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☼ The loving, positive voice hearer turned 'ZombieMode' by antipsychotics


ZombieMode

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Hey zombiemode, just checking in to see how your doing, hopefully ok especially if you did decide to do a runner

MEDS HISTORY

2004 hospitalized for acute alcohol induced psychosis and started on my psych drug merry-go-round.2004-2006 SSRI > SNRI Merry-go-round finally settled on Effexor. Also was started on Risperdal in 2004 but switched to seroquell after I had a bad reaction to it.2008. Was switched from Effexor to pristiq, Also managed to successfully Quit Seroquel Cold Turkey.Asenapine- 5mg- August 2014 ~ May 2015. Was put on for Social Anxiety, was great at first then started developing disabling side effects, did a rapid taper and so started my withdrawal nightmare...

MEDS CURRENT

Pristiq-100mg ~ Currently holding

Olanzapine- 3.75mg May 2015 ~ Currently tapering by -.06mg per week (Jan 2016, 3.5mg  ~Feb 2016 intractable insomnia updose to 3.75mg)

Quetiapine- 50mg June 2015  ~Dec 25 2015 Quit cold turkey. ~(Feb 6 2016 hit with intractable insomnia - reinstated 50mg.)

August 2016 : Became destabilised after messing around with cutting doses, trying THC oil etc eventually stabilised,

Held doses for 5 years.

January 2022: Hit poop out, struggling to get more than 3 hours sleep, been one week straight of pure hell, praying to hold on. 

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Hi simack, thanks for the post :) im no longer doing a runner as the forced treatment team have decided to take me off meds. Im down to 200mg, due for first injection at that dose tomorrow. Aim is to be off all meds by june.

 

Should be positive news, but in total that means just over a year of forced drugging. Was at the max dose of abilify for most that duration.

 

Im utterly destroyed. Akathisia really starting to flare up; basically my days consist of waking up, smoking as much tobacco as humanly possible, shuffling from couch to bed. And sleeping.

 

I am suicidal and thinking of it more each day.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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I'm Sorry to hear about your akathisia ZM, it must be a living nightmare, I'm hoping things will get better for you soon, and the akathisia gradually eases as the depot decreases.

Glad to hear you didn't do a runner, and your treatment team has agreed to let you come off the poison.

Hang in there mate, we will all get through this with enough time and healing!.

MEDS HISTORY

2004 hospitalized for acute alcohol induced psychosis and started on my psych drug merry-go-round.2004-2006 SSRI > SNRI Merry-go-round finally settled on Effexor. Also was started on Risperdal in 2004 but switched to seroquell after I had a bad reaction to it.2008. Was switched from Effexor to pristiq, Also managed to successfully Quit Seroquel Cold Turkey.Asenapine- 5mg- August 2014 ~ May 2015. Was put on for Social Anxiety, was great at first then started developing disabling side effects, did a rapid taper and so started my withdrawal nightmare...

MEDS CURRENT

Pristiq-100mg ~ Currently holding

Olanzapine- 3.75mg May 2015 ~ Currently tapering by -.06mg per week (Jan 2016, 3.5mg  ~Feb 2016 intractable insomnia updose to 3.75mg)

Quetiapine- 50mg June 2015  ~Dec 25 2015 Quit cold turkey. ~(Feb 6 2016 hit with intractable insomnia - reinstated 50mg.)

August 2016 : Became destabilised after messing around with cutting doses, trying THC oil etc eventually stabilised,

Held doses for 5 years.

January 2022: Hit poop out, struggling to get more than 3 hours sleep, been one week straight of pure hell, praying to hold on. 

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Update 10/05/2016 - The day before my next Tribunal.

Wish I could say I'm getting better, but glad to report I'm not really getting any worse. Just flat-lining my way through life. Every day is the same, every minute...

Dr Yolande Lucire & my barrister will be in attendance at tomorrow's tribunal. Doubtful of a positive result (end to the forced "treatment"), but can't really get a negative one.. Still stuck as a pincushion for the Governments poison. Aim is to reverse diagnosis from schizophrenia to drug induced psychosis. They gave me a dual diagnosis in the beginning, so lets just see how it goes.

On a few supplements (magnesium, P5P, zinc) which seem to be helping with digestion, but nothing amazing to report.

I've always been a big believer in plant medicine, and have been in contact with a few clinics in Costa Rica to do an Iboga cleanse - when I'm eventually off this crap. 

My understanding is that these antipsychotic drugs reduce dopamine levels and wreak (?) havoc on the endocrine system (thyroid, testes, pituitary, etc). I'm hoping that Iboga will help restore normalcy in my HPA axis/neurotransmitters. Am going to purchase Uridine, St Johns Wort, L-Tyrosine, Mucuna Pruiens and continue with the weed (against the doctors' advice), in hopes that I know whats best for myself. Will report my progress, if any. & Obviously not recommending anyone do the same.

Looking back on my experience and past posts - I have most certainly changed. For the worse. I still maintain to this day that there is little, if any, difference between what they call "psychosis" and what I know to be "spiritual". Sure, there's varying degrees of intensity, but nobody can convince me otherwise that I was communicating with someone or something. 

These "voices" or "psychic abilities" have long since left, and it is the intent of my "treatment team" (torturers) to ensure it doesn't return - completely against my will and with no regard to my desires. This is all I want from my life - the abilities I had to return. And not just in terms of my communications with archangel Michael, but the things we take for granted - thoughts, emotions, energy.... All lost, but not forgotton.

Am toying with the idea of some crazy homicidal event - but I could never harm another person (sounding hypocritical, but again, I maintain that my brother assaulted me first - which is what got me stuck in the system in the first place). Need to find a way to channel these thoughts in a positive way to create awareness of the dangers of psychiatry and their poison.

Could write for hours, sometimes. 

OH! I miss music most. Was always into conscious rap - can't keep up with the lyrics nowadays, but recall the last song I ever cried tears of joy to:



Sounds flat nowadays, but still a beautiful tune.

-Zombie

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey guys/girls,

 

Unfortunately I don't have much to offer in the way of a recovery story/progress. I was hoping to make each of you feel better by reminding you that it could be worse...

 

As some of you have seen i have been forcefully injected with antipsychotics for the last year. Maximum possible dose. This continues.

 

I simply told the racist pedophile of a "doctor" that i could hear my own thoughts... Which is, from my research and understanding, the PURPOSE of meditation. I would always meditate for the last 6 years, daily. He said i am psychotic and that we "have" thoughts, not "hear" them.

 

I believe it is a violation of my birthright to be forced and have no input as to what goes in my body. They took my life, so i must end it.

 

Nowadays, as im sure you can all relate, i am bed bound and have been transformed into a lifeless zombie with no willpower or desire to continue.

 

I feel recovery is not possible. For me. I dony want 50% or even 80% of the person i was. I want 100%. I want my self back. I no longer remember what it feels like to be involved in a happy life.

 

I am more excited to die than continue on, waiting painfully watching myself slip further away from good health and life.

 

My heart goes out to each and every one of you - we are all victims of this corrupt world we have been born into. I often wonder at what point in my life i subscribed to this police state.... But can never find an answer.

 

I wish you all a speedy and full recovery.

 

I have reached my threshold.

 

I die now, naybe it will set precedence for the many others who will follow. Maybe it will create awareness that these drugs are soul sapping poisons.

 

Love always,

Zombie

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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Please zombie mode, DON'T do this, I believe we all will recover with time, I know exactly how hard this is... (I'm struggling badly at the moment too, constantly fighting back thoughts of self harm). I know the hellish side effects that these antipsychotic's cause.But please hang in there mate we WILL get through this.

MEDS HISTORY

2004 hospitalized for acute alcohol induced psychosis and started on my psych drug merry-go-round.2004-2006 SSRI > SNRI Merry-go-round finally settled on Effexor. Also was started on Risperdal in 2004 but switched to seroquell after I had a bad reaction to it.2008. Was switched from Effexor to pristiq, Also managed to successfully Quit Seroquel Cold Turkey.Asenapine- 5mg- August 2014 ~ May 2015. Was put on for Social Anxiety, was great at first then started developing disabling side effects, did a rapid taper and so started my withdrawal nightmare...

MEDS CURRENT

Pristiq-100mg ~ Currently holding

Olanzapine- 3.75mg May 2015 ~ Currently tapering by -.06mg per week (Jan 2016, 3.5mg  ~Feb 2016 intractable insomnia updose to 3.75mg)

Quetiapine- 50mg June 2015  ~Dec 25 2015 Quit cold turkey. ~(Feb 6 2016 hit with intractable insomnia - reinstated 50mg.)

August 2016 : Became destabilised after messing around with cutting doses, trying THC oil etc eventually stabilised,

Held doses for 5 years.

January 2022: Hit poop out, struggling to get more than 3 hours sleep, been one week straight of pure hell, praying to hold on. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Positive voice hearer:  Please don't do this.  All-or-nothing thinking is a trap. 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Z, I have just read through your thread for the first time and am so so sorry that you have been treated this way. I see that you have logged in since you posted your latest update and I hope that you are at least getting through each day. What I see is forced drugging and then the reductions in dose that have been to high, 400, then 300 then 200, it is too much too soon and you are in withdrawal.  If you can stay at 200 for a few months you could stabilise. I hope you are ok Z, and you haven't been taken off to the hospital again.  My heart goes out to you and I hope you can feel the empathy that comes from all of us here at SA. 

Sending Mamma hugs. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • Administrator

ZombieMode, what came of changing your legal status? Didn't you have a doctor who would certify for you?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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It's DONE!!!! I am med-free once again!

 

I'm extremely suspicious as to why this happened (paranoia I spose, keeps my mind busy), but nevertheless extremely happy to announce that the community team have decided to withdraw their application to renew my CTO as of yesterday!

 

I suspect this came about thru the involvement of Dr Lucire. If your in NSW and on a CTO, definitely recommend the visit!

 

I'm also not a schizophrenic! That was just the label i was gifted by the racist doctor in hospital to justify them drugging me out of existance. I was discharged with the warning: stay away from drugs. Assuming they meant plants? Which i probably wont do. Silly me :)

 

So yeah, now begins my healing efforts. My last shot was at a dose of 200mg. I was pumped full of abilify at 400mg for around a year. From my limited understanding, its a long acting injection with a 49 day half life. Meaning around 6 months to clear my system. I probably wont take orals, unless the need arises (seeing Dr Lucire in a couple days to discuss but shes already given me the verbal that its just going to be monitoring from here)

 

At present my holistic GP has me on these capsules (4x per day):

-1000mg vitamin C

-100mg Zinc

-100mg P5P

-200mg Magnexium

 

Helps with digestion i have noticed.

 

Going to dive into this healing stuff and research as much as possible, have started emailing doctors across the world. Just overwhelmed with this feeling of relief right now!

 

Still anhedonic, demotivated, no libido, etc etc etc prefer not to even think of where i'm at just taking strides toward where i want to be: a loving, positive, voice-hearer. :)

 

PS: saw a psychic who calls it clairaudiance. Not voices. So ill stick with that term from now on.

 

Peace and love to you all, i eagerly await the day that i can truly express my gratitude to each of you for your posts, kind words, and messages.

 

"This too will pass"

- Zombie

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Z - so your last shot was in April?  On what date?    C-O-N-G-R-A-T-U-L-A-T-I-O-N-S on your new freedom from "the system."

 

Maybe Dr. Lucire "went to bat" for you and helped get you off the shots?

 

Your journey is starting now, your last shot should be wearing off by now, do you feel any different than if you had gotten it renewed in May?

 

So she doesn't want you to go to oral and taper?  Please consider that as a possibility if things start to go south.

 

Also - are you starting all of these supplements at the same time?  If something goes funky or weird, you won't know which one.  Please consider staggering them out by at least a week.  I would start with the mag, then the zinc, then the C, then the B.  It's a tough call though (which should be first or in what order) - perhaps your holistic doc has an opinion?  If you start them up at the same time, and react to one, you will have to start over anyway - so can you stagger them?

 

I am so happy for you!  I just can't imagine what facing another year of those shots would have done for you!

 

Remember - not to "get caught" having extreme moments in public or in front of doctors - if you want to keep your freedom!  Pay attention to consequences of behaviour to make sure you don't scare anyone into calling police or ambulance or anything.  Steady as she goes!

 

Again, congratulations!  Welcome to your New Life!   

 

Jan  <----doing happy dance for/with you!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 1 month later...

Update 30/06/2016:

I am now around 2 months off the Abilify injections. The first month and a bit was pretty grueling; developed a nasty case of facial tics, which eventually subsided.

At present still feel very void of soul/spirituality/emotions, disconnected from my own life and the world around me. Haven't recovered my energy or much else really, but at the very least I am sleeping OK and am not plagued by any form of extreme iatrogic illness'. So, given that it could be worse, I'm actually in a pretty good space right now and consider myself to be a 'lucky one'. Here's hoping this continues.

It's a big let down how little true information there is on the topic of antipsychotic poisons; specifically recovery from them. I look forward to changing this someday to help my fellow people who were drugged against their consent, especially too those who did not "need" it. I'm on a mission to recover my own soul/health/life to eventually share what I have learnt with others.

From reading A LOT of horror stories across the web I do THINK abilify is less deadly than the likes of Invega; I never really got THAT bad during my one years forced poisoning, and am still yet to experience it. My heart is with those who suffer greatly, and I hope someday too you can find peace in all this and heal.

For now, I will continue to wait patiently, experimenting with supplements, eating the best I can... Not much else can be done but remember that 'this too, will pass'

-ZOMBIE

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Administrator

Good to hear you've stabilized, ZM.

 

Emotional anesthesia is very common after going off psychiatric drugs. Please be patient and let us know how you're doing.

 

I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello Altostrata & SA community :)

Thank-you for the sun symbol; though not entirely sure I am deserving of it just yet. It is true I have stabilized and looking back over my previous posts, I guess I was a little (or a lot) "out there". Still yet to experience any kind of serious withdrawals. I've crossed the 2 month mark, which was meant to be the most difficult, according to my psychiatrist (the one I actually trust who tells me how it is with regards to these types of drugs). So I'm hoping this continues alongside a gradual recovery of all that has been taken from me.

I currently take no supplements or drugs of any kind. This will likely change at my next appointment with my GP, and I really should get around to seeing Dr Lucire again soon. Just been slothing out in-front of the computer playing video games (World of Warcraft, anyone?), quite withdrawn from the outside world which is in direct contrast to the person I once was, prior to my drugging. This is fine by me for the time being - it's all I can really do, although, I know it's no good as I'm only wasting away... I will take assessment of my life and look at getting back into work of some kind around October, pending my health.


I have started to notice very feint and, sadly, short in duration spiritual experiences again. Almost always this is late at night before bed. (I'm talking about feelings of lightness, improvements in balance, deep levels of relaxation and changes in my breathing). Usually is the precursor to a great nights' dreaming. My dreams have become quite odd, yet vivid. I enjoy the late nights/early mornings most of all - though my sleep is still averaging around I guess 8 hours a night. Still debating whether or not it is good to keep up my unbelievable consumption amount of tobacco. Perhaps JanCarol could chime in again? I am beyond addicted, which only started since taking the Abilify, yet part of me feels its OKAY for the time being.... However, I know nothing with absolute certainty. I dunno. (I once was told tobacco breaks down abilify enzymes).

So in summary, it's been close to a year and a half since my first psychotropic  drug, I like to think the worst is over, yet am still very eager to do SOMETHING in the way of benefiting my recovery. I'm too impatient to do nothing.

 

I'ma go read up in the other sections of this awesome site now, best wishes to all of you :)

-ZM

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey ZM,

I just caught up with your thread :)

Big congratulations from me too, I'm so happy you have been released from the treatment order and can finally start your new life. This news has made my day.

 

It seems there's a correlation between being on anti-psychotic medication and increased tobacco use, I don't know why, but I suspect the nicotine might be countering some of the unpleasant drug effects. Perhaps you could start by slowly cutting down, you might find it fairly easy if you do it slowly.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Z!  Here Comes the Sun!  Yay!

 

You have done really awesome, and I'm thrilled that you've come off the shot so smoothly!

 

Hmm.  Tobacco.  

 

You know many hospitals in the US have banned tobacco?  Jails, too?  That is, you get checked in with florid psychosis (or a "public event gets you caught") and the first thing they do is take away your ciggies and give you a patch?  And then they don't provide anything to do other than TV (which you cannot control) or lame games in the Day Room?  (in jail, they smoke "jail-garettes" - which is coffee grounds rolled up in a nicotine patch, and smoked.   :blink:  So maybe a normal cigarette doesn't sound so bad?)

 

Most of my friends on neuroleptics smoke.  I smoked for 10 years (it was the first drug I quit, because I thought I was dying - then I found out that the statins and the PPIs and the lithium could make me feel awful, too!).  That was all I did.  It kind of kept me alive during a difficult time - because even when I could not do anything else - I could always smoke.  And I did.  

 

I used cigarettes to put barriers between me and people - if I got uncomfortable at groups, I could always slip outside for a smoke.  I used cigarettes to fill time.  I used cigarettes for "slow suicide," because I mean, why extend my life, if I was that unhappy?  

 

The cigarettes may help mediate some of the receptors hit by the neuroleptics.  I think that's why many people on psych drugs smoke.  Also, it's my understanding that they can be a tiny, instant serotonin "hit."  Regardless of which receptors they hit - they do give you a tiny, instant "something."  And for me, that "something" was enough to keep me alive until the next "something" (which was often another cigarette).

 

My rule for here at SA is this:  which feels more cruel?  To smoke?  Or not to smoke?

 

Follow your kindness.  If it is kinder for your brain, emotions, spirit to smoke, then smoke.  If not, then work on smoking less until it doesn't feel cruel anymore (that may be totally tobacco free, or perhaps you will be like Hassan i-Sabbah, who kept a cigarette case which only held 2 cigarettes.  Daily he filled it, and took one cigarette upon rising, and one after dinner.  That's discipline!)

 

Before I go on, I will tell a story.  In herbal medicine, tobacco has had a number of uses over the years.  The indigenous Americans had it in their herbal medicine cabinet, but it wasn't remedy specific.  Instead, the use was more spiritual.  When Man was created, all of the plants and animals and stones had medicine, but Man had none.  So Great Spirit took pity on Man, and gave him Tobacco.  Tobacco, He said, will connect man to ALL of the healing properties of all of the plants and all of the animals and all of the stones.  So, when white folk came to North America, the natives shared tobacco with them as their highest and most sacred gift.  It was used for prayer, healing, communing with nature and socially.

 

Unfortunately, what white man did with tobacco was become addicted to it.  Native Americans rarely smoked it pure, instead mixing it in herbal mixtures called "kinnickinnick."  These herbs would soften the tobacco, and tobacco would amplify the healing herbs.  But white man took  the pure tobacco, and it became "fashionable," in snuff, pipes, cigars, and eventually, cigarettes.

 

The modern cigarette bears little resemblance to the sacred herb of tribal times.  It's mostly toxic chemicals and additives meant to increase addiction and sales.  There are a number of strategies you can use to purify your tobacco use.

 

1.  Use rollies.  They are additive free.  (I can't roll to save my life, but you're a bloke and can probably do so with one hand!)

2.  Be conscious of each cigarette you smoke.  Acknowledge what it is, and offer it as a breath, a prayer, a connection between yourself and Spirit (whatever that may be).

3.  Notice your patterns:  Do you like to smoke around people or away from them?  This place or that one?  (my 2 places were at the Pokies - OMG - and on my back veranda with a book)

4.  Put fences around it.  "I will only smoke out-of-doors" (that was a challenge in cold, rainy, snowy Indiana!), or "I will not smoke while on the computer" or "I will smoke when I'm reading a book," and "I will not smoke while watching TV."  Be creative:  "I will keep the cigarettes in the freezer, so that I have to pay attention and smoke mindfully" "I will do something constructive before I have another cigarette", "I will earn my next cigarette by taking a walk in the park, lifting some weights, or after 5 levels on this game."   You see how these fences and rules discourage "mindless smoking?"

 

and follow your kindness.

 

When I was ready to quit I bought a carton.  Then, I told myself I would never ever buy another cigarette again.  Ever.  I had a whole carton.  Then, I went to all of my favourite smoking places and shared a cigarette with myself there.  I didn't tell a soul what I was doing, not even hubby.  As my carton ran out, I began to savour them more, and take them less often.  So it turned into a gentle 2 month taper.  I think I had 10 cigarettes in my last week (like Hassan i-Sabbah!).  I do not remember where I smoked my last cigarette. 

 

My oath was to never buy them again - which meant that, if I wanted to, I could bum one. With friends who smoked, it would have been easy to bum one.  I think in the first 6 months, I did bum one cig.  But I would never, ever walk up to a stranger and bum a cig.  So that was how I quit.  It also felt good to NOT smoke as I watched my friends smoking - a bit of moral superiority gave me a "hit" of "something" too!   :P   I smoked my last one over 5 years ago, and only in the past month have I noticed that the smell of them is -  not "oooh, cigarette!" but "yuck!"

 

I was cigarette free for 2 weeks before I told hubby "have you noticed anything different?".  It was a great Christmas present!  (Plus, that was about $3000 a year back in the budget!)

 

But that may not be how you do it, if you do it, or when you do it.  For now, just pay attention to it, start finding gentle fences for it (and if the fences seem cruel, then they are not the right fences!)

 

What do you think?  

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Administrator

Please reduce your smoking. My brother just lost a lung to cancer from smoking all his life. I asked him why he didn't quit after our mother, also a heavy smoker, developed lung cancer 15 years ago; he said, "I didn't think it would happen to me."

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I am blown away by this community's kindness, beyond-helpful advice, worse of wisdom and supporting & caring nature. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! :D

@Altostrata, I am so sorry to hear of this, these are the exact thoughts running through my mind each day; "not thinking it would happen to me" - I will take this as a wake up call and take action immediately. Sorry :(

@Petunia, I'm still in shock really, it came as such a surprise! Her words were literally along the lines of "the treatment team has decided that seeing as though you have a private psychiatrist, we can stop torturing you now". Actually used the word TORTURE! Haha, I'm not sure why it took them so long to realise this, but just thinking about it again - the fact I am free once more - has lifted my mood substantially :)

@JanCarol, WOW! Can relate to all of this, and specifically to "I used cigarettes to fill time.  I used cigarettes for "slow suicide," because I mean, why extend my life, if I was that unhappy? " I will start at once, I find most enjoyment from smoking first thing in the morning and late at night - so i'll start with 10 before 10AM and 10 after 10PM. Still a very unhealthy amount, I know, but when I'm burning through at least a bag every few days (I'm not sure - probably 40/50 rollies a day some days), it's a start. I've also found a store who sells organic tobacco, so I'll commit to only smoking their products, and as a treat - some Mapacho.

Loving your advice on the "fencing"/rules! I can apply this to many other areas of my recovery - food & video games. I used to only eat organic, raw foods that I'd cook myself, but now that I'm back at home with mum, my diet is pretty horrid. (sorry mum). My rule will be I can play X amount of hours on my stupid game IF I eat X food.

I suppose I am starting to see a return in my motivation levels - making the decision to do something about my tobacco use, creating diet plans and rules. Whilst it isn't much, it is a start, and I'll be back soon to post to confirm that I am committed now more than ever to this recovery!

The only real negative, aside from the loss of self & all that, is that its becoming increasingly difficult to SPEAK! Even to family and life-long friends! Not sure on this one... hopefully "this too will pass".

Until next time,
peace & love to all!
-ZOMB

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

whoa, you are cutting *down* to 20 a day?  Will you have any between 10 am and 10 pm?  12 hours smoke free?  I found that tying my cigs to a clock just made me jump around like a junkie - like - one an hour - and I was "OMG is it time yet?" - so "timing" cigs was a less successful fence for me.

 

Sounds like fences are needed! 

 

I agree with Alto - we do have long term information on cigs, and they are killers.

 

But that you are interested in doing something about it, is awesome! 

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 1 month later...

I am not good. I have not been good for as long as i can remember and longer. I remember the start of 2015 was when i was imprisoned and tortured ander the guise of false aid. This is when my life was taken from me, and i have not recovered in any way since.

 

I am not angry, i am not sad. But i know i should be both furious and distraught. I have no emotion, not even a small glimmer. How can i therefore take charge of my life's direction with nothing to guide, motivate, reward me? It cannot be done.

 

I have two younger brothers, a mother and father. I do not have an emotional connection with any of them; nor my friends, nor my dog. Nor my own self. I cannot assist my youngest brother with anyyhing let alone myself.

 

Not a single person around me has been able to give me any sort of help. They are pathetic in my eyes as they simply have not even tried. They claim, on rare occasion, to not know what to do. How about something? Anything? ... Nothing.

 

My only hope is to help myself. Yet i am beyond impaired. Completely destroyed and hopeless. Unable to absorb the sun, unable to breathe, arguably the simplest of lifes wonders. Death and decay remains, surrounding me from within.

 

I have searched far and wide to hear from someone who has been on abilify and recovered. I have not found anybody. Even then, rarer is someone who recovered from injections, specifically that lasted one year.

 

I do not fear death, but now i do. This is not the way to die.

 

I cannot kill myself as even that can be nothing more than a "thought". I disagree that i have thoughts. I do not. I can simply make words, without sound, inside me. I am talking, without vocalising. Complex, twisted and sinister way of describing it.

 

Why quit smoking? I have no desire to live. I notice no benefit from smoking or not. I smoke now as a hobby, as a break or routine from my pathetic life. Something i can do.

 

My diet is trash. There was once a time when i ate strictly organic, non-toxic or processed, raw, real, living foods in combination with filtering out the neurotoxin, flouride, from my warer. Funnily enough, this is when i reached a state of health beyond "normalcy", and was the contributing factor to me becoming genuinely happy and alive.

 

This was not allowed, according to the system i was born into but never subscribed to. And so i was poisoned.

 

Of course, i wish to return to that state, disregarding anyone who tells me no, for i take pity in them, as they are too ill themselves to know that good health, high energy, strong positive emotion, is a life well lived. Yet i can not. I am trapped, imprisoned and tortured with no way out.

 

My life ended when i was first forced to put things into my temple, my body, my birthright, that i did not want to go there. Contradictory as i never wanted to be tobacco or filth food dependant, but i have changed.

 

I never needed their drugs. I never wanted their drugs.

 

We are all at war, only a small minority can see that. A silent war against our health, our emotion, our lives, our soul. And we lose.

 

Good game, overlords, well played. You win and I know you know I am yours. I am your submissive slave, your property. What will be your next move?

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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You can win this war stay strong and dont wave the white flag.

You can do it.

nz11

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.

http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651   

Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

It's just not right. Why could they not have just given me a death sentence? Why allow me to simply exist in this brain-dead, hell of a state in this rotting carcus of mine?

 

My head hurts, extreme migrane.why?

 

My mouth is like the inside of a sewer, why?

 

Why do i still feel nothing even 4 months without their poison?

 

So many questions but no one to understand or answer

 

I was fine without their toxins. Healthy, happy, alive, a part of many communities. Now i am nothing. I still wish to die because i see no way out or no way back to my self. My self that i was born as. They changed me in so many ways

 

I cannot even rememver what it is like to communicate, to speak without hesitation, to have access to a strong vocabulary. How can i possibly seek revenge without his ability?

 

What is the purpose to my life now? There is nothing left.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

4 months is long for suffering. Any moment is long for suffering. But when it comes to recovery from effects of these drugs it is just a beginning. While it lasts we just have to remind ourselves over and over again that this is all temporary, that our brains might be taking their time but they are healing.

 

Particularly tough moments when symptoms hit are waves. But they are always followed by a window. You wrote about your sleep improving at the end of June. Although it is very frustrating how slowly our brains switch on again after a while recovery picks up pace.

 

Hang in there. Don't worry about access to string vocabulary. It will come back.

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi, zombiemode.

 

I just wanted to post some words of encouragement from another antipsychotic survivor. 

 

What you're describing is normal during withdrawal. As bubble so wisely said, when it comes to recovery, it's just the beginning.

 

The soul numbing creates an enormous sense of isolation, as well as your experience of having been forced onto these mind altering chemicals to begin with. That was also my experience, but it was more than 30 years ago.

 

So having taken these poisons for decades before finally getting off, all I can tell you is to hold on a bit longer. Once you start getting tiny "glimpses" of your mind, body, and soul starting to emerge from this dark state, you'll be in a much better frame of mind. For me, there was an "intellectual awareness" that came into play before the "emotional awareness". In fact, I still have some emotional blunting, but the intellectual awareness is enough to get me through for now. It gets better in time. 

 

The light will sputter and spark, returning you periodically to darkness. But in time, the light will get stronger and stronger and you'll find your way completely out of this dark mindscape. You are very young with many years of health and happiness in your future.

 

Sending healing vibes your way. I hope you catch one of these "light glimpses" soon. 

 

 

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Thankyou both for sharing that :)

 

Unfortunately these are the only words i can find right now.

 

I have been muted and silenced.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey ZombieMode - 

I'm sorry you are still struggling, still numb, and feel somewhat abandoned in your life.

 

This is a good beginning:

I have started to notice very feint and, sadly, short in duration spiritual experiences again. Almost always this is late at night before bed. (I'm talking about feelings of lightness, improvements in balance, deep levels of relaxation and changes in my breathing). Usually is the precursor to a great nights' dreaming. My dreams have become quite odd, yet vivid. I enjoy the late nights/early mornings most of all - though my sleep is still averaging around I guess 8 hours a night. 

 

Yes, this is sadly true:

It's a big let down how little true information there is on the topic of antipsychotic poisons; specifically recovery from them. I look forward to changing this someday to help my fellow people who were drugged against their consent, especially too those who did not "need" it. I'm on a mission to recover my own soul/health/life to eventually share what I have learnt with others.

 

This is because - as I have posted elsewhere - the mode of "antipsychotic" aka neuroleptic use is still the industry standard for non-standard behaviours and experiences.  They are deemed dangerous, whether they are or not, and even my therapist, who is pro-Whitaker - does not see alternatives to doping "psychosis."

 

You may wish to see this topic, here:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/13002-alternatives-for-psychotic-outbreaks/

 

Most of what is there is focused on European sources, but as you find more, please help us to add them.

 

Have you contacted any Voice Hearing networks?  I know of one other Aussie in SA who has been participating on VoiceHearing forums and finds it helpful.  There are "Voice Hearing" networks, and I don't know if "Intervoice" is here.

 

Clairaudience is a good word for it, as well - as long as you can filter it so that it is more useful than intrusive.

 

Here's a woman who is highly functional with her Voices:  Eleanor Longden - The Voices In My Head

 

The only real negative, aside from the loss of self & all that, is that its becoming increasingly difficult to SPEAK! Even to family and life-long friends! Not sure on this one... hopefully "this too will pass".

 

Maybe this is a time of silence for you.  There are two tacks you can take.

 

My husband had a stroke, and has a golf-ball sized hole in his brain.  You can see it on MRI.  Because of this Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) he went and challenged himself with words, doing puzzles and games and writing exercises and speaking exercises to re-wire his brain around that hole.

 

He still struggles, and it's a shame that he doesn't qualify for "top up" occupational speech therapy - I think it would be helpful for his long term cognitive ability - but he still challenges himself.

 

So:  tack 1:  challenge yourself.  Go get some Shakespeare and read it to yourself out loud.  (privately, of course, because I don't think it would be appreciated in public spaces, even if it is Shakespeare!)  My favourite is Midsummer Night's Dream for tongue tangling exercises.  Try something like 10-15 minutes of reading aloud per day.  

 

Tack 2:  Be silent.  Fast from words.  Explore your spaces in sound and color and image to see what develops.  

 

you can try both, tack like you are sailing - Tack 2 for a day, then Tack 1 for a few days (because it's an intensive exercise which needs repeating for maybe 3 days before you let it go)

 

As your fluidity improves, you can work on improv.  "Riffing," as Robin Williams used to call it.  Definitely in the privacy of your own home, because even Robin WIlliams could've been arrested for riffing, if he were not Robin WIlliams...

 

If that is you in your avatar photo - you're a handsome lad, and I know a zillion community theatres who would love to have you acting on their stage (maybe a dream for someday?).  This is more fascinating than, say, "Toastmasters" (not knocking Toastmasters, they've done wonderful things for confidence and public speaking), and I'm guessing that you will find kinship in the wild and wacky world of theatre.... (just a thought)

 

You wrote:
 

Not a single person around me has been able to give me any sort of help. They are pathetic in my eyes as they simply have not even tried. They claim, on rare occasion, to not know what to do. How about something? Anything? ... Nothing.

 

Think of this as the Dark Night of the Soul.  https://beyondmeds.com/2013/04/17/embracing-the-dark-night/

The Shamanic Death.

 

Here's the problem - you've been someplace they can't begin to understand.

 

Like a War.  People don't know what to say to traumatised veterans either.  It's hard to admit that there has been that experience which makes a gulf between you.

 

People don't know what to say to the widow, at funerals, either.  People don't realise how important it is to check on the widow a year later, 2 years later, 10 years later, too.  There was a trauma, they don't understand it, they don't know how to express compassion for it.  

 

It's like seeing you - on a distant island.  Trying to reach you has been like yelling across the ocean, into the wind - and not only was it tiring, it was also ineffective.

 

Now that your boat is coming in, they are weary, and wary.  Will you do this again?  What can they say that won't "set you off" or - 

 

well.  There's just no protocol for talking to madness.  (I speak of madness, with Pride, not derision)  And there's no protocol for talking to people After Madness, either.  

 

So everyone is delicate around the widow, when really all she wants is a cuppa tea, a hug, and maybe a cry - to know that, even though that part of her life is gone - she is still wanted and loved and there is a reason for her to continue.

 

I'm suggesting that you cannot have expectations, here.  People of nearly every culture, do not have the language, the experience, to say, "hey, man.  Welcome back."  

 

Instead, consider finding people like yourself, worldwide, who cherish these experiences, and learn from those who are better at it than you.  Find people who are healthier, more engaged, more creative, and learn from them.  Find the people who engage with their voices and clairaudience and utilize it in functional, fulfilling lives.

 

I remember giving you a lot of voice-hearing resources when I first wrote to you.  You are well enough now to pursue those, and I encourage you to do so.  

 

I know this feeling:

Why quit smoking? I have no desire to live. I notice no benefit from smoking or not. I smoke now as a hobby, as a break or routine from my pathetic life. Something i can do.

 

So - "it is cruel to quit smoking" still?  Okay.  Let go, and don't beat yourself up for it.  When you feel better, you will want this again.  

 

You sound like you are in a wave - you wanted to "get better" before, so you will want it again.

 

Remember healing happens in Waves and Windows

 

I would ask that you honour the spirit medicine of tobacco, and maybe make a ritual for it.  Something like this:

 

Rolling (put a pinch of tobacco on the earth to share your smoke):  I am alive, I want to live.  Tobacco connects me to the spirits of the Earth.  Tobacco is the highest, most sacred plant medicine, a gift to humans to keep us connected to Earth Medicine.

 

Lighting:  I dedicate this smoke to healing, to learning more about myself.

 

Smoking:  silence (do nothing else).

 

Like with so many other things which have happened in this world to destroy native traditions, the "marketing of addictive tobacco" is one of the most universally harmful.  Use a prayer (make up your own, if you like, mine is only an example) to free  yourself from British Tobacco or whatever brand you are smoking, and connect to the earth, the spiritual medicine which is in the tobacco.

 

My mouth is like the inside of a sewer, why?

 

Um, tobacco use?  When was the last time you did daily oral hygiene?  (true confessions:  this is something I still struggle with!)

 

Why do i still feel nothing even 4 months without their poison?

 

Because it will take longer still for your brain to rebuild.  Like my husband, above - his brain will never rebuild through his "hole-in-the-brain" but yours will.  IF your damage would even show up on an MRI, there are things you can do now, to rewire, regrow, re-engaged your brain.

 

The drugs were a huge disconnect in your brain and your development as an adult human male.  You can't just plug in like an electric socket and start over - you need to build the infrastructure, gradually re-wire the house, so that it is ready to plug in.  This will take time.  Be patient with yourself.

 

Start simple - get a handball.  You know the kind, like a racketball, only softer.  I see them in cheap-shops for $3.  I use them for hand strength.  Take your handball to a flat surface.  Bounce it on the floor with one hand, then the other.  Then practice bouncing between your hands Left to right to left to right.  Then try walking and bouncing between your hands at the same time.  Try bouncing it against a wall (that's harder!), aiming for a "target" on the wall.  These are karate exercises to balance your brain, improve your reflexes, and help connect your nervous system to your brain. 

 

If this is too difficult, there is a Korean exercise called Brain Respiration.  Stand in a T, with your arms out to the side.  Inhale, turn one hand palm up, and turn your head to look at that open palm.  As you Exhale, turn your head to centre.  repeat on the other side.  Try 10 of these each side per day, this helps with connecting your breath and your brain for stress response, and balances your left and right sides.  It's good for vertigo, too.  (it also relieves neck and shoulder tension)

I'm sorry this post is so long, I should have broken it up into shorter segments, but kept getting interrupted, so I just kept going.

I hope there is something here for you to hold on to.

 

And I hope you hear the Sun today.  

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 1 month later...

I am in a bad situation.

My only hope is to take charge, once again, of my own health.
Prescribe my own forms of what I deem "medicine".
Yet, the ability to even do that is non-existent.
Thanks be to Abilify.

Edited by ChessieCat
Reworded first sentence which contained obscenity

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

Link to comment

So sorry Jan - I cannot find in me the ability to respond =,(

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I'm near certain that I'm actually improving now :) so much so that I was able to go on a huge hike with a mate last week. Shocked I lived to tell the tale really haha

 

I have started getting serious about my recocery. I exist on carrott juice and bananas mainly, with reishi mushrooms and gotu kola. Since starting the latter two 4 days ago I've most definitely experienced healing sensations in my gut/digestive system. Feels fantastic!

 

Still suffer from quite severe mutilation/damage/dysfunction/change from the neuroleptics - BUT I'm on the path now. Truly!

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Couldn't help but to return to share yet another positive update! :D

 

I feel the best I have felt in the 2ish years that have passed since they injected the APs. I am shocked at how quickly and thoroughly I have progressed in just the past 2 weeks. Everything I feared that was lost entirely; those 'higher' human abilities (inclusive of smiling, memory, natural movement, etc), are returning - almost as if they never left!

I am less fearful; more content and even a little excited now that 'I' am returning.

 

I suspect these things resulted from Gotu Kola & Reishi mushroom, which were prescribed by an expert in his field. I had read about these things previously, but had no idea it would have had such a huge, instant impact! Huge vouch from me; literally feels like a kick-start to my body's own self-healing mechanisms.

 

-

 

My Plan - Moving Forward:

  • Relocating much throughout 2017, shocking the comfort zone out of existence! Switching to a positive environment.
  • Heavy, intense purging (detox/cleansing) of the remaining toxic waste. Specific focus is on gut health & pineal gland. Correcting any mistakes with my intake: organic, raw foods. No bad stuff. (ps: i've cut cigarette consumption in half since starting the reishi & gotu kola - no desire).
  • Creativity. Blog or book; whatever. Just need to write.

-

 

Lessons Learnt now that it's happened:

  • Ideally, don't be a legal entity in a country that will forcefully imprison and poison you. Or, 'don't get caught' (Copyright, JanCarol 2016)
  • Seek professionals to back up and enforce the fact that the community team are wrong, if that is the case.
  • Do not submit to lifestyle changes; I passively wasted away from these drugs... Simply not eating bad stuff whilst on these poisons would have helped me sooner.
  • Continue to be skeptical about mainstream medicine; trust myself always & find those who think the same. They exist.
  • Social skills - perhaps working any job could have salvaged some of these things... However, this too is improving alongside my health. No worries.
  • Question why I experience certain things. Avoid spending lifetimes researching, try to work it out for myself.

-

 

Best wishes to all the community here at SA moving into, during & beyond 2017! Especially PoetJester & JanCarol!

 

I promise to return later on to re-read the entire thread (I'm avoiding it for the time-being; starting to notice how bad i got... during the haze of toxicity... pretty speechless on it at this point)

 

 

 

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • 3 months later...

Hmmm. Stuff my life. Good and bad news to report.

 

The good:

I recovered! At least 80-90%, where I was out and about each day, music sounded as good as ever, life was returning! Took 8 months to get to this state.

 

The bad:

Well, my family didn't like me being myself. I had another 8wk stay in hospital and am back on abilify, plus olanzapine, epilim. Forced drugging once again. I'm destroyed already. No hope left for me.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Administrator

I'm very sorry, ZombieMode.

 

That sounds like a lot of drugs. Can you ask the doctor to help you minimize the dosage of each?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wow,

I got to REALLY thank the moderators again, as they cleared up some of my posts.

Sometimes I get emotional about this and write all sorts of stupid things... Thanks for clearing that up.

 

 

Also guys, have heard storied from Scientology(which is against psychiatry), that they have certain detox programmes (not I would recommend), but I have read on various health blogs, that namely the Sauna helps. Also beetroot juice might help, as it clears toxins our of body.

Have also read, that Lion’s Mane is good for regenerating neurons.

Haloperidol, Diazepam, Depakote, Olanzapine, Chlorprothixen (ouch) - For 1 month, then all these drugs plus Flupenthixol (Fluanxol) for 2 months.

Quit cold turkey - no withdrawal symptoms, can recommend antipsychotic cold turkey withdrawal. Antidepressants probably not, even though I was not on them, but you could try cutting by 20% at first, then 10%, so you have some kind of a dose, and then 50%, and then stop or 25% and then stop. It´s a theory i just came up with-my aggresive taper =p =D =) =] =) =D

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Trinities, Please start an introduction topic for yourself. That will be the best place to ask questions, record symptoms, share your progress, and one place where other members of the SA community can connect with you.

 

Link to start a new topic for yourself in the Introductions and updates forum

 

I'll move your posts to that topic once you've started it.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm very sorry, ZombieMode.

 

That sounds like a lot of drugs. Can you ask the doctor to help you minimize the dosage of each?

 

Me too, Alto, I'm so lost as to what to do...

I can only try - I had cannabis-induced psychosis in 2015 and again in 2017. They cannot diagnose me with a mental illness whilst ever there is a drug in my system, according to the law where I live anyway. Yet they have done this twice, and medicated me for an illness I never had/have.

 

 

Wow,

I got to REALLY thank the moderators again, as they cleared up some of my posts.

Sometimes I get emotional about this and write all sorts of stupid things... Thanks for clearing that up.

 

 

Also guys, have heard storied from Scientology(which is against psychiatry), that they have certain detox programmes (not I would recommend), but I have read on various health blogs, that namely the Sauna helps. Also beetroot juice might help, as it clears toxins our of body.

 

Have also read, that Lion’s Mane is good for regenerating neurons.

 

I don't need scientology to tell me how to heal my mind/body/soul; I simply need distance from psychiatry. Thanks for sharing though, great suggestions :)

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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