AliG Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Hi Rachel . That's the way to go ! That is such great news . Patience and acceptance are qualities needed in this process. I have also been meaning to tell you that I love your Pic/ avatar. Those roses are just beautiful , and always make me smile . ( David Austin ? ) I grow some that are very similar. Hugs, Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 Thanks so much Ali! I'm not the Queen of Patience that's for sure but it helps me to see little improvements so I know I will eventually feel a lot better compared to now. I love those roses too! I found them on the Internet when I was looking for some birthday flowers for Facebook. And amazingly they were small enough to use for my avatar. I wish I could grow roses like these Ali! It would be very unlikely in Canada here, although not impossible. As much as I love roses I don't have any luck with them! That's so awesome that you grow these types of roses! They are to me stunningly beautiful! You must have a green thumb! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SquirrellyGirl Posted February 6, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 6, 2016 Rachel, I just wanted to say how wonderful it is to read your update, lots of good stuff to report! I'm sure it's just going to keep getting better :-) SG Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac. Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002 Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history. Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots! Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off. Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep. June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened! Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015. Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month. 12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18: 2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679 This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 I hope so SG! I can't imagine how a person with this experience can be out there just floundering around not knowing what to do with doctors practicing voodoo on them! And when doctors don't know how to fix something it's been my experience that they blame the patient somehow. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 I'm so glad I found this place! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted February 6, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 6, 2016 I'm so glad I found this place! You, me and a lot of other people My Intro title "So I'm not the only one" gives an idea of the relief that I felt. We can understand what is happening, which saves a lot of fear and can ask people who know when we need to. What a Godsend!!! And I love your roses pic too. CC * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Thanks CC! When I started tapering I only found suggestions for short little tapers...it wasn't until I crashed that I found this place and thanks to knowing what to do I am starting to feel a little better every day. I'm sure I would have been in the hospital drooling by now or worse. Can't think like that though...it didn't happen...just need to be grateful, which I am very much! I love these roses too! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 I love your kitty cat painting! Did you do this? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 I love any kind of David Austen or cabbage rose! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 After one of my foggy days yesterday and a rough night night last night where I felt all wound up inside my chest because I ate chocolate before bed I feel very despairing right now. I know I am slowly getting better but it is so slow. Why do I keep having a clear day and then a foggy day? Does this mean I should updose? Is my system not getting enough. I feel so tired so often and I can't even have a nap anymore. I used to love to nap. My whole life has changed and I still feel awful a lot of the time and I'm sad and frustrated. I'm sorry to be such a complainer. I'm just venting and I want to feel well again and be happy again and have this behind me. Sigh! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 I take my 500 magnesium tablet at night at the same time as the mirtazapine as I have always done. Could this be interfering with me getting better or am I just being impatient to feel normal again every day? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
AliG Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Hi Rachel. I understand that this is confusing, however it's all the " windows and waves" pattern of healing. It definitely doesn't mean you should updose. If you can , you have to try and get out of the mentality of having to do something ( medication -wise) every time that you're feeling bad . However, other things can help like meditation , yoga , exercise etc. Maybe , create a list of things that you can do to help you over these " bumps" , when this feeling strikes. The best thing you can do right now is to stay stable. " Holding " is hard work , and takes extreme patience. You can do it. You are in the process of creating your " drug- free" future. The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization Video: Healing from Antidepressants: Patterns of Recovery Hugs, Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Sometimes I just wonder if I'll ever get better. ???? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Will these foggy days really go away Ali? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 If I stay patient? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
AliG Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Rachel. Yes. You will get better. The foggy days will go away. You have to try and stay patient and not let these thoughts get the better of you. If you can read some of these success stories, it might help. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1226-recovery-success-stories-from-around-the-web/ Also : http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/ Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Okay Ali; I will read them today. Thank you for helping me! ???? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 It always seems that just before I have an upswing I have some intense fears and symptoms. After writing the above I had a tiny miracle. I felt better as the day went along and ended up having a good day. I even had a little nap that afternoon. I have been feeling a 'change' in my symptoms, as if my body is exhausted from all the work it has been doing. I haven't got the morning wind up feelings for about a week now. I am getting some new things; they feel like the mushy head start-up I had when I started the drugs. Then yesterday about 10 am the fog came down over my eyes but the 'bad day' feelings didn't come with it and I felt engaged and in a fairly good mood. The fog left about seven and was much milder than usual; a bad day that was quite manageable. Another thing that I've noticed is that I'm crying more often but not the frightened crying I was doing before; more of a cry of just feeling very tired, feeling sad for what I have gone through, a normal type of cry. The mornings are still very tough and I still don't like the fog of the foggy days but all my other symptoms are lessening and I'm starting to get better. I took down the sign that I made when Karen told me to write in red marker 'I will stabilise', to 'I am stabilising'. I underlined the 'am'. This morning when I woke up I smiled because I truly believe now that I'm getting better. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 I like to do little formulations and I did one yesterday for getting better. I figured that with a three month taper and five weeks off and then another 11 days of different medication, that is 19 weeks to make a mess of everything so my brain will need that much time again to undo the mess and probably then some; I am now 11 weeks back on the regular dose so it will be at least 2-3 months until I start feeling significantly better. It just makes me feel better to work it out like that. Now that I know I'm going to get better it's okay to wait awhile longer. I am already feeling that I might actually make it through this. My mom and I were discussing my taper and how slow it should be compared to how long I tapered off a benzo several years ago. It will take as much time as it takes I guess. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
AliG Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Hi Rachel. I saw your lovely roses and had to stop by ! I'm glad I did . You sound great . A slow " turtle taper" is the way to go , after a long hold. Try to listen to your body . Throw out the calendar! Hugs, Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 I don't think I will be tapering anytime soon! I was thinking about a year from now and the calendar is going in the garbage! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs, Rachel I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted February 9, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 9, 2016 Hi Rachel, You are doing well. Unfortunately when we hit a bad patch it feels like it going to last forever, and the good patches seem so fleeting. I think you are now at the "acceptance" stage where you stop fighting against the bad patch and just roll with it because you can now say and believe "it will pass". It may be that when we get to this point healing can happen more or a bit faster because we stop being anxious which I believe diverts our brain's attention away from getting better. My cat pic is a photo of a sort of enamelled metal cat which stands about 15"/45 cm tall. I fell in love with it and just had to buy it. He cost about $75 (Australian) about 7-8 years ago but I have never regretted buying him. I'm very careful with my money and wouldn't usually spend this much on a "useless" item, but he has given me lots of pleasure and I think that is what matters. CC * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Yes Chessie Cat; I agree, I don't feel as afraid anymore. I am having a bad day today; the lump in my chest is there now. I was so happy yesterday and the day before. So even though I was a bit foggy yesterday I am going to count it as having two good days in a row and that will mean I have had two good days in a row three times now! Tomorrow I will be due for a good day and I have a special plan for myself; shopping and the movies. I am looking forward to it! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted February 10, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 10, 2016 'I am stabilising'. I underlined the 'am'. This morning when I woke up I smiled because I truly believe now that I'm getting better. This sort of news just puts me over the moon. This is really solid ground work you've done, and it'll stand you in good stead for everything that comes next. Karen x 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 December - Now on 5 micro-beads Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. Symptoms begin to increase. 2024 April - Updosed to 6 microbeads - immediate increase in symptoms for 4 days. Decreased to 5 microbeads. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks Karen! You know, I was looking at my calendar and I realised it has only been a little over two months at this dose and I have lost a lot of symptoms; every morning I had an awful unpleasant sensation of being so filled with adrenalin it was like I had 25 cups of coffee. And that is gone now. I think in another two months the bad days and fogginess will be gone too. The symptoms are slowly getting less and less and there aren't really many steps back. I had a bit of a scary day yesterday with a real dip into depression but I guess those days are going to come sometimes still, it hasn't been that long but hopefully less and less. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 If it's not one thing it's another; The past few days I have lost some physical symptoms; scratchy sensation on my legs about seven pm, the twitching eye I mentioned before, the pins and needles at the bottoms of my fingers and even the headaches and wobbly head are fading fast. I am also finding some of the intense fears I had are really small now. But these few days I have also gained some new symptoms; the brain fog has been nearly constant for three days and I hate this symptom the most. Then there is this new one; a constant weepiness where I feel so emotional I cry off and on all day; not the intense fearful black hole crying; this is crying for no reason or any reason I guess; it starts in the morning and doesn't let up until the evening. And I also feel very loving too. I tell everyone I love them and want to hug them and I'm terrified to hurt their feelings. It's almost bizarre. What does this mean? Is it healing or just a strange symptom that will pass? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted February 11, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 11, 2016 Sounds like neuro-emotions are playing their games with you. Not sure if you've read about those? Basically they are amplified and persistent emotions. I always consider the way symptoms come and go as signs of healing. Your brain is working away, balancing out things as it goes. A bit of this, a bit of that, and it all causes different symptoms. That crying is hard though - I remember it being quite exhausting. It will eventually move on too. Karen x 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 December - Now on 5 micro-beads Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. Symptoms begin to increase. 2024 April - Updosed to 6 microbeads - immediate increase in symptoms for 4 days. Decreased to 5 microbeads. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Yes Karen I have had some horrible unfounded fears that are getting better and I guess the black hole sorrow was one too. This is exhausting but if I let the tears come it feels better too. I will look at is as healing and wait for it to get better. It's very frustrating and overwhelming to keep plugging away waiting for my symptoms to get low enough to not focus on them constantly. I miss my husband so much. I want him to come home so badly but it is going to be another two or three months. Sigh! Thanks Karen for your supportive words. You're awesome ???? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted February 11, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 11, 2016 Yeah, that's really hard being away from your husband for so long too. I keep forgetting you have that going on. I remember saying to another member that the tears are healing. Let 'em flow... xx 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 December - Now on 5 micro-beads Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. Symptoms begin to increase. 2024 April - Updosed to 6 microbeads - immediate increase in symptoms for 4 days. Decreased to 5 microbeads. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 That makes me feel like crying again lol! xx I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted February 11, 2016 Moderator Share Posted February 11, 2016 (((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) (don't tell DH, it'll be our little secret) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 He's not the jealous type lol! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Hugs back ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 The past four or five days my symptoms have continued to get milder. The brain fog is going away finally! The dark thoughts are getting milder. My physical symptoms are barely noticeable...I can't believe I am getting better!!! People are noticing too, that I am laughing more. The mornings are not near as bad. I'm so relieved about the brain fog going! I hated that! I can't distinguish bad days from good days anymore. Sometimes I will have a slight mood dip or some fears here or there but it is barely noticeable now. Yesterday I had some anxiety here and there but it was ten days past last time I had that. My doctor said it's okay for me to start back on my days shifts now, not the nights. I do two 12 hours on the 24 and 25, next Thursday and Friday I think and to be honest I'm a bit terrified... I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Plus I am starting to look forward to things a little bit. Just a couple of weeks ago I still thought about not wanting to live every day. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 The crying has almost gone too. I think that was my bad days fading into tears. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
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