For instance right now, I'm sitting here typing, the sky is grey, the rain is drizzling down, the wind is whistling down the chimney,I'm wearing multiple layers of clothing ... oh, wait - gotcha. 

[nick1990]

Thanks for all the kind words everyone

Karen, its set in for 6 months minimum now... haha.. oh how I'll miss the ever grey drizzle and howling southerlies. I wish I was a bear or something and could just hibernate for the winter then wake up for summer. Anyway, were so lucky as kiwis to be able to go back and forth to 'straya as we wish. Hope your all well.

[nick1990]

Off to Australia tomorrow morning. Excited and a bit anxious about it, but all in all, can't wait .

 

Just wanted to note a new experience i had yesterday. 

I met a girl, a lovely, lovely girl. I ended up spending the night with her. The attachment i felt to this beautiful person was so strong. I just felt so connected to her, it was like puppy love. I have spent many a time with amazing women, but haven't really felt such strong emotion in regard to just lying with a person. Its exciting and a little overwhelming, but it was such a pure, real experience. And not even in the sexual sense, just in the emotion and attachment. It was so real. 

Now i don't know if this was a one off or a sign of things to come, but either way ill take it. Im really loving and embracing this re-emergence of emotions after a decade of SSRI induced numbness. Bring on the rest! The good, the bad and the ugly. 

 

All the best to everyone and ill be back in the coming weeks/months to give an update on Australia

 

Love to all. 

[bubble]

This is fantastic news Nick! Thanks for sharing

[Distraut]

Oh Nick, this is so wonderful to hear!  Best wishes and good luck in Oz.

[Flowers]

Nick - I am thrilled for you!  Such great news.

 

Enjoy Oz!

 

Flowers xxx

[brassmonkey]

Meet the girl of your dreams and two days later leave the country, where have I heard that before.  When I meant Monica a long time ago she had already made plans to move from Denver, where we meant, to Los Angles for her acting career.  So six weeks later she moved.  A long distance romance ensued and now we've been married 38 years.

 

It's wonderful to hear that your emotions are starting to show up again. It will be a whole new learning process to explore and understand them, then gain control.  Enjoy the process.  Have a great time in Oz. 

[KarenB]

Ha ha - Aaron and I did the same thing.  He'd already booked to leave NZ for two+ years when we met.  He did leave, but came back 3 months later.  Now we've been married 17 years - 1st July is our anniversary.  Still, only half as long as Brass and his wife have - congratulations Brass!  And good luck Nick - enjoy the refinding of yourself. 

[nick1990]

Safely settled in Queensland now. Amazing weather and have been surfing 11 of the 13 days I've been here. Very, very different to home and what I've become use to. Quite full on, lots happening, lots of people everywhere, especially in the surf.. I have had a couple moments in the water when I've nearly lost my cool but managing to use mindfulness to calm myself. 

 

I began my new slide last Thursday. Ive increased the drops incrementally. One of my friends here is a pretty good mathematician and helped me to figure out exact dosage reductions. So as of now I'm dropping 1.5% a week over 4 weeks (depending on how I'm feeling) so a total of 6% a month as apposed to 5% as i was previously. 

Have felt slightly off the last couple of days - but it could be a range of things. I think its WD related but has been exacerbated by not having work and stressing about finding a job. I have also been cooped up in a small apartment with 2 others and sharing a bedroom with a friend, so I've had very little "ME" time... Which i was having ALOT of back at home. I never realized just how much i value my own space and alone time.

 

The symptoms of the last couple of days have been a little fatigue (mostly at bed time) and a bit of frustration mixed in with low mood. On the grand scale of my WD experience id rate the symptoms 1.5/10 in severity - Certainly very manageable. 

 

Im due to drop again tomorrow, but thinking ill wait till Friday, as whats one extra day. 

 

Brass & or any other members, if symptoms from my last drop are present but minimal, i should have no real issue dropping again right?

I want to drop weekly, and have been doing so - its funny because some drops i feel fine, others i have more symptoms - still no real pattern to the symptoms yet.

 

[bubble]

Hello Nick.

 

I'll just share my experience. I resumed my AD taper in January and like you I'm still looking for the optimal rhythm of cutting and holding. Also no clear pattern of symptoms has emerged.

 

But I did find out the following as I also wanted to work with the Brass slide. It takes up to 10 days for a very distinct WD symptoms to appear after a less than 2 % cut. It takes at least another 5 days for the symptoms to become bearable and another 5 days to return to my WD normal.

 

In other words symptoms are delayed and I end up doing only monthly cuts. I don't know what would've happened had I cut on day 7 before my first WD symptoms had became obvious. Symptoms accummulate so I fear I would lose control of my taper pretty quick.

 

You are much less sensitive than me but maybe wait for the symptoms to appear and disappear to establish your own rhythm rather than following a calendar of cuts every week, however small.

 

I have a feeling you could make bigger cuts since you are very stable and still in a high dose but holding to determine how long it actually takes for symptoms to appear is golden for me.

[brassmonkey]

Oz sounds great, despite the living conditions.  I'm a big fan of "alone time" and really need my quiet.

 

During the slide part of each taper there cam be some minimal overlap of symptoms.  That should cause no problems as they will wash out during the hold portion.  Do remember to take the two week hold every four drops it's really important.  If things are going very smoothly you could try an increase to 2 or maybe even 2.5% drops.  Do the increases slowly and watch the symptom patterns.  Then go with the dose that feel right.  I wouldn't go over 2.5% though.

[KarenB]

Nick, I'm also doing a version of the BrassMonkey slide.  I do four weekly reductions, then hold for 3-4 weeks depending.  I find that I don't get any symptoms until somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd reduction (and then only minor).  By the 4th reduction, I am feeling slightly more symptomatic, but still only at what I would call the upper end of minor. 

 

I could taper harder, but then I'd be a crap mum! 

[nick1990]

Thanks for the info/experiences guys

 

Well I went ahead and did another 1.5%drop today (approximately) 

 

Been feeling bit off still but I think I'll be fine. I had an EXTREMELY active first week here surfing every day and for hours and hours.

Think this exertion coupled with a drop is why I feel off. Had a rest day today and the swell is looking small for the coming week so will most likely be chilling out/looking for a job..

 

Take care team!

[nick1990]

Had a couple of minimal neuro symptoms yesterday (Day 4 after drop) Today mostly fine. Odd lingering neuro-depression moment. Enough to notice its there but not bad at all. I knew this drop would produce some symptoms - i could tell by the way my body was feeling. Ive been sitting around doing nothing for the last 2 days which has made me focus on wd more. Interview went well for new job. Trial in the morning. Organic cafe Barista. Nice people too which is really all i was looking for  Waves coming from tomorrow too so will hit up the beach in the afternoon after my trial. 

 

Keep upbeat 

Nick

[nick1990]

Was meant to drop today but have been feeling a bit off. Ive been very tired. Feeling fatigued and sleeping 10-12 hours a night. 

I was surfing pretty hard out for the last couple of week's and getting stressed about finding work and a new rental property etc.. also ive been getting very frustrated with people including my flatmates, due to the fact I have no personal space. The gold coast is a pretty intense place. Lot's of people everywhere. Lots of terrible drivers hahaha and thats been adding to my frustration. Coming from where I do in nz im very used to peace and quiet. 

 

Im just wondering what you guys think? Could this frustrated feeling and fatigue be due to overdoing things physically? Or is it likely a wd combination? 

 

Im getting a bit concerned as I want to try stick to my 5% a month taper schedule with 2  week holds at the end of the slide.

 

Ive been handling it fine for the last few slides,.With just minor symptoms occasionally. 

 

Why would this slide be any different.

[Altostrata]

Hi, Nick. Overdoing it physically might well make you a little more vulnerable to withdrawal symptoms. Also, you've made a big change in scenery! Please treat your nervous system gently. You may have to pause your tapering schedule for a bit, let your system settle down.

 

By the way, congratulations on managing so well!

[nick1990]

Thanks for the congratulations Alto. Feel pretty proud to be back here on the gold coast where my horrible WD experience began over 2 years ago. Here i am, doing so much better than i was then, living an "almost" normal life and down 10mg less than i was when i crashed.

 

As for this mini wave... well its still lingering. I still think the main culprit is stress and concern mixed with some symptoms from my last drop or two. Moving into a new place on sunday and hopefully (fingers crossed) starting a job on sunday too.. which will add to the stress having to move in and start a new job on the same day, but once I'm settled and things have calmed down i expect ill feel better.

 

I don't particularly like reporting my "waves" on here. I feel like it gives them power, just talking about them, but this one has been a real pain. Mostly been in a low/anxious/grumpy mood. Sleeping 12 hours a night too. And some fatigue. Its not really any different to the waves I've had over the last 9 months of tapering but I'm just feeling it more, because I'm away from home and comfort and familiarity. Also this one has been going on for about a week now, which is the upper end of how long they normally last. All in all though symptoms are probably no higher than a 2/10 in severity. Just going to hold on this dose for a few more days and let my life regain some consistency and balance. Then ill evaluate my next drop.  

[Flowers]

Hi Nick!

 

Funnily enough I was going to post here today and ask how you are doing!

 

I think you have been doing a hell of a lot with the added stress of work/accommodation  issues. 

Getting overtired in WD can make things worse. I know I have been there, done that and got the t shirt!!

 

You are doing great and what a fantastic achievement to be in the same area where it all began but feeling so much better and tapering too!

 

You take care of yourself.

 

 

Love and hugs

 

Flowers

xxx

 

 

 

 

[nick1990]

Quick update ;

 

second week of new slide. Have had next to no WD symptoms at all from this cut and the last one. Pretty chuffed.

 

Take care

Nick

[brassmonkey]

That's the type of update we love to read Nick.  Chuff away.

[nz11]

Greetings Nick, glad to read no symptoms with latest drop ...awesome.

From one kiwi to another may i ask you if you have not yet done so to complete the wdl survey.

best wishes

nz11

[Flowers]

Yay! Such great news Nick!

 

Hope you are still having lots of fun on your trip.

 

Lots of love

 

Flowers xxx

[nick1990]

sorry just caught up with this - Thanks Brass, NZ11 and Flowers! I will do the survey

[nz11]

Great Nick

[nz11]

Nick i had a word in the ear of the survey organisers and told them that Nick The Great wanted to particpate but was on a surfing holiday can you do me a deal and they said no worries bro we'll extend the survey until the next high tide....so guess what ...theres still time cos i said will ya extend it for three more high tides ....they said 'done'